It’s 1999: Let’s All Decorate With Giant Armoires To Hide Our TVs!

It’s another installment of Let’s All Decorate!, a series where we explore the design trends of the not-so-distant past! Today we look at what happened after the geese in bonnets and pastel southwestern decor was sent to Goodwill.

A wise man once said “when you’re living in America at the end of the millennium, you’re what you own.”

And when you were living in America at the end of the millennium, one of the things you owned was probably a bigass faux French-Country armoire that you hid your tv in.

We just all sit facing this closed up armoire GUYS IT’S TOTALLY NATURAL.

The question of how to make your television seem appealing is as old as TV itself. In the 50s, televisions were encased in these weird wooden tv boxes that were probably supposed to make them seem like furniture. My grandparents used one their whole lives. By the ‘70s, a lot of families had TV stands with shelves on the side and a big cut-out hole for the TV.

Raise your hand if you grew up with one of these guys; now raise your hand meekly if your parents still have it.

By the late 90s, we had moved beyond that. Television was no longer novel and impressive. All the fanciest people didn’t have giant televisions, they were bragging that they didn’t own one. What’s a TV junkie to do?

Sometime around 1997, some brilliant mind came up with a solution. Oversized, plush furniture was in vogue, and we all wanted to look like we lived in a cushy French country house. Except, with television. Because we’re Americans. So why not hide the TV in a giant tv sized armoire?

I’ll tell you why not. Because that was weird. First of all, most people’s TV armoires had the doors flung open all of the time anyway, because – will wonders never cease – people like to watch their televisions.

Second, why is your TV a secret? Are you actually embarrassed that people will enter your living room and know that you like to watch the NBC comedies on Thursday night? Do you even remember the late ‘90s? That TV block was amazing. I’d be ashamed NOT to watch it.

They even watched TV on TV.

And finally, is an armoire at all BETTER than a TV? If you’re going to be embarrassed about the state of your home, it’s probably worse to have guests think that you have so little clothing storage that you have to keep your armoire in the living room. Unless you are Belle (Poor Provincial Town Belle), and that thing is going to fling open its armoire arms and dress you in the finest French country fashions, it’s not a piece of furniture that needs to stay out in the open.

I can’t blame Americans for trying. At the time, I thought the TV armoire was a great look. Trading Spaces was about to hit the airwaves, and we were trying to channel our inner Grace Adlers. It replaced an unsightly television with a classy yet chunky piece of furniture. Then flat screen televisions came onto the scene, and as quickly as they appeared, the armoires were all sent back to… France? Maybe? Bedrooms? Closets? Where did they go?

Actually, a lot of people are finding fun ways to upcycle their TV armoires. And other people are still using them, which isn’t a terrible option if you don’t watch TV much or if it fits your living room. At this point they aren’t as ubiquitous as they used to be, so if you have a TV armoire today you aren’t following trends, you’re following your heart.

The point is, it took us decades, but eventually we realized that televisions are made to be watched, and hiding it in a weird piece of furniture doesn’t make it more attractive. No, what makes a television attractive is what is on it. Or who is on it. Whatever.

TV Dads That Will Make You Grateful For Your Real Dad

It’s Father’s Day on Sunday, and it’s a time to celebrate and recognize all the dedication and love our fathers give to us as their children throughout the year and every year. But we all know that sometimes it isn’t rainbows and butterflies with our parents. Not everyone can be as wise and profound as the Coach Taylors and Zeek/Adam Bravermans of the world. Parents all have their moments. And on television, those moments can be dramatized to the max degree. As you shower your dad with all the food and love this weekend, just remember that it could always be worse. Your dad could be like any one of these fictional fathers, so just be grateful this Sunday that your dad doesn’t sell meth or openly cheating on your mom with multiple women.

Walter White

{Breaking Bad}

https://youtu.be/Li7yyoEgeHI

I mean, if you watched any of Breaking Bad, I don’t really have to explain why he’s on this list, do I? He started as a high school chemistry teacher with lung cancer and in the most poetic, Greek tragedy way possible, he turned into the baddest man in all of New Mexico, and possibly the world. While he claimed to be making and selling drugs to help his family, in the end he was only helping himself, and even practically kidnapped his daughter towards the end of the series. You can’t even call that bad parenting because it isn’t even parenting.

President Fitzgerald Grant

{Scandal}

It’s clear Fitz loves his kids and would do anything to help them if they’re in trouble, but when you’re the president of the United States, and you send your kids to boarding school, have a baby with the wife you don’t really like just to keep up appearances AND have an extramarital affair that said wife knows about, you have a few more cons than the pro side on the list.

George Bluth, Sr. and Oscar Bluth

{Arrested Development}

Well, here you have George Bluth, Sr., a man incarcerated for fraud and who also built houses for Saddam Hussein. He doesn’t seem to really care about his kids and is willing to put them at risk for his own benefit (this is a comedy). And then you have his twin brother Oscar, who is the real dad to Buster, who knows this and doesn’t really give af. What do you expect from this family, though?

Lou Smith

{Fresh Prince of Bel-Air}

If you ever want a good cry, watch this clip. Will was so much better for moving out to Bel-Air, and it makes my heart cry fictional tears knowing the real Uncle Phil/James Avery has passed away 😦

Christopher Hayden

{Gilmore Girls}

Ok, in his defense, he did become a better father throughout the series. However in the beginning, he was just some guy in a motorcycle who couldn’t hold a job and left Lorelai to take care of Rory on her own. Again, they were 16, so I guess he has *sort of* an excuse, but not really. Luckily, Christopher made up for it in the later years, but he was still douchey in the beginning. #LukeAndLorelaiForever

Joe McCoy

{Friday Night Lights}

Photo Jun 18, 11 30 38 PMSometimes, when I rewatch season three of FNL, I fast forward through the JD/Joe McCoy parts because he’s just that annoying. Joe is the father to star quarterback and new Dillon Panthers player JD, and Joe is like a stage/dance mom but in the football field. He’s overprotective, overbearing, and a downright asshole. He put a lot of pressure on JD to do well on the team, and doesn’t even allow him to drink soda or eat candy or watch TV because it will make him distracted from football. Also, no girls – which was proven in the ep where Joe gets mad JD’s dating a girl, and he ends up physically hurting him and the American treasures the Taylors have to call child protective services. He’s a delight.

