Tag Archives: Full House

O Come Let Us Adore… Holiday-Themed Sitcom Episodes

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ATTENTION: IT IS DECEMBER. IT IS THE LAST MONTH OF 2014. WHAT HOW HUH.

Ok now that I’ve made you feel like you’ve done nothing this year, it’s time to introduce you to our special holiday playlists of the month, because we like spreading joy here at Cookies + Sangria.

If you are a frequent reader of our blog, you know that we usually have a Playlist of the Month featuring our favorite songs based on the given theme. For December, we decided to give our gifts to you early (yay!) and have THREE ‘playlists’ that are all holiday themed. Today we’re kicking it off with some of our favorite holiday sitcom episodes. If you’re like us, you enjoy watching stuff like this to get into the spirit, so break out the egg nog (or just like, wine or something) and kick back with some of the best Christmasukkah crap TV has to offer!

Molly’s Picks

Parks and Recreation – Citizen Knope
{Season 4, Episode 1}

Guaranteed to bring on my annual Yuletide happy-cry, in this episode Leslie learns that as much love and dedication as she has for her friends and community, they have for her. Leslie always gives almost obsessively perfect presents, but after her rough suspension she receives the best gifts a gal could ask for: the love of her friends, a gingerbread facsimile of her workplace, and a campaign staff.

Seinfeld – The Strike
{Season 9, Episode 10}

Yes, my family has celebrated Festivus. The Feats of Strength were a real bummer because my brothers are both 6’5, but I think the Airing Of Grievances hurt more. If you don’t know what those things mean, you need to watch this episode.

The Office – Christmas Party
{Season 2, Episode 10}

Remember those sweet, early ‘will they/won’t they’ days of Jim and Pam’s relationship? When a Christmas gift exchange turns into a forced Yankee Swap, Jim’s gift to Pam is in jeopardy. She ultimately gets the teapot he bought her, but not before Jim removes the note he wrote her … then gives it to her like 7 years later.

Guys. I really miss this show sometimes.

Friends – The One With The Routine
{Season 6, Episode 10}

Do you guys remember Millennium Fever? Survivalists were freaking out about Y2K and everyone else was under heavy pressure to have the best New Year’s ever. When Monica and Ross land a spot on Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve, they decide to bust out their childhood dance routine.

Surest sign you were a tweenaged Friends fanatic in the late 90s: you watched the episode (taped on VHS, naturally) over and over until you had that routine down. Guilty.

30 Rock – Ludachristmas
{Season 2, Episode 9}

This one had me at the title. What can I say, I love a good portmanteau. But the episode itself seriously delivered. Jack’s mom (Elaine Stritch) is in town, as is Liz’s family (including her brother, whose brain injury makes him believe that it is perpetually 1985). The TGS Christmas party is ruined when Kenneth takes it upon himself to teach everyone the Real Meaning Of Christmas, and saved when Tracy decides to ignore his alcohol monitoring bracelet.

The Simpsons – The Simpsons Roasting On An Open Fire
{Season 1, Episode 1}

I was a big Simpsons fan as a little kid, and this is probably my favorite of their Christmas episodes. Homer gets a job as a mall Santa, but still comes up short on Christmas Eve. He and Bart hit the racetrack, and come home with the best present of all – Santa’s Little Helper, the losing greyhound they bet on.

Traci’s Picks

The Office – A Benihana Christmas
{Season 3, Episode 11}

This isn’t just one of my favorite Christmas episodes, it’s one of my favorite episodes of The Office – ever. There is so much going on in this episode that I don’t even know which storyline is my favorite. So let’s break it down. First we have Michael, whose realtor girlfriend, Carol (and Steve’s IRL wife) breaks up with him, leading him into a spiral of depression. To help him with the pain, he goes out to lunch at Japanese restaurant Benihana with some of the guys in the office. Michael and Andy pick up two of the waitresses (Kulap!) and bring them back to the office for the annual Christmas party. Except Michael can’t remember which Asian waitress was the one he was hoping to hook up with, and after a heart to heart with Jim, Michael realizes he really likes someone else and invites them to go to Jamaica with him (spoiler alert, it’s Jan). Speaking of the party, there are actually two dueling parties between Angela’s Party Planning Committee and Pam and Karen’s margarita-karaoke party. This is important because it’s the first time Pam and Karen are actually getting along despite the fact there’s the whole Jim love triangle. Eventually the two parties merge, and all is fine. Oh and as a Christmas present to Jim, Pam has been playing an elaborate trick on Dwight which involves the CIA. This episode is The Office at its finest. It has the perfect mix of humor, heart, and plot progression that will fit in a special hour-long episode. Ugh, I miss this show.

Friends – The One With The Holiday Armadillo
{Season 7, Episode 10}

This is obviously one of the more iconic moments of Friends – even though it’s from one of the much-debated later seasons. Ross wants to teach Ben about Haunukkah, since he’s half Jewish, but all Ben wants to do is talk about that Santa dude. Ross gives in, but it’s too late into the season that all the Christmas-related costumes are sold out, so he settles for an armadillo – the Holiday Armadillo to be exact (who is Santa’s representative for all the southern states. Annnnnd Mexico!) But because Ben has uncles who love him a lot and want to help out, Joey and Chandler dress up too, and the result looks like the Easter Bunny’s funeral.

