Best Of 2016: We’ll Never Love Anything As Much As Rosie O’Donnell Loved…

We loved The Rosie O’Donnell Show. We loved it because it was in large part a show about the little things and big things Rosie LOVED, like Entemann’s and Tom Cruise and Barbra and Happy Meal toys. That is an attitude that spoke to us as children but also as adults. That’s why we devoted a whole week to the Rosie O’Donnell show this fall, marking the 20th anniversary of its premiere. We love a lot of things, but possibly not as much as Rosie O’Donnell did.


We’ll Never Love Anything As Much As Rosie O’Donnell Loved…

Entemann’s

M: Entenmann’s baked goods reminded Rosie O’Donnell of the Long Island mom-types during her childhood playing bridge or whatever it was that Long Island moms did in the 60s. And now, Entenmann’s baked goods remind me of Rosie O’Donnell. I don’t know her position on TastyCakes.

T: I do know her position on Ring Dings, because audience members got that and milk before the show.

Koosh balls

T: There are few talk show hosts who can get away with launching rubber balls into the audience and make it look cool. Just imagine Oprah doing this for a second. And that’s OPRAH. When Rosie flung these into the crowd, it suddenly became an interactive show and added a sense of innocent fun unlike any other talk show on TV. It became so synonymous with her show that Koosh sold a special Rosie O’Donnell Show version of their Koosh Fling Shot, as seen here and the one sitting at my home collecting dust.

M: I got one of these at the store after the NBC tour, c. 1998. I don’t keep things so I got rid of it sometime in high school, but I sort of wish I still had it.

Tom Cruise

T: If there’s anything you took away from watching Rosie in the 90s, it’s that she had an obsession with two people: Tom Cruise and Barbra Streisand. If you recall, Rosie had a soundboard that played audio clips next to her desk, and anytime she’d talk about her deep love for her celebrity crush, she’d play “Tommy, can you hear me?” a line from a song of the same name by The Who. She campaigned for him to be on her show, and when he finally made it, it was like watching Jim and Pam kiss for the first time. Rosie invited fans into her life by sharing personal anecdotes that made it seem we had been friends growing up in Commack, Long Island, and we were cheering her on as she lived out life long dream. I mean, while rewatching this clip, I legitimately said out loud (to no one), “THIS BRINGS ME SO MUCH JOY!” Especially if you forget about all of Tom Cruise’s persona.

M: When we were doing our Rosie Week research this summer, we were both floored by how quickly into the show’s run Tom appeared (plus a few others, like Donny Osmond). The buildup was so huge that at the time, it felt like years before “my Tommy” was a Rosie guest.

… See the rest of the post here.

Times We Assumed Rosie O’Donnell Was Straight

The world was different in 1996, when The Rosie O’Donnell Show began. The famous Ellen DeGeneres coming out episode hadn’t aired yet, Will & Grace was still years away, and Don’t Ask Don’t Tell was only a few years old. As much as the internet loves to act like 2016 is a trash-lined sewer and the ’90s were a hip, inclusive wonderland, things have gotten a lot better in the past two decades. We were different in 1996, too: we were 10 years old. We knew that gay people existed, but in that era we both tended to assume people were straight unless given evidence to the contrary. A LOT of evidence to the contrary. Rosie’s presence as an affable, cool lesbian paved the way for today’s suburban mom fav, Ellen, and her wide-open closet door was probably really inspiring to a lot of kids in the 90s and 2000s… the kids who weren’t too dense to notice all of these clues, anyway.

Exhibit A: Tom Cruise, Lawnboy

The facts:

  • Throughout the course of her show, Rosie talked a lot about her giddy crush on Tom Cruise.
  • She called him “My Tommy.”
  • A specialized soundboard played The Who’s “Tommy Can You Hear Me”
  • The whole thing read less like a legitimate infatuation, and more as a fun running gag
  • To that end, Rosie even TOLD everybody that she had no adult desire for Tom Cruise:

My crush on him has nothing to do with anything that is adult. It’s a prepubescent girl desire to have his picture thumb-tacked to my bedroom wall. It doesn’t have to do with a thirty-five-year-old woman’s adult desire.

