The Holiday Is Our Aesthetic

Christmas movies, in general, are aesthetically dreamy. Those technicolor classics like White Christmas bring the Old Hollywood glamor, cozy houses in movies like The Family Stone make me dream of joyfully chaotic decor, and Christmas rom-coms are the sparkliest and dreamiest of all rom-coms. That’s why this month, our aesthetic goals come from 2007 Christmas classic (ahem… modern classic), The Holiday.

Kate and Cameron’s Hair

Kate Winslet and Cameron Diaz’s hair look perfectly normal, but that’s the thing. In 2007, Kate’s loose, beachy waves were actually at the very start of the loose, beachy waves trend, and I think it says something that it still looks current 9 years later – in contrast, imagine trying to sport, say, 1994 hair in 2003. I’ve also always been envious of straight, fine hair like Cameron’s that can looks fun yet professional in a short, croppy ‘do, as opposed to … floofy. I think a lot of us would look floofy with that haircut.

Rosehill Cottage, Exterior

Forget the likelihood that Iris, a young columnist who’s not at the top of her publication, could afford this. Holiday films are about wish-fulfillment, after all. It makes me happy just to think that SOMEONE gets to live in a gorgeous, quaint stone cottage with wildflower gardens, a rustic fence and a winding road in front of it. (Note: As a real estate addict, I did look up some houses for sale in Surrey. It is as expensive as you’d expect a picturesque London-accessible area to be; I assume the less-expensive ones are also secretly falling down inside. Maybe Iris inherited it from a relative. Whatever, it’s a movie and I’d much prefer to look at this cottage than a tiny, cookie-cutter terraced house from the 1970s).

Rosehill Cottage, Interior

I know that saying “I like the cottage better than Cameron Diaz’s mansion” makes me sound like one of those guys who think it’s a revelation that they find, like, Emma Stone more attractive than Angelina Jolie. The cottage is doing pretty well for itself, thanks. That said, yeah, I would 1000% rather live in Iris’s cottage than Amanda’s SmartHouse. (I bought a cute little 1909 house a few years ago so it’s not just talk. Also I couldn’t afford anything even approaching Amanda’s SmartHouse even if I wanted it, let’s be clear.) Rosehill Cottage really holds up on rewatch. There are layers of cosy decor, lots of overstuffed chintz chairs and a great vintage iron bed, but if you look really closely nothing is sloppy or haphazard. Also: fireplaces everywhere! Stone and stucco walls! A stainless steel tub and a painted wood bathroom floor! Do yourself a favor and go gawk at the Hooked On Houses page for it.

PS, I think “it has a fireplace in the bedroom” is the house version of “and it has pockets!” in a cute dress.

Iris’s Nancy Meyers Kitchen

Ain’t no kitchen like a Nancy Meyers kitchen cause a Nancy Meyers kitchen is very, very charming. Echoing the old-country charm of one of my other favorite Nancy Meyers kitchens (the vastly underrated Baby Boom), this one comes complete with a stucco fireplace, open shelving with blue and white earthenware pottery, flush-mounted cabinet doors in a chalky robins egg blue, and a cosy vintage table. Yes, I did make note of all of those elements for reference when I remodel my kitchen.

Sweaters

Second to the late 90s WB show Felicity, Christmas movies are the best visual source of people in comfy sweaters. If people feeling warm and comfortable is your aesthetic, may I present Jude Law in a blue sweater?

Sophie and Olivia’s Fort

Why is it that you can be a full-grown adult with a home or apartment of your own, but you’d still move into a soft blanket fort with fairy lights any day? Sophie and Olivia, come decorate for me.

Arthur’s Old Hollywood Vibe

Modern Hollywood culture – not much aesthetic appeal. But anything that smacks of the old studio system? Now we’re talking. Arthur, a funny and sweet relic from the days when people only knew about celebrities’ personal lives through fake ‘dates’ they’d go to at the studio commissary, is the real romantic hero of this movie.

This New Year’s Party

Low key decorations, snacks, champagne, and only like 6 people, two of whom are small children. Now THAT’S what a call a no-fuss holiday gathering. But the best part is everyone dresses way the heck up anyway because it’s the holidays, and the best aesthetic of all is “fancier than is strictly necessary, just because it’s fun sometimes.”

 

Previously In Our Aesthetic:

The Way They Were: Today’s Stars on The Rosie O’Donnell Show

The Rosie O’Donnell Show ran from 1996 to 2002, and even though we watched it to the bitter end we somehow always associate it with the ’90s. When I think of Rosie guests, it’s people like Macy Gray, cast members from Ally McBeal, and throwbacks to Rosie’s 1970s childhood like the Osmonds. However, there are some modern stars we always forget were active in the Rosie era, so it feels like a total time warp seeing them as guests on The Rosie O’Donnell Show.

The Cast Of Harry Potter

Harry Potter and The Rosie O’Donnell Show had a brief overlap – Rosie even campaigned to play Molly Weasley, and while Julie Walters defined the role I bet she would have been great. However, with the last movie coming out in 2011 I tend to forget that Harry Potter And The Sorcerer’s Stone was a 2001 release: firmly in the early 2000s. It doesn’t seem possible that it has been 15 years since Harry Potter first hit the big screen, until you see how tiny the kids were here and it feels like when one of your friends posts a #TBT baby picture.

Mae Whitman

We have long loved Mae Whitman as Parenthood’s Amber Braverman, a real-life Friday Night Lights superfan, Ann Veal (her?), and a Dawson’s Creek Live Reading participant. But let’s not forget that before all this, she was one of those 90s child actors who was in EVERYTHING. You might remember Mae from One Fine Day, When A Man Loves A Woman, Independence Day, and as Sandra Bullock’s daughter in Hope Floats. It’s rare that a child actor maintains such a solid career through adolescence and adulthood. It’s even more rare to create such distinct child and adult personas that we almost forget this adorable moppet is the same cool girl who cracks us up on Twitter on a weekly basis.

Lea Michele

Lea Michele first entered our consciousness thanks to Spring Awakening, but there’s a wide audience who didn’t really know who she was until Glee. We didn’t know it, but we were actually familiar with little Lea long before that. In 1998, Ragtime was all the rage (in our circles, anyway) and Lea was the wide-eyed, precocious little girl. Also: AUDRA.

Jimmy Fallon

We certainly knew Jimmy was around in 2001 – we had massive crushes on him that we’d discuss in study hall and at lunch – but it was early in his SNL career and he wasn’t really doing much press yet, so it’s surprising that he was on Rosie. We had no clue he’d be a wildly popular talk show host in his own right over ten years later.

Alas, there is no video of the appearance, so enjoy this photo of Jimmy and Horatio Sanz as Rosie.

Lil Bow Wow

I know he was  lil when he started, but Bow Wow as an actual child rapper on Rosie is something I cannot quite remember. But it’s true, he was there – sadly, with no video to prove it. Woof.

Jennifer Garner

Jennifer may be a rom-com and movie mom favorite now, but in the early 2000s she was best known as the star of Alias … to other people. To us she was primarily the flirty, 30 and thriving Jenna Rink in 13 Going On 30, which didn’t come out until 2004. That’s why it feels so weird knowing that Garner was on Rosie in 2001 promoting Alias, a show I admittedly never watched.

Lauren Graham

We briefly mentioned Lauren’s appearance earlier this week, as she showed off her “skills” during a craft corner segment on Rosie’s last show of the series. But months before, and nearing the end of season two of Gilmore Girls, Lauren appeared on the show for the first time, and Lo and Ro kicked it off right away. I have always been a fan of LG’s TV interviews because she always comes off charismatic, fun and awkward all at the same time (see: all Ellen interviews), and in 2002, this was just the beginning of Lauren’s rise to fame and her journey with Gilmore Girls. BECAUSE I STILL CAN’T BELIEVE IT’S HAPPENING.

Hayden Panettiere

I sometimes forget Hayden was a child actor. But then I remember she played Ally McBeal’s daughter and it all comes screaming back to me. Before she played a country music star on Nashville, she proved she had the chops to be a pop star by singing Britney’s (You Drive Me) Crazy during this interview and bless her heart, it feels like she’s been practicing the bit with her stage mom, whom she keeps looking at off camera. Young Hayden is cute, but I think I prefer confident adult Hayden much better.

Josh Groban

Speaking of Ally McBeal… actually, let’s back up a bit. Josh Groban was just 17 years old when superproducer David Foster called Josh’s vocal coach asking if he had any students good enough to rehearse with Celine Dion at the 1999 Grammys. She was set to perform The Prayer with Andrea Boccelli, but because he couldn’t make it, Josh filled in, and Rosie was in awe after hearing him during rehearsals – this was the year she hosted the Grammys. She invited him to her show, as seen above, and because of this interview, Ally McBeal creator David E. Kelley created a role for Josh on his show, and the rest is history. Also, Josh is so nervous and shy here it’s adorable and nothing like what he is now.

