Full House Live Blog: The Finale

Posted in Entertainment, Live Blogs by Cookies + Sangria

Well it’s here, everyone. Full House is back in the form of Fuller House, and you can revisit the entire Tanner clan right now! BTW, It’s apropos that Fuller House is debuting on a Friday, TGIF and all. We all remember FH being a staple of the TGIF lineup, especially in its heyday (if you want to read an in-depth article about TGIF, read this!). Although it moved up to the big leagues in Tuesday’s primetime programming in its later seasons, it will always have a place in our TGIF hearts. So in saying that, and with Fuller House premiering today, we’re using this Friday’s post to go back 21 years ago to 1995, when the series finale aired and we said goodbye to the Tanners. Before you check out the Netflix show, refresh your memz (just like Michelle in this ep) and see where we left off.

T: I’d like to start this out by saying Full House is ironically not available on Netflix. It used to be, but not anymore. It would’ve been smart to keep the rights to it leading up to Fuller House, but hey, I don’t work there (although how great would that be).

M: Who would have thought I’d be scouring the internet for a bootleg version of the FULL HOUSE FINALE on the day the ‘sequel’ premiered on Netflix? Well, surely not me in 1995.

M: Specific memory of the Full House finale: it aired the night of my third grade piano recital. We had to tape it (stick THAT in your nostalgic 90s tumblr, kids who weren’t born yet). You always worried that the timer on the tape wouldn’t work, because a lot of times it didn’t. There are photos of me posing in what I thought was a very stylish white dress with a lace overlay, but which really looked like Victorian underwear. And in all of the photos, you can SEE how antsy I am to get home.

T: My relationship with Full House is probably very similar to Molly’s, in that I watched the episodes live as they were airing, but I’d also watch reruns as well. Since the repeats would air in chronological order, I always knew when it got to the episode about DJ’s prom and Michelle’s horse riding competition, there would be some tears and we’d start the entire cycle over again. It’s also a marker for where I was personally in my life, since the Olsen twins were born a six months after me, and two months before Molly.

M: TO THIS DAY my brothers will remind me of how much the Olsens accomplished before me.

To Traci’s point, I’d always get a little sad during this episode in the rerun cycle, not just because it was a bummer, but also because it meant we were returning to season 1. I love the early years now, but they were kind of less interesting to me as a kid. Not enough Michelle. Thing nobody says about millennials: we had an insatiable appetite for Michelle Elizabeth Tanner in 1990-1995.

“Of course I haven’t bought the batteries yet.” Gibbler, on her prom dress.

T: Deej is kind of jeal that Gibbler has a dress AND a date to prom, whereas she just has a bag of chips and a remote control. It’s moments like this when I realize just how much of an adult I am – I’d take chips and TV over prom any day.

M: Yeah, Deej is having a great Friday, by my calculations. Also she spent her senior year dating Nelson AND Viper, and junior year dating Steve. D.J.’s doing just fine.

T: Also I love how peak 90s we are with this episode. In 1995, we were in 4th grade, and that’s just old enough to remember our lives at this time. Deej’s bob hair flipped out at the bottom is SO 90s.

T: “Look at your fence and give your pony enough time to see that fence.” Michelle’s horse trainer GIVING HER THIS ADVICE TOO LATE *spoiler alert?*

M: Is it just me, or is Michelle jumping way too far into this (no pun intended)? It’s like she went from zero to Mallory Pike in one episode. I’m sure she should be trotting around a circle.

T: Ugh remember the 90s tho

T: Is it me or is this laugh track even more prominent??? Becky made a horrible joke about Michelle’s riding outfit and all I could hear was canned chortles.

M: “Riding hat, riding clothes, riding boots. Wild guess, you were riding?” BECKY. Why you gotta sass Michelle? New head canon: Becky hates Michelle. Can’t blame her.

T: Stephanie/Jodie Sweetin’s final storyline on Full House is about her having dry lips. CAN U IMAGINE ENDING SEVEN YEARS OF YOUR LIFE ON A TV SHOW AND THE LAST PLOT YOU HAVE TO WORK WITH IS ABOUT NEEDING TO MOISTURIZE YOUR SKIN

M: Why did so many men in 90s sitcoms sit backwards on their chairs? Jesse, A.C. Slater… is that at all comfortable? BTW Becky is wearing some sort of bizarre sweat-outfit.

T: I can’t remember the last time I watched this episode or a full ep of FH in general, but I do not remember the jokes being so corny, which is funny considering I thought the jokes in the trailer for Fuller House were also v corny. A+ for continuity.

T: Gibbler brings Deej IRL Tinder by “raiding a Star Trek convention” of all nerds for her to choose from for the prom. I love that Kimmy was like, ‘OK you 6 boys follow me to DJ Tanner’s house for the possibility of going to prom with her OR total rejection!” Also Gibbler needs to bring the van of nerds back for “their allergy shots”, because having allergies is correlated to being a geek?

M: In 90s sitcoms, I seem to remember that specifically allergies and nosebleeds were geek traits. I was so mortified by my – you guessed it – severe seasonal allergies and chronic nosebleeds. Whomp-whomp.

T: Okay, I guess I’ve seen this episode enough to remember the punch line to one of these jokes, ‘Have any of you ever been to a dance… with a woman… who wasn’t in your family?’. Just said that outloud to myself.

M: I’d like to point out that the far left nerd isn’t even ugly, just wearing weird brown old man clothes.

THIS BITCH:

The girl who plays Elizabeth, the fellow rider that tells Michelle about the jumping contest, her real name is Ebick Pizzadili which is either the name of a pizza shop in Brooklyn or an Italian pop star.

M: I bet she got that a lot as a kid? But it is very fun to say. Tried to look up the name Ebick – thinking it was Turkish or Bosnian. All Google is giving me is this girl from Full House. Anyway, she does a good job.

T: ‘Oh camera and a saddle – big date tonight?’ Steph coming in with a burn for Danny

M: The audience “whoooos” when Michelle enters wearing a riding outfit, which doesn’t really seem warranted but fine.

T: Steph says, ‘If we gave you a lantern, you could stand out on the front lawn!’ A) never realized this was a lawn jockey joke. B) They don’t have a front lawn.

T: JJ Pryor!!! I always forget he’s in this. American Dreams, anyone? He also has max 90s boy crush hair ::emoji w heart eyes::

M: There are so many sitcom plots about performing in Romeo and Juliet, or there were in the 90s anyway, but do any teachers really force two random classmates to kiss for an assignment? I thought regular group work was bad.

T: Michelle’s overalls/scrunchie combo – another peak 90s move. Also HAVE MERCY, UNCLE JESSE.

M: That scrunchie is HUGE. I’d have been jealous.

T: I legitimately LOL when Joey tells Jesse to throw another pillow on the couch so he can jump into it from the balcony and Jesse makes it a point to cautiously (and sarcastically) put a small pillow down on the couch.

M: FH was really committed to the ‘very special concussion episode’ idea, one way or the other.

