Monthly Archives: May 2015

Playlist of the Month: Amazing A Cappella

Posted in Entertainment, Miscellany by

Pitch Perfect 2 comes out today, which, if you’ve been living in a cave since 2012, is a film franchise about competitive college a cappella groups. A cappella has had a revival of sorts since then, with shows like The Sing-Off also providing a platform for a cappella groups to score record deals.

But since we’re both nerds, we’ve appreciated good a cappella for years. In 2011, I think we both found this video by Swedish girl group Erato on our own separate Internet journeys and appropriately fangirled when we realized we were equally obsessed. And then the lovely Lennon and Maisy, pre-Nashville fame, did a cover of it and subsequently got 10 times more famous. Hey, what are you gonna do. Either way, this cover of Robyn’s Call Your Girlfriend is fantastic, and is just one example of how lovely and powerful a cappella can be. In the spirit of Bechloe and Fat Amy’s return, here are some of our favorite amazing sans-instrument performances, from real life a cappella groups.

Traci’s Picks

Berklee College of Music’s Pitch Slapped – Medley

In Pitch Perfect, the Barden Bellas’ main goal is to win the national a cappella championships. This is not made up. This is a real thing that college kids do. If you went to a school that was serious about a cappella like the one I went to, you understand. The International Championship of Collegiate A Cappella (ICCA) is what it’s called IRL, and it’s very serious. In 2014, Berklee’s Pitch Slapped won the ICCAs with this medley. In college, I went to a like, 10 hour (approximate time) college a cappella concert, and Pitch Slapped was one of the better groups. Sometimes you’ll find that not all soloists in these groups are the greatest, however every single person who sings a solo in this is amazing. Plus each arrangement is full of impressive harmonies and the transitions between songs are flawless. No wonder they won.

Duwende – Love Never Felt So Good by Michael Jackson

Just a quick side note: I found this group about a year-ish ago online and went through all their music videos, and when compiling this playlist, I promptly forgot what the group name was and all I remembered was that they sang a lot of R&B songs and the bald lead singer was freaking hot. Through intense internet research, I finally found them, and here they are! These guys (and gal) do a bunch of great Michael Jackson covers, including this one, you know the track released after MJ died and with JT.

Hyannis Sound – Unchain My Heart by Ray Charles

When I first found out about Hyannis Sound, it was when I still lived in Boston and I went to Cape Cod to visit my friend who was there for the week with her family. I don’t remember how they found out about these boys, but apparently they’re an all-male a cappella group that tours the Cape and New England every summer with their fantastic voices. Most of them are college kids who spend their summer break singing, and it’s great because it’s basically some of the best a cappella singers in the U.S. After going to their concert, I immediately watched all the videos on YouTube I could find because I’m an insane person who fangirls over college a cappella groups. But this soloist’s voice doe *emoji of praise hands*…

Firedrill! – If I Ain’t Got You by Alicia Keys

Speaking of fangirling… I saw Firedrill!, a Boston-based all-male a cappella group at the 20 hour long concert that I was talking about earlier (the length of said concert gets longer everytime). They closed out the concert as the ‘special guests’ and THIS GUY who is singing lead… I pretty much died when I heard this live. How am I even alive right now?

Fermata Town – Ain’t It Fun by Paramore

Hi, my friend is the girl singing Hayley Williams’ part, so, full disclosure. Good thing they’re fantastic.

University of Southern California’s SoCal VoCals – The Wire by Haim

I’m cheating because we usually only pick five songs, but it was super hard for me to narrow it down (see: Honorable Mentions). Despite the fact I still don’t understand what’s happening in this video (why are they birds, tho? oh USC film students), the vocals on the SoCal VoCals’ version of The Wire are on point and I love this arrangement. Plus, it helped them win the ICCAs this year, so if Elizabeth Banks says it’s the best, I do too.

Honorable Mentions:

Jimmy Fallon, The Roots and Miley Cyrus – We Can’t Stop, Sara Bareilles and Sonos – Gravity, my boys BSB – Safest Place To Hide.

Molly’s Picks

Once – Gold

Is it cheating to include an a capella number from a Broadway musical instead of by a bona-fide a capella group? Or is it just the beautiful marriage of the two cheesiest musical forms: a capella and musical theater? Sometimes I get a huge kick out of a capella and sometimes I cannot deal with how corny it is (come on, everyone, you know it’s true). Anyway, this is refreshingly low on the “bum bums” and “shooooom” sound effects.

Sonos – White Winter Hymnal by Fleet Foxes

What I love about Sonos: yes, they are an a capella group, but their arrangements are more reminiscent of really beautiful choral music (that is: also fairly low on the bum bums and shoooooms). This is gorgeous and if I weren’t compiling a post on a capella music, I would have to remind myself that this was even a capella.

ShireiNU A Cappella of Northwestern University – A-Punk by Vampire Weekend

Some music really lends itself to a capella performance. See, e.g.: James Taylor; anything on the doo wop spectrum. Maybe it’s because they remind me of Cape Cod and overall preppiness and so does a capella, but I’d absolutely put Vampire Weekend on that list. Music for boat shoes and GTH pants (JK I hate GTH pants).

