Rex Manning Day, Mean Girls Day and More: Essential Pop Culture Holidays

In The Great Gatsby, Daisy always watched for the longest day of the year and then missed it. In the age of tumblr, I always watch for Saturday Detention Day, AKA Breakfast Club Day, and then miss it. I kind of understand how Daisy must feel. In the interest of never missing another movie or TV holiday, we’re compiling them here. Did we miss any? Let us know before we’re late to yet another Aaron Samuels Day.

Galentines Day

Date: February 13
TV Show: Parks and Recreation (2009 – 2015)
Reasoning:

Leap Day

Date: February 29, every 4 years
TV Show: 30 Rock
Reasoning: 30 Rock didn’t invent Leap Day, but it did invent Leap Day William, the heart and soul of the holiday

The Day Of The Dude

Date: March 8
Movie: The Big Lebowski (1998)
Reasoning: Anniversary of the Big Lebowski’s Release

Breakfast Club Day AKA Saturday Detention Day

Date: March 24
Movie: The Breakfast Club (1984)
Reasoning:

Winston Smith Day AKA 1984 Day

Date: April 4
Book: 1984, by George Orwell (1949)
Reasoning: The day Winston Smith began his diary.

Rex Manning Day

Date: April 8
Movie: Empire Records (1995)
Reasoning:

The Perfect Date

Date: April 25th
Movie: Miss Congeniality
Reasoning:

N Sync Day

Date: April 30
Song: It’s Gonna Be Me
Reasoning:

The Battle of Hogwarts

Date: May 2
Book and Movie: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Reasoning: Confirmed by J.K. Rowling, who said that Victoire Weasley was born on the anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts, May 2. The year was 1998:

Star Wars Day

Date: May 4
Movies: Many
Reasoning:

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

Date: June 5
Movie: Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986)
 Reasoning: It’s iffy. That’s the day the audio from the Chicago Bears game they attended came from, but there may have been a few months left in the schoolyear. Also, that parade would have been in the fall. Let’s say that any day you play hooky can be Ferris Bueller Day in your heart.

Best Friends Day

Date: June 8
TV Show: Spongebob Squarepants
Reasoning: There’s no date given for Best Friends Day in the episode where Spongebob and Patrick celebrate it, so it’s usually celebrated on the Facebook-ish holiday of Best Friends Day, June 8

Bloomsday

Date: June 16
Book: Ulysses, by James Joyce (1922)
Reasoning: The events of Ulysses (main character Leopold Bloom) take place on June 16, 1904

Harry Potter’s Birthday

Date: July 31
Books/Movies: The Harry Potter series
Reasoning: Not only is this the date Harry was born in 1980, it’s when JK Rowling was born in 1965. And of course, Neville Longbottom was born the day before Harry if you want to turn it into a two-day event.

Roald Dahl Day

Date: September 13
Books: Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, The BFG, Matilda, James and the Giant Peach, and many, many more
Reasoning: Roald Dahl was born on this day in 1916. Last year we celebrated with a whole week dedicated to Matilda.

Mean Girls Day AKA Aaron Samuels Day

Date: October 3
Movie: Mean Girls (2004)
Reasoning:

Treat Yo Self Day

Date: October 13
TV Show: Parks and Recreation (2009 – 2015)
Reasoning: The ‘treat yo self’ episode aired on this date in 2011

Abed’s Rudolph Day

Date: December 9
TV Show: Community (2009 – 2015)
Reasoning: In the classic 2010 claymation episode Abed’s Uncontrollable Christmas, this is the day Abed always watches Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer with his mom. 

Refrigerator Day

Date: December 11
TV Show: Dinosaurs (1991)
Reasoning: The date this classic episode about Refrigerator Day aired:

 

Festivus

Date: December 23
TV Show: Seinfeld  (1989 – 1998)
Reasoning: The day the holiday ‘for the rest of us’ is celebrated with the feats of strength, airing of grievances and Festivus pole.

 

Advertisements

Questions, Comments, Concerns: Christian Mingle – The Movie

There’s a Christian Mingle movie, and it’s on Netflix. It stars Lacey Chabert (Claudia Salinger, Gretchen Weiners) as Gwyneth, a vaguely (but not seriously) Christian lady who joins Christian Mingle. That’s all you need to know. I watched it so you don’t have to, and here are my questions, comments and concerns:

Comment: I have nothing against Christians. Or Mingling.

Where “mingling” = online dating, if it appeals to you. Mingling in the sense of making small talk at networking events? Now that I have some problems with.

Concern: But as a movie?
Comment: Lacey Chabert used to have a bible next to her bed.

Which is to say: I have a weird memory of an article or blurb about Lacey Chabert in a Christian teen magazine in the late 90s/ early 2000s. She has a bible next to her bed. Or did as a teen. According to this magazine my friend had.

Now, Lacey Chabert is one of my favorite Frequent Hallmark Actresses. I’m afraid you’re going to read that as sarcasm; it isn’t.

Question: Is this a fictional movie that the characters are watching in Saved?

Because that’s how I’m approaching it.

Comment: Voiceover: “I found him. With a capitol H.”
Question: Is this an AU fic about a 30-year-old Gretchen Weiners?

Because that’s also how I’m approaching it.

Comment: When Europeans talk about American teeth, they’re talking about Lacey Chabert’s teeth.

That’s not shade. Her teeth are pretty.

Comment: Gwyneth’s friend group = (L-R) a girl from a Disney Channel Original Movie who wants to do modern dance but her mom won’t let her, a blonde woman who was friends with Mindy on .5 seasons of The Mindy Project, Gretchen, and an indie singer from the early 2010s.

I mean, based on wardrobe and styling choices.

Concern: The general portrayal of single women is NOOOOOOO.

It’s fine to want a relationship, but this whole competing with female friends to get engaged first / seeming like a sad sack because you’re – gasp! – 30 years old and single (even though you have a nice apartment, some kind of job where your office is shabby chic, and a nice friend group) / judging your still-single friends thing feels like if a 60-year-old Christian man were trying to write my life and got it all wrong. Which – by the way – is exactly what this is.

