Live Blog: Emmy Awards 2014

It’s a very exciting day for us because it’s Emmys Day, y’all!! Today is our Super Bowl, and we’re super excited to see what kind of shenanigans go down (on a school night). We’re kicking things off around 8pm EST/5pm PST, so come back and join us! Friendly reminder that we’re too cheap to update and get legit liveblogging technology, so please refresh this page every 5 to 10 minutes for our up-to-the-minute updates! Also, feel free to join us on Twitter as we’ll be updating that too.

If you want to follow along, fill out our handy dandy C+S Emmys ballot by clicking here!!

ALSO: Today also marks the start of our Back to TV Week, which means for the next four days, we’ll be discussing one of our favorite topics – television! As sad as it is to see summer come to an end soon, it also means that our fave shows are coming back and we’ll be talking about that too. So check in all this week, TV nerds!

emmys seth

M: Christina Hendricks is wearing a red sari-inspired dress. Now, I’ve heard my whole life that redheads can’t wear red – and internalized it to the extent that when we used to make fun of my friend’s Hardcore music, my fake lyrics included “I don’t think I look good in red!” But Christina Hendricks does look good in red, obviously. But the real star here is her husband Geoffrey Arend, who has the cutest little face.

Hayden Panettiere is pregnant – with, she says, a girl baby. Her boobs are way the hell out. Hayden’s, that is.

Julie Bowen is wearing a very pretty floral dress. Am I crazy or do some of the flowers look blurred out, like they were witnesses to a mafia crime?

January Jones: you know how bangs make some people look like they’ve entered the same witness protection program as Julie Bowen’s floral dress? That’s what’s going on with January Jones.

Julia Louis-Dreyfus, one of my favorite humans, looks amazing in a reddish, hot pink-y dress. Her clutch goes onto the “clutch cam” and that thing is full of finger prints (it’s gold) – so in whatever crime I’m lining up witnesses for, we have some forensic evidence.

Heidi Klum is proving that “intermediate red-pink color” is really the shade of the evening! She’s also proving that next to her, everybody else looks like an actual monster.

Lena Dunham looks like she would do roller derby.

Sarah Silverman just opened her clutch to reveal a vaporizer. All the cool kids are going to be hanging out in the bathroom with Sarah and her vape pen tonight.

Jimmy Fallon gave a shout-out to his wife and baby, who he says love E! Apparently baby Winnie has inherited Jimmy’s ability to have everything be his favorite.

KATE MCKINNON. Unlike in emails from your mother, that caps lock was both intentional and necessary.

Claire Danes: also in red. Givenchy. She looks like a Christmas ornament and that’s a compliment, I freaking love Christmas.

T: Literally said outloud: “OH MY GOD TAYLOR KITSCH” and clutched my heart. Forgot it was a possibility he’d be here. Thanks, The Normal Heart.

M: I don’t understand Kerry Washington’s dress. When I was a kid there used to be an infomercial for The Infinite Dress, which was like 18 different dresses in one. That’s how I feel here. I still want the infinite dress, BTW.

T: POEHLER IS A FREAKING VISION.

M: Did I miss her?? I saw a picture on tumblr but I’ve been switching between E! and NBC.

T: They briefly showed her walking in front of photographers on E!, but alas, no interview. She is wearing all silver like a GD goddess.

M:OK, I did catch that. When I have a day when I feel extra gross looking my mental refrain is always “Ugh, I hardly look like a person.” That’s how I feel about Amy Poehler tonight. But, I mean, in a positive sense. How are you a real person??

So, I have a friend who has face blindness, basically. Like, he didn’t recognize his sister because she changed her hair. Anyway, that’s how I feel tonight. Because first January Jones, now Gwen Stefani. She looks nothing like herself.

Laverne Cox is taking a page from Amy Poehler by not even looking like a person. She looks like an ANGEL. OITNB really cleans up nice.

T: For anyone wondering why this is all going down on a Monday and not Sunday like normal entertainment awards shows, it all has to do with Sunday Night Football in September and the MTV VMAs already booked for last night… a lot of drama. Just like in TV. See what I did there?

M: Oh, I saw.

You know around Christmas or on vacation when people say that there’s “too much excitement” for little kids, like they just can’t handle it? That’s how I feel about the VMAs and The Emmys back to back like this.

T: Amy & Tina responded to “New phone, who dis?” to Seth, which is also something I hope they will text ME one day.

 “That’s right Jesse Pinkman made it. The serial killer on Dexter made it, but your mother didn’t make it kids, good night.” BUT THIS THO. #StillSaltyAboutHIMYM

 M: UGH.

Seth’s analogy between HBO and that one kid who turned out way better than you thought he would is super act. It’s come a long way from Grease 2 and Fraggle Rock.

“Duck Dynasty was the most VCR-taped”.

 T: I was really hoping Amy would give Fred the award but whatever. Ty looked really shocked. Also is the announcer doing the thing where she gives out random facts about the winner? “Ty was raised in Oregon”. Yeah, and “Amy Poehler was born as the second coming of Christ.”

M: “Amy Poehler’s first childhood memory is emerging fully formed from the sea atop an open shell.” Yeah, we’re substituting our own “fun facts” from this point forward.

Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Comedy Series

Andre Braugher, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Adam Driver, Girls

Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Modern Family

Ty Burrell, Modern Family

Fred Armisen, Portlandia

Tony Hale, Veep

 Traci’s Pick: Tony Hale, Veep

As much as I like JTF/Ty Burrell/Modern Family, I’m really glad Tony Hale broke their winning streak. Besides the fact Tony’s hilarious in Veep, I also just want to see what bit he’ll do if he wins this year.

Molly’s Pick: Tony Hale, Veep

Exactly what Traci said.

WINNER: Ty Burrell, Modern Family


M: Yawwwwn. Ty Burrell seems like a very nice man and Modern Family is funny. But this is starting to feel like Cheerios winning Best Cereal. It’s good and all, but isn’t there something else out there by now?

T: Peter Pan looks wicked skinny, no?

M: She does know she doesn’t have to look like an 11 year old boy who lives on an island just yet right? [That was mean. The Emmy Awards would make me either stress-skinny or stress-eat, too.]

Outstanding Writing For A Comedy Series

David Crane and Jeffrey Klarik, Episodes

Louis C.K., Louie

Liz Friedman and Jenji Kohan, Orange Is The New Black

Alec Berg, Silicon Valley

Simon Blackwell, Tony Roche, and Armando Iannucci, Veep

Traci’s Pick: Louis C.K., Louie

If this wins, it’s because of this scene right here.

Molly’s Pick: Liz Friedman and Jenji Kohan, Orange Is The New Black.

I’m not even clicking on that link because it makes me cry which I don’t think was the intent.

WINNER: Louis C.K., Louie

 T: … why was Zooey SO EXCITED for Louie to win? Are they secret BFFs??

M: I hope so!  But for an outstandingly written comedy episode that one sure did make me tear up a lot. These categories are getting pretty fuzzy.

T: “One half of the comedy team Guillermo and Kimmel. Please welcome Kimmel.” I legitimately LOLed at this.

“I mean alright alright alright already.” Remember when McConissance talked about Pluto or Venus or whatever at the SAG awards??

M: We probably should have done a prediction for what he would rant about this year.

 Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Comedy Series

Mayim Bialik, The Big Bang Theory

Julie Bowen, Modern Family

Allison Janney, Mom

Kate Mulgrew, Orange Is The New Black

Kate McKinnon, Saturday Night Live

Anna Chlumsky, Veep

 Traci’s Pick: Kate Mulgrew, Orange Is The New Black

Since this is the first year for OITNB in the Emmys, I feel like they’ll walk away with at least a few trophies. The brilliant Uzo Aduba (Crazy Eyes) has already won the Guest Actress in a Comedy Series prize, and hopefully Red will follow. Also, if Kate McKinnon wins I will run around my room screaming of happiness.

Molly’s Pick: Anna Chlumsky, Veep.

Sometimes I pretend I’m a Selina but I’m really more of an Amy. I will join you on your victory lap if Kate McKinnon wins. Or Kate Mulgrew, actually. 

WINNER: Allison Janney, Mom

T: Allison Janney – love ya girl, but I didn’t realize that the 90s trend of velour is back in style. I mean I knew it, but I refused to believe it. You know what would make this speech amazing? If she did a version of The Jackal. That’s a little The West Wing ref for you folks.

M: Holy velour. It can stay in 1994 with choker necklaces. Someone wore one at the VMAs (Katy Perry??) and now that the 90s are over, the only people wearing chokers should be teen ghost girls from R.L. Stine books who need them to hold their heads on.

Also, Mom is a show on television, apparently.

T: OH FUCK. This Parenthood promo just made me cry. A 20 SECOND COMMERICIAL.

M Me too, because I somehow didn’t know it was the farewell season?? NO.

T: Unforunately, yes. Parenthood AND Parks ending in one year is basically the end.

M: Shit. Maybe I need to start watching Mom.

I appreciate that the folks at NBC are giving us a countdown until Jimmy Fallon shows up.

T: So this directing win for Gail Mancuso for Modern Family is actually worth it for this speech.

T: Billy! I hope Elena shows up!

M: Like Elf, the Billy On The Street where he goes caroling with Amy Poehler is a Christmas thing that I could watch basically all year for a mood lift.

T: “Goble” OMG I AM CRYING.

M: Billy: “Miss, You’re a lesbian, you’re watching Orange Is The New Black?”

Lady: I am, but I’m not a lesbian.

