Pop Culture Blind Spot: The Babadook

When The Babadook took its rightful but confusing place as a gay icon after Netflix included it in its list of LGBT films, I had a real dilemma. I hate horror movies, but I love when everyone on the internet is joking about the same thing. As usual, my love for internet won out. It’s time for me to learn about the Babadook, a scary basement demon recently outed by Netflix.

The Babadook opens with a mom, Amelia,  dreaming about a car accident and waking up to her creepy Australian child wanting to read his favorite book. Australian children are less creepy than British children in horror movies, more than American. Fight me on it. If you were a British child, you wouldn’t have to. You’d just say something fairly innocuous like “I’m awake, mummy” and I’d run screaming.

The entire house is decorated in shades of gray and midnight, like they interior decorated for the comfort and preferences of the ghost. Demon, monster, whatever.

demon chic

Samuel (creepy-but-not-British-creepy child) tells a random supermarket lady that his “dad’s in the cemetery. He got killed driving mum to the hospital to have me.” Gay means happy and this is NOT.

Sam stands on the tip-top of a swingset while being a Babadook, I guess. Still not clear on what a Babadook is. A small white dog scratches at a locked door, which I gather is where the Babadook lives. Is it a closet??? Is the Babadook in the closet? I’m trying.

and dorothy. of you and me and dorothy.

Maybe everything is gray and colorless so it can become rainbow when the Babadook comes?? Kind of like The Wizard Of Oz… starring gay icon Judy Garland?? I’m reaching.

It turns out the Babadook is a terrifying pop-up book Sam has. For the record, they say Babadook to rhyme more with “look” than “Luke.” PLOT TWIST: the terrifying pop-up, which ends with the words “you’re going to wish you were dead,” ends up looking like a generic colorful children’s book when they pull back, and Amelia is reading a different story entirely. Amelia hides the book (rhymes with Babadook!) above her wardrobe.

Amelia watches black and white tv because that’s her aesthetic.

Sam throws firecrackers in anger.

Amelia: Where’d you get those firecrackers?

Sam: You got them for me on the internet.

Amelia: That’s the end of the internet.

Why did I love that exchange so much?

Samuel loves to play in a sequin cape,  a nod to Liberacci??

NOPE

Sam, or a Babadook, hung up an empty men’s suit on the wall and it’s very spooky. Also I KNOW that a hanging suit is, or should be, empty but that’s really the only way to describe it:

There’s glass in Amelia’s soup or thickened boiled milk that she’s eating. Sam said the Babadook did it. Maybe the real Babadook is SAM.

Sam watches an unsettling magic DVD. How does Sam keep getting these age-inappropriate forms of media? Don’t say the internet. Amelia swore off of Amazon.

Amelia goes upstairs to find the photo of her and Sam’s dad all scribbled out. Scribbled out like … bi erasure??? Guys I am so sorry but nothing’s gay yet.

At Sam’s friend Ruby’s birthday party, all of the moms wear black to look creepier for the Babadook.

In another feat of color coordination, the girl party guests wear pale pink with black accents. The party decorations are maroon, every child’s favorite color. There’s a clown because this is a horror movie, why not.

Amelia’s friend Claire doesn’t like going to Amelia’s house because it’s depressing, possibly because every surface from floor to ceiling, including the stairs and Sam’s bedroom, seems to be covered in black chalkboard paint. I really hope there’s a big reveal at the end at it was colorful all along.

Ruby taunts Sam for not having a dad. Maybe the real Babadook is CHILDREN’S CAPACITY FOR CRUELTY. Sam pushes Ruby out of a tree house which was still very unwarranted. Sam then appears to seize in the car, which makes me wonder why Sam hasn’t had a neurological and psych eval yet??

Amelia gets a new pop-up book… is something that should be a caption on a mommy blogger’s instagram, but which is actually a scene where Amelia gets a new gift from the Babadook about how the Babadook will take her over.

AHHHH. The Babadook calls Amelia on her land line and says “Babadook…dook…dook” in a croaky demon voice.

Let’s talk about acting. Essie Davis is fantastic as Amelia, who half thinks her child is losing it and half thinks she is. She’s extra fantastic in the scene where she goes to the police to report a children’s book. You can see her genuine belief that she’s correct right alongside her realization that what she’s saying sounds ridiculous. Noah Wisemen is also marvelous as Sam and he really does seem like an actual child, not a spooky horror movie child cliche. Also, this was Jennifer Kent’s directorial debut and it’s absolutely beautiful — not too scary, despite my protests against horror movies, but really thoughtful and nicely styled.

Amelia finds a hole in her kitchen wall. Beetles crawl out. She has made references to being poor but she has an expensive-looking vintage replica fridge so that doesn’t quite check out.

The Australian child Sam watches on TV sounds so much more Australian than Sam.

SHIIIIIT. The Babadook sneaks into Amelia’s bedroom by way of creaky door and croaks “Babadook…dook…dook” again. He kind of stop-motions around on the ceiling for a bit. Amelia has an outfit, complete with hat, on a mannequin in her bedroom. What is WITH this family? Anyway, it was a “dream” but surely it wasn’t really.

In keeping with her aesthetic, Amelia watches a black-and-white silent film that looks kind of like A Trip To The Moon, except with Babadooks all up in it.

this is why i don’t have cable

Amelia shouts at Sam to “eat shit,” but I’m certain that’s just the Babadook or the mean older brother in a John Hughes movie talking.

Amelia: 1. crashes a car because the Babadook was Babadook-dook-dooking her; 2. takes a bath fully clothed; 3. attempts to nap while cuddling a violin; 4. tromps around her house with a butcher knife; 5. forces Sam to take pills; 6. watches aesthetically-consistent black and white cartoons.

The dog won’t hang with Amelia, which is how we can be sure she’s harboring the Babadook.

SPOOOOKY. Amelia watches a news report about a woman who stabbed her 7-year-old to death; cut to Amelia in the news report looking out her window with an eerie frozen smile. NOPE NOPE NOPE. This is neither about the Babadook or the Gay Babadook, but when I was little my brother used to open my bedroom door and stare with an eerie frozen smile while singing that circus song, which was some clever sibling bullying. It’s a tattle-proof trick. “Mom, Matt’s smiling and singing!”

Amelia’s dead husband is in the basement. He’s surely a Babadook. He says “bring me the boy” in increasingly Babadookish tones.

Amelia kills the small white dog 😦  Then she Babadook-floats at Sam, who says she isn’t his mother and throws a firecracker and some darts at her.

The kind, elderly neighbor comes over and says that she knows this time of year is hard for Amelia. Maybe the real Babadook is HOW SAD SHE IS.

Sam brings a knife down on his mother with the most unsettling confused grimace/smile.

After some stuff, Amelia voms a black tar-like substance so who knows, maybe the real Babadook is an intestinal bleed and a bowel obstruction.

Amelia relives her husband’s gory death, and tells the Babadook that he’s nothing and not welcome in her house. The Babadook goes back to the basement. The real Babadook is grief and PTSD, just like I’ve been saying this entire time.

Almost right away, Amelia’s hair is MUCH fluffier, and a birthday banner is hung in the living room. They speak freely about Sam’s dad. Ruby was Sam’s… cousin? Which I did not realize. They feed the Babadook worms in the basement, because they somehow learned that he eats worms. The Babadook, which is grief, will always exist in their lives but that doesn’t mean it’s always invited to the party.

Sam does a worryingly good magic trick.

Fine.

Okay, so I still don’t know why the Babadook is gay but he doesn’t owe me an explanation. The Babadook is more than just gay, he’s also a basement grief-demon who eats worms and hangs suits up. I hope he has fun at all the parades and parties!

 

 

Pop Culture Blind Spot: The Shawshank Redemption

“But Traci, The Shawshank Redemption is SO GOOD. I can’t believe you haven’t seen it!”

I’m aware. Oh I’m very aware. I’m also very aware that Pulp Fiction and the Star Wars and the Godfathers are all critically acclaimed, but I haven’t seen those either. It’s basically the reason we have this pop culture blind spot series in the first place. We are aware we’re missing out on a huge part of the pop culture landscape. And we’re working on it.

In the process of “working on it”, I finally got around to watching Shawshank and 2 and a half hours later it was a blind spot no more. Read on to revisit this iconic cinematic masterpiece that I’m officially an expert on having just seen it for the first time.

Prior Knowledge of This film

Prison. Tim Robbins. Someone dies? Supposed to be real good.

Actual IMDb description

Two imprisoned men (Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman) bond over a number of years, finding solace and eventual redemption through acts of common decency.

Oh right Morgan Freeman. I swear I knew that.

Ohh this is a double death crime of passion? I’m already into this.

The cinematography is great in this! (Apparently so great it was nominated for an Oscar)

Legit question: it’s 1949 but there wasn’t segregation in this prison?

This is nothing like Orange is the New Black. Relatedly, I miss my GF Poussey.

Doctor Romano is one of these prison wardens?! Remember when his arm got cut off by a helicopter in ER?

TIM ROBBINS IS SO TINY AND CUTE. He was only 36 when he made this, which is adult age but he still looks like a little nugget.

Yes Andy making a deal with the officers to drink some beer. That is a true hustler.

Andy gets constantly gang raped by a group of men called the Sisters and it is not fun to watch. I also was not expecting a lot of rape in this film, tbh.

Wait the Captain, after befriending Andy, comes to his defense by beating up the prisoner who was raping Andy? This is oddly heartfelt and I feel weird about it?

I need to read more about prisoners getting Bibles on their way in. Does this always happen? Does it still happen?

This is amazing – now other prison guards are going to Andy for trust fund and financial advice!? He’s practically doing taxes for every employee. And he set up shop in his new office at the library, and he’s really the Taystee of Shawshank State Penitentiary.

Aw that actor guy is in jail! James Whitmore is his name. You know, the old guy from all the things! In Shawshank, his name is Brooks and he’s been in the prison for 50 years, spending most of his days as the joint’s librarian. He finally gets parole and he now works at a Halfway House and works as a bagger at a grocery store and oh my god this is so sad I’m cRYING. It doesn’t end well for Brooks 😦

“The world went and got itself in a big damn hurry.” Brooks

I guess when you’re have prison and got nothing but time, a long con is small peanuts. Andy wants to improve the prison library so he writes to the government asking for money in the prison budget. He doesn’t hear back. He continues to write a letter every single week for SIX YEARS until one day officials finally write back and give him a check for $200, along with a note appreciating his “persistence”. Never give up on your dreams, kids.

