Playlist Of The Month: Broadway Moments Of The Rosie O’Donnell Show

Posted in Entertainment by Cookies + Sangria

Whether it’s 1996 or 2016, Rosie O’Donnell is living our Broadway fangirl dreams. Last month we left Hamilton discussing how amazing it would be to be Rosie, who’s been something like 37 times and thus has seen every permutation of the cast. And as two musical-theater obsessed children, it’s hard to overstate how the Broadway moments of The Rosie O’Donnell Show molded our formative years. We saw an adult get as excited about new shows as we did, and just knowing that somebody else out there was playing and replaying cast albums was everything to us. To this day, our conversation about Everything’s Coming Up Rosie week included memories like “didn’t it seem like Fredi Walker was ALWAYS singing Seasons of Love on Rosie?” and “remember how much she loved Bring In Da Noise, Bring In Da Funk?”

Seasons Of Love from Rent

We were both Rent-heads (remember Everything Is Rent Week?), and the cast’s appearance on Rosie made an impression on us. So much so that we commented in Questions, Comments and Concerns: Rent, ” Seasons of Love is very obviously the song they included to be a breakout hit. Like, ‘okay, we need one song in a basic pop structure with no swearing or weird sex stuff in it so we can go on the Rosie show.'” And friendly reminder this is the OBC in the midst of Rentmania in 1996. Look at these babies whose lives are being changed.

Endless Night from The Lion King

The trajectory of musical theatre history is strewn with shows that changed Broadway. It didn’t start with Hamilton – there was a whole path from shows where the music had nothing to do with the plot, to songs that commented on it, to music that actually advanced the story. In the late 90s, The Lion King was another one of those shows changing Broadway by incorporating clever and elaborate costumes, Garth Fagan’s modern choreography, and total smokeshow Jason Raize. Unfortunately, Jason’s talent was gone too soon after he hanged himself in 2004, but his Lion King legacy will live on forever.

Medley from Titanic

It’s easy to think this is something that would have happened as a result of the bizarre Titanic mania that struck in 1997-1998, but no: this musical predated the Titanic film, meaning that Titanic was kind of a topic of general interest in the 90s. This performance had me itching to see the Titanic musical, if only to find out how it sank on stage.

Willkommen from Cabaret

Caberet struck me as a “grown-up” musical in my Rosie days, but even at that age I couldn’t deny that Alan Cumming had a whole lot of charisma. Between rewatching this performance and picking up Alan’s memoir for some light bus reading a while ago, I have now become an unlikely Alan Cumming stan.

My New Philosophy from You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown

Adults playing kids are a weird thing. As an adult you can suspend disbelief when a grown-up plays a child in theater or on SNL, but as a kid you’re like “nope, that is 100% NOT a child, good try.” Or if you were me as a child, also “here’s my headshot, give me a job instead of this faker.” That would have been my reaction to You’re A Good Man, Charlie Brown… EXCEPT for Kristin Chenoweth. I remember watching this and taking a while to decide whether this was an adult or not. Part of it is that Kristin is tiny, but it’s also how well she conveys the attitude and mannerisms of a 5-year-old.

Wheels of a Dream from Ragtime

Part of the brilliance of Rosie putting shows on a national platform is that people like us in Western New York or all the way in Alaska get a chance to see Broadway or are even introduced to theater through TV. I remember watching this and loving it so much that I later went to the library to borrow the soundtrack. In high school, I specifically chose to write a book report on Ragtime by E.L. Doctorow because it was what the musical was based on. And I never would have done that if I hadn’t seen these two icons perform on Rosie. It reinforced by love for theatre and gave me a peek into a world I longed to be in.

Who Will Love Me As I Am? From Side Show

For some reason I also clearly remember this performance, mainly because I thought it was so weird there was an entire musical featuring conjoined twins. However, it’s a great performance and a great song, featuring a pre-Tony Alice Ripley who can belt in my fave any day.

Dancing Queen from Mamma Mia!

Fact: I’ve seen Mamma Mia! more times than I should have as a teen. One of those times I saw it on tour and attended a dance workshop where the cast members taught us the choreography for Waterloo, which is the final number after the curtain call. And then we saw the show and got in the aisles and did the choreo like a pre-flash mob flash mob. Anyways, I thought I wouldn’t like Mamma Mia! at all, but two years before my shining moment in the aisle this happened on Rosie and I was all in.

No One is Alone from Into the Woods

If you haven’t seen Into the Woods, it’s important you know that despite the characters all being from beloved fairytales like Rapunzel and Cinderella, this show, specifically the second act, is NOT a necessarily family friendly musical. Despite that, it’s still a fantastic show, and Sonheim nonetheless, so I am envious of everyone that got to see this revival on Broadway. Especially because it features our favorite queen of Broadway and social media, Laura Benanti as Cinderella. Also featured: Adam Wylie aka Jack (of the Beanstalk) aka Brad from Gilmore Girls. In GG, he takes a leave from Chilton, and when he returns, Paris is just as bitchy to him as ever, and even tries to knock him off his game by singing about his magic beans, because Paris.

All That Jazz from Chicago

DR. LILITH STERNIN SINGS ALL THAT JAZZ AND WINS AN EMMY. Reminder that we watched Cheers this year. This role won Bebe her second Tony Award and it’s obvious why. What a gem. And way less obnoxious than Lilith.

Goodbye Until Tomorrow from The Last Five Years

The Last Five Years is undoubtedly one of our favorite musicals, but as someone who didn’t get into it until the revival several years ago, I definitely forgot that it existed at all during the Rosie era. Whether it’s Cynthia Erivo breaking our hearts with Still Hurting or the original off-Broadway cast on Rosie, Jason Robert Brown always knows how to tug on our heartstrings so hard that he rips our hearts all the way out.

Gimme Gimme from Thoroughly Modern Millie

Before Sutton Foster was THE Sutton Foster, she was “this new actress you need to know about, Sutton Foster.” She created a huge splash in Thoroughly Modern Millie, and the first place I ever saw her was on The Rosie O’Donnell Show performing Gimme Gimme. If you told me that Sutton would still be a huge deal 18 years after this, I wouldn’t have been surprised. If you told me that Sutton would look maybe a week older 18 years later, that would have been harder to believe, but here we all are.

