Golden Globes 2018 – Best Dressed

The 2018 Golden Globes were a little different, and so is our Best Dressed list. Actors used the night as a platform to say something about sexual abuse, harassment and structural inequality, so we’re going to highlight their opinions and accomplishments along with their gorgeous black ensembles. In her New York Times op-ed, Amber Tamblyn wrote:

We actresses are not just modeling clothing when we walk a red carpet on award show night. We are modeling a kind of behavior. We are speaking in a coded language to other women — even young girls — that says: The way I look and what I wear and how I wear it is the standard for women. What is being worn is not an exception. It is the rule. You must dress a certain way and look a certain way if you want to be valued as a woman, no matter what you do for a living or who you are. We never intend for this to be the message we are sending with what we wear, but often it is the perceived one, whether we like it or not.

Last night clothes were part of the message – but just one part. Here are a few of our favorites:

Tracee Ellis Ross

Serving this headwrap fiercness is Tracee Ellis Ross, an actress best known for her work in Girlfriends and Black-ish. She’s won six NAACP Image awards for acting and been nominated for Emmys twice. Her 2016 Emmy nomination for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series marked the first time an African-American woman had won in that category in 30 years. Last year, she won the Golden Globe for Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series – making history as the first black woman in 34 years to win in the category. Tracee is wearing Marc Jacobs.

Michelle Williams

You probably know who Michelle Williams is. Dawson’s Creek kicked off her career, but since then, she’s become the most credited actor and has the accolades to prove it. Four Oscar nominations and one actual Golden Globe, Michelle simply transforms on screen. Her plus one at the Golden Globes last night was Tarana Burke, who started the #MeToo movement back in 2006.

“I thought I would have to raise my daughter to learn how to protect herself in a dangerous world, but I think the work that Tarana has done and the work that I’m learning how to do — we actually have the opportunity to hand our children a different world,” she said at the Globes. “I am honored beyond measure to be standing next to this woman. I have tears in my eyes and smile on my face.”

Susan Kelechi Watson

Susan is best known for her roles on Louie, NCIS, The Blacklist and of course, This Is Us. She has a BFA from Howard University and a Master of Fine Arts degree from NYU’s Tisch School graduate acting program. She also may or may not be Blue Ivy in the future. Susan is also the director of non-profit Drama Club, an organization that provides theatre programming to incarcerated and court-involved young people in New York City. She’s wearing Monsoori.

Mandy Moore

Mandy Moore is the multi-talented star who may hold different titles depending on your generation. If you were alive during the TRL era, you still don’t know who Mandy’s missing like Candy. If you were born during the TRL era, you either know her voice from Tangled or watch the hit NBC program This Is Us. Mandy has been active with philanthropy over the years, including Five & Alive, Leukemia and Lymphoma Society, and Children’s Hospital Los Angeles. She recently was a spokesperson for Dove’s self-esteem movement, aimed at introducing girls to real, admirable women to look up to. Mandy is wearing Rosie Assoulin.

 

Jessica Biel

Jessica Biel is an actress whose first big gig was in 7th Heaven as the oldest sister, Mary Camden. She was just a teen when she started in Hollywood, and went on to appear in films like Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Summer Catch, Valentine’s Day, and New Year’s Eve. Lately, she’s been producing more of her own projects, including The Sinner, which earned her her first Globe nomination for Best Actress in a Miniseries or TV Film. She also spends a lot of time giving back to her local and global community – In 2010, Jessica teamed up with the UN Foundation to raise awareness of the global water crisis, and climbed to the summit of Mount Kilimanjaro.  Jessica is in Dior.

Nicole Kidman 

Nicole Kidman is an actress and founder of the production company Blossom Films. She is an Academy Award winner and a five-time Golden Globe winner, and has found that producing films has “allowed me to shape my career in terms of being able to find things that I may not get offered, that I wouldn’t get the opportunity for.” Kidman is also a founding member of the powerhouse coalition, Times Up. In her acceptance speech for Best Actress In A Mini-Series Or TV Movie in Big Little Lies last night, Nicole said: “My mom was an advocate for the women’s movement growing up, and standing here, my achievements are her achievements. This character I played represents something at the center of our conversation right now: abuse. I hope we can elicit change . . . let’s keep the conversation alive.” Nicole is wearing Givenchy (fun fact: Givenchy was a favorite of Audrey Hepburn; both Hepburn and Kidman served as UN Goodwill Ambassadors).

Alison Brie

Alison Brie was nominated for a Golden Globe for work role in Glow, and currently appears in two nominated films: The Post and The Disaster Artist. She is also familiar to TV audiences for her role on Community. Alison did all of her own stunts for Glow, a series about female wrestlers in the 1980s. wrestling-based series. In 2017, Brie threw her support behind Planned Parenthood, saying “it’s a vital resource for women in this country. Women need and deserve the right to make their own decisions regarding their reproductive health.” Alison is wearing Vassilis Zoulias.

Claire Foy

Nominated for her role in The Crown last night, Claire Foy is a university-trained actress who is also known for another royal turn – Anne Boleyn in Wolf Hall. While filming her acclaimed role of Queen Elizabeth, Foy was also caring for her infant daughter. Of her hopes for her child, Claire said: “I wish there was a way of saying to girls: ‘You don’t have to be polite and pretty in order to survive and have people love you.’ The idea that you should be like everybody else genuinely breaks my heart. And I’m going to have to do something about it.” Claire is in Stella McCartney.

Viola Davis

One of the most-nominated actresses alive today, Viola Davis is the only black actress to have one an Oscar, an Emmy AND a Tony. The Juilliard-trained actress has, in fact, received so many nominations and awards that Wikipedia lists them separately from her main page. Davis is an ambassador for Hunger Is, an organization that combats child hunger; the organization has raised over $20 million for the cause. Last night Davis addressed victims of sexual assault and rape – actually saying the words – saying “it’s not their fault, and they’re not dirty. That’s my message tonight.” Viola is wearing Brandon Maxwell.

Natalie Portman

Harvard-educated actress Natalie Portman presented the award for Best Director last night, which she noted contained “all male nominees,” despite, for instance, Greta Gerwig’s direction of Best Picture – Musical or Comedy winner Lady Bird. Portman promotes anti-poverty causes and works as an ambassador for FINCA, an organization that provides micro-loans to women-owned businesses in developing countries. She also lead the Power Of A Girl campaign for Free The Children, challenging North American girls to raise money for a girls’ school in Kenya. Natalie is a founding member of Time’s Up, and attended the Golden Globes with fellow founder, actress and activist America Ferrera. Portman wore Dior Haute Couture.

 

Donate to the Time’s Up Legal Defense Fund on their GoFundMe page. Learn more about Time’s Up here.

Advertisements

The Dawson’s Creek Virgin Diaries: Season 6

Well friends, this is it. The final installment of my Dawson’s Creek Virgin Diaries. It’s been a long road from Capeside to Boston and there were definitely a lot of memories made along the way. In case you want to reminisce with past seasons, you can find them here -> Season 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5. It’s been sort of a struggle bus with season five, and I’m so glad the producers decided to end it at season 6, or get cancelled, whatever it was. There was a possibility Joey was going to Paris, Audrey and Pacey embarked on an epic road trip to LA – but will they still be together by the end of it, is the question – and Dawson … actually don’t remember Dawson’s storyline, nor do I care. IF THIS SHOW DOESN’T HAVE PACEY AND JOEY AS END GAME I QUIT.

Episode 1

Joey kicks things off with a voiceover, and the first scenes include Pacey and Audrey driving in front of a green screen. The cuts involved side swipes (yet again) from Windows Movie Maker and do they just not give any fucks the last season?

ATTENTION: Pacey has a goatee. A goatee. This is the most exciting plot point in the past season.

Look, a Jack Osbourne cameo because the year is 2002 and he was still relevant then.

Oh man it finally happened. Dawson and Joey had sex. I had to watch with my hand over my face.

Notable Quotes:

Dawson: Jo guess what?

Joey: You’re gay.

Dawson: Yes, that.

Episode 2

I’m probably not supposed to have this reaction but ughhhhhh it’s so awkward seeing Dawson and Joey post-sex. It’s almost incest like. AND he got her a rose hahahahahaha

Pace wants to be a stock broker now? He was better as a chef. I mean I’ve obviously never had his food, but I’m assuming. Also, he’s not real.

How’s this for meta – the movie set Dawson’s working on had to create a house and they recreated his Capeside one.

Episode 3

Joey just accidentally sent her heartfelt email meant for Dawson to the entire college, because that’s how it was in 2002 BF (Before Facebook) era. She legit had to go to her address book and click on his name.

Pacey. Just – gel haired Pacey.

Episode 4

Dawson gets called out by actress/fling Natasha in front of Joey because he dumped her via answering machine and then slept with Joey – and director Todd’s face is perfect. What happened to young, innocent Dawson?

And Jensen Ackles comes to the rescue for Jen when this stupid frat type guy won’t let her go save drunk Audrey from sleeping with some rando. Is this the show other WB actors went on before going on their respective shows? Also, I don’t watch Supernatural, but I can’t be the only one who will always associate Jensen with Days of Our Lives?

Episode 6

Oh great it’s the Halloween episode! At least it’s the last one I’ll have to sit through.

Audrey breaks up with Pacey and it’s the worst outfit he could possibly be wearing, because everyone’s at some kind of goth-type Halloween party? I don’t even know. But this breakup iss like when Snooki got kicked off Dancing with the Stars in her zombie costume or Candice on Big Brother voted out of the house as a clown. I used to write reality TV stories for a living.

Lawd the end credits looked like it was designed by RL Stine.

Episode 7

Do the producers exclusively have the rights to One Way or Another? Because that’s all they sing on this show. And might I add, Audrey is killing it. And by killing it I mean lit’rally killing the song because she is wasted out of her mind.

The song used at the end of this epuside is Orange Sky by Alexi Murdoch, which I fell in loved with seven years later when it was featured on the soundtrack to one of my faovrite movies to watch on a rainy day, Away We Go. It was a weird crossover of media in my head upon hearing that song. (And apparently on The OC too?)

Episode 8

This episode is called Spiderwebs and is essentially a giant ad for No Doubt. Remember their Jamaican dance hall album? I do because I was a junior in high school and highly influenced by TRL. It’s why I had the Lit, Limp Bizkit and P.O.D. albums next to my BSB ones.

WHOA Audrey slept w Jensen Ackles while she was still dating Pacey and Jen is really into him? Can they break up already?

People who can stay together (for the mean time): Joey and Kate Hudson’s brother. Who knew he was so hot??

Also this English chippie is unnecessary. I actually find it annoying that she’s British. This coming from a girl who works for a British based company.

Episode 9

Tag! Tag with bad hair!

Oh Joey. Deciding to sleep with whatshisname/Eddie/Oliver Hudson hours before your final exam. Of course you’re gonna be late.

Pacey invites British chippie (honestly don’t know her name) to his work party and ends up kissing her when they’re back home in their apartment but he’s clearly just going from girl to girl while waiting to get back with Joey. That’s what I’m hoping for, anyways.

Speaking of Joey, the fact Eddie/Oliver Hudson/Joey’s current object of her affection’s dad works at the Worcester Arena is a huge plus because he snuck them in to ice skate after she punched her teacher in the face.

Episode 10

The description of this episode. Like who writes these?

“An out-of-control Audrey brings Christmas dinner at the Leery house crashing down – literally”

Ah, it’s Christmas in Capeside. I feel like this should’ve been an annual thing, inside of those stupid Kevin Williamson-inspired Halloween episodes.

Pacey, still trying to get get his bro Doug out of the closet, is still has a hilarious dynamic with Dougie as ever

Doug: Pacey, is that you?

Pacey: Merry Christmas, Dougie.

Doug: Yeah, right back at ya. Now, if you wouldn’t mind, could you tell me what you did with my little brother?

Pacey: I murdered that punk and stuffed his body into a dumpster behind the red lobster in Centerville.

Doug: Yeah, good to know. Well, you look, uh…

Pacey: Hip, handsome, hetero?

Doug: I was gonna slick, sleazy, and smarmy, but sure.

Pacey: Ok. Your sexuality, on the other hand, is just as dubious as ever. Good to see that some things never change, Doug.

I forgot to mention Joey’s dad got out of prison but failed to tell his family. But she found him and now he’s back with them for Christmas? Forgive and forget?

Also, this Natasha chick is still here. And in Capeside. Get out of here. At least British chippie didn’t follow everyone else to the Cape.

So Audrey is on this downward spiral, mainly because of her breakup with Pacey, but partly because she’s an alcoholic. Natch, she gets drunk at the Leery dinner and she resorted to stealing pills from the medicine cabinet. And she is causing a SCENE at dinner  – moreso than director Todd who attempted to hit on Dawson’s mom whilst saying prayer before the dinner.

Oh LAWD Audrey is lettin it allll out on the table right now!

Busy Phillips: A+. Audrey: get a fucking grip. She stole Pacey;s car and drove it into the house. Really I think the Leerys have had enough to deal with in the past years with accidents involving cars and ice cream.

This is the first episode in like 2 seasons that was actually some semblance of good.

Notable Quotes:

True facts from drunk Audrey:

Audrey: Hey! Where’s Tony and Maria?

Mr. Potter: Out on the porch.

Audrey: Ohh. Ditched for the boyfriend yet again.

Mr. Potter: What do we know about this guy, Audrey?

Audrey: Hmm. Chip on his shoulder, blue on his collar. I don’t know. Joey seems to like him.

Mr. Potter: Is it serious?

Audrey: Oh, well, like a heart attack, because you see, Eddie seems to be able to incorporate all the best elements of Pacey and Dawson, so it’s like the t-1000 of love interests.

Episode 11

This girl who’s professor’s daughter is supposed to be 15- aka the age the kids were in season 1, yet looks NOTHING like KT Holmes when they started the show.

These movie execs just gave Dawson the job of directing the movie reshoots. Now, I’m not in the industry, but I’m pretty sure they don’t just offer directors assistants/kids not even out of college an entire movie.

Jack Osbourne makes another appearance playing himself and he’s actually not that bad? Color me surprised.

Just when I thought Joey had gotten over her odd fashion choices she wears a velour bucket hat. I know it’s 2003 but like, that wasn’t in style anymore, right? Well it should’ve been.

ALERT: THE HAWAIIAN SHIRT IS BACK Y’ALL

Notable Quotes:

Pacey: Because that’s a part of growing up. Let me tell you, Pacey at 15 was a bit of a schmuck– bad haircut, bad Hawaiian shirts, broke all the time. Dumb enough to be chasing after things he knew he was never going to get, anyway.

Episode 12

What is Jen’s hair. And those bangs – are those even bangs good lord.

Audrey kissed and made up with everyone including her bandmates. Two things about British chippie: she’s old. And I was just thinking how completely unnecessary she is to this show. Whereas Gretchen was integral to advance multiple characters, this chick has no purpose.

Joey has taken up mentoring her professor’s daughter – a professor who is not Ken Marino. And why are they bringing in a new character halfway through the last season!?

Remember land lines in dorm rooms? No you don’t, children born after 1990.

Jo and Eddie are exchanging “I love yous” already? And if they really were from Massachusetts it would be ‘yous’. Too soon, guys. Toon soon.

Uh oh Audrey’s passed out in her bed. This is not a good sign. Intervention, anyone?