Full House – Our Very First Christmas Show
{Season 2, Episode 9}

When I was a kid, I always thought Corduroy and his story was just the coolest. The fact that this bear came to life and gets to wander around a department store at night when it was closed just seemed so intriguing to me. Basically, any plot that involves people (or inanimate objects coming to life, I guess) being stuck in a place where they’re not usually supposed to be is great to me. In the first Christmas episode from Full House, the fam is on its way to Colorado for the holidays, but a blizzard forces the plane to land in a rando small airport and they have to spend the Christmas Eve in the baggage claim waiting room. Jesse’s dad tries to get Jesse to kiss Becky under the mistletoe, Deej is mad that their gifts have gone missing, Steph is upset because she doesn’t think Santa will find her in the stupid airport, and Joey doesn’t get a real storyline because this is Full House. Eventually some guy Steph was afraid of on the plane turns out to be the real Santa, and they all get their presents. It’s full of cheese, but what else do you expect from this show?

Parks and Recreation – Ron and Diane
{Season 5, Episode 9}

Because Leslie Knope is the greatest, she dresses up in this elf/santa’s workshop worker costume to tell Ron he is nominated for an award from the Indiana Fine Woodworking Association for a chair he recently built. Ron invites Diane to the ceremony and Leslie invites herself, and therefore meets Diane for the first time (cameo appearance from Tammy 2). Meanwhile, the rest of the gang are planning their annual Jerry Dinner – every time Jerry does something stupid, they put a dollar in the box, and at the end of the year, they use the money to treat themselves to a dinner. But on their way to spend the $500, Tom, Donna, April and Andy pass by Jerry’s house only to find out that the Gengriches, including Christie Brinkley, are having a big Christmas party without them. Ann, who is a guest at the party, won’t let them in, but they finally apologize and end up giving the Jerry Dinner money to Jerry to help pay for his hospital bills after his fart attack.

How I Met Your Mother – How Lily Stole Christmas
{Season 2, Episode 11}

Lily finds an old message on their answering machine that Ted left for Marshall after Lily left him to go off to San Francisco. He called her a grinch (bitch) and urged Marshall to get over her. Ted tells her that in all fairness she was being a huge grinch during that time, and refuses to apologize, which makes Lily furious. She takes away “Lily’s Winter Wonderland”, in which she decorates the entire apartment full of snow and Christmas items, and it’s Marshall’s favorite part about the holidays, especially this year since he’s busy studying for the bar exam. There are a lot of episodes in HIMYM focusing on Marshall/Lily and Ted/Marshall/Barney, but there are a few which get to focus on Lily/Ted, and this is one of them. Throughout college, it was Mashall, Lily, and Ted as a trio, and sometimes it’s hard to remember that with the Marshall/Lily ship, so seeing them fight and ultimately reconcile in this episode is certainly a Christmas miracle.

Saved By The Bell – A Home For Christmas
{Season 3, Episode 24}

Boy, do I love/hate a teen show which tries to incorporate adult subject matter. We briefly talked about how this show handled drunk driving and drugs during our SBTB Week a few months ago,  and this is no different. Most of the gang has jobs at the mall, and Zack lit’rally runs into this blonde girl and hits on her but he turns around for one second and she’s gone. Separately, Zack and Screech run into a man in the bathroom who they realize is homeless. Turns out, the blonde, Laura, not only works with Kelly at a department store, but is the homeless man’s daughter, and they’ve been living in their car after he lost his job. Zack’s mom offers to let them stay at their house until they find a place to stay. At the same time, the crew is putting up A Christmas Carol, which IRONICALLY mirrors a similar story between Laura and Kelly and their mean scroogey boss Mr. Moody. The episode ends with everyone singing Silent Night around a piano, and S2G, if I watched this episode as an adult I would hate it, but because I watched it so many times as a kid, the corny factor doesn’t even bother me. God bless us every one (esp Zack Morris).

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Pop Culture Moments That Make Me Cry

Posted in Entertainment, GSOY (Gratuitous Story of Yourself), Miscellany by

Some pop culture moments are engineered to make you cry. Any time they show you an old man who is alone, or a beloved dog bravely facing his mortality, you know they’re trying to make you bawl.

Others aren’t supposed to be sad, but for some reason they grab onto your feelings and twist them until your eyes water. For instance: any time a child sings and it’s very beautiful.

Then there are those moments that were meant to be sad, but came out hilarious instead. I present for your approval:

This is the rare tearjerker scene that makes us weep – because we’re laughing so hard. So with Dawson Leery as our patron saint of pop culture crying, we’re listing those moments in entertainment that brought us to tears. Our scale stretches from one Crying Dawson (your eyes are lightly watering, but there’s no real tearstorm) to five Crying Dawsons (or as we like to call it, a Full Leery). And disclaimer: there will be spoilers ahead. Consider yourself warned.

One Crying Dawson1 crying dawson

  • The final, heartrending scenes of The Notebook. And I’m only putting it here because zero crying Dawsons wasn’t an option. I’m a monster, I know.
  • The end of Bridesmaids where Maya gives one last glance back at Kristen before she gets in the limo with her new husband. There’s an unspoken understanding between two best friends that just gets me.
  • Any time an actor/actress that is announcing Emmy/Oscar/Golden Globe nominations at the asscrack of dawn, only to announce their own name as one of the nominees.
  • Cyrus realizing he was the reason his hubs got killed on Scandal. You brought it on yourself dude.
  • When Little Michael Scott wants to grow up and have 100 kids so he can have 100 friends and no one can say no to being his friend.
  • The end of City Lights (taking it way back to the 1930s here!), when the blind girl sees the tramp for the first time.
  • When Mary is sort of mean to Martha in A Secret Garden but it’s because she doesn’t know how to play or love and her parents are dead and she lives in a creepy house in the middle of nowhere.
  • The “Love Is A Dream” sketch with Phil Hartman and Jan Hooks, serving the one-two punch of old people thinking about their youth, and people who died before their time.
  • When the now-elderly Peaches take a team picture and sing their song one last time in A League Of Their Own.
  • In The Great Gatsby, both the book and film adaptations, when Daisy delivers the “beautiful fool” line. Gut punch.

