Things I’m Willing To Believe About One Direction

Posted in Entertainment, Miscellany by Molly

Here’s what I knew about One Direction last week:

They are a British boy band, except one of them is Irish.
They sing that song I hate (What Makes You Beautiful. Still don’t like it.)
Also, I knew Drag Me Down but thought it was by Maroon 5? I don’t know, you guys.
I thought it was beautifully shady how the chorus of Perfect sounded a lot like Style.
And I knew who the two cute ones are.
Don’t play. You know exactly who I’m talking about.

What with their new album and a new press-generated controversy every day, One Direction was the perfect candidate for the Things I’m Willing To Believe About series – except, with my scant background knowledge, I had to hit the books. Yeah. I took that hit for you, internet. My research included:

Watching like 4-5 interviews on YouTube.
Googling photos of the members both now and in 2010.
Listening to the new album. It’s a really good, solid pop album to be honest.
Tumblr. Enough said.

The result? I either just became a Directioner – and a Larry? Is that how you do it? – or went through puberty again. Anyway, based on admittedly not that much info, here are some totally not-true “facts” I’m willing to believe about my new favorite British-except-one-Irish-guy boy band:

Liam

The Irish One?
Once hand wrote his favorite poem for a girl he is into.
The poem was by Shel Silverstein.
Most likely to be subject of a Paul Is Dead-style rumor that he died in 2011 and was replaced by a sort-of lookalike.
Because you don’t just grow a kidney like that. Or change faces like this:

Decided to try out online dating. Didn’t believe the other boys when they told him that a fake mustache wasn’t an awesome, foolproof disguise.
Favorite literary character: Gallant of the Goofus and Gallant series:

After a show, he makes the boys watch tape to improve next time.
His favorite t.v. show is the Tim Allen classic Home Improvement.
Instituted a chore wheel on tour. Said it would be fun. Believed it.
But the chore Liam doesn’t know about? Taking away his twitter after he’s said something dumb. The others trade whose turn it is to change his password.
They also hid his hair straightener a few years ago. It was for his own good.
Liam has invested in gold bars.
He loves knock knock jokes.
And “why did the chicken cross the road” jokes.
An old lady once hit Liam in the face with her purse. He had been chasing her for half a block to give her back a single coin that she dropped.
Liam snips apart those six-pack rings so they don’t get caught around birds’ heads.
His MSN name: NotLiamPayne
Has flown a kite for fun.
Owns one of those sticks to pick up litter on the street. Uses it frequently.
Liam once sealed the windows on a tour jet with shrink wrap when he read about the high costs of heating. Oh, bless.
Has a binder full of handwritten translations and phonetic pronunciations of foreign words to use when traveling. Includes a British English to American English section.
Flosses twice a day.
Loves team-building exercises.
Called Niall “Neil” for the first two weeks.
Has a Homer Simpson-style collage, with the letters covered up by photos of Simon Cowell and 1D fans:

Niall

No, the Irish one.
Style inspiration: a my buddy doll.

Is a cross between a dad and a beagle.
Has clear braces.
Is the kind of guy who would do pranks that involve shaving cream.
Is contractually obligated to be “the blonde one.” Can’t wait to change management and finally be free of bleach burns.
Was always the star of the feis with his 3-hand reel.
But his hornpipe is CRAP.
Has kind of a lot of tin whistles.
Owns one of those sweaters your grandma would always buy you when she went to the Aran islands.

Irish-Americans, you know what I’m talking about.

But he kind of, sort of really does believe that legend that if he wears his family’s pattern they’ll be able to identify him in a shipwreck.
Has repurposed Irish oatmeal cans in his home.

You know what? Handy, frugal, and functional.

Is named after Niall of the Nine Hostages.
He lifts because he wants to be “built like Flatley.”
Says his first crush was: the girls in the Corrs.
Actual first crush was: that skanky Molly Malone statue in Dublin.

Suggested the band name because it sounded like it was about frisky Hogwarts students.
Life goal was to be “bigger than Jedward.”
His first paid gig was modeling those gloves that are also sharks in a department store ad as a child.