Oh, ma’am. Your haircut says, at the least, that you entertained the idea in college. 

Outstanding Lead Actor In A Comedy Series

Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory

Ricky Gervais, Derek

Matt LeBlanc, Episodes

Don Cheadle, House Of Lies

Louis C.K., Louie

William H. Macy, Shameless

Traci’s Pick: Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory

Just realized 5 out of 6 of these nominees are on cable, which is really interesting for this category. Remember the days of Fraiser and Everybody Loves Raymond? Anyways, I’m just saying Jim because he won last year.

Molly’s Pick: Louis C.K, Louie

This is literally the only show on this list I watch so that’s where my brain is. Also The Big Bang Theory makes me feel icky.

WINNER: Jim Parsons

M: I hope he says “Did I do that?” or whatever the hell his nerd catchphrase is.

T: Ugh. I hope Jim’s pay raise is worth all this. #Bazinga.

M: Ah yes, there it is.

T: I really like when Seth introduces his guests as “my good friend {insert name here}”. He’s good friends with a lot of people, I’ve found.

Ok, I need Jimmy Fallon elaborate on the whole Miley Cyrus homeless teen thing last night at the VMAs bc Jimbo looked mad confused.

M: “Amy Pueblo, Parks And Recreation”

Outstanding Lead Actress In A Comedy Series

Lena Dunham, Girls

Melissa McCarthy, Mike & Molly

Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie

Taylor Schilling, Orange Is The New Black

Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation

Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep

Traci’s Pick: Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation

Just like at the Golden Globes earlier this year, I’m saying Amy just so it’s out there in the universe in hopes she’ll win her first Emmy. If JLD wins, that’s cool too, but come on. Amy.

Molly’s Pick: Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation

I’m also using The Secret on this one and picking Poehler. Agreed about JLD.

WINNER: Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep 

T: Oh boy. We love Amy, obvs. But JLD always makes her acceptance speeches worth it. (Also I just stood up in hopes that would help Amy Pueblo win)

M: The comedy actress category always gives me a knot in the stomach. I feel like Venus and Serena Williams’ parents must feel.

Outstanding Reality-Competition Program

The Amazing Race

Dancing With The Stars

Project Runway

So You Think You Can Dance

Top Chef

The Voice 

Traci’s Pick: The Voice

My heart will always and forever be with SYTYCD, but I don’t think it ever has a chance of winning. Hopefully I’m proved wrong.

Molly’s Pick: The Voice

Oh God. There are so many categories in this damn awards show.

WINNER:The Amazing Race

T: It’s like an Amazing Race to get up to the stage, amirite?  (SYTYCD WAS ROBBED. YET AGAIN.)

M: Since SYTYCD didn’t win, the absolute only thing I cared about with this category was that Mindy Kaling and John Mulaney presented it.

T: Everything that comes out of Melissa McCarthy’s mouth is pure gold. Everything.

M: This bit is reminding me of the Q and As in the Carol Burnett show. All of my references are things your weird old aunt would say.

T: COLIN! CECILY! FRED!! I WANT TO BE IN THE SNL CORNER!!!

M: New awards show format idea. Just read out the rest of the nominees real quick then let us listen to the SNL corner talk amongst themselves for the next 2 hours.

T: I’m into it.

T: Do you think Larry Kramer is in the corner cursing and on his way back to NY right now?

M: I wish this was the Golden Globes so he and Amy Poehler could just get drunk together and talk about how they deserved to win. 

Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Miniseries Or A Movie

Frances Conroy, American Horror Story: Coven

Kathy Bates, American Horror Story: Coven

Angela Bassett, American Horror Story: Coven

Allison Tolman, Fargo

Ellen Burstyn, Flowers In The Attic

Julia Roberts, The Normal Heart

Traci’s Pick: Allison Tolman, Fargo

Allison won the Critics’ Choice Award earlier this year and has been getting a lot of buzz, so I’m voting for her. But Ellen Burstyn always wins…

Molly’s Pick: Allison Tolman, Fargo

Friendly neighborhood reminder that Flowers In The Attic was really, really bad.

WINNER: Kathy Bates, American Horror Story: Coven 

T: No but really, are these “fun facts” about the winner just about where they were born? Is it supposed to be funny?

M Fun fact: Kathy Bates lost a significant sum of money when her husband came home drunk as a pig celebrating and lit a fire on their money. (She’ll always be Molly Brown to me.)

Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Miniseries Or A Movie

Colin Hanks, Fargo

Jim Parsons, The Normal Heart

Joe Mantello, The Normal Heart

Alfred Molina, The Normal Heart

Matt Bomer, The Normal Heart

Martin Freeman, Sherlock: His Last Vow

Traci’s Pick: Matt Bomer, The Normal Heart

I guess someone from The Normal Heart will walk away with this. Hopefully it will go to Matt Bomer because he was phenomenal and made me cry like a bebe.

Molly’s Pick: Matt Bomer, The Normal Heart

That was a tough call. I hope the votes don’t get split up among the nominees from The Normal Heart.

WINNER: Martin Freeman, Sherlock: His Last Vow

 T: WHOOOAAAAAA That is a total upset for The Normal Heart. Also, this makes be believe the TV Academy has turned into the Oscars Academy – aka all old white men.

M: Waittt….. so you mean old white men are in charge of something? This changes the whole game…

T: I know, it’s a different group of folks than usual, you know, like the super diverse government with women and minorities.

M: Well, I for one think it’s time we give those crusty old coots a chance.

Doesn’t anyone realize that Normal Heart was really, really good? I mean usually they just assume things on HBO are really, really good without necessarily even watching them.

T: AMYY Honestly always excited when she appears on my television screen.

M: Matthew McConaughey and Woody Harrelson planned their outfits together harder than me, in fifth grade, before a dressdown day. Because why wear street clothes if you can’t wear matching courduroy overalls with your best friend. Or muted jewel tone suits, as the case may be. 

T: I think the sequel to True Detective should be a buddy cop comedy version of the first season with these two fools.

M: Literally every one of our TV ideas has been better than most of what we’re seeing tonight.

Outstanding Lead Actor In A Miniseries Or A Movie

Chiwetel Ejiofor, Dancing On The Edge

Martin Freeman, Fargo

Billy Bob Thornton, Fargo

Idris Elba, Luther

Mark Ruffalo, The Normal Heart

Benedict Cumberbatch, Sherlock: His Last Vow 

Traci’s Pick: Mark Ruffalo, The Normal Heart

Probably Mark Ruffalo’s best performance ever.

Molly’s Pick: Mark Ruffalo, The Normal Heart

Although if Idris Elba wins we all get to watch him for a minute or two – so in that case, everyone wins.

Winner: Benedict Cumberbatch, Sherlock: His Last Vow

M: I’ll admit it. I’m probably going to lose any internet cred I ever had. But I’m not in any of the appropriate fandoms to know why Benedict Cumberbatch is so magical. Like I take everyone’s word for it.

T: Yup. agreed. We’re gonna get trolllllssss! Can’t wait.

M: Oh, man. This is going to be worse than that time I wrote about the top scrubs of the tv movie about TLC.

T: IMPORTANT: I FEEL CHEATED OUT OF SEEING IDRIS ELBA IN A TUX.

Outstanding Lead Actress In A Miniseries Or A Movie

Jessica Lange, American Horror Story: Coven

Sarah Paulson, American Horror Story: Coven

Helena Bonham Carter, Burton And Taylor

Minnie Driver, Return To Zero

Kristen Wiig, The Spoils Of Babylon

Cicely Tyson, The Trip To Bountiful

Traci’s Pick: Helena Bonham Carter, Burton And Taylor

Honestly, I just want Wiig to win this, but did anyone see The Spoils of Babylon? Especially the Emmy voters?

Molly’s Pick: Sarah Paulson, American Horror Story: Coven

Or maybe Jessica Lange? Let’s just take a moment to appreciate how great all of these nominees are. I mean in general. Not in these projects, because I haven’t seen them (except AHS).

WINNER: Jessica Lange, American Horror Story: Coven 

M: Weird Al is making up lyrics to instrumental tv theme songs, and isn’t this something everyone does already? No, just me? I’m also learning that it’s one of those things that’s only entertaining when you’re doing it in front of your tv waiting for a show to start. Not as an awards show segment.

But nice S/O to Claire Danes’ ugly crying!

T: What in the actual fuck is this medley? Remember how much better this was last year with the choreography category? It also feels super out of place. There has been no singing and dancing a la NPH or Jimmy Fallon, so this is coming out of nowhere and doesn’t fall within the tone of Seth’s comedy…

Outstanding Miniseries

American Horror Story: Coven

Bonnie & Clyde

Fargo

Luther

Treme

The White Queen 

Traci’s Pick: Fargo

I’m basing this on the fact this show got a lot of nominations.

Molly’s Pick: Fargo

Yeah, I think critics were really into it. Bonnie & Clyde was OK I guess.

WINNER: Fargo

M: I know I probably should have watched this, but the last time I watched some Minnesota-talking people hang out where it’s cold was Sarah Palin’s Alaska and that was quite enough for me, thanks.

Outstanding Television Movie

Killing Kennedy

Muhammad Ali’s Greatest Fight

The Normal Heart

Sherlock: His Last Vow

The Trip To Bountiful

 Traci’s Pick: The Normal Heart

Because if you haven’t seen this movie yet, you are missing out on an important piece of American history.

Molly’s Pick: The Normal Heart

Honestly, if The Normal Heart doesn’t win…

WINNER: The Normal Heart

M: Nice work, Old White Guys. Maybe you fellas are going to make it after all. 

