Annoying Theater Patron Stereotypes

In the five years that I lived in Boston, I worked at a theater (like plays and musicals, not movies and stale popcorn). During my time there, I witnessed the entire gamut of theater patrons. Unfortunately, I had to interact with all of them, which 60% of the time was the worst, but 40% of the time, people were actually pleasant.

However, now that I don’t have to talk annoying people at the theater, I now have to sit in the same area as these people. My friend and I have a subscription to one of the major theaters here in LA, which means literally anyone can show up as your seat neighbor. The last time we went, it seemed like every single possible theater patron stereotype was in a 10 foot radius of me. Here are just a few of the annoying people that need to calm da fuck down and enjoy the show.

The Higher the Hair/Hat, the Closer to God

This woman sat two rows in front of me the other night. It looked like an Adele style bouffant with three peacock feathers sticking out from it.

2013-03-22 20.02.42

Folks, you’re going to a venue where people will be sitting behind you. This is not a new concept. So don’t act like your beehive hair or top hat (you know, if you find yourself in the 1920s) will not be a nuisance.

Kick Line Clapper

Without fail, any time there is kick line in a show, there will be at least one person who finds it so impressive that they start clapping. CLAPPING. FOR KICKS. If you are watching anyone but the Rockettes, don’t feel obliged to audibly reveal your astonishment.

Commenters

The worst people to possibly sit behind you are the ones who talk throughout the show. They’re usually confused about what’s happening, and feel the need to talk to their friend about it. For example: ‘What did she say?’ ‘I don’t know, I don’t think it was in English.’ ‘They need to pronunciate.’ ‘No, what they need is to turn up the microphones.’ ‘Turn UP the microphones? This is too loud as it is!’ ‘Who’s that?’ ‘I think that’s her husband.’ ‘I thought she was dating the other guy?’ ‘She is.’ ‘What a whore.’ Also under this category: Ethel the old biddie.

The PDA-ers

The worst people to sit next to you? The couple that can’t keep their hands off each other. Listen guys, I get that this is a romantic date night for you, but I really don’t fancy being in a threesome with y’all at the theater (or outside the theater).

Candy Unwrappers

Just take out your cough drops and Werther’s Originals before the show, and have it then. Or think ahead and unwrap it so you don’t have to make so much noise digging around in your purse. Sound travels.

The Singer

Hey, you’re a high school senior who hopes to be a musical theater major in college? Don’t audition for the people around you, we don’t want to hear you sing Defying Gravity when there’s a perfectly good Elphaba on stage.

Texters

The artistic director at the theater I worked at in Boston gives a curtain speech at the top of the show every night. The staff (and most of the subscribers) have heard his spiel hundreds of times, and he basically recites the same thing every night. “If you have a cell phone, a pager, or anything else that beeps on the hour, please turn it off for the duration of the show. And remember – texting is just as odious.” There are people who legit sit in the back of the theater and text throughout the show, and think it’s ok. IT’S NOT.

Why Spring Breakers Is a Movie Worth Your Time

spring breakers

When I first saw the trailer for Spring Breakers, the thought that immediately came into my head: ‘shitshow.’

And to some effect, I still maintain it is after seeing it, but in a sense that the characters themselves are a total, complete mess.

If you don’t know what this movie is about, really all you need to remember is that it’s about 4 BFFs who go to Florida for spring break, and insanity ensues – especially after they meet this drug lord/rapper. There’s drugs, sex, alcohol, guns – not for your regular Disney Channel fan.

I saw the movie a couple weekends ago when it opened, and Harmony Korine, the director, surprised the audience by coming in right before the movie and talking about it for a little while. Korine, flanked by the “ATL Twinz” from the movie, said to ‘keep an open mind’ about the film, which is what I did – and suggest you do too.

please note the twin on the left, whose backwards pants say 'FUKK'

please note the twin on the left, whose backwards pants say ‘FUKK’

After the 90 minutes of neon lights, dubstep music, and the alarming gunshot sounds signaling a scene transition, I had to take a few minutes to come out of the Spring Breakers world and back into reality. I didn’t really know what to think, to be honest. It was exactly what I thought it would be, but so much more than I could have ever imagined. If I had to sum it up in one word: jarring. The very first scene you see (and I’m not spoiling anything here) is a bunch of real life college kids on spring break. They’re dancing on the beach, half naked, drinking excessively with funnels in tow, and it looks like something out of Girls Gone Wild. With that scene alone, you’d think the entire movie is just about these four girls engaging in illegal activities, but come to find out, the Girls Gone Wild scene is way tamer than the shit they get themselves into.

The first half of this movie shows the girls trying to figure out a way to procure enough money to travel from their lame college life in Kentucky, down to a place that is far more exciting – Florida. A couple of them violently rob a restaurant for the cash, and they make their way down to the Sunshine State, where the R-rated partying ensues. Unfortch, the police bust the motel party they’re at, and the ladies land in jail. In their bathing suits. Luckily, James Franco’s character, Alien (Al, for short), comes to bail them out. The second half of the movie is the group trying to figure out if he really wants to help them or if he has ulterior motives.