This Mozart scene tho.

BILLY THOMAS!!!!

If this is who Ally McBeal fell in love with in high school I GET IT.

Billy Thomas had an old cellmate who basically confessed to killing Andy’s wife and her lover?! And his name – the robber dude who killed them – is Elmo Blatch. Elmo. Blatch. He has a face that looks like this. What nightmares are made of.

Andy talks to the warden to tell him Billy Thomas’ story and the warden is a dumb prick about it and the frustration I get with Andy’s lack of support from the warden is the same frustration I felt when watching Making a Murderer.

WHAT THE FUCK THE WARDEN BASICALLY HAS BILLY THOMAS KILLED SO HE DOESN’T COME FORWARD WITH THE REAL STORY AND ANDY CAN’T LEAVE THE CRIMINAL JUSTICE SYSTEM HAS ALWAYS BEEN CORRUPT

They’ve mentioned farts like thrice is this symbolism

oh my god Andy was using the rock pickaxe thing to dig a hole through the wall to escape and used the posters of Hollywood stars to cover up the hole. Brilliant.

“Andy Dufresne, headed for the Pacific. Those of us who knew him best talk about him often. I swear, the stuff he pulled… Sometimes it makes me sad, though, Andy being gone. I have to remind myself that some birds aren’t meant to be caged. Their feathers are just too bright and when they fly away, the part of you that knows it was a sin to lock them up does rejoice, but still, the place you live in is that much more drab and empty now that they’re gone. I guess I just miss my friend.” I GUESS I JUST MISS MY FRIEND. RED! YOU’RE KILLING ME

Seriously Red/Morgan Freeman goes into his parole meeting and literally says “I don’t give a shit” then gets approved after years of being declined. Is this what I should do in job interviews?

When he gets let out he lives in the same room as Brooks, has the same job bagging groceries. It’s like late 1960s early 1970s now? Again, isn’t there segregation?? Like he’s being let out in a world where he can’t drink from the same water fountain as white people AND he’s an ex-con.

That’s probably why Red was like eff this, I’m gonna go follow this scavenger hunt Andy is leading me on. It takes him all the way to the oak tree in Ohio Andy talked about in prison. Red digs out a box with money and a letter from Andy, telling him to meet him in Zihuatanejo, Mexico, a place Andy told him about long ago. And so Red continues.

 

RED, 2 HOURS AGO: “Hope is a dangerous thing. Hope can drive a man insane.”

ANDY, IN HIS LETTER NOW: “Remember Red, hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.”

RED, ON THE FINAL LEG OF MEETING UP WITH ANDY: “I find I’m so excited, I can barely sit still or hold a thought in my head. I think it’s the excitement only a free man can feel, a free man at the start of a long journey whose conclusion is uncertain. I hope I can make it across the border. I hope to see my friend and shake his hand. I hope the Pacific is as blue as it has been in my dreams. I hope.”

“Get busy living or get busy dying”, my new tattoo.

GUYS I’M CRYING THEY’RE REUNITED ON THE PACIFIC

A++++. HIGHLY RECOMMEND. IT’S AS GOOD AS THEY SAY.

Pop Culture Blind Spot: Hello Dolly

Welcome back to Pop Culture Blind Spot, where we examine beloved films and tv shows that we definitely should have seen by now. Up today: Hello Dolly, a movie musical totally missed by this person who loves movie musicals.

What I think I know about Hello Dolly: It’s from the 1950s but set in that time all mid-century musicals were – approximately 1908, or whenever Main Street Disney is supposed to be. It’s about Barbra Streisand… doing vaudeville, maybe. The only thing I know is the song Hello Dolly, and by that I mean the part of the song where they say Hello Dolly, well hello Dolly.

Let’s see how wrong I am!

Right out the gate, this was made in 1969, making me nearly twenty years off in release date. I guess I should have been tipped off by the fact that Babs would have been a child in the ’50s.

But it IS from the era I was thinking of-ish: New York City, 1890! I’m already into it by the Ken Burns-y fade-in they do from a still photo of a 1908 street scene to live motion.

The continued opening shots showing people’s feet as they skip, hopscotch and trip-trap about are fantastic. This leads me to look up who directed this… Gene Kelly?!? WOAH. I had no idea he directed, too. Talk about a quintuple threat.

Premise: Dolly Levi (Barba Streisand) is a matchmaker with great hats.

Ambrose (Tommy Tune), doing a nerd voice, wants to marry scroogey rich Horace Vandergelder’s niece Ermengarde. I assume Ermengarde was meant as a nerd name even in the 60s. Ermengarde has a great fuchsia hairbow and a nice complexion.

 

Horace: You are a seven-foot-tall nincompoop!

Ambrose: That’s an insult!

Horace: All the facts about you are insults!

Horace, re: his clerk Cornelius’s announcement that he’s 28 and 3/4 years old: “That’s a foolish age to be at. I thought you were 40.”

Horace (Walter Matthau!) ‘s plan is to get married.  He illustrates that through a cringey song about how it “takes a woman” to do thinks like dump ashes. He describes women as both “fragile” and “frail” but also capable of doing the garbage work he doesn’t want to do like “clean out the drain in the sink”,”washing and bluing and shoeing the mare” and “cleaning the stable.”

Okay, here’s what Horace is. He is to husbands as Marilla Cuthbert is to mothers: he’s more or less trying to buy another human for chores. It sounds like what Horace needs is a maid or a handyman. I assume that in 1969, as in 2017, this song read as a joke about how horrible Horace, the two male clerks and the chorus of singing men behind him are. Men in general I guess.

The scene with Barbra Streisand reading Horace’s palm turned me into a Barbra Streisand fan.

Apparently the frail sturdy chorewoman Horace has in mind is Irene in New York. Dolly sing-explains that SHE wants to be Horace’s wife-maid-stableboy.

Barnaby and Cornelius, the nerdy clerks, are going to New York and aren’t coming back until “they’ve each kissed a girl.” Barnaby is 19 and a half to Cornelius’s 28 and 3/4 so “for me it’s not so urgent.” I should probably mention that they’re in Yonkers, which I guess looked like the Old West in 1890, so it’s not much of a commute. Dolly sends them off to meet that hussy Irene and her shopgirl. I see what you’re doing, Doll.

About to close down the saloon early. Or feed shop. Grainery? General store.

Put On Your Sunday Clothes is the best number so far. “Put on your Sunday clothes when you feel down and out,” sing a bunch of Newsies from a time when ‘Sunday clothes’ meant anything. Ladies dance with parasols, a film industry requirement for all technicolor musicals made before 1970. A family in all white emerges from a Queen Anne-style house and for a second it’s like we’re in a Ragtime crossover. The ladies do a tiptoe move with their bustles that’s the late Victorian precursor to twerking. People talk-sing and you can show that to any old folks incredulous about modern rap musicals. Everyone departs on a train, another one of those midcentury musical requirements.

Parasols. Newsies. Bustles. Trains. Yep, all accounted for.

We meet Irene and her galpal Minnie mid-scene with some quality chuffa:

Minnie: A banana a day keeps the doctor away.

Irene: You mean an apple a day.

Minnie:Who ever heard of a doctor slipping on an apple peel?

Established: shopgirl Minnie is an idiot and Irene’s used to it.

 

Irene Molloy (Marianne McAndrew) would be played by Kristen Wiig if this was made now.

Irene is so much cooler and smoother and better-looking than Cornelius and Barnaby, who is so dense he introduces himself as a hat, plus her shop is unnecessarily large and decorated in sophisticated grays. Minnie Fay is right about on the guys’ level though.

Expensive.

“Forgive me for saying this, but you should see Yonkers.” NEVER.

Everybody is doing that annoying trick where they mention the other person’s significant other to see if they have one. I always secretly like when guys do that, though, because it saves me the trouble about lying about a boyfriend to get them to stop talking.

Horace shows up at the shop to mack on Irene. Dolly shows up in her flashiest purple dress in Old New York and tries to act unassuming. Sorry. Make that the flashiest purple dress in the world. It’s what Prince would have worn if he was a woman in 1890.

Horace is shocked that Cornelius comes into New York City. Again, from Yonkers. In 1890, when there were trains. Dolly talks Cornelius up,  and it’s funny (” Who took the horses out of Jenny Lind’s carriage and pulled her through the streets?”).

Does this take place in one day? Also is there a term for musicals that take place in one day, because it seems like there should be?

Horace is going to march in a parade with “the kind of people I can trust – 700 men.” I remain confused as to why he doesn’t just hire a chore boy.

Barnaby is the Niall Horan of this musical: affable, charming, boyish and underrated.

While searching for images of Danny Lockin I found this FASCINATING info about what happened to him after Hello Dolly – pic links to article. Woah.

Anyway, right?

Not to make too much of Irene’s giant hat shop but it’s so big you can swing a lady in a hoop skirt without hitting anything. Which they do. If I had that kind of hat shop money I’d never get married.

Dolly has so much purple, including a little purse and a feather boa and a giant hat, that she’s like a purple muppet. She has some LONG acrylics as well, just like the Victorians did. They are her “getting back in the dating game” nails. She’s widowed.

I thought Horace was talking about a metaphorical parade, but there’s actually a giant parade. Once again, it looks like Main Street Disney. Women are there too, including some suffragettes (another requirement of technicolor musicals) but Horace goes anyway. Babs sings about parades, which is one of her specialties.

Along with Niall Horan, Barnaby also has some Mark Hamill vibes.

Niall, Cornelius, Irene and Dumb Minnie sing about how elegant they are, a thing I think you’ll notice elegant people never do. Like how smart people don’t talk about being smart. They make a fun friend group and I would 100% watch a spinoff movie of Minnie, Mark Hamill and Cornelius bumbling about and Irene having to be the only adult in the situation.

Image links to cute Hello Dolly post.

Here’s what I appreciate about the costuming here: everyone is head-to-toe color coordinated like a 1980s bridesmaid. Dress, cape, hat, shoes all dyed to the exact same color. Babs changes into what I guess is the most uncomfy loungewear invented, a lacy tan corset top with a lacy tan jacket over it with some giant sleeves. It’s kinda Stevie Nicks-esque and I’m obsessed. Her hair is a smooth orange dome with a ponytail at the end. This is her casual hairstyle.

