Author Archives: Traci

Go Tigers! Bayside High’s Best Teen Actors

Posted in Entertainment, Lists by

If I had to name one TV show that defined my childhood it would be Saved By The Bell. Full House comes in a close second, but Bayside High was, is, and always will be my number one (so expect more posts about this in the future).

I’ve seen every single episode of the series, including the long forgotten Good Morning, Miss Bliss ones. A fun trick I used to be really good at was naming the episode and/or plot based on the first 5 to 10 seconds of the show. I can kinda still do it now, but in my old age, I’ve managed to forget.

So because I’ve seen all the episodes multiple times, I’ve noticed a lot of things most people don’t, including the background characters who showed up throughout the high school years. Here are a few of my favorites. I hope you enjoyed them as much as I did!

Ollie Creekly

The gravelly voiced black nerd was often seen roaming the halls with his fellow Central Casting extras, but also frequently seen in clubs and committees, along with his fellow geektastic friends.

Herbert the Nerd

Friend of Ollie, geek to all. He was often with the rest of the geek squad, but for some reason, he stuck out because he was just so … on edge all the time. Also, he made the perfect faces that made me wonder why the “geeks” in my school didn’t look exactly like him.

The Twins

Did the twins have names? Probably not. What they did have was matching outfits in every episode. Like as teens, they had to wear the exact same clothes, because otherwise, you wouldn’t be able to tell that they were twins.

Black Girl

The short black girl, the twins, and other frequent extras that Zack is pretending he is friends with

Ok, she didn’t have a name either. But she was short, black, and always jovial.

Kevin the Robot

Screech had a best friend in Zack, but he also had a best friend in his robot Kevin. Looking back on it, this robot must have cost hundreds of dollars in the 1980s. And did his parents have him specially made? He was a talking robot that was almost life-sized for goodness sake!

Ox

Ox was the token idiot jock who actually first came on the scene with the name of ‘Scud.’ That’s right folks Scud. Needless to say, the big galut lucked out with ‘Ox’.

Alan

You might remember Alan from one of my personal favorite eps, The Prom. He was a part of the prom committee, and suggested that the food for the night consist of all different kinds of cake.

This Guy

I want to say his name is Robert … which is probably incorrect. But he looks like a Robert, no? He looks like he runs wit h the geek crowd, but he was always with the average people, like the twins.

Rod Belding

Here is Rod teaching the teenage boys how to do “CPR.” Cue: HEY HEY HEY WHAT IS GOING ON HERE??

“A building with two beldings and one of them is balding!” Ok, so he was only in one episode but I feel like I need to address him. The kids were surprised to find out that not only did Mr. Belding had a brother, but he had a cool brother. You can call him Rod. Classic 90s Californian with long flowing blond hair and surfer dude attitude. The only problem was that he was a flake. When Rod promised to take the class white water rafting, he warned the kids that he wouldn’t fulfill his promise, and per usual he was right. Always listen to Mr. Belding kids. Always.

Bonus: Scott Wolf

Glee club extraordinaire, Scott Wolf would soon grow up to be an alcoholic in Party of Five and then marry Kelly from Real World: New Orleans IRL.

Eric Dane

RIP Mark Sloan

Also only in one episode, but I only found out it was him like a year ago and it blew my mind. He played Tad (maybe Ted? IDK one of the two) who was an excellent volleyball player and played against our crew when they spent their summer at the Malibu Sands Beach Club. McSteamy dated Stacey Carosi (Leah Remini of King of Queens), but she told him she moved away instead of actually dating him. If only you knew he would grow up to be a smokeshow on Grey’s Anatomy.

Whatareyoudoinghere: Unexpected Guest Stars of Veronica Mars

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I was one of those latecomers that only got into Veronica Mars when was available on Netflix Instant a year or two ago. I was immediately hooked, and scolded myself for judging the show by its name (Veronica MARS who lived in NEPTUNE??? Def some kind of sci-fi show I wasn’t interested in). But fast forward to my Netflix marathon days and I watched eps nonstop, then proceeded to purchase the DVDs once they took it off instant.

