‘Parks And Recreation’: A Love Letter To The Hometown

Posted in Entertainment, GSOY (Gratuitous Story of Yourself) by Molly

After I graduated law school, I found a job in the legal profession (!) … in my hometown. Here I am, back where it all began.

I hope you like that bridge because it took about 10 years to finish. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I am from Rochester, New York. There are far worse places that you could live. In fact, as a pretty humble city, I suggest that Rochester adopts “there are far worse places that you could live” as its slogan. It has less violent crime than Detroit (Detroit has many fine attributes, like motown), lower average yearly snowfall than Anchorage (AND ten other U.S. Cities!), and, with over a million people in the Rochester metropolitan area, is by far the largest Rochester in the United States. George Eastman (founder of Kodak), Frederick Douglass, Susan B. Anthony, and Kristen Wiig have all called this city home. (A Marie Claire profile of Wiig referred to Rochester as a “suburban backwater,” which was a little harsh for a city with so many fine cultural institutions.) Did I mention that the National Museum of Play is here, too?

But this piece isn’t about Rochester, this is about hometowns, and living in yours as an adult — whether you’re from a mid-sized city, a mega-metropolis, or a small town. There’s a tendency, I think, to feel like if you live where you did at 14, maybe the rest of your life has become stagnant, too (you know, like a suburban backwater?). It’s easy to fear becoming that former varsity athlete who works at the same gas station he did senior year, reliving his glory days. Luckily for me, I was never very good at anything in high school, so that’s not really a danger. I don’t think appearing in the chorus of high school musicals and playing second doubles in tennis counts as “glory days” by any standard.

One bright spot if you find yourself back in your place of birth is the NBC series Parks and Recreation. It is a love letter to the hometown. The protagonist, Leslie Knope, is proud to be from Pawnee, Indiana, and is proud to live there still. As you watch the series, you can’t help but fall in love with Leslie’s enthusiasm about Pawnee, and hopefully you can catch some enthusiasm about your hometown, too. Here are some lessons I’ve learned from everyone’s favorite mid-level municipal employee:

(1) Nobody insults your hometown but you. And maybe you shouldn’t either. You will never see Knope more angry than when residents of nearby Eagleton snub Pawnee. Eagletonians are jerks, though: “When a tornado went through Pawnee, we asked Eagleton for help, but they claimed they weren’t home. The whole town said they weren’t home.” Your hometown is like your siblings when you were a kid: you might have complaints about them, but you would not put up with that kind of talk from anyone else. So when people make fun of your city’s downtown crow infestation, you should either remind them that at least that means the city’s secret uranium store didn’t kill them all, or take a cue from Leslie Knope and shut the whole conversation down:

(2) First in friendship, fourth in obesity. There are negative things about every city. Maybe the local sweets factory has contributed to a full-blown obesity bonanza. Maybe teen girl battles have compromised the municipal transit system. Despite its flaws, there are certainly plenty of wonderful people in your hometown. There’s something great about friends you have known for decades. But, some of Leslie’s best friends are not native Pawneeans. Remember that just because you grew up in your city, doesn’t mean everyone you meet there did. Be friendly and welcoming to newcomers, and they just might fall in love with your hometown, too. Ben Wyatt thought he was just passing through Pawnee, but the wonderful locals (well, mostly Leslie) changed his mind.

This guy leaped off of waterfalls nationwide, but he died in OUR waterfall. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

(3) Lil’ Sebastian Makes Everything Better. In one of Leslie’s greatest triumphs, she brings hometown hero Lil’ Sebastian (a winsome, elderly pony) back to the Harvest Festival. One of the best things about living in your hometown is being familiar with the local shorthand and in-jokes. Someone from Indianapolis or Eagleton might not understand the appeal of a geriatric pony with a heart of gold, but Pawneeans do. My city has a flagpole strung with lights instead of a municipal Christmas tree, a laser light show about an ill-fated 19th century daredevil and his pet bear, and our must-try cuisine is called a garbage plate. I love them all, because I grew up with them — except for the garbage plate, anyway. It is hard to understand these hometown heroes if you aren’t actually from the town – I remember the locals getting all fired up about “spiced wafers” when I lived in Philly, and I just didn’t understand it because they taste like a grandmother – but when you are from there, it’s magic.

