2018 Winter Olympics Drinking/ Exercise Game

There’s nothing like the Winter Olympics to remind you that you are not, in fact, an elite athlete. However, that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun… or work on your fitness. If you’re having a raucous Olympics party, A) invite us and B) feel free to play the drinking game version (responsibly, and without driving, and you can use water). If you’re feeling a little less-than fit watching all of these grade A humans, dip into our exercise game instead!

One Sip OR One Set of Mountain Climbers (* A set is what you say is a set!)

You wouldn’t know what the event was called if they didn’t tell you, but it could be described as going down a mountain.

You wouldn’t know what the event was called if they didn’t tell you, but it could be described as doing tricks on snow.

You wouldn’t know what the event was called if they didn’t tell you, but it could be described as doing tricks on ice.

NBC kindly lets us know about The Grinch, a movie coming out in a year, or Mamma Mia, a movie coming out in some months.

You find yourself trying to do what the athlete just did in your living room (turns out I can only land a single lutz in my socks)

You spy an athlete’s parent or significant other.

You cry.

 

One Huge Gulp OR One Set Of Bicep Curls

An Olympian is tenuously connected to your hometown (e.g., grandparents live there, went to college for a few semesters, etc).

Rachel Platten and/or Fight Song.

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You see the Korean Handmaid Cheerleaders.

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An Olympian has a personal mascot (e.g., Hanyu with Pooh),

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An athlete collapses to the earth after finishing.

Johnny Weir’s outfit is extra even for him.

You see the Olympic mascotImage result for pyeongchang mascot

You ship it.

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Take a Shot OR One Set Of Bicycle Crunches

An Olympian is from your hometown, for real.

A Russian is of such a higher caliber than the other athletes that it feels like they’re doing a different sport.

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A competitor has what you, personally, consider a baby name. So all those toddlers named Mikaela grew up over the past twenty years?

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Yep. Definitely a grownup.

The announcer is so fired up that they’re shouting like their house just exploded.

There’s innuendo about the Olympic Village.

You see the Korean Handmaid Cheerleaders’ minder.

You’re watching at a time that you consider totally bonkers.

 

Pour A Little Out For Your Favorite Team/Athlete Who Was Robbed OR Sun Salute

An Olympian is over age 30.

An Olympian who’s roughly your peer is now the commentator.

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Leslie Jones sighting

A commentator says the exact opposite of whatever you just said about the event.

The human interest footage includes clips of the athlete doing their sport as an adorable little tot.

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A competitor has a sibling who is also competing in the games.

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The human interest footage tries to make the athlete seem like just a normal person (like an average teen, family man, grad student, etc).

An Olympian is not actually from the country they represent.

Scandinavian Olympians and coaches are knitting.

Chug OR Two Sets Of Burpees

An Olympian is over age 40

The commentators repeat whatever you just said

An Olympian has a sibling who is also competing in the games… for a different country.

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An Olympian is not actually from the country they represent AND their connection to the country is something you, personally, consider pretty weak (e.g, it’s where their husband is from).

There’s a team from a counter-intuitive country (e.g., Jamaican bobsled)

There’s a competitor who clearly isn’t qualified to be there (this “Hungarian” “skiier”)

 

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Mid-Olympics Round Up: PyeongChang 2018

One week down in Pyeongchang. One week to go of me pretending I know how scoring works in every sport. Despite the fact it’s been cold and windy in South Korea, athletes are giving their all and we’re still rooting for our faves to win medals. Here are just a few highlights from the first week of the 2018 Winter Olympics.

Drones! They Were DRONES!


The opening ceremony of any Olympics games is all about grandiose moments, including this amazing display of lights – that turned out to be drones. Thanks to Intel, they set a world record with 1,218 flying in sync and forming shapes like the iconic Olympic rings. Fun fact: these Intel Shooting Star drones were also the ones used for Lady Gaga’s Super Bowl performance last year!

Tonga Dude is Back

Of course you remember this shirtless dude from the 2016 Olympics. But were you also surprised to see aforementioned shirtless dude again at the Winter Olympics? Well here he is, in all his oiled-up glory. While he was a Taekwondo master in Rio, he is a cross-country skiier in PyeongChang. Unfortch, he didn’t do so hot with the skiis – he placed 114th. Out of 116.

The North Korean Cheer Squad

Look, I’m not going to say much about this other than the fact that there are 230 identical-looking North Korean women singing and moving from the stands in unison to cheer on One Korea. Watch the footage and gather your own assessment. Our feelings are probably the same.

The Return of Shipping Virtue and Moir

You’re lying to yourself if you weren’t rooting for these Canadian ice dancers who definitely are not in love. They had near perfect routines during the team competition, including a performance to a Moulin Rouge medley that they had to change for the Olympics because one of the moves was just too sexy. I say BRING ON THE SEXY.

Adam Rippon’s Interviews = Meryl Streep Level

Our new forever valentine has been a shining light in these Olympics, not only on the ice, but off. Who else can talk about making Reese Witherspoon proud, joke about Xanex, and truly compliment a reporter’s statement necklace than Adam? If he doesn’t make the Olympics team again, he needs to join Johnny and Tara up in that booth.

Red Gerard Was Born in 2000

This kid won the first gold medal for the USA, but he almost didn’t make it to the slopestyle snowboard competition at all – he fell asleep watching Brooklyn Nine-Nine and overslept. Bless.

