Live Blog: I Tried To Live Blog Liz and Dick

Posted in Entertainment, Live Blogs by

7:32 I’m still rooting for Lindsay Lohan. Casually, I mean — the way I still want my high school’s football team to win, but don’t want it-want it, because that would be sad.
The reason I’m casually rooting for Lindsay Lohan is that, if you asked me 10 years ago where I thought she’d be at 26, I would have pictured something better. Not an Oscar winner, but possibly a recent People’s Choice nominee. I thought she could play a pretty lady who falls in love, but also falls down in front of attractive men a lot, and has a quirky friend or a sister with kids. Maybe both!
But here we are instead, on Lifetime. I only read one review of this movie, a NYT piece that was only slightly less scathing than this review I read several years ago that was entitled “Mr. Magorium’s Wonder Emporium is Really, Really Bad.”
Please prove them wrong, Lindsay. I care, a little.

Cover of "The Parent Trap (Special Editio...

Lohan in kinder times.

8:01 Did the movie start yet? I couldn’t find my remote (it was under my butt.)

8:03 It’s still not on. Lifetime couldn’t fill two hours, minus 45-ish minutes of commercials? This doesn’t bode well.

8:05 This is supposed to take place in yesteryear, but everyone’s clothes look too modern…

8:05 This is not Liz and Dick. Liz and Dick starts at 9. Changing to The Best of Jimmy Fallon on VH1.

8:05-9:00 JIMMY FALLON. Am I right?

9:00 Lindsay looks pretty in the title sequence! I get kind of bummed when people say she’s looking old, because I’m a fellow ginger and realize that only a year or two of hard living stand between my face and Lindsay’s, which looks like broken dreams. By my mid-30s, I honestly expect to have a face that looks like it’s held together with scotch tape and hope.

This mugshot is found from http://www.perezhil...

I guess she looks okay here considering it’s a mug shot [File under:  faint praise]. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

9:02 Ouch. This VoiceOver IS really, really bad.

9:03 All black outfits? Directors’ chairs? What even is happening? And where is James Lipton? He should be here.

inside the actor's studio

When you watch Inside the Actor’s Studio, you have to drink every time they refer to acting as “my craft.”(Photo credit: Angela Rutherford)

9:07 First “violet eyes” reference. Fake Richard Burton just said “white hot bosom” with far less irony than I’d like.

9:08 LiLo is really splitting the difference between her Hallie Parker accent and her Annie James accent here.

9:11 Ugh, Caesar haircuts. The last time I found a man with a Caesar haircut attractive was when Joshua Jackson played Pacey Whitter. I can’t be blamed. I was so young then.

Pacey Witter

The Caesar was less-bad than the frosted tips in later seasons. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

9:15 I tweeted one of my live blog observations, and immediately regretted it. What if Lohan sees it? She’s still just a human, with a twitter account and feelings. A bunch of feelings, I reckon. If she sees it, and insults me back, I just know it would be both accurate and scathing.

9:21 Lily Allen is singing? Distracting.

9:21 It was a Client List commercial. I, um, haven’t been paying much attention to this tele-film.

9:22 Liz and Dick are bathing in a tub that looks like a huge sink. It’s like they’re enormous babies.

9:24 I always feel confused when people named Elizabeth just go by Elizabeth. There are so many nickname possibilities! I’m just jealous because my parents gave me an Irish scullery maid nickname rather than a proper name.

9:28 I bet if Liz Taylor were alive, she’d be real diplomatic about this disaster. What does she care? She has violet eyes and invented White Diamonds, which smells like a really nice-smelling mom or teacher.

This is Elizabeth Taylor not worrying about LiLo because she invented a perfume that can be made into DREAMS.

9:30 Commercial for other Lifetime movies. All I know is, I’m going to watch the shit out of An Amish Murder, if I remember to.

9:38 Liz is truly an almost Dina Lohan-quality mother in this scene.

9:40 My favorite part so far was those 55 minutes when I watched Jimmy Fallon while waiting for this to start.

9:49 What’s going on? I’ve been reading the Internet and forgot to pay attention.

Sometime after 9:49 but well before the end of the movie I fell asleep by accident. I tried, sort of.

Live Blog: Jet Blue Virgin

Posted in GSOY (Gratuitous Story of Yourself), Live Blogs by

On my recent trip home to Rochester for Christmas, I took Jet Blue for the first time on my way back to Los Angeles. I’m a frequent American Airlines, U.S. Air, Virgin America flier, so taking an airline that many people I know rave about was exciting for me. Little did I know it was going to be this exciting.

2:15pm Making my usual last stop to get coffee and snacks before going to the land without Dunkin’ Donuts.

2:30pm Don’t have a seat. Need to check in with desk at gate. Hoping it’s on the aisle and not in the exit row.

2:50pm Get to my seat. It’s on the aisle – in an exit row.

2:55pm There’s a dog barking somewhere. It sounds small. It’s not stopping.

3:01:10pm Guy comes on and has a seat diagonal from me. Looks vaguely familiar. Comedian of some sort. Need to keep sneakily looking at him for clues as to his identity.

3:01:20pm Woman follows shortly behind and also looks familiar. Realize it’s Kathy Najimy of Hocus Pocus and Sister Act fame. Sister Mary Patrick goes too far back, and her daughter, holding a California flag iPhone case, tells her to come back. Confirms it’s SMP. Put together that generic comedian guy is SMP’s hubby.

Cover of "Sister Act"

Whoopi Goldberg, NOT Kathy Najimy

3:10pm My TV isn’t working. Ugh. Have to look around at surrounding televisions for entertainment.

3:11pm Generic Comedian Guy is checking is Facebook, and I see that his first name is Dan. Finally recognize him as Dan from The Dan Band .

3:12pm Amy, one of our flight attendants, comes to give us the Exit Row speech. She also does the safety instructions directly in front of my person, and for the first time in a while, I actually pay attention. We take off.

3:15pm Wondering when it’s a good time to tell Amy about my dysfunctional TV.

3:17pm Wondering why SMP was in ROC in the first place.

3:25pm Amy and her co-attendant Sarah start coming down the aisle with bevs and snacks. FREE SNACKS? Jet Blue is great.

3:26pm Decline free snacks.

3:28pm Sarah recognizes SMP and crouches down to tell her something. All I hear is “I love that movie.”  Then she goes to Dan and crouches again and says, “I recognize you too… Are you a comedian? The singing one? What’s your name again? Oh yeah Dan Band!” oh my gah Sarah, smh in second hand embarrassment. You’re not a Los Angeles or NYC based flight crew, are you?

