Tag Archives: JIMMY FALLON

Class of ’04: What’s My Age Again?

Posted in Entertainment, Miscellany by

You can tell me that we graduated 10 years ago, but I still have a difficult time convincing myself that that much time has passed since I last used a locker and attended a gym class (note I didn’t say ‘participated’). And when looking back at pop culture a decade ago, it’s hard to believe that some of these things happened so long ago. Here’s a list of just a few things that happened in 2004 that will make you want to pull out your Sony Discman and blast Blink-182 in an attempt to reclaim your youth.

Oops… I Did It Again

January 3rd: Britney Jean Spears decided to go to Las Vegas and marries her childhood friend Jason Allen Alexander at The Little White Wedding Chapel, the same place where Paul Newman married Joanne Woodward and Pamela Anderson tied the knot with Rick Salomon (the first time).

January 5th: Brit filed an annulment petition stating she “lacked understanding of her actions” and two hours later, her marriage was completely dissolved.

July 5th: Brit gets engaged to dancer Kevin Federline, whom she met three months earlier. Besides the fact that their relationship was on the fast track to marriage (read: divorce), they were under a lot of heat since Kevin’s and his ex-girlfriend Shar Jackson was still pregnant with their second child.

September 18: B & KFed get married. This is a picture that was taken during the reception.

Nipplegate/Boob Bowl

February 1: Ah yes, the floppy breast that all Americans young and old were exposed to during Super Bowl XXXVIII. As we know, JT ripped off a piece of tear away material covering Janet’s (Ms. Jackson if you’re nasty) right boob, and in their defense they deemed it a “wardrobe malfunction”, but conservatives called it “a sign of decreasing morality in the national culture”, while others just said to “calm the fuck down”. The legal ramifications from the FCC and subsequent lawsuits seemed to be never ending – in fact as recent as 2012, the Supreme Court declined an appeal from the FCC over the $550,000 fine on Nipplegate.

Kanye Drops College Dropout

February 10: Kanye West releases his debut album, The College Dropout, which hits the top of the charts and receives critical acclaim. It’s hard to believe there was a time when we ALL liked Kanye because his music was so good, but then he started talking too much and grabbed the mic from Taylor Swift, etc. and he became one of the most polarizing artists in music. But no one can deny just how freaking good this record was. Even the weakest track on the album was better than most of the rap songs released that year.

You Go, Glen Coco

February 20: Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen was the first of two leading roles Lindsay Lohan had in 2004, which is considered her breakout year. After appearing in Freaky Friday in 2003, Linds landed another Disney movie with the teen musical that pitted her against a young Megan Fox.

April 30: You know it, you love it, you wear pink on Wednesdays. Mean Girls was released and became a defining teen comedy of the 2000s and launched LiLo into superstar success.

May 1: Luckily, Lindsay had connections at Saturday Night Live thanks to Tina Fey/Mean Girls, and hosted the show for the first time, AKA the show with the most epic (and first) sketch of Debbie Downer.

June 5: Linds becomes the youngest host of the MTV Movie Awards at just 17 years old. Meanwhile, I think I was busy “studying” my Sparknotes for my AP English exam.

December 7: Lindsay’s first album, Speak is released and surprisingly gets certified platinum. I’m not going to lie to you, she has some pretty catchy tunes that may or may not have been downloaded via Napster. But seriously though – Over?!

Jimmy Meets World

May 15: Jimmy Fallon makes his last appearance as a cast member on Saturday Night Live, closing out his six-season tenure with a rousing all cast musical rendition of Grease’s Summer Nights, with his leading lady, Tina Fey.

You Can’t Be Sirius

May 23: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azakaban hits theaters. I admit, I was such a late bloomer to HP. Like I didn’t start reading until the day the 7th book came out :\ I hang my head in shame (And I also blame my parents who I’m convinced believed that reading the books legit made you some kind of witch frreal). Anyways, the Alfonso Cuaron-directed installment grossed a total of $796.6 million worldwide, making it the lowest-grossing in the whole HP film series, but still ranks it the 44th highest-grossing film of all time. Whatever. This was my favorite movie up until the last one, and arguably my favorite book.

I Believe In Miracles

May 26: Fantasia Barrino wins the third season of American Idol in one of the most memorable and dramatic reveals in all of television history. Reminder that this is the same year Oscar winner Jennifer Hudson placed seventh and Diana DeGarmo was the runner-up. (Sidenote: I just saw Diana and hubs season 5 Idol alum Ace Young in the Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat tour and like a fine wine, her voice has just gotten better with age. Ace, maybe not so much. They’re cute tho. Go go go Joe!)

Closing Time

Our beloved Friends came to a close (which you can reminisce over at our Friends 10 Week tag), while shows I was too young to watch (Ed, Sex and the City, The Practice) and shows I was too old to still be watching (Lizzie McGuire, Hey Arnold!, Rugrats, The Wild Thornberrys, CatDog) also met their demise. RIP Lizzie + Gordo, forever in our hearts.

Meet Michael Phelps

August: The 2004 Summer Olympics are held in Athens, Greece and the main takeaway is that America came out with a new sports legend in Michael Phelps. At just 19 years old, he won 8 medals, 6 of which were gold, the other 2 bronze, well on his way to becoming the most decorated athlete in Olympics history. In the video above, Michael wins his 5th gold of the games in the 4×200 relay, helping his team edge out Ian “Thorpedo” Thorpe and the Australians by a hair. UGH I miss the Olympics.

