Monthly Archives: February 2013

Live Blog: Catfish: The TV Show – Joe and Kari Ann

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If you missed my first post about my affection for this show, you can read all about how this program about internet dating will change your life. This was an episode that aired in early January, but if you haven’t seen it, you can watch it here (since it won’t embed ugh) and read along!

:00 OK, I really have high hopes for this one. This is finally going to be the one where they find true love.

:02 THIS PERSON LIVES IN WESTERN NEW YORK. JOE!!! PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE FROM ROCHESTER.

:04 I’m sorry, but this Kari Ann girl looks like a model, and Joe looks like a kid who works at a Blockbuster and plays in a garage band (sorry, Joe). She just messages him out of the blue?? But seriously, who messages anyone out of the blue on FB? Stranger Danger, folks!

:05 OMG WAS THAT THE ROCHESTER AIRPORT? Joe lives in Warsaw, which is basically equidistant from Roc and Buffalo – in other words, the middle of nowhere on a farm.

:08 Joe’s accent is so western NY, I can’t.

:09 Commercial for Snooki and JWoww is on. I’m not gonna lie to you people. I’m excited for this. In unrelated news: my job is ruining my life.

:13 Kari Ann was Miss Teen USA, has a kid, and she was a Playboy model…

:14 So usually, it’s really easy for Nev to find something sketchy on the person, but It’s taking a while for them to find something on Kari Ann. All the people the get in contact with check out. This is a good sign folks. I’m telling you, high hopes!

:17 Nev and Max meet Joe’s friends, including this girl Rose who clearly needs to put the girls away. I mean you are on TV, but you’re also on a go-cart track with hick boys.

:26 Nev and Max are staying in Geneseo!! Aka the town where Molly went to school!!

:29 Kari Ann calls him out for being a stranger all up in their relationship, and Nev says it’s ok because “it’s a good reminder that what he’s doing is weird.” I mean the girl has a point. Imagine if a random person calling you up and being like, so your internet BF is concerned that you’re not who you say you are. Now come meet us. Kbyeeee.

:30 Nev says he’s hot after the nerve wracking conversation and proceeds to take off his sweater. I just think he is the cutesttt (I’m sorry for the onoxious ‘ttt’, but I appreciate him a lot).

:31 “We’re country folk, we stick to our own” – Joe’s dad. ugh.

:32 Ok, it’s not that weird that Kari Ann was in NYC and didn’t tell him, because the city is SIX HOURS AWAY.

:36 Joe’s shaking, I’m shaking. It’’s always about the 35 minute mark into the show when I feel like I’m going to throw up from the anticipation of the significant other revealing themselves.

:38 FUCKIN ROSE. It’s been his friend the entire time. His friend that claimed she met Kari Ann IRL and became friends with her, and that’s how Kari Ann got in contact with Joe. But props to her for keeping up the fake Kari Ann profile. She’s been doing it for years and has ‘mastered’ the art of fake profiling. Right.

:40 I feel so bad for Joe because Rose could care less that she’s hurt his feelings. Also, stop trying to be a Playboy model, but them girls away.

:46 When faced with the decision to choose between a real relationship and fake internet relationships, she hesitates and says she’s not ready to give them up. This is getting more and more intense – she’s created a bunch of fake profiles, and even told one of them to get FB engaged. Hello?!

:47 This episode is turning into an episode of Intervention. The common denominator between a lot of these people pretending to be somebody else is that they’re lacking their own self-esteem, (see: Sonny & Jamison, Jasmine & Mike, Jarrod & Abby) and in order to gain the confidence they need, they turn to fake identities of an ideal version of themselves. It’s clearly a problem they need to seek help for, especially Rose, who has lied and conned a lot of people online.

:48 She decides to post a status telling everyone she’s going away for a while and requests for no one to contact her. Yeah, because that’s going to help her addiction. Just delete everything, you psycho.

:49 Not a psycho: Joe. The kid had his heartbroken and just needs a hug. Nev, hug the boy, will you?

:58 Rose deactivates her Kari Ann profile… for 24 hours. This bitch has 1,000 friends! I don’t even have that many and I’m a real person!!!!

:51 Before Joe parts ways with his internet investigators, he asks them to drive along side him in his ATV to test the speed. Country through and through.

:59 One month later, Rose moved to Cali to be with her BF – whom she met through the Kari Ann. Apparently he was more forgiving than Joe, because when they met and she wasn’t the Playboy model, he didn’t care.

