Pop Culture Blind Spot: Hocus Pocus

I haven’t seen Hocus Pocus. I’m an older millennial who was the perfect age to be a fan of Hocus Pocus when it came out, yet I’ve managed to still succeed in life without having seen this “cultural touchstone”.  When I say I haven’t seen it to others of my generation, there’s shock, disgust, and a response of, “You have to watch it, it’s soooo good.” Listen, I get that a lot about every movie I haven’t seen. That’s the point of these Pop Culture Blind Spots. Please stop telling me popular movies are going to be good. Anyways, you want to keep reading after my rant, right? Good.

My knowledge of Hocus Pocus: Bette Midler. Sarah Jessica Parker. Kathy Najimy. Three witches get together dressed in over-the-top costumes to hang out with kids and sing some songs. They’re probably good witches? Guys, honestly, I have no idea. People love it especially at Halloween? There’s always a rumor there’s going to be a sequel.

Actual movie description: After 300 years of slumber, three sister witches are accidentally resurrect in Salem on Halloween night, and it is up to three kids and their newfound feline friend to put an end to the witches’ reign of terror once and for all.

Sooooo they’re not good witches? Also there’s a cat involved? And no idea it took place in Salem, but that makes sense.

This is a Kenny Ortega jam?! He’s keeps popping up in all my favorite things! High School Musical, Dirty Dancing, some of my favorite Gilmore Girls episodes.

Is Omri Katz the kid from Indian in the Cupboard? Oh, no, the character’s name in that movie is Omri. HAHAHA This dude was in Eerie, Indiana though! What, you haven’t seen Eerie, Indiana? IT IS SO GOOD.

I forgot Thora Birch is in this!

Wait does this take place in the 1600s? Or this might be a flashback. To 300 years ago. Which explains the slight British accents and peasant shirts. I’m with you now. I’m onto the logic of this children’s film.

Oh Bette Midler’s wig is…LAID.

This book with the eye looks eerily like the Care of Magical Creatures book in HP.

Why are the sisters’ mouths all weird?

This was the year right after Sister Act. Kathy Najimy living her best life.

So the potion made them “younger”? Is this like a cautionary tale about naturally aging and not giving into plastic surgery and botox? And is Emily dead now? Or did she turn into a little girl ghost?

Is this a true story? I SAW GOODY MIDLER WITH THE DEVIL!

Max is a recent transplant from Los Angeles who said “Give me a break” after his teacher was telling them a story of witches instead of whatever she’s really supposed to be teaching them, and her response was, “We seem to have a skeptic in our midst. Mr. Dennison would you care to share your California tye-dye point of view?”

Why does Max look like a creep hitting on Allison?

The instrumentals in this film are truly enjoyable.

I MISS FALL IN NEW ENGLAND.

UGH this must’ve really been filmed in Massachusetts. It’s so New England-y! 😍

These idiots:

Calling him “Hollywood” and stealing his new sneakers is exactly what is wrong with white boys and bullying.

Ok this Dennison family house is spectacular. Max has stairs leading to somewhere inside his spacious room??

How cute is Thora Birch tho

Dad: What are you supposed to be, Max?

Max: A rap singer. 

Dad: Oh. Well your hat should be on sideways, shouldn’t it?

Ice & his leather jacket bro are back with more of their cronies and literally sitting outside a house making kids pay a toll in order to pass by. I HATE THEM SO MUCH.

Oh the huge house is where Allison lives, and apparently the theme is Marie Antoinette – and not the Kirsten Dunst version.

Danni calls out Max liking Allison’s “yabbos”, which is why I hate teenage boys.

So not only did Max’s teacher tell them about the Sanderson witches, but Danni’s teacher told them about the lore too. Is it just like, required cirriculum to tell kids about these witches in Salem? Also I find it funny they’re the “Sandersons”. It’s like, a 300 year old tale about the most haunting ladies in the area and they have the whitest names ever.

“Legend has it that the bones for 100 children are buried within these walls”… and this place used to be a museum open to the public?

If the black flame candle is lit by a virgin on Halloween night, some shit goes down, and apparently Disney is fine by mentioning virgins in this film.

“It’s just a bunch of hocus pocus.” Has this always been a phrase to indicate something being outlandish? I legit thought it was always just a made up thing from this movie.

Is this a crossover with Sabrina, the Teenage Witch?

Has Hocus Pocus been made into a haunted house yet?

Max the Virgin lit the candle and conjured up the three witches, and it’s basically like the opening scene in the 1600s but with Max saving Danni. I love a good plot parallel.

Ugh instead of hauling butt out of there, he tells the sisters they messed with the “Great and Powerful Max” so now he’s “summoning the burning rain of death”. Just leave.

No wait the cat talks is it Salem’s great-grandfather or something?

 

Honestly, do these sisters think they’re in a never-ending musical?

Has Hocus Pocus been made into a musical yet? (Yes, kinda – a musical parody)

Winifred caught her BF William Butcher cheating on her with her sister Sarah so she punished him? I mean I’d be a little mad at my sister too, just saying.

The cat’s name is Thackary Binx. Solid name. You don’t hear the name Thackary anymore. Wonder if it was the Madison of its era.

LOL Thackary with the shade calling Max an “airhead virgin”.

Yo the zombie getting up from his death slumber is me when someone tries to wake me up in the morning.

Also, the zombie is William the one who played two of the sisters? And now Winifred’s asking for his help?

 – an actual bus driver picking up the sisters  🙄

Also: “We desire children” – Winifred. “It might take me a few tries, but I don’t think that’ll be a problem.” – bus driver who needs to calm down.

THACKARY 

OMG HIS STOMACH JUST INFLATED HAHAHAHA

Ahhhhhh Garry Marshall!!!

This dude pretending to be a real cop is really unnerving to me.

Ahhhhhh Penny Marshall!!!

This entertainment center with VHS tapes is my aesthetic 

Everyone ends up at the big Halloween party, where the sisters somehow end up on stage and sing I Put a Spell on You. Look, I love a musical number but this seems unnecessary. Especially if they’re trying to track down Max and co.

They tricked the sisters into the high school where they burned them alive?? Did this even work? Seems too easy.

It didn’t work.

Winifred comes out of the kiln speaking French because Max was pumping some kind of instructional tape over the stereo, and it’s the first time I’ve LOLed.

The bully idiots are back and discuss illegally watching naked women: “do you wanna look in windows and watch babes undress?” “It’s 3:00, they’re undressed already.” Honestly, what the actual fuck. This is what we taught our kids?

Kathy Najimy uses a vacuum to fly – so basically they can fly using anything, since it’s not the broom that has the power, it comes from within? I learn something new about witches every day.

“We haven’t the time!” I need to start using this phrase more. Sorry Jessie Spano, Winifred is in.

Wait William is calling Winifred a “trollop”?? I thought he’s the one who cheated on her????

Between Max’s shoes and his gym bag, Nike really got great product placement in this film.

Bitches didn’t even check to see if there was salt in the salt container?!?!

This sun is like The Lion King Musical huge 

Ok, but like a 300 year old male ghost kissing a 9 year old and whispering “I shall always be with you” is creepy right?

“I had to wait 300 years for a virgin to light a candle.”

^Legit the best part of this film.

Meanwhile, the Dennison adults are just clamoring out of the Halloween party wasted, the bullies are stuck in their birdcages, and the Harry Potter book’s eye wakes up.

Unpopular opinion: This film is mediocre? It’s obviously geared towards kids, which is why adults of our generation have a special spot in their hearts for this movie as an important part of their childhood. Was it because it’s been hyped up so much? Maybe. Was it the fact I’m not crazy about Halloween in general? Probably. At least now I can say I’ve seen it. Come at me haters.

Advertisements

Pop Culture Blind Spot: Dirty Dancing

Warm up those hips and grab a watermelon because it’s time for another installment of Pop Culture Blind Spot!  And today we’re heading back to family summer camp and celebrating Dirty Dancing, which was released on this day exactly 30 years ago. Even after three decades, the movie still holds up. Let’s dive right in and revisit one of the greatest movies that defined a generation.

Statements of note from the trailer:

“The heat is in the music. The music sets you dancing. The dancing sets her free.”

“She thought it would be just another summer vacation, but it turns out to be the time of her life.”

“What they learn from each other feels too good to be wrong.”

My knowledge of this movie: Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey do a lot of dancing. Kenny Ortega of High School Musical fame choreographed it. Kelly Bishop aka Emily Gilmore is also in it, but I always manage to forget this fact.

The reason I had never seen Dirty Dancing is from a lack of not wanting to see it. By nature, it should be a movie I love – romance, impressive dance sequences, drama, comedy. I just never got around to watching it. Thank God for Netflix, amirite, ladies? So here we are, almost 28 years to the day it was released on August 21st, 1987, and I’m sharing my thoughts with you on it for the very first time. Here goes nothing.

2:20 This movie takes place in 1963? Definitely did not know that. I thought it was just another 80s movie.

2:44 I remember that Kelly Bishop is in this movie. I know, I know. She’s a Tony Award winning actress of stage and screen, but to me she will forever and always be Emily Gilmore. And to quote the Gilmore Guys podcast, Bishop is Queen.

2:57 I knew there was greenery and cabin-looking structures in this movie, but I was not aware it takes place at a sleepaway camp for families. Does anyone go to this kind of camp anymore? Do these even exist?

3:24 The cars lining up to Kellerman’s camp legit looks like moving in day for freshman at my college.

Photo Aug 18, 11 48 08 PM

3:54 Is Newman from Seinfeld in this? [the answer is yes]

5:00 MAMA KELLY BISHOP IS SERVING IN THIS DANCE SCENE, DESPITE THE FACT THEY’RE SMUSHED TOGETHER LIKE A BUNCH OF SARDINES.

Photo Aug 17, 11 00 20 PM

7:20 I get Patrick Swayze now.

Photo Aug 17, 11 03 13 PM

7:55 “You just put your pickle on everybody’s plate, college boy, and leave the hard stuff to me.” – Johnny Castle, an employee at a Jewish family camp, definitely NOT a porn star.