Speaking of white guys, Ricky Gervais is here to give us the giggles after we all (read: I) cried a bit for a while there. He reads the speech he would have given, calling out “Joey from Friends” and “Louis from Louie, spelled slightly differently.”

Sarah Silverman wins for writing of a variety special and opens with “wow, this didn’t occur to me!” Me either, Sarah. And I think she’s hilarious, I just didn’t think she’d win. She seems pretty energetic so I think she maybe didn’t hit her vape pen yet, but then she calls us molecules hurtling through the universe or something. But she does it SO MUCH QUICKER than Matthew McConaughey would have.

T: Guys. Sarah Silverman is high right now. Like legit. Like she showed Giuliana Rancic her “liquid pot” vape on the red carpet. Which, I didn’t even know was a thing.

M: Yeah, that’s why all those vaporizer stores keep cropping up. It’s not for the weird flavored tobacco.

T: Guys did you know that Jordan Peele and Chelsea Perretti from Brooklyn Nine-Nine are dating? Just found out the other week.

M: CUTE! And hilarious, probably. I did not know that.

T: Chris Hardwick s/o to internet trolls.

 

M: Is it the center part? Is that why I can’t recognize Gwen Stefani? Or is it because she doesn’t have her posse of creatively dressed young Asian girls? (Does she still have them? Not sure.)

T: It might be the lit’rally thousands of Swarovski crystals hanging from her Versace gown…

Outstanding Variety Series

The Colbert Report

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart

Jimmy Kimmel Live

Real Time With Bill Maher

Saturday Night Live

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Traci’s Pick: The Colbert Report

I don’t think shows besides Colbert and Jon Stewart are allowed to win this category.

Molly’s Pick: The Colbert Report

Yeah, I agree. But I’d love for Fallon to win.

WINNER: The Colbert Report

Photo Aug 25, 9 07 32 PM

T: JIMOTHY. DIDN’T EVEN SEE HIM COME UP. I appreciate that Jimbo and Amy Pueblo keep popping up even though they both aren’t winning tonight.

M: I was looking at my computer and then I was like “wait, a Colbert guy sounds just like Jimmy Fallon… wait a second!”

T: I cannot with Sofia Vergara. Everything she does is hilarious. No one is listening to this Academy guy.

M: Okay, THANKS. I know a lot of people who think she’s over-the-top or schtick-y but she has straight-up Lucille Ball vibes a lot of the time. I love her.

T: YES. Def Luicille Ball vibes. If anyone hasn’t seen her “Cover Girl commercial” with Ellen, watch that now. Or you know, at a commercial.

Outstanding Supporting Actor In A Drama Series

Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad

Jim Carter, Downton Abbey

Peter Dinklage, Game Of Thrones

Josh Charles, The Good Wife

Mandy Patinkin, Homeland

Jon Voight, Ray Donovan

Traci’s Pick: Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad

AP ❤ I just want to see him cry and talk about how much he loves the BB cast and his gorge wife. If anyone else has a chance, it’s Josh Charles (for dying) and Mandy Patinkin (probs for the beard).

Molly’s Pick: Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad

I don’t watch GoT (yet) but I think Peter Dinklage seems like a real gem, so I wouldn’t mind if he won.

WINNER: Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad

M: Do Aaron Paul and Chris Pratt have a secret pact to spread happiness, joy, and belief in true love across the nation? Because it’s working.

T: If they do, it’s the best secret society to ever exist. I’m gonna throw up because I’m excited for you too, Aaron. And to reiterate for the 10 millionth time, the love AP has for his wife is utterly disgusting and amazing and I’m just super jealous.

M: Here is his wife’s foundation that he mentioned. What a couple of dolls.

M: I can’t be sure there’s anyone even left in Hollywood after watching that In Memorium. Man, we lost some good ones this year.

T: Oh boy here we go. Honestly shed more tears during Ryan Murphy’s The Normal Heart speech. Does this make me a horrible person? The Robin Williams, tribute however…

M: Right before it started I was about to write “fortunately, I must have missed the Robin Williams part of the In Memorium so I’m still doing okay.” Damn it.

 T: Guys Cary …F… True Detective director. Ok quick story: after I finished watching True Detective, I looked this guy up and was SO SURPRISED to see how HOT he is (and that he briefly dated Michelle Williams of Dawson’s Creek). But he’s currently sporting some sort of long braid which is… not hot. Speaking of Michelle Williams, the “fun fact” for Cary was that he was a PA on the set of the Destiny’s Child Survivor video. I really can’t tell if these are supposed to be jokey or not.

M: Fun fact: that’s how I do my goddaughter’s hair if it’s a day she’s going to be out playing a lot.

T: I’m sure Cary will be doing a lot of playing/partying tonight.

M: Well then I hope he used the fun glitter hairspray, too. Really keeps things in place on the playground in STYLE. (Hair aside: he’s a looker).

Outstanding Supporting Actress In A Drama Series

Anna Gunn, Breaking Bad

Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey

Joanne Froggatt, Downton Abbey

Lena Headey, Game Of Thrones

Christine Baranski, The Good Wife

Christina Hendricks, Mad Men

 Traci’s Pick: Anna Gunn, Breaking Bad

Like OITNB’s winning streak as a new Emmy show, BB’s final season will (hopefully) pick up statues for all involved.

Molly’s Pick: Anna Gunn, Breaking Bad

Process of elimination pick

Winner: Anna Gunn, Breaking Bad

T: Uh… did Katherine Heigl win an Emmy for Greys?

M: Not sure. Maybe for Roswell? Also I could have sworn she was introduced by the voice of Amy Poehler but I may be losing it like that one Full House episode when D.J. sees Steve everywhere when they go to Disney.

T: Just confirmed – she won Supporting Actress in a Drama Series in 2007. Ugh. I mean she was good, but really? Okay. 

Outstanding Writing For A Drama Series

Vince Gilligan, Breaking Bad

Moira Walley-Beckett, Breaking Bad

David Benioff and D.B. Weiss, Game Of Thrones

Beau Willimon, House Of Cards

Nic Pizzolatto, True Detective 

Traci’s Pick: Moira Walley-Beckett, Breaking Bad

Moira Walley-Beckett wrote Ozymandias, the third to last episode with the showdown in the desert, and probably one of the best hours of television I have ever seen in my life. The ep Vince Gilligan is up for is the series finale, which is also good, but I watched Ozymandias like 3 times, which is saying something, because normal people don’t do this.

Molly’s Pick: Beau Willimon, House Of Cards

I DON’T KNOW OKAY. I hovered my cursor between this, Moira Walley-Beckett & Game Of Thrones for like a full minute.

WINNER: Moira Walley-Beckett 

M: Like, IS that Amy Poehler’s voice, or…? Moira Walley-Beckett does not pull off the phrase “mad skills, yo” very well. She does pull off that dress and writing compelling television, so hey, everyone can’t do everything. 

T: How are we running so late already? Let the woman speak! I blame Weird Al. 

M: I WAS JUST ABOUT TO BLAME WEIRD AL. 

Outstanding Lead Actress In A Drama Series

Michelle Dockery, Downton Abbey

Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife

Claire Danes, Homeland

Robin Wright, House Of Cards

Lizzy Caplan, Masters of Sex

Kerry Washington, Scandal 

Traci’s Pick: Robin Wright, House Of Cards

I’m over Claire Danes winning. I really, really want Kerry to win, but compared to the other ladies’ shows, Scandal seems like a soap opera. But whatever, Kerry deserves it. So in saying that, it’s going to Robin Wright.

Molly’s Pick: Kerry Washington, Scandal

Who do I think will win? Probably not Kerry Washington. Just so we’re clear, my picks are a hodgepodge of people I want to win and people I predict are most likely to win.

WINNER: Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife

Photo Aug 25, 9 10 40 PM

T: Bless you Kerry Washington for having the best ‘I didn’t win but I’m so happy for Nurse Hathaway’ face.

M: Everyone’s into this contouring makeup now with the bronzer to show us where your cheeks are or whatever, but in 20 years we’re all going to look back on the 2010s as the time when everyone’s face looked kind of dirty. This goes out to, honestly, most of those lovely, talented actresses in that category.

Mindy knows what I’m talking about.

T: Update: apparently after Aaron Paul gave a shout out to his wife’s nonprofit, the website legitimately crashed. Perfect human. (KindCampaign.com)

M: I know! I went to it to try to link to it when I was posting and kept getting an error message. Great job, buddy! Ugh they really are the perfect couple.

T: Kevin Spacey brought a cane with him tonight. Just FYI.

 M: His bow tie looks like Samantha Parkington’s hairbow. I wonder if the cane is more of a fashion thing or a function thing. 

Outstanding Lead Actor In A Drama Series

Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad

Kevin Spacey, House Of Cards

Jon Hamm, Mad Men

Jeff Daniels, The Newsroom

Woody Harrelson, True Detective

Matthew McConaughey, True Detective

 Traci’s Pick: Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad

I keep changing my choice for this, so I would be fine if either Bryan or the McConaissance win. If Emmy voters are feeling sentimental this year, it’ll go to Bryan Cranston. If they want to see headlines of Matthew saying ‘Alright Alright Alright’ and saying it’s his year for winning an Oscar AND Emmy within months, it’ll go to him. Or Jeff Daniels could win and ruin everything. This is probably the category to watch for the entire night.

Molly’s Pick: Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad

I have McConaughey fatigue.

