It’s been nearly two weeks since all 236 episodes of Friends were made available for streaming on Netflix instant, something that many fans have been looking forward to for years. And while I have seen some folks on the interwebz talking about how they’re binging on the entire series for the first time, we here at Cookies + Sangria have been fans of the show for about half of our lives (as evidenced by this entire week we dedicated to Friends last year). So naturally, when we went to New York City together in September, we had to pay homage to one of the greatest sitcoms of all time by hitting up a couple of the gang’s hot spots. But it’s important to remember that Friends is a TV show.
Yes, I know it’s hard to believe sometimes that these six friends aren’t actually our real friends at all – or even real for that matter (in our hearts and minds 4evr, of course). That being said, sometimes, if you have a certain image of something in your head, or expectations about something you’re looking forward to, it doesn’t always turn out to be what you hoped for, for better or for worse. That kind of happened to us on this trip.
First off, we needed some assistance on getting around parts of the Big Apple, so we consulted with a map. Joey tells us that you have to go into the map to understand it.
Natch, we tried it expecting to get a clear lay of the land:
But believe it or not, in reality – it didn’t work.
You know what’s a much more efficient way to getting around these days? Your phone’s map app. Too bad Joe didn’t have this back in London (Baby).
Using our trusty iPhones, we made it to what we had seen on the internet was the exterior of the friends’ apartment building in Greenwich Village, listed at 12 Bedford Street. However, we got there and found this:
Luckily, we were just a few buildings away – for those who want to head to the mecca, it’s actually at 90 Bedford Street, at the corner of Grove and Bedford. It was glorious.
Excited we actually made it!
Finally, when we were in NYC, we just happened to be there at the time the Central Perk pop-up shop was happening. It was still the first week of its opening, and we planned on meeting my friend Scott (fellow Friends freak) there. We expected to go in, take pix, go out and grab brunch. Alas, we did not anticipate a line going around the block. And then down the block. And then across the street. Down that block. We waited 20-30 minutes before it even opened, and decided it wasn’t worth it and got food instead. Didn’t get a pic of us waiting in the long-ass line, but I’m sure you seen a line full of insane Friends fans waiting to go into a fake coffee shop before. We did however take a pic in front of Central Perk without having to wait in line:
For those parties interested, the real Central Perk is permanently located on the Warner Brothers lot, where they filmed Friends. I have been on the studio tour thrice (and not even ashamed), so here are a few photos of the real deal – Gunther not included.
Visit #1 of 3. Only the second time were we allowed to take pictures actually SITTING on the couch!
So there you have it Friends fanatics. If you find yourself in NYC, just know what you’re getting in to. And expect to lower your expectations, because either way you won’t be disappointed.
Merry Christmas Eve! Christmas is a time of giving, but in many families, it’s also a time of putting up with obnoxious younger relatives. If any of you have teenaged cousins or siblings going through an “I read a book on philosophy and now I know everything” phase, the quotes from Jaden and Willow Smith’s wacky interview will sound all too familiar. We just had to translate them to a teen-friendly medium — tumblr clichés.
If it’s not too forward of me to say, Will Smith and Jada Pinkett-Smith are raising a couple of silly gooses. Willow and Jaden Smith gave an interview to T Magazine this week, and it’s full of quotes that I almost can’t believe. Except I can believe them, because these children were educated by special Scientology schooling and the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. It’s basically like an interview with that guy from your freshman year dorm who just discovered weed, 100-level philosophy, and socialism at the same time.
I’m sure the Smith children are on a path to becoming caring, well-rounded adults. But even the most grounded adults have cringe-worthy teen years to look back on. Jaden and Willow seem to have missed out on their teenage awkward phase, face-wise. Mazel! But they’ll always have this interview to remember and shudder.
As silly as their interview is, I’ve noticed that if you pull quotes and superimpose them onto tumblr cliches (pictures of the cosmos; hand-lettering) they aren’t that different from stuff everyone’s already posting and reposting.
That’s why we re-imagined these quotes from Jaden and Willow Smith’s crazy T Magazine interview as tumblr cliches:
1) Quote in sans serif font superimposed over a picture taken by a space telescope:
2) Quote in shaky hand-lettering of varying sizes and styles:
3. Photo of an old-Hollywood icon with a quote they didn’t say in typewriter font:
4. Quote displayed as ransom note-style strips of text atop an unrelated photograph, maybe from the 1920s or something:
5. PUPPIES! And then an entire comment comprised of hashtags:
#so when one thought goes into your mind #it’s not just one thought # it has to bounce off both hemispheres of the brain #when you’re thinking about something happy you’re thinking about something sad #when you think about an apple #you also think about the opposite of an #apple
6. A child-like, line-drawn comic illustrating the quote:
Well we’re almost to the end of the year, folks. And that means you get to see Best Of lists everywhere you look. Including here. But rather than countdown our favorite albums or TV shows or Poehler moments, we’re opting to compile the best moments of the year in GIF form, one of the greatest gifts the Internet has ever given us. Did your faves make the list?
