One Last Time: Obama and Celebrities

It’s been an emotional week, and tomorrow’s going to be even rougher. That’s why today we’re taking a break for a bit of fun. We always get a kick out of celebrities meeting a well-liked president, if only because sometimes it’s hard to guess who’s more excited. Getting to meet the president can be a major perk of success in athletics or the entertainment industry, but it’s got to be a blast for the president, too: you signed up to lead a nation, but you also get to meet all of these varied, talented, fascinating people. Whether he’s cracking up with Olympians or welcoming Broadway actors into his home, it’s a real ‘presidents – they’re just like us!’ feeling. Get ready to smile and relive some of the fun times from the past 8 years!

Barack Obama shed his Obama mask on “Saturday Night Live.” Darrell Hammond and Amy Poehler were the Clintons. November, 2007.

Barack Obama shed his Obama mask on “Saturday Night Live.” Darrell Hammond and Amy Poehler were the Clintons. November, 2007.

President Obama, Amy Poehler and Saturday Night Live – talk about three beautiful, cherished American institutions, all in one picture.

Usher and Kerry Washington campaign for President Obama during a rally in South Carolina. January, 2008.

Usher and Kerry Washington campaign for President Obama during a rally in South Carolina. January, 2008.

There were a number of early Obama adapters during his first presidential campaign, namely because he had a lot of buzz as a senator in Illinois. Among them were Usher and pre-Scandal Kerry Washington, who campaigned for him in 2008. These folks ain’t bandwagon supporters.

Barack and Michelle embrace next to Oprah during a campaign rally. December, 2008.

Barack and Michelle embrace next to Oprah during a campaign rally. December, 2008.

Oprah is all of us. Also, remember that shining era when we had Obama in the White House AND Oprah on TV? I swear these are the things we’ll be telling our grandkids about.

Two days before the inauguration in 2009, musicians and actors came together for the We Are One: The Obama Inaugural Celebration at the Lincoln Memorial, performing songs and reciting pieces for the Obamas, Bidens and 400,000 people in attendance. Among those who took the stage were U2 (as seen above), Beyonce, Mary J. Blige, Garth Brooks, and Bruce Springsteen, as well as collabos between James Taylor, John Legend and Jennifer Nettles, Josh Groban, Heather Headley, and the Gay Men’s Chorus of D.C.,Herbie Hancock, will.i.am, and Sheryl Crow, and Usher, Stevie Wonder, and Shakira. Not to mention the other stars like Denzel Washington, Tom Hanks, Tom Hanks, Samuel L. Jackson, Steve Carell, Queen Latifah, Forest Whitaker, and Martin Luther King III and more reading historical passages. You can watch the two hour concert here!

Aretha Franklin sings My Country, 'Tis of Thee at the inauguration. January, 2009.

Aretha Franklin sings My Country, ‘Tis of Thee at the inauguration. January, 2009.

For the actual inauguration, Yo-Yo Ma, Itzhak Perlman, pianist Gabriela Montero and clarinetist Anthony McGill collaborated on a piece by John Williams called Air and Simple Gifts, and although that was lauded, it was Aretha Franklin who really stole the show as she sang My Country, ‘Tis if Thee. Sure, we all know how great of a singer she is but it was the hat – a grey, Swarovski crystal-studded bow hat, that sparked conversation and memes all over the world. Also getting to see the hat IRL at the ceremony were

That night, the Obamas attended 10 official inaugural balls, where even MORE celebrities attended like Jennifer Aniston, Rihanna, Will Smith – legit the list is too long to type out so read all of them here – and Beyonce showed up again in her iconic romantic serenade of At Last.

Miranda Cosgrove, Matthew Morrison, Mariah Carey, Ellen DeGeneres, Maxwell, and Annie Lennox at the WH Christmas special. December, 2010.

Miranda Cosgrove, Matthew Morrison, Mariah Carey, Ellen DeGeneres, Maxwell, and Annie Lennox at the WH Christmas special. December, 2010.

This is just a sample of their annual holiday concert. Just imagine this times 8.

Will Ferrell and his wife, Viveca, laughed with President Obama in the Oval Office. Oct. 2011.

Will Ferrell and his wife, Viveca, laughed with President Obama in the Oval Office. Oct. 2011.

My favorite is that Will Ferrell and his wife – a person who lives with Will Ferrell – appear to be laughing at whatever OBAMA said.

President Obama meets with over 20 actors for a private Young Hollywood event. June, 2012.

President Obama meets with over 20 actors for a private Young Hollywood event. June, 2012.

