Solange vs. Jay-Z: Super-Legit Body Language Analysis

I don’t know how to do this.

Before The Fight

Beyonce is separating Solange and Jay-Z, as if to say “if there is not something the size of an adult human person between these two, this situation will devolve quickly.”

Or possibly, “It makes the most sense for me to sit next to both my sister and my husband.” Whatever. Who cares.

But let us apply the Cher Horowitz Body Language Analysis to this, shall we? Remember how Cher knew Miss Geist and Mr. Hall were into each other? Of course you do: “Legs crossed towards each other.” Bey is angled towards Jay-Z, showing where her loyalty lies, whereas Solange is curling away from Bey and Jay like a Fortune Teller Fish from the Oriental Trading Company.

Solalnge’s hand is raised upwards towards her face, saying “who, me, start a fight?” or possibly “look at my hair! I straightened it.” Probably, like, one of those, right?

In this undated image, Jay-Z drapes a proprietorial arm over Solange’s shoulder. This is a gesture that says “I totally COULD have you in a headlock, but you know what, I’m not going to do that.” Solange’s crossed arms show that she is “closing herself off to social influence” (I Googled it), which makes sense, because who is more influential than Jay-Z? (Answer: Beyonce)

She may also be imitating this stock photo of a young child trying to do hip-hop:

But the real question is why is Solange’s outside arm raised up so high? Try it, it’s not a natural position. Some theories:

(1) She’s making a triangle between her arm and Jay-Z’s hand. Coincidence? No.  Triangles: the official shape of the Illuminati. Spooooky.

(2) She’s trying to avoid that thing where your bicep squishes against your side, splaying out your arm fat.

(3) There’s some sort of an armrest that we can’t really see.

Solange has a heavy object and a sharp-looking ring in her right hand (colloquially known as your “fighting hand”). She is applauding, but also ready for a fracas.

Jay-Z is relieved that everyone’s applauding really loud because he has had to fart for the past 10 minutes.


When Beyonce drops her ring, Jay-Z jokingly places it on her finger. The super-legit body language analysis take-away? “Our wedding vows are a joke.” Note Bey’s hand on her finger, as if to say “this is very cute, but just so we’re all clear, I’m perfectly capable of putting my own ring on (it), thanks.” Her head is tilted back in laughter, as she thinks in song:

The shoes on my feet
I’ve bought it
The clothes I’m wearing
I’ve bought it
The rock I’m rockin’
‘Cause I depend on me

Shall we continue?

As the blue-blooded half of a royal couple always walks several paces ahead of their spouse (Will before Kate, Elizabeth before Phillip, etc), so does Jay-Z trail Queen Bey. Jay Z walks with both hands in his pockets, like someone who is not so much feeling casual as trying to look casual. Can’t you imagine him whistling Camptown Races like Bugs Bunny in a cartoon? Doo-doo-doo, nothing to see here.

You just KNOW he knows a melee’s a-brewin’.

I’m going to do what I just did yesterday with the ultrasound images of my new niece, and pretend I can tell what’s going on. At least the baby didn’t have the letters TMZ superimposed over her blurry little face, though.

Jay-Z – white jacket, left hand side – has an arm outstretched, the international gesture for “please, stay at least an arm’s length away from me.” Meanwhile, Solange’s right foot (is that a foot?) is positioned forward and her arm is pushing against Jay’s. This is body language for “I’d prefer to get closer than an arm’s length, in order to fight you.” Her free arm is swung backwards, which in Body Language-to-English, translates to “I’m trying to punch you. Hard.”

Solange’s face is downcast, so you’d think she was ashamed, but that’s not the whole story. Look at her arms, pulled to waist height with her hands hanging freely from her wrists. These are the loose arms of someone who looks like she’s practically about to tap dance. Not a care in the world.

I think part of this is her Charleston-y drop waist dress. When did they wear drop-waist dresses? The 1920s. What book was written in the 1920s? Among others? The Great Gatsby. Who helped score the 2013 film adaptation of Gatsby? That’s right – Jay-Z himself. It’s all coming together.

This is a tricky one, but that’s why I get paid the big bucks. See Jay-Z’s hand, pulled to his cheek? That is his body’s way of saying “OW. My face.” Solange still has swingy tap arms.

NOW. Now Jay-Z’s hand is on his abdomen. When a lady rests her hand on her abdomen, it often means “I am pregnant” or possibly “I ate too much.” In this context, though, it probably means “OW. I also got hit in the stomach.” It also may mean “I ate too much,” but is the Met more of a finger foods event?

Solange’s tap dance hands are now pointed outward, a subtle shrug that says “yeah. I did it. What?”

New dance form. Beyonce’s hitched up skirt says “flamenco” and flamenco says “in-your-face triumph.” She has the placid smile of a 16th century Madonna. She continues to walk a few paces ahead of Jay-Z, as is her right.

Jay-Z’s hands are on his hips, body language for “how rude!” However, most of his energy is pulled into his face, with every muscle tensed towards the center. His eyes are not on Beyonce, but rather cast into middle distance, as if thinking to himself “WHAT THE HELL I just got beat up by my wife’s little sister.” This, truly, is the hour of lead that Emily Dickinson wrote about – first chill, then stupor, then the letting go. Based on his face, Hova is still trapped in the “stupor” stage.

In the alternative, Jay-Z is feeling his back pockets and has a face of dismay and realization. This is body language shorthand for “dammit, I left my wallet in there!”

After The Fight

In a total turnaround, Beyonce’s legs are now crossed AWAY from Jay Z, and the arm closest to him is pulled to her opposite side. Jay Z’s leg position says “I am the guy who you don’t want to sit next to you on a subway or bus.” [Really, gents. You do not need to sit with your legs three feet apart.] His shoulders are slumped – defeat! – and his hands are triangled – illuminati! His face is still a bit shell-shocked, like he can’t believe it’s really real. Bey remains impassive. Whatever this situation is, like all situations, Beyonce is in control of it. Or possibly behind it. All hail.


Cross It Off: The Summer To-Do List

How is it May already? I swear it was just January. At the beginning of the year, my friends and I came up with two mottos to live by (because we couldn’t pick just one). It’s pretty self explanatory, but basically we’ve been using these phrases to help push us to do things that we would have been hesitant to do otherwise, or things we’ve been putting off for forever.

I don’t know about you guys, but I like making to-do lists. I get great joy in crossing things off my to-do lists. Every summer, I make a list of TV shows that I’ve been meaning to watch but never have time to during the regular TV season. Last year, I managed to plow through 7 series (welp) in a matter of months. But this summer, in the spirit of our 2014 mottos, I’ve decided to expand my summer bucket list beyond the small screen. I put things on my list that I’ve been putting off the rest of the year, and hopefully this will be the summer I will get shit done. Here are some of the things on my to do list this summer.