**Warning – this is obviously iamge heavy, so just be patient!
{January} Jennifer Lawrence being Jennifer Lawrence and sneaking up on Taylor Swift during the Golden Globes red carpet but not realizing she’s also in the show. And also on live TV.
{January} “I want you to know that the red underneath my shoes is my blood.” – Emma Thompson not giving any fucks while presenting at the Golden Globes {x}
{January} POEHLER FINALLY WON A GOLDEN GLOBE/AWARD AND I THOUGHT I WASN’T SEEING CORRECTLY BECAUSE OF MY TEARS OF JOY, BUT THIS MAKE OUT SESH WITH BONO REALLY DID HAPPEN.
{January} Good recovery on Swift’s part when she thought she won Best Album at the Grammys. Her team – not so much.
{January} Joe Biden being all Joe Biden-y at the State of the Union. John Boehner orange and bored, per usual.
{February} Bob Costas, Olympics broadcasting icon, got pink eye and we didn’t know what to do with ourselves, so we made this gif instead.
{February} Olympic ice skater Ashley Wagner calls bullshit with her horrible scores, becomes meme.
{February} Ice skater Jeremy Abbott falls rulll hard on the ice, slams into the wall, lays there for a bit, THEN GETS BACK UP AND FINISHES HIS ROUTINE.
{February} Jimmy Fallon takes over the Tonight Show and I sob like a baby.
{March} Jennifer Lawrence falls at the Oscars. Again. This time on the red carpet. On a traffic cone. Just getting out of the car. #Bless
{March} Still the best selfie ever taken in the storied history of selfies. (JLaw obvs said the boob comment)
{March} The time we all thought wecollectively had a stroke, then realized John Travolta just can’t read.
{March} And the entire world sobbed as Lupita won her first Oscar.
{March} Marshmallows united and wait 10 years for this. Worth it.
{April} In one of the final episodes of Mad Men, Ginsberg actually goes mad. Luckily, Ben Feldman is much more sane (and hot) than this.
{April} When the internet made the most of this cute chubby future king nugget
{April} Rita Ora became a national hero by ripping Zefron’s clothes off as he accepted his Best Shirtless Performance prize at the MTV Movie Awards
{May} Coming up – coming down – Solange kick yo ass up in a gownnn.
{May} This was a confusing thing Ryan Gosling and Macaulay Culklin did.
{May} 50 Cent proves he’s much better at ANYTHING ELSE
{June} I didn’t care about the World Cup but I cared about this guy.
{July} A lot of celebrities died as part of the Sharknado 2 wrath
{August} Pratt.
{August} This lil guy.
{August} Ebola was a thing we freaked out about
{August} Andy Cohen takes a Belfie (butt selfie, obvs) with Kim K.
{August} People poured a bucket of ice water over themselves for charity and Ben Affleck pushed his wife into the pool.
{August} A joke set up at the beginning about their Seinfeld past paid off with this makeout sesh right before Julia Louis-Dreyfus accepted her 10,290th Emmy award. Bonus JFal.
{August} ‘Please welcome my beautiful, amazing, and talented friend: Beyonce!’
{August} Disregard Miley’s tears and put all your attention to the shade Katy Perry and Sam Smith are throwing in the back.
{August} Bow.Down.Bitches.
{August} If there’s anyone to upstage Beyonce while performing a 15 minute routine at the VMAs, it’s Blue Ivy. I’ve watched this Vine more times that I should admit.
{September} “This week, Amal Alamuddin, a brilliant Oxford educated human rights lawyer and former UN advisor settled for a 52 year old man.”
{September} Diamond Dan guys. Diamond FREAKING Dan.
{October} Taylor Swift became a pop star by doing this.
{December} Walken proved that you can just fake it til you make it if you’re in a live musical of Peter Pan
{December} This reunion made me feel all the feels.
{December} The King and Queen meet Prince William and the Duchess of Cambridge
There is one joy that money can never buy: the pure delight of making fun of rich people. And there is no better time to mock the wealthy than Christmas – turning the season of giving into the season of taking (the mickey). When the affluent want to give an elaborate gift, but don’t want to actually arrange the present themselves, they turn to the year’s Neiman Marcus Fantasy Gifts. But let nothing you dismay – we have low-budget alternatives to all of them.
Tanqueray No. Ten Imperial Shaker
Cost: $35,000.00
No, it’s not an amusement park swing ride for 7-up bottles. I thought so, too. It’s a Tanqueray shaker, complete with a year’s supply of Tanqueray and a mixology class. So, essentially a Rube Goldberg invention that turns a rich asshole into a rich, drunk asshole.
Alternative: A case of Crystal Palace gin ($100.00, your local college-adjacent liquor store), a shaker ($20.00, eBay), The Joy of Mixology ($20.00, Target)
Vanity Fair Academy Awards Experience
Cost: $425,000.00
This is like famous person fantasy camp. It includes two nights at the Beverly Hills Hotel, dinner at the Chateau Marmont (Lindsay Lohan optional?), pampering (such a gross word), a dress and some borrowed jewelry and getting your hair did, access to the Vanity Fair party, and a crushing, sobering return to reality the next day.
Alternative: a Groupon for a local spa, a gift card to some sort of place that sells dresses, and your personal stash of back issues of US Weekly.
