WHO’S EXCITED ABOUT MAD MEN RETURNING THIS SUNDAY?!!?!
Sorry, I’ll stop yelling at you. I’m just really hyped about it. Mad Men is one of my all time favorite shows, and since it’s only 13 episodes long, fans like me spend more time waiting for it to come back than actually watching it. Besides the A+ acting and the unexpected story lines, the style plays an important part of the show. Since it’s set in New York City in the 1960s, it’s important to take the viewers back to that era with visual cues, since the written words can’t always express the time frame. Creator Matt Weiner does an amazing job of making sure every little detail is accurate to that particular time in the 1960s, and costume designer Janie Bryant is just as fastidious. Her style decisions have even inspired a Mad Men fashion line at Banana Republic, so she must be doing something right.
Here are some of my favorite costumes from seasons past. I can’t wait to see what 1968 brings! And spoiler alert: There are no pix of Jon Hamm’s “Don Draper” (ifyanowwhatimean).
Alright, folks. For my job, I have to watch the major reality TV shows. Your American Idols, your Bachelors, your The X Factors. On this past season of The X Factor, I didn’t really connect with any one act like I usually do. However, I’ve found that long after the finale in December, one group has stood out – and they didn’t even win.
Meet Fifth Harmony. A group of five girls ranging from 16 to 19 years old with excellent voices. They each tried out individually, didn’t make it, but they were brought back into the competition as a group (much like One Direction when they were on The X Factor UK). Their first song performed together was a complete game changer, and shocker, really. Because here were these girls who were just thrown together and in a matter of days, were supposed to learn a song, harmonies, and act like they’ve been together forever. Here’s their first performance, Impossible, which was during the judges’ house round. You’ll see an indiscernable Simon Cowell (their mentor), and guest judge Marc Anthony (starts around 2:17)
They made it to the next round – over groups who had been together forever. And to be honest, this was their best performance of the competition, until the top 4, where they pulled out all the stops. Judge L.A. Reid criticized them throughout the show that they always sang in unison (which was pretty accurate), but when they took on Ellie Goulding’s Anything Could Happen, it changed their fate and they landed in the finale after this performance (Starts at 2:20)
Since they landed in 3rd place, they ultimately lost the $5 million recording contract, but like a lot of rejected folks these days, they got one anyways. Incidentally, L.A. Reid signed them to his Epic Records label, and they’re currently working on their first album. And for some reason, I feel like their fan base has only grown since they ‘lost,’ and it could partly be because they have a huge internet following. Since they’re teenage girls, social media is their backbone, and as we all know, behind the scenes pix, selfies, videos, a simple mention or retweet makes fangirls/boys go wild.
Their tactic now is to record cover songs and post them online, which means they have thousands of fans literally all over the world playing their videos over and over again. I think it’s brilliant, because it’s exactly when they did on the show, except sans the flashy lights and costumes. Just their voices and a piano. Here are some of the best covers they’ve posted (I have no shame in telling you I can’t stop listening to them). And I’m stating for the record – they’re going to be big. Maybe even bigger than the winner himself. Tate Stevens, who?
Thinkin’ Bout You – Frank Ocean
Lego House – Ed Sheeran
They Don’t Know About Us – One Direction
Stay – Rihanna
BONUS: This gif of Camila (also my fave singer) is the best thing. Made me think I should be best friends with a 16 year old. One time she tweeted, “I like food and the internet.” I MEAN.
In response to “Harry Styles (From One Direction) tweeted you guys again…”
Last week, you probably saw your Facebook, Twitter, and essentially the internet pop up with an overwhemling sea of red. At least mine did. If you’re not aware, as a sign of support for the Supreme Court’s two big hearings about same-sex marriage laws which began on Monday, people changed their profile pictures, cover photos, etc. to this:
For the record, I am a huge supporter of gay marriage (or, marriage) and gay rights ( or, human rights). But I didn’t feel the need to change my profile picture to this because A) Everyone was doing it, and I didn’t want to conform, B) How long is this supposed to last? C) I don’t feel like I need to change my profile picture to a red equal sign just to prove to most of the people I’m friends with that I’m for gay marriage D) I hate that we live in a world where we have to do this kind of thing in the first place.
