14 Times Beyonce Proved She Owns Us All

How’s everyone’s Beyonceday hangover going? Still in the haze that is Queen B? As you probably know, Mrs. Carter dropped a surprise record on Thursday night, exclusively on iTunes, complete with a visual album that included music videos for every single track.

I feel like it’s going to be one of those events where you ask people, ‘Where were you when Beyonce was released?’ I was sitting on my couch watching Parenthood, looking at the Scandal live tweets on my iPad, and checking Instagram on my phone (yes, I’m insane) when I noticed B had posted a video with a caption that said ‘Surprise’ and included footage I’d never seen before. Then I went on social media. Slowly but surely, my feeds were being filled with the word BEYONCE, and people were going nuts.

A few things about this release that fascinated me:

A) How did she even get away with recording/filming all these without anyone leaking it?

Apparently only the people who needed to know (producers, songwriters, studio execs, etc.) knew about the album, and it also went under a code name called ‘Lily’.  There was a shifting deadline and she didn’t even finish recording until the week of Thanksgiving. As for the music videos, a lot of the dancers are her own dancers from her tour, but for example in XO, she’s clearly in an amusement park with fans and I wonder if they thought they were just being filmed for fun? Or because it’s Beyonce they didn’t care as long as they got a pic of her?

B) She most likely made more  off this album than if she actually marketed and promoted it.

Besides Grown Woman and Bow Down, which are bonus video clips, all these tracks are brand new to our ears. None were released as singles, which is obviously the tradition in which artists sell their upcoming records. Beyonce is so ‘Beyonce’ that she knows she doesn’t have to pre-promote her album, because people will buy it anyways. It’s the definition of a Bad Bitch. She also explained the whole

“I miss that immersive experience. Now people only listen to a few seconds of a song on the iPods and they don’t really invest in the whole experience. It’s all about the single, and the hype. It’s so much that gets between the music and the art and the fans. I felt like, I don’t want anybody to get the message, when my record is coming out. I just want this to come out when it’s ready and from me to my fans.”

After I read that, I was like, wow that is so true. I judge whether or not I’m going to buy the album based on if I like the single or not. It’s never about the package as a whole, which is how I think most *true* artists want you to intake their music. They’re not out there to make just one song, they’re making music for you to hear an entire story.

Same goes for the music videos she made – I watched it in order, like it was a Beyonce movie and it totally changed the way I listen to some of her songs. It’s exactly what she said  a ‘visual album’. My current fave song is Blow (which is apparently going to be the first single), and after seeing her on roller skates, it hard not to picture it when listening to the song, but it’s the perfect vibe for it.

C) She’s changed the music industry

B single-handedly changed the game. She revolutionized it. She essentially proved that as long as you have a loyal (and large) fanbase that can spread the news quickly, artists don’t necessarily need to spend months doing promo and releasing a single, etc. in order to sell thousands of records. This tactic obviously wouldn’t have worked even 10 years ago. Example: It’s 2003, midnight EST, 9pm PST, Beyonce announced on her MySpace page that she has a new album coming out when the doors to your favorite record store open the next morning, so go and get it. And then tell all your friends. No it wouldn’t have worked. But Beyonce is the first person – and person with enough clout – in this new era of technology and social media and iTunes to come up with the idea and actually follow through. It’s genius. I wouldn’t be surprised if other artists try to attempt something like this from now on.

Alright, enough with the logistics (can you tell I was a marketing/PR major in college?). Is all the hype even worth it? I say yes, yes it is. And here are the reasons why.

+ Her blatant Benjamin Button-ing.

Like how is this woman getting older yet not aging? I really don’t understand. There are shots in these vids where she looks like she’s a teenager. Even in the Grown Woman video where she and Kelly are recreating home videos, it just looks like she got taller. I need your secrets, oh wise one.

+ Being boss enough to get the best people in the biz to work on the album

List of artists who wrote, produced (or both), directed on this record include but are not limited to: Jay Z (obvs), Justin Timberlake, Miguel, Ryan Tedder, Sia, Drake, Frank Ocean, Pharrell and Timbaland. I’ll just pick those names back up for you.

+ The ability to look sexy without looking slutty.

In the music video for Partition, she basically dresses up as a stripper for her Boo, in this case, Jay Z, who is actually in the vid playing her paramour, but they barely show his face. The fact is, her butt is literally going up and down a velvet rope type apparatus and not once did I think it was disgusting.

Screenshot 2013-12-15 23.52.12

+ General ability to make any pose or dance move look really cool and not stupid

Let’s be 1000% honest with ourselves here, folks. If any of us tried to do this pose on half a chaise lounge, we would fall flat on our face and possibly/probably injure something obscure like a pinky, because that’s just how you landed.

Screenshot 2013-12-15 23.51.43

+ Everything about the song ***Flawless

The two previous bullet points being said, all in all, don’t confuse Beyonce for a submissive woman. She is a ‘grown ass woman’ who is in actuality a feminist who just happens to have a husband. She doesn’t need him, she does good enough on her own.

In this song, B includes audio from writer Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche’s ‘We should all be feminists’ TED talk.

“We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls: You can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful but no too successful, otherwise you will threaten the man. Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. A marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support. But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same? We raise girls to see each other as competitors not for jobs or for accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing, but for the attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are.”

+ Throwing shade at Skeleton Crew

In the same ***Flawless video, it starts off with a short clip from when B and Kelly (and former DC member Lativia) were in a group called Girls Tyme, which lost to a white group of male rockers named Skeleton Crew.

Screenshot 2013-12-16 00.10.25

Girls Tyme ended up getting a 3.00 in this competition (view the performance here) but the fact that Bey even decided to put this clip of them losing is everything. Skeleton Crew, what do you have to say for yourselves now?

+ Featuring her 13-month-old daughter on a track

We all know B & Jay are usually on the low about their private life, especially when it comes to Blue Ivy. But this time, Beyonce not only dedicated an entire song to their daughter, but had Blue sing/speak on it too. For the record, if this album wins any Grammys, Blue will be a Grammy winner at the age of like 3. Blue says something to the effect of, “Hold on to me, hold on / Been-say / Been-say / Mami, mami, mami.” We get it. You’re cute.

+ Making roller skating look awesome

Not since Jessica Simpson’s Public Affair had this kind of influence on me and my desire to go put on some skates and dance around the rink with my besties and some hot pants on. The Blow music video is everything I could ask for and more.

