Coachella 2017 Fashion Wrap-Up

Another Coachella is in the books, and once again we chose to enjoy the festivities from the relative comfort of our living rooms (what can I say, I can’t even go out in the upstate New York sunshine for more than a half hour without consequences). We may not be wearing flower crowns and using porta-potties in a desert, but we still love keeping tabs on the performances, the celebrity interactions and especially the outfits. Coachella is a time when anything goes — it may not always look good, but that’s not the point. It’s a time when you can mix and match outlandish colors and patterns, over-accessorize, and pull out that hat that’s just too floppy for ordinary use. Let’s have a look at some of the fashion moments of Coachella 2017:

Actual Musicians

The Gucci tank top and sunglasses: pretty expected. The crystal bodysuit: next level. Rihanna never disappoints.

Tennis (Alaina Moore and Patrick Riley) proves that the venn diagram of hipster style and your parents’ photos from 1984 now just forms a circle. Dad jeans, white tourist sneakers, and my mom’s old perm – finally stylish again after all these years.

Brian D’Addario of The Lemon Twigs is picking up where Harry Styles left off, reviving the plaid suit from ’70s car dealerships to rockstar glam. This one’s from the Gucci heritage collection.

Kehlani performs and potentially ushers in the return of the ultra wide leg pant.

I’m the first to admit that I don’t know who Tacocat is, but if you asked me to come up with the quintessential Coachella performance outfit, this would be it.

Lorde knows if you can’t wear space pants to Coachella, where can you?

Thundercat usually has some kind of a fanciful hat, and I’m calling this one a tribute to Luna Lovegood. Actually, I’m calling Coachella in general a tribute to Luna Lovegood.

Disney (Channel) Princesses

One of my favorite 90s throwback looks is the floral sundress, and Selena Gomez’s dress looks almost exactly like a little number I sported c. 5th grade, 1996. She looks fresh, summery and comfortable. The Weeknd has some dressed-down Justin Timberlake Canadian Tuxedo vibes, which isn’t a value judgment, it’s just something I’m seeing.

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Found my throne 😍😝

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Continuing in the grown-up Disney starlets portion of our post, Vanessa Hudgens is a Coachella regular and I love this bright, draped take on a caftan.

This look from Vanessa Hudgens plays it a little less safe, and I can just hear Jennifer Lopez as Selena saying “it’s a BUSTIER!” Two things you saw a lot of in crowd photos: that black hat and chokers.

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Ok here we go! #coachella2017

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Speaking of looks not everyone can pull off, Ashley Tisdale rocks some high-waisted mom jeans with brown booties, a denim jacket and another Selena-style bustier, and it looks cute and casual, not to mention practical with all of that sand and dust and sunlight.

Prettiest Little Liars

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Take a bow #revolvefestival @revolve

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Troian Bellisario looks sweet, summery and sunshine-ready. This may be the look with the best crossover-potential to your normal summer lifestyle.

Shay Mitchell documented the weekend on YouTube, with a camera crew, makeup artist and hairstylist… which can sound like a lot until you remember that for celebs, Coachella isn’t just a weekend trip, it’s a business opportunity to pair with sponsors and raise their profile. Plus, Shay seems like such a sweet person that I can’t even get too salty that her weekend wardrobe is bigger than my wardrobe in general.

 

Ashley Benson debuted neon-pink ombre hair at Coachella. I don’t know about all of you, but I am not at ALL sick of the neon/pastel/rainbow/mermaid hair trend. Love it.

Early 2000s Nostalgia Corner

Paris Hilton has been going to Coachella since some of the younger attendees needed afterschool babysitters, and celebrated her 10th year at the festival with a beweled rainbow dress, cat ears, heart sunglasses and rainbow butterfly wings.

Ashlee Simpson leaned more towards the put-together LOOK style with a heavily embroidered jacket and matching studded blue pants. Evan Ross always looks good, although his shirt is that print that every stylish old lady had a scarf version of in the late 80s … although the Dynasty throwback is probably intentional.

Prime Time Players

Sophie Turner’s muscle tee is literally a tee that says “muscle,” which I kind of love. The faded strawberry-pink hair and pink booties tie it together in a look that’s casual enough to actually hang out in the sand.

Yara Shahidi is one of our blog favorites, and it’s because of looks like this. It’s fun when people go off-the-wall for festival fashion, but Yara always looks pulled-together and accessorized to just the right level.

 

Emma Roberts is getting her inner Anne Shirley on, because those are some puffed sleeves. My favorite part is the tie front though.

Apparently Ariel Winter’s long pink ‘do is a wig, which has got to be a lot easier on your hair if you just want a quick change-up for the weekend.