3:30pm Decline free bev – tell Sarah about dysfunctional television, she slams my armrest up and down (high-tech stuff, guys). She apologizes, says we’re a full flight, otherwise she would move me. Offers a free alcoholic beverage or a voucher. I also decline alc. I just wanted to watch TV, really.

3:32pm Play Kelly Clarkson’s Catch My Breath four times in a row on my iPod.

3:36pm Sarah comes back to give me and my seatmate a $15 voucher since the TVs don’t work. The first time I ever voluntarily speak to the person sitting next to me on a flight, I say, “Good thing I said something, huh?” Seatmate gave me a thumbs up.

3:45pm Take note of programs I’m missing because of janky TV: House Hunters, iCarly, the history of donuts, Seinfeld, Dr. Phil, and some rando TV therapist named Bill with a large black woman definitely doing the z snap with head move to some other irate woman.

3:46pm Really wishing there was a Boingo hotspot on this plane (for free) so I could watch The West Wing.

3:47pm Overthinking why anyone would name a wireless airline hotspot ‘Boingo’

3:50pm Sarah comes back to Dan, and he goes to the back of the plane with her. Really wishing I could see what happened back there, but I’m assuming she took a picture with him. S.M.H.

3:59pm Why doesn’t Jet Blue have SkyMall? That’s like, the best part of flying.

4:01pm We start our descent. Thinking about investing in motion sickness meds, even though I’ve always been ok. But I’m getting old, and on the way to ROC, there was a lot of turbulence and I almost vommed (kinda like the six year old girl behind me on that flight).

4:11pm The dog barks as soon as we touchdown. And a baby starts crying. Good timing, people.

4:15pm Get into Jet Blue’s rad JFK terminal. I lost SMP and Dan, hoping they’ll be on my flight to LAX.

4:40pm Check iMDb and apparently Dan is from Bath, NY (small town near Roc), AND AND AND he went to Emerson (the college I went to)!! Def going to try to strike up convo if they’re on my flight.

4:45pm Spend the next four hours blogging, drinking as much Dunkin Donuts’ iced coffee as humanly possible, all while watching The West Wing. Sans Boingo hotspot.

Items I’ve purchased while attempting to get milk at Target

Posted in Lists, Outfit Girl by

We’ve all been there. Target is the black hole of shopping. But it’s also like, the best place ever. Here’s an actual list of various items I’ve purchased with the intention of going into Targ to get mundane items like milk, bread, shampoo, etc. It’s a black hole, I tell you.


Tribal Flats (my fave shoes as of late)

Mint Satchel (my fave purse as of late)

Stick on nail polish strips “Tri-bal It On” (huh?)

Veronica Mars: Season 2 (Quick story: the tag said it was $9.99, but it rang up as $19.99. I told the cashier of the price difference, and we both walked all the way to the electronics department to double check the tag, and I mistakenly read the price for Season 1 – which I already have – and he said, ‘Eh, it’s ok. You can have it for $9.99’)

Limited edition peppermint Chapstick

Pens

I almost took a picture of my pens, but I mean, you know what pens look like.

In short, just don’t ever go into the clothing/accessories/entertainment section. Just head straight to dairy.

The Baby-Sitters Club: The Musical — Excerpts From The Libretto

Posted in Entertainment by

If I know one thing that sells these days, it’s nostalgia. And if I know two things that sell these days, they’re nostalgia, and making musicals out of things that were never intended to be musicals. While I haven’t exactly worked out the whole thing, here are some song titles and sample lyrics from my smash hit in the making, The Baby-Sitters Club: The Musical.

The Chapter Where We Find Out About Everyone: This number is narrated by the Greek Chorus, which is comprised of three ladies dressed as Ann M. Martin, Beverly Cleary, and Francine Pascal (read: three women in cardigans with glasses and sensible haircuts).

  • Sample lyrics:

I know you will skip over this,
As you wait for the story to begin –
But listen, Please! And don’t forget
About Jessi’s cocoa colored skin.
And Mallory’s clear braces hide
The potential she has within –
Hey Reader! Come back here! Do not disparage
The chapter that tells of the Schafer-Spier marriage
It’s The Chapter Where We Find Out About Everyone,
Ghostwritten just for you!

Stonybrook’s Divorce Rate: In this selection, the babysitters and their charges mourn the demise of the nuclear family, as evidenced by Stonybrook’s sky-high divorce rate [see Dawn’s mom, Kristy’s parents, the Brewers, most of the charges who weren’t part of the 27-kid Pike family].

Stonybrook’s Divorce Rate, Reprise: The ever-opportunistic BSC celebrates the economic advantages of marital instability in Stonybrook: with so many single-parent households and moms on the dating market, there is an obscene need for babysitters.

Shannon Kilbourne is Boring: As associate member Shannon Kilbourne leaves the BSC to pursue additional college courses (probably with that nerd Janine Kishi, am I right?), the Baby-Sitters Club does not care. Because Shannon Kilbourne is really, really boring.

  • Sample lyrics:

Shannon Kilbourne is Boring
There’s nothing else to say
If Shannon Kilbourne’s a color
Then Shannon Kilbourne is grey
Like the stony halls of S.M.S.
On an empty summer day
No one cares about Shannon Kilbourne
We’d gladly give her away.

She’s our associate member
We call her when we get stuck
But Shannon’s not at our meetings
Cause Shannon Kilbourne sucks
She gives it her best effort, yes
But I still don’t give a fuck
We won’t miss Shannon Kilbourne
Shannon, Good Bye,
Good Luck!
[Shannon shrugs and walks away. She even walks away boring. There is no point to Shannon Kilbourne, and everyone knows it.]

The Diabetes Ballet: In this dance interlude, a dreaming Stacy finds herself stalked by dancing Twinkies, Twix, and Twizzlers that are hidden throughout Claudia’s room. She wakes up having wet the bed. [I can’t be the only person who has that moment in Stacy’s medical history seared in her memory.]

Almond-Shaped Eyes, Broken-Shaped Heart: Claudia mourns Mimi, her grandmother who taught her what love really is.

  • Sample Lyrics:

My earrings are ketchup and mustard bottles,
My leggings are airbrushed with relish
But my themed outfit grows from a sorrow below
Like a Bedazzler that cannot embellish.

My cowboy hat and boots may match
My cactus skirt and bolo tie
But nothing can match the sadness
Of the tears from my almond-shaped eyes.

Bart’s Bashings: After Kristy’s Krushers defeat Bart’s Bashers on the Little League field, Bart delivers his own crushing blow: he breaks up with Kristy due to their “incompatibilities.”