:00 Joe is still single. But not looking for love online ever again. Good for you Joe Coco. Good for you.

Things I Irrationally Wanted As A Child (But Didn’t Get)

Posted in GSOY (Gratuitous Story of Yourself), Lists by
  • A turtle. [I was 5, and my mother told me that they don’t sell turtles anymore. That was a 100% lie.]
  • A real, adult shopping cart. [There was an Ames shopping cart in a swamp near my church for a while, and I wanted it so badly. ]
  • A robot who would clean my room. [I know, the Roomba exists now… and I am too poor to afford it. But also, I think I speak for all of us when I say I don’t need a robot to vacuum, I need it to file my bank statements, match my socks, and put my clothes away.]
  • That skating rink thing from Lillian Vernon that you could freeze in your yard.

    Does this child know how lucky she is? Evidently not. Her mom is selling this on ebay.

  • Teddy Ruxpin. [Sources say they were less cool than you’d think in real life]
  • Porcelana. [This was a cream that vowed to fade your freckles, but the label said that it was for people over age 12. I actually did get some in high school, but all it did was give me a maroon rash like this for a day or so. I discontinued use immediately.]

    Skin bleach. I wanted skin bleach.

  • Glasses [Briefly, in second grade or so. I blame Molly McIntyre. Now that I have them I rarely remember I’m supposed to wear them.]
  • To marry Jonathan Taylor Thomas someday [I can’t be sure, but I don’t think that would exactly work out well.]

    Found this on my work computer (lunch break) and probably going to have an uncomfy convo with HR later.

  • One of those Barbie/Hot Wheels cars that you can drive [My nephew has one now and it goes at like 2 MPH. I think my parents realized that I could walk faster than those things went.]
  • A pogo stick [My dad always wanted a pogo stick as a child, but never got one. Thus, my siblings and I didn’t, either. I can’t wait to withhold things from my kids out of bitterness someday, too.]
  • A doll that looked like me [Because I didn’t yet think that those would probably come alive at night and try to take over your body – now I do. Also, I was essentially Felicity with Kirsten’s haircut, and I had both of those.]

    Horrific. But I do wonder if they’d agree to make a painfully honest one of my current self, including my under-eye circles and nose-scar.

  • A hanging porch swing in my bedroom.
  • A bedroom with a slant-ceilinged alcove so that I could write things at a cozy desk. [I wanted to be Jo March but am probably more of an Amy if I’m honest with myself.]

    C+S Fun Fact: This is how we write all of our blog posts.

  • An E-Z Bake Oven [My mom was more into having me help bake real cookies in a real stove.]
  • Muzzy [No, those children weren’t French, they were American! I wanted Muzzy so badly that I became a foreign language major in college. I was terribly disappointed when I learned that I was too old to walk around saying “je suis la jeune fille.” By the way, my grandmother’s first language was French, so I don’t know why I didn’t realize that she could teach me for free, instead of this sketchy BBC cartoon.]
  • For scientists to re-animate one of those Egyptian child mummies, like Jurassic Park or Encino man, so I could have an Ancient Egyptian friend. [I was a weird kid.]
  • Ballet or tap classes. [I used to pretend that my soft shoe Irish dance was ballet and hard shoe was tap. I wasn’t allowed to take tap because my older sister did at one point, and my mom thought the costumes were skanky – so I got to competitive dance in woolen frocks with ringlets and poodle socks.]

    Really hard to feel like a cool kid when you look like a living Madame Alexander doll.

  • To be somehow declared “the next Shirley Temple. ” [I went through a phase where I was like a very toned-down version of  this kid. Lots of local theater, commercial auditions, and retrospective embarrassment. Who would even be in charge of selecting the “next Shirley Temple?” Shirley herself? Or would it be a succession after she died? Because she’s still alive.]

    My 6th-7th grade headshots. While I preferred comedic roles, my physical type was more “creepy haunted girl” or “orphan from the past.” Also I looked like I was 8.

  • An enormous chair like Edith Ann. [Edith Ann was a 1970s Lily Tomlin character who people my age have never heard of. My parents stopped keeping up with pop culture when they had kids, and I’m the youngest of 4. Thus, although I was born in 1986, I grew up somewhere in the late ’70s. I mean, my GPS is named Ernestine because the voice sounds like this character.]

