Live Blog: Academy Awards 2015

Hi friendos! It’s Hollywood’s biggest night tonight and we’ll be by your side to give you the play by play for all 10 hours of it! Just kidding. It’s more like 8. Either way, we’ll be starting our live blog at 7pm EST/4pm PST, so watch this space for updates.

As always, please refresh your browser window periodically to load our up-to-the-minute commentary. You can also follow us on Twitter for updates in 140 characters or less at @cookiessangria (a button linking directly to our Twitter is conveniently located in the sidebar!).

In the meantime, fill out our Oscars ballot here!

And watch this video of this year’s host, Neil Patrick Harris slaying at the 2013 Tony Awards. He’s obviously the king of awards shows, and this proves it. I confess I always cry when it gets to around the 5:40 mark. I mean Harvey Fierstein is crying, come on! I can’t wait to see what he does for the Oscars!

M: As of 6:30, the E! preshow is like a scene in a sitcom where they’re putting on a school play, and the kid isn’t on stage for his cue, and the piano keeps playing the intro over and over until he shows up. A lot of stalling as they wait for celebrities to speak with them.

From what I’m seeing, Margot Robbie is wearing a deep-necked black number that isn’t the sort of thing that usually makes my best dressed list, but it just might this time.

Anna Kendrick has a gorgeous pink-coral gown and looks exactly like you’d hope an actress who just played Cinderella would look.

And then the men are just wearing tuxes or whatever.

… which is the perfect segue to discuss #AskHerMore, the hashtag/movement spearheaded, in part, by our favs at Amy Poehler’s Smart Girls. The concept being that women on the red carpet are asked about their outfits but not the work they’re actually nominated for. Now, I do like knowing what people are wearing – and when dresses are comped/borrowed in exchange for plugging the designer, it’s also partially a business exchange. But, ask about the dress then move onto other things? Great! However, I don’t think that Ryan Seacrest asking Dakota Johnson what props she took home from 50 Shades Of Gray is quite what they had in mind.

The Theory of Everything was the first time I really saw Felicity Jones, and this is probably a weird comment but her teeth are adorable. And she and Marion Cotillard have like bubbly polka dots, almost? Is that a trend? I’m old.

T: HI. STILL NOT OVER THE MAGIC THAT IS LUPITA. A FREAKING ANGEL EVERYWHERE SHE GOES. Can she win tonight without even being nominated?

M: As far as I’m concerned, Lupita Nyong’o is winning every day of her life.

T: So I am lit’rally 10 minutes away from the Oscars right now, and I can tell you that it JUST starting raining again after an on/off morning. Also, it’s unusually “cold” (sorry East Coasters, feel free to smack me through the computer screen) here, so I can only imagine these people, especially the gals, freezing on the red carpet right now. YES I SAID FREEZING.

M: Yeah, I was sitting here thinking “don’t type cold… don’t type cold.” NEGATIVE 12 BEFORE WINDCHILL. Rain is a bummer though.

T: Listen. Cold is relative. It’s been scientifically proven that your body acclimates to the weather around you. Hence, 50s-60s is cold for the average 70-80s weather in Los Angeles.

M: I don’t think the human body can acclimate to negative temperatures. Mine just, like, quits. John Legend says that he’s a “Gucci man” and it looks like Chrissy Teagan is a coochie lady. As in I can almost see hers. Because her dress is slit, like, to her waist.

T: Um Zoe Saldana had a baby 3 MONTHS AGO and looks better than I have or ever will wtf

M: * Two. TWO BABIES. She looks great though. She somehow looks less tired as the mother of baby twins than I do as just an adult trying to function as a human.

M: Why is Chloe* Kardashian here and why is she wearing Samantha Parkington’s Christmas dress? Although she’s talking about her car spinning out last week, and that happened to me last year and my car was nearly totalled, and that shit is scary. But that still doesn’t mean you get to go to the Oscar’s red carpet.

* I realize that it’s Khloe but come on, that’s stupid.

Oooh and now she’s shitting on Anna Kendrick’s dress. Don’t step, Kardashian.

T: Kerry Washington ::emoji with heart eyes:: Honestly, sometimes I’m not that into her gowns but I will always always fangirl after her.

M: I appreciate that she’s always willing to try something different, but the top of it looked like a Fancy Lady Church Suit fabric. But she still looked better than your favs.

T: I just realized there’s still an hour before the show even BEGINS. Hunker down folks. Ration out the vodka and popcorn.

M: I’m already tired! I zoned out for a second because I was typing. Is that lady in the pink dress on E! Baby Spice??

She also looks like the little blonde one in Celtic Woman that they make dance around with a fiddle.

T: I have to also watch the Oscars.com red carpet for work and they’re actually interviewing the sound mixers from American Sniper… I mean kudos but… really?

M: I feel like they must have thought they were someone else. Also I couldn’t even come up with an intelligent question to ask them. “So, what does it… sound… like?”

T: They talked about the movie being successful. Nothing abound sound mixing. Probably a sign you shouldn’t be interviewing the sound mixers? #NoShadeToSoundMixers

M: Does that mean they’re giving that award out tonight? Lord give me strength.

We have now reached the part where the E! ladies talk about dresses and um… I don’t know. I’ll say what dresses I like and don’t like, but they’re a little mean. And not in the sassy old lady way Joan Rivers could be.

T: “Good luck tonight, BIRDMEN! Maybe you’ll be flying tonight! ….. Right??” Ugh whoever this person is on ABC.com talking to the Birdman sound mixers trying to make a punny joke. Yes, that’s two sound mixer interviews so far.

M: I’m trying really hard to make it known that I’m NOT throwing shade to sound mixers. I love when a movie sounds nice. Mix-wise. But umm…

M: E! just showed a far-away still shot of Chris Pratt helping Anna Farris out of a limo and even that maybe made me swoon a bit. What a lovely couple.

Speaking of adorable couples, Joanna Newsom and Andy Samberg.

