The 2014 MTV Movie Awards are on Sunday and if you had no idea this was happening, congratulations – you’re officially an adult. The following seems like an obvious statement, but the older I get, the less I am in touch with youth culture. Let me rephrase that: the older I get, the less denial I’m in realizing I’m in touch with the youth culture.
And the older I get, and the more MTV Movie Awards/Video Music Awards that happen, just make me yearn for the days of yore, or basically when I cared about who was winning. For example, the best moment ever in MTV Movie Award history was in 2005, when power couple Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling were still dating, and they won for Best Kiss. Reminisce with me here:
I will hand it to MTV, because this is the only awards show where you can get away with a category like Best Kiss. Not to mention, they also give out the Best Scared-as-shit Performance, Best Shirtless Performance, #wtf Moment and Best on-screen dirtbag (RIP to that category).
Because MTV is in the business of giving out ridiculous, truthful awards, here are some suggestions of what they can add to the show moving forward. Maybe I’ll actually remember and take note of the Movie Awards if that happens…
Best Red Carpet Style
I think it’s pretty clear that no one else deserves this more than our girl crush, Lupita. After this awards season, she proved to be the one person that everyone was anticipating to come down the red carpet. From her epic Ralph Lauren red cape dress to her Oscar-winning Prada gown, no one else even came close to her fierceness this year. We all need to bow down to Queen Lupita.
Best Onscreen Couple That Is Actually An Offscreen Couple Too
Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield – The Amazing Spider-Man 2
I’ll be honest with you, I’m not even a big fan of superhero movies, and have only seen a handful, but I strangely ship these two? Maybe I even saw the first Spider-Man because of them as a couple? Ugh whatevs. It’s clear they have off the charts chemistry on screen, and in interviews it’s clear to see that their personalities click so well too, despite the fact they never want to talk about their relationship. But I mean come on. How cute are they?
The couple that dances together… stays together? That’s an old adage right?
Best Hookup You’ve Been Waiting for for 10 Years
Veronica Mars + Logan Echolls – Veronica Mars
SIGH. What can I say? The Veronica Mars Movie was everything I’ve been waiting for and more. Fellow Marshmallows were expecting this hookup to happen so it wasn’t a surprise, but boy was it worth all the money I gave to Kickstarter JUST for the epic Logan and Veronica scenes. I could talk about this for hours, but what’s great about this is that even after 7 years off the air, all the characters fall into their old rhythms, and just like the fans, they’ve grown up over the years. But Logan and Veronica, no matter where their lives take them – will always come back to each other. Epic.
Best Kids’ Movie For Adults
The last animated/kids movie I saw before Frozen was Up, and that made me cry like a fool. This movie, however, made me laugh and feel all warm inside like all the classic Disney princess movies did when I was a kid. And that’s what’s made it one of the most successful movies in the world. Literally. The story is great, the jokes are on point (see: Arrested Development refrences for the adults) and IDGAF, but I blast the soundtrack and sing Love is and Open Door at the top of my lungs driving down the streets of Hollywood. Let it go, motherfuckers. Let it alllll go.
Scariest Non-Scary Movie
I’m not into watching horror movies. I used to be able to watch them and laugh nervously when scary parts came on, but I just don’t have the time nor patience to do that anymore. But Gravity is the closest thing I’ve seen to a horror movie in a long time, and that’s good enough for me. I saw this in the theater, which is really the only proper way to seen Gravity, and the extreme scale of the movie makes you feel like you’re out there in space with Sandra Bullock, leaving you with an odd feeling of emptiness or just a wonderment of how vast the world really is. I legit had to sit in my seat and not move for like 10 minutes because it was so jarring.
Best Performance By An Actor In A Horrible Movie
Cate Blanchett – Blue Jasmine
Couldn’t tell you what happened in this movie except the fact that Cate Blanchett was the best part about it and she deserved allll the awards for this performance. Oh and Ali Fedotowsky, former Bachelorette, made a cameo in it. Yup, you can tell I’m not a cinephile.
Best Worst Movie You Forgot Existed
I actually forgot this movie existed until I saw it won Worst Movie at the Razzies this year. Second hand embarassment for everyone involved in this.
Best Movie That Turned Your Laughter Into An Ugly Cry
The Best Man Holiday
I CAME FOR THE HBMS AND LEFT WITH MASCARA RUNNING DOWN MY FACE. WHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK. Taye Diggs didn’t warn me about this. No spoilers, just watch it for yourself, because it’s actually a really good movie. Except IDK if I could ever put myself through the pain of ugly crying. My friend and I had no idea it was going to take a turn and since I didn’t come prepared with tissues, ended up crying into my sleeve. Ugh.
Best Movie That’s Definitely NOT About Scientology
Will Smith wrote the story for After Earth and stars in it, and there’s a lot of people who think this is reflective of his beliefs in Scientology but I’m not saying it is because I definitely don’t want them to come into my apartment and secretly audit me, because this movie is definitely NOT about Scientology…
Best Least Believable Couple
Theodore + Samantha – Her
Falling in love with an operating system? Come on. What is this, the future? Not believable at all.