Dawson’s Creek Is So Old That…

How old is Dawson’s Creek?
At 20 years old this month, Dawson’s Creek is so old that (in my subjective memory)…

I started watching Dawson’s Creek on Episode 4 … so I had to wait until summer reruns to see episodes 1, 2 and 3. No DVR, On Demand or Hulu!

But not to worry, because people online actually transcribed the episodes and posted them on angelfire/ geocities. (So Many Old Sites still exist! It’s like time travel.)

… And I got in trouble for tying up the phone line reading those websites.

If I missed an episode, I would read the recap on Dawson’s Wrap, the pre-pre-precursor to the long defunct Television Without Pity.

TV soundtracks were a big thing, and the WB would announce the songs featured in the episode, along with the albums they appeared on, at the end of the episode.

Speaking of which, the Dawson’s Creek Soundtrack was THE must-own album in 7th grade and I bought it at a mall in an actual CD STORE. And I didn’t know each jewel case had a different picture inside, so I was bummed to get the Joey one instead of the Pacey one.

Today, an actress the same age as youngest main cast member Michelle Williams would have been born in the year 2000.

Oldest main cast member James Van Der Beek is now 40 years old. If you’re keeping track, that’s only about two years younger than John Wesley Shipp was when he played James’s Dad.

(It’s also only about 18 years younger than Grams, but to be fair Mary Beth Peil was not really old in 1998, they just wrote her like she was 90.)

Dawson’s Creek was the anchor of the teen block on the WB, which hasn’t even existed for the past 12 years … aka, since today’s teens were babies.

There was a guide to the Dawson’s Creek stars – with full color pages! – in the paper Scholastic book order.

Two of the main characters – Dawson and Pacey, but you already knew – worked in a video store, which truly seemed like a cool job to have.

Dawson didn’t shoot on film because he was a hipster. He shot on film because it was the only way.

Also, the kids didn’t dress ‘normcore’ because they were hipsters. They dressed normcore because the show was literally sponsored by J. Crew at that point. Remember when Gap’s big campaign convinced middle school and high schoolers that frumpy khakis were cool? It was right around then.

Do yourself a favor and click on this to go to Buzzfeed’s post about the D.C. J. Crew catalog

Katie Holmes was so young then that she delayed her audition because she was in her high school play in Ohio.

It had only been two years since Joshua Jackson appeared in D3: The Mighty Ducks, and only 6 years since he was a tiny scamp in the original The Mighty Ducks.

The hot new musical of the year was …. Ragtime.

Teletubbies, a children’s show from a very long time ago, wouldn’t even premiere for another few months.

The furby hadn’t been introduced yet, but Beanie Babies were still a hot item.

 

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Golden Globes 2015 – Best and Worst Dressed

With the Golden Globes last night, we’re officially in awards season mode. Queens Tina and Amy made their third and final appearance as hosts, our love for Amal ‘The dress is Dior Couture by the gloves are my own’ Clooney grew even more, and for some reason, the tears were flowing so much that you’d think we had watched the last 8 hours of Titanic during the show.

That being said, the Globes came and went as fast as Leo DiCaprio’s model girlfriends, and with the 2015 ceremony behind us, we’re picking our hits and misses on the red carpet. Are your faves on the list?

Best Dressed

Molly’s Picks

Amal Clooney in Dior

The dress was vintage Dior. The gloves were her own. She accessorized with a Je Suis Charlie pin. You win the night, Amal. I appreciate an understated look with one fashion risk tossed in, erring on the side of classy risk (gloves) not tacky (crotch-high slits).

 

Kate Beckinsale in Elie Saab

So, I’ve never thought to myself “Kate Beckinsale: fashion icon” – more like “Kate Beckinsale: which one is she?” because I always have to think about who she is vs. Kate Bosworth. But Beckinsale keeps nailing it on the red carpet, so I have a feeling I’ll be a lot better at remembering which one she is in the future. This is the rare gown that – if you click through to the source – actually looks better on her than it did on the runway, with the neckline altered to be slightly less plunging. I love the dark nails, clean makeup, and after several years of tousled waves on the red carpet, even the tidy updo is refreshing.

Salma Hayek in Alexander McQueen

I was about to write this off as too bridal at first. But honestly, brides WISH they could look this good. This is how a fairly simple design concept can look amazing: perfect tailoring, an interesting brocade fabric, and accessories – it wouldn’t work without that belt. If I could change anything, I’d ditch the bridal-white clutch and swap the dainty silver bangle for a thinner, more solid bracelet.

Julianne Moore in Givenchy

Usually sequins and feathers would get a big “no, not really” from me. But leave it to the preferred designer of Audrey Hepburn to nail it with a minimalist neckline and bodice and silvery ombre.

Matt Bomer in Ralph Lauren Black Label

Okay, boys. THIS is how you do non-black Black Tie. In a decade’s time, these ’50s-influenced, slim-cut tuxedos are going to look so 2010s. I don’t even care. I’m so over those schlumpy, baggy tuxedo pants that look like they could be concealing a diaper.

Honorable Mention: Quvenzhane Wallis in Armani – that little munchkin is dressed exactly how an 11-year-old nominated for her performance in Annie should be. And Tina Fey’s tuxedo, because good Lord, that wasn’t even fair.

Traci’s Picks

Diane Kruger in Emilia Wickstead

Golden Globe Awards? More like SILVER Globe Awards, amirite?? Diane was just one of the many stars wearing a shimmery silver last night, including Julianne Moore, Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Lopez, Dakota Johnson, etc. etc. But I think Diane wore it best – it’s not too outlandish like JLo’s, but it’s also not as simple as Reese’s. There’s more too it than just a gown. It has depth and lines – but let’s be real, if anyone else wore this, it wouldn’t look as good.

 

Emily Blunt in Michael Kors

She may not have walked away with an award last night, but Emily is certainly on the top of a lot of best dressed lists today. She looks like a goddess (said in my head with a British accent like ‘god-DESS’) in this flowing white gown. She paired it perfectly with the pop of color with her bracelet and earrings and a perfect braid atop her head. Flawless.

 

Chrissy Teigen in Zuhair Murad

Being a model, Chrissy has a penchant for hitting her red carpet look out of the park, and this was no exception. I feel like in person, this baby pink lace dress is even more impressive, and that makes me love it even more. And although John Legend won last night, Chrissy of course made her mark by getting caught making this face, and within minutes she was an internet meme. God bless.

 

Taylor Schilling in Ralph Lauren

As I’m typing this I just realized I also chose Taylor for one of my Best Dressed at the Emmys last year, so I guess she’s killing it on the red carpet as of late? Any type of gown that flares out like that reminds me of a classing Hollywood style, which is perfect for this event. It’s simple yet sexy, and if only she had changed her makeup a little, this would’ve been the perfect look.

 

Emma Stone in Lanvin

Boy, do I enjoy a good pantsuit. I love when ladies say ‘screw traditional women’s fashion – i’m gonna wear pants!’. (BTW best dressed not on my list includes Tina Fey in that tux that made me question my sexuality for a second). Anyways, Emma is the type of gal who can make this look classy yet fun, and that sash – THAT SASH is the perfect accessory. Also, pockets. What girl doesn’t love pockets?!

 

Worst Dressed

Molly’s Picks

Katie Holmes in Marchesa

This shape and color is perfect for the erstwhile Josephine Potter. So what’s the problem? Easy: that it’s one of those fabrics that creases in a not-so-attractive way when you wear it. I really feel for Katie Holmes here – how many of us have been there with something that looks awesome when you try it on, and becomes a wrinkly mess after 10 minutes of sitting and moving around?

Keira Knightley in Chanel

This is a dress worth breaking our usual taboo over having too much overlap on our lists. It’s like part Delia*s, part prom dress from The Virgin Suicides, part Wendy Darling’s nightgown. Hey, at least she tried something?

Conchita Wurst

Conchita Wurst’s fame hasn’t really reached U.S. shores yet, but I’m feeling pretty “you do you” about the beard. The internet might have room for fashion police, but not gender binary police. I just don’t like how the dress reminds me of a Halloween costume for Hot Rose Dewitt Bukater. There’s also some poor timing going on – it reminds me of that much-maligned green dress that took Twitter by storm last week.

Kristin Dos Santos in Walter Mendez

This cut makes her look weirdly bottom-heavy.  If you erase everything from a few inches above the knee on down the dress looks great, so there’s something screwy about how the mermaid effect was tailored.

Alan Cumming in Calvin Klein

What even is this?

Traci’s Picks

Lana Del Rey in Travilla

Looks like Lana’s living out of the waters, probably gonna go spend a day warm on the sand. Thingamabobs? She’s got twenty.

 

Jemima Kirk in Rosie Assoulin

I’m all for a cape but Jemima, who has always been known for her eccentric fashion style, looks like she was dressing up to be Queen Elsa for her kids and found some fabric leftover from 1989 to throw on as a top. Also, she looks exactly like Selina Meyers’ daughter Katherine in Veep, no?

 

Jill Soloway in this suit

Props to Transparent creator Jill for rockin this suit, but I feel like I’ve zoomed into a Magic Eye book.

 

Katie Cassidy in Black Canary couture 

I think Katie Cassidy thought she was going to prom last night… but prom in like 2002.