Cole Sprouse called out Coachella-goers for appropriating fashion like Native American headdresses, so it is no surprise that he dressed completely appropriately in this deconstructed, rumpled white tunic. What DOES come as a surprise is that Cole Sprouse is now a handsome adult man, even though I do know that that’s how time works. Guess I should be watching Riverdale?

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Coachella Chows Down

OMG can you believe how crazy Coachella was this weekend? I’m so mad I didn’t see Kanye but I DID get a glimpse of Leo trying to pretend he wasn’t just whispering in Rihanna’s ear.

I can believe how crazy it was, mainly because I wasn’t there despite all those things above being true.

While a lot of Angelenos made the exodus out to Indio/Palm Springs over the weekend, I happily spent #NoChella at home blogging, finishing Fuller House and stalking the significant others of Gilmore Girls actors on social media. Which activity is better ? Who’s to say?! However, during my Instagram and Twitter stalking, I also found out that apparently there has been a reason for me to go to Coachella all along, and that reason is food.

I’m not actually sure if these top notch food stands have been at thing at Coachella for forever, but thanks to social media and the Internet, I know now. In my mind, Coachella is a sea of people on top of a mound of dirt in hot hot heat (not the band) and living on port-a-potties and mediocre pizza. Apparently only some of that is factual.

This year, the fest features 40 different vendors + pop-ups + three full-service restaurants. Suprisingly fancy, no? Basically, the Coachella food line-up is made up of a handful of the trendiest and most popular restaurants in Los Angeles that make the journey to the trendiest and most popular music festival in the U.S. and set up shop. If you’ve ever wanted to know what the food culture is like in LA, Coachella represents it well. First of all, you have a variety of different cuisines available to you that aren’t just funnel cakes and turkey legs. Second, a lot of those cuisines take traditional dishes and modernize them with another genre – e.g. Canadian Poutine with Indian Chicken Tikka Masala (see below) or comfort foods with a “California flare” – e.g. ice cream in a “milky bun” (see below).

However, the main requirement for cool food in LA is that it’s super Instagrammable because if no one posts pictures on Instagram of Coachella, does Coachella even exist? Here are just a few of the foods that took over Insta during Weekend 1, and prepare to feel FOMO for a festival based on food alone.

Ice Cream

Here’s said ice cream – a milky bun is a product of Afters Ice Cream, where they take the ice cream of your choice, add a topping, and put it inside a modified glazed donut. Then they put it through some kind of top secret iron which makes the bun warm but keeps the ice cream cold because it’s literal magic they’re making.

 

And here we have regular ice cream, which seems less exciting than ice cream in a hot bun.

Vegan

Apparently vegan ramen is a thing, and it’s super popular

My favorite part about vegan foodstagrams is trying to figure out just how much of it looks truly edible

Korean

LA’s Koreatown is a hot spot for foods and late night entertainment, so it’s no surprise Korean BBQ and bibimbap made its way to Coachella Valley.

Burgs

Still don’t know why this bun is red, but given the amount of burger joints in SoCal, you have to stand out somehow.

Mexican

What is California without Mexican food? A pit of guacamole-less despair.

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Chilaquiles, Bacon, Cheese § Guacamole || The Lobos Truck || Indio, CA (@coachella) Photo Credit 📷: @lafoodieguy Even the bear wants in on these @thelobostruck chilaquiles. Day ✌🏼️ of the festival is getting ready to start here and we're getting nourished for the day ahead. These were pretty amazing, even when you wake up still feeling the night before. Made sure to ask for bacon and guac because it didn't come with.👌🏼 Stay tuned for more eats from the second day of @coachella. Like, comment or tag a friend who would love these for breakfast! ✌🏼️😎 #LAFoodieGuy #LAFG ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠀ 👇🏼👯 Comment or tag your friends! 👫👇🏼

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Poke

I feel like poke bowls are making their way from Hawaii to LA slowly but surely after seeing a whole lot of poke restaurants popping up. I ain’t mad about it.

Donuts

Gourmet donuts are huge in LA. These particular ones are vegan, because, duh.

Fries

All the fries. All the toppings. All the time.

Hot Dogs

How you even eat this without feeling ridiculous in public, idk.

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The full package 😏🌭 #sumodog #coachella

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Sandwiches

Probably one of the most convenient foods at Coachella, you can grab one and go save a spot so you have a good view of Purity Ring later. Give me one of everything, please.

Bowls

From acai bowls to quinoa bowls, it’s like the best of West Hollywood in the desert.

Popsicles

Because it’s 90 degrees in the desert and you’re jumping around next to sweaty humans.