A couple things hold me back from saying this was a great, amazing, top notch movie. One, I don’t like violence in films. Per a previous post about never having seen Kill Bill, Pulp Fiction, any Quentin Tarantino movie really, is because I am just not a fan of guns and blood and violence. All those things happen in this movie. The other reason is that it’s hard to pin down what this movie was set out to be. It definitely had its serious moments, but it also had its fair share of comedic ones as well, and not intentional comedy. When James Franco first comes on the screen, he looks like this:

And then he speaks and it’s hard to NOT laugh at him. Because all you see is James Franco looking like a complete idiot. I don’t think that was the original intention, but I find it hard to believe any viewer wouldn’t think that at first sight. The ridiculous monologue he has about “all his shit” is a perfect example. He’s going on about all the money, guns, and paraphernalia he owns, but there’s a part of me that says, ‘am I supposed to be taking this guy seriously or not?’

My favorite scene, which kind of falls into the category of ridiculous dramedy, is a scene involving the girls, James Franco, a piano, guns, and one of Britney Spears’ all time hits. In fact, someone actually wrote an article about how the entire movie is a metaphor for Brit Brit’s life, which frankly is a theory I can get behind.

Now I have NEVER experienced a spring break like these before, and I think most college grads can agree. The most I ever did was go to LA and visit my friends, where we went on a tour of Warner Brothers studios and sang karaoke at Mr. Belding’s bar. But I know that these people actually exist, which is why this movie is not that far off from the truth. Sure, meeting a guy like Al is extremely rare, but this culture exists. The bottom line is that it exists, people, and that’s why this movie isn’t taking advantage of girls in bikinis and ripping away the innocence of young Hollywood starlets. While I can totally understand how you would think that, you have to realize that this is not a porn movie. It’s not meant to exploit people for your pleasure. It’s meant to explore a culture of young adults looking for something more than what they have, and more than what they are. Wanting to escape the mundane world they’ve known all their lives, in search of something more exciting. A need to have experiences they probably won’t have ever again. If you are sane and have a good conscience, hopefully you’ll take away that this movie is the exact OPPOSITE of how you should act, and not a how-to instructional video. In fact, all the naked girls and sex scenes in this movie should turn you off, not on.

This review from Boston.com is an accurate description of how I feel about Spring Breakers, and explains the reason why I even took time out to write this post in the first place. This film won’t win any Oscars, but it will certainly be a talking piece for anyone that sees it. It stays with you. And isn’t that really what filmmaking and creating art is all about?

This is the rare movie that I actually found myself liking more the longer I spent away from it and the more I thought about it — mainly because I couldn’t stop thinking about it. In the moment, I found it numbingly repetitive, even boring at times: an obvious juxtaposition of sex and violence, of dreamlike aesthetics within a nightmare scenario. And it is all of those things. But it stuck with me, and it made me appreciate the genius of Korine’s approach.

So friends, if you see this movie, remember to keep an open mind, and most importantly remember: Spring Break Forever.

The Harlem Shake is Making Me Reflect on Life

If you haven’t heard or seen of the Harlem Shake meme that is sweeping the internets, get out of your cave and read on. First of all, contrary to popular belief, it’s not the popular dance craze that hit the streets circa 2006. It’s a video that features the song Harlem Shake by some EDM artist called Baauer. The video, which is usually about 30 seconds long, starts off with a group of people who are seemingly unaware that there is a video being made and/or completely uninterested in what’s going on. One person, usually wearing a mask or helmet of some sort, is the only one who dances to the music for the first 15 seconds. Once the bass line drops, the last 15 seconds are filled with the rest of the group wearing insane costumes and dancing like crazy.

It’s stupid.

But recently I came across this Harlem Shake by the teachers at the high school Molly and I attended.

Watching this makes me feel a lot of feels. First of all, I can’t believe the teachers would agree to do something like this. Maybe it’s because I still feel like I’m 16, and adults of high authority shouldn’t be doing anything besides teaching or giving out detentions (or, as our school called it ‘Justice Under God’, or ‘JUGs’) but it also has to do with the fact that we went to a private Catholic high school. I mean not like there were nuns and priests lurking the halls with rulers, but in the sense that I just assumed a lot of them would be against it? (That’s what happens when you assume, folks.)

Second, I only recognize like maybe 10 of the people in the video, which makes sense because it’s been nine years since I’ve been in high school. !!! NINE YEARS?! Where did my youth go? Funnily enough, some of those teachers look exactly the same way I remember, so good for them. But also, it’s weird to see your old theology teacher dancing for an internet meme.

Third, I haven’t been back to that school since… probably 2005, and a lot has changed since then. There is a whole new wing, which includes a black box theater that I still am upset that we never got to use (long story short, there was a hold up and instead of it being finished our senior year, it finished after we graduated). Anyways, the large oval shapes on the walls in the back of the video used to be windows, but now they’re all covered up. I’m assuming it’s because of the new buildings, but I feel bad for all the kids who have to eat lunch in the cafeteria with no sense of the outside world. Thinking about the cafeteria also made me reminisce about the cliques during lunchtime. It was totally Mean Girls-esque. Well, maybe not as intense and segregated, but to the point where I sat at the theater table with the theater and band kids, and sometimes I would wander over to the black table, but never over to the cheerleaders, or jocks, or complete nerds. And now the cafeteria has become a closed off studio for the teachers to awkwardly dance.

