You Know What Date I’m Not Getting Married? June 3rd.

Before there’s any confusion, neither of us is getting married. Also not getting married: Season 6 Lorelai Gilmore. Why am I even bringing this up? Besides the obvious that we’re obsessed with the show? Today is June 3rd.

Yes, Lucas. June 3rd. It’s the unofficial Gilmore Girls holiday for a couple reasons. A) It’s the date Luke & Lorelai were supposed to get married. B) It’s the date of Rory’s court hearing. C) Because I Said So (see what I did there?)

In honor of Flashback Friday, I’m bringing it back to last year’s June 3rd post in the middle of our Gilmore Girls theme week. It was days before we reunited with the rest of the GG cast at the ATX TV Festival and also days before we met aforementioned Luke Danes and nearly passed out. Ok, I, Traci, almost passed out. Molly was fine.

Anyways, in addition to Luke, there were many men that came in and out of the Gilmore girls’ lives, so here are (fake) bios we made for all the gentleman callers throughout the seven seasons we were in Stars Hollow.

Gilmore Girls’ Gentleman Callers Character Bios: He’d Better Have a Motorcycle

Guys, do you know what today is? It’s June 3rd. Yes, it’s silver fox Anderson Cooper’s birthday, but that has nothing to do with Gilmore Girls Week. June 3rd – it’s the day that Rory was scheduled to go to court for the whole sex boat scandal – but more importantly, it was the day Luke and Lorelai were supposed to get married.

Alas, as you fans know, that wedding date never came to fruition, and Lorelai made sure everybody knew that during Zach and Lane’s wedding when she got a lil’ shitfaced and told pretty much all of Stars Hollow that June 3rd wasn’t happening, and doubted that it was ever going to happen.

Full disclosure – for the past few years, I’ve been ‘celebrating’ June 3rd with my friend and we usually get coffee, some kind of delish food, and maybe sneak in an ep, so basically it’s become the official unofficial holiday for the show. In celebration of (pre-breakup) June 3rd, let’s take a more in-depth look at not only Luke, but all the memorable boys of Gilmore Girls past. From Tristan to Christopher to Asher, there have been some interesting and some unforgettable men in the GG world, and today, we’re bringing them back and reminding you of just how good (or horrible) they are with a breakdown of each guy, with facts that may or may not be true (they’re all fake, these characters are not real. I know).

Ed. note: Friendly reminder we’re heading to Austin for the #ATXFestival on Thursday, so follow us on social media using the hashtag #CandSTakeATX as we update you live panels starring the likes of GG, Bunheads, Orphan Black, Dawson’s Creek and more!!

Dean

Occupation: Piece of human garbage

Smells like: Axe body spray, probably

Defining characteristics: punchable face, stupid hair.

Special skills: Carrying historical cannonballs, being obnoxiously tall, okay at Bop It, I guess.

Favorite Macaulay Culkin role: the little evil boy in The Good Son

Emoji that may or may not represent him as a character: 🚽

Tristan

Where is he now: After finishing his high school years at a military school in small-town North Carolina, Tristan has since settled down with his beloved wife … Mary.

Biggest secret: The “military school” thing was a ruse, he’s obviously in the witness protection program. Come on, there’s no way “Dugray” isn’t a made-up New England prep school kid surname.

Personal hero: the Ryan Philippe character from Cruel Intentions

Hobbies: Local gun club, community theatre

Jess

Fashion preferences: layered look

Food aversions: Deviled eggs

Deepest secret: Has the ability to take on superpowers of other people

Favorite book: Swan’s Way

Current occupation: Part-owner of Trunchin Books, and leads their booming e-book department. Wrote another novel called The Heartful Dodger

Most used emoji: 📚

Marty

Famous relatives: Ugly Naked Guy, third cousin of John Mayer

Bad habits: Lies when completely unnecessary, never carries any cash

Current occupation: Owns a catering company with branches in 20 cities throughout America. Still refuses to cater any party involving Logan Huntzberger.

Underused emoji: 👕

Logan

What comes up when you Google his name: Rory Gilmore Sex Boat

Recreational interests: yacht heists (possibly the wealthiest-sounding two-word combo ever)

Family history: while man is known to descend from apes, Logan’s family carries a suspicious amount of wasp DNA

Favorite Macaulay Culkin role: Richie Rich

Emoji that stings when he see it: 💍

Doyle

Current age: 21. Still. Somehow.