Episode 13

Audrey’s alive. And she’s heading to rehab. Except she’s not. Joey finds Audrey in Seth Rogen’s apartment taking a bath and think she’s dead and it’s hilar.

CLIFTON SMALLS IS JEWISH AND WANTS GRAMS TO CONVERT BAHAHAHAHA

There is a montage of their road trip and there’s a weird handheld camera going on it’s distracting.

Seth straight up stole Eddie’s car while it was attached to the gas pump. Look at your life. Look at your choices.

Oh god Joey and Eddie are breaking up and as they kiss and say goodbye the music playing in the background has the lyrics: “I only want the best for you my love” Get out.

Notable Quotes:

Bill: All right, lady, what’s your problem?

Grams: Excuse me?

Bill: Well, you’re a real downer. I mean, you’re sitting here, staring into your soup, and every once in a while, you mumble some derisive comment, when you should be going to see your doctor.

Grams: What are you talking about? Why should I go see my doctor?

Bill: So he can remove that polar icecap you got wedged up your butt.

Episode 14

So like at the end of the series, were the producers just like, ‘let’s make money any way we can/that includes setting a scene in Best Buy and promoting Bad Boys 2 on a big screen TV?

British chippie is engaged to a Deadbeat approx 2 eps after she was about to have a thing with Pacey. I hope this mean she leaves the show to run away with this low life.

Pacey/Jack/British chippie are having a party at their apartment and Pace encourages Jo to drink and let go for once in her life since she’s safe at his apartment *swoon*. So drunk Joey pinches Pacey’s cheeks and I CANNOT.

THERE ARE A LOT OF PACEY/JOEY SCENES AND THE FEELS ARE COMING BACK DESPITE THE GOATEE STILL GLARING INTO MY SOUL.

Dawson goes to visit Audrey in rehab and they have some super tender bonding moments and I hope they have more scenes together because they’re presh.

Oh dear lord they are NOT playing spin the bottle right now. And they are NOT putting it in a montage. Who keeps writing these in?! This particular one looks like the opening credits to a sitcom.

The inevitable happened and Pacey’s spin landed on Joey. But of course they get interrupted because Deadbeat somehow ended up on top of the giant TV and broke it. This would be a good time to head back to Best Buy for another product placement scene.

Jen just had sex in either Pacey/Jack/British chippie’s bed. I will never understand how people can just have sex at a party in someone else’s bed. Rude. And disgusting. And inappropriate.

…Well… Jack is offering to marry British chippie so she can stay in America. Come on. This can’t be happening.

Pacey Witter: still a dream man. He takes drunk Joey up to his room to tuck her in, confesses what Audrey said was true about not being over her back during her meltdown at a Capeside Christmas, he gives her the long awaited kiss and leaves. STOP BEING PERFECT BYE

Notable Quotes:

Drunk Joey: She killed a girl once.

CJ: What?

Drunk Joey: Abby Morgan. Killed her with champagne. You want some?

Episode 15

Aside: I have gone the entire 6 season series without watching the real opening credits with Paula Cole’s I Don’t Wanna Wait and I think I will wait until the end as to not ruin this experience for myself.

Pacey has to make a pit stop at K MART to buy condoms for the “no strings attached” sex he’s having with a blonde chick he just met at some fancy dinner where he took Joey as his date, but told this girl that Joey’s his sister. Let’s hope Joey doesn’t find out.

I would also like to point out that Katie Holmes’ acting has gotten sooo much better since season 1. Those acting lessons (I’m assuming she’s taken over the course of 6 years) have paid off. It’s not just an awkward side smile anymore!

Pacey to Joey on the homework she has due the next day: “You’re paying $35,000 to read Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas?” Sounds like Emerson. I paid more than that to write a final paper on the stereotypes of cast members in The Real World. Oh also a paper about The OC.

Ohhhh shit. It’s the conversation we’ve been waiting for since these two fools broke up. They can’t talk about sex. Specifically them having sex with other people. In all fairness, both of them have really good points. Pacey’s upset Joey never really got depressed like she did with Dawson when they broke up and Joey’s annoyed that Pacey won’t let all of this go (hint: it’s because he’s not over you, you crazy person).

Joey has taken out all the books from one of those discount bins and I seriously thought she was going to reorganize it. At least that’s what my OCD brain thought.

THERE IS A WALL OF PACEYS ON THE TVS I CANNOT. HE GOT HER PAJAMAS.

OMG I AM DYING. THIS IS LITERALLY THE MOST I HAVE LAUGHED AT THIS SHOW. PACEY SAID HE OWED HER ONE FAVOR AND SHE BROUGHT HIM TO THE AISLE WITH THE RAZORS. DEAD. BYE GOATEE. BYEEEEEEE.

Pacey compared his goatee to a sports beard and his winning streak. I mean, nice try. SHE JUST WANTS TO SEE HIS FACE Y’ALL.

They are making shaving someone else seem entirely sexual and that’s a lot coming from someone who hates blood and the possibility of blood. But let’s be real, I’m so into this.

{Joey grabs two cans of shaving cream from the table}

Joey: Regular… or menthol?

Pacey: Are we smoking, or are we shaving?

Joey: Pacey Witter– friend to women. I think it’s better to go with sensitive skin.

Pacey kisses Joey after they get super close whilst she shaves off his goatee. She makes him express his feelings. They set up camp – lit’rally – and Joey’s all ‘I need time to think about you telling me you basically have never stopped loving me and always want to kiss me, but I’m gonna get into this sleeping bag and kiss you anyways and fall asleep together because when we were on that boat it was my dream that we’d be castaways on some deserted island because SHE OBVIOUSLY STILL LOVES HIM TOO

Everything that is happening in this episode is perfect.

Real talk: Is it weird that I retroactively have a massive crush on Joshua Jackson now?!??!?

Notable Quotes:

Pacey: So what is the secret to our long-lasting and angst-free friendship? What is the one thing that keeps it going year after year after year after year?

Joey: We suck at meeting new people.

Episode 16

Wait. Pacey’s apartment is directly across from the bar Joey works at? Totally missed that. Something I’m not missing: him creeping and looking longingly towards the bar thinking about one Josephine Potter.

I HAVE BEEN REDUCED TO A GIGGLING OH MY GOD JAPANESE GIRL WHEN THESE TWO ARE TOGETHER GET A FUCKING GRIP (that was directed towards myself. Like, really.)

OLIVER TRASK AS A BABY. I REPEAT CRAZY OLIVER TRASK FROM THE OC AS A BABY! He’s dating Joey’s professor’s teen daughter that Jo has taken to “babysitting”. Be careful Harley – he turns out to be a gun-wielding psycho in a couple years.

Pacey’s dad has something called an exaggerated arrhythmia and Pacey rushes back home to Capeside to be with his dad at the hospital. Meanwhile, Dawson is also back in Capeside talking to a film class back at Capeside High. Full circle moment for Dawson. And also for Pacey and Dawson, since Pacey goes to Dawson’s house to check on his mom – without knowing Dawson’s home too – and the BFFs are back together again.

Notable Quotes:

Joey leaving Pacey a voicemail: I’m not gonna look at you and think of what happened. I’m gonna look at you and think of what could.

Harley: Ugh! I hate you so much right now. I hate you with the burning passion of a thousand STDs.

Episode 17

There was a mystery girl Pacey almost hooked up with at his work party, and she shows up again, only for him to discover she is a reporter. But also IRL, she was recently on Chicago Fire and looks completely different. WTF.

Well, Grams is serving as a mediator to CJ (Jensen Ackles) and Jen regarding their sex life, and as you can imagine, it’s totally an awkward teepee.

Dawson’s back in LA realizing that making a movie in Hollywood is difficult, especially if you want to make a movie about innocent teenagers who don’t have sex. He tries to backtrack on a pitch he made to this movie exec, and eventually ends up standing up for himself and decides to not make a movie that is all about sex and not what he envisioned in the first place.

Dawson: I came in here the other day because I wanted to tell a story about… something small, something personal, something I’ve been… tryin’ to figure out for quite some time. I wanted to write about growing up… and why it’s so hard. And… I wanted to write about falling in love and why it can’t last, but at the same time, how it lasts forever. And somehow, that got twisted into a story about a stripper. I–I guess what I’m tryin’ to say is, I can’t do this. I appreciate the–the offer and the confidence… but… I just wouldn’t feel right taking your money.

Episode 18

Eddie came back because he is still in love with Joey and is a successful writer in LA – and he says he needs her for inspiration? What a lame excuse. Luckily she tells him she’s moved on so peace out Oliver. Make room for Pace.

Does CJ just live with Jen now? And grams broke up with Clifton then started dating CJ’s cranky old uncle? Where is Jack? Is he seriously married to the British chippie? The whole Pacey/Joey thing has made me so distracted from any other storyline happening on this show.

Joey agrees to be a chaperone at Harley’s school dance, and Pacey subsequently agrees to be her date. He even gives her a corsage with carrots and a radish? They make those? I find this incredibly hilarious and a good way to make up for their senior prom when he gave her dried out flowers.

GRAMS HAS BREAST CANCER. MY EMOTIONS.

And now joeys “breaking it off” with Pacey because Eddie, came back even though Pace just poured his heart out to her. Ughhh but, being the dream man that he is, has put aside his romantic feelings and came back to dance with her and walk away one last time booooooo

Joey goes back to Eddie. Okay really, did she love him this much? It seemed like a really fast and non-passionate relationship? Again – I’m incensed with Pacey blinders on, so her love for Eddie is totally possible.

Notable Quotes:

Pacey: Dawson! Hi! Welcome to the dream machine, my friend. Can you smell the money growing?

Dawson: Uh, if it smells like Drakar Noir, then yeah, big time.

Episode 19

I forgot someone told me Katie Holmes mentions Tom Cruise at some point during the series, but I have yet to see the scene slash there are only 6 episodes left so it’s probably happened already and I was too busy not paying attention to Tom and put all my focus on Pacey.

Hey Joshua Jackson directed this episode. Didn’t know he did that.

Adam Corolla and Dr. Drew are like the center of this Loveline-themed episode and Dr. Drew is actually an effortless actor?… Except this is probably one of the worst episodes of the entire series. I’ve checked out.

Episode 20

Pacey just reminded us he is 20 years old and working as a successful stock broker. When I was 20 I was getting lost in Europe and losing all my money, so really, Pacey, high school graduate, is livin the life.

Speaking of Europe – Eddie has convinced Joey to spend their summer in Europe. WILL SHE GO OR WILL SHE STAY?

This convo between Jo and Eddie: real talk.

Eddie: I’m not asking you to throw your life off course, Joey. I’m talking about a summer here. All I’m asking is that you take a leap. Come away with me.

Joey: Oh, like Saul Bellow or on the road? Eddie, those are just stories–poems. Little pieces of unreality that we’re not meant to base our lives on. Eventually we always have to come back and deal with the real world.

Eddie: So what? What are you gonna do? You just wanna sit here for your entire life waiting and hoping for the world to come to you? Because the point of those stories, Joey, is that people’s lives– their real lives– only begin when they step out into the world. And when you do that, when you meet it head on, maybe you change the world, maybe you don’t, but the point is, is that it changes you. And that is what people mean when they talk about growing up.

Joey: So what? If I want to be with you, I’m supposed to just throw all of my previous life experience out the window? I’m supposed to just stop being who I am?

Eddie: Who you are, Joey, is not some scared little girl who’s afraid to take a chances on anything, who’s afraid to really love someone because of the risk or the pain. That does not define you as a person. Or maybe it does, you know? Maybe–maybe I’m crazy. Maybe you’ve just blinded me.

Wait this bitch Pacey’s been sleeping with has a fiance?! WTF he seems really fine with it too? Come on you’re better than this, Pace.

Oh no. The company Dawson (and Pacey) put (all, in Dawson’s case) their money in went under. Pacey got into a physical fight with his boss because he told him this investment was a sure thing, subsequently got fired, only has $300 to his name and now has to tell his BFF that he has no money at all to make his movie. This is horrible. Just when they were getting on so swimmingly! And only 4 episodes left!!!!

Notable Quotes: 

Rich: Ooh, ah, hey… that date with Sadia last night– did you close the deal?

Pacey: Why don’t you just ask those guys in there?

Rich: Oh, that does it, Witter. I used to be mildly impressed. Now I am in awe. Nicely done my friend. Nicely done.

Pacey: You know, that’s just what she said. (FIRST THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID ON TV??!)

Episode 21

Mimi Rogers as Jen’s mother!? Okay let’s get out of Boston/Capeside for a second. Mimi Rodgers was Tom Cruise’s first wife… and was 10 years older than him… and well, you know the rest about Katie Holmes.

Okay Jack Osbourne has gotten so much screen time I had no idea he was even on this show.

Apparently CJ’s Uncle Bill ‘loves” Grams? this the 2nd episode he’s been in. Tone it down, buckaroo.

OMG Joey going up Dawson’s ladder is legit giving me the feels. I am tearing up. Glad I can go back to reality once I’m done watching this because I’ve lost all sense of it.

Oh lawd Pacey finally told Dawson about the money and Joey is there too and I legit feel like I’m going to vomit up the salad I just ate. It’s so sad that they keep up this viscous Circle of being BFF then not then BFF then not. And Joey is lit’rally in the middle of it.

Grams CUDDLING UP TO JACK TO CONVINCE HIM TO GO TO NY IS THE MOST PRESH

Important question: is Busy Phillips actually singing? Because she’s actually really good! (Answer: yes, per this recent video of her singing a song from The Last Five Years at a cabaret)

Notable Quotes:

Joey: That’s the thing about ghosts they say that they don’t leave until they’re at peace with what they’ve left undone.

Jen’s mom: Well, you and jack are both so attractive, and I don’t know what the gays look like these days.

Episode 22

Joey’s doing a weird voice over thing and suddenly it’s like Veronica Mars sans noir right now. Pacey and Jack move out of their apartment which leads me to wonder : where is British chippie because the last time we saw her, Jack was legit thinking of marrying her so she could stay in America?? She has legitimately not shown up since. BYE GURL.

Remember when Joey decided to start wearing makeup when she went to college? Yeah she’s back in Capeside and back to her old Joey ways sans makeup or any sense of style. Is this symbolic or just lack of continuity? I guess this episode is called “Joey Potter and the Capeside Redemption”, so we should expect this? Or for her to start a rock band. Either one.

Oh God. Pacey, you’re in shambles after losing your job and your best friend. There are crumbs stuck in your face. You actually called soap operas your “stories”. He’s also back in his Hawaiian shirt. This can’t be bueno.

So basically, Joey’s Capeside Redemption is her getting everyone in town to pitch in and help Dawson make the movie he was supposed to make with the money Pacey lost, including recruiting their friends to play the real life people from their past. It’s all very meta. Joey assigns Audrey the role of Miss Jacobs, but Jen suggests she play Eve, remember that pixie-haired chick from season 3?

Audrey: Wait a second. Let me get this straight. You want me to play the slutty teacher that–that robbed Pacey of his delicate flower?

Joey: Do you have a problem with that?

Jen: You could play Eve.

Joey: Sadly, Eve didn’t make the cut.

Jen: Aw, that’s a shame.

Audrey: Who the hell is Eve?

Jack: Eh, long story. Ambiguous ending.

Literally getting dizzy from this shot spinning around Jack, Grams and Jen while everyone says goodbye to them. And it’s so poetic that they’re leaving in a cab just like Jen rolled in. It would’ve been better if they got the same cab from s1. It’s probs illegal to drive in it by now.

