There’s nothing that makes us feel more old than the Teen Choice Awards, as we’ve discussed before. Now a few weeks after our faces have gone back to normal, we’re faced with the annual MTV Video Music Awards. Growing up, I always thought of the VMAs to be the edgiest out of all the awards shows – the one that if I showed up to school the next day and talked about it in 5th grade, I would feel super cool. That didn’t mean I actually was. Over the years, whether we care to admit it or not, the VMAs are a gem in the zeitgeist crown. Even if we don’t know some of the songs or artists nominated, there will ALWAYS be something to talk about around the watercooler (or conversational landmark of your choosing) the next day. This year, plenty of people have already been talking about the show, thanks to their choice of host:
Having not abused my eyes with this picture for a while, it looks absolutely ridiculous. What even is this world we’re living in. Beetlejuice and a grown-up nude Kewpie doll are grinding.
No it’s not Robin Thicke OR that foam finger. It’s obviously Miley Cyrus. Good ol’ Destiny Hope is returning to the VMAs stage two years after the performance that rocked her entire career. One year after she weirdly let her homeless friend accept an award on her behalf:
KATY AND SAM COORDINATED SIDE EYE FTW
But let’s be real here folks, no matter what you think of Miley, we can all agree that whatever she does is entertaining and will garner the attention of… everyone, whether it be positive or negative. I can’t wait to see what she’ll do at the VMAs, and I might be watching with my head down shaking it in disappointment, but I’m looking forward to what she’ll do. Also, brilliant move by MTV.
In saying this, there have been way worse hosts of the VMAs than I expect Miley to be, so let’s just thank MTV head honchos for at least making us want to tune in. Here are some questionable emecees MTV has hired over the years that pretty much make me long for Miley.
1984: Dan Aykroyd and Bette Midler
Ok, let’s attribute this choice to the fact it was the inaugural VMAs, and in the early era of MTV itself. Maybe they didn’t know what they were doing, or what kind of audience they were going for. I guess to be fair, Dan Aykroyd was popular at the time because of SNL and Ghostbusters, and Bette Midler was, more Bette Midler than she is now. But were they really the voice of the youth culture back then? Also, who decided to put these two together? Couldn’t have been one or the other? I have a lot of questions.
1986: MTV VJs: Downtown Julie Brown, Mark Goodman, Alan Hunter, Martha Quinn & Dweezil Zappa
Again, for perspective, MTV was a huge deal in the ’80s, primarily because there was no network like it ever before. MTV was a channel that wasn’t ABC/CBS/NBC, that didn’t show scripted programming, and dedicated entirely to showing visual representations of music heard on the radio. It was groundbreaking, and in those first few years, it was such a big deal that the first VJs subsequently became a big deal too. So again, it makes sense that these folks were the hosts. But come on, that must have been a bore for the regular viewers. Even spreading them out throughout the country – and London? – is mediocre at best. They see these people all the time. It wouldn’t hurt for some new blood in there. I imagine it was so boring that that’s why I couldn’t really find any good clips of them. Which is why I’m sharing this video of a young Whitney singing How Will I Know. There’s something so special about her just singing and dancing without anything else except the neon MTV logos behind her. It’s a far cry from the superproduced performances we’ve seen over the past decade. ‘N Sync and Britney, much? (As a BSB fan, I admit this is one of the best in VMA history).
1993: Christian Slater
You’re reading this right. Christian Slater, movie star and 90s hunk/bad boy, hosted the Video Music Awards. At the time, he was the hottie from Heathers and on the verge of hitting rave reviews in True Romance, so he was more or less the Zac Efron type of the era. However, he still didn’t quite fit into host of the VMAs, as evidenced by this clip of his monologue. He’s going through it as if he’s reading a presentation in science class. Except making horrible jokes like, “How ’bout that Madonna? I didn’t want that number to end but I ran out of quarters backstage”, in reference to this performance. He also made a joke about the Moonman being able to see up Sharon Stone’s dress from the stage, so, I mean, obviously a solid night.
1994: Roseanne
I do not like Roseanne. I do not think she’s funny. I hated her sitcom. The above outfit is physically hurting my eyes. I can’t even get myself to watch this clip of her hosting, but I’m assuming it’s bad.
2008 and 2009 Russell Brand
It’s not that I think Russell Brand isn’t funny. Because sometimes he can be. But also he can be a lot annoying, and bottom line is that I don’t find him entertaining. But hey, who am I to say what the youth of the world finds entertaining these days? I’m just saying do we trust a man with that hair and who divorces someone over the phone???
A couple months ago, my alma mater, Emerson College, announced that starting in the Fall of 2016, there will be a new major available to students – a Bachelor of Fine Arts degree in Comedic Arts, AKA a degree in comedy. Emerson is a communication and arts school where being a musical theatre major doesn’t make you a nerd and Quidditch is the top sport. We’re known for having unusual or quirky things that you wouldn’t find at a “normal” college. When I first heard the news, I thought, ‘Oh, that makes sense’. The school already offers classes on things like puppetry and “Queer TV After Ellen Came Out”, so yeah, a comedy major sounds about right.
However, it was a much bigger question mark to the rest of the world who went to schools that had classes like Accounting and football teams. Emerson even got a mention from Seth Meyers who suggested students can “just take your tuition money and burn it in front of your parents.” Fair.
So with kids heading back to college over the next few weeks, I thought that there must be other schools out there that offer odd, or pop culture-centric classes. Luckily, the American educational system did not let me down. Here are just a few courses you can take right now – did you guys take any weird classes in college?
Emerson College {Boston, MA}
TV Creators: Understanding the Whedonesque
Description:
This course will use the career of Joss Whedon to introduce students to the variety of positions in the entertainment industry and their potential for fulfilling and creative work… By examining his work at various stages, students will better understand auteur theory, modern industrial entertainment production, and artistic production across media. Works covered include: Roseanne, Alien: Resurrection, Buffy the Vampire Slayer as a film and TV series, Angel, Firefly and Serenity, Dollhouse, The Cabin in the Woods, The Avengers, Much Ado About Nothing, Buffy: Season Eight, and Astonishing X-Men.
Class Notes:
Surprisingly enough, I’m not too familiar with the Whedonverse. The closest I’ve ever gotten is watching Dr. Horrible multiple times over. Back in my day, this class was specifically about dissecting Buffy, and not any of Joss Whedon’s other works. My friend (who shall not be named because in her words, ‘I have a reputation to uphold’) took the Buffy class and had this to say about it: “12-year-old me couldn’t believe she was watching one of her favorite shows in class to achieve a real college degree, but it was surprisingly one of the most demanding classes (work load wise) that I have ever taken.” As I think we’re going to find with the rest of these courses, it may sound silly at first, but it’s probably really interesting and a lot of work.
Massachusetts Institute of Technology {Cambridge, MA}
Topics in Comparative Media: American Pro Wrestling
well this is frightening
Description:
This class will explore the cultural history and media industry surrounding the masculine drama of professional wrestling. Beginning with wrestling’s roots in sport and carnival, the class examines how new technologies and changes in the television industry led to evolution for pro wrestling style and promotion and how shifts in wrestling characters demonstrate changes in the depiction of American masculinity. The class will move chronologically in an examination of how wrestling characters and performances have changed, focusing particularly on the 1950s to the present. Students may have previous knowledge of wrestling but are not required to, nor are they required to be a fan (although it is certainly not discouraged, either).
Class Notes:
Exactly what major is this class fulfilling? I particularly like the disclaimer at the end. ‘You don’t have to be a fan of WWE… except you should probably be if you’re spending money on this class.”
Rutgers University {New Jersey}
Feminist Perspectives: Politicizing Beyoncé
Description:
Calling all the single ladies: this exploration into Queen Bey’s influence on feminism, race, gender, and culture helps students become more aware of the way in which pop culture shapes society. Most classes that are named for celebrities deal with sociologies of fame or psychologies of human behavior, but Kevin Allred’s version zeroes in on politics. By juxtaposing Beyoncé’s song lyrics with readings by distinguished black leaders like Sojourner Truth and Octavia Butler, students ask and attempt to answer the question, “Can Beyoncé’s music be seen as a blueprint for progressive social change?” Yet the more appropriate question may be: Who runs the world? Beyoncé.
Class Notes:
Sign. Me. Up. The person who wrote this description is clearly a member of the BeyHive, so that’s already a plus. But like previously mentioned, this class sounds hard as shiiiit. But that’s what you get when you break down the genius that is Queen B.
Georgia Regents College {Augusta, Georgia}
Good Kids, Mad Cities
Description:
Taking its name from Kendrick Lamar’s 2012 album, this course will examine the role of urban living on the development of young people. In Kendrick’s case, “the streets sure to release the worst side of my best” (Lamar 58). By studying and analyzing various literature, films, and K. Dot’s album, we will consider what effects our characters’ surroundings have on who they become as adults. The cities we will be visiting, in our imaginations, are Dublin, New York, Chicago, and Los Angeles.