Anyways, from the beginning, I noticed that a lot of random celebs appeared on VMars. Some were famous before the show, and some reached their fame after their appearance. The obvious one is Amanda Seyfried, who played Lilly Kane, Veronica’s bestie, Duncan’s brother, and Logan’s main boo. Oh and she was mysteriously killed, so pretty much the all of season one and season two focus on her murder. Ugh Harry Hamlin.

Because of the future Mamma Mia star, I proceeded to make a list of some notable names who I was surprised to see in Neptune.

PS: gold star and +50 points if you got the Californians ref in the post title.

Paris Hilton

Season 1, Episode 2

Props to Paris for signing up to be a guest star so early on in the show. Although she probs would’ve taken any role she was given money for, so nevermind. I will admit that I was super jeal of her because she played Logan’s new GF. Logan *sigh*

Jessica Chastain

Season 1, Episode 7

Jessica was recently on Jay Leno recalling how although it seems like she’s an overnight Oscar nominee, she graduated from Julliard and was in various TV shows – including V Mars. She played a character involved in one of the darkest storylines ever done on the show, a pregnant woman who lived next door to Veronica, who went missing. Turns out her stepfather raped her, and just as she was going to shoot him in self defense, Veronica’s dad shoots him to safe her life. Srs business, y’all.

Aaron Paul

Season 1, Episode 11

Before he was a maker of meth, Jesse Pinkman was accused to being a serial killer. So I mean, he has a history of playing troubled characters (RIP Gale).

Leighton Meester

Season 1, Episodes 14 & 21

Spotted: Young B playing Carrie Bishop, queen of the rich ’09ers (sound familiar?). She accuses Veronica’s favorite teacher, Mr. Rooks of having an affair with her, so VMars sets out to prove that he’s innocent. She finds out that not only did Rooks have an affair, it was actually with Carrie’s BFF, who got preggo from the scandalous tryst. So Carrie decided to press charges against him for herself.

Adam Scott

Season 1, Episode 14

Oh, BTW, the guy who played teen predator Mr. Rooks? THIS GUY.

Ben Wyatt/Knope, I still love you. Even if you were a creeper.

lit’rally took me forever to decide which pic to use because i love him so much

Lucas Grabeel

Season 2, Episode 14

The High School Musical alum played Kelly Kuzzio, a baseball jock who was secretly gay. Not like he’s ever played a gay guy before.

Kristin Cavallari

Season 2, Episode 14

Kristin, the only villain who looked sane next to Speidi, made her scripted TV debut and she played a cheerleader. Oh sorry, a LESBIAN cheerleader. It was great. I mean her acting wasn’t but just the entire thing it general was great.

Zachery Ty Bryan

Season 1, Episode 15 & 17

Usually the middle child gets the shaft, but on Home Improvement, I always thought eldest kid Brad got the short end of the stick. I mean the middle child was Jonathan Taylor Thomas, like how do you compare with that? I remember as much about Brad’s plot line as I do of his brief stint on VM. Which is that he played basketball and drove a car.

JTT

Season 1, Episode 18

Speak of the devil. I was never one of those girls who fawned over JTT. I didn’t get it. Still don’t. Which is why that although I appreciate his rare TV appearance on a UPN show in 2005, I remember his guest starring role mostly because this was the first episode where Veronica and Logan kissed. I mean he played an ATF agent who went undercover as a high school student, so that was cool, I guess. But VERONICA AND LOGAN!! They had an epic kind of love, you know? One that  spanned years and continents. Lives ruined, bloodshed, epic.

Rider Strong

Season 3, Episode 2

Good old Shawn Hunter played an asshole classmate of Logan and Wallace in a college class, where they participated in some prison experiment. IDK, basically he made the kid from Freaks and Geeks pee his pants.

Matt Czuchry

Season 3, Episode 4

Logan Huntzberger from my fave Gilmore Girls uses his reporter skills as he pretends to be Logan Echolls’ half-brother just to get a story. Whoa, that got confusing even for me. Again, forget about Matt for a sec because this was a great episode for Jason Dohring who got to show his dramatic side after he found out he still didn’t come close to getting to know his half-brother.