Dessert

Camping is a thing people do at Coachella, so obvs you gotta have gourmet s’mores.

Juice

Welcome to California, where you drink alcohol all day and go on a juice cleanse for the rest of the month.

 

 

Coachella 2015 Fashion Wrap-Up

It doesn’t seem like a desert music festival – where people willingly subject themselves to sleeping in tents and peeing in porta potties – could house a fashion oasis. But sometimes, Coachella is just that. The festival is also home to its fair share of fashion missteps, but as a two-weekend event in which people can wear whatever they want without impunity, it may not always be pretty but it’s always interesting.

Jaden Smith

I don’t have a younger brother, but I do have Jaden Smith and that’s basically the same thing. Whether I’m shaking my head over his scrunchy forehead poop face or illustrating his grandiose philosophical musings, I can’t help but get a kick out of that little scamp. He has all of the youthful self-importance of Justin Bieber, but it’s less annoying because unlike Bieber he seems to at least have a good heart. Or any heart. Jaden’s latest exploit: wearing a kicky floral frock and a lush red flower crown at Coachella. Can we retire flower crowns from music festivals now? Because we have already established who wore it best once and for all, and it’s Jaden Smith.

Beyonce

LOL no just kidding, Jaden Smith didn’t wear the flower crown best. Beyonce did – and that’s no insult to Jaden, it’s just that anything that Beyonce wears, she probably looks better than everyone else in. That’s why her t-shirt reads “Go Burn Your Flower Crown.” With denim shorts and natural makeup, it’s like Beyonce is playing dress-up as a regular civilian.

Nicki Minaj

So apparently, those are plaid shorts with a faux plaid shirt sewn around the waist. It reminds me of those cardigans with the built-in half camisole I used to wear in 1998, or those skorts with the shorts attached to the skirt. Except Nicki Minaj is wearing it instead of 12-year-old me, so it looks cool. Note Nicki’s take on the once-ubiquitous feather headdress (ugh): a giant feather crown.

Joshua Jackson

Pacey Witter is wearing the same hat my dad always wears, and that feels weird to me. It’s also the hat that is ceremoniously bestowed at age 16 on American men who are really into people thinking that they have Irish heritage. Also pictured: Diane Kruger and Nina Dobrev. Yeah, they all just look like regular people in normal clothes. Let’s move along.

 Katy Perry

What I love about this is that the loose, billowy fabric is probably great in this weather, as is the slicked-down hair: I can’t even look at Coachella pictures without feeling like I’m losing a fight with the frizz-monster. Besides, she has such a pretty face (sorry, I’m your grandma) and it’s nice to have her hair out of it. Those sandals look great too. The choker is really fun but in the Indio heat, having metal clamped right against your neck might be a bit unpleasant. Anyone want to take bets on how often her train got stepped on?

John Mayer

Listen closely. You hear that? It’s my 17-year-old self, weeping. I want to draw your attention to the gentleman to the left. That’s how my face is right now.

Whitney Port

In the early 90s, the ladies’ pajama departments of stores like Ames and T.J. Maxx used to run ads with ladies in long, billowing nightgowns. They’d often be looking dreamy near a window or on a porch swing. They usually had long blonde hair in a french braid with meticulously curled-under wispy bangs. This is the exact nightgown they were wearing. It looks cute on her, though.

 The Kardashian-Jenner Sisters

I don’t know which Kardashian sisters are which. I mean, I know which one Khloe is. And I know which two are really Jenners, although I can’t tell one Jenner from the other. And I say this as someone who gets annoyed that none of my distant relatives or parents’ friends can tell me apart from my sister. So anyway, here are both Jenners and Khloe Kardashian (the one I can identify). They are wearing outfits I would hate sweating in. The far left Jenner will have some rough tan lines this week. I am very happy to see that they’re all confirming that ankle booties are still in though!

Florence Welch

Florence Welch sported the most badass accessory of the festival: a freshly broken foot. She fractured it leaping off stage, but carried on like the, well, machine that she is. Aside from the foot, she kept things loose and light-colored, perfect for a festival that, as we’ve said, seems really uncomfy to both of us.

FKA Twigs

Between this and the Jenner, I guess the in thing is dressing like Princess Leia when she was enslaved by Jabba the Hutt. Twigs is so pretty, though. Better her than me, having to represent this trend. Bless.She also wore this, which is interesting and probably lovely, but I can’t find a clear picture of it. Sculpted baby hairs haven’t been this in since the late 90s.

Rosie Huntington-Whitely

This is probably the most ladylike anybody has or will ever look at Coachella.