 

Kiera Knightley in Chanel 

I’ve never been pregnant, but I imagine picking a dress for a high-profile event like the Golden Globes could be particularly daunting. But Kiera’s always been a fashion forward-type gal, so one would assume her style tastes wouldn’t change once she got preggo. Unfortch, that didn’t happen. She looks like a tablecloth from a grandma’s summer home up in the Adirondacks. And I just noticed the huge butterfly bracelet. Ring? Purse? In the words of Miley, ‘Butterfly fly away’.

 

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The Dawson’s Creek Virgin Diaries: Season 5

And we’re back in Capeside again! Well, technically not Capeside… you’ll see. For anyone that’s new to this series, I’ve been documenting my journey to good old Dawson’s Creek (which, BTW is so inaptly named, I’ll get to that in a second) for the past few months, recapping my thoughts as I watch it for the very first time as an adult (view Season 1, 2, 3, and 4 here!)

We ended with the gang graduating from high school, which for most teen dramas means an inevitable jumping of the metaphorical shark. Dawson’s going off to film school 3,000 miles away from home at USC, Joey (who has broken up with Pacey wahhh) is going to her dream college in Boston at an imaginary place called Worthington, BFFs/OTP Jack and Jen are also off to Boston to go to another fictional college called Boston Bay, and Pacey’s taking care of some rich guy’s boat by sailing around the Caribbean. Let’s see what happens when everyone leaves the Creek…

Episode 1

This episode starts off with a voice over that sounds vaguely familiar – and that’s bc it’s Ken Marino. I would tell you what he’s from but he’s been in so many things, so here’s his picture:

This also starts off with Joey – no sign of Dawson – and proves what I’ve been thinking for the past couple seasons: this show is a misnomer. It’s not Dawson’s Creek. It never has been. Unless they meant it to be like, from Joey’s perspective, it’s ‘Dawson’s Creek’. Whatever, it’s still stupid. Katie Holmes is the only person on the cast who has been in every single episode, so just look at the facts. Also I had no idea that they all went to Boston for college!? It’s giving me all the feels of when I was a freshman in Boston.

Anyways, Ken Marino (a professor) was actually reading one of Joey’s papers about that kiss she had with Dawson, and we’re led to believe that they kissed and they parted for college and nothing else ever happened. Perfect.

Enter busy Phillips. She’s deemed herself Jen’s BFF and I’m already loving seeing the beginning of their IRL friendship! Who doesn’t love a good best gal pal friendship?!

Dawson is actually in LA,  quietly achieving his life dream in the directors chair and it’s adorable. But there are so many people milling about on this lot, it’s as if there’s just a free for all at the studio. Not exactly how it happens IRL.

PACEY IS BACK FROM THE CARIBBEAN AND HAS A BOAT DOCKED IN BOSTON. BUT HE’S HIDING FROM EVERYONE BUT JEN WTF.

Jack, Jen, Joey, and new BFF Audrey (Busy Phillips) are at their first big college party AND OH LAWD this frat bro is legit wearing a puka shell necklace. And Chad Michael Murray what is your hair.  It is really 2001 all over again.

Dawson gets fired from his internship with a legit movie director because he decided to sass him and leaves LA to go to Boston and shows up at Joey’s door. Just when I thought the writers were making the right decision by not putting them together again. Ugh.

Episode 2

PACEY IS KISSING SOMEONE WHO IS NOT JOEY I’m not okay with it. Slash that person is Jennifer Morrison.

 Joey is dropping a class and has to wait in a line out the door. I never dropped a class in college because it was all online, but this is 2001. Times were tough back then.

With the help of Dougie, Pacey gets some gumption and gets a job at a restaurant. I’m super happy for him doing something with his life and all, but when is he going to show himself to everyone (read: Joey)? He can only hide for so long. Boston’s a big city, but it ain’t that big.

Well it looks like Dawson’s staying in Boston instead of going back to school in LA, mostly because of Joey. This is no bueno. Unrelatedly, was the general consensus on the last two seasons that it was cursed because now that they’re not in high school, it jumped the shark? Because I get that.

Episode 3

IT HAPPENED! Joey is at the restaurant that Pacey works at and sees him in the kitchen! Let the awkwardness ensue!

Meanwhile, Jack is pledging a frat and I fear that once they find out he’s gay they’re going to take hazing to a whole new level. However, I’ve been proven wrong…

Jack: I’m gay.

Blossom: You thought we didn’t know that?

Jack: Most people are surprised.

Blossom: Most people aren’t Sigma people. You’re sigma people, Jack. You’re one of us.

Jack: You mean, there’s other guys in the house that are gay?

Blossom: You’d be the first.

Jack: Most fraternities are not particularly well known for, you know, their tolerance towards alternative lifestyles.

Blossom: Which is precisely why we need you in this house, McPhee. Listen, Sigma Ep has a reputation for being one of the roughest, party-hearty, alpha male fraternities on campus, a reputation which is not entirely unfounded. The dean wants us to diversify. The dean gets what the dean wants, so, yes, Jack, we know you’re gay, and we want you in this house because you’re gay.

Question: how is this better than affirmative action??

Dawson is back in Capeside and spending some time with his family, particularly with his baby sister, and I have to admit him sitting with her in their front yard under an umbrella is equally hilarious and adorable.

It’s interesting watching this as an adult who has gone through the difficulty of figuring out independence and friendship in the first year of college. I always imagined high school would be like Saved by the Bell – and it wasn’t. I think if I watched this when it was originally on (and I was in high school), I would’ve thought their experience was exactly what college was like. But for me, it definitely was not. As an adult, I watch this season as more of a cynicist thinking, ‘That could never/never happened in college’, where as a teenager, I would have been like, ‘Whoa college is big and scary and filled with frat parties that I would never be invited to’. The first year of college is a day to day thing and you live your life looking at what’s in front of you. It wasn’t a “big picture” thing that the movies and TV portray it as.

Attention: Joey and Pacey finally faced each other and it was actually cute and I hope that they stay friends… for now.

Ok so this is a spoiler I knew was coming: Mitch gets into a car accident. But I did NOT know it’s because he tried to get a scoop of ice cream that he dropped on the floor. DA FAQ just happened. Although maybe he was drunk, because ice cream is his drunk food? No? Just the ice cream? Embarrassing way to go out, man.

Notable Quote: “I don’t know, I could use the snuggles.” Jen, explaining to Joey and Audrey why she’s leaving for a booty call with CMM.

Episode 4

Mitch is officially dead, and I like that they subtly confirm that by showing the “closed for death in the family” sign on the door of their restaurant, because TBH, I don’t need to see an entire episode of Mitch on his death bed. Also, is there really not a better way to get Dawson back to Capeside than having his father killed? I guess dropping out of school wasn’t enough.

Pacey just gave his approval for Dawson and Joey to get back together again, because apparently being at sea has helped him find himself and become a better person.

Pacey: Why on earth would Dawson Leery, of all people, want to drop out of film school? (Looks over at Joey and then knows.) Oh. I get it. It’s ok. You can tell me, Jo. I’m not gonna get upset. 

Joey Oh, Pace, I didn’t ask him to, if that’s what you mean. 

Pacey: Look. If anybody understands the various shades of gray here, it’s me, and I think it’s time the two of you got your shot… because the way I see it, you never did, and this world could use as many Romeo and Juliet’s as it can get. 

Joey: Look what happened to them. 

Oh man. Pacey takes Dawson to the crash site to help him realize that it’s not his fault his dad died, and yet again, Pacey Witter proves he is the greatest human #PaceyWitterDreamMan.

Episode 5

I find it comical that Ken Marino has been cast as the hot Englishg teacher when all I picture is him like this:

Jen’s all hooking up with CMM, and it’s to the point where she seems him out at a restaurant with some girl after he told Jen he was working. Pacey attempts to stop Jen from going in there and ripping out his beautiful head of hair and hilarity ensues #PaceyWitterDreamMan

DAWSON – I know it’s really hard, but you need to get a grip and deal with your father’s death. Avoiding it like the plague is not going to help anyone.

Episode 6

Is Pacey’s restaurant the only fancy restaurant they’re allowed to go to on this show, because it really feels that way with the amount of scenes they do here.

In my head, 2001 doesn’t seem that long ago, but please look at Dawson’s caller ID on his Motorola phone:

Why does CMM always play a douche guy? And why does he have a lizard in his room? Is Jen going to become a lesbian? I have a lot of burning questions.

One of those was answered because instead of Jen becoming a lesbian, she tricks CMM to think she’s down for a threesome with his side chick and instead both of them drop him. Again, Jen tricks CMM into a faux threesome. This show.

Yikes, guys. Dawson is drunk this is not going to end weelll. He actually said, ‘Have no fear, Dawson is here.’ He’s the kind of drunk that tells the truth when he’s inebriated so basically he just blamed Joey for his dad dying. sigh.

Episode 7

Dawson finally gets professional help to deal with his dad’s death and this is the therapist he goes to:

Recognize her yet? Time’s up. This is the therapist in 2014:

Episode 8

Well thanks DC writers for perpetualizing the stereotype that frat boys’ main goal is to get laid. Because that’s literally what they’re told to do – bring girls to a party so the brothers can hook up with them, and Jack decides to bring Joey and Audrey. I think it was scenes like this that made me think frats in college were the worst.