Pieces of Me

October 23: Ashlee Simpson gets caught lip synching on Saturday Night Live and I have second hand embarrassment for all involved.

Beyonce Realizes Her Full Potential

November 16: Destiny’s Child releases their fourth and final studio album, Destiny Fulfilled. This record is not as solid as The Writing’s On The Wall (but really, which DC3 record is?), but it has one of my all time favorite Destiny’s Child Songs, Girl, as well as Cater 2 U. It’s fine, they all did well after the breakup. Right, Michelle?

Ken Jennings Makes Jeopardy! Event Television

November 30: Ken Jennings’ 74-consecutive win streak finally ends at the hands of competitor Nancy Zerg. He’s won a total of $3,196,300 from the show, which is… a heck of a lot of money and knowledge. Question: Where is Nancy Zerg now?

BriWi Takes Over

December 2:  Tom Brokaw resigns as anchorman of NBC Nightly News after 22 years at the desk and is replaced by Brian Williams. Love ya Tommy B, but if you didn’t retire, we would have never been able to get MC BriWillie out of his shell.

 

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Class of ’04: Celebrity Superlatives

Posted in Entertainment by

Wasssuupppp?! This week we’re reflecting back to 2004 – aka the year Molly & I graduated high school. It’s been exactly 10 years this month ::insert quarter-life crisis freakout here::  since we received our diplomas and officially became “adults”, and while it seems like it happened just yesterday, it equally feels like lifetimes ago. All this week we’re looking back at pop culture, fashion, and all things early 2000s, but also fast forwarding a decade and reflecting on our 2004 selves with our 2014 selves. We’re putting it all out there, folks.

Today, I’m kicking it off with one of my personal extracurricular activities in high school: Yearbook. I know, hard to believe right? ‘But Traci, you’re so cool and hip, it’s hard to imagine you were in something so academic and somewhat nerdy like the Yearbook Club!’ You’re right, reader. Not only was I in choir and did theatre, I ALSO was part of putting the yearbook together.

In the spirit of my infinite coolness, here are some superlatives from a faux celebrity yearbook for the stars who took over Hollywood between 2000 and 2004 when we were impressionable teens and TRL ruled the world. Put on your sparkly flare jeans and let’s get started!

Best TV Host

Carson Daly

If there’s one show that will define our generation, it’s TRL. I rush home every weekday and obviously vote non-stop for BSB to be number one on the countdown. True story: I was the TRL fan of the week in 2002 and Carson showed my picture on TV AND he said my name!!! So maybe I’m a little biased, because we’re best friends, but whatevs.

Best Dressed

Paris Hilton

 Guys, this Paris Hilton girl is apparently a big deal and she has this weird show with her best friend Nicole Richie that’s like about them going to different parts of America and having different jobs even though they’re both uber rich. But I can’t help but notice Paris’ style. It’s so edgy and hip! I’m probably never going to wear anything like this, but I bet a lot of other girls will soon enough!

Most Likely to Succeed

Beyonce of Destiny’s Child

Through a whole bunch of lineup changes, DC3 finally settled with Beyonce, Kelly and Michelle, but the two longest members of the group, Beyonce and Michelle have always stood out. Okay, maybe just Beyonce. There’s just something about her that makes you want to see more. If she does solo stuff in the future, she’s definitely one to watch out for!

Biggest Prankster

Ashton Kutcher

The guy from That 70s Show has his own TV show about pranking celebrities, so basically nobody else deserves this title but Ashton. I mean, he got away with punking Justin Timberlake – that’s epic enough.

Best Couple

Britney and Justin

Speaking of Justin, I’m still not over the fact this perfect couple broke up in 2002, so let’s just pretend they’re still together, okay?

Favorite Celeb Couple On & Off-Screen

Adam Brody & Rachel Bilson

If Seth and Summer isn’t your favorite couple just turn around right now. The geeky loner guy gets the popular girl? That never happens. AND IN REAL LIFE TOO?! Stop it. (PS that pic is from a Halloween party where Adam was an astronaut and Rachel was a martian (?) and they’re with The OC creator Josh Schwartz & Summer Cohen’s mom, played by Melinda Clarke. I mean…)

Best Hair

Chris Kirkpatrick

Obviously.

Class Clown

Jimmy Fallon

Jimmy is totally hilarious on Saturday Night Live. Even though he’s leaving the show (which will never be the same without him) I know he’s gonna be a huge movie star. He even has a movie coming out with Queen Latifah that’s supposed to be really funny!

Most Athletic

Apolo Anton Ohno

Molly & I are probably a little too obsessed with America’s golden boy. Literally golden boy because he’s physically incapable of not winning gold medals at the Olympics. Also he’s so dreamy. Who knew short track speed skating could be so exhilarating (not me. didn’t even know it was a sport)?!?

Most Attractive

Heath Ledger

With The Patriot and A Knight’s Tale, Heath and his flowing hair are the stuff dreams are made of. And to top it all off – he’s Australian!!! That means he says things like G’Day and Vegemite!!! I’m not even going to admit how many posters I have of him on my wall…

Most Changed

Lindsay Lohan

lilo pt to mg

From Parent Trap to Mean Girls, I can’t believe Lindsay Lohan has grown up so much! It’s also hard to believe we’re the same age. But remember how cute she was in The Parent Trap and now she’s hanging out with Tina Fey and Lacey Chabert from Party of Five (still one of my fave shows). Hopefully this is a rollercoaster that only goes up for Linds!