Biggest secret: Has been frozen in time since 1928 (see: fondness for print journalism; fear of treadmills – it all makes sense).

Favorite accessory: probably one of those old-time tickets in his bowler cap in lieu of a press pass?

Hobbies: Krav Maga, making railroad models, coming up with new dad jokes to tell his two kids with Paris.

Jamie

Un-celebrations: Took a good five years before he could fully enjoy his birthday after Paris broke up with him on his 20th.

Occupation: Works at a Washington, D.C. think tank

Current relationship status: Married to Zenon (no, really. IRL)

Asher

Current occupation: deceased

Where would he be in 2015?: Dating someone who learned about 9/11 from a very special episode of Sesame Street

In lieu of flowers: gives teen girlfriend Paris an antique printing press (posthumously)

Fashion favorite: those blazers with patches on the elbows

Favorite memory: the 1940s

Favorite emoji: 👴

Zach

Fun fact: played guitar on all of the “la las”

Favorite musical genre: Songs with girls’ names in them

Secret hobby: Writes vampire fiction

Favorite/Least favorite movie: From Here To Eternity

Most used emoji: 🎎

Dave Rygalski

Where is he now: While pretending to be a Christian guitarist, he got inspired and now is a real-life Christian guitarist in a mega church’s worship band.

Net worth: One marriage jug

Current location: Chino

Celebrity crush: Leighton Meester

Henry Cho

Current occupation: still not a doctor

Relationship status: married to a Korean doctor

Jackson

Cutting the cord: Finally got that vasectomy for real after Sookie cursed him out while in labor with their child.

Career highlights: farmer, town selectman, former town selectman

Unrealized dreams: “Four in four” – unless that season 7 baby was actually twins. Yikes.

Favorite designer: Carhartt

Biggest fear: Getting caught for accidentally farming weed in ’06

Rune

Fashion inspiration: Dickon from The Secret Garden:

Dislikes: tall women who have ears

Fun fact: has never swiped right

Most noticeable characteristic: resting bitch face

Unrealized dream: Newsie

T.J.

Occupation: Is a contractor. Well, technically, works for a contractor as an assistant, but still calls himself a contractor.

Where is he now: after the legging craze took off, T.J. became the proprietor of a successful men’s tights boutique

Hometown: Not New York, actually.

Favorite word: Escrow (pronounced: ES-kher-oh)

Kids’ names: Doula, Gary Jr.

Favorite emoji: 🔨

Young Chui

Relationship status: secretly dating Dave Rygalski

Favorite sport: Krav maga. Ironically took the same class as Doyle until he and Paris moved away from Connecticut.

Favorite food: trail mix, peanuts, potato chips, basically any sort of party food

Favorite TV shows: Jeopardy!, The Bachelor franchise

Max

Favorite pick-up location: Parent-teacher conferences; PTA bake sales

Movie he cannot watch: Runaway Bride

Current location: Went back to Stanford, tried to reunite with Diane, that lasted approx 2 months. Now teaches at Berkley, was involved with a woman named Sarah Braverman, and right when he was about to propose, she told him she couldn’t go through with it. Still looking for the “one”, but satisfied with his career as a teacher.

Fatal flaw: Not Luke

Christopher

Where is he now: After breaking up with Lorelai for good, he realized he needed to get away from Connecticut for a while and moved to Santa Barbara with Gigi. He initially planned for it to be temporary so he could move back to CT to be close to Rory, but after she got the campaign job with Obama, he decided to stay put and has lived there ever since. He met a woman who works as an astrophysics professor at University of California, Santa Barbara, and they’ve been dating for years, but are in no rush to settle down.

Movie he cannot watch: Funny Face

Weird aversion: Light-up santas, outdoor nativity scenes

Emoji he uses when feeling threatened: 👊

Fatal flaw: Not Luke

Alex

Hobbies and interests: Fishing, coffee

Where is he now: Good question. Missing person: he just sort of faded away then disappeared. Nancy Grace is on it.

Medical Marvel: Alex is immune to the effects of caffeine.

Underused emoji: 🎣

Fatal flaw: Not Luke

Jason

Nickname: Digger, The Worst

Interests: Suing people, ruining things

Pets: Cyrus, the dog, who passed away in 2012. He had the animal taxidermied. There’s honestly no difference.

Relationship status: In a long-term relationship with a woman he met while on a business trip in China. They have an apartment in New York City – they sleep in separate beds.

Emoji doppelganger: 💩

Fatal flaw: Not Luke