Ok, off my soapbox. That being said, it got a little annoying that I couldn’t deliniate people’s FB pic from everyone else, but lo and behold, a few quality red equality signs had redesigns, and they’re awesome. Here are a few of my favorites. (most of these are from Buzzfeed!)
Rothko!
Sleeping Tilda Swinton
Dumbledore puppet
bacon
bert and ernie
grumpy cat
paula deen
les mis! slash i can’t stop singing this song with all the red i’m seeing
I’m not a big sports person. At most, I have an infinite love for the Boston Celtics, but that’s pretty much it. So when March Madness comes around, everyone is doing their brackets and talking about how well or poorly it’s going but I honestly could care less. My boss tried to talk to me about how excited he was but I could barely even pretend to be happy for him. Days later he returned to me saying he ripped it all up because it went to shit (Harvard. Hey, I know some things).
So for my own personal pleasure, here’s my bracket for March Madness, that I really wish had some money on it, because I would definitely win against myself.
The 27th, yes you read that right, 27th season of The Real World premiered last week, and MTV decided to re-air three “retro” seasons to gear up for the kids moving into a house in Portland, Oregon. While I was watching the old episodes of New York, Las Vegas, and San Francisco, it reminded me how reality TV used to be exactly that – reality. The first few seasons of RW featured honest, natural people who just agreed to live in a house with strangers. The show is credited to being one of the ‘founding fathers’ of the genre, and there’s no question once you see these ‘retro’ episodes.
However the problem is that 21 years later, reality TV, and RW in particular, has just become a parody of itself. The kids on the series these days are simply filling in the stereotypes they’ve seen on TV, and it takes away the exact element that made the series so special in the first place.
Now I can go on about this, but we’ll save that for another day. The point is that The first decade of RW seasons were the best, primarily because they were the ones that cleared the path, showed no air of insincerity, and just shared their lives on tape. I started watching RW in 1995, during season 4 in London (and if you’re doing the math, yes I was only nine years old. This says a lot about me as an adult). I watched religiously, up until about season 18 in Denver. So here’s my list of the 10 best Real World seasons – from season 1 to 18. I’m assuming all the ones after that weren’t worth watching anyways.
10) London
To some, the London cast was the most “boring,” which I can understand. However, like I said, this was the very first season I watched, so mainly for sentimental value, this ranks at number 10. As a 9 year old, I had no idea what to expect, who these people were, and why they weren’t acting with a laugh track behind them like all the other shows I was used to. I mean these were American kids living in an apartment in London with some British folk, one of whom got his tongue bit by a fan at one of his rock shows, an Aussie, and a German man named Lars. ‘What kind of world is this??’, asked 9-year-old Traci. ‘The real world,’ answered future Traci.
9) Los Angeles
I feel like Los Angeles was lost in the mix since it was right after the inaugural New York season, and right before the iconic San Francisco season. While I still have no idea who that blonde kid is, and I can’t believe Beth is the same Beth from the 10 million Challenges she’s done, the thing I won’t forget is “bad ass” David dragging a half naked Tami through their hallways and it being a big deal. Also, Tami getting an abortion was also a big deal, but I didn’t really understand what that was about as a tot.
8) New York
When I was re-watching this a couple weekends ago, I just couldn’t get over how old everything looked. The clothes, the background music, just the way it was shot – everything looked so 1993. I mean in this picture alone, Eric has a huge cell phone in his hand and Julie thinks she’s super hot wearing all denim (which is actually back in style now). And why do they have that big ass dog? Anyways, New York paved the way for the subsequent 26 seasons and reality TV in general. The fact that a gay man, a black politician, and a small town southern girl all lived in a house for one month with no idea what they were getting in to was the biggest risk MTV could ever take – with the greatest reward.