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Passing the Pickle: Preparing for Seth Meyers’ Late Night Debut

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It started as a gift from Late Night creator David Letterman to his successor Conan O’Brien in 1993. Conan then gave it to Jimmy Fallon, and a few weeks ago, Jimmy gave it to Seth Meyers.

Yes, that is a giant pickle. A ceremonial torch, if you will (it all comes back to the Olympics, folks). When Conan gifted the odd item to Jimmy in 2009, he left a note that said, “Whenever you’re done, which won’t be for a long time, make sure you pass it on to the next sap. Knock ’em dead. Conan.”

With that, Seth became the next Late Night host, but he officially makes his debut on Monday, and one thing’s for sure – we’ll be watching.

Now if you’re not too familiar with Seth’s work or doubt he’s going to do a good job, here are a few reasons why I think he’ll be able to hold on to the pickle for a long, long time (stop, that didn’t sound dirty at all).

He’s Charlie Rose meets Stephen Colbert meets less enthusiastic Jimmy Fallon

Here’s the thing about Seth – he’s the straight man. Everything you need to know about him shows in the past eight years he’s been doing Weekend Update. He’s obviously funny, knows how to deliver a joke, but he’s smart – like intelligent smart. He’s into politics and can make a good joke about current events and then tell you in detail what he’s joking about. So don’t expect him to come out dancing with Justin Timberlake or singing with Bruce Springsteen. It’s a different kind of funny than his Late Night predecessor, and it’s a welcome one. The Fallon/Meyers duo will attract similar yet different audiences, but that’s exactly what NBC needs to draw in more viewers.

He knows how to bring the funny to interviews

You’ve seen him with Stefon (which is obviously scripted) but with real people, he has the goods too. Just watch him practice during a recent sit down with Ellen. And keep an eye out for Kanye – he’ll be a guest during Seth’s first week.

He can make politicians laugh

As previously mentioned, Seth is up on the world of politics. So much so that he was even tapped as the host of the White House Correspondents Dinner in 2011. Basically it’s a chance for a comedian to spout out jokes in FRONT of the politicians they make fun of. It’s great. But if you can make them laugh, you’re doing a good job.

He can make athletes laugh

Because Seth is a well-rounded individual, he’s not only smart and up with politics but he’s a sports fan too. And that’s why he was invited to be the host of the ESPYs. Just look at all those athletes who could easily beat him up but choose not to because they know he’s funny and probably speaking the truth.

Fred Armisen as his bandleader

Happy Thanksgiving from Garth and Kat!

Guys. GUYS. FRED ARMISEN IS THE LEADER OF THE STUDIO 8G BAND. THIS IS SO IMPORTANT. Before Fred graced us with his presence on SNL in 2002, he was a total rocker. In 1988 he was in a punk rock band called *Trenchmouth* and even played the drums for the Blue Man Group in Chicago in the ’90s. He showed his musical chops throughout his tenure on SNL, with characters like Fericito (one of my early faves), Ian Rubbish, and probably one of my all-time fave characters, Garth and Kat. Basically Lorne Michaels is slowly taking over NBC, and it’s fine.

A+ Writers/Crew

Listen up, nerds: this writing staff is great already and I haven’t even heard a single joke from them. Everyone on the staff has an impressive resume from Upright Citizens Brigade to Colbert Report to The Onion and of course, SNL. Namely, executive producer Mike Shoemaker (aka Shoe, aka former Jimmy Fallon & SNL producer aka guys who is friends with all the people I want to be friends with) Alex Baze (Weekend Update, Jimmy Fallon and now Head Writer for Seth), and John Lutz (from 30 Rock’s Lutz). Well played, Seth Meyers. Well played.

A+ Guests

The first week alone, Seth’s got some pretty solid guests. It’s very ‘Late Night worthy’ if that makes any sense. So there’s Kanye, writer Robyn Doolittle (Toronto Star reporter who wrote a bio about Rob Ford – see, politics, current events, etc.) Lena Dunham, Anthony Mackie (who is like Will Smith 2.0 in interviews), Kelly Ripa, John Mayer Trio (The Trio is back!), and Sir Ian McKellen & Patrick Stewart together!

But the guests I’m most excited about? His very first guest – Amy Poehler.

(If you’re new to this blog please refer to this post, this post and this post for our thoughts on Poehler) These two are best buds from back in the day, even before they co-anchored Weekend Update. Anytime they’re together, it’s like watching besties hang out and I cannot WAIT until he interviews her. Wouldn’t you want one of your closest friends to help you out on the first night of the biggest job in your life?

But wait – it gets better. The second guest on his show? VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES JOE BIDEN.

I CANNOT EVEN DEAL WITH THIS AMAZINGNESS. It’s Leslie Knope’s dream come true and it’s all happening IRL with Amy being on her BFF’s new talk show. Too much to handle, brain is already exploding.

In short, you should probably watch Late Night with Seth Meyers, because it’s gonna be good. If you don’t like it, wait a week and come back to me. If you don’t like it after that – we can’t be friends.

Good luck Seth! We’re rooting for you!!