And the only time I’ve read anything worthwhile on the E! news scroll: all of the sisters of the traveling pants are going to be godmothers to the other sister of the traveling pants’ baby. I missed the beginning of the message so, guys, it’s whomever is the pregnant one.

T: Props to JK Simmons to wearing a fedora on the night he *wins an Oscar* He’s also wearing a handkerchief that matches his wife’s dress. The Oscars = Hollywood’s prom, y’all.

Also, have you guys seen Damien Chazelle, the director of Whiplash? He’s 30 years old. The youngest director to be nominated. And only a year older than me. HE LOOKS LIKE A BABY.

M: He’s THIRTY? He looks like Seth Freaking Cohen. Ugh it’s so hard now that people are age are accomplishing big things; it doesn’t feel like there should even have been enough time between birth and now to get that far.

M: One shot I saw made it look like Jessica Chastain was wearing full-leg spanx. It looked like there was a nude-colored hemline at her ankle.

T: I’d probably wearing a full-body Spank (?) if I was on the red carpet at the Oscars. Luckily for everyone, that will never happen.

M: Look. If you could spanx your face so it stayed in the right non-creepy, attractive position the whole night, I’d even do that. I mean I guess Botox does that.

T: Because Big Hero 6 is nominated, the movie’s stars are obvi there, including Damon Wayans Jr. and Scott Adsit (Pete from 30 Rock) and it’s like.. weird to see them there? I feel like they should be on their respective sitcoms, even the dearly departed 30 Rock.

M: Between them and Pratt, I sort of love that my favorite sitcoms are represented. Oh! And Andy Samberg. But it is weird. Like seeing a teacher at the mall-weird.T: OH MY GOD A FILM EDITING NOMINEE IS TALKING ABOUT SPECS ABOUT CAMERAS HE USED FOR GRAND BUDAPEST HOTEL. Who even.

M: You may think Traci works in entertainment news but like… come on, are you writing for a really specific trade journal or something? Why are they making you watch this? I’m so sorry and amused.

T: I think there were supposed to be more celebs on it? They ran out of people to interview, I guess, because this pre-show has been going on since Tuesday (I’m assuming)

M: Meanwhile on TV, they’re talking to Faith Hill and Tim McGraw. I feel like I’m watching any one of those weekly country music awards ceremonies.

M: Now that I’ve switched to ABC, I’m getting a second look at some actors. Like Kerry Washington. Her eye makeup is gorgeous and I didn’t notice that before.

Lady Gaga, who is I guess still famous? looks like a character from The Wizard Of Oz. The weird book series, not the movie. Like she’d be a fancy bird that sits on a clock or something. She also has developed a vaguely European accent. [And yet. She always seems like such a NICE person.]

T: CHRIS M’FIN EVANS. He brought his BFF Tara from home. Also brought his beard. And his handsomeness. God bless.

M: I have not seen a single Marvel movie (that’s the thing? with the heroes?) but I absolutely love him.

T: Yes! I have seen Iron Man. And Iron Man 2…. Guardians of the Galaxy is on its way from Netflix. I LOVE TELEVISION.

T: This is Lorelei Linklater from Boyhood, who has been absent from most of the awards show circuit, but WHO is that boy.

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T: LITERAL LOL for the “best and whitest” joke.

GUYS I LOVE NPH AND SINGING ANNA KENDRICK ANNA KENDRICK ANNA KENDRICK

M: SUCK IT KARDASHIAN.

For the folks at home, my dog just basically peed herself (it’s this weird hormonal thing, she’s house trained, NO1Curr.) Oscars opening number is the worst time ever to have to clean up a dog’s pee fur.

T: Also, glad I watched Gone Girl on Valentine’s Day (romantic) because seriously would’ve been spoiled during the ‘slit his throat’ line during this opening.

M: It didn’t even register that that was a spoiler but yeah, glad I read it first (which will TOTALLY spoil the movie once I get around to it.)

Can we get a lip read on Oprah after NPH told her she was rich?

I don’t listen to audio books, but if Lupita Nyong’o read them I’d listen to the entire Bible.

Best Supporting Actor

Robert Duvall, The Judge

Ethan Hawke, Boyhood

Edward Norton, Birdman

Mark Ruffalo, Foxcatcher

J.K. Simmons, Whiplash

Traci’s Pick: J.K. Simmons, Whiplash

I’m kind of scared to watch Whiplash based on the one clip I’ve seen of JK Simmons bullying the crap out of Miles Teller. I’m not good at disobeying authority figures.

Molly’s Pick: J.K Simmons, Whiplash

I did see Whiplash and it’s exactly like Traci said.

Winner: J.K. Simmons, Whiplash

 M: I mean, he seems very nice in real life. He wants us to call our parents.

 T: NO FEDORA?! COME ON JK SIMMONS. IT WAS YOUR MOMENT.

I also like that we can see Jared Leto super clearly because of his amazing lavender suit.

I also like that NPH gets to show off his magic skills during the show.He’s really really good.

M: Remember this two-minute bit about a suitcase locked in a box when the show is 10 minutes over and they cut all of the major winners off after 30 seconds.

I have trouble understanding how Dakota Johnson is here.

SO BORED during Adam Levine’s song. It’s a fine song, the lighting design is good, but the show is only 20 minutes in and it already feels like a long one.

Best Costume Design

Milena Canonero, The Grand Budapest Hotel

Mark Bridges, Inherent Vice

Colleen Atwood, Into the Woods

Anna B. Sheppard and Jane Clive, Maleficent

Jacqueline Durran, Mr. Turner

 Traci’s Pick: Colleen Atwood, Into the Woods

Colleen has been nominated in this category 11 times and has won thrice, and her fabulous fantasy forest couture could win her the fourth.

Molly’s Pick: Colleen Atwood, Into The Woods

From Cinderella’s Delia*s ball dress to Jack’s little Swedish Burberry model outfit, these costumes were perfection.