Usually the President’s activities during a trip are explicit, but there was no mention of this secret meeting at the Beverly Hilton Hotel, where Barack asked 25 of Hollywood’s hottest stars to get involved in his re-election campaign. Among them were Anna Kendrick, Zach Braff, Jeremy Renner, Zachary Quinto, Jessica Alba, Jared Leto, Kal Penn and Sophia Bush. Obviously, these folks put their photos on social media later for all of us to be jealous of.

May 11, 2012

President Obama takes a break during a basketball game in Los Angeles with some A-list teammates and competitors – Don Cheadle, Tobey Maguire, and George Clooney. Plus two of Clooney’s long-time friends and now ex-girlfriend Stacy Keibler. September, 2012.

Find yourself someone who looks at you like George Clooney is looking at POTUS.

November 15, 2012

President Obama poses with Olympic gymnast McKayla Maroney. November, 2012.

I love that Obama fangirled over the 2012 Olympics as much as the rest of us, and also that he’s clearly up on his memes.

Beyonce is greeted by U.S. President Barack Obama after her performance during inauguration ceremonies. January, 2013.

Beyonce is greeted by U.S. President Barack Obama after her performance during inauguration ceremonies. January, 2013.

Obama’s second inauguration was a star-studded event, and by this point Beyonce was an established White House favorite. Really makes me proud to be an American!

President Obama greets Kelly Clarkson after her performance at his second inauguration. January, 2013.

President Obama greets Kelly Clarkson after her performance at his second inauguration. January, 2013.

Like we said, really fun inauguration. In this photo, Kelly Clarkson is looking at Obama exactly how I would, AND Obama is looking at Kelly Clarkson exactly how I would.

Singer Stevie Wonder is honored Monday with the Presidential Medal of Freedom by President Obama, who said the first record he ever bought was by Wonder.

Singer Stevie Wonder is honored Monday with the Presidential Medal of Freedom by President Obama, who said the first record he ever bought was by Wonder.

The Obamas danced to Stevie Wonder at their wedding and all these years later he’s a regular guest in their home, playing POTUS’s birthday party and getting awards from him. If you look closely you can see all of Barack’s dreams coming true.

Justin Timberlake greets President Obama (with Queen Latifah in the background). May, 2013.

Justin Timberlake greets President Obama (with Queen Latifah in the background). May, 2013.

JT posted the above photo on Obama’s birthday and captioned it “Just showing The Prez how I made a half-court shot on his hoop while he was leading the free world and stuff… No big deal. Happy Bday, Mr. President!!”

They have inside jokes, it’s fine.

This is an Emmy-winning video.

The President and the First Lady meet the President and the First Lady. White House Correspondents Dinner. May, 2014.

Mellie/Michelle 2020?

POTUS strikes a pose with Usain Bolt. April, 2015.

POTUS strikes a pose with Usain Bolt. April, 2015.

Can we all just take a moment to appreciate how happy Barry looks? That is pure joy right there.

After Cecily Strong's speech at the White House Correspondents Dinner. April, 2015.

After Cecily Strong’s speech at the White House Correspondents Dinner. April, 2015.

Remember how Cecily Strong absolutely crushed it at the WHCD?! Then, even though he was the butt of some of the jokes, POTUS also acknowledged that she was absolutely hilarious and all of the hits were totally fair. Also, this happened to be the same WHCD where Obama’s Anger Translator Luther (Keegan-Michael Key) showed up.

July 18, 2015 “The President greets the cast and crew of ‘Hamilton’ after seeing the play with his daughters at the Richard Rodgers Theatre in New York City.” (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza)

July 18, 2015 “The President greets the cast and crew of ‘Hamilton’ after seeing the play with his daughters at the Richard Rodgers Theatre in New York City.” (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza)

I like to think that this is how everyone looks at you when you get to heaven.

We consider Hamilton a true musical of the Obama era and we get such a kick out of the mutual love between the cast, creatives and POTUS.

Dec. 7, 2015 “Comedian Jerry Seinfeld knocks on the Oval Office window to begin a segment for his series, ‘Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee.’” (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza)

Jerry Seinfeld knocks on the window of the Oval Office. December, 2015.

I’m not one who particularly *loves* Jerry Seinfeld, but I do enjoy Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee, and this one with President Obama is no different. Well, actually it was. Since the Pres has limited ability to drive around in a vintage car with a guy who makes jokes for a living, they could lit’rally only make a loop in front of the White House and the coffee was in some WH bunker. That’s exaggerating – just watch it.

President Obama joined Jimmy Fallon for a second installment of Slow Jam the News. June, 2016.

