#ManCrushMonday: Everyone Not On This Season Of The Bachelorette

Folks, we’re one week away from a new season of The Bachelorette aka America’s favorite guilty pleasure. Season 12 features Ben Higgins reject Jojo, you know the runner-up who Ben professed his love to, even though you’re not supposed to do that until the season finale. Jojo, like all the other losers in The Bachelor franchise, deserves love, and she will hopefully find it with the man of her dreams on national TV starting on May 23rd. But what exactly does she – and we – have to look forward to this season? I mean besides Jojo’s mom drinking alcohol straight out of the bottle? These dudes.

ABC released the first look of the men she’ll be picking from this time around and let’s just say… it should be an interesting season. I’ve decided to make a few first impression judgements on some of the guys, and then figure out if I was anywhere near the truth. I PROMISE I did not peek at their bios before giving my guesses! Do any of these guys look remotely appealing to y’all? Maybe their personalities will shine through when the show premieres. And I am ready to be proven wrong.

Fake Name: Stellan

Fake Occupation: Mixologist at hipster speakeasy in Silver Lake – known for his magic tricks at the bar

Fake Rando Fact: Makes his own craft beer in his garage

Real name: Evan

Real Occupation: Erectile Dysfunction Expert (NO, REALLY)

Real Rando Fact: Favorite type of dancing is “booty” dancing

Will he last? Nah.

♦♦♦

Fake Name: Julian

Fake Occupation: Vintner in Napa Valley

Fake Rando Fact: Says he’s fluent in French, took one semester in college (got a B- as a final grade)

Real name: Nick S.

Real Occupation: Software Salesman

Real Rando Fact: The food he dislikes the most is “scary cheeses”

Will he last? Not with that neckerchief, no.

♦♦♦

Fake Name: Tony

Fake Occupation: Wedding DJ

Fake Rando Fact: At the age of 16, he was briefly in a boy band called No Way Out. It was managed by Lou Pearlman’s cousin Stu Pearlman.

Real name: Vinny

Real Occupation: Barber

Real Rando Fact:  The most embarrassing style he’s ever had: “I bleached my tips once. I looked like Timberlake – boy-band style.”

Will he last? Nope.

♦♦♦

Fake Name: Charlie

Fake Occupation: Financial analyst

Fake Rando Fact: Grew up on a ranch and was the Colorado state champion bull rider

Real name:  James Taylor

Real Occupation: Singer-Songwriter

Real Rando Fact: He has a tattoo of an American flag and eagle on his left arm/shoulder.

Will he last? How sweet it is to (not be) loved by you

♦♦♦

Fake Name: Ashley

Fake Occupation: Hairstylist

Fake Rando Fact: Worked for celebrity hairstylist Jonathan Antin but was fired during episode two of his Bravo reality TV series Blow Out

Real name: Luke

Real Occupation: War Veteran

Real Rando Fact: If he could be any superhero, he would be Superman, because “he’s got swag and powers.”

Will he last? No, sir.

♦♦♦

Fake Name: Scotty B.

Fake Occupation: Manages bookshop/cafe in Chicago

Fake Rando Fact: Was a former child actor, best known as Beans on Even Stevens.

Real name: Brandon

Real Occupation: Hipster

Real Rando Fact: His all-time favorite book is David and Goliath, by Malcolm Gladwell, because of “how he sees challenges, advantages and disadvantages.”

Will he last? We’ve got a Goliath on our hands

♦♦♦

Fake Name: Mikey

Fake Occupation: Sports Trainer

Fake Rando Fact: Is super into China and its entire culture

Real name: Alex

Real Occupation: U.S. Marine

Real Rando Fact: The most outrageous thing he’s ever done – “Ripped the door off a totaled, burning car and pulled the unconscious driver out to safety.”

Will he last? Um, probs not?

♦♦♦

Fake Name: Jayson

Fake Occupation: Fitness Model

Fake Rando Fact: Is one of 7 kids – only boy in the bunch

Real name: Christian

Real Occupation: Telecom Consultant

Real Rando Fact: His best friend is his mom, “She is my ultimate supporter and has been there every step of the way.”

Will he last? I don’t believe in Christian’s longevity

♦♦♦

Fake Name: Tyler

Fake Occupation: Coffee Enthusiast

Fake Rando Fact: Been an extra in five episodes of Portlandia

Real name: Wells

Real Occupation: Radio DJ

Real Rando Fact: He doesn’t like pizza.

Will he last? Maybe? I’m not-so-secretly rooting for him, based on nothing.