Best I could do

Don’t worry, there are dancing waiters in red tailcoats.

I wonder if Mock Turtle Soup struck people as funny in 1969 too, but I bet it did. Just the idea that turtle soup was so in demand but so rare that people had to fake it.

“If I tell you the truth, would you let me put my arm around your waist?” Weird bargain but OK.

“I’ve never touched a woman before.” YOU DON’T SAY, CORNELIUS.

Don’t Barnaby and Cornelius sound like what a hipster couple would name their sons?

Dolly is BACK wearing a very gold beaded dress and a feather headpiece, which is what prompts everyone to sing Hello Dolly.

LOUIS ARMSTRONG IS IN THIS. I know everyone else probably knows that but I didn’t. He’s absurdly charismatic.

I kind of feel like the first hour, hour fifteen were jam-packed and then we’ve been marking time in this restaurant ever since.

There is a whole turkey on Dolly and Horace’s two-top table. Is this how rich people eat?

Cornelius dances with a fan like an idiot. On one hand, Irene can do better. On the other, they’re both having fun and he doesn’t take himself too seriously like ol’ Horace.

Horace almost fires Cornelius and Barnaby for being in New York even though I’m fairly certain he doesn’t own them like he will the chore-wife he wants to buy.

Falling in love “only takes a moment” but the song about it lasts seven.

Back in Yonkers, Barnes and Cornes quit. Cornelius is becoming a new Horace, and Barnaby is becoming the new Cornelius. Dolly and Horace are getting married. ALL the people you thought would get married in the first ten minutes will get married, but my, wasn’t it a fun journey to get there?

I just wish these men would stop singing about how it takes a ‘fragile’ woman to do chores, is all.

Bottom line: I see what the fuss was about – not so much the songs themselves (not too many showstoppers) but the character of Dolly Levi and Barbra Streisand’s performance, plus the supporting cast and throwback sets and costumes. This was delightful and a break from real life, just like a musical should be.

 

 

 

Pop Culture Blind Spot: Darby O’Gill And The Little People

Three truths and a lie, St. Patrick’s Day Edition:

  • I grew up Irish dancing and thus I never went to school on St. Patrick’s Day because I had performances.
  • I mostly look like a leprechaun.
  • Every year, my family watched Darby O’Gill and the Little People sometime around St. Paddy’s day.
  • I despair every time someone calls it St. Patty’s Day. Who’s Patricia?

Answer: As you probably guessed from the post title, I’ve never seen Darby O’Gill and The Little People. The 1959 Disney movie is a cheesy, beloved Irish-American classic starring (according to Wikipedia)… Sean Connery?! Woah. In my defense, in the 90s if your family didn’t have the VHS tape of a movie or it didn’t air on a station you got, you just didn’t see it. I’m rectifying that now, so please don’t disinvite me from the next ceilidh or soda bread baking night.

Set design of Irish movies from the 1940s-1970s is the main reason for a lot of lingering Irish stereotypes. Namely, that it’s always vaguely the 1800s with thatch roofs and dirty stucco walls and like … spinning wheels and butter churns and shawls everywhere.

Is the old lady, The Widow Sugrue,  the same old lady from The Wedding Singer? I know it’s impossible but one has to wonder.

It’s not.

If you’re playing Irish Movie Bingo, fill in your square for Pretty Young Lass Needs A Husband

It takes me about 3 minutes to get into the mode where I understand what anybody is saying. It’s not because I’m not used to Irish accents. It’s because these aren’t Irish accents (Katie’s is often OK. Widow Sugrue’s reminds me of elementary school plays where you didn’t know how to do the accent you were supposed to do so you just talked weird).

It’s called Darby O’Gill and The Little People, and for whatever reason I assumed Darby would be a leprechaun too. Nope. Just a guy.

If you’re playing Irish Movie Bingo, fill in your square for Group Of Men Telling Legends In A Pub.

The special effects of Darby talking to leprechaun King Brian are surprisingly very good. Sometimes I think modern CGI makes things look more fake than old-school camera tricks.

The image links to an explanation of some of the *movie magic.* I’m duly impressed.

It also reminds me of the parts of Mr. Rogers when take the trolley to the Land of Puppetville or whatever that was.

If you’re playing Irish Movie Bingo, fill in your square for Village Priest Solving A Financial Problem.

Young Sean Connery could get it.

By the way, Sean Connery is one of those people who’s never been young. He’s 29 here and his face is care-worn and weathered.

Everyone’s sideburns are huge. Little House on the Prairie sideburns.

If you’re playing Irish Movie Bingo, fill in your square for Woman Leans Out A Half-Door.

If you’re playing Irish Movie Bingo, fill in your square for Old Man Plays The Fiddle.

These leprechauns have the best outfits. They’re total Keebler Elf getups.

I’d live inside this Leprechaun Ceilidh. It’s like the Trolls hideout without all the LSD, or Munchkinland without the specter of murder. Yet, anyway.

So many dorky Irish in-references: Brian Boru, the harp that once thro Tara’s halls, a tribe of people cowering away from direct sunlight (no? Just me?).

When Darby plays his fiddle really fast and the leprechauns start dancing crazy, you could forget what I said about “without all the LSD” before. This is trippy.

If you’re playing Irish Movie Bingo, fill in your square for Somebody Gets Someone Drunk In Order To Trick Them.

Always been a sucker for a cat vs leprechaun sequence. Another triumph for old-school special effects.

All these songs sound the same. Bless Janet Munro and Sean Connery. They’re trying so hard to have Irish accents in their scenes together. Sean Connery has natural 21st Century American Invisalign Teeth. Janet Munro, an English actress, definitely looks Irish.

Darby would be a cute name for a dog, right?

Darby, requesting whisky: The best in the house!

Barmaid: [look of shock and fear, because best in the house means things are SERIOUS. Also because Darby gives the drink to a man inside his rucksack.]

I start laughing out loud when Katie starts singing in a drippy voice while preening her weird short bangs and suddenly I can’t stop laughing.

Keep expecting this to turn into an SNL sketch where King Brian is really gross or filthy.

If you’re playing Irish Movie Bingo, fill in your square for Woman Gets Offended When Man Loves Her.

The banshee looks like you’re meant to be looking at it through special glasses.

“29. Sean Connery is TWENTY NINE” – me, out loud, trying to convince myself that Very Adult Man Sean Connery isn’t even 30 here.

The ghostly horse and carriage is actually spooky in a laser light show at the planetarium kind of way. If I saw this as a kid I’d be unnerved.

By the way, the headless horseman doesn’t really have an Irish accent, either.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I laugh every time they sing that stupid song.

If you’re playing Irish Movie Bingo, fill in your square for Characters Drive Away In A Horse-Drawn Cart.

The bottom line: I enjoy old movies, and this was an enjoyable old movie. The underlying question with our Pop Culture Blind Spot posts is whether cult favorites are good of their own accord, or if you have to have some sort of earlier sentimental connection to them to really love them.  I could see being really into Darby O’Gill And The Little People if I had loved it as a kid, and seeing at is an adult I have a healthy appreciation for the old-school special effects and the imaginative story. It actually made me realize, in comparison, how much more I liked last year’s St. Patrick’s Day Pop Culture Blind Spot, The Quiet Man. In the battle between Rugged Men Who Aren’t Irish Playing Rugged Men Who Are, Sean Connery vs John Wayne, John Wayne takes this round.

Pop Culture Blind Spot: The Sandlot

Before you say anything, I KNOW. I KNOW I KNOW I KNOW.

In my defense, I think I actually have seen The Sandlot, but wasn’t paying attention because I don’t really remember anything about it. And I’m three decades old. I also confused all the 90s baseball movies (Little League Angels of the Year and the Rookie in the Outfield of Dreams) together, so it bears some refreshing. Plus it’s coming off Netflix streaming and I thought I’d watch it (again?).

Knowledge of this film:

Baseball with kids. A backyard. Something about ‘You’re kiddin’ me Smalls’.

Actual IMDb description:

A new kid in town is taken under the wing of a young baseball prodigy and his team in this coming of age movie set in the summer of 1962. Together, they get themselves into many adventures involving rival teams, lifeguards, and a vicious dog.

*I did not remember this was set in 1962.

Question I always ask before talking about one of those 90s baseball movies: Is this the one Scott Patterson (Luke Danes) is in?

Answer: No. He was in Little Big League.

little big league scott

HOLY SMOKES I G2G WATCH THIS BRB

Denis Leary is in this? And James Earl Jones?

Mike Vitar plays main character Benny ‘The Jet’ Rodriguez, and in the back of my mind I knew the name sounded familiar, but he hasn’t acted since 1997. Why did I know his name when this movie has no relevance to me? Oh, because I legit wrote about him being arrested for assault.

Mike quit acting and became an LA firefighter, and last Halloween, he and two other off-duty firefighters allegedly beat up a man. They all plead not guilty in January, but it’s unclear what the verdict if there has been one yet. Yikes.

This movie takes place in the San Fernando Valley aka “The Valley” aka where I live!! …It was all filmed in Utah.

In my head, “The Sandlot” was someone’s backyard and it was next to a crochety old lady like Ellen Burstyn in The Baby-Sitters Club movie.

“Don’t be a goofus!” Scotty Smalls but also my new motto in life.

Scotty ends up in the far outfield in The Sandlot, but when the ball comes flying towards him, he misses it. To make matters worse, it lands right next to the fence with the Cujo-type dog barking and when he throws it back to the pitcher… well, he doesn’t and all the boys laugh at him. At 9 years old, I would’ve found this funny. As a 30 year old, I call this bullying. #Adulting.

We’re eight minutes in, and Scotty has used the phrase “got into the biggest pickle” twice already. Take a shot.

Mom: Honey, I want you to make some friends this summer, lots of them.

Smalls: Yeah, I know. But I’m not good at anything, mom. Face it, I’m just an egghead.

SMALLS IS SO ADORABLE I JUST WANT TO EMBRACE HIM. He also keeps hesitating on what to call his stepdad (Denis Leary) either Bill or Dad and it’s 2QT. I hope BillDad is a good guy. At least he agrees to play catch with Smalls. Except he ends up with a black eye.

Denis Leary looks perfect for the 1960s here

Benny shows up at Smalls’ door and invites him to play ball this is the MOST TENDER.