So, thanks, AQ teachers for making me feel old. I aprpeciate it!

And if you are intrigued by this internet sensation, here are a few of my favorites. Luckily, they’re not that long, so you can go back to hating how old you’ve become.

The cast of Happy Endings (really, the only one that matters)

Ryan Seacrest, Kylie and Kendall Jenner, and the KISS morning show staff (Seacrest dancing is the best)

Cleveland Indians (Terry Francona, former manager of the Boston Red Sox, is probably my all-time favorite Red Sox ‘player’. And he shakes his butt in this.)

Live Blog: Wizards of Waverly Place Reunion: Alex Vs. Alex

After one long year, the cast of WoWP have reunited for a TV movie. It’s been a long year, let me tell you guys. But really, was this reunion necessary? Well, I suppose it doesn’t matter, because here I am, live blogging it on a Friday night. I’m a party animal, y’all!

For a brief recap: We last saw our wizards competing in the family wizard tournament. Justin (David Henrie) was a shoe-in because he’s the smartest of the fam, but right before the finish line, Justin got his foot stuck in a random tree branch that was protruding out of a cave wall. Right behind him was Alex, managed to avoid said branch, and was about to win the tourney but decided to help her brother out and let him be the fam wizard. Justin raced ahead, and officially won, but he was all, ‘no I don’t deserve this Alex does’, so she got to be the family wizard instead. But as a consolation prize, Justin was hired to be a professor at Wiz Tech school, and Max, who usually got the short end of the stick, got the family sub station restaurant.

And so we begin…

They’re back! Also, I’m dying over Selena’s outfit!

:01 I’m already missing David Henrie. He really couldn’t get it together to be in this?

:02 Oh no! Alex has been charged with treason for trying to ruin the mortal world. And sassy Alex is back, y’all!

:03 I’m confused about the timeline in this. Is this right after the competition?

:05 Justin sends his ‘friend’ Dominic to say he can’t come home for the party celebrating his professorship at the Wizard school, WizTech. Friend, huh? Is this a Dumbledore situation?

gay dumbledore beard

because he’s gay.

:07 They’re going to Italy? Did I know this? Can’t believe Justin’s missing this. Alex creates a door to Villa di Russo, where there’s a hot girl that Max decides to run after. Subsequently, the rest of the family + Harper follows.

:10 “There are no Italians in New York!” – Max, still stupid.

:12 “Where everyone else sees trouble, I see magic. And Beauty.” – Dominic, who is hitting on Alex, and is also the kid from MTV’s Awkward. British werewolf Mason/Gregg Sulkin comes in all pouty because he realizes Alex is being super selfish with her magic, even though she turned his lame picnic into a bucket of chicken.

:15 “Why is everything you’re wearing is from the 90s? – Alex “Oh, but when you guys wear it it’s vintage?” – Jerry

:17 The Alex/Harper BFF relationship has always been my favorite. And it’s like they never went away. Harper is back to wearing odd clambake outfits and Alex has a library full of quips.

:18 Alex conjures a spell to get all her mean parts out of her because her family keeps calling her selfish, but per usual, the spell doesn’t quite work and an evil Alex appears in the mirror (hence the title, Alex vs. Alex). Mean Alex screams, “Let me out of here you ugly hags!” DID SHE REALLY SAY ‘HAGS’ ON THE DIS CHAN?

:21 Max is chasing after a hot girl, who turns out to be his cousin. Whoops.

:24 I am loving Evil Alex’s yellow blazer! Even if she captured Max, made him 2 inches tall, put him in a vial which she carries around in a charm bracelet. I’m gonna go ahead and assume she manages to capture all the other members of her family, until it’s a showdown between her and the final vial inhabitant: Good Alex. $10 bucks, internet.

:25 This is turning into an I Love Lucy episode with Jerry and Teresa stomping grapes in a huge barrel. Oh and they disappeared – into EA’s vial. Oh shiiiiit Awkward Dominic is in cahoots with EA! How? Why?

:29 “Dominic is evil?” – Good Alex “Is it weird he’s even more attractive now?” – Harper. Girl gets it.

:30 AwkDom created a machine (the Dominic 1000) capture every mortal wizard so he can rule the evil wizard world. Naturally.

:36 AwkDom’s next target is Alex’s BF, Mason, and he gets caught in between EA & GA, but decides to trust the evil one instead, and she puts him in a vial too. And now she’s wearing this weird cape thing. Should’ve stuck with the blazer.

:38 “People should appreciate you for who you are. Not who they think you should be.” Harper, doling out life lessons since ’07.

:40 The random streak in EA hair that’s been shown in all the ads isn’t as prominent in the movie as I thought. Also why is it white?

:41 AwkDom makes Alex do the spell that will make the Dominic 1000 work, so now every mortal wizard from around the world is being captured in weird beads. She gets the vial bracelet back but just as she’s about to reverse the spell, we flash forward to the crystals of justice form the beginning of the movie who find her guilty of treason, and sentencing her to death. At first Alex thinks he ordered her a week banned from sweets, but it was the wrong sentencing. Then he changed to death, which Alex said, “Death by chocolate?” “No. Death by death.”