+ Possibly probably being actually drunk for Drunk in Love

The classic B/Jay duet on the album, Drunk in Love, features Beyonce dancing and rolling on the beach, and Jay shows up with a drink in hand and it’s amazing. It’s like a TV bottle episode where they only use one set and all the magic happens there. I hope they were actually drunk, because you know, method acting.

+ Dancing with actual supermodels and still being the flyest of them all

In the gangsta track Yonce, B recruited models Jourdan Dunn, Joan Smalls, and Chanel Iman, but all I kept looking at was Beyonce and her grill and the red .. what seemed to parts of a Herve Leger dress but made into faux swimsuit.

+ Just generally being sexy

It is absolutely absurd that a woman can have this kind of effect on straight men, straight women, gay women AND gay men. She’s defying the odds. Rocket, probs the sexiest song off the record, provides a look into her boudoir – and guess who wrote this jam? None other than the sex singing god himself, Miguel.

+ Guerrilla style filmmaking and freaking fans out

In the XO vid, it looks like she basically ambushed an amusement park (or possibly the Santa Monica pier?) and walked the streets and got people’s natural reactions. You’ve been hit by – you’ve been struck by – a smooth criminal.

+ The art

When Beyonce says she has a visual album, it’s a visual album. The entire album is aesthetically pleasing, but especially in the video for Ghost. The stark quality makes you focus on what she has to say, instead of any other hoopla, and boy does she have things to say.

+ Guest stars galore

Not only does the song Superpower feature Frank Ocean, there’s a small DC3 reunion happening and it’s so subtle that only a few people are talking about it. Pharrell also appears in the same video, and in the first track, Pretty Hurts, Harvey Keitel (movie mobster, also Vince LaRocca from Sister Act) shows up randomly as the beauty pageant host.

A Beginner’s Guide to Childish Gambino

On Tuesday, this guy came out with a new album:
cg because the internet
Yes, this is the actual cover for Childish Gambino’s new record. I bought the actual CD, and not only are his eyes staring directly into my soul, but it’s a HOLOGRAM. Well worth my $10.

BTW, if you don’t know who this is, this is rapper/singer/artist/actor/writer/producer/all around G of all trades, Donald Glover. Most people know him as Troy Barnes on Community (#SixSeasonsAndAMovie), which is how I originally became of fan of him. I caught on to his alter ego’s music circa 2010, when he came out with Culdesac, and his impressive skills and frequent pop culture refs have made me been hooked ever since. Not to mention, he puts on an amazing live show, and I’ve seen him every time he’s played in LA – including the one time I didn’t realize I got pit tickets and was really close to him and watched his Community pals watch him from the sidelines.

IMG_1635

When I almost died after he took his shirt off and we were thisclose from him. If you look closely, you can see Alison Brie in the back!

Now here we are with his new album, a record that shouldn’t even be called a record because it’s so much more than that. In addition to the music, he’s released a 72-page screenplay on the becausetheinter.net website. The music on the album acts as a soundtrack to the scenes (or vice versa). Not only that, but a few months ago, he released a 24 minute movie that supposedly acts as the prelude to the because the internet screenplay/album. In fact, a fan has a theory that over the past year, CG has been incorporating the elements from BTI in his tweets, insta, interviews, etc. You can read more of the theory here, it’s insane.

But before you delve into the new joint, especially if you’re new to the game, it’s important to know where CG came from and how he’s grown as an artist (because clearly, there’s a rhyme and reason to everything he does). So I’ve compiled a few of my favorite tracks of his to get you started.

Sunshine {Pointdexter}

This is off one of CG’s earliest mix tapes and he sounds completely different than he does today, but this track proves that he was just more than an actor.

Do Ya Like {Culdesac}

Pre-Rolling in the Deep, Adele had minor hits off her album 19, and on that same record there’s a song called Melt My Heart to Stone. And CG managed to sample that song on this track. And it’s fucking catchy as hell.

Put it in My Video {Culdesac}

From the very start as the first note drops, you know what’s up. You can not only put it in his video but have a sick dance party (by yourself) or with friends, too.

I Got This Money {Culdesac}

The version below is the acoustic version, which I actually like better than the original, but you might like that one better. S/o to the guitar player, whose name is Ludwig Goransson who is CG’s main music man, not to mention he’s the music supervisor on a ton of TV shows, including Community.

Be Alone – Freaks and Geeks – My Shine – Lights Turned On – Not Going Back {EP}

THE ENTIRE EP RECORD BECAUSE IT IS PERFECT. Really. Every single song.

Bonfire {Camp}

What better way to lead off an album called Camp with a song called Bonfire? From the first note, you get a sense of what the record is, which is … on fire.

Fire Fly {Camp}

Just imagine bumpin’ this song in the summer, ridin’ in your drop top, passin’ by kids playing in fire hydrants… basically imagine if you lived in Do The Right Thing for about 3 minutes and that’s what this song feels like.

Heartbeat {Camp}

From the moment I heard this song, I knew it would be one of my all time favorites. It’s been two years since this album released and I STILL don’t get sick of this song. Hearing it live is even more of an experience – it gets inside your soul (Seriously, see this man live. It will change your life).

LES {Camp}

This song elicits a specific dance move out of me that may or may not look a little like this, and I don’t know why but it does and I’m fine with it.

We Ain’t Them {R O Y A L T Y}

This was the lead single of CG’s 2012 mix tape, and probably my fave of the bunch. That’s all I have to say about that.

Unnecessary {R O Y A L T Y}

CG goes hard. And serves up realness.

Won’t Stop (ft. Danielle Haim)  {R O Y A L T Y}

Danielle Haim of HAIM, you guys. This song is really deep and I appreciate that.

Real Estate  {R O Y A L T Y}

This is a song featuring Tina Fey rapping. Yes, that Tina Fey (PS: If you didn’t know, Donald used to write for 30 Rock – an even won an Emmy for it – so there’s your Queen Tina connection).

IV. Sweatpants {because the internet}

Because I’m old school and actually buy CDs of artists that I love instead of streaming it online days before it’s released, I’ve only listened to the album a couple of times all the way through. That being said, this song stuck out right away. He’s only getting better, folks.

Bonus Tracks:

Break (AOTL)

Because Kanye West’s All of the Lights was so damn good it needed to be incorporated into a CG song.

The Longest Text Message

The phrase “sad face emoticon” are real lyrics to this song, hence Gambino’s mastermind status.

Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show 2013: Things That Made Me Say WTF

According to my Facebook feed, some girls wait all year for the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, but I’ve never been into it – or really even watched it –  until now. It’s not because it offends my high-brow sensibilities (I live-blog Carrie Underwood musicals and reality tv, after all). It’s not because I dislike the brand (though they rarely have sub-A sizes in stock, so it doesn’t work for me). Watching the VS Fashion Show for the first time last night, I realized the reason that I’m not into it is that I just don’t get it. Segment by segment, everything I saw made me say “WTF.”