Since Jimmy had a talk show, the Obamas have been happy to play along with his bits, including Slow Jam the News, which is another reason why President Obama is the coolest. Slick Willy Clinton could probably get away with doing this but can you imagine Dubya saying “Oh yeah” then dropping the mic?

President Obama serenades daughter Malia with 'Happy Birthday.' July 4, 2016.

President Obama serenades daughter Malia with ‘Happy Birthday.’ July 4, 2016.

The 2004 films Chasing Liberty and First Daughter taught me that it can be hard to be the child of the American president … but if your 18th birthday involves Kendrick Lamar and Janelle Monae singing you Happy Birthday on the White House lawn, it sounds pretty OK.

Sept. 12, 2016 “After a meeting with actor and human rights activist George Clooney, the President invited him and three of his colleagues to shoot hoops on the White House basketball court. This photo garnered a lot of attention when it was hung on the walls of the West Wing.” (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza)

George and Barack back on the basketball court after they met to discuss some human rights policies. September, 2016.

This is also the poster of the 2018 film where Clooney & Obama lead a rag-tag group of international figures in some kind of witty heist.

Oct. 21, 2016 “Bill Murray stopped by the White House to be honored as the recipient of the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. When the President opened the door to the Oval Office, he laughed that Bill was in full Chicago Cubs regalia just before the Cubs were to begin the World Series. After the presentation, Murray demonstrated his prowess in putting, ‘sinking’ several putts into a White House drinking glass, all while doing a public service announcement to sign up for the Affordable Care Act.” (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza)

Bill Murray shows off his putting skills in the Oval Office while filming a PSA to sign up for the Affordable Care Act. It was also just before he was awarded the Mark Twain Prize for American Humor. October, 2016.

Just two Chicago boys casually putting into glass in the Oval Office.

Nov. 22, 2016 “Bruuuuuce! The President reaches out to shake hands with Bruce Springsteen in the Blue Room of the White House prior to the Presidential Medal of Freedom ceremony. I’m so happy for Bruce, having been a fan of his for almost 30 years during which I’ve seen at least 35 of his concerts.” (Official White House Photo by Pete Souza)

President Obama greets Bruce Springsteen before he received the President Medal of Freed. November, 2016.

I don’t think you know how many Bruce Springsteen pictures we had to choose from. There’s probably a small, dedicated guest room where Bruce stays and they’ll have to forcefully remove him on 1/20.

Rather than a photo, just watch the whole video of Obama awarding Ellen Degeneres the Medal of Freedom. It’s definitely a two-kleenex moment.

That face when the President drops by for a visit. Today, the cast of Hidden Figures visited the White House to highlight the stories of Americans who defied stereotypes and broke glass ceilings to advance human space flight, science, and innovation. December, 2016.

That face when the President drops by for a visit. Today, the cast of Hidden Figures visited the White House to highlight the stories of Americans who defied stereotypes and broke glass ceilings to advance human space flight, science, and innovation. December, 2016.

Octavia Spencer, somehow simultaneously so adorable you could imagine being BFFs with her and so talented that it’s intimidating, is the face of America.

WHEN THE WHITEHOUSE BECAME THE BLACK HOUSE. #THEUNION #ORGANIZE

A post shared by Janelle Monáe (@janellemonae) on

When your favs are each others favs: I’ve heard that Janelle Monae has been invited to/performed at the White House more than any other musical artist. Also just this whole crowd, in general.

Kendrick Lamar meets President Barack Obama in the Oval Office of the White House. January, 2016.

Kendrick Lamar meets President Barack Obama in the Oval Office of the White House. January, 2016.

Do yourself a favor and run a search of Kendrick Lamar and President Obama at the White House. All of the photos are absolutely delightful.

President Obama teaches Steph Curry a few things about shooting. April, 2016.

 

Y’all – do yourself a favor and watch this entire concert of BET Presents Love & Happiness: An Obama Celebration. Partly because BET isn’t going to present a damn thing for the next administration, but mostly because there are star-studded performances from Jill Scott, BFF Janelle Monae, smokeshows Common, Usher and Leslie Odom, Jr. and Bradley Cooper is also there to fill a quota.

Going away party. January, 2017.

What better way to end eight years in a mansion than with your famous friends? The Obamas held one last bash at the White House earlier this month, with a bunch of celebrities who have supported the administration throughout their tenure. Guests weren’t allowed to take pictures inside the party that lasted until 4am, so all the available photos are from the outside, or in performer Solange’s case, during soundcheck. Among those who danced alongside Barry and Michelle were Amal and George Clooney, Robert De Niro, Nick Jonas, Kelly Rowland, Chrissy Teigen and John Legend, Jason Sudeikis and Olivia Wilde, Chance the Rapper, Jay Pharoah, Usher and Billy Eichner. AND MORE.

