This is Back To School Week in the United States, and nobody wants to be the new kid. But this is Back To TV week on Cookies and Sangria, and we are all about celebrating the new faces. These are actors you may not have heard of before, or who haven’t been on network TV much, but we have a feeling you’ll be seeing a lot more of them. Think about it: all of the TV greats, from the cast of Friends to George Clooney to… I guess people who didn’t hit the big time in 1994? … were once “that new guy on that show.” Keep your eye on these newbies – one of them just may be the rookie of the year.
Priyanka Chopra in Quantico
Previous Work: A lot A LOT of movies, making her one of Bollywood’s highest-paid actresses, singer, Former Miss World, Guess model, social media famous.
Why You Should Watch Her: Quantico, a show about a group of young FBI recruits, is Priyanka’s American television debut. She’s a star internationally, like an Angelina Jolie of India, so it’s about time she gets a big break in the U.S.
When You Can Watch Her: Sundays @ 10pm beginning on September 27th on ABC
Ryan Guzman in Heroes Reborn
Previous Work: Pretty Little Liars, Step Up Revolution, Step Up: All In, The Boy Next Door
Why You Should Watch Him: He was JLo’s man candy in The Boy Next Door, Lucy Hale’s karate-kicking paramour in PLL, and now he’s in primetime as the resident hottie when the Heroes come back this month.
When You Can Watch Him: Thursday, September 24th @ 8:00p on NBC
Zoe Lister-Jones in Life in Pieces
Previous Work:Fawn from New Girl; Lily from Whitney; literally all of the Law and Orders.
Why You Should Watch Her:Zoe has seriously made the canceled sitcom rounds, from Whitney to Friends With Better Lives to Bored to Death. That doesn’t mean that she’s unlucky, it just means that she must be immensely castable. The new sitcom roster is pretty slim this year, but Life in Pieces looks potentially funny – a rare multicam CBS pilot that looks like it could be more reminiscent of NBC when it’s good.
When You Can Watch Her:Monday, September 21 @ 8:30 PM on CBS.
Stark Sands in Minority Report
Previous Work: Lead in the original Broadway casts of American Idiot and Kinky Boots, Chasing Liberty, Inside Llewyn Davis,
Why You Should Watch Him: Stark has had a number of random roles on TV, but he’s most famous for being a two-time Tony nominee for his roles in Broadway smash hits. He plays the lead of Dash in Minority Report, which is a movie I’ve never seen, but apparently the TV show is about Stark as a Precog who has the ability to predict crimes. Not sure if I’ll understand the show, but I’ll get Stark’s enormous talent, for sure.
When You Can Watch Him:September 21st @ 9:00pm on FOX
Evan Ross in Wicked City
Previous Work: The Hunger Games – Mockingjay (1 and 2); 90210; CrazySexyCool: The TLC Story
Why You Should Watch Him: If Evan looks a little familiar, he should. Maybe, like us, you enjoy dystopian teen novel adaptations and made-for-tv biopics. Perhaps you follow celebrity weddings and babies: his wife is Ashlee Simpson. Or maybe you just know a celebrity dynasty when you see one: his mother is Diana Ross, and his sister, Tracee Ellis Ross, is currently on Blackish. Anyway, talent and good looks run in the family and it looks like Evan has both. Besides, Wicked City looks pretty promising.
When You Can Watch Him: Tuesday, October 27 at 10:00 pm on ABC.
Donna Lynne Champlin – Crazy Ex-Girlfriend
Previous Work:A whole lot of Broadway (Billy Elliot, Sweeney Todd, etc); a brief appearance in Birdman; several TV guest spots.
Why You Should Watch Her:Donna has some major theater credits, and if you’re wondering if that even translates to television, the answer is yes: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is a musical comedy. She plays the lead’s coworker and I’m hoping for more than a lot of drama and more than a few solos: Champlin is an Obie and a Drama Desk winner. YouTube her, you’ll be impressed. [An aside: she also hails from our hometown of Rochester, New York.]
When You Can Watch Her: Monday, October 12 at 8:00 PM on the CW.
Denise in The Muppets
Previous Work: Head of marketing at Up Late With Miss Piggy
Why You Should Watch Her: After decades together, who could possibly wrestle Kermit’s affections from Miss Piggy? We NEED to know who this Denise is. Also: The Muppets will be a mockumentary-style comedy that looks like one of the only truly hilarious shows slated for a 2015 premiere.
When You Can Watch Her:Tuesday, September 22 at 8:00 PM on ABC
A few years ago, I went insane with my Fall TV scheduling because there were too many shows I loved that were coming back, and the premiere dates were staggered, and I was getting old so I had to write them all down and not just rely on the old noggin. I’ve stopped doing that over the past year or so, since I found an app (FREE app) called Episoder, which is something I swear by and could not recommend more to fellow TV enthusiasts. Anyways, the point is that when it comes time to plan out the Fall TV schedule, whether it be as a viewer or as an important executive of a big network, you have to plan strategically. The shows in primetime have to be equally engaging, GOOD, and bring in non-sucky numbers from whoever the Nielsen people are.
Some of you are in the beginnings of your Fantasy Football Leagues, and because we’re not much of the Fantasy Football type, we decided to play our own version with Fantasy TV Network Exec. We broke down which shows we would bank on if we ran an imaginary network, and hand-picked the series we think will boost our C+S Network’s ratings and help it become a reputable channel with quality programming (this is clearly the humble beginnings of our plan to start our own corporation and take over the world). Plus this is just a general guide of what you should probably watch in a couple weeks. We obviously took this very seriously.
As a whole, we as a society are still not over superhero shows/movies, so naturally this freshman series is gaining a lot of buzz. Melissa Benoist (the new girl from Glee) plays the titular Supergirl, aka Superman’s cousin. That’s pretty much all we know plot wise, but what’s more important is the list of series regulars & guest stars, which includes but is not limited to: Calista Flockhart, Jeremy Jordan, Laura Benanti, Lexie Grey (Chyler Leigh), Jenna Dewan Tatum, and former Superman Dean Cain.!
Neither of us watch Jane the Virgin, but it’s not from lack of wanting to. We both love love LOVE Gina Rodriguez as a human, so let’s support her show, shall we?
If you’ve seen ads of a naked woman with words all over her body, that is this show. And TBH, some of these choices were based on, “the shows on the other networks suck, so this is the least offensive”. This is the least offensive.
Following the success of mockumentaries like The Office and Parks and Rec, the genre has since become a little too overused, therefore losing its magic. However, when it’s used for a beloved franchise that needs an extremely creative twist to keep dedicated fans and viewers happy and tuned in, the mockumentary style makes perfect sense. This is probably the show I’m most looking forward to this fall, and judging by its trailers, I don’t think we’ll be disappointed. Also, Kermit is Jim Halpert. Count me in.
I was so relieved when Fresh Off The Boat got picked up, and unfortunately somewhat surprised when it did, because I was expecting ABC execs to dismiss yet another primetime show that doesn’t feature all white people *gets off soapbox*. Besides the whole #RepresentationIsImportant aspect of the show, it’s actually a really good program. The writing is fantastic and the acting is A+ (Constance Wu, y’all). Despite the fact it’s about an immigrant family and the first generation of kids in America, it’s a comedy about family at its core, and that’s why it should be appealing for everyone.