WINNER: Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad 

T: Legit clapping very loudly for BryCran right now (I am by myself. At work.).

I think it’s funny that Jay Leno is supposed to be like this big ‘surprise’ guest. No one cares. Bye Felicia.

Outstanding Comedy Series

The Big Bang Theory

Louie

Modern Family

Orange Is The New Black

Silicon Valley

Veep

Traci’s Pick: Orange Is The New Black

Again, I need a show to break Modern Family’s winning streak.

Molly’s Pick: Orange Is The New Black

I really hope OITNB or Veep wins. Or Louie. I’m so bored of Modern Family winning. And you all know how I feel about The Big Bang Theory.

WINNER: Modern Family

posting this pic, because, kerry.

T: UGH MODERN FAMILY GTFO (I will say that Las Vegas episode was one of the best ever, though).

M: Guys, you don’t have to act surprised. Let’s not Taylor Swift it, here.This cutoff music, though. It makes me want to use that Miss Manners-y expression, “poor planning on your part doesn’t constitute an emergency on my part.” If I won one of the biggest awards I wouldn’t cut my speech short because they let Weird Al make shit up for 7 minutes.

Outstanding Drama Series

Breaking Bad

Downton Abbey

Game Of Thrones

House Of Cards

Mad Men

True Detective

Traci’s Pick: Breaking Bad

A well deserved one last hurrah for Walter White and co., please.

Molly’s Pick: Breaking Bad

Downton and Mad Men weren’t at Emmy winner caliber this year, TBH.

WINNER: Breaking Bad

T: YO BITCH THE ENTIRE AUDIENCE JUST STOOD UP FOR A TV SHOW. When does that ever happen? I can tell you when it didn’t happen – when Modern Family won.

M: Yes, but when you have laurels like Modern Family, you rest on them.

So, overall: I was happy with some of the wins, but I have to say that a lot of winners – and frankly, nominees – prove that the Emmy voters are not watching the same tv (or in the same way) as the rest of us.

Can’t win ‘em all, I suppose. Thanks everyone for joining us and tune in tomorrow for our Best/Word Dressed picks and the rest of the week for our TV-themed posts!!

What to Expect at the VMAs

The 31st annual MTV VMAs are this Sunday, and as the years go on, the older I feel and the less I care about who wins. When I was growing up, I feel like the VMAs was the biggest award show of the year. Like the Oscars for teens, if you will. This might have been partly to do with the fact I was obsessed with BSB and needed them to win every award over ‘N Sync (for the record, this is the third time this week I’ve mentioned BSB. I’m not usually this hardcore). But it was also the days of Courtney Love throwing things, Britney & ‘N Sync performing together, and Diana Ross giving a love tap to Lil Kim’s one boob. Now it’s all about twerking and meat dresses. Ugh I’m starting to sound like Drunk Uncle. But I’m assuming the main reason a lot of people tune in to the VMAs is just to see what ridiculous things could possibly happen. So what’s in store this year? Probably a lot of things that will make you question where your youth went. If you’re thinking of tuning in on Sunday, here’s a few things to look out for so you know what you’re in for.

Girl Power

Everyone’s favorite female Australian rapper whose name sounds like a flower, Iggy Azalea, is tied for Beyonce with the most nominations at eight, and there’s no doubt Iggy will be walking away with at least one of them. It’ll also be a big night for Ariana Grande who is nominated for four VMAs – all of which are for Problem with Iggy. You know who doesn’t have a problem? These two. GET IT??

Crying, because, Sam Smith

All hail the male Adele! I’ve loved Sam Smith ever since the first time I heard Latch last year, and I’m so glad he’s doing so well for himself. Performing on the VMAs is big for any artist, but when you’re a British nobody one year and 365 days later you’re on stage for one of the most talked about awards shows of the year, it’s a big deal. I’m probs going to cry because I have a soft spot for success stories. Also, I have a lot of feelings.

Something Ice Bucket Challenge Related

Apparently there’s no host for the main show this year, but someone is bound to make some kind of reference to the ALS Ice Bucket Challenge. Perhaps Nicki Minaj challenging Iggy? Demi nominating Taylor Swift? Every celebrity in the audience should just pull out $10 bucks and a giant bucket of ice water should just pour over them from the rafters.

Already Being Over Taylor Swift’s Pop Phase

Taylor is performing on Sunday, and one can only assume she’ll be debuting her new single Take It Off for the first time live. I already divulged my thoughts about her new pop record, but seeing it in all its glory will take T Swizzle to a whole new level. That level is not necessarily good.

Referencing Miley’s Twerking

Miley is officially confirmed to return to the VMAs after her shitshow of a performance last year, because MTV bosses are gluttons for punishment. It doesn’t really matter if she’ll be performing or presenting – either way, Miley is going to make her presence known and make sure you don’t forget it – just like her twerking.

Nicki Minaj’s Anaconda Don’t Want None

If the Television Parents Council or whoever always gets their panties in a bunch over the oversexualizing of celebrities onscreen need something to complain about this year – it will probably be over this. Nicki’s video for Anaconda is already risque, so imagine it on the stage in front of a live audience. Butt. There will be a lot of butt.

Bey Being Bey

The Queen is receiving this year’s Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award. If you recall from last year, Justin Timberlake won the same award, with a 15-minute medley of his best songs, including that epic ‘N Sync reunion. So will Bey be able to top it? I believe B is able to do anything she puts her mind to, but it’ll be a close call. If you watch anything from the VMAs, watch this.

Still Figuring Out Who 5 Seconds of Summer Are

So they’re a real band? They’re not even that cute? But the tweens love them? IDGI.

Taylor Swift’s Ultimate Break-Up Song

Disclaimer: I’ve previously mentioned that I’m not a huge fan of Taylor, so if you’re a fan, be prepared for some tough love. For the past couple of weeks, Taylor Swift has been hinting at this big Yahoo! Live Stream, but didn’t give any hints as to what she was going to talk about besides the fact it was on Monday at 5pm. Turned out, she made a “huge announcement” in a room at the top of the Empire State Building, telling the world three big things: 1) She has recorded her first official all pop music album 2) She has a new single, Shake It Off, and also premiered the new music video 3) That new album is called 1989 and will be released in October.

In the live stream, Taylor talked about how she wanted to do something completely different than what she’s done in the past – i.e. not country music. If anyone’s heard any tracks from her last album, Red, this shouldn’t come as a complete surprise. Songs like I Knew Your Were Trouble, 22, and the lead single, We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together, are all more pop than country. Not to mention, all three were co-written by one of the best pop songwriters in the business, Max Martin, the Swedish powerhouse who also wrong songs like BSB’s I Want It That Way, which we briefly mentioned yesterday. Incidentally, he also co-wrote Shake It Off, but more on that later.

The reality is that Taylor Swift hasn’t really made a legit country record since her first self-titled one in 2006. If you listen to songs like her very first single, Tim McGraw and Teardrops on My Guitar, you can clearly hear her (Pennsylvania) twang and imagine yourself drinking moonshine on your front porch. But to her credit, there has always been a pop undertone in all her albums. It’s why she’s become such a big superstar and why you hear her songs on Top 40 radio and not just the country music station. But once Taylor came out with that first album, country music embraced her. They really hadn’t had a young, beautiful, talented, humble, mainstream crossover in the genre in a while, and they scooped her up fast. Throughout her seemingly short eight-year career, she’s won 11 Country Music Association Awards, 7 Academy of Country Music Awards and last year, she became only the second person (after Garth Brooks) to win the CMA’s Pinnacle Award, honoring her for her outstanding accomplishments. Like, this was an award that was given to her by 5 big country music superstars, including George Strait, Brad Paisley, and (full circle) Tim McGraw. Some critics pointed out that this was country music’s last ditch effort to convince Taylor to stay in the genre instead of fully crossing over to the other side. ‘Look, Taylor! All these people love you! There are probs about 20 other artists who deserve this more than you, but we don’t want you to go!’ Apparently it didn’t work.

And the CMA didn’t take it lightly either, tweeting (then promptly deleting) this after her big announcement:

Good luck on your new venture @taylorswift13! We’ve LOVED watching you grow! #TaylorSwiftYahoo

— Country Music Assoc. (@CountryMusic) August 18, 2014

In addition to all those country music awards, Taylor’s also won a few prestigious songwriting prizes (which I personally don’t agree with, but whatever), and everyone knows that the key to a great country song is good storytelling. You know, all the ‘I dug my key into the side of his pretty little souped up four wheel drive’ and the ‘I’ll take you for a ride on my big green tractor’ and ‘You were Romeo I was a scarlet letter’. And in this new Shake It Off song, these are the actual lyrics:

Cause the players gonna play, play, play, play, play
And the haters gonna hate, hate, hate, hate, hate
Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off
Heartbreakers gonna break, break, break, break, break
And the fakers gonna fake, fake, fake, fake, fake
Baby, I’m just gonna shake, shake, shake, shake, shake
I shake it off, I shake it off

First of all, I’m pretty sure she stole part of this from 3LW. Second, I gotta hand it to Taylor – when she says she’s going all in to pop music, she’s going all. in. And this is coming from a self-professed (former) teenybopper. This song has everything pop music dreams are made of: a catchy tune, easy to learn lyrics that sometimes make no sense, and repetition. Even the music video is something that will have fans watching over and over again, because Taylor performs like 8 different styles of dance, is surrounded by professionals but fails miserably and relies on her usual dorky self to win over their charm and finally realizes there’s nothing wrong with “being herself”. The problem now is that Taylor has hit a point in her career where she really is multiple versions of herself. Just in this music video, she’s got a little bit of Lady Gaga a little bit of Audrey Hepburn in that Gap commercial and a little bit of  Toni Basil’s Hey Mickey – the latter of which is most likely attributed to the fact she said she was highly influenced by late 80s pop for this album. You know who else was big in the 80s? Madonna. You know who is still big now? Madonna. The Queen of Pop is known for her evolution over the years, thanks to her ease in reinventing herself every time she comes out with new music and makes herself relevant. The difference between Madonna and Taylor Swift is that Madonna always stayed in a pop/dance genre, while Taylor Swift seems to be completely abandoning her country roots.