♦♦♦

Fake Name: Nate

Fake Occupation: Product Developer

Fake Rando Fact: Doesn’t hide the fact he loves Ryan Gosling

Real name: Chad

Real Occupation: Luxury Real Estate Agent

Real Rando Fact: “All-time favorite movies – The Notebook (don’t make fun of me)”

Will he last? It wasn’t over, it still isn’t over

Mad Men Crush Monday

Our beloved Mad Men kicked off its final seven episodes of its seventh season on Sunday (hello alliteration), and while I’m so glad it’s back, I’m equally sad that these will be the last seven stories we’ll get to see of Don and company as they head into the 1970s and into the abyss of New York City forever.

While Mad Men has obviously provided us with plenty of “mad men” over the years, there are definitely some better than others. And although #ManCrushMonday is technically purely about attraction, I’m bending the rules a bit today and ranking the Mad Men on their overall likability, because frankly, in a male-ruled world of advertising in the 1960s, there are a handful of egotistical, cheating, at times misogynistic douche-bags, so they can’t all be crush worthy in the traditional sense. So if there’s anything Mad Men has taught us, it’s that there’s more to people than it seems on the outside, and it’s that very complexity that makes us, as human beings, interesting and worth knowing.  These are the men that have kept the world’s attention for the past eight years, and the ones we’ll miss the most.

12) Bobby Draper

The fact that four different kid actors have played Bobby is reason for him to make the list alone, and a running joke throughout the series (to the viewers, at least). It’s the current Bobby that has really taken the cake, as well as the title for longest-held position as Bobby Draper. He can actually act and not just spit out lines, and he’s sassy at that.

11) Harry Crane

So Harry Crane is kind of a dud. He may have started Sterling Cooper’s TV division but just makes poor life choices. He’s cheated on his wife (but I guess, who hasn’t), he’s a pushover – he asks Roger for a raise from $200 to $310, and Roger gets him to accept $225 and Harry is super stoked about it. He’s often ignorant and can be dumb, and Don doesn’t like him. I guess what I’m saying is, there’s a reason why he’s on this list… but I just can’t pinpoint why.

10) Pete Campbell

The things Pete Campbell says are usually arrogant and offensive, he is always seeking approval and resents his co-workers when they find their own successes. He’s a white child of privilege who gets away with sleeping around and being a double standard. He has a face that is extremely punch-worthy, so when you see scenes of him getting into fights or walking into walls or falling down stairs, it brings you pure joy. Pete may be the biggest douche on the show, but at least he’s interesting. He’s like a car crash on the side of the road that you can’t help but slow down and watch.

9) Freddy Rumsen

Freddy had a rough start. When we meet him, he’s already hammered, and he stays that way for most of the earlier seasons. It’s no surprise that Freddy is an alcoholic, seeing the environment he works in, but when it comes to a point when he unknowingly pees his pants right before a huge presentation, it’s a problem. Incidentally, that pee incident led to Peggy stepping up and pitching a campaign which ultimately helped her move forward within the company, and it was always Freddy who believed in her talent. He showed up sporadically throughout the rest of the series, and when he becomes sober, the tables are turned and he’s the one confronting a drunken Don. For a man whose life seemed to be in shambles at the beginning, he’s one of the only ones that seems to have it together in the end.

8) Ken Cosgrove (Accounts)

Ken Cosgrove is the Bob Vance of Vance Refrigeration of Mad Men. He’s one if not the only one who actually has good intentions and is constantly the guy you can count on. He always wants to be the best at his job and tries not to get caught up in the drama or politics at work. Instead of cheating and drinking excessively, he spends his time writing sci-fi stories that get published in magazines, and I’m pretty sure if Ken was alive and real today, he’d be one of those cult writers signing books at sci-fi conventions. And he’s unintentionally endearing, since he doesn’t exactly have the best of luck. He lit’rally got shot in the face by a client and has had to wear that eye patch for a couple seasons. Also he’s married to Alex Mack.

7) Michael Ginsberg

We meet Ginsberg (played by the delightfully handsome and charming Ben Feldman) in season five, when Peggy wants him on board as a copywriter. He seems a little off when they first hire him, which is obviously foreshadowing of his future at Sterling Cooper Draper Pryce. He’s got good ideas, but unfortunately for him, Don doesn’t care much for him. And poor Ginsberg, when a huge-ass computer takes over the office, he slowly starts to go crazy. His proclamation of being a martian is truly Xenu-worthy, and his paranoia that the computer somehow transmits signals to make men engage in gay sex takes over his brain. He eventually professes his love for Peggy and in the most shocking/disgusting scene since the lawnmower/foot incident of season 3, Ginsberg hands Peggy a box containing the severed nipple he just cut from his person. Honestly, I just feel really bad for the guy.

