Category Archives: Entertainment

Go Tigers! Bayside High’s Best Teen Actors

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If I had to name one TV show that defined my childhood it would be Saved By The Bell. Full House comes in a close second, but Bayside High was, is, and always will be my number one (so expect more posts about this in the future).

I’ve seen every single episode of the series, including the long forgotten Good Morning, Miss Bliss ones. A fun trick I used to be really good at was naming the episode and/or plot based on the first 5 to 10 seconds of the show. I can kinda still do it now, but in my old age, I’ve managed to forget.

So because I’ve seen all the episodes multiple times, I’ve noticed a lot of things most people don’t, including the background characters who showed up throughout the high school years. Here are a few of my favorites. I hope you enjoyed them as much as I did!

Ollie Creekly

The gravelly voiced black nerd was often seen roaming the halls with his fellow Central Casting extras, but also frequently seen in clubs and committees, along with his fellow geektastic friends.

Herbert the Nerd

Friend of Ollie, geek to all. He was often with the rest of the geek squad, but for some reason, he stuck out because he was just so … on edge all the time. Also, he made the perfect faces that made me wonder why the “geeks” in my school didn’t look exactly like him.

The Twins

Did the twins have names? Probably not. What they did have was matching outfits in every episode. Like as teens, they had to wear the exact same clothes, because otherwise, you wouldn’t be able to tell that they were twins.

Black Girl

The short black girl, the twins, and other frequent extras that Zack is pretending he is friends with

Ok, she didn’t have a name either. But she was short, black, and always jovial.

Kevin the Robot

Screech had a best friend in Zack, but he also had a best friend in his robot Kevin. Looking back on it, this robot must have cost hundreds of dollars in the 1980s. And did his parents have him specially made? He was a talking robot that was almost life-sized for goodness sake!

Ox

Ox was the token idiot jock who actually first came on the scene with the name of ‘Scud.’ That’s right folks Scud. Needless to say, the big galut lucked out with ‘Ox’.

Alan

You might remember Alan from one of my personal favorite eps, The Prom. He was a part of the prom committee, and suggested that the food for the night consist of all different kinds of cake.

This Guy

I want to say his name is Robert … which is probably incorrect. But he looks like a Robert, no? He looks like he runs wit h the geek crowd, but he was always with the average people, like the twins.

Rod Belding

Here is Rod teaching the teenage boys how to do “CPR.” Cue: HEY HEY HEY WHAT IS GOING ON HERE??

“A building with two beldings and one of them is balding!” Ok, so he was only in one episode but I feel like I need to address him. The kids were surprised to find out that not only did Mr. Belding had a brother, but he had a cool brother. You can call him Rod. Classic 90s Californian with long flowing blond hair and surfer dude attitude. The only problem was that he was a flake. When Rod promised to take the class white water rafting, he warned the kids that he wouldn’t fulfill his promise, and per usual he was right. Always listen to Mr. Belding kids. Always.

Bonus: Scott Wolf

Glee club extraordinaire, Scott Wolf would soon grow up to be an alcoholic in Party of Five and then marry Kelly from Real World: New Orleans IRL.

Eric Dane

RIP Mark Sloan

Also only in one episode, but I only found out it was him like a year ago and it blew my mind. He played Tad (maybe Ted? IDK one of the two) who was an excellent volleyball player and played against our crew when they spent their summer at the Malibu Sands Beach Club. McSteamy dated Stacey Carosi (Leah Remini of King of Queens), but she told him she moved away instead of actually dating him. If only you knew he would grow up to be a smokeshow on Grey’s Anatomy.

Point-Counterpoint: Ugly Cry Showdown – Anne Hathaway vs. Claire Danes

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 Film-goers and TV viewers love a good ugly cry. As a matter of fact, apart from gaining or losing a lot of weight or wearing unflattering facial prostheses, ugly crying may be the best way to secure acting award nominations. While less-serious starlets look put-together and beautiful while they cry, maintaining matte skin as a single, picturesque tear rolls down their cheeks, ugly criers are the real deal. Their eyes and noses get red, there is snot all over, their mouths gape, and sometimes I swear they’re practically drooling.
Two of the best ugly criers of our generation are Anne Hathaway and Claire Danes. Both got their start on network TV, then moved on to film roles. Today Danes is an Emmy winner for her work on the acclaimed Homeland, while Hathaway is nominated for an Oscar for her role in Les Miserables. But until now, nobody has settled who the best ugly crier of the two really is. Wonder no longer — Cookies + Sangria point-counterpoint has you covered.

Point: Hathaway ugly-sing-cried in Les Miserables.

Most actresses struggle to produce even an acceptable ugly cry, but Hathaway did the unthinkable – she managed to ugly cry and sing at the same time. Do you even realize the breath and mucus control that requires? Next time you’re ugly crying, pay attention to your diaphragm. It’s probably spasming, or at least not working regularly. Alright, now try to sing I Dreamed A Dream. It’s almost impossible! But not for Anne Hathaway. Note how she retains her trembling, wailing mouth-shape while performing a pitch-perfect rendition of a musical theater classic — LIVE. For added unattractiveness points, Hathaway’s hair is cropped and she’s made up to look like she has tuberculosis. THAT’s how you cry when you’ve just been forced into prostitution and haven’t seen your child for years and your teeth were ripped out and you’re singing your feelings.

Counterpoint: Claire Danes’ Ugly Cry Is So Iconic That It Was Lampooned On Saturday Night Live

Okay, Hathaway does a pretty good ugly cry, but do you know what the root of all comedy is? Truth. Well, and robots fighting with things. And fart noises. But mostly truth. So when SNL chose to parody Claire Danes’ ugly crying on Homeland, they were doing so because her hideous weeping is known far and wide. Once something has been spoofed on this late night comedy, you know that it’s a feature on the pop culture landscape. I mean, come on. They put mom jeans on the map.

Counter-Counterpoint: Yeah, But It Was Hathaway Who Did The Claire Danes Ugly Cry Parody

Dying is easy, comedy is hard. What that means is, it was nothing for Hathaway to ugly cry as a consumptive prostitute, but to ugly cry and make it hilarious? That takes some serious chops.