Dianna Agron

Season 3, Episodes 5, 15, & 19

Incidentally, Dianna played a college kid in VMars, and then went on to play a high school cheerleader/wheelchair bound/walking Yale student miracle on Glee.

Paul Rudd

Season 3, Episode 17

The great Paul Rudd is actually BFFs with show creator Rob Thomas, which explains his involvement with VM and with Rob’s follow up show, the hilarious Party Down. Paul plays a washed-up rock star who’s playing at Hearst College, and is a drunk nut job. One of my all-time lines from the show comes from this episode, as seen above.

Max Greenfield

Recurring character

I saved the best for last. Before New Girl was New Girl, I saw promos for the show, and put it on my list immediately because Max Greenfield was in it. At the time, he was only Deputy Leo to me, the handsome, smiley, police officer who Veronica canoodled with in the first season. Unfortunately their love dwindled, but only because she was falling for Logan. And I was ok with that. But now, he can’t be anything else but Schmidt.

Logan TYFYT

DIY: Hair Chalk

Posted in Outfit Girl by

If you spend hours like me in the dark hole that is Pinterest/and or Instagram, you’ve seen girls with long hair don’t care flaunting their hair chalked manes. It’s basically a quick, easy, temporary way to add some color to your hair without going all out. My friends and I recently went in on some chalk and did it for the first time. Here are the results!

Step 1: Purchase a box of chalk – aka soft pastels. If you can’t find it at your local Sally Hansen or beauty store, head over to Michaels and grab a box of pastel chalk. Works just the same.

Step 2: Select the piece of your hair you’d like to color and wet it. A lot of internet hair “experts” say to spritz the strand with a water bottle, but wetting it over your bathroom sink works just as well.

high class operation we run here

Step 3: Take the chalk of your choice and color the strand in an up and down motion using the long side of the chalk. If it seems like the chalk isn’t sticking to the hair like you want, try wetting the chalk. Make sure all of the hair is completely covered. This part might get a little messy, so use caution.

the red hair chalk looked like i was bleeding out from my skin. cute.

Step 4: Use a straightener or hair curler to set the color in. We used a wet to dry straightener that worked perfectly. And it seems self explanatory, but the chalk will get on your straightener. It’s easy to wash off, but you might end up with a multi colored flat iron when you’re all finished!

Step 5: Take selfies in the bathroom

Tool Tally: 1 (Caitlin helped with the photo taking too!)

Step 6: Show off your new ‘do! Like I said, chalking is only temporary, but should stay in until the next time you wash your hair. How do you do your chalk?!

Eva pulls off her best Kelly Osbourne impression. She chose white chalk to use on her red hair, and we think it kind of turned out a fab light purple!

My red came out awesome too – except I had to wash my hair the next day, so it lasted approx 8 hours. Til next time!

The One With The Cheese Plate

Posted in GSOY (Gratuitous Story of Yourself) by

In my educational life, I have taken a total of 6 years studying Spanish. One would think I’d be pretty close to fluent after all those classes. Despite the fact that I got a 2 (out of 5) on the AP test, I’d like to think that I can carry on a decent conversation from those years of espanol. However, there was a reason I got such a low score on the AP – not just because our teacher didn’t prepare us for the actual test – and it was never more apparent than when we took a trip to Barcelona, Spain during my semester abroad in the Netherlands.

I was looking forward to being back to Spain again, after having gone on a multiple city tour back in high school. My Spanish was obviously much better back then. However, in Barcelona, they speak a different dialect, which is similar to regular Spanish, but different enough that a stupid American like me would not understand it.

One of the main reasons we went to Barcelona was to attend a Death Cab for Cutie concert. We were super excited because here we were, halfway around the world, and we would be jamming to American music stars playing in a foreign city! Singing and speaking in a language we know! So before the concert, we decided to get dinner near the venue. Of course the best way to find a restaurant when travelling is to walk around, look at the menu, see if there are any recognizable items on there that you’re willing to eat, then go for it. We settled on a small restaurant that had stuff like sandwiches and salads and french fries, but all were Spain-isized. Our waiter just happened to be Filipino, so I knew we were in the right place. He called me out, and tried speaking Tagalog to me, but I could only respond in English. My Tagalog is like ::this much:: better than my Spanish. Plus he also spoke a different Filipino dialect so twice the fun. Either way, there was definitely something lost in translation – English, Spanish, Catalan, Cebuano – all these languages together were a recipe for disaster.

