Tag Archives: 90s

The Dawson’s Creek Virgin Diaries: Season 4

Posted in Entertainment, GSOY (Gratuitous Story of Yourself) by

Welcome back to Capeside, folks! In case you’re just joining us, I’ve been documenting my very first journey into binge watching Dawson’s Creek (see Season 1, S2 and S3 here), all from the perspective of an adult.

When we last left our crew, Dawson was butt hurt and crying (STILL NOT OVER IT) because Joey chose Pacey over him. She decided to be really un-Joey like and join Pacey on his boat for the entire summer. Jen followed her heart too and ran after her young football-playing boyfriend Henry. Jack is still gay, Andie is not crazy anymore and they’re heading into their senior year. Let’s continue on to see if my new favorite OTP is still together after spending 24/7 together for 3 months…

Episode 1

Well guys, in the eternal words of Barry Manilow, LOOKS LIKE THEY MADE ITTT.

Pacey and Joey look a little tanner, more laid back, even Katie Holmes forgot she was wearing a mic pack the entire time. But they’re still in love.

Their lovey dovey-ness poses a problem when they get back to Capeside  when they are faced with the reality of Dawson and his jealousy, and it all goes down at the Dive-in. That’s right Dive-in because this is the Cape and instead of normal cars going to movies they have boats in the water. It’s awk sauce between them and Dawson literally looks like he’s on the verge of a Andie sized break down after talking to Joey for the first time.

Dawson has spent the summer trying to make a new life for himself by becoming BFFs w Andie, Jack and Jen but he clearly still can’t live without one Josephine Potter, who BTW is more scantily clad since returning from boat life. I feel like this costume choice is supposed to be a reflection of how comfortable and free she is with Pacey, but she just looks like one of those girls who comes back from spring break with a hair wrap or cornrows with beads to prove they went on vacation somewhere tropical.

I will say that it looks like Dawson might have a love interest to keep his mind off of Joey/Pacey – he reconnects with this girl Gretchen, and we later find out that Gretchen is Pacey’s older sister that Dawson used to have a maj crush on when they were younger…

Jen’s young BF Henry never really came back from football camp and is at some boarding school, which means we’ll never see him again. Andie tried to hit on some guys who turned out to be faux French, one of which is Gay Danny from the best season of The Real World. And even though he tricked Andie into think he was actually from France, his French is actually better than his acting. Still hot though.

Oh and since you were wondering, Pacey and Joey didn’t have sex during the 3 months on the boat, mainly because they slept in these hammocks the entire time. Wtf. No bed? That rules out my aspirations to become a sailor.

Notable Quote: “What exactly would we be missing from the land of poorly scripted melodramas? recycled plot lines, tiresome self realizations, you throw in the downward spiral of a dear friend and you throw in a baby here and a death there and all you really got is a recipe for some soul sucking mind numbing ennui. And I for one can skip it.” – Pacey Witter, foreshadowing the entire series.

Episode 2

Mitch Leery, who has now transitioned from football coach to guidance counselor, informs Pacey that he can’t graduate unless he makes up for his bad grades from last year. Ruh roh. Out of all the people to be held back, Pacey is the one who doesn’t need this shit right now. He is hesitant to tell Joey because she’ll be disappointed in him or something, but Mitch tells Dawson, and in turn, Dawson tells Joey, showing still cares about Pacey as a friend, despite the fact he’s in love with the girl he’s “supposed” to be with.

SLASH PACEY AND JOEY ARE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER I CANT EVEN. HE’S NOT GONNA FLUNK OUT THANKS TO JOEY’S HELP Y’ALL

Episode 3

Joey got a job at the local yacht club, so when she can’t go out on Pacey’s boat with him to celebrate an A he got on an assignment, he takes Jen out on his boat instead. However, they fail to take note of the storm that’s a brewin’, and get stuck out at sea. Basically this episode is trying to be A Perfect storm, but ends up being a low budge Titanic.

Concerned for their safety, Dawson puts his love triangle feelings to the side and he steals a boat from yacht club member Mr. Brooks, and he and Joey risk their lives to go find Jen and Pacey. They eventually find the two in peril, but in order to save them, Pacey has to abandon the True Love in the middle of the sea if he wants to stay alive.

It’s actually really heartbreaking seeing how sad Pacey is losing his boat, since it’s the only thing he’s passionate about besides Joey. And that was the boat they just spent the summer on!

Notable Quote: “That’s right it’s a bout two guys, a girl – and no pizza place” The English teacher making a reference that only about 20% of people watching in 2014 will probably get.

Episode 4

Some obnox dude named Drue Valentine (yeah, even his name is obnoxious) is introduced. He is an ass and knows Jen from her wild days in New York. He tells people it’s Jen’s birthday (it’s not) just so he can throw a party. At said party, Joey gets wasted because she’s worried about Pacey’s grades, and he literally has to carry her home and through the threshold.

Meanwhile, Jen has a Sixteen Candles reenactment with Drue, but he ruins it when he gives her a birthday present of ecstasy. Reformed Jen scolds Drue and leaves with the cake. JK she doesn’t take the cake, but wouldn’t that be amazing?

Notable Quote: “Some people like salad dressing on the salad. Some people like it on the side.” Drunk Joey making absolutely no sense at all.

Episode 6

Pacey is still not over this boat. He actually says, “I miss True Love something fierce.” I never knew someone could love a boat so much.

The gang goes to a rave and because they’re trying to be on friendly terms, Dawson & Gretchen (who are totes on the verge of becoming a couple) and Pacey & Joey (who is wearing earrings and it’s jarring for her Girl Next Door look) carpool together and it’s not awkward at all.

PS: Is this really what a rave looks like? Because my rave knowledge is based on the Saved by the Bell: The College Years episode where Zach paints the walls of their dorm rooms black and makes people pay to hang out in the dark. At the DC rave, there’s a bouncy house and a random couch in the middle of one of the rooms of this… warehouse?

Andie finds out she gets accepted into Harvard, but still isn’t happy, so she decides to also go to the rave, however the ecstasy that Drue tried to give Jen has found its way to Andie, and poor choices – she takes the X. Hey, remember that Andie is cray? She is still on anti-depressants which can’t be good. The mixture of the drugs makes her pass out and have convulsions so she’s taken to the hospital. Don’t worry, she’s fine.

Notable Quote: “Nothing propels you into adulthood faster than the next generation nipping at your heels.” Dawson Leery, saying something profound for once.

Episode 7

70+ eps and I think this fake theme song is finally growing on me. Send for help.

Not growing on me: JVDB’s long hair that he keeps brushing out of his face.

Is AOL a sponsor on this now? slash JenLindley1 wouldn’t be her SN it would be more like ‘NYChick01’. Also seeing the time stamp of 11/15/2000 on the screen makes me feel ancient and I should be watching this in a rocking chair sitting on my front porch drinking sweet tea (IDK why I’m an old southern lady in my fantasy old age).

Well it happened folks. I finally cried. Dawson’s Creek has finally made me cry. Andie’s goodbye speech got to me, what can I say?

AND IT IMMEDIATELY STOPPED WHEN I WILL REMEMVER YOU STARTED PLAYING. Enough already Sarah McLachlan.

OKAY. New fave OTP: Jen and Jack. Or at least my OTP for girl/gay guy pairing.

Wait was that really Meredith Monroe’s last episode?? I didn’t think she left mid season? Then again, I know next to nothing about this since I’m 14 years too late, but I seriously thought she would wait until the end of the season.

AND JACK AND ANDIE’S DAD DIED IRL WTF? Apparently the actor who played their dad had a heart attack, and passed away at the age of 55, which is why there was a title card dedicated to him at the end of the episode.

Episode 8

Oh GAWD – it’s a mystery episode. Some pranksters stole the new principal’s boat AND his dog, and placed them both in the school’s pool.

Basically the direction and styling of this episode is so out of DC nature, it’s almost as if Rob Thomas of Veronica Mars took over, but did a reallly bad job with it. Spoiler: Turns out it was the unlikely trio of Jack, Dawson and Pacey. Badasses.

IDK if it’s because of her relationship w Pacey but Joey /Katie has really grown up both character and acting wise. Props.

Notable Quote: “Yeah, the dog fingered me.” Jack, using a poor choice of words when admitting it was the dog that gave his guilt away.

Episode 9

Sorry to go back to the Run Like Mad theme song but I can’t help but think there are kids out there watching this for the first time who don’t know this isn’t the real theme song! For instance, my friend started watching Parenthood a couple of seasons after it started, and the theme song on the DVDs is When We Were Young by Lucy Schwartz, and when she finally caught up with the episodes airing on TV, it was the official Bob Dylan – Forever Young theme song. Blew her mind.

JACK APPLIED TO EMERSON FOR JEN!!! Along w Bard, Brown, Columbia, Sarah Lawrence and BU, but EMERSON! (FYI, that’s where I went to college). Will she get in?!

MAYBE I’M CRYING AGAIN OKAY. MAYBE I’M FALLING HEAD OVER HEELS FOR PACEY WITTER TOO. MAYBE I NEED TO SEE A PROFESSIONAL ABOUT THIS.

anndndd Gretchen and Dawson finally get it on. By get it on, I mean kiss, because it’s Dawson, not Jen. And guess who catches them – lovebirds Joey & Pacey.

Episode 10

What’s with Pacey and these Hawaiian shirts? Why am I just noticing this is his thing four seasons in? Actually, has this always been his thing? He’s like the kid on MasterChef Junior (stop. it was really good ) who only wore Hawaiian T-shirts.

Jen has forced Jack to get in touch with his homosexuality, so the two of them join this Gay-Straight Teen Coalition and meet this guy who Jack is hatin on, but clearly that’s just sexual tension. No, really.

Okay am I hormonal IDK but I just cried again because Dawson gave Joey a pic of her and Pacey at the Christmas party and I cannot. THEY’VE COME SO FAR. THEY’RE GROWING UP.


YO are there new writers on this show or something because shit got real. Thoreau and everything you kiddin me?

Joey: “Near the end of March 1845, I borrowed an axe and went down to the woods by Walden pond, nearest to where I–”
Mr. Kasdan: What’s the most important word in that sentence?
Joey: Woods?
Mr. Kasdan: Borrowed. The important thing to remember about the transcendentalists is that while self-reliance is a most admirable trait, Thoreau wasn’t really all that alone out there by Walden pond. He had neighbors, friends, people he could rely on. We should all be so lucky.

Realizing she needed Pacey’s help as much as he needs her, they make up and study together with her nephew, and it’s LIT’RALLY a picture into their future.

Notable Quote: “Hey you here for the meeting? Thank god we need more lesbians with decent haircuts.” Toby, thinking Jen is a lesbo at the Gay-Straight Alliance meeting

Jen: Jack, are you embarrassed to be here?
Jack: On gay bowling night? Yeah, I’m embarrassed. Not the gay thing, though. The bowling.

Episode 12

Fun Fact about Pacey (aka Pacey Pukey) he got mauled by a dog on his 14th birthday, which is just one of the reasons why he hates his birthday.

But that didn’t stop his mom from planning a surprise party for him, and despite Joey promising it would just be the two of them on his birthday, she’s planning this party and it’s obviously going to go all kinds of wrong.

Fun Fact #2: His mom is a lesbian. Ok, not really, but his mom is played by Jane Lynch.

I already forgot why pacey isn’t living at home ? But I can see why he doesn’t want to, because his family seems horrible and keep digging on him. How did he become such a good person??

Please note Dawson’s face when he gets caught making out with Gretchen by Pacey & Joey:

Episode 14

So Mr. Brooks, the old guy that Dawson stole the boat from in the Titanic episode, made Dawson do odd jobs for him around the house in order to repay him for stealing his boat and damaging it. Turns out Mr. Brooks was a famous Hollywood director back in his hey day – which was fate for aspiring filmmaker Dawson. Despite the fact he was a Mr. Wilson/curmudgeonly old man, he was just happy to have someone around (and even strike up romance with Grams). Mr. Brooks’ failing health sends him to the hospital, and guess what – he leaves the decision of life or death to 17-year-old Dawson. And this is the doctor who told him that information:

TONY HALE! TONY HALE WITH HAIR!