Poorly Conceived UK Stereotypes Segment (bear with me, I missed the name of this one)

  • The segment opens with those British soldiers who can’t smile when you make fun of them in photos (but f’real, if you’re over age 18, there’s no excuse for that).
  • When the models’ names are given, I can’t help but notice that this whole shebang has been straight outsourced. Whatever happened to American jobs for American workers, am I right?
  • Fall Out Boy is playing, because the VS fashion show was planned by the guy who DJ’ed every basement college party I went to in 2005.
  • Do we know who any of these people in the audience shots are? Because I thought I saw Steve Carrell, bearded.
  • I think the ladies are supposed to be British stock characters. I count a gangster moll, a lady with black wings, an impractically-dressed soccer player, and what I assume to be an equestrienne/dominatrix.

    As I posted this, I thought maybe the pinstripes were supposed to be less mafia and more Sexy MP? And that maybe the VS fashion show is like Halloween, with girls all dressed as the hot version of something-or-other.

Like, this girl is either Hot British Solider or Hot Queen Elizabeth’s Throne.

  • How’d that girl get those eyebrows? Cara Delevingne, I mean. Of all of the reasons to be jealous of the VS models, this is what’s making me green with envy. All the sparse-eyebrowed redheads understand me right now.
  • T Swift has wore a tiny Union Jack hat, which reminds me of the tiny hat sketch from SNL. I also don’t understand what T. Swift has to do with England.
  • A model (an angel? Is that the AP standard for a VS model) is wearing a black and white checked number and I feel like I have vertigo.

    Barbara Fialho, officially probably the best-looking Barbara in the world (no offense to your aunt or grandma).

  • Another model appeared to cross herself like 8 times in a row before going on stage. Jesus take the wheel.
  • A few weeks ago, Jessica Hart said that Taylor Swift didn’t belong on the show, or didn’t fit – even throwing in a “God bless her heart,” the ultimate in mean-nice speak. Really, girl? I can’t think of a place that Taylor Swift belongs more than a Victoria’s Secret fashion show, except for maybe a living Lisa Frank binder.  Pink sparkles and angel wings? All she needs is a famous guy to break up with her here and she’ll be in all her glory.
  • The childhood pics of the models are sort of sweet. I saw Girl Model and a lot of the business seems pretty terrible, and obviously these gals are like the 1%ers of modeling, but seriously, good for them.

Shipwrecked

  • Great Big World is playing. I hope we’re not overstating the Seth Cohen of things lately, but this guy really does remind me of our the love child of our favorite Newport-ian and Ben Folds.
  • A model is wearing wings that look like toilet paper. It looks like nothing so much as that bridal shower game where you have to make a dress out of TP.
  • Someone please tell me who the guy who looks like a bearded Steve Carell is.
  • A very orange-tan lady is walking. Did she get rollered or airbrushed, I wonder? My main frame of reference here is Honey Boo Boo.
  • Evidently, “shipwrecked” means pieces of tangled garbage and dead jellyfish, based on the bedraggled wings. That’s actually super-accurate. The costumes look like they were made of debris that you find in the surf in Hyannisport.
  • Now we get to find out how the models feel about deserted islands – and let me tell you, it’s a mixed bag. My favorite is the girl who says that obviously they would need wifi. But if I have to bet on one of them to survive on a desert isle, it’s the chick with the sensible bob (Karlie Kloss). She knows what’s up.

Commercial Break

  • Oh my god, there are commercials during this giant commercial. This is the most WTF moment of them all.

Parisian Nights

  • Evidently Parisian Nights means something other than trying to sleep in a hostel when a bunch of high German teenagers come in at 5 am. Victoria’s Secret, you are not reflecting my experience here.
  • Embarrassing: By this point in the show I have pulled up the Angel Line-Up on the VS website so I know who these people are. I already know a lot of the models because, while I’m not a VS fan, I pore over Style.com during the various fashion weeks. There’s a workout on the VS website that looks pretty good, but unless it stretches me out a foot and somehow involves a face transplant, it’s not as though it will make me look like these ladies.
  • Everyone’s lingerie has these weird straps between the bra and underwear. [Note: I’m saying underwear because I’m not saying panties.] Do people do that? Maybe it’s a wing harness?
  •  I think the music note headdress is the best accessory of this segment, so far.
  • No, wait, I like the teal blue gloves that look like something a nurse would wear during some sort of uncomfortable procedure.
  • No, actually, my real favorite thing is the girl in dishwashing gloves.
  •  How come some of the models rate wings and others don’t? I kind of want to stop the wingless girls and tell them, you know, “girlfriend, you ARE beautiful,” but since beautiful is their job description, they probably know, right? That would be like them telling me “Girlfriend, you ARE a lawyer.”
  • I’ve seen my fair share of Toddlers and Tiaras and I was lead to believe there would be more cupcake hands, pretty feet, and “oopsies” faces in runway events.
  • There’s a behind-the-scenes feature about shooting their campaign in Paris, in the cold, in underwear, in the middle of the night. No thanks.

Birds of Paradise

  • According to the other models, Lais is the sweet one who fell, once. She couldn’t do the show. So, here’s my theory: the VS show is, for some ladies, what football is to some men. There’s the gory injuries, the triumph over adversity, knowing all of the major players and picking favorites. You watch people who were probably dealt a way better genetic hand then you, but you still kind of feel like you can armchair quarterback them (or armchair runway walk). So, ladies, if a guy makes fun of you for watching this, just tell him that it’s the same as football and I’m sure he’ll take that analogy really well.
  • Lais gets to open Birds of Paradise because she was injured out last year. The way they talk about “what happened to [her] last year,” you’d think that her family got killed and she got AIDS, but no, it was some ankle thing. (That does suck, though. I actually feel really bad for her?)
  •  “Birds of paradise” means wearing giant feathers, so the angels all look like Hot Big Bird now.
  • My new favorite is the girl wearing a mylar balloon heart instead of wings.
  • The models show us their “natural” and “sexy” face-looks. For me, both of those faces are just a sort of grimace.