Two Crying Dawsons2 crying dawsons

  • When Papouli taught us about Greek dance, the love of family, and brief character arcs on Full House.
  • The look on Louis’ face when his daughter plays the violin duet with the neighbor on Louie.
  • The episode of The Simpsons where Homer gets the crayon lodged in his brain removed and suddenly becomes smart. At the end Lisa reads a letter he wrote her from before he got dumb again and it was the first time anyone in her family understood her.
  • Also, after Maggie is born and Homer goes back to work at the plant, he covers the mean plaque from Burns “Don’t Forget, You’re Here Forever” with her pictures so that it now reads “Do it for her.”
  • When Brian Williams reported on the NBC Nightly News that his daughter Allison Williams had been cast in the live version of Peter Pan. No matter what you think about the casting decision itself, you have no soul if you don’t get emotional watching him be so proud of his daughter.
  • Mr. Feeny dismissing class one final time.
  • Jen Lindley’s final conversation with Jack. And TBH, I might have cried more when Jack and Dougie declared their commitment to each other on the beach.
  • When Will believes his father isn’t going to leave him again on Fresh Prince of Bel-Air but Pops lets him down again, and Will breaks down in the arms of Uncle Phil asking why his dad doesn’t want him.
  • The voiceover at the end of The Time Travelers episode of How I Met Your Mother, when Future Ted says that he wants 45 extra days with The Mother… probably because at that point I had a pretty good idea of what that darn show was going to do to us.
  • Leslie saying goodbye to Ann on Parks and Rec. Uteruses before duderuses.
  • When Mel Gibson is getting ready to leave in The Patriot, and his mute daughter runs after him screaming “I’ll say anything!” Doubly so now that she’s passed away.

Three Crying Dawsons

3 crying dawsons

  • The final moments of that old dog in Homeward Bound.
  • The Muppets (2012), just in general. It made both of us cry and neither of us knows why.
  • Jessie singing When Somebody Loved Me in Toy Story 2.
  • The little girl singing Desperado in In America.
  • I was in a hotel a few months ago and came across a documentary on like the Travel Channel or something that was about the new Diagon Alley attraction in Harry Potter World at Universal Studios Orlando, and the planning, construction and attention to detail that went into it before they opened the doors. Before opening it to the public, a select group of young HP fans were let into the park as a sneak peak and the look of awe was astounding. I can’t imagine being a kid, being obsessed with the books & movies and finally being in Diagon Alley for real.
  •  In what is one of my favorite dances over all the seasons of So You Think You Can Dance, golden child Travis Wall choreographed an emotional contemporary (and Emmy nominated) piece to Coldplay’s Fix You, a dance based on his own experience of helping his mom through her bout with cancer. While Fix You is always a tearjerker, add on the brilliant dancing by Robert Roldan and Allison Holker and you have a piece of pure art that will leave you breathless.
  • Speaking of SYTYCD, season 11’s Ricky Ubeda was one of those winners who actually deserved the victory, thanks to his combination of talent and personality. But during Hollywood week, it was his solo that made me (and a lot of other viewers) single him out from the crowd, thanks to vulnerability and emotion he brought to the dance.
  • Lily telling Marshall his dad died on How I Met Your Mother.
  • The final scene in Friends when they all walk out of Monica & Chandler’s to go to Central Perk and there’s one final sweep of the empty apartment with swelling music in the background.

Four Crying Dawsons

4 Crying Dawsons

  • Carrie Underwood singing. Pretty much singing anything. Especially if it’s live. I’ve seen her in concert three times and every single time I was brought to tears. She sings with such passion and conviction. And if she’s singing any kind of religious song, you know she’s channeling the big JC, making her voice even more powerful for some reason.
  • The scene in both the book and movie version of The Fault in our Stars where Hazel is giving the ‘eulogy’ for Gus in the church.
  • The Normal Heart. All of it.
  • Friday Night Lights – pretty much the entire show. However, I’ll pinpoint one that stands out, which is when Coach throws Matt Saracen into the shower, but QB1 breaks down, insisting that his loved ones always abandon him. And to continue this Zach Gilford lovefest, the entire episode of The Son is heartwrenching, but I won’t ruin it for you if you haven’t seen it.
  • Call it the Jason Katims effect because Parenthood also makes me cry during every episode, no matter what. Again, it’s hard to pick just one, so the scene where Kristina tells the family that she has cancer – a scene so powerful with no words at all. This current season hasn’t been lucky for Zeek, and because of personal reasons, I’ve found his storyline extremely upsetting. Also Mae Whitman crying. Legit the best crier in the biz.
  • The series finale of Gilmore Girls in which Rory assures Lorelai that she’s “already given her everything she needs” before she goes on the road following Senator Barack Obama. In fact the final like 20 minutes of that show including Rory’s speech under the tent make me cry so hard that I’ve only watched the finale approx thrice, as opposed to like the 30 times for all the other episodes.
  • The finale of I ❤ Nick Carter where he and Lauren get married. Legit stayed up til 4am watching it and it was totally worth it. His family sucks but good thing they have the rest of BSB and other friends and family – that’s what got me.
  •  Jim Halpert learning he and Pam are having a baby after she injures herself at the company picnic. The whole office singing Seasons of Love to Michael on his last episode. The ‘Forever’ flash mob at Jim & Pam’s wedding and them getting married on the Maid of the Mist and Jim cutting off his tie. The entire series finale. I had a hard time saying goodbye to The Office.
  • The first 5-ish minutes of Up.
  • When Mary and Edith realize that they’re the only ones left after Sybil dies.
  • I was never big into Buffy, but that scene where Buffy tells Dawn that their mom has died, and you’re watching it through the window of her classroom? Nope.
  • DOBBY. RIP.