PS: Pacey slept with this girl Karen that he works with but honestly she needs to GTFO because she’s playing him like an instrument that you play a lot. And no one messes with our boy.

Speaking of sleeping with people, Dawson takes Jen up to New Hampshire because he won a film contest for the movie he made about his elderly friend Mr. Brooks who died last season. And apparently Dawson and Jen took the state motto, ‘Live free or Die’ to heart because they are into each other again and guess what – Jen gets it in with virgin Dawson! AND she’s wearing these pajamas!

Annnddd they’re dating now. Great.

Notable Quotes: Some guy talking to Dawson at the film festival: “I go to school in Boston. This really weird visual arts place full of freaks and misfits.” – literally sounds like where I went to school.

Episode 9

Ah here’s the annual Halloween episode. Joey, Pacey & Jack are telling scary stories that actually happened to them, and Joey’s is that she was stuck in the school library late at night with a creepy guy and another creepy guy who is Detective Wilden from Pretty Little Liars, so I automatically think he’s sketchy.

In full disclosure I fell asleep and decided not to rewind it.

Episode 10

Guys, turns out I really like Busy Phillips/her character, even after I decided I wasn’t going to like her because of who she ends up dating (hint hint). In the end, she was the right voice to come into the show as they entered a new season – kinda like how Gretchen was the right person to bring in last season. Right character, the right time.

This entire back and forth Pacey and Jack have about Dawson possibility losing his virginity to Jen is fantastic and honestly the best thing that’s happened this season.

For a couple that’s broken up then got back together than broke up and then got back together then broke up, this confrontation between Dawson and Joey re: sleeping with Jen is… WOOF.

Dawson: Joey, it hurts to be around you. When I see you, even from across the room, it brings up a thousand memories. Not just of us, but of my entire life before. It’s like I’m frozen in this place that I can’t bear to be. I care about you so much. As long as I can remember, everything’s always come back to you. I mean, even no matter what was happening between us. Even the thought of you is at least a constant comfort, but… I can’t go back. It just hurts.

Fashion note: I love that Pacey is suddenly Top Chef wearing an apron – and I just noticed he’s stopped wearing those hideous Hawaiian t-shirts. It’s like he was preparing for his voyage to the Caribbean for 4 seasons.

Episode 11

Joey is checking her grades on a board that was printed in computer paper. DO KIDS THESE DAYS EVEN REMEMBER COMPUTER PAPER??

Okay, so maybe I ship Pacey and Joey as friends too because them high giving over his promotion slash her grades is the cutest. Maybe I just really ship Pacey. Have I expressed that feeling yet? #PaceyWitterDreamMan

When is CMM leaving Boston for One Tree Hill, this is absurd. I’m over him. And his ridiculous helmet.

SOMETHING I DID NOT SEE COMING: On My Own reprise!! Well kind of. Joey gets the balls to sing for CMM’s band at this club where all the college kids hang out, and instead of a Broadway song, it’s Blondie. Although it’s less embarrassing than the first time I still can’t help but watch through my fingers. Partly because she started singing with her musical theatre voice and it was weird, but hey, at least she got up there and did it.

Notable Quote: “Right there in the bursar’s office on the formica. It was wild, passionate, hot, animalistic sex.” – Joey, being her usual sarcastic self about hooking up with Professor Ken Marino

Episode 13

Dawson finally decides to go back to film school (in Boston), and as a ‘Back to School’ present, Jen gets Dawson an ET Trapper Keeper and it’s actually super cute. That is the only good thing about this relationship so far. The nostalgic school supplies.

Joey is torn between two lovers – this kid Elliott, a peer and someone her own age who is really into her, and Professor Ken Marino. Joey decides to ditch a date with Elliott in order to go to an academic thing at Prof Ken’s house, and she ends up kissing him. But again, all I can see is Ken Marino. It’s so weird. When she gets back to her dorm, she finds a get well soon basket from Elliott, because she told him she was sick in order to get out of said date. And he made her a card out of construction paper. Look who’s making poor choices again – it’s Josephine Potter.

Notable Quotes: “If that’s what the people want, if they want me to be nasty and sarcastic, I can do that. I just need something that’s gonna take me there. Pacey, say something disgusting.” – Jen

“Sure, would you prefer sexist or just downright vulgar?” – Pacey

Episode 15

DC fans: this is the infamous robbery episode, so brace yourselves. Everyone else – thanks for reading this far but good GOD get ready for an effed up episode (which you can view in its entire below).

I figure this is a ‘Very special episode of Dawson’s Creek because of the different opening credits – it looks like the beginning of a Disney Channel Original Movie.

The episode starts out in Downtown Crossing, which, when I lived blocks away from there, was a bustling area. Even if it’s midnight. Joey is walking by herself at a leisurely pace, staring at stars in the sky. I take this as a bad sign already because no one in Boston does this unless you’re a tourist. Walking is for getting from Point A to Point B. Also, it appears that no one else is around at this time of night – but she said she was taking the subway, and if the subway’s still open, it means there should be people around, but conveniently, there is not a soul in sight.

A man spots Joey going to an ATM vestibule and follows her. Instead of straight up mugging her, he decides to talk to her and tell her he’s not going to rob her. Then asks for money. She says no, but he keeps pushing. Joey being, well, Joey, insists she doesn’t have any and he’s all ‘Bitch I saw you come out of the bank’ (not verbatim). She tries to walk away and he pulls out a gun.

Joey is spending waaayyyy too much time chatting with him. She told him her real name AND the school she goes too NO TIME TO BE SASSY RN JO. THIS SCENE IS LASTING WAY TOO LONG. WHY ARE THEY SPENDING SO MUCH TIME TOGETHER AND WHY ARE THERE NO OTHER PEOPLE AROUND THIS IS THE WORST. NOW SHE’S GIVING HIM DATING ADVICE?? ” I can’t believe I’m even participating in this conversation,” says Joey. I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE PARTICIPATING IN THIS CONVERSATION EITHER.

He takes her back to the bank so she can take out money but the  two are still chattering on as if they have all the time in the world. The mugger takes note of Joey’s “nice” coat and refuses to give it to him, but he’s all ‘It wasn’t really a question’ and the camera pans to the gun in the waist of his pants. Not really necessary to keep showing the gun, but okay. He takes the money from her savings ($500) and her coat, and walks away, hopefully never to be seen again.

I just found out that the version on YouTube is different from the one on Netflix, which means unless you want to watch this ep on Netflix, you won’t be able to hear this absolutely ridiculous song that includes the lyrics, “Alone again, as I often am/Candles burn, slowly at both ends/Who am I, why am I here/Can I learn to overcome this fear”. And then this happens:

I’M SORRY, WHAT WAS THAT? THE MUGGER STOPPED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET TO WAVE AT WHO HE JUST MUGGED AND THEN GOT HIT BY A CAR?? I have seen a lot A LOT of TV programming and this is hands down one of the worst scenes I’ve ever seen in my life.

In one of the more frightening scenes of this entire series, Joey goes to get her coat and money back from the seemingly dead body in the middle of the street, but HE WAKES UP and won’t let her call 911 for help, despite the fact he’s bleeding profusely.

He throws her cell phone and he threatens to shoot her, but bitch still refuses. Turns out the gun wasn’t loaded the whole time, but still. If someone has a gun on you, don’t argue with them and make them angrier. I mean she literally says, ‘If you want to shoot me, go right ahead.’ HELLO?? DID PEOPLE STILL WATCH THIS SHOW AFTER THIS EPISODE??

It’s a hit and run and Joey decides to stay with him until the ambulance gets there. The mugger guy is lit’rally on the ground, bleeding, but still wants a cigarette. He can’t light it himself because HE JUST GOT HIT BY A CAR AND IS INJURED so Joey helps him light it. What even. But then she goes to the hospital to make sure he’s okay… THIS EP SHOULD BE RETITLED JOEY: GO HOME.

At the hospital, Joey finds a little girl who I’m convinced is a little girl ghost, because frankly anything could happen at this point. She’s a real girl, whose mother asks Joey to look after her because she needs to look for her husband – who got hit by a car. Yeah, that husband is her mugger who’s currently bleeding to death on an operating table. They put the pieces together and his wife apologizes and gets the hell out of there.

I think it’s a sign that if the wife can’t even stand by her man, you shouldn’t either, right? Nope. The mugger is awake and requests to see Joey, and they talk even more like can you guys just stop? Did the writers run out of ideas? Why is there an entire episode dedicated to this?

Oh, he dies.

Real talk: was this episode part of a theme week on WB? Like Green Week on NBC? Was it Be Aware Of Your Surroundings Week? Don’t Act Like a GD Idiot Day?

Episode 16

In the middle of everyone taking care of Joey and making sure she’s okay every minute of the day, Pacey and Audrey had sex, and they’re in a weird middle ground where Audrey doesn’t want to continue because of the Joey factor. Relatedly, Pacey has now adopted a Shaft look in lieu of his I work at Trader Joe’s look, and I honestly don’t know what’s worse.