Last Night Of The World from Miss Saigon

Everything you need to know about us as friends and as individuals: as oddball fifth graders, we both really wanted to see Miss Saigon. Traci has a traumatic childhood memory of being left with basically strangers when her parents went to it without her, and Molly received tickets for her confirmation, a Catholic sacrament she celebrated at age 10. Weirdos. Fortunately, we BOTH caught OG Kim, Lea Salonga, on The Rosie O’Donnell Show during its convenient after-school time slot. On top of that, Chris was played by a young Will Chase, of Smash, Nashville, and Ingrid Michaelson’s boyfriend fame. What a dream.

15Apr2016

It’s Not 1912: Let’s All Decorate In A Titanic Theme

Posted in Entertainment, Miscellany by Molly

If you went through the throes of Titanic Mania, and were a tween or young teen, at some point the thought occurred to you: what if my bedroom looked like a Titanic stateroom?

And while “doomed to a watery grave” isn’t maybe the BEST decorating style, a cottage industry arose from that very dream. On this, the 104th anniversary of the Titanic’s sinking, let’s all decorate in a Titanic theme.

Titanic Duvet

On one hand, you could decorate with a bed from the Titanic era, which as a 90s child I’m fairly certain is this:

On the other, you could emblazon your bedding with the image of the vessel that carried thousands to their deaths. FUNSIES.

But like the MAIN THING about Titanic is how it sank, right? So let’s up the ante:

You remember the part with the giant sloth right?

Why Not Just Put An Entire Boat In There?

If you’re really serious about your Titanic themed bedroom, you would put an entire boat in there:

This was called a Titanic bedroom even if it does look more pirate-y to me. Also: COOL BEDROOM.

This is a bit closer. Nice waves on the hull there.

Not a boat, but GOOD GOD THE MIRRORED CEILING. Good news, this is a B&B, so you could stay here.

I believe in this scenario, the sleeping child is the iceberg.

Now let’s make it feel like drowning.

As we said, the main thing about Titanic was that it sank. So let’s pull a little “This ship is submerged in water and I’ll never let go” into the setup:

You could stain the concrete so it always look like your basement is under water.

Is the tub overflowing? Anybody’s guess but probably, yeah.

You could buy this lamp to pretend the ship is at full-tilt and all of the lifeboats have already been loaded with women and children.

Portholes Galore

In fairness, the icebergs were RIGHT OUTSIDE THE PORTHOLES if anyone had bothered to look.

This is a laundry chute, if every time you have to do laundry you would rather just throw it into the ocean instead.

If you’d like to imagine yourself on a pre-sunk Titanic.

Based on the hit 1997 film

Perhaps you’d like to bring Kate and Leo into this? Sure, why not!

Very Kates, Much Leo.

Thank you, Ugly House Photos.

The Ever-Popular Stateroom Chic

The easiest (and easiest on the eyes) take on the Titanic room: some brocade, some oak paneling, a few Edwardian antiques.

This is a garden shed and I am honestly very impressed.

Paneling, wallpaper, 4-poster. Read more about the Australian B&B at the link

How They Passed The Time Waiting For The Carpathia

Movie theatre. Where you sit in lifeboats. Surrounded by dry ice?

Hakuna. Matata.

14Apr2016

Rose Dawson: The Girl Who Lived

Posted in Entertainment by Traci

Every year around this time I think about one thing – no, not a rush of panic to do my taxes – but rather a nostalgic pang in my heart for fictional characters who fell in love on a real boat that sunk in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.

http://ihearttitanic.tumblr.com/post/142604676021/titanic-movie-1912-timeline

Exactly 104 years ago today, at approximately 11:40pm, the Titanic slammed into an iceberg on its starboard side, causing a massive gash in the steel and allowing the cold ocean waters to flood into the ship. In a world where Jack Dawson and Rose DeWitt Bukater exist, this was right around the time they had finished Nude Sketch and Chill in an inexplicably steamy car.

Right after Leo won his Oscar in February (REMEMBER WHEN LEO WON AN OSCAR), my friends and I had all the feels and the only way to deal with them was to watch Titanic. Upon re-watching it for the fafillionth time, I noticed something I’ve never took note of before – Titanic is a feminist film. Or, Titanic features a strong female HBIC of 1912.

I’m blaming the fact that I was blinded by Leo’s handsomeness and wrapped up in the “OTP: I Will Go Down With This Ship” of it all when I first saw the movie as a 12 year old, but now, nearly 20 years later, it’s become glaringly apparent to me that Titanic’s not even about Jack + Rose or even about Jack. It’s about Rose. It’s about the girl who stepped onto the ship as a rich socialite preparing to become a wife, and left as a single woman free from the chains keeping her down. She’s The Girl Who Lived.

From the moment we meet young Rose, she doesn’t seem to be the typical Edwardian, demure, soft-spoken woman that are common characters in the early 1900s. Instead, she constantly says statements or small little actions to let you know it just wasn’t typical of a woman to do at this time, which is smack dab in the middle of the women’s era and eight years before females even got the right to vote.

While a lot of women at this time were either playing the role of Wife or factory workhorses, Rose seems to be a smart, learn-ed, modern woman. She can tell the difference between a Monet, Degas and Picasso – all of which are artists whose paintings she owns. She can use a Freud insult in the right way and not apologize for it. She can do fast math when it comes to the ratio of passengers to lifeboats.

http://ihearttitanic.tumblr.com/post/71336855036/olivehoovers-titanic-1997-deleted-scene

For the last five hours of the movie – JK more like four – Rose just does not have any more fucks to give and lets her gut lead her confidence moving forward. She smokes at lunch even though she knows her mother hates it, she talks back to Cal (“I am not a foreman in one of your mills that you can command. I am your fiancee”), she gives the middle finger to Mr. Lovejoy as he attempts to hunt down her and Jack and even pushes the dude in charge of the lift because she needs to go save Jack. Friendly reminder: the year is 1912.

She’s also embracing her strength as a woman by letting this dude she’s known for two days draw her completely naked. But she doesn’t go about it in a demure way, Rose straight up tells him to do it. She’s forceful but strong, a characteristic that was overall not seen by women in this era (did I mention it’s 1912?). “I want you to draw me like one of your French girls. Wearing this. And only this.” “Put your hands on me, Jack.” She is a sexual human being and isn’t afraid to show it.