This was a process of elimination pick, with a healthy pinch of “it’s Ryan Murphy, it can’t be all bad.” Think the camp of Glee meeting the horror aspects of American Horror Story. It’s not necessarily our “thing” but we will always be here for Lea Michele in headgear. Plus Emma Roberts, Abigail Breslin, and Keke Palmer rounding out the “When Did They Grow Up?” contingent, and Nasim Pedrad bringing the comedy.
Plus it’s also up against yet another superhero show (Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D.), a third-generation NCIS (New Orleans), and a doctor show (Heartbreaker).
We’ll have to wait a minute for this one – October 27 – because shows are airing willy-nilly this year. You can start off watching Best Time Ever with Neil Patrick Harris on NBC, but don’t get too attached because in November Chicago Fire will take over the slot. Most of the shows this year are so genre – it’s all procedurals, zombies, and superhero reboots – that it’s nice to see something a bit different. Wicked City is a crime show set in 1982 on the Sunset Strip. Erika Christiansen as a 1980s Los Angeles mother who falls into cahoots with a serial killer? We’ll try it.
Not actually sure if this show about a pathologist named Dr. Beaumont Rosewood, Jr. is actually going to be any good, especially since the tagline is, “Life. Death. Miami.” However, Morris Chestnut is in it (references here, here, and here), and I’d watch him do literally anything over the 102nd season of Survivor.
If you think Drip Drop and Boo Boo Kitty are songs from the Wiggles or something, you are seriously missing out. We wrote a more in depth post about why you need to be watching Empire, but even if you aren’t totally sold, there are only 12 episodes. You can watch all of season one and be caught up in a few lazy weekends. Empire is one of those rare runaway success midseason replacements that became a cultural touchstone.
I started watching this show for Connie Britton and now it’s starting its fourth season and I’m still here. It’s like, it’s good, but could be better, but I’m too invested so I’m not going to give up now type of show. So here we are.
How is this show in its 12th season what’s happening? I know the whole McDreamy storyline has been a point of contention with fans, and it’s understandable. However, as both a fan of the show and fan of the construct of TV as a whole, I’m interested in seeing where they’re going to take Meredith’s story after a devastating loss. It’s the first season we’ve seen her without Derek AND Cristina by her side, so how does that change her as a person? Or does it?
Scandal might be the best show on television right now. It is also one of the most popular, with an unusually engaged fan base. It’s on season five, yet I still feel like I have no idea what will happen with Olivia and Fitz, who is truly trustworthy, and how Olivia has never spilled on one of those white coats. Scandal has found a way to bring TV to a must-watch-live EVENT and fans live tweet with the cast in an unprecedented way (props to our fav Kerry Washington for that one). Take that, Video On Demand!
If you were frustrated with the twists and turns and multiple murders on HTGAWM, believe me when I say this show is a breath of fresh air compared to Pretty Little Liars. Surprisingly (or maybe not so much so), the finale of season one solved the mystery we’ve been trying to figure out since the pilot, but then minutes later, we were hit in the face with another murder to leave us on a cliffhanger to go into season two. HTGAWM is also a super strong ending to a night in Shondaland, and you’d be crazy to pick any other lineup than this on a Thursday night.
If you’re into any sort of cooking competition program, you need to watch Masterchef Junior. Especially if you’re not a fan of Gordon Ramsay. The tough, expletive-spouting Brit takes a cooler tone with these home chefs, who range in age from eight to 13. It’s nice to see a softer, more encouraging side to Gordon, who just wants to see these kids succeed. It’s also nice to see a reality show that doesn’t focus on the drama between the contestants – these kids are just there to have fun and cook amazing dishes with food I’ve never even heard of before.
Let’s call a spade a spade. Nothing good, or even “good,” is on TV at 9:00 on a Friday. We’ve fallen very far from the must-watch TGIF lineups of our youth. Shark Tank has a solid audience, big enough to warrant a spinoff this year, so I guess we pick that.
It’s not so much that we are raging Tom Selleck fans – I mean the man can grow a good mustache, but let’s not go crazy. And Mark Wahlberg isn’t even my favorite Wahlberg. The Irish cop cliches will surely be super lame. However. We’re sure that Dateline and 20/20 will split the News Magazine contingent, so this seemed like the best choice. For the record, we’ve both always been 20/20 girls, and in third grade we were even traumatized by the same episode about kids getting sucked onto pool drains.
The Simpsons is my first television memory, sneaking upstairs to watch it with my brothers. It was my first appointment with appointment television, and I didn’t miss an episode from the ages of three until about 18. That said, I’m not sure if I’ve seen a new episode for the past decade. But looking at the competition on Sunday nights, it’s not hard to see why the show continues to do well. A television institution, The Simpsons has been on the air since 1989 and it looks like it isn’t going anywhere.
[Psst – I’m actually into Once Upon a Time, but we wanted to include Brooklyn Nine-Nine at 8:30 so we really needed a half hour show here.]
This show is good. When it won that Golden Globe a lot of people were shocked, but it combines the best elements of workplace comedy, police procedural, and buddy comedy. Plus, I hate that this is still a pleasant surprise in 2015, but it’s about a police precinct where two of the main characters are black men (and one is gay), two are Latinas, and most importantly, everyone is hilarious. Gina was one of the characters we needed back on our TVs after the 2014 hiatus, (and it’s true again), and Andy Samberg is that goofy coworker who is somehow actually amazing at his job. For some reason I feel like a lot of already-good shows really hit their strides in the third season, so I think this year is going to be great.
We don’t watch The Good Wife, which has apparently been on for five seasons (FIVE.). However, we know that a lot of people do. Besides, we’re not going to watch Oil and we are VERY not going to watch Sunday Night Football. There are some shows that we know will technically win the time slot, but we don’t like them so we aren’t choosing them. That’s what we’re doing with football.
It’s this, football, the local news on FOX, or an ABC series about the Bible. I understand that for a lot of people Sunday is the Lord’s day, and for a lot of other people it’s Football Night, but for us, every day is TV day and that programming just doesn’t cut it.
For a lot of folks, September means the summer is officially over and it’s time to go back to school, but, if you don’t want to think of this time of year as such a bummer, remember that your favorite TV shows are coming back to your screens and you’ll finally be able to find out what happened after the end of last season!
To celebrate this most magical time of the year, we’re bringing back something we did last year and talking TV all this week and highlighting new shows, old shows, new actors, old actors, and even give a glimpse of what could be in the future. That’s right, we’re talking Miss Cleo style. Sans the sketchy business dealings. Join us as we get pumped up for fall TV!
There are two times a year when we all act so ridiculous – wearing wacky clothes and garish color combos, attending party after party, and listening to corny novelty songs – that you have to wonder if we all have temporarily lost our minds. One of these times is Christmas – too wintery, too cold, no thank you – and the other is summer.
When we look back at the summers of our past, the soundtrack is a series of pop and hip hop jams, each more ridiculous than the last. We have another month of summer to go – a whole month of sunny skies, sundresses, and warm nights! And we have just the ridiculous summer jam soundtrack to remind us of all those silly, long-ago summer tunes.
This song is anything but wiggidy wiggidy wiggidy whack, and makes me want to put on my backwards overalls and sideways ball cap. [ Favorite summer style c. 1992 – 1995: overall shorts with one strap undone, pacifier necklace, keds.] Jump was such a sensation during the summer of ’92 that my brother joked that he would one day have two sons and name them Kris and Kross. 2015: his boys are named Charley and Henry.
