Very Specific Dating Apps For Single People on Valentine’s Day

Congratulations, people in love. Today’s a day for you to celebrate the romance you’ve cultivated over the past ::insert amount of time here:: and show how much you care with a greeting card and a 3-course dinner special at your local favorite restaurant.

For everyone else, congratulations, you’re single. If you feel the need to spend today not entirely by yourself, here are some super niche dating apps that can narrow down the field for you and possibly fill that void of #foreveralone-ness. At least for now. But who knows how this could turn out? Maybe you’ll be telling your kids the story of How I Met Your Mother on Spoonr.

Wingman

Are you a frequent flier? On the road for business a lot and don’t get a chance to go on real dates? Wingman is the app for people on the go looking to scores some points in the mile high club. In addition to the usual info, you also add your flight number and airline to your profile, and it shows you a list of people on your flight that you could be paired up with. Seat-to-seat chatting is gonna get a whole lot sexier.

Bumble

Bumble is a giant Sadie Hawkins Dance version of Tinder. Once you’re matched with someone, the lady has to message the guy first, but if they don’t within 24 hours, the connection disappears. And for all my LGBTQ homies out there, either one can make the first move.

Happn

Happenstance (noun) : a circumstance especially that is due to chance. We always are stunned to find out what small a world we really live in, and with Happn, it sets out to prove that to be true. using GPS functionality in your phone, the app shows profiles of other singles in your area and pinpoints the last place and time you were close to each other. All prospective matches are people you’ve crossed paths within 250 meters, and it’s definitely NOT creepy at all, right?

Spoonr

Aside: why are all these dating apps missing one vowel? Is there a real reason? Please respond in comments. Anyways, Spoonr is not for folks who enjoy the round utensil, it’s for people who just need a cuddle. Unclear whether there’s an option to set a preference for big or little spoon.

Tindog

Have a fear you’re going to become an old dog lady/man with no human significant other? Well Tindog not only sets you up with other dog lovers, it sets up your dogs too. Puppy love, AMIRITE?

Seeking Arrangement

SeekingArrangement is a very generous phrase to describe what this dating app is – a way for sugar daddies to find young women to shower with material items, companionship, and of course, sex. If Hugh Hefner doesn’t already have stock in this, he really should.

 

SaladMatch

This app was created by New York-based salad eatery Just Salad, as a way to connect customers with other salad lovers. Like Tinder, it allows you to swipe left or right on users based on their salad prefs, Just Salad location and what time of day they usually go to Just Salad. So if you get matched with someone, do you get like free salads for life, or something? Because I could be into that.

Sizzl

Like SaladMatch, Sizzl is powered by Oscar Mayer, but a little less serious than Just Salad. The app matches singles based on their bacon preferences – crispy or tender? Pork or turkey? etc. etc. Again, I feel like if you get properly matched there should at least be a voucher for free bacon at your local grocery store.

Luxy

Luxy is for rich snobs. No, really. One time their tag line was “Tinder, minus the poor people.” And in the ad above, the slogan “Over 40,000 people have been kicked out” is not a misprint. Luxy is a dating app for the 1% – millionaires, CEOs, celebs, etc. Apparently, users even select their fave high-end brands like Cartier and Prada, so potential suitors know what to get them as a casual gift.

Raya

Speaking of the 1%, Raya is a similar dating app, but used by a lot of celebs. It’s super exclusive and very secretive, and referred to as the “Illuminati Tinder”. There’s an intense vetting process, and after users submit their application, an anonymous committee assesses their social media presence and decides whether you’re cool enough to join the app. Stars like Sharon Stone, Diplo, Joe Jonas, Rayven Symone and even Matthew Perry are all rumored to be looking for love on Raya. The fact that it’s so elusive is why it’s so fascinating – but all I really want to know is what do these celebs put in their profiles??

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How To Talk To A Man Who Is Talking To You When You Are Wearing Headphones

Hey gals! How’s it going? Anyone commute on public transit today? Me too! When I’m on a bus or train I enjoy avoiding eye contact, reading books, looking out the window so I get out at the right location, and wearing decoy headphones so that men don’t talk to me.

It doesn’t work very well!

When men interrupt my reading and music, my favorite responses are terse and monosyllabic. However, I get a bit more effusive and a lot more fake laugh-y when a man gets grouchy that I’m not paying attention to him. We laugh and we laugh! Oh, it’s a hoot. I do it because I’m scared, a little! I also enjoy pointing to my headphones and shrugging. Girls just want to have fun, am I right? When a bus man has proven himself particularly sketchy, I’ve even altered my commute time a bit so we don’t run into each other. Keeps me on my toes! Besides, experts say that changing your routine now and then helps prevent Alzheimers, right?