Mike Potter

{Dawson’s Creek}

Joey’s dad not only cheated on her mom/his wife before she died, he also got caught for selling drugs, which is why he is in jail. He gets released at the end of season one, but then starts dealing drugs again and Joey is the one who turns him in, because that’s what daughter’s do. He’s in jail for a majority of the rest of the season, until Joey goes to talk to him and finds out he got released but didn’t tell anyone. Not even his daughters.

Bart Bass

{Gossip Girl}

https://youtu.be/hv14hDE3guI

Honestly, so much shit went down on Gossip Girl that I hardly remember what happened. I don’t think I even knew what was happening when the show was on the air. I do remember that Bart was always an asshole, especially to his son Chuck, who he lied to about being dead, took back Bass Industries from him and tried to maybe kill him? IDK, he just looks skeezy, ya know?

Thatcher Grey

{Grey’s Anatomy}

https://youtu.be/mVwX_93BpQ4

So Meredith Grey hasn’t had a life that’s been ideal. Her aesthetic is more dark and twisted. A lot of that has to do with her parents. First her mom, the revered surgeon Dr. Ellis Grey, had an affair with Dr. Richard Webber and they had a secret daughter no one knew about, and after they broke up, Ellis attempted suicide and a young Meredith watched it all happen. Then she got Alzheimer’s and on top of all this, Ellis was overbearing and thought Meredith was “ordinary”. Enter Thatcher, who left when Mer was five years old, and didn’t even attempt to contact her for 20 years. He remarried and had two daughters, including Lexie, who would later work at Seattle Grace/Mercy West/Grey Sloan Memorial. He’s also an alcoholic, and a few seasons in, he comes to the hospital in hopes of getting a liver transplant. He returned to the hospital when his wife had weird symptoms, which turned out to be a weird fatal thing and got mad at Mer and blamed her for her death (see scene above).

Don Draper

{Mad Men}

It’s barely been a month and I still miss Don. He’s like Fitz, where I know he’s doing morally wrong things, but I can’t help but sympathize and like him. Don didn’t have a father or mother figure of his own growing up as the illegitimate son of a prostitute. He barely had a family, and as a result, didn’t know what to do when he actually had one. The only kid he’s even close to at all is Sally, and that wasn’t until later on in the series. Not to mention he slept with her teacher and then left his door open for Sally to see him having sex with his neighbor. Plus Baby Gene was born out of sloppy sex on the floor of Betty’s parents’ home. Bobby was basically irrelevant based on the actor turnover alone. Don especially seemed to neglect his kids after his split with Betty, and as much as he tried, it seemed like he was just going through the motions of being a father rather than really trying to be a good one.

 

2015 Unofficial Guide to Your New TV Addictions

It’s that time again, folks. Time for me to dole out my picks for the shows you need to carve time out for this fall. I’d to start off by saying that I really didn’t find many of the new shows appealing, and thanks to the slaughter of shows that happened a couple weeks ago, in which a lot of the shows I watched got kicked to the curb, it’s difficult for me to trust some of these networks again cough*NBC*cough. But, there are still a ton of new shows that recently got picked up to series and will be heading your way in September. To help you sort through it all, I’ve picked a few of my early favorites. Did I miss your potensh fave?

The Comedies

Life in Pieces

Mondays (moving to Thursdays), 8:30pm • CBS

In full disclosure, I went into this trailer not expecting anything and not knowing any details. It is by far one of the strongest and funniest trailers I’ve watched in a while (let’s hope the pilot stays the same. Life In Pieces follows a family  as told from a point of view of each character based on their own version of events. It’s kinda like Modern Family meets Parenthood meets any ep of TV that shows the timeline of a story from three different perspectives. Plus, it has a bunch of big names in it, like James Brolin, Dianne Weist, Colin Hanks, Breaking Bad’s Betsy Brandt and a number of others. This show could be an underdog.

The Muppets

Tuesdays, 8:00pm • ABC

https://youtu.be/pfJkusicBa4

One show that’s not an underdog but rather the complete opposite is The Muppets – a contemporary mockumentary style show following the daily life of our favorite furry friends.. Think The Office if it was run by Muppets. Sign me up immediately.

Scream Queens

Tuesdays, 9:00pm • Fox

https://youtu.be/-FtenR69qmk

TBH, I’m probably not even going to watch this show, but it has enough Ryan Murphy buzz that mades me think it can actually last more than a season. It’s Mean Girls and Scream combined, featuring a sorority and the hunt for a person killing of the characters one by one. Also, Nick Jonas.

Honorable Mentions:

Best Time Ever with Neil Patrick Harris (NBC) – NPH is getting his own variety show! What more can you ask for?

Grandfathered (NBC) – If you can’t wait for the Full House reboot, check out John Stamos’ new show in which he finds out he has a son – and a granddaughter at the same tim.

The Grinder (Fox) Rob Lowe is giving it the old college try yet again with his show which features an older actor who is famous for his role as a TV lawyer, but when the show ends, he attempts to become a lawyer IRL. Rob has another show on NBC, which gives him hope for at least one of his shows sticking around this season.

The Dramas

Heroes Reborn

Thursdays, 8:00pm • NBC

https://youtu.be/C6zVQXpUe_0

Guys, remember how good the first two seasons of Heroes was? Heroes Reborn is the show you want to be as good as those early episodes. A few familiar faces will return (Matt Parkman, HRG), but there will also be new heroes on the block (hello Zach Levi).

Supergirl

Mondays, 8:00pm • CBS

Everyone is hyped for this because it’s a superhero show. That’s all.