I thought the lyrics were more overtly summery, but they aren’t. I guess as a kid I just equated summer with jumping and free-form movement and winter with huddling miserably.
Fly by Sugar Ray
{June 1997}
Summer days from the mid-90s are a blur of riding bikes with the neighborhood kids, making new friends at acting camp, and hanging out at my aunt’s pool until way past my bedtime. This song was all over the place in the summer of ’97 and I can almost still taste the chlorine-tinged Sour Patch Kids when I listen to it. It’s also a little ridiculous: you just started talking two sentences ago, why are you telling me that your mother died? What are those weird sounds you’re making in the middle of it? Are you having a stroke? Is that how your mother died?
Walkin On The Sun by Smash Mouth
{July 1997}
This band’s songs were so tied to summer in the mid and late 90s that on my initial draft of the list I just said “something by Smash Mouth.” I’m sure Smash Mouth fans existed, but I never knew any. It’s more like their music just materialized near swimming pools, beach shops, and water parks from thin air during the summers of 1997 – 2003.
Summer Girls by L.F.O.
{June 1999}
In the summer of 1999 I was about to begin eighth grade. According to the photo album from our trip to the Cape, my three teenage siblings and I were really into khaki. What can I say? Gap and Abercrombie were pushing the khakis, and the youth of America wanted to look like girls that wear Abercrombie & Fitch. Summer Girls was chock full of nostalgic references to the early 90s, which was only several years in the past … but to a 12-year-old it was a lifetime ago.
Thong Song by Sisqo
{December 1999}
Don’t let the December release date fool you: the video was released in the spring of 2000, and there were massive tie-ins to MTV’s Spring Break in order to boost it for summer’s Tacky Music Season. This was really at the beginning of butts being a thing; J.Lo’s butt was a pretty new topic in the national dialogue. I feel like Thong Song is at least partially responsible for kicking off the Butt Zeitgeist that I don’t fully understand.
Traci’s Picks
In The Summertime by Shaggy featuring Rayvon
{May 1995}
Years before Shaggy was in denial of it being him and going by Mr. Boombastic, he kept the tone light and fun by sticking to his Jamaican roots and singing straight up about hittin on chicks in the summer. I think my main problem with this, though, is that he constantly refers to himself in third person. “Shaggy say”, “Raggamuffin Shaggy” – both lines muttered by Mr. Boombastic. Also, in general he constantly sounds like he’s got nasal problems.
Cruel Summer by Ace of Base
{July 1998}
If you did a drinking game to this song and took a shot anytime “Cruel Summer” is sung, you’d probably be dead. They’re complaining that it’s too hot and it’s a “cruel summer” because of the heat. What makes this ridic is that the singer is complaining his/her mate isn’t in the city to experience the record heat, and therefore it’s an even crueler summer. Guess what – it’s going to be fucking hot no matter if your signif oth is there or not.
Steal My Sunshine by Len
{July 1999}
“Now the fuzzy stare from not being there on a confusing morning week impaired my tribal lunar-speak” WHAT EVEN ARE YOU SAYING, LEN. ALSO WHAT IS A LEN??
Graduation (Friends Forever) by Vitamic C
{June 2000}
This song came out when we graduated middle school, and for that reason alone, the timing was perfect and it became THE JAM. Back then, the song was reminiscing about our school daze and promising to K.I.T. forever and ever. But I’m more annoyed with it now because A), I’m older than the “we talked all night about the rest of our lives, where we’re gonna be when we turn 25” line, and B) she spoke/sang it like almost slam poetry but with less anger? And a little bit of a whisper, because Vitamin C is embarrassed of her hair, I’m assuming?
Who Let The Dogs Out? by Baha Men
{July 2000}
No one ever got the answer to this. No one cares. Carry on with your summer.
It’s the final day of Big Orange Couch Week, and we’re ending it with a classic SNICK show, All That. The sketch comedy show became a staple for Nickelodeon, with a tenure spanning over 10 seasons and introducing some of the greatest young talent America has to offer, including Kenan Thompson, Nick Cannon, Amanda Bynes, Jamie Lynn Spears, among others. All That sparked five spin-off shows, a feature film, and even a live tour, and was beloved by many generations. We may not have noticed it at the time, but All That was changing the way kids watched and consumed television, influenced the way we doled out our own comedy, and shaped millions of kids’ view on diversity, without even knowing it.
It’s impossible to discuss the impact of All That in its entirety, so we’ll just try with one episode.
Episode Title: Naughty By Nature
Air Date: October 7, 1995
All That Audition footage: The cast takes a look at some All That audition footage. Good Burger Commercial: Ed (Kel) tries hard to read the cue cards right in order to do a commercial. Loud Librarian: Librarian (Lori Beth) doesn’t want any noise to happen in her libarary even though she is the one making all the major noise. Randy & Mandy: Apparently, all the chocolate comsumed by Randy (Kenan) gives him a bad toothache. Mandy (Angelique) tries what she can to make it better. Musical Guest: Naughty By Nature (Clap Yo Hands)
Hit Play!!!
Cold Open T: This episode is the season two premiere, and we’re starting off with a segment where we find out how the kids got their jobs on the show. Angelique wears a hat made out of bread that has the “casting directors” in stitches, but when the next girl goes up and stands there eating a sandwich, they are not amused. Choose your gluten jokes carefully, aspiring kid actors.
They’re also put through the ringer with some treadmill time, an obstacle course, eat 520 cocktail wieners, gymnastics, etc.
“What’s the opposite of *beeeepp* Judge
“*Bloooooop*” Kenan Thompson, I AM LEGIT LOL-ING.
M: Just from this open alone, anybody could predict that Kenan would be the breakout comedy star of the group. And maybe Sandwich Girl. I thought it was funny.
2:23 T: They even tested our GUTS *Cross promotion, folks*
M: This reminds me that one of my “going off to college” dreams was arriving at the dorm to find that my roommate had a piece of the aggrocrag just chilling all casual under their lofted bunk.
3:04“You viewers can rest easy knowing each of our cast members has unusually thick thigh muscles.” THIS SHOW IS SO FUNNY
3:14 T: Gosh, this theme song is still so iconic and timeless. Playing on repeat. #RIPLeftEye
M: I got excited as soon as I heard “Fresh out the box!” But I remember having a lot of trouble with some of the lyrics in the days before you could just Google them. “My posse and my crew” sounded like “my bossie and my prince.” And 8-year-old me was just like “okay, cool… weird, but cool.”
3:52 M: I totally wanted to be Alisa Reyes. Can you blame me? She was like the quintessential 90s teen girl.
T: Yeah she was definitely the “Kelly Kapowski” of the bunch, if you will.
4:25 T: Josh, whose last name is NOT Hartnett, kinda looks like a Hartnett. I am confuse.
T: The director for this Good Burger commercial is wearing a beret. All he needs is one of those cone speaker things to finish his 1940s look.
Also, Kel accidentally knocks over a giant burger… stand? and knocks out the actor/Josh, so the director’s all, ok kid who actually works here, you have to take his place. You adults know full damn well this would not happen IRL.
M: So many SAG cards were earned by freak on-set accidents like that.
M: Kel, re commercials: Have you ever seen the one with the bunny that keeps going.. and going, and going? And just when you think he’s gonna stop… he goooeeesss.
T: Never heard of it.