Looking at Nicky and Alex, I’m SO relieved that I never got that 80s/90s kid haircut where the hair forms like a diagonal from the bangs to the back.

T: “Riding used to be fun.” “Yeah before parents got involved.” deep.

M: Hahaha so Michelle and Rich Elizabeth decide to skip the pricey competition Michelle said she wanted, saddle up their own horses, mount them with no help and ride off into the woods? This is why more rich people die in extravagant acts of stupidity than normal people.

T: Why are these cups so 90s, like why don’t they make them anyone???

M: Let’s all have a look at that dope relaxed dad behind Danny, to your left.

T: “You know, I never thought I’d get a chance to say this, but – ‘They went that’a way’” honestly one of the lines that sticks out to me from this entire series. Why? IDK. (sidenote: this cowboy is dead IRL. RIP.)

M: Donkey named Milton Burro = joke that went over my 8-year-old head.

T: You know, why did Michelle enter a jumping competition when her horse can’t jump a log? Or is this a horse thing where it’s trained to jump white gates and not wild logs?

M: Ahem. I was trained to jump man-made objects, what is this abomination? – Michelle’s stupid horse.

T: Also Joey runs over to an unconscious Michelle (after getting off his donkey) and yells, ‘Oh my gosh!’. Um, ok. ALSO ALSO, his hand is on Jesse’s knee… unnecessarily?

M: Oh… feels pretty necessary.

T: And instead of getting help (calling 911) they just sit there and stare at each other. COME ON FOLKS, TIME IS PRECIOUS.

::End of ACT 1::

In the version I’m watching, they just showed a “next time on Full House” which I’ve never seen before and that is v weird to me, since the repeats I watch never include the teasers!

T: Michelle doesn’t know who Danny is – honestly the doctor didn’t tell them this before they got into the room? Like a heads up that she might be suffering from memory loss? I’ve seen most of ER and all of Grey’s Anatomy, I should know (they probably did this for story/budgetary reasons).

M: Also, is this even a normal type of amnesia to have? I feel like usually people will forget the accident and maybe the time around it, not their entire life?

T: “Wow if that’s the pizza guy, he really does deliver!” – DJ to Steph and what’s his name kissing in the kitchen

T: Duane!! Whatever. Then he busts out a Shakespeare monologue because of course he’s a secret genius. Whoa the actor who plays Duane has an impressive career – he does a lot of voice over work, including Frozen, Despicable Me aND THE VOICE OF JOEY MACINTYRE ON THE NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK ANIMATED SERIES

M: He was actually really good at playing Duane, if that makes sense! Like that one dopey skater-y guy who would eat lunch on the grassy knoll at Bronson Alcott High, if you will.

“We all live in this house”

“Oh I hope it’s bigger than it looks from the outside.”

T: Joey brings out Mr. Woodchuck to help Michelle jog her memory, which I guess is a good tactic but also, she’s probably thinking WTF what is this family I’m supposedly a member of? Also Mary-Kate (Ashley?) does a good job of acting in this scene, after questioning why Mr. Woodchuck keeps talking about “wood”. Joey says it’s “the bit they do, remember?” and Michelle says with uncertainty and a hint of shade, “Oh. Clever.”

M: Probs the same Olsen who played the haughty one in It Takes Too. Some real chops there.

T: In fact, whichever twin is playing the memory-loss Michelle is spot on, and proving they can play something other than always upbeat and happy (or a little sassier in the later seasons). The casting folks really lucked out with the Olsen twins.

M: We all did, Traci. America did.

T: LOL at the trio of men sneaking in one last harmonizing version of Teddy Bear before the series ends.

M: Cool but when are they going to do Forever?

T: Oh GOD THIS SCENE:

Michelle: You’re my dad, right? So where’s my mom?

*cut to everyone looking panicked and forlorn*

Danny: I’m sorry but your mom died when you were just a little girl.

Michelle: So even if I do get better, I won’t remember her?

Joey: Michelle, we’ll tell you everything about her you’d want to know.

Michelle: Was she pretty?

Jesse: Oh yeah Michelle she was very pretty. See, Michelle, your mommy was my sister and you know what, you look just like her.

Michelle: I know you all want me to remember but I can’t I’m sorry.

Danny: Don’t worry about it honey, it’s fine.

Michelle: It’s not fine. I don’t know who I am. I’m just gonna lie down in my own bed.

*Michelle goes to lie in Stephanie’s bed*

Stephanie: Uh Michelle, that’s –

Becky: Steph it’s probably not a good time.

M: Say what you will about Full House being poorly written – it often was – but when they remember to mention Pam they actually do a good job of it, especially in the first few years.

T: Ugh Jesse and Michelle are sharing a tender moment and I’m really getting emotional here, guys. They had such a special relationship on the show and it’s bumming me out she can’t remember a damn thing.

T: I forgot about this side plot of Jesse telling Joey how much he loves being a dad and how he can’t wait for Joey to feel the same, saying ‘it’ll happen one day for ya, pal’. — honestly they should’ve given Joey a love interest that stuck around. I hope he’s got a gal in Fuller House.

M: As it is, this scene feels like when your married friends tell you that you’ll LOVE being married one day, or your friends with kids tell you you’d be a great parent: yeah, I know, you are not helping.

T: Danny pulls out a photo album to help jog Michelle’s memory and this pic is legit like a promo pic from the episode, because who would be taking this shot otherwise? Joey??

T: Another vivid memory I have of this episode: Michelle goes to give Danny a hug because “I thought that’s what you did in this house when you leave the room.”

M: Me too!

T: I REMEMBER THIS RHYME – I REMEMBER IT ALL (like i remembered that whole rhyme)

T: I still don’t understand – Mary-Kate/Ashley shows up to confront Mary-Kate/Ashley and was all JK I’ve been here I just took a while you can have your memory back LOL and all of a sudden she’s healed??

M: Is she hallucinating now? Girlfriend should have had some brain imaging.

T: Also, I just had a flash of Tatiana Maslany filming her scenes for Orphan Black over and over again as different sestras. MK + A had it so easy.

M: Now I’m reimagining the dual Michelle scenes – angel/devil Michelle, Greek/American Michelle – if a tiny Tatiana Maslany had played them instead. Right age, too. Full House could have gone a lot deeper.

T: Danny’s saying ‘Come to Poppa’ as Deej comes down the stairs in her prom dress so she works the camera. I’m uncomfy.

RIGBY THE RHINO SIGHTING. CONTINUITY.

T: WHY DO I ALSO KNOW ALL THE ANSWERS TO MICHELLE’S MEMORY QUIZ BUT I CAN’T REMEMBER WHAT I DID LAST FRIDAY

M: Did I do anything last Friday? But yeah, Mr. GoodPart.

T: Gibbler’s dress. Actually not as eccentric as some of the other shit’s she’s worn on this show

M: Usually fewer lights.

T: Guys, I know what’s about to happen with Deej’s date but I’M STILL SO EXCITED TO SEE IT

T: What happened to Steve? He went to college and they broke up? But he shows up to DJ’s prom and they’re back together?