The Jenners, Again

These gals don’t look bad, per se. They just look like teenagers having fun at Coachella. But man, do I wish those hot pants that look like saggy diapers would go away.

Rihanna

When I was in my early makeup wearing years, I remember reading that you should not match your lipstick or your eyeshadow to your outfit, because that’s tacky. Rihanna probably read that same advice as a youngster, then realized that she’s Rihanna and she is wearing a full-length purple fur coat and she can put whatever the heck she wants on her lips.

Jourdan Dunn

These heavy metallic necklaces are  really making me cringe. Also did Coach just set a bunch of models loose at Coachella with their bags as some sort of viral marketing? Also, do you think I would look more like Jourdan Dunn or Rosie Huntington-Whitely if I were carrying a Coach bag??

Hozier

It’s like they always say. You can take the man out of Ireland… but he’s still going to wear some rumply brown stuff and like 5 layers. Also, Aaron Paul. I’m not sure what his hair is doing, but I don’t really need to know.

 

Coachella? #Nochella!

The Coachella music festival, the annual gathering of the hippies and wannabe hippies, ends this weekend after another successful year among music fans who enjoy moshing in the desert. In my years living in Los Angeles, I’ve come to know these two weekends in April as a mass exodus out to Indio, with a bombardment of over-filtered photos at the fest on Instagram, and I’m sure you’ve come across that too.

I’ve never been the type to find interest in weekend-long outdoor music festivals, so while I get the appeal, I don’t get the appeal, but that’s perfectly fine with me. I’d much rather stay at the comfort of my own home and get updates on what happens there from afar. And apparently this is a trend that’s caught on. I introduce you to: #NoChella.

I know it’s hard to believe, but it’s possible to have fun without being at Coachella! Just ask all the folks who have opted to create their own fun in the comfort of their own homes. Even celebrities are getting into the #NoChella fun with ragers that include hanging out with friends and drinking and listening to music because that is essentially what people are paying hundreds of dollars for at the actual Coachella.

But for those who have even the slightest twinge of Coachella FOMO, here are just some ways you can celebrate #NoChella without the hassle of actually going to Coachella.

Desert Life

Gather as many of your friends as you can, have them dress like contemporary hippies who are toeing the line of offending Native Americans and cram into a sauna.

Live Music

Attend a concert at your local small venue! Or, if you really need to see Chicano Batman, Lucent Dossier Experience, and Night Terrors of 1927 perform a set (real bands, btw), it’s streaming on YouTube all day.

Celebrity Sightings

Make a list on Twitter with celebrities including but not limited to: Katy Perry, Aaron Paul, Sarah Hyland, Paris Hilton, the Jenners, Gossip Girl alums, Vanessa Hudgens (she won’t be there, but she’ll tweet about it anyways) and follow all their posts. It’ll be like seeing them IRL.

Fashion Judging

Follow the Coachella Style or Coachella Fashion tags on Tumblr or lit’rally any fashion website because they will have all the outfits on fleek or not on fleek.

Drinking and Drugs in Excess

While Coachella isn’t exactly the unlucky festival like Electric Daisy or Ultra in Miami where unfortunate drug and alcohol and overcrowding events have occurred, it still has its fair share of that going on. No one wants to be part of that, so drink responsibly.

Camping

This could be us…

but you playin. Us/me instead:

General Hygeine

For those who go all in and do Coachella camping style, they will have to rely on port-a-potties and portable showers (as seen above) for the weekend. Basically, if you want to try this at home, don’t shower and possibly pee out in the woods somewhere.

Best of C+S 2014: Band at Coachella or Stefon’s Favorite Club?

It’s New Year’s Eve, kids, so what better way than to spend it at the hottest club in New York City? This place has everything, confetti from the American Idol finale 2004, Taco Bell Chalupa small bites passed on plates made of cinnamon sticks, and Jell-o shots made out of Bill Cosby’s tears (too soon?).


The first weekend of Coachella 2014 has come and gone, but there’s still one more weekend of music and hipsters and alcohol and drugs and questionable fashion in the desert. In LA, these two weekends in April basically means a mass exodus of folks heading out to Indio, and in certain neighborhoods (read: hipster neighborhoods), it’s eerily quiet.

And while Coachella is a music and arts festival, I feel like it’s become less about the music and more about the event itself, which celebrities you can spot, and how many artistic Instagram photos you can post. Lest we forget about all the indie rock bands and dance/rappers we’ve never heard of before? That’s what Coachella is all about. When you look at the lineup and go, ‘IS THAT EVEN A REAL BAND??’