:45 Mason escapes the vial after AwkDom stupidly breaks it himself. He turns himself into a werewolf to help her escape, and it works.

:47 EA and GA are literally having a Harry Potter-like showdown right now. And now Selena is beating up herself. Wonder if she was taking out all her Bieber agression this way…

:51 GA is doing some gymnastic type moves up in here. literally upside down in the air. AwkDom drops the vial bracelet off the edge of the Leaning Tower of Pisa (where he placed his machine). But Mason comes to the rescue when AwkDom tries to get GA to to join him, and pushes him over the edge. Guys, there’s a dead wizard at the bottom of the Tower of Pisa. There has GOT to be some tourist taking a pic who is so confused right now.

:54 Alex just cast a spell that not only saved the world, but took away her powers at the same time. In front of the Crystal jury, her guilty verdict was overturned, and they refused to give her the powers back of all the previous times she almost ruined the world. Alex states that Harper is the only one who accepts her for her flaws and deems HArper all the magic she needs. Aw. And just as they walk away without her powers, she gets her magic back because she’s proved she’s mature with the whole I love Harper speech.

:59 And that’s a wrap folks! It ends with bloopers, which are my favorite. If you ever need a pick me up, just search for bloops on YouTube (Friends, HIMYM, The Office are some of my faves). Also there’s a preview for a DCOM called Teen Beach Movie which is like Grease meets West Side Story meets HSM…. I think I’ve hit the age appropriate limit for these things.

pc out wizards!

Mr. JT : A Musical Tribute

Guys, it’s finally here. We’ve waiting six long years and it’s finally here. JT’s new album comes out TODAY!!

So in honor of Justin’s epic return, I’ve compiled some of my favorite JT musical moments. Plus some bonus SNL stuff at the end. Enjoy! (And go buy his album)

Worthy Of


An unreleased track from Justified, this is arguably one of  his best of songs that didn’t quite make the cut. Well, it’s really the only one I know of, so it has to be the best one. It’s a little bit more mellow, like Take it From Here, but not as somber as Never Again. It’s still a great jam that I listened to during the 6-year-drought to quench my thirst of new JT music.

LoveStoned/I Think She Knows Interlude

Of course this song is one of the best off of FutureSex/LoveSounds, but really, the greatest part is the interlude, that most people don’t know if you’re only familiar with the radio edit. ‘I Think She Knows’ serves as a seamless transition from the electrodancepop jam that is LoveStoned, and presents a beautiful smooth vocal track from Justin with gorgeous instrumentals. I’d never heard anything like that before, so naturally, it blew my mind. Like it was a sound. From the future. Get it?

Another Song All Over Again (Live)

This is another jam off the FutureSex/LovesSounds album, and serves as the final track. I stumbled across this video shortly after his tour ended, and I was in awe. I mean don’t get me wrong, I knew he was a good singer, but this performance just has so much passion and soul – and it goes on for 8 minutes. After watching this, I also regretted not going to this tour, so luckily I’m making up for it when I see him play at Fenway this summer back in good old Boston!!!

I Love Sports – 2008 ESPY Awards

As any good Justin fan knows, he’s a big sports fan. Hell, he and Jessica are even minority owners of the Memphis Grizzlies. So when he hosted the ESPY Awards, it was only fitting. I myself, am not a huge sports fan, but I do appreciate Justin’s ability to make fun of Jessica Simpson and shout out my Boston Celtics in the same medley. Also, look out for cameos from Posh Spice, Zefron, and Kristen Bell…

3-Way (The Golden Rule) feat. Lady Gaga

We all know and love Dick in a Box, jokingly blast Motherlover on Mother’s Day, but right up there is the last of the 2:30AM trilogy (apparently, that’s the name of the creepy 80s R&B duo: 2:30AM. And JT’s name is Raif). What I’ve always loved about Lonely Island is that they make songs that are actually catchy. I will play 3-Way again and again and again and sing the lyrics at the top of my lungs. Probably not okay if you’re in your car and people can hear you scream ‘helicopter dick’, but whatevs.

History of Rap with Jimmy Fallon

One of my favorite singers with one of my favorite people in the world! They have too many great moments together to name them all, but here’s one of the best. It came out of nowhere, and the hits just kept coming. (I know, after watching that one, you’ll want to watch part 2 (the best imo, for JT’s Snoop alone), part 3, and most recently, part 4. You’re welcome.)

BONUS: SNL Cameos!
He’s cuter in person – with Amy Poehler

Again, JT with probably my favorite celebrity of all time? I die.

Immigrant’s Tale

I believe this was the first time he hosted SNL, and I could not believe how good he was. This sketch only solidified that he was and is one of the best hosts, nay entertainers of our generation. The fact that he could easily make fun of himself, and Britney, showed that he doesn’t take himself too seriously, and proved he wasn’t just a Chris Kirpatrick. He proved he’d be around for a long, long time.

Cameo During Britney Spears’ monologue

Oh the days of Britney and Justin. How young and naive we all were. He surprised the audience during her hosting gig in 2002, only to go on four years later and kick off his five-timers club record. Can we just take a moment of silence for their relationship and also a much saner Britney Spears??

