Checking In On The Obamas Six Months After The Goodbye

It’s been six very long months since we watched Our President wave goodbye and fly off into the sky on Marine One one last time.

Since then… well, you know what’s happened since then. I’m not going to focus on that. Instead, I’m going to highlight the things Barack, Michelle, Malia and Sasha have been up to since moving out of the White House and into a regular (yet still bougie) house as private citizens. For a few minutes, let’s just forget what’s happening at 1600 Penn and pretend this family is still First.

January

To The Desert

Immediately after the inauguration, Barack and Michelle travelled to Palm Springs, California, the first stop on their world tour.

Despite the fact they were delayed by rain, B & M enjoyed some R & R at the homes of the ambassador to Spain and Angora, James Costos,  and Michael S. Smith, who was their WH interior designer.

Like a Virgin

Soon after, the Obamas headed to the British Virgin Islands to stay at Sir Richard Branson’s private resort. Judging by the way they dressed, it was clear they were enjoying the time off.

February

And then came the now iconic photos of Barry living his BEST LIFE kitesurfing with a billionaire.

Perhaps the only time I’ll say this, but WHO’S GOT TICKETS TO THE GUN SHOW???? Barry O, that’s who. Like any good friend, Richard blogged about their day out on the waves, and even included a video of their kitesurfing challenge for good measure.

#CoupleGoals

Serious couple goals. Always and forever.

Malia in Manhattan

Meanwhile, Malia’s off on her gap year before heading off to Harvard, and she’s been busy being photographed walking into her internship at big shot Hollywood producer Harvey Weinstein’s film company. The 18 year old reportedly landed a gig in the development department, reading and pitching scripts to be made into potential movies. She started at the beginning of February, and just a few weeks in, proud dad Barack went to visit her for some dad/daughter time. They were spotted having dinner, and hanging out with Danny DeVito backstage at his Broadway show. Hand holding included.

March

When you gotta look fly just to go to the National Art Gallery.

Michelle, still acting more First Lady than the current one, surprised young ladies at Francis L. Cardozo Education Campus in honor of International Women’s Day. The school has an international program for recent immigrants, and she spoke with a group of girls on the importance of education.

Barack and Michelle were quite the jetsetters in March – after DC, they went back to NYC to visit Malia again (and also dine with Bono and get a standing ovation on the way out), stopped in California again to meet with some tech bosses, and then back home to Hawaii to visit family and hit the links, and get his fave shaved ice (I’m assuming).

By the end of the month, Barack was reportedly in the small French Polynesian island of Tetiaroa (once owned by Marlon Brando), where rumor has it he spent time writing their memoirs. Oh, BTW, in February, Barack and Michelle inked a reported $65 MILLION deal for separate books with Crown Publishing.

And because B continues to be more presidential than say, other presidents out there, he tweeted this out the day of the (first) terror attacks in London:

April

Michelle joined her boo and continued their tour of French Polynesia, as they were spotted in the island of Moorea paddleboarding (#LetsMove) and swimming, and snorkeling. But the best part? They weren’t alone. They lived that yacht life with a few nobodies – Tom Hanks, Bruce Springsteen and Oprah. !!!! It was on that boat that Barry proved he was the ultimate Instagram Husband (we’ll just pretend he’s not taking the pix with an iPad – or maybe we won’t)

Apparently the ultimate squad island hopped, visiting Vanilla Island, Le Taha’a Island and Bora Bora. BUT WHAT HAPPENED ON THIS VACATION?! ARE THEY PLANNING ON FORMING A NEW COUNTRY? BUYING A BUNCH OF THE FRENCH POLYNESIAN ISLANDS? WE NEED TO KNOW JIC AMERICA BURNS TO THE GROUND.

Oprah will never tell. “I can’t talk about it, I can’t talk about it!” Thanks for nothing, O.

So, Uh, What’s Been Going On While I’ve Been Gone?