M: Was Goodburger Kel supposed to be a 90s stoner type, because that was very lost on me c. 1996.
T: I think, yes?? I never got that either, but I’m assuming we weren’t supposed to? I just thought he was a super California surfer dude type. It’s like when Pixar puts jokes in the movies for adults.
T: Guys, I’m legit laughing out loud at these jokes, IDK what’s happening to me.
M: Me too, it’s fine, we’re fine. All That shaped our generation’s comedic sensibilities and we don’t give it enough cred.
T: Kel’s name in this sketch is Ed??
7:25 T: Kel, not used to the cameras, BECAUSE HE IS NOT AN ACTOR, keeps messing up his lines, including his iconic, ‘Can I take your order?’. In one take he accidentally says, “Can I take your mother?” and holy crap I had to play it multiple times because I couldn’t stop laughing at his delivery.
7:53 M: “The bunny wouldn’t quit! The bunny would keep goin’ and goin’ and goin’!: See, this was good. In comparison, kid’s shows today are just really neon and shouty, but not exactly funny.
9:00 T: Fun fact: The guy who plays the boss in this sketch, and the resident adult in the show is named Dan Schneider, who is also the executive producer and writer for All That. Before the show, he was in a 1980s sitcom called Head of the Class that I remember watching in Nick at Nite reruns and being funny. Dan has continued his career with Nickelodeon since All That, creating such hits as The Amanda Show, What I Like About You, Drake & Josh, Zoey 101, iCarly Victorious, and Sam & Cat. He also wrote the screenplays for the Good Burger movie and Big Fat Liar. So, he’s pretty much a big deal.
9:25 T: Lori Beth Denberg in Vital Information is how she will always look in my memories.
M: During break time in third grade, my friends and I would always make up Vital Information segments. Cool kid for life, here.
T: This is why we’re friends.
10:10: T: I sometimes use, ‘QUIET, THIS IS A LIBRARY!’ as a recent and topical reference.
M: No, but doesn’t the silliness of some of these sketches remind you of early SNL or Lily Tomlin sketches? Like Land Sharks / Roseanne Rosanadanna / Ernestine-type stuff?
T: YES!!
T: I swear neither of us planned or expected to be singing the praises of All That for this whole post.
T: But here we are.
12:12 T: Was Katrina always wearing weird vests? Because that’s also how I remember her.
M: She was, but in her defense weird vests were sort of a thing at the time. Especially among kid actors, for some reason. Just vests and floppy berets and speaking like you’re in the talk-singing segment of a Kidz Bop song.
13:48 T: Cooking with Randy and Mandy! I remember really liking this sketch. Maybe it was because of the chocolate.
M: It was my version of gross-out humor then. It was funny, but also TOO MUCH CHOCOLATE.
14:30 T: Why is the inside of that giant chocolate block white? And why did Kenan just use his Pierre Escargot laugh when he scarfed down chocolate syrup?
T: Man, All That was not only a precursor to Kenan being on Saturday Night Live, but I think it also instilled in me the love of sketch comedy at a young age. And to bring up #RepresentationIsImportant for the second time this week, I think it was also great that the cast was so diverse. I mean, even SNL in the past few years has been under fire for not employing people of color/minorities in general, so All That was really groundbreaking in that sense.
M: I could be very wrong, but it felt like kid’s tv in particular was more diverse in the 90s, and also that they just went with the kids who are best for the job — not like a lot of the Nickelodeon/ Disney stuff today where the kids can’t act but will age into a marketably attractive teen in a few years.
16:28 M: Kenan weeping over not being able to eat the chocolate is just ::cry-laughing emoji::
T: Ok, but, Kenan is such a star. You can tell that he outshines a lot of his cast members and was destined to be a comedian. Even in this chocolate jacuzzi with his sister (??)
T: This is the first time (as an adult) that I’ve wanted to watch more All That.
M: I haven’t said this to anyone since the mid-90s, but do you want to come over to my house and watch All That? We could have a pizza party!
What did you watch if it was a Saturday night, and you were too old for Matilda (as if!) and it was too 1995 for Orphan Black – but you still wanted a healthy dose of telekinesis and corporate/scientific threats to bodily autonomy? And you also wanted to see a wardrobe made 70% of overalls? Ladies and gentlemen, Alex Mack.
The Secret World Of Alex Mack was a super high-concept show about a typical junior high girl (a pre-10 Things I Hate About You Larissa Oleynik) who is hit by a chemical plant truck and develops strange powers. She also wore a lot of overalls.
Episode Title: Alex and Mom
Air Date: January 7, 1995
Alex “disorganizes” her mom’s files after a huge fight, causing Barbara to nearly lose her job at the plant. A remorseful Alex tries to make amends when Barbara’s final chance at saving face seems doomed to disaster. Incidentally, this is the only episode of the series where Larisa Oleynik wears a Bathing Suit.
M: Before we even get going, is “only episode where Larisa Oleynik wears a bathing suit” supposed to be a selling point, because I’m pretty sure she’s like 13. Grosssss. Plus is there a reason she’d be wearing bathing suits? It’s not like it was a beach show. Okay, let’s start now.
Opening Credits: T: I love when shows tell you the premise of the series in under 30 seconds or less. It’s one notch up from the ‘Previously on…’, and helpful for elders like me.
0:15 M: I am now realizing I have forgotten all of the characters except for Alex and her brainy sister, Annie. Also, Alex’s friend’s t-shirt with the earth-tone sun on it is the most 1995 thing ever.
M: I used to think Alex had the coolest tomboy outfits ever – growing up with two older brothers, I was outdoorsy – but her hat is just confusing me. There’s a strap in the front like it’s a backwards baseball cap, but then there’s no brim? WHAT IS THIS?
:55 T: Alex attempts to ask cute boy Scott if he wants to go to a screening of a new movie with her, but she asks if he has “plans for science”. What does this mean? Does he have plans for science class? Or like plans for science in general, particularly radioactive sludge that makes tweens turn into puddles?
1:03M: Alex’s Mom: Isn’t Scott too old for you? [A beat, seemingly forgetting about too-old guy entirely] I need you to go to the store!
Alex: I can’t, I’m going to the movies!
Ah, yes. 1995. When “free range parenting” was just… parenting.
2:20 T: Now, I didn’t grow up in a town where I could easily go to the grocery store by myself then bring home said groceries, so WTF why isn’t the mom or dad doing this instead of a child?
2:45 M: Alex’s mom, Barbara, works at the chemical plant – but you already knew that. I just feel like in real life, these plants aren’t all shiny and futuristic, like an evil corporate overlord’s secret lair. They probably just look like factories, no?
T: Agreed. This chemical plant looks like Nickelodeon had to stay on budget and double up on the use of the Space Cases set.
M: Ah, yes. Space Cases. Hated the dude with the curly mullet and the pig-pink child, loved the flat-top and the girl with gay pride hair.
3:27 M: Alex fantasizes that she binds her mother with rope so that she can hang out with Scott and levitate soda cans and change the tv channels with her mind. Well that got dark fast. I can’t remember if these daydream sequences were a regular thing. By the way, we had remote controls in 1995, so changing the tv channel by pointing her finger at the tv didn’t really save much time.
T: “Why are you always treating me like a little kid? Why can’t you ever let me do what I want to do?”, whines Alex. Apparently what she wants to do is tie her mother up in a hostage-type situation, eat pizza out of the box with Scott, and use your powers to change the channels on the TV without getting up.