It’s a risky move and it will be interesting to see how all her fans take it (although I’m assuming since they’re mostly hardcore, they’ll be all, ‘omg like this is the best song ever’). But from this blogger’s point of view, it’s kind of a cop out. I’m all about trying to find yourself and being true to who you are, but to me, Taylor’s always had an air about her that she is trying too hard to be cool and ‘down to earth’. This new era just makes her look like she’s the chosen one – the Tai Fraiser of Clueless, the Laney Boggs of She’s All That. The girl who managed to be in with the ‘in crowd’ and is showing the people she left behind that she’s still the same girl, just with better clothes. So, here we are. A pop-ified T Swizzle. RIP Fifteen. Now all we need is a good old fashioned breakup song, because it seems like Taylor and country music may never ever get back together. Like, ever.

Playlist of the Month: Songs With Terrible Lyrics

Songs are poetry set to music. And today, on Bad Poetry Day, we remember that not all poems are good. Some of them make awkward word choices trying to force a rhyme. Others use clumsy metaphors. And still others do things with English grammar that, well, you just can’t do. Out of the hundreds of songs released every year, it’s no surprise that some aren’t necessarily bad music – but the lyrics are terrible poetry.

Listen to the entire playlist below or click here!

Molly’s Picks

Empire State Of Mind – Jay-Z feat. Alicia Keys

I like Jay-Z. I like Alicia Keys. I even like this song, as in I know every word to the rap verses. But the chorus drives me crazy every time. “Concrete jungle where dreams are made of?” There are so many easy ways to fix this. Take off the “of.” Change the “where” to “that.” Hell, even toss in a few commas and change the “where” to “which” and bingo, we have a restrictive clause: concrete jungle, which dreams are made of…

Sexy Bitch – David Guetta feat Akon

There are SO MANY words to describe a girl without being disrespectful. For instance: brunette. Like 5’6, 5’7. Looks like that one girl who was in our sociology class. Wears a lot of patterns. Basically anything you would  say when making a witness report. David Guetta and Akon find none of them.

Champagne Supernova – Oasis

Where were you when Oasis was getting high? Not sure, but I know where Noel Gallagher was: writing this song. He’s said himself that “slowly walking down the hall, faster than a cannonball” makes no sense so I don’t even feel bad about this.

Whenever, Wherever – Shakira

The real question is what does this guy do when he comes across breasts that are NOT small and humble? I picture Shakira’s paramour shrugging dejectedly, reaching for his Columbia backpack, clipping on a few carabiners and filling up the ol’ Nalgene when he meets a busty lady, sighing “this is going to be a steep climb.”

Sk8er Boi – Avril Lavigne

This is what the pop-punk trend of the early 2000s wrought: ratty straightened hair, lots of hot pink, spikey bracelets, and Sk8r Boi. It makes no sense. A ballerina who’s not allowed to be into punk because she has to – what, listen to Tchaikovsky always? And why do her friends all share a single nose? But that plot twist near the end makes the terrible lyrics almost all worth it. AVRIL is with the SK8ER BOY? Did not see that one coming.

Traci’s Picks

My Humps – Black Eyed Peas

You could basically choose any Black Eyed Peas song and I assure you there will be at least one stupid line. In this particular song, the offense comes from the word “lumps” – sorry, more specifically, “my lovely lady lumps”. Come on Fergie, you really thought this would be a great way to describe your breasts? Although, you did change your name from Stacey Ferguson to just Fergie, so maybe it’s just in your blood to name things horribly.

Eenie Meenie – Justin Bieber ft. Sean Kingston

A good rule of thumb is not to use children’s nursery rhymes in your songs. Especially if those lyrics are slightly sexist. “Eenie meenie miney mo/Catch a bad chick by her toe/If she holla (if, if, if she holla) let her go” Does that even make sense? If a girl does holla, wouldn’t that be a good thing (for him)?

I Want It That Way by Backstreet Boys

Listen. I love the Backstreet Boys. If you’re new to our blog, this is not brand new information, as evidenced here. But I will gladly admit this song does not make any sense. Like the chorus and the verses don’t want the same thing. Also, what is “it”? In fact the boys themselves will admit it doesn’t make any sense. I’ve even seen them multiple times say in interviews and stuff, “What way? You want it what way??” Kevin’s explanation was that Max Martin, Swedish superproducer, wrote the song and at the time his English wasn’t that good. Too bad it’s like their most popular song ever.

Soda Pop by Britney Spears

Britney Spears isn’t really known for her lyrics. Or her singing. Don’t get me wrong, I love the girl but, come on, let’s all be honest with ourselves. If you grew up in our generation, you know how big this … Baby One More Time album was. A deep cut from said album is Soda Pop, a song referring to a beverage that no one actually calls “soda pop”. But props to Brit for namedropping the likes of Homer, Agamemnon and Zeus then later singing, “Open a soda pop, watch it fiz and pop/The clock is tickin’ and we can’t stop/Open a soda pop, bop-a shu-bop shu-bop” But the real reason why she’s popular is that you get these songs inexplicably stuck in your head for the next few hours.

Any song by Kesha

I feel like there is a clear line before Ke$ha and Kesha. Pre-Kesha was so much more of a shit show, and her lyrics reflected that. Particularly on her 2010 album Animal, which included her breakout hit song TiK ToK, and other notable songs called Dinosaur (about an old man hitting on her), Stephen (in which she’s an annoying little bitch asking why Stephen won’t call her back) and Party at a Rich Dude’s House (which is exactly what it sounds like). Then there’s the song Blah Blah Blah that’s about Ke$ha meeting some dude at a bar and she wants him to just shut up and have sex with her and it’s maybe borderline non-consensual? “Come put a little love in my glove box/I wanna dance with no pants on, holla” Everything about that lyric is horrible.

Stop Complaining About The Ice Bucket Challenge

By now, I’m assuming most of you have either done the ALS Association’s viral Ice Bucket Challenge or seen video of it flooding your social media. Pun intended. In case you need a refresher, a person who is nominated to take the Ice Bucket Challenge must post a video on social media of themselves pouring a bucket of ice water over their person (in regular pedestrian clothes). They must mention why they are doing this ridiculous activity (to raise awareness and funds for the ALS Association) and nominate more people to take on the challenge. Also they must donate $10 to the ALSA. If one decides to not take on the challenge, they must donate $100 to the ALSA. Either option must be done within 24 hours.

Okay, so let’s back up a bit. This all started when the friends and family of former Boston College baseball player Peter Frates launched an ice bucket challenge campaign towards the end of July. Peter was diagnosed with ALS in 2012, and everyone involved was doing it in hopes to raise money for the ALSA. Since the task involves nominating other people within a small time frame, the challenge quickly spread around the city of Boston. I personally saw it keep popping up on my news feed and then sure enough it spread across the country, reaching my friends here in LA and it seems over the past week, it’s gotten to people in high places. From police to firefighters to entire sports teams to celebs like Justin Timberlake, Jimmy Fallon, Tyler Perry (one of my fave videos), Oprah (she has yet to respond to Tyler’s challenge), Mark Zuckerberg, and even Ethel freaking Kennedy, who challenged President Obama – who declined respectfully and donated to the cause.

JT being a delight

As the challenge went viral, I noticed that the message of raising funds and awareness for ALS was getting buried by the actual act of dousing yourself in ice water. Yes, the whole point is to get attention by shocking your body to the core, but why even do it if it’s not going to a good cause? That’s dumb. This whole campaign’s point is to raise money. Yesterday I even saw a video of someone in Japan (one of my FB friends was tagged in it) pouring a bucket of ice water over himself and didn’t even say one word. He did, however write a caption to go along with the video which said, “I just wanted to join you!I do not know the reason why we do this. But, I understand that we only have 24 hours left to do this. Please accept my apology if the way I am covered with cold water is inappropriate.” The Ice Bucket Challenge has reached all the way to Asia but he doesn’t even know WHY Americans are doing it? Not only does it make us look stupid and well, ‘Americans’, but it proves all the naysayers right in that people are doing the Ice Bucket Challenge to entertain and for shock value, not for its real cause. Those naysayers include people like this writer for Slate, who proposes people start the “No Ice Bucket Challenge”, in which people skip the ice bucket thing all together and just donate to the ALSA.

I know I’m starting to sound like I’m against this whole thing, but hear me out: here’s the problem with this guy’s No Ice Bucket Challenge pitch – this is already a thing. Anyone, anywhere, can donate money any time to the ALSA. And since it’s an ongoing thing where they seek funds, the organisation (or its supporters) have to constantly come up with creative ways to get people to donate to their cause. It’s why advertising is a thing. For instance, you know a company like Coca-Cola exists, but they have to always have to keep re-inventing ways to entice customers to purchase their product over Pepsi, and in general, just stay in their brains. ALS isn’t necessarily a well known disease and this one simple campaign has already attracted the attention of thousands of people from around the world. So the next time someone hears about ALS (or Lou Gherig’s Disease), they might remember, ‘oh yeah, that had to do with the whole Ice Bucket Challenge thing’, maybe I’ll donate to them that year.