It’s like a movie through the lens of how your aunts probably see you.

Concern: The Sassy Black Secretary is WHYYYYYYY.

Not the actress – she’s good- but the trope.

Comment: Oh hey, Sandy Ryerson from Glee. Fancy seeing you here.
Comment: Voiceover: “At this point, I’m like God, this is Gwyneth Payton calling, and if you are out there, um, help?!”
Comment: Gretchen Gwyneth is stalked by Christian Mingle commercials.

(Non-shady moment: I know of at least 3 couples who met on a Catholic dating site, so if it’s your thing go for it.)

Comment: In her CM profile, Gretchen inputs her church’s name as “God’s House.”

… Which, if it’s a joke about someone who doesn’t go to church making up the name of something that sounds churchy, is funny.

Good work, Christian Mingle: The Movie. Made me chuckle.

Question: If Gretchen isn’t into church/Jesus/etc, why doesn’t she just join literally any other dating site?

 

Question: Why are people so concerned about nicknames for two-syllable names?

The Christian Mingler asks Gwyneth what people call her. I flashed back to every time one of my siblings or cousins or friends has a baby  and some uncle type always asks what you’ll call them. For a two-syllable name. Which takes like a second to say.

Comment: The Christian Mingler is written to be a Jake Lacy type.
Question: Is Jake Lacy a type yet?
Comment: Gretchen is wearing crucifix earrings to her Christian Mingle date.

HAHAHAHA. Got me again, Christian Mingle: The Movie.

Question: Is the set design of the Bible Study friend’s house a joke?

It’s full of framed inspirational posters with waterfalls and Bible quotes and a throw pillow that definitely says Jesus on it. Really feeling the Saved vibes here.

Questions: Do Christians love skinny scarves and coffee?

Or just in this movie?

Comment: This church is all wrong.

Not theologically or whatever! In terms of design.

Safe to guess that these people aren’t Catholic. The decor of the Church says, if not Catholic, at least mainline protestant – Anglican or Lutheran, probs, based on the Jesus on the crucifix (vs a bare cross). Maybe Methodist or Presbyterian. But the overall rhetoric the church people use says nondenominational evangelical.

I guess I’m saying I was surprised to see Gretchen walk into an Episcopal-looking church and not a megachurch with lyrics on screens and a worship band and a smoothie bar.

Comment: All these people are awful.

Gretchen, faking a dating profile? Awful. The Christian Mingler’s skeptical WASP mom? Awful. The people Gretchen works with except for the Sassy Secretary? Awful. Gretchen’s friends who scoff at her outfits AND at Meryl Streep? Awful. Only the Christian Mingler himself is okay.

Comment: Everyone at this rancho is dressed like they’re at one of those camps where they send Christian youths to get them back on the straight and narrow or whatever.
Question: Why does Mexico need mission trips?

It’s like 95% Christian. Unless they don’t mean evangelizing. But what else is Gretchen fit to do?

I’m almost positive they explained this while I wasn’t paying attention. It’s my fault, not the movie.

(Ed. note: there was a hurricane.)

Comment: They’re painting a church. Sister Act did it better.

That’s not really a fair comparison. The only movie as good as Sister Act is Sister Act II: Back In The Habit.

Question: What is having this white lady read from a bible, then having a Mexican lady translate, accomplishing that having a Mexican lady read the bible wouldn’t?

Is it because she’s glowing with the white lady love of Christ?

Concern: The white lady’s “good” Spanish almost makes me want to lose all Christian charity.
Comment: Voice over:  “they know, I know they know, they know I know they know,” paraphrased, but way less funny than it was on Friends.
Comment: The Christian Mingler hands Gretchen her copy of Christianity for Dummies that was found under her bed. He presents it like a mom who just found a bong in her teen’s room.
Question: Isn’t Christianity for Dummies already a thing? Isn’t that just the Bible?

Not calling anyone who reads it DUMB I just mean all the stuff is in there.

Besides, what’s so bad about Christianity for Dummies? Gretchen says she was baptized and grew up with church and now she’s trying to learn more about it – see “all these people are awful,” above.

Question: Also does anyone read For Dummies books anymore?

The whole internet is a for dummies guide already, for free.

Comment: Count the broken commandments in this movie.

I’ll start: bearing false witness against thy neighbor.

Comment: Don’t worry, the secretary goes to a storefront church with good music.
Concern: Gretchen has a creepy haunted doll baby in her apartment. And a murky gray painting of disembodied hands.

Is this what they think interior design of the unchurched looks like?

Question: HOW IS GRETCHEN USEFUL IN MEXICO. HOW.

A little boy tells Gretchen to go to the church – a Spanish 101 query, if that – and she needs him to repeat it slowly in English. #UglyAmerican

Graduation Caps On Fleek

When we graduated high school 12 years (!!!!) ago, we didn’t have the option – or maybe didn’t even know there was the option – to decorate the tops of our caps. By college, I think the trend was still out there, but people at my school didn’t delve into their arts & crafts side, despite being an arts school. But now that it’s graduation season again, I am constantly seeing more and more elaborately decorated caps that are more exciting than any commencement I’ve ever attended.

And of course, there’s a good chunk out there that were inspired by pop culture, so here are some of the best from the Class of 2016 and their graduation caps on fleek*.

*I’m too old to be saying that they’re not “on fleek” I take that back.

Where is the lie?

Queen B for those Queens, B.

OMG!!!! 🎓❤️💛💙🎓

A post shared by ☕️ Best Of Friends Podcast ☕️ (@bofpodcast) on

And of course the wise words of Michael Scott…

Some call it the Hamilton Effect (we do. we call it that.)

Low-Fright Movie Night: Halloween Movies That Won’t Scare Your Pants Off

I love almost everything about Halloween. Candy? Awesome. Costumes? Fun! Falling leaves, cider, donuts, tacky decorations? Sure! But there’s one big part of the holiday I can’t get behind: being scared. Slasher movies gross me out. I love ghost stories and spooky stuff, but as night falls and I’m alone in my 105-year-old house, I really, really wish I had skipped it. Besides, there’s plenty of real-life stuff to be afraid of, like repaying my student loans, or the prospect that the dead mouse I found this morning has left a widow and children somewhere in my house. Scaring myself silly over things that probably don’t exist doesn’t help matters.