Neon Jungle

  • A man in a suit says that the girls are “literally the rock stars of social media,” but wouldn’t that be literally… rock stars? I’m sure there are some on Twitter.
  • The models present a handy PSA about being careful about what you post online. The CEO (?) LOVES how active they are on social media (because it means free publicity, duh).
  • There’s a girl walking for the first time and she looks like a young Sarah Silverman.
  • There’s a skirt with hashtags on it.
  • Neon Jungle’s song, Trouble, is actually really catchy and seems to fit great with the “tone” of the show.
  • A girl is wearing a plush “OMG” around her neck. It’s like this segment was thought up by a group of old guys trying to figure out what teens are into: “they use a lot of acronyms, I think? And hashtag, internet-type stuff? But they also like bright colors and probably smiley faces? And hearts, and balloons?” Result: it looks like the runway version of an early-90s trapper keeper, with some social media stuff thrown in.

Snow Angels

  • Adriana Lima says “to have beauty, you need strength,” which I believe translates to “to keep my job, I have to have abs like a Ken Doll.” She does boxing, which is pretty cool.
  • Taylor Swift is singing Trouble, and I just noticed that she has spray-tanned legs too. Or, who knows, maybe suntan hosiery instead.

    Victoria’s REAL secret.

  • T. Swift is making a lot of diva hands, and is being “fierce,” probably. Not fierce: the reverb sound effect.
  • College Molly Story : one time the neighbor girls told my housemates and I that we should come over for their once-a-week tradition of playing beer pong in their underwear. And we kind of just thought, wouldn’t that be more fun with pants on? I wonder if some of the Angels have that running through the back of their minds, too.
  • Did I just see Beyonce?
  • Does being a model mean people yelling “go go go go go GO” at you all the time? I hate being rushed.
  • That girl is still wearing her dish gloves (was it Lily Aldridge? I can’t remember now), and did I just see Karl Lagerfeld?
  • Curtain call.  I’ve decided that Cara Delevingne is my favorite, IDEK. She seems fun, as does Karlie Kloss. But Behati’s name is so fun to say! And Jourdan Dunn held up her career so well after having a kid (but so did Arizona Muse, why isn’t she here?) See, that’s what this past hour of tv has done to me. I’ve gone from utter apathy to declaring Cara Delivigne my favorite.

The Multiple Pop Culture Personalities of Barbie

Well, we’re two weeks into December which means holiday shopping is in full effect. I went to the mall this past weekend and there were already too many people there for my liking. In Old Navy, I swear there were like 75 people in line, and I immediately abandoned my items and left. Why can’t I just purchase clothes for myself without waiting for all these parents pretending to be Santa? UGH?

Anyways, every year there’s a hot new toy that parents are clawing over to get their kids. I remember when Tickle Me Elmo was THE hottest item and there was an extremely high demand (and not enough supply) for this vibrating plush toy. I mean people were legitimately injured. Really. It was like Dwight K. Schrute and Princess Unicorn all up in there.

Whatever the 2013 toy of the season may be, and I clearly don’t know because I’m out of the loop with kids these days, perhaps parents should go old school with a toy classic – Barbie.

I had a few Barbies back in the day, even the Barbie corvette – I was an only child. Sorry. I also owned this gem, the Filipino Barbie.

Although this photo is not of the one I owned, it most definitely looks like this because I wasn’t allowed to take it out of the box. What a horrible thing to do to a young girl – show her a fun Barbie and then tell her she can never play with it. Thanks parents.

I’m assuming most of you readers did not own this particular one, and if you did , let me know if you were able to take it out and play with it because I think I just dug up repressed feelings about my childhood and I need someone to talk to.

There are wayyy more themed Barbies that weren’t as popular as the regular blonde version, including a lot of pop culture inspired ones. Here are some Barbies that might be the perfect gift for someone you know this year – or maybe yourself.

Katniss Everdeen

I know the Girl on Fire’s braid is her signature style, but does it really have to be that big? It’s bigger than the loaves of bread Peeta threw at her in the rain back in the day.

Peeta Mellark

DAMNNN, AFRICA. Poor Josh Hutcherson. He doesn’t deserve this. #ThatForeheadTho.

Bond Girl a la Halle Berry

In which a perfect Barbie doll looks just like Halle Berry because she is practically a perfect woman.

Jacob Black from Twilight

I’ve never seen nor read any of the Twilight movies/books, and I never will. But the fact that Taylor Lautner’s doll is just him with jean shorts circa 1995 delights me to no end.

Bella and Edward from Twilight

The caption for this giftset on the site ends with, “The epic movie journey may be over, but the memories will never die!” Great. Also, they come complete with glittering skin. Why is this popular again?

Elizabeth Taylor as Cleopatra

The great Liz Taylor looks gorgeous even in doll form. How is that possible. If I ever put this get up on, I’d look like a pile of gold galleons at Gringotts.

Tim McGraw and Faith Hill

The Barbie designers must have a lot of faith (haha, faith. shut up) in their marriage. If they ever split up, will these dolls be available for individual purchase? Asking for a friend.

Farrah Fawcett

Correct me if I’m wrong, but wasn’t the allure of her 1976 poster the fact that a little nip was coming through her bathing suit? Sorry if that was crass, but really… Barbie as Farrah seems a little wrong?

Went with the Wind! The Carol Burnett Show Doll

Ok this is brilliant and I have no snarky commentary for it. I mean look at her face!

80s Cher

Bob Mackie, who designed the Carol Burnett curtain dress, also designed this iconic outfit. Which you know, is a perfect gift for kids.

Goldie Hawn

Again, is this appropriate for young girls? More importantly, will they even get who this is? Hopefully the only people snatching these up are the weird collector people who are like 60 years old an still buying Barbies.

Pink in PANTONE® Barbie

Barbie gets her own signature Pantone color… You’ve got to be CMYKidding ME!!

Alfred Hitchcock’s “The Birds” Barbie

Alfred Hitchcock’s crowning achievement.

Elvis

Kids – you TOO can have a cross-dressing Elvis complete with Snooki hair!!

Mr. Spock

KEN AS SPOCK. KEN AS SPOCK. KEN AS SPOCK.

Elle Woods from Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde

Shit you not, the description specifically states this Elle is NOT from the first Legally Blonde, but from the sequel. Don’t get it twisted guys. Completely different people.

Samantha from Bewitched

“Doll cannot fly.” Thanks for the clarification.

Mad Hatter

And just for shits and giggles… this CREEPY ASS version of the Mad Hatter from Alice in Wonderland. WTF, BARBIE DESIGNERS?

Bleth & More Fictional Couples Who Should Marry IRL

It happened, y’all. Two of the most beloved characters in millennial TV history are getting married IRL!

If you haven’t heard yet, Blair Waldorf and Seth Cohen (Bleth) are engaged!!!