M: Does he need a ticket? Do they need waivers to bring people from outside the school? Should somebody get Steve a snack? He’s probably hungry.

T: WHY AM I CRYING RN (cry w me, pls)

Jesse: You were pretty out of it. I mean you were here, sweetheart, but it was like a part of you was missing. So it was like a part of us was missing. But we stuck it out and we got through it.

Joey/AND ME AT THE SAME TIME: Just like we always do.

Danny: Just like we always will.

Closing shot: Everyone is hugging except JOEY.

M: Moments later, Joey’s hand creeps over to Jesse’s knee, probably.

T: Even the music on the closing credits I know by heart. It’s embedded in my brain.

and the final bows to make you cry:

25Feb2016

No Way, Jose! Full House Facts We Missed As Kids

Posted in Entertainment by Cookies + Sangria

We were little when Full House was on. Like, Michelle Tanner-level little: the show began when we were one year old. That means that some facts about the Tanners slipped by us unquestioned – after all, what do kids know? Nothing. Practically nothing. But after rewatching the series as teens and adults, we picked up on a few factoids that blew our mind.

It’s time to wake up, San Francisco. The Tanner-inos weren’t who you thought:

Danny Tanner Was A Teen Father

Here’s what we saw in the episode The Big Three-O as children: an adult, who seems old, has a birthday and buys a car, because being an old adult is crappy but at least you’re old enough to buy cars.

Here’s what we saw in that episode once we got older: Danny Tanner is turning 30, which is our age. Danny Tanner is the father to a 10 year old, a 5 year old, and a 1 year old. That means that in all of the earlier episodes of the season, Danny was the 29-year-old father to those kids. And THAT means that Danny was a 19-year-old dad.

This was actually covered in the show. In Season 2’s “Luck Be A Lady,” we learn that Danny and Pam (Dam? Panny?) eloped at a young age. A young Jesse tweaked out and broke Danny’s ribs. Now, we don’t have time for a full rewatch, but Full House wiki says that Danny was twenty at the time. So, I believe we’re looking at a whole OTHER reason Jesse was so mad: his sister’s unwed teen pregnancy.

While Full House didn’t exactly lie about this fact, it doesn’t mesh with the depiction of Danny’s fratty college years. It’s also maddening that Danny could have finished college, landed an anchor job, bought some prime San Fran real estate and fathered three children by age 28 or so. He’s like an Old Economy Steve meme come to life.

Actually, About Danny Affording That House

San Francisco wasn’t quite as unaffordable in the 80s, but it was still pricey. Plus, a spacious, intact Victorian would have been in pretty high demand. This site has some comparables in the neighborhood: in the Full House era, Danny would likely have spent at least $400K. Then we look at TV anchor salaries: the average anchor – not exactly Danny’s job, but close enough – makes $83,000 in the present day. Danny would make more than the average being in a large market and being, for whatever reason, enough of a “draw” to have his own talk show with Aunt Becky. However, this was over 30 years ago. Let’s call it $70,000, which is being generous. Even translating both house and salaries to modern terms: there’s no way he afforded that house. There was no mention of whether Pam worked, as all we know about her is that she liked to smile.

Danny would have bought the home without knowing that other adults were going to be moving in. When you add in another TV host’s salary, an exterminator/ musician/ jingle guy / club owner salary (whatever that is), and Joey’s “comedy” bucks, maybe it’s a bit more doable. Still, Danny would have had to get a mortgage approval on his salary alone.

Morbid thought: there may have been a big settlement after Pam’s untimely death in a drunk driving accident, but we see her bring baby Michelle home to the Tanner’s house so we know they moved in before she died.

Roommates wanted. No childcare experience necessary. Must help raise children.

No shade: of course Danny needed a hand when Pam died. That said, your three girls are growing up without a mom so you get two new male roommates? Specifically your 24-year-old hard-partying (compared to Danny anyway) brother-in-law who doesn’t know how to hold a baby? And also whatever Joey is supposed to be? Basically a fourth child?

It worked out fine because everyone loved each other and didn’t need personal space, but damn. That was a gamble, Dan-o.

It Takes A Village To Raise A Child. As In, There Is Practically A Village’s Population In That House.

Danny. Jesse. Joey. DJ. Stephanie. Michelle. Becky. Nicky. Alex. NOT Vicky, the smartest broad on that show. Nine people. I know families that big (we went to Catholic school after all), but FOUR unrelated adults under one roof?! That is one full-ass house.

Not to mention, Jesse got married, moved his wife into the garret like she’s Sara Crewe and just got demoted to scullery maid, fathered TWO children, and made them live as attic-babies. They could have moved, but Michelle cried and the twinkly music came on so Jesse couldn’t do it. Come on, Jess. What would a Ripper do? I’m not clear on what a Ripper is but: probably not that. Be a Ripper, Jesse.

The Olsens Shared That Part the WHOLE DANG TIME

Just about every show casts twins in baby and toddler roles because they can’t work as many hours, plus if one baby is grumpy or sleepy you can just use the other munchkin. However, most shows recast the role when the kid gets to the talking years. They usually take this opportunity to age the kid by a couple years so they can do more stuff, too: see Growing Pains, Modern Family, and Step by Step. The Olsens were such a runaway success – it was a weird time, I know – that Full House kept them on. After a point it must have been so much more work than just using a single kid, but Michelle had the highest Q-rating on all of television (that’s true) – you don’t mess with that.

What do you bet the Nicky and Alex kids looked at MK&A like “get a grip, we are 5 years younger than you and do TWICE the job.”

Danny’s OCD is Legit

I grew up with a friend whose parents kept their home spotless. It was as if no one ever lived there. I specifically remember them vacuuming every single day. I also saw Danny Tanner cleaning his spacious intact, Victorian house all the time on TV. I didn’t think much of it then, because it seemed normal to me. But despite the fact we can all appreciate our homes being clean and livable, it wasn’t until later that I realized Danny was actually obsessed with cleaning and maybe in a non-healthy way. As a self-proclaimed “neat freak”, Danny was shown constantly tidying up, like the kind of paranoia where he would clean his rubber gloves. Actually, come to think of it, Danny Tanner is the pre-cursor to Monica Geller, who literally vacuumed her own vacuum.

On top of that, he would get insane about his insane cleaning, as witness in S5, E22 – The Trouble with Danny. Spring Cleaning is orgasmic to Danny, and he assigns each member of the house a specific duty. Can you imagine if your parent did this IRL? You would think he/she is cuckoo banana pants. In the ep, Danny overhears the rest of his family bitching about his strict cleaning regimen and decides he needs to let loose more. This could not have gone any worse, since he goes off the deep end and goes off to the mountains on a donkey named Norman. When he comes back to the house, he’s covered in dust and drinking out of the milk carton and hell has frozen over in the Tanner home. Eventually, the gang apologizes and Danny says he’s going to try to find a balance between the two extremes. But does he? Nope. Case in point – OCD.