The girls all got things that were semi familiar, but I wanted to be adventurous! Take the road less travelled! Get something different! Look, an empanada! I know what those are! Filipinos make these! They’re delicious and have meat and potatoes and cheese in them! I’ve totes had those before and loved them! I’ll get that!

Finally, the food was put in front of me and the use of exclamation points were vanquished. He literally gave me a basket of bread and a plate of about 10 slices of thinly cut cheese.

TO CLARIFY, I ORDERED WHAT I THOUGHT WERE GOING TO BE THESE:

BUT ENDED UP WITH THIS:

To say I was disappointed would be an understatement. I was confused, bewildered, and most importantly, still hungry for empanadas. But because my friends are awesome, they shared some of their food with me. See: one slice of bacon in middle of cheese plate. Also see: Jennie’s face of ‘you’re an idiot.’ Needless to say, even with the mishap, I still finished the bread and the cheese (because I’m not stupid), and left for the concert fairly full but with a hilarious story to tell. Just goes to show that there will be times in your life when you think you’re getting empanadas, and instead, life hands you a cheese plate. But you gotta eat the food you’re given. And that will make all the difference.

Doing Lines: The Best of Grey’s Anatomy Medical Cases

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Welcome back to Doing Lines, a series in which we look into the most interesting and entertaining plot lines of our favorite TV shows (Did you miss the Gossip Girl one?). I’ve decided to do a little twist with this post, and only focus on Grey’s medical cases (plot lines/relationships and hookups to come in the future). Over the past nine seasons, my favorite medical drama has had it’s fair share of ridiculous cases come in through the doors of Seattle Grace/Mercy West. Here are some of the most memorable ones our fave doctors have had to treat.

Season 1, Episode 4

A construction worker accidentally falls down a set of stairs while holding a nail gun, and guess where all the nails land? IN HIS HEAD. Don’t worry, he survived the surgery after Dr. Shepherd (McDreamy) successfully took all of them out – except while he was in there, he found a brain tumor. wah wah.

this is why i don’t do construction-y things

Season 2, Episode 2

Dr. Bailey (the best doc in SGMW, besides Cristina Yang), treats a man who has a bowel obstruction, which they think is blocked by drugs. Except the x-rays reveal that those aren’t dimebags- they’re the heads of 10 Judy Dolls, which are like Barbie dolls. The great part was when she took out each Judy doll head, and reminisced about each one, like, ‘this was mod Judy, she came with a yellow vespa.’

imagine seeing this shit? it’s like right out of Mama or something.

Season 2, Episode 13

Another patient comes in with bowel movement problems – in that he’s having none – and it turns out he ate all the pages to his manuscript. The aspiring writer says, “I wanted to, literally, put it behind me,” which would frankly make me want to treat him less after a horrible joke. After the surgery, the guy still acts like a wackadoo, and it turns out the pages of his manuscript actually gave him mercury poisoning.

Season 2, Episode 18

A woman comes in after a car accident, but they soon find out she has a much bigger problem. She’s been having “episodes” 7 to 8 times times a day, and by “episodes” she means “spontaneous orgasms.” Some of the docs are envious, but she explains that she gets ridiculed a lot and can never go out in public. Being the geniuses they are, they fix her so she can only have “episodes” when she wants to.

Season 2, Episode 6

Any fan of the show can attest that this is one of the best episodes in Grey’s history. A train crash brings two strangers together (literally) as a metal pole impales the two of them. Young Bonnie (played by Dawson’s Creek alum Monica Keena) and older gentleman Tom obviously bond during their time together, but the risky surgery to remove the pole has to sacrifice one’s life while the other lives. In an emotional ending, against Tom’s insistance, Bonnie agrees to give up her life so he can live. Heartbreaking shit, yo.