Jack and Pacey’s friendship has always been sweet, and Pacey unknowingly goes to a gay bar with Jack and it is the actual cutest. Not to mention guys are hitting on Pacey and he’s just letting it happen. #PaceyWitterDreamMan

Notable Quotes: “Pacey, you’re not gay.” – Jack “Well I know that and you know that and as far as he’s concerned you’re my boyfriend!” – Pacey

Episode 17

There’s a shot of Flutie Flakes – does anyone outside of Western New York/New England remember Flutie Flakes, the cereal named after beloved football player Doug Flutie?

Honestly why is CMM still on this show? Now he’s chasing after Joey romantically and hoping to recruit her for his band. She agrees to fill in as the lead singer, but I find it hard to believe Joey would just agree to do it. Also they’re (the writers) are so trying to sexualize her and it just isn’t working we know her as the girl next door – which isn’t to say she shouldn’t have a sexy side but throughout this entire season even she’s wearing makeup and it’s WEIRD.

Also weird: Pacey and Audrey blatantly want to check in to this sketchy motel to have sex and Joey is forced to stay with them. I’M JUST NOT OVER PACEY & JOEY, OKAY.

Episode 18

There was legit a side swipe cut into another scene. Did someone edit this on windows movie maker?! What is happening to this program?

Forgot to mention Jen broke up with Dawson in the last episode. Nobody cares because nobody cared about that relationship in the first place.

Wait the real episode credits just flashed on the screen that was showing Dawson’s movie it was so meta and weird and The Simpsons-esque do not like. PS: Dawson has a movie.

Notable Quotes: “Can I say something? My Grams is dating a 65-year-old African American man named Clifton Smalls.” – Jen, telling it like it is.

Episode 19

Ok so the only image I had of busy Phillips on DC prior to this marathon was a random vision of her sitting outside a white beach house on spring break. Literally that is one picture I’ve had in my head for all these years and apparently it’s from this episode.

Really didn’t know CMM was on dc for this long. He really took over WB/CW back in the day, didn’t he?

Pacey is back in his natural habitat (Hawaiian shirts)

Wait who is this random YM featured girl duo featured at the MTV Spring break special on the beach – it’s M2M, who I know better as the girls who sang the song from the Pokemon soundtrack.

Oh a baby Hilarie Burton reppin MTV! Getting hit on by her future OTH co star CMM. Remember when she was literally picked off the street during TRL and now she’s like a legit actress who has a baby w Denny from Grey’s? Some gals have all the luck.

I’m still not convinced Joey completely wants Pacey to fall in love with Audrey it’s still too weird. They’re giving each other relationship advice, and there’s still so much flirting and chemistry that it’s hard to believe otherwise.

Meanwhile Dawson is still daydreaming about a relationship with Joey and has a weird flashback of their time together that’s in sepia tone, but the montage was like it wasn’t even finished. This show is in shambles.

Speaking of shambles – Jack just drunkenly jumped from the roof into the pool & Dawson shows up and has the swim in and save him. The fuck.

Of course Dawson is there to win Joey back, and Pacey is straight up like yo Dawson I’m over this Joey shit. Give it up.


It ends with Dawson barefoot on the beach looking pensive and it’s straight out of Sandcastles in the Sand. Get a grip Simon.

Episode 20

There is literally a scrunchie on the doorknob of Joey & Audrey’s dorm room and I literally said EW out loud when they panned to Joey and CMM in bed. GTFO AND GO TO ONE TREE HILL.

ANNA NARDINI. ARE YOU HERE TO RUIN THE SHOW WITH A SURPRISE DAUGHTER TOO.

YUP ANNA NARDINI IS HERE TO RUIN THE SHOW BY SEXUALLY HARASSING PACEY AND KISSING HIM UNWILLINGLY.

Did I mention she’s his new boss? She’s his new boss. And she’s trouble.

Notable Quotes: “Could he be any cuter?” – Audrey “No, but he could be more in tune.” – Joey, on CMM serenading him outside her window.

Episode 21

Sherilyn Fenn is probably a nice human, but she should stop picking roles that make her look like a homewrecker. She continues hitting on Pacey, even goes to his apartment and Audrey walks in on Alex (Dumb homewrecker Sherilyn Fenn) trying to kiss Pacey. Understandably, Audrey leaves in a fit of rage, and when talking do her does work, Pacey goes back to his apartment to sleep with Alex. PACEY WITTER.You’re better than this!

Episode 22

Pacey leads the employees to oust crazy Alex from her dictator-like position at the restaurant, and it works. But then Pacey gets into a car with her and her inner crazy comes out. She basically almost kills both of them. What is happening.

Episode 23

I’m, like, over this. These are the loose ends that need tying up at the end of the season: Grams may or may not get married in Vegas to Clifton Smalls; Jack stayed in Boston to help his gay frat brother; Jen’s off to try repair her relationship with her parents in New York; Audrey and Pacey embark on a road trip to her home in LA; Dawson is being forced to go to LA and Joey is most likely going to Paris with no clothes or luggage.

Meanwhile, the summer after my freshman year of college I went home and worked at the local amusement park where I sat in a hot ticket box and put wristbands on sweaty Rochesterians. Essentially the same thing.

So, folks, one season left, and frankly, I hope it’s better than this one because I lost interest way too many times during this fifth season. Will Joey actually go to Paris? Are Audrey and Pacey still together after their epic road trip? Is Grams marrying Clifton Smalls? Most importantly, WILL I STILL CARE ABOUT ANY OF THIS IN SEASON SIX? Tune in next month for the final chapter of the Dawson’s Creek Virgin Diaries…

The Dawson’s Creek Virgin Diaries: Season 4

Welcome back to Capeside, folks! In case you’re just joining us, I’ve been documenting my very first journey into binge watching Dawson’s Creek (see Season 1, S2 and S3 here), all from the perspective of an adult.

When we last left our crew, Dawson was butt hurt and crying (STILL NOT OVER IT) because Joey chose Pacey over him. She decided to be really un-Joey like and join Pacey on his boat for the entire summer. Jen followed her heart too and ran after her young football-playing boyfriend Henry. Jack is still gay, Andie is not crazy anymore and they’re heading into their senior year. Let’s continue on to see if my new favorite OTP is still together after spending 24/7 together for 3 months…

Episode 1

Well guys, in the eternal words of Barry Manilow, LOOKS LIKE THEY MADE ITTT.

Pacey and Joey look a little tanner, more laid back, even Katie Holmes forgot she was wearing a mic pack the entire time. But they’re still in love.

Their lovey dovey-ness poses a problem when they get back to Capeside  when they are faced with the reality of Dawson and his jealousy, and it all goes down at the Dive-in. That’s right Dive-in because this is the Cape and instead of normal cars going to movies they have boats in the water. It’s awk sauce between them and Dawson literally looks like he’s on the verge of a Andie sized break down after talking to Joey for the first time.

Dawson has spent the summer trying to make a new life for himself by becoming BFFs w Andie, Jack and Jen but he clearly still can’t live without one Josephine Potter, who BTW is more scantily clad since returning from boat life. I feel like this costume choice is supposed to be a reflection of how comfortable and free she is with Pacey, but she just looks like one of those girls who comes back from spring break with a hair wrap or cornrows with beads to prove they went on vacation somewhere tropical.

I will say that it looks like Dawson might have a love interest to keep his mind off of Joey/Pacey – he reconnects with this girl Gretchen, and we later find out that Gretchen is Pacey’s older sister that Dawson used to have a maj crush on when they were younger…

Jen’s young BF Henry never really came back from football camp and is at some boarding school, which means we’ll never see him again. Andie tried to hit on some guys who turned out to be faux French, one of which is Gay Danny from the best season of The Real World. And even though he tricked Andie into think he was actually from France, his French is actually better than his acting. Still hot though.

Oh and since you were wondering, Pacey and Joey didn’t have sex during the 3 months on the boat, mainly because they slept in these hammocks the entire time. Wtf. No bed? That rules out my aspirations to become a sailor.

Notable Quote: “What exactly would we be missing from the land of poorly scripted melodramas? recycled plot lines, tiresome self realizations, you throw in the downward spiral of a dear friend and you throw in a baby here and a death there and all you really got is a recipe for some soul sucking mind numbing ennui. And I for one can skip it.” – Pacey Witter, foreshadowing the entire series.

Episode 2

Mitch Leery, who has now transitioned from football coach to guidance counselor, informs Pacey that he can’t graduate unless he makes up for his bad grades from last year. Ruh roh. Out of all the people to be held back, Pacey is the one who doesn’t need this shit right now. He is hesitant to tell Joey because she’ll be disappointed in him or something, but Mitch tells Dawson, and in turn, Dawson tells Joey, showing still cares about Pacey as a friend, despite the fact he’s in love with the girl he’s “supposed” to be with.

SLASH PACEY AND JOEY ARE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER I CANT EVEN. HE’S NOT GONNA FLUNK OUT THANKS TO JOEY’S HELP Y’ALL

Episode 3

Joey got a job at the local yacht club, so when she can’t go out on Pacey’s boat with him to celebrate an A he got on an assignment, he takes Jen out on his boat instead. However, they fail to take note of the storm that’s a brewin’, and get stuck out at sea. Basically this episode is trying to be A Perfect storm, but ends up being a low budge Titanic.