Harvard LowKeys – Chicago by Sufjan Stevens

Again, this sounds as much like a really solid choral arrangement as it does a capella – there’s some beat boxing … can you call it beat boxing when it’s Sufjan Stevens and Harvard? … but the soprano part sounds more like a liturgical descant than a chirpy a capella “oo, oo” thing. We already told you we’re nerds, you had to know we were going to toss in things like “liturgical descant.” A pitfall of a lot of a capella groups is keeping the volume in the 9-10 range the whole time, but this group plays with the dynamics instead.

Broad Street Line – Grace Kelly

Once upon a time, when I lived on the Broad Street Line and attended Temple, I had never heard of this group. Shame on me, I totally missed out! Anyway, remember how we were all really into Mika? Let’s do that again.

 

 

 

 

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Questions I Have About The New Hamburglar

Posted in Miscellany by

McDonalds revealed the new Hamburglar last week, and the result was one that no man, woman, or child could ever have imagined. As news of the rebooted hamburger bandit sweeped the Internet, people were shocked to see this on their screen:

Yeah. This guy. So… Let’s start off with the fact that when I was growing up and McDonald’s was the place you’d get a Happy Meal and free toy and maybe get to go to the PlayPlace, the Hamburglar looked that this:

I mean, I see the similarities, but here’s my own main complaint – the new guy ISN’T A CARTOON. He’s like a person. Like the human neighbors that hang out on Sesame Street. And for some reason that’s really jarring for me.

Upon doing some brief research, the Hamburglar reboot is part of a new McDonald’s rebranding of the character, who is suburban dad by day and Hamburglar by night/after the kids go to school. He’s also a wanted man:

https://twitter.com/McDonalds/status/597896475138519040

Okay…

What?
Who is this man?
Why does he look like Eddie Cibrian?
Is he supposed to be deviously hot?
If you’re wanted for stealing hamburgers, wouldn’t it be a dead giveaway by wearing a hamburger print tie?
When did the Hamburglar get dimples?
Does McDonalds do ‘gourmet’ burgs now?
What’s a “third pound”?

BTW the McDonald’s Twitter account is officially trying too hard, but I mean, you do you Mickey D’s. You do you. They later posted this video:

https://twitter.com/McDonalds/status/598178330550996992

Why are you saying ‘Robble Robble’?
What does that even mean? How are you talking to America on social media if you’re “Wanted”?
Who is your wife?
I’m assuming she thinks you’re at work?
Is this your main source of income?
Are you at the party store because you bought that Hamburglar costume?

Apparently I’m not the only one who has questions, because a spokesperson from a McDonald’s released a statement clearing up the confusion over the new Hamburglar:

“The clip that was posted to Twitter this afternoon wasn’t a commercial. As part of Hamburglar’s takeover of the McDonald’s Twitter account, the short video shows his double life: grabbing Sirloin Third Pound Burgers while keeping his identity under wraps via a call back to his family in the suburbs.”

What?
Why does anybody need to be steal hamburgers?
Why did the Hamburglar even need a reboot at all?
Who is McDonald’s target demographic with this?
Why is he specifically stealing Sirloin Third Pound Burgers?
If it wasn’t a commercial, what is it?

And the hits kept coming…

https://twitter.com/McDonalds/status/598238922443882496

So these Sirloin Third Pound Burgers are a ‘limited edition’??
Why does he want American to keep tweeting #RobbleRobble?
How is America going to help?
There should’ve probably been a better social media campaign than this?
McDonald’s is one of the biggest and most successful companies in the world why did they shoot this on a shotty green screen?

If you thought you were safe from the Hamburglar, think again. He’s probably coming to your city.

https://twitter.com/McDonalds/status/598584709065494530

How is he getting to all these cities?
Is he going on a plane with this ridiculous get-up?
It doesn’t even look like he’s really eating this Third Pound?
Does he even like hamburgers?
Is this secretly a campaign to get America to stop eating hamburgs and start eating healthier?

Clearly I have a lot of questions about this new direction McDonald’s marketing & PR department is going in, but if it works for them, then good on ya. But in the meantime, I’ll still be asking all these questions. And I still won’t be close to eating at McDonald’s any time soon.

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The Fastest-Rising Baby Names Of 2014 (And Why Your Kid Will Hate Them In 2027)

Posted in Miscellany by

If you had a baby in 2014, enjoy! In 13 short years you will be the parent of a surly teenager. Surly teenagers hate many things, but their own name usually tops the list. That’s why last year we examined the top baby names of 2013, and why your kid will hate them in 2016. It doesn’t matter how restrained or normal the name was, how well-planned or creative — sometime in the next few decades you may have to answer to your child’s wrath. It’s not your fault.

Last week the Social Security Administration released the 2014 baby name rankings – the official list of every name given to more than 5 children in 2014. Since the top 10 names are mostly the same as they were last year, this year we’re looking at the fastest-rising names. Now, many of these were not highly ranked at all, given to maybe a few hundred kids, but what’s unusual is how quickly they skyrocketed. All the more reason for your children to hate them. We’re anticipating some of the kids’ arguments, but don’t worry if you’re the real parent of an Aranza or Bode: I don’t think any of these names are really terrible.

[Fastest-rising calculations courtesy of the Baby Name Wizard blog.]