The House Of Creed Bespoke Fragrance Journey
Cost: $475,000.00
Whenever someone starts describing something as a “journey,” I tune out. You can say that you’re losing weight, but tell me that you’re “on a weight loss journey” and I’ll picture you with a compass and maybe a Saint Bernard, getting Sacajawea’ed through a Planet Fitness. So, what’s a “fragrance journey?” It’s a straight-up trip to Paris, with three nights in a five-star hotel, meals, a jaunt to the countryside, and a consult with a perfumier to make your “signature scent.”
Alternative: some essential oils (Whole Foods/Trader Joe’s/ any decent grocery store), a glass bottle (basically wherever).
100th Anniversary Neiman Marcus Limited-Edition Maserati Ghibli S Q4
Cost: $95,000.00
The copy for this gift reads like a how-to guide for being an insufferable douche. For instance: “Pulling out onto the road, you notice surrounding cars slow as you cruise down the street. Ubiquitous German luxury sedans become mere traffic in your presence—catching a glimpse of a Maserati is still a treat.” And also: “swiveled heads and open mouths accompany your arrival. Was it the aria emanating from the Bowers & Wilkins stereo or the symphony coming from the tailpipe that created the audience? Either way, one thing is certain: Everyone loves an Italian accent.”
The person who finds that braggadocio appealing is also, frankly, the last person I’d want to buy a gift for.
Alternative: A lump of coal. Do they make Italian coal? Then that.
Custom Locket and Trip with Monica Rich Kosann
Cost: $100,000.00
First, you go to Germany (airfare not included). Then, “you’ll join forces with jewelry designer and photographer Monica Rich Kosann at the workshop of Constantin Wild (whose family has been in the gem business since 1847) on a quest to find—and design—the perfect locket. Together you’ll select a stone and collaborate on your creation. The final version, and a hand-painted rendering of your piece, will then make the journey to your home soon after. In the meantime, you are welcome to visit Kosann in New York City, where she’ll photograph you and your family for the very portrait that will be kept and prized in your locket.”
This gift combines my least-favorite things: group work and appearing in photographs. Also, what’s the point of a locket unless your long-lost relative has the other half of it somewhere? Does Neiman Marcus sell that?
Alternative: One of those lockets where you put in the stuff you want and it floats around like a necklace-snowglobe. Starting at like 30 bucks. Google “make your own locket.” You’re welcome.
Ultimate Mardi Gras Experience for Six Couples
Cost: $125,000.00
Who the heck knows SIX couples? That they’d want to travel with?
Alternative: some beads (Party City, $2.00), some booze (however much you think it will take), some regret (the next day, free).
His & Hers Vilebrequin Quadski
Cost: $50,000.00 (each)
I’m a little confused here. These are billed as a “his and hers gift,” which is sort of unnecessarily heteronormative. I mean, if stereotypes are to be believed, lesbians love outdoor adventures. Although the Very Straight Man pictured seems pretty into it too. But the catch is, the quadskis are 50K each. Do you have to buy two of them, then? What if you know a single person who would like to traverse land and sea on his very own prat-mobile? WHAT THEN?
Alternative: a pool float, an ATV from Craigslist.
The Slot Mods USA Ultimate Slot Car Raceway
Cost: $300,000.00
It’s a scale model of a racetrack. And it costs more than most houses.
Alternative: A train set.
Preston Bailey Peacock Floral Sculptures
Cost: $25,000-$65,000
Do you have more money than you know what to do with, and an affinity for Edward Scissorhands? Here ya go, it’s a topiary that looks like a peacock.
Alternative: An Edible Arrangement. It’s also a plant cut into the shape of another thing, but you can eat it.
Leontine Linens Home Trousseau
Cost: $55,000.00
The Neiman Marcus copy reads: “Most are perfectly content to live with lovely store-bought linens. But for those who envision slumbering among the finest custom cottons and dressing their tables with signature flair, the Leontine Linens Home Trousseau is a dream come true.”
Are you one of those garbage people who uses blankets from a store? Why not just cover yourself with day-old newspaper and a used pizza box, you living trash heap? Included in this gift are a series of phone interviews to determine what kind of linens you need. So not only do you have to pay $55,000.00, you have to talk on the phone. Also, you know what you could buy for 55K instead of a “home trousseau?” A home. A solid down payment on one, anyway.
Alternative: some sheets and blanket from a store. I just got a new blanket from Target. It was on sale. 17 bucks; warm as hell.
As we near the end of 2014 (WTF 2015 where did you come from), there’s a new trend we’ll probably be seeing more of as the time goes on, which is New Year’s Eve weddings. Will and Jada got married on NYE, Sharon and Ozzy tied the knot in 1982, and last year, Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting got married in a pink Vera Wang dress to tennis pro Ryan Sweeting. And let’s face it, there are a bunch of people who hate or don’t care where they are when the clock strikes midnight, so it’s kind of brilliant to celebrate the new year with your friends and family in a celebrate of love and a new chapter in life.