Class Notes:
This class should be offered at more colleges, TBH.
Middlebury College {Middlebury, Vermont}
Urban America & Serial Television: Watching The Wire
Description:
Frequently hailed as a masterpiece of American television, The Wire shines a light on urban decay in contemporary America, creating a dramatic portrait of Baltimore’s police, drug trade, shipping docks, city hall, public schools, and newspapers over five serialized seasons. In this course, we will watch and discuss all of this remarkable-and remarkably entertaining-series, and place it within the dual contexts of contemporary American society and the aesthetics of television. This is a time-intensive course with a focus on close viewing and discussion, and opportunities for critical analysis and research about the show’s social contexts and aesthetic practices.
Class Notes:
I would take this class for one reason, the same one reason I watch the entirety of The Wire in the first place: Mr. Idris Elba. God bless.
Colorado College {Colorado Springs, Colorado}
Queen Bees, WannaBees, and Mean Girls
Description:
Queen Bees, WannaBees, and Mean Girls explores the means and motives behind why women seek authority and the actions they are willing to take in order to hold onto it. Students will examine this concept through the use of literary works and movies, such as the 2004 film Mean Girls.
Class Notes:
Temporarily ignoring the fact that first sentence makes it seem like this class is slightly sexist, it would be interesting to take a look into this culture of mean girls. And obviously, the class would have to be held on Wednesdays.
American University {Washington, D.C.}
Contemporary American Culture: Hunger Games
Description:
The Hunger Games trilogy is a publishing phenomenon that has dramatically impacted American popular culture. Using the series as a case study, this course examines the interplay of class, politics, ethics, and marketing. Topics covered include oppression, feminism, food deserts, rebellion, the publishing industry, and social media marketing.
Class Notes:
Hunger Games isn’t just for kids, y’all. I also read “food deserts” as “food desserts” and immediately started to think what significance desserts had in the books, scouring my brain to remember Katniss’ fave food – then I realized it said “deserts” as in, the lack of food pretty much everywhere besides the Capitol. The Hunger Game isn’t just for kids, y’all.
Georgetown University {Washington, D.C.}
Philosophy and Star Trek
Description:
Star Trek is very philosophical. What better way, then, to do philosophy, but to watch Star Trek, read philosophy and hash it all out in class? That’s the plan. This course will center on topics in metaphysics that come up again and again in Star Trek. In conjunction with watching Star Trek, we will read excerpts from the writings of great philosophers, extract key concepts and arguments and then analyze those arguments. Questions we will wrestle with include:
I. Is time travel possible? Could you go back and kill your grandmother? What is time?
II. What is the relation between your mind and your brain–are they separate items or identical? Can persons survive death? Could a machine someday think? Is Data a person?
III. What is a person? Must you have the same body to be you? Same memories? When do we have one person, and when do we have two (think of the episodes where people “split” or “fuse”).
IV. Do you have free will, or are you determined by the laws of nature to do exactly what you wind up doing (while believing you have free will)? Or both? What is freewill?
Class Notes:
This description is VERY thorough. Not only that, but seems questionable. For instance, why is one of the questions, “Could you go back and kill your grandmother?”. First of all, it should be “Would”. Second of all, what? Is this a plot point in the Star Trek series? If yes, WHY? Also, “What is a person?” ??? This could be a very deep and depressing conversation I personally wouldn’t want to have in a classroom setting.
Georgia State University {Atlanta, Georgia}
American Poetry: Kanye vs. Everybody
Description:
According to the syllabus, Kanye makes for a useful lens through which to “investigate the continuous development of African American poetry and poetics—the uses of language and literature to represent blackness and Americanness in particular—observing shifting meanings in and of the text with important considerations of race, class, gender, and sexuality.” Throughout the semester, students decode Kanye’s work and interviews, which Dr. Heath believes help draw a line from the Harlem Renaissance to the black nationalist era to current-day hip-hop.
Class Notes:
Can’t tell if Kanye would love this course or disagree with it so much he’ll interrupt during class to say just how much he hates it. Is that a dated reference? Him and TSwift are all good now? Ok.
University at Buffalo {Buffalo, New York}
Breaking Down “Breaking Bad”
Description:
“Breaking Bad” was one of the most spectacular narrative achievements in television. Its five seasons comprised some 60 hours of a single narrative arc, something no film or television program (cable or commercial) has ever accomplished… In this seminar, we’ll take a close look at all the components of the series; we’ll talk about what was done, how it was done, why it worked. There is one prerequisite: that members of the seminar have seen the series before the seminar’s first meeting. We’re going to be studying it, not greeting it. We’ll look at some segments during the semester, but only so we can deconstruct the work. I’ll expect participants to do class presentations on different aspects of the epic, and a term paper on a topic of their choice.
Class Notes:
Unlike the American wrestling course, watching the series IS a pre req to being in this class. Luckily, most people on this planet have watched Breaking Bad. There’s gotta be something meta about teaching a class about a show that features a chemistry teacher who isn’t the greatest teacher.
University of California, Berkeley {Berkeley, California}
Arguing with Judge Judy: Popular ‘Logic’ on TV Judge Shows”
Description:
TV “Judge” shows have become extremely popular in the last 3-5 years. A fascinating aspect of these shows from a rhetorical point of view is the number of arguments made by the litigants that are utterly illogical, or perversions of standard logic, and yet are used over and over again. For example, when asked “Did you hit the plaintiff?” respondents often say, “If I woulda hit him, he’d be dead!” This reply avoids answering “yes” or “no” by presenting a perverted form of the logical strategy called “a fortiori” argument “from the stronger” in Latin. The seminar will be concerned with identifying such apparently popular logical fallacies on “Judge Judy” and “The People’s Court”and discussing why such strategies are so widespread. It is NOT a course about law or “legal reasoning” Students who are interested in logic, argument, TV, and American popular culture will probably be interested in this course. I emphasize that it is NOT about the application of law or the operations of the court system in general.
Class Notes:
As the lawyer of this Cookies + Sangria duo, I’m sure Molly can support or oppose this much better than I can, but in theory, this class actually sounds more interesting than it should? Although I hate watching court show, I’m sure there’s a psychology to it that can be studied. Or just a reminder of how stupid Americans can be.
Another day, another unauthorized story of a 90s TV show from those fine folks at the Lifetime network. This past weekend it was all about Full House, that TGIF (and TBS/WGN/ABC Family/Nick at Nite) favorite that was a staple in our adolescence. We grew up with the Tanners-Katsopolis-Gladstone clan in our living rooms as we watched them grow up in theirs. We saw Rigby the Rhino, Tommy Page, the Beach Boys and even Little Richard come through the doors, and now, we get to see what really went down behind the facade of the Full House. In theory, that is.
Lifetime describes the movie as “the rise of the cast of one of America’s most beloved family sitcoms and the pressures they faced in balancing their television personas with their real lives”. But according to the FH cast, the movie wasn’t exactly how it went down, and to be honest, I’m more inclined to believe them.
Why? I had a lot of things going through my mind while watching it, so if you tuned in or even if you didn’t (probably better that you didn’t), let’s discuss The Unauthorized Full House Story
Question: Why is the VERY first shot of this movie a bush?
Comment: We start in 1987, when they shoot the pilot, but I’m distracted because the fake Full House set looks like Becky’s house on the real Full House.
Comment: The cameramen are laughing at the show. While it’s filming. This isn’t how television works.
Comment: We flashback to 1985 for origin stories, starting off with Bob Saget, who is doing stand up and taking about tampons. He sounds like Seinfeld shouting, ‘What’s the deal with tampons?!’
Question: Bob and Dave knew each other before the show? The world of standup comedy is smaller than you think, so it makes sense these two knew each other before FH.
Question: Dave Coulier was almost on Saturday Night Live? Really, how did I not know this? Apparently he was hired then Lorne and co. were like JK, you’re too similar to Dana Carvey. Ok… But tbh, he seems like a better fit for Full House than sketch comedy.
Comment: John Stamos is played by Justin Gaston. If that name sounds familiar, it’s because he used to date Miley Cyrus. Now he’s playing John Stamos playing Uncle Jesse in a Lifetime movie. Miley is hosting the VMAs on Sunday.
Concern: Bob’s wife tells him she’s pregnant. He says he’s happy about this. His face says otherwise.
actual snapshot of fake bob saget
Comment: Creator Jeff Franklin’s first pitch to ABC was a show called House of Comics (three men/comedians living in a house together, shenans ensue).
“The Cosby Show is doing so well. So the network really wants more of a family show.” Exec who clearly doesn’t know the shit that goes down with Jell-o man in 2015.