Girls

Aranza
  • Aranza is a telenovela name, a form of  Arantxa (your daughter thanks you for not choosing Arantxa). Basically any name that pegs the mother as someone who watches a lot of soaps can be sort of embarrassing. Just ask all those 20-somethings named Kendall and Lucky.
  • It’s sort of simultaneously beautiful, yet also sounds like the name of an evil cartoon spider. Teenaged Aranza will latch onto the latter opinion.
Daleyza

Awww. Who WOULDN’T want a kid like little Daleyza?

  • Again, 13-year-olds are the worst: any name, however pretty, with the syllable “lay” in it will be the victim of dozens of dirty jokes.
  • A child will figure out that it sounds like “the laser” or “the lazy” and make even more jokes. None of them will be good or funny, because again, middle school.
  • People are stupid, so by 2027 little Daleyza will be tired of explaining that it’s not Da-LIE-za or Da-LEEZ-a.
  • If you think soap opera names will make your kids roll their eyes in 13 years (don’t worry, moms and dads, most things will make them roll their eyes in 13 years): try reality TV names. So it is with Daleyza, from mun2 reality show Larrymania. Fortunately, little Daleyza will have plenty of classmates with names like Khloe and Bethenny to keep her company.
Everly

[youtube https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4X7b2E_Jq-k]

  • Everly Brothers: charming, old-school 1950s musicians, or hokey as hell? Tween Everly thinks hokey (don’t worry, she’ll come around).
  • Everly kind of sounds like a weird adverb. That’s not really a bad thing, just an observation. They lived everly after. I’ll mow the lawn wheneverly. She’ll have this name foreverly.
Montserrat

Montserrat has it all: it’s not new or made-up. It’s a place name, and it has religious significance. And all of that will be lost on a 13-year-old.

  • The taunting starts early, with the nickname “monster rat.” Unfortunately, it comes from her preschool teacher’s failed attempt to pronounce the name on the first day (hint: it is pronounced exactly like the letters in the name look. Put the accent on the last syllable. Done).
  • Having a name that means “mountain” will not feel awesome when lil Montse hits that junior high growth spurt and feels like she’s towering over everyone.
  • At age 13, Montserrat is old enough to order those fluffy Starbucks drinks, but too young to find it hilarious when her name is misspelled.
Elsa

You’ve loved the name Elsa since you were a little girl, and just your luck, Disney releases a movie with a heroine named Elsa right when you’re getting ready to have kids. I named a character Elsa in a book I wrote in third grade — I get it. [Other characters: Charlotte, Lillian, Lucy, Eleanor. Man, was I ever tapped into the popular baby names of 2015 back in 1995).

  • “Let it goooo, let it GOOO!” If you think you’re sick of this now, imagine how tired little Elsa will be by, oh, third grade or so.
  • Sharing a name with a Disney princess has a ton of cultural cache in Kindergarten; less so in seventh grade.
  • Also, stupid children’s jokes: “Do you have a sister named Anna?” “It’s cold in here, right” [pointed stare at Elsa.]

Boys

Gannon

If you’re scratching your head about what a “gannon” is, you probably don’t watch Teen Mom. Me either. It sounds name-ish, and it’s a short name that ends in -n, a pattern that is all over the boy name charts. But don’t worry, your teen will still hate it in 2027 because:

  • TEEN MOM. First of all. You can swear to him that that’s not where you got it, but he won’t believe you.
  • ZELDA. Not just Zelda, but the bad guy from Zelda. And if any name from Zelda is trendy, why not Zelda? That’s actually cool.
  • You may be well-versed in up-and-coming names, but the receptionist at your pediatrician’s office or elementary school definitely isn’t. “Gannon Smith.” “CANNON?” “Gannon.” “No, but like, Dannon?” “Gannon.” “Gander.” “Gannon.” “Shannon.” It’s a new name, but it sounds sort of like a bunch of other names and words.
Karter

Well, somebody’s been taking a page from Kris Jenner’s guide to baby naming. And your baby doesn’t care now, but he’ll care in middle school – not because you’re a bad parent, but because the human brain is beset by obnoxious little demons from ages 11-14 or so.

  • Everyone’s just going to spell it Carter, then you’ll have to say “Carter with a K.” Which isn’t that big a hassle, but what’s the point?
  • And when Kris Jenner has that baby boy at the age of 63 after a few seasons of flagging ratings on E! – thank you, science – Karter is really going to hate sharing his name with baby Karter Kardashian.  Yes, Kris is going to legally change her surname to Kardashian in 2020 or so to keep it “on-brand.”
Bode
  • People assuming that either he – or you – smokes a whole lot of weed. It’s like the name version of having one of those heavy, woven Mexican blankets in your trunk. See also: Kai.
  • The name will constantly get mispronounced as “bode,” unless you pronounce it that way, in which case it will constantly get mispronounced as “bodie.” You’ll try to explain to his teachers that the accent is on the “e” — from which point, his name will be pronounced “boe-DAY.”
  • Seems like it stands out, but his karate class will have a Brodie and a Bodhi … oops.
  • Also, I almost wrote “karate klass.” THANKS KARTER.
Royal
  • You wouldn’t think that people would remember the Lorde song “Royals” well enough to sing it at him in 2027. But they do, because by then our nostalgia cycle is moving faster than ever and we’re all really pining for 2013.
  • By 2027, baby Royal has also internalized thirteen years of your mother-in-law tut-tutting “I don’t know why you had to go and name him ROYAL” every time she visits.
  • The nickname Roy. Just, you know, in general.
Axl
  • The worst fear of any parent naming their child “Axl”: he will grow up to be a music snob. There’s only so many times he can hear “Oh, like Axl Rose?” before he snaps.
  • He also won’t love how, thanks to Axl Rose, his camp nickname was “Rosie.”
  • Unlike the Scandinavian classic Axel, people will think that they’re supposed to smoosh the consonants together.