Read More Books

In full disclosure, I’m not much of a reader. Legit my favorite books are popular young adult novels and biographies by celebrities. But whatever. Molly gave me John Green’s Looking for Alaska and I shit you not, it took me like a year to get through – not because it wasn’t good, but because I just struggle to find time to sit down and focus on a book instead of watching TV or something. In February, I bought BJ Novak’s book, One More Thing (and met him at a signing, NBD), and as of May 1st, I have only read 33 pages. Again, it’s not because I don’t like it – I do, it’s really funny – but because ugh sitting down to read. But guys, I’m gonna finish it this summer. And I’m going to re-read The Fault in Our Stars before the movie comes out. And I’m going to read Gone Girl before that movie comes out in October… uh do you see a pattern?

Get Through My Netflix Queue

I am one of those rare people who still have both the Instant AND DVD subscriptions with Netflix. While I use Instant frequently, I tend to sit on DVDs for a long time, which I’m sure a lot of people do too. I had Rock of Ages for like 6 months. In the end I forced myself to watch it and I didn’t even pay full attention to it. I have like over 200 movies in my queue, and I’ve been trying really hard to not hold on to one movie for too long. As you may have guessed, I’m more of a TV person, so there are a lot of films I still haven’t seen (legit JUST saw This is the End last week. Hated it. Best part was BSB. And Emma Watson), and I’m going to attempt to get through a lot of films in my queue – maybe get it down to like 75? That seems too lofty…

I Never Said I Wasn’t Going To Not Put TV Shows On This List

The past few weeks, some of my favorite shows have been wrapping up their seasons early (SCANDAL THO. AND PARKS!). It was April for goodness sake! I mean How I Met Your Mother wrapped in March! Shows are supposed to end in May! /endrant. Basically this means I can start my TV watching a little earlier than usual. So what am I watching this year?

Dance Academy

(per the suggestion of my friend Ana, who has been pushing me to watch it for like 5 months haha)

True Detective

(So proud of myself for avoiding all spoilers on this)

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

(This will be my Everest. I always felt left out with the Kitten Mittens joke. 10 seasons… we’ll see.)

Learn How To Make GIFs

Because, obviously. Relatedly: PHOTOSHOP IS EXPENSIVE WTF.

Explore LA

I’ve lived here for about five years now, and still have so much more to discover. I went hiking for the first time a couple weeks ago, which is like a thing that everyone in LA does. There are restaurants I went to go to, neighborhoods I’ve never seen before, and not gonna lie, the Backstreet Boys got their star on the Walk of Fame last year and I STILL haven’t been to it, even though I drive near it on my commute to work.

Well, there it is. Do you guys make to-do lists like this too?! Share in the comments below!

Top Baby Names Of 2013, And Why Your Kid Will Hate Them In 2026

It’s that time of year again – the Social Security Administration has separated the Adelyns from the Addalynns and the Jaidens from the Jaydens, and delivered its list of the top baby names of 2013. And let me tell you, this year the top 10 names are …. really normal. That’s why they’re top 10 names, you know?

The thing is, whether you named your kid Brooklyn or Greenpoint, she’ll probably hate her name in about 13 years. It’s just a phase kids go through, and no name – however normal – is safe. Here are my predictions for how the ten most popular baby names of 2013 will lead to the ten most angsty “I didn’t ask to be born!” arguments of 2026:


1. Sophia

When young Sophias finally reach the age where they can watch late-night syndicated sitcoms – truly a magical time in a young woman’s life, if my memories of The Facts of Life and Mary Tyler Moore serve – eventually they’re going to run across The Golden Girls. And at that time, your Sophia will discover that she’s really more of a Blanche.

Blanche, by the way, is a top baby name of 2026.

2. Emma

Okay, maybe your kid is a little less into TV and a little more into books. Don’t get too proud of yourself there, mom: reading is just nerd television. I should know. You’ve always told her that you named her after a Jane Austen heroine, the title character of Emma. When she gets old enough to read it, she discovers that Emma Woodhouse’s head is so far up her own ass that her face is damaged by stomach acid.

That’s when you have to tell her that you never actually read Emma. You heard that the movie Clueless was loosely based on it, and you’ve seen that easily 15 times, though. You sort of figured it was the same thing.

You should have gone with your gut and named her after Cher Horowitz.

3. Olivia

Your love for your child is something that will last a lifetime. Something else that will last a lifetime: your cached internet activity. That’s why your little Olivia will love her name … until she discovers your Olivia Pope fan tumblr and extensive postings on Olitz message boards. Then you’ll both feel a little bit weird about things.

4. Isabella

By the early ’20s, the Twilight franchise has become a camp classic. Teens gather in theaters reciting lines from the movie, dressing up as characters, and mocking the earnest Mormon sparkle of the adolescent vampires. They squeal shrilly (because what is more shrill than the mocking laughter of a junior high girl? It cuts like a knife, could a knife be made out of the things you secretly hate about yourself), asking their parents whether people really LIKED this stuff ever. And parents of tween Isabellas are left explaining that no, that wasn’t why they chose the name. But their daughters hate them anyway. Sorry.

5. Ava

When Heathers is remade in the late 20-teens – and it is a flop, I’m so sure – the filmmakers decide to update it to the modern era. All of those Heathers get renamed: the new movie is called Avas. Much like Heather in the ’80s,  everybody seems to know that one bitchy Ava who ruins the whole name. It’s like the female version of Jason, that way.

Anyway. Everyone agrees that Avas really wasn’t Michael Bay’s best work. Nor, honestly, his worst.


1. Noah

By the late 2020s, Noah is really more of a girl’s name. How did this solid biblical classic, with thousands of years as a man’s name, cross the gender line so quickly? Why, thanks to the meteoric rise of the political career of Senator Noah Cyrus (R-TN), of course. Some say she may even be the second female president someday. You, parents of 2013, just know her as Miley Cyrus’s weirdly named, poorly supervised kid sister.

Sorry. It is 2026, and Noah has now joined the ranks of Ashley, Madison, Beverly and Evelyn. They all seemed so manly once.

2. Liam

It’s not so much Liam that’s the problem. It’s a few years from now, when the creative spellings take over. Before you know it, every year elementary school teachers have to roll call Liam K. Liyam-with-a-y K., Liam C., Leeum V., and Leighham Q.  Poor Liams have to join forces with the Michaelas and Jasmines of the world, arguing that their name is spelled the right way.

3. Jacob

You really couldn’t have predicted this. The Goth movement makes a comeback, and your precious little Jacob wishes his name reflected how unique he is. Good luck cleaning all that Manic Panic out of your bathroom drains, and sorry that you have to listen to Best of Korn on cassette tape emanating from Jacob’s room. [Side note: tape is the new popular throwback music medium in 2026, like vinyl is now.]

You aren’t even that disappointed that Jacob hates his name — more that he’s kind of a late 90s Hot Topic-y goth instead of at least a cool 80s punk one. You can’t choose your children. Your children choose you. And, eventually, they may also choose nu metal.