Show You Should Be Watching If You Aren’t Already: Pretty Little Liars

Before you judge, just know that this may be on ABC Family, but it rivals the likes of any teen suspense/drama (think Gossip Girl circa season one). Every episode keeps you guessing – to an almost upsetting insane person faux detective-like manner.

In a nutshell, PLL (as it’s known affectionately by its viewers) centers around four teenage girls, Aria, Hanna, Spencer, and Emily, in Rosewood, Pennsylvania. In the pilot episode, we discover that their BFF, and leader of their clique, Alison, mysteriously disappeared the year before. Their group started to fall apart after her disappearance, but they soon begin receiving cryptic, and usually threatening, messages from an anonymous source using the name ‘A’.

The girls begin to think it’s Ali, until police find her body and proclaim her dead. Which obvi means that someone else is targeting them. The weird thing is that A knows the PLLs secrets, including the ones they thought only Ali knew. They find out that Ali was in fact stalked by A too, so the girls set out to find out more about Ali’s death and who A is, but they risk their lives and the lives of their loved ones, in the process.

Now that you have the basic plot of the show, here are the main reasons why you should watch. Season three ends on Tuesday, March 19th, but comes back on June 20th, so you have plenty of time to catch up on Netflix instant before the fourth season begins!!

Conspiracy Theories

me, being a creeper during the season 3 summer finale party

Unlike any show I can think of, every episode of PLL leaves you with questions. You want to know why so and so said that misleading comment, or why this person is talking to this person, and most importantly, you want to know who A is. In saying this, sometimes, shows are just better when you watch it with friends. For about the past year, a group of friends and I meet to watch PLL, and talk about our thoughts and theories about the show. There are so many clues and plot lines that it’s just easier to try to solve the mystery if you have multiple minds working together. And we’re not the only ones who watch together and come up with theories – just ask the internet. Plus we’ve taken to picking out characters for ourselves and playing a fantasy PLL game, which makes it even more fun to watch!

Fashion

i wanted that tribal sweater, but it legit sold out!!

All the PLLs have their own distinct style, which makes you wonder where these girls get the money to pay for such nice outfits. But on every episode, I am frantically searching the webz to find out if there is an affordable version of what the girls are wearing. My favorite sites to find the fashion seen on PLL (and TV in general) are Possessionista and Worn on TV.

Unexpected comedic moments

I’d say 80% of this show is suspenseful and dramatic, 15% is romantic, and 5% hilarious. I was never good at percentages, so don’t quote me on that. But once in a while, one of the four main girls will say something ridiculous that comes out of nowhere and it’s great. Here’s one of my favorite moments, that might not be funny if you don’t know what they’re talking about, but in context it was hilar. They’re talking about this girl who they’ve suspected to be working with A, and she’s been blind since the beginning of the series. Until she magically got her eyesight back…

The Men of PLL

As much as the show focuses on the PLLs themselves, it’s also about the men in their lives who have a huge impact on them. I mean from a British doctor to shirtless Toby to Paolo from Lizzie McGuire. And Mr. Fitz. Ohhh Mr. Fitz (I’m the Aria in our group, can you tell?)

Facebook Rules 101

Since I joined Facebook in 2004, the site has become a defining entity in worldwide culture. But when I first started, it was an entirely different site. First of all, your college had to be one of the select few on the network. You could only sign up with your college e-mail address, and you also went on a friending spree, requesting to be friends with every single person in your classes. Since then, Mark Zuckerberg has invited the entire world to join and made multiple changes to the site itself.

Now that I’m approaching my 9th (HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, 9TH?!) anniversary on FB, I feel like I have enough experience to be able to set some ground rules for all users of the social media site.

Don’t complain about new layouts. 

This has annoyed me over the past year or so in particular, because people’s complaints about new FB layouts bug the shit out of me. First of all, complainers take the time to WRITE ON FACEBOOK that they hate Facebook. HELLO? Secondly, technology is constantly changing – that’s kind of the point. So don’t get all in a huff because the your photos aren’t where they used to be. First world problems. Like everything, you’ll get used to it and then forget that it was even a problem in the first place. If you don’t like it, quit FB. But we all know 90% of people are like those folks who say they’re moving to Canada if so and so is elected president. How many people do you know actually moved to Canada after 2004?

The most recent profile change was rolled out by FB technicians for a few months, and even let you preview it before they completely changed it over. And you probably don’t even remember what the late 2012 profile looked like.

And guess what, people? Get ready for another change – the news feed is going to feature bigger photos. So don’t get your panties in a twist when the redesign rolls out.

Don’t post your relationship status on Facebook

Let me clarify: Don’t consistently write about how much your love your boyfriend and post unfocused pix of your romantic date night dinner at Olive Garden. I’m saying, if you’re in a relationship and then you break up, you’re just welcoming people to ask you about it. Unless you want to draw attention to yourself. But that’s obnoxious, and I should be questioning why we’re even friends in the first place. I’ve seen people even add “end of relationship” as a life event on their timeline, so like, that’s awkward.

Don’t treat Facebook like Twitter.