The kid who’s in The Big Green is in all the 90s sports movies, no? His name is also Hamilton and they all call him ‘Ham’. There’s an opportunity for a crossover here. I just don’t know what it is yet.

SQUINTS: No you don’t. It’s stupid, Benny. The kid’s an L-7 weenie. <<< What does this mean.

Benny has the patience of a saint. After Smalls couldn’t catch the ball, he hits the ball directly at Smalls and tells him not to move and just keep his arm up. And then later:

Benny: You got a fireplace?

Smalls: Yeah, why?

Benny: Throw that hat in there, man. (I KNEW HE WAS GOING TO SAY THAT)

Smalls: Oh, yeah. You know, it was the only one I had.

Benny: Not anymore. Wear my old hat.

What a dream. He is a hero among boys. We all need a Benny in our lives.

“You’re killin’ me Smalls” is in reference to him not knowing what a s’more is? THIS SENTENCE IS JUSTIFIED. I know he’s from out of state but s’mores are an American (??) institution.

Basically this Cujo junkyard is described as a “true killing machine” per this Are you Afraid of the Dark? story from Squints.  Is the neighbor going to turn out to be a really nice dude IRL?

Wendy Peppercorn (IT’S Peffercorn NOT Peppercorn!?!?) slow walks through the town to The Drifters’ There Goes My Baby and I remember this is set in the 1960s. Also, Wendy is the typical babe who is probs 15 and inapprop

“Aw, Squints was pervin’ a dish.” AKA Squints was checking out Wendy Peffercorn?!

Ham also used the word “pop” for “soda”, which is not a think Californians say colloquially.

Squints pretends to drown in order to have Lifeguard Wendy save his life. I really hope kids didn’t try this at home.

This movie is rated PG and they used the word “shit”. Is that a thing? That must be a thing.

“On the 4th of July, the whole sky would brighten up with fireworks, giving us just enough light for a game. We played our best then because, I guess, we all felt like the big leaguers under the lights of some great stadium. Benny felt like that all the time. We all knew he was gonna go on to bigger and better games, because every time we stopped to watch the sky on those nights like regular kids, he was there to call us back. You see, for us, baseball was a game. But for Benjamin Franklin Rodriguez, baseball was life.” Narrator Smalls says, as the boys watch the slow motion fireworks in the night sky with awe. That is some good *shit*.

“You make your Wheaties with your mama’s toe jam!” LOL WHAT, HAM?

HAM IS A BULLY AS THE CATCHER BUT IT IS HILARIOUS. HE’S LIKE HAMILTON IRL

Benny treats the team to a free ride at the carnival. Seriously, what a dream.

Uh oh. One of them brings chewing tabacco. This isn’t going to end well. It’s so gross I can’t even watch it.

First of all, “Tequila” is playing LOL Second of all they go on a spinning tilt-a-whirl type thing and they all vom. On the other riders.

Minute 53 – Narrator Smalls says “pickle”. Take a shot.

Ohhhh no. The boys are in need of a ball after Benny lit’rally smashes it into bits. Smalls saves the day by grabbing the (Babe Ruth) ball from BillDad’s office. Prediction: it flies into the Cujo junkyard and he has to go get it.

Bertram: “Maybe the shock of his first homer was just too much for him” LOL this is a great line coming from a 5th grader.

The ball flies into the Cujo junkyard and Smalls has to go get it.

Cujo’s paw is out of CONTROL.

The boys devise a plan to fake Babe Ruth’s autograph on a separate ball to put in BillDad’s trophy case while they try to get the real one back, and it’s a real case in support of teaching kids cursive in elementary school.

Squints: She ain’t gonna buy that, Benny. It doesn’t look anything like the Babe’s signature.

Benny: It doesn’t matter what it looks like. His mom’s never gonna know the difference. This’ll just buy us some time, ya dorks!

Cujo’s being a real bitch not letting them have this ball back. What’s he gonna do, sell it on eBay? Or whatever it was in the 1960s? A… yard sale?

The dudes actually come up with a pretty ingenius plan involving three vacuums and a catcher’s mitt. That is until it blows up the tree house. Anyways, that didn’t get the ball back either.

“We’ve been going about this all wrong. I blame myself.” These kids, I tell ya.

CUJO IS HUGE-O.  Also he may or may not have rabies.

I can see why this movie was popular with kids aka my generation growing up, particularly with the scenes in which they come up with different ways to get the ball. From the vacuums to an aerial attack using a lever/pulley situation and military style robot they create, it shows creativity while making you sit on the edge of your seat

Hologram Babe Ruth shows up to tell Benny to just go over the fence and get the ball back. He is played by the diner owner in that one Boy Meets World episode where Shawn attempts to run away after his dad dies.

Babe Ruth says “pickle”. Take a shot.

Benny saves the day by jumping over and grabbing the (now mangled?) ball. Except Cujo breaks free from his chain and begins chasing Benny through the streets. Cujo even breaks through a glass window, in a movie theater, through a Founder’s Day festival and underneath Uncle Sam just to follow Benny. This is exhausting.

They end up back in The Sandlot and the fence falls on Cujo, but Smalls, being the good kid that he is, attempts to lift the fence off Cujo, and only Benny helps.

Why does Cujo look like it’s a CGI dog?

Cujo has been secretly hoarding their baseballs! And the owner of the junkyard is a blind James Earl Jones!

They all gang up on Squints because James Earl Jones says he would’ve just gotten it for them if they knocked and didn’t believe the stupid urban myth.

JEJ calls Babe Ruth “George”, so obviously he knows him. He offers to trade Smalls and Benny a ball signed by the 1927 Yankees. Wait IS he blind?? Or going blind?

You guys come by here once a week and talk baseball with me and we’ll call it a deal.

Thank GOD Denis Leary is a nice guy in this.

So we get an epilogue of sorts telling us where each kid ended up, and each one slowly disappears. It’s making me tear up a little? Bertram got really into the 60s and no one ever saw him again (lol), the twins invented mini mall Squints married Wendy Peffercorn?! AND HAD NINE KIDS?!

BENNY PLAYS FOR THE DODGERS NOOOO AND SMALLS IS A COMMENTATOR WEARING THE OLD HAT AND I’M CRYING I WAS NOT EXPECTING THIS I’M OLD AND UNDERSTAND THE VALUE OF TIME

When one guy would move away,
we never replaced him on the team with anyone else.
We just kept the game going like he was still there.

Well, that final scene made it for me. I get it, you guys. I get it now.

Pop Culture Blind Spot: Flashdance

Despite being alive in the late 1980s, there are a bunch of movies from this decade that I am totally blind to – Dirty Dancing, Ghost, Top Gun, all of which I’ve since seen. Flashdance is one of them.

This movie was released on April 15, 1983, which makes it nearly 33 years old and three years older than me, so this should be a nice FLASHback to the 80s. Although since we’re deep into Cheers, it shouldn’t be that much of a shock.

Knowledge of this film:

Not Jennifer Grey but rather Jennifer Beals is a dancer and she pours a bucket of water on her person. Also, that What a Feeling song.

Actual IMDb description:

A Pittsburgh woman with two jobs as a welder and an exotic dancer wants to get into ballet school.

SHE’S A STRIPPER?!?!?!?! WHO WANTS TO GET INTO BALLET SCHOOL?? LIT’RALLY NO IDEA.

The title scrolls across the screen like a screensaver from Windows 95. There was a similar title card in The Bodyguard, was this just a thing then??

So Jennifer Beals a legit welder? In the 80s was this a common job for women? Or was it just in Pittsburgh because… steel?

If Irene Cara’s What a Feeling *now I’m dancing for my life* music wasn’t playing throughout these opening credits I would think this is a horror movie with all the shots of coal and people welding in the dark.

Ok, Jennifer Beals is a stripper but have any of her male co-workers been to her strip club because I feel like that would be an awkward conversation the next morning in the locker room.

Ah yes, the iconic water scene. She’s actually a good dancer. Especially since she’s dancing on water. I would’ve broken half my bones at this point.

Oh is she an exotic dancer in who doesn’t strip?

Well the guy who just walked in knows her social security number and tells his pal that she works for him. So there’s that.

Richie, the cook at the bar/strip club, wants to get out of Pittsburgh and move to Los Angeles, but a guy (who I’m assuming is the big boss) tells him, “They don’t let short people into Hollywood.” I CAN BUST THIS MYTH RIGHT NOW.

“This place is so small you have to go outside to change your mind.” – Richie, A short-order cook who’s definitely going to make it as a comic in LA.

Nick looks like a typical “hunk” from the 1980s. Like Tom Selleck or Dustin Diamond.

She’s holding a Pepsi that is an old school metal can and besides the big hair it’s one of the props that makes it obvious it’s the 1980s.

She’s a Maniac is from this movie? What is this weird lunging she’s doing? I’ve obviously seen this running in place move but she’s not even dancing she’s doing weird warm-ups.

Jennifer Beals – do we even know her character’s name yet it’s Alex – enters a dance school where the hallways are lined with leotard and tight-wearing ballet dancers and it’s like Save the Last Dance all over again.

Is this secretary related to Meryl Streep?

Tom Selleck is hitting on Jennifer Beals and just wants to get a snack with her. Get a freaking snack with him Alex.

Alex has a QT old grandma.

She also has a priest she goes to to confess. Gotta get that coveted Catholic demographic in the theater.

Some dude who’s trying to get people to watch the exotic dancers just used the word “cunts”, so he is problematic.

There is a workout montage set to the tune of I Love Rock and Roll and it is the MOST 80s thing I’ve seen.

There are two pop-locking/breakdancing kids (?) in the street and they are my favorites so far.

I realized there have been two dancing scenes sans dialogue (a skating rink and crossing guard) in a row and I think it’s because Alex is attempting to pick up new dance moves from the literal streets? IS THIS NOT SAVE THE LAST DANCE?

Richie is doing his stand-up act at the bar and no one is laughing. BLESS. The joke that makes everyone laugh: “I’m just a cook. This is my big break. If you don’t laugh then I’m gonna put cockroaches in your hamburgers!”

But really, this club is not a strip club no one has gotten naked. Do these clubs still exist? It’s like Chippendales but more clothes (remind me to tell you about my recent experience at Chippendales).

The dude with the offensive language, whose name is apparently Johnny, tries to grab Alex and get her to go with him to “drink wine and smoke some weed” and I hate him. He also beat up Richie, so he’s the worst.