Five Crying Dawsons

5 crying dawsons

  • The Quarterback episode of Glee where Finn (Cory Monteith) dies. I literally went through almost an entire box of tissues during that and I’m not even a huge Glee fan. The pain on everyone’s face was real, and watching Lea Michele sing – forget it.
  • The end of The Best Man Holiday – what in the fuck was that all about?! I paid $15 to see Taye Diggs and his fellow HBM co-stars possibly take their clothes off and it turned out that I needed extra sleeves because my tears and snot were all over the shirt I went in with.
  • Right before Leslie and Ben get married, when she’s talking with Ron in the hallway. I’m a wedding crier anyway, but jeez.
  • In Little Women, when Jo is going through the trunk in the attic after Beth has died (note: Beth’s death gets knocked down to 4 Crying Dawsons because of the weird brogue Claire Danes starts speaking in).
  • Everything that happens after Sara Crewe goes to live in the attic in A Little Princess. This is the second Frances Hodgson Burnett appearance on this list so I hope wherever she is, she’s proud of her vast legacy of children’s tears.
  • The funeral scene in Philadelphia, when they show the home movies of Beckett as a kid with his mom.
  • Good Will Hunting: 4 words – “It’s not your fault.”
  • My Girl: 6 words – “He can’t see without his glasses!”
  • Dead Poets Society: 4 words – “O Captain! My Captain!”
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TV Finales As Written By The How I Met Your Mother Writers

Posted in Entertainment, Lists by

What a finale! During the last episode of How I Met Your Mother, we learned that Ted met The Mother at the train station after the wedding and stayed in New York, that Robin and Barney got divorced, that The Mother died of a nameless, convenient disease, that if you’re a career-focused lady your marriage will probably end but maybe in a decade your friend’s wife will die and he’ll hit you up, and that the writers must have liked Lily and Marshall the best. We also learned that the past nine years have been — in many Twitter users’ opinions anyway —  either a waste of time or a lie. Neither of us 100% hated the finale, but we sure didn’t love it, either.

The plus is, we now have a sitcom finale format that we can use to ruin the ending of any TV show that you ever came to love! Take a look:

Full House

Wait, we already knew the mother was dead the whole time, right?  It seemed like Danny would never find love – until Jesse and Rebecca get divorced. Then Danny gets with Becky, which is convenient because he was already keeping her and her children in his attic.

The purpose of the whole series was for Bob Saget to explain to his daughters why their cousins were becoming their step-siblings.

All of this is able to happen because Danny’s real love (Uncle Joey, natch) dies. Danny can finally go for Becky once that puppeteering, Popeye-impersonating cock-block is out of the way thanks to … I don’t know, cancer or something? Consumption? Some sort of vague, beautiful illness. It doesn’t matter.

I Love Lucy

Fred and Ethel get divorced. Ricky dies. Lucy confesses that she loved Fred all along. And the whole series was just a traumatizing story-session in which Lucy fishes for dating advice from Little Ricky.

Also Ricky Ricardo was really from Milwaukee. Because everything you thought was true was a lie.

Friends

The thing we were waiting for for years finally happened – Ross and Rachel got back together and tied the knot! Then, quicker than you can say “four divorces,” the marriage ended. Rachel didn’t hang out much anymore. Then Monica died. And Chandler married Rachel, which makes Emma and the twins some sort of cousin-siblings. And the whole series was just a way to explain to the twins why daddy’s trying to get with Auntie Rachel.

Joey gives his last “how YOU doin’.” To an accident-baby.

M.A.S.H.

How could you possibly improve on arguably the best TV finale of all time? Easy, using the HIMYM Series-Ruining Format. The good news is that the events that viewers spent years waiting for finally happened.  Klinger and Soon-Lee get married. And divorced. But it’s cool, she hooks up with Father Mulcahy. The war ends! Hawkeye boards a helicopter, and looks fondly down at  the goodbye message that B.J. wrote in the camp.

Then the helicopter crashes. Onto Sophie the Horse.  Because if you wait seasons and seasons for something to happen, the writers just might give it to you – but true to the HIMYM Series-Ruining Format, you can be sure that they’ll take it away by the end of the episode.

Seinfeld

Make the Seinfeld finale worse? Sure! The HIMYM writers are up to the challenge. When the gang’s plane makes a crash-landing, they see a man getting carjacked and fail to help him. Under the jurisdiction’s Good Samaritan Law, they are put on trial, and all of their old acquaintances come back as character references. Elaine gets reluctant about hanging out with her friends – maybe because she’s in a separate facility, maybe because bitches be crazy and have too many feelings to maintain friendships –  which makes things real weird between everyone. Then, she and Jerry get together and get married by a justice of the peace in the local jail! But they get divorced real quick. They are all found guilty.

And sentenced to death.

Roseanne

Everyone remembers the real Roseanne finale, right? We learned that Dan actually died of a heart attack at Darlene’s wedding. His survival – and everything that happened afterward, including winning the lottery – was a story created in Roseanne’s imagination to cope with the immeasurable sorrow that filled her days.

Actually, this one can stay just how it is.

St. Elsewhere

NEVER SHAKE A DOCTOR. NEVER.

The audience learns that the whole show took place in the imagination of a little boy who has autism, who gazes at a snow-globe containing the titular hospital. The boy drops the snow-globe as he – the kid you hadn’t even met until this episode but who was the key to the entire show – dies. You see the main characters, in miniature, all fall out of the tiny snow-globe hospital. Maybe some of them die too. Were any of them married? Cool. They divorce.