People who are real Coachella fans get off on knowing bands before everyone else knows who they are, no matter how ridiculous the name of their band sounds. So in the spirit of putting the music back put on your flower headbands and try your hand at guessing whether the following words are real legit bands that are playing at Coachella this year, or the name of a fake club by SNL’s former city correspondent, Stefon. Good Luck! (highlight the text between the two arrows for the answer!)

Scuba

COACHELLA ⇐

Scuba, real name Paul Rose, is an EDM DJ from London.

Blitzen

⇒ STEFON ⇐

New York’s hottest holiday club is Blitzen, and right now they’re having their 12 Days of Christmas dance party. It has everything: (sung to the 12 Days of Christmas) 12 jacked albinos, 11 Little Richards, 10 piercer babies, 9 Asian Balkis, 8 gay Aladdins, 7 psychos swearing, 6 Puerto Screechers, 5 homeless Elmos. 4 coked up frogs, 3 French hens, Taylor Negron, and a human parking cone… It’s that thing were two jacked midgets paint themselves orange and you have to parallel park between them.

Jelly Bones

⇒ STEFON ⇐

Located on the Lower Upper Side, this random home invasion is the creation of legally drunk clothing designer Nick Nolte and Gabana. As you walk in, you’ll be handed a glass of champagne – or is it piss? This place has everything: Slurpies, mushmouths, litterbugs. But Don’t worry about security, because it’s guarded by an army of hobo-cops. Homeless Robocops.

Holy Ghost!

⇒ COACHELLA ⇐

Holy Ghost! is an American synthpop duo from Brooklyn.

Thank You!

⇒ STEFON ⇐

New York’s hottest club is Thank You! Located inside a crashing blimp, this euro trash utopia is a creation of beatnik doctor, Soulpatch Adams. And this place has everything: ziplines, fish food, that fat Hawaiian guy that no one invited, an old Pakistani woman that looks like a California raisin. And this weekend they’re having a tournament of everyones favorite trivia game: Shaun White or Bonnie Raitt. Look closely, the answer may surprise you.

Graveyard

⇒ COACHELLA ⇐

Graveyard is a hard rock band from Sweden with members whose real names are Axel Sjöberg, and Truls Mörck, clearly taking a page out of the Mike Schur book of fake names.

Drowners

⇒ COACHELLA ⇐

Drowners is a “post-punk” band from New York City. Whatever “post-punk” means.

Scampi

⇒ STEFON ⇐

Illegally parked behind the Statue of Liberty, this hate-speech haven is a creation of frat boy guru D-Bag Chopra. This place has everything: Zip drives, gozers, Ke$ha.  Is it Ryan Seacrest? No –  it’s a drowned albino who looks like Axl Rose. For the kids, there’s a special workshop where you can build a bear… but not the kind you think. There’s a VIP section filled with Furtlenecks – it’s that thing of when like, fat guys have a beard, but only on their chin roll. And they have a pack of roaming draggers. Roaming draggers? It’s that thing of when an old dog has short legs but a long penis.

Slice

⇒ STEFON ⇐

If you want fun, then listen to this: New York’s hottest club is Slice. Club promoter Gay Liotta is back, and this time he’s gone crazy. Jump in and join a dance party where you’ll see twinks, gypsies, grown men in wedding dresses, a cat from a bodega, puppets in disguise… It’s that thing like when Alf wore a trench coat, so he could go out into public.

Daughter

⇒ COACHELLA ⇐

Daughter is a British indie rock band, whose songs have been used on Grey’s Anatomy, Teen Wolf, and Arrow.

Poolside

⇒ COACHELLA ⇐

Poolside is a Los Angeles-based duo who classify themselves as “Daytime disco”. Honestly, in addition to making up band names, can these bands just make up their own genres too?

Bicep

⇒ COACHELLA ⇐

British Dance DJ who has the least appealing name ever.

Push

⇒ STEFON ⇐

 

This place has everything: Ghosts, banjos, Carl Paladino, a stuck-up kitten who won’t sign autographs, furkels.
Furkels? Fat Urkels. After you’ve been with one of those guys, you’ll ask yourself “Did I do thaaaat?’

Coachella 2014 Fashion Wrap-Up

Pull out your 90s jumpers and flower crowns. Lace up your Doc Martens. Grab your dry shampoo, but probably leave that Hipster Indian Headdress at home (it’s kinda offensive, you know?). It’s Coachella season!

The festival is over now, but don’t worry — the two weekends of Coachella 2014 provided enough fashion inspiration – and fashion WTF-ery – to last us the whole year.

Beyonce and Solange

Confession: Although “What Would Beyonce Do?” (along with “How would Beyonce feel about this?” and “What would Beyonce get on her sandwich?”) is the driving question that gets me through my days, style-wise I’m kind of obsessed with little sister Solange. She wears fun prints and boho pieces because screw it, she’s not Beyonce. And her natural hair is to die for.