9:00 Baby is set up with some doofus who is the camp owner’s grandson, a dude named Neil who is going to Cornell for Hotel Management. Meanwhile, Baby’s got her eyes on going to Mount Holyoke to study the economics of underdeveloped countries and then enter the Peace Corps. Obviously well matched.

10:30 Johnny Castle and the blonde dance instructor Penny take center stage at this dance Baby and Neil are at, clearly auditioning for whatever the version of Dancing with the Stars was in 1963. However, they get cockblocked by the owner Max who wants them to dance with the guests instead.

Photo Aug 17, 11 10 40 PM

13:37 After being forced to appear in a magic show and awarded a chicken for participation, Baby wanders into the staff quarters, which is a big no no. What a rebel.

14:30 Baby runs into a guy holding three huge watermelons, but they really just look like three prop pickles. There is no way he could carry three of those on his own. Come on.

Photo Aug 17, 11 12 49 PM

15:00 Baby enters the secret staff dance party where the literal Dirty Dancing is going down. Basically this type of dancing is grinding on top of your partner with no room for the holy spirit at all. Which I guess doesn’t matter for the employees of this Jewish camp.

17:00 This soundtrack is amazing, by the way. I’m a sucker for 60s/Motown era music. Still blown away that this takes place in 1963.

20:00 Johnny teaching Baby how to roll her hips is the most awkward. It’s like she’s about to drop a deuce right on the dance floor. (GOD HELP ME I NEVER WANT TO SAY DROP A DEUCE AGAIN)

Photo Aug 17, 11 18 25 PM

21:00 For some reason, an activity for the women at this camp is to try on wigs. What else is available at this camp – How To Cook A Proper Roast For Your Man or Top Tips For Cleaning Your Curlers?

25:00 Penny is pregnant. I was not aware there was a pregnancy twist in this film. Despite attempting to help a devastated Penny, she tells her to GTFO. And apparently the father of this baby is the asshole misogynistic server in the restaurant.

30:00 To remedy this, Baby asks her doctor dad Jerry Orbach for $300 to do a “non illegal” activity – aka she’s going to pay for Penny’s abortion??? This is a lot of money for someone she just met a day ago. Is she trying to prove something or is she just a good person? Or trying to prove she’s a good person?

33:42 Baby agrees to take Penny’s place in a dance competition since she’ll be recovering from her aforementioned abortion – is there really no one else qualified to take Penny’s place? A sub dance instructor at the camp, perhaps? Baby can barely roll her hips around, as we learned earlier. She’s worse than Julia Stiles learning hip-hop in Save The Last Dance.

37:00 Jennifer Grey is incredibly skinny. Penny is even skinnier. And the two skinny waists have a weird threesome with Johnny as they teach her how to dance. Uncomfy moment #3 – it’s the same feeling I get while watching ballroom trios on So You Think You Can Dance or Dancing With The Stars.

Photo Aug 18, 12 42 09 AM

38:00 The closeups on the gyrating hips – not for me. Uncomfy moment #4.

Photo Aug 18, 12 49 53 AM

I know I keep on bringing up Dancing With the Stars, but this B plot about Baby learning how to learn competitive-level dance is totally a parallel to DWTS. The fact that you have to pick up a foreign skill quickly then perform it under the (hungry) eyes of judges is just like in this movie. Which probably explains how she won season 11 of DWTS.

40:00 Johnny accidentally locks the keys to his car inside said vehicle, so he just straight up takes a pole out of the ground to smash his car window. With ease, he does this. It’s also raining, but it’s the fakest rain ever and the sun is shining like it’s 90 degree day, and all I can think is the rain machine is blowing the water horizontally at Patrick Swayze’s face. That handsome mug must be insured, this shouldn’t be happening to him.

Photo Aug 18, 1 16 54 AM

41:00 This balancing on a log practice could be problematic. That is a ravine right there. Maybe don’t risk your life when you could easily do this on a dance floor? Also, I’m supposed to be shipping this right?


43:00 Johnny takes Baby to a field and subsequently the famous lake, which is much better than a log in the middle of the forest. But why isn’t Baby’s family concerned about her whereabouts? She just disappeared from camp. Isn’t her sister wondering why Baby didn’t show up to Wig Class?

47:00 Baby has somehow aged 10 years with her costume for the competition. She now looks like a New York Housewife competing in DWTS.

Photo Aug 18, 1 37 16 AM

51:00 Uh oh. Penny’s not looking too hot after her shotty abortion. Baby comes to the rescue again by secretly getting her M.D. Dad to help her. Jerry Orbach (RIP) is quite the Doctor Detective. And quite upset with Baby’s interaction with the Dirty Dancing sexual deviants.

56:00 Welp Baby basically just confessed her love to Johnny. He’s already got his shirt off, so she asks him to dance… But on the real tho –  this sex dance scene is still hot.

1:00 Penny clearly picks up the sex vibes that Johnny and Baby are putting down, and she warns him not to get serious with Baby. Which of course, in 80s movie terms, he obviously is.

This outfit is the reason I keep forgetting the movie takes place in 1963. This could either be 1987 or 2015, who the hell knows.

Photo Aug 18, 1 51 34 AM

“What is with all this rain? Remind me not to have my honeymoon in Niagara Falls.” Baby’s sister

“So, you go to Acapulco, it’ll be fine!” – Queen Bishop

1:04 Baby and Johnny can’t stop boning. She’s technically a teenager, right? Since she’s “planning” to go to Mount Holyoke? Johnny’s obviously the type to skip college in favor of living out his dreams of being a camp dance instructor, so is this forbidden love even more forbidden?

1:07 Oh hey, a scene I actually have scene before. This makes sense in context now. Before I thought it was just some weirdo lip syncing to a song.

1:09 Neil, the annoying grandson, is like the Patrice of this movie. He wants Johnny to dance the Pachanga for the final show, and Johnny’s response is one that made me legit LOL: “He wouldn’t know a good idea if it hit him in the Pachanga” 1:12 Johnny’s bad boy side comes out when asshole waiter sees him kissing Baby, and the scene is like a fight between the Jets and the Sharks.

1:13 Baby’s sister singing I cannot.

1:18 There’s some side plot about Johnny’s cougar dance client setting him up as a kid who stole her husband’s wallet, but Baby comes to his defense by providing an alibi that he was with her at the time of the alleged theft. Not really important.

1:19 Baby goes to confront her upset father about basically admitted she slept with Johnny, and the whole conversation looks like a scene from The Bachelor when one of the final girls meets the bachelor’s dad for the first time to talk about how in love they are with their son.

Photo Aug 19, 12 21 47 AM

1:22 Johnny’s heading out of town because of all the “trouble” he’s caused, and as he rides away, She’s Like the Wind plays in the background. Yes, the hit song by Patrick Swayze. TOO META. BTW, what exactly is Johnny’s accent? And does he not look like The Terminator in this scene?

Photo Aug 18, 2 14 19 AM

1:26 This camp has its own theme song. This is just such a foreign culture to me that I’m having a difficult time believing it’s real. This tune is a cross between a traditional hymn and one of those camp songs you hear in like Troop Beverly Hills.

1:29 Ah yes, the iconic “Nobody puts Baby in a corner” scene. In my head she was in a literal corner of a room, sitting in a chair as if she had been punished. In addition, Johnny was gone for like 2 hours they’re all acting like it’s been years. ALSO Queen Bishop looks so hot rn!

Photo Aug 18, 2 19 00 AM

1:30 So here’s my problem with Baby and Johnny dancing to Time of My Life – it’s a song that was made in the 1980s, but supposed to be set for a performance in 1963. This is why I’m confused. However, I will say that this song in context also makes so much more sense with the movie. Oh, and how did Johnny coordinate a flash mob so fast??

“I think she gets this from me.” KELLY FREAKING BISHOP

Photo Aug 18, 2 26 54 AM

There are some interesting characters in the crowd, including the guy who predicted wearing sunglasses at night long before Corey Hart, the band leader dancing with Penny, and the two larger women happily dancing with each other. The movie ends with a pan out on the dance floor, with a spotlight on Baby and Johnny DIRTY DANCING. Bless. Also, it’s very reminiscent of the High School Musical 3 finale, because as you remember, Kenny Oretga is a mastermind of both these epic films.

Photo Aug 19, 12 43 44 AM

(Previously posted in August, 2015)

Pop Culture Blind Spot: First Wives Club

“What does it say? ‘I beat Meryl!'”

Those were the words Jennifer Lawrence said when she got on stage to accept her Golden Globe for Silver Linings Playbook back in 2013, and for people like me who had a certain pop culture blind spot, the joke went over their heads. Apparently it’s a quote from First Wives Club by Bette Midler’s character, and J Law being J Law, just assumed everyone would get that and not think it was a dig at the world’s best actress.

Well I can safely say that now, I understand the reference because I finally watched First Wives Club for the first time. First Time First Wives Club Club? No? Ok Fair. Read on for more pop culture refs and early celeb cameos from one of the best comedies in movie history.

My knowledge of First Wives Club: Bette Midler, Diane Keaton and Goldie Hawn are are recently divorced from their husbands. Probably rich husbands. Now on their second, much younger wives. Comedy and sisterhood ensues.

Netflix description: Following a friend’s suicide after her husband dumps her for a younger model, three women plot payback against their two-timing exes. 

… The club was started because of suicide? And this is a comedy???

The pop art title credits are giving me vibes I wasn’t expecting.

photo-dec-31-6-14-21-pm

MAGGIE SMITH? VICTOR GARBER? ELIZABETH BERKLEY? BRONSON PINCHOT/BALKI?! Truly had no idea these fine folks were in this movie.

And then Stockard Channing shows up straight from There Are Worse Things I Could Do… Oh God is she going to kill herself?

She killed herself :\

Diane Keaton’s kitchen got the Nancy Meyers treatment.

photo-dec-31-6-15-05-pm

Archaic 1996 item watch: Bette Midler’s son’s cassette tape

Does Bronson Pinchot ever get to use his real accent when he acts?

Diane Keaton wins Most Supportive Mother Award:

Prediction: Diane Keaton’s inability to get truly angry will finally come to a head when it matters the most. Like Cameron Diaz crying in The Holiday.