Not to mention, if you’re in your 20s, you know that it’s the time when a lot of your friends (or you yourself) are getting married. We’re getting older, y’all. I’ve attended at least one wedding every year for the past five years, and been a bridesmaid in two. I love weddings. I love attending weddings, I love helping plan weddings, and I love being in weddings. For anyone that’s been a bridesmaid before, you know the risk you take in signing up – wearing a dress that isn’t flattering on your person/isn’t cute at all. Luckily, I’ve been #blessed that I haven’t run into that problem, but I’ve heard some horror stories. With that in mind, there’s a great other trend that’s happening, which is that you can now rent bridesmaids dresses online, and if you don’t think you’ll ever wear it again or it’s just not your style, you can easily return it. With companies like Weddington Way, you can even purchase the same design if you think you’ll use it in the future!
So say you’re a bride or bridesmaid helping your BFF out in picking dresses for the bridesmaids, what do you choose for this super cool NYE wedding? Here’s one of the rental options from Weddington Way, called the Audrey:
Weddings can get super expensive, but if you want to rent a simple yet stylish dress like this one, you can rent it for just $75! Ballin on a budget, yo. This dress comes in different colors, but I picked the ‘Mint To Be’ (PUNS), because, hello, have your seen our logo? AND IT HAS POCKETS. POCKETS!
And since this hypothetical wedding is on New Year’s Eve, I wanted to pick color combos and accessories that reflect a fun, celebratory, yet romantic event in the winter:
L to R: Mint, White, Glittery Rose Gold, Blush Pink, Ivory
When you think of NYE, you think of champagne and streamers and confetti and all around merriment. There’s a happy vibe in the air, and that’s why I chose light/bright colors and a pop of rose gold glitter to add a NYE feel. I’m all about the rose gold.
To complete the bridesmaid outfit, I used my color palate as inspiration for the rest of the style, as you’ll see below:
{1} Weddington Way ♥ Audrey rental dress in Mint To Be ♥
{2} Manolo Blahnik ♥ Shiny Sequin Pump in Oro // Dying over these heels! You can definitely wear these more than once
{3} Faux Fur shawl // Maybe I’m thinking of a winter wonderland wedding or the Romanovs in a party setting, but I adore the idea of wearing a faux fur shawl to stay warm. It is NYE, after all.
{4} Camilla Christine for Etsy ♥ Rose Gold Wedding Belt // How gorgeous is this belt? And made by an artist on Etsy, so it’s even more impressive! This belt adds a pop of color next to the mint, so it’s not just a plain dress.
{5} Floral bouquet ♥ a mix of Juliet Garden roses, Sahara blue roses, brunia berries and sedum edged in dusty miller leaves // I think weddings should always have romance in the details, and that’s what I think this bouquet has in it – it’s fun and flirty yet made with love.
Too Faced ♥ La Creme Color Drenched Lipstick in I Want Candy // The eyeshadow collection includes a rose gold shimmery color which is perfect to layer with the other neutral colors. I picked this raspberry color for the lips, to keep in the general color scheme. Also, I bought this particular lipstick in a different color a month or two ago and I’m obsessed with it. It doesn’t make your lips and dry and while you’ll have to apply once or twice during the day, the good thing is is that you don’t have to scrub it off your lips at the end of the night.
{8} Essie ♥ Penny Talk // This is technically an iridescent copper, but it’s more like a rose gold when dry. And it’s perfect.
Subscription boxes are the way to go if you’re a lazy or indecisive gift-giver. Instead of picking one gift – that the person may or may not like – you pick a theme or service they’ll be into, and let someone else handle the specifics. If they don’t like what comes in their box one month, it’s not on you – and they get something else next month, anyway. But it’s not as easy a gift as you might think, because there are about 49,000 different subscription box companies right now. Still, I thought of a few that – to my knowledge – don’t exist yet. But they should.
Nostalgly
Every month, recipients get a box full of items sure to spark nostalgia. Here’s how it works: you give the company your gender and date of birth. That’s it. Let’s say you’re a lady born in 1986, because hey, that seems like a good year to be born in. One month you’d get a 1995 box. It would have pogs, a copy of Disney Adventures magazine, maybe a Deep Blue Something single. One month would be the Year 2000 box, and your 1986-er would get Y2K glasses, a set of butterfly clips, perhaps a stretchy tattoo choker. But someone who was born in 1995 (and is thus old enough to order things with a credit card, sorry ’86 babies) would get an entirely different box for the year 2000, because they were 5 then: a miniature Bratz doll and a Junie B. Jones book, for instance.
Nobody steal this one, because if I had the start-up capital I would totally do this.
Googlify
This one takes a bit of trust with your most personal of personal information – your Google history. You’d give the company access to your Google search history for the month (already accessing your Google search history: every company on the internet, probably, so what’s there to lose?). They will stock your box with personally-selected treasures relating to the stuff you’re obviously obsessed with, even if you’ve been keeping it between you and Google. Did you fall down a Google hole looking at unsolved cold cases? Voila – a bunch of true crime books! Or maybe you’ve been sucked into the crafty mommy blogger vortex. You’d receive a twee apron and some craft supplies.