Joey’s Questionable Comedy Career

As evidenced by the posters of iconic entertainers like the Marx Brothers on Joey’s wall, he is a comedian. He is a fan of comedy. We were reminded of this throughout the series with his constant “jokes”, literally providing comic relief both in the house and for the viewer at home. I don’t remember if I personally ever found his comedy funny, but I do remember the folks in the audience thinking he was hysterical. But now, it just seems like he’s a cartoon of a stand-up comic, who’s overacting just to get a laugh. This is a man whose arsenal of impressions include but Bullwinkle, Pee-Wee Herman, and Popeye, all of which are fine, but more importantly, not funny. Joey is like Bobby Moynihan’s character in Sisters – he fancies himself a hilarious comedian who is a never-ending bit machine, but can barely get a chuckle out of anyone who’s close enough to hear him. It’s not until he accidentally snorts cocaine that he becomes truly funny, so what I’m saying is here, Joey, take up cocaine and as for your comedy – cut it out.

Jesse Katsopolis is the Kirk Gleason of San Francisco

We all know that being a rocker is not a steady job, which is why if you’re not someone like Beyonce or even an American Idol finalist, you need a back-up plan. For Jesse, he always wanted to be a musician. He initially was expected to take on his father’s extermination business, but that got squashed in season one. Then he enters the advertising business with Joey, because being a comedian is also not a super stable job, and they create an agency called JJ Creative Services, which includes making up jingles for ads (it actually kind of makes sense – music + corny comedy = TV ad jingles). They they get into being radio DJs for a show called Rush Hour Renegades, and finally Jesse becomes the owner of The Smash Club, a nightclub that probably the hippest place in town because it’s all ages and bands like Stephanie’s I Saw The Sign group play there all the time. Plus, he’s the frontman of Jesse and the Rippers (who are huge in Japan) .Not to mention he’s got the job of being a father to twins. That’s a lot. You know who else had a lot of jobs throughout the run of a TV series? Kirk from Gilmore Girls. And even weirder – like Jesse Cochran-turned-Katsopolis, Kirk was initially Mick in the first ep he was ever on. Maybe they’re related or BFFs in an alternate universe.

Why Do Grown Ass Men Hate Kimmy

Kimmy’s not the easiest pill to swallow. She makes it easy to make fun of her with her quirky antics and stinky feet. But when you’re a man in your 30s helping to raise three children, and one of those kid’s best friends lives next door and is at your house all the time, maybe don’t make fun of her all the time? Danny, Jesse and Joey are constantly taking swipes at Kimmy as if they’re in elementary school and they’re picking on the nerdy girl in class. Is it for comic relief? Yes. Is it subconsciously the guys accepting Gibbler as one of their own (only you can make fun of your family, etc.)? Maybe. Still not ok.

The Magic Attic

This is the Full House house:

This is the attic Jesse and Becky and their twins and a grand piano lived:

…. where is the attic if there is a flat roof????

24Feb2016

It’s 2016: Let’s All (Re)Decorate For Fuller House!

Before Joey more upstairs, he lived in the basement, a fully carpeted and furnished living area that was all his. Again, Charlie Chaplin continues to be an inspiration for Joe, and his lounge furniture a) has a random white design on it and b) easily looks like it could be patio furniture.

NOW:

My best guess is this room is now Stephanie’s living quarters. We still don’t know what she’s been up to all these years, but if this is her room, I’m theorizing she’s a world traveler who teaches yoga, based on the couch threads, possible sombrero on the staircase and Indian-style pillow with an elephant on it. Or she could be like, a 4th grade teacher who’s really into global studies.

23Feb2016

Full House Of Style

Posted in Entertainment, Outfit Girl by Molly

Michelle Tanner, fashion maven, is apparently too busy to live in a row house with >10 other people. At least, that’s the party line for why the youngest Tanner will not be appearing on Fuller House. Like Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen, Michelle is a fashion designer living the high life in New York City. Is this really surprising? We’ve already covered Ashley Olsen’s statement that Michelle’s wardrobe was made of cut-down designer pieces. Michelle wore a lot of sunflower hats, giant buttons, and clown sweatshirts, but it was the 80s and 90s. Who are we to say the top designers weren’t going a little overboard on the whimsy?

In the spirit of Michelle Tanner, Fashion Icon, we’re going to look at how the other Tanner girls were dressed back in the day — taking it back to one of our OTHER favorite 90s shows, House of Style.

D.J.

Country Goose D.J.

In 1987, those unfortunate mall bangs and shoulder pads hadn’t trickled down to Donna Jo Margaret Tanner. Deej wore washed-out pastels, simple t-shirts, and comfy sweats. Bangs were decidedly non-teased, and hair was worn long and probably un-permed. Remember when we discussed those weird geese in bonnets that were popular in 80s and 90s home decor? This is how a woman with ‘country geese’ in her house would dress her 11-year-old daughter. There’s nothing here that Candace Cameron (Bure) should find embarrassing: for an 80s kid, she is getting off very easy.

Chunky Sweater D.J.

Let’s call this D.J.’s transitional look. Not the pastel little-girl style of the first season, but not a full-out teeny bopper, either. Chunky knit sweaters weren’t JUST for teachers at Christmastime in the late 80s. It was a way to add some humor and color into those crisp Bay Area winters, I guess.

Woman Of The 80s D.J.

Like most of us, D.J. had some awkward fashion years around middle school. Unlike most of us, D.J.’s character was going through a ’13-year-old Cathy comic’ phase where she was basically a middle-aged woman. Sometime around junior high, Deej started dressing like a high-powered woman of the 80s, except that she was a child. Her hair was permed and teased, as was the style of the time. She wore a lot of vests that she didn’t have to be wearing. There were bright-toned blazers with some very of- the-moment Michael Jackson-style epaulets.

Laura (Kate and) Ashley (Olsen) D.J.

Dainty florals and schoolmarm chic were popular and – am I losing it? – kind of cute for a while. I just looked at these dresses and thought “wow, that is refreshingly age-appropriate,” so don’t worry, if I ever have a daughter she’s definitely gonna hate me when she’s a teenager.

Seattle D.J.

Deej went to high school, got a boyfriend, loosened up, and started wearing flannels. Which, during this particular era, was more universal and not like a subversive Seattle grunge thing.

Mid-90s Seventeen Magazine D.J.

As in, she looks just like the girls in the copies of Seventeen magazine I used to sneak-read when my sister got them in 1995. This was that fun Clueless era when mod accents, A-line silhouettes and athletic influences made teen fashion its own category. Deej favored slouchy faded-wash jeans and bodysuits for casual wear and short but not mini-short skirts when dressing up. Plus Candace Cameron got that cute bob and started to look like a trendy college girl instead of a goofy sitcom kid.