Lea DeLaria and Jesse Tyler Ferguson

Sometimes when you know actors from two completely different shows, it throws you off when you hear they’ve been friends for years. That is the case for Orange is the New Black’s Lea DeLaria and Modern Family’s Jesse Tyler Ferguson, who both starred on Broadway long before their respective award-winning shows. Here they are performing a number from On the Town, and it’s nothing like you’ve seen them before. Ok, maybe excluding Jesse.

Kobe Bryant

When doing research for this, I saw the third guest in a season one episode titled as “High school student and NBA draftee Kobe Bryant”. I’m not even a big basketball fan, but this is iconic. Kobe, 18 at the time, had signed a three-year $3.5 million contract with the Lakers and he hadn’t even played college basketball. Again, like Bow Wow video from 1998 is scarce, so just trust he was on the show.

Kate Winslet

Technically Kate had a few films under her belt before this interview, but it’s just a treasure of a vid because she is actually doing press for Titanic. It’s her first time on the show, and Rosie wishes her the best of luck as an actress. And like we all knew in that steerage party when she went up on her toes, she’s been knocking it out ever since. Also she talks about Leo and their true love.

BONUS:

When the maybe first female president sings a Bye Bye Birdie song. Also note Rosie in her Rosie-est getup.

Rose Dawson: The Girl Who Lived

Every year around this time I think about one thing – no, not a rush of panic to do my taxes – but rather a nostalgic pang in my heart for fictional characters who fell in love on a real boat that sunk in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.

Exactly 104 years ago today, at approximately 11:40pm, the Titanic slammed into an iceberg on its starboard side, causing a massive gash in the steel and allowing the cold ocean waters to flood into the ship. In a world where Jack Dawson and Rose DeWitt Bukater exist, this was right around the time they had finished Nude Sketch and Chill in an inexplicably steamy car.

Right after Leo won his Oscar in February (REMEMBER WHEN LEO WON AN OSCAR), my friends and I had all the feels and the only way to deal with them was to watch Titanic. Upon re-watching it for the fafillionth time, I noticed something I’ve never took note of before – Titanic is a feminist film. Or, Titanic features a strong female HBIC of 1912.

I’m blaming the fact that I was blinded by Leo’s handsomeness and wrapped up in the “OTP: I Will Go Down With This Ship” of it all when I first saw the movie as a 12 year old, but now, nearly 20 years later, it’s become glaringly apparent to me that Titanic’s not even about Jack + Rose or even about Jack. It’s about Rose. It’s about the girl who stepped onto the ship as a rich socialite preparing to become a wife, and left as a single woman free from the chains keeping her down. She’s The Girl Who Lived.

From the moment we meet young Rose, she doesn’t seem to be the typical Edwardian, demure, soft-spoken woman that are common characters in the early 1900s. Instead, she constantly says statements or small little actions to let you know it just wasn’t typical of a woman to do at this time, which is smack dab in the middle of the women’s era and eight years before females even got the right to vote.

While a lot of women at this time were either playing the role of Wife or factory workhorses, Rose seems to be a smart, learn-ed, modern woman. She can tell the difference between a Monet, Degas and Picasso – all of which are artists whose paintings she owns. She can use a Freud insult in the right way and not apologize for it. She can do fast math when it comes to the ratio of passengers to lifeboats.

For the last five hours of the movie – JK more like four – Rose just does not have any more fucks to give and lets her gut lead her confidence moving forward. She smokes at lunch even though she knows her mother hates it, she talks back to Cal (“I am not a foreman in one of your mills that you can command. I am your fiancee”), she gives the middle finger to Mr. Lovejoy as he attempts to hunt down her and Jack and even pushes the dude in charge of the lift because she needs to go save Jack. Friendly reminder: the year is 1912.

She’s also embracing her strength as a woman by letting this dude she’s known for two days draw her completely naked. But she doesn’t go about it in a demure way, Rose straight up tells him to do it. She’s forceful but strong, a characteristic that was overall not seen by women in this era (did I mention it’s 1912?). “I want you to draw me like one of your French girls. Wearing this. And only this.” “Put your hands on me, Jack.” She is a sexual human being and isn’t afraid to show it.

On top of that, she’s so desperate to break out of her corset and leave the world of decorum that she, with the help of Jack, breaks all the boundaries of both gender norms and class distinction. She wants to learn how to “chew tobacco like a man” and “ride horses like a man” and “spit like a man”, and journeys down to the somewhat forbidden third class deck to drink and dance and go en pointe and smoke some more. I mean, just look at her longing to escape this world.

And of course, there’s the whole reason why she’s on the boat in the first place – she went to England to find a rich husband and become his arm candy, while her mother benefits from the social and financial gains. She found that man in Cal, who just so happens to be a selfish, misogynistic, lying bastard. Her voyage on the Titanic was not only the pathway to a life as a dutiful wife, but one last chance to escape from it all.

Enter Jack. Rose was already feeling helpless when she met him. Remember the whole, “With all due respect, Miss, I’m not the one hanging off the back of a ship here” moment? She wanted more for her life but there was no one to turn to when she needed to be heard. But it was Jack who pushed her to do all those things, because he believed in her and she just needed confirmation, like when he gives her the inner power for that iconic, “I’d rather be his whore than your wife” line. Unlike a lot of female protagonists, she wasn’t swayed to make a life-changing decision based on her lover’s opinion. He could see her potential, and he encouraged her to be more than what she was pretending to be.

Rose: Look, I know what you must be thinking. “Poor little rich girl, what does she know about misery?”

Jack: No! No, that’s not what I was thinking. What I was thinking was, “What could’ve happened to this girl to make her think she had no way out?”

. . .

Jack: Rose… you’re no picnic. All right? You’re a spoiled little brat even. But under that, you’re the most amazingly, astounding wonderful girl woman, that I’ve ever known… They’ve got you trapped, Rose. And you’re gonna die if you don’t break free. Maybe not right away because you’re strong, but sooner or later that fire that I love about you, Rose, that fire is gonna burn out.

Rose: It’s not up to you to save me, Jack.

Jack: You’re right. Only you can do that.

Now get ready for a REAL good analogy – Rose is the Titanic. She hits a metaphorical iceberg meeting Jack, who turns her world upside down. He gives her the jolt of energy she needs to fully realize that she doesn’t have to be what her mom or Cal say she has to be. And all this happens as both her personal world and the physical ship is going down. She feels like she’s drowning and has no idea how to go back up for air. But she holds on for as long as she can until she can’t anymore. And she survives. She fights back. She fights for her life. She becomes The Girl Who Lived.

Back To Titanic: A Kate And Leo Retrospective

Like so many of our generation, we have a never-ending love of the Kate Winslet/Leonardo DiCaprio friendship. Since the days when we didn’t have the internet at home and had to horde copies of magazines to get our Jack and Rose fix, they’ve always been either friendship or relationship goals. It started with the fun stories of behind-the-scenes antics on the set of Titanic, and Kate and Leo’s frequent awards show appearances only fueled the flames. Mercifully, since 1997 both of them have been consistently on the nominee or presenter block – unless one or the other was working, that is – so we’ve had plenty of mini-reunions to fawn over. Some of us actually ship them as a real life couple. Others think shipping real humans is creepy, but love the good-natured platonic friendship between two talented actors. Whatever it is, the Winslet-DiCaprio friendship is pure magic.

With no further ado .. are you ready to go back to Titanic?

1996


Behind the scenes: Titanic: in retrospect I realized why Kate hated that wig / hairpiece/ dye job situation.

Settle in, because Titanic was where it all started and I can’t get enough of these behind the scenes photos.

Kate is warming up from the chilly water tank; Leo is exhibiting the classic Hot Boy In The Mid-90s Haircut.

I will bet you anything that Kate and Leo are responsible for some of the first viral gifs in internet history, spreading rapidly across angelfire and geocities sites alike.

Okay, last one. Only because some of you may have slow-loading computers. I could do this all day.

1997

Tiny baby Leo talking about Little Kate:

Not to be outdone, Kate had some choice words about Leo:

1998

Golden Globes: it’s hard to believe these two seemed so grown-up to us at the time, because right here they look like a pair of (rich, elegant) babies.

Kate and Leo, out to wreck us since day 1.

Let’s watch that in action, why don’t we?