That was a joke. Women don’t get old. Gross!

But ladies, I have some bad news for you. WE’VE BEEN FOUND OUT.  In a recent article, a pickup artist – or artiste, truly – has created a handy guide on talking to women who are wearing headphones. The jig is up. Men have learned that we can still speak when our ears are covered. It’s time to change tactics. Here are a few tips and tricks to live your best life while wearing headphones AND talking to a fella who demands to be acknowledged:

Say Nothing

A million dating guides and networking seminars can’t be wrong: people love to talk, especially about themselves. All you really have to do when a man talks to you when you are wearing headphones is look at him, occasionally nod or make a listening-y facial expression, and keep your music on. This is also the best way to have someone fall in love with you according to The Little Mermaid, one of my top 5 Disney movies.

Make A Lot Of Eye Contact

Sometimes if you are wearing headphones and not talking to men, they get scared that you could have died or fallen asleep by accident. You can let them know you’re okay by making a lot of eye contact with them. It would be nice to make your eyes look really big. Big eyes are prettier since they remind people of babies, the most attractive form of humans. This is according to science. If you have small eyes that’s fine, someone might still love you.

Use Emphatic Gestures

Most men notice when you’re wearing headphones and only talk to you if they know you or need directions, so maybe the others just don’t see the headphones. If so, emphatic gestures can help him understand. This is a silent, secret way to correct him so that he doesn’t get embarrassed! Some men hate humiliation the most out of everything, which is why you’re going to be emphatic but silent! Shhhh!

Here are some hot tips: point to your ears with both hands. Cover your ears then bop your head to and fro to the music like you’re in a Beatz By Dre commercial. Hold your fingertips to your ears and raise your eyebrows in alarm, inhaling sharply. Impishly press a finger to your lips in a “shush” gesture while tapping your electronic device. Wag a finger in a classic “no, no, no” sign then point to your headphones. Cross both arms in an X over your face. Really have fun with it!

Let Your Body Talk

Emphatic gestures a bit OTT for you? Try some simple body language! Raise your shoulders up towards your ears in a heavy cringe. Cross your arms over your chest. Let your head sink way down, raising your eyes in a Princess Diana pose. Curl up into full fetal position. Rock.

Speak Loudly, Slowly and Clearly

A man who doesn’t know what headphones are might have problems understanding things. So leave your headphones on, keep your music or podcast at your favorite volume, and loudly, slowly and clearly tell him “I am listening to my headphones.” If he persists, then loudly, slowly and clearly ask him if he needs help. Us gals love our Walkmen, but that’s no excuse to ignore a person in need!

If the man who is talking to you when you are wearing headphones still doesn’t understand, you could try one of the other languages you speak. American Sign Language might be nice to add to the mix.

If the man understands that you are listening to your headphones and he doesn’t need help, you can always keep the convo going – with your headphones still in your ears and with your loud, slow and clear speech projecting across your sidewalk or subway car. Other people might notice. They’ll think it’s great that you’re being so polite to a person who is bad at understanding things! I think you would be very inspirational to very many people!

Laugh Nervously

Men are the most funny kind of people, which is why when you’re a little apprehensive around one you might laugh nervously. Then THEY know that YOU know how funny they are! It’s great for social situations (like commuting to work, or walking to the cafe on your lunch break, or waiting for new photo at the DMV)!  So when a man talks to you when you are wearing your headphones, just laugh nervously and maybe they’ll like you better.

This might be a good time to take a new laugh for a test drive. How about a Southern Belle-style titter? A bawdy belly laugh like you’re in an old-time saloon with those swinging doors? A North Pole-ian ho-ho-ho? A witch’s cackle? The only limit is your imagination!

Make It A Singalong

The man who is talking to you when you are wearing headphones might be bored because HE doesn’t have headphones. So why not share? You can crank your volume way up, or hand him an earbud. Start singing along with your whole heart and maybe he’ll follow suit! If you’re good at singing, try to sing a tiny bit less well than he does.

 

50 States, 50 Missed Connections (Part 2)

 We’re posting a July 4th Missed Connection ad from every state in our great nation, and a few weeks ago we brought you the first half of our cross-country Craigslist road trip. Let me tell you, it teaches you a lot about this America of ours. It’s like the 50 Nifty United States song in that sense, except with more strangers from the internet writing about their own boners.