Audrey and douche director Todd hook up. Yes. That makes sense. Not even being sarcastic

Joey: Me, too. So how would you describe your movie? If somebody asked you, what would you say?

Dawson: I would say… it’s about a girl who wanted more than what she had… who had to grow up to realize that she already had everything she ever could’ve wanted.

YES. BECAUSE THIS ISN’T DAWSON’S CREEK IT’S FUCKING JOEY’S CREEK.

Finally, some closure between Pacey and Dawson, whom Joey sneakily sets up thinking they’re each meeting her but they’re really there so they can kiss and make up.

Pacey: We can’t go back to the way things used to be, and there’s nothing we can do about that ’cause the guys that we are now are worlds apart from the guys that we were back then. The only tie that really binds us together is the fact that we still love the same woman.

Dawson: It always comes back to that, doesn’t it?

Pacey: Yes, it does. Yes, it does, and you know what? I don’t really regret a single second that I spent with her, and I’m guessing you don’t either. In fact, I really consider us pretty lucky… that a woman like that would give either one of us the time of day.

Dawson: You know, it makes sense.

Pacey: What does?

Dawson: Why it never worked out for either one of us. All we wanted was her. So much so that we destroyed our friendship… and in the end, all she ever wanted was for us to be friends again.

Pacey: Ok, I’m gonna ask you this once, and then I promise you I’ll never ask it again. Is it possible?

Dawson: For us to be friends again? Anything’s possible.

Ugh there’s a song playing in the background and the actual lyrics include the words “butterfly girl”.

In the end, Joey goes to Paris by herself and ends up in front of a green screen Eiffel Tower. However there are still two more episodes left. WILL JOEY POTTER COME BACK TO CAPESIDE/AMURRICA?!

Episode 23

Literally had to say, ‘okay let’s do this’ outloud in order to psych myself up to watch the final two episodes. I always do this – speed towards the end then stop because I don’t actually want it to end. It’s a CATCH 22 (which was the name of episode 20).

Another random celebrity cameo and it’s Jeremy Sisto. And my first thought was, ‘Oh from Six Feet Under!’ I think I actually might have time travelled back to 2003 for a brief moment.

Meta Dawson (10 years in the future, since that’s when this takes place?) is the executive producer on a Dawson’s Creek like show called The Creek – which is what I’m convinced this show should’ve been called because it’s not about Dawson, for the 100th time.

OMG I DON’T WANNA WAIT IS USED FOR THE FIRST TIME AND I ACTUALLY SAID ‘OMG’ OUT LOUD. THEY COULD FINALLY PAY FOR THE ROYALTIES FOR THE FINAL TWO EPISODES THIS IS A CAPESIDE CHRISTMAS MIRACLE wait it’s actually kinda weird bc I was anticipating Hearts and Arrows :\

Wait can Sheriff Doug and Jack get together???

OKAY FOR THE RECORD I WROTE THAT BEFORE THIS KISS HAPPENED. I LOVE THIS EP ALREADY WE’RE ONLY 7 minutes in and I keep pausing bc I CANNOT

Oh Pacey. Having an affair with an older woman in the office of his restaurant AKA THE ICE HOUSE BECAUSE PACEY REOPENED THE BUSINESS JOEY’S FAM USED TO OWN.

Going back to his teacher/student ways. And Jack is a teacher at CHS who’s teaching his class about poetry – THE SAME TYPE OF POETRY THAT GOT HIM/PACEY INTO TROUBLE S2 I LOVE FULL CIRCLE MOMENTS SO MUCH.

Everyone’s back in town because Gail is getting married again. But who is this random that she’s marrying? He doesn’t even have a name! And why is Alexander not aged in 10 years, but Dawson’s little sister is so big and presh?

JEN HAS A BABY OH NOOOOO Her boyfriend apparently knocked her up and left. What a piece of garbage (him, not her, obvs).

For old time’s sake, Joey climbs up the ladder to Dawson’s bedroom and Dawson picks up his computer in order to attack the ‘attacker’. Never a manly man this one.

Welp. Pacey is getting beat up by grown ass man for sleeping with his wife. That’s what you get folks, for making whoopee.

JOEY AND DAWSON ARE SITTING IN HIS CHILDHOOD BED LISTENING TO EDWIN MCCAIN HAHAHAA

There’s a dream wedding sequence that throws me for a loop because it’s between Dawson and Joey, and their vows sound like this:

Joey: We’ve been through so much, Dawson. So many good times and bad. When I loved you, you loved Jen. And when you loved me, I needed to be on my own. So I left you for Jack, and then he realized he was gay.

Dawson: And then I convinced you to turn your dad in for trafficking cocaine, and…you said you’d never speak to me again.

Joey: But I did. I offered myself to you at that party after you crashed your dad’s boat.

Dawson: And I refused… for some reason. And so you fell for Pacey.

Joey: And years passed… until finally here we are… saying, “I do.” The way it should be… the only way it can be for star-crossed, ill-fated soul mates. So, I do.

Dawson: I do, too.

HONESTLY THIS SHOW WAS SO RIDICULOUS. But those Dawson Joey shippers must have loved this scene, which actually turned out to be a fake scene the characters were filming for The Creek.

The older woman Pacey’s been sleeping with, played by Virginia Madsen, eyes Pacey enjoying himself  at the wedding reception, and Pacey, battered and bruised since her husband beat her up, tells Joey to play along and dance with him but Virginia Madsen is all giving him the evil eye. Like, calm da fuck down. To pile it on, Pace even kisses Joey to make her jealous. Well, it worked.

Ahhhh Jen collapsed at the wedding. This is bad (I know what happens which might actually be worse. This is why I don’t like spoilers.) Turns out Jen has been battling this heart problem for a while but decided not to tell anyone.

JEN AND JACK – DID I SAY I MIGHT SHIP THEM THE MOST? Or at least almost as much as Pacey and Joey? Ugh seeing them go through this is heartbreaking. No pun intended. Jack, rightfully so, wants to know why Jen, his bestest friend in the entire world, didn’t tell him about her health problems, but all she wants to do is not talk about it and talk about possible love interests for him, but even Jack isn’t up to engage in what he calls “patented, meaningless, good-humored Jack-Jen fag-hag banter”. Gonna miss these two.

Okay, in my whole ‘procrastinating/not wanting to see the finale shenans’ I watched the episode of Don’t Trust the B- where James Van Der Beek attempts to get a Dawson’s Creek reunion episode and the only person who shows up is Busy Phillips. If you’ve gotten this far in my ramblings, you should watch it – it’s on Netflix!

Notable Quotes:

Joey: Get over it. What is the big deal? So I like a teen soap. So what?

Christopher: The way it possesses you is what frightens me, honestly. Every Wednesday at 8:00, you enter this supernatural portal of teen angst.

Joey: I have an emotional connection to it you wouldn’t understand.

Christopher: Will Sam and Colby ever get together? Will Sam choose Petey? Will Sam choose Colby? Find out next week as we continue to beat a dead dog all the way into syndication!

***

Gale: Ah! You’re here! Yay! Oh, look at you. You get handsome every time I see you.

Dawson: Mom, I look terrible. I’ve aged 10 years in the past 9 months.

***

{Pacey’s driving with Joey & Dawson to the hospital after Jen collapses}

Joey: I’m worried. This isn’t good.

Dawson: She’s gonna be fine. Right? I mean, we don’t know anything. Let’s not jump to conclusions.

Pacey: Yeah. And she’s young. She’s healthy.

Dawson: Best thing we can do is just be ourselves– carry on in our typical, usual, distracting…

Pacey: Sordid love triangle ways.

Dawson: Leave it up to you to say the most inappropriate thing possible.

Pacey: Aw, I’m always dependable, my friend.

Joey: So very not funny. {her cell phone rings} Hi, Christopher.

Dawson: And the triangle becomes a square.

Pacey: Well put.

***

Jack: Hey, what’s up with Audrey, anyway? Anybody talk to her lately?

Joey: Audrey’s singing backup for John Mayer. She’s touring Europe, and she’s got some boyfriend she calls the anti-Pacey. He’s totally boring and… really sweet or something.

Pacey: And “really sweet,” as opposed to the actual Pacey? And that from my ex-girlfriend, no less.

Joey: Pacey…thank you so much for reopening this place. I did not know how much I missed it.

Pacey: Maybe if your daddy hadn’t burned it down in the first place, it’d still be yours

Joey: Ohh, nice, Pacey. Nice.

Dawson: I couldn’t write this stuff if I tried.

Joey: How long has it been?

Pacey: Not long enough, apparently.

Jen: Oh Dawson… remember when I de-virginized you?

Pacey: What?!

Episode 24

Alright guys. Here we are. Last episode. Like, forever. I’m not emotionally prepared for this, but then again, are you really ever prepared when it comes to series finales?

Again I know what happens to Jen, but how did you people deal with not knowing if she’s going to die or not?? I mean it’s like, as a TV fan you want to believe they won’t kill off a main character because how could they? Even if it is the series finale and all.

It’s really unfortunate that Joshua Jackson has to have stitches and a black eye for the finale.

I really shouldn’t be allowed to watch shows like this because this food fight scene with Pacey and Joey is making me squeal. Literally squeal like a teenager in the nosebleeds seats at a One Direction concert.

Jen has some one on one girl time with Joey and she tells her that her dying wish is for her to stop running (aka stop running from Pacey). JEN IS SO WISE BEYOND HER YEARS THIS ISN’T FAIR.

Jen asks Dawson to videotape her leaving a final life lesson video for her daughter. I’M NOT CRYING YOURE CRYING.

Annddd Pacey is showing Jen B-roll of the footage they shot for the season one opening credits. Is this meta or am I making it meta?And I just realized Jen’s parents aren’t here. I mean they probably couldn’t fit them into the budget but still.

Just remembered that Meredith Monroe shot a scene that got cut and she looks amazing. And is a doctor in Boston?? The video below includes her cut scenes, but also the scenes where Jack calls Jen his soulmate (STOPPP) and Grams says her final goodbye by saying, “See you soon, child. Soon” (NOOOOO)

Jack and Dougie, finally out and proud, are so friggin tender I cannot. AND Jack basically adopts his goddaughter (Amy) once Jen passes away and they have an adorable little family!!!!

More full circle moments as Dawson and Joey have a heart to heart discussion at his house. Really, the will they or won’t they is right up until the end, isn’t it?

Look, as much as I ship Pacey and Joey, Dawson has in this final talk with Joey in that they’ll always have each other as soulmates and be together forever in this place beyond friends and lovers. Sometimes your soulmate isn’t necessarily who you’re meant to live your romantic life with. Which is perfect because Joey fulfills Jen’s dying wish and tells Pacey she wants to stop running, and essentially be with him. Pacey apparently leaves his restaurant behind and moves to NYC to be with Joey in her swanky apartment, which Jeremy Sisto has since vacated. The reveal is nail-biting as they don’t show Pacey as the guy Joey’s with til the very end. And he’s crying. Oh sensitive Pacey Witter I will miss you.

OMG fake Joey on The Creek just used the ‘I don’t wanna wait’ line! Just when you think it’s getting good.

Notable Quotes:

Dawson: She’s dying. Jo, she’s gonna die, and all I can think about is some frickin’ ending to some stupid TV show. I keep thinking there’s gonna be time for the rest of it, but it–it–it runs out.

Joey: Yes, it does.

Dawson: Nothing in my life feels real anymore. I’ve lost touch with my family, my friends, you… and you and me together is the only thing that ever made sense to me, and I forgot that… until I saw you, and then it came back, what we were, and we’re not even together.

Joey: Do you not watch the Creek? We’re together every Wednesday at 8:00. Dawson, you wrote a show about us.

Dawson: And that’s the problem. I’ve turned my entire life into fiction. It’s not even real life that I’m living anymore.

Joey: It is real, in the best way possible. Dawson, do you know how lucky you are? You’re a writer. You get to live life twice. Who else can do that?

***

Guys, it’s over. It’s been a great six months getting to watch this iconic piece of American teen drama from the beginning for the very first time. In the end, I’m glad I watched it, and it was definitely worth spending almost 90 hours of my life dedicated to the gang from Capeside. I can see why it’s considered one of the best examples of this genre, and despite the fact that there are undoubtedly problems riddled throughout the series, at its core, it is a fairly accurate portrayal (somewhat exaggerated at times) of life as a teenager. I mean, it’s no John Hughes, but it’s definitely a program that will go down in teen TV drama history.

ALSO: PACEY-CON GUYS. PACEY-CON.

The Dawson’s Creek Virgin Diaries: Season 5

And we’re back in Capeside again! Well, technically not Capeside… you’ll see. For anyone that’s new to this series, I’ve been documenting my journey to good old Dawson’s Creek (which, BTW is so inaptly named, I’ll get to that in a second) for the past few months, recapping my thoughts as I watch it for the very first time as an adult (view Season 1, 2, 3, and 4 here!)

We ended with the gang graduating from high school, which for most teen dramas means an inevitable jumping of the metaphorical shark. Dawson’s going off to film school 3,000 miles away from home at USC, Joey (who has broken up with Pacey wahhh) is going to her dream college in Boston at an imaginary place called Worthington, BFFs/OTP Jack and Jen are also off to Boston to go to another fictional college called Boston Bay, and Pacey’s taking care of some rich guy’s boat by sailing around the Caribbean. Let’s see what happens when everyone leaves the Creek…

Episode 1

This episode starts off with a voice over that sounds vaguely familiar – and that’s bc it’s Ken Marino. I would tell you what he’s from but he’s been in so many things, so here’s his picture:

This also starts off with Joey – no sign of Dawson – and proves what I’ve been thinking for the past couple seasons: this show is a misnomer. It’s not Dawson’s Creek. It never has been. Unless they meant it to be like, from Joey’s perspective, it’s ‘Dawson’s Creek’. Whatever, it’s still stupid. Katie Holmes is the only person on the cast who has been in every single episode, so just look at the facts. Also I had no idea that they all went to Boston for college!? It’s giving me all the feels of when I was a freshman in Boston.

Anyways, Ken Marino (a professor) was actually reading one of Joey’s papers about that kiss she had with Dawson, and we’re led to believe that they kissed and they parted for college and nothing else ever happened. Perfect.

Enter busy Phillips. She’s deemed herself Jen’s BFF and I’m already loving seeing the beginning of their IRL friendship! Who doesn’t love a good best gal pal friendship?!

Dawson is actually in LA,  quietly achieving his life dream in the directors chair and it’s adorable. But there are so many people milling about on this lot, it’s as if there’s just a free for all at the studio. Not exactly how it happens IRL.

PACEY IS BACK FROM THE CARIBBEAN AND HAS A BOAT DOCKED IN BOSTON. BUT HE’S HIDING FROM EVERYONE BUT JEN WTF.

Jack, Jen, Joey, and new BFF Audrey (Busy Phillips) are at their first big college party AND OH LAWD this frat bro is legit wearing a puka shell necklace. And Chad Michael Murray what is your hair.  It is really 2001 all over again.

Dawson gets fired from his internship with a legit movie director because he decided to sass him and leaves LA to go to Boston and shows up at Joey’s door. Just when I thought the writers were making the right decision by not putting them together again. Ugh.

Episode 2

PACEY IS KISSING SOMEONE WHO IS NOT JOEY I’m not okay with it. Slash that person is Jennifer Morrison.

 Joey is dropping a class and has to wait in a line out the door. I never dropped a class in college because it was all online, but this is 2001. Times were tough back then.