Concerned for their safety, Dawson puts his love triangle feelings to the side and he steals a boat from yacht club member Mr. Brooks, and he and Joey risk their lives to go find Jen and Pacey. They eventually find the two in peril, but in order to save them, Pacey has to abandon the True Love in the middle of the sea if he wants to stay alive.

It’s actually really heartbreaking seeing how sad Pacey is losing his boat, since it’s the only thing he’s passionate about besides Joey. And that was the boat they just spent the summer on!

Notable Quote: “That’s right it’s a bout two guys, a girl – and no pizza place” The English teacher making a reference that only about 20% of people watching in 2014 will probably get.

Episode 4

Some obnox dude named Drue Valentine (yeah, even his name is obnoxious) is introduced. He is an ass and knows Jen from her wild days in New York. He tells people it’s Jen’s birthday (it’s not) just so he can throw a party. At said party, Joey gets wasted because she’s worried about Pacey’s grades, and he literally has to carry her home and through the threshold.

Meanwhile, Jen has a Sixteen Candles reenactment with Drue, but he ruins it when he gives her a birthday present of ecstasy. Reformed Jen scolds Drue and leaves with the cake. JK she doesn’t take the cake, but wouldn’t that be amazing?

Notable Quote: “Some people like salad dressing on the salad. Some people like it on the side.” Drunk Joey making absolutely no sense at all.

Episode 6

Pacey is still not over this boat. He actually says, “I miss True Love something fierce.” I never knew someone could love a boat so much.

The gang goes to a rave and because they’re trying to be on friendly terms, Dawson & Gretchen (who are totes on the verge of becoming a couple) and Pacey & Joey (who is wearing earrings and it’s jarring for her Girl Next Door look) carpool together and it’s not awkward at all.

PS: Is this really what a rave looks like? Because my rave knowledge is based on the Saved by the Bell: The College Years episode where Zach paints the walls of their dorm rooms black and makes people pay to hang out in the dark. At the DC rave, there’s a bouncy house and a random couch in the middle of one of the rooms of this… warehouse?

Andie finds out she gets accepted into Harvard, but still isn’t happy, so she decides to also go to the rave, however the ecstasy that Drue tried to give Jen has found its way to Andie, and poor choices – she takes the X. Hey, remember that Andie is cray? She is still on anti-depressants which can’t be good. The mixture of the drugs makes her pass out and have convulsions so she’s taken to the hospital. Don’t worry, she’s fine.

Notable Quote: “Nothing propels you into adulthood faster than the next generation nipping at your heels.” Dawson Leery, saying something profound for once.

Episode 7

70+ eps and I think this fake theme song is finally growing on me. Send for help.

Not growing on me: JVDB’s long hair that he keeps brushing out of his face.

Is AOL a sponsor on this now? slash JenLindley1 wouldn’t be her SN it would be more like ‘NYChick01’. Also seeing the time stamp of 11/15/2000 on the screen makes me feel ancient and I should be watching this in a rocking chair sitting on my front porch drinking sweet tea (IDK why I’m an old southern lady in my fantasy old age).

Well it happened folks. I finally cried. Dawson’s Creek has finally made me cry. Andie’s goodbye speech got to me, what can I say?

AND IT IMMEDIATELY STOPPED WHEN I WILL REMEMVER YOU STARTED PLAYING. Enough already Sarah McLachlan.

OKAY. New fave OTP: Jen and Jack. Or at least my OTP for girl/gay guy pairing.

Wait was that really Meredith Monroe’s last episode?? I didn’t think she left mid season? Then again, I know next to nothing about this since I’m 14 years too late, but I seriously thought she would wait until the end of the season.

AND JACK AND ANDIE’S DAD DIED IRL WTF? Apparently the actor who played their dad had a heart attack, and passed away at the age of 55, which is why there was a title card dedicated to him at the end of the episode.

Episode 8

Oh GAWD – it’s a mystery episode. Some pranksters stole the new principal’s boat AND his dog, and placed them both in the school’s pool.

Basically the direction and styling of this episode is so out of DC nature, it’s almost as if Rob Thomas of Veronica Mars took over, but did a reallly bad job with it. Spoiler: Turns out it was the unlikely trio of Jack, Dawson and Pacey. Badasses.

IDK if it’s because of her relationship w Pacey but Joey /Katie has really grown up both character and acting wise. Props.

Notable Quote: “Yeah, the dog fingered me.” Jack, using a poor choice of words when admitting it was the dog that gave his guilt away.

Episode 9

Sorry to go back to the Run Like Mad theme song but I can’t help but think there are kids out there watching this for the first time who don’t know this isn’t the real theme song! For instance, my friend started watching Parenthood a couple of seasons after it started, and the theme song on the DVDs is When We Were Young by Lucy Schwartz, and when she finally caught up with the episodes airing on TV, it was the official Bob Dylan – Forever Young theme song. Blew her mind.

JACK APPLIED TO EMERSON FOR JEN!!! Along w Bard, Brown, Columbia, Sarah Lawrence and BU, but EMERSON! (FYI, that’s where I went to college). Will she get in?!

MAYBE I’M CRYING AGAIN OKAY. MAYBE I’M FALLING HEAD OVER HEELS FOR PACEY WITTER TOO. MAYBE I NEED TO SEE A PROFESSIONAL ABOUT THIS.

anndndd Gretchen and Dawson finally get it on. By get it on, I mean kiss, because it’s Dawson, not Jen. And guess who catches them – lovebirds Joey & Pacey.

Episode 10

What’s with Pacey and these Hawaiian shirts? Why am I just noticing this is his thing four seasons in? Actually, has this always been his thing? He’s like the kid on MasterChef Junior (stop. it was really good ) who only wore Hawaiian T-shirts.

Jen has forced Jack to get in touch with his homosexuality, so the two of them join this Gay-Straight Teen Coalition and meet this guy who Jack is hatin on, but clearly that’s just sexual tension. No, really.

Okay am I hormonal IDK but I just cried again because Dawson gave Joey a pic of her and Pacey at the Christmas party and I cannot. THEY’VE COME SO FAR. THEY’RE GROWING UP.


YO are there new writers on this show or something because shit got real. Thoreau and everything you kiddin me?

Joey: “Near the end of March 1845, I borrowed an axe and went down to the woods by Walden pond, nearest to where I–”
Mr. Kasdan: What’s the most important word in that sentence?
Joey: Woods?
Mr. Kasdan: Borrowed. The important thing to remember about the transcendentalists is that while self-reliance is a most admirable trait, Thoreau wasn’t really all that alone out there by Walden pond. He had neighbors, friends, people he could rely on. We should all be so lucky.

Realizing she needed Pacey’s help as much as he needs her, they make up and study together with her nephew, and it’s LIT’RALLY a picture into their future.

Notable Quote: “Hey you here for the meeting? Thank god we need more lesbians with decent haircuts.” Toby, thinking Jen is a lesbo at the Gay-Straight Alliance meeting

Jen: Jack, are you embarrassed to be here?
Jack: On gay bowling night? Yeah, I’m embarrassed. Not the gay thing, though. The bowling.

Episode 12

Fun Fact about Pacey (aka Pacey Pukey) he got mauled by a dog on his 14th birthday, which is just one of the reasons why he hates his birthday.

But that didn’t stop his mom from planning a surprise party for him, and despite Joey promising it would just be the two of them on his birthday, she’s planning this party and it’s obviously going to go all kinds of wrong.

Fun Fact #2: His mom is a lesbian. Ok, not really, but his mom is played by Jane Lynch.

I already forgot why pacey isn’t living at home ? But I can see why he doesn’t want to, because his family seems horrible and keep digging on him. How did he become such a good person??

Please note Dawson’s face when he gets caught making out with Gretchen by Pacey & Joey:

Episode 14

So Mr. Brooks, the old guy that Dawson stole the boat from in the Titanic episode, made Dawson do odd jobs for him around the house in order to repay him for stealing his boat and damaging it. Turns out Mr. Brooks was a famous Hollywood director back in his hey day – which was fate for aspiring filmmaker Dawson. Despite the fact he was a Mr. Wilson/curmudgeonly old man, he was just happy to have someone around (and even strike up romance with Grams). Mr. Brooks’ failing health sends him to the hospital, and guess what – he leaves the decision of life or death to 17-year-old Dawson. And this is the doctor who told him that information:

TONY HALE! TONY HALE WITH HAIR!

Meanwhile, the rest of the gang is on some kind of winter retreat with the senior class. Our high school didn’t do school trips like this, so this concept is completely foreign to me. Do schools actually do this? And have kids stay in cabins all weekend??

Well folks they did it. After talking about it incessantly for like 5 episodes, Pacey and Joey finally had sex and all is right with the world. Here’s hoping this doesn’t mean they’ll break up in the next episode.

I also accidentally found out Busy Phillips becomes one of Pacey’s forthcoming GFs/this is a TV show so I’m on edge over an impending breakup. NO ONE TELL ME IF THEY’RE GOING TO  GET BACK TOGETHER IN THE END.