Louis

Acts chill if you pronounce it “Lewis,” but seethes for hours after.
Hogwarts affiliation: Hot Slytherin.
He says his personal style is “sophisticated rocker-casual.”
But really, it is: small French girl with a secret.

Has definitely been hunting with foxhounds.
But just played with the dogs the whole time.
On a yearly basis, his management has had to turn down offers for him to play a smarmy Edwardian man on Downton Abbey.
His great-grandfather was the artist’s model for the Peter Pan statue in Kensington Gardens.

No, that was a joke. Actually he is the Peter Pan statue from Kensington Gardens, cursed by an old witch to assume human form.
Falls on the “cake” side of the Jaffa Cake debate.

Even though they are biscuits.

Has a Youtube playlist of cheek and jawline toning exercises. They work.
One time, a makeup artist applied light highlighter and contouring to his cheekbones. They literally could cut a man. It was proclaimed “too much.”
Like Phoebe Buffay, insists that he receives 23 points instead of 3 in basketball “because I’m dainty.”
When he calls Harry, the image that pops up representing Louis is a Google image result for “haughty cat”:

Was forced to play Baby Jesus in four successive nativity plays because everyone agreed that you just sort of want to wrap him in a blanket and keep him safe from harm.

Harry

When he has children, it’s because he will find a baby in a Moses basket in a woodland
Was found in a Moses basket in a woodland himself, maybe?
All I’m saying is that I’m willing to believe that he is a changeling:

File under: people who should be wrapped in swaddling clothes and lulled to sleep.

Is a cross between a glam rocker, the most charismatic student at a 1920s boys’ boarding school, and an English Springer Spaniel.

Hogwarts affiliation: Gryffindor, but “culturally Hufflepuff.”
Has a climate-controlled room in his house for his nice blouses.
Smells how you would expect Irish Spring soap to smell based on those commercials where wholesome yet sprightly men gallivant near a waterfall (not how the soap actually smells, which is like “clean uncle” if anything).

Oh. The spring is THERE, thanks.

Whenever they’re in a new city, everyone ends up looking around asking “where’s Harry?” Inevitably, he has gone off to befriend an old lady or a small child.

Has tree fort.
Has secret password to get into tree fort.
There is an elaborate secret handshakes as well.
Harry is working with a publishing company to create an adult coloring book based on his tattoos.
His house is scented with specially formulated candles that smell like exactly like autumn leaves and sunsets.
Can knit.
Over the course of a single ride to a venue, knit a pair of fingerless gloves for a tour driver whose handshake seemed a little cold.
When his boots need repair, he just leaves them outside his door and it is taken care of:

Has been described as a “little scamp” before, albeit less frequently than Louis.
Opposes the term “man bun” because “nobody should tell it what kind of bun it should be.”
Yeah, he has long hair, but you know what? Harry Styles cleans it out of the drain. Every time.
Has a dog-eared copy of Indian In The Cupboard next to his bed.
According to legend, a blind man and a deaf man used to walk together and help each other understand the world. They passed Harry Styles in the park. The blind man turned to the deaf, and solemnly said and signed “he prances.” “I know, I heard,” the deaf man replied.

Zayn

No. We are not doing this.

16Oct2015

Things I’m Willing To Believe About Lincoln Chafee

Posted in Miscellany by Molly

Like most people watching the Democratic Debate this week, I went into it with no clue who Lincoln Chafee is. And also like most people watching the Democratic Debate this week, I left it with no clue who Lincoln Chafee is. I will have to do some more homework on Chafee if he’s still around by the New York primaries, but until then I’d rather replace research with wild speculation. As in, none of the below is true – just baseless speculation that popped into my head as I watched the debate. We usually reserve this format for heartthrobs like Ben Affleck, Leonardo DiCaprio, and Tom Brady, but hey, politicians are superstars, too. Kind of.