Point: Claire Danes International Ugly-Cried in Brokedown Palace

Have you seen this? If you had HBO in the early 2000s, the answer is probably yes, because it was on all the damn time. Anyway, Brokedown Palace is a treat. Claire Danes ugly cries her way in to and out of a third world prison. And she ugly cries so vehemently that she is practically slobbering and seizing. Seriously, like you wonder if someone was off camera ready to hold her tongue so she didn’t swallow it.

Counterpoint: Hathaway is so committed to crying that she cried every day while filming Love And Other Drugs

According to the Internet, Hathaway said: “I was a wreck from start to finish. I think I cried every single day. I had to lean so much more heavily on everyone around me than I’m used to. I’m used to pulling my own weight. But I totally fell apart.” Did you get that? God, Hathaway ugly cries even when the camera’s not rolling. You can tell me she cried beautifully, but I won’t believe it for her second. Recreational ugly crying?! Anything for her craft. [Ed. note: please note Hathaway’s references to “leaning heavily” and not being able to “pull her weight.” This was obviously before she went from regular skinny to very, very skinny for Les Mis. Her weight loss secret? Expelling excess water through tears. Very strict regimen. Lots of onions and feelings.]

Point: Danes’ Award-Winning Teen Angst Crying In Little Women, Romeo And Juliet, and My So Called Life

You know what’s hard? Being a teenager whose love interest wrote a song that you thought was about you – and learning that it was about his car. You know what’s really hard? Being a teenager dying of scarlet fever. You know what’s ridiculously hard? Being a teenager whose star-crossed love affair ends in the death of the both of you. It’s hard to even imagine how difficult those scenarios are, but luckily we don’t even have to – Claire Danes’ tears did the talking, before she even had a driver’s license. What were you ugly crying over at that age? Whatever it was, you probably weren’t winning Emmys for it.

Counterpoint: Anne Hathaway is the Crown Princess of Genovia

A lot of things happened to teenaged Hathaway, too! Like, this one time, she thought she was a regular teen, but then she found out she was a princess! But you know what she didn’t do? Cry about it, really. She made some ugly faces of disgust and shock but that only gets you like a half-point, maybe. I still don’t know how I’m supposed to be scoring this but I think Danes wins this round.

Point: Temple Freakin’ Grandin, though.

The real Temple Grandin has said that “geeks that cry keep jobs” and that she “turned her anger into crying.” What are the chances that one noted crying enthusiast would play another noted crying enthusiast in an HBO biopic? And you thought there were a lot of parallels between Halle Berry and Dorothy Dandridge.

Counterpoint: (Rachel Getting Married Spoiler) Killed her sibling while drunk. How’s that for ugly?

Little known fact, if your character inspired the ugly cries of other characters in the film, that counts a little, too. It’s like getting a recruitment bonus when you sign a friend up for your insurance.

The Verdict:

I don’t really know how to quantify this. I mean… they’re both really good. Why does everything have to be a competition? Why can’t we just appreciate their unique, teary, snotty-nosed talents on their own merit? Okay… I’m calling it a tie. But if Hathaway wins on Oscar night, she becomes the reigning queen of the Ugly Cry, until Danes EGOTs or something.

Note: All images link to source. You’ll notice that a lot of the Danes pics link to The Claire Danes Cry Face Project . I found out about that blog when I was drafting this, but haven’t read it yet because I didn’t want to be influenced… but now I’m going to go spend half a day there and you should too!
 
Note 2: Those wanting further discussion of the Hathaway ugly cry should join us on Sunday, February 24, as we live-blog the Oscars!
 
OSCAR UPDATE: Anne Hathaway won an Oscar for her Fantine ugly cry, gave a shoutout to prostitutes, and made our worst dressed list. She started her speech with “… it came true!”. “It” being the dream that she dreamed, of being the ugliest crier in all the land. Details are in our liveblog.

Whatareyoudoinghere: Unexpected Guest Stars of Veronica Mars

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I was one of those latecomers that only got into Veronica Mars when was available on Netflix Instant a year or two ago. I was immediately hooked, and scolded myself for judging the show by its name (Veronica MARS who lived in NEPTUNE??? Def some kind of sci-fi show I wasn’t interested in). But fast forward to my Netflix marathon days and I watched eps nonstop, then proceeded to purchase the DVDs once they took it off instant.

Anyways, from the beginning, I noticed that a lot of random celebs appeared on VMars. Some were famous before the show, and some reached their fame after their appearance. The obvious one is Amanda Seyfried, who played Lilly Kane, Veronica’s bestie, Duncan’s brother, and Logan’s main boo. Oh and she was mysteriously killed, so pretty much the all of season one and season two focus on her murder. Ugh Harry Hamlin.

Because of the future Mamma Mia star, I proceeded to make a list of some notable names who I was surprised to see in Neptune.

PS: gold star and +50 points if you got the Californians ref in the post title.

Paris Hilton

Season 1, Episode 2

Props to Paris for signing up to be a guest star so early on in the show. Although she probs would’ve taken any role she was given money for, so nevermind. I will admit that I was super jeal of her because she played Logan’s new GF. Logan *sigh*

Jessica Chastain

Season 1, Episode 7

Jessica was recently on Jay Leno recalling how although it seems like she’s an overnight Oscar nominee, she graduated from Julliard and was in various TV shows – including V Mars. She played a character involved in one of the darkest storylines ever done on the show, a pregnant woman who lived next door to Veronica, who went missing. Turns out her stepfather raped her, and just as she was going to shoot him in self defense, Veronica’s dad shoots him to safe her life. Srs business, y’all.

Aaron Paul

Season 1, Episode 11

Before he was a maker of meth, Jesse Pinkman was accused to being a serial killer. So I mean, he has a history of playing troubled characters (RIP Gale).

Leighton Meester

Season 1, Episodes 14 & 21

Spotted: Young B playing Carrie Bishop, queen of the rich ’09ers (sound familiar?). She accuses Veronica’s favorite teacher, Mr. Rooks of having an affair with her, so VMars sets out to prove that he’s innocent. She finds out that not only did Rooks have an affair, it was actually with Carrie’s BFF, who got preggo from the scandalous tryst. So Carrie decided to press charges against him for herself.