(4) Success starts at home. Living in a small town doesn’t mean that Leslie Knope has given up on her dreams. Instead, she believes that she could be president one day. More importantly, she takes steps to achieve her dreams while she’s still in Pawnee, running an impassioned campaign to become Pawnee’s next councilwoman — just see her closing argument in “The Debate,” where Leslie suggests that maybe true success involves making a difference right where you are:

I love this town. And when you love something, you don’t punish it. You fight for it. You take care of it. You put it first. As your City Councilman, I will make sure that no one takes advantage of Pawnee. If I seem too passionate, it’s because I care. If I come on too strong, its because I feel strongly. And if I push too hard, it’s because things aren’t moving fast enough. This is my home, you are my family, and I promise you, I’m not going anywhere.

(5) If all else fails, just slisten to Amy Poehler. Here is Poehler’s take on her character’s life in Pawnee: “I think there’s something very romantic about people deciding to be in love with your own small town. There’s a lot of arc in art and literature about moving to the big city, and there’s something really sweet about moving to a small town.” Whenever she talks about her character, Poehler respects Knope’s tenacity, and never acts like Leslie is at all pathetic for living in her hometown. And neither are you. Just ask Leslie Knope (…unless you’re from Eagleton).

11Jan2013

Hometown Snapshots

Posted in GSOY (Gratuitous Story of Yourself) by Traci

I recently came across this blog of photos from our hometown of Rochester, New York.

This one in particular struck me because when I first looked at it, I was surprisingly taken aback, as the photo felt like a ghost of some kind. Maybe it’s the three cars on the street or the wrapped up stop light. But it’s like someone took the living soul out of this building and replaced it with glass and concrete. But I realized that it really had nothing to do with the building, and not really Rochester itself.

It’s the fact that how I remember this building is by my memories from years ago. At one point, both my parents worked at Kodak right down the street from this corner, and as a kid, everything looked so big. So unreachable. So full of life. Everything was new. Or new-ish to me, at least. So much to be explored despite the fact that the edifices themselves had been there for years.

But through the lens of an adult, as someone who hasn’t lived there and driven past this area (or paid attention) in at least eight years, it looks so lifeless. Maybe it’s because now I understand the real life outcomes that can stem from empty buildings. How businesses can go under. How hundreds of people that worked in buildings just like this can become unemployed and how it affected their families. How a once bustling downtown is merely a string of buildings at only half capacity.

Being an adult makes you see things through a different lens, like once rose colored glasses that have since become faded and yet gained more clarity. It takes you out of seeing the painting as a whole, and finally noticing the colors and details of every brushstroke. It makes you realize that something that once was, never will be, even if it’s made anew – for better or worse. And being an adult is realizing that those snapshots were mere moments in time, that we take in and learn from, no matter how vibrant or lifeless it may be.

10Jan2013

7 People Who Should Say: “Live From New York – It’s Saturday Night!”

Posted in Entertainment, Lists by Traci

My earliest memory of watching Saturday Night Live was sometime in seventh grade. It was around the time I first got a TV in my bedroom, and since I only had basic cable, there was very few programs to choose from. But I stayed up late on Saturdays because of this All That-like show that was way funnier than its Nickelodeon counterpart could ever be.

And this was the “Golden Age” of Will Ferrell, Tracy Morgan, Cheri Oteri, Molly Shannon, etc. etc. Needless to say, I came in at a good time. From there, it wasn’t before long that I fell in love with Jimmy Fallon, saw Corky Romano in the theater because of Chris Kattan, and memorized the cheerleader songs.

Basically, what I’m trying to say here is that I love SNL and here are some celebrities I also love that should host the show, thereby making me the happiest person alive.

John Krasinski

JKras is most definitely number one on my list -the rest are in no particular order. If you only know him from his work on The Office, take the time to check out some TV interviews (like this one as a marionette, and this one with Time). He’s the most charming son of a bitch ever, and obviously comedy comes easy to him.