Blogsie
After either listing your favorite blogs (aww, you shouldn’t have!) or filling out a profile of what sort of things you’re into, every month you get a bound, printed collection of the best posts so that you can read them on paper like a civilized human from yesteryear. Face it, blog content is better than magazines half the time anyway. So, sort of like Rookie Yearbook, but from a bunch of different sites and not imbued with the magic of Tavi. I understand that all of this content is free online, but the whole crux of subscription boxes is curating and delivering items to subscribers and marking up the price. Oh, and giving it a stupid, cutesy name with a suffix like -ly or -ity or -sy.
Pupsididoo
What’s better than owning a dog? Borrowing a puppy! They’d obviously have to do some sort of a background check on you. Then every month, you get a new puppy fitting your household needs! This would be a tie-in with a pet fostering organization, and it’s win-win: they get people to foster their pups, you get to play with a tiny dog for a month, no strings attached. Of course, if you and the puppy become best friends forever, there’s an option to make the dog part of your forever family at the end of the month.
Shame-ity
Do you have trouble looking your cashier in the eye when you’re buying anything a little … you know, personal? Well we live in the internet age, and you don’t have to! It works like this. If you have any chronic embarrassing shopping needs, you can say that in your profile. Maybe you need to buy stool softener or pregnancy tests every month. It’s none of my business. You can have them shipped right to you! If you don’t have anything particular in mind, you can have an assortment of potentially embarrassing purchases shipped to you every month so that you never have to run out to the store at the last minute for lice shampoo or industrial-strength deodorant.
Pinterista
Hooked on Pinterest? Give this company access to your boards, and every month you’ll get the materials to make a few of the projects that you – let’s be honest – otherwise would have pinned then left to languish. You can even request items relating to specific boards if you need someone to light a fire under your butt to create a Pinterest-perfect wedding or nursery.
The year is 2000. I graduated 8th grade and met Molly in high school for the first time. We survived Y2K. George Dubya was elected President for the first time. American Beauty won Best Picture at the Oscars. Ian ‘Thorpedo’ Thorpe dominated in his native Australia during the Sydney summer Olympics. Joey chose Pacey over that other dude in the Dawson’s Creek series finale. TRL (Total Request Live, duh) was at the height of its popularity. This was the year of …Oops I Did It Again, The Real Slim Shady, ‘N Sync vs. BSB. Pop music was alive and well, and being a 14-year-old teenybopper, I soaked it all in.
The folks over at Jive Records, which was home to a lot of the pop acts featured on TRL, decided to capitalize on this and make a compilation album for the holidays called Platinum Christmas. If you shared any of the same musical tastes as I did, you remember this album clearly. My Christmas music collection was sparse at the time, and rather embarrassing to be quite honest. But I played this album on my boom box for hours. I would make my parents play it in the car, so listening to a lot of these songs remind me of sitting in the backseat, staring out the window and gazing at the piles and piles of snow we passed by.
So in honor of the holiday season, I’ve revisited one of the most nostalgic albums from my youth, and ranked each song by order of import/how good it is. Please tell me I’m not the only person who played this on repeat! And immediately skipped over Santana!
{16} Posada (Pilgrimage To Bethlehem) by Santana
In the summer of ’99, I became obsessed with Smooth by Rob Thomas and Carlos Santana. Like, I bought the CD single, and put that shit on repeat with no end in sight. Because I didn’t know any better, I thought I would just automatically love all of Carlos Santana’s music. Yeah, I was a teenage girl into the Backstreet Boys, someone should’ve told me I wouldn’t like listening to the Latin-inspired blues guitar stylings of Santana.
{15} My Gift to You by Donell Jones
This song sounds like one of the B-Side tracks off a Time Life R&B/Soul collection comprised of 10 CDs.
{14} Silent Night / Noche de Paz by Christina Aguilera
Listen, I owned Xtina’s My Kind of Christmas album, and this song wasn’t on it. Because it’s boring. Literally every song on her own record is better than this one.
{13} Christmas Day by Dido
I never really got into Dido, mainly because her voice annoyed me. But apparently Dido’s been busy releasing new music since 2000, and none of it involves collaborations with Eminem.
{12} The Christmas Song (Chestnuts Roasting On An Open Fire) by Toni Braxton
I feel like I only really like Toni Braxton’s voice when it’s strictly in the confines of Un-Break My Heart or I Get So High. If I hear it in any other song, I’m not into it. Exhibit A.
{11} Little Drummer Boy by Jars Of Clay
I went through a period of time in my life, albeit brief, where I was super into Christian music. Jars of Clay is one of the big names in that genre (and also some of the guys are from our hometown of Rochester) so I got “excited” when I saw they were on this album. Their version of Little Drummer Boy is real chill, the kind of song that you probably listen to while watching fire crackle in your fireplace.
{10} Christmas Time by Backstreet Boys
As a self-professed BSB fan, I am the first to admit that isn’t the best Christmas or BSB song in their catalogue (If you want a better one by them, listen to this). At the time this song was released, I was in full BSB fangirl mode – I even remember calling into the local Top 40 radio station back home and asking them to play the song, even when it really wasn’t a single? I can’t even recall if they obliged me or not. The point is that although my love for them knows no bounds, I usually only listen to about a minute or two before skipping to the next song.
