Things I Thought Would Happen Before George Clooney Got Married

Well folks, it happened. George Clooney is betrothed. To a woman who is not a model by profession. In case you didn’t know, Amal Alamuddin is a 36-year-old Lebanon-born, London-based lawyer, who specializes in international law, human rights, extradition and criminal law. She went to Oxford and NYU, is fluent in English, French and Arabic, and has previously worked with now-Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor and represented WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange in 2011. Basically, she’s no dummy, and different than all the other girls George has loved before, which is why I think this is legit. But let’s be real – how many people actually thought George would ever get engaged again? His first marriage to actress Talia Balsam (who’s now married to silver fox John Slattery) didn’t work out and he publicly vowed to never marry again. Yet here we are. Albeit he still needs to actually exchange vows with her, I, and I assume the rest of the pop culture-obsessed public, never thought this would happen. There are hundreds of other things I thought would happen before George ever put a ring on anyone, let alone a woman that might actually be the one. Here’s a list of just some of the things I thought would happen before Cloonster would ever settle down.

okay, but doesn’t this look like a scene from Out of Sight?

Clooney reprising his role as Batman

Lou Bega making a legit come back

Wait, guys… I’m JUST realizing this is Mambo NUMBER 5. WHAT HAPPENED TO MAMBOS 1 THROUGH 4?!?

Finding the fictional Heart of the Ocean

Leonardo DiCaprio getting an Oscar

 You’ll get ’em next year, bud.

My parents giving up their AOL account

FACT: I recently witnessed my mother using AOL and let me tell you – this screenshot is not that far off from what it looks like in 2014. BUDDY LISTS. !

Finding MH370

… Too soon?

Figuring out the exact number of licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Pop

Actually liking Tootsie Roll Pops

Honestly, the most disgusting candy.

The Buffalo Bills going to the Super Bowl

  A little Western New York humor for you

Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams getting back together

Discovering the real identity of -A on Pretty Little Liars

 This will happen once the show ends for real. Maybe.

Actually going through the threat of quitting Facebook

The Friday Night Lights movie happening

Probably for the best that this isn’t a thing.

The Friends reunion happening

Yeah, probs for the best this isn’t a thing either.

Reading through the entirty of the iTunes Terms and Conditions

Never in my life. Sorry, Apple.

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8 thoughts on “Things I Thought Would Happen Before George Clooney Got Married

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