Adam Scott

Parks and Rec. Party Down. The random episodes of Boy Meets World. Adam Scott is one of the best straight men out there. He’s already proved he can act alongside some of the best SNL-ers in the biz, obvi Queen Amy, Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, so why not throw him in with the newbies?

Donald Glover

I’m a little biased because I’m a Filipino girl in love with Childish Gambino, but hey, Donald Glover also used to write for 30 Rock. In fact, he was working there when the show won one of it’s 30 million Emmys. What I’m saying is that 30 Rock and SNL are obviously one in the same, so can Lorne just get the guy to host?

Joel McHale

If this man can host The Soup in front of a green screen and an audience of 30 people, I’m sure he can take on SNL. Think of all the Housewives sketches he could be in…

Lauren Graham

My girl crush/favorite actress/imaginary best friend is obviously on this list. She, just like John Krasinski, is hilarious in interviews. My love for her of course started with Gilmore Girls, but it was pushed over the edge when I saw her on Ellen. I then proceeded to YouTube every LG interview available because she is just so awkward and hilarious. And I might actually die if she graces the SNL stage.

Blake Shelton

Ok, so country music isn’t usually in my normal song rotation, except for Carrie Underwood. So like a lot of people, I was introduced to him on The Voice. The dude is actually hilarious. He’s drunk and he’s honest and he’s hilarious. Watching his Christmas special just confirmed that the guy legit has talent, not only as a singer, but a comedian too.

Anna Kendrick

Slowly moving up the list of my girl crushes/favorite actresses/imaginary best friends is Anna Kendrick. Again, she won my heart watching multiple interviews with her quippy, sarcastic humor. Basically I believe we could actually be friends. And not only would she bring her humor to SNL, she can also bring her singing talents too. I mean, legit tears with her singing. She’s aca-awesome.

9Jan2013

Forwards From my Parents’ AOL Account

Posted in GSOY (Gratuitous Story of Yourself) by Traci

My mom still forwards e-mails. She also doesn’t understand GIFs.

Fwd: Mindmessers

—@aol.com

HUH?

Lita

From:–@aol.com

Subj: Mindmessers

This will mess with your mind for sure

MINDMESSERS

Pretty Cool

Don’t ask me! I don’t know how it’s done!!

8Jan2013

The Enviable Tenacity of Paris Eustice Geller

Posted in Entertainment, GSOY (Gratuitous Story of Yourself) by Traci

Paris Geller – a girl many look up to, yet fear at the same time. She’s extremely bright, surprisingly bi-lingual, a Yale graduate, and often times exudes Stalin-esque leadership skills. And there’s a part of me that wishes I had all of these qualities. Did I mention she’s a fictional character?

For those not in the Gilmore Girls know-how, Paris Geller is truly one of a kind. When we first meet Paris, she is the popular mean girl at the well-privileged private school Rory transfers to. Paris targets Rory and makes her her enemy because she’s the only one who could possibly compete with Paris intellectually, and vie for the Valedictorian spot come senior year. I have never seen a character on tv as studious, determined, hard-working, and ruthless as her. Some prime examples:

– Paris reveals to Rory she’s been volunteering for a Habitat for Humanity-like organization for years, because that’s what will get her into Harvard. “I started volunteering in fourth grade. I handed out cookies at the local children’s hospital. By ten, I was leading my first study group. The youngest person in the group was twelve. I’ve been a camp counselor. I organized a senior illiteracy program, I worked a suicide hotline, I manned a runaway center. I’ve adopted dolphins, taught sign language, trained seeing eye dogs.” This concerns Rory. She hasn’t done any of those things.

– In an attempt to gloat about her PSAT scores, Paris brags about her results to her friends, but when she asks Rory, she doesn’t oblige, and this drives Paris nuts. She knows Rory’s hiding her probably much higher score from her, and she even pulls a Mean Girls 3 way call scenario on her just to find out.