 Winner: Milena Canonero, The Grand Budapest Hotel

M: Actually, that’s pretty fair.

M: NPH, you’re so cute you don’t need to scrunch your nose when you smile. 

T: So The Grand Budapest Hotel is winning a lot of awards tonight, then? I mean, okay.

These young Oscar winners or whatever Channing Tatum is introducing make me feel like if I were up there, I’d probably burst out crying. Meryl Streep AND LUPITA?? I’d die.

M: This Polish director of Ida is so adorable.

T: …Is it weird that whenever I hear Mauritania, I think of the boat that picked up the survivors of the Titanic?

M: Wasn’t the Mauritania the one at the beginning when Sassy Rose is like “it doesn’t look any bigger than the Mauritania?” then Cal has to be a dick and tell us like exactly how much longer the Titanic is?

Hi. My name is Molly and I watched Titanic so many times in 6th grade that I still have it memorized.

T: Yes. That is correct. Us with Titanic:

M: I hope this seat filler isn’t going to get in trouble for acknowledging her existence.

T: I love you Steve Carrell, but I was distracted trying to figure out if that was Idris Elba behind him.

M: Ha what, Tegan and Sara and Lonely Island are performing Everything Is Awesome? And now I’m going to have this in my head all night.

T: THE LONELY ISLAND. THESE FOLKS ARE PERFORMING ON THE OSCARS RIGHT NOW:

❤ Jorma ❤

Also, GOLDEN GLOBE WINNER ANDY SAMBERG

QUESTLOVE! IS THIS THE REAL DEVO GUY

M:I didn’t stop smiling through the whole number. Like mouth-open smiling. LEGO OSCAR THAT THEY GAVE TO OPRAH. Everything is awesome. Everyone in the crowd is making the same dopey grin that I am.

M: I don’t know what the seating situation is at the Oscars with much specificity, but maybe don’t put the nominees in the balcony? The guy who won for short film just said “crikey” and then said that the statuette was heavy “because we’re only little.” Bless.

T: I want to talk like this donut dude for the rest of the night.

M: Or TO him, maybe? Like he could do some of that lame banter they give to the presenters.

Kerry Washington is not joking even a little bit about pronouncing the foreign nominees’ names properly. Smarter than your favs, too.

M: Gwyneth Paltrow, you may be beautiful and classy, but your sleeve still looks like cabbage.

T: Honestly, guys, Country Strong wasn’t THAT bad. Just me? Okay.

M: I thought it was all right. Am I supposed to admit that? Oh well.

T: I AM ACTUALLY CLAPPING OUT LOUD FOR NPH RN.

T: Oh good the sound mixing/editing categories!!!!

M: Any predictions or favorites?

T: Whoever was interviewed earlier. I don’t think it was these guys? Ugh who knows. #AllWhiteMenLookTheSame

M: Particularly white men over the age of 60 or so. And white babies. It’s like all white people start life looking the same way, diverge a bit for a little while, then end up at the same place.

T: Oh actually I think American Sniper was one of them. Congrats boys!

M: Now it’s sound editing, which is an entirely different thing from sound mixing. I do not dispute that good sound editing/mixing is integral to a movie, but it also seems like something that might be more comfortable at the technical awards.

M: Jared Leto, wearing a tux the color of his eyes. Which would be fine if his eye were black or off-white. Catalano does what he wants.

T: WWJCD (the other WWJD)

M: Emma Stone holding a Lego Oscar was about the cutest thing ever. And Meryl, not at all nervous because she doesn’t even have to care anymore.

Best Supporting Actress

Patricia Arquette, Boyhood

Laura Dern, Wild

Keira Knightley, The Imitation Game

Emma Stone, Birdman

Meryl Streep, Into the Woods 

Traci’s Pick: Patricia Arquette, Boyhood

If there’s one thing I know in life, it’s that I will bet all my monies on Patricia Arquette winning this. Unless Meryl pulls a Meryl.

Molly’s Pick: Patricia Arquette, Boyhood

If only for being willing to film herself aging in real-time for 12 years. Don’t get me wrong, she looks amazing, but that would have been a fear of mine at the outset. But Emma Stone was the best part of Birdman.

Winner: Patricia Arquette

T: Wait I’m crying. GOD BLESS YOU PATRICIA ARQUETTE.

M: I was just going to write WHY AM I CRYING. Which is only weird because usually when winners try to get platform-y I feel a little secondhand embarrassment but nope.

T: Is Rita Ora going to sing Defying Gravity after this??

T: Okay who picked the soundtrack to the walk-out music? They just played Endless Love for the special effect categories.

M: I feel like in the special effects or tech-y categories, there’s always one guy in a Scottish scarf or a kilt or something.

M: THIS MUSIC. That was just “The Time Of My Life.”

T: Hear me out: A rom-com featuring Anna Kendrick and Kevin Hart as best friends who everyone thinks will end up together (a la Mindy and BJ). Hart to Hart? No that’s a thing already.

M: I think a height pun. A Little Bit Of Love. Pint Sized Love. Basically anything that means short and then the word love after it. Small Fry, Big Love.

T: Side note: I want all these hanging edison lights for my home.

 Best Animated Feature

Big Hero 6

The Boxtrolls

How to Train Your Dragon 2

Song of the Sea

The Tale of Princess Kaguya

Traci’s Pick: How to Train Your Dragon 2

So the Lego Movie really isn’t going to win?

Molly’s Pick: Big Hero 6

Everything’s NOT awesome. Loved the characters in Big Hero 6, though.

Winner: Big Hero 6

M: I went to this with two of my nephews who hated it, on the advice of two of my other nephews who loved it. So they’re all really cute kids and everything, but now I know which ones have good taste in movies.

M: I think NPH just walked in to “Hey There, Georgie Girl.” Did somebody switch out the orchestra’s sheet music? Or is the musical theme “stuff that had really cheap royalties?”