7) Las Vegas
Ok so Las Vegas. This was the season I clearly remember thinking: ‘Oh my GOD this is a SHIT SHOW.’ By this point, the previous seasons had already seen debaucherous moments (see: Miami threesome in the shower), but this was just a whole new level. Seven 20-somethings thrown into SIN CITY? The producers knew what they were doing. I mean Trishelle? In a hot tub? Are you kidding me?
6) Miami
Did you watch that clip of Flora, Sarah and Dan creepin on the Mike/Melissa/random chick threesome? Because that is one of the highlights from this season. The other one – and maybe one of the best moments in all of RW history, is when Melissa opens an envelope that belongs to Dan, and all hell breaks loose. When he confronts her, it’s a line I will never forget, when he says, “Was it fucking yours to open up, you stupid bitch??!” And Melissa, a strong Latina, does not take lightly to the ‘bitch’ name calling, and she starts to go off and calls him a ‘fucking flamer.’ Now obviously this entire fight is ridiculous, but the way they go off on each other is a fight made in Real World heaven.
5) Boston
Hey, remember when Sean was like, totally the cutest log roller ever? But then you grew up and found out he’s an uber-conservative Republican, married to Rachel Campos from San Francisco, have six kids together and the dream of ever marrying him was shattered? No just me? Ok, well besides Sean, every single one of these cast members was memorable. I believe this was the first season a lesbian (Genesis) was a featured cast member, and one of the most touching scenes in the season was when she and Kameelah were talking to two young girls at the school they worked at about homophobia. I would love if MTV decided to play this season again, especially since as I was watching it in 1997, I had no idea I would go to college in that very city and attend a capella concerts at their fire house (true story). Also, the stereotypes of weird names on reality TV must have reached its peak with this season – Genesis, Montana, Elka, Syrus, and Kameelah?
4) Seattle
Speaking of Boston, does “KIIIRRAA!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH IT KILLS ME!!!” ring a bell? David, beloved Charlestown resident, caused a scandal when it was discovered that he had been dating Kira, a casting associate for Bunim-Murray. Their relationship led to her eventual firing, but viewers got to see, well hear, David profess his love for her in a car. And then there was Irene who had Lyme disease, and her problem with Stephen. Just before she left the house (early), she called Stephen a ‘homosexual,‘ and since he was extremely offended by the remark, he proceeded to throw the beloved stuffed animal (which he stole from her) into the Seattle waters, then chase after her in her car to slap her in the face. The good news is that years later, he came out and announced he was engaged to his partner. So I mean, at least he has that going for him.
3) Hawaii
As soon as Ruthie and Teck got to the house, they took off all their clothes and skinny-dipped in their beautiful Hawaiian home. That’s when I knew it was going to be a good season. Besides the ‘are they or aren’t they’ with Amaya and Colin, Ruthie really stole the entire season with her constant drinking and alcohol problem that she failed to admit was ruining her life. Also on the first night, she drank so much that she became unconscious and her roommates had to call an ambulance. Geesh. She was constantly making a fool of herself, and the roommates did the best they could to convince her she needed help. Luckily, she has since become sober for real, and gives lectures about alcohol addiction. And apparently she hangs out with my boy Paul Pierce from the Celtics. WHAT. Also, I love this season because everything about it was so 1999, a year of my childhood/adolescence that I will never forget.
