Very Specific Dating Apps For Single People on Valentine’s Day

Congratulations, people in love. Today’s a day for you to celebrate the romance you’ve cultivated over the past ::insert amount of time here:: and show how much you care with a greeting card and a 3-course dinner special at your local favorite restaurant.

For everyone else, congratulations, you’re single. If you feel the need to spend today not entirely by yourself, here are some super niche dating apps that can narrow down the field for you and possibly fill that void of #foreveralone-ness. At least for now. But who knows how this could turn out? Maybe you’ll be telling your kids the story of How I Met Your Mother on Spoonr.

Wingman

Are you a frequent flier? On the road for business a lot and don’t get a chance to go on real dates? Wingman is the app for people on the go looking to scores some points in the mile high club. In addition to the usual info, you also add your flight number and airline to your profile, and it shows you a list of people on your flight that you could be paired up with. Seat-to-seat chatting is gonna get a whole lot sexier.

Bumble

Bumble is a giant Sadie Hawkins Dance version of Tinder. Once you’re matched with someone, the lady has to message the guy first, but if they don’t within 24 hours, the connection disappears. And for all my LGBTQ homies out there, either one can make the first move.

Happn

Happenstance (noun) : a circumstance especially that is due to chance. We always are stunned to find out what small a world we really live in, and with Happn, it sets out to prove that to be true. using GPS functionality in your phone, the app shows profiles of other singles in your area and pinpoints the last place and time you were close to each other. All prospective matches are people you’ve crossed paths within 250 meters, and it’s definitely NOT creepy at all, right?

Spoonr

Aside: why are all these dating apps missing one vowel? Is there a real reason? Please respond in comments. Anyways, Spoonr is not for folks who enjoy the round utensil, it’s for people who just need a cuddle. Unclear whether there’s an option to set a preference for big or little spoon.

Tindog

Have a fear you’re going to become an old dog lady/man with no human significant other? Well Tindog not only sets you up with other dog lovers, it sets up your dogs too. Puppy love, AMIRITE?

Seeking Arrangement

SeekingArrangement is a very generous phrase to describe what this dating app is – a way for sugar daddies to find young women to shower with material items, companionship, and of course, sex. If Hugh Hefner doesn’t already have stock in this, he really should.

 

SaladMatch

This app was created by New York-based salad eatery Just Salad, as a way to connect customers with other salad lovers. Like Tinder, it allows you to swipe left or right on users based on their salad prefs, Just Salad location and what time of day they usually go to Just Salad. So if you get matched with someone, do you get like free salads for life, or something? Because I could be into that.

Sizzl

Like SaladMatch, Sizzl is powered by Oscar Mayer, but a little less serious than Just Salad. The app matches singles based on their bacon preferences – crispy or tender? Pork or turkey? etc. etc. Again, I feel like if you get properly matched there should at least be a voucher for free bacon at your local grocery store.

Luxy

Luxy is for rich snobs. No, really. One time their tag line was “Tinder, minus the poor people.” And in the ad above, the slogan “Over 40,000 people have been kicked out” is not a misprint. Luxy is a dating app for the 1% – millionaires, CEOs, celebs, etc. Apparently, users even select their fave high-end brands like Cartier and Prada, so potential suitors know what to get them as a casual gift.

Raya

Speaking of the 1%, Raya is a similar dating app, but used by a lot of celebs. It’s super exclusive and very secretive, and referred to as the “Illuminati Tinder”. There’s an intense vetting process, and after users submit their application, an anonymous committee assesses their social media presence and decides whether you’re cool enough to join the app. Stars like Sharon Stone, Diplo, Joe Jonas, Rayven Symone and even Matthew Perry are all rumored to be looking for love on Raya. The fact that it’s so elusive is why it’s so fascinating – but all I really want to know is what do these celebs put in their profiles??

For The Peeple, Hated By The Peeple

Last week, the Internet was up in arms (but when is it not) about a new app called Peeple, which lets you rate and review other people. It’s been called “Yelp for Humans”, which is how it’s being marketed around the web, hence the outrage among social media users who haven’t done any further research.

I’m definitely not defending this app, but I wanted to figure out why the founders of it wanted to make it in the first place. These two best friends, one in Canada, one in the U.S., were dedicated to “changing the way people can learn about each other online.” Their solution was Peeple, an app that “allows you to rate and comment about the people you interact with in your daily lives on the following three categories: personal, professional, and dating.”

Ok, seems easy enough. But, why sign up to do it? What is the goal to be accomplished here? According to these ladies, their mission is to “find the good in you”, and “enhance your online reputation for access to better quality networks, top job opportunities, and promote more informed decision making about people” – hence the personal, professional and dating categories.