 

2000

Important news in 2000: Kate could still recognize Leo by his walk; she worried about him cavorting with the Pussy Posse; all is well in their friendship:

I saw Leo the other day. I was at a party for Quills. Me and Jim were leaning up against the bar and this posse of boys came in wearing masks and Halloween gear. I recognised him from the way he walked. He ripped his mask off. He hadn’t changed a bit. Of course, he’s famous, one of the most famous actors in the world. But he’s the same person and I’d been so worried about him. He still does care about everything he does. He hasn’t just become some bullshit film star 

2004

As one did in 2004, Leo reveals all on Oprah:

2005

SAG Awards: just two unusually talented and good-looking people expressing their friendship; nothing to see here.

2007

Golden Globes: back in 1998 US Weekly would have captioned this photo “They’ll never let go… of their friendship!” and I would have hung it up in my locker.

If Kate and Leo are living their whole Awards Season lives making up for Leo not attending the 1998 Academy Awards, I think that’s fine and appropriate.

 

On the set of Revolutionary Road. Or: if Rose and Jack had survived into mid-century.

2008

Revolutionary Road UK premiere: Kate and Leo reunite on screen, proving that fan service exists in real life, too.

U.S. premiere, Kate totally just made fun of James Cameron (I imagine).

Promoting Revolutionary Road. We’re all bigger now, Kate. Because of this friendship.

And in case you need the whole interview:

Too long; didn’t listen? Here’s what you need to know:

Well, I think I can speak for both of us: we have a lot more wrinkles. Don’t we, darling? I’m proud of him, though. I can’t say that you’re taller, because you were always tall. He’s a man now; look at him — he’s just bigger. Physically you aren’t that different; you’re just less puny. – Kate Winslet

She’s still as beautiful and radiant as the day I met her. She is the consummate professional; she keeps pushing herself to an emotional truth when she’s working. That’s why I keep saying she’s the best. – Leonardo DiCaprio

2009

Golden Globes: Leo reacting to Kate’s Revolutionary Road win – their long-awaited onscreen reunion. BE STILL MY HEART (OF THE OCEAN)

Wait, do you want to see Kate thank Leo? Of course you do!

 

Golden Globes: Kate and Leo after she wins for The Reader. Yes, you read that correctly. Yes, she’s THAT talented. Damn, Kate. Damn.

 

Oscars: Leo wasn’t there but he’s here in Kate’s heart and her heart will go on and on.

Some situations are so delicate that I’d only trust Oprah with them:

2011

God bless Anna Wintour. From Kate’s Vogue Magazine profile:

He knows me better than anyone else in the world. Lots of male friendships begin as a cheeky snog. Or a little undercurrent of flirtation. But Leo and I? No. He’s my rock. I don’t know what the f–k I would have done if I hadn’t had him. – Kate Winslet

We literally grew up together. And in every major life event we’ve been there as a support mechanism for each other. – Leonardo DiCaprio

 

2012

Titanic was re-released in 3D; Kate kindly graced us with some fresh behind-the-scenes anecdotes:

2013

Leo FINALLY confronts the rumors plaguing him since 1997 (that Kate nicknamed him “Farty Leo,” which I don’t actually remember, which is surprising?):

She never says that to my face. She’s the greatest person. She’s so genuine. I love that girl. She has a brand-new baby and is in love.

Because Kate and Leo CANNOT STOP TALKING ABOUT EACH OTHER (or, um, maybe it’s that we can’t stop asking?) Kate had this to say about Leo in 2013:

Leo has mastered this more than anyone I know. it’s not that he’s sort of brazen like, ‘I don’t give a fuck and I’m going to be rebellious and behave badly.’ It’s not that. It’s genuinely not caring what people think because he will not allow other people’s judgments to have any kind of impact on his life and who he is. and I have really admired that so much in him .

Also in 2013: the one thing that really softened the blow of Kate marrying a man who chose the surname Rocknroll — Leo walked her down the aisle. What does swooning feel like? Because I think I just did it.

2014

Theo or Leo? Considering we all know who Leo is and Theo is either a Huxtable or the name of a lot of babies lately, I think we all know the answer. And Kate doesn’t hesitate, either:

2016

Golden Globes: Number 1, how dare you.

More Golden Globes: I will go down with this ship.

And let’s not forget our own freak-out during our Golden Globes live blog after Leo’s name was announced for Best Actor:

T: YASSSSSSSSSS WHERE IS KATE. WHERE IS KATE. WHERE IS KATE.

M: YAYYY! But does this mean he’ll be even more cursed for the Oscars? Can they please show Kate? SHOW KATE.

IS KATE OKAY. WHERE IS SHE.

T: MAYBE SHE’S PASSED OUT BC THE LOVE OF HER LIFE JUST WON A GOLDEN GLOBE.

M: Yeah maybe she’s hidden behind a camera taking pics for her scrapbook.

T: Kate is at Eddie Redmayne’s table (I THINK) so like, just PAN OVER.

M: THANK KATE. I don’t care that she wasn’t in this.

T: I THOUGHT WHEN HE SAID “LASTLY” THAT IT WAS GOING TO END WITH “KATE WINSLET, WHO HAS BEEN WITH ME AND IN MY HEART SINCE 1996.”

M: I SAW. DID YOU SEE.

T: NO UGH I WAS LOOKING FOR LEO GIFS

M: He thanked the makeup artist or something and you could see a fuzzy Kate Winslet calling out a “woo!” so I like to think she was there just cheering at every damn thing he said.

T: I REWOUND IT. THIS IS THE GREATEST.

 

SAG Awards: What are you trying to do to me here?

 

Oscars: how is it possible that they both look even BETTER 20 years after filming Titanic? And how is it possible that Titanic was filmed 20 years ago?

 

Oh, for goodness sake.

 

Kate. Also, all of us. (Also Ned Rocknroll, but we don’t have to get into that.)

Oscars: The culmination of 20 years of love (at least on our end, but probably for Kate, too).

Academy Awards 2016: Best and Worst Dressed

Welcome to our 2016 Academy Awards fashion roundup! It was a great night for fashion, and a great night for Leonardo DiCaprio, so between those two things we are feeling fantastic today. In fact, everyone looked so wonderful that we had a hard time coming up with some of our worst dressed picks. What a good problem to have!

Best Dressed

Molly’s Picks

Alicia Vikander in Louis Vuitton

Here’s what I love: even if actresses say they never thought they were going to win, nominees at least know it’s a possibility. Thus. the picture of them winning their Oscar will be the iconic image of them throughout their whole career. And in this tea length, absolutely cloud-like embellished gown, I think Alicia realized that. Somewhat polarizing because some people thought it was TOO princess-y, I thought it set the tone for the refined-yet-youthful vibe Alicia has in many of her roles.

 

Saoirse Ronan in Calvin Klein

This made my best dressed list not just for the dress itself – though the combo of sequins and patterns, plus the simple cut and neckline, is fantastic. I also love the symbolism Saoirse sneaked into there. She specifically wanted green to symbolize Ireland, since it’s not just her country but also the focus of her nominated film. It’s the same color she wore for her first nomination for Atonement – a nice, non-obnoxious way to remind us this isn’t her first Oscar nod. And it sends a clear message that, at 21, Saoirse’s no longer a child actor. Plus her skin looks amazing with that color.

Olivia Munn in Stella McCartney

Between that color, the off-shoulder cape, and the snake bracelet, Olivia perfectly hit that line between a bold look and something a bit more over-the-top. The sleek column silhouette suits her so well!

Olivia Wilde in Valentino

Maybe my favorite gowns are the ones that land on half of the best dressed lists and half of the worst dressed lists: it means they at least aren’t too boring. The tidy ivory micro-pleats are sort of Grecian-meets-angelic, and the back of the dress is so pretty, too (a dress with a nice back is like the Awards show version of “AND it has pockets!”). Maybe I don’t love the choker but maybe I’m also starting to come around to the choker revival.

Naomi Watts in Armani Prive

My favorite part: the violet-blue-pink gradient on the bodice, that is subtle enough that’ it’s not “OMG ombre.” I must be part magpie because I cannot stop looking at all of those sequins. Loving that touch of Old Hollywood with the Bulgari necklace, and the non-overdone – but not overly beachy – hair.

Honorable Mention: Jacob Tremblay in his darling little suit; Brie Larson, who like Alicia Vikander seems to have chosen a dress KNOWING that it was going to be the picture you’ll see of her for the rest of her career.

Traci’s Picks

Charlize Theron in Dior

Frankly, it’s quite annoying how naturally gorgeous Charlize is. She’s the type of person that can make anything look good, and on top of that, she is always so freaking classy. And sexy. This dress looks like it was made just for Charlize’s frame, and perfectly draped on her. The train is not too long and photographs great, and I love the pairing of the long diamond necklace.

Daisy Ridley in Chanel Haute Couture

Daisy Ridley made her debut at the Oscars and it definitely won’t be her last. If you followed her on the Star Wars press tour, you already know she’s been killing it on the red carpet and even giving Lupita a run for her money. This silver embellished gown has so much detail, and all I want to do is look at it up close and look at it in awe. Plus those silver heels are everything.