6) Stan Rizzo

Stan joined SCDP in season 4 as the art director and was this misogynistic type who flirted with every woman that passed by. The one woman who hasn’t reciprocated romantic feelings for (and never should) is Peggy. It’s their relationship that ranks him at number six. They literally bare their souls for each other by actually stripping down and for the last few seasons, we’ve seen Stan turn into seemingly the only stable mad in Peggy life since Don goes off the deep end as we approach the 70s. Stan and Peggy have both helped each other evolve into better people, and that’s really all you can ask for in world where it seems everyone’s going downhill.

5) Sal Romano

SAL! I miss Sal. A lot of fans miss Sal. Ever since he made his last appearance on the series in season three, people keep asking when he’s coming back. Unfortunately the answer to that is never. The closeted art director who was married to a woman and finally had a tryst with a bellhop but then when a big-time client tried to come on to him, Sal refused and in turn the client forced Don and the other bosses to fire Sal. It was a super warped sexual harassment case that was sad to see play out on TV, especially knowing how difficult it was to be gay back then, and comparing it to the world we live in now.

4) Don Draper

Even if you haven’t seen Mad Men, you know that Don Draper isn’t exactly the most moral protagonist. He’s no Walter White, but he’s no Phil Dunphy either. In the pilot, it’s not until the very end that we find out that the womanizer we meet in the beginning actually goes home to a wife and two kids in the suburbs every night. While Don may be the head honcho at work, his secrets, as we come to find out, are deeper and more complex than we ever could have imagined, and that’s why he’s such a flawed character. Even in the title sequence, we see a man in a suit free falling from the top of a building, and it seems as if Don has been living a parallel life to that image for the past seven seasons. We don’t know where and how he’s going to end up, but like the promo pic above – he may be in over his head soon enough.

3) Dick Whitman

Speaking of Don’s secret background, we find out that Don is actually Dick Whitman. After taking on the Don Draper persona from a fallen fellow soldier in the war, Dick Whitman “dies”. But in a turning point in the show, we get to see not only the real Dick Whitman’s origins, but his interactions with the late Don Draper’s wife, Anna. That guy who shows up to Anna’s door to tell her that her husband is dead is someone we’ve never seen before. He’s a compassionate, almost shy man who is the complete opposite of the often arrogant Don Draper. In any scene with Anna, we get to see the real Dick Whitman – the one that happily provides for a widow, spends every Christmas with her, and gushes about how much he loves Betty when he tells Anna they’re going to get married. Fast forward to years later, when most of the people close to Don not only know about his sordid past, but don’t hold it against him – a feat he’s had since the beginning. Now we just have to see if he can get over his past himself.

2) Bert Cooper

Bert provided the Cooper of Sterling Cooper, founding the company with Roger Sterling’s dad in 1923. He basically played the seniority card throughout the show, often walking around without shoes (because he didn’t have an office), staring at his Rothko paintings, and providing excellent advice to the young blood around the office. Bert was like the strong grandfather of the office who everyone trusted. He was smart and loyal and frank – and to that I say, Bravo.

1) Roger Sterling

Roger Sterling has so many faults. He, again, like many others in the show, is an adulterer, constantly drinks and smokes, gets naked, participates in orgies, has threesomes (and ends up having a heart attack), gets high on LSD, and says the most inappropriate politically incorrect things to clients and co-workers alike (and has a book to prove it). But like other memorable TV characters like Dwight Schrute and Ron Swanson, they all have their own quirks and oddities and beliefs that we may not agree with, but it sure is fun to watch it play out. And I’ll miss that.

(Dis)Honorable Mentions: Dr. Rapist Greg Harris, Henry Francis, Ted Chaough, Duck Phillips, Jim Cutler,  Glen Bishop, Bob Benson

Man Crush Monday: John Krasinski

I think it’s only appropriate that today’s Man Crush Monday goes out to one of the loves of my life, John Krasinski – this, on the day of his 35th birthday.

You probably know John as the only sane guy working at Dunder Mifflin in The Office. You may also know him as Emily Blunt’s husband, Hazel Krasinski’s father, or the dude who does the voiceovers for Esurance. To me, he is one of those people that always ends up on the short list of my ‘celebrity crushes’ (I definitely don’t have that written down somewhere) because of his charm, wit, and acting abilities. So to celebrate the anniversary of his birth, let’s go over just a few of the reasons why JKras is my Man Crush for this Monday and all Mondays to come.