I don’t care if you’re hungry, I don’t care about what time you’re working, I don’t care about what time you’re getting out of work, I don’t care how tired you are. Also, don’t put that shit on twitter either. nobody needs to know that.

Don’t send game requests

I think this is pretty self-explanatory. I don’t use FB because there’s a lack of internet farming in my life. So just, don’t ask me to visit your Farmville.

Don’t post an entire album of your baby’s sonogram

Listen, I like babies. I just don’t think people of FB should be subjected to seeing 50 photo album of the unborn baby in your uterus come up on the news feed. I just don’t. Baby photos are fine. Especially if I want to stalk you and judge whether your baby is cute or not.

Don’t complain about privacy settings and then post stuff of Facebook

In case you didn’t know, there are privacy settings that you can change yourself. Like, you don’t HAVE to let everyone you’re friends with see your latest FB album that may have semi-incriminating pictures in them. You can restrict people from viewing certain things, and all you have to do is stop bitching and go to your privacy settings and change it. Also, another tip is that if you don’t want certain people seeing things you post on Facebook, how about just… not posting it on Facebook?

Movies to Watch on a Rainy Day

There’s been a streak of rainy days here in Los Angeles, in fact there’s even been HAIL, so naturally everyone is freaking out. On weekends when it’s much easier to stay in than deal with the crazy people on the roads, here are a few of my favorite flicks to view and drink a steaming hot cup of ho cho with!

Garden State

Garden State was one of those movies circa 2004 that everyone loved. Or at least everyone at my college loved. It was insightful, funny, relatable, and had a killer soundtrack. It also marked the first time I think anyone took Zach Braff seriously outside of being JD on Scrubs. Plus, Natalie Portman pre-Black Swan proves she’s always been talent to reckon with.

Andrew Largeman: You know that point in your life when you realize the house you grew up in isn’t really your home anymore? All of a sudden even though you have some place where you put your shit, that idea of home is gone.

Sam: I still feel at home in my house.

Andrew Largeman: You’ll see one day when you move out it just sort of happens one day and it’s gone. You feel like you can never get it back. It’s like you feel homesick for a place that doesn’t even exist. Maybe it’s like this rite of passage, you know. You won’t ever have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it’s like a cycle or something. I don’t know, but I miss the idea of it, you know. Maybe that’s all family really is. A group of people that miss the same imaginary place.

Blue Valentine

Contrary to the word ‘valentine’ in its title, this is not a love story. There is a story about two people who fall in love, but ::spoiler alert:: there’s no happy ending. And sometimes that’s what you want from a movie. Ryan Gosling and Michelle Williams have that kind of chemistry that makes you think you shouldn’t be in their “robot vagina looking” hotel room. Also, it has the best song – You and Me by Penny and the Quarters.

Away We Go

When I first heard John Krasinski and Maya Rudolph were going to be a movie together I freaked my bean. But the end product was so much more than I could have ever imagined. They play a couple expecting their first child and basically travel all over the place to find one spot to call home. With the right mix of humor and heartbreaking drama, it’s perfect to match your rainy day blues. And with a supporting cast that includes Allison Janney, Jeff Daniels, Catherine O’Hara, Chris Messina, Maggie Gyllenhaal, etc. there is not a single scene that misses a beat. (check out this soundtrack too!)

Verona: Burt, are we fuck-ups?
Burt: No! What do you mean?
Verona: I mean, we’re 34…
Burt: I’m 33.
Verona: …and we don’t even have this basic stuff figured out.
Burt: Basic, like how?
Verona: Basic, like how to live.
Burt: We’re not fuck-ups.
Verona : We have a cardboard window.
Burt: We’re not fuck-ups.
Verona : I think we might be fuck-ups.
Burt Farlander: We’re not fuck-ups.

Melancholia

Listen guys, I’m not gonna lie to you: this movie is a downer. Like a real bummer. So what better time to watch a movie that will make you depressed than on a rainy day?

Justine: Life is only on Earth. And not for long.

Amelie

One of  my favorite quotes of all time is from this fantastical French romcom: “We pass the time of day to forget how time passes.” Not only is that a great depiction of the movie itself, but for life in general. And if you’ve never been to Paris or have been and want to relive it, this movie will make you feel like you’re running the rues de la paris just like Amelie. Also, soundtrack:

Harry Potter

I don’t think you can really go wrong by choosing a HP movie, but my favorite, next to the HP&TDHP2 is the Prisoner of Azkaban. As opposed to some of the movies on this list, I feel like Harry and his adventures at Hogwarts make me feel happy and warm inside, which is a stark contrast to the weather outside.


ok i found this random fan video, and although it’s more snowy and christmasy, it’s fantastic!

People Like Us: valerie frizzle: woman, teacher, icon

Welcome to the inaugural post for our People Like Us series. It’s a way for us to introduce and share with y’all our super talented friends and their super awesome writing. Basically, we’re pimping out our peeps. Deal.

Kicking the series off is a post from my dear friend Brian. Although we went to the same college, we bonded while working together for a theater in Boston. I’ve watched him start off as a mere concessions worker, then as a box office associate, onto making it like a bo$$ as the Box Office & Front of House Manager, and finally he’s moved away from the annoying patrons and into the back office where the important people sit as a Marketing and Development Associate. What I’m trying to say is that I taught him everything he knows. 

me and b bein fancy

However, I cannot take credit for his excellent storytelling skills (his degree from Emerson, natural talent, and mom Bonnie is to thank). Enjoy this entertaining and frightening true explanation of why Ms. Frizzle is his life inspiration.