Here are reasons 26-50 why, if America were a person, it would be single*:

26) Montana

does heaven get wifi? – m4w (helena)

We were friends for a few years.we watched eachother go through numerous bad relationships and talked eachother through tough times if we had anything in common it was bad luck .I always loved you and kept it to myself…then one December morning we parted ways but you didn’t make it home,I say hi every time I see your cross on the road,but a part of me has been so empty since that day.I don’t live in regret for not trying, I just miss you…and I love you

  • Oh shit this is the saddest missed connection ever. The title alone – it’s like a modern take on that song from Whatever Happened To Baby Jane. Let’s all use this guy as a reason to not let your Missed Connections stay missed. I mean he loved her for years! Kept it to himself! Didn’t think it was possible, but Montana just got a little bleaker.

27) North Carolina

Thurs afternoon at gym – m4m – 29 (Clt)

We sat in steam room briefly then I left to shower and you came shortly thereafter. Made eye contact a couple times, but that’s about it. You have a nice bod, prob in your 30s – I’m prob slightly younger and in good shape wm. If you want to grab a beer sometime, hmu. Tell me what gym and whats on your left arm, so I know it’s you.

  • You know what’s on MY left arm? A teardrop that rolled off of my face after that damn Montana Missed Connection.

28) New Hampshire

I’ll be your huckleberry – w4w (Newfields)

I always thought that I’d see you again You headed West as I went South
Just had weird feeling your up this way they do say Every Things bigger in texas

  • HUCKLEBERRY. This lady will take you a-raftin’ down the Ol’ Mississip’. I guess. This is so confusing – she feels like she’s in New Hampshire? Texas? West? South? – that I feel like it’s a clue in some sort of mystery.

29) Nebraska

Incredible Hulk – m4m – 45 (Max)

OMG! you were standing at the bar in Stosh’s Saloon/Arena. You are a tall, thick, bulky burly man. I walked up to you and just said a few words and walked into the main bar. What was on my shirt? What did I say? Hit me up. Would love to chat in a non bar scene.

  • I have a lot of business contacts in Nebraska, so I just picked one that’s almost definitely NOT one of the judges or law professors I roll with.

30) Nevada

cute blond at home depot henderson – m4w – 55 (mens bathroom)

hi you made a mistake and entered the mens bathroom i meet you just inside the door and pointed out your mistake you said excuse me i’m in the wrong place i said YOU MADE MY DAY you laughed flashed a great smile. i like a dope did not get your number can i have it now

  • Nope. Nope nope nope. Never giving my number to a man I meet when I accidentally walk into a men’s room.

31) New Jersey

went to dentist – concordia to ? – m4m – 40 (monroe)

i drove you to dentist cause you lost your License. It was a while back. You are tall older straight guy but very sexy and you like sex but having trouble finding willing girl. If a guys mouth and/or ass will do I’d love to help you pop a load. I picked you up in your developement you walk to front entrance. if this is you, where did we stop before going to dentist and where was dentist office? If I am right your initials are SD!

  • Putting the “dirty” in Dirty Fucking Jersey.

32) New Mexico

fiestas – m4w (montgomert and carlisle)

To the girl at the front desk:

I just want you to know you are super cute. I wish i had the guts to talk to you. When I walked away i realized how stupid i sounded askin u if u were bored, but i didnt know how to even start to talk to you.

If your confused i was the biker wearing all black clothes, vest with patches, and i black flat bill hat.

I hope u get this!

33) New York

Its me your wife 53 – w4m – 53 (male 50 Greece new york)

I am you’re wife , we got married in 2009 , I want you to know I still love you , we both made mistakes , its are first july 4th without each other , why didn’t we just go get are own place , I miss you , I dont trust you thou , please dont stand so close to me I have trouble breathing I am afraid of what you will see all my broken heartbeats , I let you go so easy , because I wanted you to be happy , had I been there none of this would have happened ! You made it so hard and difficult, I wanted you to get help , that’s all I am going to say , not sure why you have not filed for are divorce , I don’t blame her ! Kind of hard for me to move on and date when you’re still my husband be happy , you will always be in my heart , I am not sure why you could not help me out when i needed it ! Most husbands do that , you did it for you’re last wife until she passed , you hate me not sure why . I am moving , in new York state its uncontested , so you wont need my signature .. if you have not done the paperwork I am going to file once I am on my feet , take care and be good , what hurts the most is we both has a agreement if we crossed the lines we could never go back . we both crossed those lines i sure wish you had come and got me in may .out there , one last time I wanted you to get help you were not emotionally available for me 😦

  • I had hoped this would be like The Pina Colada Song – which, by the way, when you really listen to it is the most depressing song ever. But, no. I think by the time you’ve put a ring on it, the connection was actually made.

34) North Dakota

Stormtrooper – w4m – 23 (Watertown 4th of July parade)

I was sitting listlessly on the curb during the parade, the sun slowly roasting my skin, watching the tractors tractor by. Just another fourth of July in Codington County.