Bottom line: all of the girls’ names are appealing enough that I can see why parents’ will choose them. Your kids aren’t any more likely to hate them than if they were named Sophia or Mary. Which still makes your kids pretty likely to hate them, because kids are the worst. And the best. Congrats on your 2014 baby!

Adios American Idol, Hello All-Stars Edition?

Posted in Entertainment by

Well it finally happened. Fox execs finally cut the cord on American Idol, and they announced on Monday that the show that brought you everyone from Kelly Clarkson to the Pants on the Ground guy, will be ending next year at the end of its 15th season. FIFTEENTH. Over the past few years, AI has been one of those shows that when you hear about it, you might be like, ‘That show is still on??’ I admit that I fall into the other category, because I’ve more or less watched every single season since the beginning.

American Idol debuted the summer between my sophomore and junior year in high school, and that summer just so happened to be the same summer that I visited some family members in Los Angeles. Since it was still the first season, I got tickets to the live show fairly easily, and long story short, I was in the audience for the Top 7 performances, I made a sign for *justin*, I was briefly on TV, and I met Mario Lopez (yes, AC Slater). I had to dig deep for this video footage from 13 years ago, but here it is. You’re welcome, Internet.

ais1t7

started from the bottom… still at the bottom but maybe a little higher (and we’re here)

Basically, what I’m trying to say here is that I have a long history with the show, and I used to be a hardcore fan who knew all the contestants’ names and hometowns and went to their concerts and bought the CDs and made YouTube playlists of everyone that’s sung I Have Nothing. I drank the Idol Kool-Aid. That fangirl turned into someone who kept stating to people, ‘I’m not going to watch this season because everyone sucks!’, but still do anyways (this season is actually really good, y’all). So next season will be bittersweet in a way, even though I’m not quite as crazy as I used to be.

Fox bosses said that next year will be a “season-long celebration”, hinting at surprises and appearances by former judges and contestants. To me, that seems like a good deal. One last hurrah and Idol is off to reality TV heaven with The Swan and Temptation Island. But the mention of former contestants got me thinking – there are plenty of aspiring singers who I was rooting for but never made it to the top. Where are they now, and can they get a second chance? While I 100% know this would never happen, maybe a decade from now, Fox can use this idea for an American Idol: All-Star edition and bring back the folks who were so close to winning, but never did. Also to clarify, the people on this list are Idol alums who deserve a second chance at stardom, I.E. you won’t see Chris Daughtry or Jennifer Hudson on this list. Also not on the list: Justin Guarini. While I bet a bunch of Idol losers still eligible to audition will return for the fifteenth and final season, here are some that won’t get to make the cut, but one can only dream.

Kimberly Caldwell

{season 2 – seventh place}

Ok, so with these early contestants, you have to consider their talent with a grain of salt. Production was shotty, people still didn’t know what they were auditioning for, and most times the performance ended up being too *karaoke*. But back in season two, Kimberly Caldwell was better than most. She had a deep, raspy voice that wasn’t as belty as third-place finisher Kimberley Locke’s, but she had that blonde, ‘stylish’ look that would be admired in a pop star. Speaking of which, note Paula’s critique: ‘Your hair, your whole outfit, right on the money’, WHICH TO BE FAIR, PROBABLY WAS IN 2003.

Jasmine Trias

{season 3 – third place}

As a young Filipino girl growing up in Western New York I didn’t really recall seeing many people like me on TV (#RepresentationIsImportant). Jasmine, a Filipina, was a big deal not only in my house, but for the Filipino community in her native Hawaii and back home in the Philippines. Which is probably why her voice is more suited to be an Idol back there and not in America.

Mario Vasquez

{season 4 – top twelve/withdrew from competition}

Mario Vasquez was kind of controversial. Not Corey Clark controversial, but controversial in the sense that he was considered a frontrunner, then quit during Top 12 week, citing “personal family issues” as the reason for his departure. He later admitted that he wanted more artistic freedom than what he would’ve been given as winner of Idol, and that’s why he signed a deal with J Records shortly after leaving – the same label of Fantasia and Ruben Studdard. He had like one or two mediocre singles after the show, but whatever really went down, IDC. He had a great voice and for better or worse, he knew it.

Elliott Yamin

{season 5 – third place}

Ah. Elliott Yamin. While the majority of American Idol voters like ‘White Guys With Guitars’ (I enjoy them as well), my personal favorite sub-genre of singers is ‘White Guys With Soul/Could Be Black’. I was actually studying abroad during this season, so I only watched a variety of clips on YouTube, but I did watch every single video of Elliot’s. I get why he didn’t win (I still don’t get why Taylor Hicks did), but gosh, does Elliott have some pipes on him.

