Things We Need To Revisit From The 2017 Academy Awards

The other day I read a think-piece about how the twist ending of this year’s Oscars – as well as the reversals of fortune at the 2017 Super Bowl and the 2016 Presidential Election – means that there’s a glitch in the matrix: that we’re living in a simulated universe and either something broke, or someone’s messing with us.

For the 2017 Academy Awards ceremony to be dull and unremarkable for over 3 hours, only to get so wacky in the last 5 minutes that it inspired stoner philosophy in the New Yorker: that’s a feat. We already discussed our Best Dressed picks, so let’s revisit a few other happenings of the oddest awards night in recent memory.

The Opening Number and Monologue

Maybe it’s because I grew up on Billy Crystal’s annual parody numbers, but wow, was this year’s opening uninspired. Of course I love Justin Timberlake, but I prefer an opening number that actually remarks on the year’s nominees (yeah, I know the song was nominated, but am I crazy to want a La La Land reference when there’s an actual MUSICAL up for Best Picture? Something with the fantastic ladies from Hidden Figures? The nice aliens from Arrival?).

The monologue wasn’t quite as sharp or well-paced as I’ve come to expect. There were some good ones in there, though (“black people saved NASA and white people saved Jazz”) and some standard ones (the jokes about how young Damien Chazelle is seemed to be cribbed from Good Will Hunting-era Ben and Matt jokes), and a few that were just bad (on the biggest night of someone’s professional career, I’ve always found jokes about how nobody saw a movie or knows who someone is to be ill-conceived). I do like Jimmy Kimmel, but I don’t think he was the best fit for the Oscars host; I think he was the guy from ABC.

The Matt Damon Jokes

Who counted the Jimmy Kimmel/Matt Damon rivalry jokes last night? It’s a running gag you’d come to expect if you watch Kimmel, but if you don’t it probably just felt a little overdone.

The Bit With The Tourists, Which I Hated

As you already know by now, there was a really protracted bit where a group of tourists were told they were going to see an exhibit of Oscar gowns, only to walk into the auditorium full of celebrities. It was terrible for so many reasons:

  • It took forever. Legit, 7 minutes. Whenever the Oscars is packed with dumb bits, I always think of how annoyed I’m going to be when it’s 11:30 PM EST and top winners are being rushed off stage after 30 seconds, or 12:05 AM EST when I’m still awake.
  • The cell phones. I hate when baby boomers complain about kids these days always on their phones, but damn, could those baby boomers get off their phones?! It reminds me of when I was sitting at my niece and nephew’s Christmas pageant and couldn’t see a thing because everyone in front of me was watching it with their tiny phone screens poised in the air.
  • Something about the Normals mixing with the Pristine Fancy People just felt gross.
  • No really, put down your phone, Gary.
  • Is it just me, or does walking off a bus in tourist clothes onto national television and a room full of celebrities sound like a weird, bad nightmare? My only consolation is that everyone was calm enough that it was probably fake.
  • Yeah, Jimmy. Not everyone’s named something like Jimmy. That’s not even a good joke.
  • In general, I hate the idea of manufacturing Magic Moments – it’s the same feeling I get when I look at someone’s carefully curated Pinterest wedding. At some point you just have to let things play out normally and appreciate that magic can’t be planned. Case in point: this bit with the tourists was boring and long and bad, but the most fascinating part of the night – the glitch in the matrix at the end – was completely unexpected.
Saint Brie Of The Pursed Lips

We’ve come to realize that every Oscars night will involve us discussing how Brie Larson is a good person. She really seems like a genuinely down-to-earth, caring human even when the cameras aren’t on (for instance: hugging each and every ones of the assault survivors who appeared with Lady Gaga during the 2016 Oscars – during a commercial break, not on live TV). It is because Brie has become an advocate for survivors of sexual abuse that it was so horrifying that this awards season kept seeing her paired up with accused sexual harasser Casey Affleck. As at the Golden Globes, Brie handed off Affleck’s award with a pursed-lip smile and all the polite iciness of a well-bred Southern hostess.

Yes, Brie handed off the Oscar with a quick hug and congratulations, but she wasn’t going to clap about it. And it was that tiny gesture – not clapping – that put the next-day headline focus on the accusations against Affleck instead of his win.

I will say that I’m happy for Casey’s Manchester By The Sea costar Michelle Williams, who looked happy, and for his brother Ben, who I am willing to believe has given him a stern talking-to.

VIOLA!

There are some actors and actresses whom it feels like a privilege to live in the same time as. Viola Davis is one. After her much-deserved nominations for The Help and Doubt, it’s a joy to see her win her first Oscar – and I say first because I’m certain there will be more.

The Ladies Of The Help

I don’t know what it is, but occasionally the cast of a movie coalesces in such a way that you know filming it must have been (to use the oft-repeated junket cliche) like summer camp. Maybe because of its location shoot, that’s how The Help is. The actresses really seem to have become like a family on-set and remained friends years later. Oh, plus they’re all absolutely crushing it. To see Emma Stone, Viola Davis and Octavia Spencer all involved in nominated pictures is an absolute delight.

MAHERSHALA!

It seems that every awards season has its darling (Jennifer Lawrence; Lupita Nyong’o, e.g.) and this year it was the talented, intelligent, really really handsome Mahershala Ali. It’s no secret that we were pulling for him, and we promise it wasn’t JUST because we like his speeches (the man does give a good speech though).

