Well folks, with the Golden Globes behind us, awards season is officially in full swing. And with that, Hollywood’s best and brightest call up their designer friends (or really, vice versa) for hand-picked gowns which will either be feted or shat upon. and we’re here to add to the noise. Did your favorites make the list? Think we got it wrong? Let us know!
Traci’s Picks:
Best Dressed
Lupita Nyong’o in Ralph Lauren
I mean can you even. I remember when Gwyneth Paltrow was one of the first ladies to wear a cape to the red carpet– and I wasn’t sure about this new fad. However with Lupita I am SO SO SO into it. She looks flawless, with a beauty that isn’t trying too hard – or trying at all. She may not have won a Globe but she should be at the top of everyone’s best dressed lists.
Amy Poehler in Stella McCartney
Well, no surprise here. Amy is wearing one of her fave designers and that friendship has worked to her advantage because the dress looks perfect on her (it’s worth noting that it was custom made for Queen Amy). The only thing that makes it look better – her Golden Globe.
Amy Adams in Marchesa
I love a good color block. And Amy looks gorge in this gown, which apparently was inspired by her American Hustle costumes. And I’m ok with it.
Olivia Wilde in Gucci
It delights me when pregnant celebs opt to show off their baby bumps but still manage to look glamorous at the same time. This is pregnancy chic, y’all.
Sarah Hyland in Georges Hobieka
Sarah Hyland is usually on the cusp of my lists- either for the better or the worse but this time around it’s for the better. She looks ethereal in this flowing salmon dress and her Valentino runway inspired hair is the perfect match for the gown.
Worst Dressed
Paula Patton in Stephane Rolland Couture
Paula Patton’s dress at the Golden Globes or a Georgia O’Keefe painting come to life? Talk about your Blurred Lines. Amirite, ladies?
Zoe Saldana in Prabal Gurung
Oh Zoe. You’re usually on top of it on the red carpet, but instead, you took it, chopped it up and vomitted it back out and came back with this thing.
Edie Falco in Lanvin
I wouldn’t pin Edie Falco as a fashion trendsetter per say, but she’s been to enough of these awards shows to know that this does not look good – either IRL or on camera. It looks like she got some satin from the sheets of Hugh Hefner’s bed and placed it on top of her person. Stop imagining Hefner’s bed.
Drew Barrymore in Monique Luhillier
Remember what I said about pregnancy chic? Yeah, this isn’t it. Bless. Still love you Drew.
Bernice Bejo in Giambattista Valli
If you’re wondering who this is, you’ll probably remember her as the girl in The Artist, you know that huge movie from a couple years ago? Yeah. It’s been a while since she’s see these awards shows, so let’s just blame it on that.
Molly’s Picks:
Best Dressed
Lupita Nyong’o in Ralph Lauren
Just really shamelessly getting another picture of Lupita Nyong’o onto the site. Traci nailed it: Nyong’o isn’t even trying to be so beautiful (short hair, light makeup), she just IS. So, the perfect dress for her has a bit of interest (the cape) but is otherwise minimalist so the focus is on Lupita, not the clothes.
Michelle Dockery in Oscar De La Renta
Be sure to look at some close-ups of the pattern and beading on this. As a fellow milk-white person, I appreciate how Dockery really sells her coloring. Elegant works better for Michelle’s look than edgy, and she knows it, but the mullet skirt adds an on-trend touch.
Cate Blanchett in Armani Prive
Somehow, despite being a gown of sheer black lace with Swarovski crystals on the tulle-lined skirt, this manages to look restrained. In close-ups, the bodice is beautifully constructed.
Mila Kunis in Gucci
There’s restraint, and then there’s “screw it, this is one of the most formal events a person gets to go to and I’m going to wear a fabulous metallic silver gown.” I like that approach, too. The delicate lower part of the skirt balances the heavy metallics and bold neck detail.
Zooey Deschanel in Oscar de la Renta
I’ll be honest: this actually falls somewhere between best and worst for me, but it’s getting a lot of buzz and I think we should talk about it. I can’t decide whether I LOVE the monochrome, multi-textured look as a whole, but the individual pieces (shoes! crop top!) are fab. I think there was something “off” about Deschanel’s eye makeup, because every time I saw her I thought she looked different than usual around the eyes – sleepy, almost.
Worst Dressed
Emma Watson in Dior
Let’s call a spade a spade: this is a glorified apron. Remember when skorts and culottes were in style, and you’d go into third grade and be like “guess what? This isn’t really a skirt!” That isn’t a good approach on the red carpet. Watson gets points for trying something different, and for the color combo of that dress (drants? dracks? dreggings?) and those shoes.
Megan Mullally
Oh, honey. No.
Julia Roberts in Dolce and Gabana
Roberts’ look is “trying something on over your clothes because there’s no open fitting room” or “overly modest Duggar-type girl who wears extra shirts under everything so nobody can see her collarbone.” The only excuse for this is if Roberts got some bad sleeve tats and doesn’t want us to see.
Zoe Saldana in Prabal Gurung
Prabal Gurung is hit or miss with me, and this was a wide miss. One commentator said that this evokes Saldana’s “ballet background,” which I guess is true, in that it looks like several of my five-year-old niece’s recital costumes sewn together.
Usher in Calvin Klein Collection
This is already making some best dressed lists, but I’m going to go against the grain and say that there’s a time and a place for an Oxblood suit. The time is never and the place is nowhere.
Good evening (or afternoon, depending) and welcome to our 2014 Golden Globes Live Blog! Today, as always, please refresh your browser window periodically to load our updates. Keeps the “live” in “live blog,” you know. You can also find us on twitter throughout the event: @cookiessangria
Preshow
M: First thing I saw when I turned on the preshow was Lupita Nyong’o in a red dress with a cape. She has sleek, side-parted hair like a debonair gent in the Gatsby era, or young Isabella Rosselini. I say both of those as a huge compliment. Also, she recently graduated from Yale. And most importantly, she has the most perfect face ever. Honestly, just try to find something wrong with her face.
AND THEN. AND THEN. Biggest game-changer ever. Amy Adams is ALSO wearing a red dress with a cape. Ho-ly shit. How did this happen? Even small-town prom dress shops won’t sell the same dress to two girls going to the same prom.
Never fear. The cape (coat?) came off.
Does Tina Fey’s Dress have umbrellas printed on it????? In case you missed it, the little tiny man from E! offered to help her and her big ol’ dress train down the stairs, then just dropped her off at the banister and said “here, use the railing.” Rude. Also her dress does not have umbrellas printed on it, I just need to be less resistant to wearing my glasses.
Sarah Hyland looks like she’s from Game of Thrones. Note: I don’t watch Game of Thrones but I know it’s the one with the Pinterest-y braids and bad weddings.
Amy Adams is wearing a dress that is two shades of red, with red hair, on a red carpet. I’d complain about too much red but having spent a lifetime hearing what colors redheads CAN’T wear, Amy Adams can do what she wants.
Giuliana Rancic and Margot Robbie just had a conversation that played out like an awkward bar closing time pickup. To wit:
G: So… are you single?
M: …yes.
G: Ah, well not for long! Maybe you’ll meet someone tonight!
M: Well, I’m not really into actors…
G: [eyes light up]
Kerry Washington looks like a beautiful pregnant snowball.
Kerry Washington never spills.
M: Jennifer Lawrence… Jennifer Lawrence. As a mere mortal, I CANNOT wear 30 yards of white fabric literally tied directly under my ass, but Jennifer Lawrence isn’t the rest of us and it kind of looks okay. Or possibly like ascot opening day.
Sosie Bacon… your father may be only six degrees from everyone… you may call Tina Fey and Amy Poehler “Tina and Amy,” but your first name is still “Sosie” and your last name is still “Bacon.” I’ll always have that on you.
M: Matt Lauer, who looks increasingly like a grizzled sociology professor, just talked about Renaissance paintings. Slow your roll, Lauer. We’re not here for class. We’re here to watch pretty people get shiny things.
I may be making this up in my head… I’m probably making this up in my head… but they’re interviewing Tina and Amy, who are both just radiantly lovely, and does Amy Poehler look nervous? Probably not, right? Probably just that fluttery feeling you get when you’re about to KILL at something but it’s not time for you to do it yet. By the way, Tina Fey’s dress does NOT look like umbrella print, but maybe it’s some sort of Rorschach thing, and I was just projecting that my feelings for Tina Fey can best be summed up by Rihanna’s pop hit “Umbrella.”
Let’s talk about Michelle Dockery. Somehow, to me she always looks like Lady Mary dropped into a different milieu. She looks like if Lady Mary were a 2010s television actress, right now. Her dress is shimmery embossed perfection.
upstairs.
M: Matt Damon has greying temples. I’m not ready for this. He looks great, but he’ll always be the little scamp from Good Will Hunting to me.
And now, the queen of really iffy sounding blind items, Hayden Panettiere! Her brooch looks like a bow from a Christmas package. Her hair looks like it’s trying to be both a Mohawk but a full head of hair as well. Girl, you can’t have your cake and look like a dumbass too.
Kerry Washington is doing that thing where you cup your pregnant belly so that people know you’re not just fat. Hey ladies: you can pull that same move to get people to give up their seats for you on the bus, pregnant or not.
Cate Blanchett, who looks very pretty, just said that when deciding to do Blue Jasmine, Woody Allen “is all a girl needs to hear.” Is she trolling us, or is she hosting the 2014 Golden Globes Create Your Own Punchline Contest?
Tina Fey And Amy Poehler’s Lee Daniels’ The Butler Golden Globe Awards
M:Traci, when you get here can you tell me whether the GGs are held in a residential neighborhood? Because the aerial view was weird.
T: ^^ it’s in Beverly Hills, – so residential adjacent
T: HI FRIENDS I’M CHIMING IN AS MUCH AS I CAN BECAUSE I’M AT WORK AND I’M A REALLY GOOD EMPLOYEE. I can’t even focus because Amy and Tina are stunningly beautiful. Like my eyes can’t handle it.