So what to do if you want to get into the Halloween spirit, but don’t want the Halloween spirit to keep you up in the middle of the night? Here are some of my favorite Halloween movies – either gently supernatural, or set during the season – that don’t leave me feeling all goosebumpy.

Harry Potter

Pick a Harry Potter, any Harry Potter! But for the gentle, slightly witchy fun I’m looking for – before things get quite so heavy and house elves start dying – I like to stick to the first three movies. The Halloween scene in Harry Potter And The Sorcerer’s (/Philosopher’s) Stone is especially festive. Note: I have also convinced myself that some of the Harry Potter movies are Christmas-appropriate due to the occasional picturesque snowfall or Yuletide celebration in the Great Hall.

The Crucible

You know what’s REALLY scary? McCarthyism. While the only demon here was the mob mentality bred by religious fundamentalism (Halloween fun!!!), the talk of witches and rustic New England setting make this a great one to enjoy in October.

When the two of us were in high school, we covered this play in English (of course), and entertained ourselves for weeks by saying things like “I saw Goody Traci with the devil, she ‘ad ‘is poppet! She signed ‘is book!” in an inexplicably Cockney accent. Yes, we have always been exactly the people we are right now.

This is coming to Broadway with Saoirse Ronan and Tavi Gevinson as Puritan teens and I couldn’t be more excited.

E.T.

There’s an awesome trick-or-treating scene, plus aliens always feel like at least a Halloween-adjacent topic. Halloween always makes me feel a little nostalgic and this movie takes me right back to my childhood in the late 80s and early 90s.

Hocus Pocus

Speaking of nostalgia, nothing could bring me back to my youth in a better way than the Halloween classic Hocus Pocus. It has an all-star cast – Bette Midler, Kathy Najimy and Sarah Jessica Parker! – gorgeous visuals, a fun plot, and even takes it back to Colonial times like the Crucible did. This movie is from 1993, but I swear it’s timeless. You can read our live blog here.

The Witches

Based on the Roald Dahl book, this movie has all the offbeat, macabre fun you’d expect, but it’s silly enough that – for an adult, anyway – it isn’t going to haunt your dreams.

Edward Scissorhands

This list is leaning heavily to movies that were shown on cable a lot when I was a child, but whatever, the 80s and early 90s were apparently a great era for non-scary, dark paranormal movies. Tim Burton movies, on the whole, are great Halloween viewing if you’re easily spooked, because everything is sort of dark and rickety, but it’s also absurd enough that it won’t scare you. There will be more where this came from!

Beetlejuice

Aha! Here we are again. Even as a little kid, I thought Beetlejuice was more fun than scary. What could be more Halloween-appropriate than an old-school “scary” movie night with Beetlejuice, Edward Scissorhands, and a few more from this list? While Tim Burton is an easy match for a list like this I’m also noticing that this is the third Winona Ryder movie so far.

The Nightmare Before Christmas

Rounding out our Tim Burton trilogy, The Nightmare Before Christmas has an awesome aesthetic, great songs, and is part of a true golden era of Halloween entertainment (it came out the same year as Hocus Pocus! I was one lucky second grader).

The Addams Family

And Addams Family values: part of the weird 90s trend of making feature films out of long-dead tv shows (see also: The Brady Bunch, Leave It To Beaver, The Beverly Hillbillies). But while the show never particularly tickled my funny bone, this movie – particularly deadpan Wednesday Addams, played by a too-talented-for-her-age Christina Ricci – still holds up pretty well.

Rocky Horror Picture Show

None of the goblins and ghouls in Rocky Horror are scary  – in fact, the only “scary” thing is maybe what a weird place we were at in the 70s. It’s a cult classic for a reason, with a farcical plot and catchy songs that are just as outlandish in 2015 as they were 40 years ago (while we’re at it: 40 years?! Round of applause for Susan Sarandon!).

Mean Girls

It’s not a Halloween movie, but the Halloween sequence is truly classic – and, for us nostalgia-heads, a great peak back in the Paris Hilton-y early 2000s. I still get a kick out of Cady in her “ex wife” costume. Much like Harry Potter, I also convince myself that this is a Christmas movie because there’s a Christmas scene in it.

Halloweentown

I saw (and live blogged) Halloweentown for the first time a few years ago because I didn’t have Disney as a kid, and was hit over the head by how deliciously late 90s it was. You can also follow up with Halloweentown II, Halloweentown High and Return To Halloweentown (but I didn’t).

The Village

Fun(?) fact: I worked at a movie theater at the time and multiple customers told me I looked like “that girl in The Village” and I’m not sure that was meant to be a compliment, pretty as Bryce Dallas Howard is in other movies.

This isn’t M. Night Shyamalan’s most acclaimed movie, but it IS his least scary! By the end, when the Shyamalan-required twist is revealed, you will probably not be shaking in your boots – but it does have just the right amount of atmospheric spookiness and autumn scenery to make you feel like you tried. It’s like the movie version of going on the tilt-a-whirl, but not the upside down roller coaster.

Tower Of Terror

Look. It’s a TV movie based on a  Disney theme park ride. Enough said? But it’s sort of fun in a 1930s-meets-1990s way.

Kiki’s Delivery Service

I’m not into cartoons – well, except for Disney, Pixar, and Bob’s Burgers – but Hayao Miyazaki knows how to make cartoons that appeal to anyone who likes a well-made film. Kiki is a young witch flying around on a broomstick, but … I don’t know. It’s just a really nicely made movie. If you’re keeping count of the 90s child starlets, this is the second consecutive Kirsten Dunst movie. She’s gaining on Winona Ryder and Christina Ricci!

Honorable Mentions

If you like classics, To Kill A Mockingbird and Meet Me In St. Louis both have fantastic trick or treating scenes. And Goonies – which for me personally just doesn’t feel like Halloween – definitely wouldn’t be out of place either.