T: Why s Anna Wintour sitting next to Harvey Weinstein? Why is Anna Wintour sitting at the Oscars? The Devil Wears Prada was in ‘06.

T: PRATT. I adore you.

M: HOOKED ON A FEELING? We’re being punked.

T: I think maybe Hooked on a Feeling had to do with Guardians of the Galaxy? IDK get back to me after I see it.

M: I really want to see it but also am afraid I’ll hate it. Or be bored, at least.

T: I… Love Lift Us Up Where We Belong… for IDRIS???

M: What if these are just being planned by someone with a great sense of humor, trying to give us all something silly to pay attention during this 9-hr-long show? Probably not. These are so all over the place that it almost seems like they’re part of the code. Maybe the titles form an acrostic.

T: Someone get Benedict Cumberbatch to solve this immediately. (That was an Imitation Game AND Sherlock ref. You’re welcome).

T: Is it rude to ask if Meryl just got an Oscar for the intro to the In Memoriam tribute?

M: I was watching it wondering if she was emotional or just a really good actress? Such is the difficulty of anything involving Meryl. Like, credit card rep listening to Meryl say that she “mailed it last week” or a dentist hearing that Meryl “flosses every day” would have no way to know if it was the truth.

T: Shout out to all of Meryl’s doctors, business people, and local grocers.

T: When did Batfleck get there???

Does Terrence Howard think this presentation is an audition … wait what happened. did the teleprompter go out? DOES JOHN TRAVOLTA HAVE SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS??

M: I’m almost positive that it did so he had to cover by pretending to be overcome with emotion.

T: NPH, I love you but you keep saying “Oyelowo” wrong. Did Brad Pitt teach you nothing?

M: I had to google whether I had been saying it wrong this whole time. I have not. It isn’t even hard to say properly?

T: Oh-YEH-Low-Whoa (i mean not correct phonetic spelling, but whatevs)

M: And I’m very well-versed in that look of panic people get when they have to read off your last name and don’t know how (see: my whole life having 4 consecutive silent letters in my surname), so I tend to cut people a break when they stumble a little. But you’re on TV. Show some respect for TV.

T: omg they just played Dreamgirls for Octavia Spencer’s walk-out… As she talks about Selma

M: I’m at two times crying tonight. Once at Patricia Arquette’s glorious mic-drop speech, and the second during the performance of Glory. Particularly when it was over and Oyelowo was crying.

T: *What Molly said because I am still crying and snotting right now.

T: OMG JOHN TRAVOLTA JUST SO CREEPY #XENU

ALSO IS THAT A CHAIN LINK TIE

Remind John Travolta was creepy on the red carpet with Scarlett Johansson too.

M: New life goal: never get my chin cradled at close range by a Scientologist? WAIT what is his necklace.

T: Or just never get close to a Scientologist. 

Best Original Song

“Everything Is Awesome” from The Lego Movie; Music and Lyric by Shawn Patterson

“Glory” from Selma; Music and Lyric by John Stephens and Lonnie Lynn

“Grateful” from Beyond the Lights; Music and Lyric by Diane Warren

“I’m Not Gonna Miss You” from Glen Campbell…I’ll Be Me; Music and Lyric by Glen Campbell and Julian Raymond

“Lost Stars” from Begin Again; Music and Lyric by Gregg Alexander and Danielle Brisebois

Traci’s Pick: Glory from Selma

Despite the fact I would really love to see The Lonely Island get an Oscar, I’m totally fine with seeing Common and John Legend up there lookin foine and winning their first Oscars.

Molly’s Pick: Everything Is Awesome from The Lego Movie

I really think Glory is the likely winner, but I want to see Lego win something. IDK what Begin Again is, but Danielle Brisebois is the original Molly from Annie, so that’s fun.

Winner: Glory

M: If Common were a preacher, I’d start going to church. * I don’t know whether to count this as a separate cry or a continuation of my last one.

M: Gaga singing The Sound Of Music… was not expecting it to go down like this.

T: Friendly reminder Gaga went to NYU (the special theatre school) for musical theatre.

M: Aww, I’ve never cared too much about Gaga (except I heard Poker Face today and remember that it was really fun when that album first came out)… but this is just darling. I honestly didn’t expect to like this. But on the east coast it’s also 11:20 so maybe they don’t have to do ALL the songs. Nothing’s that charming.

T: CRY COUNT 3! Although Glory counted as like 20. CRY COUNT 4 OMG OMG OMG OMG JULIE FREAKING ANDREWS. ROYALTY ON STAGE, Y’ALL.

Back to Gaga for a second – I’m SO glad she got to have this moment because people are quick to dismiss her because of her crazy outfits and pop music, but she’s a fantastic, impressive singer, and she got to show that tonight. 143 Gaga.

M: If you took a photo of me right now my eyeballs would have stars or hearts in them. (Plus still some tears.)

T: Everyone was clapping along to that Grand Budapest score in rhythm.

T: Oh my GOD you guys – WILL ARNETT WAS IN THE BATMAN COSTUME DURING THE EVERYTHING IS AWESOME PERFORMANCE

M: NOO REALLY?!?! Because I’m a celebrity creeper: I bet Archie and Abel flipped the heck out about that.

T: Archie and Abel are lit’rally the luckiest kids in the world

Best Original Screenplay

Birdman, Alejandro G. Iñárritu, Nicolás Giacobone, Alexander Dinelaris, Jr. & Armando Bo

Boyhood, Richard Linklater

Foxcatcher, E. Max Frye and Dan Futterman

The Grand Budapest Hotel, Wes Anderson & Hugo Guinness

Nightcrawler, Dan Gilroy

 Traci’s Pick: The Grand Budapest Hotel

My record for liking Wes Anderson’s films is not that good, but I will say Grand Budapest was entertaining and I actually paid attention to what was happening. Only he could create this specific world of a European mystery adventure thriller with a backdrop dreams are made of.