On top of that, she’s so desperate to break out of her corset and leave the world of decorum that she, with the help of Jack, breaks all the boundaries of both gender norms and class distinction. She wants to learn how to “chew tobacco like a man” and “ride horses like a man” and “spit like a man”, and journeys down to the somewhat forbidden third class deck to drink and dance and go en pointe and smoke some more. I mean, just look at her longing to escape this world.

And of course, there’s the whole reason why she’s on the boat in the first place – she went to England to find a rich husband and become his arm candy, while her mother benefits from the social and financial gains. She found that man in Cal, who just so happens to be a selfish, misogynistic, lying bastard. Her voyage on the Titanic was not only the pathway to a life as a dutiful wife, but one last chance to escape from it all.

http://ihearttitanic.tumblr.com/post/95288403234

Enter Jack. Rose was already feeling helpless when she met him. Remember the whole, “With all due respect, Miss, I’m not the one hanging off the back of a ship here” moment? She wanted more for her life but there was no one to turn to when she needed to be heard. But it was Jack who pushed her to do all those things, because he believed in her and she just needed confirmation, like when he gives her the inner power for that iconic, “I’d rather be his whore than your wife” line. Unlike a lot of female protagonists, she wasn’t swayed to make a life-changing decision based on her lover’s opinion. He could see her potential, and he encouraged her to be more than what she was pretending to be.

Rose: Look, I know what you must be thinking. “Poor little rich girl, what does she know about misery?”

Jack: No! No, that’s not what I was thinking. What I was thinking was, “What could’ve happened to this girl to make her think she had no way out?”

. . .

Jack: Rose… you’re no picnic. All right? You’re a spoiled little brat even. But under that, you’re the most amazingly, astounding wonderful girl woman, that I’ve ever known… They’ve got you trapped, Rose. And you’re gonna die if you don’t break free. Maybe not right away because you’re strong, but sooner or later that fire that I love about you, Rose, that fire is gonna burn out.

Rose: It’s not up to you to save me, Jack.

Jack: You’re right. Only you can do that.

Now get ready for a REAL good analogy – Rose is the Titanic. She hits a metaphorical iceberg meeting Jack, who turns her world upside down. He gives her the jolt of energy she needs to fully realize that she doesn’t have to be what her mom or Cal say she has to be. And all this happens as both her personal world and the physical ship is going down. She feels like she’s drowning and has no idea how to go back up for air. But she holds on for as long as she can until she can’t anymore. And she survives. She fights back. She fights for her life. She becomes The Girl Who Lived.

2Mar2016

Back To Titanic: A Kate And Leo Retrospective

Posted in Entertainment by Molly

Like so many of our generation, we have a never-ending love of the Kate Winslet/Leonardo DiCaprio friendship. Since the days when we didn’t have the internet at home and had to horde copies of magazines to get our Jack and Rose fix, they’ve always been either friendship or relationship goals. It started with the fun stories of behind-the-scenes antics on the set of Titanic, and Kate and Leo’s frequent awards show appearances only fueled the flames. Mercifully, since 1997 both of them have been consistently on the nominee or presenter block – unless one or the other was working, that is – so we’ve had plenty of mini-reunions to fawn over. Some of us actually ship them as a real life couple. Others think shipping real humans is creepy, but love the good-natured platonic friendship between two talented actors. Whatever it is, the Winslet-DiCaprio friendship is pure magic.

With no further ado .. are you ready to go back to Titanic?

1996

Behind the scenes: Titanic: in retrospect I realized why Kate hated that wig / hairpiece/ dye job situation.

Settle in, because Titanic was where it all started and I can’t get enough of these behind the scenes photos.

Kate is warming up from the chilly water tank; Leo is exhibiting the classic Hot Boy In The Mid-90s Haircut.

I will bet you anything that Kate and Leo are responsible for some of the first viral gifs in internet history, spreading rapidly across angelfire and geocities sites alike.

Okay, last one. Only because some of you may have slow-loading computers. I could do this all day.

1997

Tiny baby Leo talking about Little Kate:

Not to be outdone, Kate had some choice words about Leo:

1998

Golden Globes: it’s hard to believe these two seemed so grown-up to us at the time, because right here they look like a pair of (rich, elegant) babies.

Kate and Leo, out to wreck us since day 1.

Let’s watch that in action, why don’t we?

2000

Important news in 2000: Kate could still recognize Leo by his walk; she worried about him cavorting with the Pussy Posse; all is well in their friendship:

I saw Leo the other day. I was at a party for Quills. Me and Jim were leaning up against the bar and this posse of boys came in wearing masks and Halloween gear. I recognised him from the way he walked. He ripped his mask off. He hadn’t changed a bit. Of course, he’s famous, one of the most famous actors in the world. But he’s the same person and I’d been so worried about him. He still does care about everything he does. He hasn’t just become some bullshit film star

2004

As one did in 2004, Leo reveals all on Oprah:

2005

SAG Awards: just two unusually talented and good-looking people expressing their friendship; nothing to see here.

2007

Golden Globes: back in 1998 US Weekly would have captioned this photo “They’ll never let go… of their friendship!” and I would have hung it up in my locker.

If Kate and Leo are living their whole Awards Season lives making up for Leo not attending the 1998 Academy Awards, I think that’s fine and appropriate.

On the set of Revolutionary Road. Or: if Rose and Jack had survived into mid-century.

2008

Revolutionary Road UK premiere: Kate and Leo reunite on screen, proving that fan service exists in real life, too.

U.S. premiere, Kate totally just made fun of James Cameron (I imagine).

Promoting Revolutionary Road. We’re all bigger now, Kate. Because of this friendship.

And in case you need the whole interview:

Too long; didn’t listen? Here’s what you need to know:

Well, I think I can speak for both of us: we have a lot more wrinkles. Don’t we, darling? I’m proud of him, though. I can’t say that you’re taller, because you were always tall. He’s a man now; look at him — he’s just bigger. Physically you aren’t that different; you’re just less puny. – Kate Winslet

She’s still as beautiful and radiant as the day I met her. She is the consummate professional; she keeps pushing herself to an emotional truth when she’s working. That’s why I keep saying she’s the best. – Leonardo DiCaprio

2009

Golden Globes: Leo reacting to Kate’s Revolutionary Road win – their long-awaited onscreen reunion. BE STILL MY HEART (OF THE OCEAN)

Wait, do you want to see Kate thank Leo? Of course you do!