Finally, cry your eyes out as you watch celebrities thank the Obamas for their years of service.

Barbara Walters 10 Most (Sometimes) Fascinating (-ish) People Of 2014

Man. Barbara Walters is fascinated by some weird shit, right?

Last year when Babs announced her retirement I thought we’d never again know who fascinated her. But she’s back again, which means the big farewell production for 2013’s Most Fascinating list was just the swan song of a silly goose.

Here’s who fascinated Ms. Walters this year:

Neil Patrick Harris

Fascinating Or Not Fascinating: Fasci…wait for it… I guess fascinating? He wrote a book.

I think Neil Patrick Harris is just adorable. While normally I’d reserve the word “fascinating” for people with an air of mystery or intrigue, he seems more like the more-lovable version of the guy next door. But then again, I wouldn’t this closely follow the Instagram feed and picturesque family life of someone I didn’t think was fascinating, would I?

Taylor Swift

Fascinating Or Not Fascinating: Would an un-fascinating person have these people at her birthday party? I rest my case.

You don’t even have to like Taylor Swift to be at least a little fascinated by her. This year she released a hit record, cultivated a media empire, and deftly recrafted her image from spiral-permed perma-teen to sass-mouthed tumblr sweetheart. Love her or hate her, that’s all pretty interesting.

Amal Clooney

Fascinating Or Not Fascinating: your mom thinks she’s fascinating

First of all, it’s been a while since you checked in with your mom after George Clooney’s wedding, and now’s a good time to make sure she’s still holding up okay. Second, I both like and dislike this pick. Amal is an accomplished human rights attorney with a five-star education and a gold-star wardrobe, and that alone makes her pretty darn fascinating in my book. But on the other hand, she wouldn’t be on the list if she hadn’t married George Clooney. So Barbara still, at some level, thinks she’s fascinating because she married a famous guy, but just a reminder: Barbara Walters is really, really old. Super old.

Oprah Winfrey

Fascinating Or Not Fascinating: Too Easy.

You know how, when people used to fill out their favorite books on Facebook, some people would write “The Bible”? But it was always someone who clearly hadn’t read the whole Bible, that was just the only book they could think of. Or when asked who they’d pick if they could meet with anyone living or dead, and they say George Washington? But they’re not a big George Washington buff, it was just the only historical figure they remembered from third grade Social Studies. Anyway, that’s what it’s like putting Oprah on the Most Fascinating list. Nobody can argue that she doesn’t belong there, but it’s also not a pick anybody put a lot of through into (see also: the person you know only read Romeo And Juliet in 9th grade English saying that their favorite writer is Shakespeare).

Michael Strahan

Fascinating Or Not Fascinating: your mom also thinks he’s fascinating

Like NPH, I think that Strahan is an affable fellow who just happens to be more famous and charming than your average guy. But then again, making the switch from pro football player to the man that moms across the country have breakfast with is a fascinating career change, so I guess your mom is right.

Chelsea Handler

Chelsea Handler at LA Direct Magazine's "...

Fascinating Or Not Fascinating: Passes The Airplane Test

I don’t talk to people on airplanes, if I can help it. Because although they’re expensive, flights are still just public transportation, and public transportation is for avoiding eye contact and reading with your headphones in. But are you ever on a flight next to someone who’s intriguing enough that you at least want to talk to them? That’s the airplane test, and Chelsea Handler passes with flying colors. I wouldn’t actually bother her on a plane (because unlike people who exchange pleasantries on mass transit, I’m not an animal), but if I was next to her for 4 hours I’d want to strike up a conversation. So yeah, I’d say she’s fascinating.

David Koch

Fascinating Or Not Fascinating: Fails The Airplane Test

This is moot because I’m sure he has his own fleet of airplanes. But although I guess I should want to pick his brain about finances and politics and the social responsibilities of the mega-wealthy, if he was on my redeye Southwest flight I’d just pop in my earbuds and pretend to be engrossed in whatever I grabbed from the Hudson News.

Scarlett Johansson

Fascinating Or Not Fascinating: Very Pretty

There are a limited number of things I know about Scarlett Johansson. I know that she has two sets of double consonants in her name and I always forget where they go. I know that she has or had a side project with Pete Yorn. I know that she was once a child actor, and is now an adult but is still an actor. And I know that she has a better face than most people. Evidently Johansson had a baby this year, and gave it a nice name, which is unusual enough in Hollywood that I’ll call it fascinating. Like NPH and Michael Strahan, she does seem pretty likable and friendly overall, which is refreshing if not fascinating.