With the help of Dougie, Pacey gets some gumption and gets a job at a restaurant. I’m super happy for him doing something with his life and all, but when is he going to show himself to everyone (read: Joey)? He can only hide for so long. Boston’s a big city, but it ain’t that big.

Well it looks like Dawson’s staying in Boston instead of going back to school in LA, mostly because of Joey. This is no bueno. Unrelatedly, was the general consensus on the last two seasons that it was cursed because now that they’re not in high school, it jumped the shark? Because I get that.

Episode 3

IT HAPPENED! Joey is at the restaurant that Pacey works at and sees him in the kitchen! Let the awkwardness ensue!

Meanwhile, Jack is pledging a frat and I fear that once they find out he’s gay they’re going to take hazing to a whole new level. However, I’ve been proven wrong…

Jack: I’m gay.

Blossom: You thought we didn’t know that?

Jack: Most people are surprised.

Blossom: Most people aren’t Sigma people. You’re sigma people, Jack. You’re one of us.

Jack: You mean, there’s other guys in the house that are gay?

Blossom: You’d be the first.

Jack: Most fraternities are not particularly well known for, you know, their tolerance towards alternative lifestyles.

Blossom: Which is precisely why we need you in this house, McPhee. Listen, Sigma Ep has a reputation for being one of the roughest, party-hearty, alpha male fraternities on campus, a reputation which is not entirely unfounded. The dean wants us to diversify. The dean gets what the dean wants, so, yes, Jack, we know you’re gay, and we want you in this house because you’re gay.

Question: how is this better than affirmative action??

Dawson is back in Capeside and spending some time with his family, particularly with his baby sister, and I have to admit him sitting with her in their front yard under an umbrella is equally hilarious and adorable.

It’s interesting watching this as an adult who has gone through the difficulty of figuring out independence and friendship in the first year of college. I always imagined high school would be like Saved by the Bell – and it wasn’t. I think if I watched this when it was originally on (and I was in high school), I would’ve thought their experience was exactly what college was like. But for me, it definitely was not. As an adult, I watch this season as more of a cynicist thinking, ‘That could never/never happened in college’, where as a teenager, I would have been like, ‘Whoa college is big and scary and filled with frat parties that I would never be invited to’. The first year of college is a day to day thing and you live your life looking at what’s in front of you. It wasn’t a “big picture” thing that the movies and TV portray it as.

Attention: Joey and Pacey finally faced each other and it was actually cute and I hope that they stay friends… for now.

Ok so this is a spoiler I knew was coming: Mitch gets into a car accident. But I did NOT know it’s because he tried to get a scoop of ice cream that he dropped on the floor. DA FAQ just happened. Although maybe he was drunk, because ice cream is his drunk food? No? Just the ice cream? Embarrassing way to go out, man.

Notable Quote: “I don’t know, I could use the snuggles.” Jen, explaining to Joey and Audrey why she’s leaving for a booty call with CMM.

Episode 4

Mitch is officially dead, and I like that they subtly confirm that by showing the “closed for death in the family” sign on the door of their restaurant, because TBH, I don’t need to see an entire episode of Mitch on his death bed. Also, is there really not a better way to get Dawson back to Capeside than having his father killed? I guess dropping out of school wasn’t enough.

Pacey just gave his approval for Dawson and Joey to get back together again, because apparently being at sea has helped him find himself and become a better person.

Pacey: Why on earth would Dawson Leery, of all people, want to drop out of film school? (Looks over at Joey and then knows.) Oh. I get it. It’s ok. You can tell me, Jo. I’m not gonna get upset. 

Joey Oh, Pace, I didn’t ask him to, if that’s what you mean. 

Pacey: Look. If anybody understands the various shades of gray here, it’s me, and I think it’s time the two of you got your shot… because the way I see it, you never did, and this world could use as many Romeo and Juliet’s as it can get. 

Joey: Look what happened to them. 

Oh man. Pacey takes Dawson to the crash site to help him realize that it’s not his fault his dad died, and yet again, Pacey Witter proves he is the greatest human #PaceyWitterDreamMan.

Episode 5

I find it comical that Ken Marino has been cast as the hot Englishg teacher when all I picture is him like this:

Jen’s all hooking up with CMM, and it’s to the point where she seems him out at a restaurant with some girl after he told Jen he was working. Pacey attempts to stop Jen from going in there and ripping out his beautiful head of hair and hilarity ensues #PaceyWitterDreamMan

DAWSON – I know it’s really hard, but you need to get a grip and deal with your father’s death. Avoiding it like the plague is not going to help anyone.

Episode 6

Is Pacey’s restaurant the only fancy restaurant they’re allowed to go to on this show, because it really feels that way with the amount of scenes they do here.

In my head, 2001 doesn’t seem that long ago, but please look at Dawson’s caller ID on his Motorola phone:

Why does CMM always play a douche guy? And why does he have a lizard in his room? Is Jen going to become a lesbian? I have a lot of burning questions.

One of those was answered because instead of Jen becoming a lesbian, she tricks CMM to think she’s down for a threesome with his side chick and instead both of them drop him. Again, Jen tricks CMM into a faux threesome. This show.

Yikes, guys. Dawson is drunk this is not going to end weelll. He actually said, ‘Have no fear, Dawson is here.’ He’s the kind of drunk that tells the truth when he’s inebriated so basically he just blamed Joey for his dad dying. sigh.

Episode 7

Dawson finally gets professional help to deal with his dad’s death and this is the therapist he goes to:

Recognize her yet? Time’s up. This is the therapist in 2014:

Episode 8

Well thanks DC writers for perpetualizing the stereotype that frat boys’ main goal is to get laid. Because that’s literally what they’re told to do – bring girls to a party so the brothers can hook up with them, and Jack decides to bring Joey and Audrey. I think it was scenes like this that made me think frats in college were the worst.

PS: Pacey slept with this girl Karen that he works with but honestly she needs to GTFO because she’s playing him like an instrument that you play a lot. And no one messes with our boy.

Speaking of sleeping with people, Dawson takes Jen up to New Hampshire because he won a film contest for the movie he made about his elderly friend Mr. Brooks who died last season. And apparently Dawson and Jen took the state motto, ‘Live free or Die’ to heart because they are into each other again and guess what – Jen gets it in with virgin Dawson! AND she’s wearing these pajamas!

Annnddd they’re dating now. Great.

Notable Quotes: Some guy talking to Dawson at the film festival: “I go to school in Boston. This really weird visual arts place full of freaks and misfits.” – literally sounds like where I went to school.

Episode 9

Ah here’s the annual Halloween episode. Joey, Pacey & Jack are telling scary stories that actually happened to them, and Joey’s is that she was stuck in the school library late at night with a creepy guy and another creepy guy who is Detective Wilden from Pretty Little Liars, so I automatically think he’s sketchy.

In full disclosure I fell asleep and decided not to rewind it.

Episode 10

Guys, turns out I really like Busy Phillips/her character, even after I decided I wasn’t going to like her because of who she ends up dating (hint hint). In the end, she was the right voice to come into the show as they entered a new season – kinda like how Gretchen was the right person to bring in last season. Right character, the right time.

This entire back and forth Pacey and Jack have about Dawson possibility losing his virginity to Jen is fantastic and honestly the best thing that’s happened this season.

For a couple that’s broken up then got back together than broke up and then got back together then broke up, this confrontation between Dawson and Joey re: sleeping with Jen is… WOOF.

Dawson: Joey, it hurts to be around you. When I see you, even from across the room, it brings up a thousand memories. Not just of us, but of my entire life before. It’s like I’m frozen in this place that I can’t bear to be. I care about you so much. As long as I can remember, everything’s always come back to you. I mean, even no matter what was happening between us. Even the thought of you is at least a constant comfort, but… I can’t go back. It just hurts.

Fashion note: I love that Pacey is suddenly Top Chef wearing an apron – and I just noticed he’s stopped wearing those hideous Hawaiian t-shirts. It’s like he was preparing for his voyage to the Caribbean for 4 seasons.

Episode 11

Joey is checking her grades on a board that was printed in computer paper. DO KIDS THESE DAYS EVEN REMEMBER COMPUTER PAPER??

Okay, so maybe I ship Pacey and Joey as friends too because them high giving over his promotion slash her grades is the cutest. Maybe I just really ship Pacey. Have I expressed that feeling yet? #PaceyWitterDreamMan

When is CMM leaving Boston for One Tree Hill, this is absurd. I’m over him. And his ridiculous helmet.

SOMETHING I DID NOT SEE COMING: On My Own reprise!! Well kind of. Joey gets the balls to sing for CMM’s band at this club where all the college kids hang out, and instead of a Broadway song, it’s Blondie. Although it’s less embarrassing than the first time I still can’t help but watch through my fingers. Partly because she started singing with her musical theatre voice and it was weird, but hey, at least she got up there and did it.

Notable Quote: “Right there in the bursar’s office on the formica. It was wild, passionate, hot, animalistic sex.” – Joey, being her usual sarcastic self about hooking up with Professor Ken Marino

Episode 13

Dawson finally decides to go back to film school (in Boston), and as a ‘Back to School’ present, Jen gets Dawson an ET Trapper Keeper and it’s actually super cute. That is the only good thing about this relationship so far. The nostalgic school supplies.

Joey is torn between two lovers – this kid Elliott, a peer and someone her own age who is really into her, and Professor Ken Marino. Joey decides to ditch a date with Elliott in order to go to an academic thing at Prof Ken’s house, and she ends up kissing him. But again, all I can see is Ken Marino. It’s so weird. When she gets back to her dorm, she finds a get well soon basket from Elliott, because she told him she was sick in order to get out of said date. And he made her a card out of construction paper. Look who’s making poor choices again – it’s Josephine Potter.

Notable Quotes: “If that’s what the people want, if they want me to be nasty and sarcastic, I can do that. I just need something that’s gonna take me there. Pacey, say something disgusting.” – Jen

“Sure, would you prefer sexist or just downright vulgar?” – Pacey

Episode 15

DC fans: this is the infamous robbery episode, so brace yourselves. Everyone else – thanks for reading this far but good GOD get ready for an effed up episode (which you can view in its entire below).

I figure this is a ‘Very special episode of Dawson’s Creek because of the different opening credits – it looks like the beginning of a Disney Channel Original Movie.

The episode starts out in Downtown Crossing, which, when I lived blocks away from there, was a bustling area. Even if it’s midnight. Joey is walking by herself at a leisurely pace, staring at stars in the sky. I take this as a bad sign already because no one in Boston does this unless you’re a tourist. Walking is for getting from Point A to Point B. Also, it appears that no one else is around at this time of night – but she said she was taking the subway, and if the subway’s still open, it means there should be people around, but conveniently, there is not a soul in sight.

A man spots Joey going to an ATM vestibule and follows her. Instead of straight up mugging her, he decides to talk to her and tell her he’s not going to rob her. Then asks for money. She says no, but he keeps pushing. Joey being, well, Joey, insists she doesn’t have any and he’s all ‘Bitch I saw you come out of the bank’ (not verbatim). She tries to walk away and he pulls out a gun.

Joey is spending waaayyyy too much time chatting with him. She told him her real name AND the school she goes too NO TIME TO BE SASSY RN JO. THIS SCENE IS LASTING WAY TOO LONG. WHY ARE THEY SPENDING SO MUCH TIME TOGETHER AND WHY ARE THERE NO OTHER PEOPLE AROUND THIS IS THE WORST. NOW SHE’S GIVING HIM DATING ADVICE?? ” I can’t believe I’m even participating in this conversation,” says Joey. I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE PARTICIPATING IN THIS CONVERSATION EITHER.

He takes her back to the bank so she can take out money but the  two are still chattering on as if they have all the time in the world. The mugger takes note of Joey’s “nice” coat and refuses to give it to him, but he’s all ‘It wasn’t really a question’ and the camera pans to the gun in the waist of his pants. Not really necessary to keep showing the gun, but okay. He takes the money from her savings ($500) and her coat, and walks away, hopefully never to be seen again.

I just found out that the version on YouTube is different from the one on Netflix, which means unless you want to watch this ep on Netflix, you won’t be able to hear this absolutely ridiculous song that includes the lyrics, “Alone again, as I often am/Candles burn, slowly at both ends/Who am I, why am I here/Can I learn to overcome this fear”. And then this happens:

I’M SORRY, WHAT WAS THAT? THE MUGGER STOPPED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET TO WAVE AT WHO HE JUST MUGGED AND THEN GOT HIT BY A CAR?? I have seen a lot A LOT of TV programming and this is hands down one of the worst scenes I’ve ever seen in my life.

In one of the more frightening scenes of this entire series, Joey goes to get her coat and money back from the seemingly dead body in the middle of the street, but HE WAKES UP and won’t let her call 911 for help, despite the fact he’s bleeding profusely.

He throws her cell phone and he threatens to shoot her, but bitch still refuses. Turns out the gun wasn’t loaded the whole time, but still. If someone has a gun on you, don’t argue with them and make them angrier. I mean she literally says, ‘If you want to shoot me, go right ahead.’ HELLO?? DID PEOPLE STILL WATCH THIS SHOW AFTER THIS EPISODE??

It’s a hit and run and Joey decides to stay with him until the ambulance gets there. The mugger guy is lit’rally on the ground, bleeding, but still wants a cigarette. He can’t light it himself because HE JUST GOT HIT BY A CAR AND IS INJURED so Joey helps him light it. What even. But then she goes to the hospital to make sure he’s okay… THIS EP SHOULD BE RETITLED JOEY: GO HOME.

At the hospital, Joey finds a little girl who I’m convinced is a little girl ghost, because frankly anything could happen at this point. She’s a real girl, whose mother asks Joey to look after her because she needs to look for her husband – who got hit by a car. Yeah, that husband is her mugger who’s currently bleeding to death on an operating table. They put the pieces together and his wife apologizes and gets the hell out of there.

I think it’s a sign that if the wife can’t even stand by her man, you shouldn’t either, right? Nope. The mugger is awake and requests to see Joey, and they talk even more like can you guys just stop? Did the writers run out of ideas? Why is there an entire episode dedicated to this?

Oh, he dies.

Real talk: was this episode part of a theme week on WB? Like Green Week on NBC? Was it Be Aware Of Your Surroundings Week? Don’t Act Like a GD Idiot Day?

Episode 16

In the middle of everyone taking care of Joey and making sure she’s okay every minute of the day, Pacey and Audrey had sex, and they’re in a weird middle ground where Audrey doesn’t want to continue because of the Joey factor. Relatedly, Pacey has now adopted a Shaft look in lieu of his I work at Trader Joe’s look, and I honestly don’t know what’s worse.

Jack and Pacey’s friendship has always been sweet, and Pacey unknowingly goes to a gay bar with Jack and it is the actual cutest. Not to mention guys are hitting on Pacey and he’s just letting it happen. #PaceyWitterDreamMan

Notable Quotes: “Pacey, you’re not gay.” – Jack “Well I know that and you know that and as far as he’s concerned you’re my boyfriend!” – Pacey

Episode 17

There’s a shot of Flutie Flakes – does anyone outside of Western New York/New England remember Flutie Flakes, the cereal named after beloved football player Doug Flutie?