  • Sample Lyrics:

[Bart] Hey Kristy! When I talk to you, I run out of words to say –
Because all you talk about is softball, or the gym pants you bought today,
It’s not that I think you’re annoying – No! I just kinda think that you’re —
[Greek Chorus] SHH!
[Bart, spoken:] Well, you know everyone’s been thinking it…
You act like we’re an item, Kris, but girl, you’re no great thespian,
And those are some clunky boots you’ve got for a girl who’s not an equestrian,
It’s clear from context and subtext that your character’s really a —
[Greek Chorus] Bart! Come on!

Kristy Thomas, Bossy Bitch: The BSC members discuss how Kristy, while a smart and savvy go-getter, is also a controlling teen tyrant:

  • Sample Lyrics:
Someday she’ll be CEO
Someday she’ll be rich,
Some day she’ll set the world alight,
But right now, Kristy’s a bitch!
 
Kristy will someday be the head
Of a multi-national corporation,
And I’ll just say I knew her when
She was the bitchiest teen in the nation!
 
Kristy could run the FBI!
Kristy could be the president!
But in my heart she’ll always be
Stonybrook’s bitchiest resident.

But that’s just a bit of what The Babysitter’s Club: The Musical has to offer! Check some stage very far from Broadway around 2018 or so to hear these other great selections: JK Rowling, Plagiarist (in which the Pikes file suit for copyright infringement because the Weasleys were obviously based on them), Nobody Likes You, Karen Brewer (Gigundoly Bratty remix), BSC Super Special! (it’s exactly like a regular song but longer and with occasional cursive), and I Know He’s Just a Young Adult Character But I’ve Always Felt Like Logan Bruno’s Probably Really Hot. Continue reading →

Genres Recommended To Me From Netflix

Posted in Entertainment, Lists by
  • Social & Cultural Documentaries
  • Feel-Good Romantic Musicals
  • Movies Featuring a Strong Female Lead
  • Sentimental Independent Comedies
  • Cerebral TV Dramas
  • Witty Suspenseful TV Shows
  • Critically-acclaimed Witty Romantic Movies
  • Suspenseful Independent Movies
  • Mind-bending Movies
  • Goofy Kids’ TV

What I’ve learned about myself: I like things that are witty, on TV, and yet, mind-bending. That’s the last time I rate Inception 5 stars.

Friend Request Denied

Posted in GSOY (Gratuitous Story of Yourself) by

Here’s a question: Would you accept the Facebook friend request of someone you went to high school with (EIGHT YEARS AGO), but they never once spoke to you whilst in high school, nor even gave you the time of day because they were too busy hanging out with the “cool kids”? Also, they’re really tall and dumb (He once stole Molly’s Senior Shirt from gym. Thanks to some Veronica Mars style detective skills, she figured out it was him and he claimed he found the petite women’s shirt in the lost and found. He’s like, 6’5″ tall. Molly – not 6’5″ tall).

Asking for a friend.

Golden Globes 2013 – Best and Worst Dressed

Posted in Entertainment, Lists, Outfit Girl by

{2/25/13 Note: Hey, did you come here looking for our Oscars 2013 Best and Worst Dressed instead? It’s over here.}

Best Dressed

Molly’s picks:

Sofia Vergara in Michael Cinco

Despite being entirely sequined, this dress is fairly pared-down for Vergara. I especially like the simple hair and fresh makeup. Bonus points for choosing a Filipino designer!

Kerry Washington in Miu Miu

This ivory color was gorgeous on her! I liked this more before I realized that the skirt was only opaque to a point, but still, the beading is beautiful and it’s such a good cut. It’s really easy for women as tiny-framed as Washington to disappear in big formal dresses. My only minor qualm, as I said in the live blog, is that I would have pulled her hair away from her face because it’s such a nice face.

Zooey Deschanel in Oscar de la Renta

Love the color, love the simple accessories, love the slightly rumply fabric, as a matter of fact. This is such a pretty orangey red and looks great with her skin and hair, though I have watched enough Joan Rivers to know that wearing red on the red carpet is risky because the colors can clash. As per usual, Deschanel is also sporting an insanely adorable themed manicure.

Helen Hunt in Dolce & Gabbana

Hunt and Washington both really worked the ivory/shimmery dresses without looking like brides (cf. Hayden Panettiere). If I were elderly, I would say that she’s a vision, but I’m not, so I’ll just say she looks really pretty.

Michelle Dockery in Alexander Vauthier

I keep waffling on whether or not I love this, but I think I do. The silhouette’s a bit funny around the shoulders, but otherwise perfect. I’d like a better look at her hair and that bracelet, though.

Honorable mentions: Amy Poehler (for managing to make a pant suit look hot. I’ll take this as a Knopian nod to women in government.), Ariel Winter (for looking 15), Olivia Munn (for picking what I think was a great cut/color for her).

Traci’s Picks:

Amy Poehler in Stella McCartney

Obviously my personal idol is on the list. But my love for her aside, she rocked the tuxedo look, and still managing to stay super sexy in the mean time. It made me want to marry her and never divorce her. Classy yet not trashy, that’s our girl Amy.

Naomi Watts in Zac Posen

At first sight this dark burgundy dress may not be much, but when she turns around the backless feature makes it breathtaking. Naomi of course is gorgeous in her own right, but in a sleek, stylish, and sexy dress, she looks out of this world.

Kerry Washington in Miu Miu

If you’ve seen Kerry traveling the world for the Django Unchained movie premieres, you’ll know that as of late, home girl hasn’t exactly been hitting home runs with hear red carpet fashion. However, I give her props for taking risks, and this gown in no exception.

Michelle Dockery in Alexander Vauthier

Oh lady Mary, you are quite a sight for sore eyes. Cousin Matthew is probably fawning over you right now. As I mentioned in the live blog last night, it’s always weird to see anyone from the show in normal people clothes, none the less in Hollywood style gowns. She looks absolutely stunning in this dress.

Kate Hudson in Aleander McQueen

I’m a sucker for black and gold – and for Alexander McQueen- so it’s hard for me to say no to this dress. It’s a bold statement, much like the rest of his company’s designs and not just any celeb can pull it off. Kate Hudson def did it justice.

Bonus: Ben Affleck for sporting a navy tux – Because he’s a muthafuckin GG winner and he can do whatever the hell he wants.

Worst Dressed

Molly’s picks:

Halle Berry in Versace

The fabric on this looks like those screen-printed sarongs that you can buy at the public market. It is also tattered and torn, like when Cinderella’s stepsisters ruin the dress that the mice made for her before the ball. So, in sum, this looks like a downmarket sarong sewn by animated mice that was ripped apart in a fit of anger.