And if you like what you read, follow his WordPress blog here: A Mighty Fine Life. If you like Tumblin’, follow him here: Tumblr. If you enjoy children & young adult lit reviews (especially animorphs re-reads including graphics made on MS Paint), follow him here: The View From Sunday.

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I have been doing a fair amount of thinking lately about the people I’ve looked up to in my day – people I’ve considered exemplars in their field, people I want to emulate, people who’s work has had a lasting, life-long impact on me. And the answer to that question has always surprised me, has always evaded me, because as I’ve said, I’ve never really known what I wanted to be when I grew up. When I was a kid, I hopped around from answer to answer – writer, scientist, hairdresser, teacher. And none of them stuck. I loved books and movies, I loved playing, and I loved people; that’s all I really knew about myself, and I wasn’t sure if a career as a professional storyteller and player, who maybe sometimes taught people things, was possible.

But you know who managed to accomplish all that and more?

Valerie. Mother-effing. Frizzle.

Ms. Frizzle, Perfect Person

That’s right. And you know it in your heart of hearts that I am right because this woman was the teacher – nay, the human being – we all dreamed of having in our lives. This woman is the be-all end-all of scientific learning of our generation, is admired by all the people everywhere, is the greatest teacher known to mankind, and I will punch you right in the nose if you say otherwise.

“Brian, you’re a little out of control here. What’s so great about her?”

Well first of all, don’t talk to me in that tone of voice. Who do you think you are? Are you better than Ms. Frizzle? No.

Second of all,  here are my top six reasons Ms. Frizzle is a badass and a teacher I want to be when I grow up.

1) Ms. Frizzle Owns A Magic Vehicle

Hello?! This much should be obvious. Does your car turn into a plane and a train and a submarine and a time machine and a rocketship and a ladybug and a triceratops and a planet and also shrink and also have the ability to turn you into a fish or frog or a BEAM OF LIGHT?????? IS YOUR CAR ALIVE AND DOES IT HAVE EYES????? No. No, I did not think so.

The eponymous Magic School Bus enabled Val to take her kids to infinity and beyond. It was an invaluable teaching tool, and a resource that any teacher would kill for. Sure, not everyone has the funding for this, but let’s take the bus as a metaphor for creativity in education. It’s like the old writing adage: show, not tell. The bus was simply The Friz’s way of bringing that kind of creative, hands-on learning to her classroom. Non-cartoon educators need to go about it a different way, but it is still a principle that we ought to listen to, right?

YOU LITERALLY CAN’T DO THIS

OK, also it helped that the bus was sentient and had its own thoughts and opinions. Which, okay, you could argue that taking a bunch of kids for a ride inside something alive every single day is sort of messed up. But the bus and the Friz also seemed to be buddies – this was no servant/master relationship; Ms. Frizzle cared when the bus was sick/needed repairs, and referred to it as an old friend. You have to wonder if she was the one who built it. This would likely mean that she is either a master mechanic – which I’d argue against, since in the episode about bones and muscles they took the bus in for a repair with R.U Humerus – or some kind of wizard. You be the judge.

2) Ms. Frizzle Let Her Students Learn By Doing

The kind of dynamic, experience-based learning her class did on a day-to-day basis is simply staggering. She allowed them to explore who they are as people, and brought them up close and personal to the things they were studying. Ms. Frizzle understood that the words on the page were not enough. And yet, she had clear objectives in mind for every lesson: “students will understand the basic types of bridges and how they work;” “students will have a clear understanding of the scientific method;” etc etc.

Her lessons weren’t a fly by night operation – they were well planned out and demonstrated a lot of thinking on the Friz’s part. In fact, you could argue that she worked backwards from her goal until she found the right kind of lesson. Often, the lesson would present itself in an organic way: Ralphie is sick, let’s figure out why. Or, Dorothy Ann became petrified of asteroids, presumably after watching Armageddon and crying about Bruce Willis (she just seems like the type, y’know?) – and Ms. Frizzle would jump in from there and guide the students in the most hands-off way possible. She had the tools and the kids had the experience. She dropped them into the thick of things and let them fend for themselves, be they playing a frictionless baseball game or turning into animals and trying to live on the streets of a city.

Sure, Ms. Frizzle’s methods were peculiar but they allowed for students to – as the Friz might say – get messy. It’s sort of implicit that they are never in any real danger: she never panics, not once, and it is demonstrated time and time again that she has her students best interests at heart. She taught real science – without any pretense or ulterior motive. It was all about the learning and all about using that learning to make her students be better, more observant people. She let them take chances, and that really paid off.