After the exec says that quote ^^ Jeff makes up a new show on the spot, which is the plot of Full House. And to think, Full House is all kind of Billy Cosby’s doing. ::insert joke and side eye here::
Comment: Candice Cameron, was only known as Kirk cameron’s little sister at the time. When she went in to audition for Deej, she overhears the casitng director say she was “only okay”. However Candace later redeems herself after a pep talk from her stage mom, and eventually gets the part. Being Kirk Cameron’s sister didn’t always help, folks.
Concern: Paul Reiser was the first choice for Danny Tanner, but he was busy with My Two Dads. What’s that show you ask? Well it’s where the girl from Step by Step is adopted and raised by the dude from Mad About You and straight George Michael. It only last three seasons, so is Paul Reiser upset? Probably not. He went on to Mad About You.
Question: John was already a star. At least with the daytime mom crowd, and he was getting hounded by crazy General Hospital fans. By the time he was approached by Jeff about FH, John was ready to find a new demographic. He was so eager about the new gig that he told Jeff the vision he had for “Uncle Adam” – he pitched that Elvis had a twin brother whose name was Jesse and died at childbirth, and he wanted to be Jesse. Uncle Adam became Uncle Jesse. I still don’t get why he wanted to paid tribute to Elvis’ dead brother?
Concern: MK & A just happened to be sitting in the waiting room of the casting office because their mom’s friend took her kids to the audition. How PISSED is that friend now?
Question: John Posey was originally cast as Danny, because Bob wanted another job on CBS or something. The pilot was shot with this Posey dude. The network picked up the show w Posey and Jeff Franklin (EP) wanted to reshoot the pilot w Danny. This is what one in the biz calls a “Shitshow.” More importantly, where is this footage with Posey as Danny Tanner???
Concern: Justin Gaston is like, significantly younger than the guys who play Bob and Dave.
Comment: The dude who plays Bob is like *almost* nailing the real Bob Saget’s voice to a point, however it also sounds like he has a frog in his throat the entire time.
Question: Why does the guy who plays Bob have more chemistry with his sister than his wife?
His sis convinces Bob he needs to bond with his co-stars
“If looked like him (John) I’d never get out of the shower.” – Bob
“So start there” – Sis
“In the shower with Stamos? – Bob
“No, you know what I mean” – Sis
Cue: boys’ trip to Vegas.
Comment: It’s interesting that they keep portraying Bob as a serial monogamist, seeing as how he decided to play blackjack instead of hanging out with John, Dave, and three hot ladies in Sin City. However, back on set, he’s still got a pottymouth and basically told Jodie Sweetin she hopefully won’t grow up to be a stripper. I mean, good advice, to be fair. He even pitched to Jeff that Danny get OCD or terets (so he can curse). The Olsens twins and Cameron’s moms hate this about him and decide to talk to Jeff about it.
Question: Did Dave Coulier really single-handedly convince MK&A’s mom to stay with the show? She is basically juggling being a stage mom all by herself since her husband is not in sight, but Dave assures her everyone can help raise them, and even offer to help find them a nanny, just so they don’t leave the show.
Comment: Dave farts during tender moment about season 2 pickup. This I can believe.
Question: WAIT JOHN AND LORI DATED ‘A FEW TIMES’ BEFORE SHE JOINED THE SHOW??
“We went on a date to Disneyland before we were both married. In real life, when we were 18, 19 years old… No disrespect to her family and her husband now, I would say that she could be the one that got away. She’s one of my dearest friends, and that’s good enough. I really do adore her.” Real Stamos saying OTP could’ve been real {x}
Question: Why is Danny surprised when he gets fan mail dumped on his person? Like, he’s shocked that the bag of fan mail dumped on his person is all for him and not for the Olsen twins.
Concern: Andrea Barber (Kimmy Gibbler) runs into the on-set classroom to tell Candace she got upped to a series regular, and Jodie Sweetin looks on at their friendship longingly and a lil jeals. I feel like maybe this would’ve been true on a nine-year-old kid level, but not for realsies.
Comment: The guys find out MK&A are the most popular stars from the show, so Dave lit’rally runs to Jeff’s office so he can campaign for more scenes. Bob and John look at each other and say, “Should we tell him the EPs office is that way?”, in a way that easily could’ve been in the real Full House – it was that corny.
Question: Because MK&A were getting popular by the second, their parents decide to negotiate their contract to get more money. They ask to DOUBLE their salary. The twins are THREE YEARS OLD. Aren’t the other cast members a lil pissed about this??
Comment: Network execs are hoping to tie-in more of their programming with the super popular Full House by asking Bob to host a new show called America’s Funniest Home Videos. His response: “Americas Funniest Home Videos? That seems ever more sophmoric than Full House. Just kidding, that’s not possible.” They are really making it look like Bob had so much disdain for the show.
Question: Did John really set up a rehearsal space for his band in the.. green room on the FH set? And were there actual fam jam sessions
Question: They keep giving a behind the scenes look at Bob’s marriage with him juggling a marriage (that’s clearly disintegrating), three kids and two jobs setting it up for disaster. Also how does this effect the show?
Concern: If this is how people gathered to watch TGIF in 1990, I really missed out.
The book on the coffee table, The Century, was published in 1998. Full House ended in 1995.
Comment: Instead of a talking woodchuck Joey has a talking dog.
Did somebody say…. BONES? (idk, i’m not good with dog jokes)
Comment: Dave announces he’s engaged to some chick, and for some reason, John mystericously jealous about this.
Concern: Candace goes crazy looking for Lori because she got the new script and found out she has to have her first onscreen kiss. Lori enlists “Stamos” to show Candace how to kiss. I feel weird about this.
Question: Were John Stamos and Paula Abdul a tight enough couple that they almost got married? I always forget they dated, but per the movie, Stamos says, “I really like Paula I think she might be the one.”
Except she wasn’t because in the next scene he says they break up. Wah wah.
Comment: Execs see Bob molesting a mannequin on the closed circuit video feed of the set, so Jeff chastises him for being inappropriate. Again with the ‘Bob Saget was an overly dirty man on a set about pure family values’.
Concern: Candace has a heart to heart with John after seeing an article in a tabloid that says she’s chubby. Stamos gives her advice to not let it bother her. She says, “My brother thinks I need to be closer to God.”
Question: WHY IS THERE NO COMET??? I just realized no dog has come on my screen yet!
Concern: I feel really bad for Dave, who says, “The truth is I’m not so good at being a grown up,” a notion we all can relate to. He reveals he’s getting divorced and his sister just died, so things aren’t going swell.
“Wouldn’t it be great if real life was more like Full House? No matter how big your problem is, you knew that everything was going to be okay?”
“And anything could be solved with a few bowls of ice cream and some hugs.”
Concern: Candace starts going to public school in ’93 AND SHE IS A NEW ACTRESS. Also, the clothes from “1993” are so “2015”.
Question: Did Stamos, Bob and Dave really have whipped cream battles backstage? And if they didn’t, was this really the worst thing they could do? It’s like they’re 6th graders getting reprimanded at recess.
Comment: Earlier in the movie, Bob’s sister tells him that their mom has some disease, but now it turns out that his sister has scleroderma. She later passes away and now I feel like an ass for saying they flirted earlier. All of the adult FH cast shows up to her funeral, and it’s nice to see them all supporting each other.
Question: Jeff Franklin created Hangin’ With Mr. Cooper? Because of his success with the show, he left Full House in order to get Mark Curry and co. off the ground. Jeff Franklin is responsible for your TGIF memories.
Comment: I’m so over this Bob/wife drama, especially because I know how it ends. There’s more about this than Jodie Sweetin.
Comment: We’re suddenly backstage at a fashion show where Dave and John are guests and John literally has a meet cute with Rebecca Romijn (I still call you last name Stamos).
Concern: Lori gets divorced right as John starts dating Rebecca. Talk about bad timing. Perhaps they would have actually made a good couple?
Comment: The whole cast is gathered in a room and told the show is cancelled and they’re filming the last one next week. Jodie has a difficult time accepting this. This is really her only storyline beside being jealous of Candace/Andrea friendship.
“Now I’m even losing my make believe husband.” Lori about John. Too soon?
Question: WHO are the people in this audience?
Comment: The last scene is very similar to the final scene of the series, in which Deej is off to her prom without a date but Kimmy surprises her by inviting Steve, who we see for the first time. Also for the first time: Nicky and Alex. Not seen: Michelle’s concussion where she forgets everything and confronts her other self AKA screen time for both MK and A.
“See somehow everything has a way of working out.”
“As long as we stick together.”
‘The way we always do.” META, MUCH?
Concern: We cut to two years later, and we’re back to seeing Bob doing standup. He overhears a woman say “It makes me feel gross. That’s Danny Tanner up there saying those horrible things!” You know what makes me feel gross? This woman’s inability to separate actor from character. She’s overreacting.
Comment: We see that John went on to star in a Broadway revival of How To Succeed… and he’s super in love with Rebecca Romijn, Bob gets a divorce (obvi), and Dave hosts a charity hockey game. Candace and Lori (who look the same age, BTW) visit Dave in the locker room, where he introduces Candace to Russian hockey player and her future husband Val, who lrearned Rnglish watching Full House in Russia… So their relationship started because he was a fanboy?