Chris Sligh

{season 6 – tenth place}

Chris Sligh had me at hello. Once he made a reference to David Hasselhoff crying in the previous year’s season finale, I knew I was going to like him. Then he started singing and I was a fan for the rest of the contest. Like a lot of contestants, Chris unfortunately peaked early, especially during the infamous Hollywood Week, when he and three others had one of the best group performances ever. EVER.

Matt Giraud

{season 8 – fifth place}

I’m gonna be honest with you. Part of the reason I even decided to do this post was because of Matt Giraud. He is ‘The One That Got Away’ in terms of my relationship with Idol. He also falls under the category of ‘White Guy With Soul’, so you might be noticing a trend here. Whenever I think of Idol contestants who should’ve been more successful/won the show, he is at the top of my list. He can sing saaang, play piano, saaang and play piano well at the same time, and has a great personality. Although Matt was the recipient of the first ever Idol Judges’ save, it couldn’t save him on elimination night when it was down to him and Adam Lambert. But no bitterness here. Just enjoy all the videos of Matt Giraud instead. Like him singing Part-Time Lover, or another unforgettable Hollywood Week group song with winner Kris Allen, or the time he sang Let’s Get It On on Ellen and she laid on the piano while I swooned at home.

Andrew Garcia

{season 9 – eighth place}

Andrew Garcia, a YouTube star who, like Chris Sligh before him, peaked early and got a little too adventurous for the judges’ tastes with his reimagining of pop songs. This was and still is one of the best covers on the show. Too bad Paula wasn’t there to dance and clap along to it.

Didi Benami

{season 9 – tenth place}

Didi didn’t have the conventional pop star/belter voice like a lot of other contestants who go through the Idol bootcamp. Her soft tone was destined for her not to win, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t go far or make her mark. Again, my favorite performance of hers comes during Hollywood Week, when she covered a song written by judge Kara Dioguardi (remember her??), and later sung better, IMO, by S5 runner-up, Katherine McPhee.

Johnny Keyser

{season 11 + 12}

Johnny tried out for Idol season 11, which is when I became obsessed with this audition. I remember making a big deal out of him and he promptly got eliminated. Then he came back season 12… and got eliminated again. He kinda came across as cocky on TV (both seasons), but there’s no denying his audition is pretty hot. And gave J Lo the goosies.

Michael Simeon

{season 14 – top 24}

https://youtu.be/VY6K_5UbFzs

To me, Michael was poised to be the resident ‘WGWG/heartthrob’ of the season, but like the Chris Slighs and Johnny Keysers before him, he used his best material for the audition, as seen in this clip in which he serenades J Lo with Sam Smith while they slow dance and Keith Urban and Harry Connick Jr. serve as his backing band. It’s probably for the best that he didn’t make it, because this season proved to be chock full of talent. When the winner is crowned on Wednesday, the other two runners-up will automatically be added to this list. Because they’re all just that good. Seriously. And even one of them is a White Guy With Soul AND White Guy With Guitar!

Wildcards:

The ever dramatic Tatiana Del Toro, American Juniors ‘winner’ Danielle White (still listen to this song from time to time), season one host Brian Dunkleman in a face-off with Seacrest, just for funsies.

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Promposals: What Are They And Why Are They So On Fleek

Posted in GSOY (Gratuitous Story of Yourself), Miscellany by

We’re smack dab in the middle of prom time, and high schoolers across the country are either having the time of their lives or pretending they are, because LBR, we all know deep down that prom’s not as exciting as you ever think it’s going to be.

The tradition of prom is has a long history in the U.S., but one that’s been all the rage of late is the “Promposal”. Now back in our day, of course the boys would ask girls to prom. But I don’t ever remember it being as elaborate as it is today – or even having its own Urban Dictionary term. Although the kids of Laguna Beach would probably disagree.

We graduated the same year as LC and Lo and Stephen and Trey <3, so like many others, I found the show fascinating. But when it came to the prom episodes, the guys were going all out to surprise the girls with the big ask. In season one, Dieter asks Jessica in a baseball field, Trey *better than ur faves* keeps it classy with rose petals and candles, and Stephen, for some reason, hides in Kristin’s house and writes ‘Prom??’ on his chest, because that’s ‘hot’?

In season two, there was a tow truck involved with one of the blonde Alex-es involved, but basically, the show taught me that promposals were a thing before they were PROMPOSALS. Is this a West Coast thing? Because I swear it wasn’t a thing in Western New York.

Fast forward to present day, when it’s like a game between people to come up with the most creative and impressive ways to ask the person of your choosing to prom. I actually got to (kind of) witness one first hand recently, when I was on a cruise that my friends got married on. During dinner, my friend’s 18-year-old brother sneakily asked his GF to prom by having the server present her with a dessert plate that had ‘Prom?’ written out in a chocolate syrup-type substance. I saw it all happening from afar like a creep and got weirdly excited I got to witness something that the youngins are doing first-hand.

Kinda looked like this, sans the fried dough balls

But then you have the more intricate and carefully thought out Promposals, that range from making a sign and holding a basket of kitties, to putting those Scantrons to good use, to recruiting your friends to do a choreographed dance to One Direction in front of the entire student body.

But my favorite as of late is the Promposal by Jacob Lescenski of Las Vegas, who asked his best friend Anthony Martinez to prom. Not a big deal, right? Well it is when Anthony, who is gay, posted on Twitter that he never gets asked to prom (I’d be complaining too if everyone around me was getting Promposal’ed and I wasn’t). Jacob, who is straight, saw his tweet and decided that he would ask Anthony to prom, despite the fact he already had a girl date (she graciously bowed out).