 

#RightNowAFreshman versus In 2004, A Freshman…

Right now, a Freshman …

is perusing the trending Twitter hashtag #RightNowAFreshman to find other people sharing the same experience.

In 2004, a Freshman ….

thinks the last sentence was just a bunch of nonsense words. Also, why is there a pound sign?

Right now, a Freshman …

is wearing the same outfit my sister wore to her college move-in day in 1996.

In 2004, a Freshman …

would not have been caught DEAD in 90s clothes, unless it was part of a group Saved By The Bell Halloween costume. But I sure did look fly in my low-rise boot cuts, hot pink American Eagle polo, and pukka shell necklace!

Right now, a Freshman ….

is streaming episodes of Keeping Up With The Kardashians  – a show that has been on since she was 10, by the way.

In 2004, a Freshman …

had to be back at the dorm at 9:00 for the next episode of The Simple Life with Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie. I’m not sure what a Kardashian is?

Right now, a Freshman ….

is illegally streaming episodes of Real Housewives from Korea in order to avoid awkward conversation with the new roomie.

In 2004, a Freshman …

was illegally downloading the latest Dave Matthews album on Kazaa – also in order to avoid awkward conversation with the new roomie. Then the internet broke.

Right now, a Freshman …

is realizing that her new roomie’s tumblr persona greatly misrepresented the kind of person she is.

In 2004, a Freshman …

is realizing that that 10-minute phone conversation on mom and dad’s land line with her new roomie greatly misrepresented the kind of person she is.

Right now, a Freshman …

is avoiding the lame alcohol-free foam party mixer the Student Association is putting on by staying in and making it a Netflix Night.

In 2004 a Freshman …

was avoiding the lame alcohol-free foam party mixer the Student Association is putting on by staying in and watching the MTV marathon of Laguna Beach. It’s so easy to keep watching when they don’t run commercials in between episodes! I wonder if I should buy the DVD when it comes out.

Right now, a Freshman ….

is nervous about wasting all of their good outfits the first week.

In 2004 a Freshman …

was nervous about wasting all of their good outfits the first week.

Denim minis were the perfect dress up/ dress down item.

Right now, a Freshman…

is desperately trying to connect her phone to the dorm’s weak WiFi network so she doesn’t get socked with data charges. I don’t have the unlimited plan, here.

In 2004 a Freshman …

accidentally opened the internet browser on her flip phone then shut it in a panic. We aren’t millionaires here.

Right now a Freshman …

has decided that she’s not really the kind of person that goes to Frat parties. This is likely to change within a few weeks despite her aversion to pastel shorts worn with Oxford shirts.

In 2004 a Freshman ….

also decided that she wasn’t really the kind of person that goes to Frat parties, but changed her mind within a few weeks despite her aversion to popped collars and cargo shorts.

Right now a Freshman ….

is wondering if it would be too much to Google Maps her way from her dorm to all of her class buildings.

In 2004 a Freshman ….

had to learn how to get around campus with a one of those old-timey maps with a cartoon of the wind in the corner, the advice of upperclassmen who knew the secret tunnels between buildings, and a portal to Narnia. Who designs these campuses?

Right now a Freshman …

is letting her tumblr posts get real dark for a while. Moving is hard.

In 2004 a Freshman …

keeps posting cryptic away messages on AIM for a while. Moving is hard.

Right now a Freshman …

is ignoring the groups of future friends in her floor’s ice breaker game, choosing to mass text old friends instead.

In 2004, a Freshman ….

was ignoring the groups of future friends in her floor’s ice breaker game, dashing back to her room as soon as it’s done to chat on AOL with old friends instead.

Right now a Freshman …

is wondering whether it’s too soon to Snapchat that cute guy from the next floor up.

In 2004, a Freshman …

is wondering whether it’s too soon to Myspace friend that cute guy from the next floor up. Will these people EVER work their way into my Top 8?

Right now a Freshman …

is on Instagram, gathering evidence that Miley is seriously starting to get out of hand.

In 2004, a Freshman…

was on Perez Hilton, gathering evidence that Lindsay Lohan is seriously starting to get out of hand. Hey, did you know that Billy Ray Cyrus has kids? No, I don’t care, either.

Right now, a Freshman…

thinks that she’ll “never change who she is,” but also knows that if she ever got famous she would be on Insta visiting kitten farms with Taylor Swift in a hot second.

In 2004, a Freshman …

thinks that she’ll “never change who she is,” but also knows that if she ever got famous she would be on Oh No They Didn’t stumbling out of a club with Lo Bosworth in a hot second.

Right now, a Freshman …

is establishing herself as the “funny one” on her floor with her spot-on impression of “Miley, what’s good?”

In 2004, a Freshman…

was establishing herself as the “funny one” on her floor with her spot-on impression of “that’s hottttt” (I was *known* for it).

Right now, a Freshman…

is stealing Trump 2016 stickers from cars on campus. Who DOES that? Hillary forever!

In 2004, a Freshman …

was stealing Bush/Cheney 2004 stickers from cars on campus. Who DOES that? Kerry forever!

Right now, a Freshman…

Thinks socialism could work in theory, it’s just never been implemented properly. Posts a rant about it on tumblr. Has not done any class reading yet.

In 2004, a Freshman ….

Thought the same thing, but posted it on a “board” online. Also had not done any class reading yet.

Right now, a Freshman…

Has decided she’s being *serious* about school now. Has created separate desktop folders for all her different classes.

In 2004, a Freshman….

Has decided that she’s being *serious* about school now. Uses ALL the different highlighter colors.

Right now a Freshman ….

is making “friends” with some random kids they won’t be talking to by next semester.

In 2004, a Freshman…

Remembered those people well enough to friend them on The Facebook once that came out … and are still Facebook friends with them to this day. Not sure why.