1996 was a really big year for Dan Hedaya, right?

Cameo Alert: SJP! Rob Reiner! Timothy Olyphant! Rev Cam! What a star-studded cast.

Speaking of star studded, the British bartender Goldie Hawn is complaining to about playing a mother looked familiar to me, but I couldn’t place it. Naturally, he was in a singular episode of Gilmore Girls as the wedding planner hired by Emily to organize Lor and Christopher’s wedding. He had about 5 minutes of screen time (if that), but THIS IS HOW MY BRAIN WORKS.

Oh look, Diane Keaton’s anger is coming through at the perfect time – when she finds out her husband not only wants a divorce but is sleeping with her therapist. Good call, Trace.

Diane Keaton reading Stockard Channing’s final letter: “Perhaps Gil isn’t the problem. Perhaps loneliness is. Please take care of each other. Love, Cynthia.”

Diane Keaton’s mom: “And on such pretty stationery.”

I am the mom.

My new aesthetic is three ladies putting their wedding rings in the champagne glasses.

THEY’RE GOING TO A GAY BAR TO SUPPORT DIANE KEATON’S LESBIAN DAUGHTER. AND GOLDIE HAWN DANCING WITH THE GAYS IS EVERYTHING.

Cameo Alert: Lea Delaria as a *gasp* lesbian who hits on Goldie Hawn, who just loves attention, and Debra Monk is the drowning her sorrows at the bar because her girlfriend left her.

Bette Midler: He brought her (new wife). To my son’s Bar Mitzvah.

Diane Keaton: Is she a gift?

Cameo Alert: Elizabeth Berkley is Victor Garber’s new girl? And she’s an aspiring actress?! Her acting is horrible. Is this what she was like in Showgirls?

And here we have the famous “I beat Meryl!” scene:

Maggie Smith’s hair is the definition of “The higher the hair the closer to God”. Also this may be the first time I’ve ever seen Maggie Smith act without her British accent?

I just realized the magical reunion that is SJP’s boyfriend’s ex-wife is Bette Midler. Confession: I haven’t seen Hocus Pocus either.

One of my favorite things about movies from the ’90s is when people use computers, because it looks so extremely archaic compared to the handheld smartphones we have today. The ladies attempting to find Morty’s tax returns is like Julianne using Kimmy’s dad’s computer in My Best Friend’s Wedding.

I love the irony that these ladies almost died falling down the side of a building in scaffolding kind of like Stockard Channing.

This singing bit between the trio is adorable.

Cameo Alert: Kate Burton as the Goldie Hawn superfan who’s in bed when she and the girls are flying down the building.

THIS BLOW UP SCENE IS 100:

Cameo Alert: JK Simmons as the police officer/mobster(?) who handcuffs Morty

Also my new aesthetic: Bette Midler chastising/blackmailing Morty with hanging carcasses behind her.

photo-dec-31-6-24-36-pm

YASSS LADIES WORK THESE PANTSUITS. PANTSUIT NATION.

How is Morty signing a check to the “First Wives Club”? Are they a company LLC now? I feel like I missed something.

Cameo Alert: Kathie Lee Gifford as a local NY reporter. I miss Reege.

They started a crisis center in Cynthia’s name. I love this. What a great movie!

Cameo Alert: Gloria Steinem at their party! And Ivana Trump saying an iconic line. I CAN’T GET AWAY FROM ANY OF THE TRUMPS.

Ok the singing bit reprise is wonderful. And has me a little emo.

What a delightful film! I get why people love it so much. Yay ladies doing it for themselves! #NastyWomen! #WearWhite!

First Wives Club is now streaming on Amazon & Hulu

Pop Culture Blind Spot: Darby O’Gill And The Little People

Three truths and a lie, St. Patrick’s Day Edition:

  • I grew up Irish dancing and thus I never went to school on St. Patrick’s Day because I had performances.
  • I mostly look like a leprechaun.
  • Every year, my family watched Darby O’Gill and the Little People sometime around St. Paddy’s day.
  • I despair every time someone calls it St. Patty’s Day. Who’s Patricia?

Answer: As you probably guessed from the post title, I’ve never seen Darby O’Gill and The Little People. The 1959 Disney movie is a cheesy, beloved Irish-American classic starring (according to Wikipedia)… Sean Connery?! Woah. In my defense, in the 90s if your family didn’t have the VHS tape of a movie or it didn’t air on a station you got, you just didn’t see it. I’m rectifying that now, so please don’t disinvite me from the next ceilidh or soda bread baking night.

Set design of Irish movies from the 1940s-1970s is the main reason for a lot of lingering Irish stereotypes. Namely, that it’s always vaguely the 1800s with thatch roofs and dirty stucco walls and like … spinning wheels and butter churns and shawls everywhere.

Is the old lady, The Widow Sugrue,  the same old lady from The Wedding Singer? I know it’s impossible but one has to wonder.

It’s not.

If you’re playing Irish Movie Bingo, fill in your square for Pretty Young Lass Needs A Husband

It takes me about 3 minutes to get into the mode where I understand what anybody is saying. It’s not because I’m not used to Irish accents. It’s because these aren’t Irish accents (Katie’s is often OK. Widow Sugrue’s reminds me of elementary school plays where you didn’t know how to do the accent you were supposed to do so you just talked weird).

It’s called Darby O’Gill and The Little People, and for whatever reason I assumed Darby would be a leprechaun too. Nope. Just a guy.

If you’re playing Irish Movie Bingo, fill in your square for Group Of Men Telling Legends In A Pub.

The special effects of Darby talking to leprechaun King Brian are surprisingly very good. Sometimes I think modern CGI makes things look more fake than old-school camera tricks.

The image links to an explanation of some of the *movie magic.* I’m duly impressed.

It also reminds me of the parts of Mr. Rogers when take the trolley to the Land of Puppetville or whatever that was.

If you’re playing Irish Movie Bingo, fill in your square for Village Priest Solving A Financial Problem.

Young Sean Connery could get it.

By the way, Sean Connery is one of those people who’s never been young. He’s 29 here and his face is care-worn and weathered.

Everyone’s sideburns are huge. Little House on the Prairie sideburns.

If you’re playing Irish Movie Bingo, fill in your square for Woman Leans Out A Half-Door.

If you’re playing Irish Movie Bingo, fill in your square for Old Man Plays The Fiddle.

These leprechauns have the best outfits. They’re total Keebler Elf getups.

I’d live inside this Leprechaun Ceilidh. It’s like the Trolls hideout without all the LSD, or Munchkinland without the specter of murder. Yet, anyway.

So many dorky Irish in-references: Brian Boru, the harp that once thro Tara’s halls, a tribe of people cowering away from direct sunlight (no? Just me?).

When Darby plays his fiddle really fast and the leprechauns start dancing crazy, you could forget what I said about “without all the LSD” before. This is trippy.

If you’re playing Irish Movie Bingo, fill in your square for Somebody Gets Someone Drunk In Order To Trick Them.

Always been a sucker for a cat vs leprechaun sequence. Another triumph for old-school special effects.

All these songs sound the same. Bless Janet Munro and Sean Connery. They’re trying so hard to have Irish accents in their scenes together. Sean Connery has natural 21st Century American Invisalign Teeth. Janet Munro, an English actress, definitely looks Irish.

Darby would be a cute name for a dog, right?

Darby, requesting whisky: The best in the house!

Barmaid: [look of shock and fear, because best in the house means things are SERIOUS. Also because Darby gives the drink to a man inside his rucksack.]

I start laughing out loud when Katie starts singing in a drippy voice while preening her weird short bangs and suddenly I can’t stop laughing.

Keep expecting this to turn into an SNL sketch where King Brian is really gross or filthy.

If you’re playing Irish Movie Bingo, fill in your square for Woman Gets Offended When Man Loves Her.

The banshee looks like you’re meant to be looking at it through special glasses.

“29. Sean Connery is TWENTY NINE” – me, out loud, trying to convince myself that Very Adult Man Sean Connery isn’t even 30 here.

The ghostly horse and carriage is actually spooky in a laser light show at the planetarium kind of way. If I saw this as a kid I’d be unnerved.

By the way, the headless horseman doesn’t really have an Irish accent, either.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I laugh every time they sing that stupid song.

If you’re playing Irish Movie Bingo, fill in your square for Characters Drive Away In A Horse-Drawn Cart.

The bottom line: I enjoy old movies, and this was an enjoyable old movie. The underlying question with our Pop Culture Blind Spot posts is whether cult favorites are good of their own accord, or if you have to have some sort of earlier sentimental connection to them to really love them.  I could see being really into Darby O’Gill And The Little People if I had loved it as a kid, and seeing at is an adult I have a healthy appreciation for the old-school special effects and the imaginative story. It actually made me realize, in comparison, how much more I liked last year’s St. Patrick’s Day Pop Culture Blind Spot, The Quiet Man. In the battle between Rugged Men Who Aren’t Irish Playing Rugged Men Who Are, Sean Connery vs John Wayne, John Wayne takes this round.

Pop Culture Blind Spot: The Rocky Horror Picture Show

Tomorrow, October 20th, we’ll be introduced to another TV musical, and just in time for Halloween – The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Unlike Sound of Music, The Wiz, or the best of them all, Grease Live!, this is NOT live. But it does feature a lot of stunt casting with Victoria Justice and Adam Lambert and Laverne Cox as Dr. Frank-n-Furter. Now I have no emotional ties to this movie/musical, so I could care less. But I imagine there are folks out there that do. But you fall into the same category as I do, here’s a post from last year, when I watched the movie for the very first time. Spoiler alert: I did not enjoy it.

 


Pop Culture Blind Spot: The Rocky Horror Picture Show

It’s been 40 years since The Rocky Horror Picture Show was released and for the past four decade’s it’s been a cult classic. It’s spawned countless stage productions, midnight dress-up movie sing-a-long showings and even a Glee episode. But it’s only been a few weeks since I’ve watching The Rocky Horror Picture Show for the first time.