Even though Jacob opted for a sign and a rhyme that didn’t involve a flash mob, the face that he decided to do it at all speaks volumes. Their story went viral, and major media outlets picked it up, including Teen Vogue, who chipped in an got the boys tuxes from Topman and paid for a limo, and Ellen invited them on her show and not only videotaped them at prom, but gave them each money for college.

As much as I love Jacob and Anthony’s story, it’s still crazy to me that teens are going to great lengths – as great lengths as they would as if they were actually proposing – to ask someone out to an overrated dance. I get it. It’s a special time in a teenager’s life, etc. Yet is it necessary to put on an entire show just to go to prom? What will you do when you actually propose to your future spouse?!

Moreover, we didn’t have GoPros and smart phones and social media during prom season in the mid 2000s. We took cameras with FILM and had to wait for a day or two to develop before we would go through and trash the ones that looked horrible. Like physically put them in the trash bin. To me, promposals are 90% about HOW you do it and 10% who is doing it. That ratio doesn’t seem right. Call me crazy, but it seems like they’re just trying to one up each other, because it is high school after all.

Is this all me talking in my old age and having a quarter(ish)-life crisis? Probably. Definitely. Am I maybe bitter that I had to ask my gay-but-not-out-yet-gay friend to my junior prom and never got a promposal? Most likely. But whatevs. I’m just going to sit back, watch the promopsals pop up all over the interwebs, and if you need me, I’ll be looking up words on Urban Dictionary with a full glass of wine in hand. Because I’m 29. And I can legally drink. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, teens.

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Woman Crush Wednesday: Sofia Vergara

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It’s Woman Crush Wednesday again, and today it’s all about the muy linda Sofia Vergara, who you might have seen a lot of the past few weeks. She and new BFF Reese Witherspoon are on a mega press tour for their new movie Hot Pursuit (this is not a sponsored ad, btdubs), so the two have been everywhere. Pretty much every talk show has been covered, every premiere, celebrity event and radio show – they even presented at the ACM Awards – that’s the Academy of Country Music Awards. Yes, Sofia was wondering what she was doing there too.

But it wasn’t until recently that I realized just how deep my love ran for Sofia Vergara. The moment came when I caught myself smiling through an entire interview. I started to question my sanity, then figured out it was all because Sofia was saying the most ridiculous, funny things and I couldn’t help but smile. Anyone who brings that much joy into your life deserves to be crushed on, and here are just a few reasons why.

Single Mom Respect

Although she’s currently engaged to one of the hottest men on the planet, Sofia was previously married to her high school sweetheart at the age of 18, had her son Manolo at 19, and divorced her now ex-husband at 21. She had Manolo right when her acting career in Colombia was taking off, and anyone who can handle both life as an actress and a mom – let alone being a mom by herself – is worth commending.

She’s Gone Through Shit

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? Sofia was just two semesters away from graduating college with a degree in dentistry (that’s right, she could’ve been all up in your mouth), but she was discovered on the beach by a photographer that noticed she was special. Slowly but surely, she got a lot of jobs in her native Colombia, but she broke into the American market through Univision shows and being, you know, hot.

But Sofia moved to Miami not only to try her hand at becoming famous in the States, but also to leave a troubled Colombia behind. In 1998, her older brother Rafael was murdered during a kidnapping attempt, and it’s just one of the many deaths that plagued the country during the 90s.

By 2000, she had scored a few minor roles on U.S. TV, but she was sidelined when she was diagnosed with thyroid cancer at the age of 28. She had her thyroid removed and underwent chemotherapy, and thankfully made a full recovery. She is a big advocate for organizations like Stand Up To Cancer, but you won’t see her playing the ‘I had cancer/Woe is Me’ card any time soon.

She Knows She’s Hot

I find it annoying when hot girls play off their hotness in order to attract more attention to them. Like, ‘Oh, I look horrible in that dress, you can see all my fat!’, said Hollywood actress. No. You’re freaking beautiful, stop it. Sofia has grown up knowing she has assets (lit’rally) that work to her advantage, and she embraces it. Just like you should love your imperfections, you should also love the great parts of your body too. Confidence is believing in yourself – every bit of you.

She’s A Great Comedic Actress

Even if you think Modern Family is played out by now, you have to appreciate that she is still one of the best parts of the show. It’s why she’s received four Emmy Award nominations. Sofia plays a Latin mom, who’s married to an older white man, and integrates into a family as an “outsider”. On paper, it’s funny, and she makes Gloria even funnier. Plus, if you’ve seen any of her movies or even hosting SNL (HUNGER GAMMEESSS) , you know she’s just got natural comedic timing, that’s – dare I say – reminiscent of Lucille Ball. Sofia’s getting a Hollywood Star on the Walk of Fame on Thursday, and while it takes some actors decades to be honored with the coveted prize, it’s taken her just a few years, because honestly, she’s just that good.