Containment

Midseason • CW

Again, I’m not totally convinced I’m going to watch this show, but it actually looks really good. From Julie Plec, the woman who brought you Ian Somerhalder as a vampire (is that even right?), Containment tells the the story of a deadly mystery virus that spreads in Atlanta and kills 100% of the people that contract it.  If it sounds disturbing and horrifying, that’s because it it probably is.

Honorable Mentions:

Chicago Med (mideason, NBC) – I watch Chicago Fire and have managed to keep Chicago PD off my docket because I have restraint, but I might have to cave for this one. I love a good medicalshow.

Limitless (CBS) – This is already getting a lot of buzz, mainly because it’s based off the 2011 film of the same name, starring Bradley Cooper. And B Coops is actually supposed to be in a few eps, so that’s enough star power to get it going.

Shows You Should Be Watching If You Aren’t Already: Empire

If we made a “Shows You Should Be Watching If You Aren’t Already Bingo” – and Holy Netflix, why haven’t we? – then Empire would have a full board. Empire is a musical drama about the family of music moguls and artists behind Empire Enterprises, a fictional hip-hop label. None of those key words appeal to you? Don’t worry.  Empire has so many of our favorite tv show qualities and characteristics that I can’t think of too many people who wouldn’t like it. It has a classic television series premise (we’ll explain!), family struggles, fancy people – who used to be underdogs, if you’re the sort who hates fancy people, music, few enough episodes that you can catch up in a weekend, and 90s flashbacks. Okay? Okay. Let’s discuss that bingo card.

Classic Pilot Premise
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBzu_jKLJek]

Maybe none of your favorite TV series are about hip-hop dynasties, but you don’t have to be into the genre, you just have to like a good television drama. One of the classic tv series premises is the “shake up”: the pilot introduces a shift in circumstances for the characters, and the series progresses as people try to deal with it. I’m going to do this without giving out much info beyond the first episode. Lucious Lyon (Terrence Howard) is the CEO of Empire Entertainment. Two of his sons are artists on the label: singer-songwriter Jamal (Jussie Smollett) and rapper Hakeem (Bryshere Y. Gray). His third son, Andre, is the company CFO. Lucious is diagnosed with ALS, and he has to decide which of his sons will take over the label. Probably not Jamal, because he’s gay and Lucious can’t deal, but who knows? So that’s shake up, Part I. Shake up part II: The boys’ mother, Cookie (Taraji P. Henson), is released from prison after 17 years and wants her piece of the Empire pie.

Biblical Family Struggles

Which child will be favored? Will the fight for their father’s blessing tear the brothers apart? And what happens when one parent chooses one child as a favorite, and the other parent favors a different child? It’s a family dynamic tug-of-war that’s as old as the Bible, and it makes for great television.

Fancy People

I like my television aspirational. Even when a series is about lower or middle-class folks, I want their clothes and house to be nicer than my own. Like, I wasn’t one of those people who was furious that Monica could never have afforded that apartment in Friends. What can I say, if I want to look at mall clothes and Ikea furniture, I can see them anytime I want. The Lyon family is totally loaded, and they’re in Hip Hop, so conspicuous consumption is the name of the game. Palatial estates, fur coats, a gold chain as thick as my hair braid … that’s what television is for. Lucious is partially inspired by Jay-Z, if that gives you an idea.

But maybe you disagree. Maybe you hate “rich people” (hi, Dad, didn’t know you read my blog). The Lyons rose from humble origins, and if the Jay-Z reference meant anything to you, you see where this is going – Lucious is a former drug dealer, which is what landed Cookie in prison.

Hip Hop
[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtfFF_vYqrs]

I know, I said you didn’t have to like hip hop to like Empire. And you don’t. But if you do like hip hop, you should definitely be watching. Just about every episode has amazing musical performances. Jamal has a gorgeous voice, Hakeem is a solid rapper and most of his songs are collaborations with other great artists, and the original songs are actually good. Since it’s a show about the music industry, the transition to song is pretty seamless. It’s not like a musical where everyone is talking and then decides to rap-battle their family meeting (I would watch that though). It’s not hokey. Think more Nashville, less Smash.

90s Flashbacks

If there’s one thing a tv series needs to be truly zeitgeist-y, it’s 90s stuff. Counterintuitive, but you know it’s true. Cookie was arrested 17 years ago, and there are plenty of flashbacks that take us back into the world of Empire during that time. For those of us who grew up on 90s hip hop and R&B, it’s a dream come true. [We also think you should be watching Fresh Off The Boat, another 2015 series with a fondness for 90s hip hop. What a time to be alive.] All I can do is hope that as the episodes go on, we’ll get to delve into the East Coast/ West Coast feud.

Speaking of the 90s, you may recognize Jamal from the 1990s series On Our Own, where he played an orphan growing up with his J-named siblings (sis Jurnee Smollett is one of those actresses that you definitely know, even if you think you don’t). He was also in Mighty Ducks. 90s royalty, is all I’m saying.

And You Can Watch It All Over A Weekend

There are a lot of shows I know I should be watching if I’m not already, but it’s just too hard. If there’s more than a season or so, you aren’t just deciding to start a show, you’re making a massive time commitment. But Empire just started in January, and as of right now, you can watch all of the back episodes online or on demand. Once you’re all caught up – so, by tonight if you have a free and clear schedule today, and by next week for sure, unless you have a busy weekend – you need to be watching this show. It airs on Wednesdays on Fox. The more people who watch it, the more people we have to discuss it with, so thanks in advance.

 

When Binge-Watching Isn’t a Choice

The third season of House of Cards was plopped into millions of Netflix accounts on Friday, and many people began a weekend of binge-watching the Underwoods as they

*SPOILER ALERT FOR SEASON 2 FINALE*

…prepared to become the President and First Lady of the United States.

As I begun my travels to this messed up version of DC, I could only remember two things about what happened last season – that Frank became President, and Stamper got beat up. You can attribute this lack of memory to the fact that I can barely remember what I did yesterday or that sometimes I tend to not pay attention to what’s happening, but mostly, I think you can blame it on the fact that I wanted to watch the second season as fast as possible as to not get any spoilers.