If you’re just joining us for our Pop Culture Blind Spots series, we basically live blog our first viewing of something we’ve never seen before but we probably should have. So let’s start by sharing my knowledge of Rocky Horror:

  • Susan Sarandon plays an innocent girl
  • Tim Curry is in drag
  • Time Warp is a song. So is Touch a Touch a Touch a Touch Me.
  • I somehow confuse this show with Little Shop of Horrors in my head and often picture Tim Curry with a talking venus flytrap.
  • I guess I don’t really know the plot?

Alright, so here I am, about to watch Rocky Horror and in full disclosure this might not end favorably for Rocky fans. You’ve been warned.

Haven’t even started the movie yet, and I have to decide whether or not to watch the US version or the UK version… apparently the Brits get an extra song called Superheroes, because America hates heroism. Also there’s an option called “I’m frightened”, and I didn’t pick it because WHY ARE THERE SO MANY OPTIONS JUST TO PLAY THE DAMN MOVIE. 

I already hate these talking lips. Literally it’s talking to me during the DVD menu selection. “Everything is in readyness, we nearly await your selection”, it says to me. SHHH.

I feel like we’ve gotten off to a bad start. Let’s collect ourselves and calm down.

Did movies made in 1975 still have credits in the beginning or was this a style choice made specifically for this film? Either way, I appreciate it

The side of the car said “WAIT TIL TONITE SHE GOT HERS NOW HE’LL GET HIS” …. she got her… sex? I’m too young for this movie.
Photo Nov 07, 10 04 14 PM

I was not aware this movie was in black and white.

Janet’s boyfriend is proposing right after a wedding and defaced church property. Poor form all around.

I’ve never heard Susan Sarandon sing before? Gosh she’s pretty and hasn’t aged.

Who is this Hitchcockian character breaking the fourth wall??

Photo Nov 07, 10 05 02 PM

Janet is using a newspaper to cover herself from the pouring rain. First of all, she is completely drenched. Second, the newspaper is made out of some type of waterproof paper because it’s not soggy at all.

Photo Nov 07, 9 56 02 PM

Maybe it’s because it’s 1975, but TBH, if I walked up to a rando house in the middle of the night in a storm and this dude with the balding hair with Dracula voice answered the door, I’d be all, ‘Oh sorry, wrong house BYE’. NOT TONIGHT SIR. 

Is American Gothic a theme here

Photo Nov 07, 10 06 24 PM

There was a star wipe effect. Did someone edit this on Windows Movie Maker

Oh it’s in color now.

This Time Warp scene is like if Cabaret met Grease and they were meeting in Jeckyll and Hyde’s home office. Also, Eyes Wide Shut.

SPEAKING AS A TAP DANCER THIS WOMAN’S TAP DANCING IS HORRENDOUS AND NOT MATCHING WITH THE SOUNDS OF THE TAPS

HOLD UP. THE 20TH CENTURY FOX LOGO SHOWED UP AGAIN AND IT’S THE SAME OPENING FROM THE BEGINNING? IS THIS LIKE GROUNDHOG DAY (which I watched for the first time a couple months ago)

Is my DVD doing something weird because now the credits are in color, as opposed to black and white when I started this shit 20 minutes ago… OK lit’rally this movie just restarted from the beginning to be in color is this what really happens because I’m fast forwarding.

We’ve managed to move past the 20 minute mark without going back to the beginning. Never have I been so excited to see Tim Curry as a transvestite *apologies for saying ‘in drag’ earlier*. Also, Tim Curry has a huge mouth. take that as you will. I’m already obsessed with him.

Also Barry Bostwick was a babe??

Photo Nov 07, 9 55 53 PM

What kind of fuckery is this? A mummy in formaldehyde? Maybe not formaldehyde. But might as well be.

This is horrible but my other prior experience with Rocky Horror is the Glee episode, and I distinctly remember Chord Overstreet in these tight gold lamé underwears.

Guys, TBH I’m like paying half attention and have no idea what’s happening. Why did Meatloaf just crash through the wall of the Tim Curry’s Willy Wonka laboratory on a motorcycle??

Photo Nov 07, 10 08 53 PM

Yoooo did Tim Curry just murder Meatloaf with an axe

Photo Nov 07, 10 09 37 PM

Why is Janet sleeping in a malaria tent?

Photo Nov 07, 10 10 51 PM

Now the Igor hunchback is walking around with a candelabra and throwing the wax on the gold lamé naked guy. Honestly have no idea what’s going on.

Brad just had sex with Tim Curry? And Brad was okay with it? Oh I guess it’s fine because Janet just sought out Gold Lamé to have sex with her.

Dr. Scott is here. It is someone’s birthday. They’ve been having dinner on a table with a dead person in a coffin underneath it. So that’s another normal thing going on at this mansion.

Funniest thing to happen so far: Igor and busty maid laughing hysterically then Igor suddenly reprimanding her: SHUT UP

I’m gonna be honest with y’all – I lost interest around this point. I got distracted, decided not to pause the movie, but didn’t understand what was happening anyways and I probably skipped a a lot of things moving forward.

They’re in a pool now. Having a huge orgy while the dude in the wheelchair is watching from afar. Because at this point, why the hell not.

Why are there lazer guns involved now?

Photo Nov 07, 10 12 13 PM

Are these aliens?

Photo Nov 07, 10 13 37 PM

Oh it’s Igor and what’s her name?? Gold lamé shorts just shook his fist as he’s trying to carry Tim Curry on his back.

Photo Nov 07, 10 14 16 PM

They fell into the poolWHAT IN THE ACTUAL FUCK IS HAPPENING

Photo Nov 07, 10 14 47 PM

I give up y’all. This isn’t for me. I don’t get it. But respect for those who do. 

Unpopular opinion I’m assuming most people will disagree with:

Rating of Rocky Horror: 1 spear shaped lazer gun (out of like 20)

Pop Culture Blind Spot: The Princess Bride

I know someone out there is thinking it – where was my childhood? – but here’s the thing. Somehow, between 1986 and 2004, I aged from 0 to 18 and never saw The Princess Bride. I even did high school theater, where it was decided – by secret ballot, I assume –  that everyone on stage crew would love The Princess Bride. I knew the Inigo Montoya line and all, but believe it or not nobody ever produced the DVD during theater sleepovers (probably because if theater kids’ love for The Princess Bride was eclipsed by one thing in the early 2000s, it was Moulin Rouge). Like almost all of our pop culture blind spots, this wasn’t intentional, but it happened and I’m rectifying it today.

  • This is still how I default to imagining video games looking. I’m not saying that as someone who hates video games, I’m saying that as someone who has an OG NES in her living room.
    This image links to a site directing Fred's bedroom so there goes my afternoon.

    This image links to a site directing Fred’s bedroom so there goes my afternoon.

     

  • I know I had seen Fred Savage’s awesome 80s bedroom set before, yet I still thought this took place entirely in … vaguely in the Middle Ages.

 

  • “When I was your age, television was called books.” – Fred Savage’s grandpa. I already love this.
  • I feel more uncomfortable during the eye sex between Wesley and Buttercup than I do during actual sex scenes, in the ‘I’m not meant to be watching this’ way.
    Some of the more effective eye-acting I've seen.

    Some of the more effective eye-acting I’ve seen.

     

  • Eye Sex Wesley died already? Even though he looks like a gentle English singer-songwriter?
    Cary Elwes, whom I now have a belated crush on. WHERE WAS MY CHILDHOOD?

    Cary Elwes, whom I now have a belated crush on. WHERE WAS MY CHILDHOOD?

    Johnny Flynn, whose songs I sometimes cry to.

    Johnny Flynn, whose songs I sometimes cry to.

     

  • When the guys on stage crew were obsessed with this, it was definitely the Andre the Giant/ Wallace Shawn / Mandy Patinkin sass humor I was thinking about.
  • Buttercup was basically gonna be kidnapped by that king or kidnapped by these guys then, huh? Also, I never noticed before how very pretty Robin Wright is.
  • I like how the sets with the cliffs and the ocean are super fake looking. I don’t mean that in the sense where people say “I like how” when they mean “I hate how.” It has a storybook quality and also reminds me of movies from the 30s-60s.

    Just the right kind of fake.

    Just the right kind of fake.

  • Do high school stage crews still love The Princess Bride? Somebody find out. I can’t, as I’m 30.
  • Is the Shrek Puss In Boots modeled after this Zoro Guy? They have the exact same vibe:

  • If this doesn’t end in the princess winning her own freedom and outsmarting everybody I’ll be pretty disappointed.
  • [I really loved The Paper Bag Princess in my youth, ok.]
  • But surely it will end with her getting together with the Johnny Flynn-looking guy who isn’t dead after all?

A. DID NOT AT ALL see Zorro being Westley and I don’t even think it was supposed to be a surprise. The joys of watching a movie so old that nobody cares enough to spoil it.

B. DID NOT AT ALL see Westley being a sass-pants – I thought his main thing was being subservient.

C. His mustache and ponytail are bad.

D. The movie isn’t even half over, so I clearly called this one wrong.

  • Actually I am liking the ponytail within a few minutes.

    But it IS that awkward length when you're growing out a bob and it doesn't all fit back easily.

    But it IS that awkward length when you’re growing out a bob and it doesn’t all fit back easily.

  • I wonder how Buttercup feels about Westley now that he tells long stories instead of doing chores for her. (The story about getting the ship from some guy who was also not the Dread Pirate Roberts was funny.)

  • Sure, Buttercup is chilled out about her gown getting caught on fire, but the Jim Hensons Workshop-looking giant weasels give her the willies. Honestly, same.
  • Fred Savage says that Buttercup doesn’t marry Humperdinck. I agree. He says it wouldn’t be fair because of all that Westley did for her. I resist the urge to rage at baby-Fred-Savage-from-the-past because a human is not a reward.
  • (I agree that Humperdinck sucks and Buttercup and Westley are endgame, obviously.)
  • Are there gifs of the homeless lady saying Boo, Boo, Boo?

Not only are there gifs and videos, the character is named THE ANCIENT BOOER.