Season 2, Episodes 16 & 17

The first part of this two parter aired right after the Super Bowl in 2006, and were the most watched eps in Grey’s history. Luckily, these two were arguably the best in the show’s history as well. A man is brought into the hospital because he was injured attempting to make a homemade bazooka. He was bleeding in his chest, so one of the paramedics, played by Christina Ricci, applied pressure to the wound to make the bleeding stop – except one of the Docs realizes that the man has a piece of unexploded ammunition inside of him, and the only thing stopping it from blowing up is Wednesday Addams’ hand.

The hospital immediately calls a Code Black, which shuts down pretty much the entire hospital, and brings in the bomb squad, led by COACH TAYLOR (sorry, Kyle Chandler). Wednesday starts to freak out because everyone is leaving, and she doesn’t want to die. In a state of a nervous breakdown, she removes her hand and runs out the door, but the bomb doesn’t go off- because Meredith instinctively puts her hand in the chest to save the entire place from blowing up.

After everyone goes off on her for being an idiot and comes to grips with the fact she might actually die, she carefully removes the ammunition, hands it to Coach Taylor, and as he walks down the hall, it goes off. He dies, but all the doctors, and the idiot patient who had the bazooka remnants in his chest in the first place, all lived. There is WAY more to this episode, so you should probs just watch it on Netflix instant.

Season 3, Episode 5

A man comes into SGMW lying on his back and his ex-wife straddled on top of him. Yup, you guessed it – they were having sex and his piercing hooked onto her dislodged IUD and they get stuck together. Ok, maybe you didn’t guess that exactly, because it’s freaking weird. The doctors managed to separate the couple, but he ends up having a heart attack right after they’re taken apart.

uncomfy

Season 3, Episode 14

A cancer patient is oddly the common denominator to staff members getting mysteriously ill, when George figures out that it’s her blood that is toxic, and making everyone pass out. A combo of her chemotherapy drugs and herbal medicine created a deadly neurotoxin, which obviously creates a problem for those treating her. Literally an entire OR staff falls down during her surgery. So the Docs have to take turns holding their breath to run into the OR and seal her cavity up before everyone dies.

bitches be down on the ground

Season 3, Episode 21

One of the hospital’s board members comes in after a recent trip to the Amazon with swollen genitals. Turns out that a parasite got all up in there after he spent some time in the Amazonian waters. It eventually comes out in surgery and it is disgusting. But Dr. Bailey and Dr. Webber have one of my fave convos ever in this ep:

Webber: There was a fish in a man’s penis.

Bailey: There’s always gonna be a fish in a man’s penis, chief.

Season 4, Episode 16

A stoopid teen gets stuck in cement after his idiot friends dare him to lie in wet cement just to impress a girl. The douchebags don’t call 911 until an hour after he’s in there, leaving him surrounded by a legit- a ton of cement. Not only is the cement weighing heavy on the kid’s body, but it’s also sucking out all the water from his body and toxins are building all up in there. Torres has to cut into his leg just to alleviate the pressure. Gross. Eventually they get him out – and the girl he was trying to impress actually revealed she liked him too. Their relationship was off to a sane and normal start.

poor choices, kid.

There are way more freakish cases in Grey’s, but this list could legit go on forever. Oh Grey’s, never change.

TV Marathoning: 5 Steps of Grief (The Taylor-Bartlet model)

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In a world where we can easily access DVDs, DVR and Netflix, it makes it so much easier to watch a TV series for hours on end, lending itself to the highest form of laziness. In the moment, you think it’s worth it, but is it really?

For me, TV marathoning began in college, when a few of my friends and I decided to spend an entire day devoted to a whole season of Friends. We were/are fanatics of the show, so it’s not like we needed to watch it, but it’s the experience of watching it together with, ahem, friends, that makes it 10 times better. We called it a Friendstravaganza, and literally played episodes non stop all day, only stopping to get take out for dinner.

That was the beginning of the end, because I’m pretty sure the Friendstravaganza taught me how to watch TV all day. In fact, I made it a goal to use this new found skill to catch up on series that I’ve been meaning to watch but haven’t seen yet. My roommates and I even made a list of all the series we aimed to watch. In the past few years, I’ve been able to cross off Veronica Mars, Grey’s Anatomy, Six Feet Under, Friday Night Lights, Arrested Development, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, Homeland, and a bunch more.