Wait. Also, Jen and Jack almost had sex. lawdddd

“I’m sorry Jack. You’re drunk. You’re drunk and lonely and gay.” – Jen, voice of reason

Episode 15

This ep picks up the morning after, and Joey looks like she has some regret about the previous night’s actions. She and Pacey have a lover’s quarrel, in which I’m pretty sure Pacey proposed marriage to Joey. He said, “Could do this the rest of our lives back and forth sweetness and sarcasm.” I mean, he loves her you guys, okay?

All this sex talk between Joey and Pacey is getting annoying. Honestly if you took a shot or even a sip of alcohol everytime they said the word sex on this show you would be dead slash be an alcoholic. And I’m starting to believe this Netflix description is oddly correct. I actually LOLed before I started watching, but now it’s extremely accurate.

Related: how did these writers capture teen angst and drama so well? Frankly, it’s a little scary.

JVDB is like phoning it in right now (and apparently he might haven been, seeing as how he recently revealed he though the show jumped the shark in the season 2 finale). He hasn’t acted since his crying meltdown in the s3 finale. Reminder:

NEVER NOT FUNNY

Slash I should go back and watch Don’t Trust the B- again because I feel like I would have a new appreciation for JVDB.

Jen started going to therapy which is great and awkward and I’m surprised it’s taken her this long, seeing as she came from a broken home, was a troubled young tween in NYC, had to move in with her Grams on the Cape, her grandfather died, her younger jock boyfriend broke up with her and she almost just had sex with her gay best friend.

Joey straight up lied to Dawson, promising him she hasn’t slept with Pacey yet and OMG I am just stepping outside my world of binge watching and Capeside to realize how ridiculous this all is because these people aren’t real HAHAHAHAHA

Episode 17

These kids are getting notes at school to call their parents from the office to find out if they got in to the colleges they applied to. Again, is this a thing that happened back then and/or in public schools, or just for TV? I had to wait to go home and check the mail for a big envelope or little envelope from admissions. And even choosing a school to visit was so different in 2001 –  Jen and Jack have VHS TAPES they’re going over (because they’ve decided to go to the same school).

All Joey has to pay is $15k to go to her dream school, “Worthington College” in Boston… which is not an amount she nor her sister can afford, and she didn’t qualify for financial aid. Dawson, who got a shitload of money from old man Mr. Brooks, finally has a good cause to give to – Joey. But she is reluctant to take it, especially because she lied to him about sex with Pacey.

Did I mention this episode is called Admissions? For good reason too. Not only is it about everyone waiting to get into college or deciding where to go, it’s about everyone (finalllly) telling the truth to each other. Here’s a breakdown:

Drue to Jen: The last night she was in NYC, she and Drue got super drunk and super wasted. They started fooling around and her parents caught them, which led to a huge blow out between her and her dad. But Jen just used Drue to provoke her dad. She remembered none of this. (Aside: Jen had sex when she was 12 in her parents’ bed?! Yet another reason why I’m surprised she never went to a therapist earlier.)

Jen to Jack: She might not want to go back to NYC and go to school there as originally planned. Especially since Jack doesn’t seem too gung ho on the idea. They’re still adorbs.

Pacey to Joey: He tells her that while he was happy she got into Worthington, he was also happy it meant she might be staying in Capeside – since he wouldn’t be the one reason keeping her there. 😦 He tells her to make a promise to let him go if she thinks he is holding her back from pursuing her dreams, but she refuses to make the promise. Still. #PaceyWitterDreamMan

Joey to Dawson: Surprise! She and Pacey DID have sex! And you weren’t her first! Wah wah.

Dawson to Joey: Despite the fact he’s unsure about how he feels about Joey sleeping with Pacey, he knows they still have something together – and Joey finally accepts the dead man money for her tuition.

Episode 18

What is happening there is a weird Felicity like transition that’s occurring here…

Joey is accompanying Jen as she goes on a tour of a school in NY, but really, it’s just a ploy for Jen to confront her dad. Joey quickly catches on, and the girls + Jen’s dad (who is just a little too happy and unlike how Jen’s portrayed him that it concerns me) go to dinner at a fancy restaurant. He gives a speech about being in love with NYC like a person and it’s totally creeping me out. It’s like he’s about to kiss Joey. *shivers*

AND OMG JENS DAD LITERALLY SLEPT WITH A 17/18 YEAR OLD GIRL AND JEN SAW IT?!? Lord Licorice help us all. Or just help Jen Lindley. This is exactly why she’s fucked up.

Meanwhile, back in Capeside… Pacey is getting himself into trouble – aka a glimpse of what his life might look like without Joey’s positive influence by his side. Come on Pace. Don’t do this to yourself. You shouldn’t be getting arrest for public drunkeness or hanging out w Drue.

Episode 19

Ok the name of this episode is called Late and my guess is someone – maybe Joey – is pregnant. Or now that I think about it, Gail (Dawson’s mom) hasn’t had the baby yet, so maybe it’s her. Did I mention Dawson’s mom is pregnant? These kids still in their honeymoon phase, I tell ya.

WELL I AM A GENIUS. Joey thinks she’s preggo. Except she can’t talk to Pacey about it because his brother Deputy Doug took him camping to try and talk some sense into him. So she tells Gretchen, which is surprisingly not as awkward as one might that, because despite the fact that she’s mackin on Dawson, she previously revealed that she got pregnant while in college and had a miscarriage, which is why she ended up leaving school and moving back to Capeside.

Dawson and Mitch head up to the tree house in their front yard, clad with cigars, because that’s what you do when you have a new baby. Except Gail hasn’t popped yet. They just look ridiculous in this tree.

Toby, Jack’s almost love interest, gets beat up, and tells Jack he got mugged, but he knows he’s lying and got beat up because he’s gay.

Jen is knitting on a wooden swing what is going on

For the record I think bringing in the character of Gretchen was absolutely brilliant. They needed someone to make Pacey and Joey’s relationship acceptable, especially with Dawson. And Gretchen and Dawson already had a prior friendship started so it was believable. Not to mention that she’s been great to Pacey and Joey and is a don’t of knowledge and maturity that was seriously lacking in their lives before.

Paceeyyyy I’m not approving of all this lying. Yet again he didn’t tell Joey the truth, and even though she knows he’s camping, he just told her that he’s fishing with Dougie.

Oh and Dawson’s mom has the baby – who they name Lillian after Joey’s dead mom. Cue tears.

Notable Quote: “Tell them you fell off your high horse.” Jack to Toby after he was attacked

Episode 20

Well folks, it’s senior prom, so they gotta make this one count. Except the episode is called Promicide, so I don’t think the odds of it going swimmingly is good.

Jack mans up and decides to invite Toby as his date, while Jen, who was perfectly happy going stag, is forced to go with Drue. Jen’s in for a rough night and as soon as I said, “Oh Jennifer” out loud to know one, she pulled a nip/small bottle of alcohol out of her purse. Already off to a bad start.

Poor Pacey – this entire ep is going to be a series of his failures and I’m not emotionally prepared to deal with that. First, he forgets to put the corsages in the fridge, so it’s all dry and shrively, then the janky limo (which actually looks kind of fun and rustic?) appears and it’s not a good sign.

They’re having prom on a boat and I can’t help but think somebody is going to fall off. Is that weird?

Update: Jen almost fell off the most but Pacey might as well have jumped off because he just went OFF on Joey and I literally had to watch with my hands over my face. This isn’t you Pace!

UPDATE NUMBER 2: This is actually the WORST. Pacey and Joey prettyyyyyy much break up and ughhhhh this scene.

Notable Quote: “Pacey, the prom? What are we? in high school?” – Joey “Yeah. We are in high school the last time I checked.” – Pacey, serving up realness.

Episode 21

So this guy at the yacht club that has ties to Worthington met with Joey & Pacey earlier in the season, and now he wants to meet with Pacey again to talk to him about something important. Perhaps it could be some kind of loophole where Pacey can join Joey at college?!?! The problem is that he wants to talk to him at this event and Joey has to bring Pacey as her date – except they’re kind of broken up? Awkward.

Gretchen is planning to move to Boston for a new job, and Dawson just got a crazy idea to move there with her instead of  attending his high school graduation and going to his dream school of USC. But before he gets the chance to run away with her, Gretchen, the only real sensible person on this show, knows he’s not ready for it, and leaves without him. Also, Dawson talking to his sister is actually the cutest. This baby is the cutest.

Jen convinces Grams to move to Boston with her and Jack while they go off to college. “Peace out Capeside. Eat my dust!” (What I imagine Grams yelling as she drives her station wagon at max speed out of the Cape)

Relatedly: Name the brands they were forced to incorporate in this one shot alone:

Ahh Poor Pacey – the Worthington guy offered him a job as his yacht hand for the summer, and not acceptance to college. Wah Wah. But Joey and Pacey decide to literally sleep together one last time before their final break up for reals. Much more peaceful than the prom shenans.

Just did the math and since they graduated in ’01 (which seems like so long ago) that would make them 31 now and that’s a rude awakening. The other day Molly pointed out that this is the 10 year anniversary of Mean Girls – which means we’re closer in age to Ms. Norbury than to the Plastics. So. Not. Grool.

Notable Quote: “Are you sure I wouldn’t cramp your style?” Grams, being the absolute cutest

Episode 22

I am talking to the TV as if he is my friend and I think I need some air or like should leave my room or something because I’m saying ‘Pace’ just like Joey.