  • So Westley may get to marry Buttercup, if he gets the mail fast enough?
  • JK he never sent the ships. Buttercup’s gonna throw down. It’s all happening.
  • What is Fred Savage sick with? Why is he so sick that his elderly grandpa has to come read stories at him? Honestly a little distressed that Fred Savage has some serious chronic illness that they haven’t addressed.

  • I think it’s beautiful that the two people with the speech impediments have each other.
  • Ewww they had better get there before they “escort her to the honeymoon suite.” Gross.
  • [Obviously the mawiage part is funny but I knew it was coming. See comments above re: high school theater. Carol Kane is a dream. As is the makeup artist, because Kane was only 30-something.]
  • I want an interactive art installation that is Fred Savage’s bedroom and you can go in and touch everything. 10/10 best set decoration ever.
  • WHAT is this boy sick with. Seriously.
  • Wow, I truly didn’t know that Rob Reiner directed it.

Okay, this is the thing we hope for every time we do a Pop Culture Blind Spot: I LIKED this. We don’t do these to make fun of other people’s beloved favorite movies, we do them to catch up on some popular or cult classics that somehow got by us. Now I am wishing we had shelved Moulin Rouge during at least ONE of those sleepovers so I could have seen this sooner.

 

Pop Culture Blind Spot: Flashdance

Despite being alive in the late 1980s, there are a bunch of movies from this decade that I am totally blind to – Dirty Dancing, Ghost, Top Gun, all of which I’ve since seen. Flashdance is one of them.

This movie was released on April 15, 1983, which makes it nearly 33 years old and three years older than me, so this should be a nice FLASHback to the 80s. Although since we’re deep into Cheers, it shouldn’t be that much of a shock.

Knowledge of this film:

Not Jennifer Grey but rather Jennifer Beals is a dancer and she pours a bucket of water on her person. Also, that What a Feeling song.

Actual IMDb description:

A Pittsburgh woman with two jobs as a welder and an exotic dancer wants to get into ballet school.

SHE’S A STRIPPER?!?!?!?! WHO WANTS TO GET INTO BALLET SCHOOL?? LIT’RALLY NO IDEA.

The title scrolls across the screen like a screensaver from Windows 95. There was a similar title card in The Bodyguard, was this just a thing then??

So Jennifer Beals a legit welder? In the 80s was this a common job for women? Or was it just in Pittsburgh because… steel?

If Irene Cara’s What a Feeling *now I’m dancing for my life* music wasn’t playing throughout these opening credits I would think this is a horror movie with all the shots of coal and people welding in the dark.

Ok, Jennifer Beals is a stripper but have any of her male co-workers been to her strip club because I feel like that would be an awkward conversation the next morning in the locker room.

Ah yes, the iconic water scene. She’s actually a good dancer. Especially since she’s dancing on water. I would’ve broken half my bones at this point.

Oh is she an exotic dancer in who doesn’t strip?

Well the guy who just walked in knows her social security number and tells his pal that she works for him. So there’s that.

Richie, the cook at the bar/strip club, wants to get out of Pittsburgh and move to Los Angeles, but a guy (who I’m assuming is the big boss) tells him, “They don’t let short people into Hollywood.” I CAN BUST THIS MYTH RIGHT NOW.

“This place is so small you have to go outside to change your mind.” – Richie, A short-order cook who’s definitely going to make it as a comic in LA.

Nick looks like a typical “hunk” from the 1980s. Like Tom Selleck or Dustin Diamond.

She’s holding a Pepsi that is an old school metal can and besides the big hair it’s one of the props that makes it obvious it’s the 1980s.

She’s a Maniac is from this movie? What is this weird lunging she’s doing? I’ve obviously seen this running in place move but she’s not even dancing she’s doing weird warm-ups.

Jennifer Beals – do we even know her character’s name yet it’s Alex – enters a dance school where the hallways are lined with leotard and tight-wearing ballet dancers and it’s like Save the Last Dance all over again.

Is this secretary related to Meryl Streep?

Tom Selleck is hitting on Jennifer Beals and just wants to get a snack with her. Get a freaking snack with him Alex.

Alex has a QT old grandma.

She also has a priest she goes to to confess. Gotta get that coveted Catholic demographic in the theater.

Some dude who’s trying to get people to watch the exotic dancers just used the word “cunts”, so he is problematic.

There is a workout montage set to the tune of I Love Rock and Roll and it is the MOST 80s thing I’ve seen.

There are two pop-locking/breakdancing kids (?) in the street and they are my favorites so far.

I realized there have been two dancing scenes sans dialogue (a skating rink and crossing guard) in a row and I think it’s because Alex is attempting to pick up new dance moves from the literal streets? IS THIS NOT SAVE THE LAST DANCE?

Richie is doing his stand-up act at the bar and no one is laughing. BLESS. The joke that makes everyone laugh: “I’m just a cook. This is my big break. If you don’t laugh then I’m gonna put cockroaches in your hamburgers!”

But really, this club is not a strip club no one has gotten naked. Do these clubs still exist? It’s like Chippendales but more clothes (remind me to tell you about my recent experience at Chippendales).

The dude with the offensive language, whose name is apparently Johnny, tries to grab Alex and get her to go with him to “drink wine and smoke some weed” and I hate him. He also beat up Richie, so he’s the worst.

Nick Selleck comes out of the literal shadows to save Alex and instead of getting a ride home from him, she decides to bike home in the dark. Come on Alex, Selleck isn’t going to do anything to you (he drives behind her the whole time for safety).

Alex has a friend named Jeanie who is a competitive ice skater and it makes me yearn for the Olympics/The Cutting Edge movie. JEANIE FELL. SHE FELL AGAIN. THOSE DAMN TRIPLE AXELS. Her dreams are shattered.

Alex and Nick are on a date and she takes him back to her place (an old warehouse?) to eat pizza. BOW CHICKA WOW WOW.

She changed into a sweatshirt and took off her bra in front of him. This is their first date. And it doesn’t matter because they slept together. Their next date is literally walking down a railroad track which leads to a landfill of steel. Guys, just because you work as welders doesn’t mean you have to make your dates themed as such too.

WHAT IN THE FRESH HELL IS THIS I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING IT’S LIKE A 1980S GEISHA DURING A DREAM SEQUENCE OF HOW PEOPLE FROM THE 80S PICTURED THE FUTURE. OMG LITERALLY THIS SONG IS CALLED IMAGINATION AND HAS THE WORDS “FANTASY” IN IT

“Do you know how to do the horizontal mambo” Asshole dude GTFO

Whooaaa Alex just threw stones through Nick’s window in anger but I missed why she is so upset.

Richie is leaving for LA to go for his dreams as a stand-up coming and I am truly sad to see him go but happy he’s

Oh Alex saw Nick with some blonde chick at a dance benefit, who turned out to be his ex-wife.

“I broke your fucking window!… Go fuck your blonde!” I LOVE ALEX

LOL at all the other welders cheering them on from the peanut gallery

Yo Alex is serving in this tuxedo look.

Nick’s ex-wife LOL she looks like a Scandinavian socialite.

What’s happening here? Is it Halloween? It’s Halloween. There’s a free for all on the stage.

Alex applied for an audition to the dance conservatory and she got in!

Alex realizes Nick made a phone call to get her the audition, which she obviously didn’t want because she is a strong, independent lady of the 1980s who doesn’t need any GD help from any man.

Oh finally a strip club with actual stripping. It’s like everyone hates their lives here. Apparently Jeannie ditched being an ice skater and decided to only be a real stripper.

HAHA Alex straight up pulls Jeannie from the stage as she’s stripping. AND Asshole guy comes out of nowhere to tell her to not take Jeannie away and Alex pushes him away. It is great.

“When you give up on a dream, you die.” Nick Selleck says to Alex, and Alex realizing she could end up like Jeannie as a real stripper all at the same time.

Is QT grandma not actually her grandma? Alex is calling her Hanna. OMG SHE DIED. YESTERDAY. NOOOOOO

But NOW I bet Alex is going to use her pain and suffering to follow through on her promise to QT grandma Hanna to get into the dance school.

In full disclosure, I’m getting hungry and there are 20 minutes left of this movie and I can barely pay attention.

But Alex is back in the Priest’s confessional and crying? She’s sinned, obvs.

Alex is back in her black leotard from when she was lunging for this audition, and  I’m really wondering why type of dance she’s qualifying this as. She’s literally gliding by the judges’ table and pointing at each of them hahahaha Yup, she’s incorporating breakdancing in this audition. And apparently she got in because the next scene was see is her running outside to meet Nick and she’s super happy about it.

So that was fine, I guess. I’d say don’t waste your time on it?

Pop Culture Blind Spots: The Quiet Man

Just last week I wrote this post about things Irish-Americans will understand, but the truth is I’ve been missing a big part of the typical experience. Friends, I’ve never seen The Quiet Man. Pop Culture Blind Spots are all about getting acquainted with the classics and cult favorites that we’ve somehow missed out on, and it doesn’t get much more classic than John Wayne and Maureen O’Hara. It’s still Irish-American Heritage Month, and this pop culture blind spot is FULL of Ireland, America (John Wayne, hello!) and a healthy heaping of heritage.

  • What I know about The Quiet Man: John Wayne is an American (I hope, because he’s not great with accents) who goes to Ireland and falls in love with Maureen O’Hara before dragging her across a meadow on Christmas. Maybe he’s trying to be a cowboy in Ireland? Maybe Ireland doesn’t need cowboys. But maybe Maureen O’Hara needs a cowboy.

Based on this poster: a lot’s going on.

  • Also, I’ve been present when The Quiet Man was on – my dad has it on TV at some point every Christmas – but I’ve never actually watched it.
  • Huge props to whomever first put credits AFTER the movie instead of before. Like most old movies, this one begins with a solid few minutes of people’s names.
  • They segregate Irish cast members under a heading The Irish Players and for some reason that cracks me up.
  • John Wayne meets a priest whose whole purpose is to give exposition about him and his parents.
  • Okay, so Sean (John Wayne) was born in Ireland, and now is returning, but he was in America long enough to sound like John Wayne, the voice that comes out of the eagle on a $1 bill.
  • Wow, Ireland has a normal amount of trees. Background: I have relatives who maintain that “the English” cut all the trees down in Ireland and that’s why there … aren’t trees there? First of all, sounds fake. Second of all, if Ireland had a climate where trees grow, wouldn’t trees eventually come back? According to the cinematography of The Quiet Man, yes.
  • No lie, this is filmed in BEAUTIFUL technicolor.
  • This lush countryside with the sheep, collie, and Maureen O’Hara in it is 100% how Americans stereotype Ireland. Just need a thatched cottage (forthcoming, I’m assuming) and a leprechaun (probably not) or family with many children (maybe).