{9} World Christmas by R. Kelly
Controversies and weird shit aside, I actually do appreciate R. Kelly and his voice. Every time I hear this, I think ‘UGH’ but then it gets to the chorus and I’m hooked.
{8} Grown-Up Christmas List by Monica
While this is a popular Christmas tune, I think this was the first time I had ever really paid attention. Monica, while she doesn’t have to belt-iest or most impressive voice, it’s smooth and pure, and that’s what makes her version of this song so great.
{7} Sleigh Ride by TLC
If you want a never-heard before track by classic TLC, you need to listen to this. Everything about it screams 90s/early 00s, and it’s fantastic. T-Boz’s distinguishable voice, Chili’s R&B riffs, and the magic that is Left Eye’s raps is all featured in this track. Not to mention they managed to make a classic Christmas tune sound like an original. Not many artists can do that without coming off as trying too hard.
{6} I Don’t Wanna Spend One More Christmas Without You by ‘N Sync
As previously mentioned, I was a BSB fan. Also as previously mentioned, 2000 was the height of the BSB vs. ‘N Sync rivalry. And while I wasn’t as intense as some girls, I did refuse to listen to any ‘N STINK songs. I changed the radio station anytime they came on, and silently seethed in dance class the day my teacher played the entire No Strings Attached album during warmups. I still have only heard Bye Bye Bye a limited amount of times. So, when Platinum Christmas was on repeat back in Y2K, I promptly pressed fast forward on my CD player. Years later, I calmed it down a bit, and actually listened to this song. It’s great, y’all. But hey, let’s not get crazy. BSB 4 Evr.
{5} Who Would Imagine a King by Whitney Houston
Boy, do I miss 80s/90s Whitney. This particular song was also on the soundtrack to her movie The Preacher’s Wife, and it shows off her gorgeous voice in a more religious setting, and the lack of excessive riffs is exactly what the song needed (or didn’t need). This song is a reminder why Whit became a music icon in the first place.
{4} Christmas Song by Dave Matthews
I don’t know about you guys, but in Rochester, I feel like Dave Matthews Band was like THE band to be into if you were one of those people that was granola-y and wore hoodies like this. And in usual DMB fashion, this track was recorded live, and just hearing the screams in the background reminds me of all the dudes wearing those baja hoodies and flip flops and Grateful Dead tye dye t-shirts. But I mean, great song.
{3} Merry X-Mas Everybody by Steps
2000 was also the year I went to London/UK/Europe for the first time, and I was into this phase of being into a lot of British pop acts, because I wanted to seem cool, I guess? Like I was super into Westlife, BBMak, Craig David, S Club 7, etc. Steps was a S Club 7-like band that was comprised of five guys and gals and really big in the UK. While I did get into Steps a little, it was really just this song that I still sometimes listen to on my current Christmas rotation.
{2} This Christmas by Joe
Look, no one can touch Donny Hathaway’s OG version, but Joe is pretty close. While others have tried, I feel like Joe is the only one who can sing it like Donny, but not actually be Donny or copy his every note.
{1} My Only Wish (This Year) by Britney Spears
By far, this is the best song on Platinum Christmas, and worth the price of the entire CD just for this song. Brit hadn’t released any holiday songs up to that time, and again, she was at the height of her popularity (…Oops era, remember) so this song was like a Christmas gift in and of itself. It’s an original song, which is a welcome respite from the usual Christmas music catalogue played on soft rock radio stations during the holidays, and it’s just fun. It’s upbeat and makes you want to dance around the Christmas tree while eating cookies and watching the snow fall outside. In fact, in college, my friend and I even made up a dance – quite literally made up a dance on the spot – to this song and the non-impressive moves were the highlight of the holiday season every year.
Every year, our LA fam does a Yankee Swap – or White Elephant depending on your pref – and every year, I secretly try to buy the gift that everyone wants to steal. I don’t even care if that’s selfish. I just want people to be pleased with their gifts, okay. So in my attempt to find a stellar present, I do some research on items under $20 that would be good in a Yankee Swap situation. And I don’t know what it says about the gift-givers on the internet, but basically everyone wants to hand out joke gifts for Yankee Swap. I don’t believe in that. Sure, it’s funny at the party, but if I can’t use it outside of said party, it’s no good to me. Not even sorry about my need to win a practical present. Yankee Swap is like Russian Roulette, y’all.
In hopes to sway people away from the gag gifts, here’s a list of real Yankee Swap/White Elephant items that people will actually want – and hopefully fight over – at your holiday party.
Trader Joe’s gift card
Everyone needs groceries, and the mere fact that somebody else is paying to keep you from being hungry is one of the best gifts that can be given.
Mystery Chocolate Box
I love those presents that when you open them, it’s not what you thought it was on the outside – not judging a book by its cover, if you will. This gift gives a whole new meaning to ‘life is like a box of chocolates’. Plus, a bonus is that you have to put those chocolates *somewhere* (in your mouth).