Here is the original 2011 (?) version of the TV list. Crossed off 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, and 11. Plus 1 and 2 from the Catch up column. Here’s the newest version, if you’re still reading this.

I recently finished all seven seasons of The West Wing, thanks to Netflix Instant. A personal best, I managed to watch 155 episodes in 26 days. That’s about 1/7th of my month dedicated to President Bartlet and co. And as my beloved Tim Riggins would say, No Regrets.

But finishing The West Wing got me thinking, that just like Riggins and FNL, I found myself wanting to watch the last few episodes, but not wanting it to ever end. I was heading towards the usual post-show withdrawal and depression. In fact, with FNL, I immediately purchased all five seasons on DVD and watched the first season like a week after I finished the whole series.

Which got me thinking: post- TV marathoning is just like the five stages of grief, also known as the Kubler-Ross model. Except for entertainment purposes, I’ll call it the Taylor-Bartlet model. Let me explain.

**West Wing spoilers ahead**

1) Denial — “I feel fine.”; “This can’t be happening, not to me. Not to this show.”; “There’s gotta be more episodes, obviously.” ; “How can I go another day without watching another sexual tension filled episode of Josh and Donna moments?”

2) Anger — “How can this happen to me?”; ‘”Who is to blame for this show ending? NBC? Of course.”; “I want to know what happened to Moira Kelly’s horrible character, and now we’ll NEVER find out.”; “Why was Sam not at Leo’s funeral?? Come AWN Rob Lowe!”; “DID ZOEY MOVE TO DC TO BE WITH CHARLIE WHILE HE’S STUDYING AT GEORGETOWN TO BE A LAWYER LIKE HIS SOON-TO-BE FATHER-IN-LAW (I’M ASSUMING)??”

3) Bargaining — “I’ll do anything for another season, maybe Pres. Bartlet at his New Hampshire farm, driving Abbey crazy because he can’t smoke?”; “I will give my life savings if I can watch Toby’s kid Huck and CJ and Danny’s daughter get married”; “If only Aaron Sorkin came back for just one last half season and make a Two Cathedrals finale part two?”; “Ok, what if I rewatch season one in its entirety, that’s like a whole new revamped WW, seeing as it’s been weeks since I last saw it”

4) Depression — “I’m so upset that I never caught on to WW sooner.” “Nothing will be this good, why bother with any other show?”; “I miss Mrs. Landingham, why go on?”; “There will never be a series like this ever again. I’m looking at you, Newsroom.”; “No, it’s totally normal for me to be crying and laughing and eating ice cream while watching this reunion video, and this and this.”

5) Acceptance — “In hindsight, I’m just thankful Netflix finally decided to put it on instant so I could watch the entire series at a rapid pace.”; “It ended on a good note, so there’s really no where else to go with it. I’ll just watch the Parks and Rec episode with Bradley Whitford doing a walk and talk, now”; “It’s going to be okay. I still haven’t watched The Wire”

I’m pretty sure I’m still in stage one of TV Marathoning grief, so if you need me, I’ll be on tumblr reblogging gifs and photosets of Josh and Donna’s relationship.

Conversation Heart Alternatives for 2013

Posted in Lists by

Ah, conversation hearts. A Valentine’s Day staple. Over 8 million of these suckers are sold every year. I can assure you it’s not for the taste, because they taste like chalk with a slight artificial cherry flavor. I assume the allure is the excitement when you pick a random heart and read what your love life has in store for you. ‘Be Mine,’ ‘Love You,’ ‘Call Me,’ etc. etc.

English: An array of Necco Sweethearts (conver...

But I have a few ideas for the Necco company to consider, in order to bring the ‘conversation’ to 2013.