  • Thatched roofs appear by the 10-minute mark, don’t worry.
  • Maureen O’Hara has my natural hair type, and I’d really like those poofy 40s hairdos to come back.

Lit’rally my stupid hair.

  • Speaking of 1940s hairdos, when is this set? Is it mid-century, or is it, like, 1880? So far the modes of transportation are bicycle, horse, and train, so that doesn’t help. I got up to let my dog in during the first minute of the movie so this may have been addressed already. Widow Tillane is showing kind of a lot of ankle if it’s set in olden days, no offense.
  • Wow, everyone sure is wrapped in a lot of tweed in this movie.
  • Mr. Danaher (Victor McLaglen) tries to have an Irish accent some of the time (not all of the time).
  • Mary Kate (Maureen O’Hara) and the other Danahers live in a spacious cottage with a hutch full of fancy china, so at least they aren’t going for the thing where everyone in Ireland is poor.
  • Is this a drinking game? Cool, drink for family with many kids (Mary Kate has an indeterminate number of brothers, unless they’re just house guests).
  • Unrelated: a teen walking a pit bull just let it poop in my front lawn then walked away. SO RUDE, wow. I was going to go bang on my window but I was afraid of spite poop from now til eternity.
  • Drink for people singing folk songs in a pub.
  • I like how there’s a stock character of Old Ethnic White Man With Long Beard who looks completely the same for every ethnicity. Whether you’re Russian, Irish, German or French, eventually you’ll look like this guy:

Far left.

  • Drink again for people singing folk songs in a pub.
  • I don’t know when the title is going to make sense, but as of a half hour in, John Wayne talks a normal amount at a regular volume.
  • OK, I’ll bite. I’ve heard in/een added to girl names before to make it a nickname, but never guy names. Michaeleen, Seanin… I guess it’s a thing! That’s fun.

Sean: So you can talk.

Mary Kate: Yes I can, I will, and I do.

…Maybe he’s only quiet compared to her then.

  • Now Sean and Mary Kate are in love because they looked at each other at mass, which reminds me, I’ve been meaning to go to mass more.
  • A (Protestant) Reverend and his wife visit Sean. They’re mostly made of tweed.
  • Over 60 years later, The Quiet Man still looks like a product of Ireland’s travel bureau.
  • My favorite thing about Mary Kate is she’s always wearing a blanket cape like me in the winter watching Netflix.
  • Mary Kate will only get married if her property goes with her. Married women could own property in the UK after the 1880s (assuming this is pre-independence?).I’m not sure yet when TQM is set. The costuming and set design are vague and woolen.
  • I had to look it up, because it was driving me crazy. Released in 1952, set in the 1920s. Some of the folksy dresses are probably fine because it’s a rural area, but I think Mary Kate’s hair is a bit anachronistic. Probably because it’s my hair, scalped off of my head and placed on Maureen O’Hara’s.
  • They’re at the races, and nobody started singing “ev’ry duke and earl and peer is here,” so I did.
  • No offense but this isn’t going to be a great jockey:

    I can’t find a photo of him in his racing silks, but trust me, hilarious.

  • “Two women in the house, and one of them a redhead.” File under: should be offended, but that’s actually fair.
  • Man. Everyone is very pissed that Mary Kate (MK, I call her) isn’t putting her bonnet on a pole, which is culturally relevant somehow.
  • Call me crazy, but I’m starting to really like the name Mary Kate. Too Olsen Twins? Maybe it could be short for Mary Katherine. Too Molly Shannon? Just putting it out there.
  • IF there were such a thing as drag racing horses, that’s what happens.
  • Well, I’ve thought Mary Kate’s brother was her dad for the past hour. Let it be known that MK has a giant brother who is approximately 40 years older than her.
  • MK has a “fearful temper” which in the 1920s just meant opinions, sometimes.
  • Sean and MK steal a bicycle built for two after they get engaged, but as far as I’m concerned the only crime they’re committing is being too darn adorable (plus petty theft I suppose).
  • Everyone folk-sings “I’m sorry I never got married” at Sean and MK’s wedding. Fun party.
  • BRB overdubbing this whole wedding scene with Helpless/Satisfied from Hamilton.
  • MK’s Old Brother announces that he’s marrying Widow Whatever-aher at Sean and MK’s reception. Talk about thunder-stealing. Also he didn’t clear it with Widow first, which isn’t great. All of these people are like 2 generations apart and it’s very confusing.
  • Sean flashes back to boxing, punching a guy out, and accidentally killing him. WOAH PLOT TWIST. Genuinely did not say that coming.
  • Saddest moment in the movie: MK says “ever since I was a little girl, I dreamed of having my own things about me.” Her lifelong dream was to be allowed to own stuff. What does her old brother care anyway? He’s probably almost dead or about to marry into all that sweet Widow Talooley money or whatever.
  • OH OK. MK is going to go Lysistrata until she gets her dowry.
  • MK gets her furniture, and it looks GREAT. But no money because her brother’s a dick.
  • MK talks Irish to the priest, who is fishing and wearing some tweed, but not like a Protestant amount.
  • How about from now on I just tell you if there’s a pub scene that doesn’t end in singing?
  • Meanwhile in the protestant minister’s house, you can tell that he’s a protestant minister by the wife and the giant globs of silver on the mantle. He and Sean have a tete-a-tete about the deadly boxing max and the Danaher dowry.
  • Not to make too much of the cinematography, but I feel like I should be paying more than my monthly Netflix membership to watch this, it’s so pretty.
  • Basically all of the male minor characters are Alfred P. Doolittle from My Fair Lady.
  • Know whose butts looked good in those saggy woolen pants they used to wear? Nobody’s butts. Not a single butt.
  • OK, help me with this. Sean pulls MK off a train and drags her by the arm through the town. A flock of Irish Players trail behind them. A guy at the pub announces that he’s “walking her back, the whole way.” The crowd grows, and Sean grows increasingly yank-y and rough. MK looses a shoe. She falls, he drags her anyway, then yanks her up and pushes her down a hill. Sean then drags MK by her coat collar. A woman hands Sean “a good stick to beat the lovely lady.”
  • You know how sometimes with old movies, it’s hard to understand how the original audiences found them at all surprising or riveting? I am every bit as befuddled as the 1952 audiences were. WHAT IS GOING ON. WHY CAN’T SHE WALK REGULAR. SINCE WHEN IS SEAN A WIFE-BEATER. WAS THIS COMEDY IN THE ’50s. IS THIS A SCHEME? IS THE WHOLE TOWN IN ON IT, BECAUSE IF NOT THEY ARE VERY VERY CHILL ABOUT ALL OF THIS WIFE-DRAGGING.
  • Here, just watch it actually:

  • Danaher won’t fork over the dowry money. Sean throws MK back at her bro, because no dowry/no wife. Old Brother Danaher throws the money at Sean. He and MK burn it. She was in on this, right? I still think he was unnecessarily rough. MK says she’ll have dinner ready for him, then leaves Sean to beat up her brother.
  • What follows is a ten-minute long fight sequence involving:
    • indiscriminate punches thrown by all of the villagers
    • … in a pile of hay
    • a shot fired by Michaeleen to call attention for the rules of the fight
    • Widow Tooraloora watching through an opera glass
    • Old Brother Danaher landing in a river
    • Bookies
    • A deathbed scene for the Bearded Ethnic White Man, interrupted when he pops up to watch the fight
    • Buckets of water thrown on Danaher
    • A priest rubbing his hands with glee
    • Other buckets of water thrown on everyone else
    • A BREAK FOR A PINT TOGETHER AT THE PUB
    • A sub-fight about who is buying the drinks
    • A door breaking into smithereens, a word I don’t use nearly enough
    • A singalong
    • Sean and Old Brother Danaher showing up, drunk and woozy, for dinner at MK’s on her great furniture she owns.
  • Time passes. A crowd is told to cheer like Protestants, which apparently is the word “hooray!” Old Man Danaher and Widow Talooraeay get married! Sean and MK scamper back to their cottage, married and adorable.
  • Well, it’s official. This movie has nothing to do with Christmas. Or, now that I think about it, a man who’s particularly quiet.

 

Pop Culture Blind Spot: Leap Year

We got a bonus day yesterday, which apparently means that women are *allowed* to propose to their boyfriends instead of the other way around. It’s a tradition that dates back for centuries, and seems to derive from lore in the U.K. and Ireland. And despite the fact that – GASP – women can propose any damn day they want, there was still a bunch of ladies who got down on one knee yesterday and popped the question. Like this woman I found on Instagram, for example. She not only posted about proposing on the days leading to the big day, but in a video, the big moment seemed… anti-climactic?

While this lady’s proposal wasn’t filled with a lot of fanfare, there is one that could possibly be way more dramatic – Amy Adams in the film Leap Year. I’ve never seen this movie, so what better time than an actual Leap Year to dive right in?

Knowledge of this film:

Amy Adams falling in love with some guy who’s British. On February 29th? Andddd I’m out.

Actual IMDb description:

Anna Brady plans to travel to Dublin, Ireland to propose marriage to her boyfriend Jeremy on Leap Day, because, according to Irish tradition, a man who receives a marriage proposal on a leap day must accept it.

…. I was close. Moving on.

THIS TAKES PLACE IN BOSTON????? I NEED THERE TO BE A HORRIBLE FAKE ACCENT (odds are yes).

ADAM SCOTT IS IN THIS?? GUYS IT’S BEEN ONE MINUTE AND I’VE LEARNED SO MUCH.