The Children of Moonlight

The actors behind the youngest versions of Chiron and Kevin, Alex Hibbert and Jaden Piner, are two talented seventh graders from the same Miami school. They were selected to audition and didn’t even know it was a big project – and now they’re part of a Best Picture winner. It’s the fantasy I always had as an inner-city kid, and the fact that it came true for these two amazing boys is phenomenal.  Alex and Jaden are kids, but they’re also old enough to grasp that the Oscars are a big deal and it seems that they were taking in every minute of it. All love and all pride.

La La Land Wins?

La La Land was good. It wasn’t my favorite — some of the Hollywood Is In Love With Itself vibe is only interesting if you are actually from there, I think, kind of like looking at some other family’s photo albums — but it was good. A modern musical is a fresh and innovative idea, it was beautifully executed (the color palate alone!), and for the first time in a long time, there was a really well-made film that was trying to be charming.  If movies like La La Land come into fashion I won’t be upset. Still, my gut said that Moonlight was going to win: if I felt that it was more deserving, certainly a number of voters had the same opinion.

When La La Land was announced as the winner I was disappointed, but didn’t feel like Moonlight got robbed, exactly. I understood why La La Land could have won, it was the expected winner, and as I said, it was good. I saw a photo album page I recognized in Moonlight (as I said, I grew up in the inner city with drug houses next door and across the street; Moonlight is the first and only time I have ever seen a neighborhood like that depicted with complexity and humanity. It meant a lot). Voters, I figured, saw a photo album page they recognized in La La Land. Fine.

But wait. The signs were there from the beginning. I interpreted Warren Beatty’s drawn-out announcement as an aging actor trying to be funny, but it was actually a pause to figure out what was going on. Faye Dunaway thought that Warren was allowing her to read the winner, when he was really signaling her in a “do you see what I’m seeing” way. Producers rushed on – well, maybe not rushed; they could have hustled a little bit more if you ask me. They reportedly realized there was a problem immediately but took minutes to get to the stage. Shock can cause delay, though. I was actually more surprised by the producer who (evidently) already had been told that they lost, delivered his speech anyway, then interjected “we lost, by the way.”

God bless Jordan Horowitz for clearing it up with”I’m sorry. There’s a mistake. Moonlight, you guys won Best Picture”, though at first I thought he was trying to say that Moonlight DESERVED best picture.  Nobody else on stage – not the producer who accepted before him, not the host, not the presenter, not the producers – had stepped in by that point, so I appreciate his quick thinking and decisiveness. Then there was some painfully bad on-stage vamping (KIMMEL. Telling them they should keep it isn’t the way to go; and it wasn’t “nice of them,” the other guys won it), and Warren tried to clear his name (redemption would come later, when it became clear that  he was handed the wrong envelope). A visibly stunned Moonlight cast took the stage. It was baffling.

Moonlight Wins!

Moonlight was my personal pick for best picture. It was so beautiful at times that I wanted to cry not because it was sad, but because it was true. I think my soul broke open in the final scene and not in a bad way. Moonlight is the first Best Picture winner with an all-black cast AND the first LGBT winner as well. It deconstructs masculinity, particularly black masculinity, in a thought-provoking and profoundly touching way.  However, Moonlight was also so beautifully written, filmed and acted that it deserved to win on its merits as a film, not because it was ground-breaking. It’s one of those movies where you can’t really explain why people need to see it, just that they need to.

Golden Globes 2017 – Best Dressed

Annddd we’re back! Not only with new content for 2017, but content that includes our annual kick off to awards season with the Golden Globes! Last night saw some good times (Meryl Streep! Donald Glover!) and bad times (y’all see Hidden Fences?), but as always, we kept an eye on the fashion. Here are some of our faves from the 2017 Golden Globes.

Best Dressed

Molly’s Picks

Emma Stone in Valentino Haute Couture

Every year, we debate over contributing our true top picks and making sure that we don't have any repeats because there are plenty of gorgeous gowns to go around. And just about every year, we end up with one gown that neither of us can, in good conscience, leave off of our list. This time it's Emma Stone, a city of stars unto herself. I love the soft champagne color, the crenelated skirt (so 20s and 30s! so perfect for this role, in particular), and the understated hair, makeup and jewelry. Emma almost always makes our best list, and I'm thrilled she'll be on every red carpet this year because I think she's positively refreshing, both in her exquisite fashion picks and in her laid-back but kind personality.

Every year, we debate whether to contribute our true top picks or make sure that we don’t have any repeats, because there are plenty of gorgeous gowns to go around. And just about every year, we end up with one gown that neither of us can, in good conscience, leave off of our list. This time it’s Emma Stone, a city of stars unto herself. I love the soft champagne color, the crenelated skirt (so 20s and 30s! so perfect for this role, in particular), and the understated hair, makeup and jewelry. Emma almost always makes our best list, and I’m thrilled she’ll be on every red carpet this year because I think she’s positively refreshing, both in her exquisite fashion picks and in her laid-back but kind personality.

 

Natalie Portman in Prada

While my picks after Emma Stone follow in no particular order, I had to make sure Natalie Portman was on my best dressed list somewhere, if only because I was a bit confused by the dislike for this gown. Maternity fashion is tricky: go to bulky and you'll just look oddly shaped instead of pregnant; some go all the way the other direction but I always find skin-tight or crop-tops on pregnant woman to look uncomfortable. I like that Natalie chose a middle approach: tailored, crisp and cheerful, with a 60s boatneck vibe as a tribute to the one and only Jackie O. The feathery beading and midi sleeves made this feel like something I'd imagine a pregnant Audrey Hepburn wearing - or Jackie, of course.