Nick Selleck comes out of the literal shadows to save Alex and instead of getting a ride home from him, she decides to bike home in the dark. Come on Alex, Selleck isn’t going to do anything to you (he drives behind her the whole time for safety).

Alex has a friend named Jeanie who is a competitive ice skater and it makes me yearn for the Olympics/The Cutting Edge movie. JEANIE FELL. SHE FELL AGAIN. THOSE DAMN TRIPLE AXELS. Her dreams are shattered.

Alex and Nick are on a date and she takes him back to her place (an old warehouse?) to eat pizza. BOW CHICKA WOW WOW.

She changed into a sweatshirt and took off her bra in front of him. This is their first date. And it doesn’t matter because they slept together. Their next date is literally walking down a railroad track which leads to a landfill of steel. Guys, just because you work as welders doesn’t mean you have to make your dates themed as such too.

WHAT IN THE FRESH HELL IS THIS I CAN’T STOP LAUGHING IT’S LIKE A 1980S GEISHA DURING A DREAM SEQUENCE OF HOW PEOPLE FROM THE 80S PICTURED THE FUTURE. OMG LITERALLY THIS SONG IS CALLED IMAGINATION AND HAS THE WORDS “FANTASY” IN IT

“Do you know how to do the horizontal mambo” Asshole dude GTFO

Whooaaa Alex just threw stones through Nick’s window in anger but I missed why she is so upset.

Richie is leaving for LA to go for his dreams as a stand-up coming and I am truly sad to see him go but happy he’s

Oh Alex saw Nick with some blonde chick at a dance benefit, who turned out to be his ex-wife.

“I broke your fucking window!… Go fuck your blonde!” I LOVE ALEX

LOL at all the other welders cheering them on from the peanut gallery

Yo Alex is serving in this tuxedo look.

Nick’s ex-wife LOL she looks like a Scandinavian socialite.

What’s happening here? Is it Halloween? It’s Halloween. There’s a free for all on the stage.

Alex applied for an audition to the dance conservatory and she got in!

Alex realizes Nick made a phone call to get her the audition, which she obviously didn’t want because she is a strong, independent lady of the 1980s who doesn’t need any GD help from any man.

Oh finally a strip club with actual stripping. It’s like everyone hates their lives here. Apparently Jeannie ditched being an ice skater and decided to only be a real stripper.

HAHA Alex straight up pulls Jeannie from the stage as she’s stripping. AND Asshole guy comes out of nowhere to tell her to not take Jeannie away and Alex pushes him away. It is great.

“When you give up on a dream, you die.” Nick Selleck says to Alex, and Alex realizing she could end up like Jeannie as a real stripper all at the same time.

Is QT grandma not actually her grandma? Alex is calling her Hanna. OMG SHE DIED. YESTERDAY. NOOOOOO

But NOW I bet Alex is going to use her pain and suffering to follow through on her promise to QT grandma Hanna to get into the dance school.

In full disclosure, I’m getting hungry and there are 20 minutes left of this movie and I can barely pay attention.

But Alex is back in the Priest’s confessional and crying? She’s sinned, obvs.

Alex is back in her black leotard from when she was lunging for this audition, and  I’m really wondering why type of dance she’s qualifying this as. She’s literally gliding by the judges’ table and pointing at each of them hahahaha Yup, she’s incorporating breakdancing in this audition. And apparently she got in because the next scene was see is her running outside to meet Nick and she’s super happy about it.

So that was fine, I guess. I’d say don’t waste your time on it?

Pop Culture Blind Spot: Leap Year

We got a bonus day yesterday, which apparently means that women are *allowed* to propose to their boyfriends instead of the other way around. It’s a tradition that dates back for centuries, and seems to derive from lore in the U.K. and Ireland. And despite the fact that – GASP – women can propose any damn day they want, there was still a bunch of ladies who got down on one knee yesterday and popped the question. Like this woman I found on Instagram, for example. She not only posted about proposing on the days leading to the big day, but in a video, the big moment seemed… anti-climactic?

While this lady’s proposal wasn’t filled with a lot of fanfare, there is one that could possibly be way more dramatic – Amy Adams in the film Leap Year. I’ve never seen this movie, so what better time than an actual Leap Year to dive right in?

Knowledge of this film:

Amy Adams falling in love with some guy who’s British. On February 29th? Andddd I’m out.

Actual IMDb description:

Anna Brady plans to travel to Dublin, Ireland to propose marriage to her boyfriend Jeremy on Leap Day, because, according to Irish tradition, a man who receives a marriage proposal on a leap day must accept it.

…. I was close. Moving on.

THIS TAKES PLACE IN BOSTON????? I NEED THERE TO BE A HORRIBLE FAKE ACCENT (odds are yes).

ADAM SCOTT IS IN THIS?? GUYS IT’S BEEN ONE MINUTE AND I’VE LEARNED SO MUCH.

Photo Feb 29, 10 22 16 PM

So Amy/Anna’s job is a realtor? Luxury type? No, she “stages” apartments. When people are selling their place, she basically set dresses the home to make it more sellable. There’s a job for this??

“We’ve got an 8:00 rezz…” Adam Scott, but also channelling Tom Haverford. I just realized he must have filmed this on a break from Parks? Or just before Parks?

John Lithgow is Amy Adams’ father??? Honestly, who else is going to pop up in this movie?

Photo Feb 29, 10 24 43 PM

Anna thinks her BF/Adam Scott is going to propose to her at this fancy dinner – reminder that this is not how you propose.

Turns out Adam presented her with a box of diamond earrings. Bummer.

He gets a call during dinner about an aorta emergency (he’s a cardiologist) and he has to leave… but also leaves her with the check??? And he’s leaving straight from the hospital to Dublin for a cardiologist conference. So, um, peace out?

Photo Feb 29, 10 25 56 PM

In Ireland tradition a woman can propose to a man every four years “That’s ridiculous” says Anna. ALSO SAYS TRACI. This movie was made in 2010, and I feel like women empowerment, feminism, etc. has made great strides since then, which makes me think this movie might not fly in 2016? Not like this was a big blockbuster six years ago, but I’m just saying a lot more people would speak up and argue how dumb this idea of chasing after a man just to propose to him on the one day where roles are reverse is stupid.

Also, they really should’ve released this movie on a leap year.

“I may have underestimated the storm just a little bit.” – the captain piloting a plane through horribly turbulence says as the oxygen masks fall from overhead.

They have to land in Wales due to the weather, which means Anna is in quite a pickle with her proposal plan.

Why did Anna wear heels on the plane? She’s dressed like she’s going to a business interview.

She is The Perfect Storm-ing it and it’s utterly ridiculous.

Photo Feb 29, 10 30 35 PM

WELL. This is why you don’t wear heels on the plane.

Photo Feb 29, 10 31 07 PMAnna ends up at a bar in… Dingle? She asks around for a taxi to drive her to Dublin, but surprise, surprise S.O.L. She has to spend the night at the small town’s inn, which happens to be upstairs and Matthew Goode is the bartender/innkeeper?

She is out of juice on her *Blackberry*, but the only place to plug it in is underneath the bed. She can’t reach it, and tries to move the bed, which leads to breaking the drapes, and knocking over a dresser and lamp. Then when she does plug in her phone, it sparks because OBVIOUSLY and she manages to cause a blackout in the inn and throughout the entire town. This is why people hate Americans.

Matthew Goode is v tall and has to duck his head when going through all the doorways.

His character is also kind of grumpy and crochety, which is the exact opposite of all the people I met when I was in a small town in Ireland. Back when I was studying abroad in college, my friends and I took a weekend trip to Ireland. We went to the Cliffs of Moher and a small town near that called Doolin, where my friend’s best friend’s family is from. We spent part of St. Patrick’s Day in this small town, and this town center reminds me of Doolin and I have all the nostalgic feels rn.

Photo Feb 29, 11 34 33 PM

“It’s a Vuitton.” Anna

“…what??” Matthew Goode LOL

Anna tells Matthew Goode (whose name is Declan, because the writers wanted to make sure you knew they were in Ireland) about her #LeapYearProposal and he thinks it’s the dumbest thing he’s ever heard. I’m with him on this one.

“What are you, the Lucky Charms leprechaun?” SICK BURN, ANNA.

God this is so picturesque and gorgeous it makes me want to go backkkk 😦

Photo Feb 29, 10 36 39 PM

Declan has been eating in 90% of his scenes so far. He’s like the Rusty Ryan of Ireland.

Anna accidentally makes their car roll back and off a cliff into some kind of marsh and what in the fresh hell. Is she supposed to be this clumsy?

Sans car, she decides to star walking with her Vuitton suitcase. A van passes by and he basically steals her suitcase and drives away. Also there were weirdos in the blacked out back. Declan warned her.

Photo Feb 29, 10 37 26 PM

Whyyyyy is she still wearing heels?

Anna and Declan end up at the same bar as the dudes who stole her suitcase, and they’re creepily going through her shit, including her underwear? Declan starts a fight and comes to her rescue which means they’re going to fall in love.

Declan’s been calling Anna “Bob”, which she now finds out means “Cash/Money”. Again, SICK BURN.

She finally gets a train ticket to Dublin, but still has two hours to kill, so she and Declan go to visit a castle, because Ireland is awesome and there’s one around every corner. He tells her the story and his fake Irish accent is so good that I can only make out half of the legend. Something about this Romeo & Juliet type couple that consummated their relationship at the castle. Who knows.

Um it looks like they’re standing in front of a green screen??

Photo Feb 29, 10 38 58 PM

It’s starts downpouring yet again and Anna slides down a giant hill. She’s really not doing well in Ireland.

Oh no she missed the train. I’m actually a little sad for her.

The cute old dude working at the train station is v sympathetic and brings them to his house in Tipperary, where him and his wife are super against couples sleeping in the same room if they’re not married, so they have to pretend they’re Mr. and Mrs. O’Brady-Callaghan.

When did Declan say Heads I win, Tails you lose. JOEY?

Yo Declan straight up beheaded a chicken with one swift motion. It’s disturbing (they don’t show it on screen), but Anna is also taken aback and says, “You just surprised me. You keep doing that.” They are faLLING IN LOVe.

“Always kiss like it’s the first time and the last time” says the random dinner guest who’s making out with his wife too much at the dinner table.