Honestly why is CMM still on this show? Now he’s chasing after Joey romantically and hoping to recruit her for his band. She agrees to fill in as the lead singer, but I find it hard to believe Joey would just agree to do it. Also they’re (the writers) are so trying to sexualize her and it just isn’t working we know her as the girl next door – which isn’t to say she shouldn’t have a sexy side but throughout this entire season even she’s wearing makeup and it’s WEIRD.

Also weird: Pacey and Audrey blatantly want to check in to this sketchy motel to have sex and Joey is forced to stay with them. I’M JUST NOT OVER PACEY & JOEY, OKAY.

Episode 18

There was legit a side swipe cut into another scene. Did someone edit this on windows movie maker?! What is happening to this program?

Forgot to mention Jen broke up with Dawson in the last episode. Nobody cares because nobody cared about that relationship in the first place.

Wait the real episode credits just flashed on the screen that was showing Dawson’s movie it was so meta and weird and The Simpsons-esque do not like. PS: Dawson has a movie.

Notable Quotes: “Can I say something? My Grams is dating a 65-year-old African American man named Clifton Smalls.” – Jen, telling it like it is.

Episode 19

Ok so the only image I had of busy Phillips on DC prior to this marathon was a random vision of her sitting outside a white beach house on spring break. Literally that is one picture I’ve had in my head for all these years and apparently it’s from this episode.

Really didn’t know CMM was on dc for this long. He really took over WB/CW back in the day, didn’t he?

Pacey is back in his natural habitat (Hawaiian shirts)

Wait who is this random YM featured girl duo featured at the MTV Spring break special on the beach – it’s M2M, who I know better as the girls who sang the song from the Pokemon soundtrack.

Oh a baby Hilarie Burton reppin MTV! Getting hit on by her future OTH co star CMM. Remember when she was literally picked off the street during TRL and now she’s like a legit actress who has a baby w Denny from Grey’s? Some gals have all the luck.

I’m still not convinced Joey completely wants Pacey to fall in love with Audrey it’s still too weird. They’re giving each other relationship advice, and there’s still so much flirting and chemistry that it’s hard to believe otherwise.

Meanwhile Dawson is still daydreaming about a relationship with Joey and has a weird flashback of their time together that’s in sepia tone, but the montage was like it wasn’t even finished. This show is in shambles.

Speaking of shambles – Jack just drunkenly jumped from the roof into the pool & Dawson shows up and has the swim in and save him. The fuck.

Of course Dawson is there to win Joey back, and Pacey is straight up like yo Dawson I’m over this Joey shit. Give it up.


It ends with Dawson barefoot on the beach looking pensive and it’s straight out of Sandcastles in the Sand. Get a grip Simon.

Episode 20

There is literally a scrunchie on the doorknob of Joey & Audrey’s dorm room and I literally said EW out loud when they panned to Joey and CMM in bed. GTFO AND GO TO ONE TREE HILL.

ANNA NARDINI. ARE YOU HERE TO RUIN THE SHOW WITH A SURPRISE DAUGHTER TOO.

YUP ANNA NARDINI IS HERE TO RUIN THE SHOW BY SEXUALLY HARASSING PACEY AND KISSING HIM UNWILLINGLY.

Did I mention she’s his new boss? She’s his new boss. And she’s trouble.

Notable Quotes: “Could he be any cuter?” – Audrey “No, but he could be more in tune.” – Joey, on CMM serenading him outside her window.

Episode 21

Sherilyn Fenn is probably a nice human, but she should stop picking roles that make her look like a homewrecker. She continues hitting on Pacey, even goes to his apartment and Audrey walks in on Alex (Dumb homewrecker Sherilyn Fenn) trying to kiss Pacey. Understandably, Audrey leaves in a fit of rage, and when talking do her does work, Pacey goes back to his apartment to sleep with Alex. PACEY WITTER.You’re better than this!

Episode 22

Pacey leads the employees to oust crazy Alex from her dictator-like position at the restaurant, and it works. But then Pacey gets into a car with her and her inner crazy comes out. She basically almost kills both of them. What is happening.

Episode 23

I’m, like, over this. These are the loose ends that need tying up at the end of the season: Grams may or may not get married in Vegas to Clifton Smalls; Jack stayed in Boston to help his gay frat brother; Jen’s off to try repair her relationship with her parents in New York; Audrey and Pacey embark on a road trip to her home in LA; Dawson is being forced to go to LA and Joey is most likely going to Paris with no clothes or luggage.

Meanwhile, the summer after my freshman year of college I went home and worked at the local amusement park where I sat in a hot ticket box and put wristbands on sweaty Rochesterians. Essentially the same thing.

So, folks, one season left, and frankly, I hope it’s better than this one because I lost interest way too many times during this fifth season. Will Joey actually go to Paris? Are Audrey and Pacey still together after their epic road trip? Is Grams marrying Clifton Smalls? Most importantly, WILL I STILL CARE ABOUT ANY OF THIS IN SEASON SIX? Tune in next month for the final chapter of the Dawson’s Creek Virgin Diaries…

The Dawson’s Creek Virgin Diaries: Season 4

Welcome back to Capeside, folks! In case you’re just joining us, I’ve been documenting my very first journey into binge watching Dawson’s Creek (see Season 1, S2 and S3 here), all from the perspective of an adult.

When we last left our crew, Dawson was butt hurt and crying (STILL NOT OVER IT) because Joey chose Pacey over him. She decided to be really un-Joey like and join Pacey on his boat for the entire summer. Jen followed her heart too and ran after her young football-playing boyfriend Henry. Jack is still gay, Andie is not crazy anymore and they’re heading into their senior year. Let’s continue on to see if my new favorite OTP is still together after spending 24/7 together for 3 months…

Episode 1

Well guys, in the eternal words of Barry Manilow, LOOKS LIKE THEY MADE ITTT.

Pacey and Joey look a little tanner, more laid back, even Katie Holmes forgot she was wearing a mic pack the entire time. But they’re still in love.

Their lovey dovey-ness poses a problem when they get back to Capeside  when they are faced with the reality of Dawson and his jealousy, and it all goes down at the Dive-in. That’s right Dive-in because this is the Cape and instead of normal cars going to movies they have boats in the water. It’s awk sauce between them and Dawson literally looks like he’s on the verge of a Andie sized break down after talking to Joey for the first time.

Dawson has spent the summer trying to make a new life for himself by becoming BFFs w Andie, Jack and Jen but he clearly still can’t live without one Josephine Potter, who BTW is more scantily clad since returning from boat life. I feel like this costume choice is supposed to be a reflection of how comfortable and free she is with Pacey, but she just looks like one of those girls who comes back from spring break with a hair wrap or cornrows with beads to prove they went on vacation somewhere tropical.

I will say that it looks like Dawson might have a love interest to keep his mind off of Joey/Pacey – he reconnects with this girl Gretchen, and we later find out that Gretchen is Pacey’s older sister that Dawson used to have a maj crush on when they were younger…

Jen’s young BF Henry never really came back from football camp and is at some boarding school, which means we’ll never see him again. Andie tried to hit on some guys who turned out to be faux French, one of which is Gay Danny from the best season of The Real World. And even though he tricked Andie into think he was actually from France, his French is actually better than his acting. Still hot though.

Oh and since you were wondering, Pacey and Joey didn’t have sex during the 3 months on the boat, mainly because they slept in these hammocks the entire time. Wtf. No bed? That rules out my aspirations to become a sailor.

Notable Quote: “What exactly would we be missing from the land of poorly scripted melodramas? recycled plot lines, tiresome self realizations, you throw in the downward spiral of a dear friend and you throw in a baby here and a death there and all you really got is a recipe for some soul sucking mind numbing ennui. And I for one can skip it.” – Pacey Witter, foreshadowing the entire series.

Episode 2

Mitch Leery, who has now transitioned from football coach to guidance counselor, informs Pacey that he can’t graduate unless he makes up for his bad grades from last year. Ruh roh. Out of all the people to be held back, Pacey is the one who doesn’t need this shit right now. He is hesitant to tell Joey because she’ll be disappointed in him or something, but Mitch tells Dawson, and in turn, Dawson tells Joey, showing still cares about Pacey as a friend, despite the fact he’s in love with the girl he’s “supposed” to be with.

SLASH PACEY AND JOEY ARE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER I CANT EVEN. HE’S NOT GONNA FLUNK OUT THANKS TO JOEY’S HELP Y’ALL

Episode 3

Joey got a job at the local yacht club, so when she can’t go out on Pacey’s boat with him to celebrate an A he got on an assignment, he takes Jen out on his boat instead. However, they fail to take note of the storm that’s a brewin’, and get stuck out at sea. Basically this episode is trying to be A Perfect storm, but ends up being a low budge Titanic.

Concerned for their safety, Dawson puts his love triangle feelings to the side and he steals a boat from yacht club member Mr. Brooks, and he and Joey risk their lives to go find Jen and Pacey. They eventually find the two in peril, but in order to save them, Pacey has to abandon the True Love in the middle of the sea if he wants to stay alive.

It’s actually really heartbreaking seeing how sad Pacey is losing his boat, since it’s the only thing he’s passionate about besides Joey. And that was the boat they just spent the summer on!

Notable Quote: “That’s right it’s a bout two guys, a girl – and no pizza place” The English teacher making a reference that only about 20% of people watching in 2014 will probably get.

Episode 4

Some obnox dude named Drue Valentine (yeah, even his name is obnoxious) is introduced. He is an ass and knows Jen from her wild days in New York. He tells people it’s Jen’s birthday (it’s not) just so he can throw a party. At said party, Joey gets wasted because she’s worried about Pacey’s grades, and he literally has to carry her home and through the threshold.

Meanwhile, Jen has a Sixteen Candles reenactment with Drue, but he ruins it when he gives her a birthday present of ecstasy. Reformed Jen scolds Drue and leaves with the cake. JK she doesn’t take the cake, but wouldn’t that be amazing?

Notable Quote: “Some people like salad dressing on the salad. Some people like it on the side.” Drunk Joey making absolutely no sense at all.

Episode 6

Pacey is still not over this boat. He actually says, “I miss True Love something fierce.” I never knew someone could love a boat so much.

The gang goes to a rave and because they’re trying to be on friendly terms, Dawson & Gretchen (who are totes on the verge of becoming a couple) and Pacey & Joey (who is wearing earrings and it’s jarring for her Girl Next Door look) carpool together and it’s not awkward at all.

PS: Is this really what a rave looks like? Because my rave knowledge is based on the Saved by the Bell: The College Years episode where Zach paints the walls of their dorm rooms black and makes people pay to hang out in the dark. At the DC rave, there’s a bouncy house and a random couch in the middle of one of the rooms of this… warehouse?

Andie finds out she gets accepted into Harvard, but still isn’t happy, so she decides to also go to the rave, however the ecstasy that Drue tried to give Jen has found its way to Andie, and poor choices – she takes the X. Hey, remember that Andie is cray? She is still on anti-depressants which can’t be good. The mixture of the drugs makes her pass out and have convulsions so she’s taken to the hospital. Don’t worry, she’s fine.

Notable Quote: “Nothing propels you into adulthood faster than the next generation nipping at your heels.” Dawson Leery, saying something profound for once.

Episode 7

70+ eps and I think this fake theme song is finally growing on me. Send for help.

Not growing on me: JVDB’s long hair that he keeps brushing out of his face.

Is AOL a sponsor on this now? slash JenLindley1 wouldn’t be her SN it would be more like ‘NYChick01’. Also seeing the time stamp of 11/15/2000 on the screen makes me feel ancient and I should be watching this in a rocking chair sitting on my front porch drinking sweet tea (IDK why I’m an old southern lady in my fantasy old age).

Well it happened folks. I finally cried. Dawson’s Creek has finally made me cry. Andie’s goodbye speech got to me, what can I say?

AND IT IMMEDIATELY STOPPED WHEN I WILL REMEMVER YOU STARTED PLAYING. Enough already Sarah McLachlan.

OKAY. New fave OTP: Jen and Jack. Or at least my OTP for girl/gay guy pairing.

Wait was that really Meredith Monroe’s last episode?? I didn’t think she left mid season? Then again, I know next to nothing about this since I’m 14 years too late, but I seriously thought she would wait until the end of the season.

AND JACK AND ANDIE’S DAD DIED IRL WTF? Apparently the actor who played their dad had a heart attack, and passed away at the age of 55, which is why there was a title card dedicated to him at the end of the episode.

Episode 8

Oh GAWD – it’s a mystery episode. Some pranksters stole the new principal’s boat AND his dog, and placed them both in the school’s pool.

Basically the direction and styling of this episode is so out of DC nature, it’s almost as if Rob Thomas of Veronica Mars took over, but did a reallly bad job with it. Spoiler: Turns out it was the unlikely trio of Jack, Dawson and Pacey. Badasses.

IDK if it’s because of her relationship w Pacey but Joey /Katie has really grown up both character and acting wise. Props.

Notable Quote: “Yeah, the dog fingered me.” Jack, using a poor choice of words when admitting it was the dog that gave his guilt away.

Episode 9

Sorry to go back to the Run Like Mad theme song but I can’t help but think there are kids out there watching this for the first time who don’t know this isn’t the real theme song! For instance, my friend started watching Parenthood a couple of seasons after it started, and the theme song on the DVDs is When We Were Young by Lucy Schwartz, and when she finally caught up with the episodes airing on TV, it was the official Bob Dylan – Forever Young theme song. Blew her mind.

JACK APPLIED TO EMERSON FOR JEN!!! Along w Bard, Brown, Columbia, Sarah Lawrence and BU, but EMERSON! (FYI, that’s where I went to college). Will she get in?!

MAYBE I’M CRYING AGAIN OKAY. MAYBE I’M FALLING HEAD OVER HEELS FOR PACEY WITTER TOO. MAYBE I NEED TO SEE A PROFESSIONAL ABOUT THIS.

anndndd Gretchen and Dawson finally get it on. By get it on, I mean kiss, because it’s Dawson, not Jen. And guess who catches them – lovebirds Joey & Pacey.

Episode 10

What’s with Pacey and these Hawaiian shirts? Why am I just noticing this is his thing four seasons in? Actually, has this always been his thing? He’s like the kid on MasterChef Junior (stop. it was really good ) who only wore Hawaiian T-shirts.

Jen has forced Jack to get in touch with his homosexuality, so the two of them join this Gay-Straight Teen Coalition and meet this guy who Jack is hatin on, but clearly that’s just sexual tension. No, really.

Okay am I hormonal IDK but I just cried again because Dawson gave Joey a pic of her and Pacey at the Christmas party and I cannot. THEY’VE COME SO FAR. THEY’RE GROWING UP.


YO are there new writers on this show or something because shit got real. Thoreau and everything you kiddin me?

Joey: “Near the end of March 1845, I borrowed an axe and went down to the woods by Walden pond, nearest to where I–”
Mr. Kasdan: What’s the most important word in that sentence?
Joey: Woods?
Mr. Kasdan: Borrowed. The important thing to remember about the transcendentalists is that while self-reliance is a most admirable trait, Thoreau wasn’t really all that alone out there by Walden pond. He had neighbors, friends, people he could rely on. We should all be so lucky.

Realizing she needed Pacey’s help as much as he needs her, they make up and study together with her nephew, and it’s LIT’RALLY a picture into their future.

Notable Quote: “Hey you here for the meeting? Thank god we need more lesbians with decent haircuts.” Toby, thinking Jen is a lesbo at the Gay-Straight Alliance meeting

Jen: Jack, are you embarrassed to be here?
Jack: On gay bowling night? Yeah, I’m embarrassed. Not the gay thing, though. The bowling.