Adam Scott

Season 1, Episode 14

Oh, BTW, the guy who played teen predator Mr. Rooks? THIS GUY.

Ben Wyatt/Knope, I still love you. Even if you were a creeper.

lit’rally took me forever to decide which pic to use because i love him so much

Lucas Grabeel

Season 2, Episode 14

The High School Musical alum played Kelly Kuzzio, a baseball jock who was secretly gay. Not like he’s ever played a gay guy before.

Kristin Cavallari

Season 2, Episode 14

Kristin, the only villain who looked sane next to Speidi, made her scripted TV debut and she played a cheerleader. Oh sorry, a LESBIAN cheerleader. It was great. I mean her acting wasn’t but just the entire thing it general was great.

Zachery Ty Bryan

Season 1, Episode 15 & 17

Usually the middle child gets the shaft, but on Home Improvement, I always thought eldest kid Brad got the short end of the stick. I mean the middle child was Jonathan Taylor Thomas, like how do you compare with that? I remember as much about Brad’s plot line as I do of his brief stint on VM. Which is that he played basketball and drove a car.

JTT

Season 1, Episode 18

Speak of the devil. I was never one of those girls who fawned over JTT. I didn’t get it. Still don’t. Which is why that although I appreciate his rare TV appearance on a UPN show in 2005, I remember his guest starring role mostly because this was the first episode where Veronica and Logan kissed. I mean he played an ATF agent who went undercover as a high school student, so that was cool, I guess. But VERONICA AND LOGAN!! They had an epic kind of love, you know? One that  spanned years and continents. Lives ruined, bloodshed, epic.

Rider Strong

Season 3, Episode 2

Good old Shawn Hunter played an asshole classmate of Logan and Wallace in a college class, where they participated in some prison experiment. IDK, basically he made the kid from Freaks and Geeks pee his pants.

Matt Czuchry

Season 3, Episode 4

Logan Huntzberger from my fave Gilmore Girls uses his reporter skills as he pretends to be Logan Echolls’ half-brother just to get a story. Whoa, that got confusing even for me. Again, forget about Matt for a sec because this was a great episode for Jason Dohring who got to show his dramatic side after he found out he still didn’t come close to getting to know his half-brother.

Dianna Agron

Season 3, Episodes 5, 15, & 19

Incidentally, Dianna played a college kid in VMars, and then went on to play a high school cheerleader/wheelchair bound/walking Yale student miracle on Glee.

Paul Rudd

Season 3, Episode 17

The great Paul Rudd is actually BFFs with show creator Rob Thomas, which explains his involvement with VM and with Rob’s follow up show, the hilarious Party Down. Paul plays a washed-up rock star who’s playing at Hearst College, and is a drunk nut job. One of my all-time lines from the show comes from this episode, as seen above.

Max Greenfield

Recurring character

I saved the best for last. Before New Girl was New Girl, I saw promos for the show, and put it on my list immediately because Max Greenfield was in it. At the time, he was only Deputy Leo to me, the handsome, smiley, police officer who Veronica canoodled with in the first season. Unfortunately their love dwindled, but only because she was falling for Logan. And I was ok with that. But now, he can’t be anything else but Schmidt.

Logan TYFYT

A Psychological Analysis Of Miley Cyrus’ Lyrics

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[A note from the future: this was written when the media/internet/world at large was hand-wringing over one of Miley’s scandals – not sure which – and finding ‘signs’ and ‘clues’ in everything she did to explain why they thought she was going off the deep end. Our opinion was that she was being young and living her life, albeit in a bit more loose-and-wacky way than we did at her age. The post below was sort of a parody of the over-the-top analysis that was all over the news that month.]

As a person who minored in psychology, and majored in teen pop culture, I am, I think, marginally qualified to analyze Miley Cyrus not qualified to do anything. Now, some of you may suggest that I look to Miley’s life decisions, like her engagement and major bleach-and-chop, to figure out what’s going on in Ms. Destiny Hope’s head. But I’d rather take the words straight from the horse’s mouth, so to speak, and look to Cyrus’s song lyrics.

See You Again:

“I’ve got a heart that will never be tamed” – Miley has a cardiac condition and does not believe that treatment is available. If she is speaking metaphorically, then she does not abide by convention and thinks that trying to do so would be futile. “Never tamed” may refer to an impulse control disorder or, at the least, attentional difficulties. Like, she may have adult ADD/ADHD. Sidebar, I tried to take an adult ADD test online, then quit paying attention midway through.

“I feel like I must have known you in another life” – Miley  belongs to a faith system that espouses reincarnation. Participation in religious activities can be a protective factor for teens, so good on you, Miles! However, schizoid disorders often manifest in the early twenties, but are not unheard of in teens. Cyrus might just be delusional.

“The last time I freaked out/ I just kept looking down/ I stuttered when you asked me what I’m thinking about” – Miley appears to be suffering from a nervous break. She may have an anxiety disorder, although her inability to make eye contact could also indicate interpersonal difficulties. Contrary to popular opinion, stuttering is not classed as a nervous disorder or necessarily associated with psychological trauma. However, the behavior may manifest more frequently in times of stress.

“Felt like I couldn’t breathe/ You asked what’s wrong with me/ My best friend Leslie said “Oh she’s just being Miley”” – Miley appears to be suffering from what is commonly called a “panic attack,” meeting at least a few of the diagnostic criteria from the DSM-IV. It is encouraging that she identifies Leslie as her “best friend,” as teens with positive social support usually have better outcomes than those without. The explanation that “she’s just being Miley” may indicate that Leslie accepts Miley’s quirks — however, she may also be trying to belittle Miley by using “relational aggression.” That is, she’s manipulating interpersonal relationships to hurt Miley’s self-esteem or social standing. See, e.g., Mean Girls.

“I got this crazy feeling deep inside/ When you called and asked to see me tomorrow night/ I’m not a mind reader but I’m reading the signs” — Miley believes that she has supernatural abilities. These delusions of grandeur may point to a narcissistic personality disorder. The fact that Miley can identify a “crazy feeling deep inside” might show that she is self aware.  In psychological terms, this may also be evidence that deep inside, she is crazy.