3) Ms. Frizzle Was Light Years Ahead Of Her Time, Fashion-Wise

Ms. Frizzle, 1995

Nicki Minaj, 2010

4) Ms. Frizzle Didn’t Do Any Kind Of Handholding

On the contrary! “Make Mistakes” was part of her catchphrase! Making mistakes means you’re working hard, and working hard means eventually you’ll achieve something. It’s not about being perfect, just about taking chances and allowing yourself to not succeed sometimes. Once you forget about being self-conscious, that’s when the real work is able to begin. Ms. Frizzle understands that – often, one of her students will be comically mistaken about something, and rather than saying, “Carlos you are a moron, that sound machine sounds awful and defies the basic principles of sound design,” she let him try and try until he got it right.

I mean, the fact that she took him to a magical sound mansion didn’t hurt. But that’s exactly the thing: it wasn’t, “Carlos, you’re wrong.” That would defeat his spirit and probably scar him for life. Instead, she presented him with the tools he’d need, provided a structure for using those tools – remember when she yodeled? – and answered his questions when he had them.

That, too, was what was so great about the Friz. She posed questions to her students right back at them, even if sometimes they didn’t realize they were being asked. Like that time she stranded herself on Pluto and left it to the kids to operate the bus and find her – through learning about the rest of the planets, that is. Mind you, this is back when Pluto was a planet so this was sort of a big deal.

5) Ms. Frizzle Was Popular With The Kids

Okay, this is superficial, but who doesn’t want to be the teacher everyone wants to have? It warms your teacher heart to hear an older kid nod knowingly and say, “I had the Friz’s class last year.” Also, they baked her a birthday cake! How much love does that show? Baking someone a cake is something you only do for someone you love. Have you ever baked a cake for your worst enemy? No. (Once, my friend Joa had someone bake her a cake out of love only she didn’t like him at all so it was an unrequited love cake, but still there was love in the batter!) The kids also bought Ms. Frizzle a cocoa tree one time – I think for Earth Day? WHO BUYS THEIR TEACHER AN EARTH DAY PRESENT?? A group of kids who really freakin liked their teacher, that’s who.

She was a well-liked and well-respected person in the school community and in the outside world – she had friends in the strangest of places.

Also, she was voiced by Lily Tomlin and her cousin was Dolly Parton. So that’s popularity points right thurr.

6) Ms. Frizzle Loved All Her Students Equally, Even The Terrible Ones

Janet was an awful human being. WHY YOU GOTTA BE LIKE THAT JANET???? AT MY OLD SCHOOL PEOPLE WEREN’T SO FRIGGIN CATTY.

She was so respectful of each and every one of her kids and allowed them to learn at their own pace, in their own way. Some teachers would have looked at Arnold and said, “You know what? MAYBE YOU SHOULD JUST STAY HOME TOMORROW IF YOU’RE GOING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT LEARNING EVERY SINGLE FREAKING DAY. WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU ARE IN SCHOOL FOR, YOU SNOTTY GINGER.” Some teachers would have taken in Cousin Janet’s terrible ‘tude and promptly jettisoned her into space for being such an uptight crotchety little malcontent who nothing was ever good enough for.

Not the Friz.

Instead, she coaxed everyone out of their shells in a way that was fair and kind. She recognized that some kids were persnickety and dealt with that – sometimes by throwing them in a swamp, but there was learning to be had. And they soresponded to that. They may have complained every once in awhile, but they took that respect and faith that she had in them and ran with it, and became better students for it.

So there it is, folks. Fictional she may be, but Ms. Frizzle represents everything I want to bring to my career (?!?) as an educator, whatever trajectory that career might take. Because at the end of the day, the Friz taught us that teaching is more than books: it’s creativity and passion and laughter and caring about what you do and who you’re doing it for and thinking so far outside the box that the box becomes  a non-entity. I can’t wait to try it out for myself.

Seatbelts, everyone.

Killer Karaoke: My Go To Songs

I’m Asian, so therefore karaoke is in my blood. True story: one time during a family reunion in the Philippines, one of the activities was a karaoke contest, and I sang Reflection from Mulan (ohmygod i’m such a stereotype) and made the ‘finals’, but was beat out by my uncle, who I’m only assuming was drunk at the time.

I know karaoke isn’t for everyone, but I love it. If I’m comfortable (read: drunk) enough, I’ll do it, but otherwise it’s just so entertaining watching good and/or bad people doing it. Here’s a list of my go to songs that I know I won’t embarrass myself with.

Forgot About Dre – Dr. Dre feat. Eminem

This is the only song I know I can MURDER when I get up on stage. Seriously. I can do either part, and I don’t even play. Just ask the people who were at the North Hollywood Big Wang’s on New Year’s Eve 2009.

Doo Wop (That Thing) – Lauryn Hill

This is a great, great song, and I think a perfect karaoke option, since it mixes rapping and singing.

Let Me Blow Ya Mind – Eve feat. Gwen Stefani

Do you see a pattern here? I enjoy rapping. Whether at a karaoke bar or not. Also, I have a special place in my heart for 90s music and anything that was on TRL in its heyday.

Alone – Heart

This song isn’t for amateurs. Ok, maybe it is, seeing as how I’m an amateur and I’m basing my skill off of singing this jam on American Idol Karaoke. If an animated Simon Cowell loves my performance, then it’s good enough for me.

Don’t Got Breaking My Heart – Elton John and Kiki Dee

Obviously, this is a great song for two pals or like lovebirds on a 90s sitcom like Cory and Topanga.