The Bodyguard | Cookies + Sangria

Tomorrow, February 11th, will mark the four-year anniversary of Whitney Houston’s passing. And while her death was tragic and it’s certainly sad that we’ll never get to enjoy her sing live again, we’ll always have the tremendous career she left behind so we can never forget her legacy. Among the great projects she left behind is The Bodyguard, a movie that came out in 1992, when I was six years old. Somehow I was never introduced to it growing up, and hence became a pop culture blind spot for me – until recently. Join me as I experience one of Whit’s most beloved roles and unexpectedly fangirl over the pairing of Whitney and Kevin Costner.

Knowledge of this film:

Whitney Houston
Kevin Costner
Kevin is Whitney’s bodyguard
I Will Always Love You
Someone gets shot
Kevin carries Whit somewhere

Is there a reason this font is so big or is it just “1992”?

If Kevin Costner is a bodyguard, why is he shooting randos in a sketchy garage? I have questions already. It’s the first scene.

Kevin Costner eats his dinner out of a pot with a wooden spoon like a savage. He’s also setting up to be a classic tale of man who *cue movie trailer guy* “has the perfect job but the one thing missing from his life – is love”

Had no idea Whit’s name was Rachel.

Kev is just too cool for school. He’s sitting in his backyard, wearing his hoodie and Ray Bans and throwing knives at a wooden pole. Dare to dream.

#goals

This movie was made in 1992 and the cars looks straight out of 1989. Ok, I guess not that much older.

Rachel’s mansion looks like The Great Gatsby’s house (Leo DiCap version).

Rachel’s intercom isn’t working but Frank is let in anyways – like obviously she needs Frank because security is in poor form already. She’s a celebrity – she needs her intercom to be working.

Rachel’s apparently filming a music video inside her house, which, I mean, why??? That’s what studios are for.

As she sits in a chair watching the dancers rehearse, it’s immediately sad knowing that this film is some kind of weird hyper reality for Whit, and makes me really sad. But then – Frank and Rachel meet for the first time:

AND I’M ALREADY SHIPPING IT THEY HAVE SO MUCH CHEMISTRY

The only other movie I saw Whit act in was Cinderella, and that’s a much more lighthearted movie than this. In The Bodyguard, she’s showing off her dramatic talents – that I’ve never witnessed before – and I’m so impressed with her skills already.

Whoever this cute kid with the boat is is the MOST adorable. I think it’s Rachel’s son? AND ALSO HE’S VERY HOT NOW. HBM STATUS TO THE MAX

Rachel has been receiving death threats via mail. This is probably why Frank got hired in the first place.

“Reagan got shot.”
“Not on my shift.” Frank Farmer, Bodyguard to the stars.

Some creep broke in and masturbated on the bed???? Honestly what is wrong with her team for not taking more security precautions earlier. ALSO, I don’t trust Sy. He’s troublesome. I don’t trust any of these folks.

THIS IS SOME PLL -A SHIT RIGHT HERE

Henry is holding a Koosh ball. I guess it is 1992.

They’re installing better security for her house (e.g. an intercom that works, a gate, cameras etc.) but like why hasn’t this happened sooner I don’t understand.

Who is Boat Kid’s baby daddy?? BTW Boat Kid’s name is Fletcher, but Boat Kid is much better.

Nicki, Rachel’s sister, used to be a duo act with Rach, but stepped aside to let her be a star. Is it Selena (y los Dinos) situation?

Again, Rach’s team has been receiving *ransom notes* but a) they’ve been hiding it from Rach b) they haven’t sent it to the police until now?

Ok, I should know this but is The Bodyguard soundtrack just all Whit songs? (the answer is yes, it’s amazing).

Some car followed Rachel’s limo but none of Rach’s people except Kev noticed – again, how? Her entire team sucks. Prediction: it will be her downfall.

There was an intense car chase and Frank legit jumped off a cliff and rolled onto pavement. Action hero shit.

There’s a dog that belongs to someone who lives in this house but doesn’t move at all. I feel like he’s going to become integral to saving someone’s life later on.

“Tuesday morning brunch? Where’d you get this guy, Bill?” Sy, you’re a douche.

Why does it look like Rachel is shopping in a thrift store? She’s trying on clothes behind a curtain that doesn’t go all the way up.