The take-away: Miley appears to be suffering from a panic attack, and may also have trouble controlling impulses. She may or may not be Buddhist. It’s possible that Miley has a social anxiety disorder. Leslie might be a bitch. Does anyone know if they’re still best friends?

7 Things:

“I probably shouldn’t say this/  But at times I get so scared/  When I think about the previous/ Relationship we shared”: Miley is a self-aware young lady who is expressing her fears, but there is a recurring theme of anxiety appearing. I hope the “previous relationships” isn’t that past life shit again.

“It was awesome but we lost it/  It’s not possible for me not to care”: Emotional detachment has a number of causes, from psychological trauma to borderline personality disorder. I’m going to go with BPD on this one, though. Pretty commonly diagnosed (some say over-diagnosed) in young women.

“It’s awkward and silent/ As I wait for you to say/ What I need to hear now/ Your sincere apology” Cyrus really feels awkward a lot, doesn’t she? Not to worry – again, feelings of social discomfort and low self-esteem are very typical in her social cohort! Maybe she feels awkward because she has a speech disorder, because “say” and “apology” don’t usually rhyme, but somehow she makes that happen.

The take-away: Miley is very good at expressing negative feelings, which is actually a good thing – repressing negative affect can have terrible consequences. She is really exhibiting some rebellious behavior here, though – the entire song is plagiarized from Kat’s poem at the end of 10 Things I Hate About You. Badass, Miles. Badass.

Party In The USA:

“I hopped off the plane at LAX with a dream and my cardigan/ Welcome to the land of fame, excess, whoa am I gotta fit in?” Miley is insecure about finding a social group — again, very, very common concern of middle- and upper-class female teens. She is cold, but not like, jacket-cold.

“My tummy’s turnin’ and I’m feelin’ kinda homesick /Too much pressure and I’m nervous/ That’s when the taxi man turned on the radio/ And the Jay-Z song was on” Cyrus is experiencing a psychosomatic reaction to stress. Although “homesickness” is completely normal, this may also be a sign that Miley is too young to be without a familial support system. Fortunately, she finds a positive outlet in music. Unfortunately, she seems to place a great value on monetary success: while she refers to a popular rapper by name, the man driving her around is relegated to status as “taxi man,” defined by his profession.

“So I put my hands up, they’re playin’ my song/ The butterflies fly away I’m noddin’ my head like “Yeah!” /Movin’ my hips like “Yeah!”/ Got my hands up, they’re playin’ my song / And now I’m gonna be okay / Yeah! It’s a party in the USA! / Yeah! It’s a party in the USA!” Dancing, a form of exercise, provides an endorphin release. Miley responds in the affirmative. There is a party, and that party is in the United States. So is Miley.

Get to the club in my taxi cab/ Everybody’s lookin’ at me now /Like “Who’s that chick that’s rockin’ kicks She’s gotta be from out of town”/ So hard with my girls not around me / It’s definitely not a Nashville party  / ‘Cause all I see are stilettos / I guess I never got the memo: The feeling of everyone looking at her could be early manifestation of schizophrenia or narcissistic personality disorder, as discussed above. However, it is much more likely that Miley is feeling self-conscious. Totally fine. It is “so hard when [her] girls aren’t around” because the peer group is an important social support for young adults. Plus, girlfriend wore the wrong shoes and maybe someone could have told her.

Feel like hoppin’ on a flight, on a flight / Back to my hometown tonight, town tonight  / Something stops me every time, every time / The DJ plays my song and I feel alright: Cyrus has not adjusted to her new home, and is ambivalent about staying, but has developed a positive coping mechanism (attending parties in the USA), so will stay.  In studies of resilience in adolescents, the ability to control impulses is pivotal, as are communication skills – presumably, our girl is meeting some friends at these parties, helping her to adjust. Her stutter may have returned a little there.

Hoedown Throwdown:

“We get to four, five, six / And you’re feelin’ busted /  But it’s not time to quit Practice makes you perfect/ Pop it, lock it, polka dot it /  Country fivin’, hip hop hip / Put your arms in the sky, move side to side /  Jump to the left, stick it, glide” : Miley believes that you should persevere until you’ve achieved success. Atta girl! Because a positive outlook really does increase the likelihood of positive outcomes! The rest of this, I don’t really understand.

The Climb:

I can almost see it That dream I am dreaming But there’s a voice inside my head saying “You’ll never reach it”: Low self-esteem. Again. Plus, an actual voice in her head? That is what the psychologists call “not great.”

There’s always gonna be another mountain I’m always gonna wanna make it move Always gonna be a uphill battle Sometimes I’m gonna have to lose: Although this initially sounds like pessimism, Miley is simply realistic. This is better than a grandiose expectation of success.

Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa: Miley believes in something. Possibly Buddha.

Overall analysis:

Miley talks a LOT about being unsure or having low self-esteem. This is normal, but sometimes it’s like, come on, Miley! Don’t Taylor Swift us and talk about how you’re just some poor ol’ girl who wears sneakers. You’ve been rich and famous since you were like 13, and your dad is rich and famous, too! Because of Achy Breaky Heart, though. Yeah, go ahead with your low confidence, I guess.

For real, does anyone have receipts on the whole Miley-Leslie thing?

Doing Lines: The Best of Grey’s Anatomy Medical Cases

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Welcome back to Doing Lines, a series in which we look into the most interesting and entertaining plot lines of our favorite TV shows (Did you miss the Gossip Girl one?). I’ve decided to do a little twist with this post, and only focus on Grey’s medical cases (plot lines/relationships and hookups to come in the future). Over the past nine seasons, my favorite medical drama has had it’s fair share of ridiculous cases come in through the doors of Seattle Grace/Mercy West. Here are some of the most memorable ones our fave doctors have had to treat.