Episode 12

Fun Fact about Pacey (aka Pacey Pukey) he got mauled by a dog on his 14th birthday, which is just one of the reasons why he hates his birthday.

But that didn’t stop his mom from planning a surprise party for him, and despite Joey promising it would just be the two of them on his birthday, she’s planning this party and it’s obviously going to go all kinds of wrong.

Fun Fact #2: His mom is a lesbian. Ok, not really, but his mom is played by Jane Lynch.

I already forgot why pacey isn’t living at home ? But I can see why he doesn’t want to, because his family seems horrible and keep digging on him. How did he become such a good person??

Please note Dawson’s face when he gets caught making out with Gretchen by Pacey & Joey:

Episode 14

So Mr. Brooks, the old guy that Dawson stole the boat from in the Titanic episode, made Dawson do odd jobs for him around the house in order to repay him for stealing his boat and damaging it. Turns out Mr. Brooks was a famous Hollywood director back in his hey day – which was fate for aspiring filmmaker Dawson. Despite the fact he was a Mr. Wilson/curmudgeonly old man, he was just happy to have someone around (and even strike up romance with Grams). Mr. Brooks’ failing health sends him to the hospital, and guess what – he leaves the decision of life or death to 17-year-old Dawson. And this is the doctor who told him that information:

TONY HALE! TONY HALE WITH HAIR!

Meanwhile, the rest of the gang is on some kind of winter retreat with the senior class. Our high school didn’t do school trips like this, so this concept is completely foreign to me. Do schools actually do this? And have kids stay in cabins all weekend??

Well folks they did it. After talking about it incessantly for like 5 episodes, Pacey and Joey finally had sex and all is right with the world. Here’s hoping this doesn’t mean they’ll break up in the next episode.

I also accidentally found out Busy Phillips becomes one of Pacey’s forthcoming GFs/this is a TV show so I’m on edge over an impending breakup. NO ONE TELL ME IF THEY’RE GOING TO  GET BACK TOGETHER IN THE END.

Wait. Also, Jen and Jack almost had sex. lawdddd

“I’m sorry Jack. You’re drunk. You’re drunk and lonely and gay.” – Jen, voice of reason

Episode 15

This ep picks up the morning after, and Joey looks like she has some regret about the previous night’s actions. She and Pacey have a lover’s quarrel, in which I’m pretty sure Pacey proposed marriage to Joey. He said, “Could do this the rest of our lives back and forth sweetness and sarcasm.” I mean, he loves her you guys, okay?

All this sex talk between Joey and Pacey is getting annoying. Honestly if you took a shot or even a sip of alcohol everytime they said the word sex on this show you would be dead slash be an alcoholic. And I’m starting to believe this Netflix description is oddly correct. I actually LOLed before I started watching, but now it’s extremely accurate.

Related: how did these writers capture teen angst and drama so well? Frankly, it’s a little scary.

JVDB is like phoning it in right now (and apparently he might haven been, seeing as how he recently revealed he though the show jumped the shark in the season 2 finale). He hasn’t acted since his crying meltdown in the s3 finale. Reminder:

NEVER NOT FUNNY

Slash I should go back and watch Don’t Trust the B- again because I feel like I would have a new appreciation for JVDB.

Jen started going to therapy which is great and awkward and I’m surprised it’s taken her this long, seeing as she came from a broken home, was a troubled young tween in NYC, had to move in with her Grams on the Cape, her grandfather died, her younger jock boyfriend broke up with her and she almost just had sex with her gay best friend.

Joey straight up lied to Dawson, promising him she hasn’t slept with Pacey yet and OMG I am just stepping outside my world of binge watching and Capeside to realize how ridiculous this all is because these people aren’t real HAHAHAHAHA

Episode 17

These kids are getting notes at school to call their parents from the office to find out if they got in to the colleges they applied to. Again, is this a thing that happened back then and/or in public schools, or just for TV? I had to wait to go home and check the mail for a big envelope or little envelope from admissions. And even choosing a school to visit was so different in 2001 –  Jen and Jack have VHS TAPES they’re going over (because they’ve decided to go to the same school).

All Joey has to pay is $15k to go to her dream school, “Worthington College” in Boston… which is not an amount she nor her sister can afford, and she didn’t qualify for financial aid. Dawson, who got a shitload of money from old man Mr. Brooks, finally has a good cause to give to – Joey. But she is reluctant to take it, especially because she lied to him about sex with Pacey.

Did I mention this episode is called Admissions? For good reason too. Not only is it about everyone waiting to get into college or deciding where to go, it’s about everyone (finalllly) telling the truth to each other. Here’s a breakdown:

Drue to Jen: The last night she was in NYC, she and Drue got super drunk and super wasted. They started fooling around and her parents caught them, which led to a huge blow out between her and her dad. But Jen just used Drue to provoke her dad. She remembered none of this. (Aside: Jen had sex when she was 12 in her parents’ bed?! Yet another reason why I’m surprised she never went to a therapist earlier.)

Jen to Jack: She might not want to go back to NYC and go to school there as originally planned. Especially since Jack doesn’t seem too gung ho on the idea. They’re still adorbs.

Pacey to Joey: He tells her that while he was happy she got into Worthington, he was also happy it meant she might be staying in Capeside – since he wouldn’t be the one reason keeping her there. 😦 He tells her to make a promise to let him go if she thinks he is holding her back from pursuing her dreams, but she refuses to make the promise. Still. #PaceyWitterDreamMan

Joey to Dawson: Surprise! She and Pacey DID have sex! And you weren’t her first! Wah wah.

Dawson to Joey: Despite the fact he’s unsure about how he feels about Joey sleeping with Pacey, he knows they still have something together – and Joey finally accepts the dead man money for her tuition.

Episode 18

What is happening there is a weird Felicity like transition that’s occurring here…

Joey is accompanying Jen as she goes on a tour of a school in NY, but really, it’s just a ploy for Jen to confront her dad. Joey quickly catches on, and the girls + Jen’s dad (who is just a little too happy and unlike how Jen’s portrayed him that it concerns me) go to dinner at a fancy restaurant. He gives a speech about being in love with NYC like a person and it’s totally creeping me out. It’s like he’s about to kiss Joey. *shivers*

AND OMG JENS DAD LITERALLY SLEPT WITH A 17/18 YEAR OLD GIRL AND JEN SAW IT?!? Lord Licorice help us all. Or just help Jen Lindley. This is exactly why she’s fucked up.

Meanwhile, back in Capeside… Pacey is getting himself into trouble – aka a glimpse of what his life might look like without Joey’s positive influence by his side. Come on Pace. Don’t do this to yourself. You shouldn’t be getting arrest for public drunkeness or hanging out w Drue.

Episode 19

Ok the name of this episode is called Late and my guess is someone – maybe Joey – is pregnant. Or now that I think about it, Gail (Dawson’s mom) hasn’t had the baby yet, so maybe it’s her. Did I mention Dawson’s mom is pregnant? These kids still in their honeymoon phase, I tell ya.

WELL I AM A GENIUS. Joey thinks she’s preggo. Except she can’t talk to Pacey about it because his brother Deputy Doug took him camping to try and talk some sense into him. So she tells Gretchen, which is surprisingly not as awkward as one might that, because despite the fact that she’s mackin on Dawson, she previously revealed that she got pregnant while in college and had a miscarriage, which is why she ended up leaving school and moving back to Capeside.

Dawson and Mitch head up to the tree house in their front yard, clad with cigars, because that’s what you do when you have a new baby. Except Gail hasn’t popped yet. They just look ridiculous in this tree.

Toby, Jack’s almost love interest, gets beat up, and tells Jack he got mugged, but he knows he’s lying and got beat up because he’s gay.

Jen is knitting on a wooden swing what is going on

For the record I think bringing in the character of Gretchen was absolutely brilliant. They needed someone to make Pacey and Joey’s relationship acceptable, especially with Dawson. And Gretchen and Dawson already had a prior friendship started so it was believable. Not to mention that she’s been great to Pacey and Joey and is a don’t of knowledge and maturity that was seriously lacking in their lives before.

Paceeyyyy I’m not approving of all this lying. Yet again he didn’t tell Joey the truth, and even though she knows he’s camping, he just told her that he’s fishing with Dougie.

Oh and Dawson’s mom has the baby – who they name Lillian after Joey’s dead mom. Cue tears.

Notable Quote: “Tell them you fell off your high horse.” Jack to Toby after he was attacked

Episode 20

Well folks, it’s senior prom, so they gotta make this one count. Except the episode is called Promicide, so I don’t think the odds of it going swimmingly is good.

Jack mans up and decides to invite Toby as his date, while Jen, who was perfectly happy going stag, is forced to go with Drue. Jen’s in for a rough night and as soon as I said, “Oh Jennifer” out loud to know one, she pulled a nip/small bottle of alcohol out of her purse. Already off to a bad start.

Poor Pacey – this entire ep is going to be a series of his failures and I’m not emotionally prepared to deal with that. First, he forgets to put the corsages in the fridge, so it’s all dry and shrively, then the janky limo (which actually looks kind of fun and rustic?) appears and it’s not a good sign.

They’re having prom on a boat and I can’t help but think somebody is going to fall off. Is that weird?

Update: Jen almost fell off the most but Pacey might as well have jumped off because he just went OFF on Joey and I literally had to watch with my hands over my face. This isn’t you Pace!

UPDATE NUMBER 2: This is actually the WORST. Pacey and Joey prettyyyyyy much break up and ughhhhh this scene.

Notable Quote: “Pacey, the prom? What are we? in high school?” – Joey “Yeah. We are in high school the last time I checked.” – Pacey, serving up realness.

Episode 21

So this guy at the yacht club that has ties to Worthington met with Joey & Pacey earlier in the season, and now he wants to meet with Pacey again to talk to him about something important. Perhaps it could be some kind of loophole where Pacey can join Joey at college?!?! The problem is that he wants to talk to him at this event and Joey has to bring Pacey as her date – except they’re kind of broken up? Awkward.

Gretchen is planning to move to Boston for a new job, and Dawson just got a crazy idea to move there with her instead of  attending his high school graduation and going to his dream school of USC. But before he gets the chance to run away with her, Gretchen, the only real sensible person on this show, knows he’s not ready for it, and leaves without him. Also, Dawson talking to his sister is actually the cutest. This baby is the cutest.

Jen convinces Grams to move to Boston with her and Jack while they go off to college. “Peace out Capeside. Eat my dust!” (What I imagine Grams yelling as she drives her station wagon at max speed out of the Cape)

Relatedly: Name the brands they were forced to incorporate in this one shot alone:

Ahh Poor Pacey – the Worthington guy offered him a job as his yacht hand for the summer, and not acceptance to college. Wah Wah. But Joey and Pacey decide to literally sleep together one last time before their final break up for reals. Much more peaceful than the prom shenans.

Just did the math and since they graduated in ’01 (which seems like so long ago) that would make them 31 now and that’s a rude awakening. The other day Molly pointed out that this is the 10 year anniversary of Mean Girls – which means we’re closer in age to Ms. Norbury than to the Plastics. So. Not. Grool.

Notable Quote: “Are you sure I wouldn’t cramp your style?” Grams, being the absolute cutest

Episode 22

I am talking to the TV as if he is my friend and I think I need some air or like should leave my room or something because I’m saying ‘Pace’ just like Joey.

Remember how Pacey was on the road to not graduating? Well he’s right on the bubble and needs to pass one final English Lit exam in order to get his diploma. But right before he’s about the take the test, the teacher Mr. Kasden, makes a joke, sending Pacey off the rails saying he’s an idiot and storms out before taking the test. But Kasden, who seems like he’s a meany, is really the only teacher who seems to care in this school, and gives Pacey another chance by going to his house and letting him take the exam. Love how academics still play a part on this show. In Gossip Girl, they never even bothered to show them in college the last couple seasons.

Kasden: Did you study for that final you so dramatically walked out on?

Pacey: I can categorically say that I studied my ass off, sir.

Kasden: Care to prove it?

Pacey: You did hear everything that I had to say in class today, didn’t you?

Kasden: Oh, I did. You’re not an idiot or a punch line. You are why I teach. Those honor students that turn your stomach… they don’t need me. They’re gonna forget me as soon as they walk out the door. But you…

Pacey: I have a funny feeling I’m gonna be telling this story for years to come.

Kasden: And if that should turn out to be the case, please describe me as a strapping, handsome man, possessed of an immense charity and a great, great goodwill.

Pacey: I can do that.

ANDIE!!!!!!! ANDIE IS BACK FROM ITALY!!! She seriously looks like she came back from Italy, tho. I forgot she has to come back and actually graduate. Since she just left to go to Italy after being accepted into Harvard, since that’s a thing you can do IRL. She has a lovely reunion with Pacey and their friendship is really precious. He tells her about the yacht offer and she’s the first person he tells about officially being a college graduate. Why? Because she was the first person that believed in him. Cue the happy tears.

The principal (Harry Shearer) catches Jen and Drue pulling some pranks on his house and as punishment he makes them listen to him “play” the cello. What in the actual fuck.

Okay, as much as I hate this Pacey/Joey breakup, this finding themselves thing is smart. Their final goodbye includes Pacey saying, “I should probably go off and live my own life for a little while. That certainly doesn’t mean that this is how I want it to end between us. So hypothetically speaking… if I were lucky enough one day to find myself owning a sailboat again, and I were to ask the woman that I love to go sailing with me… would she?”

Joey answers, “You wouldn’t have to ask, Pace.”

IF THIS SERIES FINALE DOESN’T END WITH THEM SAILING OFF ON A BOAT CALLED TRUE LOVE 2 I S2G

Joey got something called the ‘Pinnacle Award’, which means she has to give a speech at graduation.

And then the sprinklers go off because Drue finally pulled his last prank. Also the music on this show has turned from 90s pop to 90s Lilith fair indie music what happened?

Notable Quote: “Is this a hat you really want to be wearing when you know people are going to be taking pictures?” THANK YOU DAWSON. GRADUATION CAPS ARE STUPID.

“I can assure you that security will be tighter than Ricky Martin’s pants.”  Prinipal Peskin, trying to be relevant.

Episode 23

The final episode of season three fast fowards to the end of the summer, where the gang is preparing to say goodbye. Legit all this entire episode is is basically Joey & Dawson trying to say a proper goodbye to each other.

Meanwhile, Pacey, now an official sailor in the Caribbean, has become Rastafarian and the shirts finally work for him. He calls Dawson, briefly asks how Joey is doing, but mainly wants to say that he only regrets not saying goodbye to him before he left on his sailor mission. Dawson says he’s proud of Pacey and I can’t help but wonder if this is really a conversation two 18 year old boy-men would have over the phone? IDK anything about teenage boys, which I guess, is a good thing?

I will say this show is really good at continuity and throwbacks. Example: this episode is called Coda, or an ending. I won’t bore you with the specifics if you’re not musically theory inclined, but the whole idea of a Coda or if there’s a DS al Coda, it means once you get to the end (the Coda sign), you go back to the Dal Segno sign towards the beginning and end at the Coda.

Anyways, it’s basically a great metaphor for what Dawson and Joey go through in this episode. They watch E.T. together on his bed, just like in the first season. Daydream Believer, the song they used to sing together at Aunt Julie Bowen’s house together, is played in the background. It’s like they’re nearing the Coda sign and are making their way back to the beginning.