 

28 Co-stars Lindsay Lohan (Maybe) Didn’t Deserve

Well folks, she made it. Lindsay Lohan is celebrating her 28th year on earth today and we’re all alive to witness it. We’ve watched LiLo grow up in front of our very eyes – from The Parent Trap to acquiring an annoying celebrity nickname to befriending Oprah, Lindsay’s roots as a child star have putting her in the precarious position of being scrutinized in the public eye while still attempting to have a professional career. And while her heyday came between the late 90s and early 00s, Linds has still been in a number of films and TV cameos in her nearly 20 year career in the business, and many with exceptional co-stars. But let’s be real, how many of these outstanding co-stars deserved better than Lindsay Lohan? Hint: almost all of them. But in honor of Lindsay’s 28th birthday, here’s a definitive list of which of her former castmates deserved way better than a (in some cases, future) drug and alcohol addled LiLo to share the screen with.

28)  Megan Fox from Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen

Who knew Megan Fox would turn into one of Hollywood’s sexiest and most profitable stars? Well she did, even though it may have been hard to tell when she played opposite Lindsay in this teen musical movie. Actually, as I’m looking at this picture, maybe Lindsay’s hat should’ve been on the list instead.

27)  Tim Gunn in Project Runway

Linds served as a guest judge on the season six premiere of the fashion competition series, but let’s be real – the best part of Project Runway is Tim Gunn. And his fabulousness was wasted on Lindsay – like what even are those pants? She couldn’t even make those work.

26) The garbage can she fell into in Mean Girls

Warning: this is just the first of a few Mean Girls co-stars on this list – but I feel like one of the most iconic scenes from the movie is this one, with Lindsay’s legs just sticking straight up in the air. Who falls into a garbage can like that? And what ever happened to the garbage can after filming?

25)  Bette Midler in Bette

If you don’t remember this show, it’s because it didn’t last long – Lindsay played Bette Midler’s daughter in the pilot, but when production moved from New York (where she was based) to LA, she had to pull out. Probably for the best since the show was short-lived and Bette probs could’ve found another child star.

24) Jamie Lee Curtis in Freaky Friday

Jamie Lee Curtis: THE scream queen and certified babe of the 1980s/1990s. She quickly became an A-list actress and then she decided to do this Disney movie with LiLo? Not to mention she came from Hollywood royalty (Janet Leigh and Tony Curtis).

23) Woody Harrelson in  A Prairie Home Companion

I have a renewed love of Woody Harrelson after seeing him in The Hunger Games and True Detective. This guy can act. He’s not just the bartender from Cheers anymore (is that a reference people still make these days?) But his acting skills are severely undervalued and he should be playing quality roles like True Detective more often.

22) Natasha Richardson in The Parent Trap

To be fair, The Parent Trap kicked it all off for Lindsay, when she was still young and full of promise, so working with the great Natasha Richardson before her death is such an honor. Like Jamie, she’s Hollywood/possibly British royalty (Tony Richardson & Vanessa Redgrave) and was taken way too soon – Natasha seemed like a breath of fresh air when watching her on screen and made a simple kid’s film into a movie full of heart and hope.

21) Rachel McAdams in Mean Girls

Rachel McAdams is the actress that Lindsay should’ve become, if it weren’t for the, you know, downward spiral and all.

20) Jane Fonda in Georgia Rule

When Georgia Rule was made, Lindsay was in her prime – it was a post-Mean Girls world and she had so much hope and promise as a young actress that it’s obvious why Jane Fonda, a longtime veteran of the industry would want to work with her. It’s just that also around this time, Lindsay could barely work with herself.

19) Jimmy Fallon in SNL

After appearing in this classic Debbie Downer sketch (its first appearance on the show ever!), Jimmy has always been a fan/supporter of Lindsay – although who ISN’T he a fan of? Anyways, she’s appeared on his show multiple times and even participated in bits like Ew! JFal is one of the greatest comedians of our time and Lindsay’s just lucky he likes her.

18) Chris Parnell in Labor Pains/ SNL

I will say this about Lindsay: she’s actually been pretty good every time she hosts SNL. She’s not afraid to make fun of herself and always goes all in. Except for that last time she hosted – it was like Britney made her first public appearance since the meltdown and you could TELL she was on all these drugs to keep her sane. Anyways, SNL is clearly the breeding ground for the best comedians in the game, so when acting alongside the likes of Chris Parnell, you gotta step your game up. I know it’s hard to be funny sometimes, but you can’t win ’em all.

17) Lily Tomlin in A Prairie Home Companion

True story: when we were in high school, we decided to see this movie in the theater solely based on the fact that Lindsay was in it and singing. It was probably one of the most boring movies of our teenage lives, and a lesson on why you should never go to see a movie you’re not interested in (plot wise) just because there’s an actor/actress in it that you want to see. Anyways, revered funnywoman Lily Tomlin is in this and she sings with Lindsay.

16) The Danny DeVito Chick in Mean Girls

Because Danny DeVito lookalikes are hard to come by these days and she was severely underused.

15) James Franco in the fake movie in The Holiday

Lindsay and James Franco made a surprise appearance via movie trailer as the stars of the film that Cameron Diaz’ character was editing. Like Lindsay, James had already appeared in a bunch of TV shows and films prior to The Holiday, but let’s face the facts – only one of these people has earned an Oscar nomination.

14) Chad Michael Murray in Freaky Friday

Ah, Chad Michael Murray: The teen heartthrob so nice, they named him thrice. It’s hard to believe, but when Freaky Friday came out CMM was in his early 20s and seemed a bit old for Lohan. Only five years had passed since The Parent Trap, and little did we know that in five more years, LiLo would be filming such classics as Labor Pains.

13) Ashton Kutcher in That 70s Show

Take yourself back to 2004. Lindsay Lohan was THE teen queen – I mean, she even had a public feud with Lizzie Maguire herself, Hilary Duff, for goodness sakes – and the teen king of the day was none other than (technically 26-year-old man-child) Ashton Kutcher. Of course, Lindsay’s real That 70s Show love was Wilmer Valderrama. We’ll address that later.

12) Ana Gasteyer in Mean Girls

Imagine what could have happened if Ana Gasteyer had been able to sub in as Lindsay Lohan’s actual mother instead of Dina “Not Really A Rockette” Lohan.