I hate spoilers. Spoilers are the worst. I’ve had arguments IRL about this, and while I understand why people who like to get spoiled (e.g. will this person get killed? I need to mentally prepare), I am 100 percent on the side of not getting spoiled at all. For me, television is an escape. Escape from my daily, boring life, into places like corrupt D.C., or Pawnee or Scranton or 1960s New York City, or Stars Hollow. I treat the characters in the shows as if they’re real, and like real life, I don’t want to know what’s going to happen next. That’s the half the excitement. If I know I’m going to get fired on Friday, I will be worried every single second waiting for that moment where my boss takes me into his office and gives me the bad news. If someone is going to be unexpectedly proposed to at the end of a Halloween episode, I would much rather be surprised than anticipate the moment where he gets down on one knee, because, romance.

I watched Guardians of the Galaxy for the first time on Saturday (I know), and I had seen the GIFs of dancing baby Groot on Tumblr, and was expecting him to show up at any minute. So when the thing happens towards the end and then later dancing Groot appears, it didn’t have the same impact on me as I imagine it did for a lot of people. This is why I hate spoilers.

But with a Netflix show like House of Cards, everyone is watching it at a different pace. There’s no one episode a week, like traditional television. It’s 13 episodes put at your fingertips and watch at your own will.

Last year, I went to the ATX Festival in Austin, which is a weekend-long event for TV fans (we’re going together this June, so look out for that!). I went to a panel called #SpoilerAlert, and among the panelists were executive producer Beau Willimon from House of Cards and Netflix social media rep Eric Pallotta.

*ANOTHER SPOILER ALERT FOR EPISODE 1 OF SEASON 2 OF HOC**

Eric talked about how when season 2 dropped at 12am, they were tracking what was happening on social media in regards to the show – what topics fans were talking about, and what they were responding to. He said that around the 12:10am/10 minute mark (or whatever time The Train Incident happened), they noticed a huge spike in viewers’ tweets, reacting to Zoe’s sudden demise. However, most of the tweets didn’t read, “Z0MG FRANK JUST PUSHED ZOE IN FRONT OF A MOVING TRAIN AND THEN WALK AWAY RULLL CASUAL”, it was more like, “OMG” or “DID THAT JUST HAPPEN” or “emoji of a train #HouseOfCards”. There’s an unspoken language amongst binge-watchers, especially among the Netflix community, that lets other people know something big just happened, but also to show you’re in the know and hip because you’re watching HOC.

So, here we are. It’s been a few days since season three was available to view, and there are some who finished on Saturday, some who are close to finishing, and some who probably won’t get to it until the next free weekend they’re not doing brunch. According to Variety, two percent of all Netflix subscribers binge-watched House of Cards in the first weekend season two was released. That doesn’t seem like a big number, but that’s still a lot of folks who did nothing but watch HoC all weekend.

At what point is it socially acceptable to start talking about the monsters and aliens that take over Frank’s body and the White House (JK that doesn’t happen. OR DOES IT). Is two weeks enough time to even start talking about the first half? I’m always in awe of the folks who manage to avoid spoilers. I mean, it’s nearly impossible to not get spoiled these days. Merely watching other programs leads to getting spoiled on other shows (see: SNL sketch from Saturday about being Brave and the Breaking Bad finale). For me, with the nature of my job, I have to be on top of everything that happens in entertainment the minute it occurs, so usually, waiting to see a movie or watch a series finale months later is not an option. Bless the people who can live their lives without even the threat of being spoiled. But also, I am torn with the option of making season three last as long as possible. If I timed it as if I was watching a regular TV show, this experience could last me the next four-ish months! Maybe I’ll actually remember more details of what happens come season four when I can’t decide to binge or not to binge.

But right now, I am already more than halfway through this season of HOC, so I’m clearly opting to go the binge route and not be spoiled. I’ve backed myself into a corner of fitting as many HOC episodes I can in a day in order to beat the clock of spoils. Mr. Underwood has given me no choice BUT to binge – I guess television is like real life, isn’t it Frank?

2014: A GIF-tastic Retrospective

Well we’re almost to the end of the year, folks. And that means you get to see Best Of lists everywhere you look. Including here. But rather than countdown our favorite albums or TV shows or Poehler moments, we’re opting to compile the best moments of the year in GIF form, one of the greatest gifts the Internet has ever given us. Did your faves make the list?

**Warning – this is obviously iamge heavy, so just be patient!

{January} Jennifer Lawrence being Jennifer Lawrence and sneaking up on Taylor Swift during the Golden Globes red carpet but not realizing she’s also in the show. And also on live TV.

{January} “I want you to know that the red underneath my shoes is my blood.” – Emma Thompson not giving any fucks while presenting at the Golden Globes {x}

{January} POEHLER FINALLY WON A GOLDEN GLOBE/AWARD AND I THOUGHT I WASN’T SEEING CORRECTLY BECAUSE OF MY TEARS OF JOY, BUT THIS MAKE OUT SESH WITH BONO REALLY DID HAPPEN.

{January} Good recovery on Swift’s part when she thought she won Best Album at the Grammys. Her team – not so much.

{January} Joe Biden being all Joe Biden-y at the State of the Union. John Boehner orange and bored, per usual.

{February} Bob Costas, Olympics broadcasting icon, got pink eye and we didn’t know what to do with ourselves, so we made this gif instead.

{February} Olympic ice skater Ashley Wagner calls bullshit with her horrible scores, becomes meme.

{February} Ice skater Jeremy Abbott falls rulll hard on the ice, slams into the wall, lays there for a bit, THEN GETS BACK UP AND FINISHES HIS ROUTINE.

{February} Jimmy Fallon takes over the Tonight Show and I sob like a baby.