While my picks after Emma Stone follow in no particular order, I had to make sure Natalie Portman was on my best dressed list somewhere, if only because I was a bit confused by the distaste for this gown. Maternity fashion is tricky: go too bulky and you’ll just look oddly shaped instead of pregnant; some go all the way the other direction but I always find skin-tight or crop-tops on pregnant woman to look uncomfortable. I like that Natalie chose a middle approach: tailored, crisp and cheerful, with a 60s-style boatneck as a tribute to the one and only Jackie O. The feathery beading and midi sleeves made this feel like something I’d imagine a pregnant Audrey Hepburn wearing – or Jackie, of course.

 

Donald Glover in Gucci

What I love: the brown velvet is such a beautifully smooth color that you could almost dive into it like melted chocolate. Also, Donald manages - at the same time - to look both like an old-school debonair gentleman, and a walking huggable teddy bear. This suit is a reminder that you don't have to go all the way to patterns or beading to explore a statement beyond the classic black tux. Plus that burgandy bow tie?! This is one of the biggest nights in Donald's career, and I just love that he is dressed for it.

What I love: the brown velvet is such a beautifully smooth color that you could almost dive into it like melted chocolate. Also, Donald manages – at the same time – to look both like an old-school debonair gentleman, and a walking huggable teddy bear. This suit is a reminder that you don’t have to go all the way to patterns or beading to explore a statement beyond the classic black tux. Plus that burgundy bow tie?! This is one of the biggest nights in Donald’s career, and I just love that he is dressed for it.

Lily Collins in Zuhair Murad Couture

We all love a simple black dress, but I also love when celebs take the red carpet invitation to seriously go for it. Stunning embroidery, piles of fabric, and an almost Victorian feel that's modernized by that fantastic neckline. Pair it with Lily's signature bold eyebrows and a red lip, and the look keep from going to

We all like a simple black dress, but I also love when celebs take the red carpet invitation to seriously go for it. Stunning embroidery, piles of fabric, and an almost Victorian feel that’s modernized by that fantastic neckline. Pair it with Lily’s signature bold eyebrows and a red lip, and the look keep from going to “80s bridesmaid” and lands in “coolest modern debutante on the block.”

Viola Davis in Michael Kors Collection

Viola Davis is flawless in everything, from Fences (SEE IT), to introductory speeches (I repeat my request that she make radio speeches weekly for the next 4 years to keep us steady), to this one-shoulder canary yellow gown. You can seldom go wrong pairing a vibrant color with a streamlined style and beautiful - but minimal - accessories. Also it would be a crime to cover up those arms.

Viola Davis is flawless in everything, from Fences (SEE IT), to introductory speeches (I repeat my request that she make radio speeches weekly for the next 4 years to keep us steady), to this one-shoulder canary yellow gown. You can seldom go wrong pairing a vibrant color with a streamlined style and beautiful – but minimal – accessories. Also it would be a crime to cover up those arms.

Millie Bobby Brown in Jenny Packham

This makes my list because it's fun, it's glitzy, it fits perfectly, and it's wonderfully age-appropriate. I'm dying a bit over the sheer layer at the hemline and all that beading, not to mention the sweet sandal-style heels. I'm typically not into tea length dresses on adults on the red carpet (though there are exceptions), but it's the perfect way for a child to look dressed up without looking like they're, well, playing dress-up as an adult.

This makes my list because it’s fun, it’s glitzy, it fits perfectly, and it’s wonderfully age-appropriate. I’m dying a bit over the sheer layer at the hemline and all that beading, not to mention the sweet sandal-style heels. I’m typically not into tea length dresses on adults on the red carpet (though there are exceptions), but it’s the perfect way for a child to look dressed up without looking like they’re, well, playing dress-up as an adult.

Traci’s Picks

Emma Stone in Valentino Haute Couture

For the first major awards show of the season, it’s only fitting the La La Land star picked a gown that features silver stars, since, ya know City of Stars and whatnot. Love the light pink color too – the stars are enough ‘bling’, and any other bright color would’ve been too much.

Mandy Moore in Naeem Kahn

God I am so glad Mandy Moore is back looking glam on red carpets where she belongs. Despite the fact she didn’t go home with a trophy, she’s still dressed like a winner in this gorgeous dress. Plunging necklines were a trend this year, and Mandy killed it. I also love the faux cape and sheer material that gives it another sexy edge for a full length gown.

Gina Rodriguez in Naeem Kahn

If I were Gina Rodriguez, I would spend the entire night shimmying left and right to get those beads movin like a 1920s flapper. She looks amazing from head to toe, and is working it like the true star she is.

Felicity Huffman in Georges Chakra

You can't really tell in this photo, but those are pants. And Felicity gave a simple explanation as to why she skipped a gown this year, and it's why she deserves a spot on the best dressed list (it's also v pretty).

If you can’t really tell in this photo, those are pants. And Felicity gave a simple explanation as to why she skipped a gown this year, and it’s why she deserves a spot on the best dressed list (it’s also v pretty). “I got a pantsuit in honor of Hillary. Love you, Hillary. I’m with her.” {x}

Issa Rae in Christian Siriano

Insecure is still on my To Watch list, but I really like Issa Rae based on interviews alone. And as a first-time nominee, she fits right in with this sleek Christian Siriano gown. Also, please note her flawless skin. It’s unreal.

Milo Ventimiglia in Ralph Lauren

That is Milo Ventimiglia and this is us saying goodbye to the #GoldenGlobes. ✨👋

A post shared by E! News (@enews) on

MILO. VENTIMIGLIA. IS. A. SMOKESHOW.