Of course old train guy then forces Anna and Declan to kiss. He very forcefully starts chanting “KISS THE GIRL” and even slams his hand on the table. This is borderline abuse mixed with uncomfortable arousal from the old dude (They give in anyways).

BTW, Declan is charging Anna for this entire excursion, and they’re currently at 675 Euros for 2 days of travelling. Prediction: she dumps Jeremy and Declan’s final line is something like, “You still owe me”.

IDK if it’s because of the Perfect Storm ref or this scene where they’re sharing a bed or both of them pretending to hate each other when clearly they’re into each other, but these two remind me of Pacey + Joey.Photo Feb 29, 11 22 15 PM

Declan overhears Anna talking to Jeremy on the phone and he is clearly jealous. He takes his homemade Irish breakfast and goes to sulk in the pantry. Reminder: Anna and Jeremy – still a couple.

“Never start a journey on a Sunday or a full moon,” says an old Irish man. Earlier someone brought up the bad luck of a black cat crossing. I was not aware this country had so many superstitions.

It starts violently hailing and they find refuge in a building which turns out to be a wedding, and Declan accidentally yells out “JESUS CHRIST!” but Anna immediate saves him and says, “-is Lord!” Truly great teamwork, kids.

The priest invites them to attend this wedding, and at the ceremony, we find out Declan used to be married. So there’s the romantic comedy secret he’s been hiding.

The blue lights at this reception are similar to the ones at the restaurant in Boston where Jeremy gave her the earrings – I don’t know whether this is supposed to be a juxtaposition or not because is this the type of movie that would do that?

Photo Feb 29, 11 01 25 PM

Someone starts spinning Anna and her HIGH HEEL accidentally falls off and flies right into the bride’s forehead, leaving her with a nasty mark. Then she accidentally spills wine on the bride’s dress. Why is this her character trait?? Amy Adams is too classy to be clumsy (name of my debut album).

Gah this is so pretty!

Photo Feb 29, 11 03 07 PMThey’re sharing a tender moment and it looks like she’s about to kiss him and it turns into vomit. Because she’s drunk from the open bar, not because she suddenly has a stomach bug.

For a brief moment Declan thinks Anna straight up left him and went on the bus to Dublin without saying goodbye and he is extremely bummed. She actually went to get them coffee, and in that moment she realizes he cares for her and it’s really sweet and I am INTO IT.

They finally make it to Dublin and it turns out his ex lives there with the guy she cheated on him with, who happens to be his friend. Rough times. Earlier, Declan asked Anna what she would grab if there was a fire, knowing her answer would be something of great monetary value (you know, because he calls her Bob). His answer is that he would (if he could) take the claddaugh ring that used to be long to his mom. The only caveat is that he gave it to his ex Kaleigh and he doesn’t have it anymore. I’m guessing this is going to come back into play later?

She offers him the cash she owes him and he only wants to take the quarter (heads I win, tails you lose).

I love you Adam Scott, but you are such a good villain/douche and he’s not even trying to be in this one!

OH Jeremy proposes to Anna right in the middle of this hotel lobby and she looks up to get Declan’s confirmation and he’s gone.

ACTUALLY this reminds me of Once. Except this movie probably has a happier/more satisfying ending.

Declan meets Kaleigh – hopefully to get the ring back? OMG is he going to fly to Boston and propose to Anna with the ring??

Apparently Declan’s bar was in danger of being closed if they didn’t raise enough money but the local barflys all pitched in and saved it? That was a random plot (unless I missed it).

Ok so in the beginning, Anna and Jeremy apply for a fancy apartment at “The Davenport”, and while they’re in Ireland (but still separated), Jeremy tells Anna they got the news they got the apartment. Flash forward to Jeremy back in Boston where they’re throwing a housewarming party in their new digs, and he’s explaining to their friends that one of the folks on the board frowned upon couples who are not married living together (callback to the lovely Irish train dude who made Anna and Declan kiss). So basically Jeremy only proposed to get the apartment?!?

Photo Feb 29, 11 07 05 PM

Anna is astonished that Jeremy did this, so after some cinematic stares over their palatial home, she pulls the trigger on the fire alarm to see what Jeremy would take (if there’s a fire, etc. etc.). He immediately tells Anna to grab “laptops, camera, whatever” and lit’rally says, “I got the video camera – I still haven’t put the proposal up on Facebook, so I’ll do that later.” And she peaces out.

Cut to Ireland and Declan’s running a bustling restaurant – how much time has passed? Is it still Leap Day? Is SHE going to propose??

Anna’s dressed like she got her dress at a knock-off Anthropologie circa 2003 and her hair even has one of those zig zag headbands from 8th grade.

Photo Feb 29, 11 40 29 PM

“Here is my proposal: I propose we not make plans. I propose we give this thing a chance and let it work out how it works out. So what do you say? Do you wanna not make plans with me?”

Um I love this. It’s reminiscent the “I’m just a girl…” line from Notting Hill. Anna basically is like, “I’m a notorious planner, but this one time I don’t want to do any of that shit and see how it works out. In front of his whole restaurant.” Appresh.

And his answer: walks out and closes a door. Awk sauceee.

“I guess that’s an Irish no.” Anna

She goes to the cliffs and you hear Declan come out of nowhere to say, “Mrs. O’Bradycallaghan. Where the hell are you going?” MRS. O’BRADYCALLAGHAN I AM INTO THIS SO HARD.

WELL WELL WELL HE PULLS OUT THE CLADDAGH RING and says, “I reject your proposal and I don’t wanna not make plans with you. I want to make plans with you.”

Ugh propose to me on these cliffs

THIS IS RIDICULOUS THEY BARELY KNOW EACH OTHER THOUGH THIS IS LEGIT THE SECOND TIME THEY’VE EVEN KISSED. JUST GET TOGETHER AND SCREW THIS MARRIAGE PROPOSAL

“It’s gonna cost you.” Declan

“Put it on my bill.” Anna

I WROTE THIS MOVIE, IT’S FINE.

“It’s good luck to get engaged on a Sunday.” Full. Circle.

Pop Culture Blind Spots: The Bodyguard

Tomorrow, February 11th, will mark the four-year anniversary of Whitney Houston’s passing. And while her death was tragic and it’s certainly sad that we’ll never get to enjoy her sing live again, we’ll always have the tremendous career she left behind so we can never forget her legacy. Among the great projects she left behind is The Bodyguard, a movie that came out in 1992, when I was six years old. Somehow I was never introduced to it growing up, and hence became a pop culture blind spot for me – until recently. Join me as I experience one of Whit’s most beloved roles and unexpectedly fangirl over the pairing of Whitney and Kevin Costner.

Knowledge of this film:

  • Whitney Houston
  • Kevin Costner
  • Kevin is Whitney’s bodyguard
  • I Will Always Love You
  • Someone gets shot
  • Kevin carries Whit somewhere

Is there a reason this font is so big or is it just “1992”?

Photo Feb 09, 1 16 25 AM

If Kevin Costner is a bodyguard, why is he shooting randos in a sketchy garage? I have questions already. It’s the first scene.

Kevin Costner eats his dinner out of a pot with a wooden spoon like a savage. He’s also setting up to be a classic tale of man who *cue movie trailer guy* “has the perfect job but the one thing missing from his life – is love”

Had no idea Whit’s name was Rachel.

Kev is just too cool for school. He’s sitting in his backyard, wearing his hoodie and Ray Bans and throwing knives at a wooden pole. Dare to dream.

#goals

This movie was made in 1992 and the cars looks straight out of 1989. Ok, I guess not that much older.

Rachel’s mansion looks like The Great Gatsby’s house (Leo DiCap version).

Photo Feb 09, 11 24 02 PM

Rachel’s intercom isn’t working but Frank is let in anyways – like obviously she needs Frank because security is in poor form already. She’s a celebrity – she needs her intercom to be working.

Rachel’s apparently filming a music video inside her house, which, I mean, why??? That’s what studios are for.

As she sits in a chair watching the dancers rehearse, it’s immediately sad knowing that this film is some kind of weird hyper reality for Whit, and makes me really sad. But then – Frank and Rachel meet for the first time:

Photo Feb 09, 1 26 18 AM

AND I’M ALREADY SHIPPING IT THEY HAVE SO MUCH CHEMISTRY

The only other movie I saw Whit act in was Cinderella, and that’s a much more lighthearted movie than this. In The Bodyguard, she’s showing off her dramatic talents – that I’ve never witnessed before – and I’m so impressed with her skills already.

Whoever this cute kid with the boat is is the MOST adorable. I think it’s Rachel’s son? AND ALSO HE’S VERY HOT NOW. HBM STATUS TO THE MAX

Photo Feb 09, 11 37 23 PM

Rachel has been receiving death threats via mail. This is probably why Frank got hired in the first place.

“Reagan got shot.”
“Not on my shift.” Frank Farmer, Bodyguard to the stars.

Some creep broke in and masturbated on the bed???? Honestly what is wrong with her team for not taking more security precautions earlier. ALSO, I don’t trust Sy. He’s troublesome. I don’t trust any of these folks.

THIS IS SOME PLL -A SHIT RIGHT HERE

Photo Feb 09, 11 26 38 PM

Henry is holding a Koosh ball. I guess it is 1992.

They’re installing better security for her house (e.g. an intercom that works, a gate, cameras etc.) but like why hasn’t this happened sooner I don’t understand.

Who is Boat Kid’s baby daddy?? BTW Boat Kid’s name is Fletcher, but Boat Kid is much better.

Nicki, Rachel’s sister, used to be a duo act with Rach, but stepped aside to let her be a star. Is it Selena (y los Dinos) situation?

Again, Rach’s team has been receiving *ransom notes* but a) they’ve been hiding it from Rach b) they haven’t sent it to the police until now?

Ok, I should know this but is The Bodyguard soundtrack just all Whit songs? (the answer is yes, it’s amazing).

Some car followed Rachel’s limo but none of Rach’s people except Kev noticed – again, how? Her entire team sucks. Prediction: it will be her downfall.

There was an intense car chase and Frank legit jumped off a cliff and rolled onto pavement. Action hero shit.

There’s a dog that belongs to someone who lives in this house but doesn’t move at all. I feel like he’s going to become integral to saving someone’s life later on.

“Tuesday morning brunch? Where’d you get this guy, Bill?” Sy, you’re a douche.

Why does it look like Rachel is shopping in a thrift store? She’s trying on clothes behind a curtain that doesn’t go all the way up.