Concern: Candace and Val get married a year after FH ends, and all the cast goes to her wedding. Dave sits next to this woman:
Candace meets and greets every. single. member. of the cast as if she’s a pop star backstage and meeting her fans and I literally say outloud I HATE THIS.
Comment: Bob gives a speech at Candace’s wedding, and talks about the influence Danny Tanner had on his life.
“The best thing about Danny was that he knew what was important. He surrounded himself with lots of poeple he loved…”
“With ice cream and so many hugs!”
“As you start your new family, just know wherever you go – wherever any of us go – we’ll always have this family (John aside: that’s true). The one we made.” ::Dave farts::
Cue: Follow You Down. No, seriously, Follow You Down started playing in the background.
Concern: THERE IS A VOICE OVER. I THINK IT’S DAVE? THERE IS A VOICE OVER THAT MIGHT BE DAVE PLAYED OVER A MONTAGE OF WHAT WE’VE SEEN SO FAR AND THE FH BILLBOARD BEING TAKEN DOWN.
“We had such good memories… and to this day, when one of deals with hard times, or one of the many challenges that life puts in front of us, the other ones do whatever they can to help out. You know, it’s pretty incredible after all these years we all remain close and get together often – like the family we are.”
This actually faded into a pink background and FH graphic.
It’s been one week since the big -A reveAl on Pretty Little Liars, and per the Internet, there’s a mixed bag of emotions on who turned out to be torturing this group of teenagers for three (?) years.
***SPOILER – BUT REALLY IF YOU WATCH THIS SHOW YOU SHOULD’VE SEEN IT ALREADY – ALERT***
To me, it seems like 80% of fans are upset that -A turned out to be CeCe Drake aka Charles DiLaurentis aka the transgender Charlotte DiLaurentis, while 20% are happy with the turn of events. When I watched it, I wasn’t immediately angry, or annoyed, or much of anything really. I think the word to best describe it would be… ambivalent?
ed note: finding riggins/taylor kitsch BTS gifs on the interwebs is pure gold
I’ve seen every episode of the show since the pilot, and stuck with it for six seasons, looking for clues and reading theories, but not going too far down the rabbit hole like those die-hArd fans. I think a theory that most fans concluded was the most likely was that Wren, the hot British doctor, would be A, and that made sense to me. Annddd it turned out that was wrong.
Now that I’ve had a week to digest the whole CeCe/Charles scenario, what I’m really annoyed with when it comes down with it, is this trend of TV writers stringing along their viewers for a long period of time just to result in fan fury. For those of you who aren’t into teen dramas like I am, the best thing I can compare this to is the How I Met Your Mother finale.
Last year, after nine seasons, we discovered the titular Mother dies of an undisclosed disease, and 2030 Ted is telling his kids the story basically as a way to indirectly ask them if it’s okay that he moves on and dates Aunt Robin. Yes, in a spectacular two-hour finale of How I MET YOUR MOTHER, we see Ted meet The Mother after Robin and Barney’s wedding, a fast forward which features Robin and Barney divorcing, Lily and Marshall having another kid (that they probs didn’t really want), The Mother dying (RIP Tracy McConnell), and the show coming full circle with Ted standing outside Robin’s apartment with a blue french horn.
It’s not that I hated that Ted went back to Robin in the end, because, meh, whatever, but it’s the fact that the creators kind of misled the viewer into thinking the endgame was How Ted Mosby Met His Wife, not How Ted Mosby Fell In Love Again. Things were looking up at the end of season eight, when we see The Mother/Tracy McConnell for the first time. It was exciting to see flash forwards of her and Ted happily together, and her meeting the other four BFFs. I was looking forward to their happy ending in 2030. But when the series finale came, fans’ worst fears came true, and Tracy was dunzo. To me, she was used as a plot device, a minor character in the overarching storyline just to show the viewer that in fact, Ted had been in love with Robin the whole eight years we’ve spent watching the show. It was a plotline that had been brought up multiple times in the show, but we viewers dismissed it because it was clear that each Robin and Ted had moved on.
HIMYM creators Carter Bays and Craig Thomas revealed after the series finale that they had this plan of Robin and Ted coming together in the series finale since season one. Hey, remember in the pilot when Ted made it clear he called Robin AUNT Robin on purpose, because Carter and Craig wanted us to know that she wasn’t the mother? It clearly implied those two kids didn’t belong to Robin, and thus the viewer was hooked for the next nine seasons to find out who that Mother was.
Although not explicit in its title, Pretty Little Liars has done the same. It’s a mystery drama that in the pilot, is set up that this group of four girlfriends discover their other BFF, Allison, is dead after she went missing. The girls each receive threatening messages from a mysterious -A, and for the next six seasons, we went deep into the world of Rosewood, its many characters, and tried to uncover the identity of this psycho -A.
Those theories that I mentioned before – hardcore fans of PLL take down every note, every detail, scour over every minute clue that is shown in each episode and compile them in one huge Internet Bible as if the world of Rosewood is real. There have been five and a half seasons of twists and turns, and turns and twists on top of those, and red herrings and actual clues mixed in that it makes my head actually hurt.
prop clue board or the inside of a PLL fan’s brain?
Pretty Little Liars is in no way considered on the same level as mysteries like Twin Peaks or even classified in Netflix’s Thought-Provoking, Cerebral Dramas. However, the conceit of the actual program, like How I Met Your Mother, is interesting and intriguing, but the execution of the conclusion was nothing less than self-gratification, a bit condescending and overall, disappointing.
The point is, there is so much build up to the end game, not just in PLL, but in other shows like Lost or Gossip Girl, where the entire series is built upon and beloved because you’re hoping for resolution at the end. You put your trust in the writers that they’re leading you on through this (often times) exhaustive journey to be rewarded with a satisfying end. The problem, I think, is that sometimes writers get so wrapped up in their own vision of how their project is going to wrap, that they put fan service to the wayside. In recent years, I can think of shows like Parks and Recreation and Friday Night Lights that ended on notes that were accepted and praised by the fans. Although there are fewer and less ‘dramatic’ stakes for Leslie Knope taking a Washington D.C. job than, say, Emily almost getting chopped up by a buzzsaw thanks to -A, those shows reached endings that were the best outcome for the characters and not a blatant put-upon vision from the creators of the shows. So TV writers who are probably not reading this, I hope that you take into consideration that sometimes dragging out a story just to prove a point isn’t the way to go. And hey, PLL writers, there’s still time – we still have another season and a half for you to win our trust back. Make it count.
To me, SNICK had always been a hotbed of coolness, the block of programming that was a necessity for kids to watch in order to be considered at the very least normal with their peers, but also a place where ‘cool’ characters were always present. As a kid, I always looked up to the kids on Nickelodeon as either wanting to covet their lives or utterly fascinated by how their everyday lives seemed to be.
As a little Asian girl growing up in Western New York, this was particularly true of Shelby Woo. At the time, I don’t remember seeing anyone that looked remotely similar to me or had a similar background. Now, I didn’t live with my former Karate sansei innkeeper grandfather or was Chinese or even an amateur sleuth for that matter (as much as I tried, Ghostwriter didn’t write back), all I knew was that I could relate to someone on television that was also a descendant of an immigrant and – not white. #RepresentationIsImportant
Shelby Woo was a go-getter, someone who wasn’t afraid to find the truth about the cases police had trouble solving. She was smart and cunning, among many other things, but all these character traits were enviable by 12-year-old Traci. Shelby was a possibility – a possibility for a young girl to become a detective when she got older, because we still were asked, ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’ without it being totally depressing. I didn’t grow up to be a detective or anything close to it, but Shelby Woo represented what could be. Even when she was figuring out less-than-enviable cases about stolen lunch meat from the cafeteria.
Episode Title: The Hot Dog Mystery
Air Date: Unaired
A sudden bout of food poisoning hits the cafeteria at Space Coast High, and Shelby searches her school for suspects. Could it be the work of a rival meat supplier? A nasty cafeteria employee? Or someone trying to send a message to the school administration? And if Shelby can’t find out how someone made the kids sick, is there a chance it could happen again?
Hit Play!!
So apparently this episode never aired. Not sure whether it’s because the show was cancelled or Nick execs just didn’t think the quality of this particular episode was up to par, but it has had to resort to a life on YouTube, never seeing the light of cable day. I’d also like to note that I don’t think I’ve seen this show in like, 17 years, so I don’t really remember all the details of it. What I can tell you is that Shelby Woo was obviously a precursor to our beloved Veronica Mars. Like, eerily so.
0:31 Bless grandpa Pat Morita. Is he still alive?? And why does Shelby have a thicker accent than gramps? (PS: Pat Morita died in 2005. Oops. #RIPPatMorita)
1:10 I don’t remember Shelby breaking the fourth wall in this show??