Golden Globes: Kate and Leo after she wins for The Reader. Yes, you read that correctly. Yes, she’s THAT talented. Damn, Kate. Damn.

Oscars: Leo wasn’t there but he’s here in Kate’s heart and her heart will go on and on.

Some situations are so delicate that I’d only trust Oprah with them:

2011

God bless Anna Wintour. From Kate’s Vogue Magazine profile:

He knows me better than anyone else in the world. Lots of male friendships begin as a cheeky snog. Or a little undercurrent of flirtation. But Leo and I? No. He’s my rock. I don’t know what the f–k I would have done if I hadn’t had him. – Kate Winslet

We literally grew up together. And in every major life event we’ve been there as a support mechanism for each other. – Leonardo DiCaprio

2012

Titanic was re-released in 3D; Kate kindly graced us with some fresh behind-the-scenes anecdotes:

2013

Leo FINALLY confronts the rumors plaguing him since 1997 (that Kate nicknamed him “Farty Leo,” which I don’t actually remember, which is surprising?):

She never says that to my face. She’s the greatest person. She’s so genuine. I love that girl. She has a brand-new baby and is in love.

Because Kate and Leo CANNOT STOP TALKING ABOUT EACH OTHER (or, um, maybe it’s that we can’t stop asking?) Kate had this to say about Leo in 2013:

Leo has mastered this more than anyone I know. it’s not that he’s sort of brazen like, ‘I don’t give a fuck and I’m going to be rebellious and behave badly.’ It’s not that. It’s genuinely not caring what people think because he will not allow other people’s judgments to have any kind of impact on his life and who he is. and I have really admired that so much in him .

Also in 2013: the one thing that really softened the blow of Kate marrying a man who chose the surname Rocknroll — Leo walked her down the aisle. What does swooning feel like? Because I think I just did it.

2014

Theo or Leo? Considering we all know who Leo is and Theo is either a Huxtable or the name of a lot of babies lately, I think we all know the answer. And Kate doesn’t hesitate, either:

2016

Golden Globes: Number 1, how dare you.

More Golden Globes: I will go down with this ship.

And let’s not forget our own freak-out during our Golden Globes live blog after Leo’s name was announced for Best Actor:

T: YASSSSSSSSSS WHERE IS KATE. WHERE IS KATE. WHERE IS KATE.

M: YAYYY! But does this mean he’ll be even more cursed for the Oscars? Can they please show Kate? SHOW KATE.

IS KATE OKAY. WHERE IS SHE.

T: MAYBE SHE’S PASSED OUT BC THE LOVE OF HER LIFE JUST WON A GOLDEN GLOBE.

M: Yeah maybe she’s hidden behind a camera taking pics for her scrapbook.

T: Kate is at Eddie Redmayne’s table (I THINK) so like, just PAN OVER.

M: THANK KATE. I don’t care that she wasn’t in this.

T: I THOUGHT WHEN HE SAID “LASTLY” THAT IT WAS GOING TO END WITH “KATE WINSLET, WHO HAS BEEN WITH ME AND IN MY HEART SINCE 1996.”

M: I SAW. DID YOU SEE.

T: NO UGH I WAS LOOKING FOR LEO GIFS

M: He thanked the makeup artist or something and you could see a fuzzy Kate Winslet calling out a “woo!” so I like to think she was there just cheering at every damn thing he said.

T: I REWOUND IT. THIS IS THE GREATEST.

SAG Awards: What are you trying to do to me here?

Oscars: how is it possible that they both look even BETTER 20 years after filming Titanic? And how is it possible that Titanic was filmed 20 years ago?

Oh, for goodness sake.

Kate. Also, all of us. (Also Ned Rocknroll, but we don’t have to get into that.)

Oscars: The culmination of 20 years of love (at least on our end, but probably for Kate, too).

18Feb2016

#ThrowbackThursday: Leonardo DiCaprio, The Internet, and You

Posted in Entertainment by Traci

The Academy Awards are about a week away, which means we’ll know whether or not American Treasure Leonardo DiCaprio will be holding a solid gold man in his hands or the Internet will continue to rage against his injustice of still not getting the Oscar he truly deserves.

Back in 2013, it was our freshman year on the blog and I wrote this following post in honor of my boo’s 39th birthday. It got some traction and became its own viral WordPress sensation, which is ironic since it’s a post all about the Internet. Anyways, a little over two years have passed and I thought it would be appropriate to bring back these Oscar memes for #ThrowbackThursday since unfortunately they still ring true to this day.

Let’s not jinx it, but everyone cross everything on their person and knock on all the wood that Leo’s going home with the gold this year (and that he has a moment with Kate in the process).

Leonardo DiCaprio, The Internet, and You

On November 11th, 2013, Leonardo Wilhelm DiCaprio turned 39 years of age. 39. That’s one year away from 40. Leo is officially like, an adult. Perhaps the age was jarring because in my mind, he is forever 23 years old. If you do the math (which, I mean, don’t), that brings us to 1997, when he was in Titanic. You guessed it folks – I, like many girls of my generation – was a total Titanic fangirl. I saw it 5 times in the movie theater, purchased every single item of memorabilia (including the script) and wore out tapes 1 & 2 of the VHS copies. In fact, I was so obsessed with Leo himself that I made it a mission to watch every single movie he was in (note to parents: don’t let your 12 year old watch The Basketball Diaries without knowing what it’s about first) and even used the name “Julieta” in Spanish class as an ode to Romeo + Juliet.

Anyways, because I am a Leo fan, I’ve always remembered his birthday, but I never would have imagined he would have a bash like he did on Sunday. Apparently, Leo is a big rap fan, and invited his FRIEND 2 Chainz to perform. Oh yeah, AND Kanye West.

The party at Tao in NYC ended up being a charity event too, because he raised $3 million for his environmental foundation, so all in all not too shabby. But thanks to social media and the internet, there are plenty of videos and pix to make us *almost* feel like we were there.

Then again, Leo has somehow been a constant presence on the internet, despite the man himself being a more reserved and private celebrity. Case in point: Memes.