None of the following is the truth about Lincoln Chafee, but I am entirely willing to believe that:

Lincoln Chafee is the artist’s model for an animatronic pilgrim figure in Plimoth Colony.
Speaking of which, Lincoln Chafee’s ancestors came over on the Mayflower.
All of his ancestors.
In some parts, legend has it that Lincoln Chafee was roused from a 200-year slumber to find himself on the debate stage.
Lincoln Chafee sleeps in proper pajamas. Flannel in the winter, cotton in the summer, changed out in May and October irrespective of temperature.
Lincoln Chafee does not consider any animal under 40 pounds a “dog,” unless it’s a beagle.
Lincoln Chafee is the designated reader of The Night Before Christmas in his family. It’s amazing, but I swear he can make his eyes twinkle on cue.
Lincoln Chafee once visited a living history museum, took a liking to it, and moved in.
Nobody caught him for 3 months.
Lincoln Chafee is not Mormon, but does consider coffee a “strong drink.”
On a summer’s night, Lincoln Chafee sometimes sits on the porch, pulls out his banjo, and plays Turkey In The Straw to sooth his ruffled soul.
Lincoln Chafee can whittle.
He changed his name from Buchanan Chafee after years of schoolyard taunts that Buchanan was “not even a good president.”
He plays a solid game of jacks, and is known for his mastery of the elusive “eightsies.”
When Lincoln Chafee threw out his back, he proclaimed that “Father Time is catching up with me at last.” But he looked over his shoulder as he said it, as though he really did worry that Father Time was catching up with him at last.
When Lincoln Chafee has a picnic, his basket is lined with gingham.
When Lincoln Chafee gets ticked, he’s been known to tell people to “go fly a kite.”
He once got very riled and called an opponent a “scoundrel and a rapscallion,” and has felt sorry for it ever since.
Chafee’s wife ordered Anne Geddes checks, and she has explained it to him 1,000 times, but he still is confused by the “damn baby on it” every time.
Lincoln Chafee winds down with a glass of warm milk at night.
His pet peeve: productions that transpose Shakesepeare’s plays to other locations. A Midsummer Night’s Dream set after-hours at a theme park? Romeo and Juliet on the border of Israel and Palestine? No and thank you.
Lincoln Chafee has a grandson named Logan and a granddaughter named Skyler. He refers to them as Roy and Betty because those are “real names.”
Lincoln scored tickets to Hamilton,. After curtain call he was seen shaking his head in confusion and dismay. “Not how it was, not a’tall,” he was heard to say.
Lincoln Chafee gently chides his son-in-law for his “fantastical lawnmower.”
It is a gas lawn mower.
Will tell anyone who will listen about this “God-awful modern church” he went to one time.
It was Methodist.
Chafee’s hairdresser calls his haircut “the regular” to his face, but “the circus man” behind his back (after an iconic Little House On The Prairie guest star:

Parted his hair to the side once. Didn’t care for it.

29Jan2015

Things I’m Willing To Believe About Tom Brady

Posted in Entertainment by Molly

If you’ve come here looking for actual facts about Tom Brady, keep looking. I have to make up Tom Brady in my mind, based on the 2 or 3 actual things I know about him and the way his face is. I have to do this because I’m not a huge fan of football in general (Dillon Panthers/Lions aside), and the Patriots in particular. Still, as Brady prepares for his sixth Super Bowl appearance on Sunday, it’s time to talk Tom Brady.

As you know, I have baseless concepts of certain celebrities. I am willing to believe that Ben Affleck is a Boston bro-mensch, and I am willing to believe that Leonardo DiCaprio is a totally rad 90s teen armed with a Nerf Super-Soaker and a bottle of Sunny D. As for Tom Brady? I am willing to believe that he’s apple-cheeked and squeaky clean, even though I realize that most professional athletes aren’t that way. Basically, I picture the 2015, adult man version of an impish little boy from the 1950s. Which means I’m willing to believe the following:

Tom Brady’s childhood photos are being used as the mold for the first male American Girl doll.
His face is also the inspiration for the little boy on a can of organic oatmeal sold somewhere clean and wholesome. Like Finland.
I mean I think this is a WPA ad but you get the gist.
When you ask Tom Brady how he takes his coffee, he answers “oh, just some raw sugar and milk that comes in a glass bottle. That I get delivered. From a farm.”