Stephanie

Adorable Moppet Stephanie

In the first few years, when Michelle was strictly in nonspeaking baby territory, Stephanie was the resident cute little kid. And she was GOOD at it: I remember watching reruns with friends in college, and all of us being stunned because little Jodie Sweetin actually had great delivery and timing. Early on, costumers played up the adorable little kid angle. They kept Stephanie in the same pastels and unteased hair as D.J., when at this point in the 80s there were a lot of loud prints and weird bangs going on in the outside world.

Foreman Of The Sass Factory Stephanie

Stephanie got older, and the Full House writers got more and more obsessed with catch phrases. They established Stephanie as the household sass. Jodie Sweetin got to rock a lot more neon patterns and weird prints, plus she got a perm.

Trendy Tween Stephanie

The perm came down and the bangs came up, and it became clear that Stephanie was the cool one in the family. Stephanie really got to shine as the aspiring young hip hop dancer that she was.

Bad Girl Stephanie

By the 7th season, Deej was too much of a 13-year-old Cathy Comic to give her many ‘edgy’ teen storylines (I mean, the time Jesse thought she was drinking and she wasn’t, I guess?). Michelle was now the cute kid. That mean that Stephanie had to be the ‘rebel.’ You can tell because she went to make-out parties, hung out with strange boys at the food court, didn’t practice for the talent show and wore a midriff-baring top.

22Feb2016

Doing Lines: Full House

Posted in Entertainment by Cookies + Sangria

The Smash Club. Rigby. Ranger Joe. Mr. Egghead. Waaaakkkkee Up! If any of these things sound familiar to you or speak to your soul on a deep level, you’re in the right place. Welcome to the first of an entire week of posts dedicated to beloved 90s sitcom Full House. Each day, we’re covering a different topic on FH, leading up to the premiere of the much-anticipated spin-off, Fuller House, on Friday.

Today, we’re reminiscing about some of the most memorable, crazy, and downright ridiculous plot lines that appeared on the eight seasons of Full House. Back in the day, shows had *full* jam-packed seasons, with 20-26 episodes over the course of about nine months. It’s not like these days when shows have 13-episode seasons. There was a lot of ground to cover and a lot of stories that had to be made up when watching on a TV set was your only option for small screen entertainment, and that meant getting to break stories that would’ve been cut if it were 2016. But, there’s still a lot of quality plot lines covered over the course of the 192 episodes they filmed, and here are just some of our favorites.

Season 1

Episode 11 – The Big 3-0

Danny is turning 30, which is our age, which is horrifying… but more on that later in the week. Okay, so Danny gets a midlife crisis (SHUTUP, MILLER-BOYETT PRODUCTIONS), and in the grand tradition of sitcoms, he also gets a midlife crisis car, Bullet. Jesse tries to buy seat covers for Bullet but accidentally drives it into the bay instead, arriving at the Tanner home with a zombie-car. The next day, Jesse and Joey get into a bidding war over a replacement Bullet, but the bidder on the other end of the phone is Danny.

The entire episode is an origin story for the Tanner’s drive across the bridge in the opening credits.

Episode 13 – Sisterly Love

D.J. has a stellar performance in a school production of the Frog Prince, and Danny scores her an audition for a cereal commercial. Stephanie accidentally swoops in, steals the limelight, and gets cast in the commercial. First of all, if I were DJ I would have been furious, too. Second, as someone who used to act as a kid, this isn’t how auditions work (I still remember my grandma saying “why don’t you bring your cousin to that commercial audition?” Um, how about because she’s NOT INVITED. And doesn’t have headshots or anything. And is cuter than me.) The episode comes to a head with Deej and Steph chasing each other around the table yelling “Stephanie Judith!” “Donna Jo Margaret!” as Steph wears a KILLER dress. I believe this is when we learned the girls’ middle names. Very exciting.

Oat Boats looks like boring, generic mom-approved cereal, anyway.

Season 2

Episode 1 – Cutting It Close

Stephanie accidentally cuts a chunk of Jesse’s treasured hair, which seems like more of a Michelle thing but whatever. On the way back from getting it fixed, Jesse gets into a motorcycle accident, totals his bike and breaks both arms. Although everything that happened to him was horrible, what stands out in my memory is Jesse, both arms outstretched in casts, being a TOTAL DICK to Stephanie, a small motherless child.

Season 3

Episode 11 – Aftershocks

When Stephanie gets really clingy to Danny, nobody can figure out that she’s traumatized because there was an earthquake and Danny was late getting home. The good: they show Stephanie visiting a child psychiatrist, which probably was a great way to normalize that for kids in the 80s. The bad: nobody seems to realize that after losing her mom at a young age, Steph’s maybe going to react poorly when she thinks her dad is in danger.

Also there are kind of a lot of car wreck/ totaled car plots in this show. Keep reading.

Episode 20 – Honey, I Broke the House

Joey gets a brand new car (it’s from 1963) and becomes a hardcore motorhead. Like there was a small nick on it and he went to get touch-up paint to fix it. Unfortunately for him, he was in for quite a nightmare when Stephanie gets behind the driver’s seat when he’s not around and mistakes the ‘R’ on the stick (lever?) for ‘Radio’, and the car goes at a faster speed than it should in reverse (?) and straight into the house. She panics and says she’s leaving for Mexico, obviously, but ends up at Becky’s house. And in one of the most memorable shots from the series, Steph hides from Uncle Jesse by putting herself in a long coat hanging from the door. The reveal of Jesse face to face with Steph is such a classic sitcom move that warms my heart.

Episode 24 – Our Very First Telethon

Danny and Becky are hosting the We Love Our Children telethon, because the organizer of this fundraiser was too lazy to come up with a creative title for the event. Danny makes his kids participate in this 24-hour telethon, and while we get a glimpse of Steph’s dance skills, we also get a glimpse of Deej’s singing AND grocery shopping talents with a song called Lollipops & Gummibears. Is this a real song? Or something especially crafted for two wholesome kids to sing on a family sitcom in 1990? Also, it’s worth noting this ep suggests there is more than one telethon but, guess what we don’t see for the next five seasons? Another telethon.

Season 4

Episode 1 – Greek Week

The Tanners’ Greek relatives visit: Jesse’s grandparents, their great-granddaughter Melina (Olsen twin stunt casting), and some random woman and child who happen to be Jesse and D.J.’s ages. D.J. walks around the table with the Greek boy, then learns that that means that she’s married to him. It’s one of those 90s sitcom moments where they act like countries other than the U.S. are stuck somewhere in the mid-1800s. Luckily, Deej gets a quickie divorce (read: walks backwards around the table.) OPA!

Episode 8 – Shape Up

Kimmy is having a pool party, and since Deej is a 13-year-old Cathy comic she is terrified about showing up in her bathing suit. D.J. grows one of those sitcom-induced 24-hour eating disorders. Things I still remember about this episode after 25 years: Michelle getting to go to that cool kiddie gym in a gymboree-style aerobics outfit; Deej snacking on ice cubes; Michelle cramming wedding cake samples into her mouth like a feral child; D.J. telling Comet that dogs don’t have to wear bathing suits, which is true but that’s because they’re always naked instead; Stephanie blowing a piece of gum out of a recorder in a particularly weak B-story. This episode aired during the interlude between Karen Carpenter and Tracey Gold when eating disorders were cured by a talk about how bodies come in all shapes and sizes.