Until you walked by.

You were being mobbed by fans, mostly small children and their moms armed with iPhones. The heat was intense but you were cool as a cucumber, gamely posing for pictures with grubby suburbanite spawns and marching alongside a coterie of clowns. Unless they were juggalos. Your armor glinted in the sunlight, a smart white color that gave you a Messianic aura, saving me from the boredom of small-town festivities.

Eventually you made your way to my section of the crowd. Heart all a-flutter, I joined my aunt and her toddler in a photo op with you, my elbow brushing the smooth plastic of your uniform. “Thank you,” I whispered tremulously after the picture was taken, gazing deeply into your helmet. You said nothing and made no sign of even hearing me, but I know I made an impression.

  • We can all go home now. I’ve found our winner.

35) Ohio

Giant Eagle Solon – m4w – 50

About 2 pm or so today. You 45-50 blonde flower big purse looked like you were buying everything for the cookout. Stated how crowded it was.. I was behind you in line . Your very pretty and so sensual and married! Wanted to chat but feared rejection. Just wanted to say.

  • “So sensual and married!” Is something a gentleman should probably only say about his wife.

36) Oklahoma

plaid shorts – m4m – 53 (okc)

I watched you walking around tonight. You looked really hot in your plaid shorts and white tee shirt.
You seemed to notice me but I think you think I am not into you but I really am. You are hot and looked especially good tonight.

  • Plaid shorts are many things. Casual, golf-appropriate, seasonal. In Oklahoma, at least, you can add “really hot” to the list.

37) Oregon

yer hot! – w4w (Darimart River Road)

Kinda weird posting this, but giving it a shot….blonde K at driveup window at Darimart Thursday Thursday morning the 4th….you family? Single? Wanna go out sometime? Pooch loved the cookie. I liked yer smile. 65 WAS a very good year. 🙂

  • It’s like if an old-timey prospector from a cartoon wrote a Craigslist ad.

38) Pennsylvania

Fourth of July Comcast technician – m4m – 51 (hawrhorne and cc)

you came in around 9am to replace my cable modem. I thought you were very attractive. I kept checking you out behind your back. (I know, creepy.)

  • There’s a map for this one, and I lived literally a 20 second walk from this guy. And the only thing Comcast repairmen inspired in me was frustration and despair.

39) Rhode Island

Sitting outside the Stable Wednesday – m4m – 45 (Back patio)

You were there with friends… had grey wife beater showing amazing hairy chest, and beige pants. Your friends kept feeling you up, and you were adjusting yourself when you were leaving. I kept staring at you because I find you so totally sexy and handsome… anyway, if you read this and know who I am… and are interested, let me know

  • I guess this is because I’m not a man for a man, but when I see a guy adjusting himself I think “Jeez, learn how to conduct yourself in public!” and assume that he probably also chews with his mouth open and tells people how much his house cost. Just because you were “sitting outside the stable” doesn’t mean you were raised in a barn.

40) South Carolina

Surfer Girl – m4w – 40 (West Ashley)

I met you today around 0630 on your way to surf.
Amazing young woman…. wanted to tell you that it was nice to meet you….

41) South Dakota

French Creek Guide – m4w (Brookings)

Hard to believe it has been 22 years since we hiked French Creek. Still harder to believe it has been three years since we last spoke. Not once in all that time have I ever stopped loving you.

42) Tennessee

You punched my nutz! – m4w (Nashville)

I was walking downtown Nashville minding my own business when you came up out of nowhere and punched me in the nutz. When my head cleared and I got up off the ground there you were like an angel then you punched me in the nutz again. You told me to give you my wallet so I did because I knew that you would be able to find me again and then we could pursue this romantic tryst in earnest.

I don’t normally go for nut punching without first knowing someone but I could tell this was something special like love at first punch if you know what I mean. Anyway you know where I live so what’s up. Oh and hey could I have my cell phone back too I kinda need it. And by the way my name is not Justin Otherjon and although you do look familiar I never played spank the monkey with you tied you up gave you my banana and then left. I don’t even own a banana. Call me oh wait you can’t. Come see me I think I could fall madly in bed with you. I’ve been a bad boy. Spank me! Or punch me. In the nutz.

  • I don’t know. Maybe a dare to use the word nutz a lot. Maybe.

43) Texas

Costume party: The Park at the Domain – m4w (The Domain)

Tue night. As I left I asked, “Can I get behind you.” and I wish I had at least gotten your name. You were wearing a red corset and had an amazing body. You were very friendly and funny and I wanted to talk with you but I had just ridden 15 miles and was feeling ripe.

If you see this contact me, I want to come to your next costume party.

  • Well that’s a pickup line.