“Never mix business with pleasure” Rachel foreshadowing them gettin it onnnnnn

Why is Frank sitting in the dark and watching a Rachel Marron music video? Maybe he’s doing research on his client?

Oh yes, another thing I know about this movie is Whit’s hood costume. Legit is this Pretty Little Liars?

Photo Feb 09, 11 38 17 PM

Frank gives Rachel a secret cross item that will signal her being in trouble. She will use this, no doubt. In this scene and probably again later.

There are so many people waiting for Rachel at this club, like surrounding the entrance. *RANT ON HOW CELEBRITY IS DIFFERENT THAN IT WAS IN 1992*

I am so annoyed with these fans surrounding her dressing room door. This looks like that Rockumentary episode of Saved by the Bell where Casey Kasem does a fake rock doc of the gang’s band, who have a total of two hits and are the biggest act in the world.

Frank tries to stop Rachel from performing, and he has a point. It’s probably because of the world we live in today, but with Rachel out on stage with a lot of fans in the audience, I’m expecting someone to just shoot her. Horrible, I know, but seriously.

How has she been wearing this outfit under the cape? The entire time?

Rach gets crowd surfed and it’s like, I mean Frank warned you. But also these fans are insane. Get a fucking grip.

Aw Frank is so tender with Rach. He just wants her safe, not because it’s his job, but because he’s starting to care for her as a person. I. AM. INTO. IT.

Rachel: Aren’t you going to ask me why I behave like that?

Frank: I know why.

Why are you eating an apple like you’re fucking George Washington, Frank?

*not george washington, but you get the idea*

Tony starts a fight with Frank in the kitchen (while he’s still eating an apple) but like, again, why? Because he left him at the club by accident?

FRANK IS LIKE BRUH DONT EVEN TRY TO FUCK W ME AND THROWS A KNIFE BY HIS EAR. IT IS HILARIOUS.

Photo Feb 09, 11 28 01 PM

Whit’s rockin a scrunchie with her jogging suit and I appreciate that. But again, it’s 1992, so it’s par for the course.

Rach is straight up asking Frank out on a date. I respect that.

MAYBE IT’S NICKI.

AGAIN – how the fuck is this stalker getting into Rachel’s house??

OK I TOTALLY CALLED THIS GUY WHEN HE TRIED TO GET IN FRONT OF HER AT THE CONCERT Photo Feb 09, 11 28 53 PM

Rachel:  Well, he didn’t look like he wanted to die to me.
Frank: There’s a big difference between wanting to die and having no fear of death.
They walk down the sidewalk.
Rachel: And because he had no fear of death, he was invincible?
Frank: What do you think?
Rachel: Well, he sure creamed ’em all in the end.

Rach and Frank are on a date and at the Graumann’s Chinese Theater, which is the exact place you DON’T want to be at as a high-profile celeb.

HOLY CRAP THE BODYGUARD IS JUST THE MUSIC VIDEO FOR LUCKY

How are people not noticing Rachel at this bar in Hollywood? Actually I’m assuming it’s in Hollywood, but IDK it could be Reseda (that’s a special niche joke for you LA folk).

Whit’s eyebrows lit’rally on fleek

Photo Feb 09, 11 29 37 PM

Rach’s making a joke about Frank’s ex being killed while he was protecting her. Oh man he’s gonna be so fucked up when she dies (does she die?!?). He was JKing. BUT ALSO FORESHADOWING (no, but is it I have no idea).

Some extra who looks like Randy Quaid just stared down the barrel of the camera and broke the fourth wall it’s absolutely jarring.

Oh man I Will Always Love You is playing while Frank and Rach are slow dancing and OH MY GOD HAVE SEX ALREDAYYY

“So is this a full service date, Frank?” CAN U NOT

Frank’s really got a thing with orange juice. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?

His basement looks like where a stalker would keep his lair dedicated to Rachel.

This is dangerous with the sword. This is how somebody dies.

 

 

 

 

 

Literally exclaimed OH YEAH when they started kissing. I’M INVOLVED NOW.

Frank seems like he’s so into protecting Rachel (see: making her house akin to Fort Knox) but he already broke the rules – he’s been working for her for like a week. And now they’re sleeping together? I mean I’m not complaining. But.

Ugh Frank don’t be rude to Rachel the morning after. He says, “You didn’t do anything. It was me. I involved myself with my client.” You may be working for her but after you’ve had sex, don’t make it sound like prostitution.

Boat Kid (Fletcher) is wearing a windbreaker. Oh to be a 90s kid again.

Rachel got nominated for Best Actress? What movie was she even in?

Police are sweeping the hotel Rachel is staying in, thank God finally they’re taking action.

“Rachel: Quit bitching, Farmer. This is the part you do get paid for.”

SANG WHITNEY. I’M POURING ONE OUT RN.

The top of the hotel is lighting up with Rachel’s name it’s a bit excessive.

Tony sees himself on TV and he’s clearly more interested in fame than the job.

Rach is hitting on Frank’s security guard friend. Out of spite. Come on, you should be better than this.

THIS CHICK:

Frank goes to Rachel’s suite and she’s gone and so is Tony – but they went out shopping. Like fucking tell your people.

The stalker calls Rachel and she thinks its Fletcher and it sounds like:

Rach asks Frank for his help because she realizes the stalker is real. Fucking finally.

I’m watching this with my friend Jennie, and she prefaces the next scenes with “There’s a sub plot coming out of left field” cut to: snow capped mountain.

Frank’s taking her to meet his dad?!!?!?!?!?! Hometown date came quickly. THIS IS SERIOUS.

Oh hey Nicki. Forgot you existed.

“Fletcher can’t swim very well.” *gets in the boat*

Fletcher’s gonna die.

Frank wasn’t with Reagan because he as at his mom’s funeral and THAT’S why he feels guilty.

Frank spends a lot of time drinking and looking out of windows pensively.

Photo Feb 09, 11 30 50 PM

Rachel tugs on the back of Frank’s hot sweater and I WILL GO DOWN WITH THIS SHIP

The dog is the guard for Rachel’s door literally taking place of Tony. lolz

Nicki’s trouble. She kisses Frank and he’s all like no thanks bye. She’s gonna go crazy.

Nicki can’t even have a solo without Rachel coming to harmonize with her.

Frank notices footsteps in the snow that belong to a human and they notice BOAT KID WHO CAN’T SWIM is in the boat by himself and Frank running to fletch to get himo ff them boat but knocks him off HE CAN’T SWIM and after theyre onthe dock THE FUCKING BOAT EXPLODES WHAT EVEn

Photo Feb 09, 11 31 47 PM

“How are we gonna get the boat back?” Who cares about the fucking boat?!?

How did this stalker know they’re in the Cabin in the Woods. It’s an inside job. TONY??? IS TONY FEEDING THE STAKLER INFO???

I feel like Frank’s going to accidentally shoot someone, and that someone is going to be Rachel. I have a lot of theories. Only some of them are plausible.

Armando “arranged” it with Nicki’s help? Nicki paid someone to kill her sister? I forgot who Armando is.

Ugh this is stressful. Nicki GOT SHOT

Frank has to use a phone booth but Sy has a cell phone? I feel like the bodyguard to the star should have priority just incase SOMEONE WITH A GUN TRIES TO KILL HER.

I mean it’s sad that Nicki died but like, also, karma a little?

Frank to Fletcher: “Everybody’s afraid of something, Fletcher. That’s how we know we care about something, when we’re afraid we’ll lose it.”

Apparently Fletcher has since learned how to swim.

Um I hate that I heard the voice of Chris Connelly from MTV and totally called it before seeing his face.

my childhood

TOBY IS IN THIS???? WE WERE JUST TALKING ABOUT CHARLIE IN THE GARDEN

Photo Feb 09, 11 34 07 PM

Tony’s drunk. FUCKING DO YOUR GD JOB TONY

Why does everyone have earrings that weight 10 pounds each

Photo Feb 09, 11 35 00 PM

The girl subbing for Rachel performing I Have Nothing at the Oscars is horrible.

I FEEL STRESSED. SOMETHING IS BOUND TO HAPPEN HERE.

Frank is going to take a bullet for Rachel. I’m saying this now. I cannot. MY HEART IS RACING.

Rachel goes on stage to present an award but she runs off because she thinks the envelope is a threatening letter from her stalker. AGAIN, THE STRESS.

Oh so the creepy stalker guy was just a creepy stalker then??

Rachel blames her paranoia on Frank, because he’s worried she’s about to get killed, but she misplaces her anger on him and gets mad and ughhh

Oh no I’m like physically ill Rachel won for best actress and (another bodyguard) Portman is the hitman and he’s acting as a cameraman. Shit is GOING DOWN.

GUYS I JUST SPENT THE LAST 20 MINUTES CRYING AND NOT TYPING IT’S FINE.

Final thought: *there needs to be more tongue*

 

Pop Culture Blind Spots: Star Wars Episode IV: A New Hope

ZOMG U GUYS IT’S FINALLY STAR WARS DAY CAN YOU EVEN CONTAIN YOUR EXCITEMENT??????????!!!?ASDFGHJKL;

I can.

Back in 2013 when we started these Internet shenanigans, I talked about Pop Culture Blind Spots for the first time. On that list of movies I’ve never seen was Star Wars. Two years later, we’ve not only expanded our resumes to include some of the most beloved films, but as of about a week ago, I am no longer a Star Wars virgin. That’s right kids, I can actually talk about the franchise without pretending to have seen it. Or least I can with the first movie.

I will say that what’s weird in the moments leading up to me watching this for the first time, I realized I’ve acquired some kind of pride, if you can call it that, in having never seen this mega iconic film in pop culture history. In many ways, this is the most blind I’ve ever been in our Pop Culture Blind Spot series. And somehow, there’s a part of me that wants to stay blind. Like, once I go into the galaxy, there’s no going back. I won’t have that badge of (dis?)honor anymore. But alas, as the kids say these days, “DO IT FOR THE VINE BLOG”.