Remember how Pacey was on the road to not graduating? Well he’s right on the bubble and needs to pass one final English Lit exam in order to get his diploma. But right before he’s about the take the test, the teacher Mr. Kasden, makes a joke, sending Pacey off the rails saying he’s an idiot and storms out before taking the test. But Kasden, who seems like he’s a meany, is really the only teacher who seems to care in this school, and gives Pacey another chance by going to his house and letting him take the exam. Love how academics still play a part on this show. In Gossip Girl, they never even bothered to show them in college the last couple seasons.

Kasden: Did you study for that final you so dramatically walked out on?

Pacey: I can categorically say that I studied my ass off, sir.

Kasden: Care to prove it?

Pacey: You did hear everything that I had to say in class today, didn’t you?

Kasden: Oh, I did. You’re not an idiot or a punch line. You are why I teach. Those honor students that turn your stomach… they don’t need me. They’re gonna forget me as soon as they walk out the door. But you…

Pacey: I have a funny feeling I’m gonna be telling this story for years to come.

Kasden: And if that should turn out to be the case, please describe me as a strapping, handsome man, possessed of an immense charity and a great, great goodwill.

Pacey: I can do that.

ANDIE!!!!!!! ANDIE IS BACK FROM ITALY!!! She seriously looks like she came back from Italy, tho. I forgot she has to come back and actually graduate. Since she just left to go to Italy after being accepted into Harvard, since that’s a thing you can do IRL. She has a lovely reunion with Pacey and their friendship is really precious. He tells her about the yacht offer and she’s the first person he tells about officially being a college graduate. Why? Because she was the first person that believed in him. Cue the happy tears.

The principal (Harry Shearer) catches Jen and Drue pulling some pranks on his house and as punishment he makes them listen to him “play” the cello. What in the actual fuck.

Okay, as much as I hate this Pacey/Joey breakup, this finding themselves thing is smart. Their final goodbye includes Pacey saying, “I should probably go off and live my own life for a little while. That certainly doesn’t mean that this is how I want it to end between us. So hypothetically speaking… if I were lucky enough one day to find myself owning a sailboat again, and I were to ask the woman that I love to go sailing with me… would she?”

Joey answers, “You wouldn’t have to ask, Pace.”

IF THIS SERIES FINALE DOESN’T END WITH THEM SAILING OFF ON A BOAT CALLED TRUE LOVE 2 I S2G

Joey got something called the ‘Pinnacle Award’, which means she has to give a speech at graduation.

And then the sprinklers go off because Drue finally pulled his last prank. Also the music on this show has turned from 90s pop to 90s Lilith fair indie music what happened?

Notable Quote: “Is this a hat you really want to be wearing when you know people are going to be taking pictures?” THANK YOU DAWSON. GRADUATION CAPS ARE STUPID.

“I can assure you that security will be tighter than Ricky Martin’s pants.”  Prinipal Peskin, trying to be relevant.

Episode 23

The final episode of season three fast fowards to the end of the summer, where the gang is preparing to say goodbye. Legit all this entire episode is is basically Joey & Dawson trying to say a proper goodbye to each other.

Meanwhile, Pacey, now an official sailor in the Caribbean, has become Rastafarian and the shirts finally work for him. He calls Dawson, briefly asks how Joey is doing, but mainly wants to say that he only regrets not saying goodbye to him before he left on his sailor mission. Dawson says he’s proud of Pacey and I can’t help but wonder if this is really a conversation two 18 year old boy-men would have over the phone? IDK anything about teenage boys, which I guess, is a good thing?

I will say this show is really good at continuity and throwbacks. Example: this episode is called Coda, or an ending. I won’t bore you with the specifics if you’re not musically theory inclined, but the whole idea of a Coda or if there’s a DS al Coda, it means once you get to the end (the Coda sign), you go back to the Dal Segno sign towards the beginning and end at the Coda.

Anyways, it’s basically a great metaphor for what Dawson and Joey go through in this episode. They watch E.T. together on his bed, just like in the first season. Daydream Believer, the song they used to sing together at Aunt Julie Bowen’s house together, is played in the background. It’s like they’re nearing the Coda sign and are making their way back to the beginning.

Joey tells Dawson he should stay on the east coast and not go to LA for school. And really, if she had told him this earlier, he would have stayed. Just for her. But he insists this chapter of his life in Capeside is over. But then it happens – and I know what’s going to happen and it doesn’t mean I agree with it – but they kiss. And that continuity thing, yeah, the writers/director legit recreated shot by shot the first season finale with Dawson & Joey kissing, while the shot pulls away from Dawson’s house showing only their shilouettes in the window.  And I literally said out loud, ‘No don’t do it no NO NO.”

Notable Quote: “You’re either a Mac person or a PC person and that choice defines you.” Mitch predicting the Mac vs. PC commercials

“You know this sucks a lot more than I remembered it.” Dawson, about the horrible horror film they made back in the pilot.

“I can’t swear to you that I’ll never try some variety of narcotic, but I can promise you I’ll never get so strung out I steal your TV.” Dawson, again, being so specific about his hypothetical life choices.

Season 4, arguably my favorite season so far, has come to a close. Will Dawson stay in Capeside or follow his dreams of becoming a bigshot director in LA? Does this kiss mean they’ll start a relationship again? Will Pacey come back from being a sailor, more importantly, will he have dreads? Will Grams, Jack and Jen form some kind of warped Animal House in Boston? Tune in next month to find out!

The Dawson’s Creek Virgin Diaries: Season 2

Welcome back to the second installment of my viewing of Dawson’s Creek for the very first time (in its entirety, as an adult). I covered season one last month, and here we are with season two. We left off with Dawson and Joey kissing for the very first time, but did their hormone-induced lip locking carry over to full out romance in season two? Let’s find out…

Episode 1

I failed to mention in the first post that Dawson Creek’s iconic theme song, I Don’t Wanna Wait, by the Queen of 90s indie rock/Lilith Fair Paula Cole is NOT used on the DVDs/Netflix streaming. It’s an even more ridiculous song called Hearts and Arrows by another 90s indie-ish singer (who was not as popular) as seen below.

Yeah, listen to those lyrics again, they make no sense. I just don’t understand why Paula Cole didn’t want to get royalties from this!! She’s probs too busy raging against the machine or something.

So we return and it picks up moments after they kiss for the first time.

Attention Dawson & Joey: What is wrong with you people? I’m so glad I didn’t watch this as a tween because I would have expected this to be what my teenage years was going to be. Guess what? It wasn’t. Why are kids so moody and indecisive? Make up your minds already. Don’t be idiots. We can’t date – We have to date – Should we pretend we didn’t kiss? – Do you want that? – I can’t pretend we didn’t kiss – ::They makeout::

Notable Quote: “Everyone comes from a dysfunctional family – it’s the ’90s. the only happy families are in TV syndication.” – Pacey to crazypants Andie McPhee

Episode 6

Joey’s a little bitch. She reminds me of Julie Taylor on Friday Night Lights throughout most of the series. And now she’s pulling a Julie by going for another guy whilst still dating someone else (although I am absolutely NOT comparing Dawson to Matt Saracen, because Matt was a near perfect boyfriend). JACK IS GAY DON’T GIVE IT UP FOR HIM. I mean we don’t know he’s gay at this point, but like, I know he’s gay.

Oh no – Dawson is pissed at Joey for essentially ending their relationship because she kissed Jack/’needs to make herself happy first’ and now we have to prepare for Dawson’s rage. Which looks like this:

Photo Dec 26, 10 10 53 PM

Katie Holmes running away is like Phoebe running. It’s awkward and should be much better for a ‘tomboy’.

Notable Quote: “How can it be over? We can’t just say I love you for the first time and have it be over.” Dawson to Joey (Guess what, you can and it is. Except it’s not because apparently this back and forth will last their entire lives/the rest of this series)

Episode 7

I’ve failed to mention that Michelle/Jen’s hair is short and … out of control. Even 1999 thought it was a bad haircut.

Photo Dec 26, 10 14 35 PM

In order to take a break from studying, the gang decides to take the ‘How Pure Are You Quiz’ from a girly publication that might be Jane magazine? Sample questions:

‘Have you ever been intimately aroused by a relative?’ ‘Experimented with bondage?’ ‘Engaged in asexual activity with a transvestite? A four legged creature?’ ‘Paid for sex?’ ‘Had an affair with a friend’s pet?’

THESE FOLKS ARE 16 YEARS OLD. When I was 16 I barely knew how to read let alone read these kinds of mags.

Chris (their rich classmate who invites them over to his mansion of a house to study/sleep with Jen) has a little sister who is the epitome of kids her age (i.e. ME) with a lack of fashion sense.

Photo Dec 26, 10 13 10 PM

Episode 9

WHYYY is Dawson so pleased with his parents having sex?? I mean, yeah it means there’s a chance for them to get back together and put divorce aside, but still. It’s his parents HAVING SEX. Let’s look at the big picture here, Dawson.

Photo Dec 26, 10 17 48 PM

Episode 11

JEN FINALLY SERVES UP REALNESS TO MONICA KEENA AND HER BITCH OF A CHARACTER:

“I don’t know where you come from or just who has the misfortune of being responsible for your existence, but you are a lying manipulative and cruel person and the fact that you are only 16 years old makes me feel more sorry for you than the any of the people in this room whose lives you are destroying. You’re pathetic.”