Coachella is pretty casual, and that means that Queen Bey wasn’t going to wear a bedazzled leotard (on second thought, bedazzled leotards DO sound sort of Coachella). Instead, she was getting her inner Solange on. How fun was it to see these sisters hanging out together, making music, and looking flipping amazing? Beyonce’s purple shift is like a 2010s reboot of the 90s tribute to the 60s mod look (you following?) – and I would gladly trade in half of my wardrobe for Solange’s orange romper. I don’t have children yet, which is good because I would also probably trade my firstborn to have Knowles DNA (or at least that hair).

Haim

Speaking of sisters that make me want to sort out exactly what sort of nature/nurture combo made them so damn cool: HAIM. Este, Alana and Danielle are three twenty-something sisters whose sound is like En Vogue meets Wilson Phillips meets Fleetwood Mac, which means you should be listening to them if you aren’t already. No surprise that their Coachella style was completely on-point. The great thing is that their set was so energetic* that I could hardly find a shot of all three of them on stage. The mesh-knit sweater and especially that cutout dress are amazing, though a week later I’m sure they have some really weird tan lines.

* The full set was online but it’s been taken down now for copyright/IP reasons. On behalf of lawyers everywhere, I’m sorry, we’re the worst.

Jared Leto

How is it possible to have had a 20-year-long crush on Jared Leto? Aren’t I still only like 21? But seriously, I remember that every time I would sneak-read my sister’s Seventeen magazines as a kid – the jig is up now, sorry! – they were always talking about Jared ‘Jordan Catalano’ Leto. The man holds up well.

So, elephant (zebra) in the room (pants): yeah, those are zebra pants. It’s Coachella, which is like Hipster Halloween. But Leto isn’t about the clothes, he’s about the hair, and isn’t it beautiful? He looks like a freaking Haim sister. I’m just saying, if they all collabed on some gloss spray or a leave-in conditioner, I’d probably buy it.

Katy Perry

As I said: Hipster Halloween. Except for the offensive stuff, you can’t really criticize Coachella fashion – it’s supposed to be a bit wacky. It’s just that this reminds me of all of the parts of 90s style I’m not ready to see again, from the Manic Panic hair to the black socks to the DIY’ed weird-fitting dress. But I cannot blame Perry at all for taking her chance to wear something you couldn’t get away with anywhere else – I’d do it too.

Ellie Goulding

The good: this is a really non-Ellie-Goulding look, and Coachella is all about trying new things! And if the weirdest new thing you’re trying is a fashion risk, you’re probably going to make it through the weekend. I’m into all of the cutouts we’re seeing, tanlines aside, and the cape thing is kind of Stevie Nicks.

The bad: the first thing I thought when I saw this was “S&M diaper.” Then I realized that that probably exists. Then I thought about what that observation is going to do to our Google traffic.

Kate Nash

First of all, Kate Nash is so cool. Made Of Bricks was the soundtrack to getting ready to go out or lounging around in the morning when I was in college. Seven (what???) years later, she’s still just as awesome and her newish album Girl Talk is even better. Nash always had a sort of girl-next-door look, so I was surprised to see this Coachella get-up, like when you’d see someone after summer vacation in high school and they’d gone from prep to goth. Then I was immediately unsurprised, because Coachella’s tagline is basically “I Wear What I Want.” Nash’s whole band was in pink too, so it was sort of a fun glam-rock-y thing.

Lorde

A little bit Haim, a little bit Kate Nash. Lorde started her set in a gold lame cape/gown getup, but switched to a casual crop top and harem pants thing. Should we even still say harem pants? That’s probably as bad as “wife beater” shirts.  Whatever you call them, I love these fun baggy pants Lorde has been showing up in lately. Remember: even if you subscribe to old-timey fashion rules about wearing white, it’s already after Memorial Day in New Zealand (uhhh…. is that how that works?).

Pharrell

I thought maybe Coachella would be when Pharrell would bust out some sort of Abraham Lincoln stovepipe hat or a sailor cap, but I gather that he bought a lot of these Arby’s hats wholesale and now dammit, he’s going to wear them. Please note the obligatory hipster scarf, which is probably a utilitarian measure at Coachella – keeps the sand out of your mouth and eyes.  I sort of love that his shorts remind me of something that I would have rocked as a little girl in the early 90s.

Justin Bieber

A head that appears to be facing backwards on his body, like a twerpy male version of the girl from the Exorcist. Cutoff sweat-shorts. A friggin bucket hat.