M: Yes. Like, I needed them to train the camera on Martin Scorcese for a bit to give my eyes a break. There are still great roles for “Meryl Streeps” over 60, says Tina. Tina has one of those glorious hair-cape heads of hair, like Kate Middleton.
Tina Fey: “George Cloooney would rather float into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age.” ZING.
Tina Fey again: Matthew McConoghey lost 45 pounds … or what actresses call ‘being in a movie.”
T: Tina Fey and Amy Poehler: The only people who can make a joke about slavery and get away with it.
M: Yeah, it’s like a charming joke about slavery when they do it.
T: “The Blacklist is who’s invited to my room tonight” – ME TOO TINA. ME TOO.
M: Sandra Bullock, color blocking like a BOSS. (My boss doesn’t color block, he mostly wears button-ups and slacks.)
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
Sally Hawkins, Blue Jasmine
Jennifer Lawrence, American Hustle
Lupita Nyong’o, 12 Years A Slave
Julia Roberts, August: Osage County
June Squibb, Nebraska
Molly’s Pick: Lupita Nyong’o
Traci’s Pick: Jennifer Lawrence
Winner: Jennifer Lawrence
Jennifer Lawrence: I actually DID watch all of the movies this year… well not all of them, you know what I mean.
T: J Law, never one to disappoint. I hope the HFPA keeps giving you awards even though you don’t want them to.
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Jacqueline Bisset, Dancing On The Edge
Janet McTeer, White Queen
Hayden Panettiere, Nashville
Monica Potter, Parenthood
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family
Molly’s Pick: Monica Potter. I missed season 4 so I just watched it on Netflix, and HOLY COW why didn’t somebody warn me NOT to watch season 4?
Traci’s Pick: Monica Potter. It’s about damn time Parenthood got recognized and if cancer’s what it takes, then so be it.
Winner: Jacqueline Bisset
M: I don’t know who was expecting that less, us or Jacqueline Bisset. But, judging by her speech, it was Jacqueline Bisset. My favorite part was when the audio cut out, only to return on the word “shit.” My least-favorite part was the rest of it.
T: Um is Jaqueline Bisset going to pass out? Slash is it embar that I always think she’s related to Jackie O? (Is she related to Jackie O?) Is she gonna vomit? OH MY GOD THIS IS THE WORST ACCEPTANCE SPEECH IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. INCLUDING THAT TIME THE NATIVE AMERICAN ACCEPTED FOR MARLON BRANDO.
PS: Monica Potter was ROBBED.
M: Seconded. You should all watch Parenthood Season Four. Or, maybe don’t? Shit gets real.
BEST MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
AMERICAN HORROR STORY: COVEN (FX Networks)
BEHIND THE CANDELABRA (HBO)
DANCING ON THE EDGE (Starz)
TOP OF THE LAKE (Sundance Channel)
WHITE QUEEN (Starz)
Molly’s Pick: American Horror Story
Traci’s Pick: Behind the Candelabra
Winner: Behind The Candelabra
M: Well, apparently we didn’t set this up with our predictions, but Elisabeth Moss just won Best Actress in a MiniSeries, etc. for Top of The Lake. She looks very Lady Mary tonight and it just took her about 8 minutes to navigate her way to the stage. It’s going to run late, solely because of all of the damn walking. Really, if I wanted to watch people walk medium-slow I would have gone to the mall at 7am when they open early for the mall walkers.
T: Fact: I hated HATED Top of the Lake, but Elisabeth Moss was so so good in it. If there’s some kind of montage on YouTube that just shows the scenes that she’s in, watch that, because the whole thing is the worst.
M: I’m so glad you said that, because I watched the first episode and decided that I just couldn’t deal with all that. Let’s take a moment to appreciate that Google Docs (where we’re drafting this) actually recognized that “Elizabeth Moss” was a mistake. You know there’s a real-life Elizabeth Moss out there who hates this feature.
M:Jonah Hill and a blonde woman stumble over a category because there’s no teleprompter. Shouldn’t he be funnier making things up as he goes along? Speaking of funny, they’re introducing Wolf of Wall Street, so I can maybe figure out how it’s in the comedy category.
Nope. Still don’t get it. But there was a shot of Gwyneth Paltrow opening a water bottle, so don’t worry, Goop is hydrated.
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad
Liev Schreiber, Ray Donovan
Michael Sheen, Masters Of Sex
Kevin Spacey, House Of Cards
James Spader, The Blacklist
Molly’s pick: Bryan Cranston
Traci’s Pick: Bryan Cranston
Winner: Bryan Cranston
T: Vince Gilligan has already taken off his tie, because he knows he already has these wins in the bag? Probs.
M: Definitely. His night was over before it began.
BEST TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA
BREAKING BAD (AMC)
DOWNTON ABBEY (PBS)
THE GOOD WIFE (CBS)
HOUSE OF CARDS (Netflix)
MASTERS OF SEX (Showtime)
Molly’s Pick: Breaking Bad
Traci’s Pick: Breaking Bad
M: Aaron Paul took it away with a “yeah, bitch!” How did the censors not realize the inevitable end to any sentence spoken by Aaron Paul?
T: Well I think since they already accidentally miss-bleeped Jaqueline Bisset’s ‘SHIT’, and a few camera angles are out of sync, NBC is doing what it does best – fucks up.
M: The dude who just won for best score looks like Mokkiki from SNL. I feel like he’s about to do the Sloppy Swish.
T: He also looks like he just came off the boat with Robert Redford. Also P Diddy Sean Combs Puff Daddy Diddy Dirty Money is SUCH a ham in whatever he does. It’s like I anticipated him to takeover the mic while Washed Ashore accepted his award.
M: I just sat there while he was speaking trying to remember the proper form of address for him. I haven’t had such struggles since I lived in Spain and had to decide whether to “tu” or “usted” somebody.
BEST ORIGINAL SONG – MOTION PICTURE
“Atlas”, The Hunger Games: Catching Fire
“Let It Go”, Frozen
“Ordinary Love”, Mandela: Long Walk To Freedom
“Please Mr Kennedy”, Inside Llewyn Davis
“Sweeter Than Fiction”, One Chance
Molly’s Pick: Let it Go
Traci’s Pick: Let It Go
Winner: Ordinary Love
M: I just said WHAAAAAT?! out loud. Okay, we all love Bono, but get a grip, Hollywood Foreign Press. He doesn’t have to win all the time.
M: Is there a reason Puff Combs Daddy Money just said “let it go, let it go, let it go” to the tune of let it snow? Just to stick it to Idina Menzel? HER YEAR HAS BEEN HARD ENOUGH.
T: The only reason U2 winning is worth it: close-up shots of Idris Elba. ::insert emoji with heart eyes::
Gratuitous Photo of Idris Elba. JK, no photo of him is gratuitous. We need this.
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A SERIES, MINI-SERIES OR MOTION PICTURE MADE FOR TELEVISION
Josh Charles, The Good Wife
Rob Lowe, Behind the Candelabra
Aaron Paul, Breaking Bad
Corey Stoll, House Of Cards
Jon Voight, Ray Donovan
Molly’s Pick: Rob Lowe
Traci’s Pick: Aaron Paul – but Corey Stoll was SO good in House of Cards.
Winner: John Voight
T: UGH JON VOIGHT? THE GUY WHO WEARS THE EXACT SAME TUX/OUTFIT TO EVERY AWARDS SHOW? OVER AARON PAUL? And is there some kind of vacuum up at the mic where people suddenly lose their voice? Get it together, folks.
M: You may know Jon Voight from seeing talking about his beef with his daughter, Angelina Jolie, on Access Hollywood.
Also if you lick Jon Voight’s face (DON’T DO THAT) you would get botulism. So much botox in there.
T: SURPRISE: ROBERT DOWNEY JR. And he just winked and I feel like it was directly towards me.
M: Oh, I think it WAS toward you. Don’t doubt it.
Just this morning I was reading about how RDJ was possibly the secret celebrity source behind the blind item comments on CDaN and now I can’t look at him without thinking he’s the Gossip Girl of Hollywood.
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
T: Aww J Law is just as happy for Amy Adams as she was for winning her own award! If anyone should win over Meryl, it’s Amy.
I bet T. Swift congratulated Chastain for her work in American Hustle. I understand.
M: How DARE the music cut off Amy Adams! Oh, Amy Adams totally just shut that down and told the music that it couldn’t play her out of talking about her daughter. Adorable. I love Amy Adams so much that I’m going to make myself some flashcards or something to learn how to tell her, Isla Fisher and Jessica Chastain apart. I should be better at this but evidently all skinny red-haired white ladies look the same to me.
T: The Modern Family table always looks like they had a good time at these drinking events. I’d like to sit at the table. Or the Parks and Rec table. Or the SNL-alum table/whereever Jimmy Fallon is.
M: Oooh, I’m going for Parks and Rec table, because they look like they have so much fun together. But if they put Jimmy Fallon and Seth Meyers at the same table, that might be fun. Or I guess anywhere with a clear eye-line toward Idris Elba.
T: “HEY YOUR NAME IS SOSIE – WHAT ARE YOU THE OLYMPICS?!?!?” I CANNOT. Poehler as a tiny boy is A++++. She did that in SNL a bunch, right?
M: Yeah, anytime Amy Poehler plays an under-18 is A+ and I wish there was a way to make that sound less creepy.
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES – DRAMA
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
Tatiana Maslany, Orphan Black
Taylor Schilling, Orange Is The New Black
Kerry Washington, Scandal
Robin Wright, House Of Cards
Molly’s Pick: I can’t do this. I guess Tatiana Maslany, which is probably wishful thinking on my part – but if either Maslany, Schilling, or Washington wins, I will be jumping for joy.
Traci’s Pick: I think if Tatiana Maslany has a shot at winning any award it will be for this one. So I’m taking a shot and saying her. But like Molly, I will jump for joy and spill red wine all over my white trench coat if Kerry Washington wins.
Winner: Robin Wright
M: So, literally the only person I didn’t really care about? Cool.