Emily Blunt in Michael Kors

I’m not just saying this because she got to marry John Krasinski. I like the color and I don’t hate the fabric, I just can’t stand the cutouts on the side. It reminds me of the two piece, belly-baring prom dresses that were the thing when I was in high school. If you weren’t 16 in 2003 this dress might not bother you.

Rachel Weisz in Louis Vuitton

The little black dress with the bow would have been cute at dinner or a cocktail party, but why did she wrap that polka-dotted shower curtain around herself first?

Sienna Miller in Erdem

When she was (evidently) partying with P. Diddy he couldn’t have given her some wardrobe tips? The shape of this is horrible – the top of it is cut like those boxy Christopher and Banks sweaters that moms used to wear a lot. And the pattern reminds me of something I would have thought would look really groovy on a pencil case in 5th grade when I was really into Now and Then.

Julianna Margulies in Emilio Pucci

This is showing up on best dressed lists already, but I don’t care. She reminds me of those teenage girls who are really into long, terrible fantasy book series set in medieval times. Is that a dragon?

Dishonorable mention: Julianne Hough (who invited her and why is she wearing the adult, floor-length version of a Toddlers and Tiaras cupcake dress?).

Traci’s Picks:

Sienna Miller in Erdem

So sienna miller’s gown basically reminds me of the traditional Filipino dresses, commonly used in weddings and formal events.
It’s just too much.

Halle Berry in Versace

File under: When bad gowns happen to Oscar winners. Halle what were you thinking with this? It looks like a monster chewed up the LA Flower Mart with a bedspread from the 1980s then spit it back out in the form of a half-frock. But we know you’ve done much better.

Jessica Chastain in Calvin Klein

You’re a gorgeous girl, Jessica. So you don’t need to look frumpy. This seafoam colored dress isn’t doing you any favors, basically because it doesn’t fit we’ll and I was afraid your girls would fall out at any second.

Lena Dunham in Zac Posen

Big night for my Girl Lena, however she just can’t get her style quite on point. The dress makes her look much older than she actually is, and the gross color is even worse. Not to mention it looked like she was having a touch time walking in whatever shoe apparatus she was wearing, she may have walked away with 2 GG but she was having a hard time doing it.

Julie Bowen in Halston

Oh Julie. After last years Emmys in an awesome neon green gown, I thought you were on a roll. Please tell me that your kids were the reason why you picked this sack of a dress. Asymmetrical is not a good look for a lot of people, but this especially makes it look like someone bought a Butterick design from Joann’s and some navy fabric for $.75 a yard.

5 Movies I Have To Watch When They’re On TV

Posted in Entertainment, Lists by

 

Close-up shot of Cameron's nude Rose sketch wi...

 

You probably have a similar list. You’ve seen movies of this ilk hundreds of times, hell, you even own a copy. But if it’s on TV, that’s something completely different.

Even though I may not have enough time to sit and watch the film in its entirety, I still have it playing in the background. There’s just something about it being on my TV screen at a random time that’s so exciting. So here’s my list of movies I’ll never change the channel on.

Mean Girls

Easily one of my favorite movies of all time, so when TBS decides to run it, I’m cheering for Glen Coco and attempting to do the Rockin Around The Christmas Tree dance. It also reminds of a simpler time, when Li Lo wasn’t as out of control. RIP 2004 Lindsay.

Titanic

Again, this is obviously one of the greatest films ever made. But who has 3 hours and 17 minutes to spare? If you’re lucky enough, maybe you’ll catch either the part where Jack brings Rose down to the steerage party or when the ship *spoiler alert* starts to sink.

A Walk to Remember

Oh Jamie Sullivan, how you have left a mark on all of us. I believe this was the beginning of the Nicholas Sparks romantic movie reign, so when I first watched this in the movie theater, I had no idea someone was going to die after an epic love story. It was a revelation. I also get a sense of nostalgia when I watch this movie, because my friend gave me the soundtrack for one of my birthdays, and I listened to it nonstop. Hellooo 2003.

Bring It On

I feel like I don’t even have to explain this one. You’re lying to yourself if you haven’t stopped to watch this jam. Brr.

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

I just realized the trend with all these movies is that I watched them as a kid/teen, so naturally if I want to revisit my childhood, I just need to pause and check out young Traci right before my eyes. No matter how many times I watch Willy Wonka though, it’s just as magical as it was the first time. Sure, I can tell production wise how 1970s it looks, but for godsake, there was a chocolate river with a boat and a drugged out tunnel!!!!

 

 

Live Blog: Golden Globes 2013 aka The Day We Died Because of the Fey/Poehler Takeover

Posted in Entertainment, Live Blogs by

Happy Golden Globes day!!! We’ll be liveblogging throughout the show, so make sure you refresh this page to keep up!!!

Bitches getting shit done.

Welcome to the live blog of the Golden Globes 2013!!!

M. Kelly Osbourne. Kelly Osbourne always looks like she’s from the capitol in Panem.

T. BTW, we are watching the E! Red Carpet, mainly because I enjoy Ryan Seacrest, but I also have no interest in seeing Al “I sharted” Roker interview the likes of Daniel Day-Lewis and Hugh Jackman.

M. I’m trying to memorize what Amy Adams is wearing so I don’t get her confused with Jessica Chastain.

T. You know what’s always jarring? Seeing ANY of the Downton Abbey stars in modern day clothes. Lady Mary is on FIRE.

M: SO glad you mentioned Downton so I could go record it. I’m missing that and Girls for the Golden Globes. I mean… nobody really “misses” tv anymore. I’m watching them on the internet later. Clearly.

T: Sidenote: I JUST LOVE AWARDS SHOWS SO MUCH. Especially the Golden Globes. After the Emmys, it’s my favorite, because everyone’s boozed up and the best of TV and Movie people are there!

T: Is anyone doing the Golden Globes drinking game? I’m still at work and forgot to bring alc.

T: OMG FIRST SHOT OF TINA AND AMY AND I LEGIT JUST HAD A TEAR IN MY EYE!!!! HOW AM I GOING TO GET THROUGH THIS

T: THEY’RE BACK!! THEY LOOK SO HOT! LOVING AMY’S LOOK

M: OMG AMYYY Look at you! When I want to look really fantastic, the ideal I keep in mind is “divorced Amy Poehler.”

M: Also Tina Fey has a Kate Middleton-worthy hair cape. And her shoes look hard to walk in.

M: Contemplating the Golden Globes drinking game. I have to wake up at 6:30 to write law books though… (I’m in EST if that makes me seem less pathetic?)

T: Oh lord, I never thought I’d see the day NeNe Leakes would be strutting the Golden Globes red carpet

T: OH YEAH. JOHN KRASINSKI. SMOKE.SHOW.