Photo Feb 29, 10 22 16 PM

So Amy/Anna’s job is a realtor? Luxury type? No, she “stages” apartments. When people are selling their place, she basically set dresses the home to make it more sellable. There’s a job for this??

“We’ve got an 8:00 rezz…” Adam Scott, but also channelling Tom Haverford. I just realized he must have filmed this on a break from Parks? Or just before Parks?

John Lithgow is Amy Adams’ father??? Honestly, who else is going to pop up in this movie?

Photo Feb 29, 10 24 43 PM

Anna thinks her BF/Adam Scott is going to propose to her at this fancy dinner – reminder that this is not how you propose.

Turns out Adam presented her with a box of diamond earrings. Bummer.

He gets a call during dinner about an aorta emergency (he’s a cardiologist) and he has to leave… but also leaves her with the check??? And he’s leaving straight from the hospital to Dublin for a cardiologist conference. So, um, peace out?

Photo Feb 29, 10 25 56 PM

In Ireland tradition a woman can propose to a man every four years “That’s ridiculous” says Anna. ALSO SAYS TRACI. This movie was made in 2010, and I feel like women empowerment, feminism, etc. has made great strides since then, which makes me think this movie might not fly in 2016? Not like this was a big blockbuster six years ago, but I’m just saying a lot more people would speak up and argue how dumb this idea of chasing after a man just to propose to him on the one day where roles are reverse is stupid.

Also, they really should’ve released this movie on a leap year.

“I may have underestimated the storm just a little bit.” – the captain piloting a plane through horribly turbulence says as the oxygen masks fall from overhead.

They have to land in Wales due to the weather, which means Anna is in quite a pickle with her proposal plan.

Why did Anna wear heels on the plane? She’s dressed like she’s going to a business interview.

She is The Perfect Storm-ing it and it’s utterly ridiculous.

Photo Feb 29, 10 30 35 PM

WELL. This is why you don’t wear heels on the plane.

Photo Feb 29, 10 31 07 PMAnna ends up at a bar in… Dingle? She asks around for a taxi to drive her to Dublin, but surprise, surprise S.O.L. She has to spend the night at the small town’s inn, which happens to be upstairs and Matthew Goode is the bartender/innkeeper?

She is out of juice on her *Blackberry*, but the only place to plug it in is underneath the bed. She can’t reach it, and tries to move the bed, which leads to breaking the drapes, and knocking over a dresser and lamp. Then when she does plug in her phone, it sparks because OBVIOUSLY and she manages to cause a blackout in the inn and throughout the entire town. This is why people hate Americans.

Matthew Goode is v tall and has to duck his head when going through all the doorways.

His character is also kind of grumpy and crochety, which is the exact opposite of all the people I met when I was in a small town in Ireland. Back when I was studying abroad in college, my friends and I took a weekend trip to Ireland. We went to the Cliffs of Moher and a small town near that called Doolin, where my friend’s best friend’s family is from. We spent part of St. Patrick’s Day in this small town, and this town center reminds me of Doolin and I have all the nostalgic feels rn.

Photo Feb 29, 11 34 33 PM

“It’s a Vuitton.” Anna

“…what??” Matthew Goode LOL

Anna tells Matthew Goode (whose name is Declan, because the writers wanted to make sure you knew they were in Ireland) about her #LeapYearProposal and he thinks it’s the dumbest thing he’s ever heard. I’m with him on this one.

“What are you, the Lucky Charms leprechaun?” SICK BURN, ANNA.

God this is so picturesque and gorgeous it makes me want to go backkkk 😦

Photo Feb 29, 10 36 39 PM

Declan has been eating in 90% of his scenes so far. He’s like the Rusty Ryan of Ireland.

Anna accidentally makes their car roll back and off a cliff into some kind of marsh and what in the fresh hell. Is she supposed to be this clumsy?

Sans car, she decides to star walking with her Vuitton suitcase. A van passes by and he basically steals her suitcase and drives away. Also there were weirdos in the blacked out back. Declan warned her.

Photo Feb 29, 10 37 26 PM

Whyyyyy is she still wearing heels?

Anna and Declan end up at the same bar as the dudes who stole her suitcase, and they’re creepily going through her shit, including her underwear? Declan starts a fight and comes to her rescue which means they’re going to fall in love.

Declan’s been calling Anna “Bob”, which she now finds out means “Cash/Money”. Again, SICK BURN.

She finally gets a train ticket to Dublin, but still has two hours to kill, so she and Declan go to visit a castle, because Ireland is awesome and there’s one around every corner. He tells her the story and his fake Irish accent is so good that I can only make out half of the legend. Something about this Romeo & Juliet type couple that consummated their relationship at the castle. Who knows.

Um it looks like they’re standing in front of a green screen??

Photo Feb 29, 10 38 58 PM

It’s starts downpouring yet again and Anna slides down a giant hill. She’s really not doing well in Ireland.

Oh no she missed the train. I’m actually a little sad for her.

The cute old dude working at the train station is v sympathetic and brings them to his house in Tipperary, where him and his wife are super against couples sleeping in the same room if they’re not married, so they have to pretend they’re Mr. and Mrs. O’Brady-Callaghan.

When did Declan say Heads I win, Tails you lose. JOEY?

Yo Declan straight up beheaded a chicken with one swift motion. It’s disturbing (they don’t show it on screen), but Anna is also taken aback and says, “You just surprised me. You keep doing that.” They are faLLING IN LOVe.

“Always kiss like it’s the first time and the last time” says the random dinner guest who’s making out with his wife too much at the dinner table.

Of course old train guy then forces Anna and Declan to kiss. He very forcefully starts chanting “KISS THE GIRL” and even slams his hand on the table. This is borderline abuse mixed with uncomfortable arousal from the old dude (They give in anyways).

BTW, Declan is charging Anna for this entire excursion, and they’re currently at 675 Euros for 2 days of travelling. Prediction: she dumps Jeremy and Declan’s final line is something like, “You still owe me”.

IDK if it’s because of the Perfect Storm ref or this scene where they’re sharing a bed or both of them pretending to hate each other when clearly they’re into each other, but these two remind me of Pacey + Joey.Photo Feb 29, 11 22 15 PM

Declan overhears Anna talking to Jeremy on the phone and he is clearly jealous. He takes his homemade Irish breakfast and goes to sulk in the pantry. Reminder: Anna and Jeremy – still a couple.

“Never start a journey on a Sunday or a full moon,” says an old Irish man. Earlier someone brought up the bad luck of a black cat crossing. I was not aware this country had so many superstitions.

It starts violently hailing and they find refuge in a building which turns out to be a wedding, and Declan accidentally yells out “JESUS CHRIST!” but Anna immediate saves him and says, “-is Lord!” Truly great teamwork, kids.

The priest invites them to attend this wedding, and at the ceremony, we find out Declan used to be married. So there’s the romantic comedy secret he’s been hiding.

The blue lights at this reception are similar to the ones at the restaurant in Boston where Jeremy gave her the earrings – I don’t know whether this is supposed to be a juxtaposition or not because is this the type of movie that would do that?

Photo Feb 29, 11 01 25 PM

Someone starts spinning Anna and her HIGH HEEL accidentally falls off and flies right into the bride’s forehead, leaving her with a nasty mark. Then she accidentally spills wine on the bride’s dress. Why is this her character trait?? Amy Adams is too classy to be clumsy (name of my debut album).

Gah this is so pretty!

Photo Feb 29, 11 03 07 PMThey’re sharing a tender moment and it looks like she’s about to kiss him and it turns into vomit. Because she’s drunk from the open bar, not because she suddenly has a stomach bug.

For a brief moment Declan thinks Anna straight up left him and went on the bus to Dublin without saying goodbye and he is extremely bummed. She actually went to get them coffee, and in that moment she realizes he cares for her and it’s really sweet and I am INTO IT.

They finally make it to Dublin and it turns out his ex lives there with the guy she cheated on him with, who happens to be his friend. Rough times. Earlier, Declan asked Anna what she would grab if there was a fire, knowing her answer would be something of great monetary value (you know, because he calls her Bob). His answer is that he would (if he could) take the claddaugh ring that used to be long to his mom. The only caveat is that he gave it to his ex Kaleigh and he doesn’t have it anymore. I’m guessing this is going to come back into play later?

She offers him the cash she owes him and he only wants to take the quarter (heads I win, tails you lose).

I love you Adam Scott, but you are such a good villain/douche and he’s not even trying to be in this one!

OH Jeremy proposes to Anna right in the middle of this hotel lobby and she looks up to get Declan’s confirmation and he’s gone.

ACTUALLY this reminds me of Once. Except this movie probably has a happier/more satisfying ending.

Declan meets Kaleigh – hopefully to get the ring back? OMG is he going to fly to Boston and propose to Anna with the ring??

Apparently Declan’s bar was in danger of being closed if they didn’t raise enough money but the local barflys all pitched in and saved it? That was a random plot (unless I missed it).

Ok so in the beginning, Anna and Jeremy apply for a fancy apartment at “The Davenport”, and while they’re in Ireland (but still separated), Jeremy tells Anna they got the news they got the apartment. Flash forward to Jeremy back in Boston where they’re throwing a housewarming party in their new digs, and he’s explaining to their friends that one of the folks on the board frowned upon couples who are not married living together (callback to the lovely Irish train dude who made Anna and Declan kiss). So basically Jeremy only proposed to get the apartment?!?

Photo Feb 29, 11 07 05 PM

Anna is astonished that Jeremy did this, so after some cinematic stares over their palatial home, she pulls the trigger on the fire alarm to see what Jeremy would take (if there’s a fire, etc. etc.). He immediately tells Anna to grab “laptops, camera, whatever” and lit’rally says, “I got the video camera – I still haven’t put the proposal up on Facebook, so I’ll do that later.” And she peaces out.

Cut to Ireland and Declan’s running a bustling restaurant – how much time has passed? Is it still Leap Day? Is SHE going to propose??

Anna’s dressed like she got her dress at a knock-off Anthropologie circa 2003 and her hair even has one of those zig zag headbands from 8th grade.

Photo Feb 29, 11 40 29 PM

“Here is my proposal: I propose we not make plans. I propose we give this thing a chance and let it work out how it works out. So what do you say? Do you wanna not make plans with me?”