She’s Straight Up Comedic

Honestly, if you’ve got time to kill (or don’t), just search Sofia Vergara talk show interviews on YouTube or go to her Modern Family co-stars’ social media accounts. You find her playing hidden camera pranks on Ellen, starring in German makeup commercials with Ellen, sleeping with tissue on her face, and even serenading the Modern Fam crew with a “Christmas Carol” while handing out presents. Just yesterday she appeared on Jimmy Fallon and played Catchprase. You could tell the press tour had worn her out, but it somehow provided an even more entertaining version of the game, because when she gets tired, her English slowly fades away. Bless you Sofia.

 

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Best Dressed And Not-So-Favorites: Met Gala 2015

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We were nervous about this year’s Met Gala theme. Nervous because the theme was China: Through The Looking Glass, which seemed like an open invite for questionable or racist or racistly questionable outfits. Fortunately, most attendees stayed on the right side of homage versus appropriation. That’s why our best dressed list contains only attendees who followed our handy guide for how not to be a racist idiot at the Met Gala. Now on to the fashions – with not a single geisha costume or hair chopstick in the mix!

Fan Bingbing in Christopher Bu

American audiences might only be familiar with Fan Bingbing from the X-Men series, but she’s been performing in China for close to two decades, and with a recent deal with 20th Century Fox we may be about to see a lot more of her. This gold gown with elaborate emerald-green cape is my top look of the night – a modern, formal, lavish take on Chinese design. I want that cape framed and hung on my wall, because it is absolute art.

Beyonce in Givenchy Haute Couture by Riccardo Tisci

The best way to avoid offending anyone at a gala with a theme that’s practically asking you to make it racial: wear something that has little, if anything, to do with the theme. Also, be Beyonce. It always helps to be Beyonce. Bey wore a Givenchy gown… or, I guess, some Givenchy clusters of strategically placed sequins. Daily Mail said that the jewels were “protecting her modesty,” because the Daily Mail is the fussy English grandmother I never had. Beyonce followed our rule of “interpret the exhibit” by choosing a broad, flat shoulder and fitted cut (um, very fitted?) that is slightly reminiscent of some modern takes on the cheongsam. Which means she also followed our rule “know your Chinese influences” by not showing up in some sort of weird kimono.

Rihanna in Guo Pei

Oh my goodness, yes. The Met Gala dress code not only requires attendees to wear full evening dress but, as a fundraiser for the Metropolitan Museum Of Art’s Costume Institute, it allows the guests to play dress up. Stars can wear more creative ensembles than at major awards shows, but their creativity has to be tempered by better taste than at, say, the MTV awards. In other words, if you cannot wear a fur-trimmed yellow cape and bejeweled headpiece at the Met, there is simply nowhere you can wear it. Rihanna followed our suggestion of celebrating a Chinese designer Guo Pei. You can read more about her here. And yes, this dress has already spawned 1,000 memes. Good job, internet.

Anne Hathaway in Ralph Lauren

Now for something completely different. It sort of looked like Anne Hathaway was taking Star Wars Day (May the 4th, obviously) to heart – but in the best way possible. Sure, this Ralph Lauren gown is more restrained than Rihanna and Beyonce’s looks, but you still don’t get much of a chance to wear a hood on the red carpet. Could “it has a hood!” become the new “it has pockets?”

Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen in Vintage John Galliano

The Olsen twins took a broad interpretation of the theme, dressing as the ghosts of two old Chinese widows from the past. But seriously, I don’t think I’ve seen MK&A in matching outfits since the early 2000s, and I love that when they finally do it they both wear these giant black numbers. From what I can tell Mary-Kate paid tribute to the theme by wearing silk brocade, typical in traditional Chinese dress. Ashley looks sort of like Stevie Nicks in Victorian mourning dress, and I’m not making fun of her when I say that. I swoon over designs from The Row just about every fashion week and I love the 180 the Olsens have taken since their days in matching denim sunflower hats.

Rosie Huntington-Whiteley in Atelier Versace

So, what’s Chinese about this dress? That’s not a rhetorical question, I’m really wondering what’s Chinese about this dress. Grandma Daily Mail says that she “stuck to [the theme] and ran with” it. I suppose the swooping lines and minimalism is a bit reminiscent of modern Chinese design – I’m thinking of streamlined yet flowing interior design, more than anything. I don’t know. It’s pretty, though.

Amal Clooney in John Galliano

There was a lot of red last night. I assume it was a tribute to the Chinese flag, the importance of red as a lucky color in China, and those stunning Chinese wedding dresses. That’s why this tiered gown didn’t feel TOO off-theme, even if it wasn’t explicity Chinese. The skirt is really blowing my mind here, even if the structured, studded bodice isn’t necessarily my favorite.

Lizzy Caplan in Donna Karan Atelier

Janis Ian, killing it. The drape of this is just perfect, and the embroidered silk pays tribute to the theme without going into costume mode. A lot of folks missed a real opportunity to play with the theme in their accessories last night, but these tassel earrings are amazing. I really wish I owned this dress and also had someplace to wear it (Met tickets are only like $25,000, I’m sure I could come up with it??).

Allison Williams in Giambattista Valli Couture

Allison Williams: Met Gala 2015

Here it is again. Red and cheongsam-style sleeves – just enough tribute to Chinese design without straight-up appropriating traditional dress. I know Allison Williams does the princess dress thing a lot, and sometimes it can seem like a larger version of something a very fancy nine-year-old can wear, but I think that the demure and sweet look works for Allison and she knows it.