11) Wilmer Valderrama in That 70s Show/Real Life

Wilmer Valderrama dated fresh-faced, attractive, pre-train wreck 2004 Lohan. This makes him fare better, dating-wise, than any other guy named Wilmer – past or present.

10) Chris Pine in Just My Luck

Remember Just My Luck? It doesn’t even air on TBS or  ABC Family, but it was a sort of TV movie-quality theatrical release. It was an early attempt to turn LiLo into a RomCom leading lady a la Meg Ryan or Katherine Heigl (WHY ARE NONE OF OUR REFERENCES CURRENT? Do they even still make these movies? I feel like the last one I saw was in about 2009). Anyway, Chris Pine was a beautiful newcomer at the time.

9) Joshua Jackson in Bobby

Pacey Witter, Dream Man? Now it’s personal.

8) Jared Leto in Chapter 27

I don’t care if it’s skinny Jordan Catalano, ombre-haired Jordan Catalano, or chubby Jordan Catalano, Jared Leto will always be some incarnation of Jordan Catalano to me. But you, Ms. Lohan, are no Angela Chase. Arguably, Rayanne Graff if things really went south for her, but I always imagined she’d find her niche and really ~thrive.

7) Lizzy Caplan in Mean Girls

Proving that “slow and steady wins the race” (s/o to Aesop!), you didn’t hear too much from Lizzy Caplan right after Mean Girls, except for effusive praise from her co-stars. Now she’s winning acclaim for her role on Showtime’s Masters Of Sex, while Lohan is garnering attention for her factually inaccurate list of sex partners.

6) Maya Rudolph in A Prairie Home Companion/SNL

Maya Rudolph is one of those actors who’s able to make anyone she’s working with look good. Plus, she seems like a really fun and nice person. We’re jealous.

5) A Pre-Drugs Lindsay Lohan in The Parent Trap

The frustrating thing about Lindsay’s long, horrible demise is that at one time, she was really good. So how lucky were the people who got to work with Lindsay before all the troubles? Among those lucky people: Lindsay herself, really Orphan Black-ing it as Hallie and Annie in her film debut.

4) Meryl Streep in A Prairie Home Companion

Before Lindsay was accidentally calling out Jennifer Lawrence for saying “I beat Meryl!” at the Golden Globes, Lohan was costarring with Streep herself! But make no mistake: A Prairie Home Companion was still boring. Or, I mean, we thought so when we were 18 anyway.

3) Tina Fey in Mean Girls/SNL

Look, if you can’t build a viable career after Tina Fey wrote your breakout role, I don’t think anyone can help you. And don’t say that Tina didn’t try. Around the era we were all first realizing Lindsay wasn’t doing so great, Tina Fey and the other SNL folks even staged an intervention for her. Remember that show Intervention? If they’d had Tina Fey as the coach instead of that random guy they did have, they probably would have had a 99% success rate.

2) Amy Poehler in Mean Girls/SNL

Again, if having Amy Poehler as a potential mentor cannot help you rise above, I am not sure what can. I mean, Ask Amy videos alone are responsible for thousands of women Lindsay’s age (I mean… teen girls, who are the target audience, right?) getting their shit together.

1) Herbie in Herbie: Fully Loaded

WHO LET HER WORK WITH A CAR?

She isn’t great with cars, guys.

Herbie is an icon. He deserved better.

We all did.

 

Woman Crush Wednesday: Regina George

Somehow, today marks the tenth anniversary of the theatrical release of Mean Girls. I know, right? Yet somehow, Regina George still doesn’t look a day over flawless. We couldn’t help but celebrate Regina George on this Woman Crush Wednesday. We love her because we’re scared of what she’ll do if we don’t.

Regina George Is Flawless

I Hear Her Hair’s Insured For $10,0o0

And yet she still cares about the hair of others.

I hear she does car commercials… In Japan.

and as a car owner, she has the other Plastics at her mercy:

Her favorite movie is Varsity Blues.

Which I’m pretty sure means in 2014 terms she’s into Friday Night Lights. So we’re basically best friends.

One time she met John Stamos on a plane… And he told her she was pretty.

One time she punched me in the face… It was awesome.

But those aren’t the only reasons to love and fear (mostly fear) Regina George!

She’s humble, sort of.

But ultimately, you can’t improve on perfection:

Plus her mom’s pretty cool.

And she won’t let stupid slang expressions catch on.

Regina understands the importance of a dress code.

And she’s athletic too!

So in the ten years since Mean Girls, wear is Regina George now? Is she the queen bee of her cul-de-sac, or leaning way the heck in in the corporate world? We can’t be sure, but we’re pretty positive that whatever she’s doing, she’s better than us.

Mid-2000s Fashion: A Requiem

Fashion is cyclical, and that cycle is about 20 years long. That’s why all those teen whippersnappers are dressed like 1994 Angela Chases and Corey Matthewses right now (although we know that the truth of 90s fashion was a little different). And that’s why styles from 5-10 years ago (think The O.C., Laguna Beach, Mean Girls) … well, they’re old enough to make you look out of date, but too recent pass as a vintage look.

As I am re-watching Veronica Mars, I’m finding myself really missing some of those mid-2000s styles. Others… not so much. We won’t be seeing a lot of these 2003 – 2009 fads again for a while, so consider this a requiem. A long time ago, we used to be friends…

Boot Cut Jeans

Occasionally you hear that boot cuts are coming back for real this time, and maybe it’s true – denim follows different life spans than other fashion, multiple jean styles are acceptable at any time, and enough people resisted the skinny jean trend that boot cuts never really died. Though I like skinny jeans because it’s easier to find pairs that aren’t too baggy, boot cuts were frankly more flattering on more people. I usually stick with trouser jeans or straight leg when I don’t feel like wearing skinny jeans, but I’m seriously considering trawling e-bay for some 2007-vintage Seven For All Mankinds or Luckys. I’m old, I do what I want.

Little Corduroy Jackets

Some quality bootcuts, too.

If Veronica Mars makes you miss one thing, it’s cropped, fitted little corduroy jackets that were acceptable for indoor and outdoor wear and made great layers over shirts and hoodies alike. These are another thing I’d totally bring back without shame – I have some more blazer-y ones that I may or … may wear to the office sometimes.