Margot Robbie in Tom Ford

Margot was a presenter at the show, but she dressed like a literal winner aka human Oscar. And I love it. A sparking gold dress like this is already a statement on its own, so I love that she kept her hair and her makeup toned down. She looks even more gorgeous than usual, since it’s a mix of glamour and casual that works so well together. Plus I’m a big fan of black and gold together, so the black clutch is a good match.

Rooney Mara in Givenchy Haute Couture

There’s something oddly satisfying about a dress that’s symmetrical as this one, especially since it’s incredibly detailed. Like Daisy’s dress, I could pour over this for a while just staring at the design. Rooney’s complexion is always perfect for a dark lip, and the combo with her hair in a high bun is totally working for me.

Lady Gaga in Brandon Maxwell

This bitch continues her Gagaissance by wearing a jumpsuit/pantsuit/cape ? to the red carpet and I am HERE FOR IT. Her hair is channelling classic Hollywood and the make-up isn’t over the top either. Love her.

Honorable Mention: Common because heLLLOOOOO SMOKESHOW ❤ ❤

Worst Dressed

Molly’s Picks
Kerry Washington in Versace

Between the slit, the leather, and the dominatrix-y stirrup thingies, I just don’t like this. Which brings me to: maybe we should call this something other than “worst dressed,” because this isn’t necessarily BAD, I just don’t care for it. As always, Kerry’s hair and makeup are perfect.

Sandy Powell

I’m not sure if this belongs on worst dressed, because this is a costume designer paying tribute to the off-the-wall costuming of the patron saint of individualism in fashion, David Bowie. So let’s say that it’s questionably red carpet appropriate, but her heart is in the right place.

Kate Winslet in Ralph Lauren

Look no further for evidence that everyone looked really great last night: there were few dresses that I disliked that I was forced to put Kate Winslet on my worst dressed list. Her hair and makeup are nice, the silhouette of the gown is good, and my only qualm is that fabric. I’ve mentioned a few times that I wish Melissa McCarthy wouldn’t wear that garbage bag fabric so often, and here it is on Kate Winslet. Call it a pet peeve.

Mindy Kaling in Elizabeth Kennedy

See what I mean about not having any dresses I dislike?  Mindy Kaling? I LOVE Mindy Kaling! I don’t even hate this dress! I just don’t love it as much as some of the other gowns from last night. It’s a pretty good dress! The back of it is amazing! The tailoring just feels a bit off, and that’s not even Mindy’s fault. I love Mindy Kaling! Ugh. That felt gross. I hated doing that.

Rachel McAdams in August Getty

Now I’m not even pretending to pick bad dresses. I love this color, I love this cut, her eyes pop, the simple earrings are amazing, I’m glad her hair is back. It’s just one of those terribly disappointing moments when you (Rachel McAdams) realize that the otherwise perfect dress you’re wearing wrinkles when you sit. I hate when that happens!

Dishonorable mention: Heidi Klum, who at this point is probably just trolling us that she can wear this puffy tulle thing and STILL look better than most of us could possibly look on our best day.

Traci’s Picks

Heidi Klum in Marchesa

It’s just so bad I had to put it on here twice.

Jacqueline West

If you’re wondering who this is, Jacqueline is a costume designer who was nominated for The Revenant. Like Sandy Powell, I just don’t understand why costume designers wear unflattering things like this. You can see her slip – but is it meant to do that? Maybe I just don’t get the *art* of it.

Reese Witherspoon in Oscar de la Renta

I love Reese like every other American. But this top is just not working for me. It makes her boobs look lumpy and I don’t like that the boning is kind of outlined on the corset. And I’m not feeling the color. It also reminds me of the Louis Vuitton dress she wore to the 2013 Oscars that’s kind of similar to this. Except that gown was better.

Sofia Vergara in Marchesa

Again, I love Sofia Vergara. She is an American treasure. And you have to appreciate someone who knows their body so well that they know what dresses look great on them. Sofia is constantly in a strapless gown, which can kind of get old, but she still looks gorgeous. However, this gown has too much fabric around the waist and I’m not feeling the embellishments scattered throughout. Bring back more like this pink number at the SAGs , pls.

Gwen Stefani in Yanina Couture

Ok, this is technically at the Vanity Fair after party, but still Oscars related. Gwen. What in the fresh hell is this? Apparently sheer dresses with designs/floral covering the private bits is a trend as of late, but ugh. This is too much.

Live Blog: Golden Globes 2016

Well folks, it’s that time of year again – awards season kicks off Sunday with the Golden Globes! Although it will be spearheaded by Ricky Gervais and not our queens Tina and Amy, we’re still chronicling the event with our live blog starting 8p EST/5p PST (friendly reminder to refresh this page every few minutes or so to see our live post!). Also join us on Twitter here to get up-to-the-second quips and comments!

Preshow:

M: Jaimie Alexander is wearing Genny and looks like a dream, proving that a lot of the times the lesser-known designers make the best showing.

But Eva Longoria is also wearing a lesser-known designer and it’s one of those dresses where I need someone to tell me how I feel about it because I can’t decide.

The show starts in 10 minutes and I’m getting very nervous that we won’t get Kate and Leo in the same frame. Just seat them together, give the people what they want.

Rooney Mara’s braid is so hefty and sturdy it took me a full minute to realize that she’s wearing Cinderella’s dress after the stepsisters rip it.


I don’t mean this as an insult even a bit: Kirsten Dunst just looks right with a Minnesota accent coming out of her mouth. I might be thinking of her American Girl doppelganger, Kristen Larson.

The Golden Globe Awards

M: Ricky Gervais opens with a glass of beer and quips about NBC being impartial (because nothing is nominated), Sean Penn (snitch) and Caitlyn Jenner (not doing much for women drivers).

Some more topics include child molestation and equal pay, we’re all having a blast here!

I want to watch this show in the context of a pajama party with Tina, Amy and a lot of snacks.

Channing Tatum is wearing a terrible undercut like I see on buses and trains a lot. Jonah Hill is wearing a terrible bear hat. I don’t know which is worse. Maybe let’s stop trying to be funny and announce an award.

T: There are more bleeps for this bear than Ricky Gervais’ entire monologue. What in the hell could they be saying.

M: There’s a wind storm here, I thought that was my tv!

Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture

Jane Fonda, Youth

Jennifer Jason Leigh, The Hateful Eight

Helen Mirren, Trumbo

Alicia Vikander, Ex Machina

Kate Winslet, Steve Jobs

Traci’s Pick: Alicia Vikander, Ex Machina

If you noticed, Alicia Vikander was nominated for two Golden Globes in two separate categories, so she’s clearly a favorite either way. But I think this movie will take the cake.

Molly’s Pick: Kate Winslet, Steve Jobs

I’ve heard good things about her in this one.

Winner: Kate Winslet, Steve Jobs

M: Kate. We don’t have to Taylor Swift it here, Kate. You win things sometimes.

T: BUT SERIOUSLY FOLKS. WHERE IS LEO. This moment is also reminiscent of the time she won and was saying, ‘Composure’ to herself (or something like that). *Update – it was ‘Gather’, when she won for Revolutionary Road A MOVIE WITH LEO.

M: YES. I watched the whole time she was walking up to the stage waiting for Leo to pop up.

~*NVR 4GET*~

Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Limited-Series, or TV Movie

Uzo Aduba, Orange is the New Black

Joanne Froggatt, Downton Abbey

Regina King, American Crime

Judith Light, Transparent

Maura Tierney, The Affair

Traci’s Pick: Regina King, American Crime

I’m voting for the person who would give a great speech. Uzo follows closely behind.

Molly’s Pick: Uzo Aduba, Orange Is The New Black

Winner: Maura Tierney, The Affair

T: Oh man. 0 for 2 already. I’m off to a great start!

M: I almost picked her! If I’d known she was going to wear glasses tonight I would have. Very Serious Actress.

Maura Tierney just called herself a “four eyes,” like she’s Karen Brewer and and this is a Baby Sitter’s Little Sister Super Special.

T: Every time I see the crawls on the bottom of the screen promoting a new NBC show, it reminds me of that Community bit:

Best Actress in a TV Series, Comedy

Rachel Bloom, Crazy Ex Girlfriend

Jamie Lee Curtis, Scream Queens

Julia Louis Dreyfus, Veep

Gina Rodriguez, Jane the Virgin

Lily Tomlin, Grace & Frankie

Traci’s Pick: Julia Louis Dreyfus, Veep

But really, Amy Poehler.

Molly’s Pick: Julia Louis Dreyfus, Veep

It seems like JLV wins every time nobody else is the clear favorite.