Meanwhile, the rest of the gang is on some kind of winter retreat with the senior class. Our high school didn’t do school trips like this, so this concept is completely foreign to me. Do schools actually do this? And have kids stay in cabins all weekend??

Well folks they did it. After talking about it incessantly for like 5 episodes, Pacey and Joey finally had sex and all is right with the world. Here’s hoping this doesn’t mean they’ll break up in the next episode.

I also accidentally found out Busy Phillips becomes one of Pacey’s forthcoming GFs/this is a TV show so I’m on edge over an impending breakup. NO ONE TELL ME IF THEY’RE GOING TO  GET BACK TOGETHER IN THE END.

Wait. Also, Jen and Jack almost had sex. lawdddd

“I’m sorry Jack. You’re drunk. You’re drunk and lonely and gay.” – Jen, voice of reason

Episode 15

This ep picks up the morning after, and Joey looks like she has some regret about the previous night’s actions. She and Pacey have a lover’s quarrel, in which I’m pretty sure Pacey proposed marriage to Joey. He said, “Could do this the rest of our lives back and forth sweetness and sarcasm.” I mean, he loves her you guys, okay?

All this sex talk between Joey and Pacey is getting annoying. Honestly if you took a shot or even a sip of alcohol everytime they said the word sex on this show you would be dead slash be an alcoholic. And I’m starting to believe this Netflix description is oddly correct. I actually LOLed before I started watching, but now it’s extremely accurate.

Related: how did these writers capture teen angst and drama so well? Frankly, it’s a little scary.

JVDB is like phoning it in right now (and apparently he might haven been, seeing as how he recently revealed he though the show jumped the shark in the season 2 finale). He hasn’t acted since his crying meltdown in the s3 finale. Reminder:

NEVER NOT FUNNY

Slash I should go back and watch Don’t Trust the B- again because I feel like I would have a new appreciation for JVDB.

Jen started going to therapy which is great and awkward and I’m surprised it’s taken her this long, seeing as she came from a broken home, was a troubled young tween in NYC, had to move in with her Grams on the Cape, her grandfather died, her younger jock boyfriend broke up with her and she almost just had sex with her gay best friend.

Joey straight up lied to Dawson, promising him she hasn’t slept with Pacey yet and OMG I am just stepping outside my world of binge watching and Capeside to realize how ridiculous this all is because these people aren’t real HAHAHAHAHA

Episode 17

These kids are getting notes at school to call their parents from the office to find out if they got in to the colleges they applied to. Again, is this a thing that happened back then and/or in public schools, or just for TV? I had to wait to go home and check the mail for a big envelope or little envelope from admissions. And even choosing a school to visit was so different in 2001 –  Jen and Jack have VHS TAPES they’re going over (because they’ve decided to go to the same school).

All Joey has to pay is $15k to go to her dream school, “Worthington College” in Boston… which is not an amount she nor her sister can afford, and she didn’t qualify for financial aid. Dawson, who got a shitload of money from old man Mr. Brooks, finally has a good cause to give to – Joey. But she is reluctant to take it, especially because she lied to him about sex with Pacey.

Did I mention this episode is called Admissions? For good reason too. Not only is it about everyone waiting to get into college or deciding where to go, it’s about everyone (finalllly) telling the truth to each other. Here’s a breakdown:

Drue to Jen: The last night she was in NYC, she and Drue got super drunk and super wasted. They started fooling around and her parents caught them, which led to a huge blow out between her and her dad. But Jen just used Drue to provoke her dad. She remembered none of this. (Aside: Jen had sex when she was 12 in her parents’ bed?! Yet another reason why I’m surprised she never went to a therapist earlier.)

Jen to Jack: She might not want to go back to NYC and go to school there as originally planned. Especially since Jack doesn’t seem too gung ho on the idea. They’re still adorbs.

Pacey to Joey: He tells her that while he was happy she got into Worthington, he was also happy it meant she might be staying in Capeside – since he wouldn’t be the one reason keeping her there. 😦 He tells her to make a promise to let him go if she thinks he is holding her back from pursuing her dreams, but she refuses to make the promise. Still. #PaceyWitterDreamMan

Joey to Dawson: Surprise! She and Pacey DID have sex! And you weren’t her first! Wah wah.

Dawson to Joey: Despite the fact he’s unsure about how he feels about Joey sleeping with Pacey, he knows they still have something together – and Joey finally accepts the dead man money for her tuition.

Episode 18

What is happening there is a weird Felicity like transition that’s occurring here…

Joey is accompanying Jen as she goes on a tour of a school in NY, but really, it’s just a ploy for Jen to confront her dad. Joey quickly catches on, and the girls + Jen’s dad (who is just a little too happy and unlike how Jen’s portrayed him that it concerns me) go to dinner at a fancy restaurant. He gives a speech about being in love with NYC like a person and it’s totally creeping me out. It’s like he’s about to kiss Joey. *shivers*

AND OMG JENS DAD LITERALLY SLEPT WITH A 17/18 YEAR OLD GIRL AND JEN SAW IT?!? Lord Licorice help us all. Or just help Jen Lindley. This is exactly why she’s fucked up.

Meanwhile, back in Capeside… Pacey is getting himself into trouble – aka a glimpse of what his life might look like without Joey’s positive influence by his side. Come on Pace. Don’t do this to yourself. You shouldn’t be getting arrest for public drunkeness or hanging out w Drue.

Episode 19

Ok the name of this episode is called Late and my guess is someone – maybe Joey – is pregnant. Or now that I think about it, Gail (Dawson’s mom) hasn’t had the baby yet, so maybe it’s her. Did I mention Dawson’s mom is pregnant? These kids still in their honeymoon phase, I tell ya.

WELL I AM A GENIUS. Joey thinks she’s preggo. Except she can’t talk to Pacey about it because his brother Deputy Doug took him camping to try and talk some sense into him. So she tells Gretchen, which is surprisingly not as awkward as one might that, because despite the fact that she’s mackin on Dawson, she previously revealed that she got pregnant while in college and had a miscarriage, which is why she ended up leaving school and moving back to Capeside.

Dawson and Mitch head up to the tree house in their front yard, clad with cigars, because that’s what you do when you have a new baby. Except Gail hasn’t popped yet. They just look ridiculous in this tree.

Toby, Jack’s almost love interest, gets beat up, and tells Jack he got mugged, but he knows he’s lying and got beat up because he’s gay.

Jen is knitting on a wooden swing what is going on

For the record I think bringing in the character of Gretchen was absolutely brilliant. They needed someone to make Pacey and Joey’s relationship acceptable, especially with Dawson. And Gretchen and Dawson already had a prior friendship started so it was believable. Not to mention that she’s been great to Pacey and Joey and is a don’t of knowledge and maturity that was seriously lacking in their lives before.

Paceeyyyy I’m not approving of all this lying. Yet again he didn’t tell Joey the truth, and even though she knows he’s camping, he just told her that he’s fishing with Dougie.

Oh and Dawson’s mom has the baby – who they name Lillian after Joey’s dead mom. Cue tears.

Notable Quote: “Tell them you fell off your high horse.” Jack to Toby after he was attacked

Episode 20

Well folks, it’s senior prom, so they gotta make this one count. Except the episode is called Promicide, so I don’t think the odds of it going swimmingly is good.

Jack mans up and decides to invite Toby as his date, while Jen, who was perfectly happy going stag, is forced to go with Drue. Jen’s in for a rough night and as soon as I said, “Oh Jennifer” out loud to know one, she pulled a nip/small bottle of alcohol out of her purse. Already off to a bad start.

Poor Pacey – this entire ep is going to be a series of his failures and I’m not emotionally prepared to deal with that. First, he forgets to put the corsages in the fridge, so it’s all dry and shrively, then the janky limo (which actually looks kind of fun and rustic?) appears and it’s not a good sign.

They’re having prom on a boat and I can’t help but think somebody is going to fall off. Is that weird?

Update: Jen almost fell off the most but Pacey might as well have jumped off because he just went OFF on Joey and I literally had to watch with my hands over my face. This isn’t you Pace!

UPDATE NUMBER 2: This is actually the WORST. Pacey and Joey prettyyyyyy much break up and ughhhhh this scene.

Notable Quote: “Pacey, the prom? What are we? in high school?” – Joey “Yeah. We are in high school the last time I checked.” – Pacey, serving up realness.

Episode 21

So this guy at the yacht club that has ties to Worthington met with Joey & Pacey earlier in the season, and now he wants to meet with Pacey again to talk to him about something important. Perhaps it could be some kind of loophole where Pacey can join Joey at college?!?! The problem is that he wants to talk to him at this event and Joey has to bring Pacey as her date – except they’re kind of broken up? Awkward.

Gretchen is planning to move to Boston for a new job, and Dawson just got a crazy idea to move there with her instead of  attending his high school graduation and going to his dream school of USC. But before he gets the chance to run away with her, Gretchen, the only real sensible person on this show, knows he’s not ready for it, and leaves without him. Also, Dawson talking to his sister is actually the cutest. This baby is the cutest.

Jen convinces Grams to move to Boston with her and Jack while they go off to college. “Peace out Capeside. Eat my dust!” (What I imagine Grams yelling as she drives her station wagon at max speed out of the Cape)

Relatedly: Name the brands they were forced to incorporate in this one shot alone:

Ahh Poor Pacey – the Worthington guy offered him a job as his yacht hand for the summer, and not acceptance to college. Wah Wah. But Joey and Pacey decide to literally sleep together one last time before their final break up for reals. Much more peaceful than the prom shenans.

Just did the math and since they graduated in ’01 (which seems like so long ago) that would make them 31 now and that’s a rude awakening. The other day Molly pointed out that this is the 10 year anniversary of Mean Girls – which means we’re closer in age to Ms. Norbury than to the Plastics. So. Not. Grool.

Notable Quote: “Are you sure I wouldn’t cramp your style?” Grams, being the absolute cutest

Episode 22

I am talking to the TV as if he is my friend and I think I need some air or like should leave my room or something because I’m saying ‘Pace’ just like Joey.

Remember how Pacey was on the road to not graduating? Well he’s right on the bubble and needs to pass one final English Lit exam in order to get his diploma. But right before he’s about the take the test, the teacher Mr. Kasden, makes a joke, sending Pacey off the rails saying he’s an idiot and storms out before taking the test. But Kasden, who seems like he’s a meany, is really the only teacher who seems to care in this school, and gives Pacey another chance by going to his house and letting him take the exam. Love how academics still play a part on this show. In Gossip Girl, they never even bothered to show them in college the last couple seasons.

Kasden: Did you study for that final you so dramatically walked out on?

Pacey: I can categorically say that I studied my ass off, sir.

Kasden: Care to prove it?

Pacey: You did hear everything that I had to say in class today, didn’t you?

Kasden: Oh, I did. You’re not an idiot or a punch line. You are why I teach. Those honor students that turn your stomach… they don’t need me. They’re gonna forget me as soon as they walk out the door. But you…

Pacey: I have a funny feeling I’m gonna be telling this story for years to come.

Kasden: And if that should turn out to be the case, please describe me as a strapping, handsome man, possessed of an immense charity and a great, great goodwill.

Pacey: I can do that.

ANDIE!!!!!!! ANDIE IS BACK FROM ITALY!!! She seriously looks like she came back from Italy, tho. I forgot she has to come back and actually graduate. Since she just left to go to Italy after being accepted into Harvard, since that’s a thing you can do IRL. She has a lovely reunion with Pacey and their friendship is really precious. He tells her about the yacht offer and she’s the first person he tells about officially being a college graduate. Why? Because she was the first person that believed in him. Cue the happy tears.

The principal (Harry Shearer) catches Jen and Drue pulling some pranks on his house and as punishment he makes them listen to him “play” the cello. What in the actual fuck.

Okay, as much as I hate this Pacey/Joey breakup, this finding themselves thing is smart. Their final goodbye includes Pacey saying, “I should probably go off and live my own life for a little while. That certainly doesn’t mean that this is how I want it to end between us. So hypothetically speaking… if I were lucky enough one day to find myself owning a sailboat again, and I were to ask the woman that I love to go sailing with me… would she?”