Um I love this. It’s reminiscent the “I’m just a girl…” line from Notting Hill. Anna basically is like, “I’m a notorious planner, but this one time I don’t want to do any of that shit and see how it works out. In front of his whole restaurant.” Appresh.

And his answer: walks out and closes a door. Awk sauceee.

“I guess that’s an Irish no.” Anna

She goes to the cliffs and you hear Declan come out of nowhere to say, “Mrs. O’Bradycallaghan. Where the hell are you going?” MRS. O’BRADYCALLAGHAN I AM INTO THIS SO HARD.

WELL WELL WELL HE PULLS OUT THE CLADDAGH RING and says, “I reject your proposal and I don’t wanna not make plans with you. I want to make plans with you.”

Ugh propose to me on these cliffs

THIS IS RIDICULOUS THEY BARELY KNOW EACH OTHER THOUGH THIS IS LEGIT THE SECOND TIME THEY’VE EVEN KISSED. JUST GET TOGETHER AND SCREW THIS MARRIAGE PROPOSAL

“It’s gonna cost you.” Declan

“Put it on my bill.” Anna

I WROTE THIS MOVIE, IT’S FINE.

“It’s good luck to get engaged on a Sunday.” Full. Circle.

Pop Culture Blind Spots: Yentl

Rosie O’Donnell caterwauling ‘Papa Can You Hear Me’ every time she talked about Barbra Streisand – that’s what I knew about Yentl before this Pop Culture Blind Spots live blog. Considering I grew up loving both musicals and movies set in yesteryear when everyone had long hair and longer dresses, I’m not sure why or how I missed it. Maybe it wasn’t on TV too much in the 90s?

From the shtetl to your computer, come experience the bad haircuts, zany pillow fights, and newsboy hats of Yentl:

  • The setting is Eastern Europe, 1904. First of all, really vague setting. Second, if this was supposed to be part of my Eastern European cultural training my mother failed spectacularly.
  • A peddler calls out “story books for women, sacred books for men” which was like the Barbie/Hot Wheels Happy Meal toys of the shtetl.

 

  • Anyway Yentl (which sounds like a person saying “gentle” with a marked accent, which is very fun) tries to buy the Hot Wheels books. The peddler is like “bitch, I think you know what your place is, and I’m sure it’s gossiping about how old you are at a fish-stall in the marketplace.” Yentl lies and says the books are for her dad. And the peddler buys it, which is TOTAL FORESHADOWING for how all the men in this movie are dummies who believe whatever you tell them.
  • I’ve never seen so many Eastern European noses outside of a family reunion and I feel so alive and whole, accepted and embraced.
  • My favorite Disney princess as a child was Belle, because she liked books. And this is an entire musical about a girl who just wants to read the books she wants and I never saw it?!

    Little town, it’s a quiet shtetl…

  • But to be fair, the books she want to read are like the rules to God and stuff. Yawwwwn.
  • Started watching this via sketchy Youtube copy, and 5 minutes in I decided that the chances were high enough that I was going to like it that I’d rent it on Amazon. Also it was almost unbearably fuzzy.
  • Yentl burns some gross fish while reading. JEWISH PRINCESS BELLE, everyone!
  • Her Papa is Jewish Crazy Old Maurice.

  • Babs wraps herself in a tallit and sings. This may be part of how I missed this one: the tunes aren’t exactly *catchy* in the singable/hummable sense.
  • Papa asks if Yentl wants a husband who will darn her socks and bear her children, which, (A) where do I sign up, and (B), foreshadowing? Maybe? Guys, I don’t really know what this movie is about except that Barbra will sing Papa Can You Hear Me and dress as a man at some point.
  • Barbs has such beautiful, fluffy hair or such a beautiful, fluffy wig. I can’t believe Papa died, though.
  • PLOT. TWIST. She cuts the beautiful fluffy hair into a kicky pageboy. Swear I didn’t know that was going to happen.
  • I wasn’t alive in 1983, but major studios were releasing movies starring a 40-year-old ‘unattractive’ woman who is dressed as a man most of the time, so maybe it was a little better than 2016 in some ways.
  • Again, the main thing I know about Yentl is Papa Can You Hear Me. I know it because Rosie O’Donnell always sang it on her show. It turns out the only words I knew were “Papa, can you hear me/ try to understand me.” Those also might have been the only words Rosie O’Donnell knew.

  • Actually, didn’t Rosie have a button that played “Barbra Can You Hear Me” whenever she talked about her? (I watched a lot of The Rosie O’Donnell Show as a child. Had the koosh slingshot, the Kids Are Punny book, the whole 9.)
  • Not sure what accent Babs is doing in that song, but it’s not “Eastern European.” She’s just pronouncing every word slightly weird.
  • Barbra’s new haircut does not look good. Not even a little good. It’s kind of flobee-esque.

    I mean, Christ.

  • Yentl sails across a small creek (?) wearing the hat from the Funky Hat interstitial from 2007 Disney Channel.
  • Because nobody in 1904 Eastern Europe had seen a woman in pants and a hat before, they don’t realize that Yentl is CLEARLY a woman in pants and a hat.
  • If they saw a man in black and white stripes, they’d probably think he was a zebra or a Hamburglar.
  • Or a guy in camouflage: “Ira, I swear a piece of Outside is MOVING.”

    GET IT TOGETHER, Eastern Europe, 1904.

  • Maybe if Yentl wants people to believe that she’s “Anshel” she shouldn’t giggle when she says that her name is Anshel.
  • Yentl meets Mandy Patinkin (Avigdor)’s bubbe and within seconds she’s like “oh. Anshel. LOL OK.” So maybe only the men in this movie are stupid.
  • Avigdor’s banter with Yentl is very… sexual? … for two young men who are platonically sharing a bed.
  • You know in The Portrait Of Dorian Gray, where he has that portrait that ages for him? I think that’s what Mandy Patinkin’s facial hair does. Underneath it he looks mostly the same, the only difference the beard went from chestnut to gray.

 

  • Yentl’s thoughts sing This Is One Of Those Moments. The level of non-catchiness reminds me of when a Catholic priest is talk-singing and he tries to cram too many syllables into one line.
  • Yentl watches a lot of people talk with their hands. This is the school she wanted to go to really bad.
  • AMY IRVING IS IN THIS?! She’s the star of one of my favorite under-rated rom-coms, Crossing Delancey.

  • It’s sort of like a 1900s Jewish Strangers With Candy, where Barbra is very obviously in her 30s-40s (and female) but we just suspend disbelief.
  • Now Yentl’s thoughts are singing about her crush on Amy Irving (Hadass).
  • Yentl flirts with Avigdor in a meadow so maybe the crush was on him. Who knows.
  • There’s a skinny dipping scene and we almost see Mandy Patinkin’s Manhood Pa-tuchus (yep, just zoomed right past dad jokes and landed on a zayde joke)
  • The choreography is the same, so: mashup between this song where Babs is getting handsy in her nightgown and Mama Who Bore Me. OK?

  • Hadass’s Shitty Family calls off the Hadass/Avigdor Relationship and they want to set her up with Yentl now. This is more Three’s Company-style hijinks than I was expecting.
  • Amy Irving’s ruffled blouse and ren-faire hairdo are SUPER 1904-shtetl flirty. She’s making dinner for Yentl and it’s a total come-on. Like that’s just how you DID IT back then. It seems so easy. Just put on your ruffliest blouse and lean your boobs into a guy’s face while serving tea and you’d get a husband. (*Is that how you still do it and is that why I’m single, because I’ll try.)
  • Take one listen to Barbra screaming “nothing’s impossible!” at, like, F5 and tell me how anybody was supposed to think this was anything but a lady.
  • Now Yentl’s getting measured for her wedding suit which is bad because she’s female. In case you missed it, this is why lying doesn’t work. Although how sheltered is Hadass, because maybe Yentl can just kiss her in bed and be like “WELP THERE WE DID IT THAT’S THE WHOLE THING,” because that’s what I thought until I was 7 or 8.
  • If Anshel ISN’T a woman then Anshel is, like, an 11 year old boy and I don’t know why nobody in the village has vetted this.
  • Oh I love these wedding hijinks. Anshel is trying to get Hadass to say she doesn’t want to hook up. It’s like when you don’t want to go to a movie, but you don’t want to say it, so you’re just like “no, I mean if YOU don’t want to see it we won’t see it. I don’t care but if YOU want to do something different, we totally can. Up to you.”
  • Yentl and Hadass have a pillow fight. JUST SOME GALS AT A SLUMBER PARTY Y’ALL. Just gals bein’ pals.
  • Avigdor asks Yentl if Hadass “made sounds” and um is this how boys talk when we aren’t there? If a boy reads this please tell me.
  • Yentl’s thoughts sing about how she loves Avigdor, and Avigdor loves Hadass, and she’s married to Hadass but just for the pillow fights. Yentl. Look at your life. It’s a map full of dead ends, like one of those suburban gated communities. Your haircut is bad. You can read the talmud now but that’s, like, your only thing you’ve got going.
  • LOL forever at Hadass trying to seduce Yentl, an obvious 40-year-old woman. Instead, Yentl tucks her in then sings at a window.
  • I like how Yentl taught Hadass the talmud on the sly while they were fake married. I also like how Yentl finally figured out it’s time to get out of dodge.
  • The lyrics “she’s loving, she’s tender, she’s woman, so am I” probably weren’t meant to be funny? It kind of sounds like it would play over a crunchy 1970s school video about ‘becoming a woman.’
  • I want to see the scene before Yentl makes Avigdor take her to the city. “Pick me up in your cosiest two-person buggy and take me to the nearest metropolis so I can tell you a secret. Haha, no reason, just guy stuff.”
  • Yentl goes to America, which is probably the best solution after you’ve accidentally married a woman and fallen in love with a guy who thinks you’re a man. That’s the moment when, even in 1904, it’s time to cut your losses and move to Brooklyn. Now she’s got to grow out that haircut, though.
  • Yentl sings about finding her corner of the sky, but via a different song that’s way less catchy than Corner Of The Sky.