Not only that, but since July 29th, when this whole Challenge really took off, to today (August 15th) the ALSA has raised $9.5 million, and that amount is only going to get bigger as the days go on (like I said, Oprah has yet to respond). For comparison, this same time last year – the ALSA only raised $1.6 million. That statistic alone should prove to the “No Ice Bucket Challenge” people that all of this wasted ice and water was worth it. Stop complaining and look at the facts. Or better yet grab a bucket and put your money where your ice is.

Camp Cookies + Sangria: Revisiting The Baby-Sitters Club Movie

For many girls (and boys) of our generation, the Baby-Sitters Club played a huge part in our childhood. Of course there were the beloved books, the TV show, and in 1995 came the feature film. I was particularly fond of said film, and it was one of my absolute favorites. So much so that I practically wore out my VHS tape – that’s right kids, a VHS tape because this was before DVDs existed. In fact I was so fond of the movie that when my friends wanted to borrow my copy, I was paranoid they wouldn’t give it back that I created a fake library card, forcing them to write their name and sign the tape in and out up the return. That story again: I was a huge nerd.

If you’ve seen the movie, you know that it takes place over the course of the summer, and the BSC decides to make some extra money by holding a summer day camp for the kids in the backyard of Mary Anne’s house. As a nine year old watching the movie, the BSC summer camp seemed like paradise. As I previously mentioned, I only went to summer camp once, for one week only. If you’re wondering what I did all the other weeks of summer – the answer is… I guess I spent a lot of time at home? Sometimes going to my parents’ office? Oh I did go to a day camp for a few years at the Christian school my friend went too. I forgot I did that. NEWAYZ, the point is that as an only child, the thought of hanging out with other people at a summer camp in a back yard seemed really cool.

I decided to watch the BSC movie for the first time in a number of years (on Netflix Instant! My VHS player is out of order), and looking back on it from an adult’s perspective – this summer camp doesn’t look like a kid’s idea of heaven – it looks like hell. Not only that, but it seems so unrealistic that parents would let their kids go to some ramshackle youth gathering with teen girls in charge. So naturally, I had a few thoughts about this. Here are just a few:

Before we start, here’s a song to get you in the mood/bring you back to 1995:

I’d like to start off by saying it’s weird watching this movie on Netflix because the quality is so clear. I’m used to seeing VHS quality, you know when it just felt like you’re watching a movie from the 90s. Even the 90s clothing kind of looks like they’re in style because it’s so clear. Also, hipsters.

Kristy: “I don’t mean to brag or anything, but we’re famous here in Stoneybrook. Everybody knows us. That’s because everybody uses us.” {maybe you should reevaluate the company you keep, Kristy}

Kristy, the leader of the BSC, pitches this day camp idea and all I can think of is HOW ARE THESE KIDS GOING TO RUN A SUMMER CAMP LEGALLY?? Like do they have to get a permit to run a business in a backyard? Good thing Mary Anne’s dad is a lawyer and has them sign a contract.

Stacey: “Do you guys think I should have told him?”
Everyone: “Who?”
Stacey: “Luca! He doesn’t know I have diabetes.”

The 17 year old you’re crushing on doesn’t know you’re 13, but the diabetes is your first concern? REALLY?!

Poor Marla Sokoloff, always typecast as the bitch. You may remember her for her work as Gia, the smoking girl who befriends Stephanie Judith Tanner in Full House. Here, she is seen wearing an outfit that makes me think she was inspired by Cher Horowitz, and in a diner on a Friday, because these kids are still in middle school.

The girls figure that if they charge $250 per camper and get at least 30 campbers they can make  $7,500! To which Jessi suggest, “We can get a fax machine!”

You know you’re old when you sympathize more with the curmudgeonly old neighbor (played by Ellen Burstyn) than the tweens running a summer camp for kids.

I mean look at the types of children that attend this camp though. Why all the band-aids on his face???

“You can tell somebody when you’re ticked off. I mean we can’t let men get away with everything.” {AHEAD OF ITS TIME}

Ok so mouse pancakes are one of those random things that stuck out to me in the movie even after all these years. It was Kristy’s (deadbeat) dad’s signature dish and he called them mouse pancakes because they were shaped like mice. In my head when I remember this, it was always a vague image… however, this is what they actually look like.

Also, Kristy’s stupid dad pretty much lived in the same bright yellow Volgswagen van Abigail Breslin was in as a toddler in a tiara. Kristy should’ve never trusted him. 

Oh hey Ellen Burstyn threatens to reject their permit and the girls freak out because they don’t have one. I guess I forgot they ran into this problem. PERMITS ARE IMPORTANT PEOPLE.

Dawn: “Did we even have a country back then?”
Mallory: “No, but we had a lot of diphtheria. What? I’m writing a novel about the first nurse in America.” {you WOULD}

Claudia had to go to summer school and she has to pass the final test or else she’s screwed. The girls make a rap for her to help her remember all the information she needs to know in order to pass the test.

Listen. There is no way Claudia could’ve passed based on the rap song her friends performed her ONE time. Also the lyrics don’t provide any useful information. They literally keep saying “the brain the brain the center of the chain”. HOW DOES THIS HELP HER WITH MULTIPLE CHOICE QUESTIONS?

Kristy’s mom: “Look at nana’s tomatoes. They’re huge! This year she’s singing them showtunes. They’re a lot bigger than when she was singing them church songs.” {and ironically 100% more gay}

Stacey and Claudia go to New York City with Luca and his friends to a teen club – but the problem is that they need to be 16 – and Luca still doesn’t know she’s 13. At least by this point he knows she’s diabetic. Obviously they can’t get in, but more importantly – remember TEEN CLUBS?? ARE THOSE STILL A THING?

Also, remember when we were so reliant on phones to contact people? I mean Kristy couldn’t get a hold of her father at the hotel he was staying at because he checked out and didn’t have a cell phone. Also he’s a douche because he said he would meet her at the carnival and left her a note instead, and the BSC had to get Luca to drive them to go find Kristy. Again, this all would’ve been much easier with cell phones.

One more thing about Luca – still a creep! What 17 year old guy hangs out with 13 year olds for fun? He also tells Stacey that he’ll be back next summer (he’s from Germany) and she says, “I’ll be 14” and then he kisses her. HELLO THAT’S EVEN WORSE HE’LL BE 18 AND BARELY LEGAL.

that haircut doe

In the end, they barely make a profit from the camp. The greenhouse they renovated to make an office for the club ended up going to curmudgeonly Ellen Burstyn and they’re all friends again. All is right in the world of Stoneybrook. And despite the fact I don’t think a day camp is cool anymore and Ellen Burstyn is probably me in 20 years, this movie is still library card worthy.

Who Even ARE You? : Teen Choice Awards Edition

Back in my day, the Teen Choice Awards were all about the best in music, movies and TV, with only 16 categories and Britney Spears won all the surfboards. Now there are like 90+ and there’s an entire category dedicated to web stars. Before you say, ‘Now Traci, you sound so curmudgeonly, like the adults who complained when the internet first came out’ and I KNOW THIS. I’m not saying I don’t enjoy a good Vine or entertaining YouTube video, but good LAWD there are so many of them.

But I can’t say I’m surprised. A recent study showed that YouTube stars are more popular than mainstream stars among teenagers. That means some dudes named Smosh are technically more popular than Jennifer Lawrence and TBH IDK what to do with that kind of information. It leads into a whole other discussion that I find fascinating – the fact that not only are celebrities so much more accessible than they were even 10 years ago, but that literally anyone can be a celebrity, and both are perpetuated by social media.

I guess it’s just a different world than a decade ago – which brings me to my ultimate point – we are old. We are old, and not the target demographic for the Teen Choice Awards anymore. Which explains why I don’t know who a lot of the internet nominees are, and it doesn’t even matter that I don’t. Despite the fact I consider myself to be fairly knowledgable with pop culture, this is a whole other world of the internet that is completely beyond me. So to make the rest of you feel just as old as I do, here are just some of the folks that either won or were nominated for TCAs this year – and are infinitely more popular than you are and ever will be.

*Um, I feel like I should write a disclaimer reminding anyone reading this under the age of 18 that I am a 28 year OLD lady so please no trolling. Save that for your YouTubes and your Vines and your Tumblrs. Okay. Go on.

Cameron Dallas

{Winner, Choice Male Viner}

This dude apparently has more than 5 million subscribers on Vine. He also got butt hurt when he found out that the TCAs are rigged. I mean, I don’t want to be the bearer of bad news but, this is the Teen Choice Awards. Tell any adult this and they won’t be surprised.

The Janoskians

{Presenters}

Okay, so I had definitely heard of this group in my internet travels, but as I was doing research for this very post, I realized that I had been calling them by the wrong name in my head – the “Jankosians”. I honestly thought they were a group of like Armenian brothers who did stuff on YouTube HAHAHAHAHA In fact, they’re a bunch of Australian pranksters whose name is an acronym for Just Another Name Of Silly Kids In Another Nation, which honestly the Armenian backstory is more believable. They are made up of 5 guys between the ages of 18 and 21 (three of which are brothers), and have racked up over 108 million views on YouTube. They also sing and have a song legit called “This Freakin/Fuckin Song”. Oh and one of them dated (I think they broke up again?) Ariana Grande. Slash when they were on the blue carpet at the TCAs, one of them got up on one of the surfboards while the other dudes lifted him up and he ended up falling and needed a neck brace? I think it was a prank? But ugh.