The Office

Remember the wedding between Dwight and Angela? Well, they hadn’t finished paying it off before they got divorced. Jim dies. Pam marries Dwight. I guess Kelly and Ryan can be the Lily and Marshall of this operation, and nothing bad really happens to them. Toby fathers some sort of baby.

Newhart

Dick and Joanna split up. Joanna takes up with George Utley.

THEN, Dick wakes up and we find out that the whole thing was a dream. His name is Bob, he does NOT live in Vermont, and he did NOT divorce Joanna. Really dodged a bullet there! We meet the woman that he actually married. She is wonderful.

She dies.

In the last frame, Bob has taken a train to Vermont in order to track down the woman of his (literal) dreams – Prudence Goddard.

 

Lost

The whole time, you thought you might have been in purgatory.

Actually, you were in hell.

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12 Days Of 90s Christmas Episodes

Posted in Entertainment, Lists by

Christmas Eve is only a week away, and if you haven’t gotten yourself into the spirit yet, it’s time to start — unless you don’t celebrate Christmas, in which case, carry on as you were. In the spirit of the season, we present you with a dozen days’ worth of 90s Christmas episodes, because if there’s a perfect cross-section of things we love, it’s 90s, tv, and holidays.

Enjoy a restrained viewing experience of an episode per day from now til the end of Christmas week, or spend a solid 6-12 hour block binging on holiday cheer. Extra-awesome: the episodes are ordered chronologically, so you can follow all of the wacky hair trends, silly fashions, and political references (this is probably the only Christmas post you’ll read this year that mentions the Clinton impeachment).

DAY ONE

Family Matters – Have Yourself A Merry Winslow Christmas (1990)

Family Matters never shied away from showing you the weird love-hate, codependent, mocking relationship the grown-assed-adult Winslows had with the sad, outcast teenaged boy next door. In this episode, Steve ruins the Winslows’ Chrismas (of course!) but is invited over after Laura finds him alone in his basement, abandoned by his real family. Shouldn’t somebody call child protective?

Babysitters Club – Baby Sitters Special Christmas (1990)

Don’t they mean SUPER-Special Christmas? Come on, Ann M. Martin! Believe it or not, this is streaming on Netflix

DAY TWO

Saved By The Bell – Home For Christmas (1991)

Everybody gets mall jobs and then they make friends with a homeless girl who we never see again. What’s not to love? (Teen homelessness).

The Cosby Show – Clair’s Place (1991)

Cliff builds a special room for Clair, the family decorates the tree, and there are cookies. Christmas is honestly just a backdrop for an entire episode built on the theme “MAMA JUST NEEDS SOME ‘ME TIME'”.

DAY THREE

Rugrats – The Santa Experience (1992)

Hard to believe that mere infants at the time this episode aired are now of legal drinking age. As are Tommy and the gang, come to think of it. There’s just too much good stuff in this episode – a coveted Deluxe Cynthia toy, the adults getting thwarted when they try to dress as Santa, a Gift of the Magi situation between Phil and Lil, and a cozy getaway cabin.

DAY FOUR

Roseanne – White Trash Christmas (1993)

In the most Roseanne-y Christmas move ever, the family rebels against neighborhood decoration rules by decorating their house real trashy-like. Also, Fake Becky works at Fake Hooters.

The Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air: ‘Twas The Night Before Christening (1993)

Sure, it isn’t the best Christmas episode ever, but it is the only one featuring Boyz II Men. Good news: they perform at Nicky’s christening. Bad news: That one guy doesn’t start the song by talking all low and deep, something like “Boy… today we dedicate you to God. But first, I dedicate my love… all of my love… and this song” and then they all start doing a dance with folding chairs. That’s how I’d have played it.

DAY FIVE

My So-Called Life – So-Called Angels (1994)

Some of the best Christmas episodes don’t as much warm your heart, so much as cut it open like a merry Yuletide knife. I mean, Angel Juliana Hatfield? Little Ricky with his little candles? Brian on the helpline? MSCL always tugs at my heartstrings (remember Rayanne with Sesame Street and the song about the car?), and this episode just proves why Claire Danes has been making us all ugly cry for 2 decades.

DAY SIX

Full House – Arrest Ye Merry Gentlemen (1994)

This episode is from Full House’s golden age, and boy does it show. It has a Michelle-centric plot, a person stranded away from family before Christmas (Jesse gets arrested), a guest star who’s probably too good for this (Mickey Rooney), and my all-time favorite Christmas episode trope — the characters helping a crotchety old man reconnect with his family at Christmas.

DAY SEVEN

Living Single – Let It Snow, Let It Snow Let it Snow… Dammit (1995)

The crew celebrates Christmas in a Canadian cabin, there’s a Mountie, Synclaire dyes his Santa suit pink, and we all learn the Real Meaning Of Christmas (TM).

Home Improvement – Twas The Flight Before Christmas (1995)

You know, tv had me believe that I’d be stuck in an airport during major holidays way more than I actually have. Bonus: this episode aired at the height of JTT mania, so you can watch this and try to remember what we were all thinking. This episode has such a truly witty and spectacular title that it was re-used by an episode of the Disney show Dog With A Blog (which sounds like an insult someone would use if they hate me and also think I’m ugly).

DAY EIGHT

The Adventures Of Pete And Pete – O’ Christmas Pete (1996)

If anyone dares question why us millenials have been flocking to quirky independent comedies since our teen years, I’d point them to The Adventures Of Pete And Pete. Unlike the shiny neon Nickelodeon shows of today, Pete and Pete was decidedly offbeat. This Christmas episode shows what happens when a kid follows the universal desire to keep Christmas going as long as possible. Even as an adult, I still hate that 12/26 slump.