  • On Tom’s first appearance, he brought flowers and didn’t respond like someone at the receiving end of a real and genuine crush. Rosie commented “it’s not like I want the marriage to break up. I just want you to, like, live in my house and mow my lawn. That’s all I want. I want you to do yard work around my house.” As a single lady who hates lawn mowing, I feel that.

  • Rosie, referring to Nicole Kidman, lightheartedly commented “isn’t her husband beautiful”

  • The Rosie O’Donnell Show ended with Tom mowing Rosie’s lawn and offering her a lemonade.

Can you blame us?: I mean. As adults of 2016 we realize that having an opposite-sex crush doesn’t make you straight any more than having a favorite Orange Is The New Black inmate makes you gay. However, this one is less about the cultural milieu of the 90s and more about what it was like to be ten years old. If you told somebody you had a crush in fifth grade, it was SERIOUS BUSINESS. It’s more that we couldn’t understand flippant celebrity crushes, which are now the mainstay of our internet presence.

Exhibit B: And They Called It Puppy Love

The facts:

  • Donny Osmond’s poster was on her bedroom wall “for eight years” when she was a tot
  • Rosie was a member of the Donny Osmond Fan Club. Like the kind where you pay a fee and you get a sticker with his face on it.
  • She owned a Donny Osmond doll. Her brothers wanted to play GI Joe, she wanted to play Donny and Marie.

Rosie: Me and my brother Danny would do Donny & Marie in my backyard with wooden spoons. My mother would be screaming…

Donny: Ok, but hopefully, you were Marie.

Rosie: Most times. But ya know, hell, I’ll be you if you let me.

Can you blame us?: Like Tom Cruise, we kind of just expected that because Rosie had googly eyes and a laminated Donny Osmond Fan Club membership card in her wallet, it meant she was keen on the gentlemen type.

I remember one time around this era I was talking to an older male family friend who was at the time probably in high school, and while a group of us were watching TV, Rosie came on the screen and he said, “You know she’s gay, right?” and being a staunch fan and a 12 year old who believed “gay” was an insult, I came to her defense. “No way. She loves Tom Cruise and Donny Osmond! How do you explain that??” But again, that was just a sign of the times. Obviously as a tween in the mid-90s, I couldn’t delineate between celebrity crush to real life romantic feelings crush, so my points sounded valid at the moment.

But this is kind of all a moot point since Ro and Donny got into a brief feud after he suggested she was fat by saying a helicopter “couldn’t take that much weight.” She turned that Donny doll into more of a Donny voodoo doll, and made him apologize by singing Puppy Love in a puppy get up. Don’t all great straight relationships work like this?

Exhibit C: Lebanese-American

The facts:

  • For a period of time in 1996, there was a long lead-up to Ellen DeGeneres’s character, Ellen Morgan, coming out on the sitcom Ellen. I still remember thinking it was cool, but also consistently thinking it had happened already because it had been in the media for so long. That’s how big a deal it was.
  • Before the episode aired, Ellen appeared on Rosie. Later on, Rosie said that she didn’t want Ellen to be completely alone on this new TV frontier, so they came up with the Lebanese bit and “the people that got it, got it.”
  • We didn’t get it.
  • Watch it and let Rosie explain here:

  • “I pick up sometimes that you might be Lebanese”

Can you blame us? This is the kind of joke that would be hard to understand if you were new to the English language. Lebanese and Lesbian sound sort of similar, Ellen’s quip about dropping hints that character was “Lebanese” (baba ganoush, Casey Kasem, etc) is an analogy to Ellen winking at her character’s orientation, but the punchline was implied. And implied punch lines are one of the last things you understand when you learn a new language, right? Except… we were NOT new to the English language when this aired, we were natives like 10 years deep in it. Even as kids, we should have picked up what Rosie was putting down here.

We’ll Never Love Anything As Much As Rosie O’Donnell Loved….