Season 5

Episode 7 – The Volunteer

D.J. makes an elderly friend who has Alzheimers, even though she’s in junior high, just because that seems like a pretty D.J. thing to do. She breaks her old friend Eddie out of the nursing home and he comes to the Tanner’s house, where he becomes confused and thinks that Deej is his daughter, Gloria. Eddie stays for dinner and is never heard from again. Meanwhile, Steph and Kimmy stage a dog show for all of the dogs in the neighborhood, which is probably why this episode stands out in my memory. So many dogs! Comet does not win, but he does fall in love with another dog (who is also never heard from again).

Episode 16 – Crushed

It’s Steph’s 10th birthday and her one wish is that pop star/teen heartthrob Tommy Page, who is a guest on Wake Up, San Francisco, comes to her party. BTW, Tommy Page is A) a real singer B) Still a real singer and continues to tour! Luckily, Danny’s one step ahead of Steph and surprises her by having him show up and sing a song specifically for her, making her think he likes her back. But then she sees Deej kissing him and the siblings are at war. But like, why is this pop star making out with a rando 15 year old at a 10 year old girl’s party???

Season 6

Episode 14 – Birthday Blues

D.J. and Steve are celebrating their 6 month anniversary, which in high school terms is like their 50th anniversary. Deej is so into Steve that she forgets that it’s Kimmy’s Sweet 16. She throws a makeshift party, and – the only important thing in the episode – makes Kimmy a hash brown and ketchup cake. To this day, I use the hash brown cake as shorthand for forgetting to make plans for someones birthday and throwing together a crappy present or party. D.J. has a dad talk with Danny, then Kimmy has a dad talk with D.J., and everything’s fine.

Episodes 23 & 24 – The House Meets the Mouse, Parts 1 & 2

Season 6 is jam packed with great episodes, but the finale where the entire Tanner clan goes to Disney World has to be one of the most iconic in series’ history. A lot goes on in this ep, but in a nutshell, Jesse and the Rippers are hired to play at show at Disney World and it incidentally coincides with his and Becky’s anniversary, so they decide to go together. But then, because it’s Full House and they are all attached to the hip, the entire extended fam goes. Michelle wins Princess for the Day and Steph is jealous. Danny keeps trying to propose to Vicky. Joey, yet again gets the short end of the stick and is alone visiting the Disney animation studios because ABC/Disney need to have synergy on their programs, and Deej misses Steve so much she hallucinates that he’s basically every Disney character. Including Aladdin, which is weirdly meta since Scott Weinger actually did voice Aladdin IRL. This is such a memorable episode in FH history that even to this day, when I go on the Indiana Jones ride at Disneyland, I think Steve’s going to pop out and surprise me.

Season 7

Episode 5 – Fast Friends

Steph is now in sixth grade with not a lot of friends due to redistricting ala FNL, and she wants to make ‘Fast Friends’. So naturally, she falls into the trope of a group of bad girls, led by Gia aka Marla Sokoloff, who is 2 cool 4 skool, and proves it by smoking in the bathroom. For me, it’s difficult to make fun of this since I understand it’s like a life lesson they want to teach kids watching the show, because now I’m seeing it through the lens of an adult.

Episode 9 The Day of the Rhino

When Michelle and her rag-tag gang of moppets receive paltry little action figures when they were ordering a giant rhino doll, they learn a thing or two about advertising and another thing or two about civic resistance. The kiddos go to Rigby the Rhino’s mall performance and chant “Rigby Is A Ripoff!” Rigby makes it all right by tracking down Michelle at her home, giving her a stuffed toy, and offering replacements to all of the kids who got the ripoff Rigbys.

Next time you read a think piece about how millennials are at once entitled, but also principled and engaged, think of this episode: we’ve been like this since we were 7.

Episode 17 The Last Dance

Papouli, the Tanners’ great-grandfather who the kids have only met one other time, visits and dies. Michelle is devastated because he was supposed to teach Greek dance to her class, but eventually she gathers her resolve and does it herself. As a child I was kind of like, sure it’s sad, but wasn’t Papouli a stranger, more or less? But now that we’re watching through our adult lens, this episode was a good way to introduce the death of a family member in a way that kids could relate to, but that wasn’t as traumatic as, like, killing Joey.

Season 8

Episode 3 – Making Out Is Hard To Do

In a weird parallel universe, Barry Williams, aka Greg Brady from The Brady Bunch, is playing himself and replaces Jesse as the frontman of Jesse and the Rippers. Naturally, Jesse gets a bit jeal, because who wouldn’t be if a ’70s TV star took over your job? Also this is the episode where Steph goes to a make out party (hence the title). When I was watching this, I thought this was a real thing teens did. I showed up to boy/girl parties and was greatly disappointed. Or was I just not invited to the ‘cool’ parties?

Episode 11 – Arrest Ye Merry Gentlemen

In the show’s final Christmas episode, Michelle decides she needs to exchange the plastic tie with cup holders on it for a legit present for her dad, and she and Jesse go to the novelty store where she got them from. But the owner, played by Mickey Rooney, is a curmudgeonly old man who refuses to exchange the gift and comes to the conclusion Jess and Michelle are thieves, so he locks them in his store. Otherwise known as holding them hostage. But it’s ok because he’s Mickey Rooney and it turns out he’s just misplacing his anger because he hasn’t seen his daughter and family in years. Jesse and Michelle invite him to have Christmas dinner with the Tanners, and Mickey Rooney dresses up like Santa. The casting of Mickey Rooney was really a coup, since he was is in high demand for TGIF shows in the 90s. JK what was he even doing there.

24Aug2015

Questions, Comments, and Concerns: The Unauthorized Full House Story

Posted in Entertainment by Traci

Another day, another unauthorized story of a 90s TV show from those fine folks at the Lifetime network. This past weekend it was all about Full House, that TGIF (and TBS/WGN/ABC Family/Nick at Nite) favorite that was a staple in our adolescence. We grew up with the Tanners-Katsopolis-Gladstone clan in our living rooms as we watched them grow up in theirs. We saw Rigby the Rhino, Tommy Page, the Beach Boys and even Little Richard come through the doors, and now, we get to see what really went down behind the facade of the Full House. In theory, that is.

Lifetime describes the movie as “the rise of the cast of one of America’s most beloved family sitcoms and the pressures they faced in balancing their television personas with their real lives”. But according to the FH cast, the movie wasn’t exactly how it went down, and to be honest, I’m more inclined to believe them.

So bad. Just so bad.

— Candace Cameron Bure (@candacecbure) August 23, 2015

Hey guys, don't believe anything labelled 'unauthorized.' If you like truth, it's in my NY Times best-seller #DirtyDaddy from @Harpercollins

— bob saget (@bobsaget) August 23, 2015

Why? I had a lot of things going through my mind while watching it, so if you tuned in or even if you didn’t (probably better that you didn’t), let’s discuss The Unauthorized Full House Story

Question: Why is the VERY first shot of this movie a bush?