Elon Musk

Fascinating Or Not Fascinating: Nah

Like Koch, I understand that he’s a very big deal and incredibly important and I should be fascinated. But nah.

George R.R. Martin

Fascinating Or Not Fascinating: You will find out in five books if we all live that long

Game of Thrones, huh? So much suspense! You have to wait for all of these books to find out what happens to your favorite characters, and hang onto the hope that the characters, and you, and Martin himself live through the whole thing. Okay, so I haven’t actually read any of The Song Of Fire And Ice, but anyone who can create a whole (twisted, death-y) world and put it to paper is fascinating to me.

 

ICYMI: Pigs Are Flying & George Clooney is Married

The world’s most eligible bachelor has tied the knot, and the main concern we have coming out of it is – how do we break the news to mom?

How To Talk To Your Mom About George Clooney’s Wedding

This past weekend, George Clooney – world’s most eligible bachelor – became just another married guy. How’s your mom doing with that news?

Seriously, you should call your mother.

There are several defining moments that broke the hearts and dashed the romantic expectations of baby boomer women: the death of JFK – nay, Camelot itself. The Beatles’ shaggy phase. Charles and Diana’s divorce. Now this: the man your mom is probably obsessed with is off the market. Yes, you should call her. But we don’t think you should go into this blind. Here’s all the prep you need.

Understand The Alternatives

Your mother may express dismay that Clooney did not wed one of his past loves. However, Clooney often dated less-famous gals, so you should also be prepared for your mother to mourn George’s failure to end up with single famous ladies who she likes. This is normal. If your mother laments that George should have married “Sandy,” “Jen,” “Meg,” or “Julie,”  just know that she means Sandra Bullock, Jennifer Aniston, Meg Ryan, or Julia Roberts/ Julianna Margulies. Matchmaker to the stars, that mom of yours.

Express Disbelief

The correct emotion to express when talking to your mother is bemusement. Say things like “I never thought he’d get married,” or, if you’re slightly more dramatic, “well, I never thought we’d see the day.”

Defend His Choice

It’s understandable that your mom might be a bit taken aback by this news, because this is not a marriage of peers. No, it is a marriage between a major player on the international stage … and a man from this one doctor show in the 90s.

Your mother will become more comfortable with this development if she grows to accept – or even love – George’s new missus. If, like me, you don’t know much about Amal Alamuddin, here is your cheat sheet. Alamuddin is a British-Lebanese human rights attorney who earned her degree at Oxford and got an L.M.A. from N.Y.U. She clerked for a pre-Supreme Court Sonia Sotomayor, and has spent the past few years working with the U.N., most recently on human rights violations in the Israel-Gaza conflict. She is fluent in three languages. So don’t worry, moms, I’m sure George will be provided for in his old age.


If you’re still in disbelief that George Clooney actually got married for real real, just think of all the other things we thought would happen before he actually “settled down”.

 

Things I Thought Would Happen Before George Clooney Got Married

Well folks, it happened. George Clooney is betrothed. To a woman who is not a model by profession. In case you didn’t know, Amal Alamuddin is a 36-year-old Lebanon-born, London-based lawyer, who specializes in international law, human rights, extradition and criminal law. She went to Oxford and NYU, is fluent in English, French and Arabic, and has previously worked with now-Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor and represented WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange in 2011. Basically, she’s no dummy, and different than all the other girls George has loved before, which is why I think this is legit. But let’s be real – how many people actually thought George would ever get engaged again? His first marriage to actress Talia Balsam (who’s now married to silver fox John Slattery) didn’t work out and he publicly vowed to never marry again. Yet here we are. Albeit he still needs to actually exchange vows with her, I, and I assume the rest of the pop culture-obsessed public, never thought this would happen. There are hundreds of other things I thought would happen before George ever put a ring on anyone, let alone a woman that might actually be the one. Here’s a list of just some of the things I thought would happen before Cloonster would ever settle down.

okay, but doesn’t this look like a scene from Out of Sight?

Clooney reprising his role as Batman

Lou Bega making a legit come back

Wait, guys… I’m JUST realizing this is Mambo NUMBER 5. WHAT HAPPENED TO MAMBOS 1 THROUGH 4?!?

Finding the fictional Heart of the Ocean

Leonardo DiCaprio getting an Oscar

 You’ll get ’em next year, bud.