Just like it’s difficult to find a person who hates Leo IRL, the internet feels the same adoration for him, by making him the subject of many a meme. So to celebrate Leo in all his glorious 39 years of existence, here are some of the greatest viral items of one of the greatest actors of our generation.

Strutting Leo

The one that stands out the most – strutting Leo. Originally taken while he was on set filming Inception, the folks of the interwebz took this comical pic of Leo and Photoshop him into various other scenes.

Inception strutting

bitch what are you doing here strutting

come catch me strutting

thx moses strutting

reaping strutting

Inception Leo

This was taken straight from a scene in Inception where Cobb (Leo) is talking to Robert Fischer (Cillian Murphy), but Leo’s reaction face is what got the internet nerds all in a tizzy.

Rage over Leo’s lack of Oscars

Pretty self explanatory. The Academy hates Leo. The Internet hates the Academy.

because lindsay lohan

Bad Luck Leo

In which Jack Dawson looks happy on the outside, but on the inside, his heart is frozen over.

Poppin ‘n Lockin Leo

If this doesn’t convince you to see Wolf of Wall Street, I don’t know what will

Basically, this was just posted everywhere and anywhere and sometimes in wall form.

Time-Travelling Demon Leo

THIS THEORY IS TOO GOOD IT FREAKS ME OUT. *read more here!*

23Oct2015

YA Novelizations That Probably Should Have Happened

Posted in Miscellany by Cookies + Sangria

With the final day of TEENS BE READING week here, we’re going to take a look at what could have been in the YA world. Missed opportunities, regrets left and right, plenty of hanging heads down in shame for never giving readers what they really want – novelizations of their favorite TV shows and movies.

In the literary world, novelizations are considered trash by any reasonable author’s standards. It’s one of the least creative ways to use your talent as a writer, and one of the most looked down upon. But people still do it. And they’re still entertaining. Mama’s still gotta get that money. Of course, novelizations are nothing new, in fact we’re covered them before with Dawson’s Creek (hint: a Gilmore Girls one may be on deck). There are plenty of books to choose from when it comes to kid and teen shows, such as Full House, The OC and Lizzie McGuire, but unfortunately not all our faves could be translated into the magic that is novelizations.

Here are our picks for what could have been. Books that could have had the chance of having Harry Potter like popularity. Ok, probably not, but it’s nice to dream.

Summerland: A Fresh New Summerland

The Summerland novel serves as a final chapter in the cancelled too soon WB series that ended only after two seasons. The book picks up five years later, when Bradin (Jesse McCartney) is a successful professional surfer who, after 3 years sober, resorts back to drinking when he has a string of losses. Meanwhile, we find out Nikki (Kay Panabaker) has lost touch with her former BFF and BF Cameron (Zac Efron), who suddenly became a movie star after he was spotted in the mall by a casting director. In the novel, he attempts to win her friendship – and maybe even her love – back.

The Real World: Seattle : The Slap

One of the most iconic moments in Real World history happened in season seven, when a dramatic showdown between Irene and Stephen led to the slap heard ’round the world. In this novelization, we only follow the lives of Irene and Stephen through a series of alternating past and present day (as in 1998) stories. We follow Stephen as he’s raised by a single mother in a black Muslim household then converts to Judiasm at 15, and we see Irene as she goes through the constant battle with Lyme disease. It all comes to a head when Irene calls out Stephen for being gay in “Present Day”, and his immediate response is to throw her beloved stuffed animal in the Seattle waters then slap her across the face. The epilogue includes Stephen revealing actually IS gay and engaged. To a man.

Guts: The Aggro Crag’s Revenge

For years, The Aggro Crag had to deal with tiny little teens climbing up its sides. No matter how hard it tried, they always managed to find their way to the top. In this Choose Your Own Adventure-type book, contestants must choose their paths up to the mount wisely, with rocks, creatures, and very bright lights at every turn. You won’t have a safety harness to rely on this time around, so do, do, do, do, you have it? GUTS.

S Club 7 in L.A. : S Club 7 in Las Vegas

Following their three TV series, Miami 7, S Club 7 in L.A., and Hollywood 7, the fictional British pop group continued their story via book form. Set in 2002, a year after the Hollywood season, the singers hop in their red convertible and drive to Las Vegas (despite the fact management offered them a private jet) to kick off their six-month residency at the Golden Nugget. The seven-book series features a singer’s perspective in each book. Tina’s got a side job working as a showgirl on her days off, Bradley fell in love with a girl at the Wheel of Fortune slot machines and he may or may not have gotten drunkenly eloped, and Paul is in massive debt due to his gambling problem.

Seinfeld: The Book About Nothing

Literally the one about nothing. The book is full of blank pages. The final page is a sketch drawing of Kramer storming into Jerry’s apartment.

Sister Sister: Sister Sister (Sister)

In this non-canonical novelization of Sister Sister, Tia and Tamera’s lost triplet, Tarisa, shows up with a desperate plea for money. Suspicions are raised when they realize that Tarisa doesn’t look like them and appears to be an adult woman. It all comes to a head when Tarisa has to dress up as Tamera to take Tamera’s Geometry test for her for some reason!

Destinos: An Adventure In Present Tense Spanish

This companion novella to the substitute teacher-endorsed “Spanish” hit takes you deep into the world of Fernando and Raquel. Or actually, very shallowly into their world, because all of the dialogue is written in basic Spanish. Raquel’s uncle Jorge is missing at the zoo and she and Fernando have to use all of their rudimentary vocab to find him! ¿Encontrará Fernando al tío de Raquel in el parque zoológico? They’re asking all their best questions and dropping all their most relevant knowledge: !Tío Jorge lleva una camisa roja! !Anduve cerca de las gallinas! ¿Ha visto a mi tío Jorge? ¿Cononce a Jorge, el hombre que le gusta jugar al tenis?

Friends: Ben’s Dyno-mite World

Capitalizing on 90s children’s fascination with Friends, a show about grownups, this chapter book highlights the busy, modernish Greenwich Village life of Ben, a little boy growing up with two moms and a dad he sees once or twice a season. When Ben gets lost in the Natural History Museum, he has to use his dino smarts to find his way back to his dad. He is with his Uncle Joey, but he is mostly useless.