T: Hey Robin Wright gave a shout out to the best acceptance speech giver in the world – Merritt Wever at the Emmys. I want to rewatch that a million times over and over again right now.
M: Here ya go: Agreed, best ever.
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
Barkhad Abdi, Captain Phillips
Daniel Bruhl, Rush
Bradley Cooper, American Hustle
Michael Fassbender, 12 Years A Slave
Jared Leto, Dallas Buyers Club
Molly’s Pick: Bradley Cooper
Traci’s Pick: Jared Leto
Winner: Jared Leto
M: So, my main association with Jared Leto (other than Jordan Catelano) is when I used to read my sister’s Seventeen magazines when I was like 7, every issue contained all of these fawning pieces about Jared Leto. And I get it now, but I remember seeing him at the time and being really confused about it all. [In case you’re wondering, the rest of the magazine during that era was fashion spreads with a lot of plaid, and “Trauma-Rama” columns about girls accidentally calling their boyfriend’s mom instead of their own mom for, like, tampon problems.]
BEST SCREENPLAY – MOTION PICTURE
Spike Jonze, Her
Bob Nelson, Nebraska
Jeff Pope & Steve Coogan, Philomena
John Ridley, 12 Years A Slave
Eric Warren Singer & David O Russell, American Hustle
Molly’s Pick: Spike Jonze
Traci’s Pick: Spike Jonze
Winner: Spike Jonze
M: Best part of this award? Emma Thompson presenting the award with her shoes in one hand and her drink in another.
T: I don’t think I’ve ever seen Spike Jonze or I just don’t ever remember his face? How adorable is he?
M: I was expecting someone completely different. This is also the first time I’ve realized that Jonze is a sassy homophone of Jones.
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Jason Bateman, Arrested Development
Don Cheadle, House Of Lies
Michael J. Fox, The Michael J. Fox Show
Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory
Andy Samberg, Brooklyn Nine-Nine
Molly’s Pick: Jason Bateman
Traci’s Pick: Jim Parsons
Winner: Andy Samberg
Andy Samberg: Stunned, like the rest of us
M: THRILLED about this, as was presenter Seth Meyers, who declared it the best night ever.
T: OH MY GOD OH MY GOD I LITERALLY JUST STOOD UP AND JUMPED FOR JOY. IT’S LIKE THE BEST FLUKE EVER! LORNE MICHAELS IS STILL STOIC BUT SUCH A PROUD DAD AHHH HE THANKED AKIVA AND JORMA TOO!! THE TINA/AMY PARTY IS GOING TO BE OFF THE HOOK TONIGHT. We just need Amy to win now and all will be right with the world.
M: I just flapped my hands. Jeeeeez. Also, Joanna Newsom looks super super pretty and I assume she has a lute or air-harp or gnome hidden in her dress.
M: This is sort of apropos of nothing, but this is by far the best picture to emerge from the night so far:
M: They just announced the best foreign language film and all I know is that it’s not the French one with the lesbians.
I LOVE that Julia Louis-Dreyfus is always up for an awards show bit (eg: pretending to ignore Tina and Amy while eating a hot dog with the works).
T: Also not wearing a tie: Idris Elba. Also who should just do away with everything else and strip down naked: Idris Elba.
M: No, I really think Idris Elba can wear a tie. [Just a tie.] [Actually that would be weird. So, either nothing or like, normal clothes.]
T: Emma Watson, the classiest Gryffindor broad this side of the pond. *cue P Diddy Dirty Money’s Let it Flowwww song*
M: Ugh is THAT what Diddy Daddy was trying to do earlier?
BEST ANIMATED FEATURE FILM
THE CROODS
DESPICABLE ME 2
FROZEN
Molly’s Pick: Frozen. Just like to point out that this is the only category while I’ve seen all the nominees.
Traci’s Pick: Frozen
Winner: Frozen
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A TELEVISION SERIES – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Zooey Deschanel, New Girl
Lena Dunham, Girls
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep
Amy Poehler, Parks & Recreation
Molly’s Pick: Amy Poehler. Please?
Traci’s Pick: Amy Poehler. If I put it out in the universe enough it will eventually happen.
Winner: Amy Poehler (!!!!!)
M: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! Just like to point out that Poehler has been a comedy Susan Lucci. I mean, I’m sure Susan Lucci is very funny. Mostly physical comedy.
Tears sprang into my eyes when they showed the rest of the Parks cast.
T: I AM LIT’RALLY CRYING. TEARS ARE COMING OUT OF MY EYE HOLES. AND YES THE CAST IS SO SO PROUD OF HER AND I JUST LOVE HER SO MUCH IT’S AS IF MY FRIEND JUST WON IS THAT WEIRD? I CAN’T STOP THE CAPS LOCK GUYS. I CAN’T STOP IT. SLASH I NEED TO FIND OUT WHERE THIS AFTER PARTY IS BECAUSE IT IS GOING TO BE RAGINNNNN
M: I’m like, leaving to go get a tissue-level crying.
M: Oh my god, was Tina’s comment that there was “a special place in hell” for Amy a throwback to T.Swift’s dumb comment about Amy and Tina? ROUND OF APPLAUSE.
Diane Keaton has sort of started to look like the Barbie Doll tribute version of herself.
NBC. Take a chill pill. They started cutting off the audio when Keaton said “God Damn” and kept going for about a minute. But they brought the audio back for a creep-tastic rendition of “Make New Friends.” Lucky… us?
By the way, Traci had to restart her computer but texted that she knew I was commenting on the creepy song. So, Cookies + Sangria Bi-Coastal Consensus: that shit was creepy.
She also told me that Taran Killam tweeted about the best score guy and Mokiki, so Taran, it’s cool that you read our blog.
Yes it's true. Alex Ebert is the real life inspiration for Mokiki's hair. True story. No joke.
Molly’s Pick: Parks (should win); Modern Family or Girls (will win)
Traci’s Pick: Girls
Winner: Brooklyn Nine-Nine
T: OH MY GOD BROOKLYN NINE-NINE?!?!?! IS THIS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW?!?! MIKE SCHUR! CHELSEA PERETTI LOOKS SO PRETTY. This is just too much. I cannot handle this.
M: Everything is amazing right now. This is one of those dorky moments where I remember watching Chelsea Peretti on YouTube sketch comedy when I was in college, like 7 years ago and nobody had ever heard of her, and I just feel so happy for her right now.
By the way, Brooklyn Nine-Nine is really good and you should all watch it. I just didn’t pick it because I didn’t think it had a chance.
M: I just figured out what J.Law’s dress reminds me of. It’s those dolls you’d make by folding over a bunch of yarn then tying it in bunches around the waist and butt.
But don’t worry, the internet is ON IT like a bonnet:
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Christian Bale, American Hustle
Bruce Dern, Nebraska
Leonardo DiCaprio, The Wolf Of Wall Street
Oscar Isaac, Inside Llewyn Davis
Joaquin Phoenix, Her
Molly’s Pick: Leonardo DiCaprio. But I’ve heard enough things that happen in Wolf of Wall Street to emphatically NOT want to see it, and apparently it’s a comedy, too?
Traci’s Pick: I feel like Bruce Dern might take this one. Just like Kate Winslet, my heart lies with Leo.
Winner: Leonardo DiCaprio
T: I am standing and clapping for Leo. The one year Kate’s at home tending to her new kid, she’s not here to witness Leo winning. Also could this finally be the year the Oscars recognize Leo?
M: Fittingly, the celebrities who are responsible for about 50% of our blog traffic (Leo DiCaprio and Amy Poehler) have won (but they were winners in our hearts already). /plug/ By the way, have you seen our Leo and Amy posts? /plug/
M: SHOW US KATE JEEZ. Wait, is she there?
T: Sadly I don’t think so. Better things to do, like hang out with a baby. Her baby, not just any baby.
T: PS Sosie Bacon is NOT kidding around on this stage. She is hustlin.
M: Sosie Bacon is proving that she may have gotten this gig through nepotism, but she’s keeping it by handing out those damn trophies promptly and properly.
Also, re: Kate Winslet: I think my favorite thing about her, recently, is that she named her baby Bear, like the animal, and then when asked if she’d give him the surname RocknRoll she was like “no, because I’m a fucking grownup.”
BEST MOTION PICTURE – COMEDY OR MUSICAL
AMERICAN HUSTLE
HER
INSIDE LLEWYN DAVIS
NEBRASKA
THE WOLF OF WALL STREET
Molly’s Pick: American Hustle. Or maybe not, because I didn’t realize it was a musical or comedy and I watched the whole thing.
Traci’s Pick: American Hustle
Winner: American Hustle
T: I’m going to be honest with y’all. I liked American Hustle. I did. But did I think it was great? Meh.
M: As I said, I didn’t even realize it was a comedy. I really enjoyed it, but if we’re ranking David O. Russell, Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence flicks, it’s got to be Silver Linings Playbook.
M: Tina Fey: LIKE A SUPERMODEL’S VAGINA, LET’S ALL GIVE A WARM WELCOME TO LEONARDO DICAPRIO. [Then the censors had a tizzy and made the show silent for about 3 seconds. Suck it, NBC.]
T: Me, reacting to that Leo/supermodel zing:
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTRESS IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
Cate Blanchett, Blue Jasmine
Sandra Bullock, Gravity
Judi Dench, Philomena
Emma Thompson, Saving Mr Banks
Kate Winslet, Labor Day
Molly’s pick: Kate Winslet??? Or statistically, probably an established, well-respected British dramatic actress?
Traci’s pick: Sandra Bullock – but my heart lies with Kate. Forever.
Winner: Cate Blanchett
My heart got all tingly when he said Kate’s name… and again when he said ‘CATE’… Blanchett. What a tease.
M: Me too! Is it just me, or did he say it with a special fondness (for Winslet) but just kind of normal (for Blanchett)?