Rosie O’Donnell may be one of the most famous talk show hosts of the 90s and early 2000s, but we like to think of her as one of the most famous FANS, too. So deep was Rosie’s fondness for her favorite things that when we were discussing this post, we came up with dozens of musicians, games and foods that Rosie adored – even though it has been nigh on 14 years since The Rosie O’Donnell Show left the airwaves. While we like to think we share some of Rosie’s gusto, the fact is that we will never love anything as much as Rosie O’Donnell loved:

Kids

M: Rosie thought kids were punny (other thing Rosie loved: puns), but most of all, she was the ultimate kid-friendly adult. She actually LISTENED to kids, acted like their opinions and stories were legitimate, and didn’t ask them condescending questions. There’s a chance I’m conflating Rosie with Golly, her character in Harriet The Spy, but probably not.

I also always loved that Rosie seemed like a parent who genuinely got a kick out of her own kids, and I refuse to believe that Parker is a grown man because I still can hear Rosie’s Parker imitation.

Broadway

M: You know when you’d get a cast recording and listen to it over and over again? And maybe you still do that (ahem – Hamilton)? Rosie was a TV-sanctioned adult who did the same thing. Rosie adored showtunes and musical theater actors, and all of the hottest shows of the 90s and early 2000s performed on Rosie. It didn’t seem weird at the time, but there are very few talk shows that you can count on to feature up-and-coming musicals. There’s a lot to say here, so we’ll be revisiting this topic later in the week.

Of course, no mention of Rosie and Broadway would be complete without a nod to her tenure as Rizzo in Grease.

T: Remember right after her show ended, she invested in a musical called Taboo loosely based off of Boy George? Don’t worry, it got mostly bad reviews and closed after 100 performances, so unless you’re a crazy person like we are, you wouldn’t have remembered just how deep her Broadway love runs.

Broadway Kids

M: Rosie loved Broadway, and Rosie loved kids, so it stands to reason that Broadway Kids were Rosie’s jam – to the extent that she created Rosie’s Broadway Kids (now called Rosie’s Theater Kids), an organization that gets kids involved in the performing arts. However, during our childhood the Broadway Kids were at troop of polished musical theater kids who sometimes performed on shows like Rosie. I remember watching them through a lens of admiration mixed with envy. I feel like Lacey Chabert was always involved, but that can’t be possible.

T: Lacey Chabert – that bitch be everywehre.

Entemann’s

M: Entenmann’s baked goods reminded Rosie O’Donnell of the Long Island mom-types during her childhood playing bridge or whatever it was that Long Island moms did in the 60s. And now, Entenmann’s baked goods remind me of Rosie O’Donnell. I don’t know her position on TastyCakes.

T: I do know her position on Ring Dings, because audience members got that and milk before the show.

Koosh balls

T: There are few talk show hosts who can get away with launching rubber balls into the audience and make it look cool. Just imagine Oprah doing this for a second. And that’s OPRAH. When Rosie flung these into the crowd, it suddenly became an interactive show and added a sense of innocent fun unlike any other talk show on TV. It became so synonymous with her show that Koosh sold a special Rosie O’Donnell Show version of their Koosh Fling Shot, as seen here and the one sitting at my home collecting dust.

M: I got one of these at the store after the NBC tour, c. 1998. I don’t keep things so I got rid of it sometime in high school, but I sort of wish I still had it.

Tom Cruise

T: If there’s anything you took away from watching Rosie in the 90s, it’s that she had an obsession with two people: Tom Cruise and Barbra Streisand. If you recall, Rosie had a soundboard that played audio clips next to her desk, and anytime she’d talk about her deep love for her celebrity crush, she’d play “Tommy, can you hear me?” a line from a song of the same name by The Who. She campaigned for him to be on her show, and when he finally made it, it was like watching Jim and Pam kiss for the first time. Rosie invited fans into her life by sharing personal anecdotes that made it seem we had been friends growing up in Commack, Long Island, and we were cheering her on as she lived out life long dream. I mean, while rewatching this clip, I legitimately said out loud (to no one), “THIS BRINGS ME SO MUCH JOY!” Especially if you forget about all of Tom Cruise’s persona.