Joey answers, “You wouldn’t have to ask, Pace.”

IF THIS SERIES FINALE DOESN’T END WITH THEM SAILING OFF ON A BOAT CALLED TRUE LOVE 2 I S2G

Joey got something called the ‘Pinnacle Award’, which means she has to give a speech at graduation.

And then the sprinklers go off because Drue finally pulled his last prank. Also the music on this show has turned from 90s pop to 90s Lilith fair indie music what happened?

Notable Quote: “Is this a hat you really want to be wearing when you know people are going to be taking pictures?” THANK YOU DAWSON. GRADUATION CAPS ARE STUPID.

“I can assure you that security will be tighter than Ricky Martin’s pants.”  Prinipal Peskin, trying to be relevant.

Episode 23

The final episode of season three fast fowards to the end of the summer, where the gang is preparing to say goodbye. Legit all this entire episode is is basically Joey & Dawson trying to say a proper goodbye to each other.

Meanwhile, Pacey, now an official sailor in the Caribbean, has become Rastafarian and the shirts finally work for him. He calls Dawson, briefly asks how Joey is doing, but mainly wants to say that he only regrets not saying goodbye to him before he left on his sailor mission. Dawson says he’s proud of Pacey and I can’t help but wonder if this is really a conversation two 18 year old boy-men would have over the phone? IDK anything about teenage boys, which I guess, is a good thing?

I will say this show is really good at continuity and throwbacks. Example: this episode is called Coda, or an ending. I won’t bore you with the specifics if you’re not musically theory inclined, but the whole idea of a Coda or if there’s a DS al Coda, it means once you get to the end (the Coda sign), you go back to the Dal Segno sign towards the beginning and end at the Coda.

Anyways, it’s basically a great metaphor for what Dawson and Joey go through in this episode. They watch E.T. together on his bed, just like in the first season. Daydream Believer, the song they used to sing together at Aunt Julie Bowen’s house together, is played in the background. It’s like they’re nearing the Coda sign and are making their way back to the beginning.

Joey tells Dawson he should stay on the east coast and not go to LA for school. And really, if she had told him this earlier, he would have stayed. Just for her. But he insists this chapter of his life in Capeside is over. But then it happens – and I know what’s going to happen and it doesn’t mean I agree with it – but they kiss. And that continuity thing, yeah, the writers/director legit recreated shot by shot the first season finale with Dawson & Joey kissing, while the shot pulls away from Dawson’s house showing only their shilouettes in the window.  And I literally said out loud, ‘No don’t do it no NO NO.”

Notable Quote: “You’re either a Mac person or a PC person and that choice defines you.” Mitch predicting the Mac vs. PC commercials

“You know this sucks a lot more than I remembered it.” Dawson, about the horrible horror film they made back in the pilot.

“I can’t swear to you that I’ll never try some variety of narcotic, but I can promise you I’ll never get so strung out I steal your TV.” Dawson, again, being so specific about his hypothetical life choices.

Season 4, arguably my favorite season so far, has come to a close. Will Dawson stay in Capeside or follow his dreams of becoming a bigshot director in LA? Does this kiss mean they’ll start a relationship again? Will Pacey come back from being a sailor, more importantly, will he have dreads? Will Grams, Jack and Jen form some kind of warped Animal House in Boston? Tune in next month to find out!

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Life Lessons From Harriet The Spy: C+S Book Club

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Welcome back to C+S Book Club! Last time around we focused on that total bitch Amy March, and now we’re celebrating another childhood favorite — Harriet The Spy.

Louise Fitzhugh’s Harriet The Spy feels so current – controversial, even – that it’s hard to believe it turns 50 this year. Whether you were a nosy kid, an aspiring writer, or just fascinated by the world around you, Harriet The Spy spoke to a lot of us. Like all the best children’s books, Harriet The Spy was banned by adults couldn’t deal with how awesome it was, probably because it contained real talk contains real talk that adults don’t think 9-year-olds are ready for. In the case of Harriet The Spy, the lessons were lifelong.

Sometimes The Whole Truth Isn’t The Kindest Thing

This lesson is the hardest thing for Harriet – and it’s one that I’m still working on when I write. The sixth-grade jerks find some awful things about themselves when they read Harriet’s notebook (never have I been so indignant on a character’s behalf!). Harriet just wrote what she saw, but the unflinching honesty was a little unkind.

I discovered censorship in first grade. I was writing a story about two siblings fighting, and had the sister scream “I hate you!” at her brother during the argument. My teacher changed it to “I dislike you!”  I was furious – who, in a fit of childhood rage, has ever screamed “I dislike you!” at their sibling? I still believe that good writing requires honesty and authenticity. But when talking about real people, sometimes you have to soften your “I hate yous” into “I dislike yous” for the sake of real feelings.

Fitzhugh said it best: “Little lies that make people feel better are not bad, like thanking someone for a meal they made even if you hated it, or telling a sick person they look better when they don’t, or someone with a hideous new hat that it’s lovely. But to yourself you must tell the truth.” Observe honestly, think honestly – but smooth out the truth with little lies when you need to.

“There Is As Many Ways To Live As There Are People On The Earth”

One thing that huffy moms didn’t like about Harriet The Spy was the cast of wacky characters that Harriet spies on – people who resemble the weirdos and quirks that bona fide children run across all the time. There was the cat man, the family who owns the Chinese grocery, the grand Agatha K. Plummer.  Even your most mundane-looking families are all different from each other if you just watch them. Maybe it’s not so much these characters that set parents ill-at-ease, but rather Harriet’s assessment of them:

“Ole Golly says there is as many ways to live as there are people on the earth and I shouldn’t go round with blinders but should see every way I can. Then I’ll know what way I want to live and not just live like my family.”

See Everything. Write Everything.

We’ve all heard the advice to write what you know. It follows that the more you know about the more you can write about. If you want to be a writer, like Harriet, you have to keep your eyes and ears open so you can learn about all the ways there are to live. A book full of characters who live the way you do – because that’s all you know – just wouldn’t be very good.

Harriet didn’t just see everything, she wrote everything – on Ole Golly’s advice. Really, what a great thing to tell an 11-year-old (or an adult!) who wants to write. You may have a lot of faith in your memory, but it’s fallible. You have to write everything because you never know what details you might want to use someday. Besides, everyday practice – something we recommend for kids who want to master a sport or an instrument – is necessary for writing, too.

Know What You Like

Harriet eats tomato sandwiches every day. She wears her same weird spy outfit every day, too. And how about the Boy With The Purple Socks? It’s not good to be bullheaded and resistant to change. But if you like tomato sandwiches, you don’t have to switch to egg salad just because people think you should.

Be A Harriet. Be a Janie. Be a Sport.

Harriet broke and entered into homes with a notebook in hand, pretending to be an 11-year-old Mata Hari. Janie set up a science lab in her bedroom, conducting weird experiments and learning everything she could about chemistry and physics. Sport lived with his dad and singlehandedly ran the household – including the finances – while dreaming of becoming a baseball player. Harriet, Janie and Sport all do things.

There’s nothing more annoying – even in adulthood – than people who expect you to be impressed by what they plan to do. You know, the people who talk ad nauseum about how they’ll open a restaurant or write a great book, but don’t take the boring, grueling baby steps to actually get there?  People who want to do things aren’t impressive, people who do them are – even if they try and fail.  I’m impressed by the people who take those awful boring writing assignments in the hopes that they’ll learn something they can apply later, or the people working the grueling lab job on a hunch that it will put them into contact with the best researchers. Harriet, Janie and Sport were just sixth-graders, but already they were the type of people who did things. They did things that might look weird to other people, simply because it’s what they wanted to do.

Do NOT Be A Marion Hawthorne. Do Not Be a Rachel Hennessy.

Harriet said “If Marion Hawthorne doesn’t watch out she’s going to grow up into a lady Hitler.” Harsh words, but Marion wanted the entire sixth-grade class to follow her blindly. One blind follower was Rachel Hennessy, who hosts the Spy Catcher Club (and who kids only like because her mom makes good cake). There was a whole pack of kids who followed Marion, and unlike Harriet, Jane, and Sport, they didn’t actually do things – other than try to bring Harriet down.

Change Is Hard

Ugh. Remember how painful it was when Ole Golly left? Even before that happened, Harriet was mighty jealous that her nanny was palling around with the bicycle man. Harriet reacted to these situations like a normal kid would – she pouted and threw a fit. When you grow up, you get a little better at covering it up, but this was one of the most honest parts of the book and a good lesson: change is really hard, and over time your new situation becomes normal to you.

The City Is Your Friend

Harriet The Spy is a distinctly New York City book, but it describes life that’s familiar to any city child. When you grow up in an urban neighborhood, all you have to do is walk out your front door to find all kinds of life to observe. The city itself – the sidewalks, corner stores, and most of all the people – is a character in Harriet’s life.

More broadly, Fitzhugh speaks to finding the fascinating things wherever you are. I thought my city childhood was compelling, and like Harriet I found that the most ordinary-seeming neighbors were extraordinary if I looked closer.  Wherever you live as a child or an adult – a big city or a small town or the suburbs in between – there are a million things to notice if you just open your eyes, close your mouth and grab a notebook.

You Might Screw Everything Up And Lose All Your Friends

… and you’ll still be okay. This probably doesn’t happen so much when you get older (though it’s still possible), but remember those times in elementary school when you’d do one thing wrong, or have an argument with one friend, and all of a sudden it seemed like everyone was mad at you? When you get older, you can still screw up other things – there’s always something you can ruin, whether it’s a project at work or your tax return. If you give most things enough time, they’ll work out. In the meantime you have to fold up your pride, stick it in your back pocket, and try to make things right – and know that just because things went wrong doesn’t mean the world stops turning.

 

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O-Town? O-Yes! A Look At The Boy Band’s Criminally Underrated Tracks

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This week, the members of O-Town announced they’re getting back together – for real this time – to record a new album and eventually go on a tour.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with O-Town, they are one of those boy band fabricated in the groundbreaking first season of Making the Band in 2000. Five guys were chosen as the winners: Erik Michael Estrada, Jacob Underwood, Trevor Pennick, Ashley Parker Angel and Ikaika Kahoano. However Ikaika was all, I’m not into this and quit (He later formed his own group called LMNT with MTB rejects Bryan Chan and Mike Miller, and MATTHEW MORRISON FROM GLEE HOLY SHIT I HAD NO IDEA UNTIL NOW. They sang this Hey Juliet song, that may sound familiar). To replace Ikaika, the group decided to invite runner-up Dan Miller to the band and O-Town was officially formed.

They were managed by the infamous Lou Pearlman (who also created MTB), and went on to record two albums before disbanding in 2004. They say they wanted to pursue individual endeavors, but really, the only one who had any sort of semblance to a successful endeavor is Ashley Parker Angel, you know the token cute blonde one. And by successful, I mean he had his own reality show, played Link Larkin on Broadway, and now voices a character on Disney cartoon Handy Manny.

Nearly a decade later, the boys are back at it – without Ashley Parker Angel – and going into a ‘new beginning’ of their careers. And here’s the thing – I’m excited to see what they come up with. It’s no secret that I am partial to boy bands, and unfortunately (or fortunately) I wasn’t able to hide my feelings for this 2000s group either. Fun fact: In high school, my friend Sarah and I, on a whim, decided to drive to a local mall where O-Town was having a CD signing, and since we got there kind of late, we were sort of the last ones in line. And when it looked like we just might have our chance, they LIT’RALLY cut us off with one person in front of us, thus prohibiting us from meeting these dreamboats. But Sarah, because she was way more ballsy than I, decided we should just sneak over to the table (that was set in front of a Bon Ton department store) and we managed to get a few of them to sign our CDS.

Anyways, I appreciated their music, and I feel like because of the success of ‘N Sync and my beloved Backstreet Boys, a lot of boy bands cropped up and took over the space, making it nearly impossible to survive if you weren’t either, well BSB or ‘N Sync. I think with O-Town’s vocals, they had potential to be something bigger and better, but just didn’t have the right mix of management, record label support, or good music to back it up.

