Frank Underwood v. Donald Trump: A War of Words

Like many others, I spent my weekend watching the new season of House of Cards. However, I’m trying to take my time with it and I’m only three episodes into the new season (**no spoilers please!!**). However, after watching the third episode, bells started ringing in my head and I looked into the non-existant camera to break the fourth wall and share my inner monologue.

In the third ep, President Frank Underwood is in the middle of his re-election campaign, and on the day of the primary in his home state of South Carolina, the billboard which usually welcomes visitors into his hometown was taken over by a giant photo showing his father posing with a member of the KKK. And this all happened the day after he gave a rousing speech at a predominantly black church.

Underwood comes forward with the truth – or a version of the truth. He admits the photo is indeed real, but the story he tells explaining it (his dad was basically forced to take the pic to secure a loan to save the family farm) may or may not be the truth.

And of course my mind wandered to politics IRL, where we’re in the middle of our own presidential primaries and it turns out that people are voting for Donald Trump. It feels like we’re in a fictionalized version of America, but instead, we’re living in a real, non-fictional world where the frontrunner for the Republican party in the upcoming presidential election might possibly have ties with the KKK. You’ve probably heard by now, but in a nutshell, David Duke, former leader of the KKK, warned Americans that “voting against Donald Trump at this point is really treason to your heritage.” During an interview with CNN, Trump was asked whether he would condemn Duke and all white supremacists who plan on voting for him, to which Trump sideswiped the question and insisted he “doesn’t know anything about David Duke.” Apparently he forgot about all the time he did know something about David Duke. Since then, Trump has covered his tracks by insisting he “disavows” Duke, but hasn’t really elaborated on it.

The other interesting tie-in to HoC is that Trump’s father, Fred Trump (you know, the one who loaned The Donald a “small, $1 million loan“), also has a history with the KKK. In 1927, he was arrested after a klan riot in Queens, where 1,000 Klansmen & sympathizers of the Italian fascist movement marched through the borough, eventually sparking a fight with anti-fascists in the neighborhood. Two men were killed and seven were arrested, one of those seven men was Fred Trump. It’s not clear what Fred was doing there, what side he was on (if any) or if he was just an innocent bystander. One report suggests Fred was arrested “on a charge of refusing to disperse from a parade when ordered to do so.” So was Donald’s father a KKK sympathizer, and/or Italian fascist sympathizer? We don’t know for sure. Here’s a couple of things we do know: A) Fred and his Trump organization were hit with a civil rights suit by the U.S. Justice Department’s Civil Rights Division in 1973, accusing Fred and his org of refusing to rent to black people. B) Donald recently retweeted a Mussolini on Twitter – after Gawker secretly set him up.

In an interview with Meet the Press, Donald admitted he wasn’t aware the quote he retweeted was by Mussolini, and frankly didn’t care that it was said by the world’s most popular fascist (despite critics pointing out that Donald’s politics and oratory are v. similar).

“It’s a very good quote. I didn’t know who said it, but what difference does it make if it was Mussolini or somebody else – it’s a very good quote.” When asked if he wanted to be associated with Mussolini, he said, “No. I want to be associated with interesting quotes. Hey, it got your attention, didn’t it?”

So let’s try this out. I’ve got compiled a bunch of “interesting quotes” and let’s see whether you can tell the difference between a fictional, depraved politician who lit’rally killed both humans and an animal on his way to become president or if the quote is attributed to the real businessman-turned-politician who is entertaining his way to the top (highlight the text between the two arrows for the answer. If you’re on mobile, highlight the text and press ‘speak’ for a real good time).

“Democracy is so overrated.”

Frank Underwood

“Part of being a winner is knowing when to walk away.”

⇒    Donald Trump    

“Good people don’t go into government.”

⇒    Donald Trump     

“I’ll tell you this though. When they bury me, it won’t be in my backyard. And when they pay their respects, they’ll have to wait in line.”

Frank Underwood 

 

“I play to people’s fantasies… That’s why a little hyperbole never hurts.”

⇒  Donald Trump   

“It’s always good to do things nice and complicated so that nobody can figure it out.”

⇒  Donald Trump   

“I will not be a placeholder president. I will win and I will leave a legacy.”

Frank Underwood 

“I’d push him down the stairs and light his broken body on fire just to watch it burn if it wouldn’t start a world war.”

Frank Underwood 

“The point is, you can never be too greedy.”

⇒  Donald Trump   

“My motto is: Always get even. When somebody screws you, screw them back in spades.”

⇒  Donald Trump   

“Nobody’s a boy scout. Not even boy scouts.”

Frank Underwood 

“The more economic difficulties increase, the more immigrations will be seen as a burden.”