T: Oh he DEFINITELY did. It was like, you guys know who I really want to name the winner, wink wink. #JackAndRoseForever
BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A MOTION PICTURE – DRAMA
Chiwetel Ejiofor, 12 Years A Slave
Idris Elba, Mandela: Long Walk To Freedom
Tom Hanks, Captain Phillips
Matthew McConaughey, Dallas Buyers Club
Robert Redford, All Is Lost
Molly’s pick: Chiwetel Ejiofor, because he was incredible and because I haven’t seen any of those other movies yet.
Traci’s Pick: Super tough category and I haven’t seen any of these films. I’m thinking Chiwetel Ejiofor, but the HFPA might go with a classic like Tom or Robert. So I’ll say my official answer is Matthew McConaughey.
Winner: Matthew McConaughey
T: Alright Alright Alright. Looks like my (nonsense) theory worked.
M: No. – Me, out loud, when Matt McC literally SAYS “alright alright alright.” And I wouldn’t doubt that theory, Traci. I’m using that for the Oscars.
T: Not related, but I’m obsessed with this gif of Kerry Washington.
M: McConaughey is like an SNL parody of himself. OH MY. Not related at all but did you see the back of Emma Watson’s “dress?”
IT’S AN ILLUSION.
T: Did anyone else catch that tender moment during the outro of Seth congratulating Amy??? My heart is exploding with happiness for her. STILL!
T: I stand by this statement: I do not get Johnny Depp. I do not think he is hot. Do not get his appeal. Do not get his faux French/British accent.
M: I have a theory that Johnny Depp is permanently stuck in a time warp from about 1995 – 1998. He doesn’t look like he, himself did during that time, but he always looks like a guy you’d see in 1997.
Best Motion Picture, Drama
12 YEARS A SLAVE
CAPTAIN PHILLIPS
GRAVITY
PHILOMENA
RUSH
Molly’s Pick: 12 Years a Slave
Traci’s Pick: 12 Years a Slave
Winner: 12 Years a Slave
T: I love that half the ballroom is standing up for them. TBH, I haven’t seen this movie. Oops. It’s on my list. don’t worry. He just called Sarah Paulson the Bette Davis of America. Yes.
M: I mean as long as you see it before the Oscars you’re good. Sarah Paulson looks like Galinda?
T: Well, folks, and like that another Golden Globes is over. Let it be known that this show should have just been called the 71st Annual Lee Daniels’ Tina Fey Holy Crap Amy Poehler and Andy Samberg Won Awards Awards.
New Year, new season of endless awards shows. And it all kicks off this Sunday (when we’ll be live blogging too!) for the Golden Globes. Personally, the Golden Globes are my fave next to the Emmys, since I’m more of a TV person but also I like seeing the movie folks rub elbows with the TV folks, or as co-host Amy Poehler called it, “Where the beautiful people of film rub shoulders with the rat-faced people of television.”
So in honor of this weekend’s big event, here are some things to look out for on one of our favorite days of the year.
General Poehler/Fey Awesomeness
Let’s be real. These two queens of comedy/life are the reason why the show last year wasn’t just a snoozefest. They brought life back to the show and did it without making offensive jokes and by bringing unadulterated joy into everyone’s life with their wit and beauty. If you are not like me and watch their monologue from last year on a monthly basis, here’s a refresher.
Surprise Wins
There’s nothing the Hollywood Foreign Press Association loves more than a good surprise. I mean just look at their list of nominees and winners every year. They like to pick underdogs, shows and actors that are new and standout from the crowd, not necessarily going with the grain of every other awards show. For example, this year, one of my favorite new shows this season, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, is nominated for Best Series as well as a Best Actor nom for Andy Samberg. Yes, this Andy Samberg.
Hopefully these surprises will be something like Tatiana Maslany receiving the recognition she deserves in Orphan Black or Monica Potter in Parenthood. Or the ultimate surprise win – Amy Poehler getting a damn award because for some insane reason she gets nominated every year in every awards show but has yet to win shit.
Drinking
Everyone who goes to the Golden Globes knows they’re in for a good time because there’s eating and drinking at the ceremony. It’s not like the Oscars or Emmys where you sit in a theater and watch as the person who you lost to goes up to accept their award. No. The Golden Globes takes place at the Beverly Hilton ballroom, where round tables are set up for dinner. The food from Wolfgang Puck is abundant and the drinks are overflowing like one of Diddy’s Ciroc commercials.
By the end of the night, everyone ends up like this:
Movie and TV Star Intermingling
At the Golden Globes, there are two tiers, the lower tier, which is closer to the stage, reserved for the beautiful movie stars, and the top tier which is where the lowly TV people are relegated. However, during the commercial breaks, which you can sometimes spot right before and after the cut to the ads, these two groups start to converge in an explosion of super celebrity. Here are just a few shots from last year’s ceremony.
George Clooney, Jon Hamm and Ben Affleck in one picture – probs going over the minutes from the last meeting of the Handsome Men’s Club.
Speaking of the layout of the show and drinking, the way the tables are set up literally looks like a maze.
So when the winners attempt to go up to the stage to get their award, it’s a test to see if A) they’re sober enough to find their way to the stage B) Which path they decide to take on the road to the mic, past the A-listers or around the edge with the camera men C) How long the audience is willing to clap for you if you take longer than approx 10 seconds to get up there.
GIFs Galore
There are very few things in life I like more than a good GIF (to be read with a hard ‘G’ because idec how the creator pronounces it, it’s a GIF not a JIF). And because of the lax and usually comedic vibe of the Golden Globes (also to be read with a hard G), there’s plenty of opportunities for animated snippets. Like these:
Greatest photobomb in the history of the world
Tommy Lee Jones is not pleased
Adele high-fiving Daniel Craig, it’s fine.
Now that you’re prepped and may have a potential drinking game at hand, you’re all set for Sunday. And we’ll see you there!
Well folks, it’s the day after the 65th Annual Emmys (did you check out our live blog?), and if you’re anything like us, you’re still bitter about the (failed) results of your Emmy ballots.
One thing that we can’t lose at are our Best & Worst Dressed list, so here are our picks from last night’s ceremony with TV’s biggest stars.
Molly’s Picks:
Best Dressed
Tina Fey in Narciso Rodriguez
The dress so nice, we’re listing it twice. While we’re trying to keep repeats on our best/ worst dressed lists to a minimum, I’d be a fool not to include this on my best dressed list. Not only is Tina Fey smarter than almost everyone on this red carpet, and funnier than almost everyone on this red carpet, she’s also more stylish and prettier.
Kerry Washington in Marchesa
I had to sleep on this one – and so, apparently, did Kerry Washington, judging by the dress’s kind of rumply texture. I was on the fence about the dress last night, but the more I see it, the more I love it. Would’ve been a great dress to win in. Next year, Gladiators.
Kate Mara in J Mendel
This might show up on a few worst dressed lists, and I think maybe another year it could’ve ended up on mine. I think it’s just the overall styling that’s working for me – the dress with the simple hair and smoky makeup.
Elisabeth Moss in Dolce & Gabbana
I was really feeling these 2 trends that kept appearing: the separate or faux-separate skirt and bodice, and the black and white color blocking. Since Traci already covered my favorite black and white dress (read on to see who!), it only seemed fair to give space to my second-fav.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus in Monique Lhuillier
Last night, Traci said that this looked like a beautiful disco ball and I said that I wanted to touch JLD’s face because her skin is so pretty. I stand by both of those comments.
Honorable Mention: Claire Danes in Armani Prive
When I was writing my best dressed picks before work, I included this one. Post coffee, I cannot remember why. I’m keeping this on the list for my sleepy-eyed, 6am self who for whatever reason thought this was pretty. That 6am girl is also the person who dressed me today. She didn’t do so great.
Worst Dressed
Lena Dunham in Delia’s Prada
When Lena Dunham tweeted that her dress looked like it was designed by Delia’s earlier this week, I had high hopes for butterfly clips and butterfly print. But the thing that’s really Delia’s-esque about this is that Lena’s eyeshadow is matched to her dress. After 9th grade Lena -or someone around her – should know better.
Mayin Bialik in Oliver Tolentino Couture
Everyone else liked this, and I did until you got to the tinselly belt and cuffs. That made everything look kind of costumey to me, like she’d be playing The Giving Tree in a really nice Montessori school or Blanche Dubois in a less-nice Montessori school.
Julianne Hough in Jenny Packham
Remember in 2002, when girls used to walk around with visible thongs over their low-rise 501s, and you would think “what could be less hot than this?” This dress answers that question with “well, visible granny panties, of course.”
Zosia Mamet in Honor
I like everything about this until the giant faux mustache over her boobs.
Lily Rabe
Annie taught us that you’re never fully dressed without a smile. But you’re also never fully dressed without that other half of your dress. Besides, nobody was smiling last night. That was the most sorrowful, grim Emmy Awards I ever did see and that’s counting the time they postponed it because of 9/11.
Traci’s Picks
Best Dressed
Taylor Schilling in Thakoon
Daaannnnggg Chapman. You clean up well! Taylor was there for nothing but publicity and eye candy, but she sure made her mark on the red carpet. Simple, sexy, elegant – that’s how you do an awards show, folks.
Michelle Dockery in Prada
Lady Mary sure knows how to hit a home run on the red carpet. Or like, whatever the equivalent to a home run is in cricket. She always knows what styles and colors look great on her, and this is no different. Of course I LOVE color blocking, so maybe that’s why I adore her dress so much.
Tina Fey in Narciso Rodriguez
Listen. As much as I love Tina Fey. The first thing you think of her is that she’s funny. Not a fashionista. So while she has made some questionable fashion decisions in the past, she looks absolutely stunning in this bold blue dress. Suck on that, nerds.
Kaley Cuoco in Vera Wang
For me, Kaley Cuoco is usually a hit or miss for me at awards shows. But this Vera Wang dress is to die. It’s the perfect mix of sexy and classy, just like Taylor Schilling’s dress. And while a lot of ladies were going with white and black or pastels, she decided to go the other route with the fantastic burgundy.
Anna Gunn in Ramona Keveza
You know when someone who is nominated/expected to win first appears on the red carpet and they come out wearing a dress and you just KNOW they’re going to win in? Yeah, this is it. Julia Roberts. Jennifer Lawrence. Anna Gunn.