Aviator Sunglasses

These haven’t gone all the way out, but they’re nowhere near as ubiquitous as they were a while ago. Everyone’s trying to wear Tom Cruise in Risky Business frames these days, but we still need a few Tom Cruise from Top Guns.

To save you the trouble, I googled “when was Kardashian in back brace.” Never. The answer is never. This is a belt.

Fitted Tops That Weren’t Too Short Or Too Long

I blame skinny jeans for this. A lot of ladies wanted or needed to cover their butts in skinny jeans, and suddenly long tops came into fashion. Others wanted to balance fitted skinnies with looser tops, and billowy tunics were here. Then, those damn teens got their hands on fashion, and those awkwardly short yet wide shirts from the 90s came back. We never noticed it happening, but somehow it’s a lot harder to find a shirt that’s not skin-tight, but doesn’t billow. A top that isn’t butt-covering long or belly-baring short, but lands right at your hipbone. Suddenly every shopping trip turns you into freaking goldilocks, searching for the shirt that’s just right. It didn’t used to be like this.

Juicy Tracksuits

Last place you’d see these tracksuits: an actual track. Can you imagine running in head-to-to velour?

I think J.Lo started this one, but America’s responsible for following. These were the outfit that said “I spent a lot of money to wear velour and look like I’m ill.” I never had a pair, but if I were the age I am now when these were popular, I would have probably cave. After a while you just like to be comfortable. If you wore one of these, you probably jazzed it up with some big ol’ hoop earrings.

Snarky Message Tees

At the time, I always used to think that these should read “I’m Not Funny — But My Shirt Is!” Clearly my attitude toward others hasn’t changed in the past decade. I’ll admit that some of these were sort of funny, in a bumper sticker, key chain, greeting card sort of way.

T-Shirts From Destinations You’ve Never Visited

In 2005, it didn’t matter if you’d never been to Ed’s Bowl-A-Roll, Springville Prep Lacrosse Camp, or Buenos Aires. It was enough to had a shirt that said you had. It was so bad that if you’d wear a t-shirt from a vacation or activity, one of your friends would always ask “Now, is that real, or…?”

‘Return To Tiffany’ Jewelry

Man. Could we have thought of something less really expensive to have cycle in and out of fashion? It was these, then those Italian charm bracelets, then regular charm bracelets, and now finally Alex and Ani, which is at least cheap, finally. If you wear these with the right outfit and accessories it’s still doable.

Now, when they went missing, how many of these bad boys do you think actually got returned to Tiffany & Co.?

Che Guevara, For Some Reason

The most mid-2000s thing ever: (1) Che Guevara + (2) Military Green + (3) Canvas + (4) Messenger Bag

I don’t know. In 2007 that one kid who’s always talking about sustainable water supply and the Iraq occupation in your Developing World poli-sci class is definitely wearing a Che t-shirt. Or a Che pin. And definitely a Che jacket. It’s just a thing people were doing to let you know that they didn’t vote for George W. Bush, had serious feelings about organic foods, and were minoring in political science.

Puka Shells and Beaded Man-Necklaces

No beach required. There was a surfer thing going on that might have started in Blue Crush, and it manifested in Hawaiian flowers on shirts and these damn necklaces. They started off as an innocuous accessory, but after a while they were part of the Douchebag Accessory Trifecta, three items that all dirtbaggy mid-2000s dude-bros wore so that we could tell they were douchey without even having to talk to them. We’ll address the other two further down.

Whiskered Denim

Jeans that were painted to look like your hips were so wide that your fabric was straining and puckering against them. Thanks, 2004. You really, really shouldn’t have.

Conspicuous Branding

“My shirt is from a store!” – Your Shirt, c. 2006

In 2006, you didn’t need to worry that people wouldn’t be able to tell that your shirt was from Abercrombie, Hollister, Armani Exchange, or even Aeropostale. Your shirt did the talking for you.

Trucker Hats

Bonus mid-2000s trend: Jesus Is My Homeboy. Double-Bonus Mid-2000s Trend: Ashton Kutcher

 

Usually Von Dutch, always completely silly. This is our second item in the Douchebag Accessory Trifecta.

Gaucho Pants

Baby AnnaSophia Robb is a paragon of 2004 couture.

 

I remember sitting in my college dorm in 2005, people-watching kids going into the dining hall across from our room, and wondering when all of the girls started dressing like swashbuckling pirates.

Popped Collars

See also: every guy I ever met at a party from 2004 to 2008

Here it is. The third Douchebag Accessory. You could even wear two popped collars at once if you were really, really awful.

Going Out Tops

“Nobody looks flyer than me in this silk-accented maroon blouse!” – My Imagination, c. 2006. [In case you’re wondering this is from a puppet show lampooning all of my friends, which a buddy and I wrote, directed, and starred in BECAUSE I’VE ALWAYS BEEN AT LEAST THIS COOL.]

Before it was normal to wear cute dresses or casual t-shirts out, every Friday and Saturday night (and Thursday… and Sunday), you’d straighten your hair, smudge on some liquid eyeliner, and change into one of your Going Out Tops. They were silky or lacy or otherwise fancy tops. At my college, at least, you’d then cover it up with a NorthFace fleece to walk across the frozen terrain.

In case you’re wondering, “going out top” was a clumsy phrase invented as a workaround so we didn’t have to say “blouse.”

Ringer Tees

Sports fashion for people who can’t play, or necessarily name, a single sport. These are neither dead, nor as very alive as they once were.

That One Kind Of Jeans Skirt

I basically wore this exact outfit.

Some kinds of denim skirt are still in – I was just wearing one. But remember that one kind of jeans skirt that everyone had? In warm weather, you’d wear it with your going out shirt.

The Butt-Ruffle

I don’t know. It was like a flouncy ruffle that covered your ass. It sort of looked like a diaper cover. It seemed cute at the time.

Surf and Beach Inspired Outfits

What is this shirt, College Molly? You don’t even LIKE beaches that much. Too much sun exposure, too much sand.