Just kidding he doesn’t consume “hard drinks.”

While we’re on morning foods, whenever Tom Brady eats cereal he plates it like one of those “well-balanced breakfast”s of 90s TV ads, complete with fruit, orange juice, eggs and toast.
Tom Brady does puzzles for fun.

And play dominoes.

Tom Brady literally laughs out loud at Peanuts comics
This part breaks his heart every time.
In the corner of Brady’s bedroom, there’s a basket of socks. They’re waiting to go back to his mother to darn.

On the whole, he really stores a LOT of his stuff in baskets.
Like puppies.

Speaking of which, sometimes he bikes to the grocery store and returns with a baguette and a bouquet of flowers in his bicycle basket, like somebody buying groceries in the “after” segment of a Cymbalta commercial.

How does Tom Brady warm up his throwing arm? Why, playing fetch with shelter dogs, of course. And they’re all somehow, like, beagles and golden retrievers.
He didn’t even KNOW this dog. It just gravitated toward him.
When he tries to go to bed early before a big game, sometimes his wife catches him reading chapter books under the covers with a flashlight.

If you’re a lady walking somewhere with Tom Brady, he WILL walk on the curb side.

Tom loves meeting up with really old guys, like super old, and just talking about their lives.

You might have thought it was unusual – though not necessarily bad – that Tom Brady’s daughter is named Vivian Lake. But it’s because, in Tom’s words, “I named the most beautiful girl in the world after the most beautiful place in the world.” Lake Vivian was the pond at Brady’s beloved summer camp.

That was after he was shot down for wanting to “name the most beautiful girl in the world after the most beautiful girl in the world” – not his wife Giselle Bundchen, but his sixth-grade crush, Stacey Marie.

Tom Brady rides children’s scooters while wearing a newsboy cap.

I’m willing to believe that because it’s true:
On the off season, Brady likes to have a “Sunday evening wind-down.” Which involves brownie sundaes and reruns of Little House on the Hallmark Channel.

And the only time – the ONLY time – that he has used the word “bitch” was in reference to Nellie Olsen.

The only Rated R movies Tom Brady is interested in are Westerns.

You know how nobody throws pizza parties any more? Well, Tom Brady throws Pizza Parties. And the two-liters are always ice cold.
BELIEVE IT.
Remember how once in a great, great while your elementary school would have a “surprise pizza party?” Every couple weeks Brady funds one of those (anonymously, of course).

2Jan2015

Best of C+S 2014: Things I’m Willing To Believe About Ben Affleck

Posted in ICYMI: The Best of Posts You Might Have Missed by Cookies + Sangria

2014 was a big year for Ben Affleck. He got to strap on the ~~Batfleck~~ Batman suit, he showed his peen on the big screen in Gone Girl, and he got his wifey pregnant. Or maybe not so much the last one. But the other two are true. Ben’s constantly in the tabloids, so what can we believe about him without dismissing it as another absurd rumour?

Well, friends, we’ve cycled back into that biennial rumor that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner are having another baby. Frankly, I just don’t know why this is a concern. Is it because people are worried about overpopulation? Because it’s not like the world is overpopulated with charming, well-dressed children who are genetically suited to star in romantic comedies and movies where they avenge the deaths of their blue-collar family members. If there even is a quota on that, we haven’t hit it.

The worst thing about these rumors is they usually say that Affleck is a massive jerk, and Garner is having another kid to “hold onto him.” I have a very specific, mostly baseless mental concept of Ben Affleck, and that just doesn’t fit with it. My Mental Ben Affleck could best be described as a “classy Masshole.” He has a heart of gold, or maybe the outside is gold and the inside is some kind of craft beer.

There are some fictional facts I’m willing to believe about Ben Affleck, but they’re more like this:

Ben Affleck’s first swear as a child was “Jesus, Mary and Joseph!”

Ben Affleck’s first job was giving tours of Old North Church.
Old ladies loved how into the “one if by land, two if by sea” bit he got.