Sterling K. Brown in Kenneth Cole and Ryan Michelle Bathe in David Meister

photo-jan-08-11-34-37-pmDo yourself a favor and follow Sterling K. Brown on social media if you don’t already. Today’s Insta story featured him getting ready with his wife (also on This Is Us!) and they are #couplegoals AF. I mean look at these two hotties – his blue suit and her amazing pink sequined gown?! This is a screenshot of a boomerang and it doesn’t even do them justice. Neither does the screenshot below of Sterling’s time lapse of him putting his clothes on…
photo-jan-08-11-33-32-pm

Live Blog: Emmy Awards 2015

It’s hard to believe but it’s Super Bowl weekend! And by Super Bowl, we mean Emmy Awards, because, hello, welcome to our blog. Like we do every year, we’ll be liveblogging the ceremony on Sunday starting around 8pm EST/5pm PST, so come back and join us!

Friendly reminder that we’re still too cheap to update and get legit liveblogging technology, so please refresh this page every 5 to 10 minutes for our up-to-the-minute updates! Also, for up-to-the-second updates, join us over on Twitter!

Andy-Samberg

serious andy samberg welcomes you to the emmys.

7:15 M: Guys, I’m a bit worried. I tuned into FOX to see if there’s a preshow on (there isn’t) but (A) it’s still football, and (B) the announcer is speaking Spanish.

I should add that I majored in Spanish in college and spent like 5 months in Spain, but I am not interested in translating an entire awards show.

[Note: I don’t have cable and have noticed that my over-the-air FOX affiliate does some weird stuff, like narrating the action for blind people  – obviously not weird if you’re blind, but.]
On to the much-lauded Yahoo live stream. Right now: an overhead shot of a tight crowd of warm-looking rich people.

Oh cool. A clip from Louie. Really outdoing yourself, Yahoo.

7: 20 I almost always love everything that Dascha Polanco is. Which makes me think that me not liking her gown is a “it’s not you, it’s me thing.” To be fair, I’ve been hating on the short opaque skirt under a sheer long skirt trend.

7:25 Sarah Paulson (in custom Prabal Gurung) is asked who she wants to see tonight. Answers “Emma Thompson” without pause. You and me both.

M: Let’s talk about Tatiana Maslany. No, let’s LOOK at Tatiana Maslany. Jesus.

7: 39 Emmy Guy: I know Amy Poehler started this Smart Girls thing about not asking women so many fashion questions –

Naomi Watt: SO DON’T!

7:42 Yahoo wraps up Game of Thrones in 2 minutes and it basically sums up everything I said in What I Think Happens In Game Of Thrones (I Don’t Watch It). Also this GoT segment really doesn’t seem like a good use of time.

7:56 Good Lord, Poehler.

Same, Mindy. Same.

8:00 M: Well, my TV is in English now. That’s nice. Andy Samberg does a number emerging from a TV viewing bunker. Or as I call it, my house.

T: Legit just LOLed at the ‘Have you seen Castle?’ joke. You know who watches Castle? my aunts who don’t have a DVR and have to be home to watch Castle REPEATS.

M: Man. Aunts love appointment television, don’t they?

Did Andy Samberg end his number with “and I’m white?” Not a rhetorical Q, my tv pixelated right at that second.

T: I thought he said, “And I’m right?” We could easily both be completely wrong. We’re old now.

M: I thought he was making a commentary on why he was chosen as host and I was like “brazen, but … true.” Yours makes more sense.

T: “Justin Timberlake is not coming.” – Andy answering the question we’ve all been thinking.

M: I don’t watch GoT, but of COURSE there’s a mean nun.

T: I was just about to say, ‘I don’t watch GoT’ but Jane Lynch looks exactly like that mean nun. We’re not fans of dragons and incest and rape (?), okay.

M: I feel like GoT offers lots of nice braided hairdos, but so does Pinterest. [We’ll try it. Someday.]

M: Oh, Tina Fey looks gorgeous!

T: ::Emoji with heart eyes:: That quadrant of seating also includes Poehler and Jimmy Fallon. I want to go to there.

M: Also looking great: Amy Poehler. Now I just need Andy to make a lame joke about Canada so we can get a reaction shot of Tatiana Maslany, because she looks extra :heart eyes emoji: :praise hands emoji:

T: “If I wanted to see an intolerant woman dance I would’ve gone to one of Kim Davis’ four weddings.” I legit said, ‘OOOHHHHH SNAP” out loud. No one is with me.

M: Jon Hamm in a suit. You know?

T: “Dick Whitman Horny Hobo” Who wouldn’t watch this prequel, tho???

M: I straight up chuckled out loud when Andy mentioned the actor starring in Houdini then they focused on an empty seat. Dad jokes and things they would have laughed at in the 1920s really :get: me.

T: I cannot stop laughing at this Houdini joke, either!

M: Uzo Aduba: the new Ed Asner.

Allison Janney: The new Ed Asner and the old Uzo Aduba.

T: POEHLER & SCHUMER BUDDY COMEDY IMMEDIATELY PLS & THANK YOU

M: Sorry. I was just staring at my TV grinning like an idiot.

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series

Niecy Nash, Getting On

Julie Bowen, Modern Family

Allison Janney, Mom

Kate McKinnon, Saturday Night Live

Mayim Bialik, The Big Bang Theory

Gaby Hoffman, Transparent

Jane Krakowski, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Anna Chlumsky, Veep

Molly’s Pick: Jane Krakowski, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Also love Kate McKinnon, but SNL performers usually don’t win. Love Anna Chlumsky too. And Gaby Hoffman is amazing in Transparent. I like Modern Family but I’m sick of it winning, and I don’t like Big Bang and I’m sick of it winning.

Traci’s Pick: Anna Chlumsky, Veep

Wait, why are there so many nominees in this? anyways, I pick Anna Chlumsky because she plays the most sane insane person in the White House perfectly, and it’s about time she gets recognized for it.