M: When we were doing our Rosie Week research this summer, we were both floored by how quickly into the show’s run Tom appeared (plus a few others, like Donny Osmond). The buildup was so huge that at the time, it felt like years before “my Tommy” was a Rosie guest.

Barbra Streisand


T: As mentioned, Rosie’s other love was Barbra. She had loved the icon ever since she was a kid, not only because she enjoyed her music, but it was a common interest she shared with her late mother, who died of breast cancer when Rosie was just 10. She even used to amuse her mom by impersonating Barbra, so it was always like a maternal fan relationship with her.

In that first interview with Babs in ’97, I distinctly remember tearing up because Rosie was tearing up, but I feel like anyone would after watching Ro interview/meet her lifelong idol.

“For every boy and girl out there watching, dreams do come true, please welcome Barbra Streisand… You were a constant source of light in an often dark childhood. You inspired me and gave me the courage to dream a life better than the one I knew. I am profoundly grateful to you in so many ways.”

McDonald’s Happy Meal Toys

M: Rosie seemed so genuinely delighted by McDonald’s toys that it didn’t occur to me until I was writing this post at age 30 that it could have been a marketing tie-in. And honestly? I still think she really liked the toys. Rosie always had ALL of the Teeny Beanie Babies, even the “rare” ones.

T: Rosie probably had the Princess Diana one, LBR.

M: Thing from my childhood I DIDN’T KonMari: My Princess Diana Bear. That thing was gonna pay my college tuition.

Chub Club

T: When you’re living in America, at the end of the millennium – you are what you eat. Which is why Rosie started the Chub Club, a campaign to get herself and viewers in shape. The motto was “Eat Less and Move More” and basically served as a virtual support group to lose weight. Over 300,000 people joined, and was a staple on Rosie’s show. She’d invite Chub Club members to the show, discuss the right foods to eat and try out exercise tips. If I wasn’t a tween at the time, I definitely would try to do this for the swag alone (I think there was swag, at least).

M: I love how no-fuss this idea is. There are no weird things with tracking carbs or fats (it was the 90s) and you didn’t have to do Billy Blanks. Everyone on a diet in 1999 had to do Billy Blanks workouts before this. That’s just how it was.

Being Kissable

M: Doesn’t ring a bell? Here, let me help. Scope did a poll that named Rosie one of the least-kissable celebrities. Yeah. If you think the media is nasty now, the 90s were possibly worse. Anyway, Listerine disagreed and donated $1,000 for every celebrity guest who kissed Rosie. In the end, it was a lot of money.

Being Crafty

T: This video includes two of our favorite people in the world. And if you’re wondering what the timeline is here, LG appeared on Rosie’s very last episode in 2002 aka season two of Gilmore Girls. Yeah, I know it’s weird. BUT THIS IS A DELIGHT. “Shells are very big for Summer 2002”.

Anyways, Rosie was so cool during this time that she made even crafting hip (amongst the suburban mom demo and kids under the age of 14). She even had a segment called Rosie’s Craft Corner, and she’d usually have either her official show crafter named Christina, I think? Or a celeb guest, as seen above. No lie, I bought Mod Podge solely because Rosie decoupaged all the things, so natch, I did too.

Being Irish-American

M: Rosie freaking loved being Irish-American, and it was so refreshing to have a celebrity cultural spokesperson who wasn’t a Kennedy. (Yeah, lots of celebs are part-Irish, but there’s a difference between being raised doing Irish dance and going to the AOH verses just knowing some great-great-great grandparent was supposed to be from there). So did Rosie sometimes say things were “Irish” things when they were really just her family (I recall cold sores and having a short upper body)? Sure, but who cares? She helped maintain the Irish reputation for being hilarious and affable, and we all owe her a Guinness for that.

Donny Osmond

T: Donny Osmond, former teen heartthrob and longtime Mormon singing icon, made a cutting joke about Rosie’s larger figure, and she got on the outs with him. In an effort to apologize, he dressed as a large puppy and sang his signature song, Puppy Love. It was obviously rude of him to make the joke, but the result is great, and I can’t say that I didn’t have a crush on him twenty years too late during this era.