Season 1, Episode 4

A construction worker accidentally falls down a set of stairs while holding a nail gun, and guess where all the nails land? IN HIS HEAD. Don’t worry, he survived the surgery after Dr. Shepherd (McDreamy) successfully took all of them out – except while he was in there, he found a brain tumor. wah wah.

this is why i don’t do construction-y things

Season 2, Episode 2

Dr. Bailey (the best doc in SGMW, besides Cristina Yang), treats a man who has a bowel obstruction, which they think is blocked by drugs. Except the x-rays reveal that those aren’t dimebags- they’re the heads of 10 Judy Dolls, which are like Barbie dolls. The great part was when she took out each Judy doll head, and reminisced about each one, like, ‘this was mod Judy, she came with a yellow vespa.’

imagine seeing this shit? it’s like right out of Mama or something.

Season 2, Episode 13

Another patient comes in with bowel movement problems – in that he’s having none – and it turns out he ate all the pages to his manuscript. The aspiring writer says, “I wanted to, literally, put it behind me,” which would frankly make me want to treat him less after a horrible joke. After the surgery, the guy still acts like a wackadoo, and it turns out the pages of his manuscript actually gave him mercury poisoning.

Season 2, Episode 18

A woman comes in after a car accident, but they soon find out she has a much bigger problem. She’s been having “episodes” 7 to 8 times times a day, and by “episodes” she means “spontaneous orgasms.” Some of the docs are envious, but she explains that she gets ridiculed a lot and can never go out in public. Being the geniuses they are, they fix her so she can only have “episodes” when she wants to.

Season 2, Episode 6

Any fan of the show can attest that this is one of the best episodes in Grey’s history. A train crash brings two strangers together (literally) as a metal pole impales the two of them. Young Bonnie (played by Dawson’s Creek alum Monica Keena) and older gentleman Tom obviously bond during their time together, but the risky surgery to remove the pole has to sacrifice one’s life while the other lives. In an emotional ending, against Tom’s insistance, Bonnie agrees to give up her life so he can live. Heartbreaking shit, yo.

Season 2, Episodes 16 & 17

The first part of this two parter aired right after the Super Bowl in 2006, and were the most watched eps in Grey’s history. Luckily, these two were arguably the best in the show’s history as well. A man is brought into the hospital because he was injured attempting to make a homemade bazooka. He was bleeding in his chest, so one of the paramedics, played by Christina Ricci, applied pressure to the wound to make the bleeding stop – except one of the Docs realizes that the man has a piece of unexploded ammunition inside of him, and the only thing stopping it from blowing up is Wednesday Addams’ hand.

The hospital immediately calls a Code Black, which shuts down pretty much the entire hospital, and brings in the bomb squad, led by COACH TAYLOR (sorry, Kyle Chandler). Wednesday starts to freak out because everyone is leaving, and she doesn’t want to die. In a state of a nervous breakdown, she removes her hand and runs out the door, but the bomb doesn’t go off- because Meredith instinctively puts her hand in the chest to save the entire place from blowing up.

After everyone goes off on her for being an idiot and comes to grips with the fact she might actually die, she carefully removes the ammunition, hands it to Coach Taylor, and as he walks down the hall, it goes off. He dies, but all the doctors, and the idiot patient who had the bazooka remnants in his chest in the first place, all lived. There is WAY more to this episode, so you should probs just watch it on Netflix instant.

Season 3, Episode 5

A man comes into SGMW lying on his back and his ex-wife straddled on top of him. Yup, you guessed it – they were having sex and his piercing hooked onto her dislodged IUD and they get stuck together. Ok, maybe you didn’t guess that exactly, because it’s freaking weird. The doctors managed to separate the couple, but he ends up having a heart attack right after they’re taken apart.

uncomfy

Season 3, Episode 14

A cancer patient is oddly the common denominator to staff members getting mysteriously ill, when George figures out that it’s her blood that is toxic, and making everyone pass out. A combo of her chemotherapy drugs and herbal medicine created a deadly neurotoxin, which obviously creates a problem for those treating her. Literally an entire OR staff falls down during her surgery. So the Docs have to take turns holding their breath to run into the OR and seal her cavity up before everyone dies.

bitches be down on the ground

Season 3, Episode 21

One of the hospital’s board members comes in after a recent trip to the Amazon with swollen genitals. Turns out that a parasite got all up in there after he spent some time in the Amazonian waters. It eventually comes out in surgery and it is disgusting. But Dr. Bailey and Dr. Webber have one of my fave convos ever in this ep:

Webber: There was a fish in a man’s penis.

Bailey: There’s always gonna be a fish in a man’s penis, chief.

Season 4, Episode 16

A stoopid teen gets stuck in cement after his idiot friends dare him to lie in wet cement just to impress a girl. The douchebags don’t call 911 until an hour after he’s in there, leaving him surrounded by a legit- a ton of cement. Not only is the cement weighing heavy on the kid’s body, but it’s also sucking out all the water from his body and toxins are building all up in there. Torres has to cut into his leg just to alleviate the pressure. Gross. Eventually they get him out – and the girl he was trying to impress actually revealed she liked him too. Their relationship was off to a sane and normal start.

poor choices, kid.

There are way more freakish cases in Grey’s, but this list could legit go on forever. Oh Grey’s, never change.

TV Marathoning: 5 Steps of Grief (The Taylor-Bartlet model)

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In a world where we can easily access DVDs, DVR and Netflix, it makes it so much easier to watch a TV series for hours on end, lending itself to the highest form of laziness. In the moment, you think it’s worth it, but is it really?

For me, TV marathoning began in college, when a few of my friends and I decided to spend an entire day devoted to a whole season of Friends. We were/are fanatics of the show, so it’s not like we needed to watch it, but it’s the experience of watching it together with, ahem, friends, that makes it 10 times better. We called it a Friendstravaganza, and literally played episodes non stop all day, only stopping to get take out for dinner.

That was the beginning of the end, because I’m pretty sure the Friendstravaganza taught me how to watch TV all day. In fact, I made it a goal to use this new found skill to catch up on series that I’ve been meaning to watch but haven’t seen yet. My roommates and I even made a list of all the series we aimed to watch. In the past few years, I’ve been able to cross off Veronica Mars, Grey’s Anatomy, Six Feet Under, Friday Night Lights, Arrested Development, Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip, Homeland, and a bunch more.

Here is the original 2011 (?) version of the TV list. Crossed off 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, and 11. Plus 1 and 2 from the Catch up column. Here’s the newest version, if you’re still reading this.