In saying that, here’s a list of some of O-Town’s best songs you may not be familiar with, but deserve more attention. Yes, they only had two albums out, but there were actually some solid pop tracks on there. Warning: if you don’t like pop music, maybe don’t listen to the first few on the list.

10) Every Six Seconds // O-Town

Well, I liken this song to Next’s Too Close, in that I loved the song and sang at max vol when I listened to it – but I never understood the lyrics. Until I was old enough to actually listen to them. Oops. And looks like Lou Pearlman was trying to sneak in a couple of product placement ads in the song. I see you Victoria’s Secret and Mac.

9) Shy Girl // O-Town

If you want to time travel back to the late 90s/early 2000s, this song will do the trick. Honestly, this is the poppiest pop song and could’ve been recorded by 2ge+her. Their first (and second to last) album was totally a representation of Lou Pearlman and the band he wanted to make on the reality TV show. It was also becoming a copy cat of all the other boy bands, so much so that it was on the edge of becoming a parody of itself. Enter Shy Girl.

8) Sexiest Woman Alive // O-Town

Again, with the lyrics. Absolutely ridiculous. But that beat though. Product placement tracker: Häagen-Dazs & Calvin Klein jeans.

7) Take Me Under // O-Town

Remember when 90s songs had someone talking in the beginning? Yeah, this song has that. Except it’s supposed to be like a sexy woman robot voice? The future was so bright, y’all. Sidenote: I randomly remember them recording this song on MTB, and through the power of YouTube, we can watch it all over again – oversized turtlenecks and OG Mac systems included.

6) Love Should Be a Crime // O-Town

O-Town: not just a boy band, lobbyists against love.

5) You Can’t Lose Me // 02

O-Town’s  second album, O2, was such a different sounding album than the first. It was like they broke free from the Lou Pearlman chains and were like, ‘Screw you, we’re doing what we want… for 90% of the album’. It has more of an acoustic feel than bubblegum pop, and I’ll let’s be real, I still listen put some songs into my iPod rotation to it to this day. This song is the last track on the CD, and kind of gave me the vibe of closure yet open for possibilities in the future… am I reading too much into this? Also please take time to appreciate the Windows Media Player-like graphics in this video.

4) Girl // O-Town

O-Town was particularly good at O2/acoustic songs and R&B/pop tracks, the latter of which is featured in this song. Pair that with an ode to a girl and you’ve got the perfect mix to make the fangirls swoon.

3) Suddenly // 02

It’s songs like Suddenly that make me think they’re channelling BSB circa 2005, which I’m totally okay with. It’s much more bearable than some of the almost unlistenable songs from the first album.

2) Craving // O2

There are a string of songs on O2 that are just on point, and this is one of them. One of the reasons I’m looking forward to them getting back together is the hope that they do more songs like this. If you put this next to Shy Girl, it’s like two different bands.

1) From the Damage // O2

O-Town haters, listen to this before you judge any further. Or just pretend they don’t have the stigma of being a fabricated boy band and listen to it for what it is. The lyrics aren’t hokey, and there’s so much emotion in it, it’s like they finally believe what they’re singing. There’s a reason why this was the first track on the album – they wanted to make it clear they were not the same boy band from the first record. One might think they’re actually full-fledged artists.

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The Dawson’s Creek Virgin Diaries: Season 3

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Anddd we’re back! A review of Dawson’s Creek Season 3 comin’ at ya like shards of broken glass after Andie McPhee breaks a mirror in the bathroom. If you’re just joining us, I’ve been watching DC from the beginning, because as a tween I missed out on this major pop culture experience and would like to see what all the hubbub is like as an adult (You can read my season one and season two recaps here).

At the end of season two, The Potter family restaurant catches on fire all because of Joey’s drug dealer dad who goes back to jail per the nudging of Dawson, which makes them split up yet again. Andie’s off in the looney bin, Pacey’s trying to deal with the fact Andie’s off in the looney bin, Jack is still gay and Jen is still trying to make sense of her life. Got it? Here we go.

Episode 1

In general, I’d like to say that it’s interesting to watch this without knowing the cultural impact from the outside. Like obviously when this was on in real time circa 1999, the main cast were huge stars. By this point, James Van Der Beek, Katie Holmes, Michelle Williams and Joshua Jackson were also off doing major movies like Varsity Blues, Teaching Mrs. Tingle, Dick and Cruel Intentions, respectively. I vaguely remember it being big, but it’s funny how none of that matters – or even shows – when you watch it years later after their popularity has come and gone.

Anyways, school has started and Joey not talking to Dawson isn’t the most awkward thing about this episode.

It’s that Jen Lindley is becoming a cheerleader. And these cheerleaders – are typical bitchy Jawbreakers like girls who just want to ruin everyone’s lives and literally use the phrase ‘you look like a prize hog’ about an overweight girl who wants to try out.

It’s that Dawson has met a rando girl who is a stripper (?) and super mysterious and I hate her.

It’s ACTUALLY that Joey comes back to Dawson and attempts to have sex with him but he’s all no thank you and it’s a whole bunch of second-hand embarassment. Joey is clearly not going to be able to face Dawson anytime soon, so he asks Pacey to look after her and make sure she’s okay… ruh roh.

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Notable Quote: “It’s a new year. You never know. You and I might even become friends.” Pacey to Joey and I cannot wait to see how this plays out (spoiler alert: I know they’re going to be a couple, I just don’t know when and for how long!)

Episode 2

Since Dawson’s dad became the coach of the Capeside High football team and Jack’s the first openly gay football player on the team, I’m half expecting someone to get hurt during the game and get stuck in a wheelchair and they’re all like ‘Cape Cod Forevahh’, essentially turning it into an episode of Friday Night Lights.

Dawson gets caught making out with Mysterious (Summer’s) Eve at the Homecoming game in front of the entire school, kinda like Hugh Grant making out with Natalie at the Christmas Pageant in Love Actually.

Dawson’s in shock, yet still takes a bow and stands on stage for a while, soaking in the applause.

Notable Quote: “I’m just a girl standing in a janitor’s closet. Asking him to kiss her.” MS Eve to Dawson or first draft of Notting Hill’s best line?

Episode 5

Hey what happened to Joey’s brother-in-law? Too many black people on the show? Seriously, why have I not seen him since season one?

Basically this MS Eve storyline is that she goes by the name Eve Whitman, and ironically, I really hope they wrap up this Dick Whitman/Mad Men storyline up real soon because it’s getting annoying.

Okay, I guess we’re learning things because Jen’s mom apparently had another kid and that’s MS Eve??

Notable Quote: “Mrs. Ryan, who is that in that picture?” Dawson
“Oh we’ll that’s our Lord Jesus Christ as interpreted by one of our gifted young Sunday school students.” Mrs. Ryan/Grams
“I meant the one below it.” Dawson (turns out it’s Jen’s mom, it’s the same pic Eve had when she said she was looking for her mom)

Episode 6

DRAG QUEENS. DRAG QUEENS AT A CAPESIDE GALA. I CANNOT.

Episode 7

Wait now Dawson works at the video store? And why are there random pop corn boxes being used as replacements for VHS tapes? Was this some kind of contest the WB held to count how many popcorn boxes you can find in the episode and then whoever wins gets a free t-shirt with a WB frog on it?

Okay so we know the show’s creator Kevin Williamson was also the guy who did the Scream movies, but is he really going to make Halloween parody episodes every year? This particular one leaves them at a creepy island and it’s like Blair Witch meets The Craft meets Professor Trelawney’s Potion’s class from Harry Potter.

Notable Quote: “Nobody brought snacks? No Doritos? No Ho Hos?” Pacey to his ‘friends’ and their lack of thought into their adventure. This line isn’t even that funny but the way it was delivered was pure gold.

“Roswell’s on in five minutes.” Jen to Pacey, which is also comical because Roswell was on after DC in 1999 AND Jason Behr, who played the rich guy that hosted the Cosmo sex quiz party S2, was on Roswell. WB INCEST.

Episode 9

I just noticed this but Alex Gansa is an executive producer on this show – this is the guy who currently runs Homeland. Alex Gansa is responsible for both Dawson Leery and Carrie Mathison. Think about that one for a second…

Guys it’s happening… I’m starting to ship pacey and Joey. It could be a problem. I’m warning you now. Joey recruits Pacey for these dance lessons to try to get a scholarship in exchange for tutoring him in math. Except Dawson thinks they’re having an affair and it all comes to a head at the end.

Here we are again with Dawson vs. Joey vs. Pacey triangle but I have to say this story line is starting to stretch the limits of believability. Maybe I just want Pacey and Joey together already, but really, their bickering is so sophomoric… You guys are Juniors now, come onnn.

Notable Quote: “I’m trying to lead but Janet Reno here doesn’t exactly make it easy on a fellow, you know what I’m saying?” Pacey can’t dance, neither can Joey and it’s like the best meet-cute if they hadn’t met already.

Episode 10

Dawson, Joey, Jack and Andie all head to Boston to check out Harvard (because that’s a common thing that 4 friends are all considering the same Ivy League school). Joey meets this douchebag guy, Andie befriends the Dean’s secratary and Dawson meets a girl who is also interested in filmmaking.

This person look familiar? Because it’s Bianca Lawson – BIANCA LAWSON WHO DOES NOT AGE. Like Stacey Dash has nothing on her. She played a teenager in Saved by the Bell: The New class (’93), Sister, Sister (’96), Buffy (’98), Save the Last Dance (’01), and Pretty Little Liars (’12). YOU TIME TRAVELLING DEMON.

Meanwhile, Jack is still out (literally) checking  the gay scene in Boston and as someone who went to a school in Boston where the unofficial slogan was ‘Gay by May or your money back,’ I can vouch for the gay scene there. Poor Jack though, he straight up (gay up?) ran away from a guy in a gay bar because he was so nervous and didn’t know what to do. Bless.

Episode 12

Update: Bodie (Joey’s brother-in-law/Bessie’s husband who I’ve been calling Jeff?) is back and they’re acting like we were supposed to know where he’s been? Am I missing something? Quite possibly.

Episode 15

Joey’s painting some mural on the wall of the school and Pacey comes to visit and all I can think about is when they’re getting together. Does it happen in like the third to last episode and there’s a kiss and they won’t address their real feelings until the season finale? Come onnnn.

However, I must say that the writing as improved so much since the first season – it’s less cheesy and the dialogue is more Gilmore Girls-y than Saved By the Bell-y.

And then someone vandalizes Joey’s mural and Pacey and Dawson (mainly Pacey) go on a man hunt to find who did it. And here’s some dialogue proving Pacey is starting to become the only smart person on this show. Everything he says in this bit o’ dialogue is why he is such a good guy at heart and is clearly in love with Joey.

Pacey: Well, not to stick my nose in here, but to just stick my nose in, of course it was a personal attack.

Dawson: What?

Pacey: Well, there are only three murals in that hallway. Yours was the only one that got touched.

Dawson: So?

Pacey: So, either someone didn’t like what Joey was trying to say, or someone just didn’t like you.

Dawson: Your logic leaves a lot to be desired.

Pacey: Dawson, we’re in high school here. It’s a veritable society unto it’s own, with a pecking order that makes the caste system look forgiving. Who knows what subtle line you may have crossed or what offence you may have given, without even knowing it.

Dawson: Paranoid much?

Pacey: You don’t think there’s a possibility that there’s somebody out there who hates Joey just for being Joey? Who hates the way she talks, the way she dresses, the way she chews on her lower lip?

Joey: Look, I don’t chew on my lower lip.

The guy who Pacey beats up because he thinks he vandalized the mural, Matt Caufield, legit looks like 25 and not a 25 who passes for a 17 year old.

In fact all of the main cast are starting to look older. James van der Beek legit looks like a college kids visiting his old high school on Christmas break. And where is Jen? Shooting a movie? Just because Bessie’s MIA hubs is back means they had to take Jen off the payroll.