Okay, so it’s actually Leighton Meester and Adam Brody. Two things came to my mind upon hearing this: 1) UGH now Seth and Summer will NEVER be together. 2) Blair and Seth. Weird.

It did not occur to me until a good minute later that these folks are not their fictional characters, because I am too engrossed in the lives of TV characters instead of my own real life. (It’s fine, I’m not the only one. The internet is stuck in the land of Newport & the Upper East Side too).

Anyways, while the idea of Queen B and lovable geek Seth getting together seems almost impossible that it could actually be true love, it got me thinking – what other characters from 90s/00s TV shows would actually be really compatible? Here are a few I came up with. Agree? Disagree? Want to add more to the list? Let us know!

Jenny Oliver
To continue with the Gossip Girl/The OC crossover, I present to you Jenny Humphrey and Oliver Trask. Jenny was a good girl gone bad, while Oliver was just a nutjob gone cray cray. Put them together and you have a big ball of insanity, which is probably not condusive to you know, living a normal life, but at least they would be happy together?

lisa carlton
When you think about it, these two could have actually gotten together. Lisa lived in the Pacific Palisades on Saved by the Bell while Carlton lived (with the Fresh Prince) in Bel-Air. It’s only like a “20 minute” commute, so it’s totes easy for Lisa to pick up Carlton and the two (read: just Lisa) can go shopping on his credit card. Not to mention, she would have a BFF in his sister Hillary.

ruthie ben
I’m going to pretend that Ruthie is still 8 years old on 7th Heaven and Ben is 6 on Friends, because I can’t handle the fact that Grown up Ruthie is posing half naked in magazines and Ben has split into twins and one of them works in a restaurant. These two were both troublemakers at some point in their respective series so while Ben avoids hanging out with Sting’s son, he can just casually date/hold hands with Ruthie and everything will be okay.

jonathan erik
Alright, before you leave a nasty comment, I realize that Jonathan Bower from Who’s the Boss was never actually gay on the show. It was the ’80s/90s, they couldn’t do that. On the other hand, Danny Pinaturo, the actor, actually is gay, so lets pretend new came out later in life and started dating Eric Van der Woodsen from Gossip Girl. Eric, since he grew up in the age where coming out isn’t as big of a deal as it used to be, has had his fair share of bfs, so he could teach Jonathan a little something about being ‘out’. In public.

kimmy neal
Ah Gibbler. The annoying sometimes charming BFF/neighbor to the Tanner family on Full House. She’s the type of person that would only get on with someone that’s just as weird and freaky as her. Enter Neal Schweiber from Freaks and Geeks. If you’re not familiar (what’s wrong with you? Watch that shit now), Neal is part of the Geek section of Freaks and Geeks. He thinks he’s a ladies man but, let’s face it. He’s not. Except with Gibbler.

jessie randy
There’s an episode of Saved by the Bell called Cut Day (is it disgusting I didn’t even have to look that up?) where Jessie finds a love connection with Graham – a boy she’s NEVER met or seen before in this high school where we see the same students over and over again – after they bond over protesting the delivery of styrofoam cups to the cafeteria and chaining themselves to lockers. Meanwhile, over on Home Improvement, Randy Taylor was kind of the odd man out in the family, as he cared more about environmental and civil rights and even became a vegetarian, much to the chagrin of Tim the Toolman Taylor. JTT decided to leave the show to go to college IRL, so the writers shipped Randy off to Costa Rica with his girlfriend in an attempt to save the rainforest. Basically, these two belong together in Colorado living a crunchy granola vegan lifestyle or for Americorps in – where else – Costa Rica.

kate dickKate Sanders was the bitchy, popular girl on Lizzie McGuire and Dick Casablancas, well Dick lived up to his first name. I realize that maybe there’s a slight age difference here, but theoretically, Kate and Dick would be a match made in heaven. And provide plenty of fodder for Veronica Mars’ flawless snark.

cher joeyLest we forget, Clueless was so popular that it spawned a TV show. Even though it only lasted for three seasons, Cher was still Cher and swimming in the middle of a bunch of Monets in Beverly Hills. Joey may have been a dumb jock on Blossom, but all he really needs is someone who is like him but smarter, and Cher can totally fit that role for him.

ren parisOkay, okay. These two aren’t lesbians. But bear with me for a second. Ren Stevens was a Type A overachiever on Even Stevens. Paris Geller was a Type A overachiever on Gilmore Girls. The ultimate power couple? And just think about it – these two could EASILY be lesbians. Like if one day they returned and it was revealed they’ve switched teams and gone all Piper Chapman over the past couple of years, I wouldn’t be surprised.

bliss feenyHonestly, I don’t know why no one ever thought of this before. Two teachers from beloved teen sitcoms, each providing life lessons for their students/adopted kids? Goood Morning, Mrs. Feeny.

‘The Sound of Music Live!’ Live Blog

I’m having a real Jessie Spano moment right now: I’m so excited, but I’m also so scared. Tonight, Carrie Underwood will be starring as Maria in  The Sound of Music Live!, and like life itself, it has the potential to be either so wonderful or so very, very awful.

So, as we do with all televised events that hold the potential for disaster, we’ll be posting a Cookies + Sangria live blog! Come back tonight at 8:00 EST – it’ll be just like watching The Sound of Music with your friend who really loves cheesy musicals but also can’t help but make fun of things. We’ll see you then!

A Few Ground Rules:

  • With our current WordPress setup, we can’t have our comments show up in real time, so we will be periodically updating the page — probably during commercial breaks. Please refresh the page to see new comments!
  • We really like musicals, so if you do, too, you’re in a safe place. And if you don’t … well, let me tell you a little story. When I was a kid, and the Bills were in the Super Bowl (you can stop laughing… I’ll wait…) a neighbor brought his friend to our house – a friend who was rooting for the Dallas Cowboys. It wasn’t pretty. The whole thing culminated in my dad standing up and shouting “You’re in MY HOUSE and when you’re in MY HOUSE you do things MY WAY!” So, just be advised that you’re in our (blog) house, and it’s a house that likes a good Rodgers & Hammerstein. Also, that I come from a line of people who throw adult temper tantrums, apparently.
  • You can sing along! We can’t hear you, anyway. But extra points if you say the phrase “sound of music” in the style of Chandler Bing:

0:02 AUDRA. When we were discussing this on email, Traci mentioned how nervous she was that Carrie Underwood would slip up (because we love Carrie Underwood). Basically, we want Audra to take all of the parts – just, really Orphan Black it. In the alternative, Tatiana Maslany’s probably up to the task.