Joey tells Dawson he should stay on the east coast and not go to LA for school. And really, if she had told him this earlier, he would have stayed. Just for her. But he insists this chapter of his life in Capeside is over. But then it happens – and I know what’s going to happen and it doesn’t mean I agree with it – but they kiss. And that continuity thing, yeah, the writers/director legit recreated shot by shot the first season finale with Dawson & Joey kissing, while the shot pulls away from Dawson’s house showing only their shilouettes in the window.  And I literally said out loud, ‘No don’t do it no NO NO.”

Notable Quote: “You’re either a Mac person or a PC person and that choice defines you.” Mitch predicting the Mac vs. PC commercials

“You know this sucks a lot more than I remembered it.” Dawson, about the horrible horror film they made back in the pilot.

“I can’t swear to you that I’ll never try some variety of narcotic, but I can promise you I’ll never get so strung out I steal your TV.” Dawson, again, being so specific about his hypothetical life choices.

Season 4, arguably my favorite season so far, has come to a close. Will Dawson stay in Capeside or follow his dreams of becoming a bigshot director in LA? Does this kiss mean they’ll start a relationship again? Will Pacey come back from being a sailor, more importantly, will he have dreads? Will Grams, Jack and Jen form some kind of warped Animal House in Boston? Tune in next month to find out!

The Dawson’s Creek Virgin Diaries: Season 2

Welcome back to the second installment of my viewing of Dawson’s Creek for the very first time (in its entirety, as an adult). I covered season one last month, and here we are with season two. We left off with Dawson and Joey kissing for the very first time, but did their hormone-induced lip locking carry over to full out romance in season two? Let’s find out…

Episode 1

I failed to mention in the first post that Dawson Creek’s iconic theme song, I Don’t Wanna Wait, by the Queen of 90s indie rock/Lilith Fair Paula Cole is NOT used on the DVDs/Netflix streaming. It’s an even more ridiculous song called Hearts and Arrows by another 90s indie-ish singer (who was not as popular) as seen below.

Yeah, listen to those lyrics again, they make no sense. I just don’t understand why Paula Cole didn’t want to get royalties from this!! She’s probs too busy raging against the machine or something.

So we return and it picks up moments after they kiss for the first time.

Attention Dawson & Joey: What is wrong with you people? I’m so glad I didn’t watch this as a tween because I would have expected this to be what my teenage years was going to be. Guess what? It wasn’t. Why are kids so moody and indecisive? Make up your minds already. Don’t be idiots. We can’t date – We have to date – Should we pretend we didn’t kiss? – Do you want that? – I can’t pretend we didn’t kiss – ::They makeout::

Notable Quote: “Everyone comes from a dysfunctional family – it’s the ’90s. the only happy families are in TV syndication.” – Pacey to crazypants Andie McPhee

Episode 6

Joey’s a little bitch. She reminds me of Julie Taylor on Friday Night Lights throughout most of the series. And now she’s pulling a Julie by going for another guy whilst still dating someone else (although I am absolutely NOT comparing Dawson to Matt Saracen, because Matt was a near perfect boyfriend). JACK IS GAY DON’T GIVE IT UP FOR HIM. I mean we don’t know he’s gay at this point, but like, I know he’s gay.

Oh no – Dawson is pissed at Joey for essentially ending their relationship because she kissed Jack/’needs to make herself happy first’ and now we have to prepare for Dawson’s rage. Which looks like this:

Photo Dec 26, 10 10 53 PM

Katie Holmes running away is like Phoebe running. It’s awkward and should be much better for a ‘tomboy’.

Notable Quote: “How can it be over? We can’t just say I love you for the first time and have it be over.” Dawson to Joey (Guess what, you can and it is. Except it’s not because apparently this back and forth will last their entire lives/the rest of this series)

Episode 7

I’ve failed to mention that Michelle/Jen’s hair is short and … out of control. Even 1999 thought it was a bad haircut.

Photo Dec 26, 10 14 35 PM

In order to take a break from studying, the gang decides to take the ‘How Pure Are You Quiz’ from a girly publication that might be Jane magazine? Sample questions:

‘Have you ever been intimately aroused by a relative?’ ‘Experimented with bondage?’ ‘Engaged in asexual activity with a transvestite? A four legged creature?’ ‘Paid for sex?’ ‘Had an affair with a friend’s pet?’

THESE FOLKS ARE 16 YEARS OLD. When I was 16 I barely knew how to read let alone read these kinds of mags.

Chris (their rich classmate who invites them over to his mansion of a house to study/sleep with Jen) has a little sister who is the epitome of kids her age (i.e. ME) with a lack of fashion sense.

Photo Dec 26, 10 13 10 PM

Episode 9

WHYYY is Dawson so pleased with his parents having sex?? I mean, yeah it means there’s a chance for them to get back together and put divorce aside, but still. It’s his parents HAVING SEX. Let’s look at the big picture here, Dawson.

Photo Dec 26, 10 17 48 PM

Episode 11

JEN FINALLY SERVES UP REALNESS TO MONICA KEENA AND HER BITCH OF A CHARACTER:

“I don’t know where you come from or just who has the misfortune of being responsible for your existence, but you are a lying manipulative and cruel person and the fact that you are only 16 years old makes me feel more sorry for you than the any of the people in this room whose lives you are destroying. You’re pathetic.”

Episode 13

This guy takes Jen to a ‘party’ and I legit think it’s a key party for some reason, but it turns out to be a bible study?! LOLOLOL

Photo Dec 26, 10 20 27 PM

She’s All That star Rachael Leigh Cook is playing doppelganger Joey in Dawson’s movie based on his friendship/relationship with his BFF, and I can’t help but think she auditioned for the role but Katie Holmes got it instead.

Photo Dec 26, 10 18 58 PM

Also, how is it that the most sane and functional relationship involves an ACTUAL crazy person?!?! (Pacey/Andie)

Episode 14

Ah yes, the beginning of finding out that Jack likes boys. His asshole teacher forces him to recite his poem, in which he talks about romancing a dude, out loud in front of the class and basically Pacey defends Jack because he runs out of the room crying and completely embarrassed. And because Pacey’s the best, HE’S the one that gets in trouble but stands up for himself against the administration.

THIS IS THE FIRST REAL THING TO HAPPEN ON THIS SHOW AND IT COMES 14 EPISODES IN?? PACEY WITTER, DREAM MAN. I AM APPLAUDING.

Correct me if I’m wrong but wasn’t James van der Beek more of the heartthrob in during this time? Or was it equal? I don’t really remember because I was too into Leo and the Backstreet Boys to notice. Anyways, Joshua Jackson deserves all the attention and awards.

In order to stop people from staring and talking about Jack ‘possibly’ being gay, her solution is to kiss him in front of everyone? Wrong decision yet again, Potter. And why does Katie Holmes always look like she crawled out of bed and straight onto set?

Notable Quote: “I’m trying to get a sneak peek of your online handle.” Dawson to Joey re: AIM, but clearly he means something else.

Episode 15

Grams vs Ty, the time you thought super religious Grams was going to side with the teenager about being against homosexuality, but in fact she just proved she’s the best and defended Jack/ the gays. Yay Grams!

“If Jack is gay, he does not need your judgement, young man. The Lord above will judge him, as he will all of us. What he needs from you, from me, from everyone else in this world is love and tolerance. If anything, that boy is feeling scared and alone and he will need the understanding of his fellow man to help him through this. Let’s save judgement for someone much more experienced than you.”

Oh PS, Jack’s gay for real, y’all. And if you’re watching along at home, everyone take a shot when someone even says the word ‘gay’.

Notable Quote:  “Are you part gay?” Joey to her now gay boyfriend, Jack.

Episode 18

WELL, here’s something I never knew happened – Abby gets drunk with Jen at the docks and she hits her head then falls into the water and dies, despite Jen’s best efforts to IMMEDIATELY JUMP IN AFTER HER. Abby was a bitch, but no teen deserves to die, obvs. I just never knew this happened!

just before she drunkenly hit her head and fell into the ocean…

Episode 20

Honestly the Pacey/Andie scenes are the best of the show. She goes completely mental and starts seeing her dead brother and locks herself in a bathroom while having a complete meltdown. Her deceased bro Tim is in the bathroom with her and while she’s crouched on the floor it looks like she’s about to make out with him…? But Pacey is the best and manages to convince her to get out of there and leave her dead bro behind.

Photo Dec 26, 10 23 06 PM

Notable Quote:  “Is this a French restaurant or French farce?” Dawson on the comedy of errors that happened in the fancy restaurant with his parents, Jen and Joey.

Episode 22

The season ends with Joey’s ex-inmate father dealing drugs yet again and Dawson is reluctant to tell her about her father’s dirty secret. Unfortunately, his cocaine dealing causes someone to throw a fiery brick into the family’s restaurant, burning it down to the ground. Everyone’s safe but Dawson finally tells Joey about the drugs, convinces her to turn him in and she vows she can never forgive him. Cue 10 millionth break up. Oh and Andie goes off to some mental patient rehab leaving Pacey (and Jack) back in Capeside.

Will Joey actually forgive Dawson or was she over it in like 2 minutes? Will Pacey stay loyal to Andie? Will Jack get a boyfriend? And will Jen pull her shit (read: hair) together?

Stay tuned for season three…

The Dawson’s Creek Virgin Diaries: Season 1

Alright folks. I may have been a product of the 90s, but I was never really a Dawson’s Creek fan. Watching it as a middle schooler meant sitting in my living room while my parents were there. Because I knew that the show involved ‘kissing’ I didn’t want to risk being around them while it happened on TV.

So in saying that, I’ve probably seen a total of 5 episodes of DC in my life. Overall, I know the big plot lines (Andie goes cray, Jack is gay, and Jen doesn’t have a happy ending), but not the details of each season. And because the winter hiatus came creeping in and I am psycho and ran out of new episodes to watch, I decided to start a new series. Thanks Netflix, for contributing to my addiction.

While there’s a good number of gals (and guys) my age that have probably seen it or are dedicated fans, I figured I would represent the other half that never really got into it or haven’t seen it at all. To help us all learn more about 90s pop culture, teens in that era, and really, learn more about ourselves, I thought I’d do a quick overview of each of the six seasons from the perspective of an adult. Enjoy!

Episode 1: Pilot

This show is just so 90s I can’t handle it. I mean Pacey works at a video store. A VIDEO STORE. Honestly, kids growing up now will never know, or possibly don’t know at this very moment what a video store is. Sad yet true fact.

Maybe it’s because I instinctively want BFFs Dawson and Joey to try dating, but I really just don’t believe Jen would ever want to date Dawson. I understand why he’s into the new girl in town who literally walks in with her floral jumper out of a ‘taxi’ and in slow-mo toward him in the most ridiculous way possible. While she probably just wanted to make friends and be liked, this took it a step too far. I’m too old to be watching this show and critically analyzing it, huh?

dat taxi cab doe

So this whole Pacey/teacher affair. I totally forgot about it happening until now. Per my research the whole Mary Kay Letourneau thing happened in 1997, one year before DC premiered – so all of this was fresh in the audience’s mind. Despite the fact shows like Law & Order: SVU ‘rip from the headlines’ all the time these days, it seems like quite a ballsy move to depict something as controversial as a teacher/student/statutory rape storyline when there’s a story out there that’s still making headlines. Dawson’s Creek – it’s nothing if not cutting edge.

Episode 5: Hurricane

I’ve been trying to place where I know Tamara ‘Mary Kay Letourneau’ Jacobs from without looking at IMDb and I finally caved after 5 episodes: she played bitchy Shira Huntzberger (Logan’s passive aggressive WASPy mom) on Gilmore Girls! Someone needs to stress smoke after this affair.

Episode 7: Detention

Speaking of ripping from the headlines, is this the sequel to The Breakfast Club? And is the librarian’s name Mrs. Tingle? JK, it’s Mrs. TRingle. That would’ve been too weird to be the same name as the titular character in a movie Katie Holmes was in.  Apparently Kevin Williamson, creator/executive producer of DC, also directed Teaching Mrs. Tingle. It makes sense now.AND OMG HELEN MIRREN WAS MRS. TINGLE?!!? I can’t believe there’s so much I don’t know about this world.

Episode 9: Roadtrip

The opening shot of this episode involved Savage Garden’s Truly Madly Deeply, Dawson staring out his window and in shambles because Jen Lindley broke up with him. That is all.

Episode 10: Double Date

Can we talk about Scott Foley for a second? This was like, at the height of his heartthrob-ness and I can’t take it. There was a point where I was watching him on my TV in this episode while simultaneously reblogging this gif of him and Fitz in a (sexually charged) scene from Scandal. The man just gets better with age.

Joey and Pacey foreshadowing? EHHH? EHH?!?!?? Dawson also needs to stop being a dick and make up his mind. Ugh, teen angst.

Episode 11: The Scare

Again, Kevin Williamson is really into self promoting, or maybe just  a masochist and enjoys hinting at his other projects in the ones he’s currently working on, but an entire Scream sequence? Okay. We get it.

jen scream dc

Episode 12: Beauty Contest

OH DEAR LORD I HAVE NEVER CRINGED AS MUCH AS I HAVE WHEN WATCHING JOSEPHINE POTTER SINGING ON MY OWN. Why couldn’t they just do it Zefron style and have someone else sing for you? It’s so bad that it’s not even second hand embarrassment anymore. And singing On My Own while Dawson watches in the wings?? Captain Obvious, much?

This ep also had some serious Miss Bayside flashbacks for me too. I was expecting Pacey to pull out from behind and be like Screech, but alas. Some other bitch won Miss Windjammer. And this is also solidified the fact Joshua Jackson is clearly the best actor on the show. All the (Teen Choice) Awards for you, sir.

Episode 13: Decisions

Joey visits her father in prison, and it’s probably because the last ‘jail-related’ show I watched was Orange is the New Black, but I half-expected Pornstache and Pennsawtucky to come out from behind him. Wrong show, wrong jail. Not real.

The thing that we had been anticipating the entire season finally happened. Dawson and Joey kissed… But why do I feel so awk sauce?

WILL JOEY AND DAWSON CONTINUE THEIR KISSING TO THE NEXT SEASON? TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO FIND OUT!

14 Times Beyonce Proved She Owns Us All

How’s everyone’s Beyonceday hangover going? Still in the haze that is Queen B? As you probably know, Mrs. Carter dropped a surprise record on Thursday night, exclusively on iTunes, complete with a visual album that included music videos for every single track.

I feel like it’s going to be one of those events where you ask people, ‘Where were you when Beyonce was released?’ I was sitting on my couch watching Parenthood, looking at the Scandal live tweets on my iPad, and checking Instagram on my phone (yes, I’m insane) when I noticed B had posted a video with a caption that said ‘Surprise’ and included footage I’d never seen before. Then I went on social media. Slowly but surely, my feeds were being filled with the word BEYONCE, and people were going nuts.

A few things about this release that fascinated me:

A) How did she even get away with recording/filming all these without anyone leaking it?

Apparently only the people who needed to know (producers, songwriters, studio execs, etc.) knew about the album, and it also went under a code name called ‘Lily’.  There was a shifting deadline and she didn’t even finish recording until the week of Thanksgiving. As for the music videos, a lot of the dancers are her own dancers from her tour, but for example in XO, she’s clearly in an amusement park with fans and I wonder if they thought they were just being filmed for fun? Or because it’s Beyonce they didn’t care as long as they got a pic of her?