“See if you can pick the right suspect from the menu” – Shelby
As previously mentioned, a bunch of kids are sick, and Shelby’s managed to trace it back to the hot dogs served in the high school cafeteria. One dude ate 11. There was a wager going on. Kids are dumb.
3:25 Tim’s mom (also the school’s librarian) is a vegetarian and mad at her son for eating meat. She then sees another kid in the nurse’s office with a leather bookbag and scolds him, suggesting he use a macrame bag instead. A) She’s probs the head of PETA rn. B) I think Tim tainted the hot dogs.
Also Shelby’s friend Noah is wearing one of those shirts
4:30 Shelby’s boss (?) at the police department was called in to solve this hot dog mystery. Why is an actual detective at some high school trying to find the culprit instead of figuring out a murder or something in the town?
6:00 The meat provider for the cafeteria is a Southern dude who works for Cummings Meat. He legitimately just used the phrase “Cummings weiners”
“These kids won’t trust hot dogs for a year” German lunchlady who has too much trust and belief in teens
By the by, Shelby is using her computer skills to solve the case, because apparently there’s a special program on her Apple computer that organizes all her case information.
12:30 Now Shelby and her co-sleuths think the Cummings Meat guy could be the culprit and follow him at his morning delivery. They also look like they’re two years out of college and have nothing better to do than hang out at their old high school.
“I had to rotate 40 pounds of meat” Cummings Meat Guy
“While we’re here let’s look around of clues.” Shelby
HELLO DID YOU NOT LISTEN TO WHAT WEINER GUY SAID? The perishables should be moved to the top not kept being pushed down. German lunch lady probs wasn’t paying attention to expiration dates and grabbed a pack of hot dogs she thought were fine and served them to the kids. Which would explain why none of the packages had been tampered with.
13:43 Shelbs and Co. are stuck in the freezer and it’s like I Love Lucy all over again. This is when cell phones come in handy.
“Oh man I hate exercise maybe we could… snuggle?” Noah is my favorite, despite his creepiness.
15:00 I feel like this episode is a giant PSA for PETA and anti-eating meat.
16:00 Okay now the nurse is starting to be sketchy. First Shelbs accidentally knocks over the nurse’s purse and crap falls out, including a big ass bottle of aspirin, latex gloves and a needle, despite the fact she said earlier she can’t use needles (as per the law?). She also initially said she was “glad” to see all the kids in her office in the beginning of the episode, so maybe she’s the one who did a switcheroo in the freezer to get more kids sick? Because she’s an insane masochist? Or she wants to prove she’s invaluable?
16:25 TIM THINKS HIS MOM POISONED THE HOT DOGS. There’s still like 10 minutes left, so it’s not her.
17:34 Gramps shows up to school because Shelbs forgot her lunch. And the “detective” hat he’s been trying to push on her since the beginning of the ep. Again, taking a page out of Full House’s book, are we?
18:00 Gramps reveals the PTA is considering slashing the budget – including cutting the school nurse.
21:00 Shelbs has a solid theory for the case and calls her Detective boss back in to do some questioning, but really, neither of them are legit. Shelbs fingers the nurse and says she used the needle to poison the hot dogs without opening the packaging, and she did it to prove she needed to keep her job. I was half right.
22:00 Tim feels bad about putting the blame on his mom, but ultimately realizes it’s fine because she’s just a super vegetarian who just wants to push her ideals on her son and his teenage friends.
They fired the nurse! I feel like IRL there would’ve been a lawsuit against her, but there’s only 22 minutes in Woo World.
The executive story editor for this show is Suzanne Collins – and if that name rings a bell, it’s because she wrote The Hunger Games triology. She also wrote most of the novelizations for Shelby Woo, which explains why Katniss and Shelbs are basically the same. jk. ALSO, the director was Allison Liddi (-Brown), a person whose name I creepily recognized because she has directed eps of such shows as Parenthood, Scandal, Grey’s Anatomy, Private Practice AND The Secret World of Alex Mack, among others. Her resume reads as my life story.
In 2006, my friend told me to watch this video on the YouTube. If you can recall back to nine years ago, YouTube was just getting started, so watching a video on this platform was next level EBaumsWorld. I sat there in awe of the video she just made me watch, thinking, ‘What THE FUCK did I just witness, am I on drugs right now?’ The answer is, ‘IDK’ and ‘no’. This was the video in question:
*Upon rewatching this, I realized for the first time that they filmed a portion of the shopping montage literally outside my current office.
Soon enough, it became one of the first viral sensations on YouTube to my recollection, and became a constant quoted vid amongst my college-aged peers. Then, this guy released more humorous vids, such as Let Me Borrow That Top:
And Text Message Breakup (hi Margaret Cho):
And maybe my favorite, Muffins. I still say ‘blueburry’ and all other ‘berries’ like him from time to time.
All these videos were made by the guy featured with the blonde wig (Kelly)/grandma wig (Mother Grandma), Liam Kyle Sullivan, or Liam Show. After his string of video hits, he became one of the first YouTube stars (watch out Tyler Oakley). In 2008, he even won a People’s Choice Award for Shoes in the user-generated category and even opened for his pal Margaret Cho for her Beautiful tour that same year. Soon, Kelly’s viral appeal went away and we didn’t hear as much from Liam as we had before. Unless you followed him constantly on YouTube. So where is he now? I did some deep web research so you didn’t have to.
Before he even gained popularity with Shoes et. al, Liam had been working as an actor in random shows like That’s Life (with Orange County Housewife Heather Dubrow), 8 Simple Rules, VH1’s I Hate My 30s, and our personal fave, Gilmore Girls (The photographer in Wedding Bell Blues – ‘Can we get another shot in?’).
Liam continued to act in small roles in various shorts, TV movies and TV shows, before focusing more on producing and directing. In 2009, he wrote and produced a short called Keller and Sullivan, described as a film in which “The Miracle and her miracle worker join forces to fight crime: A silly romp through the true crime film genre told through the eyes of Helen Keller and Annie Sullivan.”
In 2011, he directed Thugs, The Musical, a faux-documentary about a “‘non-urban’ black actor in Hollywood. That same year, he celebrated the fifth anniversary of Shoes, and decided to make a commentary video for his life-changing project.
In 2013, Liam focused on directing a documentary called Ian Harvie Superhero, which follows groundbreaking transgender comedian, Ian Harvie. The movie touches on his own personal journey while also unveiling his first-ever live standup comedy set for film.
As for his personal life, Liam married writer/actress Ilana Cohn in August 2009. That’s right they just celebrated their six year anniversary.
Two years ago, they created a super cute kid named Tali. Like really cute. Like, I’m not just saying she’s cute, cute. IDK why I feel weird posting it, so just click on Ilana’s Insta. Anyways, Liam and Ilana also work together on various projects, and just this past January, they worked on this video of Nickelodeon.
A couple of years ago, Molly was kind enough to send me a care package of books, most of which are geared towards a younger audience, because she gets me. One of the books in said package was a novelization of Dawson’s Creek, called A Capeside Christmas.
It seems as if novelizing popular TV shows seemed to be a big 90s thing that brought in all the cash for these already hit programs. I’m pretty sure I read one or two of the Full House books, but there was also a collection of Buffy, Charmed, and Roswell ones floating around too. But the thing about these was that they were never *quite* in canon with the shows they were derived from.
I recently finished A Capeside Christmas, and hands down, it was one of the worst things I’ve ever read. But I finished it, so I guess it wasn’t that horrible. I thought the story was going to follow the gang during Christmas and some kind of trouble that ensued (per usual) around this time of year in the Cape, but instead, it was 146 pages about the Capeside Follies aka the town Christmas pageant that all of them are in. Dawson is lured in as director, Jen is the stage manager and Joey and Pacey are in the show showing off their talents – IN THE SHOW. It was a little off, but I could see how it still fit in with the show in general. But since Andie found a love interest in the book, it also lead to confusion as to whether it takes BP or AP (Before Pacey/After Pacey). It read like a DC fanfic, but was juuuust good enough to get picked up by a lesser known publisher. And for all we know, the Dawson’s Creek line of books could be just that.
Yes, there’s more than one of these books besides A Capeside Christmas. Although I don’t think I’ll be paying $.75 cents + $5 shipping to purchase “Too Hot To Handle”, I do want to appreciate these books for its comedic value. All of the novels have a corny subtitle, one that was probably from the same vault where your dad gets his Dad Jokes from. Just like I didn’t really know what A Capeside Christmas was about prior to diving in, I’m going to do the same thing and do exactly what you SHOULD do with any Dawson’s Creek novelization – judge a book by its cover.
Four fifteen-year-olds ready to take on the world.