0:03 While we do looove musicals, listening to a bunch of nuns sing church songs wasn’t that (read: any) fun back in Catholic school, and it isn’t fun now. Let’s solve that problem like Maria already.

0:04 WOW. Anyone else really thrown off by Carrie Underwood singing in a musical theater voice? She doesn’t sound bad, it’s just kind of throaty. I just hope throaty doesn’t turn … Kermit-y. Hate when that happens.

0:06 Is Maria a postulate or a French maid? Because with this costume, I’m not so sure…

0:08: All of these “problems” with Maria would just be “adorkable” qualities in modern sitcoms. Manic Pixie Dream Postulate?

0:08: T: “Maria, Maria RRRrrrainer” oh my GOD, could you BE any more from Oklahoma?

0:09 Just so we’re clear, all of these nuns are straight-up describing girl crushes on Maria. It’s Carrie Underwood, so I understand, but I guess it just goes to show that some of those nun rumors were true?

0:11 Nope, the phrase “on my knees all night” never doesn’t sound dirty.

Also, Underwood’s stilted musical theater dialogue delivery reminds me of every bad musical I was ever in. And also kind of that Vanessa Bayer character:

The “Star of Tomorrow”? Anyone?

0:13 Carrie’s kind of bringing it with Favorite Things, though. But just when the blocking starts to feel really high school musical-y, Audra’s here to save the day.

0:18 Sorry for the pause but there was a lot of ACTING going on there. When I was a kid, and really into acting, I remember going to my sister’s high school plays and wondering why everyone said their LINES like THIS! Then I learned that they mostly couldn’t act. That’s what this production is sounding like so far.

However — this part of the movie was always really boring to me, too. I have high hopes and I bet Underwood will have great chemistry with the kids and with Stephen Moyer’s cheekbones.

Commercial Break: If you were wondering, here is Carrie Underwood as Maria von Trapp:

And HERE is Swiss Miss, of cocoa packaging fame:

It’s just not the same without Julie Andrews’ Dorothy Hammill haircut.

0:28 Let’s hear it for this soundstage! Or whatever they’re filming this on. I’m serious. It’s great now that they’re indoors. Those mountains and trees were a little depressing. It looked like that one Full House episode when they take a donkey up a mountain.

0:29 There were so many pauses in dialog that I thought someone had forgotten a line.

0:31 Freidrich is kind of adorable? The older girls are coiffed like those dead Romanov princesses:

Once upon a December…

0:35 This has always bothered me about Do-Re-Mi. What sort of dumb-dumb would think teaching a kid how to sing with nonsense syllables is really the best way? Brigitta knows what I’m talkin’ about.

0:37 I don’t care what that one bratty girl says, I think the shirtdress is really working for Underwood.

0:37 T: Carrie needs to practice running while singing more. Breath control is real, y’all.

0:38 Whoever was in charge of the outdoor backdrop clearly blew up the image that’s your great-aunt’s screensaver on her PC. Props to the lighting person, though. Maybe we should get him/her out there to do some acting.

0:39 I cannot with this cheery happy family they have in this ad. We’ve already talked about how the Duggars and Quiver-fillers are secretly creepy, remember.

0:43 Sometimes weird things that are just… not right make me want to throw up. I know it sounds odd, but for instance, there’s this one crosswalk where I get off of my bus, and pressing the button does NOTHING to make the light turn faster. There’s this one guy who presses it constantly, for minutes on end, til it turns. It makes me want to vomit. It’s like he’s trying so hard but is doing a terrible job.

Anyway. That’s how I feel about this outdoor set.

0:45 The way I get through Sixteen Going On Seventeen is pretending that the entire song is totally tongue-in-cheek from both characters’ perspectives.

0:46 Where the gazebo at though?

0:48 A teenaged boy wearing short-pants/hosen in a musical is only hot in Spring Awakening

0:49 DO IT ON THE HILL RIGHT THERE ON THE HILL

0:50 No just kidding nobody’s doing anything on the hill because (a) this isn’t Spring Awakening and (b) Liesl just sang an entire song disavowing her sexual agency

0:51 Why is Maria wearing Felicity Merriman’s nightclothes?

0:54 I think they’re about to launch into My Favorite Things and will somebody please explain me why that’s a Christmas song now? Is it because they say presents that ONE TIME? Because I also get presents at birthdays and graduations and stuff but nobody sings me My Favorite Things then.

0:56 Nope. Lonely Goatherd. Underwood is the least wooden I’ve seen her so far! She actually seems really natural here.

0:57 Ahh the little girl’s yodel-voice is the cutest! Gretl? Brigitta? Tiny, looks like Kirsten Larson? Not sorry for the American Girls Collection references.

Commercial Break: I should mention that Traci might be popping in, but she isn’t here tonight because, well first of all it’s 6pm where she is and she’s working, but also she’s seeing Jimmy Fallon tonight because she lives in LA where that can happen. I live in Rochester, where sometimes your car doesn’t start because it’s cold.

1:04 Stephen Moyer why do you always look like you have to poop really badly?

1:06 Anyone else fill in “damn hell ass kings!” anytime somebody says the phrase “live like a king?”

1:07 We’ve talked about bitchy resting face and how sometimes that is just how your face is, and I think that maybe is the thing with Moyer? See?

1:09 Millionaires with dreams make the WORST musical characters. Yeah, I see you, Daddy Warbucks.

1:13 Guys if I tried to wear a curtain dress I’d be wearing naked because I’m too broke for curtains right now.

1:15 Oh, Frau Schrader. You look like a straight-up fraulein with that sassy hair do.

1:16 I FIGURED IT OUT. Moyer is doing Joey Tribbiani’s patented “Smell the fart acting.”

1:24 See, I usually think they just do dance breaks like this in musical theatre when they’re changing the sets or an actor has a costume change. I don’t know why they’re doing it now.

1:26 There are so many whimsical braided hairdos in this movie that I feel like it was filmed inside of a hipster girl’s tumblr.

1:28 Do you think Maria’s friends are ever all “girl, do you have to wear a dirndl EVERY DAMN DAY!”?

1:31 Maria’s mad that she’s getting moved off of the kids’ table? Kids’ table is the best. I get it.

1:32 The little girl who’s not Brigitta or Gretl (…I’m blanking) is giving off some serious young Dakota Fanning vibes.

1:33 I love So Long, Farewell. If any of you have ever studied abroad, you’ve found two things: (1) that kids speaking foreign languages are ADORABLE, and (2)  you know, yourself, probably.