4. Mason

Let’s just… I mean… nothing associated with the Kardashians is going to age well a decade hence. Just calling a spade a spade. They are our generation’s answer to Zsa Zsa and Eva. I hope we’re happy with what we’ve created.

5. William

When Queen Elizabeth steadfastly – but politely – refuses to die, Prince William evaluates his chances at ever actually ascending the throne. Realizing that it probably won’t happen until his mid-70s, he says “screw it” and joins the cast of series 25 of TOWIE. A few pub fights later, the nickname Bloody Billy (or, alternately, Bloody Willy) has taken hold.

It is not a fun time on the playground for little Williams. Or whatever the 2026 version of the playground is. It probably involves tablets.

Where Are They Now: Friends of Friends

It is only fitting that we end a week full of Friends nostalgia with a look at the present. It’s been 10 years since the series finale, but nearly 20 years since it first debuted (YIKES). That means that there’s been a huge chunk of time where we haven’t gotten an update on some of the characters who entered (and promptly exited) the world of Friends. So here’s a look at what some of our Friends’ friends are up to in 2014. And maybe a look at the actual Friends themselves.


Paul the Wine Guy {Season 1, Episode 1}

Paul the Wine guy (still unsure whether he sells or drinks it) told Monica he hadn’t been able to perform… sexually since breaking up with his ex-wife, and after Monica slept with him, she found out it was just a line he used. Since then that line actually did work on someone and he went on to marry her. They have 2 kids and in 2010, they divorced. He actually CAN’T perform sexually anymore.

Paolo {Season 1}

Paolo moved back to Italy a few years after striking out with Rachel, Pheebs and multiple other women in New York City. However in 2003, he was deported from Italy for being too good looking and moved BACK to the US. He still couldn’t score girls here.

Eddie Menuek {Season 2}

Shortly after moving out of Chandler’s apartment, Eddie’s sister and ex-girlfriend join forces and decide he needs to get medical help for his mental illness. He’s been receiving treatment for his schizophrenia ever since. He was also recently featured in an episode of My Strange Addiction for his desire to carrying around the urn with his cat’s ashes everywhere he goes.

Fun Bobby {Season 1 & 2}

There was a reason Fun Bobby was called FUN Bobby and it’s because he drank alcohol. Ridiculously dull Bobby is now 12 years sober (hit a rough patch around ’02) and somehow ended up as Lindsay Lohan’s sponsor.

Chip Matthews {Season 2}

Chip Matthews still works at the Multiplex, but is now the night manager and finally moved out of his parents’ house and lives in a studio apartment. He had a kid with his former Lincoln High hook-up Nancy Branson in 2011, but she has full custody, mainly because she passed off their daughter as hers after cheating with Chip on her husband. Chip still rides a motorcycle.

Russ {Season 2, Episode 10}

After Rachel broke up with him, Russ went back to his on-again, off-again girlfriend, Saychel. They had an oops baby named Emmitt and lived happily ever after.

Richard Burke {season 2}

In 2006, Richard found a lovely woman named Barbara who is only 7 years his junior. Richard retired in 2012 and left his practice to his son. They moved to Poughkeepsie and he occasionally contributes to Cigar Aficionado magazine.

Chloe the Copy Girl {Season 3}

Chloe’s incident with Ross didn’t phase her since she slept with randos all the time, and she’s kept the same lifestyle ever since. She did, however, transfer to a FedEx Kinkos in Williamsburg – that is until she got caught for shoplifting Zunes in 2005 and had to spend a month in jail and pay a $1,200 fine. She now works at a fro-yo shop in New Jersey.

Kathy {Season 4}

After cheating on Chandler with her co-star Nick, the two fell in love frreal and they moved to LA in hopes to actually become big shot actors. Nick had modest jobs in theater while Kathy got her big break by booking a lead role in a pilot called Criminal Minds in 2006. Kathy’s career skyrocketed while Nick’s floundered. She let the fame get to her head and slept with one of her co-stars (name maybe rhymes with Flamar Boore) and Nick broke up with her. As Rachel’s mom always said, “Once a cheater, always a cheater.”

Bonnie {Season 4}

It took a while for Bonnie to get over Ross just leaving her for Rachel at the beach house, but the one thing she did get out of the relationship was her new look that she soon embraced. Bonnie rocked the bald head and became a successful wig model both in the US and abroad.

Emily Waltham {Season 4 & 5}

The British chippie never came back to the U.S. after her breakup with Ross, deeming all American men ‘cheeky cheating buggers’. She married a lad called George in 2005 and they have 3 boys who all play rugby.

Danny the Yeti {Season 5}

Friends was actually a secret crossover with Scandal because Danny is really Charlie who started his storied career in B613 just like Huck – in the hole. He spent 3 years in the isolated, dark space and that’s why he looks so disheveled.

Paul Stevens {Season 6}

Paul is still trying to handle his emotions to this day. Not much has changed – he still sings Love Machine into his mirror. He recently had to move in to his daughter Elizabeth’s house since their family home was flooded. Guy still can’t catch a break.

Tag Jones {Season 7 & 8}

Tag slept worked his way up the Ralph Lauren ladder and is now the head buyer of the company’s tennis sportswear division.

Parker {Season 8}

Parker, still enthusiastic about everything, finally met his match in an equally enthusiastic woman named Verna from Massapequa.

Will Colbert {Season 8}

Will had a brief slip after finding out the I Hate Rachel Club which he co-founded and put his entire heart and soul into in high school was shattered, and gained 20 pounds back. But he managed to lose it all and a little extra and has since moved far away from Ross, Rachel & their kid to Thailand with pal Ta-Taka-Ki-Kek, and they started a gym in Bangkok.

Charlie Wheeler {Season 9 & 10}

Charlie stayed with Dr. Benjamin Hobart for good, and they moved to Germany, where they both work at the Natural History Museum in Berlin.

Amanda Buffamonteezi {Season 10}

Amanda lives in London, but instead of keeping her (fake) British accent, she decided to switch back to her original Yonkers one to seem more “exotic”.

Erica {Season 10}

After giving her baby to Chandler and Monica, Erica moved back to Ohio. She went to church camp and ended up being the director after 5 years of being a counselor. She quit in 2009 to become a full-time mom for her 2 kids, Chandler and Monica.


Gunther became the owner of Central Perk in 2007, and finally gave up on his dreams of being with Rachel when he realized he’s been in love with Ross the entire time. He lives with his partner Chet in Chelsea.


Marcel continued his acting career in various action and comedy movies but retired in 2011. He now lives in Florida.

 Since we’re probably never going to get a reunion, here’s what our favorite Friends are up to now.