“Never mix business with pleasure” Rachel foreshadowing them gettin it onnnnnn

Why is Frank sitting in the dark and watching a Rachel Marron music video? Maybe he’s doing research on his client?

Oh yes, another thing I know about this movie is Whit’s hood costume. Legit is this Pretty Little Liars?

Frank gives Rachel a secret cross item that will signal her being in trouble. She will use this, no doubt. In this scene and probably again later.

There are so many people waiting for Rachel at this club, like surrounding the entrance. *RANT ON HOW CELEBRITY IS DIFFERENT THAN IT WAS IN 1992*

I am so annoyed with these fans surrounding her dressing room door. This looks like that Rockumentary episode of Saved by the Bell where Casey Kasem does a fake rock doc of the gang’s band, who have a total of two hits and are the biggest act in the world.

Frank tries to stop Rachel from performing, and he has a point. It’s probably because of the world we live in today, but with Rachel out on stage with a lot of fans in the audience, I’m expecting someone to just shoot her. Horrible, I know, but seriously.

How has she been wearing this outfit under the cape? The entire time?

Rach gets crowd surfed and it’s like, I mean Frank warned you. But also these fans are insane. Get a fucking grip.

Aw Frank is so tender with Rach. He just wants her safe, not because it’s his job, but because he’s starting to care for her as a person. I. AM. INTO. IT.

Rachel: Aren’t you going to ask me why I behave like that?

Frank: I know why.

Why are you eating an apple like you’re fucking George Washington, Frank?

*not george washington, but you get the idea*

Tony starts a fight with Frank in the kitchen (while he’s still eating an apple) but like, again, why? Because he left him at the club by accident?

FRANK IS LIKE BRUH DONT EVEN TRY TO FUCK W ME AND THROWS A KNIFE BY HIS EAR. IT IS HILARIOUS.

Whit’s rockin a scrunchie with her jogging suit and I appreciate that. But again, it’s 1992, so it’s par for the course.

Rach is straight up asking Frank out on a date. I respect that.

MAYBE IT’S NICKI.

AGAIN – how the fuck is this stalker getting into Rachel’s house??

OK I TOTALLY CALLED THIS GUY WHEN HE TRIED TO GET IN FRONT OF HER AT THE CONCERT

Rachel: Well, he didn’t look like he wanted to die to me.
Frank: There’s a big difference between wanting to die and having no fear of death.
They walk down the sidewalk.
Rachel: And because he had no fear of death, he was invincible?
Frank: What do you think?
Rachel: Well, he sure creamed ’em all in the end.

Rach and Frank are on a date and at the Graumann’s Chinese Theater, which is the exact place you DON’T want to be at as a high-profile celeb.

HOLY CRAP THE BODYGUARD IS JUST THE MUSIC VIDEO FOR LUCKY

How are people not noticing Rachel at this bar in Hollywood? Actually I’m assuming it’s in Hollywood, but IDK it could be Reseda (that’s a special niche joke for you LA folk).

http://sophiabushs.co.vu/post/63279092947/the-bodyguard-1992

Whit’s eyebrows lit’rally on fleek

Rach’s making a joke about Frank’s ex being killed while he was protecting her. Oh man he’s gonna be so fucked up when she dies (does she die?!?). He was JKing. BUT ALSO FORESHADOWING (no, but is it I have no idea).

Some extra who looks like Randy Quaid just stared down the barrel of the camera and broke the fourth wall it’s absolutely jarring.

Oh man I Will Always Love You is playing while Frank and Rach are slow dancing and OH MY GOD HAVE SEX ALREDAYYY

“So is this a full service date, Frank?” CAN U NOT

Frank’s really got a thing with orange juice. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

His basement looks like where a stalker would keep his lair dedicated to Rachel.

This is dangerous with the sword. This is how somebody dies.

Literally exclaimed OH YEAH when they started kissing. I’M INVOLVED NOW.

Frank seems like he’s so into protecting Rachel (see: making her house akin to Fort Knox) but he already broke the rules – he’s been working for her for like a week. And now they’re sleeping together? I mean I’m not complaining. But.

Ugh Frank don’t be rude to Rachel the morning after. He says, “You didn’t do anything. It was me. I involved myself with my client.” You may be working for her but after you’ve had sex, don’t make it sound like prostitution.