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Thank You, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Posted in Entertainment, Miscellany by

Guys, today is Friday, and that’s usually when I catch up on some personal stuff. Check my inbox, return some e-mails, and of course send some thank you notes. I was running a bit behind, so if you guys don’t mind, I’d like to write my thank you notes right now, that cool? Great.

Rando YouTube guy, can I get some thank you writing music please?

Thank you, Joking Bad,

For making me go crazy over the amount of easter eggs included in this Breaking Bad-inspired digital short. This proved just how dedicated, smart and detailed the LNJF staff is when it comes to making parodies.

Thank you, Funkin’ Gonuts,

For inadvertently making me (a native ‘medium iced french vanilla with cream and sugar’ east coaster) turn my beloved DDs into a solo dance party any time I hear the phrase “Dunkin’ Donuts”

Thank you, A Cappella version of We Can’t Stop,

For making me picture Jimmy’s adorable face everytime I hear “forget the haters because somebody loves yaaaa”.

Thank you, office supply version of Your Body,

For making me like this version better than the original and making me daydream about Jimmy’s hat and dance moves.

Thank you, Brian Williams Gangster Rapper

For making the dreams I never thought I had come true.

Thank you, Evolution of Mom Dancing

For letting my one of my favorite First Ladies show off her Sprinkler and Dougie skills in a matter of minutes.

Thank you, Hurricane Sandy

(But not really thank you), For being so horrible that there was no audience for the show and helping to prove Jim Jam is so talented and funny that he can make what could have been the most disasterous episode into one of the most memorable ever in late night TV.

Thank you, Jersey Floor,

For making me question whether I am DTF with guidos or if it’s just because Jimothy, Tina and Poehlstar made the overtanned/overhairsprayed look legit attractive.

Thank you, 6 Bee,

For finally letting the world see Ron Swanson shimmying to a Twisted Sister song.

Click HERE to watch the vid!

Thank you, California Dreams reunion,

For reminding everyone that this theme song was one of the greatest in TV history, despite its utter 90s cheesiness.

Thank you, the men of Full House,

For being so game not only for a rendition of Teddy Bear, but also for this Jesse and the Rippers reunion. It made me feel like I was actually in San Francisco and hanging out at the Smash Club.

Thank you, Mike DiCenzo (aka Mets Bucket Hat Guy),

For being the LNJF staff writer behind this brilliant appearance by Zack Morris. Like the REAL Zack Morris, not Mark Paul Gosselaar. You included dialogue that only true Saved by the Bell fans would get, like referencing Indiana/Good Morning, Miss Bliss, Stansbury ‘The Harvard of the West’, “preppy”, stupid slimeball JEFF, druggie Johnny Dakota, and of course Zack Attack. Basically, I feel like between our mutual love of 90s TV shows and Gilmore Girls, we could be friends. #BabetteAteOatmeal

Thank you, Weekend Update Charades

For bringing together my favorite Weekend Upadte anchors/human beings for the most epic game of charades network TV has ever seen.

View Part 1 here and Part 2 here!

Thank you, Lip Sync Battle with John Krasinski

For causing me to swoon, literally almost swoon after seeing my beloved JKras mouth the words to I’ll Make Love To You while nearly taking his clothes off. I still CANNOT.

Thank you, Timberweek,

For everything you have been, everything you are, and everything you will be in the future. I miss you every day.

Finally, thank you, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon,

For providing us with five years of constant laughter and unadulterated joy. Good things happen to people who do good, and that’s exactly what Jimmy and the entire crew of Late Night deserve. While it’s sad to see this era come to a close, I can’t wait to see you blow everyone’s pants off on Monday when you start your journey on the Tonight Show. Thank you, pal.

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Playlist of the Month: A Very Cookies + Sangria Christmas

Posted in Lists by

Can you believe that Christmas is just DAYS away, you guys??? Unless you’re Jewish, or celebrate Kwanzaa or are the Grinch, so this doesn’t really apply to you. For this month’s playlist, the last and final one of 2013, we decided to stick with a traditional theme and go with our favorite holiday songs. I’m sure by now you’ve heard plenty of them on rotation already, but what’s a few more? Happy listening! And Merry Christmas/Happy Belated Hanukkah/Happy Kwanzaa/Happy December to all!!!

Click here to listen to the entire playlist on Spotify!

Traci’s Picks

If Everyday Could Be Christmas – 98 Degrees

I’m warning y’all now, my portion of the playlist will be pop heavy and seem like a tween in 2000 made it. Mainly because I still feel like I am. I’m starting off with 98 Degrees, because I think this album was overlooked by a lot of people (I don’t blame you), but I think it’s actually their second best album out of anything they’ve ever released. Their strong suit was always their acappella skills, and it’s prominently shown in this song.

(PS: That video is ridic but the only version I could find!)

Maybe This Christmas – Ron Sexsmith

Anyone out there celebrate Chrismukkah? Anyone out there celebrate Christmukkah because of Seth Cohen? Well we can thank our fave faux Newport Beach resident for bringing that term into our lives, and we can also thank The OC for bringing great songs into our lives. Music was always an integral part of the show, and come Chrismukkah time, it was no different. I’ve been listening to this song ever since it was on one of the holiday eps and it never gets old.