All of Ben Affleck’s high school girl friends had names that ended in “een”: Maureen, Colleen, Eileen, etc.

The city of Boston has issued Ben Affleck a platinum Charlie Card.

On the regular CharlieCard, Ben Affleck is also the artist’s model for the guy in the ball cap blocking the door.

Ben Affleck lost his virginity at Fenway (it was closed), at whichever age you, personally, consider neither too young nor too old.

Every year, Ben Affleck makes a “Good Will Hunting” pun at his annual hunting weekend with the boys. Nobody thinks it’s funny, ever.

But make no mistake, Ben Affleck is freakin’ cherished by those guys.

When there’s a mosquito or a fly around his head, Ben Affleck is the only living human person who actually tells it to “buzz off.”

Whenever you see Ben Affleck carrying a Starbucks cup, don’t be fooled: it’s actually Dunkin’ Donuts inside.

In Ben Affleck’s wardrobe, Friday is Polo Day.

Ben Affleck was a very early member of New Kids On The Block. He named the band.
They were initially called “Kids On The Block” but Ben Affleck said they needed something that “sounds newer.”

Ben Affleck’s one true regret in life is never joining a frat.

Ben Affleck had to work with a dialect coach for Good Will Hunting. He kept getting psyched out and using his “acting voice.”

Ben Affleck has quite the collection of Hummel figurines. He inherited the first ten or so from his meemaw, but kept buying them because “fuck it, I think they’re cute.”

“If you don’t think this is fuckin’ adorable, you’re probably an asshole.” – Ben Affleck

What you may know (via IMDB) is that when he was a kid, Ben Affleck’s mother told him that in order to get a dog, he’d have to pretend to walk a fake dog for a week. He quit after five days and never got the dog. I like this because it has the air of an origin myth, like George Washington and the cherry tree, only possibly even more fake-sounding. What you may not know is that Ben Affleck’s imaginary dog lived to the ripe age of 17, and Ben continued taking it out for walks and to the dog park well into his early 20s.

Inspired by Ben’s mom, Matt Damon told Ben that he’d only collaborate on Good Will Hunting if Ben would show his commitment by writing a pretend screenplay for a week. By the end of the week Ben had written the first ten pages of Good Will Hunting, a children’s story heavily influenced by Make Way For Ducklings, and a limerick calling Matt a “doosh bag” (spelled exactly that way). The rest is history.

When Ben Affleck takes his wife for ultrasounds, he always looks up at the bulletin board and comments that the doctor “has a lot of babies.” Nobody’s sure whether he’s joking or not.
Now’s a good time to mention that Ben Affleck loves babies and babies love Ben Affleck.

In the mid-90s, Ben Affleck told Movieline magazine that his favorite TV show was “Singled Out.”

Whenever Ben sees a lady with a French manicure, he tells her that she “looks real nice.” He appreciates when you make an effort, you know?

Ben Affleck was at the receiving end of this – with a super soaker:

Ben Affleck has seen every episode of Dawson’s Creek, but hates “that doosh [sic] with the big forehead.”

Ben Affleck was in the original cast of Goonies, but his scenes were reshot with Sean Astin when it became clear that Ben’s baseball team had a real chance of making it to the Little League World Series.
They’re cool now, though.

Ben Affleck’s son, Samuel, is named after Samuel Adams. The patriot and the beer.

Ben Affleck hates Chicago. Says it “gives him the creeps.”
Gives Ben Affleck the willies.

Ben Affleck’s confirmation name is Matt. Matt Damon’s confirmation name is Ben. (Imaginary Ben Affleck is Catholic, although Real Ben Affleck is, evidently, not).

When they’re making fun of Gwyneth Paltrow, the Garner-Afflecks use an affected British accent. Violet’s is particularly good.

Ben Affleck is constantly scheming to become best bros with Bradley Cooper.
Can you blame the man?

Ben Affleck has a tattoo that incorporates the logos of all of the Boston teams – and you’ll never guess where it is!

Did you guess his butt? It’s there.