He’s a Boston Boy

John was born and raised in Newton, Massachusetts, which is right on the outskirts of Boston. Being that Boston is like a second home to me, I feel like we have a connection – especially since he is proudly wearing all that Celtics/Red Sox garb making him even hotter. Also I have friends who are from Newtown and we may or may not have found out where he grew up/his parents’ house is and may or may not have done a drive by. It’s fine. Not at all creepy.

He’s An Ivy League Grad

While attending Newton South High School, John starred a play (which The Office co-star BJ Novak wrote) but it didn’t really make him want to become an actor. He was accepted to Brown University but was put on the wait list so decided to go to Costa Rica to teach English before heading off to college for the second semester. While at Brown, he helped coach a local youth basketball team. I mean smart and philanthropic? Are you real? So he went in as an English major and didn’t get the real acting bug until he was part of a staged reading for David Foster Wallace’s Brief Interviews With Hideous Men, which, full circle, he adapted for film and starred in directed in it in 2009. It was during that reading that he realized he could use his talents to become an actor and writer. He ended up graduated from Brown with honors in English as a playwright.

He’s Charming As All Hell

Salesman Jim Halpert was a charming motherfucker who was just too good to ever stay at Dunder Mifflin, but it all worked out since he got the girl in the end. But that charm and wit is not just Jim Halpert – it comes from John Krasinski. It’s hard to see anyone else in that role because JKras made it what it was. In fact I think both Adam Scott and John Cho were up for the role, so can you imagine how much more different Jim would be if they were cast. If you’ve seen any of his TV interviews, you know how personable he is, and this video is just one example. If you listen closely, you can hear women all over the world droppin their panties during the vid.

He Was Meant To Be Jim Halpert

After he decided to be an actor, John moved to New York City in hopes of being living the dream – being paid to act. He was waiting tables and not really getting any work and got to the point where he was ready to give up. He said he would go on one more audition, and if it didn’t work, it would be a sign that he needed to pick a new career path. That audition was for The Office and the rest is history. John has said that the show has changed his life in more ways than one, not only with all the professional success in his life, but if he had never moved out to Los Angeles to shoot the show, and if the show never took off the way it did, he would have never been able to meet his wife, the lovely Emily Blunt. He was meant to be Jim Halpert, just like Jenna Fischer was meant to be his Pam. ❤ ❤ OTP ❤ ❤

He’s the Most Adorable When He Breaks

With all the hilarious material the folks at The Office were given, it’s nearly impossible to not laugh during a scene. This is evident in all the bloopers from the nine seasons of the show, which I admittedly have watched way too many times. While John is a tall drink of a man, when he breaks, he kind of turns into a giggly little girl. It’s totes adorbs.

He Is Great At Physical Comedy

John wasn’t given a lot of physical comedy during The Office, but if you want to see his lanky self do some hilarious bits, watch License to Wed or Leatherheads. Or just watch him doing this amazing marionette bit over and over and over again.

He Is Great At Drama, Too

Because he’s most known for his role on The Office, people don’t automatically think of him as a dramatic actor. But that will change if you see him in one of my personal favorite movies, Away We Go. I originally saw this movie strictly for him, but I was delightfully surprised to see that it was actually a wonderful film. Plus you can’t go wrong when you share the screen with Maya Rudolph, Allison Janney and Chris Messina.

He Has The Greatest Wife

When your celebrity crush gets married, the only thing that will cure your shattered (delusional) dreams is if the person they’re marrying is equally as awesome. Luckily, John married the equally awesome Emily Blunt who is devastatingly beautiful and talented and funny. And when they’re together, it’s even better. Have you checked out their Ice Bucket Challenges?!

He’s The Greatest Dad

LIKE, CAN U NOT, KRASINSKIS? CAN U ACTUALLY NOT.

He Wins All The Lip Sync Battles


I AM NOT STOPPING WITH THE CAPS LOCK BECAUSE I SAVED THE BEST FOR LAST. YOU MAY HAVE SEEN EMMA STONE AND JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT CHALLENGE JIMMY FALLON IN A LIP SYNC BATTLE, BUT THE PERSON WHO STARTED IT ALL WAS JOHN KRASINSKI. AND WHEN THEY DID THIS FOR THE FIRST TIME I’M PRETTY SURE I LIT’RALLY SWOONED. I STILL SWOON. MAKE SURE YOU’RE SITTING DOWN BEFORE YOU WATCH THIS.