Last Christmas – Glee Cast Version

Last Christmas is possibly my favorite modern day holiday song, and obviously many artists have covered it. I opted to choose this song featuring Lea Michele and Cory Monteith. I’ve never been a real hard core fan of the show, but for some reason his death really got to me and still gets me to this day. But it’s nice to know his talent and legacy will live on through the show and its music.

My Only Wish (This Year) – Britney Spears

This song was featured on the Platinum Christmas album which was released in 2000. For those who didn’t grow up listening to this like I did, it featured the biggest names in pop music including my beloved BSB, ‘N Sync, Christina Aguilera, TLC, Monica and more. I personally think this track by Brit Brit is one of her best in general, it’s just so fun and uplifting and you can’t help but dance to it. Speaking of dance to it, my friend and I may or may not have made up a ridiculous dance to this song in college. Private viewings available for a fee.

What Christmas Means to Me – Hanson

Snowed In. Classic Christmas album of the 90s and beyond. Zak sounds like a baby here, but hey, they still sound better than I ever did as a teenager.

*Ed. Note: We usually pick 5 songs each, but I couldn’t decide, so here are two bonus songs for as your Christmas bonus this year 🙂

It’s Christmas Time Again – Backstreet Boys

I like the Backstreet Boys and you can’t stop me from putting them on this list. So suck it. HAPPY HOLIDAYS!!

Underneath the Tree – Kelly Clarkson

It’s about time KC did a Christmas album and her lead single is reminiscent of Mariah’s All I Want for Christmas is You. Although it’s nowhere near the popularity of MC, Kelly is giving her a run for her money with this jam.

Molly’s Picks

I Wish It Was Christmas Today by Horatio Sanz, Jimmy Fallon, Chris Kattan and Tracy Morgan

In the 2000 years of Christmas songs, is this really one of the best EVER? If you go by the giddy Christmas-y feeling you get every time it airs on the SNL Christmas episode, maybe it is. The great thing about this song – and I’d say this of the original SNL cast performing Winter Wonderland as well – is that while it somewhat pokes fun at stupid Christmas songs, it does so without being nasty or cynical. It’s pure holiday happiness.

All I Want For Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey

90s kids know what I’m talking about. If you can, get your hands on All I Want For Christmas Is You (Extra Festive). How can you make this song MORE festive, you may ask? Well,  add some bells and shit and make the beginning of it sound like a song from Beauty And The Beast: The Musical. By the way, of course Ariana Grande has covered this and of course it’s amazing.

Once In Royal David’s City by Sufjan Stevens (cover)

I won’t fill the playlist with them, but my real favorite Christmas songs are all traditional hymns that are a little less common than Silent Night and Adeste Fidelis. So, imagine my delight that Sufjan Stevens has covered Lo How A Rose E’er Blooming, The Friendly Beasts, Once In Royal David’s City, Bring A Torch Jeanette, Isabella, and I Saw Three Ships

The Rebel Jesus by Jackson Browne

Leave it to Jackson Browne to cut through all of the sap and remind us what we message we really should be taking from the Christmas story.

Fairytale of New York by The Pogues

Sometimes you need a Christmas song with lyrics like  “you’re a bum, you’re a punk/ you’re an old slut on junk”.” Besides, I’m making my list first and in the spirit of the holiday, I should probably leave some of the White Christmas/Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas-like classics for my friend.

Booze Before Chews: A Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Drinking Game

Posted in Miscellany by

Thanksgiving is our day. Our blog is named after a snack and an alcoholic beverage, need I say more?  However, everyone who’s had to correlate the cook times and temperatures of 10 different dishes, and schedule dinner around football games and children’s naps, knows that as much as Thanksgiving is about food, it’s also about multi-tasking. Oh, and gratitude.

So, why not multitask during the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade by getting your drink on? Responsibly, of course – feel free to use water instead and stop when you should stop.

I’m also including a parallel Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade Exercise Game (Lose Before Chews?). Use that option if you are saving your stomach space for food (that’s me!), want to work off dinner in advance, or aren’t much of a day drinker.

* This list is from 2013, so we’ve added a few 2014-specific additions as well!

One Sip/ One Set* of Jumping Jacks if you see…

  •  Matt Lauer, and he has an obvious disdain for his cohost
  • Marching band from the midwest
  • Balloon or float featuring a cartoon character you’ve never heard of
  • Reality star from a show you actually watch
  • Nick Jonas, and you have to deal with weird grown-up feelings (he’s of age, it’s fine)
  • Country singer wearing a cowboy hat
  • Muppets!
  • … and you get choked up seeing Muppets for some reason. Really, what IS that?
  • One of the members of KISS sticking his tongue out
  • A float or balloon of one of your childhood favorites that’s been gone so long that it’s cool again (example: My Little Pony; Carebears)

Two Sips/ One Set of Burpees if you see…

  •  Matt Lauer, and the cohost has an obvious disdain for him
  • One of the flag girls having an obvious screw-up
  • One of the hosts or performers wearing an impractical but lovely white coat, a la Olivia Pope
  • Carrie Underwood singing something from The Sound of Music (shameless plug: we’ll be liveblogging the performance on December 5! (of 2013 – oh, what a night it was!))
  • Anyone from the cast of Peter Pan performing (yes, we’ll be liveblogging that too, and yes, you can upgrade a Sound Of Music performance to a “chug” scenario, because that already happened.)
  • Sandra Lee making something that’s technically gross but seems sort of delicious
  • A celebrity with his or her bored-looking teenager or tween
  • Mo’ne Davis, and you cry a little bit (she’s inspirational! it’s okay!)
  • The hosts refer to bad parade weather in the distant past (>25 years ago)
  • Pilgrims in buckle hats
  • ALL of the members of KISS sticking their tongues out

One Gulp/ 30-second plank if you see…

  • A Broadway performance featuring enthusiastic child actors
  • A clearly tangled or deflated balloon
  • A performance by an irrelevant musician (peak fame greater than or equal to four years ago)
  • A circus
  • … and you find it really boring
  • A British star even though they don’t even do Thanksgiving JEEZ.
  • A Canadian star even though they already had Thanksgiving JEEZ.