The Obamas headed back to the States and home to Chicago, where Barry made his first public appearance since that gloomy day in January. Naturally, the event was a discussion with students about civic engagement and leadership at the University of Chicago, where he taught constitutional law. You remember the Constitution, right?

May

Barack shipped up to Boston, where he was awarded the 2017 John F. Kennedy Profile in Courage Award, where he was reunited with some familiar faces – Sen. Elizabeth Warren, former Massachusetts Gov. Deval Patrick, former Secretary of State John Kerry, and of course, “the best vice president the country has ever known, Mr. Joe Biden.”

During his speech, B reflected on JFK and the basis of the award, urging members of Congress to exhibit similar bravery in the current battle over health care. Tell ’em Barry.

Oh also, he said this of Mich: “I also want to thank Michelle Obama for after the presidency sticking with me because I think she felt an obligation to the country to stay on. But once her official duties were over, it wasn’t clear. I love my wife. And I’m grateful for her. And I do believe that it was America’s great good fortune to have her as first lady.” SWOON.

Speaking of Michelle, there was a report that the Trump administration was going to immediately halt her Let Girls Learn initiative, and while the WH denied the allegations, Michelle still threw the best shade on Inta.

Obama Presidential Center and Library, you say?

Barack then made his way over to Europe, where he was probably sweeping up all the debris Trump left in his wake and giving handshakes that are normal. During his time there, Barack visited friends in Scotland, London (hello Prince Harry), and Germany, where he noted, “In this new world we live in, we can’t isolate ourselves. We can’t hide behind a wall.”

And because he can now, Barack and Michelle also went to Tuscany, where he proudly sported a dress shirt sans tie, while Mich continued to slay with an off the shoulder number. Ironically, Trump was on his first European trip during this time, so I can’t help but image the Obamas sitting in their luxurious villa and clinking their glasses of red wine while giving each other a knowing look.

June

Back in the U.S. DT announced plans to pull out of the Paris Agreement, which Barack and his administration worked hard to put in place. Barry was NOT happy about it [See his statement here].

THE BROMANCE WAS ALIVE

If you’re wondering where Sasha has been, she’s been at school in DC, and since she’s only going to be a junior in September, Barack and Michelle decided to stay in the ‘hood at least until she graduates. Since January, the Obamas were renting out an 8,200-square-foot home in the Kalorama neighborhood,  which is basically where the rich people live. In June, they decided to make the home permanent and purchased the house for a sensible $8.1 million.

But also, she’s been busy throwing a LIT AF Sweet Sixteen birthday party.

Kids grow up so fast. Also, we were reminded that Sasha’s full name is Natasha. So that’s a thing that blew up Twitter.

Reminder that Barack and Michelle are actually friends with Jay Z and Beyonce. Here’s Barack sending a video message congratulating Jay on his induction to the Songwriters Hall of Fame – a ceremony he didn’t even attend. Come to find out, Rumi and Sir Carter blessed us with their presence just three days before.

And then he had to released ANOTHER statement on health care and the shitshow that is the ACHA.

With Sasha out of school for the summer, it was time for a family trip, and the Obamas headed to Indonesia, where where Barack lived as a kid since his beloved mom did anthropological research there. They went whitewater rafting, and visited the Tirtha Empul temple in Bali wearing matching sarongs.

July

Barack also gave a speech in front of thousands of people at the Fourth Congress of Indonesian Diaspora in Jakarta, and in addition to speaking Indonesian, he totally shaded DT yet again, not exactly calling him out on the Muslim travel ban, but basically doing it.

Then Michelle stopped in Los Angeles for a surprise appearance at the ESPYs.

While Barack was busy meeting babies in Alaskan airports

Yesterday, it was revealed that Sen. John McCain (and Barack’s former 2008 opponent) was diagnosed with brain cancer. Instead of wishing any ill will, he showed all class and subtle shade at the same time:

We miss you Obamas. It’s been six months but it feels like six decades.

Celeb Kids I’d Like To Be On Take Your Kid To Work Day

25 years ago, parents started bringing their daughters to the one place they went to get away from their kids – work.