Winner: Allison Janney

M: Is there a reason she’s singing her speech, though?

T: I want to say yes, but I definitely missed the explanation.

8:22 M: I want to be nice about Tracee Ellis Ross’s dress.

Louis C.K.: Every time you have an idea, you feel sure that that was the last one.

He may have been joking but that is 100% true for me.

Outstanding Writing for a Comedy Series

David Crane and Jeffrey Klarik, Episodes, “Episode 409”

Will Forte, The Last Man on Earth, “Alive in Tucson”

Alec Berg, Silicon Valley, “Two Days of the Condor”

Jill Soloway, Transparent, “Pilot”

Armando Iannucci, Simon Blackwell and Tony Roche, Veep, “Election Night”

Molly’s Pick: Jill Soloway, Transparent, “Pilot”

I could see Transparent picking up a few awards – I watched it because I finally got Amazon Prime this year, and it’s great. Only caveat: not really a COMEDY comedy. The only other show I watch on the list is Veep. Not sure what Episodes is.

Traci’s Pick: Jill Soloway, Transparent, “Pilot”

I haven’t seen Transparent, but I’m going to pick it anyways. They’re going to have a good night.

Winner: Armando Iannucci, Simon Blackwell and Tony Roche, Veep, “Election Night”

T: I am glad they won, though, FTR.

M: Same.

Ricky Gervais doesn’t really walk so much as saunter.Photo Sep 20, 5 27 02 PM

T: He does this bit where he pretends to win an Emmy, and tells viewers to “Tweet that, and Bob’s Your Uncle” – barely any laughs for that joke, because this is America, and most people don’t get that that phrase means like, ‘And you’re all set’.

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy

Andre Braugher, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Adam Driver, Girls

Keegan-Michael Key, Key & Peele

Ty Burrell, Modern Family

Titus Burgess, Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Tony Hale, Veep

Molly’s Pick: Andre Braugher, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

Would love to see a Titus Burgess win, but not holding my breath.

Traci’s Pick: Andre Braugher, Brooklyn Nine-Nine

I just rewatched the season two finale, and he plays that end scene so freaking well. If that’s one of the episodes they submitted, the Captain might have a shot at winning gold.

Winner: Tony Hale, Veep

M: Liking this. Hale says “I just had a fear my zipper’s down” and I immediately flashed back to every play I was ever in when I’d check my zipper like 8 times waiting in the wings.

8: 34 M: I never see Gina Rodriguez without thinking “man, I should really be watching Jane The Virgin.”

T: Same. We need to get on it.

T: Two things: Bradley Whitford’s hat. Also, CJ & Josh Lyman are in the same room right now.

uh is bradley taking off allison’s dress here

M: Jill Soloway wins for comedy directing, beginning our predicted run of awards for Transparent. Because I have trouble with names that sound alike: I always at first think she is Jill Sobule, of I Kissed A Girl “fame” (not the Katy Perry version).

T: Unrelatedly, I forgot to mention how OUTSTANDING Andy’s monologue was. Like, perfection.

M: So far, in terms of hosting, winners, fashion, speeches: no complaints. I don’t know if I’ve ever made it 40 minutes and had that still be the case.

T: Forte’s beard is OUT OF CONTROL. (BONUS JORMA <3)

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series

Anthony Anderson, Black-ish

Matt LeBlanc, Episodes

Don Cheadle, House of Lies

Louis C.K., Louie

William H. Macy, Shameless

Will Forte, The Last Man on Earth

Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent

Molly’s Pick: Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent

Should win, anyway.

Traci’s Pick: Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent

Like I said, they’re going to have a good night, and it’s thanks to this guy.

Winner: Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent

M: I wouldn’t tell you to get an Amazon Prime membership BECAUSE of Transparent, but if you were thinking of doing it anyway it’s a good perk.

M: When I see Matt LeBlanc and Matthew Perry, it’s like when you see one of your old teachers and are shocked that THEY got older, too.

T: I thought they were stuck in the series finale forever, TBH.

8: 50 T: Um that Apple Music commercial with Taraji, Kerry and Mary J was FIRE. How do I get invited to that party? ALSO, AVA DUVERNAY DIRECTED IT? TALK ABOUT #SQUADGOALS.

M: I was posting in our live blog then my head shot up when I heard Kerry’s voice.

T: Seth and Andy, BFFs together again, and paying homage to their leader, Lorne Michaels.

Photo Sep 20, 5 52 01 PM

M: Are they doing lead actress in a comedy next? Because I am not mentally or emotionally ready.

T: Ugh I hope not. I’m never ready. Amy’s been nominated 16 times? I cannot. WAIT IF AMY WINS AND SETH GIVES IT TO HER I WILL CRY.

M: POEHLER. Does a bit in a hoodie and shades.

pls note jimbo in the back

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series

Lily Tomlin, Grace and Frankie

Amy Schumer, Inside Amy Schumer

Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie

Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation

Lisa Kudrow, The Comeback

Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep

Molly’s Pick: Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation

PLEASE?

Traci’s Pick: Amy Meredith Poehler, Parks and Recreation

IF YOU BUILD IT THEY WILL COME. (AM I USING THAT SPORTS MOVIE REF RIGHT?)

Winner: Julia Louis-Dreyfus

M: Every time JLD has won, it’s been totally deserved and I’ve been very pleased. Yet, a bunch of the times I’ve also been sort of pulling for Amy so not been as happy as I’d expect? Love her, though.

T: I am literally shaking because I felt like Poehler had a chance… I mean, I get a grip, maybe? Congrats to JLD tho, she’s great.