Dry Bar gift card
Last year, I picked this bad boy up, only to have it stolen from me, then it was stolen from that person and I think that person eventually got it back? Either way, I ended up with a cute crossbag purse I still use to this day, and a lot of girls were fighting over this Dry Bar GC.
Starbucks Bev Kicked Up a Notch
This particular mason jar is filled with hot chocolate mix, with shots of Baileys and a Starbucks gift card attached to it, but feel free to do any variation of this. Or just fill the mug with all Baileys. No judgement.
Clothes Folder
We’re all adults here. So if you want to act more like an adult, you can fold your clothes just like the Gap does!
Adult Onesie
Speaking of being an adult… if you’ve never tried it, don’t knock it. I mean look at how much fun all these folks are having.
A Game Good For Groups
The bonus of this is that you can play said game after everyone’s done with exchanging presents, and you’ll have it at the ready at future gatherings.
Movie Night Basket
I find that presents with multiple components are always a good time, and with a gift basket like this, it’s like a one stop fun shop. That Google play card can be a gift card to iTunes, Fandango or local movie theater of your choice. Don’t act like you’ve never snuck candy into a theater either.
Christmas Tree Made Out of Nips
Because you need to get through the holidays with your family.
Scratch Off Tickets
If you decide to do this, you should probably make a deal with whoever takes it home that you get a cut of whatever money they get. Win-win.
Travel iPhone Charger
So I bought this very iPhone travel charger and it’s changed my life. Also it’s a flashlight, so it’s the gift that keeps on giving.
Some Sort of Appliance
Even if you don’t cook, an appliance like a Crock Pot is super easy to use and as the gift giver, you can even throw a few ingredients in there to get them started!
GiftRocket
GiftRocket is basically a gift card you can use anywhere. Say I want to give Beyonce a gift card to 7/11. I would go to the Giftrocket website, pick the 7/11 closest to the Carter home in LA, specify I want to put $20 on the ‘card’ and put in blueivysmom@surfbort.org. Now when B wants to go buy a Slurpee, she just goes to the 7/11 that I picked near their home (the location is verified by GPS) and she’ll get a link via email to confirm her location. The $20 goes into her PayPal account and theoretically, I just bought her $20 worth of Slurpees. It’s a little convoluted (an automatic PayPal acct is created if the recipient doesn’t have one) but it works – just ask Bey! (Don’t ask Bey.)
HAPPY THANKSGIVING Y’ALL!! Hope you’re having a great day so far with your loved ones and stuffing your face with all the foods. There’s something about Thanksgiving that kind of makes me sentimental, since it’s one of the only major U.S. holidays that all Americans celebrate no matter what your background is (shout out to July 4th!). Of course, like previously mentioned, Thanksgiving IS about the majahh feasting that happens, but of course it’s a time to be reflective and thankful for all that we have. So here are just a few things I’m thankful for this year. Dig in!
Friends Thanksgiving episodes
For the past few years, I’ve started my own holiday tradition in which I watch all 10 Thanksgiving-themed episodes as part of a mini-marathon. I think I partly do this because Friends feel like ‘home’ to me, and since I’ve spent the past five years in LA and not back east for the holiday, it makes me feel like there’s some kind of longstanding tradition. Also, these are some of the best episodes of television ever (I ranked all the eps here!).
Portable iPhone travel charger
Guys, I finally bought one and it has changed my life.
Julian Morris on New Girl
I never thought I could ship again after Jess and Nick broke up but OHMYGOD freaking Julian Morris. And his face. And his accent. And his charmingness. Like I feel like I am actually Jess Day when she’s flustered around him. It’s insane.
Chris Pratt finally getting the attention he deserves
PRATT!! He went from Andy Dwyer to mega movie star and I feel like a proud mom!
Coffee ice cubes
My favorite coffee shop has optional coffee ice cubes that you can add to your iced coffee (my fave bev) and that way, when the ice melts, IT’S STILL COFFEE.
Gilmore Girls on Netflix Instant
We love GG here, and the fact that I can now jump from all the Luke/Lorelai episodes and completely shut out April Nardini without having to get up and change disks is the best thing to ever happen to me.
Leggings
Because comfort, y’all.
Deciding not to go to our 10 year high school reunion
Molly and I chose to go to New York City the same weekend as our “10 year high school reunion”. After stalking pictures of the “event”, there were approx 10 people who went to the bar, all of whom we’re not friends with, so good call, past Molly & Traci.
GIFs
Nick Jonas-issance
I mean, God Bless America.
Vanilla Almond Butter
So I started making flourless pancakes (one ripe banana, 2 eggs, mix and pour on skillet like pancakes) and I usually have a side of Justin’s Natural Vanilla Almond Butter and it is so ridiculously delicious. Why did I just find out about this recently?
#TGIT
Shondaland on Thursday nights has made appointment television a thing again, and it shows in both their Neilsen ratings and Twitter ratings. Basically, don’t even try to reach me between the hours of 8pm and 11pm on Thursdays – unless you tweet me.
Lupita Nyong’o
What did we ever do before you, Lupita???
The first Dunkin’ Donuts in Los Angeles
After years of waiting, LA is finally running on Dunkin’… now if they can just open one that doesn’t take me like 30-40 minutes to get to.