Ross & Rachel

Screenshot 2014-05-07 14.04.06

After ditching her Louis Vuitton job in Paris to get off the plane, Rachel lost the job offer – but went to work at Gucci instead. She then landed a job at Tory Burch and serves as the director of merchandising for accessories. Ross still works at NYU and gives lectures around the world about his once-controversial theory on sediment flow rates. In addition to Emma (who is turning 12 on May 16th!!), Rach & Ross had 2 more kids, and they all go to space camp in the summer. Ben is finishing up his first year at NYU, and totally ignores his dad if he sees him on campus.

Monica & Chandler

Screenshot 2014-05-07 14.04.38

Monica and Chandler still live upstate with 10 year olds Jack and Erica. Chandler has some kind of higher-up job in advertising (no one really is sure what his title is) and Monica started her own restaurant in their town.

Phoebe & Mike

Phoebe and Mike moved to Brooklyn and have five kids, yes five. It’s like their own little Von Trapp family, since they all make beautiful music together and sometimes take their show on the road. Literally. In an RV.


Joey (who maybe in another life moved to L.A., but for the purpose of this story he never did) scored a job on Law & Order: SVU as a regular in 2007, but pissed off the writers yet again and was killed off. Luckily, thanks to syndication he still gets royalties. Also, with the boom in TV shows filming in NY, he’s been in shows like The Good Wife, 30 Rock and Girls. He finally met a woman that was worth settling down with – a beautiful blonde model-turned-caterer who owns her own company.


How YOU Doin’: The Lexicon Of Friends

Let me be entirely clear. People who constantly quote lines from TV shows and movies are horrible. Still, there are those TV and movie lines that seem to crop up in everyday conversation like weeds in a sidewalk. You may try to refrain from saying them out loudbut Friends quotes are the worst TV conversation-weeds. Somehow, the following lines have found their way into my day-to-day thoughts, if not speech:

Friends Context: Joey’s revenge for Chandler hiding his underwear
Real-life context: Basically any time I’m wearing a ton of clothing.

Friends context: The answer to a trivia question about who Chandler’s TV Guide is addressed to.

Real-life context: When you see your name horribly misspelled. Also, every time my high school alumni association sent me letters addressed to Mr. Molly Lastname.

Friends context: The gang has discovered that Monica and Chandler are an item and … well, you can figure out the rest.

Real-life context: Is it just me, or do various levels of people knowing that you know something occur more often than you’d think?

Friends context: See video

Real-life context: This involuntarily pops into my head when someone mentions wanting something. Which is a lot.

Friends context: … guys. This is like the whole crux of the Ross & Rachel saga.

Real-life context: If people mention “being on a break,” you better believe I’ll be thinking this.

(Primarily the “FRONT AND BACK” part of it)

Friends context: Ross fell asleep when reading Rachel’s note.

Real-life context: When you are reading something that has gone on for far too long.

Friends context: Rachel’s first job!

Real-life context: Ever take a really good look at your paycheck?

I’m gonna have to go into the map.

Friends context: Joey is trying to negotiate a pop-up map in London.

Real life context: Folding/unfolding maps, trying to read maps, anytime I’m near a map, figuring out where you are in a strange city, etc.


Friends context: Rachel is trying to figure out how to move forward with Tag.

Real-life context: I hear the phrase “moot point,” I think of this. Every time. And yeah, it DOES kind of make sense.

Friends context: Phoebe’s brother’s triplet was just born. Next line – Chandler: Hold on, kindergarten flashback.

Real-life context: A few times I have heard of baby girls being named Chandler. No joke.

Friends context: Rachel described a man-bag as unisex. To Joey. Next line – Joey: Well, I ain’t gonna say no to that.

Real-life context: It’s okay to read the word unisex as “u-n-i- sex” thanks to this, right?

Monica: I’m just excited about being an aunt!

Joey: OR an uncle!

Friends context: Ross doesn’t want to find out the sex of his baby. Joey’s an idiot.

Real-life context: I think of this whenever I find out I’m having a new niece or nephew. Number 7 was born this week and another is due in a few months, so that’s pretty frequently, actually.

Friends context: See video

Real-life context: When something upsetting happens in a book, just think “you want to put the book in the freezer?” and you’ll feel a bit better.

Friends context: Revisiting Monica’s prom video

Real-life context: When someone says “the camera adds ten pounds;” when I see a less-than-flattering photo of myself.

Friends context: Joey is trying to fill out a form about Ross. Joey is an idiot.

Real-life context: This whole exchange (May…tember? Ross-topher?) springs to mind when I don’t know basic information about somebody that I should really know.

Friends context: Chandler has no game. In the presence of model Jill Goodacre.

Real-life context: It occasionally springs to mind when someone asks if I want gum. Also, I cannot read the name Jill Goodacre (granted, she doesn’t come up often) without hearing it in that clench-mouthed whisper: “Zhll Gducre.”

Friends context: Ross and Rachel are discussing names for Emma.

Real-life context: When a person is named Rain – or some other crunchy, kiln-y name.Friends context: A Ross and Rachel fight.

Real-life context: … whatever.

Phoebe: We ordered the Joey Special!


Friends context: Phoebe is talking to Joey, who is in London.

Real-life context: Two pizzas is, and always will be, the Joey Special as far as I’m concerned.


Frankie Says Relax: Most Memorable Friends Fashion Moments

As one of the biggest shows of the 90s/00s, Friends provided a glimpse of what was hip in fashion that year – kind of like a video time capsule for horrible clothes (particularly with seasons 1 and 2). But with some of their questionable items of clothing, there was a story behind it, a memorable scene that will go down in Friends’ history. Here are just some of the standout fashion moments from all 10 seasons.

Rachel & Monica’s Prom Dresses

TOW The Prom Video {Season 2, Episode 14}

Oh Fat Monica. Bless. In one of the show’s first flashbacks, we were treated to a rare glimpse of these two best friends on the night of their prom. Makes me glad there’s no VHS evidence of my prom.

Monica’s Diner Uniform

TOW The Bullies {Season 2, Episode 21}

Monica’s lowest career moment came when she had to take a job at the Moondance Diner, and forced to wear a huge blonde wig, fake breasts, and rollerskates. At least she got to date a billionaire out of it.

Rachel’s Bridesmaids Dress

TOW Mindy & Barry’s Wedding {Season 2, Episode 24}

Rachel’s ex-fiancé married her former best friend/maid and Rachel served as her bridesmaid. Remember when she climbed out the window to avoid marrying Barry? Yeah, she should’ve thrown this entire outfit on the window and burned it.

Rachel in the Princess Leia Outfit

TOW The Princess Leia Fantasy {Season 3, Episode 1}

Because apparently all men who grew up in the Star Wars era have this fantasy.

Could I BE Wearing Anymore Clothes?

TOW No One’s Ready {Season 3, Episode 2}

You know this episode. You know this scene. You know the lines. And you now know what you can do if you ever need a last minute Halloween costume.

Ross’ Frankie Says Relax T-Shirt

TOW the Tiny T-Shirt {Season 3, Episode 19}

Post Ross & Rachel’s first breakup, he asks for his stuff back – including this shirt that Rachel used to sleep in. Obviously it’s so comfortable that Ross wore it to bed too.