Notable Quote: “I did what any self-respecting kid would do in the cellular age, you know? I whipped out my Startac, I dialed home.” Man-child Matt Caufield, encapsulating the 90s in a single line.

“That’s what I like about you Pacey. You just go so deep.” Josephine Potter THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!

Episode 16

Ah yes the time old tradition of an episode that deals with race! Basically Principal Green, who is black (and Bianca Lawson’s father) decided to expel Man-child Matt for vandalizing the mural (despite being an arrogant, rich, over-privileged white kid) and the parents were pissed off because he had such a hard punishment. The school board is about to go all HAM on Principal Green and removed him from his post because they ‘don’t agree with his decision’ but Joey organizes a Save Mr. Green rally in an attempt to keep his job.

At the rally, a bunch of students show up, telling their own personal touching stories with Mr. Green, including Minkus from Boy Meets World?

Proud Pacey even intros Joey and he’s wearing a Boston Bruins jersey and REMEMBER WHEN JOSHUA JACKSON STARTED HIS CAREER IN THE MIGHTY DUCKS AND HE’S PROVEN HE’S NOT JUST SOME CHILD STAR?!

I’M SORRY I HATED ON THIS EPISODE BUT NOW IM OVERWHEMLINGLY EMOTIONAL AND THERE IS SOMETHING IN MY EYE MAKING ME TEAR UP BECAUSE THESE KIDS ARE JUST BEING SO RESPECTFUL TO THEIR PRINCIPAL AND HE’S LEAVING FOR SUCH A STUPID REASON BUT HE’S ONLY DOING WHAT’S BEST FOR THE KIDS AND HE’S SO PROUD OF THEM NOT JUST FOR FIGHTING FOR HIM BUT FOR SPEAKING UP AND STANDING TOGETHER FOR A CAUSE AND THEY  EVEN LINED UP IN THE HALLWAY AND DID A SLOW CLAP FOR HIM AS HE LEFT

And this is an actual song that played while he walked down the hallway to really hammer the theme home.

Also, Pacey bought rented an entire brick wall so Joey can actually paint a mural. Like, let’s get ‘er done folks.

Episode 17

Pacey’s punishment to punching the lights out of Man-Child Matt is to be a mentor to a kid, and that kid is Jonathan Lipnicki.

Pacey with a witty child is my favorite thing – next to Pacey with a witty Joey.

THEY KISSED IT HAPPENED Y’ALL WHAWT IS WRONG WITH ME

Episode 19

Joey’s all ‘mad’ that Pacey kissed her, so natch this causes awkwardness between them because she knows she obvs likes him. Too bad they’re spending the weekend away in the same house 24/7 with a young Julie Bowen as Dawson’s cool Aunt Gwen. Joey and Dawson visit her every year because she’s all hippie and cool and the rest of the gang follows.

AND BY COOL AUNT GWEN I MEAN CLAIRE DUNPHY IS A COCK BLOCK WHO WON’T LET JOEY AND PACEY KEEP KISSING.

Slash I’m kind of in love with the scene. Joey admits that she actually felt something between them and … PACEY WITTER, DREAM MAN.

Joey: This morning. Your arm brushed up against me in bed, and… And I felt it.
Pacey: How did it feel?
Joey: Made me feel alive.
Pacey: Ok. Joey… I’m going to kiss you now.
Joey: You can’t.
Pacey: Jo, you can’t say something like that to me and expect me not to kiss you, so that’s exactly what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna kiss you in about 10 seconds. And if you don’t want me to kiss you… Well, if you don’t want me to, I guess then you’re just gonna have to stop me. 10.

Episode 20

They’re employing this ‘tell a story from the beginning multiple times from different perspectives’ that many a series and movie employ and guess what – it actually works. I bet the writers had this idea in their arsenal for years but wanted to keep it until it was a special episode and this was definitely it.

That being said I totally get all this teen angst and everything but it’s so annoying that Joey would just give up this potential relationship for Dawson, who they’ve already established is not going to work out with. I get it, but looking at this situation as an adult and watching these kids it’s frustrating that they can’t just work their shit out. I guess that’s what teenage angst years are for.

Episode 22

Dawson holds an anti-prom because the real prom folks won’t let Jack bring another guy as a prom date, proving that Dawson’s good guy streak. Joey ends up going with Dawson and Pacey with Andie, who clearly bought all her items – including her makeup – from the DeLiA*s catalog.

Have I become incensed or is Dawson acting like a little bitch who doesnt belong w Joey ? Like GTFO. I mean he kissed Joey and I literally said ‘gross’ out loud… I think I’ve binge watched too fast…

And I’m so over Dawson’s parents being all lovey-dovey then deciding to divorce then not divorcing. Dawson’s just like his parents trying to hold on to something they had in the past.

Episode 23

You know who has turned into not an asshole? Deputy Doug Witter. He purposely pulled Joey over to warn her about Pacey leaving.

And I guess I was wrong about Dawson’s parents. They’re getting remarried. And Dawson’s the best man and Joey’s the maid of honor. lolololol.

Grams decides to be youthful and go on a road trip in the name love and drives hours to find a bus with Jen’s boyfriend who’s going off to football camp and Jack’s friend who he was afraid to kiss because he had never kissed a guy before. And she’s reallly excited to see her granddaughter get some. Also, I am more giddy about Jack finally getting some gay action than anyone else on this show. Ok sans Pacey/Joey. Jocey? Pacey? Oh wait.

jack grams

OH MY GOD. As a frequent user of the internet and reader of ONTD I have seen this ‘Dawson Crying’ GIF/Meme make its rounds online. When I started watching DC, I wondered when I would be able to watch the GIF in all its glory. And I totally forgot until now. I have a feeling it’s about to happen and I literally paused to type this because I need to prepare myself.

BEFORE THE STORM:

GUYS I GOT TOO CARRIED AWAY W THE SCREEN SHOTS ON MY COMPUTER THAT IT KEPT PAUSING AND I HAD TO WATCH THE SCENE LIKE 3 TIMES AND IT TOTALLY RUINED MY EXPERIENCE  BUT OH MY GOD I CANNOT STOP LAUGHING

AFTER:

CAN U EVEN

So Dawson’s butt hurt that Joey’s leaving him for Pacey, and Joey runs to meet Pacey before he sails away. BUT – this bitch had time to change her clothes, despite the fact she literally ran away from the wedding and she’s now running to the dock to stop Pacey from travelling the seas without her all summer ?? AND she’s worried about the lack of clothing. Honestly, you knew you were going there to get on board with him so bring a bag or something. And money.

DOES SHE NOT LOOK LIKE SURI HERE HOLY SMOKES

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And then when they were sailing away I felt a sense of familiarity as if I had seen it before, but then upon discussing it with Molly, realized it reminded me of The OC season 1 finale when Seth sails away on his boat to Catalina, which seemed far at the time, but now that I live in LA, realize it’s really not that far. It made it seem like he was sailing to Hawaii by himself.

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Side note: per my research, Katie Holmes and Joshua Jackson only dated the first two seasons which would potentially make this awkward for them, but she said they had a “Dawson-Joey type relationship”? Okay. Luckily it’s not weird and their chemistry just oozes from the screen. Remember when Adam and Rachel broke up but still shot a WEDDING SCENE in The OC!? Oops sorry. Spoiler alert?

So what will happen next? Will the True Love-birds make it on their three month adventure still obsessed with each other or will they sink like the Titanic? Is Dawson still crying on his dock?

Tune in next month for season four!

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90s Nickelodeon Shows – And Today’s Adult Equivalents

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Buzzfeed, Tumblr, and your Facebook friends won’t let you forget it, and neither will we: 90s kids are adults now, and we’re all still really, really passionate about the 90s. Can you blame us? The 90s were a great time for kids’ culture. With so many Baby Boomers having children from the late 70s to the mid-90s, there were a lot of us growing up then. The economy hadn’t tanked yet, and 911 was still just an emergency phone number. Nickelodeon was at the forefront of it all, promoting a “pro-kid” culture and presenting kids as cooler and smarter than adults. If people want to blame Millenials for forming a mass internet-culture that older folks can’t penetrate, it all started with Nickelodeon and its ‘us against them’ attitudes.

Today’s TV networks aren’t stupid. They know what Millenials want. That’s why, for every beloved Nickelodeon show from our youth, there is an adult equivalent on the air right now:

Are You Afraid Of The Dark = American Horror Story

Are You Afraid Of The Dark: From the second you heard those creaky swings and eerie theme music, you knew you were in for a scare. The midnight society gathered every week to tell stories and throw some sort of weird sand into a camp fire, and we were right there with them. I watched every week as a five-year-old, even turning off the lights for an extra scare. We liked this show because it didn’t underestimate kids. There were real ghosts, vampires, and murders in Are You Afraid of the Dark – it wasn’t that weak-sauce kid stuff where the creaking in the attic was just a leaky pipe, or the ‘ghost’ was just a beekeeper in a bonnet (I’m looking at you, The Adventures Of Mary Kate And Ashley). If you didn’t love the story one week, you’d just wait until the next Saturday when you’d get a whole new plotline to scare the pants off of you and make you ask your mom if she will let you sleep with the hall light on. That’s right – a children’s horror anthology series. Can you really blame us for missing the 90s?

American Horror Story: Like Are You Afraid Of The Dark, American Horror Story is a spooky anthology. However, to account for adult attention spans, each season tells a different story, instead of each episode. This show touches on all aspects of the horror film genre – psycho killers, ghosts, aliens, nuns, evil doctors, Anne Frank, witches, a pinhead, The Black Dahlia … it’s like a winning hand of Apples To Apples.

An aside: I just finished watching Season 2 of AHS. Somebody told me to start with that one because Coven isn’t on Netflix yet, and Season 1 would scare me more. Now that I’m done, I have to wonder – if Asylum was this freaky, what the hell could possibly happen in Murder House? Don’t worry, I’m starting it this week, because I’m an adult now and I’m in charge of my own hall light.

Clarissa Explains It All = Girls + The New Girl

Clarissa Explains It All:A young woman with ambitions of being a journalist lives in a cooler bedroom than you can imagine having. She is supported by her academic parents. She has constant fallings-out with her brother Ferguson, and the undying support of her buddy Sam. She dresses like a cool hobo. Lots of tights. Clarissa has a creative solution to every problem and gets into a lot of scrapes because she sort of doesn’t think everything through.

Girls: A young woman with ambitions of being a writer lives in a cooler apartment than you can imagine having. She is supported by her academic parents. She has constant fallings out with her friends, yet somehow retains their constant support. She dresses like a cool hobo.

The New Girl:  It’s almost like Jess Day and Hannah Horvath are two different versions of how Clarissa could have turned out. Jess and Clarissa have a lot in common. The first word you’d use to describe them is “quirky.” They have wacky clothes. They have a cool home. And – unlike Hannah Horvath – they both have fun, sunny attitudes toward life. So, if Clarissa went to college, became an el-ed major, and held onto her obsession with tights, you have Jess. If Clarissa decided to become a hipster in college, started writing for the school literary mag and reading a lot of McSweeney’s, and went to slightly seedier college parties, she graduated and became Hannah.

Salute Your Shorts = Community

Salute Your Shorts: A group of teens are thrown together for summer camp, and form all of the bonds and rivalries that you’d expect in that kind of close situation. They work both with and against the camp’s administration (counselor Ugg) and truly become a community of their own. There are even themed genre episodes – Zeke The Plumber, everyone? The characters are surprisingly well-developed for a kids’ show, with the jock, nerd, and popular girl presented as being complex people instead of just stereotypes.

Community: A group of adults are thrown together in community college, and through forming a study group, they become a… well, community of their own as well. Like in Salute Your Shorts, there is a love for Greendale Community College, but just like the kids at Camp Anawanna, they also have to work against it sometimes. I don’t think I even need to tell you about the genre episodes. Character development is a big deal on this show, too, and the former athlete and the brainy liberal arts girl aren’t just two-dimensional.

Hey Dude = Brooklyn Nine Nine

Hey Dude: Somehow, a bunch of teenagers are working at a Dude Ranch, because… why not, I suppose? It filled pretty much the exact same niche as Salute Your Shorts, except these kids had JOBS and RESPONSIBILITIES and HORSES. Never underestimate the pull of horses for tween girl viewers.