Tumblr tags
#the best part of tumblr is sometimes the tags #so much subtext
Amy Poehler’s Book, Yes Please
You think I was going to make a list of things I’m thankful for without mentioning our Queen??
YOU GUYS!!
Probably the most important item on this list – thank you all so much for reading, whether you’re loyal followers or if this is your first time visiting our site, we sincerely appreciate anyone taking time out to read the crap we put on here. We love you internet.
We’re just one day away from the fattest day for Americans (I guess maybe besides super Bowl Sunday and Valentine’s Day if you’re single) and that means it’s almost time for the annual Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. For 88 years, this parade in the heart of New York City has been a Thanksgiving morning staple for families all across America. Thousands line up the streets of Manhattan as well as in front of their TVs to watch celebrities waving from floats, singers lip syncing, high school marching bands impressing their parents with their walking skills (and are a reminder that they are probably considered the ‘popular kids’ where they’re from), and Broadway musical stars perform much needed interludes. And then there are the balloons. There are a variety of different balloons featured in the parade, but you probably associate the Macy’s parade with those huge ass ballons of rando pop culture characters like Hello Kitty or Spongebob or Underdog.
But in the 88 years of this beloved tradition, there have been a number of odd, bizarre and straight up frightening balloons that have floated down the streets of New York. Here are just a few of the weirdest ones from the past eight decades – and you can be THANKFUL that some of these aren’t featured in Thursday’s parade.
Turkey {1932}
Naturally, some sort of turkey has to make an appearance at the parade. But this one barely looks like Thanksgiving’s main dish. Fun fact: for the first six years of the parade, all the balloons were released into the air at the end of the route because organizers didn’t know what to do with the balloons filled with helium. If someone caught one and returned it (to Macy’s?) they would win money. This practice proved to be dangerous, so they stopped in 1933.
Dragon/Nantucket Sea Monster {1937}
This guy was one of the first balloons ever at the Macy’s parade and often used as a guerrilla marketing stunt to raise awareness about the parade. If their goal was to frighten little kids (and adults) so much that they lose their appetites, it worked.
Pinocchio {1937}
I mean, really. REALLY? I don’t remember Pinocchio’s growing that… way.
The Katzenjammer Kids {1920s}
These frightening folks were based on the widely popular comic strip in the 1920s. The mom is in the front, followed by just the head of the dad and the kids following behind. WHY DOESN’T THE DAD HAVE A BODY THO.
Mighty Mouse {1954}
Now I’ve never actually watched an episode of this superhero mouse, but I feel like his body isn’t proportionate. Are his legs usually like 10 times smaller than his torso, or…?
Father Knickerbocker {1936}
Father Knickerbocker was a mascot for the Big Apple in the late 1800s and early 1900s – hence the name for the city’s basketball team, the New York Knicks. However, this particular balloon was questionable since Mr. Knickerbocker was usually depicted with an over-sized judge’s wig. This balloon is not. Also, one time this dude’s nose got caught in an outdoor train and people were scrambled to do a nose job on him before he made his appearance in the parade.
Eddie Cantor {1940s}
This balloon is based on actor/singer/dancer/beloved New Yorker Eddie Cantor, who looked like this IRL. He was only one of the few real life people to have a Macy’s balloon in their likeness, and I think it’s pretty clear why. Balloon bro’s high on helium and has no idea what he’s doing or where he’s going. Also, hammer pants.
Pumpkin {1945}
Acrobats {1938}
Sure, your eyes go directly to the mustachioed acrobat with weird fingers and thigh bands, but please note the smaller acrobat holding on for dear life at his feet. Again, the proportions are not accurate.
Space Man {1952}
Neil Armstrong wouldn’t land on the moon until 17 years later, and actually NASA wasn’t even founded until 1958, which might explain why this space man looks like a cross between an exterminator and a lego industrial worker.
The Thief of Bagdad {1940}
This is technically a float but, um… it’s weird, right? The Thief of Bagdad was a 1924 (and later 1940) film about a king who is tricked and cast out of Bagdad by the evil Jaffar (yeah, Aladdin and this share the same roots). He joins forces with a thief named Abu in order to reclaim his throne, the city, and the princess he loves (whose name isn’t Jasmine) Naturally, it needed a float in the Macy’s Day Parade, because what kids wouldn’t love seeing this frightening depiction of Jaffar coming towards them?
Linus the Lion {1973}
This was from a parade in the 70s, so it’s fair to assume Linus the Lion was chasing the dragon, right? Drugs. I mean drugs.
Ask Jeeves {2001}
If you don’t remember who Ask Jeeves is, just look him up on Lycos. While you’re at it, feel free to visit my Geocities site and sign my guestbook. *~sMaRtER ChiLD*~
Elf on a Shelf {2012}
Maybe look for the Elf on a Shelf in the bathroom this year?
B. Boy {2010}
This balloon was designed by Tim Burton. I think that explains it.
Rabbit {2007}
Artist Jeff Koons’ silver rabbit is not surprising if you know his aesthetics, but still, he’s definitely no main stream enough to have this balloon make sense during the Macy’s parade.
Cookies + Sangria 