Red Ross

TOW All the Rugby {Season 4, Episode 15}

Ross tries to act all tough and cool in front of Emily’s jock friends from England, except this is the face Ross makes when he’s mad and pumped up.

Rachel’s Cheerleading Uniform

TOW The Fake Party {Season 4, Episode 16}

Rachel throws a fake party to woo Joshua, and as a last ditch effort, she wears her high school cheerleading uniform, because apparently it ‘works every time’. bleeding lip aside, the uniform definitely worked.

Phoebe’s Maternity Pants

TOW All the Haste {Season 4, Episode 19}

Can you believe Phoebe’s new maternity pants are so big and comfortable to wear? They even came with a list of suggested baby names!

Monica, Rachel & Pheobe in Wedding Dresses

TOW the Wedding Dresses {Season 4, Episode 20}

Lesson: Never give Monica the responsibility of picking up your wedding dress. Lesson #2: If you’re pregnant, get your dress from a place called “It’s Not Too Late”

 Phoebe’s Fur Coat

TOW The Yeti {season 5, Episode 6}

This is a fur coat Phoebe got from her mother that she hates because she’s animal-loving vegetarian, but she just looks so damn good in it.

Ross & Chandler

TOW All the Thanksgivings {Season 5, Episode 8}

Miami Vice 2: Emotional Knapsack

Ross’ Paste Pants

TOW All the Resolutions {Season 5, Episode 11}

Ross’ leather pants incident has taught me to never use lotion and powder in an attempt to take them off. Also, never wear leather pants.

Joey’s Man Bag

TOW Joey’s Bag {Season 5, Episode 13}

It’s a murse.

Phoebe’s Bra

TOW Everybody Finds Out {Season 5, Episode 14}

It’s very, very nice.

Joey’s Porsche Swag

TOW Joey’s Porsche {Season 6, Episode 5}

If you own a Porsche and have ever worn anything like this, do me a favor and slap yourself for me.

‘It’s like the Easter Bunny’s funeral in here’

TOW The Holiday Armadillo {Season 6, Episode 10}

Who knew teaching Ben about Hanukkah would lead to the ultimate lesson in history?

Joey’s Attempt At Youth

TOW Monica’s Thunder {Season 7, Episode 1}

I say ‘sup with the whack playstation, sup’ anytime I feel old around teens. Which is all the time.

THE Red Sweater

TOW the Red Sweater {Season 8, Episode 2}

The answer to who owns this red sweater led to one of the greatest reveals in TV history. I remember screaming at the TV when Tag was wearing his own red sweater and turned out to be Ross’. SCREAMING.


TOW the Halloween Party {Season 8, Episode 6}

Honestly, Ross is the greatest.

Joey’s Thanksgiving Pants

TOW the Rumor {Season 8, Episode 9}

If you ever find yourself telling food ‘you are my Everest’, you should probs invest in maternity pants specifically for eating.

Monica’s Humidity Hair

TO in Barbados {Season 9, Episode 23/24}

Barbados Monica is absolutely nutso. And she didn’t make it any better when she got cornrows either.

Ross’ Pink Sweater

TOW the Birth Mother {Season 10, Episode 9}

Ross gets style advice from the group’s fashionista, Rachel, but her choices in clothing might have been a little too edgy when he showed up to his date wearing the same sweater as the girl.


Live Blog: The Friends Finale, 10 Years Later

Today is the tenth anniversary of the Friends finale. For us, this was the end of a decade that shaped the way we watched TV. Friends was the first “grown-up” sitcom I watched, the first time I really experienced ships and running gags and over-investment in TV characters. When we watched the finale on May 6, 2004 we knew that something special was coming to an end. Now that a decade has passed, and Friends has been off the air as long as it was on, we thought this was the perfect time to live blog The Last One – the final episode of Friends.


T: For the record, this finale gives me a lot A LOT of feels, so I tend to avoid it like the plague. I’ve only seen it maybe five times (?) in the past 10 years, as opposed to all the other eps which I’ve basically seen too many times to count.

M: Twice here, I think. Maybe three times. Same reason. By the way, the end of Friends roughly marked the end of that thing where you knew everyone was watching the same show at the same time as you. There were several years between this finale and DVR and internet TV taking off, but Friends was really one of the last big shows of the primetime era. Cultural shifts in our lifetime, y’all.

T: (opening scene) I’ve never taken Joey for someone who prides himself in style, but this brown button up dress shirt with random blue print is … definitely from 2004. Must be the free Ralph Lauren from Rachel.

T: :54 #ClapClapClapClap

M: Remember when there was a CD of the Friends soundtrack? It was in the early years, like 1995ish. I think it had the theme song by like 5 different bands. Probably like… the Lemonheads. Lisa Loeb. Presidents Of The United States Of America. That sort of thing.

T: 2:22 Remember when Anna Faris was just ‘Erica the surrogate mom from Friends?’ Now she’s ‘Chris Pratt’s wife’ or like… something else to do with her career.

M: I had 1000% forgotten that this was Anna Faris. By the way, I was just in a maternity ward this week (not my baby) and those rooms look completely the same as they did in 2004. And even in 2004, the decor was sort of 1983-ish.

Peach wallcoverings with Laura Ashley curtains. And sunset paintings in bulky gold frames.

T: Also FTR, I have always and WILL always be a Ross/Rachel shipper. I don’t care how cliche that is. Which makes this finale even more perfect.

T: 4:00 Monica to Chandler: “What kind of social situation ARE you comfortable with?” THE ACCURACY.

M: You know how girls have celebrity spirit animals? Like Audrey Hepburn or Beyonce? Mine is Chandler Bing.

T: I forget, how old is Erica supposed to be? Like in her 20s? Why is she going to “Church Camp” as an adult??

M: “Do you ever wonder what is worse, going through labor or getting kicked in the nuts? […] Maybe there’s even something more painful than both those things. Like this.” WHY did it take Monica like 6 seasons to scoop up this gem of a man.


M: Dead. With 8 generations of descendants. Because this was a decade ago. Really depressing to think about animals in beloved TV shows of the past, isn’t it?

M: 4:40 (Oh hey my episode’s on a slightly different timeline than Traci’s by the way): Ross: You were sure Ben was going to be a girl. Phoebe: Have you seen him throw a ball?

And on that note, I give you Ben, 2014:

T: 6:28 Ross: “Hey, I’m not one to kiss and tell. But I’m also not one to have sex and shut up – we totally did it!” This line makes me LOL unreasonably.

M: Most 2004 thing in this scene: the giant CD tower.
Second-most 2004 thing: Phoebe’s tattoo choker necklace.

T: 7:15 Okay, Phoebe’s running joke about everything being a musical is so underrated, I feel.

M: YES! Actually, I think Phoebe as a character is underrated. Phoebe and Chandler.