M: Thanks to Rosie, I saw Donny Osmond appear at the Hill Cumorah pageant, a big Mormon to-do. Readers? I am not Mormon.

Her BFFs Jackie and Jeanie

M: When we watched Rosie as tweens, we imagined (a) that we’d be friends with our childhood besties forever and (b) if we ever got famous, they were coming with us. That’s why we loved how Rosie would bring her buddies onto her show and chat about them in the same way one might name-drop a celebrity.

Lapels

M: OK. It was a 90s thing. But the fact remains that the woman loved a pantsuit with big lapels. Do you remember those giant brooches that moms and teachers would wear back then? You NEEDED those lapels.

Her Barbie

M: Can you blame her?

T: Is that a card deck labelled “Activity Zone!”??? Because I need it.

Having A Footrest

M: Rosie’s desk had a slide-out footrest for short guests. She LOVED offering it to people, and it came in handy because a lot of Rosie’s guests were children or, for whatever reason, small adults.

When people did her desk

T: I could be wrong, but I’m pretty sure Rosie had a contest in which different people would design her desk and it lasted maybe a week or two. Here’s one featuring a real habitrail with real hamsters. Other themes included Star Wars, Hot Wheels and an entire desk made out of Legos. As a 12 year old, this desk was #goals.

Made in ’86

I usually don’t like announcing this, but today is my birthday. I have officially existed on this earth for 30 years. Hold your applause. 30 is supposed to be a milestone birthday – and it is – however I don’t really feel any different than I did yesterday (do we ever feel different when we celebrate a birthday?). It’s like prom – you build it up in your head for years, then you get there and realize it’s just another lame school dance. Do I feel young? Yes. Do I feel old? Yes. I feel all the things, y’all. But I want to share this day with you, our precious, noble, land mermaid readers, who should be able to feel all the feels I’m feeling and feel them deep in your soul. What am I even saying IDK I’m senile now.

Here are some things you may or may not realize are sharing the same milestone with me (and Molly) this year. So get in your Urkel time machine and travel back to 1986 with me, won’t you?

Pixar Animation Studios open

Pixar’s been making you laugh and cry simultaneously for years, but it officially started in ’86, when the Graphics Group, part of the computer division of George Lucas’ Lucasfilm, parted ways and became its own corporation with Apple. 20 years later, Disney bought it for about $7.4 billion. BILLION. Pixar’s first short film was Luxo Jr., which features one large and one small desk lamp, which might look familiar to you because they’re now Pixar’s logo. Luxo Jr. even became the first CGI film to be nominated for an Oscar, and is still better than a lot of movies I’ve seen in the past few years *ahem*Focus*ahem*

Geraldo Rivera Gets Mooneshine’d

I don’t really know why I thought this, but up until just before typing this sentence, I totally thought in my head Geraldo opened Al Capone’s tomb. All these years, I thought he went to his underground grave (?) and discovered nothing? Well opening Al Capone’s Secret Vault makes SO much more sense than opening Al Capone’s Grave. Anyways, Geraldo hosted this two-hour live TV special that got a lot of hype before it aired. Geraldo was expecting a treasure trove of items, and maybe even bodies (seriously, there was a medical examiner there) or piles of money. However, when he got into the secret vaults, the only things inside were dirt and several empty bottles – including one with moonshine (which makes sense, since he was a total rebel during the Prohibition Era). Even with the epic fail, it became one of the most-watched syndicated TV specials in history with about 30 million viewers tuning in to see an empty vault.

L. Ron Hubbard Succumbs To Lava

Note: L. Ron Hubbard didn’t actually die in lava, he had a stroke and died a week later. LRH had a whole shitload of health problems towards the end of his life, including weight gain, chain smoking (his teeth were disgusting), a “prominent growth on his forehead”, and suffered chronic pancreatitis. Actually, he was struggs real hard starting in the 1970s, when he faced a bunch of legal trouble, including in France, where he and the French Church of Scientology were convicted (in absentia) of fraud and customs violations. He went into hiding, living in disguise in New York then on his Sea Org fleet, and spent the last two years of his life in a luxury motorhome on a ranch in California. If you have time, just do more research on his life. It’s facsinating. He also had a son who committed suicide??