4:40 M: Alex and Barbara are having a weird argument about how Alex has to make dinner for Annie and her dad because Annie’s not home and Alex didn’t go to the store yesterday. This argument makes no sense, and sounds like two kids playing house and saying random things they think a mom would say.
4:55 M: Alex messes up her mom’s files via telekenisis, and once again, Alex’s powers aren’t allowing her to do anything that she couldn’t do as a regular human.
T: I mean, it’s a sick burn for someone who… hates unorganized accordion file folders…?
T: Alex’s mom’s boss is creepily leading this important meeting, but doing so in a way that rivals Dr. Evil. Except she’s stroking a silver letter opener and he’s got a cat.
6:45 M: Annie and dad have to go to the “Einstein Society.” Ughhh, that even sounds like an Asshole Club. Anyway, they won’t be staying for dinner so now Alex is cooking for no reason. I’m also sort of confused as to why they couldn’t just make their own dinner? This whole episode is like a bad childrens’ improv scene.
T: Yeah, why can’t the dad make dinner? If it’s some sort of sexist thing (which I hope it isn’t), then wouldn’t the oldest kid have to do it? Why is this 13 year old slaving away?
M: They NEVER EXPLAIN why Alex had to be the one to go shopping and make dinner. For some reason this is bothering me more than the chemical spill powers.
7:30 Barbara’s boss is being shot from a super weird angle. I’m assuming it’s to subconsciously show the viewer who is in charge, but I feel like it’s a very ’90s move to shoot from the bottom and angle it slightly so you feel like you could maybe be a lil’ inebriated.
8:40M: Alex is going to Scott’s pool party tomorrow! I’ve found that as an adult, the pool parties – and pizza parties for that matter – really slow down.
T: Unless you’re me and went to a “pool party” this past Saturday (does 6 people count as a party?) and have friends who like to cook and own a chef’s jacket specifically for pizza parties. This is more of a ‘me and my friends are nerds’ situation, more than anything. I’m livin’ the life, y’all.
M: I don’t know what the cutoff is, but I feel like 6 people is just swimming with friends? I always think of “pizza party” in the context of it being a prize for something. Like your homeroom raised the most money in Operation Rice Bowl.
9:26 T: Barbara tells her hubs that she was all thrown off at the meeting because her files were out of order, and he’s all, ‘But what about the Einstein meeting?’ and she clearly forgot because of her horrible day. ARE YOU GOING TO MAKE ALEX GO IN YOUR PLACE FOR THAT TOO??
M: I shall sit at home and rock/ rise to heed a neighbor’s knock/ Brew my tea and snip my thread / Bleach the linen for my bed —- either Dorothy Parker’s poem about Penelope from The Odyssey, or Alex Mack’s chore list.
10:40 T: I totally forgot the sister knows about Alex’s powers. Is that why she’s overly sarcastic all the time??
“How do I look?” Alex, recreating the Deal With It meme
“I’ll look for you in next season’s swimsuit issue” Annie, Alex’s sister, says creepily
12:39 M: Barbara’s glasses are so Warby Parker.
13:40 T: What I can tell you is that our pool parties don’t consist of anyone playing water polo, like this nonsense. It’s mainly floating and eating/drinking by said pool.
M: I feel like all my childhood pool parties were mostly inventing weird pool relays, trying to get people to understand things you said underwater, and doing that thing where you pop up from the water with your hair flowing behind you like Ariel. Oh, and underwater handstands.
M: NOBODY in this whole pool sees Alex melt into a pile of mercury (or whatever it is)? Oh come on. Also wouldn’t she diffuse in liquid and scatter all around the pool?
Alex pops back up across the pool to catch the volley ball, and once again could have achieved that as a normal person by just swimming underwater.
T: Also, why does Scott all of a sudden look like he’s 18 years old?? It’s the water polo.
M: He’s TOO OLD. Barbara said.
14:12M: Most unrealistic thing thus far: Alex’s ginger friend tanning with one of those open metallic folder things. See? I don’t even know what it’s called! Because redheads can’t tan.
they’re called sun reflectors. i only know this after googling ‘metallic sun shield’. – T
15:27M: Barbara’s caterers cancelled on a work event and Alex’s bitchy friends are harassing the guests. And, like, waiting on them I guess?
T: Ok, but how old are Alex and her friends supposed to be though? I would find it interesting to see high schoolers as waiters at a corporate event, but highly questionable of 13 year olds were serving canapes to chemical plant execs.
16:08M: I forgot about this jaunty instrumental music that would play whenever Alex would get hardcore into using her powers.
18:59M: Alex saved the day by getting the food ready and fixing a fountain. But she is also the one who ruined the day in the first place.
T: To reiterate, all this putting brie on plates and popping bottles are all things regular humans can do. And Alex isn’t even doing it at a fast pace, per se.
Also, Alex ‘fixed the fountain’ by becoming the water. This is the type of magical power shit I approve of. I may have totally seen it coming, but it’s better than putting shrimp cocktail on a plate without touching it.
M: I just feel like Alex’s set of powers is really poorly defined.
19:46M: Let’s just see if we can mention overalls every day, shall we? Alex’s outfit reminds me of these black velour overalls I just HAD to have for a commercial audition in 6th grade. Why no, I did not book that job. Probs because I didn’t rock a bow tie like Alex.
M: But, I mean, Scott WAS too old for her. That’s some Stacy and Luca shit right there.
T: Relatedly, I would be PISSED if I was one of those kids who got pulled away from a pool party to put on a bow tie and serve rich folk. Did they get paid. I call child labor.
Welcome to the first day of our Big Orange Couch Week, when we revisit five of our favorite shows that were among the classic SNICK Saturday night lineups from the 1990s, and liveblog them!
Today, we’re kicking it all off with Clarissa Explains It All and Sick Days, the season one finale. Of course, back then, finales for Nick shows didn’t end in some ‘Who Shot J.R.?’ cliffhanger (that reference was relevant, right?), so many of these eps were stand-alones, which made it perfect for syndication. That being said, Sick Days is classic Clarissa: tension between her and her parents, tension between her and her little turd brother, Ferguson, and possible sexual chemistry between her and her BFF Sam. Let’s go back in time and see what happens when Clarissa plays sick – only to backfire on her soon enough.
Episode Title: Sick Days
Air Date: June 1, 1991
Clarissa fakes sickness in trying to get out of her part in the school pageant. But, when the play turns out to be a success, Clarissa truly becomes ill.
Hit Play!
T: I do not remember this episode, but judging by the description, it’s going to be a GREAT one.
M: I vaguely remember it, but 1991 Molly would be floored that she was watching it at age 28 via an app and an internet connection on her flatscreen. Or, she would be floored if she knew what any of those things meant.
0:15 T: Does Clarissa have a lisp?
0:45 T: Whoa Janet Darling’s outfit is very Mom Jeans-esque!
T: My memories of Janet Darling – she is obsessed with healthy food. Like seaweed and sprouts and tofu.
M: Yes! And Marshall was an architect whose buildings were always like the architectural version of a Claudia Kishi outfit.
M: I feel like moms have stopped saying “pronto.”
T: I feel like everyone has stopped saying “pronto”.
1:04 Opening Credits T: I don’t remember quirky pajamas being part of Clarissa’s ‘thing’?