They’re learning about life, and learning how to love. **
Shifting into Overdrive
Assumed Plot: Joey is eager to get her driver’s license, and since her older sister Bessie is too busy at the B&B and with her baby (and her hubs is mysteriously absent), Joey has to call on the help of one of her friends to pass the test. Since Dawson’s too focused on his latest film project for the Rhode Island Film Festival, Pacey offers to give her driving lessons in his pickup. Their road is a rocky one at the start, with constant bickering and stressful backseat (frontseat) drivers. However, it’s eventually smooth sailing for Pacey and Joey as she nears her test – but will the actual test be their budding romantic relationship? *Pacey actually taught Joey how to drive, right?*
Actual Plot: The road calls… Joey and Jen totally need a Dawson-free zone, so when Jen’s wealthy cousin invites her to an elegant Sweet Sixteen party in New York City, Jen coaxes a reluctant Joey along. Meanwhile, Dawson and Pacey are hot on their trail, dying to know what the girls are up to. The guys hit the road. And the road hits back….
Is high society ready for Jen’s ex-boyfriend Billy, and Danny, a sophisticated senior who’s totally into Joey? “And two sleepless gate-crashers?” It’s party time….
Major Meltdown
Assumed Plot: Now Juniors, they gang (excluding Pacey) are freaking out over the upcoming SATs and pressure of college in general. Studious Joey is taking extra SAT prep courses to bump up her score from 1400 to at least 1525. Jen is deciding whether she wants to go to college at all and Dawson is torn between going to Los Angeles or New York for film school. However the one thing they all have in common is the dilemma of whether they’re making the right decisions about college at all, a choice that will effect the rest of their lives.
Actual Plot: Jen hopes that a ski trip to a fancy Vermont chalet will enable her to rekindle things with Dawson, who is in turn occupied with his feelings for Joey; while Pacey looks forward to conquest over the ski bunnies.
Double Exposure
Assumed plot: Jen and Joey decide to take a photography class together, and one of their projects is to pick someone or something that has great value and serves as an inspiration to them as part of a photo project. Separately, the both Jen and Joey pick Dawson – and jealousy ensues. Will Dawson help out the new girl in town or the girl who’s been in his heart for his whole life?
Actual Plot: The Ice House is in serious need of funds, so Joey takes matters into her own hands and finds work as an underwear model, but when her pictures end up on the Internet, heads begin turning at school.
Don’t Scream
Assumed Plot: In the book version of one of the famous Halloween episodes, Pacey convinces everyone to join him on a trip to Salem to check out the place where the actual witch trials took place. Strange little things keep happening while they’re there – water glasses get knocked over with no explanation, doors keep shutting with no wind in the air, and even Jack’s going crazy because he keeps thinking he sees his grandmother everywhere they go – a grandmother who died five years ago. In Salem.
Actual Plot: “LIGHTS, CAMERA, SCREAM” Has Dawson’s dream finally come true? A low-budget teen horror film is shooting in Capeside and Dawson desperately wants to work on the set. This could be the professional break he’s been looking for an he’s really excited. That is, until Jen lands the job he wanted. Meanwhile, Joey loves the attention she’s getting while spending time with the movie’s to-die-for lead.
Too Hot To Handle
Assumed Plot: It’s summertime in the Creek and when they’re not working at the Ice House or at the video store or at Dawson’s parents’ restaurant, the gang spend most of their time at the beach. It’s there that both Pacey and Dawson meet some particularly attractive ladies, causing jealousy to stir inside both Andie and Joey, respectively.
Actual Plot: Pacey has a great idea to raise money to protect Dunn’s Lighthouse from developers. Students will volunteer to dress as celebs, and other teens will bid on them. The highest bidders for the stars will own them for a day. Who would turn down this chance to fulfill his or her fantasies?
Running On Empty
Assumed Plot: Jack confides to Jen that he’s gay, a confession he’s too scared to come forward with to both his family, friends, and especially girlfriend Joey. The pressure of being who people think he is and who he truly is gets to him, and it’s only Jen who can help him through it.
Actual Plot: Bessie and Joey’s plan to rake in the dough with paying guests during Capeside’s “Weekend of the Whales” festival goes south fast when Bessie sprains her ankle, spoiled potato salad knocks out all the cooks in town, and it rains and rains and rains. Pacey, Dawson, Jack, and Andie are eager to help out…but Andie’s got her hands full with the handsome twin brothers staying at Gram’s place, Dawson’s dealing with another obnoxious B&B client, a poetry-loving houseguest totally crushes on Joey, and there’s not a whale in sight! Looks like it’s gonna be a long weekend…
Trouble in Paradise
Assumed Plot: It was going well for soulmates Dawson and Joey for a while, before they separately started to realize that it just wasn’t working out romantically. After they spend a weekend in Paradise, Connecticut with Jen, Andie, Pacey and Jack on a skiing trip, their already tense relationship comes to a head when they’re forced to come forward with their true feelings during an intense round of Truth or Dare.
Actual Plot: It’s the return of Jen’s cousin Courtney the Perfect. Grams is thrilled. Jen and Joey are not, and their instincts are right: Courtney is definitely out to stir up trouble.
Playing for Keeps
Assumed Plot: In order to make some extra money in hopes of saving it for a new car, Pacey starts investing in off-track betting. Andie starts to notice that his hobby is soon becoming an addiction, as she sees he’s losing more money than he’s investing. Will Andie’s pressure to stop his gambling ways push Pacey to clean up his act or be on the brink of a breakup?
Actual Plot: Summer is finally here and the gang nab jobs as counselors at Camp Takabec. Jack is the football counselor, Dawson does audiovisual, Joey’s in arts and crafts, Jen and Pacey are directing the camp musical, and Andie is an academic tutor for challenged kids.
They’re managing to have a blast, even though Jen and Joey both fall for the same mysterious college guy from England. Meanwhile, a friendly color war is developing into “The Sex Wars,” pitting the guys against the gals. But who will win this friendship tug-of-war?
Tough Enough
Assumed Plot: Dawson’s secret love for the WWE is revealed.
Actual Plot: North…by Northwest? When Principal Green introduces a mandatory new program called “SpringPlan” at Capeside High, Jen, Joey, Pacey, Jack, Andie, and Dawson all sign up for projects that interst them. But Princpal Green has other ideas, and they find themselves assigned to “Character Building Through Wilderness Training” in the wilds of North Carolina. Oh yeah.
Wilderness Camp is run by a former marine drill sergeant who makes the Godfather look like Mother Teresa. Pre-breakfast runs, splittng wood, poisonous-snake identification classes. Tension is running high, but there’s only one way out of the woods for Jen, Joey, Pacey, Dawson, Jack, and Andie.
Calm Before the Storm
Assumed Plot: A huge winter storm is heading to Capeside, and everyone is preparing for the worst before hunkering down for what’s sure to be the worst storm in years. But tensions are already high for Joey and Dawson (who just broke up), Joey and Jack (whose kiss led to said break-up), Andie and Pacey (who are secretly working through Andie’s mental problems) and Jen (who is still coping with the death of her grandfather). They end up locked in the school for hours, since the storm came in early, and they are forced to stick together and hash out their problems while waiting for the storm to pass.
Actual Plot: “Whales mate for life.” “At least they know what they want,” Joey thinks.
Sometimes her relationship with Dawson seems so complicated. Even more so when her class field trip to Billings Island, a nature preserve off the coast of Capeside, is blown apart by a freak storm. And Joey and Dawson are separated from Pacey and Jen. Now they’re lost in the woods… stranded in an old cabin together, cold and shivering, alone in a storm… eager for warmth.
Listen up losers – today is the day we’ve been waiting for for 14 years. It’s time to finally go back to Camp Firewood, where the sexual tension fills the humid Maine air and hits you like a disgusting sticky wall of regret and the counselors could honestly not give two shits about their campers. I’m so excited.
We’re going back to 1981, but this time around, a few days before the kiddos arrive, hence, Wet Hot American Summer: First Day of Camp. The new Netflix prequel of eight glorious episodes comes out today, and previously released intel reveals that it looks exactly the same (in a good way), but with even more star power than before, which seems impossible. For the prequel, co-creators David Wain and Michael Showalter recruited some of today’s hottest stars, including Jon Hamm, Kristen Wiig, John Slattery, Jason Schwartzman, Chris Pine, Josh Charles, etc. etc. etc. While I’m looking forward to seeing these folks at Camp Firewood, I’m also looking forward to seeing the old counselors back on campus again. Particularly because they’re playing a few days younger than what they were in the movie they filmed 15 years ago.
And 15 years ago, a lot of these cast members were still flying under the radar of fame. For Bradley Cooper, it was his first feature film, and there’s still a good chunk of the world who didn’t even know he was in it. David and Michael sure know how to pick them, and as we can see from the careers the cast has had since then, everyone’s doing just fine. But while they have had unforgettable roles they will be known for for the rest of their lives (Leslie Knope, Effie Trinket, Det. Elliot Stabler), these accomplished actors have their fair share of underrated performances. So in honor of going back to Maine, here are some of my favorite roles Camp Firewood alum have taken on since 1981/2001.