Comment: We start in 1987, when they shoot the pilot, but I’m distracted because the fake Full House set looks like Becky’s house on the real Full House.

Comment: The cameramen are laughing at the show. While it’s filming. This isn’t how television works.

Comment: We flashback to 1985 for origin stories, starting off with Bob Saget, who is doing stand up and taking about tampons. He sounds like Seinfeld shouting, ‘What’s the deal with tampons?!’

Question: Bob and Dave knew each other before the show? The world of standup comedy is smaller than you think, so it makes sense these two knew each other before FH.

Question: Dave Coulier was almost on Saturday Night Live? Really, how did I not know this? Apparently he was hired then Lorne and co. were like JK, you’re too similar to Dana Carvey. Ok… But tbh, he seems like a better fit for Full House than sketch comedy.

Comment: John Stamos is played by Justin Gaston. If that name sounds familiar, it’s because he used to date Miley Cyrus. Now he’s playing John Stamos playing Uncle Jesse in a Lifetime movie. Miley is hosting the VMAs on Sunday.

Concern: Bob’s wife tells him she’s pregnant. He says he’s happy about this. His face says otherwise.

actual snapshot of fake bob saget

Comment: Creator Jeff Franklin’s first pitch to ABC was a show called House of Comics (three men/comedians living in a house together, shenans ensue).

“The Cosby Show is doing so well. So the network really wants more of a family show.” Exec who clearly doesn’t know the shit that goes down with Jell-o man in 2015.

After the exec says that quote ^^ Jeff makes up a new show on the spot, which is the plot of Full House. And to think, Full House is all kind of Billy Cosby’s doing. ::insert joke and side eye here::

Comment: Candice Cameron, was only known as Kirk cameron’s little sister at the time. When she went in to audition for Deej, she overhears the casitng director say she was “only okay”. However Candace later redeems herself after a pep talk from her ~~stage~~ mom, and eventually gets the part. Being Kirk Cameron’s sister didn’t always help, folks.

Concern: Paul Reiser was the first choice for Danny Tanner, but he was busy with My Two Dads. What’s that show you ask? Well it’s where the girl from Step by Step is adopted and raised by the dude from Mad About You and straight George Michael. It only last three seasons, so is Paul Reiser upset? Probably not. He went on to Mad About You.

Question: John was already a star. At least with the daytime mom crowd, and he was getting hounded by crazy General Hospital fans. By the time he was approached by Jeff about FH, John was ready to find a new demographic. He was so eager about the new gig that he told Jeff the vision he had for “Uncle Adam” – he pitched that Elvis had a twin brother whose name was Jesse and died at childbirth, and he wanted to be Jesse. Uncle Adam became Uncle Jesse. I still don’t get why he wanted to paid tribute to Elvis’ dead brother?

Concern: MK & A just happened to be sitting in the waiting room of the casting office because their mom’s friend took her kids to the audition. How PISSED is that friend now?

Question: John Posey was originally cast as Danny, because Bob wanted another job on CBS or something. The pilot was shot with this Posey dude. The network picked up the show w Posey and Jeff Franklin (EP) wanted to reshoot the pilot w Danny. This is what one in the biz calls a “Shitshow.” More importantly, where is this footage with Posey as Danny Tanner???

Concern: Justin Gaston is like, significantly younger than the guys who play Bob and Dave.

Comment: The dude who plays Bob is like *almost* nailing the real Bob Saget’s voice to a point, however it also sounds like he has a frog in his throat the entire time.

Question: Why does the guy who plays Bob have more chemistry with his sister than his wife?

His sis convinces Bob he needs to bond with his co-stars

“If looked like him (John) I’d never get out of the shower.” – Bob

“So start there” – Sis

“In the shower with Stamos? – Bob

“No, you know what I mean” – Sis

Cue: boys’ trip to Vegas.

Comment: It’s interesting that they keep portraying Bob as a serial monogamist, seeing as how he decided to play blackjack instead of hanging out with John, Dave, and three hot ladies in Sin City. However, back on set, he’s still got a pottymouth and basically told Jodie Sweetin she hopefully won’t grow up to be a stripper. I mean, good advice, to be fair. He even pitched to Jeff that Danny get OCD or terets (so he can curse). The Olsens twins and Cameron’s moms hate this about him and decide to talk to Jeff about it.

Question: Did Dave Coulier really single-handedly convince MK&A’s mom to stay with the show? She is basically juggling being a stage mom all by herself since her husband is not in sight, but Dave assures her everyone can help raise them, and even offer to help find them a nanny, just so they don’t leave the show.

Comment: Dave farts during tender moment about season 2 pickup. This I can believe.

Question: WAIT JOHN AND LORI DATED ‘A FEW TIMES’ BEFORE SHE JOINED THE SHOW??

“We went on a date to Disneyland before we were both married. In real life, when we were 18, 19 years old… No disrespect to her family and her husband now, I would say that she could be the one that got away. She’s one of my dearest friends, and that’s good enough. I really do adore her.” Real Stamos saying OTP could’ve been real {x}

Question: Why is Danny surprised when he gets fan mail dumped on his person? Like, he’s shocked that the bag of fan mail dumped on his person is all for him and not for the Olsen twins.

Concern: Andrea Barber (Kimmy Gibbler) runs into the on-set classroom to tell Candace she got upped to a series regular, and Jodie Sweetin looks on at their friendship longingly and a lil jeals. I feel like maybe this would’ve been true on a nine-year-old kid level, but not for realsies.

Comment: The guys find out MK&A are the most popular stars from the show, so Dave lit’rally runs to Jeff’s office so he can campaign for more scenes. Bob and John look at each other and say, “Should we tell him the EPs office is that way?”, in a way that easily could’ve been in the real Full House – it was that corny.

Question: Because MK&A were getting popular by the second, their parents decide to negotiate their contract to get more money. They ask to DOUBLE their salary. The twins are THREE YEARS OLD. Aren’t the other cast members a lil pissed about this??

Comment: Network execs are hoping to tie-in more of their programming with the super popular Full House by asking Bob to host a new show called America’s Funniest Home Videos. His response: “Americas Funniest Home Videos? That seems ever more sophmoric than Full House. Just kidding, that’s not possible.” They are really making it look like Bob had so much disdain for the show.

Question: Did John really set up a rehearsal space for his band in the.. green room on the FH set? And were there actual fam jam sessions

Question: They keep giving a behind the scenes look at Bob’s marriage with him juggling a marriage (that’s clearly disintegrating), three kids and two jobs setting it up for disaster. Also how does this effect the show?

Concern: If this is how people gathered to watch TGIF in 1990, I really missed out.

The book on the coffee table, The Century, was published in 1998. Full House ended in 1995.

Comment: Instead of a talking woodchuck Joey has a talking dog.