44) Utah

4 the july…party…im ready and u? – m4m – 33 (downtown)

Hey I’m good loking guy…I wanna hqve same fun with bi guy an curius guy …party with my frien tina…so guy letm know asap.

  • First of all, I almost forgot that not everyone in Utah is Mormon. Second, I’m assuming that tina is the street name of some kind of drug.

45) Vermont

Starbucks – m4m – 30 (Williston )

Sitting alone studying at around 6pm on July 4th. I think you had on green shorts. I looked at you a bunch of times but not sure if you caught me or not. Let me know if you think this might be you.

  • Studying on July 4? I’m going to say bar exam. So, I’ll repeat my advice from last time around – just do whatever it is you think you have to do.

46) Virginia

I am a 31 year old single mother of 2. This is my first time posting an ad, but I’ve been trying to find a nice female that I can hang out with. I find myself looking at women with Nice BOOBIES and BUTTS. Is it crazy to feel like this?? The older I get, the more curious I am about being with a woman. I would love to get to know you, and I wish I could post a picture, but there are so many fakes and men on here, so please reply. I look forward to hearing from you.

  • No, what’s crazy is you’re 31 years old and can’t figure out how to post in the correct section of Craigslist.

47) Washington

I miss you SJW – w4m (North Spokane)

I still don’t get what happened, you were perfect in my eyes… I’ll be waiting for you.

  • I hope everyone out there realizes that when someone says “perfect in my eyes” they mean “okay, but not actually perfect.”

48) West Virginia

Looking for girl to text nude pics – m4w – 17 (Charleston wv,)

I am looking for almost any age young or oldish…, but please no one over 45 email me your number…

  • He says he has email, so he has the internet, so can’t he find naked people there? Also this kid is 17, so all you West Virginian Mountain Mamas should know that this is just a trap to get you to make inappropriate sexual contact with a minor.

49) Wisconsin

Harley summer fest – m4w (Milwaukee)

Your name is Harley and you were very pretty and easy to talk to. I was happy to have the chance to talk to and share some chicken strips and fries. In till your friend ran over and stole you away from me

  • Based on the name and meal choice I think this man’s missed connection is seven years old.

50) Wyoming

You still make me nervous lol – m4w – 27 (Cheyenne Wyoming)

we met over a year ago on plenty of fish.com and then went on a few dates. i saw you today where i work and i got way nervous and walked away. if you do see this. tell me your name it starts with a K. and my name starts with a G.

  • He writes lol but I don’t think he’s really laughing out loud.

*(Canada is married with kids; France has a mistress)

Saturday Spotlight: Weekend World Tour

Last week was all America, all the time, because it was the 4th of July and that’s the way it should be. This week, we wanted to remind you that we’re still bloggers of the world:

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We love British tabloids – in spite of ourselves. And British tabloids love — well, not us, necessarily, but these things:

Shit the Daily Mail Loves (<– See the whole list here!)

Calling legs “pins”

  • Vanessa Hudgens reveals her fins (not pins) as she dresses up in shell bra for mermaid photoshoot with friend Kim Hidalgo
  • Grey matters: Alessandra Ambrosio flaunts her slim pins in ghostly paisley jeans alongside daughter Anja
  • From day to night! Karolina Kurkova sticks to super skinny jeans as she squeezes her slim pins into tight trousers twice in one day
  • Mad Men’s Christina Hendricks and Jessica Paré highlight their curves as January Jones flaunts her pins in a mini skirt at BAFTA event

…and literally 24 more where that came from

Telling us what people’s faces say

  • Is this the smile that says I’m back with Bieber? Selena Gomez beams amid rumours of yet another reconciliation
  • The thumbs-up that says we’re free! Kidnap victims Gina DeJesus and Amanda Berry finally return home after 10 years in captivity
  • Smile that says he’s on the mend: Prince Philip strides out… in his surgical stockings
  • The grin that says ‘I do’! 30 Rock’s Katrina Bowden and Ben Jorgensen exchange vows on a rainy New York day

There’s only one way to see America: via Craigslist Missed Connections posted on the 4th of July. We’re bringing you one from every state, and the first 25 are up here:

50 States, 50 Missed Connections: Part 1

2) Alaska

Lox of luv – w4m

I missed you lox It takes every last bit of self control to keep myself composed While your running with the reindeer ill be dancing with wolves I just want to kiss your head both of em LOL thinking of u morning noon n nite Luv ya n missing ya lox from ur hunny bunny

  • This is probably the most Alaska missed connection possible. Reindeer? Dancing with wolves? SALMON? Did they also meet at an igloo and Eskimo-kiss?