Boat Kid (Fletcher) is wearing a windbreaker. Oh to be a 90s kid again.

Rachel got nominated for Best Actress? What movie was she even in?

Police are sweeping the hotel Rachel is staying in, thank God finally they’re taking action.

“Rachel: Quit bitching, Farmer. This is the part you do get paid for.”

SANG WHITNEY. I’M POURING ONE OUT RN.

The top of the hotel is lighting up with Rachel’s name it’s a bit excessive.

Tony sees himself on TV and he’s clearly more interested in fame than the job.

Rach is hitting on Frank’s security guard friend. Out of spite. Come on, you should be better than this.

THIS CHICK:

Frank goes to Rachel’s suite and she’s gone and so is Tony – but they went out shopping. Like fucking tell your people.

The stalker calls Rachel and she thinks its Fletcher and it sounds like:

Rach asks Frank for his help because she realizes the stalker is real. Fucking finally.

I’m watching this with my friend Jennie, and she prefaces the next scenes with “There’s a sub plot coming out of left field” cut to: snow capped mountain.

Frank’s taking her to meet his dad?!!?!?!?!?! Hometown date came quickly. THIS IS SERIOUS.

Oh hey Nicki. Forgot you existed.

“Fletcher can’t swim very well.” *gets in the boat*

Fletcher’s gonna die.

Frank wasn’t with Reagan because he as at his mom’s funeral and THAT’S why he feels guilty.

Frank spends a lot of time drinking and looking out of windows pensively.

Rachel tugs on the back of Frank’s hot sweater and I WILL GO DOWN WITH THIS SHIP

The dog is the guard for Rachel’s door literally taking place of Tony. lolz

Nicki’s trouble. She kisses Frank and he’s all like no thanks bye. She’s gonna go crazy.

Nicki can’t even have a solo without Rachel coming to harmonize with her.

Frank notices footsteps in the snow that belong to a human and they notice BOAT KID WHO CAN’T SWIM is in the boat by himself and Frank running to fletch to get himo ff them boat but knocks him off HE CAN’T SWIM and after theyre onthe dock THE FUCKING BOAT EXPLODES WHAT EVEn

“How are we gonna get the boat back?” Who cares about the fucking boat?!?

How did this stalker know they’re in the Cabin in the Woods. It’s an inside job. TONY??? IS TONY FEEDING THE STAKLER INFO???

I feel like Frank’s going to accidentally shoot someone, and that someone is going to be Rachel. I have a lot of theories. Only some of them are plausible.

Armando “arranged” it with Nicki’s help? Nicki paid someone to kill her sister? I forgot who Armando is.

Ugh this is stressful. Nicki GOT SHOT

Frank has to use a phone booth but Sy has a cell phone? I feel like the bodyguard to the star should have priority just incase SOMEONE WITH A GUN TRIES TO KILL HER.

I mean it’s sad that Nicki died but like, also, karma a little?

Frank to Fletcher: “Everybody’s afraid of something, Fletcher. That’s how we know we care about something, when we’re afraid we’ll lose it.”

Apparently Fletcher has since learned how to swim.

Um I hate that I heard the voice of Chris Connelly from MTV and totally called it before seeing his face.

my childhood

TOBY IS IN THIS???? WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT CHARLIE IN THE GARDEN

Tony’s drunk. FUCKING DO YOUR GD JOB TONY

Why does everyone have earrings that weight 10 pounds each

The girl subbing for Rachel performing I Have Nothing at the Oscars is horrible.

I FEEL STRESSED. SOMETHING IS BOUND TO HAPPEN HERE.

Frank is going to take a bullet for Rachel. I’m saying this now. I cannot. MY HEART IS RACING.

Rachel goes on stage to present an award but she runs off because she thinks the envelope is a threatening letter from her stalker. AGAIN, THE STRESS.

Oh so the creepy stalker guy was just a creepy stalker then??

Rachel blames her paranoia on Frank, because he’s worried she’s about to get killed, but she misplaces her anger on him and gets mad and ughhh

Oh no I’m like physically ill Rachel won for best actress and (another bodyguard) Portman is the hitman and he’s acting as a cameraman. Shit is GOING DOWN.