I recently finished all seven seasons of The West Wing, thanks to Netflix Instant. A personal best, I managed to watch 155 episodes in 26 days. That’s about 1/7th of my month dedicated to President Bartlet and co. And as my beloved Tim Riggins would say, No Regrets.

But finishing The West Wing got me thinking, that just like Riggins and FNL, I found myself wanting to watch the last few episodes, but not wanting it to ever end. I was heading towards the usual post-show withdrawal and depression. In fact, with FNL, I immediately purchased all five seasons on DVD and watched the first season like a week after I finished the whole series.

Which got me thinking: post- TV marathoning is just like the five stages of grief, also known as the Kubler-Ross model. Except for entertainment purposes, I’ll call it the Taylor-Bartlet model. Let me explain.

**West Wing spoilers ahead**

1) Denial — “I feel fine.”; “This can’t be happening, not to me. Not to this show.”; “There’s gotta be more episodes, obviously.” ; “How can I go another day without watching another sexual tension filled episode of Josh and Donna moments?”

2) Anger — “How can this happen to me?”; ‘”Who is to blame for this show ending? NBC? Of course.”; “I want to know what happened to Moira Kelly’s horrible character, and now we’ll NEVER find out.”; “Why was Sam not at Leo’s funeral?? Come AWN Rob Lowe!”; “DID ZOEY MOVE TO DC TO BE WITH CHARLIE WHILE HE’S STUDYING AT GEORGETOWN TO BE A LAWYER LIKE HIS SOON-TO-BE FATHER-IN-LAW (I’M ASSUMING)??”

3) Bargaining — “I’ll do anything for another season, maybe Pres. Bartlet at his New Hampshire farm, driving Abbey crazy because he can’t smoke?”; “I will give my life savings if I can watch Toby’s kid Huck and CJ and Danny’s daughter get married”; “If only Aaron Sorkin came back for just one last half season and make a Two Cathedrals finale part two?”; “Ok, what if I rewatch season one in its entirety, that’s like a whole new revamped WW, seeing as it’s been weeks since I last saw it”

4) Depression — “I’m so upset that I never caught on to WW sooner.” “Nothing will be this good, why bother with any other show?”; “I miss Mrs. Landingham, why go on?”; “There will never be a series like this ever again. I’m looking at you, Newsroom.”; “No, it’s totally normal for me to be crying and laughing and eating ice cream while watching this reunion video, and this and this.”

5) Acceptance — “In hindsight, I’m just thankful Netflix finally decided to put it on instant so I could watch the entire series at a rapid pace.”; “It ended on a good note, so there’s really no where else to go with it. I’ll just watch the Parks and Rec episode with Bradley Whitford doing a walk and talk, now”; “It’s going to be okay. I still haven’t watched The Wire”

I’m pretty sure I’m still in stage one of TV Marathoning grief, so if you need me, I’ll be on tumblr reblogging gifs and photosets of Josh and Donna’s relationship.

Playlist of the Month: Songs for Single People

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Welcome to the inaugural Playlist of the Month post! Every month, we’ll present to you some jams that go along with a common theme, but are also top-notch tunes. This month, in honor of everyone’s favorite (least favorite) holiday, Valentine’s Day, we present to you our top songs for single people on this, the day of love.

PS: If you want to listen to all these songs, check out the playlist on Spotify HERE!!! Enjoy 🙂

Traci’s Picks

Me, Myself, and I – Beyonce

Queen Bey has a knack for those independent women songs (see: Independent Women Part 2), and this is no exception. If you’re just getting out of a relationship or just plain old single, B reminds us that a lot of times in life, the only person you can rely and trust on is you.

I realized I got Me myself and I, That’s all I got in the end, that’s what I found out.  And it ain’t no need to cry, I took a vow that from now on I’m gonna be my own best friend.

The More Boys I Meet – Carrie Underwood

I actually used to hate this song, because it’s a typical country, tractors and beer type of storytelling song. But the more I listened to it, the more I liked it, and appreciated it for its sheer ridiculousness and earnest lyrics. Well of course you’re going to meet your fair share of useless men, so find companionship elsewhere.

It’s not like I’m not trying, cause I’ll give anyone a shot once… And I close my eyes, and I kiss that frog. Each time finding the more boys I meet, the more I love my dog.

Desire – Ryan Adams

For those looking for a good wallowing song, sorry about your life, but here’s a tune to help you out. If you want a real “kick you in the gut – forever alone – crying into your extra large glass of wine” song, this is the one for you.

You know me. You don’t mind waiting. You just can’t show me, but God I’m praying, that you’ll find me, and that you’ll see me, that you run and never tire.

Some Things Never Seem to Fucking Work – Solange

We fall in love, we fall out of love, and some things are never meant to be. My motto has always been, everything happens for a reason, because I really like cliches (not really, I’m just a victim to believing it to be true). But Solange puts it best in a very blatant way. Not everything can go your way. Deal, move on, find something better.

I’m thinking of some time off. I’m dreaming of a time that you knew me. So maybe then we’re better off So maybe if it’s all you wanted it. Leave me alone. Some things never seem to fucking work.

Fuck You – Lily Allen

Pretty sure this is self explanatory.

Fuck you. Fuck you very, very much. Cause your words don’t translate, and it’s getting quite late, so please don’t stay in touch.

Molly’s Picks

Marriage Is For Old Folks – Nina Simone

I have married friends and relatives who are (a) not old folks and (b) very happy, but you know what? If they’re allowed to spend all of today talking about how happy they are with their lives, we’re allowed to discuss how happy we are not to be married right now, too. Also, couples get all of the jazzy, old-timey songs today, so here’s one for the rest of us.

Marriage is for old folks/ Cold folks, not for me/ One married he, one married she/ Whaddya got? Two people watchin’ TV

My Life – Billy Joel

I love Billy Joel as much as Billy Joel loves crashing his car into private residences, which he must like a lot because he did it like three times. This is a classic, late-70s, ‘I’ll do what I want and don’t even try to tell me what to do’ anthem (in Billy’s case, what he wants to do is marry much younger women and engage in some reckless driving. Don’t judge).