Titanic: My Heart Will Go On And On

After the sinking of the Titanic, 17-year-old Rose Dawson (nee Dewitt Bukater) lands in New York with nothing to her name – so she makes a name for herself, first gaining popularity on the Vaudeville circuit, then starring in early silent films. As Rose’s fame grows, she finds herself bound for England aboard the Lusitania. Rose finally lets herself love again – a roguish scamp named Mack Carson – but when the ship meets a tragic fate, Rose must learn that her heart will go on. And on.

Zoom: Ub-an Fub-un Tub-ime Ub-in 02134

It’s a Saturday afternoon in Greater Boston’s zaniest zip code. The Zoom kids have to complete a fun obstacle course across Allston without dropping their balloons – or triggering Zoe’s latex allergy. When someone swipes Alisa’s bookbag during a rousing round of the cup game, the gang has to track it down by snacktime! Where could it be? Find out in this adventure written entirely in Ubbi Dubbi.

30Jul2015

Queue Adieu: Titanic

Posted in Entertainment by Molly

I always stock my Netflix queue with the best of intentions, but in real life 90% of my Netflix viewing consists of rewatching shows like Parks and Rec or Friday Night Lights. Another 5% is documentaries that help me fall asleep, like a child’s favorite lullaby if lullabies were about unsolved murders and obesity. I have weird dreams. Then the final 5% is the movies that have sat on my queue for months, only for me to forget about until after they’ve left the site. Well, no more. Every month …. if I remember … I’m going to watch one of the movies that Neflix is about to bump and blog about it. First up: Titanic.

The Movie: Titanic (1997)

Expires On: August 1.

Watch or Rewatch: Rewatch, I have been a human living on earth for the 18 years since Titanic came out. 18? That can’t be right.

Should You Watch It? If you’ve never seen Titanic … YES. I assume even most teenagers who weren’t alive/ were babies then have seen it on TV by now, but maybe not. Also, if you haven’t watched it for years, it’s worth a rewatch to see if you still remember all of the dialog (I do, apparently).

Thoughts During The Movie:

In my childhood I thought the Keldysh scenes were great, but now that I can get my fix of Titanic wreckage footage elsewhere it’s super boring.
Fun fact: I’m fascinated by ship wrecks.
Also everything the Keldysh guys say is so cheesy. I can’t even pick one thing. Every line, and every delivery, is just dripping with schmooze and …. wine coolers? They all seem like guys who would drink wine coolers.
Your face is stupid and you’re stupid.
When Titanic mania was in high gear I thought Kate Winslet was the prettiest person ever. Fine, normal. But not normal is praying – literally praying – that I could have Rose’s hair. Still sounds almost normal? Wrong. Because I have curly red hair. What was I even after? Just leave out more tendrils and get on with your life.
Plus we live in the future and there are tutorials now:

Now that I’m a decade older than Young Rose, it’s actually Old Rose I want to emulate. Not now, but eventually, it would be great to be super old with tunics and beaded earrings and sweet extra-long gray hair. Not sure at what age you’re supposed to get into pottery.
Did anyone ever make up lyrics to the Titanic theme music that plays throughout? You know, the one that’s like ba da BAAAA doddle-oddle-daa-AAA, daa da daaa dum dummm. Like “on this booooat, that you call unsinkable, you’re all gonnnn-a die” or “she’s so riiiich, but he is a poor boy, how will happppp-en next?”
Thing I Never Noticed Before #1: You see them lift Rose and Jack’s sex car onto the ship.
Thing I Never Noticed Before #2: FABRIZIO. I was all about the J.D. before but it’s actually all about Fabrizio. RIP (spoiler?), I’m gonna never forget you.
Third class is more multicultural than an elementary school math textbook word problem.
Thing I Never Noticed Before #3: Actually, also Cal. He’s sort of hot and smarmy and personality-wise, maybe a better match for Rose than Jack was, if he weren’t such a jerk.
During Titanic mania, did anyone else scour passenger lists to see if maybe just maybe you had an ancestor on board?
The GCI people you see on deck when they pan over the ship look like they’re from a CD-ROM game. #TECHNOLOGY
“You’re gonna cut her meat for her too there Cal?” Maybe this is what Molly Brown really sounded like – I assume so since Kathy Bates is a great actress- but I feel like a character from Oklahoma somehow ended up in Downton Abbey.
Thing I Never Noticed Before #4: Tommy Ryan. I had some serious Jack Dawson blinders.
Thing I Never Noticed Before #5: When Rose and Jack plan on going to the pier and riding horses…. ugh. Those couples who have been together less than a day and they’re already planning vacations together.
I cannot be the only one who uses “start from the outside and work your way in” to deal with extensive place settings.
I recently saw a picture of c. 1998 Nick from the Backstreet Boys and thought it was Jack for a second. That hairdo made everyone look the same.
Obviously no Jack Dawson.
You know how period dramas usually look influenced by the time they were made? For instance, all these 2010s movies set in the 1800s, where the women have long, loose curls with layers when their hair definitely would have been worn up if they weren’t hookers. Or the ’70s hair on all of the men in Little House On The Prairie. Well, Titanic did a great job of actually looking like 1912, but I have a sinking feeling that if it were made today, all of the women would have 50% more eyebrow action.
Mary Pickford knew what was up.
Is Rose responsible for how half of all girls born after 1997 have the middle name Rose? Don’t worry, Abigail Rose or Hannah Rose or Madison Rose, it’s a very pretty name, I’m just curious.
And how a quarter of all boys born after 1997 are named Jack (my nephew is one, though he’s technically named after my grandpa instead of Jack Dawson).
If the Titanic sailed in 2015 the portrait scene would be 5 seconds long and consist of Rose taking a nude selfie, which would quickly circulate through the passengers before reaching Cal. #busted
The thing is, I feel like Rose and Jack must have had better options in the cargo hold than the backseat of a car, right? Jeepin’.
Victor Garber works a lot, so it’s super distracting that every time I see him, I think “Mr. Andrews, Mr. Andrews!” in that Dorothy Gale voice Rose uses.
Nobody ever says it, but the Heart Of The Ocean was one tacky-ass Claire’s Boutique-looking necklace.
Surely the Titanic had a more sophisticated security protocol than shackling thiefs to pipes?
Any lawyers here? Then maybe you better remember Lady Duff-Gordon from Wood v. Lucy, Lady Duff-Gordon. It’s a nice Cardozo opinion that has become sort of a standard in contracts texts. It’s also an early instance of celebrity clothing endorsements.
$12, what a steal! Or actually I feel like that would have been fairly expensive.
New obsession I just discovered during this rewatch: behind the scenes set photos from Titanic. I mean:
I remember reading that they went back for the Titanic re-release and changed the stars to be more accurate. That’s hardcore, but also makes me wonder if it’s fair to do do-overs. And if so, why didn’t they also replace those 1997 technology people on the ship?
Why did they make Old Rose make that stupid noise when she threw the necklace in the water?
Jack died, and that’s sad, don’t get me wrong, but also would you toss away a multi-million dollar necklace because of some dude that you banged once and were into for three days when you were a teenager? I’m sure Lizzy had some car payments or whatever that that would have really helped with.
Okay, the Celine Dion song is sort of a jarring 90s slow pop jam after watching a movie set in 1912. Also, also. This isn’t related. But when I was walking at lunch last week a guy called to me “Celine Dion, come kiss me!” and usually I forget those kinds of comments as soon as they happen, but I am still puzzling over it. First of all, I don’t look like Celine Dion, but it made me wonder if people can tell that I’m part French Canadian. I always thought of them as a people who don’t look like anything in particular. Also, is Celine Dion even considered attractive? She looks normal, but I’ve never heard anyone be like “you know who I wish I looked more like? Celine Dion.” Eh, maybe it was because I was wearing a backwards tuxedo and the heart of the ocean. Coeur de la mer, I call it
Wait… DO I look like Celine Dion?
She’s dead, right? Guys, she dies, yeah?