{March} Jennifer Lawrence falls at the Oscars. Again. This time on the red carpet. On a traffic cone. Just getting out of the car. #Bless

{March} Still the best selfie ever taken in the storied history of selfies. (JLaw obvs said the boob comment)

{March} The time we all thought wecollectively had a stroke, then realized John Travolta just can’t read.

{March} And the entire world sobbed as Lupita won her first Oscar.

{March} Marshmallows united and wait 10 years for this. Worth it.

{April} In one of the final episodes of Mad Men, Ginsberg actually goes mad. Luckily, Ben Feldman is much more sane (and hot) than this.

{April} When the internet made the most of this cute chubby future king nugget

 

{April} Rita Ora became a national hero by ripping Zefron’s clothes off as he accepted his Best Shirtless Performance prize at the MTV Movie Awards

{May} Coming up – coming down – Solange kick yo ass up in a gownnn.

{May} The collective exclamation of How I Met Your Mother fans everywhere.

{May} This was a confusing thing Ryan Gosling and Macaulay Culklin did.

{May} 50 Cent proves he’s much better at ANYTHING ELSE

{June} I didn’t care about the World Cup but I cared about this guy.

{July} A lot of celebrities died as part of the Sharknado 2 wrath

{August} Pratt.

{August} This lil guy.

{August} Ebola was a thing we freaked out about

{August} Andy Cohen takes a Belfie (butt selfie, obvs) with Kim K.

{August} People poured a bucket of ice water over themselves for charity and Ben Affleck pushed his wife into the pool.

{August} A joke set up at the beginning about their Seinfeld past paid off with this makeout sesh right before Julia Louis-Dreyfus accepted her 10,290th Emmy award. Bonus JFal.

{August} ‘Please welcome my beautiful, amazing, and talented friend: Beyonce!’

 

{August} Disregard Miley’s tears and put all your attention to the shade Katy Perry and Sam Smith are throwing in the back.

{August} Bow.Down.Bitches.

{August} If there’s anyone to upstage Beyonce while performing a 15 minute routine at the VMAs, it’s Blue Ivy. I’ve watched this Vine more times that I should admit.

{September} “This week, Amal Alamuddin, a brilliant Oxford educated human rights lawyer and former UN advisor settled for a 52 year old man.”

{September} Diamond Dan guys. Diamond FREAKING Dan.

{October} Taylor Swift became a pop star by doing this.

{December} Walken proved that you can just fake it til you make it if you’re in a live musical of Peter Pan

{December} This reunion made me feel all the feels.

{December} The King and Queen meet Prince William and the Duchess of Cambridge

 

How to Cope with TV Haituses: 2014 Edition

Do you guys remember when the last episode for the year of a TV series didn’t have a term? Like, when did networks decide that the phrase “Winter Finale” was a thing? Definitely in the past couple of years, right? So dramatic.

But as the Winter Finale of your fave shows roll out over this month, you’ll obviously need something to bide your time and avoid your fam during the stressful parts of the holiday season. Like last year, I’ve created a hopefully helpful guide to lead you in the right direction when it comes to preoccupying yourself over the next few weeks! Happy watching!

If you like:

How I Met Your Mother

You might like:

A to Z

Just like we fell in love with Cristin Milioti on How I Met Your Mother and she was promptly taken away, as is the fate of Cristin on the sitcom A to Z. The Lord giveth and NBC taketh away. Cristin Milioti deserves better than this. She’s a great actress who is perfect in the romcom role. In fact, everyone on this show is great. Ben Feldman – oh how I swoon for Ben Feldman (The Mindy Project Ben, not Mad Men Ben,obvs) – is perfect as the A (Andrew) to Cristin’s Z (Zelda). Like HIMYM, the show takes a different kind of approach in telling their love story, since we’re told from the pilot that they stay together for 8 months, 3 weeks and 29 days – those aren’t the exact numbers, but you get the picture. They’re so cute together that you wonder how and why it ends. I guess we’ll never be able to find out since NBC hasn’t ordered more than the 13 episode order. Nonetheless, you should catch up with A, Z, and their best friends, who provide that balance needed for an ensemble comedy.

If you like:

Friday Night Lights

You might like:

Kingdom

I’m not really a sports person, so I was initially turned off to Friday Night Lights because it looked like a football show. And that’s what its ‘downfall’ was. NBC didn’t really know how to market the show because there really hadn’t been anything like it before. Ultimately, it’s a drama about the tight-knit community in small town Texas, and football just happens to play another character in the show. That’s what Kingdom is. TBH, I only started watching it because of Matt Lauria and Nick Jonas are in it, but this gritty new series set in the MMA world is about the relationships between family, friends, and lovers. While there’s a fair share of fighting and blood and sweat, you’ll come to find yourself hooked on wanting to see what’s next for each of the characters. In addition, Kingdom has three actors from the Jason Katims world – Jonathan Tucker (Parenthood), Matt Lauria (Parenthood/FNL) and Kiele Sanchez (Matt Saracen’s wife IRL).

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Happy Endings

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Marry Me

HAPPY ENDINGS RIP. If there’s one show in the past few years that really didn’t deserve to get cancelled, that show is Happy Endings. The chemistry of the cast was incomparable, the hilarious dialogue was like nothing I had ever heard before, and the situations they found themselves in were not too far off from my own life and the lives of people I know. So if you’re still in Happy Endings withdrawal, try Marry Me, an NBC comedy that actually scored a whole first season, starring Casey Wilson (Penny Hartz) and Ken Marino who play a newly engaged couple. It’s created/executive produced/written by David Caspe, the creator/executive producer/writer of Happy Endings and also Casey’s new husband. While it doesn’t have the same ensemble ‘Friends’y feel as HE, it does take on a similar (hilarious) tone. Plus it’s also set in Chicago, so there might be some crossover characters…

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The Mindy Project

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Selfie

Like you and the rest of America, I was turned off by the title of John Cho and Karen Gillan’s new sitcom, Selfie. It initially came off as this social media/internet/daft show that should’ve been titled #SELFIE, but turns out, it’s not. While social media does play a role in the show, as the season progresses, you’ll find that those two up there are at the heart of it. It’s actually a take on My Fair Lady/Pygmalion, in which John Cho plays “Henry”, who tries to class up Karen’s “Eliza”. Their dynamic reminds me a little of Danny and Mindy, where Danny’s kind of curmudgeonly and a no nonsense kind of guy, whereas Mindy is still smart yet flitty, into pop culture and clothes and the latest Cosmo. Mindy and Danny’s relationship works in an opposites attract kind of way, and so does Henry and Eliza’s. We’re at the point where there’s an inkling of a romance going on between them, but with ABC deciding to cancel it (BOOOOO) and Hulu picking it up (YAYY) who knows what we’ll get to seen and when we get to see it. All I’m saying is ignore the title and just watch the damn show.