    Comedy ladies 101: Lily Tomlin in Laugh-In

  • The Disney Channel.  (They would have free trials every once in a while, and every day after school I would turn to channel 98 to see if it was time. It always cut out at the worst moment, like right in the middle of Fern Gully. I think that little Molly would be thrilled that her 26-year-old self watches Disney Channel like crazy. Thrilled or maybe confused.)

What ridiculous thing did you want as a kid? And if you got it later on, did it live up to your dreams? [I’m especially interested in hearing from whoever snagged JTT, you lucky lady or gentleman!]

Movies I Actually Paid To See In the Theater: Part 1 – Shame

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In part 1 of a 2 part mini-series, I reflect on some films that some consider to be the worst of the worst, but I consider to be… well still maybe the worst, but I gave them the benefit of doubt to be potentially really good.

Here is a list of the movies I am embarrassed to have paid money for, but in my defense, most of these were when I was a teenager, so there’s that.

From Justin to Kelly (2003)

IMDb Plot Description: “A lonely, sexually repressed man. A depressed woman. A summer camp. On this fateful night, they will meet… and their hearts will become one.”

This outing was only prompted by the fact that American Idol was the biggest thing in pop culture that year, and I totally fell into their ploy. I even went to a taping of Idol that year, and had a sign showing my allegiance to Justin that may or may not have made it on air (That’s also where I met Mario Lopez, but that’s a story for another day). So naturally, I felt like I had to see the movie too. Even as a teen, I knew it was bad. But now we can all watch it and make it a drinking game, so really, win-win.

Marci X (2003)

IMDb Plot Description: “A Jewish-American Princess is forced to take control of a hard-core hip-hop record label and tries to rein the one of the label’s most controversial rappers.”

Again, I only wanted to see this movie since Lisa Kudrow was in it and I was at the height of my Friends obsession. Looking back, this movie had a few comedic moments, but overall it was just second-hand embarrassment for Pheebs, not to mention, the movie is actually a little racist?

Serving Sara (2002)

IMDb Plot Description: “A process server tries to serve an elusive female target.”

Apparently I would literally see anything that any of the Friends cast was in, because I saw Matthew Perry in this movie too and it wasn’t good. Newsflash, pretty much all of the movies the Friends made between 1994-2004 were not good. Save for maybe The Whole Nine Yards and all the Jennifer Aniston movies.

Corky Romano (2001)

IMDb Plot Description: “The loser son of a Mafia honcho must go undercover for the FBI.”

I guess another thing to note was that my default for going out with my friends in high school, like a lot of teens, is to go to the movies. But to go to the movies not for its quality, but to go because you recognize the star in it and there’s nothing else to do. Enter Corky Romano. I was also really into Saturday Night Live, and although Chris Kattan was not my favorite by far (Jimmy Fallon, obvs), he was on SNL so it had to be funny, right? Absolutely not.

Sydney White (2007)

IMDb Plot Description: “A modern retelling of Snow White set against students in their freshman year of college in the greek system.”

Well, I was thisclose to putting this movie on my other list (of movies I have no shame in seeing), but looking at the big picture, I paid like $3 to see Sydney White at a second run theater during a matinee because I didn’t have that much faith in it. To my surprise it was actually quite entertaining, and it’s a nice reminder of how Amanda Bynes used to be before this happened.

I’m Just Not That Into You: Pop Culture Blind Spots

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One of my favorite pop culture sites, Vulture, recently posted an article about their staff’s “Pop Culture Blind Spots.” Basically, this is a term coined for people who usually tout their knowledge of entertainment, but have those few shameful gaping holes that the rest of the world has been privy to – except you.

Here is my list of blind spots, that I fully own up to, and will probably never rectify any time soon.

Star Wars

I feel like for most people, correct me if I’m wrong, the Star Wars franchise was something they grew up with, a movie tradition passed down generation to generation. But I grew up as a first generation offspring of Filipino immigrants. I think they were stuck somewhere in the 1950s/60s because I remember watching The Lawrence Welk Show every weekend and listening to the Oldies station on the radio. Needless to say, I was never ‘shown’ Star Wars. But in all honesty, I have no interest. Like most of the things on the list, I can tell you the main characters, perhaps a plot point or two, but if you start talking to me about death stars and the force or something, I will most definitely tune you out.

Lord of the Rings

Gay Gandalf FTW

In 6th grade, we were required to read The Hobbit. That is the closest I’ve ever gotten to Lord of the Rings. I don’t remember being really into Frodo and his gang then, and I certainly am not as an adult. But like, Sir Ian McKellen played like a gay Dumbledore-like guy, right?