Smosh

{Presenters}

Smosh is a comedy duo made of Ian Andrew Hecox and Anthony Padilla who are super famous on YouTube and have more than 18 million subscribers with over 3.4 billion views. They have eight Smosh related channels on YouTube and I didn’t even realize that the demand for more video content could be so high that they have to fill 8 channels. I can barely get people to watch one of my stupid videos.

Becky G

{Performer}

Becky G got famous the Justin Bieber way – by posting her own covers and remixes of pop songs. She’s gone on to collaborate with Cher Lloyd and Kesha, and has a song out called Shower, which I’m embarassed to say I heard before she performed it on the TCAs. Becky G was a last-minute replacement for Rita Ora, and my main takeaway from the first 45 seconds of her performance before I muted it was that it sounded like she came front the same training camp as Rebecca Black.

O2L (OurSecondLife)

{Winners, Web Star: Comedy}

O2L is the first “vlogger supergroup,”, which means they’re a group of boys from their mid to late teens who talk about their lives – or at least the interesting parts, i guess – on YouTube. Relatedly, do you guys remember the game Second Life? I had a friend that was super into it. And also, Dwight Schrute was into it too. Basically that’s the first thing I thought of when I saw this “supergroup”.

Troye Sivan

{Winner, Web Collaboration}

Um I just got sidetracked for about 40 minutes watching videos of this kid on YouTube. So he won best Web Collaboration for this “Boyfriend Tag” video with (the seemingly divisive) Tyler Oakley and apparently they’re like one of the most popular OTPs out there in the internet (search the #Troyler tag). I got sucked in because Troye is actually this adorable Australian kid and he has an EP coming out soon because he’s also a singer. Now I understand how people can just watch these videos all day.

Jack & Jack

{Nominees, Choice Viner}

These two have been BFFs since they were practically babies and have amassed over 4 million followers on Vine. They also are a hip-hop duo, because apparently all internet celebrities are also musicians.

Zoe “Zoella” Sugg

{Winner, Web Star: Fashion/Beauty}

Zoe is a super adorable chick from the U.K. and I have major hair envy. When she first started vlogging her beauty tips, she worked at an interior design company, and now she’s one of Britain’s top social media influencers, and has even scored a book deal. She’s also dating this other famous YouTuber called Alfie and they’re a popular OTP too (#Zalfie). Oh internet. You are too much.

Every Generation Gets The April O’Neil It Deserves

As the gloriously childless aunt of 6 little boys, I’ve learned a thing or two. First, if little boys did their own grocery shopping it would be an entire cart piled with fruit snacks and Goldfish crackers, and ketchup to dip them in because little boys don’t really care that you’re disgusted by that (also they wouldn’t be able to pay because those children are unemployed as helllll). Second, the more little boys you have in one house, the lower their ability to direct their pee into a toilet. If you have more than four little boys sharing a bathroom, you may as well install a drain in the center of the floor and buy a hose attachment for the shower to spray everything down at night. The entire room is essentially one of those pee troughs I hear they have in men’s rooms at old stadiums. And third, little boys love the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. It was true in the early ’90s, and it’s true today. So while I normally would have left Ninja Turtles behind with Puppy Surprise and Noozles, I actually have a pretty decent working knowledge of those pizza-eating reptiles.

But guys, Ninja Turtles has changed since we all fell in love with those heroes in a half shell three decades ago. Well, not so much the Turtles themselves – they’re still some weird version of the 90s surfer archetype – but April O’Neil. April, a female human, is the Turtles’ keeper, sort of a combination of Wendy Darling and Lois Lane. While the Turtles are basically static, April O’Neil is an ever-changing, bouncy-haired sign of the times. Like hemlines or employment rates, I think that whatever’s going on with April O’Neil tells you what’s going on with America:

1984– Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Comic Book)

Profession:

Computer Programmer

Age: 27
Appearance:
What It All Means:

April O’Neil, whitewashed character? Well, maybe. It all hinges on one question: Is that a perm or a jheri curl? 80s style aside, early April is ethnically ambiguous. She was in computer programming when there barely was computer programming. She was a talented hacker back when the only thing there was to hack into was black screens with green writing and the top scores in the nearest arcade’s Pac Man game. Basically, April O’Neil was the future. She’s also a rebel and a nonconformist: remember, this is the go-go 80s, when the successful smart ladies looked more like this:

With her Members Only jacket and bigass scarf, April is obviously dressed for practicality, not fashion. Although those blinding earrings say “hey, I can be glam, too.” Or maybe they’re also weapons.

I know it looks like April’s packing heat but that’s just how jeans made people’s crotches look in 1984.


 

1987 – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Animated Series)

Profession:

TV Reporter

Age: 28
Appearance:
What It All Means

Ah, the Reagan Era. Big hair, big shoulder pads, big business. TV reporter is a bit more in line with the flashy professions you’d expect a late-80s leading lady to have. You’ll notice that as TMNT goes more mainstream, April has become conspicuously busty and Caucasian. I tried to Google “why does April O’Neil wear a jumpsuit” (I forget if there was a reason) but to no avail.

April is a smart, feisty lady who obviously needs, from my vantage point, a minimum of eight pockets to store all of her stuff. Buy a purse, April. Buy a purse. Or a fanny pack. Weren’t those the thing during this time?

Also, considering her outfit is all one piece I’m pretty confused about what the belt does.


 

1990, 1991, 1993 – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Live-Action Movies)

Profession: TV reporter
Age: ?
Appearance:
What It All Means

If the ladies of the 80s were all about glitz and glamour, the Bush I/ Clinton-era gals were into practicality, sensible footwear, jorts, and unisex button-ups. They were what normcore aspires to be. This was April O’Neil’s Elaine Benes moment: just a regular girl who pals around with the guys, except the guys are these giant turtles to whom she plays den mother. Think less “hot jumpsuit” and more “yellow raincoat from the Lands End catalog.” Although no longer a braniac computer programmer, this April is one heck of an investigative reporter and , like her comic book counterpart, she’s not afraid to admit she likes a good chunky knit sweater.

If you’re wondering where you know her from: Judith Hoag now plays Tandy Hampton on Nashville.


 

2003 – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (AnimatedSeries)

Profession:

Scientist, I guess? And apparently also shop owner?

Age: 27
Appearance:

What It All Means

This is a throwback to April 1.0 – because in a post-9/11 world, all we wanted was a little stability? Maybe. I’ve made it this  far without seeing any episodes of this incarnation, but the hair makes me think there’s sort of an Agent Scully thing happening here. You can tell April’s a scientist because she’s wearing a white coat and, more importantly, she has those two loose tendrils of hair that ladies always sported in the early 2000s in order to show people that they were busy and sort of carefree but could totally let the bun down and have nice hair if they wanted to.

 


 

2007 – TMNT (Weird CGI looking movie thing)

Profession:

Archaeologist

Age: adult?
Appearance:

What It All Means

Is this a Bratz doll? This has got to be some sort of Bratz doll. Remember, this was during the heyday of the celebrity gossip cycle about Britney, Lindsay and Paris. Even children’s characters were sort of sassy and weird, with the giant eyes of something that gestated near a nuclear power plant, Michael Jackson noses and Hungry Caterpiller lips. This was also during the era when they started taking all of our beloved 80s and 90s shows and remaking them with cheap computer animation that made it look like it was supposed to be in 3d but wasn’t. You can also see the influence of Lara Croft: Angelina Jolie with the archaeologist job and the big braid.


 

2012 – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Computer Animated Series)

Profession:

Student

Age: Like 17 or something
Appearance:

What It All Means

If the last one was a Bratz doll, is this one a Lego person? You know what this April says about America? That in 2012 we were in a recession and we made some cheap-ass cartoons. This looks like one of Clarissa Darling’s video games.


 

2014 – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Michael Bay situation)

Profession:

“Lifestyle Reporter”

Age: 20-something

Appearance:

 

What It All Means

Honestly, though, what DOES it all mean? We started with a be-jheri curled ethnically ambiguous computer programmer, went to a sensible 90s tv reporter with Jerry Seinfeld’s wardrobe, then circled around to … Megan Fox. This is where we are and hope we’re all very happy with this outcome.

On one hand, you have that whole “Olivia Wilde is ‘too hot’ to play a journalist” nonsense, and I mean, why can’t an intelligent, professional woman  — who also hangs out in sewers eating pizza with turtles who are also mutants who are also teenagers — look like Megan Fox? But it’s not that I don’t think smart people look like Megan Fox, it’s that I don’t think human people do. But on the other hand, this is a character who, well, hangs out in sewers eating pizza with turtles who are also mutants who are also teenagers. In a Michael Bay movie. Our disbelief has long been suspended. Still, I miss the hard-hitting journalism (lifestyle reporter, April?), the science, the chunky sweaters, the pockets.

Guys, every generation gets the April O’Neil it deserves. And this is ours now, I guess.

Say I Look So Good Tonight ***Beyonce Concert Fashion

Last weekend I was #blessed enough to be in the presence of these two magical creatures for two and a half hours:

It was my first time seeing Beysus in concert, and since this post will not be a concert review, I will simply say that for about the first 10 minutes of the show, I stood there in awe. I could not believe Beyonce was real. I mean I was practically in the farthest possible seat I could be from her, but still, her aura took over the entirety of the Rose Bowl and I may or may not have teared up. It’s just emotions taking me over, y’all.