3) Arizona

Frank- Chandler Regional Hospital-Ultra Sounds – w4m – 21 (Chandler)

You’re cute and so insightful, was just thinking of u. I know you said Im too young for u since i’m ur daughters age but I can’t help it… I’ve never been so intrigued by a man this badly. I would like to see u again…outside the hospital lol

  • She’s as young as his daughter and apparently met while he was giving her an ultrasound. Classic meet-cute.

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These kid newsmakers came from all over the globe – from Utah to Bosnia to Cuba. But what happened to Elian Gonzalez, Zlata, and Balloon Boy after their moments in the spotlight? Click to find out –>

Where are they Now: Balloon Boy and Other Kid Newsmakers

When you’re a kid, you never expect to be front page of every newspaper or on cable news 24/7. Hell, as a kid you don’t really expect much, do you? So for these young people, it must have been quite the experience, and one that many of their peers have never been through.

It was recently announced that the famous 2010 Balloon Boy has now launched a heavy metal career, because the hoax he and his parents pulled three years ago wasn’t enough to make them famous. Here’s a where are they now of some of the world’s most famous kids.

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Finally, this post gets into the big differences between the French, Dutch, and Americans. Braids, that is. Always wanted to know how to do a crown twist or French braid up the back of your head? Look no further!

Summer Braids And Twists In Five Minutes Or Less

You know that feeling when “your thing” goes mainstream? The worst, right? For me it was braided and twisted ‘dos. I was arranging crown braids in high school and suddenly it’s a “Lauren Conrad” style? I don’t think so!

My frustration with the trend was short-lived, though. Mostly, I just love seeing some variety out there after years of everyone sporting the same straightened, highlighted strands. But while I’m into fancy-looking hair, I am not into time-consuming styling. That’s why all of these hairdos completed in fewer than 5 minutes — they all clock in at 2-3 minutes for me, and with a little practice, they will for you, too.

We’ll be back with more on this tomorrow, but I’d be remiss to leave out our list of international frauds – –

Actors Who Have Tricked You Into Thinking They’re American

Listen, we can’t all have a keen ear about these things. It happens to the best of us. One minute, you’re trusting the hardass CIA deputy director to Claire Danes, and the next thing you know he’s a classically trained British chap, who (semi-spoiler?) may or may not be a bad guy . What’s with all these actors and their constant lying? Shouldn’t we have a right to know if the people on my TV are American citizens?!?

Well my friends, I’m here to help you find out the truth. We don’t deserved to be lied to any longer and it’s coming to an end right now.

50 States, 50 Missed Connections (Part 1)

Getting missed connectioned is one of those things that sounds nice in theory but is probably iffy in practice, like hiking the Appalachian Trail or buying a short-sale house as-is. Though Missed Connections may be a little unsettling in real life, they can tell you a lot about our great nation. I picked one day — July 4th — and looked up a city in each state. I cycled through the different Missed Connections categories so nobody gets left out, because in our America, there’s room for everybody to see an attractive stranger, be too awkward to say or do anything, then go on the internet later and send a desperate plea for love. In short, America, get your shit together.

A few disclaimers: by limiting my search to one date, it wasn’t possible to find an equal selection from all categories. Multiple-person missed connections (m4mw, eg) aren’t as common; neither are missed connections from or about trans* people. M4M missed connections are abundant, but W4W missed connections are often not missed connections at all. No, they are letters to ex-girlfriends, instead. If anyone wants to explain why that would be, I’d be happy to listen.

These are the missed connections, as they appeared in print. Commentary is in italics:

1) Alabama

u looked sexy and want to see u package – m4m – 30

I seen u at a local hospital in the area tell me what u wearing u have a nice PackagePackage

2) Alaska

Lox of luv – w4m

I missed you lox It takes every last bit of self control to keep myself composed While your running with the reindeer ill be dancing with wolves I just want to kiss your head both of em LOL thinking of u morning noon n nite Luv ya n missing ya lox from ur hunny bunny

  • This is probably the most Alaska missed connection possible. Reindeer? Dancing with wolves? SALMON? Did they also meet at an igloo and Eskimo-kiss?

3) Arizona

Frank- Chandler Regional Hospital-Ultra Sounds – w4m – 21 (Chandler)

You’re cute and so insightful, was just thinking of u. I know you said Im too young for u since i’m ur daughters age but I can’t help it… I’ve never been so intrigued by a man this badly. I would like to see u again…outside the hospital lol

  • She’s as young as his daughter and apparently met while he was giving her an ultrasound. Classic meet-cute.