They also stress that Peeple is a “positivity app for positive people”, and they’ve shown active support to the anti-bullying movement. But you’re wondering how that’s possible when people can just go to your profile and say anything they damn please, right? Well according to their website, if someone writes a negative review about you, it doesn’t go public on your profile right away, it goes to your inbox and you can then “work it out” with the person who left said review. You can also “report” people like on Twitter and Insta, etc. but negative reviews can still show up on your profile.

Also, you have to be 21 to join Peeple, and have a Facebook account and cell phone number to sign up. You also don’t have the option of taking yourself off Peeple.

So those are the facts. Here’s my opinion: I get what these ladies are trying to do. Create a safe space where others can talk about how good you are in a public forum. It’s like the LinkedIn section where employers and co-workers can back up your resume by writing a nice blurb. But in reality, this isn’t going to work. The environment on the Internet has changed so drastically, even within the past few years, that it’s seemingly impossible to create a “positive app for positive people”. Just because you call something “positive” doesn’t mean it’s going to be that. If I say this party I’m going to is going to be “awesome”, it’s not going to automatically be “awesome” since someone vommed near the doorway and it’s basically impossible to escape. Reviews on people are metaphorical vomit.

Plus, the nature of the app itself is wont for negativity. Even though it’s 21 and over, adults can be assholes too. And it’s not always straight out “this girl’s a bitch”, it can be even meaner than that, since grown-ups are strategic and know how to push your buttons. Also, shade.

It’s just not smart idea given the current Internet climate. Especially because it’s already gotten a lot of bad press. This tweet basically sums it up for me:

Peeple sets up users to basically judge the people they know, and this act of judging has become even more prevalent in our digital culture thanks to the simple technology of ‘the comments section’. But Peeple isn’t the first app to take on this idea of micromanaging criticisms. There’s an innocent one called the Kissing Test, where you lit’rally kiss the screen and it somehow tells you if you’re a pro, novice, or horrible. Similar to that, there’s the Passion app which will tell you how “good” you are in bed. Yup. Just set up the app and place the phone near (or on?) you during sex, and using the mic and other technologies I don’t understand, it will give you a score:

Then there’s the Gym Shamer, which will basically humiliate you publicly to friends on social media if you fail to reach your fitness goals that day.

Do we really need apps for any of this? How about instead of making a “positivity app for positive people”, we start with being positive IRL. And that’s a term all you people on the Internet will understand.

Snapchat: Not Just For Nudes Anymore

I admit: I used to be against Snapchat. I fell under the category of ‘People Who Use This Photo App Are Narcissistic And Only Share Naked Pix Of Themselves.’

I soon learned this was false. I mean I’m sure people still do this, but for me, it’s not about that.

For me, it’s about keeping in touch with friends near and far, sharing interesting, fun, stupid parts of your day with them. And okay, maybe it’s also because I take a lot of pix and if I want to send a ridic screenshot of a TV show and draw on it, I can just send it and not have it impede on my phone’s storage. But it’s mostly about strengthening relationships, etc.

Case in point, here is my friend Brian (who has also been a guest blogger for us!). He lives in my old stomping grounds in Boston, while I live 3,000 miles away in LA.

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We send Snapchats to each other of us making pizza cones or taking selfies or like passed out from being drunk. However, I like to think he is wayyyy more creative and adept at using the paint tool than I am. Here are just a few of his pieces of art that are just extraordinary.

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But Brian isn’t the only one who gets creative with Snapchat. Here are a few other folks I found on the internetz who are lit’rally making a simple app a venue for their works of art. Also, comedy.

Put yo hands in the ayyerr if you’s a true smurffff

This guy didn’t know what was coming…

Lest us forget this guy had to pose like this…

I like this for multiple reasons.

Okay, this girl = brilliant.

She clearly has a stylus for her phone.

Pac Man is popular among Snapchatters, huh?

Someone help her, pls.

Marshall Eriksen would LOVE this Snapchat

Oh hai, football head.

Wah Wahh #ThrowbackThursday

In which Jeff Goldblum fends of dinos who are trying to steal gold from Park Ave (is that what happens there idk)

Happy Thanksgiving, humans!

Way to go, Van Gogh!

How do people come up with this stuff??

That devil is terrifying. Shake it off, man.

Every Snap should include Stefon moving forward.

Word, Garfield.


Last Minute Pop Culture Inspired Halloween Costumes

Happy Halloween, y’all! Hope you’re all eating your weight in candy then promptly vomiting because it’s actually the bestworst decision you could ever make.

I’m going to be completely honest with you guys – I’ve never really been into Halloween. There are people who go all out and spend hundreds of $$$ on their costumes, throw elaborate parties etc., but I’ve never been one of those people. If I do have to dress up, I will be that rational person who buys clothes which can be easily worn for more than one night. For example, I was Where’s Waldo last weekend and the only item I will most likely never wear again are the $4.50 faux black glasses from Forever 21. That’s just how I roll.