M: Were those pool ball pajamas? Do tweens play pool? I know there wasn’t an internet in 1991 but I still don’t remember recreating at pool halls.
This theme song sounds wrong. The NaNas are too fast and Clarissa isn’t wearing that weird aerobicise outfit.
2:44 M: Clarissa outfit #2: Black top with giant floral bell sleeves, denim cuffed jorts over polka dot bike shorts, teva(?) belt, pink chiffon hair scarf, daisy earrings, big freaking watch.
2:53 T: Sam asked Clarissa for help as he walked up the ladder and handed her an aquarium… did he climb up to the second story with this glass aquarium in his one hand?
M: Shhhh. My inner child can hear you.
T: Sam is like the Joey Potter to Clarissa’s Dawson. I’m sure this comparison hasn’t even been brought up before.
M: Between this, D.C., and Saved By The Bell, I was definitely lead to believe that in high school I’d have straight male friends crawling through my window all the time. Also that I’d have a straight male friend. NOT!
Remember “Not?” That was a thing people said a lot in 1991, it was like the “said nobody ever” unfunny punchline of the early ’90s.
T: Also did the all of this show’s budget just go toward’s Melissa Joan Hart’s wardrobe? Because the actor who played Sam looks like he straight up rolled out of bed and walked onto the set.
M: Sam Outfit #1: A giant blue Hanes t-shirt, rumpled plaid shorts from a man.
4:50 T: Sam – “I think this calls for the one sure-fire method of getting a sick day.” Clarissa: “What is it?” Sam – “Take it!” Sam’s comic timing is great. I’m not even being sarcastic.
T: As a kid I thought this show was ‘ahead of its time’, however now it just looks incredibly low-budget.
M: I think it actually looks ahead of its time compared to the Nick/Disney shows of today (I mean I love Girl Meets World, but otherwise). Instead of those slick production values, it looks more “indie” or “real.”
Wait, were those just words for cheap?
T: Yes.
6:16 T: Marshall – “You’ve had two children, you’re not the same woman you were when you were 18.” Besides the fact he’s being a tad misogynistic, it really doesn’t matter if she can fit in it or not because this dress still sucks and she shouldn’t be wearing it.
M: Reunion themes like “wear what you wore in high school” are the reason we skipped our 10-year. Even though those boot-cuts and handkerchief hemlines are really calling my name.
6:50 M: Clarissa outfit #3: Giant robe, pajamas without billiards ephemera on them. Try harder, Darling.
7:10 T: MJH is doing her best coughing acting work and that is saying something.
8:37M: Clarissa Outfit #4: I can’t see it behind the giant aquarium Sam carried one-handed up a two-story ladder.
9:50 T: Clarissa’s outfit is back in style and I think I hate it.
M: Clarissa Outfit #5: A thing I think I saw a youth wear on the bus a few weeks ago
T: Soy muffin. Take a shot for Janet’s healthy weird snacks.
M: Janet’s 1991-weird food is stuff that’s all over Pinterest and instagram now. Oh, what 20 years will do.
11:30 T: Janet calls the family doctor, Dr. Festerspoon, to check on Clarissa. Did doctors still make house calls in ’91 or is this a result of low-budge and not being able to afford a medical office?? Also why would a sick doctor make a house call to a sick child???
M: And why is he from, like, the Progressive Era? Also of course Clariss has a rhinovirus, her room is a nest of dusty plants, hats, stuffed animals, and aquatic life. I feel germy just looking at it. Speaking of aquatic life: Clarissa Outfit #6: pajamas with a repeating trout motif.
12:30 T: Dr. Festerspoon suggests Clarissa’s common cold could escalate to “The Schezuan Flu” if she didn’t take care of herself… and then an Asian-sounding gong playing right after he said “The Schezuan Flu”…
T: What was the point of the guitar riff every time Sam came in?
M: Sexual tension music. But where “sex” is, like, exchanging slap bracelets and waving glowsticks in unison.
14:20 T: Clarissa – “I can’t miss Queen Latifah!” … because Queen Latifah is making a guest appearance at a small Ohio middle school for their Ancient Greece day, and it makes sense, obviously.
M: Wait, this is OHIO?
T: Per Wikipedia, it is!
15:25 M: Clarissa is trying to act like she feels better and she just put on the same outfit from earlier. I’m not counting it.
T: I just realized that both Marshall and Janet are home during the day? What are their jobs??
M: Architect and museum person. I, uh, watched a lot of Clarissa.
But seriously, this isn’t the mixed-up files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler. You go to museums in the DAYTIME, I’m sure of it.
T: Clarissa’s phone isn’t the same one I used to covet? Did she just upgrade her season 1 phone to a clear one in the later seasons?
M: She absolutely did. My sister had the clear one – and her own phone line – and I thought it was the coolest thing in the universe. And I was right.
18:50 OMG CLARISSA’S U-N-I-T-Y OUTFIT
M: Clarissa’s Outfit #6: A Cultural Appropriation Headband. Next week’s episode: Clarissa Explains White Privilege.
19:37M: Clarissa and Sam try to sneak out, but are thwarted by Ferg-Wad dressed as a Greek Cloud. Sam is again wearing a giant crumpled top that belongs to a dad.
20:53 M: To get Clarissa to stay home and convalesce from Asian Disease, Marshall plies her with any video rental she wants. Sometimes I forget about life before Netflix, when a sick day meant watching Wheel of Fortune or soap operas unless your parent did you a solid and picked up Beetlejuice.
21:12 M: Clarissa’s Outfit # Whatever: A floral top, honestly pretty good bangs for 1991, and I can’t pay attention to the rest because I’m looking at her awesome watermelon drinking glasses.
22:00 M: Man, what I wouldn’t give to tour Nickelodeon Studios, Universal Studios, in Orlando Florida during its heyday. Heck, I’d settle for a t-shirt. That I’d wear with two pairs of layered shorts and an African headband in Clarissa’s honor.
T: Nickelodeon Studios, Universal Studios, in Orlando, Florida was the MECCA for our generation. RIP.
When Clueless director Amy Heckerling was casting the movie back in the early 90s, she came across a number of up-and-coming actors and actresses who are now household names. In an interview with Vanity Fair for the 20th anniversary, Amy revealed the shortlist for Cher, which included young talents like Cybill’s daughter Alicia Witt, Kelly Kapowski aka Tiffani Thiessen, #HairGoals Keri Russell, and the actress Amy recalls the casting director told her she ‘had to see the girl in Flesh and Bone’, who turned out to be Gwyneth Paltrow.
But the one person that could’ve donned the Alaia dress is Legally Blonde herself, Reese Witherspoon.
“I had my heart set on Alicia… But Fox … wanted me to explore all the options… I met with Reese because everyone said, ‘This girl is amazing. She’s going to be huge.’ I saw some movie where she had a southern accent. Maybe it was on TV, a movie of the week. But I did see some scenes of hers and went: ‘Wow. She’s amazing.’ But Alicia is Cher.”
As for Cher’s love interest Josh, Fox casting director Carrie Frazier was really gung ho on a young Ben Affleck, and was “heartbroken” when he wasn’t cast. Other tidbits – Dave Chappelle could’ve been Murray (Donald Faison) and Sarah Michelle Gellar had to turn down the part of Amber due to her obligation to All My Children at the time.