My parents giving up their AOL account

FACT: I recently witnessed my mother using AOL and let me tell you – this screenshot is not that far off from what it looks like in 2014. BUDDY LISTS. !

Finding MH370

… Too soon?

Figuring out the exact number of licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop

Actually liking Tootsie Roll Pops

Honestly, the most disgusting candy.

The Buffalo Bills going to the Super Bowl

  A little Western New York humor for you

Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams getting back together

Discovering the real identity of -A on Pretty Little Liars

 This will happen once the show ends for real. Maybe.

Actually going through the threat of quitting Facebook

The Friday Night Lights movie happening

Probably for the best that this isn’t a thing.

The Friends reunion happening

Yeah, probs for the best this isn’t a thing either.

Reading through the entirty of the iTunes Terms and Conditions

Never in my life. Sorry, Apple.

How To Talk To Your Mom About George Clooney’s Wedding

This past weekend, George Clooney – world’s most eligible bachelor – became just another married guy. How’s your mom doing with that news?

Seriously, you should call your mother.

There are several defining moments that broke the hearts and dashed the romantic expectations of baby boomer women: the death of JFK – nay, Camelot itself. The Beatles’ shaggy phase. Charles and Diana’s divorce. Now this: the man your mom is probably obsessed with is off the market. Yes, you should call her. But we don’t think you should go into this blind. Here’s all the prep you need.

Understand The Alternatives

$5 to whoever can tell me who this is

$5 to whoever can tell me who this is

Your mother may express dismay that Clooney did not wed one of his past loves. However, Clooney often dated less-famous gals, so you should also be prepared for your mother to mourn George’s failure to end up with single famous ladies who she likes. This is normal. If your mother laments that George should have married “Sandy,” “Jen,” “Meg,” or “Julie,”  just know that she means Sandra Bullock, Jennifer Aniston, Meg Ryan, or Julia Roberts/ Julianna Margulies. Matchmaker to the stars, that mom of yours.

Express Disbelief

The correct emotion to express when talking to your mother is bemusement. Say things like “I never thought he’d get married,” or, if you’re slightly more dramatic, “well, I never thought we’d see the day.”

Defend His Choice

It’s understandable that your mom might be a bit taken aback by this news, because this is not a marriage of peers. No, it is a marriage between a major player on the international stage … and a man from this one doctor show in the 90s.

Your mother will become more comfortable with this development if she grows to accept – or even love – George’s new missus. If, like me, you don’t know much about Amal Alamuddin, here is your cheat sheet. Alamuddin is a British-Lebanese human rights attorney who earned her degree at Oxford and got an L.M.A. from N.Y.U. She clerked for a pre-Supreme Court Sonia Sotomayor, and has spent the past few years working with the U.N., most recently on human rights violations in the Israel-Gaza conflict. She is fluent in three languages. So don’t worry, moms, I’m sure George will be provided for in his old age.

Know The Guest List

Why yes, that IS Matt Damon, John Kraskinski, Emily Blunt, and I assume some sort of lesser Clooney. And Damon IS either giving you an air-fist bump or waving wanly.

If your mom begins spiraling into self-pity and despair, dangle a star-studded guest list in front of her to distract her from her feelings. It was like combining the star power of the Oscars with the boozy fun of the Golden Globes with, probably, the irreverence of the Kids Choice Awards. Matt Damon. Bill Murray. Cindy Crawford. Bono (whose gift was probably something that wasn’t on the registry and nobody ever said that they wanted). Anna Wintour (whose gift was probably her stoic, slightly judgmental presence). There’s so much to talk about without even talking about the demise of George Clooney’s bachelorhood! Imagine being the person who had to figure out the table arrangements. It was probably like the dinner party word problems from Highlights For Children, but taken to the extreme. Feel free to speculate about the pals who didn’t make it, like Ben Affleck (IDK I’m sure that gem of a man had a very good reason) and Brad Pitt.

Talk Outfits

I mean…

Is this even real life…

Because this doesn’t seem fair…

It’s like if a Disney Princess also had a job and an education.

Again, if your ma is struggling with what this really means for her, it’s best to shift to a mutually agreeable subject. If the guest list doesn’t work, try outfits! Amal Alamuddin can dress. The best way to get your mother through this trying time is to get her to see Alamuddin as an ally, and that means that your mom has to find her as glam as her favs Sandy, Meg, Jen, and Julie. Fortunately, that won’t be too difficult.