So in honor of people who are cheap like me, are procrastinators, or just need an idea for that party you’ve just been invited to today for this weekend, here are some suggestions that don’t involve spending a lot of money – you might not need to buy anything at all!

Instagram/Selfie

Just grab a giant piece of cardboard, scissors and a blue marker, and copy Insta’s pic frame exactly. I’m assuming B didn’t make this personally, but let’s just say she did. And basically if Beyonce can find time to do it, so can you.

Grumpy Cat

Face makeup and a steady hand, and you’re one of the internet’s fave memes. Plus if you run into someone you dislike at a party, you don’t even have to pretend to enjoy their company.

Lady Gaga Artpop

You may end up looking like a crazy person, but it seems easy enough. And perhaps you’ll even get some APPLAUSE out of it too. LOLOLOLOLOL

Regina George from Mean Girls

Bra with a white tank? So fetch.

Liz Lemon from 30 Rock

Guess who has two thumbs and went as Liz Lemon to the West Hollywood Halloween party a few years ago? This moi.

Arthur

And I said hey! (HEY!) What a wonderful easy kind of costume that you can put together in seconds and still make people love your nostalgic creativity!

Amanda Bynes

Amanda Bynes
I was going to be crazy Amanda Bynes this year, but decided I’d have to buy way more of these items than I thought, but can someone please be her so my idea doesn’t go to waste?!

#StarbucksDrakeHands

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I love watching people’s take on #StarbucksDrakeHands, so this costume is perfect. Don’t know what this internet sensation is? Let this guide help you. Also, Aaron Paul. And Derek Hough. And this random cat.

Blue Screen of Death

I had a friend who went as this a few years ago and I can attest that it was such a hit with everyone.

Wilson from Home Improvement

A little arts and crafts are involved but come on, you don’t even need to smile or act like you’re having a good time with this mini fence!

Six iPhone Apps You Should Probably Have

Let’s face it. The point of having an iPhone is probably not the phone function. If you just wanted a working phone, you would still have your Motorola Razor phone from high school. But iPhones help us with our everyday lives, get us from place to place, tell us the weather, and even sass us if we want sassing (see: Siri). So in my never ending quest to find the best apps for my non phone iPhone, here’s a list of my favorites that I think are the best of the best.

BTDubs, these are all FREE apps, because homie don’t pay $.99 for that shit.

1) Episoder

I am not kidding you when I say that this has changed my life. As most of you know, I watch way too much television. For the past couple of years, I’ve attempted to be organized by creating a personalized TV schedule with Power Point. However, this past fall, I found myself faced with the enormous problem of too many TV shows, so little time, and losing track of what I’ve watched. I mean on Tuesday nights alone I watch 11 shows (disgusting, I know). So thanks to some internet research, I found Episoder. You simply put in all the programs you’re currently watching, and it will list all the upcoming episodes in chronological order, and better yet, provide a checklist for episodes you haven’t seen yet. It’s organized my TV watching schedule in the greatest way. And it even has past series which have ended/cancelled, so when you put something like 7 season of The West Wing on, it’s daunting, but helpful.

2) Tipsy

Math – who’s good at it? Especially when you’re out with friends and need to figure out tax and tip and how much everyone owes. Tipsy is there to not make your brain explode at the end of a meal. Basically you put it how much the total of the bill is and how many people are splitting it, and it will tell you how much each person owes. Simple yet brilliant.

3) Starbucks

Since I’ve managed to go through Dunkin Donuts withdrawl here in California, Starbucks is a familiar alternative to my coffee needs. And luckily, there is one just a block away from my office, so I frequent that location. There’s a guy there that knows my name and always asks how I am, however I don’t know his name and it’s way too late to ask. Anyways, since it’s just down the street, I don’t like taking my purse, and thanks to the Sbux app I don’t have to carry any cash at all with me. Their app lets you use a digital gift card of sorts, where you can reload your card with money, and simply scan your phone at purchase. You’ll get gold star rewards too, whatever that means.

4) Gas Buddy

I know some people go to the same gas station all the time, but I usually have a rotation of about 3 to 4 gas stations, and go to whichever one is closer to where I’m going. But sometimes, I just decide based on how much unleaded is. With Gas Buddy, it will search for all the gas stations near your current location, and tell you how much each grade level of gas is. Super helpful to find cheaper gas, however cheap usually means $3.49 here in LA.

5) Dropbox

Most of you probably already know what this is, but it’s a great app for all your iDevices and computer. I like having it on my phone so I can easily transfer pix from there to my computer – i.e. how I uploaded all these pics of the apps with ease. It’s also great if you want to send large files to people, like music or documents. That way Gmail isn’t sending you a warning that the email you’re trying to send is too big.

6) Lisa Frank Pic N’ Share

This is a Lisa Frank photo app where you can add a top heat wearing bear. I think that’s all you need to know.