Winner: Rachel Bloom, Crazy Ex Girlfriend

M: NO WAY. I think she’s incredible in Crazy Ex Girlfriend but I never thought it was even on the radar.

T: The HFPA loves newcomers! Should I watch Crazy Ex Girlfriend tho?

M: You’d really like it!

T: Judging on that freeze frame Rachel just did at the end of her speech, I’d have to agree.

Best TV Series, Comedy

Casual

Mozart in the Jungle

Orange Is the New Black

Silicon Valley

Transparent

Veep

Traci’s Pick: Mozart in the Jungle

It’s worth noting that none of these shows are on a major network, which says a lot about the content that’s being created outside of the Big 5. Anyways, I think Veep had another excellent season, and I recently binged all of Casual, yet I have a feeling neither of those will win. Mozart in the Jungle is my pick, just because it’s weird enough. Is it weird? IDK, I’m assuming bc Gael Garcia Bernal is in it.

Molly’s Pick: Transparent

It’s really good, although I agree that Veep had a great season awards voters usually love voting for the first season of shows.

Winner: Mozart In The Jungle

M: I don’t even know what the premise is. Is there Mozart, even? Or a real jungle? Also what sort of weird order are these awards in.

T: The Mozart is the conductor… the jungle is… the venue.?

M: That’s some kind of bullshit.

M: Everything I think I know about Carol is actually from that Tina Fey/Amy Poehler sketch where Kenan is directing them to act like it’s The Jeffersons.

M: There’s really no In Memorium? I love it. I will listen to any old foreign man they want to bring out to the stage.

T: I could’ve sworn they’ve done it before! Also this dude is like Roberto Benigni’s older brother. Or he’s just Italian.

T: Ooooooohhh that was a low blow to Batfleck! But also probs true?

M: Oh, it’s absolutely true.

Best TV Movie or Limited-Series

American Crime

American Horror Story: Hotel

Fargo

Flesh and Bone

Wolf Hall

Traci’s Pick: Fargo

I heard Landry was good in it. Relatedly – should I watch Flesh and Bone? And American Crime?

Molly’s Pick: Fargo

Winner: Wolf Hall

M:  I don’t know what Wolf Hall is.

T: What is happening?? Wolf Hall is the sequel to Homeland, in which Brody is alive.

Best Actor in a Limited-Series or TV Movie

Idris Elba, Luther

Oscar Isaac, Show Me a Hero

David Oyelowo, Nightingale

Mark Rylance, Wolf Hall

Patrick Wilson, Fargo

Traci’s Pick: Idris Elba, Luther

It would be great if it was a tie between my bb Idris and the Internet’s new BF Oscar, but people love Luther.

Molly’s Pick: Patrick Wilson, Fargo

Winner: Oscar Isaac

T: Ughhh I was going to pick him too!! FOR THE RECORD: OSCAR ISSAC HAS BEEN SLAYING SINCE INSIDE LLEWYN DAVIS. #Smokeshow

M: Yeah, he has, but this is the month we all got crushes on him, though, right? And by “we all” I mean both the internet and the HFPA.

T: Guys, it’s true. The Internet loves Oscar Isaac.

M: Tom Ford and Lady Gaga – if this isn’t a wardrobe category I’ll be disappointed. Wait, does Golden Globes even have those though? I want to say no.

T: Yeah, they do not. Unfortunately.

T: Alan Cumming werk those glasses.

M: He is such an adorable person.

Best Supporting Actor in a Series, Limited-Series or TV Movie

Alan Cumming, The Good Wife

Damian Lewis, Wolf Hall

Ben Mendelsohn, Bloodline

Tobias Menzies, Outlander

Christian Slater, Mr. Robot

Traci’s Pick: Damian Lewis, Wolf Hall

Has anyone else finished this season of Homeland? It’s actually really good. Damian Lewis is still *SPOILER ALERT* dead.

Molly’s Pick: Alan Cumming, The Good Wife

I just really like him! (And no, I hadn’t seen this season of Homeland. Ahem. JK I haven’t seen an episode, that meant nothing to me).

Winner: Christian Slater

M: My concept of Christian Slater is frozen in like 1993, when I’d read about him in my sister’s 17 Magazines.

T: Christian Slater just gave Leo a handshake on his way up and that’s all I care about.

M: Oh, so Leo is WITHIN HANDSHAKE DISTANCE OF THE STAGE, KATE.

T: BITCH MISSED HER CHANCE. GIVE THE SHIPPERS WHAT THEY WANT.

someone actually made this

M: Oh great, there’s an adaptation of War and Peace coming out. Can’t wait! (JK never been into it.)

T: Jamie Foxx’s daughter is Miss Golden Globes this year, and I’d like to say that’s why he’s hamming it up right now, but let’s be real. He’s always like this.

M: Ugh Jamie you are EXHAUSTING. He just “read” Straight Outta Compton on the card, then held the real card up for all of us to read before announcing it. YOUR DAUGHTER IS EMBARRASSED.

T: Bless Lily James. What a delightful creature who has to deal with Jamie Foxx rn.

T: UGH QUENTIN. STOP I CANNOT WITH YOU. Nobody asked for this. Ennio’s name was on the envelope. IDEC that he’s not there.

M: Like 25% of the audience is making the face we are right now, and the other 75% want to but can’t because of face surgeries and injections.

T: Is Jane Fonda’s husband/boyfriend/male companion awake?

T: Yo, Jamie def just threw shade at Quentin for using the term “ghetto”. I knew he was going to get shit for that.

Best Actor in a TV Series, Drama

Jon Hamm, Mad Men

Rami Malek, Mr. Robot

Wagner Moura, Narcos

Bob Odenkirk, Better Call Saul

Liev Schreiber, Ray Donovan

Traci’s Pick: Jon Hamm, Mad Men

Jon Hamm always and forever, both at awards shows and in my heart.

Molly’s Pick: Jon Hamm, Mad Men

Just give him a farewell Golden Globe, why don’t you?

Winner: Jon Hamm

T: I lit’rally just started clapping to myself for Hamm. Get it done sir… “Thanks for not taking my advice and ending the entire series on Chumbawumba. You picked the right song.” WHY DIDN’T MORE PEOPLE LAUGH AT THIS JOKE

T: A-Schu and J-Law is the best presenter match-up since Wiig & Ferrell in ’13

M: Love Amy’s celebrity couple names: Amy-Tom Ford. Amy-All The Hemsworthes. Fav celeb friendship, right there.

Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy

Christian Bale, The Big Short

Steve Carell, The Big Short

Matt Damon, The Martian

Al Pacino, Danny Collins

Mark Ruffalo, Infinitely Polar Bear

Traci’s Pick: Matt Damon, The Martian

I honestly don’t know anymore – I haven’t seen any of these movies.

Molly’s Pick: Steve Carell, The Big Short

What the heck even is Infinitely Polar Bear? Sounds like a fake band name.

Winner: Matt Damon, The Martian

M: Honestly,  I should have picked him. But WHO IS AT TABLE 10? (Probably people from his movie, but.)

T: I haven’t seen The Martian, but honestly is it a comedy? Kristen Wiig and Donald Glover were in it, so yeah?

T: IT’S BEEN 18 YEARS SINCE GOOD WILL HUNTING??

M: NO WAY. It’s been AN ENTIRE ADULT PERSON since Good Will Hunting.

Also, Matt Damon, paraphrased: “Oh, I just make little movies nobody sees, la la la.”

Best Animated Feature Film

Anomalisa


The Good Dinosaur


Inside Out


The Peanuts Movie

Shaun the Sheep Movie

Traci’s Pick: Inside Out

*screams with tears* INSIDE OUT IS A FILM FOR ADULTS

Molly’s Pick: Inside Out

Why yes, I HAVE cried just thinking about it.

Winner: Inside Out

M: “Growing up is really hard and that’s a worthy subject to make a movie about” – best elevator pitch for an animated film, ever.

T: So technically Amy Poehler just won another Golden Globe, is how I just took this.

T: People are yelling “WOOWWWW” to Ryan Gosling & Brad Pitt on stage together, which, I mean is completely fair. ALSO BRAD IS ACTUALLY BENJAMIN BUTTON-ING

Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture

Paul Dano, Love & Mercy

Idris Elba, Beasts of No Nation

Mark Rylance, Bridge of Spies

Michael Shannon, 99 Homes

Sylvester Stallone, Creed

Traci’s Pick: Sylvester Stallone, Creed

Ok I DID see two of these, including my bae Idris and Sly in Creed. Like I said before, HFPA has a sweet spot for veteran Hollywood stars, so they’ll want to give this to Rocky.

Molly’s Pick: Idris Elba, Beasts of No Nation

No clue. I just like looking at him.

Winner: Sylvester Stallone, Creed

M: Rocky films should win every award just because the music is so good for walking up to the podium.