4) Arkansas

we meet eureka springs in 1997 – m4w (eureka springs/baton rouge)

I was all alone in a bar watching you and your friends dance and having a great time you asked me to dance and we did we had a great time we meet again the next night I brought you a rose and a card with a poem I wrote you were with 3 other girls just visiting for the weekend from Hot Springs if your out there I just want to say hi

  • A missed connection as written by Molly Bloom.

5) California

NUDE COUPLE at San Gregorio Beach – m4mw – 40 (San Gregorio)

You guys were a lovely couple..I am not looking for sex,. I was sitting nearby… Just thought it would be lovely to sit naked and chat… Did not want to disturb you guys, so kept to myself

  • So I won’t be doing too many of these multiple-person missed connections because it’s just too much to wade through, but this was a real pearl, I thought. “It would be lovely to sit naked and chat” is my new pickup line now so I’ll let you all know how that goes.

6) Colorado

At Mimi’s Cafe – m4t

If anyone knows the T-Girl working at Mimi’s Café…could you have her take a look at this and email me? I haven’t been able to get her out of my mind and would love to go have coffee or tea sometime.

  • This one’s actually not creepy. Sometimes that happens.

7) Connecticut

Early morning jogger – m4m – 39 (Wethersfield/rocky hill )

You jog pass me just about every morning around 5:30 am on griswold road, prospect st. and maple st. and you wave hello. I think you are hot!!? Wish you would stop and chat a bit with me. Next time you see me ask me how I am doing so I know it’s you. Thanks buddy see you in the morning.

  • This guy is probably very nice and friendly and has good qualities. But don’t you hate when you’re trying to run and some guy decides it’s time to start a conversation with you? This isn’t a Craigslist problem I just apparently don’t like people very much.

8) Delaware

Boardwalk Jogger Tall/Blonde/Beard – m4m – 46 (Rehoboth Beach)

Hey this is for the VERY hot and tall blonde jogger on the Rehoboth Beach boardwalk. Checked you out Tuesday and Wednesday- but didn’t see you this morning 😦 . You look great- would love to chat with you or meet for a drink or something. If you see this get back to me.

  • See? Again. I wish there were away messages for real life.

9) Florida

saw you at leach today – m4m – 23 (fsu leach)

saw you at leach today

you are short like 5/5

with kind of long brown hair with red streaks in it

you’re fem with a nice ass

you were on the treadmill for like an hour

you were wearing a kim kardashian shirt

everyone was talking about it

but i’m DL and so i couldn’t talk to you with my bro’s there

looking to hook up on the DL strictly

so hmu if serious,

tell me what kind of music they were playing while you were there

  • First of all, Florida. First of all. It’s called “Missed Connections,” not “here, this picture is of my penis.” I’m looking at you, all of Orlando. Second, this post is pure poetry. From the line breaks, to the Kim Kardashian shirt at the gym that everyone was talking about — poetry.

10) Georgia

Hot guy working Ingles gas station – w4m – 28 (Hull/Madison County)

Came by this am got gas..man u are sexy..such nice eyes..cute smile and from the way u were sitting..u looked to be working with quite a bit down there ..i did notice you had on a ring…anyway if u see this and want to make a new discrete friend let me know..wf 28

11) Hawaii

Shower door scum W. Mart mon. aft. – m4w – 50 (W. Mart cleaning supplies)

Hello there. We kept seeing each other mon. aft and I wanted to ask you to dinner. could not find an in with soap scum as topic.If you like and can let me try again. Lets talk Caucasion man 50

  • Even from a “Caucasion man 50,” I expected something a little better from Hawaii.

12) Idaho

TO THE 3 GUYS IN THE BACK OF THE RED CHEVY – w4m (LEAVING ANN MORRISON 1PM)

I was rocking out, you were watching. Your vehicle pulled away and I did a little teaser wave and YOUR SMILES WERE ALL WORTH IT!!

  • When I get caught rocking out in my car – and it probably happens kind of a lot – my reaction is usually thanking God that I’ll never see those people again, not posting a missed connection. But then, I’m not from Idaho.

13) Illinois

pregnant blonde – m4w (south side)

do you know whats good for the baby>?and swallow, good source of protein.

  • I’m sorry for posting that but I really couldn’t not. At least I deleted the graphic image made from letters and characters?

14) Indiana

Over the ramparts – m4m – 36

With a red undershirt, grey shorts and cool shades. You are one smokin hot dad. I’m the almost-as-hot dad who kept checking you out. Hit me back, man.

  • I love a good Star Spangled Banner reference.

15) Iowa

driving down 144th street, i gave you a lighter – m4w – 21

3 of us were in a car, 2 of you were driving an SUV. i tried to give you my number. tell me what color lighter I gave you.

  • “To the 3 a-holes in the car and 2 a-holes in the SUV who were exchanging phone numbers and lighters while driving: We all hate you.” – A missed connection ad to these people, from everyone else who was just trying to drive down 144th Street.