15Apr2015

Remember Titanic Mania? That Was Weird, Right?

Posted in Entertainment, GSOY (Gratuitous Story of Yourself) by Molly

103 years ago today, the Titanic met its tragic fate. And 17 years ago today, we were all being tacky as hell. The Titanic craze of 1997-1998 was unlike any media phenomenon I’ve experienced before or since, both in how pervasive and fanatical it was, and also in that we all sort of acted super questionable.

Let’s recap a bit in case you’ve forgotten about Titanic Mania, were too young for it, or just weren’t paying attention. First, the Titanic sank. It was 1912 and a lot of people died and it was, of course, very sad. Fast forward 80-some years to late 1997. James Cameron directed a giant historical epic about the event, starring teen sensations Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet. That’s when things got weird.

For as long as cinema has existed, we haven’t been able to resist portraying real-life tragedies on-screen. Want to guess how long the first Titanic movie was released after the sinking? 29 days. Not even a full month, unless the month was February, which of course it wasn’t because every mid-90s tween has the date “April 15, 1912” etched onto their soul. There were actually three Titanic movies released in 1912 alone, so it’s not like I think that James Cameron’s Titanic was unusually iffy.

The way we all reacted to that movie though – that’s what was weird. We just lost it. Keep in mind, this was a movie about a real-life disaster, and survivors were even still alive at the time. You’d think we would have maintained a bit of decorum, or solemnity, or SOMETHING, but that sunken boat became a pop culture figure along the lines of Mickey Mouse or Rocky.

Real.

We had reasons, sort of. We were both obsessed, but we were also in sixth grade. It was the beginning of being interested in “grown-up” romances instead of kid stuff, making it much more touching and serious. I was rewatching Titanic a few years ago – mind you, I could rewatch Titanic in my brain any time I wanted because I still have it memorized thanks to that two-cassette pack I got for my 12th birthday – anyway, it jumped out at me that Rose and Jack had known each other for, like, four days max. They had all the emotional investment of a one-night stand. No wonder Old Rose hadn’t mentioned the story to her family. “I’m really sad about this guy I went out Irish Dancing with one time then banged in a car and he died 80 years ago?” Get a grip, Grams.

You know, like most randos you hooked up with when you were 17.

Even though Rose and Jack were two teenagers creating the 1912 version of nude selfies, in 1998 they represented a long-gone era of decorum. The winter all of the news stations were focused on the Clinton-Lewinsky scandal, we wanted stories about ladies and gentlemen. Maybe that was why even people over the age of 15 lost their cool. But what happened next… I don’t have an excuse for that.

It’s like this. Liking a movie about a horrific tragedy is pretty normal. Holding themed club nights about the tragedy is not. It’s not just that Titanic sold a lot of tickets. Here are some of wacky things that we did during Titanic mania:

You could buy reproductions of Rose’s Heart Of The Ocean necklace, a gift for a teen girl’s forced arranged marriage that she got painted in naked one time. If memory serves, the ads ran in USA Weekend for months, maybe years.
A local (Rochester, NY) club held “Titanic night” which sounds like an evening when a massive code violation results in the death of hundreds. Commercials played on our top 40 station, but I’ll never know what happened at Titanic Night because I was 11.
You can still visit a Titanic club somewhere.
JC Penney sold t-shirts depicting the aforementioned teen bride and a boy who’s days away from death by freezing.
It is a shirt with a dying man on it.
The Titanic soundtrack was a best-seller, and a follow-up soundtrack was even released. It was the first and only time in my life that it was really cool that I’m a good tin whistle player. Teens everywhere queued up fiddle music and Edwardian novelty songs (Come Josephine In My Flying Machine, anyone?), sat on our bedspreads, and had a good cry about the souls when went down with the ship.
That damn Celine Dion song. Everywhere. All the time. My favorite was the version where they interspersed clips of dialog into the song. There was also a club remix, which probably was played at that club’s Titanic Night.
Everyone had that one friend who saw the movie something like 13 times in the theater. This led to the film staying at the top of the box office for 15 straight weeks. I know this because I checked the box office reports every week to make sure Titanic was still at its rightful place.
In a pre-tumblr world, you would log onto Lycos and find AngelSites and GeoCities pages about the movie and the boat. I bet if you added up all the time I’ve spent on the internet in my life, a big chunk of it was spent trawling those sites. Most included a tinny midi file of My Heart Will Go On.
Just about every magazine launched a “Special Collector’s Issue” about the movie.
Titanic vacations allowed rich people to see a shipwreck/mass grave site up close. I wished I could be so rich.
The New York Times book list was full of books about Titanic, including then-50-year-old A Night To Remember and a nonfiction, full-color book about the making of the movie. Yeah, I checked the book charts weekly, too.
Kids threw “Titanic Parties.” Kids are stupid and the parties were tacky, including 11-year-old girls – commonly known to be the worst type of human – screaming “I’m The King Of The World!” throughout the graveyard where the frozen bodies of Titanic victims had been buried.
SINKING SHIP WATERMELON BOWL. The grapes represent dead humans? But props to this mom for just being like “you want a Titanic party? Whatever. I’ll make lifeboat cupcakes.” I bet she’s fun.
It was also a popular prom theme… and you thought your prom was a disaster.
Websites popped up selling dress patterns so that you, too, could have the grace and panache of Rose Dewitt Bukater. I’m not ashamed to say that I would wear that swishy chiffon one right now.
In the area where sixth graders congregated before school, there was a massive snow-pile for the duration of the winter, as is typical of the North. What’s not typical is naming it after the iceberg that ultimately took the lives of thousands.
I won a game of charades by pantomiming Titanic.
Robert Ballard, who discovered the Titanic, visited my school to kick off a science program, the JASON project. A lot of 10-year-olds were suddenly very into marine biology.