Honorable Mention: Kiernan Shipka in Delpozo
Guys, I can’t get over how much older and mature little Sally Draper looks! I’m obsessed with the style direction she’s going in as she enters her teens. She knows exactly what is age appropriate, but also always picks something that will stand out in a crowd of grown-ups. And if you ever watch her in interviews, she is the smartest 13 year old ever. More like 13 going on 30, amirite ladies/Jennifer Garner?
Worst Dressed
Melissa Leo
I just… did she think she was going to either a circus or not be on stage at all? Because she was on stage. And not at a circus.
Paula Abdul
Honestly… just when you thought she couldn’t get any crazier. Just like Melissa Leo, I tried researching the designers for each dress, but to no avail. Maybe they didn’t want the negative publicity.
Heidi Klum in Versace
Um, I’m pretty sure Heidi Klum is being attacked by her own sequined gown. Should someone help her?
Lena Dunham in Prada
Oh Lena. In all honesty, this still isn’t as bad as the poop brown Zac Posen gown she wore at the Golden Globes. But like she/I said in the live blog yesterday, this looks like a dress she would wear to a summer BBQ in 1994, courtesy of the Delia’s catalog – evening gown edition.
Julianne Hough in Jenny Packham
Jules. You’re a gorgeous girl who actually get her style choices right most of the time. Not so much now. When they showed her in the audience when Derek won, you could only see the waist up, and she didn’t look that bad. And then I saw this picture. I know you’re a dancer and all, but no need to bring your leotard to the Emmys. THE EMMYS. This is a black tie event, ma’am. Not the VMAs.
Happy Amy Poehler Day! In celebration of the birthday of our favorite comedienne/life guru/producer/queen, we offer a collection of things other celebrities have said about Amy. After all, the best way to know that a person is awesome is if everyone who knows them says so (but let’s be real, those opinions hold a lot more weight coming from a famous person. No offense to your non-famous friends; sure they’re great). In case you’re wondering, the second-best way is for the person to just straight-up tell everyone that they’re awesome. Or, I guess just to consistently be fantastic and see if people catch on.
Let’s take this September 16 to remind ourselves to live in such a way that this is how people talk about us behind our backs:
Aziz Ansari
I have found that she is as kind and caring a person as she is hilarious. Simply put, Amy Poehler is my hero.
Vanessa Bayer (describing her first night on SNL):
Yeah, I was so emotional. I started tearing up. It was so surreal. I actually stayed on stage because I wanted to hug Amy Poehler. She was the host that week, and I wanted to thank her because she was such a wonderful person to work with. So I gave her a hug, and I can’t remember exactly what I said, but I said something like, ‘It was amazing to do my first show with you,’ and she held my hand and walked offstage with me. I don’t think I’ll ever forget that. She was so kind and generous.
Matt Besser:
These days you don’t think of Amy as a female comedian, you just think of her as a comedian, and I think that’s a plus. And she didn’t go for that whole notion that women are not treated fairly. She was just like “I’m just going to do my best and not give a shit,” and it worked. She didn’t care about being pretty and dainty on stage, or charming, or all those things you might say about a successful sitcom actress, a prototypical one. She could be weird or nasty or ugly or whatever. Those are things that guys more typically do. But really it’s what a comedian should do and that’s why she is.
Rachel Dratch (when asked about the “inordinate” amount of page space devoted to Amy Poehler in her book, Girl Walks Into A Bar):
I guess she just has a good aura. People gravitate to it. She’s very supportive and she’s got a good combo of being cool enough that she’s one of the guys, but she’s also sensitive and wise.
Tina Fey (in Bossypants, a book that was a decoy answer on Million Second Quiz this week. If you’re reading this more than 2 months in the future, maybe Google what that was. Jimmy Fallon objected to a gross bit Amy was doing and she totally shut him down):
With that exchange, a cosmic shift took place. Amy made it clear that she wasn’t there to be cute. She wasn’t there to play wives and girlfriends in the boys’ scenes. She was there to do what she wanted to do and she did not fucking care if you like it. I was so happy. Weirdly, I remember thinking, ‘My friend is here! My friend is here!’ Even though things had been going great for me at the show, with Amy there, I felt less alone.
Kathryn Hahn
It all starts with [Amy] Poehler. She’s such an incredible number one to have on a contact sheet, on a cast list. Cream just rises. She’s such a stud and such a nice person. She’s a goddess. I worshipped her before, and I worship her even more after seeing how she behaves on a set
Mamrie Hart:
I love women with balls, and Amy’s got the biggest sack swinging in Hollywood at the moment. She really doesn’t give a shit if people don’t agree with her on a subject.
Rashida Jones:
I would go gay for her. It doesn’t seem fair that I get to work with her. I love her unconditionally.
Mindy Kaling (describing the time during her brief, not-awesome guest writing gig on SNL when Amy made her come out with the other writers and actors):
But when this popular, pretty genius made this kind gesture to me? That’s the moment I started adoring Amy Poehler. She knew I was going to be a coward, and she was going to have to gently facilitate me into being social… When I said something even a little bit funny, Amy cackled warmly. (This sounds weird, but that’s the best way I know to describe Amy Poehler’s laugh: a warm, intoxicating cackle.)
Seth Meyers:
We started together on the same day and we just hit it off right away. On our fourth show, we did this scene called “Little Sleuths”—they were like Encyclopedia Brown solving real murders—and we thought it was going to be this big franchise and were already seeing the Little Sleuths action figures in the NBC Experience Store. It got cut from dress, like, five times and it never aired again. We always said that the one case the Little Sleuths couldn’t solve is what the fuck happened to the Little Sleuths.
She’s this incredible combination of warm, silly, and smart, which I think makes her such an engaging performer… There’s just no meanness to anything Poehler does. Her outlook and attitude about how to work, and how to be funny, are contagious.
Nick Offerman (referencing multiple FNL characters in a transparent and successful attempt to make me fall in love with him):
I met Amy in the early 90′s and she is like a superhero mixed with both Coach and Tammie Taylor from FNL, as well as Tim Riggins and a little Landry.
Jim O’Heir (while campaigning for Amy as Best Lead Actress In A Comedy Series):
Amy’s awesome. Yeah. You know, I guess when you get the most lines on the show, you get nominated for awards. Put another one on her shelf… How about someone saying Hey Jim, How’s it been for you, Jim? Amy’s awesome. And I’m rooting for her to get that Emmy. I hope you win… you son of a bitch.
Aubrey Plaza:
She’s already kind of my girlfriend, and I’m not saying that in a jokey way. We had a moment last year, late at night, when we decided we were gonna end up together. For now, we have to let boys come and go, but we’re kind of in love.
Bill Poehler (Amy’s dad):
She would just jump in and succeed or fail—it wouldn’t matter. Once, in the fourth grade, the principal was on stage and he had the mike up high. Then little Amy walks across, goes up to the mike, grabs the little knob, twists it, pulls it down, and I said to myself, Oh my God, she has no stage fright whatsoever.
Eileen Poehler (Amy’s mom):
We recently went to “Parks and Rec,” and our biggest thrill is hearing how much the crew, from the girl who cleans the trailer to the driver to the director, like working with Amy. How good she is to everyone. She’s the same girl. We’re really proud of that.
Chris Pratt:
I disagree that talented people are nice to be around. No. I’m serious. Especially when they’re number one on the call sheet. It’s the truth. Most of time when someone is really talented and they’re the top dog actor, the first name that comes up on the screen, basically, Amy’s position on this, they’re not always nice. And the fact that you are, and the fact that you made everybody feel good, and you always laugh at jokes, I’ve never seen you in a bad mood, it all rolls down hill. This whole family vibe and everyone getting along well, it comes from you. It has always come from you.
Maya Rudolph:
If you go to eat with Amy, it’s like, “Alright, let’s order. Does everybody know what they are going to get?” She’s in charge, she’s the leader, she’s like, “We’re not wasting any time, let’s do this.” And in the most loving way, I can say, she’s incredibly bossy. And I fucking love that about her. And I love the combination of the fact that she is a teeny tiny person and she’s really tough.
Retta:
Well, Mike Schur is the boss, but we call Amy our fearless leader. I think whoever the lead of the show is dictates what the set is like. Amy is always planning nights out for us. She’s just so cool, she’s not a diva. English directors when they come in want to do tons and tons of takes. And I can tell she wants to wrap it up but she just says “sure” because she wants them to be comfortable.
Andy Samberg:
Amy is beloved by all. That’s her secret move. No one doesn’t like her… I came in when Amy was kind of in the middle of her run. I would say her and Seth, maybe more than anyone, really looked out for me and took me under their wing and made sure I was doing OK.
Michael Schur:
There is exactly one thing in the entire range of acting that Amy Poehler does not do well: impressions. So we make her do them constantly.
Adam Scott
It was intimidating at first, but she’s so cool and down to earth, that it immediately went away. Still, when I’m working with her, I’m, you know, taken aback by how good she is and how hilarious she is and quick and all of that. It sounds kind of lame to say, but I do learn from her a lot, you know, when we’re working together. She would think that’s lame, but it is true that I’m kind of in awe of how great she is.
Mike Scully
Amy Poehler is the funniest person on TV, period. The fact that she’s the nicest is a bonus.
Emily Spivey
Amy’s a hero. I cannot think of anyone who’s done more, in my opinion, in front of the camera and behind the scenes for ladies than Amy. If I could make a lady comedy flag, it would have Amy Poehler’s face on it. She’s just amazing. She’s a little blond girl, but she’s gonna fucking get this done. And everyone’s in love with Amy. She has a way just making everyone- boys and girls- feel so comfortable and confident in not only what she’s doing but what they’re doing.
Taylor Swift (on Poehler’s shortcomings as a human being in general):
There’s a special place in hell for women who don’t help other women.