2) San Francisco
If there was one season to accurately sum up the Real World and what it symbolized in American pop culture, it would be this one. A mix of truly different people from all walks of life, the dynamic in the house was something that has never been recreated since. It goes without saying that the heart of this season was Pedro Zamora. Like many people who watched the series, he was the first real person I had seen in the mainstream media who was currently living with HIV/AIDS. Not only that, but it was the first time I had seen two men commit to each other in a ceremony that resembled a wedding. His story, his passion for AIDS education, his willingness to show his illness on TV, and the love that was shown by (most of) his roommates was unparalleled to anything that had ever been shown on TV before. And when he passed away, we felt like one of our friends had died. It’s amazing to see the impact and legacy one man has made over the years, just by being brave enough to share his life on camera. Pedro’s story is one of the most positive, influential things to ever come out of reality TV, and it’s sad that we don’t get to see that kind of pure human drama anymore. I mean Puck alone is the craziest wackadoo to date. Mix in Rachel’s conservative Republican views with Judd’s liberal stance, politics served as constant talking point that is severely lacking in reality TV today. This season was exactly what the Real World should have been about in the following seasons, not just about stupid arguments, getting drunk, and having sex in hot tubs.
1) New Orleans
New Orleans – by far the best season (if you say San Francisco, that’s acceptable too) with a memorable cast in one of the greatest cities in the U.S. You have Matt, a white Christian guy who’s really into hip hop (hence his grey puffy jacket vest?), Julie, the innocent, Mormon girl from Utah who’s into Matt and has never really known a world outside of Brigham Young University, David, a muscular guy with a penchant for singing and a hot temper, Kelley, a sorority girl who later became the wife of Scott Wolf, Danny, the hot southern guy who is gay and has a partner in the military, but can’t be shown on TV because of their Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Policy (spoiler: HE’S REALLY HOT), Jamie a typical, good looking white male who had the ‘hot’ haircut all the boys had in 2000, and finally Melissa, my favorite RW cast member of all time. She was half black, half Filipino (what what), and 100% sassy. Before Melissa, I don’t think I had ever seen anyone who was quite like me on TV, and it was more exciting than you could ever imagine. She was/is literally everything I want to be in this world. And this recent article just proves she’s as awesome as ever, just married to a rock star and has two kids. (Excerpt: “Justin is my soul mate so much so that my little girl is named Maja for “Melissa and Justin Always.” But sometimes Justin does stupid shit and I’m like, “Dude, we’ll legally change her name to Majat: Melissa and Justin Ain’t Together.”)
Here are some of my favorite moments from RW: New Orleans, that made it the best season ever. Woo woo.
Melissa talks about the insane bed switcheroo and her “sex” life in the confessional
Melissa’s Parents – Shorty & Mercy
Driving with On Star (Remember On Star!?)
David vs. Melissa (and a chair)
Unfortunately, I can’t seem to find the original video, but by far the most memorable New Orleans moment was when David composed a song called “Come On Be My Baby Tonight”. Pure lyrical genius, this song will stay with you – even 13 years later.
Being an only child has taught me a lot of things throughout my life, mostly that there a lot of assumptions people make if they know you’re an only child. But I’m here to break the stereotypes and tell you the truth about being the only kid in the family. I would like to reiterate that I’m not speaking on behalf of the Only Children of America coalition (not a real thing), but I’d say this is pretty accurate.
1) We’re very independent
Sisters are doin’ it for themselves. Or brothers, whatever. In sixth grade, I had dance lessons that started at 4pm, which was before my parents got out of work. So on the days I had dance, I would take the bus home, be by myself for about an hour or so, then my friend’s mom would pick me up and we’d go to class. I mean I was 11 years old, but at the same time, there was no one else around to make sure I wasn’t like, lighting anything on fire. But I was given the responsibility of having keys to the house, knowing how to turn off the alarm system, make food if need be. If something went wrong, I had to figure it out and fix it myself. If anything, this is what has stuck with me the most. I’ve never really relied on anyone to do anything for me, because I know I can (usually) do it myself.