Brooklyn Nine Nine: This is one sitcom you should be watching if you aren’t already. Equal parts buddy cop (with multiple pairs of cop-buddies), workplace comedy, police procedural (er… kind of) – but with really clever writing an an awesome cast. Like Hey Dude, this is a funny ensemble show that actually shows people doing their jobs. Every kid who grew up watching Salute Your Shorts thinking “ugh, somebody get those irresponsible kids some stalls to muck or cows to lasso” should watch Brooklyn Nine Nine, a workplace show where people actually work.

The Adventures Of Pete And Pete =  Parks And Recreation

The Adventures Of Pete And Pete: This show is probably the reason our generation has been into quirky indie comedies since we were in high school. This small-town sitcom is a bit absurd, and centers around two brothers named – you guessed it – Pete and Pete. The show was so matter-of-fact about the weird goings-on of the town that the place became a character unto itself, and the audience accepted all of its weird quirks at face value.

Fun Fact: The Wellsville of Pete and Pete is apparently supposed to be Wellsville, NY. I live about 100 miles from there and have passed through on plenty of trips, and honestly, apart from an annual Balloon Rally it’s not that interesting.

Parks and Recreation: If you grew up loving slightly offbeat comedies about life in a more-than-slightly-offbeat town, you may as well watch Parks as an adult. It’s no secret that we’re big fans of this show around here, but we’ve never stopped to consider that our childhood watching Pete and Pete primed us for this small-town comedy about a group of unusual personalities. Like our favorite redheaded brothers, the folks in Pawnee face situations that are a touch more surreal than you’d see in real life, but the show somehow manages to be more true-to-life than a lot of more ‘realistic’ comedies.

The Secret World Of Alex Mack = Orphan Black

The Secret World Of Alex Mack:How good was this show? So good, right? Alex Mack was a junior high student who was hit with a truck from a chemical plant, and she developed special powers like being able into morph into a puddle of what looked like mercury, moving objects with her mind, and conducting some sort of electrical charge. Alex, with the (sometimes grudging) help of her brainy sister Annie, had to keep her powers on the down low so the folks at the chemical plant wouldn’t find out about her and … well, I’m not sure if we knew what they would do. Experiments, probably.

Orphan Black:  Here’s another show about a young ladies who are scientific freaks because of circumstances beyond their control (they’re clones). Once again, they have to escape the clutches of the sketchy Dyad Institute, and creepy Dr. Leekie, who are already collecting samples and monitoring the clones against their will. Like Alex Mack, Orphan Black deals with the ethics of scientific progress. No, really –  a major issue ahead is going to be the copyright of human DNA.

Space Cases = Battlestar Gallactica

Space Cases: It’s hard, guys. It’s hard walking around under the burden of being the only person alive who remembers the show Space Cases. It was a short-lived children’s sci-fi show set in space. I think this one is due for a re-watch, if only to revel in the low-budget 90s-ness of it all. Some of the props were evidently things like CDs glued together, and the game Lights Out pasted to the wall. See, things like this are why the Montreal TV industry – and children’s cable sci fi shows – never really took off.

Battlestar Gallactica – I’m positive that this is a sci-fi show with space ships, the future, and I’m pretty sure aliens. Okay, you caught me. I’ve never seen it. But there haven’t been too many outer space-based sci fi shows in recent years, and this is the closest one I could find in the near past. I suppose Stargate Atlantis is another option.

Noozles = Doctor Who

Noozles: According to Wikipedia, this show is 1000% more confusing and screwed-up than I remember it being. But basically, it’s like this: Noozles were adorable koala bears, but only certain people could know that they were actually aliens!

Doctor Who: Doctor Who is an adorable British man, but only certain people can know that he’s actually an alien!

The Mystery Files Of Shelby Woo = Scandal

The Mystery Files of Shelby Woo: Shelby Woo was a ridiculously talented teen who, with the help of a mid-90s PC and her crew of friends, solved mysteries and fought crime. As a mere teenager, Shelby wasn’t officially part of the police department, but we all know that Shelby Woo was the law.

Scandal: Children who grew up without questioning how it was possible to solve mysteries in a short span of time with the help of just an internet connection and a rag-tag crack team of experts – without wondering why the proper law enforcement didn’t just deal with crime itself instead of allowing a non-officer to take the reins — well, those children probably grew up to watch Scandal. Like Shelby Woo, Olivia Pope is able to fix anything – even stuff that technically, we’re pretty sure somebody else should be handling.

Nick News With Linda Ellerbee = 20/20

We love you, Linda. We don’t care what Dawson Leery says.

Nick News: This was a kids’ news magazine which tried to deliver the “who, what, where, when, why and how”  of the age to kids whose other main source of news was that Scholastic Weekly Reader that you’d get on Friday afternoons when your teacher had basically given up for the week. To be quite honest, Nick News did an admirable job of it, breaking down issues like presidential elections, the Gulf War, racism, and global warming down to a nine-year-old’s level without condescending. In fact, you can probably thank Nick News, in part, for the environmental “go green” push that’s sweeping the nation. Older adults were just getting into these issues after that Al Gore powerpoint, but us 90s kids grew up hearing about pollution and climate change from one Ms. Linda Ellerbee.

20/20: Well, this one also is able to break news and information down to a nine-year-old’s level. We may have mentioned this before, but both of us watched way more than a normal amount of 20/20 as kids. As a fourth-grader, I stayed up until 11 on Fridays because 20/20 was on at 10. At least these days, 20/20 is light on the news, heavy on the magazine, with a bunch of tiny segments simplifying stories as much as possible. Actually, maybe Nick News was better – at least they didn’t do monthly stories about “places you won’t believe our crew found a lot of germs!”

All That =  Saturday Night Live

Okay, this isn’t quite fair. All That was almost certainly intended to be a kids’ version of SNL, so there shouldn’t be any surprise here. But when you consider that today’s 20-somethings grew up watching Kenan Thompson on All That, it is sort of remarkable that we’re watching the same guy on the grown-up version of the show.

I may have been under-supervised as a kid, but I watched a lot of real SNL in the 90s (especially the older stuff), and was struck by how very not funny All That was in comparison. That Lori Beth Denberg sure could deliver the fake news, though.

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1990s Figure Skaters: Where Are They Now

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Figure skating will always be a sport of the 90s for me. First of all, you have a soundtrack of smooth soft-rock and soaring pop ballads for the routines. I know you can use modern or classical music, but when I think figure skating I think Celine Dion, or music from Beauty and the Beast.

Then, you have the sequined, fancy costumes. And finally, the shellacked hair, often with permed, hairsprayed bangs. Not to mention the pre-2000s pop culture nods to skating – Ice Castle, The Cutting Edge, this one episode of 90210 I probably wasn’t supposed to be watching.

Somehow, it’s been 20 years since many of these skaters first graced the ice. As part of our Sochi 2014 coverage, and in celebration of the most 90s-tastic sport ever, we present 90s Figure Skaters: Where Are they Now.

Michelle Kwan

Michelle Kwan was your classic, girl-next-door skating champ — if the girl next door to you was an internationally ranked elite athlete, that is. You may remember that Kwan probably should have made it to the 1994 Olympics in Lillehammer, but the spot went to Nancy Kerrigan instead. But in 1998, Kwan won silver in Nagano, and four years later she took the bronze in Salt Lake City — all at the age of 17 and 21, respectively.

So what’s Michelle up to these days? Get ready to be really, really impressed. She has worked as an American diplomat, earned a master’s from Tufts, and works for the Bureau of Educational and Cultural affairs. She recently married Clay Pell, of the Pell Grant Pells. You can listen to her figure skating commentary during the Sochi games.

Oksana Baiul

Ukranian teen Oksana Baiul took the figure skating world by storm in 1994, a year that was to figure skating what 1996 was to gymnastics. Competing on injected anesthetics after a blade-induced injury, then 16-year-old Oksana took gold in women’s singles. Shortly thereafter, Baiul turned pro and toured in one of those Champions on Ice tours that were all the rage at the time. After falling on some rough times – she was charged with driving while intoxicated, and attended rehab – Oksana made a turnaround (a triple toe loop, if you will) and began designing clothing for the Oksana Baiul Collection, starred in an ice skating musical (no, really), and even appeared on the Celebrity Poker Showdown. As recently as 2012, Oksana was still making occasional figure skating performances. She is planning a tour for 2014, and working on an autobiography.

I still think of Oksana Baiul every time I hear the Gin Blossoms song “Found Out About You,” because at age 7 I started mentally replacing the title lyrics with “Oksana Baiul.” I’m not sure if I misheard it or was just a weird child.

Brian Boitano

Today, as in the early ’90s, Boitano maintains a higher profile than most of his peers. Boitano ‘Tano triple lutz-ed onto the scene in the ’88 Olympics, winning Gold with his namesake move (which you may have seen at the men’s singles portion of the team competition in Sochi). Remember how he wiped ice off of his skate blade after his triple axel? Basically the skating version of brushing your shoulders off.

Boitano then turned pro, winning an Emmy for his turn in Carmen on Ice, because it was the late 80s and that’s sort of just where we all were as a people. He then re-upped as an amateur and competed in the 94 games, to so-so results. He may be more famous for what happened after his Olympic career. He inspired the South Park tune ‘What Would Brian Boitano Do?,” starred in the Food Network show “What Would Brian Boitano Make,” and has made several TV and film cameos — including one of my personal favorite skating films, Blades of Glory. He now has a series on HGTV, “Where Would Brian Boitano Live” “The Brian Boitano Project.” He came out in 2013 and was part of the U.S.’s Gay Athlete Dream Team that was sent to stick it to Russia.

Katarina Witt

Once lauded by Time Magazine as “the most beautiful face of socialism” (you cannot make this stuff up), Witt rose from East Germany to become a mid-80s superstar. Decades before little Yulia Lipnitskaya performed a routine as the girl in the red coat from Schindler’s List, Witt… also performed a routine as the girl from the red coat from Schindler’s List. After taking gold in Calgary and Sarajevo, Witt started a professional career – only to return to competing for the 1994 games. She spent the 90s touring in skating shows, making cameo performances, publishing an autobiography and posing for Playboy. These days, Witt seems to be focusing on acting. After her skating farewell tour in 2008 (at age 43!), she appeared as a judge on  TV skating show, and most recently starred in a German TV movie. Her website lists numerous TV hosting gigs and stage performances, as well as the formation of the Katarina Witt Foundation, which helps children with disabilities.

Surya Bonaly

Bonaly brought a sense of athleticism to figure skating – as a former gymnast, her jumps were ridiculous. Competing for France, Surya failed to medal in the three Olympics in which she competed (1992, 1994, 1998) but many believe that she was totally robbed – particularly in the Nagano games, when she landed a backflip on a single blade and placed 10th. However, she did win silver in World’s for three consecutive years, so the judges weren’t always completely against her.

After the Nagano games, Surya turned pro and toured with Champions on Ice until 2007. A year after that, she proved she could still land that backflip in a gala performance. She has also appeared on TV, both in cameo performances and on the French version of The Farm.  Just last month, she skated in Holiday on Ice in France and modeled for DPM stores. Now a U.S. citizen, Bonaly lives in Las Vegas and campaigns for PETA.

Tonya Harding and Nancy Kerrigan

So much of the Harding/ Kerrigan scandal was due to forces outside of the skaters’ control. Basically, Harding seemed like the blue-eyeshadowed, crispy-permed bad girl who would shoplift from Contempo Casuals after cutting class, whereas Kerrigan had the wholesome vibe of Sandra Bullock and the patrician features of Jackie O. Harding could have been classy as Audrey Hepburn, and Kerrigan may have been a Jerry Springer-watching potty mouth for all we know, but public opinion is a tricky thing.

We all know the story: Kerrigan gets kneecapped, Harding’s ex-husband was behind it, Harding claims she knew nothing about it, and a TV movie was born. But what happened next?