Don’t Let It Get Personal

If you have one of those passive-aggressive moms, she may try to turn this into one of those “why aren’t you married yet” digs. Rise above it: after all, her boy George didn’t get there til he was 53, except for this one failed marriage in the early 90s that nobody talks about. Or, a “why can’t your career be more Amal Alamuddin” convo, because you know what, she didn’t graduate law school in the worst legal job market in the history of the world okay mom jeez. Like when a toddler is misbehaving, the best thing you can do is redirect. I suggest bringing it back to the outfits.

Saturday Spotlight: The Clooney Factor

This month, George Clooney got engaged to someone who is, shall we say, a little out of his league.

From zero to George Clooney, just how Clooney were this week’s posts?

2014 Unofficial Guide To Your New TV Addictions

Clooney Factor: 3  – because Clooney did get his start on TV, after all

May is a big month for television. In addition to all the season finales and unfortunate cancellations (TROPHY WIFE UGHHH), networks also reveal the pilots that have been picked up to series for the upcoming season. Every year, there are trailers that make you think ‘Why da faq did they pick this show up’ but then there’s always the ‘I need this show to come on now because watching the 3 minute preview isn’t enough’. To help you weed through the bramble, I’ve compiled a list of shows I think actually have a shot of making it at least one season. Are any of these your early favorites too?

The Comedies

A to Z

Thursdays, 9:30pm • NBC

If you’re a Mad Men fan, you might recognize the lead male as cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs Michael Ginsberg. If you’re a Mindy Project fan, you might remember him as the pretentious guy Mindy dated who adorably played the ukelele and sang a Katy Perry song. And if you’re a How I Met Your Mother fan, you might recognize the lead female as Tracy ‘I’m Not a Plot Device’ McConnell.

I’m going to be honest with you guys and tell you that I have probably watched this trailer at least 8 times already, which is probably 7 times too many. While Ben Feldman and Cristin Milioti aren’t necessarily big actor names like some of the other shows that got picked up for next season, I hope people still decide to watch it, because it looks super cute… and maybe a little HIMYM-esque? Whatevs, I’m into it.

Bad Judge

Thursdays, 9:00pm • NBC

The great Kate Walsh returns to network TV! Addison Montgomery has switched occupations and is now a judge. A ‘Bad Judge’ if you will. I didn’t really expect much before watching this, but I was delightfully surprised when I literally LOLed a couple times. It’s reminiscent of Bad Teacher, both the Cameron Diaz movie and the TV show which was recently cancelled after just a few episodes (side rant: I only saw the pilot, but it was hilarious. Come ON CBS).


Can We Make ‘The Maya Rudolph Show’ A Regular Thing?

Clooney Factor: 4 (Nick Clooney was a long-time TV host himself – shoutout to AMC when they used to play old movies!)

The Maya Rudolph Show was a one-time only event, but with our TV schedules cleared of all but the worst reality TV for the summer, I have to ask: can we make The Maya Rudolph Show a regular thing? Here’s why:

Maya Rudolph, Of Course

A great variety show needs a great host. That’s what separates the Carol Burnett Show from Donny and Marie, Your Show Of Shows and The Muppet Show from The Brady Bunch Variety Hour. And they don’t make better hosts than Maya Rudolph, a true triple threat: singing, acting, and making me spit Diet Coke onto my coffee table with a single eyebrow raise.

Maya’s delivery is always just on that next level. It’s like all of Maya’s characters are working so hard to sell it; like they’re all putting on little shows even in regular conversation. Take her Beyonce impression, for example. You can see the real Beyonce underneath the Beyonce persona going “hey, are you guys getting this?”

Silly Sketches

Network TV could use a bit more goofiness in the usual weeknight ‘cops ‘n doctors’ lineup. It’s nice to go to sleep after a bit of lighthearted silliness. The best example from last night? This sketch where Maya and Fred Armisen play the voices from your GPS to uncanny perfection. You know that Franken-accent that your GPS has – the stilted pauses, the weird diphthong that’s probably what’s going to happen when the Northern Cities Vowel Shift meets up with the Southern Shift once we all learn how to talk from the internet? And how you have to repeat yourself several times until it knows what you said? I can’t stand this silliness on my GPS, but I love it on my TV.


 

Things I Thought Would Happen Before George Clooney Got Married

Clooney Factor: 10 (That’s So George!)
Clooney reprising his role as Batman

Lou Bega making a legit come back

Wait, guys… I’m JUST realizing this is Mambo NUMBER 5. WHAT HAPPENED TO MAMBOS 1 THROUGH 4?!?


What’s In Shailene Woodley’s Bag?