Molly’s Pick: Birdman

Birdman, while probably technically very good, just didn’t do it for me. But I’m usually really into Wes Anderson and Grand Budapest wasn’t my fav. And the strength of Boyhood wasn’t really in the script. And I didn’t see the other movies.

Winner: Birdman

Best Adapted Screenplay

American Sniper, Jason Hall

The Imitation Game, Graham Moore

Inherent Vice, Paul Thomas Anderson

The Theory of Everything, Anthony McCarten

Whiplash, Damien Chazelle

Traci’s Pick: The Imitation Game

I have not seen any of these movies. This is total educated guess.

Molly’s Pick: The Theory of Everything, Anthony McCarten

So, I saw three of these, but haven’t read the books/whatever they were adapted from… this was a fantastic screenplay though.

Winner: The Imitation Game

M: That was totally deserved so I’m trying not to be TOO jealous that the writer looks to be possibly younger than we are.

T: CRY COUNT 5. THIS GUY NEEDS TO BE MY BEST FRIEND.

M: He’s such a cutie. At this point the crowd is like Catholic mass-status with all the sitting and standing.

T: So instead of giving Ben Affleck a nomination for directing Argo , he just gets to present the same award to some other white dude?

M: It’s like if I went back to our high school to announce prom queen.

[ Did we even have that?]

T: […Yes?]

Best Director

Alejandro Gonzalez Iñárritu, Birdman

Richard Linklater, Boyhood

Bennett Miller, Foxcatcher

Wes Anderson, The Grand Budapest Hotel

Morten Tyldum, The Imitation Game 

Traci’s Pick: Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu

Like best picture, it’s really down to Boyhood and Birdman for the big categories, and based on the fact Birdman has all those long uncut scenes, I’m going with Alejandro.

Molly’s Pick: Richard Linklater

Maybe it’s gimicky, but Boyhood was a novel approach that actually worked.

Winner: Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu

M: I’m actually sort of embarrassed that I wasn’t into Birdman. I do understand why it was good, but, meh.

T: Didn’t see it. Feel like I should.

M: You can watch it on demand now, so that’s something. OH GOD. It’s 11:45. Come on. This is like the west coast’s revenge: for once, the east coast is stuck watching things at inconvenient times.

The west coast’s other revenge is that right now if you go outside on the east coast, there are actual warnings on the news to let you know you might Jack Dawson. (To Jack Dawson = to die by freezing)

T: Still can’t get over Steve Carell being nominated for an Oscar.

Best Actor

Steve Carell, Foxcatcher

Bradley Cooper, American Sniper

Benedict Cumberbatch, The Imitation Game

Michael Keaton, Birdman

Eddie Redmayne, The Theory of Everything 

Traci’s Pick: David Oyelowo, Selma Eddie Redmayne, The Theory of Everything

It’s either Eddie or Michael Keaton, but I think Eddie has the slightest of edges because of his role as Stephen Hawking. It’s technically a bit more challenging and dodgier than playing an actor. It’s like Kate Winslet’s Holocaust/Oscars theory, but for disabled people. (was that PC?)

Molly’s Pick: Eddie Redmayne, The Theory of Everything

The thing that Traci said is right, though. And it wasn’t just how Redmayne captured Hawing’s physical impairments, but the whole — ugh, sorry, “emotional journey” of the character. 

Winner: Eddie Redmayne

T: HE IS THE CUTEST.

M: Romcom where Eddie Redmayne and Lupita Nyong’o meet in some sort of a doctoral program and are fierce academic rivals but ultimately find love?

T: The Report Card. No. The Dean’s List. No. Grade A. Ugh I’m bad at this.

M: PINT SIZED LOVE. No we already used that.

Best Actress

Marion Cotillard, Two Days One Night

Felicity Jones, The Theory of Everything

Julianne Moore, Still Alice

Rosamund Pike, Gone Girl

Reese Witherspoon, Wild

 Traci’s Pick: Julianne Moore, Still Alice

She needs this. WE need this. THE WORLD NEEDS THIS.

Molly’s Pick: Julianne Moore, Still Alice

This falls under the “probably too sad to watch” category for me.

Winner: Julianne Moore

M: It’s midnight. I have a meeting to run first thing in the morning. NPH, this bit with your predictions is not endearing you to me. 

Best Picture

American Sniper

Birdman

Boyhood

The Grand Budapest Hotel

The Imitation Game

Selma

The Theory of Everything

Whiplash

Traci’s Pick: Birdman

I keep changing my choice but let’s go with Birdman BUT BOYHOOD SHOULD WIN BECAUSE the story may be simple, but it’s every person’s story, and that’s why it’s impressive. Theoretically, a story about a family over the course of 12 years shouldn’t be this interesting, but with the divorce, marriage, abusive husbands, relationships, puberty, etc. these actors make you actually feel like you’re part of their lives. And an Oscar should be a part of theirs.

Molly’s Pick: Boyhood

This is a year without one clear winner. The movies I actually enjoyed the most were The Imitation Game, The Theory of Everything and Whiplash. But Boyhood did something that sounds so simple that it’s amazing nobody had attempted it before. It sounds like the top two picks are Boyhood and Birdman, and I think a larger proportion of the academy might vote for Boyhood.

Winner: Birdman

Thanks for sticking with us, everyone! We’ll be back tomorrow with our best and worst dressed picks!

5,000 Candles in the Wind: Batman is Crying and So Am I

I hate that I’m even saying this, but there are only TWO more episodes before the Parks and Recreation finale. TWO more episodes before we say one last goodbye to Pawnee forever. TWO more episodes before I’m huddled in a corner of my room, swaying back and forth repeating the name ‘Bobby Newport’ and practicing with different inflections, and crying my eyes out.