M: If I were Poehler I’d be wearing those sunglasses not as comedy sunglasses, but because of tears. I mean I’m not her and I almost need them. [Aside nobody cares about: I always pause for a sec when JLD thanks her kids because they have the same names as 2 of my nephews who are brothers.]

Outstanding Reality Show Competition

The Amazing Race

Dancing with the Stars

Project Runway

So You Think You Can Dance

Top Chef

The Voice

Molly’s Pick: The Amazing Race

I don’t know, I feel like they win a lot.

Traci Pick: Top Chef

In my heart of hearts, SYTYCD will always win, but I’m going to say Top Chef. Mei Lin FTW!

Winner: The Voice

M: Can they do reality tv on a different night or something? Or like on TBS?

T: “Sorry The Amazing Race, it’s our year this year”. Mark Burnett, calm down. Didn’t you guys win last year too?

M: Also this is not a real award category. It reminds me of a weird dream I had once when I somehow was on America’s Next Top Model and I made it like 4 weeks in because everyone felt too bad to kick me out even though I clearly didn’t deserve to be there.

9: 03 M: I love James Corden But when they play the Ghostbusters music I was expecting the Ghostbusters ladies. He is so huggable though.

T: I was just about to say I love James Corden! If you haven’t seen his Carpool Karaoke with Stevie Wonder yet, you should. And if you don’t cry like I did multiple times, then… well, you have your motions under control.

T: I’m also giving the accountants from Ernst & Young a standing ovation, but that’s mainly because I need to get more steps in for my Fitbit.

M: I’m like 800 steps under. Better get moving.

T: IDEC, I still think Terrence Howard is the creepiest. Remember when he was being really weird while presenting at the Oscars?

M: Oooh. Yeah. I had forgotten.

T: Oh, well Jane Anderson is a spritely little woman, isn’t she?

M: She reminds me so much of every enthusiastic writing professor in college.

T: “Oh my God. Goodbye!” is the new “OK I gotta go. Bye.” from Merritt Wever in 2013.

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Limited Series or Movie

Regina King, American Crime

Sarah Paulson, American Horror Story: Freak Show

Angela Bassett, American Horror Story: Freak Show

Kathy Bates, American Horror Story: Freak Show

Mo’Nique, Bessie

Zoe Kazan, Olive Kitteridge

Molly’s Pick: Zoe Kazan, Olive Kitteridge

Olive Kitteridge was pretty buzz-y which makes me wish I had picked up the book for the 2 years it was at the front of the book section in Target.

Traci’s Pick: Mo’Nique, Bessie

I’m assuming she did great in this.

Winner: Regina King, American Crime

T: NO JOKE, I WAS GOING TO PUT REGINA KING! I’ve never seen American Crime. Also, I want Taraji in my squad cheering me on all the time.

M: Moment of silence out of respect for Regina King’s arms/ personal trainer.

T: Andy’s new dark teal suit = Fresh To Death.

Photo Sep 20, 6 13 39 PM

M: “I haven’t seen Olive Kitteridge, I’ve seen Half of Kitteridge.” – if you don’t know who your dad is, it might be Andy Samberg, because that man is flush with dad jokes.

M: Man. Olive Kitteridge. I should watch it.

Wait… they just said “4 hour movie.” Eh. Maybe no.

M: They’re doing an In Memorium for departed SHOWS now? No wonder these things always run 20 minutes over.

9: 24

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Limited Series or Movie

Richard Cabral, American Crime

Denis O’Hare, American Horror Story: Freak Show

Finn Wittrock, American Horror Story: Freak Show

Michael Kenneth Williams, Bessie

Bill Murray, Olive Kitteridge

Damian Lewis, Wolf Hall

Molly’s Pick: Bill Murray, Olive Kitteridge

I don’t know, just going to keep going with Olive Kitteridge.

Traci’s Pick: Bill Murray, Olive Kitteridge

Olive Kitteridge got a lot of traction with the critics this year, especially for its stars Frances and Bill. Also Bill Murray’s never won an Emmy, so why not?

Winner: Bill Murray, Olive Kitteridge

M: THAT WAS A WHOLE SEGMENT. Did a switchboard operator have a stroke?

T: Insert “DAMNIT, JERRY” here.

M: HA nevermind. The fake cut really got me.

They’re doing a Mad Men finale pastiche.

M: Kerry Washington – so pretty, tonight and always – has a jaunty walk. Should stroll with Ricky Gervais sometime.

T: Kerry is a GD dream and delight

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Limited Series or Movie

Felicity Huffman, American Crime

Jessica Lange, American Horror Story: Freak Show

Queen Latifah, Bessie

Frances McDormand, Olive Kitteridge

Emma Thompson, Mrs. Lovett

Maggie Gyllenhaal, The Honorable Woman

Molly’s Pick: Emma Thompson, Mrs. Lovett

I have hardly heard anything about Mrs. Lovett, so it will probably be Queen or Maggie, but I just love Emma Thompson so much.

Traci’s Pick:  Frances McDormand, Olive Kitteridge

It’s going to be down to the Queen, Maggie Gyllenhaal and Frances, but I’m going for Frances, purely because Olive Kitteridge is popular among voters, as previously mentioned.

Winner: Frances McDormand, Olive Kitteridge

M: Guys. Olive Kitteridge is NOT the 1920s American Girl doll. I just double checked. You’re welcome.

T: Frances’ speech was short and to the point. I honestly expected her to go on a 5 minute soapbox, but I’m glad she proved me wrong.

M: I mean I love … serious issues, or whatever … but sometimes I put my Secondhand Embarrassment Pants on when actors do the Soapbox Speech unless they do so quickly and well.