12Nov2014

Things I’m Willing To Believe About Leonardo DiCaprio

Posted in Entertainment, Miscellany by Molly

Leonardo DiCaprio turned 40 yesterday – if sources like Entertainment Tonight, Wikipedia, his birth certificate, and Father Time are to be believed. I’m not so sure about that. As we discussed in Things I’m Willing To Believe About Ben Affleck, I have very specific, baseless concepts of what celebrities are like (Affleck, for instance, is a blue-collar Boston mensch). And in my imagination, Leo will always be a mischievous yet sensitive teenager of the 1990s: even if it’s the 2010s, even if he’s 40.

With that in mind, here are some things I’m willing to believe about Leonardo DiCaprio:

Whenever he’s not working, Leo reverts to what he calls his “off-duty haircut.” You know the one:

You may have noticed that a lot of DiCaprio’s girlfriends are the same type – lean and model-y, with open faces and lank blond hair. This isn’t because he only dates models. It’s because they remind him of the most beautiful woman in the world: his beloved Gran-Gran.

So the man knows what he likes.

The part of you that was once a Titanic-obsessed 11-year-old probably remembers when Leo was quoted as saying “The human mouth is one of the dirtiest things on this planet. There’s so much bacteria, slime and trapped food–a dog’s mouth is much cleaner.” But did you know that he only said that because he’s totally the kind of guy who lets strange dogs come up to him and lick his hand? Dogs love him.

Speaking of dogs, yes, Leo has one. And yes, it’s a rescue dog, but you know what? Leo knows when to shut up about it.

And when I say “rescue dog,” I mean the whole shebang. Like, one of those sad ones with an eye-patch and a wheel. No big deal.

During the cast Christmas party on the Titanic set, DiCaprio played Santa. None of the kids knew.

And he got them all Nerf Super Soakers. They had water fights every week….

And still do:
During the filming of Romeo + Juliet, Leo begged Baz Luhrman to change the ending – claiming that it would be “too sad for Claire.”

But of course, it was really because he was afraid of keeping it together.

And if you think that, to this day, Leo can hear Lovefool without crying, you’re an idiot.

When Leo became a teen heartthrob, he vowed to use his powers for good. That’s why he made a pledge to star in the film adaptation of every high school required reading book. He’s already knocked Romeo +Juliet and The Great Gatsby off the list, and is really gunning for a role in an adaptation of I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings or The Catcher In The Rye.

Although the internet (and my memories of 1998, to be honest) tell me that Leo’s middle name is Wilhelm, I like to believe that it’s actually something more “all-American boy in the 1980s,” like Cody or Chad or Shane.

Leonardo DiCaprio still uses the word “rad.”

Recently, Leo bought a case of “the best toothpaste in the world” off of eBay.

Leo has “the boys” over for game night every week. “Game night” means video games – and Leo prefers N64 and Sega to all those modern systems.

And though a leading man in his day job, he prefers to play as Luigi and Yoshi. Just that kind of guy.
Leonardo DiCaprio’s fridge is always stocked with Sunny D.
Typical party at Leo’s place.
During the first screening of Titanic, Leo turned to James Cameron and whispered “dude. It was NOT COOL to show that dead baby’s head in the wreckage.” Cameron was forced to explain that it was actually a doll:
When a special effects team was debating how to age Leonardo to play J. Edgar Hoover, the eerily baby-faced Leo told them: “hold tight, I have a portrait in my attic you could use for reference.”
It was a joke. Leo reads books, remember?

In his rumpus room (oh yeah, Leo has a rumpus room), DiCaprio has a dart board with an image of the Oscar statuette at the center.

Inspired by an article in Oprah’s O Magazine, Leo recently created a vision board. It’s all just pictures of Oscars, Kate Winslet, and skateboards. Despite his public protestations, DiCaprio still thinks of Winslet as “the one that got away. ” And he just always thought it would be fun to know how to skateboard.

It really hurt his feelings when older brothers across the nation began referring to him as “Leonardo DiCrapio in the late 90s.

Before DiCaprio goes on Kelly and Michael, his publicist always has to remind him that it is not, in fact, called “The Regis Show.”