– When writing for the Yale Daily News’ Religion Beat, Paris goes hardcore when writing an article. “Look, Rory, if you want to crib your articles from the A.P. Wire, that’s your business. I, on the other hand, actually give a rat’s ass about journalistic integrity. When I write about Ramadan, I experience Ramadan. Are you chewing gum?”

Throughout high school, Paris’s goal was to get into Harvard. When that didn’t pan out, she ended up going to Yale and becoming BFFs with Rory. She then spent all 4 years in college focusing on her next step, which was going to either med school or law school (she was so smart she could’ve taken up both professions, but she decided to be a doctor instead). Paris even created an extensive plan for her and Rory called “Operation Finish Line,” planning out in detail the last 5 months of their senior year. These boards included categories such as job fairs, tests, volunteer ops, seminars, classic college activities, etc. Most were legit (MCAT test prep classes) but others were default tactics, so as to not be unprepared come graduation (oceanography fellowship – ‘don’t even know what direction the ocean is in’).

THIS IS NOT HUMAN. Maybe this is how Type A Ivy Leaguers do it, but I can’t even begin to think about how much work she put into making those boards.* It’s crazy to think that there’s even a slight possibility someone out there in real life has mapped out an entire 5 month detailed plan of what they’ll do after they graduate college.**

This is not how I ever have or probably ever will treat an important life changing decision in my life. Frankly, I’m a little jealous. If I even had an ounce of what Paris had, I would probably have my act together and be 4 years into my ‘professional career’. But I’m not. I made no chart. I attended no seminars. I took no extemporaneous tests. The most I’ve ever done is make a pro and con list to decide whether to move to Los Angeles or not (embarassingly enough after Rory Gilmore’s decision making tactics). Even though I think Paris looks like a complete lunatic taking these extra steps in order to plan out her life, that’s precisely what I need right now. I need to figure out exactly what I want and create a clear cut goal to achieve. I need that rather annoying persistent determination to get it. I need to see the exact steps I have to take in order to reach that goal. I need to want to do all those things. Most of all, I need Paris to make these boards, and tell me what to do next, because i sure as hell don’t know myself. So if you’re out there, real life Paris, let me know. Because I could really use your help right now. Fictional Paris just isn’t going to cut it.

* I am fully aware this is not a real person

** Again, I can totally see an Ivy Leaguer doing this, but i went to Emerson. Unless it’s a storyboard for the movie you’re making, you didn’t do this.

7Jan2013

Resolution Statistics 101

Posted in GSOY (Gratuitous Story of Yourself) by Traci

New Year’s Resolutions. Most people have them. Even more people are unsuccessful in accomplishing them But why? Why do we set ourselves up for failure year after year? I’d like to see some stats on the number of people who commit to resolutions and what percentage of them fail.

As for me, a few years ago, I decided that instead of setting lofty goals for myself, I would start out small. In 2008 I set two goals: 1) start a blog that I’d update at least once a day. 2) take vitamins (I told you I started out small).

And lowering my expectations of success proved to work for me. I kept up with said blog not only for the entirety of 2008, but I’ve continued to this day, even through a massive makeover last year. Of course as you know, I also started another one, here with Molls! I still take vitamins too, in case you were wondering.

Fast forward to December 2011, I decided that I would take the small steps idea, but move forward in a way that would motivate me to do/complete my resolutions throughout the year. Hence, I dubbed 2012 the Year of Follow Through.

To help me to uphold the year’s theme, I found a vision board on the internets, where one would put all their goals up in one place, and visualize what needs to be done in the coming year. Being a crafty person myself, I adored this idea, and created this gem:

I made it into my vision board/bucket list – I even bought a bucket to put all the completed items into! I’d say that thanks to this board hanging in my room that I see everyday, I accomplished about 65% of what I intended to do since January. From drag queen bingo (Soooo LA), to going to a Celtics game, and most importantly, finding a job that I love, this guy has definitely helped my life just a little better than it was in 2011.

And I’d say a 65% success rate isn’t too bad.