Amy Poehler as Susie
Post Camp Firewood Choice Performance: Sondra in A.C.O.D.
You love seeing Amy and Adam Scott as Leslie and Ben, but do you think you’ll love them as stepmother and stepson? The surprising answer is yes. If you’re wondering – but they’re one year apart in age, how is that possible?? That’s why it’s funny folks. Sondra is a short-tempered rich bitch who doesn’t particularly care too much about being a mother figure to Adam Scott’s character, and she brings the laughs (as always). Plus the dynamic between them is reason enough to see this movie.
Bradley Cooper as Ben
Post Camp Firewood Choice Performance: Holden Wilson in Valentine’s Day
We all know how big of a star B Coops has become since this movie. And as previously mentioned, WHAS was Bradley’s first feature film coming straight out of the Inside The Actors Studio school and oh boy what a role it was. Relatedly, Bradley was in, IMHO an underrated movie, Valentine’s Day, which follows in the style of Love Actually and He’s Just Not That Into You. He plays a soldier who meets Julia Roberts on a plane and maybe I was too engrossed in the other B-X plots but I definitely did not seeing his ending coming.
Michael Ian Black as McKinley
Post Camp Firewood Choice Performance: Phil Stubbs in Ed
Michael Ian Black is best known for his usually over-the-top comedic roles, but he toned it down a bit for dramedy Ed, a series that aired the entire four years we were in high school, and I feel like I was in a small group of teens who watched it in its entirety. MIB played one of the employees at bowling alley Stuckeybowl, which is owned by the titular Ed. MIB brings the comedy to the series as like the odd guy (out), bringing the necessary townie strangeness needed for the small town life. (PS: full eps are on youtube!!!!!)
Elizabeth Banks as Lindsay
Post Camp Firewood Choice Performance: Avery Jessup in 30 Rock
Elizabeth Banks is one of those people who is loved by all and can do pretty much anything she’s asked to play. For the record, Avery Jessup is one of the best characters she’s ever played because she’s so insane and so real that it hurts so good. However, I think it’s worth noting that Elizabeth is an exceptional dramatic actress as well. Specifically in THG: Mockingjay Part 1, she obviously doesn’t have as many scenes as Katniss but the sorrow and despair in Effie’s being is so heartbreaking, which is all Elizabeth. More dramatic roles, please!!
Paul Rudd as Andy
Post Camp Firewood Choice Performance: Mike Hannigan in Friends
It’s worth noting that no one has aged. Not one bit. Especially Paul Rudd. He’s had so many excellent roles over the years that sometimes it’s easy to forget roles that seemed fairly small compared to what else was going on in the rest of the movie/tv show. I.E. Mike, Phoebe’s hubs on Friends. It’s hard to be the outsider within the group of six, but Mike fit in so well. He was a perfect match for Pheebs and could actually tolerate her weirdness by complementing it with his own absurdities.
Christopher Meloni as Gene
Post Camp Firewood Choice Performance: Ray Whelans in Veep
Although Chris Meloni is probably best known as Elliot Stabler, Chris Meloni has done his fair share of comedies, obviously incuding Wet Hot American Summer. He uses that ridiculousness from the kitchen and brings it to roles like Veep, where he had a mini-arc as VP Selina Meyer’s Trainer Wellness Advisor, who she *spoiler alert* ends up sleeping with.
Ken Marino as Victor Kulak
Post Camp Firewood Choice Performance: Vinnie Van Lowe in Veronica Mars
I will always post this video when I get the opportunity. Ken Marino is a genius.
Joe Lo Truglio as Neil
Post Camp Firewood Choice Performance: Lonnie in I Love You, Man
Like Paul Rudd and Ken Marino, Joe has had a bunch of great roles since WHAS, but this one cracks me up every time I see it. Also, I just watched The Wedding Ringer, and it’s basically the same movie as I Love You, Man, right?
A.D. Miles as Gary
Post Camp Firewood Choice Performance: A.D. Miles in The Tonight Show/Late Show with Jimmy Fallon
A.D. was kind of the silent forgotten hero in WHAS, but A.D. IRL has gone on to become one of the best in the comedy biz. He was hired as the head writer for Jimmy’s Late Night show and currently serves as the head writer for the Tonight Show. In this recurring sketch with Justin Timberlake, A.D. goes back to his camp roots and reminds me of Ug Lee from Salute Your Shorts.
Molly Shannon as Gail von Kleinenstein
Post Camp Firewood Choice Performance: Val in Will & Grace
We all know that Molly Shannon is hilarious. This is a given. But she played such a creepy funny character on Will & Grace as the insane neighbor. Like a pop up book from hell, Val legit just shows up when you least expect it and she’s one of my favorite characters Molly’s played since Sally O’Malley.
Judah Friedlander – Ron von Kleinenstein
Post Camp Firewood Choice Performance: Brian in Sharknado 2: The Second One
Since I’m most accustomed to seeing Judah in big glasses and a trucker hat with some kind of riddle on the front, it took me a second to realize that he was fending off killer sharks in Sharknado 2: The Second One. It’s like the equivalent of Rachael Leigh cook taking out her ponytail and glasses in She’s All That. A WHOLE DIFFERENT PERSON.
Marguerite Moreau as Katie
Post Camp Firewood Choice Performance: Katie in Parenthood
I feel like this picture accurately depicts the entire arc (albeit small) Marguerite had on Parenthood. She was dating Crosby in the first few episodes and eager to have a baby, and wanted to freeze his sperm, but Crosby was all Helllll nahhh son I ain’t bout that life ::enter Jasmine and Jabbar:: Bye Katie.
Kyle Gallner – Bobby’s Buddy
Post Camp Firewood Choice Performance: Beaver Cassidy Casablancas in Veronica Mars
GUYS I HAD NO IDEA KYLE GALLNER WAS IN WET HOT AMERICAN SUMMER AS THIS KID. BRAND NEW INFORMATION.
Sometimes it takes a while for people to catch on to truly talented artists. And while there will unfortunately always be super exceptional singers and musicians out there that will never get the recognition they deserve, there are times when, as Oprah says, “Luck is preparation meeting opportunity”. That is exactly what happened to Tori Kelly.
Tori is a California native who realized her talented at a young age, and because she grew up in a post-American Idol world, she auditioned for shows like Star Search and America’s Most Talented Kids (where she beat out country heartthrob Hunter Hayes).
Because of her appearances on reality competition shows, she signed a couple of record deals but those fell apart. So like Justin Bieber, she took her talents to YouTube and became one of the biggest singers to come out of the early days of YouTube fame. One of her most notable vids was of this mashup with another popular YouTuber, a beatboxer, as they covered Frank Ocean’s Thinkin’ Bout You.
This is when I first heart of Tori Kelly’s name, but I didn’t think anything much of it besides a passing viral video. There were other videos that were far more stupid than this that I had to give my time to. By 2010, Tori was old enough to try out for the big leagues – American Idol.
Simon wasn’t a fan and never really was throughout her tenure on the show, which was shortlived after she was cut just before the Top 24. But, the journey obviously wasn’t over for her there.
In 2014, Scooter Braun, you know, the dude responsible for making Justin Bieber from Usher cover singer on YouTube into BIEBER, signed on as her manager, and slowly but surely, she made a TV appearance here, had a song in a soundtrack there, and now it seems as she’s finally hit her stride.
More and more people are starting to notice Tori for her pure talent, and it’s not only that, but her perseverance through the slow burn, if you will, to get to where she is now.
She performed Should’ve Been Us, the latest single from her new album Unbreakable Smile, on Live! With Kelly & Michael recently, and it was the first time I heard the song, more specifically, an acoustic version. I’m a sucker for acoustic versions, and I S2G, I rewatched this over and over again because I could not believe how amazing she sounded. #THOSERIFFSTHO
From there, I obviously had to go back to her back catalogue but also research recent performances, like this other acoustic one of her lead single Nobody Love:
Or her tribute to Smokey Robinson at the BET Awards:
Or the time she covered Ed Sheeran:
And the time she collaborated with Ed Sheeran:
And the time she almost outsang Ariana Grande:
Whatever the case may be, I’m so glad I found a new powerful female artist to obsess over, and I hope you do too.
Listen (or buy) Tori’s latest record, Unbreakable Smile! I swear I’m not getting paid for this.
It’s Monday, so that means it’s time for another installment of Questions, Comments, and Concerns! Just kidding. There’s been no real precedence for this. Our last QCC was posted on a Thursday. But because it’s Monday, you already are over work, so spend some time reading this overview of yet another Lifetime movie featuring a random C List star.
Disclaimer: I only watched this because Scott Patterson, aka #LukeDanesDreamMan is in it. He was on an episode of the Gilmore Guys podcast and plugged it during his interview, so I decided to check it out. And by check it out, I mean, write a post for the blog (two months later). I know nothing about it except the description in Time Warner:
16-year-old girl, Hannah Anderson, is kidnapped in a San Diego suburb by a family friend, and her mother and brother are killed. A media frenzy occurs when she is rescued and questions arise about whether Hannah played a part in the murders.