Take Your Daughter To Work Day started in 1993 by the Ms. Foundation for Women, in an effort to expand young girls’ career horizons and increase visibility of adult women in the workplace. In 2003, they expanded the day to include boys, officially renaming it Take Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day, because #MensRights.

Growing up, I’d spend a number of days in my mom or dad’s office (official holiday or not), and because I was a nerd, I liked playing with office supplies and drawing on that old school green and white striped printer paper. Playing “office” in an office was some next level shit. But sitting in the corner of a cubicle listening to the soft rock radio station is nothing compared to going to work with people who have much more “interesting” jobs than my parents. Here are just some kids I’m jealous of, whose day probably won’t include playing with a printing calculator.

Blue Ivy Carter {Daughter of Beyonce and Jay Z}

Blue already seems like the type of kid who goes to work with her parents on the daily anyways, but to get an all access pass to Jay and Bey’s work life? Sign me up. Get up, work out in Ivy Park gear, lay down a track in the studio, rehearse for the upcoming tour, have a meeting with a top Hollywood executive, then attend the Met Gala at night? Yes. But let’s be real – I would go to work with Blue Ivy any day of the week.

Hazel and Violet Krasinski {Daughters of Emily Blunt and John Krasinski}

You know how you just know people are going to be good parents? Like they were always meant to be parents, but they just didn’t have the kids yet? That’s how I feel about Emily and John – two people I do not know personally. They both seem like warm, loving people who are good humans, and therefore would raise good humans. Bonus: I wouldn’t be surprised if John willingly plays dress up and tea with his two daughters with no shame at all.

Sebastian Miranda {Son of Lin-Manuel Miranda and Vanessa Nadal}

We haven’t even seen Sebastian Miranda’s face, but if you follow Lin at all, it’s pretty clear their tot is a genius. Which makes sense given his dad is a Tony/Grammy/Emmy/Pulitzer winner and his mom is a scientist who got bored so she decided to get her law degree. What is it like to have such smart parents? I’d love to get a glimpse of Lin’s creative process then follow him on set with Emily Blunt on Mary Poppins Returns (DOES SEBASTIAN PLAY WITH HAZEL AND VIOLET?), and then shadow Vanessa and understand absolutely nothing about the law? That would be a bit of a day.

Prince George and Princess Charlotte {Royal kids of Prince William and Princess Kate}

As Americans, part of the reason why we obsess so much over the royals is because we don’t really have the equivalent of them here. Maybe Jay and Bey? But it’s not the same. So the fascination with Wills and Kate and their two offspring is astonishing. I get that they do a lot of humanitarian work and travel all over the UK and the rest of the world, but just to see what a normal day in the life of a Princess would be an American girl’s dream.

North and Saint West {Kids of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West}

Kim Kardashian has such a public profile that you’ve got to wonder if there’s anything she keeps to herself, or if her personality among friends and family is the same that you see on TV. Meanwhile, her husband may shy away from the reality TV show cameras and in-depth interviews about the details of his life, but he’s obviously not afraid of going on long-winded Twitter rants or IRL rants. Sure, going to the studio with Ye or a photo shoot with Kim would be fun, but honestly, what are they like as parents without the cameras around?

Luna Legend {Daughter of Chrissy Teigen and John Legend}

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the never-ending song

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The opportunity to have John Legend sing to me all day while Chrissy works on recipes for her new cookbook in the kitchen? You’d have to be nutso to decline that.

Alice and Penelope Richmond {Daughters of Tina Fey and Jeff Richmond}

TBH, I’d hang out with Alice and Penelope without Tina and Jeff, but in terms of a workload, I imagine both of their schedules are insane. Tina’s working on the upcoming season of Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, and she’s executive producing new sitcom from 30 Rock/The Mindy Project alum Tracey Wigfield Great News, and also a pilot (starring Casey Wilson & Busy Philipps!), while she and Jeff are working on adapting Mean Girls into a musical – due to hit the stage this fall in D.C. I just want a sneak peek of the musical.