DAY NINE

Seinfeld – The Strike (1997)

My family celebrates Festivus off-and-on. I hold my own in the Airing of Grievances, but the Feats Of Strength didn’t go so well as an 11-year-old girl with two giant older brothers.

DAY TEN

 Ally McBeal – Making Spirits Bright (1998)

Vonda Shepherd sings, there’s a Christmas party at the office, Billy defends a man who claimed to see a unicorn, and we find out that Young Ally also saw a unicorn, because she clearly has a lifetime history of hallucinations that she probably should have looked into at some point.

DAY ELEVEN

Saturday Night Live – Alec Baldwin (1998)

Fond, awkward family memories: my whole family – grandparents, siblings, aunts, etc – were all watching this episode when the Schweddy Balls sketch aired. We all tried to stifle our laughter – to no avail – while keeping my Grammy in our peripheral vision. She was super-proper and prayed the rosary every day. An all-around good episode, it also aired at the height of the Clinton impeachment scandal, and included a sketch where Molly Shannon plays a clown with weird feelings about a little girl who looks like a grown man, a Bill Brasky segment, and a Harlem Globetrotters Christmas cartoon.

DAY TWELVE

Friends – The One With The Routine (1999)

You know, you should really watch all of the Friends Christmas eps, but I like ending our series with this one because it’s also a New Year ep. Favorite parts: the “AZ” and the routine, which I compulsively rewound with my friend Jenny to learn all of the steps when we were supposed to be watching her baby sister.

Bleth & More Fictional Couples Who Should Marry IRL

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It happened, y’all. Two of the most beloved characters in millennial TV history are getting married IRL!

If you haven’t heard yet, Blair Waldorf and Seth Cohen (Bleth) are engaged!!!

Okay, so it’s actually Leighton Meester and Adam Brody. Two things came to my mind upon hearing this: 1) UGH now Seth and Summer will NEVER be together. 2) Blair and Seth. Weird.

It did not occur to me until a good minute later that these folks are not their fictional characters, because I am too engrossed in the lives of TV characters instead of my own real life. (It’s fine, I’m not the only one. The internet is stuck in the land of Newport & the Upper East Side too).

Anyways, while the idea of Queen B and lovable geek Seth getting together seems almost impossible that it could actually be true love, it got me thinking – what other characters from 90s/00s TV shows would actually be really compatible? Here are a few I came up with. Agree? Disagree? Want to add more to the list? Let us know!

Jenny Oliver
To continue with the Gossip Girl/The OC crossover, I present to you Jenny Humphrey and Oliver Trask. Jenny was a good girl gone bad, while Oliver was just a nutjob gone cray cray. Put them together and you have a big ball of insanity, which is probably not condusive to you know, living a normal life, but at least they would be happy together?

lisa carlton
When you think about it, these two could have actually gotten together. Lisa lived in the Pacific Palisades on Saved by the Bell while Carlton lived (with the Fresh Prince) in Bel-Air. It’s only like a “20 minute” commute, so it’s totes easy for Lisa to pick up Carlton and the two (read: just Lisa) can go shopping on his credit card. Not to mention, she would have a BFF in his sister Hillary.

ruthie ben
I’m going to pretend that Ruthie is still 8 years old on 7th Heaven and Ben is 6 on Friends, because I can’t handle the fact that Grown up Ruthie is posing half naked in magazines and Ben has split into twins and one of them works in a restaurant. These two were both troublemakers at some point in their respective series so while Ben avoids hanging out with Sting’s son, he can just casually date/hold hands with Ruthie and everything will be okay.

jonathan erik
Alright, before you leave a nasty comment, I realize that Jonathan Bower from Who’s the Boss was never actually gay on the show. It was the ’80s/90s, they couldn’t do that. On the other hand, Danny Pinaturo, the actor, actually is gay, so lets pretend new came out later in life and started dating Eric Van der Woodsen from Gossip Girl. Eric, since he grew up in the age where coming out isn’t as big of a deal as it used to be, has had his fair share of bfs, so he could teach Jonathan a little something about being ‘out’. In public.

kimmy neal
Ah Gibbler. The annoying sometimes charming BFF/neighbor to the Tanner family on Full House. She’s the type of person that would only get on with someone that’s just as weird and freaky as her. Enter Neal Schweiber from Freaks and Geeks. If you’re not familiar (what’s wrong with you? Watch that shit now), Neal is part of the Geek section of Freaks and Geeks. He thinks he’s a ladies man but, let’s face it. He’s not. Except with Gibbler.

jessie randy
There’s an episode of Saved by the Bell called Cut Day (is it disgusting I didn’t even have to look that up?) where Jessie finds a love connection with Graham – a boy she’s NEVER met or seen before in this high school where we see the same students over and over again – after they bond over protesting the delivery of styrofoam cups to the cafeteria and chaining themselves to lockers. Meanwhile, over on Home Improvement, Randy Taylor was kind of the odd man out in the family, as he cared more about environmental and civil rights and even became a vegetarian, much to the chagrin of Tim the Toolman Taylor. JTT decided to leave the show to go to college IRL, so the writers shipped Randy off to Costa Rica with his girlfriend in an attempt to save the rainforest. Basically, these two belong together in Colorado living a crunchy granola vegan lifestyle or for Americorps in – where else – Costa Rica.

kate dickKate Sanders was the bitchy, popular girl on Lizzie McGuire and Dick Casablancas, well Dick lived up to his first name. I realize that maybe there’s a slight age difference here, but theoretically, Kate and Dick would be a match made in heaven. And provide plenty of fodder for Veronica Mars’ flawless snark.

cher joeyLest we forget, Clueless was so popular that it spawned a TV show. Even though it only lasted for three seasons, Cher was still Cher and swimming in the middle of a bunch of Monets in Beverly Hills. Joey may have been a dumb jock on Blossom, but all he really needs is someone who is like him but smarter, and Cher can totally fit that role for him.

ren parisOkay, okay. These two aren’t lesbians. But bear with me for a second. Ren Stevens was a Type A overachiever on Even Stevens. Paris Geller was a Type A overachiever on Gilmore Girls. The ultimate power couple? And just think about it – these two could EASILY be lesbians. Like if one day they returned and it was revealed they’ve switched teams and gone all Piper Chapman over the past couple of years, I wouldn’t be surprised.

bliss feenyHonestly, I don’t know why no one ever thought of this before. Two teachers from beloved teen sitcoms, each providing life lessons for their students/adopted kids? Goood Morning, Mrs. Feeny.