Casey Wilson:
Amy Poehler’s like a cheerleader—kind of like a mama bear. She wanted the other women to succeed and that’s trickled down to Kristen, and then trickled down to me. I think people want there to be some sort of feud or tension, but it’s like “Why can only one of us do well?” One time I remember we were doing a “Mad Men” sketch, and I was playing the redhead. And I had a funny bit where basically I came in and dropped off some papers, but I didn’t have a line. It wasn’t even Amy’s sketch, but she piped up and said to the writers, “Let’s give Casey a funny line when she comes in.” She didn’t have to do that.
With three (soon to be four) SNL cast members not returning this fall, Lorne and co. is on the hunt for the next big sketch comedians. A few names have been released, but most importantly among them is Mike O’Brien – or as he’s being listed now, Michael Patrick O’Brien. Irish much? Mike/Michael has been a part of SNL since 2009, when he audition to be a player on the show, but was ultimately hired to be a writer. Seems like Lorne is changing his mind and putting Mike in the forefront just like he did Tina Fey. So if you’re not already, let’s get acquainted with this guy.
Don’t know who Mike/Michael is? Maybe if you’ve got a keen eye, you’ve seen him on SNL before:
Or you might know him as the guy who hangs out with celebrities in closets and tries to make out with them in the hilarious web series, 7 Minutes in Heaven. He started in 2011, and it’s slowly become popular over the years. He’s interviewed everyone from Ellen DeGeneres to Patricia Clarkson to a Juggalo from the Insane Clown Posse. Here are just a few to get you pumped up for his (reported) debut as a featured player on SNL this September. And yes, kissing is involved…
Kristen Wiig
In another life, Kristen Wiig makes soup in California.
Amy Poehler
Honestly, some of Amy’s best hat work she’s ever done.
Jason Sudeikis
Jason was Mike’s office buddy at SNL (bc NBC can’t afford to give EVERY cast member & writer their own office), and it looks like that they proved the unimaginable – they got even closer than ever before.
Ellen DeGeneres
Still can’t believe Ellen agreed to do this.
Jack McBrayer
In another world, Jack McBrayer and Mike O’Brien are brothers. In this world they’re two guys who awkwardly kiss in a closet.
John Hamm
Ron Draper is Dick Whitman’s alter ego.
Seth Meyers
In which Mike quizzes Seth in alllll the movies he’s been in and his lines in the said movies.
Happy Golden Globes day!!! We’ll be liveblogging throughout the show, so make sure you refresh this page to keep up!!!
Bitches getting shit done.
Welcome to the live blog of the Golden Globes 2013!!!
M. Kelly Osbourne. Kelly Osbourne always looks like she’s from the capitol in Panem.
T. BTW, we are watching the E! Red Carpet, mainly because I enjoy Ryan Seacrest, but I also have no interest in seeing Al “I sharted” Roker interview the likes of Daniel Day-Lewis and Hugh Jackman.
M. I’m trying to memorize what Amy Adams is wearing so I don’t get her confused with Jessica Chastain.
T. You know what’s always jarring? Seeing ANY of the Downton Abbey stars in modern day clothes. Lady Mary is on FIRE.
M: SO glad you mentioned Downton so I could go record it. I’m missing that and Girls for the Golden Globes. I mean… nobody really “misses” tv anymore. I’m watching them on the internet later. Clearly.
T: Sidenote: I JUST LOVE AWARDS SHOWS SO MUCH. Especially the Golden Globes. After the Emmys, it’s my favorite, because everyone’s boozed up and the best of TV and Movie people are there!
T: OMG FIRST SHOT OF TINA AND AMY AND I LEGIT JUST HAD A TEAR IN MY EYE!!!! HOW AM I GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS
T: THEY’RE BACK!! THEY LOOK SO HOT! LOVING AMY’S LOOK
M: OMG AMYYY Look at you! When I want to look really fantastic, the ideal I keep in mind is “divorced Amy Poehler.”
M: Also Tina Fey has a Kate Middleton-worthy hair cape. And her shoes look hard to walk in.
M: Contemplating the Golden Globes drinking game. I have to wake up at 6:30 to write law books though… (I’m in EST if that makes me seem less pathetic?)
T: Oh lord, I never thought I’d see the day NeNe Leakes would be strutting the Golden Globes red carpet
T: OH YEAH. JOHN KRASINSKI. SMOKE.SHOW.
M: Aziz Ansari has a “whattt? that’s racist… don’t say that again” dance move, which he attributes to his “chocolate skin tone.”
M: Little Michael J. Fox exactly looks like a little Michael J. Fox. Well I mean, he is slightly taller.
M: Jessica Chastain is in seafoam, Amy Adams in ballerina pink. Also I don’t know what my problem is because they really don’t look alike.
T: I wonder if it’s every awkward when a celeb’s significant other (who isn’t as famous) is asked to move out of the way in the press line so they can get a solo shot of the star…
T: Whoa Don Draper, it’s been a hot minute since I’ve seen you on the red carpet!
M: Rosario Dawson will always be Mimi to me. I hope she sang “Out Tonight” as she got ready.
T: J-Law! My BFF! Wait her boobs look like they’re protruding out of her body. Really hoping she says something awk sauce. Ok, nothing awkward, except the fact that she has the flu and had to put her hand on Seacrest’s arm as she went down the stairs.
M: Hell YES Jennifer Lawrence is here! Is her hair color different? Her tan line is showing, not that I’m looking at her boobs. Pretty dress though! Love the color.
M: T, Did you know Taylor Swift was nominated or did you purposefully stay away from that info? Her hair may be in a confusing side-chignon thing.
T: I did subconsciously know Swifty was nominated, however I think I forced myself to forget that fact. Although that song was really good in THG. But she still doesn’t belong here. “SHE DOESN’T EVEN GO HERE”
M: Amanda Seyfried: “I learned [to pose] from Anne Hathaway, she’s a really good poser.” I’m sorry, DOES ANNE HATHAWAY EXCEL AT EVERYTHING?!
M: Hugh Jackman’s hair looks kind of Ron Swanson-y in the front.
M: Taylor Swift’s dress is kind of the color of chocolate, which reminds me that now is a good time for everyone to go get a snack. Right now, while she’s talking.
M: My nephew Henry, two, just wandered in. I asked what Claire Danes’ dress made him think of. Apparently it evokes Elmo.
T: So like, can I get some of the anti-ageing potion Hamm’s clearly drinking? Because Price Charming looks fioooone.
M: Hamm may be drinking it, but his wife is injecting it. Her cheeks are super tight and shiny. I’m not judging because I almost bought Botox via Groupon last month.
M: Keith Urban. My brother-in-law saw him shooting an album cover when he lived in Nashville and said he was like a really fancy well-groomed cowboy. So many highlights!
T: ADELE!!!! Love it. It’s always great trying to understand what she’s trying to say. Also, should the HFPA (Hollywood Foreign Press Association) just give her the award right now? She’s so great.
M: I can’t deal with Adele not revealing her baby’s name. Her eyelashes are enormous and must make it really hard to blink and see.
M; If you missed it Puffy just half-heartedly congratulated Sienna Miller on her baby. I don’t know what manner of baby she has but I’m assuming s/he’s no Blue Ivy. Wait, maybe he congratulated her on something else. I was too busy paying attention to how weird this situation felt to me.
T: In what world are Sienna Miller and P Diddy friends? I’m confused. She said they’ve been friends for a long time and have nicknames for each other. Heh?
M: I’m so embarrassed that I wrote “Puffy.” I am from 1998.
T: Kristen Bell is the CUTEST preggo!! I can’t say I’m in love with her dress though (PS Shameless Plug:: look out for our Best/Worst Dressed post later!)
M: Marion Cotillard is one of my favorite people to wish I looked like, but I really preferred her shorter, wavier hair. It’s not bad but if I were Marion Cotillard I would want everyone to be looking at my face.
M: Julianna Marguelis. I am misspelling your name but you are wearing this weird sheer thing that’s slowing down my processing.
T: ER REUNION WITH CLOONS AND NURSE HATHAWAY. I AM VERKELMPT. I appreciate a TV good reunion, especially of the candid variety.
M: Clooney and Marguelis just hugged for a million years. I love them so much.
T: BTW, I’m still at work, but obvi got everything done early to liveblog this bitch. But since I’m here, I’m watching the E! Red Carpet at my desk, and turned on the NBC show at my boss’ desk (who is not here). Every few minutes I literally run into the other room to see if anyone I like is being interviewed. I’m insane.
M: There are so many high necklines and so much loose, straight-ish hair tonight. See e.g. Kate Hudson.
M: I always vaguely feel like I’m not supposed to like Sofia Vergara but I LOVE Sofia Vergara.
T: I fucking love Sofia Vergara. I could lit’rally listen to her talk for days.
M: Is Ben Affleck’s facial hair for a role or just for funsies?
M: Got a quick view of Anne Hathaway’s hair and it looks very Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber. I hope the internet doesn’t think that’s an insult because it’s not.
T: People in a oneshot: Paul Rudd, Jessica Alba, and Anne Hathaway #OnlyattheGoldenGlobes
M: I wonder if people are going to like Kerry Washington’s dress, but I think it looks fantastic on her. Maybe would have pulled the hair off her face but that’s just because it’s a good face (see, Cotillard).
T: I don’t watch Scandal, so basically anytime I see Kerry Washington, I think, ‘Hey, that’s the girl from Save The Last Dance!!’’
T: LEO!!!!!!!!! I appreciate that he always shows up to the GGs. I really hope Kate shows up so he can thank her in his acceptance speech
T: Apparently, P Diddy and Sienna Miller have been friends for a while, as told by this article from 2007. They partied together. Of course.
M: Kelly Osbourne said that T.Swift would show up sexy and SHE DID. That’s not how I felt but OK, Kel. Not that Swift isn’t pretty but that’s just not how she reads to me ever.
T: A SEX BOMB, KELLY OSBOURNE? NO. TAYLOR SWIFT IS NOT A ‘SEX BOMB.
M: How I’ve missed hearing that Tina Fey/ Amy Poehler introduction from the Weekend Update era!
M: Poehler just referred to the “rat-faced people of television”, and I love her.