1:35 Related sidenote: my 3-yr-old nephew says goodnight in a bunch of languages, but he always does guten nacht in an angry German scream-voice. It’s precious.

Commercial Break: Did Jewel get her teeth fixed? And isn’t it so weird when you see people outside of their usual context, like your high school teachers at the mall or Jewel in … not 1997?

1:40 T: Hey guys – Traci here! sorry I’ve been absent – I’m still at work and legit avoiding it right now to do this, so I mean, I’m a star employee. I don’t watch True Blood, but just knowing that he’s a vampire and now playing captain von Trapp is disturbing. wait, he’s a vampire right?(M: Clearly neither of us watches True Blood. Also I’ll add a T before Traci’s posts so you guys can like… picture this, or whatever)

1: 43  T: Fun Fact: I’ve seen Carrie in concert 4 times in concert and i cry every time. EVERY TIME. watching her sing Sound of Music is no different. She’s just that good, folks. She’s just that good.

Fun Fact #2: I played an Asian Sister Margaretta in my church’s production of SoM in like 2001 (honestly can’t remember what year it was). Playing an Asian Sister Margaretta is surprisingly the same as playing White Sister Margaretta. I imagine Audra had this same thought.

1:44 Oh Maria, to ask for the Captain’s heart would be wrong but you can totally come on to Liesl? Yeah, I saw. We all saw.

1:47 It’s like Audra’s face is acting double-time to make up for all of the other non-acting in this production

1:48 T: Also, it’s worth nothing that apparently NBC execs decide to cast former actors from their cancelled shows in live TV musicals. RIP Go On.

Commercial Break: T:

Christian Borle was totally channeling Tim Curry’s Rooster from Annie:

Commercial Break throwback commentary: T: AHH I forgot about how can love survive. It’s finally beginning to feel like a true musical with Christian and Laura. Although that sound you hear is a bunch of SoM movie fans switching the channel to the X Factor because they don’t recognize this song. JK… No one’s switching to X Factor.

1:53 T: Re the first Lonely Goatherd: Umm how comfy does that bed look right now? #things27yearoldsstillatworksaywhilewatchingsoundofmusiclive

1:56 So, I just IMDB’d the kids, and one of them is named Peyton Ella. That’s like, clearly a made-up name, right? It sounds like my/every professional adult’s name on Facebook, because you don’t want your boss to find you. Peyton Ella, you can use your last name. Your future bosses probably aren’t watching.

1:57  T: Per the SoM behind the scenes special I watched by accident last week, the girl who plays Liesl is a junior in college studying like art and some foreign language as a minor… Basically not theater. this is how you do it, kids.

M: “Accidentally?” Girl… okay.

1:59 T: I’ve always wondered why these folks have British accents despite the fact they live in Austria. Am I missing something here?

2:00 T: WAIT. Did Carrie just come back (forward?) from the 1960s? Like did she come in from the set of Catch Me if You Can??

M: As reader Christopher just noted, it looks like polyester.

Commercial Break: T: Also, It’s 7:00pm here, which is the time I usually watch #Scandal at work because I’m a freak and like to live tweet and also watch Parenthood at 10pm PST (because I’m insane).. ANYWAYS – I’’m skipping Scandal to watch Carrie’s bad acting/excellent singing. The struggle is real.
M: I KNOW. Shit’s getting real this week. AND I’m manning Twitter. I’m doing this for you, Underwood.

2:06 M: You know, if you lived in a world where you’d never seen Sound of Music, and therefore didn’t just accept it as normal, would it seem really really weird that everyone’s all “La la la, goatherds! Do Re Mi, Curtain Dresses!” AND THEN THE NAZIS COME?!

… and the fine folks behind Sound of Music are just all:

2:10 T: WERK LAURA BENANTI. WERK. She looks perfect!!!

2:11 M: There’s no reason to dislike Frau Schrader EXACTLY, but auf wiedersehen!

2:15 M: Now we’re setting up the mother Abbess and BRIGITTA?

2:16 T: For the record, Something Good is my favorite song from this show. I feel like it’s often overlooked and Carrie does a beautiful job with it. Julie would be proud.

2:16 M: Agreed! It’s so pretty and Carrie sounds great. But why does she look like Alice in Wonderland…? This wig is killing me.

2:17 T: WHOA. WHOA. WAS THERE TONGUE IN THAT KISS?? THIS IS TELEVISION THERE ISN’T SUPPOSED TO BE TONGUE. I’M OFFENDED (unless there wasn’t tongue, in which case, kudos for making it look real and uncomfy)

2:19 M: This wedding dress looks like it was made either in a high school home ec class (or whatever fake-sounding thing they call home ec now), or in a 10-minute challenge on Project Runway where they had to use table cloths.

2:25 M: Oh no… when you hear “1938” and “new flag” within a minute, you know shit’s getting bad. By the way, that Nazi was wearing a red geometric-patterned tie that looked like my dad’s work clothes in the early 90s.

2:28 T: Huh. It’s been a while since I’ve seen a Nazi on live TV. Refreshing? Nah.


2:29 T:
I’m pretty sure Carrie just broke the 4th wall. This isn’t American Idol.

2:31: M: Oh God. “Love isn’t love until you give it away” sounds like a terrible abstinence-only education slogan. Or, like… maybe the opposite of that? Also, the real adventure begins when you belong to your husband? I’m clearly more of a millennial/ feminist/ curmudgeon than Rodgers & Hammerstein could have possibly envisioned in their audience…

I’m shocked too, Li. I’m shocked too.

2:37 M: SING THE NAZIS AWAY. Why didn’t the allied forces ever think of that?

2:38 T: Oh, so the Nazi stadium is where they’ve been hiding the live audience this entire time!!

2:43 M: Eidelweiss is reminding me that I once read this blog where these American parents were living in like Austria or Germany, and they had to petition the government to name their daughter Eidelweiss. So, I mean, I’m sure your daughter will really appreciate how you stuck it to the man so that you could name her Eidelweiss.

2:43 M: How much did NBC spend on this wig that’s making Underwood look like a live-action, adult version of the Sleeping Beauty cartoon?

2:43 M: Silly Nazis. The von Traps are halfway across the Alps by now.  In their… you know… leiderhosen. I hope they brought warm clothes.

2:55 M: Yep, crouching down behind fountains is always the BEST WAY to hide from Nazis.

2:57 M: When I was in second grade, I thought it would be fun to be a nun because they got to live with all of their  friends. Obviously I just wanted to live in a dorm eventually, and then die alone and unmarried. But anyway, the SoM nuns DO make it look kind of fun.