7Jan2013

Surviving Selling Things Parties: Avon Ladies, Mary Kay Girls, and Me

Posted in GSOY (Gratuitous Story of Yourself) by Molly

Over the past month, I have been invited to four Selling Things Parties. For the uninitiated, during these gatherings, a woman of child-bearing age will present wares, provide complimentary food and drink, and then collect orders for these goods. But don’t be fooled! The goal is not to buy things, but to “get together, have a glass of wine, and look at some great (shoes/makeup/spinach artichoke dip).”^[1] What follows is a confusing and – dare I say – convoluted exchange, with the wares being shipped to the seller, who then distributes them, and I think that nobody writes a check until the goods are delivered, but how should I know?^[2] All I’m sure of is, somebody probably has to pay for these things, and there is a catalog, and there are snacks.

Until I was 16 or so, I thought that these parties only existed in works of fiction set in the Mid-West. This is because you are either from a selling things family, or you are not. I absolutely am not. This is probably because the ladies in my family are stunted in our abilities to exclaim over retail items. At wedding and baby showers, we are the ones making compliments that are so painfully specific that they sound like insults: “that is the reddest onesie I’ve seen yet today!”; “Look at that, Marguerite! All of the plates from your china pattern are round!”; “You WILL have a baby, Greta, and he will sit upright in this blue foam chair!”.

I also think that you are supposed to buy the samples upfront if you’re throwing a Selling Things Party. I don’t like spending money without a guarantee of a return, so I’d have to sell things I already own. I do not know a roomful of ladies who would like to buy my old law school textbooks, but if anyone wants to read about the state of international human rights law through 2009, shoot me a line! [Spoiler alert: TREATIES!]. I also worry that I would spend so much on hors d’euvers that I wouldn’t break even, or worse, that other people would eat all of the good ones if I bought too little. These are very real concerns.

This is not to say that I think I’m better than ladies who throw Selling Things Parties. If anything, they possess a degree of initiative and a collection of appetizer recipes that I admire.^[3] An all-American, homespun capitalism is in these peddlers’ blood, like red hair and a surprisingly low white blood cell count are in mine. These gals were probably raised playing in the other room while their mothers and aunts served fondue and sold Tupperware, whereas I was raised making my own snacks and buying things in stores.

So, if you are invited to a Selling Things Party, don’t fret. You don’t have to buy anything.^[4] If you like shopping, socializing, and Buffalo Wing Dip, you might want to give it a try. But don’t expect to throw a successful Selling Things Party yourself if you weren’t raised with it: like landed gentry and psychics, Selling Things Party Ladies are born, not made. Or rather, they are made, but that is because they are carefully formed in their early years, like bonsai trees and Romanian gymnasts.

1. TM: Every Facebook invite to every selling things party, ever. BACK TO POST
2. I wonder if, in the selling things party context, submitting the order form constitutes the offer, and sending the good is acceptance? For a fascinating study of offer and acceptance in the catalog/advertising context, see Leonard v. PepsiCo Inc, 88 F.Supp.2d 116 (S.D.N.Y. 1999).BACK TO POST
3. Really, these parties are usually okay. My lovely sister-in-law sells Avon, and her relatives throw Selling Things Parties, too. There is always good food, interesting products, and a refreshing lack of retail mark-up. I’m far too lazy and inhospitable to become an Avon lady myself, but I love having a source for really good and cheap cosmetics and gifts! OK, done. BACK TO POST
4. But actually, you do. BACK TO POST

4Jan2013

Beyond Moist and Panties: Five Words That Are Awful

Posted in Lists by Molly

Slurp. I don’t think I have to elaborate on this. I’ll just add that it’s even worse if the object of the slurping (I’m SORRY, okay?) is a gross or slimy food. Slurping oysters? We have a winner… If by winning, I mean everyone loses.

Hunker down. I know this is just me. It makes me picture a family huddled in their basement, in squat position, scrunching up their faces in worry and contemplation. God, they’re probably even playing dominos or something similarly pathetic, all ‘hunkered’ like that.

Men of the community of Pie Town, New Mexico e...