Hey, You Tried Something

As I said, the Met Gala is a time to wear outlandish, elaborate looks that just wouldn’t fit in most scenarios. While I wasn’t particularly feeling any of the looks below, at least they really went for it, I guess?

Kim Kardashian in Peter Dundas for Roberto Cavalli

Is it just because I’m not a huge fan of Kim K? Not sure, but something about this wasn’t working for me.

Sarah Jessica Parker in H&M

I know I said it’s a good time to go over-the-top. And I know that SJP is usually the belle of the Met Ball. And I love that this collection uses sustainable fabrics! The look as a whole isn’t my favorite, but she looks like she’s having a blast which makes it that much more fun for the rest of us.

Lady Gaga in Alexander Wang

It IS Lady Gaga. And Alexander Wang is an American of Taiwanese descent. And the sleeves are maybe a modern take on a hanfu (but it kind of reminds me of a Japanese haori??). So I have every reason to like this, I just don’t. It’s me, not the dress, probably.

 Kerry Washington in Prada

We LOVE Kerry Washington. And when she nails an outfit, she NAILS it. I’m just over this high-low thing and this particular shade of pink isn’t my favorite. Hair and face, though? Flawless as ever.

Katy Perry in Moschino

I almost feel like she bought this for the punk-themed Met gala in 2013. Even if I were into the dress, the spraypaint can clutch takes it from costume in a fun, classy, celebratory way to costume in a “My Mom Found A Costume For Graffiti In American Girl Magazine” way. I don’t know if it’s new, but short hair suits her.

Solange Knowles in Giles Deacon

On one hand, I love Solange’s style even more than Beyonce’s usually. And I think this is supposed to be the dress inspired by a Chinese fan, which is really fun. But on the other hand, I don’t enjoy looking at it.

Chloe Sevigny

Chloe reminds me of Mary Kate Olsen. Do they look disheveled, or is the way they dress so high-concept that I’m too simple to get it (probably)? But that doesn’t change that this looks like two Chinese robes from a public market vendor sewn together – in a way that doesn’t fit.

Justin Bieber

I don’t like you and I don’t like how you look, which is like Zach Morris’s long-lost torero cousin.

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How To Not Be An Racist Idiot At the Met Gala

Posted in Entertainment, Outfit Girl by

Tonight is the annual Met Gala aka the fundraising event benefitting the Metropolitan Museum of Art’s Costume Institute aka a Party Anna Wintour throws for celebs to show off their best interpretation of a given theme and have a lot of people criticize what they’re wearing (including us).

The theme of the gala goes along with that year’s Costume Institute exhibition, so for example, last year, the exhibit was Charles James: Beyond Fashion, based on the works of the British-American designer, known as “America’s First Couturier”. The exhibit featured plenty of his luxourious gowns from the 1940s, and at the Met Gala, there were plenty of white ties and flowing dresses worn by models and fashionistas alike.

B Coops in tom Ford

SJP in Oscar de la Renta

While other past themes have encompassed Jacqueline Kennedy to Superheroes to Alexander McQueen to the punk music year, this time around it’s quite an interesting one. The exhibit itself is called “China: Through the Looking Glass”, juxtaposing fashion with Chinese artwork and historical costumes.

If you can imagine, this could go horribly wrong. America is already tense with what’s happened throughout the past year and currently in Baltimore, so race is even more of a touchy subject as of late. Will this year’s batch of celebrity attendees toe the line of offense or come up with brilliant takes on an ancient fashion and the “Chinese white tie” dress code? Here’s a few simple guidelines made up by me, an Asian with no real background in fashion besides the fact my secret party trick is I can tell an Alexander McQueen from a mile away.

Don’t wear chopsticks in your hair

This example in particular is especially rachet, since it looks like she stole chopsticks from her local China Dragons restaurant. These were a fad that came and went in the ’90s/early ’00s and probably stay there for good.

Don’t wear any sort of sexy kimono

Staying on the ’90s inspired fashion, don’t be like my girl Hilary and wear whatever this is. Not only is it not flattering, but it’s also a traditional Japanese garment, so get your Asian countries correct.

Know your Chinese influences

Along the kimono lines, just do your research. Stylists and celebrities, logically, should know the different between Japanese and Korean and Chinese fashion, or at least look into it if you’re dressing for the Oscars of the fashion world. Don’t make the headlines of the New York Daily Post with a faux pas.

Interpret the exhibit, don’t just take it face value

Don’t enter the Met Gala dressed like Mulan in the scene where she sings Reflection – the whole point of the event is to interpret the theme and infuse your own style into it. For the 2013 punk theme, the gorgeous Emily Blunt was subtle with her homage to rebellion, by donning a beautiful black Carolina Herrerra gown, but added a funky hairdo and bright pink eyeshadow that didn’t go too overboard, but also didn’t make her look like she came in a costume from her latest movie about CBGB. Chinese fashion and art is detailed, like the embroidery seen in the dress above. Expect this, or at least hope for this, at the gala.

Don’t Be a Geisha

Again, Mulan should not be your fashion inspiration for the night. In life, as a strong woman warrior, yes.

Celebrate a Chinese designer

 

If you don’t even want to touch a Chinese influenced dress, how about just support diversity in fashion by putting on a dress by a Chinese designer, like Alexander Wang, as seen above. And then somehow get said designer to be your date all night. You’ll get extra street cred.

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