M: No, really, am I just old or has fashion barely changed in the past decade? I know we wrote about mid-2000s trends but the fact is that Ross’s shirt and sweater combo and Rachel’s straightened highlighted hair totally still works.

Mostly acceptable outfits.

T: 9:25 These baby cries seem awfully fake (I know they are, but)

M: “That is one disgusting miracle” – consider this a preview of my post about lines from Friends that I still have in my everyday lexicon.

T: 10:35 I remember YELLING at the TV when the doctor said ‘the other baby is coming in a minute’. It was like I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant but, like I Didn’t Know I Was Having Two Kids And Not One instead. Also, can you imagine getting all the stuff you need for one baby and then you come home with two?? Like can you put another baby in a crib? You would need to buy alll the diapers. Stressful.

M: I can’t even handle surprise parties. For other people, even. Surprise babies? NOPE. I remember being really angry as well, because it seemed like such a cheap sitcom-y situation. I know it’s a sitcom. But still.

M: When Erica says the line about both heartbeats being really strong “and that’s good because I’m having a baby” I realize that I basically have this entire episode memorized. And thus I must have seen it way more than two times. I’m starting to think I watched it multiple times right after it aired (on VHS, natch) then haven’t seen it again since like … maybe 2005.

T: 12:32 Eight is Enough : a reference I definitely had to look up at the age of 18.

M: Joey to Ross: “Is that what a dinosaur would do?” I love the recurring joke where nobody’s at all clear on what Ross does (see also: “one sad polontologist”).

M:13:11 (iTunes episode timeline): 2004 throwback: Atkins reference. Oh God I hated Atkins. Just because how annoying people were on it. Around 2004, I remember a lady at the movie theatre where I worked grilling me on whether popcorn had carbs. I think I answered “yeah, probably a lot.” Employee of the decade here.

T: 14:49 Ross ‘waiting’ and leaning against the couch while Gunther professes his love for Rachel is the greatest. Ross is my favorite friend. Tied with Chandler. I just think Ross is so underrated.

M: Yeah, I’ll buy that, too. When I was a kid he seemed like the most “boring grownup” type of the bunch, but he plays sad-sack goofy nerd so well!

T: 17:35 Phoebe: “Sure he’s (Gunther) is more sexy in an obvious way.” Phoebe has the weirdest taste in guys. James Brolin, Jack Geller, Jacques Cousteau… I will say she scored with Paul Rudd though.

M: Thing I never thought about raising kids in New York City: having to secure a car seat into a cab. Excuse me, two car seats. EVERY TIME. Do you know how long those suckers take to get into the car? And you’re supposed to have firefighters check to make sure it’s in right. Do they have special firefighters checking every cab? Doubtful.

T: 18:45 Phoebe’s friend Ethel’s baby came home with a TEENY TINY BEARD.


M: Is it wrong that I really like Rachel’s 2004 outfit? There are knee socks. And a pullover vest. I think I just answered my own question.

T: Man, I would die if I was in the audience for this finale. Can you even imagine?

T: 23:00 I love when Phoebe’s angry/street side comes out. Never forget where you come from, y’all. Also, Not like I pass by toll booths all the time, but I think about Pheebs throwing the change at the window every time I drive through one.

M: Me too! I use EZPass (I love New York) and every time I’m at an out-of-state toll booth I have an instant Phoebe reaction.

T: I appreciate that the writers also decided to bring another OTP back together for the finale: Chandler and Joey. The whole trying to find Chick & Duck Jr. together was great, particularly with the foosball table metaphor and Monica eventually being the one to break it because the boys can’t do it.

M: There was a really good physical comedy moment when the ball drops into the foosball table and the camera closes in on their faces as they wait to hear what happens with it.

T: 29:23 Ross: “Okay if you could all walk slower, that would be great.” Me, anytime I walk anywhere with tourists or slow people.

M: I always angrily walk around them because I CANNOT DEAL WITH THAT. I’m a pretty chill driver, but I think I might have whatever the walking version of road rage is. Sidewalk rage, I guess.

T: 30:20 ross running through the line, pheebs running past it

M: I think this is one of the first airport chase scenes of the post-9/11 era. It was all so much easier before.

T: 31:25 Thinking of turning Ross’ ‘MONICA. MONICA. MONICA. MONICA… THAT IS PRECIOUS” into my ringtone.

T: 32:00 Ross realizing he’s at the wrong airport:

M: There’s no .gif of Joey saying “good game” to all of the foosball guys. Just, y’know, in case you were wondering. Also Monica and Chandler are neglecting their babies kind of a lot, right?

T: 35:37 Enter Dean Pelton.

M: The running gag with the phalange was probably my favorite part of the episode when it first aired. “THERE IS NO PHALANGE!”

T: 36:43 The guy who says ‘WHAT’S GOING ON??’ on the plane << overacting, much??

T: 39:00 Awkward hug or lame cool guy handshake was a thing my friends and I did the last night I lived on campus before going off to study abroad.

T: 40:00 Phoebe Buffay: Ultimate Ross and Rachel shipper

T: 41:28 annnnddd cue the crying yet again. Damnnit Schwimmer. I really thought she would stay too.. except there’s still 10 minutes left sooo

M: I think I cried when Rachel got on the plane when this first aired. Now I’m mostly dead inside so it’s cool, but I do remember the feeling. Of, you know, having feelings.

T: 42:43 Remember those old answering machines? Remember how it took me forever to come up with that term? It’s been 10 years and virtually no one uses those anymore, which is odd, because nothing in this episode looks like 2004 to me.

T: 44:20 cue crying number three

M: Nope. My eyes are as dry as Nevada in August, here. I love when “live studio audiences” used to do that “wooooo!” thing when people kissed.

T: 44:57 I remember telling someone before the finale aired that the ‘we were on a break line’ was going to be in the finale, if not the last line. kudos for me being insane.

M: I mean it was probably me. We had a legitimate long-standing bet about the parentage of Rachel’s baby before it was revealed. So yeah, we’ve always been a bit over-invested in TV.

T: 46:00 Joey: ‘Has it always been purple?’ What fans were thinking at that exact same moment

T: 46:22 I didn’t know what rent control was so I legit only know what it is today because I looked it up after this finale.

T: 46:37 I couldn’t believe we also spent 10 years without knowing Ross had a background in dance.

M: Well, there was “the routine.” In my imagination it during the era when he was really into making those songs on the Casio keyboard.

T: 47:00 Love this key scene – even though they never locked the door (except for the time where Underdog Got Away). After the finale I found some desktop wallpaper that some fan had made that was a picture of the six keys in a circle on the counter that said ‘Leave the keys, take the memories’


M: Okay I think I just felt something. Empty apartment. Ugh. I think every sitcom writers room should be required to watch certain really good finales before they can start writing theirs. Friends is on the list.