2) We’re okay with being alone
Ok, that sentence isn’t supposed to be read with the same kind of depression you read it with. But along the same notion of being independent, so does time in solitary (again, not meant to be weird and prison-y). After my parents trusted me with being at home by myself, it wasn’t necessary for them to have anyone look after me. So if they went out, I was by myself in the house. I would like to add that I didn’t really have friends or family members that lived nearby, so again, I was just used to being alone. Without a sibling, I was used to doing stuff by myself, which is still true to this day, mainly because it’s all I know. It doesn’t necessarily mean that I hate being around people. I mean for the most part that’s true because I hate people (my years working retail is to thank for that complex). But I mean only children usually tend to gravitate towards extended family or in my case, my friends, to hang out with all the time. So just as much as we like being alone, we like being around people. But we also need our personal space at the same time. Yeah, we’re crazy.
3) We can do weird shit
My friend Caitlin and I call this the ‘Only Child Syndrome’, because we end up doing random weird things that we don’t realize we’re A) doing in the first place or B) is even weird at all. I don’t even really know how to explain this besides doing like odd little movements or noises or giving strange looks… No one was around to call us out on being weird, so that explains why we’re still weird now. I also tend to talk to myself a lot – like out loud. I assume kids with siblings would usually have a brother or sister to at least be around when you’re saying something, and it’s not as weird as talking outloud and knowing no one ever hears you.
4) We don’t actually like being only children
Okay, I may be speaking for myself here, but I honestly don’t really like being an only child. Like I said, I didn’t have any family members – cousins, etc. living near me growing up. They were/are all in the Philippines, and some here in LA. But what’s weird is that my dad is one of 9 kids. I have a bunch of cousins and second cousins, some of whom I don’t even know. But they all grew up together and I was the American kid. When we go back to the Philippines, I always feel like the odd man out, not only because of the language barrier and cultural differences, but because they all have the advantage of hanging out with each other, while I had my parents and me, myself and I. I’m just saying it would have been much easier to have a sibling when going back to the Phil. Also, I could never blame anything I did wrong on a sibling, or bitch about my parents to someone who would really understand.
5) We’re not all spoiled
So this is obviously the most common only child stereotype. All my friends who are only children are not spoiled by any means. Well, in the sense that they don’t want everything in the world and expect their parents to buy it for them. Many people believe that we’re naturally born brats who expect to be doted on all the time, but that’s far from the case. In fact I know some people like that who do have siblings, and it’s embarrassing. But like, I’ve never expected my parents to get me everything I’ve ever wanted. I will say that they have done the thing where if I’ll mention my DVD player is broken, they’ll call me back 2 days later and say we found a blu-ray player, and bought it for you, you can pick it up at Best Buy sort of thing (that’s a true story). We don’t act spoiled, but once in a while, we’ll get spoiled.
I think we’ve all been the victim of buying one or two (or three or four) CDs that make us question if we were sane when we purchased them. I’d say my collection of records that fall under this category was a result of the TRL, the need to be cool, and wasting time in the mall record store.
Of course, most kids these days don’t have the luxury of going to an FYE/Media Play/Virgin Records, etc. and scouring through a bunch of albums, but when I was a young, impressionable teen, these are some of the gems I purchased – with my parents’ money.
A Rosie Christmas
Back in middle school, Rosie O’Donnell’s talk show was the absolute hottest thing to take daytime TV, and I was obsessed. So naturally, A Rosie Christmas was on my wish list. It’s basically an entire album of Rosie singing with celebrities. Including “Angelica Pickles”, the hit pop singer from the Rugrats.
A Very Rosie Christmas
Like I said, I was obsessed. But that’s a story for another day. This is the follow up to A Rosie Christmas, because apparently, the first one was such a hit. (BTW, what ever happened to Billy Gilman?)
NBC Celebrity Christmas
So I totally forgot I owned this until I came across this jam on Tumblr – John Spencer, Martin Sheen, and Stockard Channing ‘singing’ Wonderful Christmastime. I was like, ‘What in God’s name is this and where is it from?’ Then I remembered I actually owned the very album it came from. Oops. Other notable NBC celebs on the cd: Sean Hayes, Megan Mullally, and the devil Jay Leno.
P.O.D. – Satellite
So this is where the TRL influence kicks in. Because let’s be honest, I would have no idea who P.O.D. was if Youth of a Nation wasn’t my jam.