Thanks to the aforementioned Blue Crush, along with The O.C. and Laguna Beach, teen beach bums were having a moment. Even if you lived nowhere near water, it’s a thing that was happening.

Short-Sleeved Shirts Over Long-Sleeved Shirts

Could I BE wearing any more clothes?

Ah, the mid-2000s. When shirt sleeves of all lengths lived in harmony.

Fitted Off-The Shoulder Tops

These weren’t those big, floppy 80s flashdance numbers. They were regular long-sleeved tops, but the shoulders were over the shoulder.

Tight Plain Tank Tops Worn By Themselves As Though It Were Just… Okay

To explain: We were “hiking” and Traci instructed me to “look competent.” And our friend’s face is obscured so as not to throw her under the 2006 bus.

Your ab situation was on-point. You knew it. So did everyone else. Frankly, I’m glad these were popular in my college years so that my 18-21 year old abs will live on in the memory of all those I knew and loved.

Half-Cardigans

What’s so funny, 2007 me? Is it that you still have the glow of youth? That you live in a house with a lime-green bar room? Or is it that your cardigan only reaches your ribs and you realize you look like an idiot?

Sometimes you’d wear it over your tight plain tank top.

Floppy Surfer Boy Haircuts That Always Curled Straight Out

I have curly hair, too. I understand. This hair cut was not always bad, but on boys with a certain kind of hair, it curled straight out at the bottom, forming, like, a hair-shelf. It looked stupid. You looked stupid.

Smocking On Grown-Assed Women

On five-year-olds’ sundresses: Adorable. On adult ladies with boobs: really really weird. They made your boobs look tube-shaped and awful.

Last Minute Pop Culture Inspired Halloween Costumes

Happy Halloween, y’all! Hope you’re all eating your weight in candy then promptly vomiting because it’s actually the bestworst decision you could ever make.

I’m going to be completely honest with you guys – I’ve never really been into Halloween. There are people who go all out and spend hundreds of $$$ on their costumes, throw elaborate parties etc., but I’ve never been one of those people. If I do have to dress up, I will be that rational person who buys clothes which can be easily worn for more than one night. For example, I was Where’s Waldo last weekend and the only item I will most likely never wear again are the $4.50 faux black glasses from Forever 21. That’s just how I roll.

So in honor of people who are cheap like me, are procrastinators, or just need an idea for that party you’ve just been invited to today for this weekend, here are some suggestions that don’t involve spending a lot of money – you might not need to buy anything at all!

Instagram/Selfie

Just grab a giant piece of cardboard, scissors and a blue marker, and copy Insta’s pic frame exactly. I’m assuming B didn’t make this personally, but let’s just say she did. And basically if Beyonce can find time to do it, so can you.

Grumpy Cat

Face makeup and a steady hand, and you’re one of the internet’s fave memes. Plus if you run into someone you dislike at a party, you don’t even have to pretend to enjoy their company.

Lady Gaga Artpop

You may end up looking like a crazy person, but it seems easy enough. And perhaps you’ll even get some APPLAUSE out of it too. LOLOLOLOLOL

Regina George from Mean Girls

Bra with a white tank? So fetch.

Liz Lemon from 30 Rock

Guess who has two thumbs and went as Liz Lemon to the West Hollywood Halloween party a few years ago? This moi.

Arthur

And I said hey! (HEY!) What a wonderful easy kind of costume that you can put together in seconds and still make people love your nostalgic creativity!

Amanda Bynes

Amanda Bynes
I was going to be crazy Amanda Bynes this year, but decided I’d have to buy way more of these items than I thought, but can someone please be her so my idea doesn’t go to waste?!

#StarbucksDrakeHands

Photo Oct 30, 12 47 08 AM

I love watching people’s take on #StarbucksDrakeHands, so this costume is perfect. Don’t know what this internet sensation is? Let this guide help you. Also, Aaron Paul. And Derek Hough. And this random cat.

Blue Screen of Death

I had a friend who went as this a few years ago and I can attest that it was such a hit with everyone.

Wilson from Home Improvement

A little arts and crafts are involved but come on, you don’t even need to smile or act like you’re having a good time with this mini fence!

5 Movies I Have To Watch When They’re On TV

 

Close-up shot of Cameron's nude Rose sketch wi...

 

You probably have a similar list. You’ve seen movies of this ilk hundreds of times, hell, you even own a copy. But if it’s on TV, that’s something completely different.

Even though I may not have enough time to sit and watch the film in its entirety, I still have it playing in the background. There’s just something about it being on my TV screen at a random time that’s so exciting. So here’s my list of movies I’ll never change the channel on.

Mean Girls

Easily one of my favorite movies of all time, so when TBS decides to run it, I’m cheering for Glen Coco and attempting to do the Rockin Around The Christmas Tree dance. It also reminds of a simpler time, when Li Lo wasn’t as out of control. RIP 2004 Lindsay.

Titanic

Again, this is obviously one of the greatest films ever made. But who has 3 hours and 17 minutes to spare? If you’re lucky enough, maybe you’ll catch either the part where Jack brings Rose down to the steerage party or when the ship *spoiler alert* starts to sink.

A Walk to Remember

Oh Jamie Sullivan, how you have left a mark on all of us. I believe this was the beginning of the Nicholas Sparks romantic movie reign, so when I first watched this in the movie theater, I had no idea someone was going to die after an epic love story. It was a revelation. I also get a sense of nostalgia when I watch this movie, because my friend gave me the soundtrack for one of my birthdays, and I listened to it nonstop. Hellooo 2003.

Bring It On

I feel like I don’t even have to explain this one. You’re lying to yourself if you haven’t stopped to watch this jam. Brr.

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory

I just realized the trend with all these movies is that I watched them as a kid/teen, so naturally if I want to revisit my childhood, I just need to pause and check out young Traci right before my eyes. No matter how many times I watch Willy Wonka though, it’s just as magical as it was the first time. Sure, I can tell production wise how 1970s it looks, but for godsake, there was a chocolate river with a boat and a drugged out tunnel!!!!