Tom Cruise Debuts Top Gun

Unrelated from Scientology, Top Gun was the top grossing movie of 1986, making over $353 million in the box office. It also marked Tom Cruise’s mark as a superstar in Hollywood with a blockbuster movie. I saw this for the first time last year and I totally got why he became such a huge heartthrob and bonafide movie star with Top Gun. Despite how kuckoo banana pants he may be now, this movie is prove that he deserves to be a star.

Disney Channel Kicks Off

It’s weird to think about now, but there was a time when TV networks just stopped progamming in the middle of the night because no one watched it, thus they saved money this way. The Disney Channel started as a premium cable network (like HBO, Showtime, etc.) in 1983, and in 1986, it went from having daily programming from 7am to 1am to 24 hours a day. That means more Disney movies, DCOMs, OG shows like Kids Incorporated and The All-New Mickey Mouse Club (yes, that MMC with Brit, JT, Ryan, Xtina, and more). I didn’t get DChan in my house until I was in middle school, which explains why I retroactively liked “kids” shows as a 13 year old.

Oprah Winfrey Begins Her World Domination

Oprah’s talk show roots started with a morning show in Chicago, and it became a hit within the first month. Oprah herself became popular thanks to her role in The Color Purple, so the network decided to take advantage of that and onSeptember 8th, 1986, her The Oprah Winfrey Show went national for the first time. That was the start of what became The Oprah Winfrey Show that went on to become bible for the next 25 years. Fun fact: the topic for Oprah’s premiere should was “How to Marry the Man or Woman of Your Choice”, notably much more different than the topics in her later years.

First 3D Printer is Built

TBH, I didn’t realize the 3D printer wasn’t a thing that was invented like 5 years ago. But what do I know, this dude clearly has had it down since ’86, and has been making plastic hubcaps ever since.

Hands Across America

So Hands Across America is still… interesting to think about. It was a fundraiser for charities serving those in poverty in the U.S. The idea was for as many Americans to hold hands and create a human chain along a path across the country. There were certain cities along the route, from New York City all the way to Long Beach, California, and some notable names at each stop. I mean from President Ronald Reagan to Michael Jackson to John Stamos to David Copperfield, plus 50 Abraham Lincoln impersonators, 54 Elvis impersonators, 2 Disney characters and 3 Star Wars characters. Like, what?? AND they held hands for 15 minutes. FIFTEEN MINUTES. I had trouble holding hands with people in church during the Lord’s Prayer and that lasts about 30 seconds. Do you even talk? What do you do after? Give a slight squeeze then call it a day? So many questions. Either way, the event raised $34 million for charity, and that’s all that matters right?

Bill Clinton Converses with Celebrities

Yesterday was the 42nd President’s 66th birthday, and it’s not just because I like the guy, but I always remember his birthday because he shares it with my dad. So I mean, you could consider me as the Asian Chelsea Clinton. We have a lot of similarities.

Anyways, Billy C has had a storied life, bringing him all over the world and meeting hundreds of thousands of people of every walk of life. I recently came across this pic of a young William Jefferson Clinton meeting then President John F. Kennedy at The White House in 1963.

bill clinton jfk

He was just a teen in this iconic pic but can you even imagine their conversation?! ‘Oh hey Mr. President. I’m going to be the President one day and have an affair with an intern and my wife’s gonna forgive me and so will America and people will still like me. How’s Marilyn?’ (not verbatim)

Throughout the years of his Presidency, Billy has met a plethora of famous people, and if only we could hear what they were saying …

Billy C: Hey, that goatee looks great on you. I should grow one out too, don’t you think?
Brad Pitt: … No offense sir, but I was sexiest man alive 1995. I can pull anything off. You? Not so much.