Justin Bieber would, everybody.

Vanessa Hudgens

If a non-Indian person wears a bindi in the desert, and there’s nobody there to photograph it, is it still culturally appropriative?

(Yes.)

The pink tipped hair is fun though.

Chvrches (/Lauren Mayberry)

Chvrches is a really fun band -they were one of my picks on our songs of the summer playlist last year, but I think this year it might really happen. Lauren Mayberry is, in addition to being a solid musician, somebody you should be listening to off-stage as well.

But this is a fashion post, so I’m going to say it: Lauren Mayberry of Chvrches has the best bangs in the music industry. If my bangs looked like this, I wouldn’t be living in a 27-year cycle of having bangs, growing them out because they never look right, cutting them again, and growing out, etc.

Kid Cudi

My life in crop tops:

Age 5: My brothers’ shady little league coach always wears crop tops. I distinctly remember playing on the dirt pile, watching him walk by and wondering whether the shirt was meant for somebody my size.

Age 15: I say screw it, I’m going to wear a crop top; I feel really skanky about it but if you can’t wear it when you’re 15, when?

Age 25: I wonder if the return of the crop top means I’M supposed to be wearing them; am relieved that I’m old enough that it’s probably not expected of me.

Age 27: Kid Cudi in a crop top at Coachella. It is like my whole life has been leading up to this moment.

See that look of unadulterated glee on Kid Cudi’s face? That is the expression of a grown man who knows that he is successfully pulling off a male crop-top and skinny shorts. Bravo, mister.

Lana Del Rey

I waffle between loving this and thinking it looks too lounge-y. Is Hawaiian print  quite ready for a comeback? It reminds me of being in junior high in 1999 and coveting the items in the Delia’s catalog, and surely that wasn’t THAT long ago.

But when you get down to it, it seems like Lana feels comfortable and happy, and with her crazy-enviable hair, she looks great. Plus it’s fun to see some bright color out there instead of drab summertime sadness-y getups.

Regular Non-Famous Humans In The Crowd

A few of the Coachella staples were on hand, and these looks were sported by the famous and non-famous alike:

Flower crowns: the more bohemian, less offensive alternative to the hipster headdress of a few years ago. I approve.

Hats: Because you’re in the freaking desert.

90s style: How am I old enough for this to be happening??? Basically just dress like if Clarissa Darling went to a music festival.

Somewhere between west coast grunge and Tragic Kingdom-era Gwen Stefani?

Message T’s

I never thought about Rita Ora one way or the other, but wearing this to troll the kiddos at Coachella makes me love her a bit.

Neon: Make Kelly Kapowski proud (Why are all my fashion refs two decades old?)

Native American inspiration (/appropriation?): Proof that white people shouldn’t have nice things

There were a few other trends on hand too: lots of denim shorts, floral print, and heavily tatooed people among them.

In addition, when sorting through the lineup of performers I thought that about 6 of the more unknown men were Macklemore.

None of them was Macklemore.

 

Band at Coachella or Stefon’s Favorite Club?

The first weekend of Coachella 2014 has come and gone, but there’s still one more weekend of music and hipsters and alcohol and drugs and questionable fashion in the desert. In LA, these two weekends in April basically means a mass exodus of folks heading out to Indio, and in certain neighborhoods (read: hipster neighborhoods), it’s eerily quiet.

And while Coachella is a music and arts festival, I feel like it’s become less about the music and more about the event itself, which celebrities you can spot, and how many artistic Instagram photos you can post. Lest we forget about all the indie rock bands and dance/rappers we’ve never heard of before? That’s what Coachella is all about. When you look at the lineup and go, ‘IS THAT EVEN A REAL BAND??’

People who are real Coachella fans get off on knowing bands before everyone else knows who they are, no matter how ridiculous the name of their band sounds. So in the spirit of putting the music back put on your flower headbands and try your hand at guessing whether the following words are real legit bands that are playing at Coachella this year, or the name of a fake club by SNL’s former city correspondent, Stefon. Good Luck! (highlight the text between the two arrows for the answer!)

Scuba

COACHELLA ⇐

Scuba, real name Paul Rose, is an EDM DJ from London.

Blitzen

⇒ STEFON ⇐

New York’s hottest holiday club is Blitzen, and right now they’re having their 12 Days of Christmas dance party. It has everything: (sung to the 12 Days of Christmas) 12 jacked albinos, 11 Little Richards, 10 piercer babies, 9 Asian Balkis, 8 gay Aladdins, 7 psychos swearing, 6 Puerto Screechers, 5 homeless Elmos. 4 coked up frogs, 3 French hens, Taylor Negron, and a human parking cone… It’s that thing were two jacked midgets paint themselves orange and you have to parallel park between them.