We all know that Parks is one of the funniest TV shows that’s every graced our screens, but one of the reasons that make Parks one step above the best sitcom is that it has heart. It tugs at our heartstrings and make us feel the feels, and because we’ve already established we’re both criers here, make us sob uncontrollably as if these are real people. So as we prepare for even more tears next week, here are some of our favorite (not favorite?) moments that have made our eye sockets well up with tears over the past seven seasons.

Andy Sings ‘The Way You Look Tonight’ {Season 2, Episode 16}

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Season One was all about exposition, establishing the characters, and the show finding its footing.  So, the tears didn’t really hit until season two.  April and Andy’s relationship had been building, and by the time Galentine’s Day aired we were all pretty sure they were made for each other. Andy dedicated a Mouserat cover of ‘The Way You Look Tonight’ to April, and I didn’t cry… the first time. But I’m rewatching in preparation for the final episode, and seeing these two at the very start of things really got me. It’s like that part of Our Town when Emily goes back and looks at an ordinary day from when she was alive (IDK, spoiler? It’s from 1938). Things that didn’t seem big at the time were infused with meaning in hindsight. Try watching the little uncomfy, self-conscious look on April’s face right after seeing the scavenger hunt during The Pie-Mary when Andy jokes about April’s crush on him. It’s precious.

April and Andy get married {Season 3, Episode 9}

I love weddings. One of the things I love doing at weddings is looking at the groom as the bride comes down the aisle for the first time. It’s the look Andy has the moment he see his bride-to-be that kills me. Up to this point, Andy is the resident dumb-dumb, and April his Grumpy Cat girlfriend, but in this moment, they’re just a couple in love. And then they high five once April comes face to face with him, and you remember that, sure, they’re a couple in love, but they’re an awesomesauce couple in love. She hates everything but Andy, and he truly means it when he’ll protect her for the rest of their life.

“Let’s just say screw it.” {Season 4, Episode 8}

Leslie and Ben’s “forbidden” romance looked like it had finally come to an end when Leslie decides to run for city council and being in a relationship could put their jobs at risk. But this scene shows just how much Leslie had a gut feeling about her love for Ben – that she was willing to potentially throw her career away in order to get a great love with Ben. Leslie ‘I’m gonna work til I’m 100 then cut back to 4 days a week’ Knope was choosing love over her career. “Let’s just say screw it” held so much more weight for her than it would anyone else.

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*Fun Fact: the store I used to work at is right next to where they built the smallest park, and I creepily got to watch Amy and co. film not one but two eps there through the confines of the window (it’s the two-story building behind them in the clip!). This is the closest I got to taking a pic without the security guard taking me down.

Ben didn’t write a concession speech {Season 4, Episode 22}

Ben: Your victory speech, Councilwoman Knope.
Leslie: Someday, when I’m more emotionally stable, I want to read the concession speech you wrote for me.
Ben: I never wrote it.

Like previously mentioned in last week’s 5,000 Candles post, one of the best things about Ben and Leslie’s relationship is how much they support each other. They encourage each other to go for their dreams, and if it doesn’t go the way they planned, they’ll figure it out. Ben knew in his heart Leslie was going to win city council, and wouldn’t even entertain the idea she would lose. It’s the strong belief in each other that sets them apart and sets me off into tears.

Ben Proposes to Leslie {Season 5, Episode 5}

There’s a chance I was already near tears when Leslie was just looking around that room, and then more when Ben walked in, and then even MORE when Leslie said “what are you doing?” But her reaction – wanting to freeze and remember everything – was so beautiful and perfect and real. And the fact that the ring was in the box from the Knope 2012 button and the Washington Monument? Pow. Right in the tear ducts. Somebody go fetch Amy Poehler that Emmy she deserves, why don’t you?

The Entire Leslie and Ben episode {Season 5, Episode 14}

A lot of my favorite Parks episodes involve plans gone awry. So do a lot of my favorite life moments, when I think about it. There’s something so special about a small, quickly-planned wedding because two people just want to be married instead of a big, orchestrated affair because they want a wedding. So, you know, on concept alone we’re looking at some tears. Then Leslie and Ben’s friends pitch in by making a wedding dress, welding some wedding rings, awaking Ethel Beavers and stealing all of the other marriage licenses so that nobody takes Knope and Wyatt’s thunder. Even Jamm can’t ruin it (did I cry at that part? I can’t remember , but let’s file it as a “probably”). When the wedding moves to the Parks office, and Ron talks to Leslie in the hall, and Donna starts singing, and Ben makes his speech, and Leslie makes HER speech, I watched the entire thing through a heavy veil of tears. I love you and I like you.

Chris and Ann leave Pawnee {Season 6, Episode 13}

The entire Ann and Chris episode had me at a constant tear in eye situation, and then the moment we had been anticipating, when Leslie finally has to say goodbye to Ann, arrived and it’s just as heartbreaking and hopeful as you thought it would be. They exchange simple ‘I love you’, but in their faces, you can tell there’s so much more behind their goodbyes. I mean, just the gif of this makes me cry. And to make matters worse, you know that it’s really Amy and Rashida saying “goodbye” to each other IRL. I have a feeling the finale will be similar.

5,000 Candles in the Wind Reprise at the Unity Concert {Season 6, Episode 22}

After all their hard work to bring the people of Pawnee and Eagleton together, the Unity Concert finally happened. Despite the big act Land Ho! (Wilco’s Jeff Tweedy) being the main attraction, I love that Mouse Rat was the last band to take the stage to perform their hit 5,000 Candles in the Wind, which we last saw them perform together at Lil’ Sebastian’s funeral. But this time, as a viewer who knew the next season would be the last, a song about saying goodbye meant a great deal more. Combine that with everyone that was on that stage – Andy, Ben’s fave band Letters to Cleo, GINUWINE, a hologram Lil’ Sebastian and Duke Silver, who finally revealed himself to the rest of the Parks crew – and Leslie and Ben watching from the front row. It was pure magic.

