Katy Perry’s Halftime Show: Best And Worst Dressed

What did YOU wear for the Superbowl? Me, I wore the heavy cloak of disappointment. Disappointment in the game itself, one of those ones where I was just rooting against the team that I wanted to lose most. Disappointment in that one Nationwide commercial, which only came in second on my list of Most Depressing Superbowl Moments because one year my grandfather died during the game.  Disappointment in social media, where I assume the #LikeABoy hashtag was started by the same bros who thought up #ALLlivesMatter. But you know what? Not disappointment in the halftime show, really. It was good. Like any proper Katy Perry spectacle, the performance was full of over-the-top, fun costumes. Here are the best and worst.

Best Dressed

Katy Perry in the The More You Know symbol

Remember when you’d hear that “bing biiing bing BIIING” chime at the end of one of those PSAs when you were younger, and realize that that your favorite NBC stars had tricked you into learning something? Well, you probably had the same feeling seeing this symbol. Oh, shoot, there was a lesson in all of this?

A Human in This Cranky Ball Costume

“Hi Nana, it’s Stephanie! I got the job! I’m dancing with Katy Perry at the Superbowl!”

“The bucktoothed, downtrodden beach ball with the blue tights.”

“Nana? NANA?”

[These maybe should be on the “worst” list, but I’m just so happy that this was on my TV last night and my internet this morning.]

The Athenians, Probably in This Trojan Lion

While watching this entrance, I imagined that at some point the lion would open up and members of my favorite NFL team would spill out, taking over the game so that I could watch players I actually liked.

Missy Elliott in One Of Those Outfits She Wears

When Missy appeared on stage, even though the show was going well already, it felt like she … well … put her thing down, flipped it, and reversed it. The show was ON. And I’m so glad that she wore one of her classic Missy Elliott jumpsuits, along with a ball cap and hoop earrings. If I tried to wear her outfit, I’d look like I was in my jammies. But Missy looked like the rapper we all know, love, and really, really missed. How good does she look?!

By the way, I’m choosing to believe that one of her dancers was that girl from the Miss Elliott videos of the mid-2000s.

Lenny Kravitz in His Face And Body

This outfit also felt like a time-warp to 2004, but in  a less positive way. But I do not care, because Lenny Kravitz was also sporting his face and body, which are both very nice.

Katy Perry in A Bathing Suit That Looks Like A Beach Ball From A Little Golden Book

Runner-up: The dancers in shark suits, because I had to wear a giant plush costume for work one summer and I appreciate their obvious discomfort for the sake of entertainment.

Katy Perry’s Microphone in A Wii Safety Strap

So she didn’t get too worked up and throw her microphone through the new TV.

Worst Dressed

A Dancer’s Hopes And Dreams in These Tree Costumes

There’s a certain silly joy in playing a dancing beach ball or a clapping shark, but playing a tree is just not a career highlight. The surfboarts were pretty bad too.

Katy Perry In Yule Log Screencaps

You have a Hunger Games budget, your flame dress shouldn’t look like a child’s drawing or a cheap fake fire place.

Those human chess pieces in my nightmares.

I can’t even parse out why, but the moment I saw these costumes my reaction was “I hate this.” It just seemed creepy. They also remind me of really sharp lego that you would step on when it’s dark. I don’t know. Just not a fan. Maybe it’s the pointy shoes?

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HBM: It’s a Thing You Should Get With

Warning: This is a super girly post, so apologies in advance if this doesn’t appeal to you.

I’m a big fan of acronyms. Circa 2005, I was super into them, and would basically try to converse using only letters. I was dumb. However, they can be super helpful, and act as a secret code with friends if need be (Ask me about MSP some time).

When I was studying abroad in 2006, I remember my pal Caitlin telling me on a bus in London about her favorite HBMs. What is a HBM you say? It stands for Hot Black Man. Totes a way of objectifying sexy black guys, but whatever. I’m a fan, so deal. Here’s a list of my favorite HBMs, because this blog doesn’t have enough mindless eye candy on here. YOU’RE WELCOME.

Taye Diggs

Idina Menzel, you lucky bitch. Also, these pix of him and their kid. And this super HOT video from Private Practice where he makes out with Audra McDonald on a table (!)

Donald Glover

He’s funny. He’s a rapper. He’s half hipster. He’s a smokeshow. Also, he’s usually shirtless at his Childish Gambino shows. ‘Nuff said.

Reggie Bush

This was the photo used on the cover of Essence magazine, which I bought awkwardly at CVS in ’10. And just in case you forgot he went out with Kim Kardashian, here is the hottest couples photoshoot (besides the Beckhams) you will ever see.

Boris Kodjoe

Why isn’t Boris Kodjoe more popular??? The man even speaks four different languages, including Germany where he was born. Probs the only man who can make that language sexy.

Michael Ealy

Ever since Barbershop, I’ve been staring into those dreamy eyes ❤

Jesse Williams

Speaking of nice eyes, here’s the prettiest of them all. Before he was shirtless on Grey’s, he was shirtless on Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2, as the naked model Rory Gilmore had to draw in art class.

Idris Elba

You know what makes Idris Elba hot, besides his wicked sense of style and British accent? The fact that he’s a legit DJ. Really.

Tyson Chandler

I AM A CELTICS FAN. REPEAT: I AM A CELTICS FAN. But lawd help me if this Body Issue cover isn’t the hottest thing. Plus he seems like a really nice guy, so I mean, there’s that.

Lenny Kravitz

I’m just gonna leave this pic here, and you can go on from there.

Michael B Jordan

From Vince on Friday Night Lights to the boyfriend Haddie never deserved on Parenthood, he’s the best looking non basketball playing Michael Jordan there is.