Intrigued? Saw the movie and want to delve into a deep discussion about it? Don’t really care about the movie, but really care about Luke Danes as a questionable suspect in a kidnapping case? Then let’s get this started.
Question: Is Scott Patterson playing a really warped alternate universe version of Luke?
The first scene shows what seems to be police marching through a forest on the hunt for someone, then it cuts to Scott/Luke at a camp site struggling to start a fire. Luke would know how to start a fire. Therein lies the difference. Unless he’s the kidnapper. In which case there’s a huge difference.
Concern: Scott/Luke plays Jim, Uncle to Hannah, supposed kidnapper.
I don’t think I’m going to like this. It’s going to mar my vision of #LukeDanesDreamMan
Comment: The press is hounding her and her dad at their home.
Like almost following her into their house just to get a statement. This is San Diego, not Stars Hollow, why are they attacking her with such ferocity?
Comment: “Let’s check your inbox”
WHAT KIND OF INBOX IS THIS?? Also, why is she responding to all these comments online? It’s 2015, you have to realize that this is going to be out in the press. Might as well let all those reporters inside, it’s the same thing.
Question: So Uncle Jim isn’t her actual uncle?
He might be a family friend who was obsessed with her and wanted to start a life with this TEENAGER. Hannah says he threatened to murder her if she didn’t go with him.
Comment: HANNAH IS AN IDIOT.
Her online chat made the news. They’re suggesting she had an inapprops relationship with Uncle Jim. They’re calling her the “Lakeside Lolita” (she’s from Lakeside, California)
Question: Are they setting Hannah up to be an aspiring (for lack of a better term) “Fame-whore” who killed her fam to be popular?
The press is hounding Hannah and her dad at her mom and brother’s funeral. Like barged into the church. Her BFF Cassie hands here something that looks like a Starbucks Frappucino to help her de-stress. She spots her younger bro’s teammates (like 9 year old boys in jerseys) and asks to take a selfie, because she’s going to post on Instagram later to “remember him”. This conversation:
Cassie: Look, you’re famous!
Hannah: They love talking about me, that’s all.
Cassie: Maybe you’ll get movie offers.
Concern: The agent covering the murder case seems creepy to me, and held their hug a little too long.
Comment: Uncle Jim’s full name is James DiMaggio (Jim DiMaggio baseball great).
Because she can point to a girl posting Instagram pictures, doing online chats, and say you’re being flippant about this… You gotta knock it off with the selfies, I already warned you about all that stuff! – Hannah’s Dad
Comment: Hannah is pushing her dad to do The Today Show interview to talk about her story, and the interviewer is Susie Castillo, former MTV VJ.
Question: I have a few.
There’s a flashback to a few months before her mom and brother’s death, with all three of them hanging out with Uncle Jim DiMaggio at a cookout in their backyard. First of all, how does Uncle Jim DiMaggio know the fam, since Hannah said she’s known him all her life? Second, did he have a secret affair with the mom. Third, he and Hannah have been making weird eyes at each other and IT IS SO UNCOMFY.
Concern: Uncle Jim DiMaggio wants to take Hannah on a trip (by themselves) to LA. Questionable.
Comment: Fame. Whore.
Hannah: This (Walk of Fame star) is gonna be mine some day.
Uncle Jim DiMaggio: You want that kind of attention, huh?
Hannah: Are you kidding, who wouldn’t want to be famous?
Also, they clearly just guerrilla shot this on Hollywood Boulevard because the people around them (tourists) are blatantly taking pictures of them as they walk down the street. This fan paparazzi isn’t canon for this particular story.
Concern: I’M ABOUT TO VOMIT
Hannah and Uncle Jim DiMaggio are having lunch in LA, and he awkwardly places his hand on top of hers before she slowly pulls it away. Hehe weirdly gets jealous when she’s texting her maybe friend Dylan. Then he starts mumbling something about “I was just thinking…if you were older… if we were the same age…” and says, “I have a crush on you… like a family thing like I care about you.”
Concern: Uncle Jim DiMaggio texts like … well exactly how you’d expect an adult to text
Question: Why does Uncle Jim DiMaggio’s house look like a murderer’s cabin in the middle of the woods even though they live in San Diego?
Uncle Jim DiMaggio picked Hannah up, expecting to meet her mom and brother, and he takes her to his home, which turns out to be the only creepy log cabin in SD.
Comment: If an older man brings you to his creepy Cabin in the Woods and he asks you to fetch him a beer before explaining where your family is, something is wrong.
Hannah realizes something is up and attempts to run away but he grabs her and yells, ‘Shut up or I’ll kill you’ then is all like, “JK. Here, put this handcuff on and attach it to the chair and I’m gonna tie your feet together, but everything’s fine.” She should be freaking out more.
He also explains that he his job and didn’t want to leave San Diego, basically because of Hannah. He suggests that they run away and start a new life together, then pulls out a gun and is about to play Russian Roulette with it. I cannot.
Concern: She agrees to go away with him and she says she’s about to vomit – ME TOO – so he gives her like a date rape drug.
Question: Scott is playing him so creepy, am I ever going to look at him the same way again? PROBABLY NOT WHY DID I DECIDE TO WATCH THIS
Comment: HOLY CRAP HE JUST SHOT A DOG. AND THEN BEAT THE MOM AND BROTHER WITH A TIRE IRON. THEN BURNED THE HOUSE DOWN.
Comment: An Amber Alert is sent out looking for Uncle Jim DiMaggio with Hannah and Ethan (her bro) and there’s an unnecessary montage of randos getting the Amber Alert in the middle of the night.
What it doesn’t show you is that those fuckers make you have a heart attack, and don’t simply blink the flashlight with a faint beeping sound. ‘Fun’ fact: the screenshot above is the actual Amber Alert sent out from Hannah’s kidnapping, and was one of the first of those horrific iPhone alerts ever sent out. Which explains why when I searched ‘Amber alert iPhone’, IRL Hannah Anderson articles came up.
Question: Exactly what type of drug did Uncle Jim DiMaggio give Hannah because it seems she’s like still knocked out
Question: Like has she gone to the bathroom yet?
Uncle Jim DiMaggio and Hannah are now in Idaho and it’s been three days since he’s kidnapped her. Most of the time she’s been sleeping. Also, he makes Hannah carry two 50 pound backpacks while they’re hiking through the Idaho forest, and she trips and does something to her leg and Uncle Jim DiMaggio immed runs to help her. I’m so confused with their ‘relationship’. And later, while he’s peeing on the camp fire, she steals his gun and threatens to kill him but ultimately doesn’t and he knees her in the stomach. Pick a lane.
Concern: Four horseback riders to the possible rescue
They come across Uncle Jim DiMaggio and Hannah and one of the horseback riders is super suspish. The next day, the riders purposely find the unlikely duo, since one of them is a Sheriff and knew something was up and are like, 90% sure Hannah is the kidnapped girl in the news. They question Hannah but she brushes off their concern (such as, why are you wearing the same pajamas two days in a row for hiking?) by saying it was her idea, so the riders leave them alone. AKA they go to the police.
Concern: Uncle Jim DiMaggio gets drunk
Later that night, he gets so close to Hannah that I think he’s about to rape her but then he starts snoring. Thank God.
Comment: When in doubt, start a fire, I guess
A helicopter flies overhead and Uncle Jim DiMaggio’s initial reaction is to start a fire to ‘look normal’ that’s what you do to get someone to save you. Hello?
Question: Does this girl look like Lucy Hale as Aria Montgomery to anyone else?
Comment: PS – Uncle Jim DiMaggio dies
They show it in the beginning, but the police eventually track them down at the campsite and surround them. Jim tries to fend them off, but a sniper shoots him and kills Uncle Jim DiMaggio.
Question: What is this song?
There’s an end montage of Hannah going back to real life with her dad, and there’s a song being played that’s akin to the Run Like Mad song used to replace I Don’t Wanna Wait on the Dawson’s Creek DVDs. Except more ballad-y. I haven’t been able to find the song online, so I’m thinking it was especially made for the movie. And it is a gem. Some choice lyrics:
I’m standing up, I’m speaking out / Let everybody hear
So I’m gathering my courage / Gonna let my feelings show
The darkest day gets left behind /If you choose to let them go
Its’ never really over /So I take it day to day
With courage and belief I take it all head on / But it’s hard to face it tough to come to grips with what goes on
Still I’m brave enough to look and see / What everybody sees
And deep inside I know they’re never gonna get the best of me
I’m strong enough to carry on / I’m brave enough to grow
I’m strong enough to face it all when I know my heart is true
On the road that leads me home
Comment: Not a fame whore
Despite various Internet theories, Hannah didn’t kill her family to get famous. She is still going strong and and wants to be a firefighter.
Cookies + Sangria 