Lit – A Place in the Sun
Hey you know what, it’s no surprise to me I am my own worst enemy.
Ruben Studdard – Soulful
When American Idol first aired in 2003, I was a fan immediately. I even went to a taping during the first season, was on TV with an embar sign, and met a 90s teen heartthrob (again, a story for another day). But season 2, I wasn’t even that big of a fan of Ruben, in fact I was more of a Clay Aiken fan – whose album I did have, but please note it’s not on the list. So why did I have his album? Because I fell intro the trap. I mean the lead single from this album is called “Sorry 2004.” Literally the lyrics are “This is my sorry for 2004.”
Krystal Harris – Me and My Piano
Never seen this person before? Well probably only a small niche of people have, so it’s ok. Krystal Harris was the “first” singer signed to the Backstreet Boys (now defunct?) record label. She opened up for them on their Black and Blue tour, which is how I’m familiar with her. However she did have a super minor “hit” with a song called Super Girl, which was featured on The Princess Diaries soundtrack. [Ed note: I just listened to this song for the first time in years, and it’s actually pretty catchy?]
Limp Bizkit – Significant Other
I was so bad ass as a kid that I didn’t even do it for the nookie. I did it to impress my friends because I wanted to show that there was more to me than a BSB fan. I was wrong.
Welcome back to another installment of Whatareyoudoinghere! Today we will explore the wonderful/dreary world of Six Feet Under. I patiently waited for this series to come on Netflix instant, and since it still wasn’t available by the time summer came around last year (when I do most of my TV marathoning), I illegally streamed it online (judge all you want). Over all, I’d say it was worth all the hype and awards it received, especially since it had one of – if not the best – series finales I’ve ever seen. Anyways, here’s a list of some of the people I didn’t expect to see when I watched SFU for the first time.
Rainn Wilson
Just before he was Dwight K. Schrute, Rainn played a loner type mortician’s apprentice for the funeral home, and had a thing with Frances Conroy’s character. He actually had a lengthy story line, and ended up in 13 episodes. Still a weirdo.
Jenna Fischer
Speaking of The Office, Jenna Fischer had a two episode arc in season 5, when she went out with Rico, the family funeral home’s mortician. Rico didn’t get the hint that she wasn’t that into him… maybe he shouldn’t have invited her to his best friend’s wedding after one date.
Adam Scott
I realize the image above might be jarring if this is your first time learning about Adam’s appearance on SFU. It was to me when I first saw it and I still can’t get over it. Adam clearly played a love interest for Michael C. Hall. Yeah, Dexter and Ben Wyatt mackin’ it. And jury’s still out if I find this hot or not… (UPDATE: I watched their scenes again, and the verdict is I am uncomfy.)
Bobby Cannavale
Per usual, Bobby played a tough guy who Keith meets while they’re body guards for pop star Celeste (who is featured below). I loved the interaction Keith had with Bobby’s Javier, especially because it’s a good reminder that Keith isn’t your “typical” gay man, and Javier, a typical Alpha male, doesn’t care that he’s gay at all.
Michelle Trachtenberg
Spoiler alert: Harriet the Spy grows up to be a pop star! Here is Celeste, the stereotypical rich, bitchy, superstar. She believes she can get anything she wants… even sex with a gay man. Oops.
Justin Theroux
Contrary what you may think from this picture, Mr. Jennifer Aniston was not a band geek living in central Mississippi. He plays Brenda’s (Rachel Griffiths) charming neighbor, but his presence poses a problem for both of them since she’s a recovering sex addict… so I mean… good luck Brenda.
Ellen DeGeneres
Saved the best for last! Celeste has an appearance on Ellen’s show, and Keith gets into a bit of trouble for using her bathroom while Celeste is taping. But in his defense, he did do his job when Ellen tried to go into Celeste’s dressing room after she said no visitors allowed.