9: 30 T: TATIANA

M: I have no idea what this bit is but I’m always here for Tatiana Maslany. She changed her outfit?

T: I don’t think anyone really knows what this bit is, tbh.

M: Am I supposed to know these audience members they show when Gaga comes out, or did they just pick two kids because, like, “youths like Lady Gaga.”

T: Yes Gaga, you look fierce! Despite the fact your “joke” fell flat.

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Limited Series or a Movie

Timothy Hutton, American Crime

Ricky Gervais, Derek Special

Adrien Brody, Houdini

David Oyelowo, Nightingale

Richard Jenkins, Olive Kitteridge

Mark Rylance, Wolf Hall

Molly’s Pick: Timothy Hutton, American Crime

I don’t know what I’m doing.

Traci’s Pick: David Oyelowo, Nightingale

I’ve only seen clips of David Oyelowo in this, but that’s enough to make him my pick. He’s that good.

Winner: Richard Jenkins, Olive Kitteridge

that time richard jenkins was starstruck by gaga

M: What is the Kitteridge medal count? Okay, let’s all steal our parents’ HBO Go passwords and watch this.

T: It’s FIVE. Five for Olive Kitteridge, not American Girl Doll. Also Richard Jenkins, you’re QT.

M: Still feel like Olive’s character bio is like “a spunky, spirited girl discovering the wide world of the Roaring 20’s.”

M: You know you were a college kid in the mid 2000s when your gut reaction is “get off my screen!” when George W. Bush is on TV. His dog paintings are QT tho.

T: This is an In Memoriam for all the shows we lost this year? Here for it. Still gonna cry. SPOILER ALERT, THOUGH.

M: Again. The reason these always run 20 mins over.

T: I’M CRYING BECAUSE PARKS.

M: ME TOO. And offended that Two And A Half Men is on my TV, for hopefully the last time ever.

Outstanding Limited Series

American Crime

American Horror Story: Freak Show

The Honorable Woman

Olive Kitteridge

Wolf Hall

Molly’s Pick: Olive Kitteridge

The Target Book Club picks can’t be wrong

Traci’s Pick: Olive Kitteridge

Read above.

Winner: Olive Kitteridge

M: I filled that in as winner before they announced it.

Olive Kitteridge: A Plucky Girl Who Loves Her Country And Her Family. $82.99 plus S+H.

9: 47 M: Okay, I think we’re finally done with miniseries right? And almost done with TV movies? Can’t believe the Hannah Anderson Story didn’t make the cut.

Outstanding Variety Sketch Series

Drunk History

Inside Amy Schumer

Key & Peele

Portlandia

Saturday Night Live

Molly’s Pick: Inside Amy Schumer

The show seriously hit its stride this year. Key & Peele might have a shot.

Traci’s Pick: Inside Amy Schumer

Even though the SNL40 special was epic in every sense of the word, it’s Amy Schumer’s year, and she deserves it. The show was obviously really good this year too.

Winner: Inside Amy Schumer

M: Love that this happened.

T: YAY! I’m tearing up already! I don’t even watch this show on the regular! “We all had to get Final Draft once they picked up the show.”  This makes me laugh slash cry even more.

M: Amy thanks “this girl who gave me sort of a smoky eye.”

T: UM THEY JUST CUT AMY SCHUMER OFF???

M: WHO WOULD EVER???

10:07 

Outstanding Variety, Music, or Comedy Series

The Colbert Report

The Daily Show

Jimmy Kimmel Live!

Last Week Tonight with John Oliver

Late Show with David Letterman

The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon

Molly’s Pick: The Colbert Report

More as a win for its whole run, not this season alone.

Traci’s Pick: The Colbert Report

With three outgoing shows, it’s tough to say which sentimental program to pick, but I’m going with The Colbert Report.

Winner:  The Daily Show

M: Well, that’s just as good a sentimental pick for me. Also, remember in the early years of Daily Show when they’d have interviews with random people who didn’t know it was fake news?

T: The on stage graphic for the Drama categories turned red and all of a sudden it was The Red Wedding, amirite? (Again, we don’t watch GoT).

Outstanding Writing for a Drama Series

Joshua Brand, The Americans, “Do Mail Robots Dream of Electric Sheep?”

Gordon Smith, Better Call Saul, “Five-O”

David Benioff and David Weiss, Game of Thrones, “Mother’s Mercy”

Matthew Weiner, Mad Men, “Lost Horizon”

Matthew Weiner, Mad Men, “Person to Person”

Molly’s Pick: Matthew Weiner, Mad Men, “Person to Person”

A sentimental pick that was actually good.

Traci’s Pick: Matthew Weiner, Mad Men, “Person to Person”

I really liked the Mad Men series finale, and have an inkling in will win, but in my heart of hearts, Lost Horizon, the episode that gave us this fantastic gif, is the tops.

Winner: David Benioff and David Weiss, Game of Thrones, “Mother’s Mercy”

T: Reg Cathey’s glasses though. Also this is his real voice? He gives Morgan Freeman a run for his money.

10: 18 M: UGHH Promising college students. As though their youth isn’t enough?

I love creative excellence as much as the next girl, but straight up nobody cares about high-achieving youths except for their families when all of us want this to end at 11 EST.

Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series

Joanne Froggatt, Downton Abbey

Lena Headey, Game of Thrones

Emilia Clarke, Game of Thrones

Christina Hendricks, Mad Men

Uzo Aduba, Orange Is the New Black

Christine Baranski, The Good Wife

Molly’s Pick: Christina Hendricks, Mad Men.