Final Thoughts: This series finale puts a perfect bow on top of the present which we call Friends (lame, whatevs). But really. This finale is proof that this show is one of the most revered sitcoms in TV history. In the original pitch for the show from creators Marta Kaufman and David Crane, the show (first titled Insomnia Cafe), they made it clear that this was going to be a series about friends and growing up in your 20s.

An excerpt from the original pitch:

It’s about sex, love, relationship, careers… a time in your life when everything is possible, which is really exciting and really scary. It’s about searching for love and commitment and security… and a fear of love and commitment and security. And it’s about friendship, because when you’re young and single in the city, your friends are your family.

They stayed true to the original premise for all 10 years – even if you thought the later seasons were not funny. The finale was a culmination of what they’ve learned over the past decade; them growing up together, showing that they were able to get over the fear of love and commitment and security – because a decade later, they had it. It was the perfect time for them to start a new chapter of their lives with their own families and to finally say goodbye. Finales should be all about not only satisfying the characters in their own (fictional) lives, but maybe more importantly satisfying for the fans. And that’s exactly what the Friends finale did.

Whatareyoudoinghere: Unexpected Guest Stars of Friends

Today we are kicking off a week – A WEEK! – long series of posts exclusively dedicated to one of our personal favorite TV shows of all time – Friends. May 6th (tomorrow!) marks the 10th anniversary of the series finale airing, which drew in 52.5 million viewers, making it the fourth most watched finale in TV history. But more on that tomorrow.

This post is all about the people who walked into the world of our six favorite New Yorkers – and then walked out immediately. These guest stars aren’t people like Paul Rudd or Brad Pitt or even Julia Roberts for that matter, but rather the less high profile actors who were only in one episode and the ones you barely remember (or don’t remember at all).

Let’s go all the way back to 1994, shall we?

Melora Hardin (Celia)

TOW The Stoned Guy {Season 1, Episode 15}

Before she was crazy Jan Levinson who wooed Michael Scott on the office, she wooed Ross … in the most awkward way.

 Leah Remini (Lydia)

TOW The Birth {Season 1, Episode 23}

Somewhere in between being Stacey Carosi on Saved by the Bell: Malibu Sands and the King of Queens, Leah Remini stopped by NYC to have a baby. While the gang is in the hospital for the birth of Ben, Leah’s character Lydia had no one – so obviously Joey stepped in.

Lea DeLaria (Woman at Wedding)

TOW The Lesbian Wedding {Season 2, Episode 11}
lea delaria friends

This connection didn’t occur to me until writing this post – but the woman who hits on Pheebs at Carol & Susan’s wedding is Big Boo from Orange is the New Black!

Tahj Mowry (Kid)

TO After the Super Bowl {Season 2, Episode 12}

He’s a Smart Guyyyyy *doo doo dooo doo doo doo dooo* And also a kid who likes listening to inappropriate songs from Phoebe

Michael Bower (Roy Gublik)

TOW The Prom Video {Season 2, Episode 14}

Roy Gublik was Monica’s prom date in the famous video (you know, the guy who has seen Star Wards  317 times), but you may know him as Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts.

Charlie Sheen (Ryan)

TOW the Chicken Pox {Season 2, Episode 23}

Remember when Charlie Sheen wasn’t QUITE as crazy as he is now, and considered somewhat of a Hollywood heartthrob? Yeah this was then. He played a guy from the navy who was home for a couple weeks and had a thing with Phoebe. But he gets the chicken pox, which Pheebs had never had before and that explains the odd cow oven gloves.

Mae Whitman (Sarah Tuttle)

TOW Rachel Quits {Season 3, Episode 10}

One of TV’s best criers, Mae Whitman, was obviously a child star, but this role gave her the upperhand on Ross, who accidentally broke her leg. Because of this, he has to sell all her Christmas cookies a la the girl scouts. I mean that end scene with the fake space camp?? Come on.

Sherilyn Fenn (Ginger)

TOW Phoebe’s Ex-Partner {Season 3, Episode 14}

Chandler starts dating this chick Ginger and when he finds out she has an artificial leg, he Chandlers it and freaks out. But then she finds out he has a ‘nubbin’ and SHE’S too freaked out so she ditches him.  You know when she should’ve ditched everything? When she and her stupid daughter April came into the life of Luke Danes on Gilmore Girls and ruined everythingggg.

Sherri Shepherd (Rhonda)

TOW Phoebe’s Uterus {Season 4, Episode 11}

Did anyone else watch Less Than Perfect? Just Me? It’s the show where I thought Zachary Levi was really cute and then years later realized he was ZACHARY LEVI. Anyways, Sherri Shepherd is like the token black woman here, but oh dear lord is it good.

Iqbal Theba (Doctor)

The One Hundredth {Season 5, Episode 3}

Apparently Joey always needs to have his own separate story line when the episode is set in a hospital. While Pheebs is off having the triplets and dealing with the Fonz stan, Joey has kindey stones. Otherwise known as KIDNEY stones or kidney STONES.

Michael Winters (The Doctor)

TOW All The Thanksgivings {Season 5, Episode 8}

Michael Winters couldn’t put Chandler’s severed toe back on his foot mainly because it was a piece of carrot. You know who would have a lot to say about this? Taylor Doose from Gilmore Girls.

David Sutcliffe (Kyle)

TOW The Engagement Picture {Season 7, Episode 5}

Speaking of Gilmore Girls, Christopher also made his way from Boston via Stars Hollow to Greenwich Village, playing one half of troubled couple Kyle and Whitney. Pheebs dates Kyle, Ross dates Whitney and Pheebs and Ross end up having a fight on behalf of Kyle and Whitney – who end up working their problems out and start dating again.

Scott Adsit (Director)

TOW Ross and Monica’s Cousin (Season 7, Episode 19)

In which Pete Hornberger from 30 Rock has to stare at Joey’s fake… thing. Which falls embarrassingly to the floor.

Kevin Rahm (Tim)

TOW Rachel’s Date {Season 8, Episode 5}

Kevin Rahm may play stupid Ted Chaough on Mad Men now, but I will forever think of him as Tim, Monica’s sous chef (sous = under. I ‘soux stand’) who Phoebe begs Monica to date but then wants to break up with him because he’s totally annoying. Problem is that Monica wants to fire him too. There’s a part where Tim blows a kiss to Phoebe and she catches it, but when he walks away, she throws the invisible air kiss back at him in anger. I may or may not do this on a regular.

Emily Osment (Lelani Mayolanofavich)

TOW The Halloween Party {Season 8, Episode 6}

Little Emily Osment visits the gang as a trick-or-treater, but when Rachel runs out of candy, she offers a personal check… except pre-Hannah Montana Emily’s name is so hard to spell. Just make it out to ‘cash’.

Marla Sokoloff (Dina Tribbiani)

TOW Monica’s Boots {Season 8, Episode 10}

In a parallel universe, Gia, Stephanie’s rebel friend on Full House, grows up to be Joey’s sister who gets knocked up and asks Rachel for life advice.