Jelly Bones

⇒ STEFON ⇐

Located on the Lower Upper Side, this random home invasion is the creation of legally drunk clothing designer Nick Nolte and Gabana. As you walk in, you’ll be handed a glass of champagne – or is it piss? This place has everything: Slurpies, mushmouths, litterbugs. But Don’t worry about security, because it’s guarded by an army of hobo-cops. Homeless Robocops.

Holy Ghost!

⇒ COACHELLA ⇐

Holy Ghost! is an American synthpop duo from Brooklyn.

Thank You!

⇒ STEFON ⇐

New York’s hottest club is Thank You! Located inside a crashing blimp, this euro trash utopia is a creation of beatnik doctor, Soulpatch Adams. And this place has everything: ziplines, fish food, that fat Hawaiian guy that no one invited, an old Pakistani woman that looks like a California raisin. And this weekend they’re having a tournament of everyones favorite trivia game: Shaun White or Bonnie Raitt. Look closely, the answer may surprise you.

Graveyard

⇒ COACHELLA ⇐

Graveyard is a hard rock band from Sweden with members whose real names are Axel Sjöberg, and Truls Mörck, clearly taking a page out of the Mike Schur book of fake names.

Drowners

⇒ COACHELLA ⇐

Drowners is a “post-punk” band from New York City. Whatever “post-punk” means.

Scampi

⇒ STEFON ⇐

Illegally parked behind the Statue of Liberty, this hate-speech haven is a creation of frat boy guru D-Bag Chopra. This place has everything: Zip drives, gozers, Ke$ha.  Is it Ryan Seacrest? No –  it’s a drowned albino who looks like Axl Rose. For the kids, there’s a special workshop where you can build a bear… but not the kind you think. There’s a VIP section filled with Furtlenecks – it’s that thing of when like, fat guys have a beard, but only on their chin roll. And they have a pack of roaming draggers. Roaming draggers? It’s that thing of when an old dog has short legs but a long penis.

Slice

⇒ STEFON ⇐

If you want fun, then listen to this: New York’s hottest club is Slice. Club promoter Gay Liotta is back, and this time he’s gone crazy. Jump in and join a dance party where you’ll see twinks, gypsies, grown men in wedding dresses, a cat from a bodega, puppets in disguise… It’s that thing like when Alf wore a trench coat, so he could go out into public.

Daughter

⇒ COACHELLA ⇐

Daughter is a British indie rock band, whose songs have been used on Grey’s Anatomy, Teen Wolf, and Arrow.

Poolside

⇒ COACHELLA ⇐

Poolside is a Los Angeles-based duo who classify themselves as “Daytime disco”. Honestly, in addition to making up band names, can these bands just make up their own genres too?

Bicep

⇒ COACHELLA ⇐

British Dance DJ who has the least appealing name ever.

Push

⇒ STEFON ⇐

 

This place has everything: Ghosts, banjos, Carl Paladino, a stuck-up kitten who won’t sign autographs, furkels.
Furkels? Fat Urkels. After you’ve been with one of those guys, you’ll ask yourself “Did I do thaaaat?’

The Coachella Exodus

For two weeks in Los Angeles, all you will hear is whether people are going to Coachella or not. It’s literally a mass hipster exodus out of the city, and everyone heads out to the middle of nowhere in Indio, California. For $300 a ticket, you can stand out in the hot desert, drink, do drugs, spot celebs, and wear ridiculous outfits, all while watching the best of indie bands play at various stages. And I don’t know if it’s because I didn’t really not it existed before I moved to LA, or that in general the festival just got more popular, but it is a big deal out here. Like all over your Facebook and Twitter feeds type thing.

I’ve never been, nor do I ever want to, unless it’s free and I would be guaranteed a spot in an air conditioned tent with real bathrooms. I’m making all my assumptions based on photos and videos I’ve seen in the past, but the idea of being that close to sweaty annoying people is my worst nightmare, but I commend the people who can put up with that sort of thing.

And by people, I mean there is definitely a certain type of crowd that goes to Coachella. You have your hardcore hipster types that actually want to see all the bands playing there. Then you have these people:

These people are REAL. Paying $800 for a VIP ticket to see “GOTyah” is absurd, but people do it. But in all fairness, the Coachella lineup reads like a list of names that come up on one of those online band name generators, so you’d have to be pretty legit to know a lot of them. In fact, take this quiz and see if you’re worthy enough to head to Coachella. Unfortunately I got a 0 – “Listens to the Radio”. Well, I guess it’s fate that me and Coachella are never meant to be…