  • Let’s Bone
  • I Like Your Face
  • What’s Your Friend’s Name
  • I Ship You So Hard
  • Real or Not Real
  • Hashtag 143
  • Follow Me
  • Catfished
  • Go H.A.M
  • Socute
  • Dumb Bitch
  • I Salsa Your Face
  • Be My Lady Mary/Cousin Matthew
  • Stalk Me
  • Emoji of Frog and Pizza Slice and Exploding Heart
  • Go Fuck Yourself
  • Rachet
  • Stop
  • I Can’t
  • Unfriended
  • Suck It
  • You’re the Worst
  • S MY D

Occasional Confessional: The time I conned my parents into buying me an American Girl doll

Posted in GSOY (Gratuitous Story of Yourself) by

When I was younger, I loved pulling out the random catalogs that we got in the mail. From Oriental Trading to Lillian Vernon, I flipped page through page picking out the items I wanted that I would never get. The best catalog by far was the American Girl catalog. Back in the day, there were only about 5 historically themed dolls, including Felicity, Kirsten, Addy, Samantha, and Molly. Then they added on girls like Josefina and Kit, and past my age of appropriate doll playing, the company soon introduced the likes of the ‘make your own doll to look like you’ and the ‘itty bitty babies’.

But me? I wanted Samantha. She was perfect. The year is 1904, and she would have her majestic chestnut trunk to pull Edwardian clothes out of and bring a gold pail lunchbox for school. And because I am a nerd, my favorite scene of hers was the school scene, complete with a classic desk and books bound together with a leather strap that were actually mini books/notebooks you could write in!

I risked my life for you.

Anyways, I was maybe eight or nine when I finally told my parents, “Look. I need this doll. Like NEEEED. I will do anything.” So they made a deal with me that if I took swimming lessons and actually learned to swim, they would buy Samantha for me. Deal.

I proceeded to take swimming lessons at the local YMCA, from a personal swimming teacher. It was going ok… up until I was forced to go into the deep end. I remember stopping right on the line where the shallow end starts to fade away into the darkness of the deep end, and I couldn’t move. I physically couldn’t move. I was too scared. My coach kept saying it was ok, but I didn’t step one foot or arm into the other side. I guess I was there for a long time, because my coach had to call my dad to come get me because I wouldn’t leave.

The rest is a blur, but I guess I finished taking those lessons. Not like they really helped, because I’m not Missy Franklin or anything. But I do remember the night I was presented with Samantha in a well-wrapped box. It was the best night. I did it. I got what I wanted. And still managed to not really learn how to swim. So I mean, win-win for all, right? … I wonder what Samantha’s up to now*. Miss that bitch.

*Apparently American Girl decided to discontinue Samantha in 2009, so I should really find her and try to make some money off her. I need to redeem myself from all those Beanie Babies I bought.

Movies I Actually Paid To See In the Theater: Part 2 – No Shame

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Welcome to the conclusion of this mini-series, in which I reveal the movies I paid to see in the theaters. This second list is comprised of films that most would be embarrassed to say they even saw, none the less exchanged money in order to see it, but I am owning up to the fact that I enjoyed every single one.

The Lizzie McGuire Movie

I may have been a Junior in high school when this movie came out. I may have watched the series on DisChan and seen every episode. I may have dressed up as Miranda to my friend Sarah’s Lizzie for a Halloween party at my church. So sue me. This movie was the perfect way to end the series, and was satisfying on all ends. A trip to Italy, mistaken identity, and the epic kiss between Lizzie and Gordo that made my 17 year old self swoon. This IS what dreams are made of.

A Walk to Remember

I think this was the first Nicholas Sparks movie that started a wave of his depressing yet uplifting love stories, and it certainly still ranks as one of  my favorites. I mainly went to see it for Mandy Moore, not expecting much out of it, and not knowing what was going to happen. Little did I know that I was totally sucked in, and became obsessed with it. I played the soundtrack on repeat, and probably ruined my VHS tape because I watched it so many times. And I will no doubt watch it when it’s on TV.

Spice World

This is the absolute definition of the best worst movie ever. It was utterly ridiculous, but amazing at the same time. I remember sitting in the back row of the theater with my friends and there being probably like 2 to 4 other people there. We had a great time, and were probably obnoxious, but hey, it’s hard to not sing along to the Spice Girls when you’re 12 years old.