Two gulps/ One Set of Pushups if…

  •  You get interrupted by someone saying “hey, can you come in here and help with…”
  • You have to explain to a child or teenager what KISS/ Gene Simmons is all about (actually, if you’re doing the exercise version you can skip the pushups- you’ve already had a mental workout!)
  • You spot very obviously out-of-sync lip-synching
  • All three Jonas Brothers appear together (they had a bit of a breakup)
  • You accidentally fall in love with Taylor Swift during her performance
  • A celebrity is on a float to which they have absolutely no connection (example: The cast of Law and Order: SVU on a Mott’s applesauce float)
  • The Duck Dynasty guys make a reference to shooting turkeys
  • Jimmy Fallon is there, and he delivers a thank-you note
  • Jimmy Fallon is there, and he brings Baby Winnie
  • Savannah Guthrie is there, and she brings Baby Vale
  • A youth choir sings something inspirational (example: Imagine, Somewhere Over The Rainbow)
  • There is a touching moment between Allison Williams and Brian Williams
  • The hosts deliver a half-accurate history lesson about the first Thanksgiving

Chug**/ Run in place until the next commercial break if…

  • There’s a runaway balloon
  • You accidentally call new Annie, Quvenzhané Wallis, “the cutest kid in the world” in front of children you’re actually related to. Oops!
  • One of the lip-synchers doesn’t even try at all
  • A Cirque du Soleil performer falls
  • At the end of the parade, you realize you missed the one thing that actually sounded like it would be interesting

* A set is however many you say is a set. We’re not Crossfit, here. Again, we’re named after a snack and an alcoholic beverage.

** Don’t really chug. Puking would really screw up your dinner plans.

Virtual Smash Club: Top Full House Musical Performances

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If there were some sort of Make A Wish-style foundation that granted the dreams of 20- and 30-somethings, I’d put Jimmy Fallon in charge of it. After all, if you were born between about 1975 and 1992, that man has probably already found a way of making your dreams come true. First, there was his campaign for a Saved By The Bell Reunion. Last week, Fallon topped that — he staged a Jesse and the Rippers reunion. At the Smash Club. With Danny and Becky in attendance.

Actually, if we were creating an early ’90s Living History museum experience, I’d put Jimmy Fallon in charge of that, too.

Jesse and the Rippers were just part of the Full House musical menu. For such an (admittedly) medicocre family sitcom, Full House was very music-heavy. Here are a few of the best:

Forever

My high school used to hold a vote for prom song. One year, a bunch of people voted for Forever as a joke. It won. Truly, nothing says “young love” better than the song Jesse wrote for his favorite Nebraskan tv journalist.

 Teddy Bear

When I re-watched this video, I thought it was a little over-the-top that Michelle got sent to bed by three men singing in harmony. Then, I remembered that when I was that age, I went through a phase when I couldn’t sleep if I thought the rest of my family was awake. My mom had everyone create a decoy bedtime – pajamas, prayers, everything. So, that’s probably worse. By the way, I didn’t find out about this until years later and I felt filthy that everybody was working together to trick me. It’s probably why I hate surprise parties.

The Sign

When I think of The Sign, I don’t even think of the Ace of Base version. I think of Stephanie, Gibbler, and that brazen hussy Gia totally butchering the pop song at a talent show, teaching us all a valuable lesson about the importance of practice. By the way, mashup artist Girl Talk named himself after this very band.*

Motown Philly

We never really heard about Stephanie’s dance classes. They never mentioned that someone had to drive her to a dance competition. You never saw her practicing or anything. But all of a sudden, there was a massive plot point that Stephanie was some kind of semi-professional child hip-hop dancer. She was up for a master class or camp or whatever good dance kids go to. I’m picturing something like Bela Karolyi’s gymnastics training center, but for dance and in San Francisco. Or, like Abbey Lee maybe. The point is, Stephanie pretended she didn’t know how to dance because she was scared of success. Funny, because “imposter syndrome” didn’t set in for me until I graduated law school – but then, Tanner was advanced. However, once she decided to sell the Motown Philly routine, that shit was sold.

Don’t Go Breaking My Heart

Whenever the Full House writers didn’t know where to go with the plot, they were like “okay, let’s just do a talent show, I guess?” These were Michelle’s friends, Derek and Lisa, who we wrote about in Where Are They Now: Minor Full House Characters. Did you know that after this episode, Elton John and Kiki Dee wrote a letter to the kid who played Derek, commending him on his performance — but snubbed Lisa?**

That stupid lollypop song

I’ve never watched a telethon on purpose. Nobody has. However, I’m pretty sure even for a telethon, this is bad. Somehow, the Tanners had to take the whole thing over. TV viewers were treated to Joey’s “comedy,” Steph’s hip hop dance stylings, and this – a teenage girl singing about buying candy. As a child, it made me want one of those giant Shirley Temple-style lollypops really bad. As an adult, it makes me cringe for Candace Cameron’s misspent teen years.