M:  Aziz Ansari has a  “whattt? that’s racist… don’t say that again” dance move, which he attributes to his “chocolate skin tone.”

M: Little Michael J. Fox exactly looks like a little Michael J. Fox. Well I mean, he is slightly taller.

M: Jessica Chastain is in seafoam, Amy Adams in ballerina pink. Also I don’t know what my problem is because they really don’t look alike.

T: I wonder if it’s every awkward when a celeb’s significant other (who isn’t as famous) is asked to move out of the way in the press line so they can get a solo shot of the star…

T: Whoa Don Draper, it’s been a hot minute since I’ve seen you on the red carpet!

M: Rosario Dawson will always be Mimi to me. I hope she sang “Out Tonight” as she got ready.

T: J-Law! My BFF! Wait her boobs look like they’re protruding out of her body. Really hoping she says something awk sauce. Ok, nothing awkward, except the fact that she has the flu and had to put her hand on Seacrest’s arm as she went down the stairs.

M: Hell YES Jennifer Lawrence is here! Is her hair color different? Her tan line is showing, not that I’m looking at her boobs. Pretty dress though! Love the color.

M: T, Did you know Taylor Swift was nominated or did you purposefully stay away from that info? Her hair may be in a confusing side-chignon thing.

T: I did subconsciously know Swifty was nominated, however I think I forced myself to forget that fact. Although that song was really good in THG. But she still doesn’t belong here. “SHE DOESN’T EVEN GO HERE”

M: Amanda Seyfried: “I learned [to pose] from Anne Hathaway, she’s a really good poser.” I’m sorry, DOES ANNE HATHAWAY EXCEL AT EVERYTHING?!

M: Hugh Jackman’s hair looks kind of Ron Swanson-y in the front.

M: Taylor Swift’s dress is kind of the color of chocolate, which reminds me that now is a good time for everyone to go get a snack. Right now, while she’s talking.

M: My nephew Henry, two, just wandered in. I asked what Claire Danes’ dress made him think of. Apparently it evokes Elmo.

T: So like, can I get some of the anti-ageing potion Hamm’s clearly drinking? Because Price Charming looks fioooone.

M: Hamm may be drinking it, but his wife is injecting it. Her cheeks are super tight and shiny. I’m not judging because I almost bought Botox via Groupon last month.

M: Keith Urban. My brother-in-law saw him shooting an album cover when he lived in Nashville and said he was like a really fancy well-groomed cowboy. So many highlights!

T: ADELE!!!! Love it. It’s always great trying to understand what she’s trying to say. Also, should the HFPA (Hollywood Foreign Press Association) just give her the award right now? She’s so great.

M: I can’t deal with Adele not revealing her baby’s name. Her eyelashes are enormous and must make it really hard to blink and see.

M; If you missed it Puffy just half-heartedly congratulated Sienna Miller on her baby. I don’t know what manner of baby she has but I’m assuming s/he’s no Blue Ivy. Wait, maybe he congratulated her on something else. I was too busy paying attention to how weird this situation felt to me.

T: In what world are Sienna Miller and P Diddy friends? I’m confused. She said they’ve been friends for a long time and have nicknames for each other. Heh?

M: I’m so embarrassed that I wrote “Puffy.” I am from 1998.

T: Kristen Bell is the CUTEST preggo!! I can’t say I’m in love with her dress though (PS Shameless Plug:: look out for our Best/Worst Dressed post later!)

M: Marion Cotillard is one of my favorite people to wish I looked like, but I really preferred her shorter, wavier hair. It’s not bad but if I were Marion Cotillard I would want everyone to be looking at my face.

M: Julianna Marguelis. I am misspelling your name but you are wearing this weird sheer thing that’s slowing down my processing.

T: ER REUNION WITH CLOONS AND NURSE HATHAWAY. I AM VERKELMPT. I appreciate a TV good reunion, especially of the candid variety.

M: Clooney and Marguelis just hugged for a million years. I love them so much.

T: BTW, I’m still at work, but obvi got everything done early to liveblog this bitch. But since I’m here, I’m watching the E! Red Carpet at my desk, and turned on the NBC show at my boss’ desk (who is not here). Every few minutes I literally run into the other room to see if anyone I like is being interviewed. I’m insane.

M: There are so many high necklines and so much loose, straight-ish hair tonight. See e.g. Kate Hudson.

M: I always vaguely feel like I’m not supposed to like Sofia Vergara but I LOVE Sofia Vergara.

T: I fucking love Sofia Vergara. I could lit’rally listen to her talk for days.

M: Is Ben Affleck’s facial hair for a role or just for funsies?

M: Got a quick view of Anne Hathaway’s hair and it looks very Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber. I hope the internet doesn’t think that’s an insult because it’s not.

T: People in a oneshot: Paul Rudd, Jessica Alba, and Anne Hathaway #OnlyattheGoldenGlobes

M: I wonder if people are going to like Kerry Washington’s dress, but I think it looks fantastic on her. Maybe would have pulled the hair off her face but that’s just because it’s a good face (see, Cotillard).

T: I don’t watch Scandal, so basically anytime I see Kerry Washington, I think, ‘Hey, that’s the girl from Save The Last Dance!!’’

T: LEO!!!!!!!!! I appreciate that he always shows up to the GGs. I really hope Kate shows up so he can thank her in his acceptance speech

T: Apparently, P Diddy and Sienna Miller have been friends for a while, as told by this article from 2007. They partied together. Of course.

M: Kelly Osbourne said that T.Swift would show up sexy and SHE DID. That’s not how I felt but OK, Kel. Not that Swift isn’t pretty but that’s just not how she reads to me ever.

T: A SEX BOMB, KELLY OSBOURNE? NO. TAYLOR SWIFT IS NOT A ‘SEX BOMB.

M: How I’ve missed hearing that Tina Fey/ Amy Poehler introduction from the Weekend Update era!

M: Poehler just referred to the “rat-faced people of television”, and I love her.

T: Tina looks like she came straight out of one of her Garnier Fructis commercials.

M: Fey: Gervais isn’t here because he is no longer in showbusiness.

M: Fey just offered to call child services for Dunham. I also feel like Lena Dunham is too young to be doing her show, but that’s only because that means that by your mid-twenties it’s acceptable to have your own tv show. I have my own car and phone and dog! And that’s it.

M: I love when Amy Poehler puts on the mean Boston lady thing.

T: BOSTON REPRESENT!! Poehler is amazing when she brings back her accent!

M: First (Only??)Anne Hathaway/ James Franco Oscars trainwreck reference. Well done, Ms. Fey.