Clooney Factor: 8 (like all conversations between the middle-aged women on whom you eavesdrop when you’re getting your hair cut, there is at least one George Clooney reference)

According to Shailene Woodley, Shailene Woodley is a clay-eating, toothpaste-making, showtune-in-the-morning singing not-feminist who says “Gaia” non-ironically and gathers spring water from a mountain brook. She’s also, like, a little bit homeless. Does this surprise anyone?

Let’s inventory Shailene Woodley’s bag. On Kimmel she lists the following items: (1) computer; (1) hoodie situation; (1) pair jeans; (some) basic tees and tanks; (1) temporary cell phone because the studio got annoyed that she kept disappearing into the wilderness to worship the moon goddess; and (indeterminate) leggings.

Okay, let’s all picture all of those items. They’d totally fit into an airplane-standard carry-on, I think we can all agree. But that can’t be it, right? Based on my research, here are some other things that Shailene Woodley owns:

  • Just a little bit of shampoo: Because she only shampoos about once a month. See article, above.
  • Some clay: She eats about a teaspoon of clay every day, and makes toothpaste out of it as well. I’d say conservative estimate, you can count on at least two cups of clay so she doesn’t have to keep buying clay all the time. But if you are extra crazy and go to the website of Woodley’s recommended clay vendor, you would see that the smallest size clay-ball is 1 pound. So there you have it. A one-pound bag of clay, chipped away a teaspoon at a time.
  • This horseradish root:

 Playlist of The Month: Best Original Songs By Fictional Artists

 Clooney Factor: 7 (Oh Brother Where Art Thou Arguably Should Have Made The List)
Pop! Goes My Heart from Music and Lyrics
Fictional Artists:  PoP!

What do you mean you’ve never seen this movie? For shame. It has Hugh Grant, Drew Barrymore, and Jason Street from Friday Night Lights, what more could you ask for? Probably a better plot and script, that’s what. I mean I didn’t think it was that bad of a movie, but cinephiles might disagree. Basically Hugh Grant plays a washed up former 80s pop star from a band called PoP! (which was inspired by Wham!). And his band mate is played by Scott Porter, who actually sings and dances IRL. Their hit song is Pop! Goes My Heart and this music video is awesomely 80s.

Killer Tofu from Doug
Fictional Artist: The Beets

Millenials, can you feel me right now?

Obviously The Beets were supposed to lampoon The Beatles, but it also seems like they’re ripping on the early-mid 90s British rock bands that were popular at the time. I’m looking at you, Oasis.

Things I Thought Would Happen Before George Clooney Got Married

Well folks, it happened. George Clooney is betrothed. To a woman who is not a model by profession. In case you didn’t know, Amal Alamuddin is a 36-year-old Lebanon-born, London-based lawyer, who specializes in international law, human rights, extradition and criminal law. She went to Oxford and NYU, is fluent in English, French and Arabic, and has previously worked with now-Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor and represented WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange in 2011. Basically, she’s no dummy, and different than all the other girls George has loved before, which is why I think this is legit. But let’s be real – how many people actually thought George would ever get engaged again? His first marriage to actress Talia Balsam (who’s now married to silver fox John Slattery) didn’t work out and he publicly vowed to never marry again. Yet here we are. Albeit he still needs to actually exchange vows with her, I, and I assume the rest of the pop culture-obsessed public, never thought this would happen. There are hundreds of other things I thought would happen before George ever put a ring on anyone, let alone a woman that might actually be the one. Here’s a list of just some of the things I thought would happen before Cloonster would ever settle down.

okay, but doesn’t this look like a scene from Out of Sight?

Clooney reprising his role as Batman

Lou Bega making a legit come back

Wait, guys… I’m JUST realizing this is Mambo NUMBER 5. WHAT HAPPENED TO MAMBOS 1 THROUGH 4?!?

Finding the fictional Heart of the Ocean

Leonardo DiCaprio getting an Oscar

 You’ll get ’em next year, bud.

My parents giving up their AOL account

FACT: I recently witnessed my mother using AOL and let me tell you – this screenshot is not that far off from what it looks like in 2014. BUDDY LISTS. !

Finding MH370

… Too soon?

Figuring out the exact number of licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop

Actually liking Tootsie Roll Pops

Honestly, the most disgusting candy.

The Buffalo Bills going to the Super Bowl

  A little Western New York humor for you

Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams getting back together

Discovering the real identity of -A on Pretty Little Liars

 This will happen once the show ends for real. Maybe.

Actually going through the threat of quitting Facebook

The Friday Night Lights movie happening

Probably for the best that this isn’t a thing.

The Friends reunion happening

Yeah, probs for the best this isn’t a thing either.

Reading through the entirty of the iTunes Terms and Conditions

Never in my life. Sorry, Apple.