All those times The Beach Boys showed up

Inexplicably, the Tanners were friends with The Beach Boys. Every once in a while Brian Wilson would show up at that short-lived basement recording studio they had, or on the family’s Hawaiian vacation. I think the sister-dads were supposed to be superfans or something.

Oh, also, Little Richard was Jess Meriwether’s Denise’s uncle, because why not? Full House had given up on realism back when super-dedicated Motown Philly Steph became a girl who wouldn’t even practice her guitar for The Sign.

* That’s probably not very true.

** This is also, technically, untrue.

Best SNL Sendoffs

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Remember the pomp and grandeur of high school and college graduation? Saturday Night Live sendoffs are nothing like that, thank God. It’s more like that last get-together before all your friends took off for freshman year of college, or the final walk-through of your college house the week after graduation. It’s informal, and everyone is trying to be light-hearted. In most cases, you are genuinely happy for the opportunities ahead for your friends. But underneath all of it, there’s that knowledge that you have reached the end of the life you’ve gotten used to. A few tears, some laughs, and a lot of gratitude – here are a couple of my favorite goodbyes from cast members leaving Studio 8H.

Seth Meyers and Bill Hader

I wrote this post last week hoping against hope that I would be able to add another great goodbye from this weekend. I wasn’t disappointed. This included Stefan’s club attractions brought to life, Anderson Cooper, Amy Poehler, and the wedding of Stefan and Seth, who were sent off by all of the great Weekend Update regulars of the past several years. I loved it, and keep seeing new callback club characters every time I watch it. Which has been … some times.

Kristen Wiig

I cried watching this. I cried re-watching it. Then, I cried just thinking about it as an emotional Kristen Wiig took the stage as an SNL host this month. Everything about this was perfect. Poehler and Dratch even show up, which is exactly how I plan to leave every job ever.

A note: a few articles after the fact talked about how Jason Sudekis was clearly pissed off because he wasn’t clapping and dancing. I disagree – am I the only one who sees the man fighting back tears? I recognized the need to hang back, as another person who is terrible with permanent goodbyes. Seriously. When I said a prayer over my grandmother’s coffin, I think I told her “I mean, we’ll still get coffee sometimes or something.” When I visit graves of loved ones, I pray “don’t worry, we’ll totally keep in touch.” I get it.

Jimmy Fallon

We were just teens in the early 2000s, when this blog would have probably been hosted on Livejournal and called Cookies + Juiceboxes. And man, did we spend our fair share of study halls and lunch periods discussing the merits of Jimmy Fallon. So, how much did I love it when Jimmy went out on a parody of a classic high school flick right before we graduated high school for real?

On a related note, for all of you cringing at the YouTube video clearly snagged off of someone’s tv screen, let me tell you this. When I was in high school, we would have watched this as a camcorder video made of someone’s home VHS recording of the episode. And it would have been posted on Kazaa. And that’s if we were LUCKY, because we usually had to wait for someone to get off the phone so we could use the internet. I mean, we were practically accessing the internet via a tin can and string. You kids don’t know how comparatively okay you have it.

Gilda Radner

On my well-worn childhood VHS tape of The Best of Gilda Radner, there was the classic sketch “Dancing in the Dark.” I didn’t learn that it was also used as a farewell until years later. As fate would have it, Gilda’s dancing/comedy partner Steve Martin was hosting SNL the day she died, and this is how he said goodbye. Radner passed on early on a Saturday and there was time to assemble a tribute by showtime. Of course. In fact, she even would have been ready for prime-time.

A note: I wrote this post last week, as well as another mentioning Gilda that will be posted later in the week. I didn’t realize it at the time, but today marks the 24th anniversary of her death. The subconscious is a funny thing. Not funny “ha-ha,” like this classic song I’ll throw in for good measure:

Phil Hartman and Chris Farley

[http://www.buzzfeed.com/stacylambe/the-top-5-snl-departures?sub=1578360_309810]

Sorry for all of the tragedy and heartbreak in this post. I didn’t mean to. I still remember how shocked I was by both of these deaths.

All sorrow aside, this is by far the most ’90s thing you’ll probably watch all week.

Do you spy Sarah Silverman looking exactly the same 20 years ago as she does now? I think she bathes in the blood of virgins.

The only place I could find this video online was a Buzzfeed article with the exact same thesis as mine. No surprise there — Buzzfeed is always one step ahead of me. When I order a special at a restaurant, and they “just ran out,” I am almost positive that Buzzfeed ordered the last one. It’s like that.

Amy Poehler

As always, among the best of the best.

The Best Moments of the MTV Movie Awards

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The lovely Rebel Wilson did not disappoint on Sunday’s MTV Movie Awards, and the show had its fair share of memorable moments, including the much awaited Pitch Perfect reunion and Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt!

And while I haven’t watched Movie Awards as religiously as I used to as a teen, I wanted to take a second to remember some of the greatest MTV Movie Awards moments of the past. Ok, in full diclosure, this is basically a way for me to relive the golden era that was Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams. So what.