New Bae Alert: Chris Mazdzer

Chris made history as the first American to medal in the men’s single luge competition. And he also made history as the first luger I’ve ever been attracted to. I don’t know a lot of lugers, but still.

Leslie Jones Continues to Slay All Day

Curling?! @nbcolympics @olympics

A post shared by Leslie Jones (@lesdogggg) on

Leslie Jones returned as the official unofficial commentator after absolutely killing it at the Rio Olympics. From giving her takes on the figure skating costumes to not understanding Curling at all, you’re really missing out if you’re not watching the best reality show on social media. This time around, her buds at NBC already planned for her to head over to PyeongChang and she’s there now cheering on from the sidelines.

Aliona Savchenko Finally Gets the Gold

Aliona Savchenko is 34 years old. This was her fifth Olympics. She competed in Salt Lake, Torino, Vancouver and Sochi, and won two bronze medals. In 2014 her partner retired and her new partner, Bruno Massot, promised he’d get her a medal other than bronze in PyeongChang. And that he did. THIS IS WHY I LOVE THE OLYMPICS.

Chloe Kim Was Born in 2000

The 17 year old is became the youngest woman to win an Olympic snowboarding medal, and this will forever be the last tweet she sent as a non-Olympic gold medalist. Bless.

I, Mirai

Mirai Nagasu became the first American woman to nail a triple axel in the Olympics, and it was  magical. Kristi. Michelle. Mirai. So proud.

The Flying Tomato Strikes Again And Is Less Tomatoey

I found out that Shaun White has been dating the singer from Phantogram and they have a cute dog who has his own Instagram but also he won the gold medal again I’ve never been so nervous USA USA USA

Adam Rippon, America’s Valentine

Happy Valentine’s Day to everyone, but most especially to America’s newest sweetheart, Adam Rippon!

If you have been following the 2018 Winter Olympic Games in Pyeongchang, you will already be familiar with Adam as the fiercest figure skater and ready-for-the-runway glamazon bitch, always ready with great eyebrows and a witty quip for Andrea and all of us.

If you haven’t, perhaps a little explanation is necessary.

Adam Rippon has been on the figure skating scene for a long while, but at 28 these are his first Olympics. Bummed we didn’t get to watch him in 2014? Don’t be. It’s the DGAF-ness that comes in your late 20s that makes Adam so endearing. You want examples? We’ve got examples, Valentines.

Let’s start with skating. If you missed this performance in the team event, get ready to have your heart ripped out of your chest and triple-axele double-toe double-looped across the ice. YouTube is I guess being very strict about Olympic vids but just go to NBC.

Also the scoring was a little garbage (in the words of Johnny Weir, first place skater Kolyada was “oatmeal”)  but we all know that figure skating’s scoring system needs work.

Adam’s not concerned, though. He came to play. And he’s going to celebrate later by going to Target, which is pretty darn relatable:

Adam has supporters all across the globe, but a few famous ones include Elmo:

And let’s not forget Reese Witherspoon, because all Adam wants to do is maker her proud. Olympic figure skaters, they’re just like us!

Reese was very proud indeed, and Adam dedicated the medal to his mom, “but more to [Reese] in a way, because she has more followers on Instagram”:

He calculates that Reese has probably spent, like, three minutes of her life composing tweets to him, which is a pretty big deal when you think of how busy she is with the next season of Big Little Lies and the spring Draper James collection, among other things.

Adam is Olympic roomies with Mirai Nagasu and their friendship is everything. They’ve been friends for a decade and during the 2014 Olympics they were eating hamburgers on a rooftop waiting for their time to shine.

I have seen brides and grooms watch their spouses walk down the aisle with less love and pride than Adam watches Mirai skate with.

Although every Olympian needs supporters, you know who the real motivators are: haters.

 

A few haters have reached out to Adam over Twitter, and our precious glamazon bitch ready for the runway has a few words for them:

My favorite thing about Adam, other than his sense of humor and general cheekbone situation, is his confidence. He encourages everyone to be who they are:

I mean. This is a man who skated after singing Rhianna’s Diamonds in an exhibition, and it was GOOD. He explained that he is always changing it up, “always trying to keep these bitches on their toes.”

Believe it or not, Adam is the FIRST openly gay athlete to qualify for the Winter Olympics. There have been other athletes who weren’t out at the time they competed, and this year’s Olympics also feature out skier Gus Kenworthy. They’re certified cuties:

In case you’re wondering if that tweet was directed at … anyone … in particular… the answer is of course, yes.

Mike Pence is in Pyeongchang ‘supporting’ the U.S. athletes, and also believes that you should shock gay kids into becoming straight sad gay kids. Does Adam have anything to say to Pence? Not particularly, no.

 

Basically, Adam is using his platform to raise the voice of others who are affected by Pence’s views – saying “right now I have a voice and I think it’s really important for me to use it” – but these Olympics aren’t about Pence. They’re about athletic, hard-working attractive people who are much funnier on social media … and being America’s sweetheart:

Adam has also used his platform to highlight the body image issues and disordered eating common among male athletes in the figure skating world.

Anyway, vice presidents aside, at the end of the day a gay athlete is just like a straight athlete with better eyebrows:

 

So, should YOU go to the Olympics? Adam highly recommends it if you ever have the option.

As for Valentines, I’m afraid Adam already has the best one in all of South Korea, saying “nobody loves me as much as I love me; so I guess I’ll just be my own Valentine tomorrow.”

On this February 14th, let’s remember the truly important thing:

Happiest of Valentine’s Days to our beloved runway-ready Glamazon Bitch.