M: Fey: Gervais isn’t here because he is no longer in showbusiness.
M: Fey just offered to call child services for Dunham. I also feel like Lena Dunham is too young to be doing her show, but that’s only because that means that by your mid-twenties it’s acceptable to have your own tv show. I have my own car and phone and dog! And that’s it.
M: I love when Amy Poehler puts on the mean Boston lady thing.
T: BOSTON REPRESENT!! Poehler is amazing when she brings back her accent!
M: First (Only??)Anne Hathaway/ James Franco Oscars trainwreck reference. Well done, Ms. Fey.
M: Nobody has PLANS to do porn. – Amy Poehler. PREACH. It just happens sometimes.
M: Is Tina Fey’s pronunciation of Les Miserables with a thick French accent going to be a running gag? Hope so!
M: This is like watching a really good, crazy-fancy Weekend Update.
Best Supporting Actor. Our Predictions:
Best Supporting Actor
T: Phillip Seymour Hoffman
M: Leonardo DiCaprio
WINNER: Christoph Waltz!
T: Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard are at the same table as Denzel, and right behind Daniel Day-Lewis. How much are they SHITTING themselves right now??
M: Well, we were both wrong. Christoph Waltz won best supporting actor. In related news, Traci and I have not seen Django Unchained.
T: Leo upset at the top of the show! Wah Wah. If you need any consoling, let a sista know.
Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television
T: Maggie Smith
M:Maggie Smith
Winner: Maggie Smith!
M : Damn, we’re good at this already. Also, who else can’t believe that Hayden Pannetiere was nominated?
T: One of my favorite things about the GGs is the mingling that happens between stars during commercials. Hoping there’s plenty of surprising air kisses made between two unlikely celebs.
M: A Lea Michele hair commercial is on and I think this should be more of a Tina Fey hair commercial night. I just don’t believe her when she says that I’m “totally worth it.” It’s the “totally.” It’s just too much. Like when someone says they’re 200% sure of something, I’m way less confident than when they just leave it at 100%.
T: Hayden Pannetiere (sp?) just tweeted: “There ain’t anything like a Dame. Congratulations Dame Maggie Smith! It was an honor to have my name mentioned in a category with you!” Who wants to bet that she had that tweet ready the day she was nominated??
M: She had a separate draft saved for each other nominee. Smart girl, that Hayden.
Best Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television
T: Game Change
M: Game Change
WINNER:Game Change
M: Why aren’t we in the Hollywood Foreigh Press? I am none of those things but Traci is both Hollywood and Press. We’re batting… something. I don’t know how to do sports things, I’m really sorry.
T: Ok, every time I see Danny Strong, I can’t help but think he was Paris Geller’s boyfriend on Gilmore Girls. I mean, he’s making big moves – he’s writing the screenplay for Mockingjay!!!!!
M: The audio cut out for a sec but I think that’s just because someone started swearing REAL bad. Michael J. Fox’s son, maybe? He might be a loose cannon.
M: OH SNAP, the director of Game Change just listed Sarah Palin as one of the great impressions of Sarah Palin. I’m sorry I keep saying 1998ish things like “Puffy” and “Oh Snap.” Here are a few more: Tamagotchi. GigaPet. Ally McBeal’s Dancing Baby.
Best Performance by an Actress in a Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television
T: Jessica Lange
M: Julianne Moore
WINNER: Julianne Moore.
M: Did everyone know that Julianne Moore has a daughter who looks like Lindsay Lohan before everything went so wrong? In case you didn’t, now you do.
T: NO YOU DID NOT JUST START SINGING ‘DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING’ RN. NO YOU DID NOT. SECOND HAND EMBARRASSMENT.
M: Embarrassed for Zeta-Jones. Not as bad as Joey Potter but NOTHING is that bad. It’s like a lullaby from a baby’s fever nightmare, the Holmes On My Own rendition.
T: Does this broad know where she is….Oh the cameras aren’t scanning per her request. What does she do for the HFPA? Also is she wearing a vest made out of faux diamonds? LOLZ INDUSTRY JOKE. No but really, is this person real? I need a gif of Bradley Cooper’s reaction to her “Call Me Maybe” offer right now.
M: Dr. Aida Something-Something told the camera to scan the room and the camera didn’t scan the damn room. Don’t they know who she is? No? Me either.
She’s self-deprecating, though. And hilarious? Old-lady funny? Mildly amusing?
M: Mimi Marquez (Rosario Dawson) is wearing a peplum outfit thing. Good color on her. Can we all just admit that none of us knew that that was called “peplum” til last year? Pre-2012 I would have described it as “a Judy Jetson thing.”
Best Actor, Drama
T: Damian Lewis
M:John Hamm
WINNER: Damian Lewis
T: Sgt. Brody FTW! If you haven’t watched Homeland yet, get into it. All the cool white people are doing it. (and that JAZZ)
M: So… I should probably watch Homeland, huh? I’m not a “cool white person” but what I lack in cool I make up for in being exceptionally white.
T: Oh Lord Licorice Paul Rudd’s vamping is amazing. Selma Hayek, however, not so much. “Something about best TV”
Best Television Series, Drama
T: Homeland
M: Downton Abbey
WINNER: Homeland
M: Is Claire Danes about to ugly cry? DO IT DANES DO IT. My favorite Danes ugly cry is from her underrated work in Brokedown Palace. It’s like her face crumbles into itself.
T: Re: people mingling during commercial: RDJ kissing the cheek of Mel Gibson. Multiple times.
T: So I’ve been marathoning The West Wing for the past couple of weeks, and John Goodman shows up, and reinforces the fact that I have an unreasonable fear of him. But as he’s standing there next to the awk guy while introducing Argo, he seems ok. I just can’t separate fiction from real life.
M: For some reason I was completely, irrationally mad as a kid when I found out that John Goodman’s daughter is named Molly. I think because I imagined a child, female version of John Goodman, and that is a really unfortunate image to share your name with.
T: Ben Affleck then a shot to Jennifer Lopez. Remember when Bennifer happened?
M: Remember when they got super close to the wedding then called it off? I do, because I think it was supposed to be on my birthday. Now the only thing that happened on my birthday was I was born. I mean, so was Amy Winehouse, and the lady who started Planned Parenthood. But it’s no Bennifer wedding.
Best Original Score:
T: Lincoln
M:Lincoln
WINNER: Life of Pi
M: I didn’t see Life of Pi yet but apparently the score makes ample use of the triangle.
T: “Please welcome international music sensation Shakiki (sp?)” What? I legit thought you said Monkiki (apparently, this is the SNL portion of the liveblog)
Best Original Song
T: Skyfall, Adele
M:Suddenly, Les Miserables
WINNER: Skyfall, Adele
T: GIF OF ADELE HIGH FIVING DANIEL CRAIG, PLEASE. I LOVE YOU. Remember when she won the Grammy for Best New Artist and freaked out over the Jonas Brothers being there?
Meanwhile, Taylor Swift is pissed that she couldn’t use her ‘surprised face’ right now.
M: Adele, you are adorable. I hope Swift has some paper out and is taking notes on how to seem graciously surprised at winning. Also Taylor would 100% redeem herself right now if she ran up and grabbed the award. I’d be mad at her but it would make for such a good GIF!
But I am so mad that Adele said “my son” and didn’t name him. Is the name awful? Unpronounceable? Boring? There must be something wrong with that baby’s name.
T: Tina Fey’s Damian Francisco actually looks like it could be an alternate world Johnny Depp. Someone already made up a faux Twitter for Darcy St. Fudge. Waiting for the next one. Well played, internet.
Best Performance by an Actor in a Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television
T: Clive Owen
M:Kevin Costner
WINNER: Kevin Costner
M: I got SO into Hatfields and McCoys. I think I was mostly a Hatfield girl but I do like a good McCoy now and then.
T: I actually … do NOT care, Kevin Costner. For an actor, you have a very monotone voice.
M: NO ACTUALLY NO BILL SLICK WILLY CLINTON!!! I’ve loved him since I had a kind of confusing crush on him when I was like eight (that has lasted til the present day). From the look on her face Lena Dunham feels the same way. I feel bad for the young girls of 2000 – 2008 because they really never had the opportunity to have a conflicting presidential crush. I like to think even the people who like GWBush didn’t LIKE him-like him.
T: EXCUSE ME?! BILLY C?! WHAT THIS IS AMAZING. STANDING O FOR THE GREATEST PRESIDENT IN OUR LIFETIME. Next to Obama.
M: I know you can’t see this in the post, but Traci and I both stopped typing as Clinton was talking because he is a man you respect. And because he’s so dreamy oh my goodness.
T: I mean I actually stood up and started clapping, that’s why I stopped typing.
M: By the way, I was probably too dumb to understand Lincoln but It did make me wish I had a sidekick who made folksy, apt anecdotes to explain situations like Abe.
T: I CANNOT with Kristen Wyeg and Will FARrell. JK, this is the SNL portion of the show. This is like Garth and Kat times a million. I am actually crying with laughter.
M: If you’re reading this in the future (“the future” being like 1/14 or later) please find a clip of Wiig and Farrell presenting. So so funny.
Best Actress, Comedy or Musical
T: Jennifer Lawrence
M: Judi Dench
WINNER: JENNIFER FREAKIN LAWRENCE
M: I like Jennifer Lawrence winning more than I like being right about who won. She just joked about beating Meryl and I love her. Also she refers to her brothers being “mean to her, yet really supportive and loving,” which is pretty much the story of having older brothers, am I right?
T: Ok and now I’m crying because I’m so happy for her! Just the absolute greatest. No one else can say they beat Meryl and still be lovable about it!
T: JKras and KBell together?! My heart swoons to be between those two.
Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television
T: Mandy Patinkin
M: Ed Harris
WINNER: John McCain Ed Harris
M: Megan Fox’s face looks like it’s sculpted out of really fancy candle wax. The good kind, like the stuff they made those wizard candles out of at those mall kiosks in the mid-90s.