Jennifer Lopez and Tom Cruise (as Len Grossman) dancing – 2010
This is just as odd as it sounds.

Jim Carrey accepting Best Male Performance – 1999
Jim got into character to receive his award. Word is still out on exactly which character it was he was getting into.

Jimmy Fallon & Kirsten Dunst co-hosting – 2005
Good lord everything about this is sooo 2005. Sorry KiKi – you tried singing. Good thing my mad J Fall was there to rescue you from sucking.

Kristen Stewart dropping her Golden Popcorn – 2010
HAHAHA

Hilary Duff and Amanda Bynes – 2003
This clip isn’t even from the actual awards show, but it’s a reminder that as a child star, you can go either one of two ways when you grow up.

Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling accept Best Kiss – 2005
Best moment in the show’s history? Probably. I will randomly think of this and rewatch it, hoping my powers will bring these two soulmates back together… I need a boyfriend.

Concerns of a Fal Pal: Jimmy Fallon’s Tonight Show Takeover

Posted in Entertainment, GSOY (Gratuitous Story of Yourself) by

Well, it’s official folks. Jimmy Fallon is taking over The Tonight Show in 2014, and Jay Leno is walking away with a reported $15 million and hopefully never showing his face on NBC again. If you caught that little nugget at the end of the last sentence, I’m clearly harboring some residual negativity from the great Conan/Jay/NBC debacle of 2010. I’m trying really hard to be happy for my beloved Jimmy, but as a Fal Pal, my love for him is turning more into a protective, nurturing behavior, instead of the all-out gleeful and enthusiastic attitude a fan should have.

Let’s back up a bit. In 1998, I fell in love with a dorky looking comedian on Saturday Night Live. Jimmy’s characters and sketches were always hilarious to me (Nick Burns, Jarett’s Room, Pat Sullivan etc.) and I was obsessed. I bought his Bathroom Wall comedy album and listened to it constantly. Like, what 16-year-old girl listens to a comedy CD in her spare time? This girl. He made the presteigous line of photos I had of celebs I loved in my bedroom. To this very day, this picture hangs next to the cast of Friends and Mandy Moore. The last time I was home, I even found a card my friend gave to me for my birthday with my fave crushes at the time.

yes, that’s aaron carter. hush.

After SNL, Jimbo went on to his movie career, and while I loved Fever Pitch, let’s be honest – his movies weren’t the best. He kinda disappeared for a while, got married, and in 2009, I was elated to find out he was getting his own talk show. I’ve loved every single episode, every Jacob’s Patience, every hilarious animal moment with Jeff Musial, every game of Cell Phone Shoot Out, and every Slow Jam the News. I’m not being biased here probably being very biased, but Jimmy has the best, most inventive, creative show on late night TV. Thanks to his SNL background, his show runs more like a variety show with friends that stop by to chat. It’s a fun atmosphere that makes you wish you were in the audience every single night. I once read a quote from him that said something like, “I want to make a show that will make you happy right before you go to sleep.” And that’s exactly what he’s done. You can’t not watch the show and feel anything but joy.

So here’s the problem. As much as I adore him and most definitely cried when he made the official announcement on his show, I can’t help but be worried of what the future holds. I was/am a Conan fan. I’ve watched him since high school, and was naturally excited for him to take over the Tonight Show and move to LA (mainly for selfish reasons, so that I could finally cross off ‘See Conan live’ off my bucket list, which I actually did!). But then it all came crashing down. We all remember it. I, like many other fans, just couldn’t understand the logic behind NBC dropping Conan in just seven months, all because Jay Leno bitched about his 10pm primetime show which was flatlining. Hey buddy, you’re the one who ultimately decided it was time to step down and hand over the keys to the kingdom to Coco. No takesies backsies.

Furthermore, I just don’t find Jay funny. I don’t think a lot of people my age do, because we can’t relate to him. And that reflects on his ratings too – he’s number one in the older demo, which let’s face it, are really the only ones with the Neilsen boxes and watch it live. But since his ratings were high, the only reason Jay would logically walk away from his show is because he wanted to. In fact, NBC was drawing bigger ratings with Conan in early 2010 than they are now with Leno (If you want more info on this, check out this article because I learned a lot from it). Or NBC is completely insane. Which is also accurate. Long gone are the golden days of Must See TV, so at the time, CEO Jeff Zucker did anything he could to try to keep the company afloat. And that included taking a risk with Jay, Conan, and ultimately Jimmy Fallon.

And now here we are three years later. Conan luckily found a home on TBS, Jay is still not funny and is retiring for a second time, and Jimmy gets a new show next year that starts an hour earlier. As proud as I am of the guy who used to sing a song about Troll dolls, I’m afraid this might turn into a bad case of history repeating itself. If NBC execs let Conan go after 16 successful years on their network, who’s to say they won’t do the same to Jimmy who’s been a talk show host for four years? I’m hoping that they’ve learned their lesson since then. With a new CEO at NBC, and Jay hopefully staying in his garage with his cars this time around, there’s a chance this might be Jimmy’s big chance to shine. He deserves it. He’s clearly a good guy, with good intentions, and just wants to make good television. So basically, NBC, please please please do not fuck this up. Learn from your mistakes, and let Jimmy Fallon be the great entertainer he was always meant to be. At least there’s one thing we know for sure when he makes the big transition: we can go to sleep happy – and one hour earlier.