Episode 13

This guy takes Jen to a ‘party’ and I legit think it’s a key party for some reason, but it turns out to be a bible study?! LOLOLOL

Photo Dec 26, 10 20 27 PM

She’s All That star Rachael Leigh Cook is playing doppelganger Joey in Dawson’s movie based on his friendship/relationship with his BFF, and I can’t help but think she auditioned for the role but Katie Holmes got it instead.

Photo Dec 26, 10 18 58 PM

Also, how is it that the most sane and functional relationship involves an ACTUAL crazy person?!?! (Pacey/Andie)

Episode 14

Ah yes, the beginning of finding out that Jack likes boys. His asshole teacher forces him to recite his poem, in which he talks about romancing a dude, out loud in front of the class and basically Pacey defends Jack because he runs out of the room crying and completely embarrassed. And because Pacey’s the best, HE’S the one that gets in trouble but stands up for himself against the administration.

THIS IS THE FIRST REAL THING TO HAPPEN ON THIS SHOW AND IT COMES 14 EPISODES IN?? PACEY WITTER, DREAM MAN. I AM APPLAUDING.

Correct me if I’m wrong but wasn’t James van der Beek more of the heartthrob in during this time? Or was it equal? I don’t really remember because I was too into Leo and the Backstreet Boys to notice. Anyways, Joshua Jackson deserves all the attention and awards.

In order to stop people from staring and talking about Jack ‘possibly’ being gay, her solution is to kiss him in front of everyone? Wrong decision yet again, Potter. And why does Katie Holmes always look like she crawled out of bed and straight onto set?

Notable Quote: “I’m trying to get a sneak peek of your online handle.” Dawson to Joey re: AIM, but clearly he means something else.

Episode 15

Grams vs Ty, the time you thought super religious Grams was going to side with the teenager about being against homosexuality, but in fact she just proved she’s the best and defended Jack/ the gays. Yay Grams!

“If Jack is gay, he does not need your judgement, young man. The Lord above will judge him, as he will all of us. What he needs from you, from me, from everyone else in this world is love and tolerance. If anything, that boy is feeling scared and alone and he will need the understanding of his fellow man to help him through this. Let’s save judgement for someone much more experienced than you.”

Oh PS, Jack’s gay for real, y’all. And if you’re watching along at home, everyone take a shot when someone even says the word ‘gay’.

Notable Quote:  “Are you part gay?” Joey to her now gay boyfriend, Jack.

Episode 18

WELL, here’s something I never knew happened – Abby gets drunk with Jen at the docks and she hits her head then falls into the water and dies, despite Jen’s best efforts to IMMEDIATELY JUMP IN AFTER HER. Abby was a bitch, but no teen deserves to die, obvs. I just never knew this happened!

just before she drunkenly hit her head and fell into the ocean…

Episode 20

Honestly the Pacey/Andie scenes are the best of the show. She goes completely mental and starts seeing her dead brother and locks herself in a bathroom while having a complete meltdown. Her deceased bro Tim is in the bathroom with her and while she’s crouched on the floor it looks like she’s about to make out with him…? But Pacey is the best and manages to convince her to get out of there and leave her dead bro behind.

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Notable Quote:  “Is this a French restaurant or French farce?” Dawson on the comedy of errors that happened in the fancy restaurant with his parents, Jen and Joey.

Episode 22

The season ends with Joey’s ex-inmate father dealing drugs yet again and Dawson is reluctant to tell her about her father’s dirty secret. Unfortunately, his cocaine dealing causes someone to throw a fiery brick into the family’s restaurant, burning it down to the ground. Everyone’s safe but Dawson finally tells Joey about the drugs, convinces her to turn him in and she vows she can never forgive him. Cue 10 millionth break up. Oh and Andie goes off to some mental patient rehab leaving Pacey (and Jack) back in Capeside.

Will Joey actually forgive Dawson or was she over it in like 2 minutes? Will Pacey stay loyal to Andie? Will Jack get a boyfriend? And will Jen pull her shit (read: hair) together?

Stay tuned for season three…

The Dawson’s Creek Virgin Diaries: Season 1

Alright folks. I may have been a product of the 90s, but I was never really a Dawson’s Creek fan. Watching it as a middle schooler meant sitting in my living room while my parents were there. Because I knew that the show involved ‘kissing’ I didn’t want to risk being around them while it happened on TV.

So in saying that, I’ve probably seen a total of 5 episodes of DC in my life. Overall, I know the big plot lines (Andie goes cray, Jack is gay, and Jen doesn’t have a happy ending), but not the details of each season. And because the winter hiatus came creeping in and I am psycho and ran out of new episodes to watch, I decided to start a new series. Thanks Netflix, for contributing to my addiction.

While there’s a good number of gals (and guys) my age that have probably seen it or are dedicated fans, I figured I would represent the other half that never really got into it or haven’t seen it at all. To help us all learn more about 90s pop culture, teens in that era, and really, learn more about ourselves, I thought I’d do a quick overview of each of the six seasons from the perspective of an adult. Enjoy!

Episode 1: Pilot

This show is just so 90s I can’t handle it. I mean Pacey works at a video store. A VIDEO STORE. Honestly, kids growing up now will never know, or possibly don’t know at this very moment what a video store is. Sad yet true fact.

Maybe it’s because I instinctively want BFFs Dawson and Joey to try dating, but I really just don’t believe Jen would ever want to date Dawson. I understand why he’s into the new girl in town who literally walks in with her floral jumper out of a ‘taxi’ and in slow-mo toward him in the most ridiculous way possible. While she probably just wanted to make friends and be liked, this took it a step too far. I’m too old to be watching this show and critically analyzing it, huh?

dat taxi cab doe

So this whole Pacey/teacher affair. I totally forgot about it happening until now. Per my research the whole Mary Kay Letourneau thing happened in 1997, one year before DC premiered – so all of this was fresh in the audience’s mind. Despite the fact shows like Law & Order: SVU ‘rip from the headlines’ all the time these days, it seems like quite a ballsy move to depict something as controversial as a teacher/student/statutory rape storyline when there’s a story out there that’s still making headlines. Dawson’s Creek – it’s nothing if not cutting edge.

Episode 5: Hurricane

I’ve been trying to place where I know Tamara ‘Mary Kay Letourneau’ Jacobs from without looking at IMDb and I finally caved after 5 episodes: she played bitchy Shira Huntzberger (Logan’s passive aggressive WASPy mom) on Gilmore Girls! Someone needs to stress smoke after this affair.

Episode 7: Detention

Speaking of ripping from the headlines, is this the sequel to The Breakfast Club? And is the librarian’s name Mrs. Tingle? JK, it’s Mrs. TRingle. That would’ve been too weird to be the same name as the titular character in a movie Katie Holmes was in.  Apparently Kevin Williamson, creator/executive producer of DC, also directed Teaching Mrs. Tingle. It makes sense now.AND OMG HELEN MIRREN WAS MRS. TINGLE?!!? I can’t believe there’s so much I don’t know about this world.

Episode 9: Roadtrip

The opening shot of this episode involved Savage Garden’s Truly Madly Deeply, Dawson staring out his window and in shambles because Jen Lindley broke up with him. That is all.

Episode 10: Double Date

Can we talk about Scott Foley for a second? This was like, at the height of his heartthrob-ness and I can’t take it. There was a point where I was watching him on my TV in this episode while simultaneously reblogging this gif of him and Fitz in a (sexually charged) scene from Scandal. The man just gets better with age.

Joey and Pacey foreshadowing? EHHH? EHH?!?!?? Dawson also needs to stop being a dick and make up his mind. Ugh, teen angst.

Episode 11: The Scare

Again, Kevin Williamson is really into self promoting, or maybe just  a masochist and enjoys hinting at his other projects in the ones he’s currently working on, but an entire Scream sequence? Okay. We get it.

jen scream dc

Episode 12: Beauty Contest

OH DEAR LORD I HAVE NEVER CRINGED AS MUCH AS I HAVE WHEN WATCHING JOSEPHINE POTTER SINGING ON MY OWN. Why couldn’t they just do it Zefron style and have someone else sing for you? It’s so bad that it’s not even second hand embarrassment anymore. And singing On My Own while Dawson watches in the wings?? Captain Obvious, much?

This ep also had some serious Miss Bayside flashbacks for me too. I was expecting Pacey to pull out from behind and be like Screech, but alas. Some other bitch won Miss Windjammer. And this is also solidified the fact Joshua Jackson is clearly the best actor on the show. All the (Teen Choice) Awards for you, sir.

Episode 13: Decisions

Joey visits her father in prison, and it’s probably because the last ‘jail-related’ show I watched was Orange is the New Black, but I half-expected Pornstache and Pennsawtucky to come out from behind him. Wrong show, wrong jail. Not real.

The thing that we had been anticipating the entire season finally happened. Dawson and Joey kissed… But why do I feel so awk sauce?

WILL JOEY AND DAWSON CONTINUE THEIR KISSING TO THE NEXT SEASON? TUNE IN NEXT TIME TO FIND OUT!