In the five years that I lived in Boston, I worked at a theater (like plays and musicals, not movies and stale popcorn). During my time there, I witnessed the entire gamut of theater patrons. Unfortunately, I had to interact with all of them, which 60% of the time was the worst, but 40% of the time, people were actually pleasant.
However, now that I don’t have to talk annoying people at the theater, I now have to sit in the same area as these people. My friend and I have a subscription to one of the major theaters here in LA, which means literally anyone can show up as your seat neighbor. The last time we went, it seemed like every single possible theater patron stereotype was in a 10 foot radius of me. Here are just a few of the annoying people that need to calm da fuck down and enjoy the show.
The Higher the Hair/Hat, the Closer to God
This woman sat two rows in front of me the other night. It looked like an Adele style bouffant with three peacock feathers sticking out from it.
Folks, you’re going to a venue where people will be sitting behind you. This is not a new concept. So don’t act like your beehive hair or top hat (you know, if you find yourself in the 1920s) will not be a nuisance.
Kick Line Clapper
Without fail, any time there is kick line in a show, there will be at least one person who finds it so impressive that they start clapping. CLAPPING. FOR KICKS. If you are watching anyone but the Rockettes, don’t feel obliged to audibly reveal your astonishment.
Commenters
The worst people to possibly sit behind you are the ones who talk throughout the show. They’re usually confused about what’s happening, and feel the need to talk to their friend about it. For example: ‘What did she say?’ ‘I don’t know, I don’t think it was in English.’ ‘They need to pronunciate.’ ‘No, what they need is to turn up the microphones.’ ‘Turn UP the microphones? This is too loud as it is!’ ‘Who’s that?’ ‘I think that’s her husband.’ ‘I thought she was dating the other guy?’ ‘She is.’ ‘What a whore.’ Also under this category: Ethel the old biddie.
The PDA-ers
The worst people to sit next to you? The couple that can’t keep their hands off each other. Listen guys, I get that this is a romantic date night for you, but I really don’t fancy being in a threesome with y’all at the theater (or outside the theater).
Candy Unwrappers
Just take out your cough drops and Werther’s Originals before the show, and have it then. Or think ahead and unwrap it so you don’t have to make so much noise digging around in your purse. Sound travels.
The Singer
Hey, you’re a high school senior who hopes to be a musical theater major in college? Don’t audition for the people around you, we don’t want to hear you sing Defying Gravity when there’s a perfectly good Elphaba on stage.
Texters
The artistic director at the theater I worked at in Boston gives a curtain speech at the top of the show every night. The staff (and most of the subscribers) have heard his spiel hundreds of times, and he basically recites the same thing every night. “If you have a cell phone, a pager, or anything else that beeps on the hour, please turn it off for the duration of the show. And remember – texting is just as odious.” There are people who legit sit in the back of the theater and text throughout the show, and think it’s ok. IT’S NOT.
When I first saw the trailer for Spring Breakers, the thought that immediately came into my head: ‘shitshow.’
And to some effect, I still maintain it is after seeing it, but in a sense that the characters themselves are a total, complete mess.
If you don’t know what this movie is about, really all you need to remember is that it’s about 4 BFFs who go to Florida for spring break, and insanity ensues – especially after they meet this drug lord/rapper. There’s drugs, sex, alcohol, guns – not for your regular Disney Channel fan.
I saw the movie a couple weekends ago when it opened, and Harmony Korine, the director, surprised the audience by coming in right before the movie and talking about it for a little while. Korine, flanked by the “ATL Twinz” from the movie, said to ‘keep an open mind’ about the film, which is what I did – and suggest you do too.
please note the twin on the left, whose backwards pants say ‘FUKK’
After the 90 minutes of neon lights, dubstep music, and the alarming gunshot sounds signaling a scene transition, I had to take a few minutes to come out of the Spring Breakers world and back into reality. I didn’t really know what to think, to be honest. It was exactly what I thought it would be, but so much more than I could have ever imagined. If I had to sum it up in one word: jarring. The very first scene you see (and I’m not spoiling anything here) is a bunch of real life college kids on spring break. They’re dancing on the beach, half naked, drinking excessively with funnels in tow, and it looks like something out of Girls Gone Wild. With that scene alone, you’d think the entire movie is just about these four girls engaging in illegal activities, but come to find out, the Girls Gone Wild scene is way tamer than the shit they get themselves into.