I don’t know if this is a likely win, but I feel like a lot of people only mention her role in terms of the costuming and such, and overlook that Joan is a nuanced, layered character and Christina kills it.

Traci’s Pick: Christina Hendricks, Mad Men

I really want Mad Men to be the Breaking Bad of this year’s Emmys, in that because it was its last year, they got all the awards. But Christina will have some tough competition, including from Uzo Aduba, who is moving up in the world after submitting as a Supporting Actress as opposed to the Guest Actress like last year (which she won).

Winner: Uzo Aduba

M: !

T: HI I’M CRYING AGAIN.

M: is it weird that they have a crawler telling us when the In Memorium is? Also the bumpers tease the next segments like a bad local news commercial. “Will we remember our favorite entertainers in the In Memorium? Find out at 11!”

10:28

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series

Jonathan Banks, Better Call Saul

Ben Mendelsohn, Bloodline

Jim Carter, Downton Abbey

Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones

Michael Kelly, House of Cards

Alan Cumming, The Good Wife

Molly’s Pick: Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones

Not sure. Sometimes he wins things.

Traci’s Pick: Michael Kelly, House of Cards

Ben Mendelsohn was fantastic in Bloodline, like so good that as you’re watching it, you know he’s bound to be nominated for something. But Michael Kelly went through a lot of shit on HoC this season, so I’m going with him.

Winner: Peter Dinklage

“and the rest”

M: Ah, yes. Sometimes he wins things, indeed.

T: Um, what’s happening? Why is Game of Thrones winning a lot of things?

M: I wouldn’t know.

But seriously, it’s rapey as hell and I’m just not interested. Dragons? Swords? Nah.

M: In Memorium. Wonder what percentage of In Memoriums use Somewhere Over The Rainbow or It’s A Wonderful World? Or that one mashup of both of them. It’s like Catholic funerals with On Eagles’ Wings, clearly engineered to make you cry.

M: Got misty with Jan Hooks and Edward Hermann. Because I’m a human.

 10: 40

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series

Kyle Chandler, Bloodline

Jeff Daniels, The Newsroom

Jon Hamm, Mad Men

Bob Odenkirk, Better Call Saul

Liev Schrieber, Ray Donovon

Kevin Spacey, House of Cards

Molly’s Pick: Jon Hamm, Mad Men.

Makes sense.

Traci’s Pick: Jon Hamm, Mad Men

Legit forgot Kyle Chandler was nominated. But I’m going with my boy Don Draper, because he’s already had a tough life, let’s give him this, at the very least.

Winner: Jon Hamm, Mad Men

T: I AM LITERALLY JUMPING UP AND DOWN AND CHEERING FOR HAMM, WHO IS LOOKING LIKE A SMOKESHOW (PER USUAL)

M: Too tired to jump (although I need the fitbit steps) but I am smiling placidly. I like when his face is on TV.

T: ALSO, THIS:

Drew Baird & Liz Lemon

M: Oooh. Not at all ready for this category.

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series

Claire Danes, Homeland

Viola Davis, How to Get Away with Murder

Taraji P. Henson, Empire

Tatiana Maslany, Orphan Black

Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men

Robin Wright, House of Cards

Molly’s Pick: Tatiana Maslany, Orphan Black

I know getting nominated for a BBC America genre series is a win in itself and I shouldn’t expect any more, but it would still be nice. Whatever, she won my fashion prize. Which I’m sure is just what Tatiana Maslany wants. To win Molly from the Internet’s imaginary fashion prize.

Traci’s Pick: Elisabeth Moss, Mad Men

Such a tough category! I have been going back and forth a lot with this one, and I’m just going to go with Elisabeth Moss. She’s been nominated for the show six times, and like Jonny Hamm, she has never won an Emmy on her own. I so so so so happy that Tatiana got nominated this year, like all of the Internet, but it’s going to be a miracle for her to win over enough Emmy voters to win this one.

Winner: Viola Davis, How To Get Away With Murder

T: WELL. GUSES WHO’S CRYING.

M: GOD am I crying.

“You cannot win an Emmy for roles that are not there.”

10:50

Outstanding Comedy Series

Louie

Modern Family

Parks and Recreation

Silicon Valley

Transparent

Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Veep

Molly’s Pick: Transparent

It just seems like the sort of thing Emmy Voters would go for. That or Silicon Valley.

Traci’s Pick: Transparent

I really really really really hope I’m wrong and Parks takes it and literally runs away into a party where they get wasted and just be best friends all night long.

Winner: Veep

M: Emmys love Veep, huh?

T: Anna Chlumsky is EXCITED. But, tbh, so am I. It’s about time Modern Family stopped winning this category.

M: I love a good Andy Samberg tuxedo.

M: TRACY MORGAN.

T: YUP IT’S HAPPENING. TOO MANY TEARS TONIGHT.

M: I’m gonna have a crying headache tomorrow. What, you guys don’t get those? It’s like a tear-hangover.

Outstanding Drama Series

Better Call Saul

Downton Abbey

Game of Thrones

Homeland

House of Cards

Mad Men

Orange Is the New Black

Molly’s Pick: Mad Men

Come back.

Traci’s Pick: Mad Men

I miss you already, Mad Men.

Winner: Game of Thrones

M: ????

T: GUYS. MAD MEN THO. WHAT IS ACTUALLY HAPPENING.

M: LIKE ARE DRAGON SQUADS THAT EXCITING?! I do not know how Mad Men didn’t win. All of the people involved with GoT seem really cool and nice, and I’m sure they are great and the show is great too, but still.

Okay guys, that’s it! Thanks for reading and be sure to come back tomorrow for our fashion post! Gonna go pop some ibuprofen to fight off our tear-hangovers.