Hannah Montana The Movie

Not to be confused with the Hannah Montana concert movie in 3D (which I also saw. ugh what is my life), this movie is the character of Hannah Montana/Miley Stewart going back home to Tennessee and living a life away from Hollywood. My friend Brian and I saw this because we were/are big fans of the show and Miles herself. And while it was a good movie, we had a lot of questions. Which made us think that maybe we weren’t the right target demographic to be seeing the film and asking about continuity (i.e. SPOILER ALERT: Miley decides to tell her entire small town in TN that she’s living a double life at the end of the movie, but back on TV for the regular episodes, they make no mention of her big reveal at all. Like, you’re telling me every single citizen kept their mouth shut about one of the biggest pop stars in the world? Come on folks).

High School Musical 3

Disney Channel has clearly made an impact on my movie going habits. I was of course a fan of the first two movies, but those were only shown on TV. HSM3 was the first (and last) to be shown on the big screen, so naturally I had to go. Again, I went with Brian, and our bossfriend Rosita to a 10am screening the day it came out. We were joined by moms and their kids, but it was well worth it. Zanessa (RIP) was in full effect, and the songs were as catchy as ever. A great way to end the franchise and a great way to confirm my taste in movie is usually questionable.

Katy Perry: A Part of Me

I admit it, I have absolutely have no problem in saying I like Katy Perry. Teenage Dream is one of the best pop albums ever made. More than half of the tracks on that cd are among my 25 most played songs. In saying that, I knew I had to watch her movie. So I did. I went by myself on a Friday afternoon, and sat among mothers and their tween daughters. What was so great about the movie was that it wasn’t just a concert, it was behind the scenes and essentially a documentary about her life. But the most honest and heart-wrenching part is when she finally realize her marriage to Russell Brand can’t be saved. She’s due to go on stage in Brazil, I believe, in front of thousands of people. Here is a woman at probably the lowest point in her life, but she decides to go on with the show anyways. Cut to her singing The One That Got Away and me in the theater crying into my popcorn.

You’re Saying It Wrong: An Outsider’s guide to local pronunciations

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Having lived in three different places, I’ve come to learn some of the local slang, colloquialisms, and ‘correct’ pronunciations of things. I’ve noticed that a common theme between Rochester, Boston, and Los Angeles are the different neighborhoods in each city which are totally pronounced the opposite way of what your brain thinks. Here are some I’ve found questionable after stepping out of the city limits.

1) Rochester (RAH-chester)

Interestingly enough, Rochesterarians are known for their odd, slightly midwestern accent. It’s nasally and weird. When I was home for Christmas, it was more evident than usual that the strangers around me at the mall were total Rochies, exaggerating their vowels. It’s actually a good test to see if someone is a native Rochesterarian or not, by asking them to say the name of the city. If you don’t stretch out that Raaaaahhhchester, you’re probs from like, Albany or the city, where they think ‘upstate’ New York is Westchester.

2) Chili (CHI-lai)

You’d think this five letter word is said ‘CHI-lee’, but as a suburb of ROC, you say it CHIli, rhyming with the alcoholic drink ‘mai-tai’.

3) Charlotte (shar-LOT)

Rochester is right on Lake Ontario, so naturally there is a beach. Or something that resembles a beach when the waters aren’t deemed toxic. However, this beach is not like the North Carolina city, home of the Bobcats or Bachelorette Emily Maynard. It’s questionably said with an emphasis on the second syllable , because that makes more sense.

4) Woburn (WOO-burn)

Not WHOA, BURNN (that was stupid, move on).

5) Quincy (QUIN-zee)

If you pronounce President John Quincy Adams as President John KWINSEE Adams, you’ve been doing it wrong your whole life. Quincy was the birthplace of the President, hence its namesake. The town was named following the pronunciation of the family name, but people have been saying it wrong for years. Have a Bostonian tell you the right way to say it. Or take the red line and see where you end up.

6) Worcester (WUSS-ter)

It’s not ‘Worcestershire Sauce’ so don’t say it like that. But if you ask a native Bostonian, they’ll say it the way it’s really supposed to be said, ‘woos-tah’.

7) Los Feliz

Yeah I actually still don’t know what the correct pronunciation of this is. I hear two different versions all the time. All I know is that Lauren Graham lives there, next to Natalie Portman. So I mean, there’s that.