Here we go. (PS: no trolling pls, star wars fans. i’m a n00b so calling me out on my wrongness is not only dumb but a waste of time. kthx)

  • The moment I press play, I say outloud, “I already hate this.” I’m gonna try real hard not to hate watch this.
  • I will say this score is epic. I almost got goosebumps and I have no emotional ties to this. YET.
  • Is this in Arial? Helvetica?Photo Dec 16, 10 43 07 PM
  • I know this movie starts out this way, but ugh, making me read a brief history of this universe before any action takes place is exhausting.
  • What’s a “Galactic Empire”?
  • Princess Leia is the hero going into this?
  • When is this supposed to be taking place? Like in the future? Is that a dumb question?
  • C-3PO is British?? IS R2-D2 British??
  • Oh shit Storm Troopers!! They already have WAAYY better lazer action than The Rocky Horror Picture Show, and it’s only a year later.
  • Oh hey Darth Vader! But like, how did you get on their ship so easily? He’s rollin in like a BO$$

Photo Dec 16, 10 44 40 PM

  • Did Princess Leia just give the Death Star info to R2-D2???
  • I know that James Earl Jones is the voice of Darth, but he’s not in the costume, right?
  • Whoa, Leia’s such a badass! Shooting Stormies left and right! Oh she got caught.
  • C-3PO is already my favorite character. He’s like the sassy British butler.

  • WAIT LEIA IS WORKING AGAINST THE EMPIRE?? SHE’S A SECRET SPY?? HERCULES MULLIGAN?! (#We’reAHamiltonBlogNow)

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  • I’ve clearly got this all wrong.

“We seem to be made to suffer. It’s our lot in life.” – C-3PO

  • The way C-3PO walks is like he’s constipated.
  • Also, like where does C-3PO think he’s going in the middle of this desert? Who does he think he is, BOWE BERGDAHL?? #currentevents

Photo Dec 16, 10 46 45 PM

  • “That malfunctioning little twerp” C-3PO HAHAHAHAHA
  • Do robots need food or anything? Like do they need recharge their batteries? I know nothing.
  • OMG THESE WOOKIES (?) SHOOTING R2 AND R23 FALLING OVER I’M DEAD

  • Could’ve sworn R2 just yell “What the heckk?? let me goooo” as the wookies take him to their ship or whatever
  • Was this scene the inspiration for WALL-E?

so i’m not the first one to think of this then?

  • “Do you think they’ll melt us down?” C-3PO, asking a legit question. I am concerned as well.
  • Are C3 & R2 being sold as slaves to the rebels?? WHY IS HE LEAVING R2 BEHIND WHAT AN ASS. oh ok he’s saving him nvm.
  • How old is Luke supposed to be? He’s acting like a 12 year old, maturity wise.
  • Leia’s white hooded outfit is very Gaga-esque
  • “What message? The one you’re carrying inside your rusty innards!” C-3PO before hitting R2
  • So Obi-Wan and Darth are maybe friends and Luke’s Aunt & Uncle want to hide their existence from him? I feel like I’m missing a lot of information.
  • What’s with these weird swipes to the next scene, George Lucas?

Photo Dec 16, 10 48 37 PM

  • Luke’s aunt is putting some kind of green vegetable in a steamer where is she getting/planting these things? They live in the desert. Is there a secret greenhouse somewhere?
  • Holy smokes these sandpeople are terrifying

Photo Dec 16, 10 49 10 PM

  • “Ben Kenobi” sounds like the name of the half-Asian, half-Jewish kid from your childhood who went by Benny Kenobi all through high school but wanted to be more “mature” in college and told everyone his name was Ben.
  • I admire Luke’s loyalty to a droid he’s just met.
  • Obi-Wan/Ben Kenobi used to be a Jedi Knight with Luke’s “Dad”.  SPOILER I KNOW WHO YOUR DAD IS.
  • Darth Vader “betrayed and murdered” Luke’s father. So he’s like the Voldemort of Star Wars. Obi Wan is Dumbledore. Leia is Hermione. Chewie is Hedwig. The Light Saber is a wand from Ollivander’s.
  • I’m legit taking notes on plot points, because I’m somehow deeply invested in this. But also because I’m already getting confused. What’s Alderaan?
  • “I can’t get involved I’ve got work to do.” – Luke. WHERE THO?
  • *Weird side swipe transition, take a shot*
  • OH SHIT did Luke’s Aunt and Uncle’s compound just get incinerated??
  • This is the face of a made not to be fux withPhoto Dec 16, 10 50 47 PM (1)
  • *Weird side swipe transition, take a shot*
  • Are we going to find out why Darth sounds like he has asthma?
  • Is Darth about to put Veritaserum in Leia to spill her secret?
  • Obi Wan did a weird Jedi minD TRICK OH MY GOD I JUST GOT THAT REFERENCE LEGITIMATELY
  • Luke and the team are in a bar that looks like it could be a sketch on SNL. The music is Speakeasy-esque

Photo Dec 16, 10 52 43 PM

  • I legit just yelled out, “CHEWIE!”, as if I care about this creature BECAUSE MAYBE I DO NOW. MAYBE I DO.
  • Uh racial discrimination against droids WTF? And some dudes straight up told Luke they don’t like him. Find another bar, y’all. Sidenote: is this the Cantina that Lin-Manuel is writing music for the new movie?
  • I hear, “I’m Han Solo” and immediately look up from writing. What a national treasure, that Harrison Ford.
  • So he’s the captain of the Millennium Falcon? Also he’s pronouncing “Falcon” as “FAWL-cohn”, not “FAL-ken”
  • ($)10,000 what kind of currency do they use here?
  • Han is loungin’ like a mothafucka

Photo Dec 16, 10 54 13 PM

  • He also just killed that creature under the table and no one in the bar cared? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
  • So Jabba the Hut is disgusting, huh?Photo Dec 16, 10 56 23 PM

  • I’d like to reiterate how much better the lazer special effects are in this movie than Rocky Horror. I’m v impressed with the special effects in this in general. It’s not as horrible/hokey as I thought it was going to be.
  • “I forgotten how much I hate space travel” – C-3PO, who is unfortunately in the biggest space-set movie of all time.
  • Wait so Leia is British? Are all the Empire folk British??
  • Obi Wan is feeling something terrible has happened like Dumbledore circa Half Blood Prince
  • Chewie’s look while playing R2 during this weird chess-like game is hilar

Photo Dec 16, 10 57 05 PM

  • How is the Millennium Falcon just cruising into Darth’s planet or whatever.
  • Oh they’ve hidden themselves in a hidden compartment.

Photo Dec 16, 10 58 03 PM

  • “Who’s the more foolish, the fool or the fool who follows him?” Wise words from Obi Wan. Wait is Yoda in this movie??
  • The force will be with you. *And also with you* IS SOMETHING CATHOLICS DON’T SAY ANYMORE.
  • So Han and Luke are constantly at odds and are acting like brothers. Is that a secret twist too?
  • “I can’t see a thing in this helmet” Luke, a space cinnamon roll

  • How is Chewie walking around all unnoticeable. It’s like if Andre the Giant was trying to blend in with Oompa Loompas.
  • After failing to trick one of Stormtroopers, Han shoots the console and says, “Boring conversation anyway,” which is now how I get out of unwanted phone calls.
  • Luke goes to save Leia and there’s obviously a connection there. Also, I honestly thought Luke and Leia were an item but also knew in my subsconscience that they’re siblings (spoiler alert?) so this is a weird feeling.
  • “Somebody has to save our skins!”

LEIA THO

  • “Wonderful girl. Either I’m going to kill her or I’m beginning to like her.” Han hittin us with some foreshadowing.
  • Da Fuq is grabbing Luke in this trash heap?? It’s like a sea monster. This is why I don’t throw myself down garbage chutes.
  • This garbage compact scene is not as stressful as it could be, since I know they all made it to the sequels. This is exactly why I don’t like spoilers. I liked feeling stressed.
  • This entire scene:

  • “It’s them! Blast them!” – Who says that before shooting intruders? Just do it and shut up.
  • Do lazer guns run out of ammo???
  • I hope there’s a scene in the future where C-3Po is revealed and it’s like, Daniel Radcliffe the whole time.
  • I feel like there should have been epic John Williams music during the Darth/Obi showdown, no?

Photo Dec 16, 10 58 38 PM

  • Wait Obi just let Darth kill him after seing Luke??? Is Obi Wan only in this first movie??
  • Leia has a lot of makeup on for someone who has been in space jail

Photo Dec 16, 11 12 56 PM

  • LOLZ at Luke and Han discussing Leia’s love
  • Leia has a few marks on her Gaga outfit after a straight up showdown against the Empire?! That entire thing she have turned black.
  • I will say I like how there’s no trace of 1977 in this movie. Everyone looks like they could be from the future… which is I guess the point of all this.
  • Han’s main characteristic = a little bitch
  • Luke has a friend?? Also the name of the first children’s book in the Star Wars series (I’m assuming). Said friend is concerned for his safety but like where did he come from?
  • Aw precious, C3 is concerned about R2’s safety!

  • Luke hears Obi Wan saying, ‘The force will be with you,’ before he goes out to attack the Death Star, so is he playing the ultimate Jedi mind trick and giving him advice in his mind for the rest of time?
  • I feel like we’re in Top Gun again.

  • Wait where has Leia’s dad been this entire time??
  • Just like Top Gun, Maverick has to save the day, despite her friend dying. Basically what I’m learning here is all the movies and books have stolen from Star Wars.
  • Oh no R2!!! C3 is willing to donate his organs to save R2!!!!!!! THE MOST PRECIOUS.
  • Luke has saved the day and at the celebration ceremony (?) Leia only wears white, Han only has that one vest and Luke had a hidden jacket that he got from Peter from Guardians of the Galaxy.

  • R2 IS ALL BETTER NOW THANK WOOKIE HES’ OK IT’S ALL I REALLY CARE ABOUT

Final thoughts:

After viewing this, I literally thought, ‘I need to watch the next two movies so I’m not spoiled.’ HELLO. So many feelings. If you’ve gotten this far, you can tell I go INTO it. I luckily didn’t have to hate watch it because I’m pleasantly surprised at how much I enjoyed watching it. Like I mentioned in my very first Pop Culture Blind Spot post, Star Wars wasn’t a thing I grew up with. I know a lot of folks were introduced by family members, but my immigrant parents weren’t into this stuff, so I had no connection to it. Two years ago I said I had no interest in watching it, and TBH, IDK if I would’ve seen it if it weren’t for this post. Eventually, I guess I would’ve forced myself. Anyways, the point is, people change. I, like Han, discovered a cold heart can warm up to strangers after they’ve gone through war together. I’ve gone through my personal Star Wars, and in all honesty – I would go through the war all over again.