These public domain New Mexicans look pretty hunkered. (Photo credit: The Library of Congress)

Duty. In law school, this was my word-nemesis. My person-nemesis was a guy in my trial technique class who made me cry because he was mad at how much better than him I was at fake trials, but I digress. Try not giggling as you discuss a “serious duty.” Say it aloud if you have to.
Poop, you guys. It sounds like you’re talking about poop.
[Law school word-nemesis runners-up: Taint, tortfeasor.]

Juices. This one is context-specific, and is only horrible when it’s not referring to actual, acceptable, fruit-derived liquids. I was grocery shopping with a friend once who said he couldn’t find the aisle with the “juices” for his Swiffer. I think I hit him. But that was six years ago and he’s doing fine. I promise. More importantly, he’s learned to never talk like that again because it’s disgusting and everyone hates it.

Smear. See also, schmear.
What’s that? Do I want a schmear on my bagel? No. Never. Because I’m not awful.
You’re telling me to liberally smear sunscreen on my skin after swimming? Well, I’m telling you to liberally shut up. This word’s only acceptable in the context of making sure that you don’t have HPV.

Wouldn’t this taste better if you just called the stuff on top “some cream cheese?” (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

4Jan2013

In Defense of The Bachelor

Posted in Entertainment by Traci

What’s that now? Did you stop reading? Hold your horses and hear me out.

As one who reports on reality TV as if my life depended on it (literally, my job is to write reality TV news), I admit I was like you, reader, and was extremely skeptical about the entire process.

I confess, I watched The Bachelor/Bachelorette in high school. My TV taste has obviously changed in the past decade, and I hadn’t watched it since, until this past summer.

The Bachelorette, Emily Maynard, was down to her final four guys when I tuned in, and not knowing anything about this girl or the guys prior to the episode, I found myself extremely pulled in to her story and the guys she had left. This season was different than any other I’d seen, because Emily is a mother to a seven-year-old girl, so she’s purposely not sleeping around with the final few guys, since there’s so much more on the line than herself. I admit, I was Team Jef all the way, and was extremely (and perhaps, unhealthily) happy for this new family. I was pulling for them. I was gushing over every picture Emily posted of Jef coaching Ricki’s ‘Green Beans’ soccer team. I really thought they were going to make it. Until they didn’t.

But looking back on the entire season as a whole, I realized that yeah, I was drawn to the cast of “characters,” but I found myself emotionally attached to the situation in a way I never thought I would be. It was not like any reality show I had seen before. I’ve never been so intrigued with a group of people in a bizarre setting as this one. Back when I was watching the show as a teenager, the show was all about finding one true love. But as an adult, I’ve realized it’s the ultimate study in human behavior, and that’s why you should be watching it.

Ok, so forget about what you think about the show – the excessive kissing (and general whoring around), the cheesy rose ceremonies, the lavish and exotic dates. Let’s get back to basics of this show.

It’s the only program that truly captures how people react when their emotions are on the line. Not money, not a recording contract, but their emotions. How will these 25 people act when they’re thrown into one house, forced to live together, and even yet, vie for the same single Bachelor?

Of course they’ll behave differently because the cameras are on them. You would too. But I think that it comes to a point where yeah, they know that there’s a lens on them, but it’s such a background thought that they can’t help but let their real feelings come through. In everything they do, there’s a sense of truth and realness in it, even if the situations they’re put in are so ridiculous and would never happen in their normal lives. But even if they’re acting like a heightened, more dramatic version of themselves, there’s still a part of their true selves acting on the emotions.

So what happens if one starts to have feelings for that Bachelor? I doubt any of the Bachelor franchise ‘winners’ tried to be the last person standing in order to get fame or notoriety or money (If they did, then that’s an even more interesting aspect of social behavior). I’d bet that every single one who received the final rose was, at that very moment, completely and utterly in love with their on screen paramour. No doubt about it. It doesn’t matter if they break up days or months after the cameras stop rolling, it’s that in a twisted, fast-paced way – they found each other.