The first half of this movie shows the girls trying to figure out a way to procure enough money to travel from their lame college life in Kentucky, down to a place that is far more exciting – Florida. A couple of them violently rob a restaurant for the cash, and they make their way down to the Sunshine State, where the R-rated partying ensues. Unfortch, the police bust the motel party they’re at, and the ladies land in jail. In their bathing suits. Luckily, James Franco’s character, Alien (Al, for short), comes to bail them out. The second half of the movie is the group trying to figure out if he really wants to help them or if he has ulterior motives.
A couple things hold me back from saying this was a great, amazing, top notch movie. One, I don’t like violence in films. Per a previous post about never having seen Kill Bill, Pulp Fiction, any Quentin Tarantino movie really, is because I am just not a fan of guns and blood and violence. All those things happen in this movie. The other reason is that it’s hard to pin down what this movie was set out to be. It definitely had its serious moments, but it also had its fair share of comedic ones as well, and not intentional comedy. When James Franco first comes on the screen, he looks like this:
And then he speaks and it’s hard to NOT laugh at him. Because all you see is James Franco looking like a complete idiot. I don’t think that was the original intention, but I find it hard to believe any viewer wouldn’t think that at first sight. The ridiculous monologue he has about “all his shit” is a perfect example. He’s going on about all the money, guns, and paraphernalia he owns, but there’s a part of me that says, ‘am I supposed to be taking this guy seriously or not?’
My favorite scene, which kind of falls into the category of ridiculous dramedy, is a scene involving the girls, James Franco, a piano, guns, and one of Britney Spears’ all time hits. In fact, someone actually wrote an article about how the entire movie is a metaphor for Brit Brit’s life, which frankly is a theory I can get behind.
Now I have NEVER experienced a spring break like these before, and I think most college grads can agree. The most I ever did was go to LA and visit my friends, where we went on a tour of Warner Brothers studios and sang karaoke at Mr. Belding’s bar. But I know that these people actually exist, which is why this movie is not that far off from the truth. Sure, meeting a guy like Al is extremely rare, but this culture exists. The bottom line is that it exists, people, and that’s why this movie isn’t taking advantage of girls in bikinis and ripping away the innocence of young Hollywood starlets. While I can totally understand how you would think that, you have to realize that this is not a porn movie. It’s not meant to exploit people for your pleasure. It’s meant to explore a culture of young adults looking for something more than what they have, and more than what they are. Wanting to escape the mundane world they’ve known all their lives, in search of something more exciting. A need to have experiences they probably won’t have ever again. If you are sane and have a good conscience, hopefully you’ll take away that this movie is the exact OPPOSITE of how you should act, and not a how-to instructional video. In fact, all the naked girls and sex scenes in this movie should turn you off, not on.
This review from Boston.com is an accurate description of how I feel about Spring Breakers, and explains the reason why I even took time out to write this post in the first place. This film won’t win any Oscars, but it will certainly be a talking piece for anyone that sees it. It stays with you. And isn’t that really what filmmaking and creating art is all about?
This is the rare movie that I actually found myself liking more the longer I spent away from it and the more I thought about it — mainly because I couldn’t stop thinking about it. In the moment, I found it numbingly repetitive, even boring at times: an obvious juxtaposition of sex and violence, of dreamlike aesthetics within a nightmare scenario. And it is all of those things. But it stuck with me, and it made me appreciate the genius of Korine’s approach.
So friends, if you see this movie, remember to keep an open mind, and most importantly remember: Spring Break Forever.
Cookies + Sangria 