With the infinite amount of permutations that could’ve happened with casting back then, we could’ve seen an entirely different Clueless – but we think they got it right. But moving forward in an era where there seems to be an announcement for a reboot of some 90s TV show or movie every day (hi, Fuller House, The X-Files, and Twin Peaks), we got to thinking what it would be like if Clueless, which is itself loosely based on Jane Austen’s Emma, what would a modern day BevHills Clueless look like with some of today’s hottest and up-and coming actors? Here are our personal picks for Clueless 2.0 – do you agree?
Kiernan Shipka as Cher Horowitz
What Alicia Silverstone was in 1995, Kiernan Shipka is in 2015. A likable blonde teen who looks impossibly polished, but can still pull off the Girl Next Door thing. Plus if you watched Mad Men, you know that Kiernan is such an incredible actress that she would bring out whole new layers in the character.
Besides, when you think about it, Cher Horowitz is the logical extension of a 16-year-old Sally Draper.
Alternate casting: Amandla Stenberg
Zendaya as Dionne Davenport
In real life, Zendaya is a smart, well-spoken, fashionista. Some of the characters she’s played have a bit of sass, and Dionne is kind of a mix between the two Zendayas. Dionne is also a girl who knows who she is and comes across as super confident, without being arrogant, and that’s Zendaya to a T.
Alternate casting: Maia Mitchell
Rowan Blanchard as Tai Frasier
You’re going to need to bear with me on this one. Do you watch Girl Meets World? No, because you’re a grownup? Fine. Maybe you watched Boy Meets World. Rowan plays Cory’s daughter, and she’s the perfect 2015 answer to Cory Matthews. A little awkward, sort of wide-eyed and naive, but above all a smart kid with a heart of gold. Another 90s character that shared those traits: Tai Frasier. She’s a bit younger than the rest of the prospective cast, but so was Brittany Murphy. It made it all the more believable that she was the fish out of (New Jersey) water.
Alternate casting: Maisie Williams
Dylan O’Brien as Josh Lucas
TBH, Paul Rudd could just reprise his role as Josh because THE MAN HAS NEVER AGED. In 20 years, the son of a gun looks exactly the same. But I guess it would be weird if he romanced a teen Kiernan Shipka. I don’t watch Teen Wolf. Nor have I seen The Maze Runner. But I know a good looking teen idol when I see one. Dylan is one of those folks who is part of multiple fandoms and is big on the Internetz (like the Tumblrs and whatnot). He can be charming and romantic and perfect as Josh.
Alternate casting: Gregg Sulkin
Michael B. Jordan as Murray Duvall
Through Friday Night Lights, Parenthood, and Fruitvale Station, we became Michael B. Jordan superfans. To the point where we will cast him in Clueless although his teen years are long past. I mean, having at least one actor in his or her late 20s is a teen movie tradition, right? While we usually see him in dramatic roles, we’d give anything to see the former Vince Howard explain that he shaved his head “cause I’m keeping it real!”
Only problem: somehow, in some way, he’d manage to make us cry. He always does.
Alternate casting: Tyler James Williams (He’s funny. And he grew up!)
Jaden Smith as Elton Tiscia
First of all, Elton has a last name, apparently?
Second, I feel about Jaden Smith the same way you would about a little brother or cousin. I’m sure he’s overall a good kid who will turn into a great grown up, but Lord, do you want to punch him sometimes.
Punchability, I would argue, is the hallmark of Elton Tiscia.
Plus, not that I doubt Jaden’s acting skills, but it wouldn’t be a stretch for him to play a rich kid who’s so used to getting what he wants that he can’t even imagine that Cher isn’t into him.
Bella Thorne as Amber Mariens
It’s not just the red hair. Bella is just so awesome at playing the girl you love to hate, but she could also bring out the genuine wackiness that is Ambular. But even with atrocious hair and outfits, it’s clear that she belongs in Cher’s tier.
Alternate casting: Mae Whitman
Miles Heizer as Travis Birkenstock
Not to typecast, but did you watch Parenthood? Miles is amazing as a sensitive, lovable stoner. I feel like the 90s teen pothead stereotype (Birkenstocks, ponchos) is a bit of a thing of the past. Now Travis would be a more mainstream skater who made up for in heart what he lacked in motivation.
Ezra Miller as Christian Stovitz
Christian needs to be handsome in an old-school way, the kind of debonaire gent that never courts ladies anymore … you know, because he’s not into them. Ezra Miller seems like a natural choice for lovable Rat Pack wannabe Christian. He’s so pretty a teen girl would swoon over him, but with the same “I don’t care” attitude that makes Cher think he’s playing it cool and taking their relationship slow. Really, really slow.
Alternate casting: Ross Lynch, Asa Butterfield
Hailee Steinfeld as Summer
They didn’t really give Summer much to do, did they? That makes it the perfect role for a bit of stunt casting. The only requirement: that she be traditionally pretty enough that she makes sense in the Noxzema ad that is Cher’s circle of friends. Our pick is Oscar nominee Hailee Steinfeld, a fantastic actress who could maybe hopefully get a few lines this time around. After Pitch Perfect 2, we’d also like to request a song or two.
Alternate Casting: Ariel Winter, Cara Delevingne
Bob Odenkirk as Mr. Horowitz
My problem with Dan Hedaya as the OG Mr. Horowitz was that he made me think he had a secret life as a gangster – like Al Capone gangster – in the past. I feel like Cher’s dad of course needs to be stern and strict to a certain point, but also obviously caring for his daughter. Bob Odenkirk, while playing a scummy lawyer on Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul, has a heart to him that can take that gangster feel away. He’s also obviously very funny without even trying, so saying just one line in the dryest of tones will make him a stand out star.
Alternate Casting: Jeff Daniels, Michael Keaton
Leslie Jones as Ms. Stoeger
I love Leslie Jones. If you’re not familiar with her work, you probably don’t watch Saturday Night Live. But get to know her because she’s going to be huge. She’s been in the comedy game for a long time, but didn’t become a more recognised name until she was promoted from writer to cast member on SNL. She’s in the new Ghostbusters movie alongside Kristen Wiig, Melissa McCarthy and Kate McKinnon, so you know if you are in their squad, you have to be able to be just as funny, if not funnier. The role of the Ms. Stoger the gym teacher may be small, but in this fake reboot, it could have potential to be big.
Zach Galifianakis as Mr. Hall and Kristen Wiig as Miss Geist
I would like to say for the record that prior to choosing these two, I totally forgot they have a movie coming out later this year called Masterminds in which they play a couple of dumb criminals. Maybe it was in my subconscious, but let’s just face the facts here – I’m a casting genius. Anyways, 20 years ago, Miss Geist and Mr. Hall were 40ish and 50ish in real life, but as a nine year old, they looked so old to me. In our reboot, I think the way to go is to play up the comedy. If we have a cast of teens who are good at comedy, we need adults like Leslie Jones and Bob Odenkirk to knock it out of the freaking park with jokes. The pairing of Kristen and Zach just makes me laugh looking at them and thinking of what could possibly come out of their mouths when paired up together. Kristen also plays shy well, and Zach can play shy confidence. It’s a match made in blog fake movie heaven.
Clueless is the movie that taught us about drinking games – suck and blow, anyone? We may have been too young to really get what was going on when Clueless came out 20 years ago. But now anyone who can remember when Clueless was a new hit movie is, by default, over 21. That means we can play the drinking games now! As always, drink responsibly and legally, and feel free to substitute in a non-alcoholic beverage.