Did somebody say…. BONES? (idk, i’m not good with dog jokes)

Comment: Dave announces he’s engaged to some chick, and for some reason, John mystericously jealous about this.

Concern: Candace goes crazy looking for Lori because she got the new script and found out she has to have her first onscreen kiss. Lori enlists “Stamos” to show Candace how to kiss. I feel weird about this.

Question: Were John Stamos and Paula Abdul a tight enough couple that they almost got married? I always forget they dated, but per the movie, Stamos says, “I really like Paula I think she might be the one.”

Except she wasn’t because in the next scene he says they break up. Wah wah.

Comment: Execs see Bob molesting a mannequin on the closed circuit video feed of the set, so Jeff chastises him for being inappropriate. Again with the ‘Bob Saget was an overly dirty man on a set about pure family values’.

Concern: Candace has a heart to heart with John after seeing an article in a tabloid that says she’s chubby. Stamos gives her advice to not let it bother her. She says, “My brother thinks I need to be closer to God.”

if you don’t get this picture, read this immediately

Question: WHY IS THERE NO COMET??? I just realized no dog has come on my screen yet!

Concern: I feel really bad for Dave, who says, “The truth is I’m not so good at being a grown up,” a notion we all can relate to. He reveals he’s getting divorced and his sister just died, so things aren’t going swell.

“Wouldn’t it be great if real life was more like Full House? No matter how big your problem is, you knew that everything was going to be okay?”

“And anything could be solved with a few bowls of ice cream and some hugs.”

Concern: Candace starts going to public school in ’93 AND SHE IS A NEW ACTRESS. Also, the clothes from “1993” are so “2015”.

Question: Did Stamos, Bob and Dave really have whipped cream battles backstage? And if they didn’t, was this really the worst thing they could do? It’s like they’re 6th graders getting reprimanded at recess.

Comment: Earlier in the movie, Bob’s sister tells him that their mom has some disease, but now it turns out that his sister has scleroderma. She later passes away and now I feel like an ass for saying they flirted earlier. All of the adult FH cast shows up to her funeral, and it’s nice to see them all supporting each other.

Question: Jeff Franklin created Hangin’ With Mr. Cooper? Because of his success with the show, he left Full House in order to get Mark Curry and co. off the ground. Jeff Franklin is responsible for your TGIF memories.

Comment: I’m so over this Bob/wife drama, especially because I know how it ends. There’s more about this than Jodie Sweetin.

Comment: We’re suddenly backstage at a fashion show where Dave and John are guests and John literally has a meet cute with Rebecca Romijn (I still call you last name Stamos).

Concern: Lori gets divorced right as John starts dating Rebecca. Talk about bad timing. Perhaps they would have actually made a good couple?

Comment: The whole cast is gathered in a room and told the show is cancelled and they’re filming the last one next week. Jodie has a difficult time accepting this. This is really her only storyline beside being jealous of Candace/Andrea friendship.

“Now I’m even losing my make believe husband.” Lori about John. Too soon?

Question: WHO are the people in this audience?

Comment: The last scene is very similar to the final scene of the series, in which Deej is off to her prom without a date but Kimmy surprises her by inviting Steve, who we see for the first time. Also for the first time: Nicky and Alex. Not seen: Michelle’s concussion where she forgets everything and confronts her other self AKA screen time for both MK and A.

“See somehow everything has a way of working out.”

“As long as we stick together.”

‘The way we always do.” META, MUCH?

Concern: We cut to two years later, and we’re back to seeing Bob doing standup. He overhears a woman say “It makes me feel gross. That’s Danny Tanner up there saying those horrible things!” You know what makes me feel gross? This woman’s inability to separate actor from character. She’s overreacting.

Comment: We see that John went on to star in a Broadway revival of How To Succeed… and he’s super in love with Rebecca Romijn, Bob gets a divorce (obvi), and Dave hosts a charity hockey game. Candace and Lori (who look the same age, BTW) visit Dave in the locker room, where he introduces Candace to Russian hockey player and her future husband Val, who lrearned Rnglish watching Full House in Russia… So their relationship started because he was a fanboy?

Concern: Candace and Val get married a year after FH ends, and all the cast goes to her wedding. Dave sits next to this woman:

Candace meets and greets every. single. member. of the cast as if she’s a pop star backstage and meeting her fans and I literally say outloud I HATE THIS.

Comment: Bob gives a speech at Candace’s wedding, and talks about the influence Danny Tanner had on his life.

“The best thing about Danny was that he knew what was important. He surrounded himself with lots of poeple he loved…”

“With ice cream and so many hugs!”

“As you start your new family, just know wherever you go – wherever any of us go – we’ll always have this family (John aside: that’s true). The one we made.” ::Dave farts::

Cue: Follow You Down. No, seriously, Follow You Down started playing in the background.

Concern: THERE IS A VOICE OVER. I THINK IT’S DAVE? THERE IS A VOICE OVER THAT MIGHT BE DAVE PLAYED OVER A MONTAGE OF WHAT WE’VE SEEN SO FAR AND THE FH BILLBOARD BEING TAKEN DOWN.

“We had such good memories… and to this day, when one of deals with hard times, or one of the many challenges that life puts in front of us, the other ones do whatever they can to help out. You know, it’s pretty incredible after all these years we all remain close and get together often – like the family we are.”

This actually faded into a pink background and FH graphic.

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The Living Room

THEN:

NOW:

The Kitchen

THEN:

NOW:

D.J. and Stephanie’s/ Stephanie and Michelle’s Room

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Michelle’s/DJ’s Room

THEN:

NOW:

Jesse’s/Joey’s Room

THEN:

NOW:

Joey’s Room/Jesse’s Recording Studio

THEN:

NOW:

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D.J.

Country Goose D.J.

Chunky Sweater D.J.

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Laura (Kate and) Ashley (Olsen) D.J.

Seattle D.J.

Mid-90s Seventeen Magazine D.J.

Stephanie

Adorable Moppet Stephanie

Foreman Of The Sass Factory Stephanie

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Season 1

Episode 11 – The Big 3-0

Episode 13 – Sisterly Love

Season 2

Episode 1 – Cutting It Close

Season 3

Episode 11 – Aftershocks

Episode 20 – Honey, I Broke the House

Episode 24 – Our Very First Telethon

Season 4

Episode 1 – Greek Week

Episode 8 – Shape Up

Season 5

Episode 7 – The Volunteer

Episode 16 – Crushed

Season 6

Episode 14 – Birthday Blues

Episodes 23 & 24 – The House Meets the Mouse, Parts 1 & 2

Season 7

Episode 5 – Fast Friends

Episode 9 The Day of the Rhino

Episode 17 The Last Dance

Season 8

Episode 3 – Making Out Is Hard To Do

Episode 11 – Arrest Ye Merry Gentlemen

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“The Cosby Show is doing so well. So the network really wants more of a family show.” Exec who clearly doesn’t know the shit that goes down with Jell-o man in 2015.