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Dawson’s Creek

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The Affair

Sometimes I decide to watch a show based purely who’s on it, but then am delightfully surprised when the show turns out to be really good. Enter Joshua Jackson. Loyal readers may recall my journey through watching Dawson’s Creek for the first time earlier this year, and I was Team Pacey all the way (if you’re Team Dawson WHO EVEN ARE YOU). Like a fine wine or Leonardo DiCaprio, Joshua Jackson only gets better with age. In The Affair, he is hot as ever, and as Vulture pointed out earlier this week, he’s basically Pacey as a cowboy. But the storytelling is one of a kind in The Affair, and it’s what lured me in from the pilot. As stated in the title, there is an Affair – with a capital A – going on between Noah (The Wire’s Dominic West) and Alison (Luther’s Ruth Wilson). Noah’s married to WASPy Maura Tierney, while Alison is married to Pacey Witter. Set in the summer in Montauk, Long Island, Noah and Alison meet and start to have this affair. We also find out there’s a murder early in the season, and both Noah and Alison are being interrogated months after their summer affair. But the twist: the show is split into two parts, one from Noah’s point of view and one from Alison’s. Needless to say they have different versions of the truth. But also, Pacey on a horse.

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How to Get Away With Murder

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Serial Podcast

I HAVE A LOT OF THOUGHTS ON SERIAL, AND I’M GOING TO SAVE IT FOR THE DAY SEASON ONE ENDS. But for now, if you don’t listen to Serial, get on it. I lit’rally gave in to peer pressure and started listening to it over Thanksgiving because everyone kept talking about it and I had total FOMO. I’ll tell you that I’m not usually a fan of crime related entertainment – I’ve never been into the Law & Orders or CSIs or Criminal Minds of the world. But this is a horse of a different color. Serial is one podcaster/reporter’s journey into delving deep deep deep into a real murder case of a teen and her attempts to solve it. Is it really the guy sentenced to life behind bars or is it someone else? WE DON’T KNOW. This isn’t really a spoiler, but there’s a part, I think in episode 5 of Serial, where Sarah, the ‘host’ of the podcast, consults a lawyer who deals with a lot of Innocence cases – where they believe person in jail didn’t commit the crime and she tries to prove they didn’t do it. This lawyer is super interested in the murder case featured in Serial, and even has a team of her law students help her investigate. Sound familiar? Because that’s basically the plot of How to Get Away with Murder. Viola Davis is a high-power attorney who can quite literally get anyone off the hook for any crime, and she has a crack team of students helping her. While HTGAWM is much more dramatic than Serial, both have the same amount of suspense and theorizing that will make you go insane. In a good way.

Best Halloween Costumes By Fictional People

I don’t think I’ve ever been one to be all gung-ho about Halloween. Even as a kid, I don’t remember particularly being as excited about dressing up and getting free candy from strangers like my peers. I mean I did it, but I feel like more people were excited about it than I was. In recent years, I’ve opted to go a “lazy” route, in that I either use clothes that I already have or only spend under like $30 to throw together a costume. And they’re usually pop culture inspired. For instance, I went as Liz Lemon one year and even made a fake name tag and Sabor de Soledad bag that I carried around with me.

liz lemon

One year I went as a “Friday Night Lights/Dillon Panthers Rally Girl” and just wore the State Champs shirt I owned and wore a yellow ribbon in my hair. This year I paid $15 to buy orange scrubs off Amazon to be Brook Soso from Orange is the New Black, but I also now get catalogs from the scrubs company. Sorry to break it to them, but I’m not even close to being qualified as a doctor or nurse, unless you count 11 seasons of Grey’s Anatomy as something. Anyways, my point is that for those of you who are ‘meh’ about Halloween like I am, it might be easiest to get inspiration from the Halloween eps on TV. Luckily, I’ve compiled a list of some of the best costumes worn by our favorite characters on TV, and maybe you’ll be gung ho about Halloween once and for all.

The Office

Jim Halpert as Dave

I always sympathized with Jim since he never wanted to dress up, but made a little effort. This might be my favorite one of his costumes. Andy, dressed as one of the Cats from Cats in full garb, asks Jim what he’s supposed to be, and Jim simply points to his name tag and says, “I’m Dave.”

Facebook

“Yes, I am the popular social networking site called Book Face.”

3 Hole Punch version of Jim

You can have him either way – as plain white Jim or 3 hole punch. Paper jokes for paper folks.

Michael Scott with Paper Mache Michael Scott

Because why wouldn’t you have a paper mache version of yourself sitting on your shoulder as a “costume”?

Macgruber

One of the things I love about Michael Scott is that he tries so hard to be cool and hip, but he’s always just a step behind. It’s endearing. He dressed up as SNL’s MacGuyver-esque character MacGruber one year. Unless you’re a hardcore SNL fan, you might not even know who he is (or that Will Forte brought his alter ego to the big screen). But Michael Scott didn’t care, and just assumed everyone would know who he was. Bless.

 Community

Troy Barnes as a sexy vampire

It doesn’t matter if he’s Dracula or not – he’s a sexy vampire. Lawd help me.

Eddie Murphy

Ben Chang as Peggy Fleming

How dare you think Chang is Michelle Kwan. Or Kristi Yamaguchi. RACIST!!