Pirates of the Caribbean

One time at a party in my high school years, I remember that one of the movies was playing (I was really cool back then). It’s not like everyone was forced to watch it, it was one of those things that it was on in the background while everyone mingled and ate cool ranch Doritos. I tried focusing my attention on it for like 10 minutes but lost interest. Sorry Johnny Depp. I’m just not that into you. The ride at Disneyland is pretty dope though, I’ll give you that.

Godfather/Scarface/etc.

I’d consider watching Scarface if he attacked people with a banjo

In the same vein as Star Wars being a tradition thing, I also did not see any of those gangster type movies. This blind spot also has a lot to do with the fact that I hate anything with a lot of violence in it, so it bodes well that I haven’t seen these.

Tarantino films

oh my god what is happening here

Continuing with the theme of ‘Traci hates gruesome violence,’ I have never seen any of Quentin Tarantino’s films except Inglorious Basterds. I thought I’d give that a try because a couple of my friends loved it, and Brad Pitt AND BJ Novak were both in it. I watched it on a Saturday and it literally took me all day because I either couldn’t bear to watch it, walked away, or fell asleep. The violence and brutality was wayyy too much for me, and just confirmed the fact that I am not the target demographic for any of his films.

What are some of your pop culture blind spots?

Six iPhone Apps You Should Probably Have

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Let’s face it. The point of having an iPhone is probably not the phone function. If you just wanted a working phone, you would still have your Motorola Razor phone from high school. But iPhones help us with our everyday lives, get us from place to place, tell us the weather, and even sass us if we want sassing (see: Siri). So in my never ending quest to find the best apps for my non phone iPhone, here’s a list of my favorites that I think are the best of the best.

BTDubs, these are all FREE apps, because homie don’t pay $.99 for that shit.

1) Episoder

I am not kidding you when I say that this has changed my life. As most of you know, I watch way too much television. For the past couple of years, I’ve attempted to be organized by creating a personalized TV schedule with Power Point. However, this past fall, I found myself faced with the enormous problem of too many TV shows, so little time, and losing track of what I’ve watched. I mean on Tuesday nights alone I watch 11 shows (disgusting, I know). So thanks to some internet research, I found Episoder. You simply put in all the programs you’re currently watching, and it will list all the upcoming episodes in chronological order, and better yet, provide a checklist for episodes you haven’t seen yet. It’s organized my TV watching schedule in the greatest way. And it even has past series which have ended/cancelled, so when you put something like 7 season of The West Wing on, it’s daunting, but helpful.

2) Tipsy

Math – who’s good at it? Especially when you’re out with friends and need to figure out tax and tip and how much everyone owes. Tipsy is there to not make your brain explode at the end of a meal. Basically you put it how much the total of the bill is and how many people are splitting it, and it will tell you how much each person owes. Simple yet brilliant.

3) Starbucks

Since I’ve managed to go through Dunkin Donuts withdrawl here in California, Starbucks is a familiar alternative to my coffee needs. And luckily, there is one just a block away from my office, so I frequent that location. There’s a guy there that knows my name and always asks how I am, however I don’t know his name and it’s way too late to ask. Anyways, since it’s just down the street, I don’t like taking my purse, and thanks to the Sbux app I don’t have to carry any cash at all with me. Their app lets you use a digital gift card of sorts, where you can reload your card with money, and simply scan your phone at purchase. You’ll get gold star rewards too, whatever that means.

4) Gas Buddy

I know some people go to the same gas station all the time, but I usually have a rotation of about 3 to 4 gas stations, and go to whichever one is closer to where I’m going. But sometimes, I just decide based on how much unleaded is. With Gas Buddy, it will search for all the gas stations near your current location, and tell you how much each grade level of gas is. Super helpful to find cheaper gas, however cheap usually means $3.49 here in LA.

5) Dropbox

Most of you probably already know what this is, but it’s a great app for all your iDevices and computer. I like having it on my phone so I can easily transfer pix from there to my computer – i.e. how I uploaded all these pics of the apps with ease. It’s also great if you want to send large files to people, like music or documents. That way Gmail isn’t sending you a warning that the email you’re trying to send is too big.

6) Lisa Frank Pic N’ Share

This is a Lisa Frank photo app where you can add a top heat wearing bear. I think that’s all you need to know.