Billy C: Great job tonight son. Nice hair.
Justin Bieber: Thanks man. Who are you again?

Billy C: Hilary and I listen to your slow jamz all the time. If you know what I mean *wink*
Usher: Yeah, I got you, sir. No need to wink.

Billy C: Y’all want to start a supergroup?!
Bono & Jon Bon Jovi: … No.

Billy C: Kobe, you and I have a lot in common.
Kobe: Don’t I know it, sir!
Kobe’s Wife: *flashes diamond ring*

Mick Jagger: Let’s go team-m, let’s go!
Billy C: You’re clapping off beat.

Betty White: Oh! Mr. President!!
Billy C: This is the most action I’ve gotten in 2 years. Let this happen.

Billy C: Jennifer, thanks so much for my award. Such a pleasure to meet you!
Jennifer Lawrence: HAHAHA I’m such a big fan I loved you in the White House I mean as the President not like ‘IN the White House’ like I’m a fan of you when you were the leader of the free world not like I was stalking you in the White House… you’re from Arkansas and I’m from Kentucky, we’re both from the south, isn’t that great?! *falls flat on her face*

Billy C: Charlize! Have you met Matt Bomer? He’s convinced me to do Magic Mike 2!
Matt: It’s true! I didn’t convince him to wear that fedora though…
Charlize: Are you sure you’re gay??

Bill Cosby: Now sir…. have you heard the joke about the penguin and the spaghetti…
Jerry Seinfeld: What’s the deal with the spaghetti?
Billy C: I honestly have no idea what either of you are saying right now.

Billy C: Hey Mikey, how’s that monkey of yours doing?
Michael Jackson: Not here, Mr. President. Not here.

Michael Jordan: I love you man, thanks so much for coming out to play golf with me.
Billy C: This picture is going to be framed and hung up in my Harlem office.

Billy C: Bruuuce! Can I bring out my saxophone now?
Bruce Springsteen: Alright man, but only on Born to Run.

Lyle Lovett: *mumbles*
Willie Nelson: Hey Pres, I got some realllly nice pot backstage if you wanna take a few hits before we go back out there.
Billy C: I don’t trust your pot, Willie… Let’s use mine.
Whoopi Goldberg: Child, this is NOT The View that I signed up for.
Eric Clapton: WTF am I doing here, I’m not even American.

Billy C: I can’t believe I’m hugging THE Meryl Streep!
Meryl Streep: Someone take this peasant off of me.

Tom Cruise: So now that you’re not the President anymore, how are your stress levels? Can I interest you in a free test? All the celebrities are doing it…
Billy C: Nice try, Tommy.

Billy C: *thumbs up*

The Best Moments of the MTV Movie Awards

The lovely Rebel Wilson did not disappoint on Sunday’s MTV Movie Awards, and the show had its fair share of memorable moments, including the much awaited Pitch Perfect reunion and Brad Pitt. Brad Pitt!

And while I haven’t watched Movie Awards as religiously as I used to as a teen, I wanted to take a second to remember some of the greatest MTV Movie Awards moments of the past. Ok, in full diclosure, this is basically a way for me to relive the golden era that was Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams. So what.

Jennifer Lopez and Tom Cruise (as Len Grossman) dancing – 2010
This is just as odd as it sounds.

Jim Carrey accepting Best Male Performance – 1999
Jim got into character to receive his award. Word is still out on exactly which character it was he was getting into.

Jimmy Fallon & Kirsten Dunst co-hosting – 2005
Good lord everything about this is sooo 2005. Sorry KiKi – you tried singing. Good thing my mad J Fall was there to rescue you from sucking.

Kristen Stewart dropping her Golden Popcorn – 2010
HAHAHA

Hilary Duff and Amanda Bynes – 2003
This clip isn’t even from the actual awards show, but it’s a reminder that as a child star, you can go either one of two ways when you grow up.

Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling accept Best Kiss – 2005
Best moment in the show’s history? Probably. I will randomly think of this and rewatch it, hoping my powers will bring these two soulmates back together… I need a boyfriend.