Michelle Tanner’s High-Fashion Fashions

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Remember Michelle Tanner’s outfits? They were the coolest – the oversized buttons, the sassy sweatsuits, the sunflower hats. Well, you can’t buy style that fly at The Children’s Place. Nope – those fashions went straight from the runway, to a seamstress who cuts down clothing for children and tiny adults, to your television. I didn’t believe it, either, but this week Ashley Olsen said:

We’d be in six-hour fittings three times a week, because we had to wear 12 different outfits. The majority of the wardrobe was made up of adult pieces, including Chanel and Marc Jacobs, cut to fit.

Now, I’d never call Ashley Olsen a liar (Mary-Kate, on the other hand…). It’s just that, even in the crazy 80s, I thought that Chanel and Marc Jacobs were a little more dignified than this:

Thanks to Olivia Newton John, aerobic wear was all the rage, and Givenchy went off the rails for a while there.

From Armani’s Fall/Winter 1990 “Cartoon Pandas And Whales” line.

The 90s were in full swing, and the House of Versace was all about these fetus-sized voodoo dolls with yarn hair.

Every student of fashion knows the 1992 collaboration between Jean-Paul Gaultier and Lisa Frank.

(L) Olsen in Oleg Cassini (Resort Collection); (R) Baby Jess Merriweather in Gymboree.

The running motif in Jil Sander’s poorly-received Spring 1991 line? Big-assed buttons.

Princess Diana wore nautical pieces on a Greek vacation, and the next season, Commes des Garcons was – in designer Kawakubo’s own words – “trying a thing.”

I thought that this was both twins, circa 1995, in Vera Wang. However, I’m told that this is a full-grown Mary-Kate Olsen, appearing alongside her paramour and an actual child. Honest mistake.

Vintage Chanel Couture.

You thought your third grade teacher was buying her Christmas sweaters at Christopher & Banks? Try Dolce & Gabbana.

‘You Know What? Everyone Just Give Up For A While’ – cover story of Vogue’s September Issue, 1989 – and the inspiration for this ensemble.

Virtual Smash Club: Top Full House Musical Performances

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If there were some sort of Make A Wish-style foundation that granted the dreams of 20- and 30-somethings, I’d put Jimmy Fallon in charge of it. After all, if you were born between about 1975 and 1992, that man has probably already found a way of making your dreams come true. First, there was his campaign for a Saved By The Bell Reunion. Last week, Fallon topped that — he staged a Jesse and the Rippers reunion. At the Smash Club. With Danny and Becky in attendance.

Actually, if we were creating an early ’90s Living History museum experience, I’d put Jimmy Fallon in charge of that, too.

Jesse and the Rippers were just part of the Full House musical menu. For such an (admittedly) medicocre family sitcom, Full House was very music-heavy. Here are a few of the best:

Forever

My high school used to hold a vote for prom song. One year, a bunch of people voted for Forever as a joke. It won. Truly, nothing says “young love” better than the song Jesse wrote for his favorite Nebraskan tv journalist.

 Teddy Bear

When I re-watched this video, I thought it was a little over-the-top that Michelle got sent to bed by three men singing in harmony. Then, I remembered that when I was that age, I went through a phase when I couldn’t sleep if I thought the rest of my family was awake. My mom had everyone create a decoy bedtime – pajamas, prayers, everything. So, that’s probably worse. By the way, I didn’t find out about this until years later and I felt filthy that everybody was working together to trick me. It’s probably why I hate surprise parties.

The Sign

When I think of The Sign, I don’t even think of the Ace of Base version. I think of Stephanie, Gibbler, and that brazen hussy Gia totally butchering the pop song at a talent show, teaching us all a valuable lesson about the importance of practice. By the way, mashup artist Girl Talk named himself after this very band.*

Motown Philly

We never really heard about Stephanie’s dance classes. They never mentioned that someone had to drive her to a dance competition. You never saw her practicing or anything. But all of a sudden, there was a massive plot point that Stephanie was some kind of semi-professional child hip-hop dancer. She was up for a master class or camp or whatever good dance kids go to. I’m picturing something like Bela Karolyi’s gymnastics training center, but for dance and in San Francisco. Or, like Abbey Lee maybe. The point is, Stephanie pretended she didn’t know how to dance because she was scared of success. Funny, because “imposter syndrome” didn’t set in for me until I graduated law school – but then, Tanner was advanced. However, once she decided to sell the Motown Philly routine, that shit was sold.

Don’t Go Breaking My Heart

Whenever the Full House writers didn’t know where to go with the plot, they were like “okay, let’s just do a talent show, I guess?” These were Michelle’s friends, Derek and Lisa, who we wrote about in Where Are They Now: Minor Full House Characters. Did you know that after this episode, Elton John and Kiki Dee wrote a letter to the kid who played Derek, commending him on his performance — but snubbed Lisa?**

That stupid lollypop song

I’ve never watched a telethon on purpose. Nobody has. However, I’m pretty sure even for a telethon, this is bad. Somehow, the Tanners had to take the whole thing over. TV viewers were treated to Joey’s “comedy,” Steph’s hip hop dance stylings, and this – a teenage girl singing about buying candy. As a child, it made me want one of those giant Shirley Temple-style lollypops really bad. As an adult, it makes me cringe for Candace Cameron’s misspent teen years.