T: This moment is why the HFPA votes for people like Sylvester Stallone. Everyone gives him a standing ovation because they know he deserves it for his career *not* just for Creed. Also, good publicity for the org. But I mean, he was great in the movie.

M: I’ve never seen any of the Rocky movies … I used to live like a 2 minute walk from the Rocky steps in Philly so the closest I’ve been them is watching tourists pose at the top. Still, he seems like such a stand-up guy (and they’re on my to-watch list I swear).

T: Mark Wahlberg hates that he has to do these bits, probably.

M: I might hate that he has to, too.

T: I feel like a writer found those 2016 glasses in the corner of the writers’ room and was like, ‘I mean I guess we could do a joke about these?’ That writer was Carrot Top.

T: UPDATE – LEO SAID THIS ON THE RED CARPET. OBVIOUSLY ABOUT KATE.

M: OTP.

T: Where even is Kate? Stop doing press and get back with Leo.

Best Screenplay – Motion Picture

Emma Donoghue, Room

Tom McCarthy, Josh Singer, Spotlight

Charles Randolph, Adam McKay, The Big Short

Aaron Sorkin, Steve Jobs

Quentin Tarantino, The Hateful Eight

Traci’s Pick: Tom McCarthy, Josh Singer, Spotlight

I need to see Spotlight.

Molly’s Pick: Tom McCarthy, Josh Singer, Spotlight

I haven’t seen Room, but I read the book and I’m secretly pulling for Emma Donoghue because it was great (also because I’d like her, Saoirse Ronan, and Caitriona Balfe to pull a massive sweep for Ireland).

Winner: Aaron Sorkin, Steve Jobs

M: While they were announcing this, I amended my wish to “anything but Quentin Tarantino”. Didn’t want to listen to him again.

T: SPEAKING OF PROPS. AZIZ WITH A BOOK TITLED ‘HOW TO LOSE TO JEFFREY TAMBOR WITH DIGNITY’ Like he legit had that made specifically for this moment. Praise. 

Best Actor in a TV Series, Comedy

Aziz Ansari, Master of None

Gael Garcia Bernal, Mozart in the Jungle

Rob Lowe, The Grinder

Patrick Stewart, Blunt Talk

Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent

Traci’s Pick: Gael Garcia Bernal, Mozart in the Jungle

Thought process: he’s foreign> the Globes are decided by Hollywood Foreign Press> Gael.

Molly’s Pick: Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent

I always have a Dylan McDermott/Dermot Mulroney thing with Gael Garcia Bernal and Gabriel Garcia Marquez (except even more confusing because one is a Mexican actor and one’s a Colombian novelist).

Winner: Gael Garcia Bernal, Mozart in the Jungle

M: Really did think it would be Jeffrey Tambor!

T: Well, clearly my thought process has been validated.

T: FUCKING FINALLY

M: As far as I’m concerned we can all go to bed now.

T: I honestly forgot Ricky was hosting.

M: The latest joke (that Brad and Angelina will want to adopt Kevin Hart and Ken Jeong) goes over better than most of them have.

Best Actress in a Limited-Series or TV Movie

Kirsten Dunst, Fargo

Lady Gaga, American Horror Story: Hotel

Sarah Hay, Flesh & Bone

Felicity Huffman, American Crime

Queen Latifah, Bessie

Traci’s Pick:  Lady Gaga, American Horror Story: Hotel

I think the HFPA just want a reason to help Gaga EGOT.

Molly’s Pick: Kirsten Dunst, Fargo

She should win, anyway. She was incredible.

Winner: Lady Gaga, American Horror Story: Hotel

T: I’m gonna be honest with you I’m crying. I’ve never even seen the show.

M: I’ve only seen clips but I wasn’t impressed … and I STG Kirsten Dunst was amazing in Fargo.

T: IT IS SO QUIET IN THE BALLROOM BC HOLLYWOOD DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO REACT.

M: Gaga. You seem like a sweet enough person but nobody has to thank Ryan Murphy.

T: ALSO – GAGA KNOCKED LEO’S ARM AND HE REACTED IN A WAY THAT IS… I’M READY FOR THE GIF.


M: Have they been letting her talk for the past like 15 minutes? Gaga says she’s “truly speechless” but I don’t know, that was a lot of talking, Stefani.

M: If Zooey Deschanel’s going to grow out her bangs and part them in the middle and Katy Perry’s going to cut hers shorter and part them in the middle, eventually they’re going to merge and none of us will know the difference.

T: Sam Smith is snatching that EGOT. Get. it.

T: For those keeping track – in the past 15 minutes, Lady Gaga and Sam Smith won Golden Globes, and Katy Perry presented with a Bump It in her hair (seriously). Welcome to 2016.

M: I’ve forgotten to keep track of which celebs seem drunk and which seem high, but if I were there I’d be grabbing Ricky’s drink off the podium to get through this event.

T: “I love seeing Ricky every three years because it reminds me to get a colonoscopy.” What are the odds Mel hired a team of writers for that come back? Like in 2013? And they’ve been working on it ever since?

M: I just said “oh, no” out loud during the Mad Max segment because I’m afraid when it gets nominated for an Oscar I’m going to feel like I have to see it.

T: Ugh same.

Best TV Series, Drama

Empire

Game of Thrones

Mr. Robot

Narcos

Outlander

Traci’s Pick: Mr. Robot

My strategy has been and always will be ‘pick the weirdest, buzziest show/star to win the Golden Globes’. Mr. Robot is loved by critics and TV nerds. If any other show were to win, it might be Game of Thrones, but, like Molly, I’ve never seen it and it’s our best guess as to what’s going on in that show.

Molly’s Pick: Game of Thrones

Although since this is for season 1 of Empire, I’d like to see it win (season 2… nah).

Winner: Mr. Robot

M: Traci, can you explain what this is even about in a few words, because I have no clue?

T: Hackers. Internet. Christian Slater.

M: Hmm. I think I already have enough shows. Thanks.

T: Same. ALSO I just put it together than Emmy Rossum’s fiance is the creator/EP of Mr. Robot?

M: When did Emmy Rossum become the establishment, anyway?

T: …. Phantom? Shameless? I’m out.

M: Yeah gotta be Shameless. I feel like the only person who saw Phantom.

T: Just the two of us. *cut to Will Smith*

T: Give Tom Hanks an Emmy for this Denzel Washington impression. And for that whole speech.

T: HE GOT GAME WAS SO GOOD. I mean, all of Denzel’s movies, but also like, that one. Also also, there was a time when I met Denzel Washington and I always forget I did that.

M: I always forget you did too!

T: YOOOOOO IS THIS DENZEL’S SON (also i love that he brought his fam up)

M: Yeah I called Denzel’s adult children ‘adorable’ during the preshow and I stand by it 100%.

M: Denzel’s wife helping him read his writing like they’re all of our moms and dads instead of special, beautiful people, I love it.

M: Why doesn’t anyone in this crowd quiet down when someone starts talking? Waiting for a presenter to pull the teacher thing where they stand up there and say “I’ll wait” then stare at you.

T: Breaking: “What the fuck does sugartits even mean?” -Gervais to Gibson.

(btw: “What do you think you’re looking at, sugar tits?” – Mel Gibson to female police officer during 2006 DUI arrest)

M: What’s the point of this ‘banter’ that gets censored anyway? [but yes. What DOES sugartits even mean?]

T: According to Urban Dictionary (the go-to reference for 25+ humans)

  1. Describing a female with a deligtfully sweet bosom; a delicious pair of breasts.

“What do you think you’re looking at, sugar tits?” said the inebriated Mel Gibson to the arresting deputy.

M: I have obviously been watching this soulless awards show too long because that almost sounded sweet. (Except the Mel Gibson part.)

Best Director – Motion Picture

Todd Haynes, Carol

Alejandro Gonzalez Iñárritu, The Revenant

Tom McCarthy, Spotlight

George Miller, Mad Max

Ridley Scott, The Martian

Traci’s Pick: Alejandro Gonzalez Iñárritu, The Revenant

Thought process: he’s foreign> the Globes are decided by Hollywood Foreign Press> Leo.

Molly’s Pick: George Miller, Mad Max

Sometimes the HFPA goes for the director of these more “genre” films, so why not. But Inarritu is probably a better guess.

Winner: Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, The Revenant

M: This also means I’ll probably feel like I have to see The Revenant, and I love Leo and I like nature OK but I’m just not interested.

Best Actress in a TV Series, Drama

Caitriona Balfe, Outlander

Viola Davis, How to Get Away With Murder

Eva Green, Penny Dreadful

Taraji P. Henson, Empire

Robin Wright, House of Cards

Traci’s Pick: Taraji P. Henson, Empire

Give this woman an award already.