I don’t care what you say anymore, this is my life, Go ahead with your own life, leave me alone

Runaway – Kanye West

The theme of most Valentines-y songs is “I’m so wonderful, you’re so wonderful, let’s be so wonderful together!” But what if you’re not wonderful? And what if you’re single because you think nobody should have to put up with you? Yeezy addresses this sentiment.

Let’s have a toast for the douchebags/ Let’s have a toast for the assholes, Let’s have a toast for the scumbags,/ Every one of them that I know/ Let’s have a toast for the jerkoffs/ That’ll never take work off/ Baby, I got a plan/ Run away fast as you can

A Cause des Garcons – Yelle

Every once in a while, my inner 12-year-old isn’t above listening to a good, old-fashioned, ‘boys suck’-themed pop tune. Particularly when it’s a French electropop cover of an ’80s novelty song.

À cause des garçons !/ On met des bas nylon/ On se crêpe le chignon/ À cause des garçons !/ Et du “qu’en dira-t-on”/ On pleure sur tous les tons/ À cause des garçons !

I’m Good I’m Gone – Lykke Li

Lykke Li brought us the messy bun on the tippy-top of her head long before anyone was doing that. As an aside, I had my hair like that at work and everyone treated me very gently, as though I might be hungover. Anyway, this song is all about leaving your haters and unsupportive gentleman friends in the dust, because you’re a hard worker on your way up in the world.

If you say I aim too high from down below, Well, say you’re not ’cause when I’m gone, You’ll be callin’ but I won’t be at the phone

Movies I Actually Paid To See In the Theater: Part 2 – No Shame

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Welcome to the conclusion of this mini-series, in which I reveal the movies I paid to see in the theaters. This second list is comprised of films that most would be embarrassed to say they even saw, none the less exchanged money in order to see it, but I am owning up to the fact that I enjoyed every single one.

The Lizzie McGuire Movie

I may have been a Junior in high school when this movie came out. I may have watched the series on DisChan and seen every episode. I may have dressed up as Miranda to my friend Sarah’s Lizzie for a Halloween party at my church. So sue me. This movie was the perfect way to end the series, and was satisfying on all ends. A trip to Italy, mistaken identity, and the epic kiss between Lizzie and Gordo that made my 17 year old self swoon. This IS what dreams are made of.

A Walk to Remember

I think this was the first Nicholas Sparks movie that started a wave of his depressing yet uplifting love stories, and it certainly still ranks as one of  my favorites. I mainly went to see it for Mandy Moore, not expecting much out of it, and not knowing what was going to happen. Little did I know that I was totally sucked in, and became obsessed with it. I played the soundtrack on repeat, and probably ruined my VHS tape because I watched it so many times. And I will no doubt watch it when it’s on TV.

Spice World

This is the absolute definition of the best worst movie ever. It was utterly ridiculous, but amazing at the same time. I remember sitting in the back row of the theater with my friends and there being probably like 2 to 4 other people there. We had a great time, and were probably obnoxious, but hey, it’s hard to not sing along to the Spice Girls when you’re 12 years old.

Hannah Montana The Movie

Not to be confused with the Hannah Montana concert movie in 3D (which I also saw. ugh what is my life), this movie is the character of Hannah Montana/Miley Stewart going back home to Tennessee and living a life away from Hollywood. My friend Brian and I saw this because we were/are big fans of the show and Miles herself. And while it was a good movie, we had a lot of questions. Which made us think that maybe we weren’t the right target demographic to be seeing the film and asking about continuity (i.e. SPOILER ALERT: Miley decides to tell her entire small town in TN that she’s living a double life at the end of the movie, but back on TV for the regular episodes, they make no mention of her big reveal at all. Like, you’re telling me every single citizen kept their mouth shut about one of the biggest pop stars in the world? Come on folks).

High School Musical 3

Disney Channel has clearly made an impact on my movie going habits. I was of course a fan of the first two movies, but those were only shown on TV. HSM3 was the first (and last) to be shown on the big screen, so naturally I had to go. Again, I went with Brian, and our bossfriend Rosita to a 10am screening the day it came out. We were joined by moms and their kids, but it was well worth it. Zanessa (RIP) was in full effect, and the songs were as catchy as ever. A great way to end the franchise and a great way to confirm my taste in movie is usually questionable.

Katy Perry: A Part of Me

I admit it, I have absolutely have no problem in saying I like Katy Perry. Teenage Dream is one of the best pop albums ever made. More than half of the tracks on that cd are among my 25 most played songs. In saying that, I knew I had to watch her movie. So I did. I went by myself on a Friday afternoon, and sat among mothers and their tween daughters. What was so great about the movie was that it wasn’t just a concert, it was behind the scenes and essentially a documentary about her life. But the most honest and heart-wrenching part is when she finally realize her marriage to Russell Brand can’t be saved. She’s due to go on stage in Brazil, I believe, in front of thousands of people. Here is a woman at probably the lowest point in her life, but she decides to go on with the show anyways. Cut to her singing The One That Got Away and me in the theater crying into my popcorn.

Live Blog: Catfish: The TV Show – Joe and Kari Ann

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If you missed my first post about my affection for this show, you can read all about how this program about internet dating will change your life. This was an episode that aired in early January, but if you haven’t seen it, you can watch it here (since it won’t embed ugh) and read along!

:00 OK, I really have high hopes for this one. This is finally going to be the one where they find true love.

:02 THIS PERSON LIVES IN WESTERN NEW YORK. JOE!!! PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE FROM ROCHESTER.

:04 I’m sorry, but this Kari Ann girl looks like a model, and Joe looks like a kid who works at a Blockbuster and plays in a garage band (sorry, Joe). She just messages him out of the blue?? But seriously, who messages anyone out of the blue on FB? Stranger Danger, folks!

:05 OMG WAS THAT THE ROCHESTER AIRPORT? Joe lives in Warsaw, which is basically equidistant from Roc and Buffalo – in other words, the middle of nowhere on a farm.

:08 Joe’s accent is so western NY, I can’t.

:09 Commercial for Snooki and JWoww is on. I’m not gonna lie to you people. I’m excited for this. In unrelated news: my job is ruining my life.