M: Nobody has PLANS to do porn. – Amy Poehler. PREACH. It just happens sometimes.

M: Is Tina Fey’s pronunciation of Les Miserables with a thick French accent going to be a running gag? Hope so!

M: This is like watching a really good, crazy-fancy Weekend Update.

Best Supporting Actor. Our Predictions:

Best Supporting Actor
T: Phillip Seymour Hoffman
M: Leonardo DiCaprio
WINNER: Christoph Waltz!
T: Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard are at the same table as Denzel, and right behind Daniel Day-Lewis. How much are they SHITTING themselves right now??

M: Well, we were both wrong. Christoph Waltz won best supporting actor. In related news, Traci and I have not seen Django Unchained.

T: Leo upset at the top of the show! Wah Wah. If you need any consoling, let a sista know.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television
T: Maggie Smith
M:Maggie Smith
Winner: Maggie Smith!

M : Damn, we’re good at this already. Also, who else can’t believe that Hayden Pannetiere was nominated?

T: One of my favorite things about the GGs is the mingling that happens between stars during commercials. Hoping there’s plenty of surprising air kisses made between two unlikely celebs.

M: A Lea Michele hair commercial is on and I think this should be more of a Tina Fey hair commercial night. I just don’t believe her when she says that I’m “totally worth it.” It’s the “totally.” It’s just too much. Like when someone says they’re 200% sure of something, I’m way less confident than when they just leave it at 100%.

T: Hayden Pannetiere (sp?) just tweeted: “There ain’t anything like a Dame. Congratulations Dame Maggie Smith! It was an honor to have my name mentioned in a category with you!” Who wants to bet that she had that tweet ready the day she was nominated??

M: She had a separate draft saved for each other nominee. Smart girl, that Hayden.

Best Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television
T: Game Change
M: Game Change
WINNER:Game Change

M: Why aren’t we in the Hollywood Foreigh Press? I am none of those things but Traci is both Hollywood and Press. We’re batting… something. I don’t know how to do sports things, I’m really sorry.

T: Ok, every time I see Danny Strong, I can’t help but think he was Paris Geller’s boyfriend on Gilmore Girls. I mean, he’s making big moves – he’s writing the screenplay for Mockingjay!!!!!

M: The audio cut out for a sec but I think that’s just because someone started swearing REAL bad. Michael J. Fox’s son, maybe? He might be a loose cannon.

M: OH SNAP, the director of Game Change just listed Sarah Palin as one of the great impressions of Sarah Palin. I’m sorry I keep saying 1998ish things like “Puffy” and “Oh Snap.” Here are a few more: Tamagotchi. GigaPet. Ally McBeal’s Dancing Baby.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television
T: Jessica Lange
M: Julianne Moore
WINNER: Julianne Moore.

M: Did everyone know that Julianne Moore has a daughter who looks like Lindsay Lohan before everything went so wrong? In case you didn’t, now you do.

T: NO YOU DID NOT JUST START SINGING ‘DO YOU HEAR THE PEOPLE SING’ RN. NO YOU DID NOT. SECOND HAND EMBARRASSMENT.

M: Embarrassed for Zeta-Jones. Not as bad as Joey Potter but NOTHING is that bad. It’s like a lullaby from a baby’s fever nightmare, the Holmes On My Own rendition.

T: Does this broad know where she is….Oh the cameras aren’t scanning per her request. What does she do for the HFPA? Also is she wearing a vest made out of faux diamonds? LOLZ INDUSTRY JOKE. No but really, is this person real? I need a gif of Bradley Cooper’s reaction to her “Call Me Maybe” offer right now.

M: Dr. Aida Something-Something told the camera to scan the room and the camera didn’t scan the damn room. Don’t they know who she is? No? Me either.
She’s self-deprecating, though. And hilarious? Old-lady funny? Mildly amusing?

M: Mimi Marquez (Rosario Dawson)  is wearing a peplum outfit thing. Good color on her. Can we all just admit that none of us knew that that was called “peplum” til last year? Pre-2012 I would have described it as “a Judy Jetson thing.”

Best Actor, Drama
T: Damian Lewis
M:John Hamm
WINNER: Damian Lewis

T: Sgt. Brody FTW! If you haven’t watched Homeland yet, get into it. All the cool white people are doing it. (and that JAZZ)

M: So… I should probably watch Homeland, huh? I’m not a “cool white person” but what I lack in cool I make up for in being exceptionally white.

T: Oh Lord Licorice Paul Rudd’s vamping is amazing. Selma Hayek, however, not so much. “Something about best TV”

Best Television Series, Drama
T: Homeland
M: Downton Abbey
WINNER: Homeland

M: Is Claire Danes about to ugly cry? DO IT DANES DO IT. My favorite Danes ugly cry is from her underrated work in Brokedown Palace. It’s like her face crumbles into itself.

T: Re: people mingling during commercial: RDJ kissing the cheek of Mel Gibson. Multiple times.

T: So I’ve been marathoning The West Wing for the past couple of weeks, and John Goodman shows up, and reinforces the fact that I have an unreasonable fear of him. But as he’s standing there next to the awk guy while introducing Argo, he seems ok. I just can’t separate fiction from real life.

M: For some reason I was completely, irrationally mad as a kid when I found out that John Goodman’s daughter is named Molly. I think because I imagined a child, female version of John Goodman, and that is a really unfortunate image to share your name with.

T: Ben Affleck then a shot to Jennifer Lopez. Remember when Bennifer happened?

M: Remember when they got super close to the wedding then called it off? I do, because I think it was supposed to be on my birthday. Now the only thing that happened on my birthday was I was born. I mean, so was Amy Winehouse, and the lady who started Planned Parenthood. But it’s no Bennifer wedding.

Best Original Score:
T: Lincoln
M:Lincoln
WINNER: Life of Pi

M: I didn’t see Life of Pi yet but apparently the score makes ample use of the triangle.

T: “Please welcome international music sensation Shakiki (sp?)” What? I legit thought you said Monkiki (apparently, this is the SNL portion of the liveblog)

Best Original Song
T: Skyfall, Adele
M:Suddenly, Les Miserables
WINNER: Skyfall, Adele

T: GIF OF ADELE HIGH FIVING DANIEL CRAIG, PLEASE. I LOVE YOU. Remember when she won the Grammy for Best New Artist and freaked out over the Jonas Brothers being there?
Meanwhile, Taylor Swift is pissed that she couldn’t use her ‘surprised face’ right now.