Molly’s Pick: Taraji P. Henson, Empire

Again, especially because we’re talking about season 1. But if Caitriona Balfe wants to win the Irish trifecta I wouldn’t complain.

Winner: Taraji P. Henson, Empire

M: Did she bake these cookies or order them from a bakery because either scenario is adorable.

Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Comedy

Jennifer Lawrence, Joy

Melissa McCarthy, Spy


Amy Schumer, Trainwreck



Maggie Smith, Lady in the Van


Lily Tomlin, Grandma

Traci’s Pick: Amy Schumer, Trainwreck

It’s going to be a tough call between the BFFs in the category, but I’m giving the edge to Amy, since the HFPA tends to like newcomers with a lot of buzz and really old people/Hollywood veterans.

Molly’s Pick: Maggie Smith, Lady in the Van

Who could ever choose between any of these ladies?

Winner: Jennifer Lawrence, Joy

M: … with Amy Schumer starting a standing ovation like a true pal.

T: Love it. But also maybe should’ve been a tie between them!

M: How I know I’m getting old: I look at celebs already well into their 20s (Jennifer Lawrence) and think things like “I’m so proud of how she’s growing up!”

T: “Welcome back to the Golden Globes, here is Tobey Maguire” aka remember this guy?? He used to be relevant once upon a time.”

T: Lit’rally four people in a row referenced Tobey & Leo’s “Pussy Posse” on Twitter rn.

M: Never forget. Even if you want to, you can’t.

M: The disconnect between Jim Carey’s head hair and beard hair textures is really throwing me off.

M: New theory: the round tables at the Golden Globes make it really awkward because half of the people have to either turn their chairs or sit sideways, so the most important people get the locations where you get to sit facing the stage.

T: Next thing you know, the censor’s going to bleep out the winner for Best Motion Picture, Drama

Best Motion Picture, Comedy

The Big Short

Joy

The Martian

Spy

Trainwreck

Traci’s Pick: The Big Short

The Big Short is critically acclaimed, but so is Trainwreck. The Globes are usually an indicator of who’s going to win the Oscars, so my bet is that Amy Schumer’s not going to win an Oscar any time soon (as much as I would love her to).

Molly’s Pick:  Joy

I saw Joy, and I guess I chuckled a few times but it wasn’t really a *comedy* in the same way Trainwreck was. Awards shows eat that shit up.

Winner: The Martian

M: As far as I’m concerned, the nominees were two comedies and three movies where maybe you chuckle a few times.

Martian “began with a very smart book.” You know, like ALL the best comedies.

T: I’ve checked out, Ridley Scott. Unless you’re going to burst out into song from Avenue Q in this speech, this film was not a musical nor a comedy.

Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama

Cate Blanchett, Carol

Brie Larson, Room

Rooney Mara, Carol

Saoirse Ronan, Brooklyn

Alicia Vikander, The Danish Girl

Traci’s Pick: Brie Larson, Room

I only hear great things about Brie Larson in this movie, so I’m going with her, even though I secretly want Saoirse Ronan to win because I could listen to her talk for days.

Molly’s Pick: Alicia Vikander, The Danish Girl

I think Brie Larson and Alicia Vikander are the most buzz-y this year. But Cate Blanchett has a good shot if the voters go for the establishment. I also secretly want Saoirse Ronan to win, though. I just love her.

Winner: Brie Larson, Room

M: For the record, I have been watching my television for three and a half hours and haven’t heard Saoirse Ronan speak ONCE. Didn’t even know she was there til now. Anyway congrats, Brie.

T: She spoke on E! earlier and it was the highlight of the pre-show.

M: I’ve really got to get cable.

T: Brie Larson is such a delight! Before the show, she said she talked to Emma Stone who gave her a pep talk and said, “You’re gonna have the best time – you’re inside the TV!”. This is the type of speech I’m into.

M: Yes, everyone take a page from her book!

Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama


Bryan Cranston, Trumbo


Leonardo DiCaprio, The Revenant


Michael Fassbender, Steve Jobs


Eddie Redmayne, The Danish Girl


Will Smith, Concussion

Traci’s Pick: Leonardo DiCaprio, The Revenant

Molly’s Pick: Eddie Redmayne, The Danish Girl

Unless he’s So Last Awards season.

Winner: Leonardo DiCaprio

T: YASSSSSSSSSS WHERE IS KATE. WHERE IS KATE. WHERE IS KATE.

M: YAYYY! But does this mean he’ll be even more cursed for the Oscars? Can they please show Kate? SHOW KATE.

IS KATE OKAY. WHERE IS SHE.

T: MAYBE SHE’S PASSED OUT BC THE LOVE OF HER LIFE JUST WON A GOLDEN GLOBE.

M: Yeah maybe she’s hidden behind a camera taking pics for her scrapbook.

T: Kate is at Eddie Redmayne’s table (I THINK) so like, just PAN OVER.

M: THANK KATE. I don’t care that she wasn’t in this.

T: I THOUGHT WHEN HE SAID “LASTLY” THAT IT WAS GOING TO END WITH “KATE WINSLET, WHO HAS BEEN WITH ME AND IN MY HEART SINCE 1996.”

M: I SAW. DID YOU SEE.

T: NO UGH I WAS LOOKING FOR LEO GIFS

M: He thanked the makeup artist or something and you could see a fuzzy Kate Winslet calling out a “woo!” so I like to think she was there just cheering at every damn thing he said.

T: I REWOUND IT. THIS IS THE GREATEST.

M: I know! Now I can picture her applauding throughout the entire speech.

T: Let’s just take a mo to remember when Kate professed her love for Leo (and kept saying “Gather” to herself) at the Globes a few years ago:

Best Motion Picture, Drama

Carol

Mad Max: Fury Road

The Revenant

Room

Spotlight

Traci’s Pick: Spotlight

Spotlight’s been picking up a lot of steam this awards season, but if any film is a close runner-up, it’s going to be Mad Max: Fury Road. Both of these movies I have not seen.

Molly’s Pick: Spotlight

It seems like the most likely candidate. I also haven’t seen it.

Winner: The Revenant

T: Well, I was going to see this anyways, but ok.

M: Usually the keywords “epic biographical Western” would put me off it, but for Leo, okay.

T: If we can’t listen to Saoirse, I’d listen to Alejandro.

M: Too bad, because I think they cut him off. Meanwhile we had to listen to a 5-minute speech for an award Quentin Tarantino didn’t even win.

T: Hollywood, amirite?

M: I legit almost ended with “that’s Hollywood” with a shrug-face emoji.

T: “From myself and Mel Gibson, shalom” Oh boy drag him, Ricky.

M: If for no other reason than sticking it to Mel Gibson, I think Ricky did an OK job.

T: Agreed. And now we all have Sugartits back in our vocabulary in 2016, so thank you.

Goodnight from our sugartits to yours (no? not using it right? need to look up the definition again?) and be sure to come back tomorrow for our Best and Worst Dressed post. Thanks for reading!

Remember Titanic Mania? That Was Weird, Right?

103 years ago today, the Titanic met its tragic fate. And 17 years ago today, we were all being tacky as hell. The Titanic craze of 1997-1998 was unlike any media phenomenon I’ve experienced before or since, both in how pervasive and fanatical it was, and also in that we all sort of acted super questionable.

Let’s recap a bit in case you’ve forgotten about Titanic Mania, were too young for it, or just weren’t paying attention. First, the Titanic sank. It was 1912 and a lot of people died and it was, of course, very sad. Fast forward 80-some years to late 1997. James Cameron directed a giant historical epic about the event, starring teen sensations Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet. That’s when things got weird.

For as long as cinema has existed, we haven’t been able to resist portraying real-life tragedies on-screen. Want to guess how long the first Titanic movie was released after the sinking? 29 days. Not even a full month, unless the month was February, which of course it wasn’t because every mid-90s tween has the date “April 15, 1912” etched onto their soul. There were actually three Titanic movies released in 1912 alone, so it’s not like I think that James Cameron’s Titanic was unusually iffy.

The way we all reacted to that movie though – that’s what was weird. We just lost it. Keep in mind, this was a movie about a real-life disaster, and survivors were even still alive at the time. You’d think we would have maintained a bit of decorum, or solemnity, or SOMETHING, but that sunken boat became a pop culture figure along the lines of Mickey Mouse or Rocky.

Real.

We had reasons, sort of. We were both obsessed, but we were also in sixth grade. It was the beginning of being interested in “grown-up” romances instead of kid stuff, making it much more touching and serious. I was rewatching Titanic a few years ago – mind you, I could rewatch Titanic in my brain any time I wanted because I still have it memorized thanks to that two-cassette pack I got for my 12th birthday – anyway, it jumped out at me that Rose and Jack had known each other for, like, four days max. They had all the emotional investment of a one-night stand. No wonder Old Rose hadn’t mentioned the story to her family. “I’m really sad about this guy I went out Irish Dancing with one time then banged in a car and he died 80 years ago?” Get a grip, Grams.