But when I thought about it, in the end, what makes this show so fascinating is that it’s really not even about the Bachelor/ette finding love. It’s how they got there, who took a part in that journey, and if they can withstand life without cameras around them. If someone you know just got engaged, you don’t ask if they’re in love – you ask how it happened. What is the sequence of events that led these two people together? A thousand different variations could happen if just one person in the cast of 25 is switched out, but their particular journey led them to this very outcome.

I’m a firm believer of the ‘everything happens for a reason’ mantra, and it especially holds true to this situation. If you’re meant to fall in love on a TV show, then so be it. If you’re meant to fall in and out of love in front of millions, then it’s only made you stronger for it.

So before you change the channel on Sean Lowe’s new season of The Bachelor, just give it a shot with a different outlook on it, because it’s not the process that makes these relationships fail. And it’s not that you can’t find love on the show. It’s how you deal with the aftermath.

(Abridged version of above: just watch The Bachelor so I can have someone to dish to on Monday nights, kthx)

3Jan2013

Five 90s Pop Songs You Missed While Listening to Dashboard Confessional

Posted in Entertainment, Lists by Traci

Listen. If you know me, you know that I make it no secret about my love for pop music. I mean, I’m going on a Backstreet Boys cruise later this year.

So I feel like it’s my duty to share with y’all some classic songs you may have not heard before, or at least in a very long time. Also, since I’m not in 7th grade anymore, I feel like I can freely share my favorites without being judged. Too much, at least.

A*Teens – Sugar Rush

If you were to open my iTunes right now, this Swedish pop band would be the very first artist in my library. Why did I have two of their albums? And why did I delete all but 4 of their songs from my computer? I haven’t listened to this song in about 5 years, and upon re-listening to it, I realized just how perfect a pop song it is. Catchy melody and lyrics that don’t really make sense = classic pop song. Well done, Abba reincarnate.

Best line: “I got a sweet tooth and a taste for you… you’re the sweetest thing I ever tasted. Baby you’re my sugar rush.”

Hoku – Another Dumb Blonde

Original iMac! Cute boy with floppy hair! Single from the 2000 movie Snow Day OST! All the items needed for a quality 90s one hit wonder. Oh, and get ready to have your mind blown. Hoku is the daughter of Don Ho!!! Ok, maybe your mind hasn’t been blown because you have no idea who that is. Don Ho was the Hawaiian singer who was made famous by his catchy tune ‘Tiny Bubbles.’ Still nothing? Maybe I know who he is because my parents used to make me watch The Lawrence Welk Show on Saturday nights #thisexplainsalotaboutmysociallife

Best line: “Last night I went to a party hoping I’d see you there, and sure enough you were hanging on some other girl playin’ with her hair.”

Westlife – World of Our Own

Of course the 90s weren’t the 90s without boy bands. And this one seemed to be the biggest one in the world – except for the States. Westlife hailed from the U.K., and only had one semi-popular song in America, called Fool Again. I think I discovered this jam when I was in the Philippines, because of course, they were the shiz there. I’m not sure if that means they were behind the times or if we were. (PS: if you understand what the premise of this video is, please let me know… creepy police/dominatrix/downtown/cgi theme?)

Best line: “You make me feel funny when you come around.”

2ge+her – Every Minute Every Hour

You’re saying to yourself, ‘But 2ge+her isn’t even a real band.’ But in a warped way, their parody of the successful boy bands made them an actual successful boy band. And I was totally to blame for their popularity. I watched the movie and was prepared to be offended, but instead, I was lured in and bought both of their albums. Irony of all ironies – this song was written by BSB member Howie D himself.

Best line: “I can’t forget when you left, When we said goodbye. I know it’s hard to carry on, Can I survive?”

M2M – Don’t Say You Love Me

Another band from across the pond, this song was probably the Norwegian pop duo’s ‘biggest’ hit. You can thank the Pokemon soundtrack for that. Their voices are a tad bit annoying and nasally, but hell if I don’t sing along to this jam.

Best line: “The next thing I know we’re down at the cinema, We’re sitting there, you said you loved me. What’s that about?”