Sasha Obama {Daughter of Michelle and Barack Obama}

Sure, would it have been a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to go to work with your dad at the White House when he was still the leader of the free world? Yeah. But post-presidency Barack – the most low key Barack of them all – is the one I want to know all the things about. He’s technically not working, but it seems like he’s living his best life kitesurfing with millionaires, attending Broadway shows with Malia, and hanging out on yachts with other millionaires like Oprah and Tom Hanks. Maybe it’s just because I miss him and Mich a lot. Maybe it’s both.

Baron Trump {Son of Melania and Donald Trump}

Barron Trump is an enigma. But I just want to see for myself exactly how much (how little) work his dad is doing. Then get out of there ASAP.

The Secret Service Looking Chill And Normal

Two things I know for sure about the Secret Service:

  1. They are bound by honor and duty to take a bullet for the U.S. President. And maybe for the Vice President?
  2. When they’re ‘undercover,’ they dress like aliens who have an academic understanding of what people wear but can’t quite get there.

With the conventions and the upcoming election, we’re thinking about the presidential office even more than usual. Still, it’s important to acknowledge the unsung heroes of the Oval Office: the Secret Service, who definitely look very chill and normal.

The Secret Service at Lollapalooza

Last week Malia Obama, recent high school grad and future Harvard student,  attended Lollapalooza (contrast with our summer-after-graduation activities: drinking at our friend Sarah’s house if her mom was at work and watching Laguna Beach).

Unlike most 18-year-olds, Malia was tailed by the Secret Service who – don’t worry – looked super relaxed and youthful in their matching plaid shirts and khaki pants. It’s the same chill look I wore when J. Crew was the sponsor of Dawson’s Creek – very slouchy, incredibly normal.

* These would be my favorite days if I was a Secret Service agent. Like casual Friday.

The Secret Service Shopping In Spain

For this one I imagine they sent someone ahead on a secret recon mission, who confirmed that all of the men in Spain were, for whatever reason, wearing polo shirts that week.

The Secret Service Relaxing At A B-Ball Game

I appreciate that this time they just went for dark suits, Mormon missionary standard-issue white button-downs, no tie — still their regular look, just a little loosened up.

They are also wearing the facial expressions of two aliens trying to look chill and normal at a basketball game.

The Secret Service Going For A Nice Jog

I honestly feel sorry for people too young to remember the Jogging Bill Clinton era. But not TOO sorry, since all those people have, you know, their youth still.

Anyway Slick Willy got really into jogging for a while, and it was sort of a thing on American news outlets and late night shows. If memory serves, he was trailed by a slow-moving car.

In the early 90s, workout clothes had two speeds: multi-colored matching track suits, or shorts for a baby. In this photo we can see it all. Note that here Bill is jogging with both the Secret Service AND the Japanese police, who is about to run over a small old woman.

The Secret Service Sitting Down At A Concert

Best seat at a concert: behind the secret service, who sit all the way down, ducking behind Malia Obama like a toddler being dragged to the church coffee hour with his mom.

The Secret Service Wearing Their Golf Shirts They Bought Together

“Me, Trevor and Steve all bought blue polos, you want us to grab you one?” – the Secret Service shopping group text.

The Secret Service Go Take A Hike

Back at it in those casual plaids. Hey. The Secret Service tries hard and they’re doing a good job.

*** Special Next- Day Update! ***

The Secret Service was recently spotted looking like a dads at Victoria’s Secret while awkwardly waiting for Sasha Obama to finish her shift at Nancy’s, a Martha’s Vineyard fish joint.

Let’s throw it back to some classic MV Secret Service. To their credit, they are not wearing what I imagine their Martha’s Vineyard intel would have told them was a ‘typical’ outfit:

  • GTH pants or Nantucket Reds
  • a Brooks Brothers oxford with pushed-up sleeves
  • a Black Dog hat
  • boat shoes
  • a Vineyard Vines bow tie