4Aug2014

Things I’m Willing To Believe About Ben Affleck

Posted in Miscellany by Molly

There are some fictional facts I’m willing to believe about Ben Affleck, but they’re more like this:

Ben Affleck’s first swear as a child was “Jesus, Mary and Joseph!”

Ben Affleck’s first job was giving tours of Old North Church.
Old ladies loved how into the “one if by land, two if by sea” bit he got.

All of Ben Affleck’s high school girl friends had names that ended in “een”: Maureen, Colleen, Eileen, etc.

The city of Boston has issued Ben Affleck a platinum Charlie Card.

On the regular CharlieCard, Ben Affleck is also the artist’s model for the guy in the ball cap blocking the door.

Ben Affleck lost his virginity at Fenway (it was closed), at whichever age you, personally, consider neither too young nor too old.

Every year, Ben Affleck makes a “Good Will Hunting” pun at his annual hunting weekend with the boys. Nobody thinks it’s funny, ever.

But make no mistake, Ben Affleck is freakin’ cherished by those guys.

When there’s a mosquito or a fly around his head, Ben Affleck is the only living human person who actually tells it to “buzz off.”

Whenever you see Ben Affleck carrying a Starbucks cup, don’t be fooled: it’s actually Dunkin’ Donuts inside.

In Ben Affleck’s wardrobe, Friday is Polo Day.

Ben Affleck was a very early member of New Kids On The Block. He named the band.
They were initially called “Kids On The Block” but Ben Affleck said they needed something that “sounds newer.”

Ben Affleck’s one true regret in life is never joining a frat.

Ben Affleck had to work with a dialect coach for Good Will Hunting. He kept getting psyched out and using his “acting voice.”

Ben Affleck has quite the collection of Hummel figurines. He inherited the first ten or so from his meemaw, but kept buying them because “fuck it, I think they’re cute.”

“If you don’t think this is fuckin’ adorable, you’re probably an asshole.” – Ben Affleck

What you may know (via IMDB) is that when he was a kid, Ben Affleck’s mother told him that in order to get a dog, he’d have to pretend to walk a fake dog for a week. He quit after five days and never got the dog. I like this because it has the air of an origin myth, like George Washington and the cherry tree, only possibly even more fake-sounding. What you may not know is that Ben Affleck’s imaginary dog lived to the ripe age of 17, and Ben continued taking it out for walks and to the dog park well into his early 20s.

Inspired by Ben’s mom, Matt Damon told Ben that he’d only collaborate on Good Will Hunting if Ben would show his commitment by writing a pretend screenplay for a week. By the end of the week Ben had written the first ten pages of Good Will Hunting, a children’s story heavily influenced by Make Way For Ducklings, and a limerick calling Matt a “doosh bag” (spelled exactly that way). The rest is history.

When Ben Affleck takes his wife for ultrasounds, he always looks up at the bulletin board and comments that the doctor “has a lot of babies.” Nobody’s sure whether he’s joking or not.
Now’s a good time to mention that Ben Affleck loves babies and babies love Ben Affleck.

In the mid-90s, Ben Affleck told Movieline magazine that his favorite TV show was “Singled Out.”

Whenever Ben sees a lady with a French manicure, he tells her that she “looks real nice.” He appreciates when you make an effort, you know?

Ben Affleck was at the receiving end of this – with a super soaker:

Ben Affleck has seen every episode of Dawson’s Creek, but hates “that doosh [sic] with the big forehead.”

Ben Affleck was in the original cast of Goonies, but his scenes were reshot with Sean Astin when it became clear that Ben’s baseball team had a real chance of making it to the Little League World Series.

They’re cool now, though.

Ben Affleck’s son, Samuel, is named after Samuel Adams. The patriot and the beer.

Ben Affleck hates Chicago. Says it “gives him the creeps.”
Gives Ben Affleck the willies.

Ben Affleck’s confirmation name is Matt. Matt Damon’s confirmation name is Ben. (Imaginary Ben Affleck is Catholic, although Real Ben Affleck is, evidently, not).