Long after the film was released, Titanic Mania has lingered. In 2012 you could attend a cruise above the underwater gravesite, which hosted a huge fete on the 100-year anniversary of the sinking. You can visit Pinterest to learn to bake a Titanic cake, and tumblr has every Caledon Hockley gif you ever wanted. But make no mistake: Titanic mania could never happen in the uniquely, grotesquely weird way it did today. We move through our obsessions more quickly than that. And although individuals joked about the story, the high-level schmaltz that pervaded our culture just wouldn’t stand. There would be jokey memes within the first day of release, and a #waterygrave hashtag in a week. Titanic mania was a strange combination of sentimentality and cheese. It was freaking weird, and I loved it, and my heart will go on.

12Nov2014

Things I’m Willing To Believe About Leonardo DiCaprio

Posted in Entertainment, Miscellany by Molly

Leonardo DiCaprio turned 40 yesterday – if sources like Entertainment Tonight, Wikipedia, his birth certificate, and Father Time are to be believed. I’m not so sure about that. As we discussed in Things I’m Willing To Believe About Ben Affleck, I have very specific, baseless concepts of what celebrities are like (Affleck, for instance, is a blue-collar Boston mensch). And in my imagination, Leo will always be a mischievous yet sensitive teenager of the 1990s: even if it’s the 2010s, even if he’s 40.

With that in mind, here are some things I’m willing to believe about Leonardo DiCaprio:

Whenever he’s not working, Leo reverts to what he calls his “off-duty haircut.” You know the one:

You may have noticed that a lot of DiCaprio’s girlfriends are the same type – lean and model-y, with open faces and lank blond hair. This isn’t because he only dates models. It’s because they remind him of the most beautiful woman in the world: his beloved Gran-Gran.

So the man knows what he likes.

The part of you that was once a Titanic-obsessed 11-year-old probably remembers when Leo was quoted as saying “The human mouth is one of the dirtiest things on this planet. There’s so much bacteria, slime and trapped food–a dog’s mouth is much cleaner.” But did you know that he only said that because he’s totally the kind of guy who lets strange dogs come up to him and lick his hand? Dogs love him.

Speaking of dogs, yes, Leo has one. And yes, it’s a rescue dog, but you know what? Leo knows when to shut up about it.

And when I say “rescue dog,” I mean the whole shebang. Like, one of those sad ones with an eye-patch and a wheel. No big deal.

During the cast Christmas party on the Titanic set, DiCaprio played Santa. None of the kids knew.

And he got them all Nerf Super Soakers. They had water fights every week….

And still do:
During the filming of Romeo + Juliet, Leo begged Baz Luhrman to change the ending – claiming that it would be “too sad for Claire.”

But of course, it was really because he was afraid of keeping it together.

And if you think that, to this day, Leo can hear Lovefool without crying, you’re an idiot.

When Leo became a teen heartthrob, he vowed to use his powers for good. That’s why he made a pledge to star in the film adaptation of every high school required reading book. He’s already knocked Romeo +Juliet and The Great Gatsby off the list, and is really gunning for a role in an adaptation of I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings or The Catcher In The Rye.

Although the internet (and my memories of 1998, to be honest) tell me that Leo’s middle name is Wilhelm, I like to believe that it’s actually something more “all-American boy in the 1980s,” like Cody or Chad or Shane.

Leonardo DiCaprio still uses the word “rad.”

Recently, Leo bought a case of “the best toothpaste in the world” off of eBay.

Leo has “the boys” over for game night every week. “Game night” means video games – and Leo prefers N64 and Sega to all those modern systems.

And though a leading man in his day job, he prefers to play as Luigi and Yoshi. Just that kind of guy.
Leonardo DiCaprio’s fridge is always stocked with Sunny D.
Typical party at Leo’s place.
During the first screening of Titanic, Leo turned to James Cameron and whispered “dude. It was NOT COOL to show that dead baby’s head in the wreckage.” Cameron was forced to explain that it was actually a doll:
When a special effects team was debating how to age Leonardo to play J. Edgar Hoover, the eerily baby-faced Leo told them: “hold tight, I have a portrait in my attic you could use for reference.”
It was a joke. Leo reads books, remember?

In his rumpus room (oh yeah, Leo has a rumpus room), DiCaprio has a dart board with an image of the Oscar statuette at the center.

Inspired by an article in Oprah’s O Magazine, Leo recently created a vision board. It’s all just pictures of Oscars, Kate Winslet, and skateboards. Despite his public protestations, DiCaprio still thinks of Winslet as “the one that got away. ” And he just always thought it would be fun to know how to skateboard.

It really hurt his feelings when older brothers across the nation began referring to him as “Leonardo DiCrapio in the late 90s.

Before DiCaprio goes on Kelly and Michael, his publicist always has to remind him that it is not, in fact, called “The Regis Show.”

12Nov2013

Leonardo DiCaprio, The Internet, and You

Posted in Entertainment by Traci

Then again, Leo has somehow been a constant presence on the internet, despite the man himself being a more reserved and private celebrity. Case in point: Memes.