Harding had some tough times – being effectively ousted from the skating community and having forgone education in order to skate, she had trouble finding work. You probably remember her stint in celebrity boxing, or the Jeff Gillooly sex tape. Harding has appeared as a commentator for TruTV, and – after a few run-ins with the law – has married, had a baby, and hopefully cleaned up her act.

Kerrigan, first of all, is a bit of a secret sass factory, and I love it:

Okay, so like just about everyone else on the list, Kerrigan toured in skating shows after her Olympic run. She also has appeared as an ice skating commentator on Entertainment Tonight, and has had a few tv and film cameos. She was once again dragged into controversy in 2011, when her brother was charged with the manslaughter of her father (he was ultimately convicted of assault). She is married and has three children. Kerrigan now supports several charities, and will be commenting on the Sochi games for NBC/Universal.

Sarah Hughes

One of her greatest achievements may be growing out that Dorothy Hamil haircut – anyone who’s had short hair knows that’s no easy feat.

Not exactly a 90s star, it has nonetheless been 12(!) years since Hughes won gold in Salt Lake City, and I think we’re due for an update. Not long after the games, Hughes enrolled in Yale. After taking a year off to tour professionally, she graduated in 2009 with a degree in American studies. She is currently providing commentary on the Sochi Olympics, and works with the Figure Skating in Harlem program.

Kristi Yamaguchi

You probably know the drill by now: Olympics -> professional tours -> charity work. Well, that’s pretty much the case with Kristi, too. After winning gold in Albertville in 1992, Yamaguchi toured with Stars On Ice. In 2000, she married hockey player Bret Hedican and had two children, who I assumed learned how to skate before they could walk. Kristi always seemed like the classy smart girl of the early-90s  figure skating circuit, and I think maybe she really was. She started the Always Dream Foundation, focusing on childhood literacy, and wrote a successful children’s book, Dream Big, Little Pig. Yamaguchi also wrote a few figure skating books for adults — including (no lie) Figure Skating For Dummies.  Kristi’s reality TV career is soaring — the winner of Dancing With The Stars, she also hosted the reality show Skating’s Next Star, had her genealogy traced on a PBS show, and has had cameo performances on a number of TV programs. Yamaguchi even has a fitness DVD out for all of us figure skating-wannabes.

Tara Lipinski

In 1997, tiny Tara became the youngest person ever to win the U.S. Championships, and later, the World Championships. The next year, she took gold in Nagano. Moreover, she had those round brush-curled bangs that everyone in my sixth grade class wanted. After the Olympics she went professional, toured for a few years, and started experiencing hip problems. Fortunately, she was able to fall back on a career of guest appearances on every late 90s- early 2000s family-friendly show you can think of. Lipinski is now a spokesperson for The Boys And Girls Clubs of America and works with Make-A-Wish. She is a regular figure skating commentator – including now, for the Sochi games. And, Tara still puts on the skates from time to time, including a Big Lebowski-inspired routine on Jimmy Fallon.

For you fans of those ‘Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln, Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy’-style coincidences: Lipinski was a 15 year old figure skater in 1998 when she won gold in the Winter Olympics. Today, Yulia Lipnitskaya is a 15-year-old figure skater – born in 1998 – who may be poised to take a medal as well. Yulia is a Russian teenager, and Tara skated to music from Anastasia … a cartoon about a Russian teenager. Crazy stuff. Okay, not really.

Jeni Meno and Todd Sand

This husband-and-wife duo were the darlings of the pair skating circuit. They actually got engaged on the day of their performance at the 1994 Olympics! It was like a cheesy movie we all totally would have watched in the mid-90s, but real. Despite missing medals in their two Olympics competitions (’94 and ’98), the pair won bronze and silver at a few Worlds competitions, and regularly crushed the U.S. nationals. After turning pro and touring for several years, the couple settled down and began coaching. Jenni also appeared on the tv show Skating With Celebrites, which I imagine was like Dancing With The Stars, but with more falling. The Menno-Sandses have two adorable ginger sons, Jack and Matthew. From what I can tell they have bypassed the Sale-Pelletier curse, and are still married.

Nicole Bobek

Nicole Bobek, like Dunkaroos or those rings you could pull your t-shirts through to tie it off to the side, is one of those 90s phenomena that we all kind of remember, even if it’s been years since we thought about them. Nicole only competed in one Olympics (1998), placing 17th due to injury, but she made good showings at U.S. and Worlds Championships for several years there in the mid-90s.

Other than Tonya Harding — who many Tonyas probably blame for tarnishing the entire population of Tonyas – Bobek was probably the biggest ‘bad girl’ of the figure skating sport. She smoked, she slacked off, and she wore flashy costumes and hairdos. As a teen, Nicole received probation for her part in a home invasion (she stole money after breaking into a friend’s garage). It only got worse from there. In 2010, she was convicted for her part in a drug ring after being charged with conspiracy to distribute meth. No, I have no idea why a former teen figure skater plotline wasn’t written into Breaking Bad, either.

This marked a turning point (a salchow, let’s say) for Nicole. She went back to the ice, has performed in a number of benefits, and started teaching. As of last year, she was working on getting her GED, and fellow skaters were impressed with her dedication and positive attitude. Bobek also performs as an acrobat. This has to be my favorite comeback story of all of our former Olympians.

Rudy Galindo

You probably best remember Rudy as a two-time World Champion, or from his pairs career with Kristi Yamaguchi. Well, things have come full circle (let’s go with… half axel. Haven’t used that one yet), because now he coaches Kristi’s daughter. Awww! As you may have guessed, Galindo turned pro in 1996, and toured for several years. He also appeared on Yamaguchi’s reality show, Skating’s Next Star. The first openly gay figure skater in the U.S., Rudy announced that he was H.I.V. positive in 2000. He supports several AIDS charities — his brother died from the disease — and other than a few hip replacements, Galindo is in good health.

Irina Slutskaya

Slutskaya had a surprisingly long competitive career, skating in her first European championship in 1996, and completing her last Olympics event in 2006. She won gold, silver, and bronze medals on the international stage, with some interruptions for serious illness – including a kidney transplant in 2002. Since her last competition, Irina and her husband have had two children. She is a tv presenter – mostly for skating programs – in Russia. Slutskaya still performs on ice, and competed -and won bronze – in the Medal Winner’s Open in 2012.

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The Dawson’s Creek Virgin Diaries: Season 1

Posted in Entertainment, GSOY (Gratuitous Story of Yourself) by

Alright folks. I may have been a product of the 90s, but I was never really a Dawson’s Creek fan. Watching it as a middle schooler meant sitting in my living room while my parents were there. Because I knew that the show involved ‘kissing’ I didn’t want to risk being around them while it happened on TV.

So in saying that, I’ve probably seen a total of 5 episodes of DC in my life. Overall, I know the big plot lines (Andie goes cray, Jack is gay, and Jen doesn’t have a happy ending), but not the details of each season. And because the winter hiatus came creeping in and I am psycho and ran out of new episodes to watch, I decided to start a new series. Thanks Netflix, for contributing to my addiction.

While there’s a good number of gals (and guys) my age that have probably seen it or are dedicated fans, I figured I would represent the other half that never really got into it or haven’t seen it at all. To help us all learn more about 90s pop culture, teens in that era, and really, learn more about ourselves, I thought I’d do a quick overview of each of the six seasons from the perspective of an adult. Enjoy!

Episode 1: Pilot

This show is just so 90s I can’t handle it. I mean Pacey works at a video store. A VIDEO STORE. Honestly, kids growing up now will never know, or possibly don’t know at this very moment what a video store is. Sad yet true fact.

Maybe it’s because I instinctively want BFFs Dawson and Joey to try dating, but I really just don’t believe Jen would ever want to date Dawson. I understand why he’s into the new girl in town who literally walks in with her floral jumper out of a ‘taxi’ and in slow-mo toward him in the most ridiculous way possible. While she probably just wanted to make friends and be liked, this took it a step too far. I’m too old to be watching this show and critically analyzing it, huh?

dat taxi cab doe

So this whole Pacey/teacher affair. I totally forgot about it happening until now. Per my research the whole Mary Kay Letourneau thing happened in 1997, one year before DC premiered – so all of this was fresh in the audience’s mind. Despite the fact shows like Law & Order: SVU ‘rip from the headlines’ all the time these days, it seems like quite a ballsy move to depict something as controversial as a teacher/student/statutory rape storyline when there’s a story out there that’s still making headlines. Dawson’s Creek – it’s nothing if not cutting edge.

Episode 5: Hurricane

I’ve been trying to place where I know Tamara ‘Mary Kay Letourneau’ Jacobs from without looking at IMDb and I finally caved after 5 episodes: she played bitchy Shira Huntzberger (Logan’s passive aggressive WASPy mom) on Gilmore Girls! Someone needs to stress smoke after this affair.

Episode 7: Detention

Speaking of ripping from the headlines, is this the sequel to The Breakfast Club? And is the librarian’s name Mrs. Tingle? JK, it’s Mrs. TRingle. That would’ve been too weird to be the same name as the titular character in a movie Katie Holmes was in.  Apparently Kevin Williamson, creator/executive producer of DC, also directed Teaching Mrs. Tingle. It makes sense now.AND OMG HELEN MIRREN WAS MRS. TINGLE?!!? I can’t believe there’s so much I don’t know about this world.

Episode 9: Roadtrip

The opening shot of this episode involved Savage Garden’s Truly Madly Deeply, Dawson staring out his window and in shambles because Jen Lindley broke up with him. That is all.

Episode 10: Double Date

Can we talk about Scott Foley for a second? This was like, at the height of his heartthrob-ness and I can’t take it. There was a point where I was watching him on my TV in this episode while simultaneously reblogging this gif of him and Fitz in a (sexually charged) scene from Scandal. The man just gets better with age.

Joey and Pacey foreshadowing? EHHH? EHH?!?!?? Dawson also needs to stop being a dick and make up his mind. Ugh, teen angst.

Episode 11: The Scare

Again, Kevin Williamson is really into self promoting, or maybe just  a masochist and enjoys hinting at his other projects in the ones he’s currently working on, but an entire Scream sequence? Okay. We get it.

jen scream dc

Episode 12: Beauty Contest

OH DEAR LORD I HAVE NEVER CRINGED AS MUCH AS I HAVE WHEN WATCHING JOSEPHINE POTTER SINGING ON MY OWN. Why couldn’t they just do it Zefron style and have someone else sing for you? It’s so bad that it’s not even second hand embarrassment anymore. And singing On My Own while Dawson watches in the wings?? Captain Obvious, much?

This ep also had some serious Miss Bayside flashbacks for me too. I was expecting Pacey to pull out from behind and be like Screech, but alas. Some other bitch won Miss Windjammer. And this is also solidified the fact Joshua Jackson is clearly the best actor on the show. All the (Teen Choice) Awards for you, sir.

Episode 13: Decisions

Joey visits her father in prison, and it’s probably because the last ‘jail-related’ show I watched was Orange is the New Black, but I half-expected Pornstache and Pennsawtucky to come out from behind him. Wrong show, wrong jail. Not real.

The thing that we had been anticipating the entire season finally happened. Dawson and Joey kissed… But why do I feel so awk sauce?

WILL JOEY AND DAWSON CONTINUE THEIR KISSING TO THE NEXT SEASON? TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO FIND OUT!