Ron admits to Leslie he was going to ask her for a job {Season 7, Episode 4}

Does anyone remember that Chicken Soup For The Soul story (I mean I’m just assuming it was from there), where the kid got all pissy at his dad for giving him a Bible for a graduation gift, and stopped talking to him for years, then opened it and found … not sure. A check for a thousand dollars, or the title to a car or something. It was the saddest thing my little sixth-grade self could think of. But even now, one of the saddest things to me is when a person is trying to reach out in kindness to someone else, and the other person doesn’t know it. I spent the first episodes of this season wondering what could have POSSIBLY happened between Leslie and Ron. I assumed it was something work-related, but these two are a couple of softies. They’d never let something like their jobs come between them, it had to be more personal than that. It wasn’t even the conversation itself that got me, it was the idea of Ron spending years thinking that Leslie didn’t really care about him, and vice versa.

April has a heart to (back) with Leslie {Season 7, Episode 8}

Boys crying always makes me cry. So do generally unemotional people getting serious. April acts tough, but she loves Leslie and looks up to her. Like the scene when Leslie says goodbye to Ann, you watch this knowing that this show is about to end, and you’re watching a moment between two characters but you’re watching a moment between the two actors too.

Expectations vs. Reality: RomCom Cliches

If you expected this final post of RomCom Week to include a huge grand declaration of love for you, I’m here to burst your bubble because it’s not going to happen. JUST KIDDING, WE APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU READERS AND OUR LOVE IS AS PERFECT AS THE END OF ALL ROMCOMS.

But for serious, these movies tend to make our expectations high regarding our real life relationships, and most of the time, we just don’t get that perfect movie ending. So we’re here to lay some truth nuggets on you about some of the most used RomCom cliches used over the years. It ain’t gonna be pretty.

Expectation: You move to a new city and you immediately get along with your neighbors and everyone you encounter.

Reality: You have no friends except your mailman and the barista at the Starbucks down the street who gives you free Venti upgrades because he feels sorry for you.

Expectation: You have a great job in your mid-20s and you actually love it. You’ll be a high-power lawyer or own your own bookstore/bakery or architect or gallery curator at the Guggenheim.

Reality: Working a job you’re just fine with and still paying that little bitch Sallie Mae all of your student loans.

Expectation: Makeovers bring all the boys and girls to the yard.

Reality: No one does a better you than yourself.

Expectation: You can fall down all the time – while carrying things, down stairs, up stairs – but miraculously get up a bit humiliated, but otherwise okay.

Reality: If you fall down in front of your crush, worst-case scenario they’re going to watch you hobble off to Urgent Care to get your ankle X-rayed, best case scenario you’re getting up with a run in your stockings, a broken shoe, and stains from the coffee you were carrying. Which means you’re also going to smell like old coffee for the rest of the day.

Expectation:  You will have one less-attractive best friend whose whole purpose in life is to listen to your romantic problems then give you advice.

Reality: Your friends have their own lives. Or give bad advice. Or are prettier than you. Sorry.

Expectation: There will always be a Token (minority/gay best friend, etc.) to make snarky comments and witty side banter while you tell tales of your romantic plight.

 

Reality: Okay, so this may be true, but I’m just bringing this up because maybe it’s time the Token becomes the protagonist more often? Just saying.

Expectation: Once you meet a guy you’re into, you run into him all of the time at parties, grocery shopping, book stores, the park…

Reality: Option 1: That doesn’t really happen, so you actually have to decide to see each other on purpose, which is a lot trickier. Option 2: You DO run into each other all the time, and you can’t decide whether you’re more worried that you look like a stalker, or he is a stalker.

Expectation: When you can’t stand someone, it’s probably because you secretly love him.

Reality: When you can’t stand someone, it’s probably because you can’t stand him.

Expectation: You’ve been secretly (or maybe not-so-secretly) in love with your best guy/girl friend for years and when you finally get the guts to confess your feelings, they reciprocate with their own confession of love.

Reality: Sometimes friends are just friends. Sorry, boo boo. He’s just not that into you.

Expectation: Your relationship will kick off with a grand declaration of love.

Reality: You’ll kind of start hanging out more and more, and then after a month or two you have that “so, what ARE we anyway?” conversation.

Expectation: Your quirks are adorable. Every weird thing you do becomes another item on your love interest’s Meet Virginia-esque, Drops Of Jupiter-y list of things he thinks are precious about you.

Reality: Weird people are weird. Nobody thinks it’s cute that you’re so cold that you sleep in sweatshirts, or that you hate the sound of other people chewing, or that you make up your own lyrics to pop songs in the car. At best, they tolerate it.

Expectation: Once you find love, all your problems will be gone and you’ll live happily ever after.

yes, this is from grey’s anatomy. it counts because she spits the truth.

Reality: False. Ultimately, only you can make yourself happy. If you’re happy as a person and happy as a half of a couple, right on. But just being in love isn’t always enough.

We’re Just That Into You: Underrated RomComs

If you delve into RomCom culture (which is like… probably a real thing, right?), you’ll find different tiers of Romantic Comedies. First, the well-respected, critically acclaimed classics. There you have your Annie Hall, your When Harry Met Sally, your Breakfast at Tiffany’s, maybe even your Sleepless in Seattle.

Then, there are those box office hits that are not technically cinematic masterpieces. If you ask a lady what her favorite romantic comedy is, she may say one of those top-tier movies, but then she’ll pause for a second and say “You know what my REAL favorite is?” Then she’ll say something like You’ve Got Mail, Notting Hill, or Love Actually.

Next tier: guilty pleasures. These are the filler films or teen comedies that you can’t help but love – and everyone else does, too. Enter 10 Things I Hate About You, 13 Going On 30 … probably anything with a number in the title, or that is on heavy rotation on TBS.

Finally we hit the focus of today’s post: the underrated RomCom. Those movies you adore, but that nobody ever really talks about when they talk about RomComs. Sometimes it’s because they don’t get classified as romantic comedies even though they are, and sometimes it’s because nobody has seen them. And we’re not ashamed to say they’re some of our favorites.