New Girl

Jessica Day as a Zombie

To make ends meet, Jess is forced to take on odd jobs, including one as a zombie in a haunted house. However this particular outfit has Schmidt likening her to a Zombie Woody Allen. “These brains are terrible, and in such small portions.”

 How I Met Your Mother

Marshall Eriksen and Lily Aldrin as (Gay) Jack Sparrow and Green Parrot

Since college, Marshall, Lily and Ted had been dressing up in some sort of theme costume together – salt and pepper and cumin, Lady and the Tramp and their bowl of spaghetti, Lewis and Clark and their canoe. They go all out. With Ted going  as Hanging chad (see next slide), Marshall and Lily decide to go for the gold with this Pirates of the Caribbean costume and ended up getting first place. Spoiler alert?

Naomi as the Slutty Pumpkin and Ted Mosby as Hanging Chad

The Slutty Pumpkin/Hanging Chad romance is a long-running story throughout HIMYM. In the beginning of the series, we find out that Ted meets a girl dressed in a slutty pumpkin costume, but Lily accidentally throws out the Kit Kat wrapper that she wrote her phone number on. So every year, Ted dresses in the same costume (Hanging Chad, topical at the time) hoping she’ll come back. A few seasons later she does, and it turns out to be Katie Holmes. And kids, as you know – she is not the Mother.

Barney Stinson as a Fighter Pilot

Just play Danger Zone while watching this gif. It’s pretty self explanatory. Flightsuit up!

 Friends

Ross Geller as Spudnik

You know that Russian satellite Sputnik? Well I’m a potato which is a spud and I have my antennas.

Ugh. Ross is so underrated.

Happy Endings

Penny Hartz and Max Blum as mom and baby

“I wanna be your wing baby”, Max says to BFF Penny. However they run into a problem when they both start talking to men they’re interested in. Hilarity ensues. Sigh. Miss you show.

 Modern Family

Hayley Dunphy as Sexy Mother Teresa

Modern Family has set a precedent for really good Halloween episodes, and it usually involves Clare being really into it and Haley dressing up as something sexy. This is no different.

The Mindy Project

Mindy Lahiri as Lil Wayne on the Prairie

I appreciate that Mindy Lahiri made an effort to be creative in that she had a string of ideas whcih involved a mashup of characters, including Tinkerbell Tailor Soldier Spy and Dirty Harry Potter. But my favorite is Lil Wayne on the Prairie. Mainly because she looks badass with those dreads and grill.

 Morgan Tookers as a Urinal

Morgan Tookers – American treasure.

 30 Rock

Paul as Natalie Portman (Black Swan) and Jenna Maroney as  former Pittsburgh Steelers wide receiver and Pennsylvania gubernatorial candidate Lynn Swann

If you haven’t seen this before, I feel like there’s really no explanation for it. You just need to see if for yourself.

 Parks and Recreation

Ann Perkins as Lolo Jones and Leslie Knope as Rosie the Riveter

Olympian Lolo Jones made her debut the summer before this episode aired, and Rashida kept getting comparisons to her, so clearly the brilliant writers decided to add it on the show. Leslie/Amy as Rosie is a natural choice, no?

 Tom Haverford as T Pain

Again, Tom as T-Pain is a natural fit. I feel like Tom thinks he’s T-Pain 24/7 and Halloween is an excuse to just dress up like him.

Alternative Saturday Morning Programming of the 90s

Last week, we talked about how Saturday morning cartoons have effectively come to an end. CW was the final network hold out, but on Saturday, September 27th, they aired the last remaining cartoon block, ending a continuous animated run that lasted over 50 years. 50 years!! You can blame live-action shows, reality programs and the fact that people’s TV habits have changed, but in its place, networks have opted to show educational series aimed at teenagers.

If you ask me, I think it’s a good idea. Not only is it a good move to try to lure teens in with informative shows as opposed to whatever they’re showing on MTV these days, but because I, for one, was never really into cartoons. Sure, I watched Rugrats. I enjoyed Doug and Recess, but I never sought out cartoons. Then again, I was the girl who was watching The Real World: London when I was 9, so I mean, that explains a lot about me in the present.

That’s not to say I never watched TV on Saturday mornings – it’s just that I opted for other shows instead. If you switched channels between TMNT and The Smurfs and TNBC, you might recognize some of the following programs I was watching while the rest of y’all were staring at the animated folk.

Saved by the Bell: The New Class

We’ve touched based on SBTB:TNC before – in fact we’ve even done the digging for you and told you where your other fave Bayside students are now – but let’s talk about the show for a sec, shall we? The show was one of two spin-off from the OG SBTB, which ended in 1993. The New Class premiered that September, at the same time as the premiere of The College Years. However, instead of being a spin-off, it was more of producers attempting to create the same magic that they had with the first cast. Each OG SBTB character had a TNC doppelgänger.  And that’s where they went wrong. Spin-offs aren’t supposed to be a re-creation of a hit show – it’s supposed to use an element from the hit show to make a new hit show. See: Frasier (Cheers), The Jeffersons (All in the Family), Angel (Buffy). Needless to say, I stayed loyal to Zack + Co. over in college. So imagine my disappointment when one year for Christmas I got the SBTB: TNC board game instead of the original cast. Ugh, come on Santa.

California Dreams

California Dreams is like the SBTB spin-off that should’ve been. Like if SBTB’s Hot Sundae took and and toured with the California Dreams, that would’ve been perfect. California Dreams was an slight alternative to SBTB, but you know, in a different part of The Golden State. The show was originally intended to be a family sitcom, focusing on the Garrison family, and the two kids, Matt & Jenny who were in a band. However the show was rebooted in season 2, and focused on the teens in said band instead, and it was a much “better” show after that. It surprisingly lasted for five seasons, and in 2010, Jimmy Fallon managed to get the band back together for a reunion on Late Night. Oh Sly.