All those times The Beach Boys showed up

Inexplicably, the Tanners were friends with The Beach Boys. Every once in a while Brian Wilson would show up at that short-lived basement recording studio they had, or on the family’s Hawaiian vacation. I think the sister-dads were supposed to be superfans or something.

Oh, also, Little Richard was Jess Meriwether’s Denise’s uncle, because why not? Full House had given up on realism back when super-dedicated Motown Philly Steph became a girl who wouldn’t even practice her guitar for The Sign.

* That’s probably not very true.

** This is also, technically, untrue.

Odd Celebrity Run-Ins I’ve Had

Posted in Entertainment, GSOY (Gratuitous Story of Yourself), Lists by

Here’s a myth about living in Los Angeles: I see celebrities all the time. I do see them occasionally, but it’s not like I see one every day. However, when I do see one, it’s usually in the oddest of places and involves an awkward exchange of words. Here are some that come to mind.

Mario Lopez

Okay, this is technically way before I lived here, but a good story nonetheless. I was visiting family here in 2003, and I got tickets to see American Idol. I went with my dad, who honestly, I don’t think he had any idea what was going on, but I also made a sign that said, ‘I came all the way from Rochester, NY to see Justin win’. Yeah. Justin Guarini. Anyways, during commercials, the audience warm up guy announced that Mario Lopez was in the audience. I naturally freaked out because if there is any TV series that encapsulates my youth, it’s Saved by the Bell. So I got the balls to go up to him (because other girls were doing the same thing too) and I asked him for his autograph on a piece of paper ripped from a small notebook of the gal behind me in line. There he was, AC Slater, flashing his smile and dimples at me. He asked me what my name was and I said, ‘Traci’. He said oh how do you spell that? And I was all ‘T-R-A-C-I’, but apparently said it really fast, because he looked confused and it literally said, “To Traici, Love Mario Lopez.” To make it worse, I told him how much I love SBTB and how I’ve seen every episode, to which he smiled again and I ran away like a little girl.

Mindy Kaling

My friends and I were at Yogurtland, a popular self serve fro-yo place. We were sitting outside eating and I thought I spotted Talan from Laguna Beach go inside. I came up with a reason to get napkins just to see if it was in fact him. Turns out it wasn’t. Also turned out that the dispenser was out of napkins, and since I needed them anyways, I decided to go up to the cashier to ask for some. When I went up there, there was only one cashier, and I let her know that they were out of napkins. And then a line started forming and it took waayy too long and I started feeling guilty about just getting fake napkins. I said outloud, “You’d think they’d have more than one person working here, right?” Then a voice next to me said, “I know right?” Yeah, that person that responded to my offhand comment was Mindy Kaling. I ran away like a little girl.

Damien from Mean Girls

Ironically at the same Yogurtland, but a different time, I saw Damien (Daniel Franzese) with some girl. I think I was staring at him for too long because we made eye contact and he looked at me with some concern. A year later I saw him handing out flyers for a theater during a Christmas open house.

Jon Heder aka Napoleon Dynamite

I was picking up food I ordered from my favorite restaurant, Aroma cafe. There’s a TV behind the registers that usually plays old timey movies, and the one that was playing that day was a really odd one that was super low-budge and featured some woman with a huge gold headdress. While I was waiting to pick up my food, the guy next to me said, what movie is this? The cashier said it’s called She. And without even thinking that I shouldn’t be part of the conversation, I said, ‘She? That’s the name of it? So weird.’ Then the guy next to me looked at me and nodded in agreement before saying something else, and I realized I made small talk with Napoleon Dynamite.

Whitney Port

My friend Thom was visiting us in LA, and my roommate Meghan and I took him to one of the greatest cupcake places/tourist spots in the city – Sprinkles. This place is so popular that there is always a line out the door at the Beverly Hills location, but it’s so worth it. While waiting in line, a couple girls got out of a car and came up to us frantically saying, ‘We need a guy to sing happy birthday to!’ and I was like ‘Holy crap, that’s Whitney from The Hills! Slash it’s actually Thom’s birthday!!’ I immediately pointed to Thom, but he was having none of it and she’s like do you want to do it? We’re in a scavenger hunt and I need to sing happy birthday to a guy.’ Thom said no and she moved on. Ugh come on!

Tim Allen

At the stationery store I used to work at, a lot of celebs would come in looking for assistance, and I would have to act cool. I’d say the biggest star to come in was Tim Allen. At the time, I was by myself, and on the phone with a customer. Then I heard a man say, ‘excuse me’ and I turned around and it was Tim the toolman Taylor. He started asking me about an ink refill for his pen, and I promptly came up with an excuse to call the customer on the phone back. We didn’t have what he wanted, but he and his daughter ended up buying some stuff anyways. When he was checking out he said, “I’ll Paper your Goose.” The name of our store was Paper Goose.

Duck Lips

Duck Lips then…

Duck Lips now…

L.A. isn’t really known for its walkability. Everyone here drives. So often when there’s someone walking across the street illegally, I turn on the road rage. Last month, this very thing happened. I was coming to a stop in traffic when this guy just runs across the street to his car. I thought he looked familiar, like he went to my college or something because he looked super hipster and that’s my natural train of thought in LA – Emerson or celebrity? And thanks to Molly’s previous Full House where are they now post, I realized it was the guy who played Duck Lips on Full House who illegally crossed the street in front of my car. How rude.