Anyways, I guess I should’ve figured this going into the concert, but it didn’t hit me until we were there – Beyonce fans DRESS UP. Like of course I’ve been to other gigs where girls dress like they’re going to velvet-rope-name-on-the-list-type-of club. But the fashion at a Beyonce concert combined with the venue that is LOS ANGELES is something that is beyond your wildest. Suffice it to say, I was nearly just as in awe with the fans as I was with Bey.

me & my girl caitlin couldn’t believe what we were witnessing. note: animated speech bubbles don’t actually come out of her head.

Let’s get one thing straight folks: You are not Beyonce. You’re not Yonce. You’re not even Bey. No one comes close to Beyonce, so let’s all be honest with ourselves and remember that simple truth. This fact is not to say that you can’t channel your inner Beyonce. We all want to be talented and confident in our own skin, but you have to do you.

Before I get into these pictures, I want to make it clear I’m not posting these to shame anyone, or make fun of them. I am just utterly fascinated by this subculture of fashion. I’m not putting anyone down for being brave enough to wear some of these outfits, because more power to you. But in all honesty, these people wouldn’t have dressed like this if they didn’t want at least a few people to take note. Now that that’s out of the way…

Los Angeles is not a fashion capital like New York, but you will definitely see people dressing up just to go to the nearest Whole Foods. Like, I’d say New York is more of where new style trends begin, and LA is where people try out new trends that just end up looking stupid. Does that make sense? What do I know, I’m no fashion expert.

What I do know is that I’ve been to a lot of concerts in my life, and I understand the desire to look good. I also understand the need to fit the genre of whatever type of concert you’re going to. E.G. wearing a cowboy hat at a country music concert, looking like a hipster/hippie/inappropriate Native American at Coachella, wearing a One Direction shirt and holding a One Direction sign at a One Direction concert, etc. etc. So naturally, a lot of people at the Beyonce/Jay Z concert dressed like Beyonce (Jay Z fans are too cool to wear anything that would distinguish them as a Jay Z fan).

Take for example, Pretty Little Liars star Shay Mitchell, who attended night 2 of 2 in LA, and wore this:

Shay, a highly influential, gorgeous actress on a teen drama with 4.2 million followers on Instagram, and probably had paparazzi on her that night, did her own take on this Beyonce look, so it makes a little bit more sense to dress as she did. And then there’s the woman below, who didn’t exactly nail it like Shay or Bey. The sheer knee highs is probably the most offensive of the entire outfit, because it makes her look more like a lady of the night than one of B’s backup dancers.

Also please take note of her platform heels. This was a big thing I noticed at the concert. I’d say a good 70 to 80% of girls I saw were wearing high heels. The concert was 2 and a half hours – I stood the entire time and my feet hurt from the wedge sneakers I was wearing. By the end of the night, as everyone was scrambling through patches of dirt and grass made slightly wet from the (unusual) rain that came down for about the last hour of the concert, the heels were digging into the earth, gals were clutching onto their men for support, some were even brave enough to go barefoot, and of course there were those girls who you could just tell were dying in their heels because there were 20 paces behind their group barely walking, focusing on each step and swaying back and forth as if they were drunk (I mean, they very well could have been).

So I took the photo below from Instagram, and you can check out this guy’s insta if you want, but honestly, his caption on this pic turned from hilarious to sexist in a hot second, so I mean, do what you will. He did get some good pix though, because I saw outfits just as bad as these. The top one not only illustrates the whole grabbing on for dear life because your feet are on fire theory, but it also shows the range of outfits that the ladies wore. The woman on the far left went for a more casual look with a shirt and jeans, while the lady in red went for a nice dress, and the girl she’s supporting… needs more support on the bottom. I mean those shorts look like Spanx, amirite, ladies?

And the gal on the bottom? Yeah… remember what I said about distinguishing your own self from Beyonce? Beyonce makes it look good. She is also a 17-time Grammy winner with a multi-million dollar empire, and released this (***Flawless) video without any publicity and still had a best-selling album, so she can wear this.
Again, I’m not trying to be mean here, but all of what this guy is wearing, I’m against. Like even if Shay Mitchell was wearing it, I wouldn’t be into it.

Alright, so there was this girl in our section who basically looked like the Asian girl in your 4th grade class who wore her hair in pigtails everyday. Except IRL, this chick was probably a college student. She was wearing short overalls with a bright neon pink bikini top that is probably from the Under Armor bathing suit collection. And she did the whole one unclasped off the shoulder thing too! It was appalling. To give you an idea of what she looked like, here is Miranda Lambert holding up a fish I’m assuming she caught somewhere in the Oklahoma (again, I’m assuming).

In another example of channeling Bey, here is the Queen in that Pepsi commercial where she pulled an Orphan Black (pre-OB) and danced with different versions of herself in the funhouse mirror.

And this is a girl who can best be described as #YouTried.

All this is to say that apparently there was a world of Beyonce fashion I didn’t fully understand until last weekend, and it hit me in the face like an angry sibling in an elevator. Again, I think this is an important lesson for both women and men is to know what works best for you and your body type, what looks good and what does not. Not all of us can be as ***Flawless as Beyonce.

 Queen B thanks you for your time.

I’m Overly Emotional About Chris Pratt

Earlier this year, Chris Pratt was a guest on one of the final Late Night with Jimmy Fallon episodes before he took over The Tonight Show, and Pratt told the story of the first time they met. When he was first starting out in the business, Pratt got nominated for a Teen Choice Award – and lost – but he also presented a surfboard and did a comedy bit that he didn’t think went over too well. A justifiably disappointed Pratt ran into Jimmy backstage, and Jimmy told him, ‘Great job, man. You were really funny tonight’.

Pratt admitted that the moment meant so much to him since the compliment came from one of the best comedians around and Jimbo cheered him up despite the fact he bombed on stage. He then said something that has stuck with me ever since, and maybe made me (and Jimmy) cry a little. He told Jimmy, “I think you deserve all your success because you were nice to me and nice people deserve success.”

It’s so simple but it’s so true. If you put positive energy and good vibes into the world, it will surely come back to you. And that’s why I’m weirdly proud and happy for Chris Pratt becoming a huge movie star.

Let’s get this out there first – I’m obviously not friends with Pratt IRL. I’m just a Parks and Recreation fan who, like many other fans of the show, have watched this guy turn into a literal superhero. His comedic timing and delivery on Parks has always been on point, and creator Mike Schur will even tell you that Pratt is one of the best improvisers on the show – and this show stars Amy Poehler.

When Pratt got cast in Moneyball, it was exciting for me as a fan to see him in this Oscar-nominated film with BRAD PITT. I mean he was sitting next to Brad in a joint interview on Ellen and I was like – CHRIS PRATT – OF EVERWOOD AND THE OC AND FRIGGIN ANDY DWYER IS SITTING IN BETWEEN ELLEN DEGENERES AND BRAD PITT!!! Crazypants. Then he went on to star in two more Oscar-nominated films, Zero Dark Thirty and Her, and I still got a weird feeling of pride, it was like witnessing a friend on the verge of superstardom.

So in 2011, I went to a TV Academy event for Parks and Rec, where they screen an episode and most of the cast is there to talk about the show and convince Academy members to vote for them in the Emmys. After the panel, the actors usually stick around to take pix and and sign autographs for the fans, and that, kids, is how I met Chris Pratt.

Photo Aug 04, 10 26 34 PM

I usually prep myself with like one thing to tell celebs when I meet them, and my point of discussion with Pratt was that I was looking forward to seeing the film What’s Your Number, which he filmed in Boston (seriously guys, I love that movie. Half-naked Chris Evans? What’s not to love?). I told him I went to school there and he started going on and on about how he loved Boston and how excited he was for the movie, and just conversing with me as if we were having a coffee date. I was thinking in my head, ‘Um, there is LIT’RALLY a line of people waiting to take a pic with you, but you just want to chat with me forever? Okay.’ He was so down to earth, and legit one of, if not the nicest, celebrities I’ve ever met, and I will always remember that about him.

Fast forward to present day, where Chris Pratt, a super jacked, funny and charming motherfucker is seemingly everywhere thanks to Guardians of the Galaxy. To many who didn’t know him before the lead in Marvel’s latest film, it was like he became an overnight sensation. I mean it made $160 million in the worldwide box office – that’s a lot of people who have seen Pratt’s abs and had no idea he looked like this at one point:

This one role has made him a MOVIE STAR in every sense of the word, and next year, I’m assuming he’ll become even bigger thanks to Jurassic World. And then, you know, the GotG sequel, etc. etc.

But one thing for sure is that fame won’t get to his head. He hasn’t let it so far and I don’t think he ever will. In all his interviews over the past few weeks, you can tell he’s still the same guy that started out as Bright Abbott or the lovable golden labrador retriever that is Andy Dwyer. He knows how lucky he is to go from living in a van in Hawaii to eventually becoming Star Lord. He can dominate a red (blue) carpet one day

and be extremely happy his wife is making him tater tots the next.

Screenshot 2014-08-04 23.45.24

So seeing Pratt receive all this attention and acclaim has kind of made me (irrationally?) emotional for someone I just met once. But doesn’t that say something in and of itself? That a 2 minute interaction would have such an impact on a fan that it makes her tear up when he gets a rousing round of applause as walks on stage for an interview with Letterman? Maybe I’m too emotional or maybe I’m too obsessed with Parks, but I believe that this is just the beginning of Chris Pratt’s long, successful career. He deserves all his success because he was so nice to me and nice people deserve success.