M: Adele, you are adorable. I hope Swift has some paper out and is taking notes on how to seem graciously surprised at winning. Also Taylor would 100% redeem herself right now if she ran up and grabbed the award. I’d be mad at her but it would make for such a good GIF!
But I am so mad that Adele said “my son” and didn’t name him. Is the name awful? Unpronounceable? Boring? There must be something wrong with that baby’s name.

T: Tina Fey’s Damian Francisco actually looks like it could be an alternate world Johnny Depp. Someone already made up a faux Twitter for Darcy St. Fudge. Waiting for the next one. Well played, internet.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television
T: Clive Owen
M:Kevin Costner
WINNER: Kevin Costner

M: I got SO into Hatfields and McCoys. I think I was mostly a Hatfield girl but I do like a good McCoy now and then.

T: I actually … do NOT care, Kevin Costner. For an actor, you have a very monotone voice.

M: NO ACTUALLY NO BILL SLICK WILLY CLINTON!!! I’ve loved him since I had a kind of confusing crush on him when I was like eight (that has lasted til the present day). From the look on her face Lena Dunham feels the same way. I feel bad for the young girls of 2000 – 2008 because they really never had the opportunity to have a conflicting presidential crush. I like to think even the people who like GWBush didn’t LIKE him-like him.

T: EXCUSE ME?! BILLY C?! WHAT THIS IS AMAZING. STANDING O FOR THE GREATEST PRESIDENT IN OUR LIFETIME. Next to Obama.

M: I know you can’t see this in the post, but Traci and I both stopped typing as Clinton was talking because he is a man you respect. And because he’s so dreamy oh my goodness.

T: I mean I actually stood up and started clapping, that’s why I stopped typing.

M: By the way, I was probably too dumb to understand Lincoln but It did make me  wish I had a sidekick who made folksy, apt anecdotes to explain situations like Abe.

T: I CANNOT with Kristen Wyeg and Will FARrell. JK, this is the SNL portion of the show. This is like Garth and Kat times a million. I am actually crying with laughter.

M: If you’re reading this in the future (“the future” being like 1/14 or later) please find a clip of Wiig and Farrell presenting. So so funny.

Best Actress, Comedy or Musical
T: Jennifer Lawrence
M: Judi Dench
WINNER: JENNIFER FREAKIN LAWRENCE

M: I like Jennifer Lawrence winning more than I like being right about who won. She just joked about beating Meryl and I love her. Also she refers to her brothers being “mean to her, yet really supportive and loving,” which is pretty much the story of having older brothers, am I right?

T: Ok and now I’m crying because I’m so happy for her! Just the absolute greatest. No one else can say they beat Meryl and still be lovable about it!

T: JKras and KBell together?! My heart swoons to be between those two.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Miniseries or Motion Picture Made for Television
T: Mandy Patinkin
M: Ed Harris
WINNER: John McCain Ed Harris

M: Megan Fox’s face looks like it’s sculpted out of really fancy candle wax. The good kind, like the stuff they made those wizard candles out of at those mall kiosks in the mid-90s.

Best Supporting Actress:
T: Anne Hathaway
M: Sally Field
WINNER: Anne Hathaway’s ugly crying.

T: ANNE HATHAWAY JUST SAID “BLERG” 30 Rock shoutout!! AND Princess Diaries shoutout!? Ok, Anne Hathaway, you can keep this award.

M: She also just referenced the Princess of Genovia. I love Hathaway.

T: Surprise mingling: Adele and Jennifer Gardner. It’s a small room, so maybe the Afflecks will run into the Lopez-Smart contingent? The night is still young.

M: Maybe they’re talking about their babies and Garner is bragging that hers all have NAMES.

Best Screenplay
T: Silver Linings Playbook
M:Argo
WINNER: Django Unchained

T: Ugh, Quentin Tarantino I wasn’t suspecting you to get this either. So over you. I’ve actually stopped listening.

M: Again, we didn’t see this movie. But from what I hear, ¾ of the screenplay is just the direction [guy shoots other guy].

M: Jeremy Irons is wearing quite the frock-coat.
T: SCAR! Oh sorry, Jeremy Irons.

M: I think it’s about time to bring Tina and Amy back out. Anyone wanna bet what Billy Clinton is doing right now? Greenroom eating some vegan stuff? Mingling with everybody? Stealing my heart?

Best Actor, Television Comedy or Musical
T: Louis C.K.
M: Louis C.K.
WINNER: Don Cheadle.

T: Come awwnn. I’m not doing that well on my ballot anymore… the HFPA always throws a curveball. So weird.

M: Every time I hear “Matt Blank” I think someone is just trying to Ellis Island-ize Matt LeBlanc.

T: Remember when Arnold was the governor of the state I live in? And what happened to Rocky’s neck/lack of neck?

M: Holy crap it’s like his head is held on by his shirt collar.

Best Foreign Language Film
T: Amour
M:Amour
WINNER: Amour

M: We have reached the point in the evening where I look at the categories left and think that the show couldn’t possibly take another hour and a half, let alone run long. And yet…

T: They should have specifically put subtitles up for this category alone.

M: I feel like I SHOULD like Lea Michele but I just don’t. Also she’s so so tan. Her entire body looks like when 12-year-old girls try to wear bronzer and layer it too much.

T: Rachel Berry is pulling her best Angelina Jolie right now. And it’s not working.

Best Actress, Drama
T: Claire Danes
M: Claire Danes
WINNER:Claire Danes

M: In case you didn’t feel inferior to her already, Claire Danes won a Golden Globe at 15. Is she drunk a little?

T: Glenn Close looks like she’s crying for her loss. Also, Claire why do you have raccoon eyes? Maybe that’s why Glenn Close is upset. Stop trying to make jokes Claire. It’s not funny. Remember the Emmys? Your ‘holla’ was not funny then either.

M: Claire Danes is drunk a little.

T: Definitely drunk a little: Sacha Baron Cohen. Calling Russell Crowe out!! Ballsy. We so called this when we liveblogged it.

Best Animated Film
T: Rise of the Guardians
M: Brave
WINNER: Brave

M: I was watching Brave (for the second time…) with my nephews last week and one of them said that I’m like Merida (read: red-haired), but that I “would need to get married.” And I was like what is wrong with you, you missed the ENTIRE point of the movie. Then he suggested that I could marry his dad, except he’s already married. Yeah, kid. Married and also my BROTHER.

T: Ballot regret: Choosing a winner in permanent ink but immediately having qualms over the pick. You can file Brave under Ballot Regret.

M: Which Downton lady is wearing the giant turban? The camera didn’t linger long enough.