⇒  Trick question this was said by Hitler  

 

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Leslie Knope 2016: Yes We Can’t Not Knope

I think the least politically charged thing I can say right now is that I won’t be voting for Donald Trump. It’s amazing: a distaste for The Donald has actually managed to unite both the political right and the political left in America. Yet somehow, Donald Trump has the highest delegate count in the Republican primaries! But maybe, just maybe, the problem isn’t that people love the Drumpf. Maybe people just aren’t excited about the alternatives. But whether you’re a Republican who isn’t on the Cruz Cruise, or a Democrat who’s not feeling the Bern, I have an alternative we can all agree on – Leslie Knope. Not convinced? Keep reading:

 

  • Leslie Knope loves America more than all of the current candidates put together:
  • Plus, she accidentally legalized gay penguin marriage :
  • Her presidential portrait would be AMAZING:
  • Knope didn’t back down from Eagleton; won’t back down from international aggressors either:
  • Would redecorate the Oval Office like the Gryffindor common room:

  • Has real red state/blue state cross-appeal:
  • Good at being yelled at, an important skill for any public figure:
  • And she’s not afraid to take political punches:
  • Finally, there would be campaign ads we’d want to see:

  • She’d be a blast on the campaign trail:
  • Can you imagine the activities at the White House Easter Egg Roll?
  • We’d finally see the executive branch go HAM on the Library of Congress:
  • But we’d also have a president who respects the people who keep America going:
  • She’d deliver the BEST speeches on the campaign trail:

  • The Knope campaign wouldn’t end until victory was won:
  • Would have the MRA movement shut down with a single withering glance:
  • Yet she’d still speak to the traditional set in terms they can understand:
  • Leslie Knope knows what it takes to get America on your side:
  • AND she knows how things really go down in Washington:
  • Possible fictional running mate – Tami Taylor. Just saying.
  • Leslie already knew she was going to be President, so we may as well get on board:
  • Besides, it’s going to happen eventually, anyway:

 

 

 

Things I’m Willing To Believe About Lincoln Chafee

Like most people watching the Democratic Debate this week, I went into it with no clue who Lincoln Chafee is. And also like most people watching the Democratic Debate this week, I left it with no clue who Lincoln Chafee is. I will have to do some more homework on Chafee if he’s still around by the New York primaries, but until then I’d rather replace research with wild speculation. As in, none of the below is true – just baseless speculation that popped into my head as I watched the debate. We usually reserve this format for heartthrobs like Ben Affleck, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Tom Brady, but hey, politicians are superstars, too. Kind of.

None of the following is the truth about Lincoln Chafee, but I am entirely willing to believe that:

  • Lincoln Chafee is the artist’s model for an animatronic pilgrim figure in Plimoth Colony.
  • Speaking of which, Lincoln Chafee’s ancestors came over on the Mayflower.
  • All of his ancestors.
  • In some parts, legend has it that Lincoln Chafee was roused from a 200-year slumber to find himself on the debate stage.
  • Lincoln Chafee sleeps in proper pajamas. Flannel in the winter, cotton in the summer, changed out in May and October irrespective of temperature.
  • Lincoln Chafee does not consider any animal under 40 pounds a “dog,” unless it’s a beagle.
  • Lincoln Chafee is the designated reader of The Night Before Christmas in his family. It’s amazing, but I swear he can make his eyes twinkle on cue.
  • Lincoln Chafee once visited a living history museum, took a liking to it, and moved in.
  • Nobody caught him for 3 months.
  • Lincoln Chafee is not Mormon, but does consider coffee a “strong drink.”
  • On a summer’s night, Lincoln Chafee sometimes sits on the porch, pulls out his banjo, and plays Turkey In The Straw to sooth his ruffled soul.
  • Lincoln Chafee can whittle.
  • He changed his name from Buchanan Chafee after years of schoolyard taunts that Buchanan was “not even a good president.”
  • He plays a solid game of jacks, and is known for his mastery of the elusive “eightsies.”
  • When Lincoln Chafee threw out his back, he proclaimed that “Father Time is catching up with me at last.” But he looked over his shoulder as he said it, as though he really did worry that Father Time was catching up with him at last.
  • When Lincoln Chafee has a picnic, his basket is lined with gingham.
  • When Lincoln Chafee gets ticked, he’s been known to tell people to “go fly a kite.”
  • He once got very riled and called an opponent a “scoundrel and a rapscallion,” and has felt sorry for it ever since.
  • Chafee’s wife ordered Anne Geddes checks, and she has explained it to him 1,000 times, but he still is confused by the “damn baby on it” every time.
  • Lincoln Chafee winds down with a glass of warm milk at night.
  • His pet peeve: productions that transpose Shakesepeare’s plays to other locations. A Midsummer Night’s Dream set after-hours at a theme park? Romeo and Juliet on the border of Israel and Palestine? No and thank you.
  • Lincoln Chafee has a grandson named Logan and a granddaughter named Skyler. He refers to them as Roy and Betty because those are “real names.”
  • Lincoln scored tickets to Hamilton,. After curtain call he was seen shaking his head in confusion and dismay. “Not how it was, not a’tall,” he was heard to say.
  • Lincoln Chafee gently chides his son-in-law for his “fantastical lawnmower.”
  • It is a gas lawn mower.
  • Will tell anyone who will listen about this “God-awful modern church” he went to one time.
  • It was Methodist.
  • Chafee’s hairdresser calls his haircut “the regular” to his face, but “the circus man” behind his back (after an iconic Little House On The Prairie guest star:

  • Parted his hair to the side once. Didn’t care for it.