:13 Kari Ann was Miss Teen USA, has a kid, and she was a Playboy model…

:14 So usually, it’s really easy for Nev to find something sketchy on the person, but It’s taking a while for them to find something on Kari Ann. All the people the get in contact with check out. This is a good sign folks. I’m telling you, high hopes!

:17 Nev and Max meet Joe’s friends, including this girl Rose who clearly needs to put the girls away. I mean you are on TV, but you’re also on a go-cart track with hick boys.

:26 Nev and Max are staying in Geneseo!! Aka the town where Molly went to school!!

:29 Kari Ann calls him out for being a stranger all up in their relationship, and Nev says it’s ok because “it’s a good reminder that what he’s doing is weird.” I mean the girl has a point. Imagine if a random person calling you up and being like, so your internet BF is concerned that you’re not who you say you are. Now come meet us. Kbyeeee.

:30 Nev says he’s hot after the nerve wracking conversation and proceeds to take off his sweater. I just think he is the cutesttt (I’m sorry for the onoxious ‘ttt’, but I appreciate him a lot).

:31 “We’re country folk, we stick to our own” – Joe’s dad. ugh.

:32 Ok, it’s not that weird that Kari Ann was in NYC and didn’t tell him, because the city is SIX HOURS AWAY.

:36 Joe’s shaking, I’m shaking. It’’s always about the 35 minute mark into the show when I feel like I’m going to throw up from the anticipation of the significant other revealing themselves.

:38 FUCKIN ROSE. It’s been his friend the entire time. His friend that claimed she met Kari Ann IRL and became friends with her, and that’s how Kari Ann got in contact with Joe. But props to her for keeping up the fake Kari Ann profile. She’s been doing it for years and has ‘mastered’ the art of fake profiling. Right.

:40 I feel so bad for Joe because Rose could care less that she’s hurt his feelings. Also, stop trying to be a Playboy model, but them girls away.

:46 When faced with the decision to choose between a real relationship and fake internet relationships, she hesitates and says she’s not ready to give them up. This is getting more and more intense – she’s created a bunch of fake profiles, and even told one of them to get FB engaged. Hello?!

:47 This episode is turning into an episode of Intervention. The common denominator between a lot of these people pretending to be somebody else is that they’re lacking their own self-esteem, (see: Sonny & Jamison, Jasmine & Mike, Jarrod & Abby) and in order to gain the confidence they need, they turn to fake identities of an ideal version of themselves. It’s clearly a problem they need to seek help for, especially Rose, who has lied and conned a lot of people online.

:48 She decides to post a status telling everyone she’s going away for a while and requests for no one to contact her. Yeah, because that’s going to help her addiction. Just delete everything, you psycho.

:49 Not a psycho: Joe. The kid had his heartbroken and just needs a hug. Nev, hug the boy, will you?

:58 Rose deactivates her Kari Ann profile… for 24 hours. This bitch has 1,000 friends! I don’t even have that many and I’m a real person!!!!

:51 Before Joe parts ways with his internet investigators, he asks them to drive along side him in his ATV to test the speed. Country through and through.

:59 One month later, Rose moved to Cali to be with her BF – whom she met through the Kari Ann. Apparently he was more forgiving than Joe, because when they met and she wasn’t the Playboy model, he didn’t care.

:00 Joe is still single. But not looking for love online ever again. Good for you Joe Coco. Good for you.

Movies I Actually Paid To See In the Theater: Part 1 – Shame

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In part 1 of a 2 part mini-series, I reflect on some films that some consider to be the worst of the worst, but I consider to be… well still maybe the worst, but I gave them the benefit of doubt to be potentially really good.

Here is a list of the movies I am embarrassed to have paid money for, but in my defense, most of these were when I was a teenager, so there’s that.

From Justin to Kelly (2003)

IMDb Plot Description: “A lonely, sexually repressed man. A depressed woman. A summer camp. On this fateful night, they will meet… and their hearts will become one.”

This outing was only prompted by the fact that American Idol was the biggest thing in pop culture that year, and I totally fell into their ploy. I even went to a taping of Idol that year, and had a sign showing my allegiance to Justin that may or may not have made it on air (That’s also where I met Mario Lopez, but that’s a story for another day). So naturally, I felt like I had to see the movie too. Even as a teen, I knew it was bad. But now we can all watch it and make it a drinking game, so really, win-win.

Marci X (2003)

IMDb Plot Description: “A Jewish-American Princess is forced to take control of a hard-core hip-hop record label and tries to rein the one of the label’s most controversial rappers.”

Again, I only wanted to see this movie since Lisa Kudrow was in it and I was at the height of my Friends obsession. Looking back, this movie had a few comedic moments, but overall it was just second-hand embarrassment for Pheebs, not to mention, the movie is actually a little racist?

Serving Sara (2002)

IMDb Plot Description: “A process server tries to serve an elusive female target.”

Apparently I would literally see anything that any of the Friends cast was in, because I saw Matthew Perry in this movie too and it wasn’t good. Newsflash, pretty much all of the movies the Friends made between 1994-2004 were not good. Save for maybe The Whole Nine Yards and all the Jennifer Aniston movies.

Corky Romano (2001)

IMDb Plot Description: “The loser son of a Mafia honcho must go undercover for the FBI.”

I guess another thing to note was that my default for going out with my friends in high school, like a lot of teens, is to go to the movies. But to go to the movies not for its quality, but to go because you recognize the star in it and there’s nothing else to do. Enter Corky Romano. I was also really into Saturday Night Live, and although Chris Kattan was not my favorite by far (Jimmy Fallon, obvs), he was on SNL so it had to be funny, right? Absolutely not.

Sydney White (2007)

IMDb Plot Description: “A modern retelling of Snow White set against students in their freshman year of college in the greek system.”

Well, I was thisclose to putting this movie on my other list (of movies I have no shame in seeing), but looking at the big picture, I paid like $3 to see Sydney White at a second run theater during a matinee because I didn’t have that much faith in it. To my surprise it was actually quite entertaining, and it’s a nice reminder of how Amanda Bynes used to be before this happened.