If your buns don’t feel nothin’ like steel, or you have some freeways to accidentally merge onto after this, do our workout version instead!
One Sip OR One Set of Mountain Climbers (* A set is what you say is a set!)
The phrase “way harsh” is uttered.
A main character rocks anything plaid.
Dionne and Murray fight.
Cher flips her hair.
Any time Paul Rudd is hot. This is subjective but you may find yourself drinking a lot.
Josh gazes lovingly at Cher.
Cher mispronounces something.
A character plays sensitive ’90s music – two sips if they sing along (turn away, turn awayayayay…).
You spot a “only in the mid-90s” pop culture reference that escaped you before (Kato Kaelin, Travis’s last name is Birkenstock, etc).
One Huge Gulp OR One Set Of Bicep Curls
Elton outwardly flirts or gets too handsy with Cher.
The kids talk like grownups.
When you see Lucy the Maid physically afraid of Mr. Horowitz
Dionne and Murray make up.
Cher actually says/uses a big word correctly.
Josh is eating something (extra sip if it’s weird).
You spot product placement with packaging you haven’t seen for over a decade (Coke cans, Minute Maid juice boxes, etc).
Any references to Miss Stoeger’s sexual orientation – subtle or explicit.
Take a Shot OR One Set Of Bicycle Crunches
You or someone watching with you says “As If” in sync with Cher.
An “adult” character looks young to you.
A “teenaged” extra is clearly 30 yrs old… meaning that now, they are 50.
A person collapses a cell phone antenna. Remember having to do that? [The cell phone use is one of the reasons Clueless almost seems like it could have been released today, but I remember at the time it was revolutionary that all these rich kids had their own cells.]
Josh references not-for-profits, either in words or via t-shirt.
A teen driver’s eyes aren’t on the road.
There is a plastic surgery reference.
You spot a scrunchie in the wild.
Pour A Little Out For Your Homie OR Sun Salute
You remember that Brittany Murphy died and get sad about it all over again.
Chug OR Two Sets Of Burpees
Cher crashes into something while driving.
Cher makes a literary reference – extra sip if it almost makes sense.
A person is wearing pleather or crunchy plastic.
Makeover!
A character references ’90s pop psychology (For instance, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, or body language – anyone else still interpret “legs crossed toward each other” as an “unequivocal sex invite?”).
Christian references ’50s culture.
Cher is wearing an unnecessary sheer layer.
You spy french tip nails.
Elton is wearing a chunky wool sweater, or otherwise looks like a fall Brooks Brothers catalog. In Southern California.
Drugs. And you didn’t realize they were drugs as a child.
Any signs Christian was gay … extra sip if you missed it as a child or youth (like that he isn’t talking/looking at any other girl).
We’re smack dab in the middle of Clueless Week, and to help you get more in the mood of 20 years ago – and get through hump day – today, we’re transporting you back two decades with the power of music.
Songs have this ability to bring you back to a certain time and event in your life, whether it be good or bad. As I was compiling this playlist, I realized that 1995 was one of the first years I became a *fan* of music and certain artists, as opposed to just singing along with songs on the radio. For better or worse, the songs I heard in 1995 helped form my musical tastes today, and help me reminisce about my younger years when my extent of my worries was weather Mrs. Green was going to be in a good mood in class that day or not.
So here are some of our favorite tunes to bring you back to the Clueless era, and get ready to play them on your new-fangled computers and streaming services.
Kids, dance music was big in the 90s. Not EDM music of today with your Calvin Harrises and Aviciis and Tiestos. But electronica, Euro-inspired dance music that The Night at the Roxbury guys would groove to in the clubs. It’s a sound that’s so specifically 90s, and I remember this legitimately being my favorite song that I would write down in personality tests.
This Is How We Do It by Montell Jordan
Although this was arguably Montell Jordan’s biggest hit in 1995, I would also argue that it’s a hip-hop classic, and also one of my go-to karaoke songs.
Switch by TLC
CrazySexyCool/Waterfalls was one of the biggest albums of the 90s, with the record over two years on the Billboard album charts. It was a career-defining CD for the ladies, and was basically a soundtrack to my life when I was a kid. In fifth grade, me and three of my friends decided to enter our school talent show, and we decided to do a dance to this B-Side track. As we were practicing in my friend’s basement, I suggested someone move forward during Left Eye’s rap and basically lip sync to it. Since it was my idea, I had to do it. We got like second or third place. I believe we lost to a male-cousin team who lip synced to Ike and Tina Turner’s Proud Mary. One of them was dressed in drag. This was 5th grade.
Always Be My Baby by Mariah Carey
I think I was first introduced to Mariah when I procured Music Box on cassette, and I subsequently got Daydream – I want to say by borrowing it from the library? Anyways, I listened to it non-stop, and Always Be My Baby was probably my fave jam out of hit after hit on that record. Can we just get this Mariah back, please?
Head Over Feet by Alanis Morissette
For a long period of time, I used to tell people the first CD I ever bought was Alanis Morissette’s Jagged Little Pill. It was a stock answer for anyone around my age, because that’s how big of an album it was. In reality, the first CD I ever bought was Weird Al Yankovic’s Bad Hair Day, strictly because of his parody of Coolio’s Gangster’s Paradise – Amish Paradise. I thought I was cool. Jagged Little Pill was actually a Christmas gift in ’95, and when I eventually got around to listening to it, turns out it wasn’t that bad.
I was so young, I didn’t even know that none of this made sense. Radio was more segmented in 1995 (before it was all, like, radio conglomerates?) so you had your station that strictly played “alternative” versus those that played pop. It was really tough for us fourth graders who were really into Mariah AND Oasis trying to hover in front of the radio with a cassette tape to record our favorite songs.
Gangsta’s Paradise by Coolio
I was obsessed with this song. And like Traci, I was even MORE into Amish Paradise. I thought Weird Al was hilarious, and what can I say, I was going through a phase where I thought the Amish were awesome. But in real life, I lived in a city neighborhood. Some might even call it a Gangsta’s Paradise. By the way, watch Dangerous Minds – the movie this is from – for a very different perspective on 1995 teens than you get in Clueless.
Life, In A Nutshell by Barenaked Ladies
Barenaked Ladies were huge in our area, and with my sibs especially. I’m still jealous that one of my brothers got to hang out with them backstage, and it’s been 15 years. The 1994 album Maybe You Should Drive is filled with 90s nuggets like Alternative Girlfriend (referencing a girl in an all-girl band who has a second-hand futon), Jane (mentioning the fairytale romance between … Juliana Hatfield and Evan Dando, of course. What, you don’t remember that love story for the ages? Evan “Lemonheads” Dando!), and Life, In A Nutshell.
Big Poppa by Notorious B.I.G.
You can’t talk about mid-90s music without mentioning the big players in the rap game: Biggie and Tupac. You know what’s kind of amazing? How old-school 80s, early 90s rap had evolved to this by 1995, and it still sounds like it could be released today, maybe minus the synth.
Here Comes The Hotstepper by Ini Kamoze
I am including this strictly so that I can explain that I just learned last year that the lyrics are NOT “I’m the leprechaun gangster.” But for some cultural context, the horror movie Leprechaun was released in ’93 and leprechauns in general were much more intimidating in the ’90s.
Also, I just learned that this song is called Here Comes The Hotstepper now. Right now. While making this playlist.
Cookies + Sangria 