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Best of C+S 2013: Neon Dreams, Lisa Frank Nightmares

Posted in ICYMI: The Best of Posts You Might Have Missed, Lists by

On Friday, we roasted 90s fashion, but let’s not fool ourselves — they were the best decade ever. And yet … kind of disturbing as well? Case in point: Lisa Frank. At first it’s all tap-dancing teddy bears and neon dolphins, and before you know it you have a trapper-keeper featuring a bikini-clad watermelon with visible innards.

~~~~~~~

15 Disturbing Lisa Frank Designs That Are Deceivingly Awesome

Originally Posted on May 3 

Like many young girls growing up in the U.S. between the years of 1990-2000, I fell into the trap that is Lisa Frank. The out of this world designs, the use of every color in the spectrum, the need to have all the stickers, trapper keepers, notebooks and folders money could buy! I wanted it all!

But looking back, and taking a deeper look into the Lisa Frank portfolio, I’ve noticed that these are some pretty trippy designs – like I wouldn’t be surprised if Lisa herself was on shrooms or something while coming up with this stuff. Yet all of it was genius, and she made millions – and is still making millions – on a new generation of kids eating this stuff up, and the generation like ours, just looking for a sense of nostalgia.

Here are just some of designs that upon further inspection, are actually disturbing, politically incorrect, or just ridiculously weird.

The watermelon is wearing a bikini, yet her insides are still showing.

Aliens need love and platform shoes too.

My cats hang out in my pink high tops all the time too.

#Equality

Were insects a thing that girls were into? Like they’re not even cartoony.

A cute cat angel or Lisa Frank’s subtle message about life after death?

Jaws on acid.

Bitch, I’m fabulous.

Just because they’re golden labs playing in their own sandcastle doesn’t mean they’re American. Check out the flag, racists. Viva Mexico!

Bears can’t do splits.

Just… everything about this gypsy pig is disturbing.

This polar bear is getting a little too close to the Eskimo chick for my liking.

And now she’s with the husky? Polar bear is on to you, son.

Just explain this one to me.

No comment.

Best of C+S 2013: Totally Radical 90s Style

Posted in ICYMI: The Best of Posts You Might Have Missed, Outfit Girl by

To close out Week One of our “best of” posts, we’d like to remind you that none of us looked cool in the 90s. Sure, those teenage tumblr-ers and youtube-ies will try to tell you that we all looked super stylish. However, they weren’t there, they don’t understand, and for half a decade, all of our butts looked like ice-cream cones.

~~~~~~~~

90s Fashion Myths vs. Realities

Originally Posted on October 8

Listen, young ladies on tumblr. You’re all into the 90s look, and that’s great, I suppose. I mean, from my perspective it’s the very definition of not great, because it means that I am now old enough to have worn a “vintage” trend the first time around, but bully for you.

Here’s the deal, though. You’re getting it wrong. Your romanticized version of the 90s is super cute, but that’s not how it was. It was awkward, frumpy, and all around unfortunate. Our shirts were too wide and short by a good stretch. Our jeans made us look ice cream cone-shaped. Regardless of season or latitude, everyone was dressed for a Seattle winter. Inspired by our live blog of Hocus Pocus, I present a fashion companion to all you tumblr girls who were born after the early 90s: You Weren’t There, You Wouldn’t Understand

Jeans

Myth:

Everyone wore distressed, slouchy “boyfriend” pants or sleek, high-waisted, taper-legged denim.

Reality:

Yeah. Our waists were high all right. But do you know what lay between the high waist and the tapered ankle? A foot-long butt. While the modern iteration of these pants has a slim fit, there was no “skinny’ in 90s jeans. Rather, there was a ton of fabric, so that your frame would blossom out after your waist, only to end in a vice grip around your ankles. We all looked like gorgeous ice cream cones.

In terms of denim, the acid wash and stone wash we wore had NOTHING in common with today’s distressed denim. It looked almost like the cover of a marble composition notebook. We didn’t do subtlety very well back then. And if you weren’t wearing that – and this never shows up on your tumblrs – you were wearing super-bright, almost indigo blue denim.

Flannel

Myth:

We all wore big, cozy flannel shirts a la Kurt Cobain or – let’s be real – Angela Chase.

Reality:

Well, we did… kind of. I remember being so excited in second grade to get a slouchy flannel for Christmas – so I could look like Cory Matthews. So, I want you to think less Nirvana and more TGIF. Most of us didn’t look like angsty grunge musicians, we looked like honor roll kids from nice families who were trying to stay comfy.

Leggings

Myth:

Underneath our Seattle flannels or stylish tunic tops, we showed off our toned, aerobicized legs in leggings, topped off with Doc Martins.

Reality:

Every kind of pants in the 90s made you look like you were wearing diapers. I think leggings had a little less elastic then, plus most of the ones we had were stirrup leggings. Yeah. In the 90s, stirrups weren’t just for horseback riding and your gyno’s office. So, pants were well secured at the waist and ankles, and kind of saggy and sad in between. On our feet? Keds.

Hair

Myth:

Our hair fell in long, devil-may-care waves and curls, kind of like Lorde.

Reality:

Those big 80s bangs didn’t really die until the mid-90s. We didn’t wear loose waves, we wore spiral perms. If you wanted to look really polished, you probably had The Rachel, and if you wanted to look really professional, you had Princess Diana’s haircut. In the late 90s, we didn’t wear long, subtle side bangs like all of you kids. We had light fringes that we painstakingly curled under with round brushes, so your forehead was under a protective hair-dome. There was a lot of half-up, half-down happening. Lots of claw clips. Scrunchies. Seasonal scrunchies, classy scrunchies, denim scrunchies. One of the first times I remember getting a big laugh in a crowded room, I was about 5 and was making up a commercial for scrunchies at Thanksgiving with my extended fam. “Scrunchies! Because real bracelets are for snobs! Scrunchies! Because you could put it in your hair later, maybe!” (See, the whole thing with scrunchies was that they just ended up on everyone’s wrists).

Businesswear

Myth:

The woman of the 90s wore a lot of power pieces – be it menswear-inspired suspenders, or tiny suits a la Ally McBeal.

Reality:

The woman of the 90s wore a lot of shoulder pads – it wasn’t just the 80s. She’s also responsible for that thing where you wear big, ugly sneakers with business clothes in order to go power walking. 90s women wore a ton of horrible flat-front khakis. The Adult Jumper was going strong, and not just for teachers.

Neon

Myth:

Totally radical!

Reality:

Totally dopey.

Riot Grrl

Myth:

We wore baby doll dresses as a subtle critique of the infatilization of adult women – ditto for those baby barrettes. These were paired with heavy, down-to-business boots. Zines as far as the eye can see.

Reality:

Sure. We all wore baby doll dresses with baby barrettes and boots — because Stephanie Tanner did. I’m sure it was different if you were in high school or college, but if you were a kid in the 90s you probably weren’t wearing these fashions to fight the patriarchy with Kathleen Hanna and Courtney Love. You just wanted to look like people on TV.

Music

Myth:

While we wore our sweet tumblr-y fashions, we listened to the latest indie tunes from mix tapes that we ordered from the back of a zine.

Reality:

Celine Dion. Natalie Merchant. A lot of pseudo-intellectualism: “tell me all your thoughts on God,” e.g. Harmonicas without irony. Actually, everything without irony. That’s what separates real 90s style from the (admittedly better) 2010s revival, and the best thing about the decade: we really, earnestly meant all of this.

Best of C+S 2013: Say Hello To Your Friends – Baby-Sitters Club!

Posted in Entertainment, ICYMI: The Best of Posts You Might Have Missed by

MERRY CHRISTMAS, FRIENDS!!! Hope you’re enjoying the holiday today (if you celebrate it). In the event you get a little down time from unwrapping gifts and eating, please enjoy our gift to you, in the form of a (yet to be produced) musical from a popular 90s young adult series. It’s really the gift that keeps on giving, folks. Yay Santa!

~~~

The Baby-Sitters Club: The Musical — Excerpts From The Libretto

{originally posted January 17th}

If I know one thing that sells these days, it’s nostalgia. And if I know two things that sell these days, they’re nostalgia, and making musicals out of things that were never intended to be musicals. While I haven’t exactly worked out the whole thing, here are some song titles and sample lyrics from my smash hit in the making, The Baby-Sitters Club: The Musical.

The Chapter Where We Find Out About Everyone: This number is narrated by the Greek Chorus, which is comprised of three ladies dressed as Ann M. Martin, Beverly Cleary, and Francine Pascal (read: three women in cardigans with glasses and sensible haircuts).

  • Sample lyrics:

I know you will skip over this,
As you wait for the story to begin –
But listen, Please! And don’t forget
About Jessi’s cocoa colored skin.
And Mallory’s clear braces hide
The potential she has within –
Hey Reader! Come back here! Do not disparage
The chapter that tells of the Schafer-Spier marriage
It’s The Chapter Where We Find Out About Everyone,
Ghostwritten just for you!

Stonybrook’s Divorce Rate: In this selection, the babysitters and their charges mourn the demise of the nuclear family, as evidenced by Stonybrook’s sky-high divorce rate [see Dawn’s mom, Kristy’s parents, the Brewers, most of the charges who weren’t part of the 27-kid Pike family].

Stonybrook’s Divorce Rate, Reprise: The ever-opportunistic BSC celebrates the economic advantages of marital instability in Stonybrook: with so many single-parent households and moms on the dating market, there is an obscene need for babysitters.

Shannon Kilbourne is Boring: As associate member Shannon Kilbourne leaves the BSC to pursue additional college courses (probably with that nerd Janine Kishi, am I right?), the Baby-Sitters Club does not care. Because Shannon Kilbourne is really, really boring.

  • Sample lyrics:

Shannon Kilbourne is Boring
There’s nothing else to say
If Shannon Kilbourne’s a color
Then Shannon Kilbourne is grey
Like the stony halls of S.M.S.
On an empty summer day
No one cares about Shannon Kilbourne
We’d gladly give her away.

She’s our associate member
We call her when we get stuck
But Shannon’s not at our meetings
Cause Shannon Kilbourne sucks
She gives it her best effort, yes
But I still don’t give a fuck
We won’t miss Shannon Kilbourne
Shannon, Good Bye,
Good Luck!
[Shannon shrugs and walks away. She even walks away boring. There is no point to Shannon Kilbourne, and everyone knows it.]

The Diabetes Ballet: In this dance interlude, a dreaming Stacy finds herself stalked by dancing Twinkies, Twix, and Twizzlers that are hidden throughout Claudia’s room. She wakes up having wet the bed. [I can’t be the only person who has that moment in Stacy’s medical history seared in her memory.]

Almond-Shaped Eyes, Broken-Shaped Heart: Claudia mourns Mimi, her grandmother who taught her what love really is.

  • Sample Lyrics:

My earrings are ketchup and mustard bottles,
My leggings are airbrushed with relish
But my themed outfit grows from a sorrow below
Like a Bedazzler that cannot embellish.

My cowboy hat and boots may match
My cactus skirt and bolo tie
But nothing can match the sadness
Of the tears from my almond-shaped eyes.

Bart’s Bashings: After Kristy’s Krushers defeat Bart’s Bashers on the Little League field, Bart delivers his own crushing blow: he breaks up with Kristy due to their “incompatibilities.”

  • Sample Lyrics:

[Bart] Hey Kristy! When I talk to you, I run out of words to say –
Because all you talk about is softball, or the gym pants you bought today,
It’s not that I think you’re annoying – No! I just kinda think that you’re —
[Greek Chorus] SHH!
[Bart, spoken:] Well, you know everyone’s been thinking it…
You act like we’re an item, Kris, but girl, you’re no great thespian,
And those are some clunky boots you’ve got for a girl who’s not an equestrian,
It’s clear from context and subtext that your character’s really a —
[Greek Chorus] Bart! Come on!

Kristy Thomas, Bossy Bitch: The BSC members discuss how Kristy, while a smart and savvy go-getter, is also a controlling teen tyrant:

  • Sample Lyrics:
Someday she’ll be CEO
Someday she’ll be rich,
Some day she’ll set the world alight,
But right now, Kristy’s a bitch!
 
Kristy will someday be the head
Of a multi-national corporation,
And I’ll just say I knew her when
She was the bitchiest teen in the nation!
 
Kristy could run the FBI!
Kristy could be the president!
But in my heart she’ll always be
Stonybrook’s bitchiest resident.

But that’s just a bit of what The Babysitter’s Club: The Musical has to offer! Check some stage very far from Broadway around 2018 or so to hear these other great selections: JK Rowling, Plagiarist (in which the Pikes file suit for copyright infringement because the Weasleys were obviously based on them), Nobody Likes You, Karen Brewer (Gigundoly Bratty remix), BSC Super Special! (it’s exactly like a regular song but longer and with occasional cursive), and I Know He’s Just a Young Adult Character But I’ve Always Felt Like Logan Bruno’s Probably Really Hot. Continue reading →