You know, like most randos you hooked up with when you were 17.

Even though Rose and Jack were two teenagers creating the 1912 version of nude selfies, in 1998 they represented a long-gone era of decorum. The winter all of the news stations were focused on the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal, we wanted stories about ladies and gentlemen. Maybe that was why even people over the age of 15 lost their cool. But what happened next… I don’t have an excuse for that.

It’s like this. Liking a movie about a horrific tragedy is pretty normal. Holding themed club nights about the tragedy is not. It’s not just that Titanic sold a lot of tickets. Here are some of wacky things that we did during Titanic mania:

  • You could buy reproductions of Rose’s Heart Of The Ocean necklace, a gift for a teen girl’s forced arranged marriage that she got painted in naked one time. If memory serves, the ads ran in USA Weekend for months, maybe years.
  • A local (Rochester, NY) club held “Titanic night” which sounds like an evening when a massive code violation results in the death of hundreds. Commercials played on our top 40 station, but I’ll never know what happened at Titanic Night because I was 11.

    You can still visit a Titanic club somewhere.

  • JC Penney sold t-shirts depicting the aforementioned teen bride and a boy who’s days away from death by freezing.

    It is a shirt with a dying man on it.

  • The Titanic soundtrack was a best-seller, and a follow-up soundtrack was even released. It was the first and only time in my life that it was really cool that I’m a good tin whistle player. Teens everywhere queued up fiddle music and Edwardian novelty songs (Come Josephine In My Flying Machine, anyone?), sat on our bedspreads, and had a good cry about the souls when went down with the ship.
  • That damn Celine Dion song. Everywhere. All the time. My favorite was the version where they interspersed clips of dialog into the song. There was also a club remix, which probably was played at that club’s Titanic Night.
  • Everyone had that one friend who saw the movie something like 13 times in the theater. This led to the film staying at the top of the box office for 15 straight weeks. I know this because I checked the box office reports every week to make sure Titanic was still at its rightful place.
  • In a pre-tumblr world, you would log onto Lycos and find AngelSites and GeoCities pages about the movie and the boat. I bet if you added up all the time I’ve spent on the internet in my life, a big chunk of it was spent trawling those sites. Most included a tinny midi file of My Heart Will Go On.
  • Just about every magazine launched a “Special Collector’s Issue” about the movie.
  • Titanic vacations allowed rich people to see a shipwreck/mass grave site up close. I wished I could be so rich.
  • The New York Times book list was full of books about Titanic, including then-50-year-old A Night To Remember and a nonfiction, full-color book about the making of the movie. Yeah, I checked the book charts weekly, too.
  • Kids threw “Titanic Parties.” Kids are stupid and the parties were tacky, including 11-year-old girls – commonly known to be the worst type of human – screaming “I’m The King Of The World!” throughout the graveyard where the frozen bodies of Titanic victims had been buried.

    SINKING SHIP WATERMELON BOWL. The grapes represent dead humans? But props to this mom for just being like “you want a Titanic party? Whatever. I’ll make lifeboat cupcakes.” I bet she’s fun.

  • It was also a popular prom theme… and you thought your prom was a disaster.
  • Websites popped up selling dress patterns so that you, too, could have the grace and panache of Rose Dewitt Bukater. I’m not ashamed to say that I would wear that swishy chiffon one right now.
  • In the area where sixth graders congregated before school, there was a massive snow-pile for the duration of the winter, as is typical of the North. What’s not typical is naming it after the iceberg that ultimately took the lives of thousands.
  • I won a game of charades by pantomiming Titanic.
  • Robert Ballard, who discovered the Titanic, visited my school to kick off a science program, the JASON project. A lot of 10-year-olds were suddenly very into marine biology.

Long after the film was released, Titanic Mania has lingered. In 2012 you could attend a cruise above the underwater gravesite, which hosted a huge fete on the 100-year anniversary of the sinking. You can visit Pinterest to learn to bake a Titanic cake, and tumblr has every Caledon Hockley gif you ever wanted.  But make no mistake: Titanic mania could never happen in the uniquely, grotesquely weird way it did today. We move through our obsessions more quickly than that. And although individuals joked about the story, the high-level schmaltz that pervaded our culture just wouldn’t stand. There would be jokey memes within the first day of release, and a #waterygrave hashtag in a week. Titanic mania was a strange combination of sentimentality and cheese. It was freaking weird, and I loved it, and my heart will go on.

 

Things I’m Willing To Believe About Leonardo DiCaprio

Leonardo DiCaprio turned 40 yesterday – if sources like Entertainment Tonight, Wikipedia, his birth certificate, and Father Time are to be believed. I’m not so sure about that. As we discussed in Things I’m Willing To Believe About Ben Affleck, I have very specific, baseless concepts of what celebrities are like (Affleck, for instance, is a blue-collar Boston mensch). And in my imagination, Leo will always be a mischievous yet sensitive teenager of the 1990s: even if it’s the 2010s, even if he’s 40.

With that in mind, here are some things I’m willing to believe about Leonardo DiCaprio:

  • Whenever he’s not working, Leo reverts to what he calls his “off-duty haircut.” You know the one:

  • You may have noticed that a lot of DiCaprio’s girlfriends are the same type – lean and model-y, with open faces and lank blond hair. This isn’t because he only dates models. It’s because they remind him of the most beautiful woman in the world: his beloved Gran-Gran.

So the man knows what he likes.

 

  • The part of you that was once a Titanic-obsessed 11-year-old probably remembers when Leo was quoted as saying “The human mouth is one of the dirtiest things on this planet. There’s so much bacteria, slime and trapped food–a dog’s mouth is much cleaner.”  But did you know that he only said that because he’s totally the kind of guy who lets strange dogs come up to him and lick his hand? Dogs love him.
  • Speaking of dogs, yes, Leo has one. And yes, it’s a rescue dog, but you know what? Leo knows when to shut up about it.
  • And when I say “rescue dog,” I mean the whole shebang. Like, one of those sad ones with an eye-patch and a wheel. No big deal.
  • During the cast Christmas party on the Titanic set, DiCaprio played Santa. None of the kids knew.
  • And he got them all Nerf Super Soakers. They had water fights every week….
  • And still do:
  • During the filming of Romeo + Juliet, Leo begged Baz Luhrman to change the ending – claiming that it would be “too sad for Claire.”
  • But of course, it was really because he was afraid of keeping it together.
  • And if you think that, to this day, Leo can hear Lovefool without crying, you’re an idiot.
  • When Leo became a teen heartthrob, he vowed to use his powers for good. That’s why he made a pledge to star in the film adaptation of every high school required reading book. He’s already knocked Romeo +Juliet and The Great Gatsby off the list, and is really gunning for a role in an adaptation of I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings or The Catcher In The Rye.
  • Although the internet (and my memories of 1998, to be honest) tell me that Leo’s middle name is Wilhelm, I like to believe that it’s actually something more “all-American boy in the 1980s,”  like Cody or Chad or Shane.
  • Leonardo DiCaprio still uses the word “rad.”
  • Recently, Leo bought a case of “the best toothpaste in the world” off of eBay.

  • Leo has “the boys” over for game night every week. “Game night” means video games – and Leo prefers N64 and Sega to all those modern systems.
  • And though a leading man in his day job, he prefers to play as Luigi and Yoshi. Just that kind of guy.
  • Leonardo DiCaprio’s fridge is always stocked with Sunny D.

    Typical party at Leo’s place.

  • During the first screening of Titanic, Leo turned to James Cameron and whispered “dude. It was NOT COOL to show that dead baby’s head in the wreckage.” Cameron was forced to explain that it was actually a doll:
  • When a special effects team was debating how to age Leonardo to play J. Edgar Hoover, the eerily baby-faced Leo told them: “hold tight, I have a portrait in my attic you could use for reference.”
  •  It was a joke. Leo reads books, remember?
  • In his rumpus room (oh yeah, Leo has a rumpus room), DiCaprio has a dart board with an image of the Oscar statuette at the center.
  • Inspired by an article in Oprah’s O Magazine, Leo recently created a vision board. It’s all just pictures of Oscars, Kate Winslet, and skateboards. Despite his public protestations, DiCaprio still thinks of Winslet as “the one that got away. ” And he just always thought it would be fun to know how to skateboard.
  • It really hurt his feelings when older brothers across the nation began referring to him as “Leonardo DiCrapio in the late 90s.
  • Before DiCaprio goes on Kelly and Michael, his publicist always has to remind him that it is not, in fact, called “The Regis Show.”