Dan Bucatinsky (Waiter)

TOW Phoebe’s Birthday Dinner {Season 9, Episode 5}

James! Dear, dear James from Scandal. From waiter on Friends to White House Press Secretary, he really moved up in the world. Kinda. Fun fact: Dan Bucatinsky and Lisa Kudrow have been friends for a super long time and are producing partners together, and produce Lisa’s Web Therapy as well as the really cool genealogy show, Who Do You Think You Are?

Jim O’Heir (Adoption Agency Worker)

TOW the Birth Mother {Season 10, Episode 9}

I mean how crazy is it that Jerry/Garry/Larry/Terry helped Andy Dwyer’s IRL wife find her baby out of wedlock find a home with Chandler and Monica??

Ellen Pompeo (Missy Goldberg)

TOW The Stripper Cries {Season 10, Episode 11}

This role is weird because Ellen Pompeo is playing fairly nice and not as Type A as Meredith Grey. But she looked totally rad in the 80s flashback!

Craig Robinson (Clerk)

TOW Princess Consuela {Season 10, Episode 14}

Daryl Robinson pre-Dunder Mifflin was helping Phoebe legally change her name… you know, to Princess Consuela Bananahammock.

Jane Lynch (Ellen)

TOW Estelle Dies {Season 10, Episode 15}

Jane Lynch plays a realtor showing a house to Chan and Mon – but the other person looking at the same house? Hint: OH. MY. GOD.

Jim Rash (Nervous Male Passenger)

The Last One {Season 10, Episode 18}

Hey Dean Pelton, relax. There was no left phalange to begin with.

Everyone’s Got Jokes at the Nerd Prom

On Saturday, the biggest names in Hollywood and media will descend upon Washington D.C. to mix and mingle with the slightly less ‘household name-y’ politicians of the nation’s capital for the annual White House Correspondents’ Dinner, or what is otherwise (lovingly) called the ‘Nerd Prom’.

While the White House Correspondents’ Association is celebrating its 100th anniversary this year, the dinner itself has been around since 1944. As the years go on, the event has seemingly become more ‘Hollywood’ (much to the chagrin of critics) as the press get to invite their own guests to the dinner, which usually results in the attendance of a veritable Who’s Who in the zeitgeist.

For example this year, USA Today is hosting Taylor Schilling and Uzo Aduba of Orange is the New Black, NBC News has invited Kevin Hart and Olympic snowboarder Sage Kotsenburg, while ABC News is keeping it in the network fam with Modern Family’s Jesse Tyler Ferguson, Eric Stonestreet and Sofia Vergara, and of course no D.C. event isn’t complete with out Darby ‘Sassy Gabby’ Stanchfield, and the POTUS & FLOTUS Tony Goldwyn and Bellamy Young.

Not to mention a comedian is hired every year to host, with the 2014 honor going to The Soup’s own Joel McHale (#SixSeasonsAndAMovie). He’s used to slamming reality TV and news hosts on his show, but will he be able to bring politics in the mix? (My answer: yes)

Over the years, talented comedians have been asked to prepare a comedic speech – usually a roast of the President and politicians – and some have proven to be better than others. Here’s a list of my favorites from the past few years – and a President for good measure.

5) 2012 – Jimmy Kimmel

Best Jokes:

“If you told me when I was a kid I would be standing on a dais with President Barack Obama, I would have said, ‘The president’s name is Barack Obama?'”

“Remember when the country rallied around you in hopes of a better tomorrow? That was hilarious.”

To New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie: “I think you’re misunderstanding New Jersey’s slogan. It’s not the Olive Garden state.”

“Where are the CNN tables? Are the CNN tables real tables or virtual tables?”

4) and 3) 2011 & 2013 – Barack Obama

Because the President gets to crack his own jokes too. And Obama has been the absolute best.

2011 aka The One with Uncomfortable Donald Trump in the Audience

Best Jokes:

Basically all of the Donald Trump part.

2013 aka The One Where We Realized Barry O Had Better Comic Timing and Delivery Than A Lot Of Actors in Hollywood

Best Jokes:

“This whole controversy about Jay Z going to Cuba. I got 99 Problems, and Jay Z is one of them. That’s another rap reference, Bill (O’Reilly).”

“The sequester… the Republicans fell in love with this thing. And now they can’t stop talking about how much they hate it. It’s like we’re trapped in a Taylor Swift album.”

“I remember when Buzzfeed was just something I did in college after 2am.”

On not being on the cover of magazines lately, while Michelle graced the cover of Vogue: “I guess I’m not the strapping young Muslim socialist that I used to be.”

“I’m also hard at work for plans on THE Obama Library, and some have suggested I put it in my birthplace, but I’d rather keep it in the United States.”

2) 2006 – Stephen Colbert

Ah, yes. The most controversial WHCD speech to date. Stephen Colbert went up as “Stephen Colbert” and basically shut down George W. Bush … to his face. Some fans of Bush even left the event because Colbert’s cutting remarks. But hey, who’s got the last laugh now?

Best Joke:

“I stand by this man. I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he stands on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound—with the most powerfully staged photo ops in the world.”

1) 2011 – Seth Meyers

The WHCD was made for Seth Meyers. He’s intelligent, knowledgable and able to pull off a joke without being rude. I mean this is a guy who had been the anchor on SNL’s Weekend Update for years, and he knows some of the best writers in the biz. Get them all together and you have a speech of Fey/Poehler Golden Globes-like proportions. And the best host of the dinner by far.

Best Jokes:

“This event tonight has grown past Washington and many Hollywood celebrities are also here tonight. John Hamm is here. Yea. John Hamm looks the way every Republican thinks they look. Zach Galifianakis is also here. Zach Galifianakis looks the way Republicans think every Democrat looks.”

“Let’s start with Mitt Romney. Mitt Romney wrote a book titled “No Apologies.” No apologies? When you have to proclaim ‘no apologies’ isn’t that a tacit admission you’ve made a lot of mistakes? If I come home from a trip to Vegas and the first thing I say to my girlfriend is ‘no apologies’, we’re going to have a follow-up conversation.”

“Donald Trump has been saying he will run for President as a Republican, which is surprising since I just assumed he was running as a joke… Donald Trump said recently he has a great relationship with the blacks, but unless the blacks are a family of white people I bet he is mistaken.”

“The President and Joe Biden were not invited to the Royal Wedding and when Biden found out he immediately said to the President: ‘you, me, Wedding Crashers 2.’ I’ll book us two Amtrak tickets to London. The Vice-President loves the trains. And I assume it must have been hard for the President to tell Biden the new budget cut $1.5 Billion from high speed rail. ‘Joe, come on in, take off your Engineer’s cap. I have some bad news about the Choo-choos.’ As he broke the news, one of the straps on Joe’s overalls, sadly drooped off his shoulder.”