Hang Time

http://youtu.be/meD8-BGc6oY

Please note that all these videos are for the theme songs to the shows, because for some reason, all these songs are still trapped in my brain after all these years. Also trapped in my brain: the fact that this show took place in Deering, Indiana. While I was never much of a sports fan, I appreciated that this show featured a girl on an all-boys basketball team and still had those elements of a teen sitcom. In addition, sometimes when I hear the name Anthony Anderson, to this day, I still associate him with this show.

City Guys

C-I-T-Y YOU CAN SEE WHY. I’m telling you – these songs were pretty damn catchy. SBTB:TNC, Hang Time and City Guys were all part of the TNBC Saturday Morning lineup that is forever etched in my brain. Now that TNBC had covered its bases in California and Middle of Nowhere, America, they came full circle and had a new show set in New York City. Teaching kids that we live in a diverse world, the show centered on a white kid from a wealthy family and a black kid from a working class family and how they can be friends, and sometimes enemies, in school.

One World

Speaking of diversity, this show was the epitome of it. One World was about a couple in Miami who take in six teens of varying ages from various backgrounds and ethnicities. Basically it was The Fosters before ABC Family claimed it. For some reason the one major plot line I remember from this show is that two of the foster kids started to have a romantic relationship and it was obvs a scandal?! Is it weird that I remember that and that alone? Probs. Also Johnny Tsunami’s in it.

Beakman’s World

That’s right, nerds. If you were the type to also spend a lot of your time with Bill Nye (the science guy), you were also familiar with Beakman’s World too. But this show was much more dramatic and outlandish than Bill Nye, as everyone on the show were actors who just played out these scientific experiments. In fact, Beakman himself was played by Paul Zaloom, an actor and puppeteer who has apparently taught his craft at the college I went to. Because yet, I went to a liberal arts college where puppetry was a class. Also he used to be married to a woman and has two kids but has split from her because he’s gay. *the more you know*

Moolah Beach

Remember when Survivor was like THE hottest show on TV? Producers ran with the idea and made a kid’s version called Moolah Beach. Except instead of being kicked off the island, everyone stuck around to win $25,000. It only lasted 6 episodes – but that’s because it was reworked into a show called Endurance, that aired on NBC then switched over to the Discovery Kids network. Did anyone else watch this? Or was it just me and my friend Ryan who secretly were way into it???

Show You Should Be Watching If You Aren’t Already: The Getaway

I feel like with all the Kadrashians and Housewives and Honey Boo Boos of the world, reality TV has gotten a negative stigma, where as soon as you label a show as such, most people are keen to brush it off. But believe it or not, there are plenty of great reality TV – ahem, unscripted docu-series – shows out there that deserved to be watched. One of them is a show called The Getaway on the Esquire network.

What It’s About

If you have the desire to feed your wanderlust, this show’s for you. Each episode features one celebrity who picks one city anywhere in the world, and they get to explore it for a few days. They take in the culture, eat the food, get to know the locals, etc. Also, the show is executive produced by Anthony Bourdain, so you know you’re getting the real deal.

Street Cred

The first season of The Getaway premiered last year, and after the first episode featuring Joel McHale, I was hooked. Other celebs who took the plunge in the first season included Rashida Jones, Aziz Ansari, Seth & Josh Meyers, Eve, and Josh Gad. Here are just a few highlights that will give you a taste of what to expect.

Shopping

http://youtu.be/w8r7M8YKM4I

Rashida’s episode in London is my favorite out of the bunch, not only because I adore her, but because London in like another home to her and when she takes us to various places around the city, it’s as if she’s our personal tour guide. And thanks to the help of special guests like Chris O’Dowd and Adam Scott, it makes for a truly hilarious episode. In the scene above, Chris takes her to a super odd shop that’s part boutique and part weird museum that you see in the don’t go here but go here section of travel guide books.

Eating

http://youtu.be/wDHsQSGxCEI

Naturally, eating is a big part of traveling a foreign city, and the same goes for The Getaway. When Seth & Josh Meyers visit their old home of Amsterdam, they are treated to a special pig cuisine – stop the vid when the waiter explains the type of meat he puts on their table. And then there’s Broadway star/Olaf Josh Gad who opts to return to New York City and go to Carnegie’s Deli where he attempts to eat a sandwich that weighs more than some newborn babies. But hey, when in Rome, right?

http://youtu.be/S59TIS4KiXw

Drinking

http://youtu.be/HmTSJFK3U2g

Because The Getaway is on the Esquire network, there has to be some classy drinking involved. Another episode I’m partial to is Bridesmaids director Paul Feig’s visit to Boston, where he pays a visit to one of the classiest drinking joints there is in the 617. Like the bartender uses items such a blowtorches and centerfuge. Yeah, exactly.

Activities

http://youtu.be/Rp9_a-mXQJ8

Rashida’s Parks and Rec pal Aziz Ansari opts to go to Hong Kong. If you are a fan of his or stalk his Insta, you know he’s a giant foodie, which is part of the reason he goes there. However, he has to do something besides eat, so his tour guide Denny (the best) takes him to the pony races. Who knew it was a thing there?

Culture

http://youtu.be/MW-OoCxySrk

The great thing about The Getaway is that they don’t just show you the local hotspots, but they delve into the local culture and language too, all from the mouths of locals. When Joel McHale goes to Dublin, he gets a lesson on food slang. Albeit he doesn’t understand at first, the actual food looked really good.

 What to Expect

http://youtu.be/ixphRp2jPr8

For the upcoming second season, a new slew of celebs get to pick the getaway of their choosing, including Chrissy Teigen who goes to roots in Bangkok, Thailand, Jack McBrayer stands out as a white dude in Hawaii and Adam Pally stays home in the U.S. for a wild trip to Las Vegas with his pals (In fact you can watch that episode now!). So fasten your seatbelt and get ready for a trip around the world from the comfort of your own home and enjoy getting away.

Season 2 of The Getaway premieres on Wednesday, October 15th on the Esquire at 9pm