2:58 There are leaves on the trees and it’s snowing. Although… again, Rochester here. My hair freezes if I go outside at the wrong time.

2:59 The most animated I’ve seen everyone is in the rehearsal footage they showed over the credits. The heck?

3:00 Our friend Tori, via Facebook: “I love Carrie Underwood but that girl is just a single threat.”

Well, that’s all folks. Thanks for tuning in! I will say that as much as we snarked on it, I still do love a good musical. And, say what I will about her acting, Carrie Underwood has a great voice. And, I tended to forget that they were doing the WHOLE THING LIVE , which is impressive.

Will it replace the movie? No, never. But as a weeknight novelty watch, I had fun watching – and blogging. Hope you all liked reading along, too!

(Commercial) Jingle Bells

Well folks, the holiday season is officially upon us. No one can complain about stores decorating early or Christmas music being played 24/7 anymore. And it’s also the time when we start seeing holiday commercials pop up on TV, like this one from KMart, which has been getting a lot of attention. I can’t imagine why:

Honestly, what is KMart selling in this ad? And how do I buy it?

Over the years, there have been a number of memorable commercials that touch us to the core or can’t get out of our head, thus forcing us to partake in rampant consumerism. But hey, what better time than December to spend all your hard-earned money?

Here are just a few of my favorite holiday commercials. Did yours make the list?

Hess Truck

The Hess truck’s back and it’s better than ever – for Christmassss this year! The Hess truck’s here! If you sang that, then well done. You can keep reading. If you didn’t, what’s wrong with you? I don’t remember who I was talking to but apparently they had never heard of the annual Christmas Hess Truck? I realize we don’t have Hess gas stations out here in California, but I’ve defintely seen the commercials on TV. Although that doesn’t really matter because I see Dunkin’ Donuts ads all the time and there isn’t one in the Greater Los Angeles area…

Hershey’s Kisses

I remember watching this all the time growing up, and it’s kind of brilliant that it’s so timeless that Hershey’s can use it year after year without having to update it. Plus there’s the whole nostalgia factor when you watch it in 2013 as opposed to the 90s, so kudos, Hershey marketers! If only the actual chocolate tasted a bit better.

Gap

Remember when Gap went through that era of really awesome yet simple commercials? Yeah, this was part of it. This particular commercial was directed by Michel Gondry, who helmed Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. This ad makes so much more sense now, doesn’t it?

This ad is technically more of a general winter commercial, but I would be remiss to leave this out. Love Train is part of the whole Mellow Yellow – Dress You Up – Spot the Celebrity Gap ad series, and 10 points to Gryiffindor if you can spot the beautiful tropical fish that is Rashida Jones. And then watch the playlist of all the Gap ads like I did and waste too much time playing them over and over again.

Coca-Cola

What’s Christmas without the Coke Polar Bears? Nothing. Did anyone else have a trapper keeper with these bears on the front? No? Just me?

If we’re going way old school, we can’t forget about this 1971 classic. It’s one of the greatest, most remembered commercials in TV history and features the hippie anthem I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing. Again, if you can match a catchy tune with a good visual commercial, you’ve got a hit. And so does Coke.

M&Ms

The year was 1996 and we were introduced to a couple of talking M&Ms and our lives changed forever. Mix them with Santa and you get this fantastic holiday classic. You two. Making Santa faint.

Campbell’s

This is another one of those commercials from my childhood that I vividly remember. I found it so facsinating that a kid – A KID – came out of that Snowman. Of course I get it now, but what a surprise that was seeing it for the first time as a tot. Too bad I don’t eat Campbell’s soup…

Taste of a Poison Paradise: Best of Britney Spears Covers

IT’S THE PRINCESS OF POP’S BIRTHDAY TODAY, Y’ALL!!

Brit Brit turns 32 years old today, and my what a life she’s had. Let’s put aside our dark memories of B circa 2007-2010 and focus on the good things. Whatever side you’re on of the spectrum of hating and loving Britney, you can’t deny how much of an impact she’s made on pop music. Let’s be real – she’s the closest thing our generation has to a Madonna or Michael Jackson. From dance moves to music videos to belting out her songs at the top of your lungs and maybe wondering why you know all the lyrics, Britney has managed to become of of the most influential artists of all time, whether you realize it or not. You think pop star, and you think Britney Spears.

And because imitation is the highest form of flattery, many an artist has attempted to cover Brit Brit’s catchy tunes over the years, but few have succeeded. In honor of one of my personal favorites, here are a few select covers of some of Britney’s most popular songs. Happy birthday Britney Jean!

Toxic by Alex & Sierra

As you can tell by this video, Alex and Sierra are a super cute couple who are currently vying for the (5?) million dollar record deal  on The X Factor. This was their very first audition and frankly, it’s probably my favorite cover of Toxic. Their voices blend so beautifully that’s it’s annoying. Plus they’re genuinely adorable.

Toxic by Melanie Martinez

Can you tell I used to watch/write about reality TV for a living? This is teenager Melanie Martinez who was a finalist on The Voice. Like Alex & Sierra, this was her audition song and blew the judges away, especially Adam Levine, who scooped her up on his team. Trust me, her singing is better than her choice of hair due.

Everytime by Kelly Clarkson

Queen Kelly Clarkson spend her entire summer tour covering a fan requested song each night, and the people of Las Vegas got a treat when she sang B’s most emotional song, Everytime. Honestly, KC can do no wrong.

Everytime by Glen Hansard

You might now Glen Hansard as the guy from Once or The Swell Season, but he’s apparently also a member of the Britney Spears Appreciation Fan Club. Who knew?

Gimme More by Sia

Listen. B obviously had some difficult times, but to be honest, the album she made during said dark ages, Blackout, is actually a really good record. The lead single is fantastic which is why it’s no surprise one of the most acclaimed singer/songwriters, Sia, decided to sing it with her beautiful, haunting voice.

Womanizer by Lily Allen

Is it just me or does Womanizer just sound like it should have been be sung by a British in the first place? Or should I say WomaniSer???

Circus/Just Dance by Boyce Avenue

Boyce Avenue is a band that made it big after posting covers of songs on YouTube and this is just one of the great versions of popular songs they’ve done. They’re really good at mashups, sometimes even better than Glee. Usually better than Glee.

Hold it Against Me by Sam Tsui

Yet another YouTube sensation, Sam has a voice that is smooth and pitch perfect and kind of sounds like he belongs in a Disney movie. This cover was so popular that it even was featured on Ms. Spears’ official website. If that’s not a stamp of approval, idk what is.