16) Kansas

Couple- Piano Bar last Friday – mw4mw – 43 (Westport)

We saw you at Ernie Biggs last Friday night, we are curious if you are interested in new friends? The girl was blondish, wearing Black pants and shoes and a Coral colored shirt. Saw you again on the corner. Saw you looking too. We had someone with us and couldn’t say “Hi”. We will be there again tonight, hope to see you there. We’ll say “Hi” this time.

17) Kentucky

Septum girl at 360 – m4w – 22 (highlands)

Hopefully it wasn’t drastically obvious I hadnt had a great day, but I thought you should know that compliment was kind of you. If only more people understood how something as simple as a smile or kind words can turn a day around. You were gorgeous, wearing a beanie with blonde highlighted short hair.

  • My septum is so damn deviated that septum girl is actually my street nickname, too.

18) Louisiana

The girl with the pirate flags – m4w – 23 (FQ)

I saw you yesterday sitting on a balcony with pirate flags as I walking. I whistled at you and waved, you looked at me kind of crazy, put you cigarette out and walked inside. It’s killing me, was it crazy good or crazy bad? You had red hair and are one if the prettiest chicks I’ve seen. If you remember me, let me know what I wearing or what I looked like.

  • Pirate flags? Bad crazy.

19) Maine

Tree of life tattoo – w4w – 28 (Biddeford beach)

You were sitting near me at the bath house on Fortues Rocks Beach today. I first noticed your tree of life tattoo on your back. I think you look amazing but didn’t talk to you because I didn’t know if you like women. If you happen to see this get back to me. Write “tattoo” in the subject line so I know you are real.

  • One time in college, we were watching university access television and this girl was reading a really disjointed list. At the end, she said “tree of life.” We then realized the list was supposed to be a poem. I hope that this was that girl.

20) Maryland

owen brown giant – m4w

i told you to have a good fireworks i dont like them drove off in a gold car you silver wish i had asked what you are doin tonite im super single kevin

  • Hey this guy with a gold car who’s afraid of fireworks is super-single. Ladies?

21) Massachusetts

Suffolk Law Security Guard Yesterday Afternoon – w4m – 25 (Tremont St)

As I walked into the school, you were right out front. I swiped my card and smiled at you…you are delicious. Tall, Latino, light skinned. I would love to take off that uniform in the library…

  • If you’re in a law school library in July I’m assuming you’re studying for the bar exam, so I think you should just do whatever it is you think you need to do right now. In NY, we call your state’s bar “pass-achusetts.” You’ll be fine.

22) Michigan

We talked at TV lounge tonight… – m4m – 20

You were wearing a maroon long sleeve shirt and came up and talked to me and my friend. You thought I was someone else you met earlier that night. Who did you think I was? Hope to hear from you soon 😉

  • Hold up there’s such a place as a TV lounge?

23) Minnesota

This IS a missed connection REALLY it is! – m4w – 36 (4th of July)

I did not watch the fireworks, if you did not, please feel free to respond. I didn’t for several reasons, biggest reason, I don’t care, if I had kids, if I had a girlfriend to sit on a blanket with perhaps I would have. I didn’t because I can’t see then from my house and well I didn’t want to go be around a bunch of people that have people in their lives, mostly because I don’t need to see more of that than I already see in a given day, I don’t need the extra reminder but also because I just don’t care, why should I? We are celebrating our independence, our independence from the state, from the big bankers trying to own the world, we are celebrating a freedom that long ago ended and a freedom that is slowly being stripped and torn away from all of us and we’re allowing it to happen in so many ways, facebook, smart phones, google, credit card purchases, we live in dangerous times yet most are completely unaware and like me and what I described above, none of us like to be uncomfortable, none of us want to take the hard road, we want to meet the status quo, we want to be loved, we want to fit in, well I don’t. If that means I leave this world the same way I came in…alone. Then so be it, at least it’s truth, at least it’s REAL.

  • I don’t know why this guy’s alone when he sounds SO FUN.

24) Mississippi

Planet fitness worker – m4m – 26 (Gulfport )

You are very hot I wanted to jerk off while you were in locker room but a guy came in and I had to get dressed fast! What’s your babe if this is you.

  • Planet Fitness advertises itself as a judgment free zone, but I think they’d actually judge you pretty hard for this, yeah?

25) Missouri

Cute Girl at Comic Con (wiz con) – m4w – 27 (Saint Louis WIZCON)

Hey I really liked your costume. did you like mine? We took pics together. wanna chat more?

  • I don’t go to any kind of “cons” but I’m SURE he just described everyone there.