Best Supporting Actress:
T: Anne Hathaway
M: Sally Field
WINNER: Anne Hathaway’s ugly crying.
T: ANNE HATHAWAY JUST SAID “BLERG” 30 Rock shoutout!! AND Princess Diaries shoutout!? Ok, Anne Hathaway, you can keep this award.
M: She also just referenced the Princess of Genovia. I love Hathaway.
T: Surprise mingling: Adele and Jennifer Gardner. It’s a small room, so maybe the Afflecks will run into the Lopez-Smart contingent? The night is still young.
M: Maybe they’re talking about their babies and Garner is bragging that hers all have NAMES.
Best Screenplay
T: Silver Linings Playbook
M:Argo
WINNER: Django Unchained
T: Ugh, Quentin Tarantino I wasn’t suspecting you to get this either. So over you. I’ve actually stopped listening.
M: Again, we didn’t see this movie. But from what I hear, ¾ of the screenplay is just the direction [guy shoots other guy].
M: Jeremy Irons is wearing quite the frock-coat.
T: SCAR! Oh sorry, Jeremy Irons.
M: I think it’s about time to bring Tina and Amy back out. Anyone wanna bet what Billy Clinton is doing right now? Greenroom eating some vegan stuff? Mingling with everybody? Stealing my heart?
Best Actor, Television Comedy or Musical
T: Louis C.K.
M: Louis C.K.
WINNER: Don Cheadle.
T: Come awwnn. I’m not doing that well on my ballot anymore… the HFPA always throws a curveball. So weird.
M: Every time I hear “Matt Blank” I think someone is just trying to Ellis Island-ize Matt LeBlanc.
T: Remember when Arnold was the governor of the state I live in? And what happened to Rocky’s neck/lack of neck?
M: Holy crap it’s like his head is held on by his shirt collar.
Best Foreign Language Film
T: Amour
M:Amour
WINNER: Amour
M: We have reached the point in the evening where I look at the categories left and think that the show couldn’t possibly take another hour and a half, let alone run long. And yet…
T: They should have specifically put subtitles up for this category alone.
M: I feel like I SHOULD like Lea Michele but I just don’t. Also she’s so so tan. Her entire body looks like when 12-year-old girls try to wear bronzer and layer it too much.
T: Rachel Berry is pulling her best Angelina Jolie right now. And it’s not working.
Best Actress, Drama
T: Claire Danes
M: Claire Danes
WINNER:Claire Danes
M: In case you didn’t feel inferior to her already, Claire Danes won a Golden Globe at 15. Is she drunk a little?
T: Glenn Close looks like she’s crying for her loss. Also, Claire why do you have raccoon eyes? Maybe that’s why Glenn Close is upset. Stop trying to make jokes Claire. It’s not funny. Remember the Emmys? Your ‘holla’ was not funny then either.
M: Claire Danes is drunk a little.
T: Definitely drunk a little: Sacha Baron Cohen. Calling Russell Crowe out!! Ballsy. We so called this when we liveblogged it.
Best Animated Film
T: Rise of the Guardians
M: Brave
WINNER: Brave
M: I was watching Brave (for the second time…) with my nephews last week and one of them said that I’m like Merida (read: red-haired), but that I “would need to get married.” And I was like what is wrong with you, you missed the ENTIRE point of the movie. Then he suggested that I could marry his dad, except he’s already married. Yeah, kid. Married and also my BROTHER.
T: Ballot regret: Choosing a winner in permanent ink but immediately having qualms over the pick. You can file Brave under Ballot Regret.
M: Which Downton lady is wearing the giant turban? The camera didn’t linger long enough.
M: I was about to ask where they’ve been hiding Fey and Poehler but the next category explains it:
Best Actress, Television Comedy or Musical
T: Amy Poehler
M: Amy Poehler
WINNER: Lena Dunham
M: I LOVE love Girls, but I’m not sure about this. She kind of reminds me of Jerry Seinfeld in that she’s the brain behind the series, but I don’t necessarily see her as a great actress.
T: Girls is the best (slash omg it comes back tonight!). Major props to Lena, and I think I’m ok with her winning over Amy and Tina. I usually hate when people bring up speeches, but that was really sweet. In fact, I’m tearing up a little. She plays every role (actress, writer, director, producer) on the show, so well deserved. But can someone in the press room get her new shoes tho?
M: However, Dunham is stealing my heart here with her shaking hands. I think the short hair really works on her, never noticed her eyes before really.
T: I feel like it’s been AGES since Tamy (tina/Amy) have been out on the stage! But so worth the wait though. If that’s Glenn Close wasted, I don’t want to know what she’s like on drugs (or maybe I do).
T: Sidenote, if Tina dances with Glenn at a party tonight, I want to be there. No, but really, how do I get invited to a Golden Globes after party?
M: No pressure but if you crash one we’ll probably get internet famous and if you don’t crash one you’re ruining my life.
T: Is Jodie Foster old enough to get this award? The last three people to win it were Martin Scorsese, Robert DeNiro, and Morgan Freeman. I mean, good company, but … really? Oh she just said she’s 50. Ok. Still not old enough.
M: I hope this doesn’t mean that Jodie Foster is secretly terminally ill. Else she should have 30-50 more years of lifetime. What if she stops achieving after this? (I would)
M: This ENTIRE show was brought to you by SNL (See Foster’s Sally O’Malley impression).
T: I knew it Jodie Foster, you were trying to be funny. But it didn’t work. Oh lesbians.
M: Did EVERYONE start swearing at once? The audio was gone for like 30 seconds.
M: So Jodie Foster’s announcement is that she’s not Honey Boo Boo child? I know, I know. You will NEVER be as majestic as one Alanna Thompson.
T: If this speech is supposed to make me like you more, it’s not working.
M: She’s drunk or she meant for this to happen. I don’t know which one to choose to believe. I presume they can’t cut you off in a lifetime achievement speech. I take this back if she is dying because is that what she was saying – re “never being on any stage again?” And everyone in the audience is weeping and I have NO CLUE what’s going on. And she closed with calling herself lonely. That was so sad and I don’t even know what just happened.
T: I don’t know why I didn’t think of this earlier, but Tumblr came to the rescue in the gif department. Here’s the Adele/Daniel Craig gif I requested earlier!!!
Best Director
T: Ben Affleck
M: Steven Spielberg
WINNER: Ben Affleck
T: SUCK ON THAT, OSCARS. BEN AFFLECK FTW!!! Everyone’s standing because Hollywood loves him. Except maybe J Lo.
T: SHUT UP JAY LENO. YOU’RE THE WORST. I JUST WANT JIMMY.
Best Television Series, Comedy or Musical
T: Girls
M: Girls
WINNER: Girls
M: SO HAPPY!
T: Oh geez they’re making Lena walk again. Just take the shoes off. I do adore the group hug the ‘Girls’ had.
M: Lena Dunham: “Do you guys want to make any sounds?” I love that cast. I also didn’t recognize Allison Williams at first.
T: Where’s Leo? Probs drinking his sorrows away with Kate in a secret bar at the Hilton.
T: One more thing about Girls, I am so pleased that Lena and co. were presented with the award by Jimmy Fallon, who Lena had a crush on throughout her formative years. Watch her fangirl to him when she appeared on his show for the first time. She wrote a play about him!!!
Best Actor, Comedy or Musical
T: Hugh Jackman
M: Bradley Cooper
WINNER: Hugh Jackman
M: I stand by what I said before about Jackman’s Ron Swanson hair. In addition, I think he’s using the same body bronzer as Lea Michele.
T: I secretly hoped it would be B Coop to win this, but Jean Van Jean was just no match. Any other year, I think he would have won this. Also, this means that he probs won’t win the Oscar. Prove me wrong, Academy.
Best Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical
T: Les Miserables
M: Silver Linings Playbook
WINNER: Les Miserables
M: Hathaway CHRIST you can’t just thank people willy-nilly.
T: Fantine is already drunk. WTF just happened to you.
M: You’re right, she’s wasted.
T: I really just want to watch Silver Linings Playbook again. If you haven’t seen it, get on it. Even if you have no idea what it’s about.
M: Agreed, I would absolutely see that again. Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence were both just amazing.
Best Actress, Drama
T: Jessica Chastain
M: Jessica Chastain
WINNER: Jessica Chastain
M: If you haven’t seen Zero Dark 30, do. Chastain was incredible.
T: Literally just said “Awwww” outloud to Jessica Chastain’s win. I haven’t even seen Zero Dark Thirty. She just looks like a nice girl
M: She looks like someone I know and I can’t place who. I mean other than Amy Adams. Again, they really don’t look alike but I can only tell the difference when they are side by side. I’m the same way with Coke and Diet Coke.
M: Annnnd there go my first real tears of the night. Still can’t believe Kathryn Bigelow wasn’t nominated for an Oscar.
Best Actor, Drama
T: Daniel Day-Lewis
M: Daniel Day-Lewis
WINNER: Daniel Day-Lewis
M: Traci, I think we’re more right when we agree with each other.
T: ^Fact.
Olympics reference! I had no idea DD-L was a jokster.
M: I can’t un-see Abraham Lincoln in DD-L’s face now. But it’s weird not hearing him in that old-timey Midwestern accent, right?
Best Motion Picture, Drama
T: Argo
M:Argo
WINNER:Argo
M: I love the people they choose to show after a win is announced. Sean Combs?
T: arGOO! (ugh, sorry). This is a great win. I haven’t seen this movie either, but I enjoy Ben Affleck, so WTG. Also, hey Walter White. Forgot you were in this movie.
M: Poehler: “We’re going home with Jodie Foster!”
T: Me: I wanna go home with Tina and Amy.
M: But not Jodie Foster. She was kind of a downer. Not to mention confusing. I think she’ll be a crying drunk girl later. And I don’t think she even WATCHES Honey Boo Boo.
Traci final score: 15 out of 25
Molly final score: 12 out of 25.
Thanks for reading everyone! We had a blast. Join us next time when we live blog our BFF dance party with Tina, Amy, and Glenn Close.
Cookies + Sangria 