A love letter to Dunkin’ Donuts

Posted in GSOY (Gratuitous Story of Yourself) by

Before I moved to Boston for college in 2004, I had of course been to this iconic food establishment before. But in my house, we didn’t eat many donuts, if anything, we got bagels from the Wegmans freezer section, and if I wanted to go get coffee, it would usually be a sit down coffee shop like Java’s or The Spot.

But it all changed when I moved into my dorm room, which not only was smack in the middle of Boston, but there was a Dunkin Donuts at the bottom of the building. I lived on the eighth floor, and when I took the elevator down and walked down a flight of stairs, there was an entrance specifically for the Little Building into the DDs.

IMG_2627

The building I lived in my freshman and sophomore year of college. Dunks in the bottom left. Sigh.

This place was my savior. No time to go to the DH for breakfast? Dunks. Afternoon coffee pick me up? Dunks. Late night ice cream? Dunks (because there was also a small Baskin Robbins there too).

What I didn’t really learn until I lived in Boston was that DDs is a long-revered legacy in New England. It was started in Massachusetts, and practically one on every block. My good friend Caitlin, who is from a town on the outskirts of Boston proper in Medford, has told me that in her town alone, there was a point where there were 15 DDs. 15 stores for a town that has a land area of about 8 miles! I think that’s a fair telling of how much people in New England love this place.

But if you have any qualms about the quality of this fast food establishment, I would like to bend your brain a bit. Yes they have good donuts. But what their real forte is is the coffee. The bevs in general really. Me? Medium French Vanilla with cream and sugar. In the summer, the iced version, which is what I dream of most days. Occasionally I’ll spring for the vanilla chai or hot chocolate. Dunkacinnos if I felt the need to splurge. DDs is so much more than donuts.

Bagels? Croissants? Sandwiches made from those items? Hash browns? There was a period of time where my friend Devin and I would drool over their waffle breakfast sandwich. Sounds disgusting but actually quite good.

So here’s the problem. I moved to Los Angeles in the fall of 2009, knowing full well that there are no DDs out here. The last time Meghan and I had DDs iced coffee on our road trip out to LA was the saddest.

This is Stanley. He followed us on all our adventures across the U.S., but more importantly made sure no one stole our last iced coffees for the next few months.

Literally, we have to drive all the way to LAS VEGAS in order to go to Dunks (Yes, I’m aware there is one on Camp Pendelton, but ugh, security stuff). As much fun as that city is, it’s not as easy of a commute as it was going down and elevator and into a special side entrance at the Little Building.

When Bostonian transplants in LA try to tell natives here how amazing DDs is, they don’t understand. My aunt once said to me that there was one in Los Angeles. HA! Pray tell, where is this magical Dunks you speak of, because according to the 10 million times I’ve checked the restaurant locator on their website, it says there are none within a 50 mile radius of my zip code. And also, don’t try to tell me that Starbucks or Yum Yum donut shops (yes, that’s the real name) are the same. They’re absolutely not.

Even celebs who hail from Boston, like smokeshow/Captain America Chris Evans can’t resist it, and my boy John Krasinski has even lobbied for a Dunks here in Los Angeles (as for now, to no avail. Can’t believe his infectious charm didn’t work on the CEOs).

You know what the worst part is? It’s that the DDs advertisers thought it would a good idea to show their commercials here in California. Yeah, I get that they still sell packaged coffee in grocery stores, but when you’re showing me a :30 second advertisement of a cinnamon raisin bagel with your new cinnamon cream cheese, I literally find myself salivating over it. Not cool.

But alas, going home to the east coast means of course getting to see my friends and family, but it also means getting to drink a steaming hot cup of french vanilla coffee with cream and sugar. It always tastes that much better after not having it in a long time.

So I can use every cliche in the book, ‘You don’t know what you have until it’s gone’, ‘Good things come to those who wait’, ‘Patience is a virtue’, etc. etc. But one day, just maybe, I can use ‘America Runs on Dunkin’ in the way it’s really meant to be used.

UPDATE: AS OF JANUARY 16, 2013, DUNKIN DONUTS ANNOUNCED THEY ARE OFFICIALLY EXPANDING THE FRANCHISE INTO LOS ANGELES!! OUR PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED!! IN 2015, I WILL BE HITTING UP EVERY SINGLE DDS IN THE SOCAL AREA, WHO WILL JOIN ME?!