B) She most likely made more  off this album than if she actually marketed and promoted it.

Besides Grown Woman and Bow Down, which are bonus video clips, all these tracks are brand new to our ears. None were released as singles, which is obviously the tradition in which artists sell their upcoming records. Beyonce is so ‘Beyonce’ that she knows she doesn’t have to pre-promote her album, because people will buy it anyways. It’s the definition of a Bad Bitch. She also explained the whole

“I miss that immersive experience. Now people only listen to a few seconds of a song on the iPods and they don’t really invest in the whole experience. It’s all about the single, and the hype. It’s so much that gets between the music and the art and the fans. I felt like, I don’t want anybody to get the message, when my record is coming out. I just want this to come out when it’s ready and from me to my fans.”

After I read that, I was like, wow that is so true. I judge whether or not I’m going to buy the album based on if I like the single or not. It’s never about the package as a whole, which is how I think most *true* artists want you to intake their music. They’re not out there to make just one song, they’re making music for you to hear an entire story.

Same goes for the music videos she made – I watched it in order, like it was a Beyonce movie and it totally changed the way I listen to some of her songs. It’s exactly what she said  a ‘visual album’. My current fave song is Blow (which is apparently going to be the first single), and after seeing her on roller skates, it hard not to picture it when listening to the song, but it’s the perfect vibe for it.

C) She’s changed the music industry

B single-handedly changed the game. She revolutionized it. She essentially proved that as long as you have a loyal (and large) fanbase that can spread the news quickly, artists don’t necessarily need to spend months doing promo and releasing a single, etc. in order to sell thousands of records. This tactic obviously wouldn’t have worked even 10 years ago. Example: It’s 2003, midnight EST, 9pm PST, Beyonce announced on her MySpace page that she has a new album coming out when the doors to your favorite record store open the next morning, so go and get it. And then tell all your friends. No it wouldn’t have worked. But Beyonce is the first person – and person with enough clout – in this new era of technology and social media and iTunes to come up with the idea and actually follow through. It’s genius. I wouldn’t be surprised if other artists try to attempt something like this from now on.

Alright, enough with the logistics (can you tell I was a marketing/PR major in college?). Is all the hype even worth it? I say yes, yes it is. And here are the reasons why.

+ Her blatant Benjamin Button-ing.

Like how is this woman getting older yet not aging? I really don’t understand. There are shots in these vids where she looks like she’s a teenager. Even in the Grown Woman video where she and Kelly are recreating home videos, it just looks like she got taller. I need your secrets, oh wise one.

+ Being boss enough to get the best people in the biz to work on the album

List of artists who wrote, produced (or both), directed on this record include but are not limited to: Jay Z (obvs), Justin Timberlake, Miguel, Ryan Tedder, Sia, Drake, Frank Ocean, Pharrell and Timbaland. I’ll just pick those names back up for you.

+ The ability to look sexy without looking slutty.

In the music video for Partition, she basically dresses up as a stripper for her Boo, in this case, Jay Z, who is actually in the vid playing her paramour, but they barely show his face. The fact is, her butt is literally going up and down a velvet rope type apparatus and not once did I think it was disgusting.

Screenshot 2013-12-15 23.52.12

+ General ability to make any pose or dance move look really cool and not stupid

Let’s be 1000% honest with ourselves here, folks. If any of us tried to do this pose on half a chaise lounge, we would fall flat on our face and possibly/probably injure something obscure like a pinky, because that’s just how you landed.

Screenshot 2013-12-15 23.51.43

+ Everything about the song ***Flawless

The two previous bullet points being said, all in all, don’t confuse Beyonce for a submissive woman. She is a ‘grown ass woman’ who is in actuality a feminist who just happens to have a husband. She doesn’t need him, she does good enough on her own.

In this song, B includes audio from writer Chimamanda Ngozi Adiche’s ‘We should all be feminists’ TED talk.

“We teach girls to shrink themselves, to make themselves smaller. We say to girls: You can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful but no too successful, otherwise you will threaten the man. Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage. I am expected to make my life choices always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important. A marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support. But why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don’t teach boys the same? We raise girls to see each other as competitors not for jobs or for accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing, but for the attention of men. We teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are.”

+ Throwing shade at Skeleton Crew

In the same ***Flawless video, it starts off with a short clip from when B and Kelly (and former DC member Lativia) were in a group called Girls Tyme, which lost to a white group of male rockers named Skeleton Crew.

Screenshot 2013-12-16 00.10.25

Girls Tyme ended up getting a 3.00 in this competition (view the performance here) but the fact that Bey even decided to put this clip of them losing is everything. Skeleton Crew, what do you have to say for yourselves now?

+ Featuring her 13-month-old daughter on a track

We all know B & Jay are usually on the low about their private life, especially when it comes to Blue Ivy. But this time, Beyonce not only dedicated an entire song to their daughter, but had Blue sing/speak on it too. For the record, if this album wins any Grammys, Blue will be a Grammy winner at the age of like 3. Blue says something to the effect of, “Hold on to me, hold on / Been-say / Been-say / Mami, mami, mami.” We get it. You’re cute.

+ Making roller skating look awesome

Not since Jessica Simpson’s Public Affair had this kind of influence on me and my desire to go put on some skates and dance around the rink with my besties and some hot pants on. The Blow music video is everything I could ask for and more.

+ Possibly probably being actually drunk for Drunk in Love

The classic B/Jay duet on the album, Drunk in Love, features Beyonce dancing and rolling on the beach, and Jay shows up with a drink in hand and it’s amazing. It’s like a TV bottle episode where they only use one set and all the magic happens there. I hope they were actually drunk, because you know, method acting.

+ Dancing with actual supermodels and still being the flyest of them all

In the gangsta track Yonce, B recruited models Jourdan Dunn, Joan Smalls, and Chanel Iman, but all I kept looking at was Beyonce and her grill and the red .. what seemed to parts of a Herve Leger dress but made into faux swimsuit.

+ Just generally being sexy

It is absolutely absurd that a woman can have this kind of effect on straight men, straight women, gay women AND gay men. She’s defying the odds. Rocket, probs the sexiest song off the record, provides a look into her boudoir – and guess who wrote this jam? None other than the sex singing god himself, Miguel.

+ Guerrilla style filmmaking and freaking fans out

In the XO vid, it looks like she basically ambushed an amusement park (or possibly the Santa Monica pier?) and walked the streets and got people’s natural reactions. You’ve been hit by – you’ve been struck by – a smooth criminal.

+ The art

When Beyonce says she has a visual album, it’s a visual album. The entire album is aesthetically pleasing, but especially in the video for Ghost. The stark quality makes you focus on what she has to say, instead of any other hoopla, and boy does she have things to say.

+ Guest stars galore

Not only does the song Superpower feature Frank Ocean, there’s a small DC3 reunion happening and it’s so subtle that only a few people are talking about it. Pharrell also appears in the same video, and in the first track, Pretty Hurts, Harvey Keitel (movie mobster, also Vince LaRocca from Sister Act) shows up randomly as the beauty pageant host.

Doing Lines: Dawson’s Creek

For me, Dawson’s Creek was the right show at the right time. In sixth grade, it’s like a switch was flipped in me: as soon as Titanic came out, I was all about teen romances. My interest set shifted from Little Women and Anne of Green Gables to Jack and Rose, Dawson and Joey, and Felicity and Ben and/or Noel. Basically, the WB took off and I was along for the ride. My favorite of these shows was Dawson’s Creek. I’m not trying to say it was a good show -what am I, Pacey’s crazy girlfriend?* – but it was good enough, and we didn’t have as many channels back then.

Let’s take a look at some of the crazier happenings from the crew in Capeside, Massachusetts. While most of the cast have pretty much stopped working, do you really think Michelle Williams would be such a versatile actress if she hadn’t tried her hand at so many absurd plotlines over the course of the series?

To really get in the mood for this, I suggest playing Paula Cole’s I Don’t Wanna Wait on a loop in the background, or the Dawson’s Creek soundtrack if you still have it, like I do.

Season One

– First of all, Dawson and Joey are two teenaged best friends whose parents allow them to sleep in the same bed every weekend, because … Joey doesn’t have the ability to conceive children so they aren’t worried about teen pregancy? Because Dawson and Joey are both gay so there’s no threat of any funny business happening? No. The correct answer is because the parents are dumbasses (Dawson) or dead and imprisoned (Joey).

– Jen Lindley moves to town, having been kicked out of her parents’ place in New York because she is TROUBLE. She lives with her ailing grandfather and Marilla Cuthbert her Pentecostal grandmother. Despite being a big-city troubled teen, she wears demure sundresses from J. Crew.

– Pacey has an affair with a teacher. Despite being a felony-committing vixen, she also wears demure sundresses from J. Crew. After a classmate overhears, the whole town finds out within hours, even though this was the mid-late ’90s and only about half of the people had cell phones or steady internet access.

– Dawson, Pacey, and Joey get Saturday detention, in a Breakfast Club tribute that really rides the line between homage and outright plagiarism.

– Joey and Jen are arch-nemeses because Jen and Dawson are a thing, and Joey loves Dawson secretly. However, they join forces when a high school jock starts a rumor that Joey is expecting his child.

– The power goes out, a serial killer is on the loose, and Dawson’s Creek is blatantly ripping off all of the teen horror flicks that were popular during this time.

– Joey enters a beauty pageant to win a college scholarship. She sings the most embarrassing rendition of On My Own that I can imagine, which is only a little more subtle than dropping an anvil on Dawson’s head with a note attached reading “Joey Loves You.” Oh, and Pacey enters too, and performs a scene from Bravehart complete with kilt and facepaint. Believe it or not, neither of them wins.

– Joey visits her dad in prison to the maudlin strains of Sarah McLachlin (or, as the ballots for Prom Song at my high school said, “Sara McClavanahan”). Meanwhile, Jen’s grandpa dies and Michelle Williams acts circles around everyone else on the show. Joey comes home and kisses Dawson.

– This isn’t exactly a plot point, but everyone wears a lot of flat-font khakis and those sweaters with one large stripe across the front. Actually, that kind of is a plot point. The grunge look had been trying hard to die for several years, but the glittery, pop-y late-90s look hadn’t truly taken hold yet, either. It was a weird time. It was the 90s’ awkward stage.

Season Two

– The whole crew is celebrating their second go at sophomore year of high school.

– Pacey starts dating the new girl in town, Andi, who turns out to be crazy, in part because of some chemical stuff and in part because one of her brothers died tragically.

– Joey starts dating the new boy in town, Jack (Andi’s surviving brother), who turns out to be gay because Katie Holmes Joey Potter has no gaydar. He poses nude for her art project, and it’s just like Titanic if Rose were actually a gay teen from the 90s and Jack were Katie Holmes. Then Jack writes a poem about another boy for English class and shit gets real. Please note how the Capeside youth constructively deal with their feelings through artistic outlets.

– Dawson’s parents are getting divorced because his mom had an affair with her local news co-anchor. Joey can relate to his family probz because, you know, her dad’s in prison for drug trafficking and her mom died (of breast cancer – remember this).

– Abby, Jen’s badass friend, stirs shit up left and right.

– Abby, Jen’s badass friend, falls off a pier drunk and dies.  At the funeral, everyone deals with feelings about things that are totally unrelated to badass Abby’s memory.

– Joey’s dad is released from jail, gets drug-busted again by Pacey’s dad, goes back to jail.

– Andie begins seeing her dead brother and gets sent to a mental health facility in Providence. I almost wrote Provincetown, which would arguably be more fun.

Season Three

– Dawson makes a football movie featuring  Jen (a cheerleader) and Jack (a football player), in what may be a tie-in with Varsity Blues, a James VanDerBeek vehicle that, if memory serves,  was like if Friday Night Lights weren’t good.

– New Girl Eve shows up, and she is a mystery.

– Dawson makes a cheap rip-off of the Blair Witch Project.

– Jen and Pacey become a thing, because why not, that combination hasn’t happened yet.

– Andie comes back from being crazy, but has cheated on Pacey. She steals a test because she is very troubled.

– Joey paints a mural, it gets vandalized, Pacey tracks down the perpetrator, Pacey gets assigned to community service for vigilante justice, Pacey mentors the cute little boy from Jerry Maguire. Because seriously, why not at this point.

– Pacey and Joey become a thing, and we see the start of their relationship four different ways. This is a “tribute” to GO because, like Varsity Blues, Dawson’s Creek is really into over-promoting the films that the cast members appear in. I think Go starred Jay Moher, and featured Katie Holmes running around in a convenience store a lot.

– Dawson’s parents get re-married to each other, because if this teen drama needed one thing, it was more Parent Trap.

Season Four

– Pacey lives on a boat for a while. The show’s writers are just really reaching.

– For like the 15th time, Joey lies and pretends to be rich (SHE’S POOR BECAUSE DEAD MOM DAD IN PRISON), and gets a job.

– Dawson’s mom is pregnant, which is very possible because this is  tv, where most teenagers have parents who are in their early 30s.

– Pacey is arrested for being drunk. Go back to your boat, drunk Pacey.

– Everyone graduates. Joey makes the graduation speech (of course). Joey and Dawson kiss (of course).

Season Five

– Everyone goes to college in Boston, except for Dawson, who starts film school in LA so that he can continue to make poor imitations of everyone else’s movies.

– Just kidding, Dawson lasts like two weeks there then moves to Boston, too.

– Dawson’s baby sister is born (awww!)

– Dawson’s father dies (booo). Dawson deals with feelings.

– An episode poorly imitates Urban Legend, because Joshua Jackson is in Urban Legend. You have to STOP, Kevin Williamson. Just stop.

– Joey sings on stage at a bar because Katie Holmes has neither shame nor pride.

– Joey is mugged, the mugger gets hit by a car, and she stays with him to help. After all, he reminds Joey of her father (wait… what?).  She pretty much dares the mugger to kill her multiple times, because she also has neither fear nor common sense. Joey mentions how her mom died of lung cancer. Wait… huh? Maybe her lung cancer made her breast cancer act up? Who even knows.  He dies. Joey understands him,

– Joey joins a band called Aggressive Mediocrity, which would make a good new title for the show. Actually, those two words sum up everything at this point: aggressive mediocrity. Aggressive Mediocrity. AGGRESSIVE MEDIOCRITY.

Season Six

– I’m really sorry, but I stopped watching in season three, and couldn’t even muster the interest to read the episode summaries past this point.

– Apparently  Pacey is in LA, and Jack Osbourne is on the show, because nobody is even trying anymore.

– The finale takes us to the “future”: 2008. I should really go back and watch this, because I love when people from the past predict the future. My favorite was in Saved By The Bell where they look 20 years down the line or something. I should probably blog about that. Anyway. Louisa May Alcott Dawson has created a piece of adolescent fiction very loosely adapted from his real life, in the form of a TV show called The Creek. Everyone’s in Capeside for a wedding, then Jen is all of a sudden dying. She asks Jack to raise her baby for her. Oh yeah – Jen had a baby at some point before 2008, I guess. About half of the characters confess to being the soul mates of the other half of the characters. And that’s it.

I tried to watch an early episode on Netflix, by the way, and they’ve changed the theme song. Poor Paula Cole, not even getting royalties for that. Bet she’s thanking her lucky stars they brought back Lilith Fair, otherwise she’d be screwed.

* When Pacey’s crazy girlfriend left, I decided the show had become ridiculous and quit watching. He started dating Joey and it just felt wrong.