T: I totally forgot about Julian Fellowes’s lady friend that wears the turban. ^to answer your question^

M: I was about to ask where they’ve been hiding Fey and Poehler but the next category explains it:

Best Actress, Television Comedy or Musical
T: Amy Poehler
M: Amy Poehler
WINNER: Lena Dunham

M: I LOVE love Girls, but I’m not sure about this. She kind of reminds me of Jerry Seinfeld in that she’s the brain behind the series, but I don’t necessarily see her as a great actress.

T: Girls is the best (slash omg it comes back tonight!). Major props to Lena, and I think I’m ok with her winning over Amy and Tina. I usually hate when people bring up speeches, but that was really sweet. In fact, I’m tearing up a little. She plays every role (actress, writer, director, producer) on the show, so well deserved. But can someone in the press room get her new shoes tho?

M: However, Dunham is stealing my heart here with her shaking hands. I think the short hair really works on her, never noticed her eyes before really.

T: I feel like it’s been AGES since Tamy (tina/Amy) have been out on the stage! But so worth the wait though. If that’s Glenn Close wasted, I don’t want to know what she’s like on drugs (or maybe I do).

T: Sidenote, if Tina dances with Glenn at a party tonight, I want to be there. No, but really, how do I get invited to a Golden Globes after party?

M: No pressure but if you crash one we’ll probably get internet famous and if you don’t crash one you’re ruining my life.

T: Is Jodie Foster old enough to get this award? The last three people to win it were Martin Scorsese, Robert DeNiro, and Morgan Freeman. I mean, good company, but … really? Oh she just said she’s 50. Ok. Still not old enough.

M: I hope this doesn’t mean that Jodie Foster is secretly terminally ill. Else she should have 30-50 more years of lifetime. What if she stops achieving after this? (I would)

M: This ENTIRE show was brought to you by SNL (See Foster’s Sally O’Malley impression).

T: I knew it Jodie Foster, you were trying to be funny. But it didn’t work. Oh lesbians.

M: Did EVERYONE start swearing at once? The audio was gone for like 30 seconds.

M: So Jodie Foster’s announcement is that she’s not Honey Boo Boo child? I know, I know. You will NEVER be as majestic as one Alanna Thompson.

T: If this speech is supposed to make me like you more, it’s not working.

M: She’s drunk or she meant for this to happen. I don’t know which one to choose to believe. I presume they can’t cut you off in a lifetime achievement speech. I take this back if she is dying because is that what she was saying – re “never being on any stage again?” And everyone in the audience is weeping and I have NO CLUE what’s going on. And she closed with calling herself lonely. That was so sad and I don’t even know what just happened.

T: I don’t know why I didn’t think of this earlier, but Tumblr came to the rescue in the gif department. Here’s the Adele/Daniel Craig gif I requested earlier!!!

Best Director
T: Ben Affleck
M: Steven Spielberg
WINNER: Ben Affleck

T: SUCK ON THAT, OSCARS. BEN AFFLECK FTW!!! Everyone’s standing because Hollywood loves him. Except maybe J Lo.

T: SHUT UP JAY LENO. YOU’RE THE WORST. I JUST WANT JIMMY.

Best Television Series, Comedy or Musical
T: Girls
M: Girls
WINNER: Girls

M: SO HAPPY!

T: Oh geez they’re making Lena walk again. Just take the shoes off. I do adore the group hug the ‘Girls’ had.

M: Lena Dunham: “Do you guys want to make any sounds?” I love that cast. I also didn’t recognize Allison Williams at first.

T: Where’s Leo? Probs drinking his sorrows away with Kate in a secret bar at the Hilton.

T: One more thing about Girls, I am so pleased that Lena and co. were presented with the award by Jimmy Fallon, who Lena had a crush on throughout her formative years. Watch her fangirl to him when she appeared on his show for the first time. She wrote a play about him!!!

Best Actor, Comedy or Musical
T: Hugh Jackman
M: Bradley Cooper
WINNER: Hugh Jackman

M: I stand by what I said before about Jackman’s Ron Swanson hair. In addition, I think he’s using the same body bronzer as Lea Michele.

T: I secretly hoped it would be B Coop to win this, but Jean Van Jean was just no match. Any other year, I think he would have won this. Also, this means that he probs won’t win the Oscar. Prove me wrong, Academy.

Best Motion Picture, Comedy or Musical
T: Les Miserables
M: Silver Linings Playbook
WINNER: Les Miserables

M: Hathaway CHRIST you can’t just thank people willy-nilly.

T: Fantine is already drunk. WTF just happened to you.

M: You’re right, she’s wasted.

T: I really just want to watch Silver Linings Playbook again. If you haven’t seen it, get on it. Even if you have no idea what it’s about.

M: Agreed, I would absolutely see that again. Bradley Cooper and Jennifer Lawrence were both just amazing.

Best Actress, Drama
T: Jessica Chastain
M: Jessica Chastain
WINNER: Jessica Chastain

M: If you haven’t seen Zero Dark 30, do. Chastain was incredible.

T: Literally just said “Awwww” outloud to Jessica Chastain’s win. I haven’t even seen Zero Dark Thirty. She just looks like a nice girl

M: She looks like someone I know and I can’t place who. I mean other than Amy Adams. Again, they really don’t look alike but I can only tell the difference when they are side by side. I’m the same way with Coke and Diet Coke.

M: Annnnd there go my first real tears of the night. Still can’t believe Kathryn Bigelow wasn’t nominated for an Oscar.

Best Actor, Drama
T: Daniel Day-Lewis
M: Daniel Day-Lewis
WINNER: Daniel Day-Lewis

M: Traci, I think we’re more right when we agree with each other.

T: ^Fact.
Olympics reference! I had no idea DD-L was a jokster.

M: I can’t un-see Abraham Lincoln in DD-L’s face now. But it’s weird not hearing him in that old-timey Midwestern accent, right?

T: Julia! She totes said “Drama” like Derek from Happy Endings.

Best Motion Picture, Drama
T: Argo
M:Argo
WINNER:Argo

M: I love the people they choose to show after a win is announced. Sean Combs?

T: arGOO! (ugh, sorry). This is a great win. I haven’t seen this movie either, but I enjoy Ben Affleck, so WTG. Also, hey Walter White. Forgot you were in this movie.

M: Poehler: “We’re going home with Jodie Foster!”

T: Me: I wanna go home with Tina and Amy.

M: But not Jodie Foster. She was kind of a downer. Not to mention confusing. I think she’ll be a crying drunk girl later. And I don’t think she even WATCHES Honey Boo Boo.

Traci final score: 15 out of 25

Molly final score: 12 out of 25.

Thanks for reading everyone! We had a blast. Join us next time when we live blog our BFF dance party with Tina, Amy, and Glenn Close.