Away We Go

This is an atypical romantic comedy because it’s not a boy-meet-girl, boy-loses girl scenario. John Krasinski and Maya Rudolph play a committed couple with a baby on the way, and they make a journey to decide where and how to raise their daughter. It raises the much more interesting follow-up question to “will they end up together?”: how will they build a life together? Instead of watching a couple grapple with their love for another, that’s a given from the beginning – but just like in real life, that’s not the answer to every question. A perfect movie if your concept of love goes beyond wondering who you’ll end up with.

Crossing Delancey

I can’t understate how much I loved Crossing Delancey as a kid, and how much I still love it now. It sounds typical enough: Izzy Grossman (Amy Irving) works at a bookstore, and her bubbie uses a marriage broker to set her up with a pickle salesman. But does Izzy end up with him or the high-profile author? I mean, you already know. But that’s never the point. The reason this movie always seemed so special: Izzy could be me or someone I know. She’s good at her job, but she’s not that stick-up-her-butt RomCom lady who’s so caught up in her professional life that she’ll never accept love. She’s funny, but she’s not a sad-sack gal who trips a lot. If you want to watch a reasonably realistic lady fall in love in a very 1980s Lower East Side, this is the one for you.

I know that this one is underrated because whenever I call out my “Crossing Delancey bangs” when the humidity monster hits, nobody ever gets the reference.

They Came Together

If you love RomComs, you might not be interested in a mean-spirited takedown of the genre, but They Came Together isn’t that. It just plays up all of those silly RomCom elements we’ve come to love. It was billed as a parody of romantic comedies, but it felt more like a pastiche.  Oh. And did I mention that it stars Paul Rudd and Amy Poehler? She works in a candy shop (of course) and he works for Big Candy. Her name is Molly, and I’m not just saying this because it’s my name – it’s such a RomCom name. You know how most 20- and 30- something women have names like Melissa and Courtney, but RomCom ladies all have names from Little Golden Books, like Molly or Annie or Sally? And he’s vaguely Jewish, but not kippah-every-day Jewish. They hate each other, until they love each other, and I’m sure you can guess the rest.

What If

Please just trust me here. If your write out the plot summary – boy and girl meet, she’s attached, he’s a boy wizard, they have obvious chemistry, and they decide to be friends – it doesn’t sound like much. But do any RomComs sound like much? This one succeeds on its clever writing and the great chemistry between Daniel Radcliffe and Zoe Kazan. It sounds like a picky thing, but a lot of romantic comedies have major pacing issues, devoting 50 minutes into convincing you this couple should be together, and then some weird misunderstanding for 20 minutes… I don’t know what it is, but director Michael Dowse nails the pacing and that really contributes to how downright enjoyable this movie is.

Obvious Child

This one wasn’t underrated by critics – they loved it! – or by audiences – they loved it too! – but it’s a bit underrated as a RomCom. When the media started billing Obvious Child as an “abortion comedy,” I think people expected something political or hard-edged. What it is, instead, is a very sweet comedy that speaks to what it’s like to be in your late 20s, a time so full of awkward growing pains that it almost feels like a second adolescence. Donna (Jenny Slate) doesn’t have a high-powered job or a flashy wardrobe. But she does work hard at her fledgeling standup career, dresses nicely on stage, and has a tidy apartment. That is: Donna’s life is a mess for a while, but you don’t believe that she, as a person, is a mess, at least not for the long-term. And her love interest, Max, is what I believe old people call “cute as a bug’s ear.”

I remember seeing an interview where either Slate or director Gillian Robespierre (can’t remember!) said she loved Crossing Delancey too, so there’s my RomCom advice. Find out who loves your own underrated favorites, then watch whatever they come up with.

Midnight In Paris

If you were a certain kind of kid, you probably went through a phrase where you thought time travel would be the coolest thing ever. That’s what happens here, as Gil (Owen Wilson) travels between present-day Paris and the city in the 1920s, where he meets the Fitzgeralds, Hemingway, Josephine Baker and a host of others. The glitz and wackiness of the roaring 20s is fantastic, and you see the perils of nostalgia through the eyes of a modern man finally getting to experience his favorite era. Midnight In Paris is a lot of fun and a true cinematic rarity: a Woody Allen movie that does not star Woody Allen.

Celeste and Jesse Forever

I went into the theater to see this by myself, thinking I was in for a fun romantic comedy featuring two of the greatest people, Andy Samberg and Rashida Jones. While the movie does include romance and comedy, I wasn’t prepared for the drama part of it. I’m not going to spoil it for you, because I think everyone should see this film, but just have tissues by your side in the event of an emergency. So giving you the info I was given before seeing the movie, Celeste and Jesse met in high school and married young, but at the beginning of the film, we meet them in the midst of a divorce. There are twists and turns that you might not expect, but it has all the elements of my ultimate favorite kind of film – the RomComDram (Romance-Comedy-Drama, if you didn’t crack that code). Also the soundtrack is reason to go alone. When you’re Quincy Jones’ daughter, you have to have excellent taste in music.

Down With Love

One of the queens of the RomCom world, Bridget Jones herself, Renee Zellwegger stars as Barbara Novak, an author who advocates female independence, most notably in her book Down With Love. Set in the 1950s, Barbara encourages ladies to enjoy sex without commitment, and meets her enemy (potential match?) in Ewan MacGregor’s Catcher Block, a notorious ladies’ man and overall chauvinist pig. What I love about this movie is that is basically a parody of all those classic Doris Day-y comedies that were made in the ’50s, so when you watch it, you have to keep in mind that it’s not being entirely serious. I’m a sucker for this era of music, and yet again, the soundtrack pushes it over the edge and even I fell head over heels in love with the film.

Fever Pitch

Maybe it’s because Jimmy Fallon’s in it. Maybe it’s because I just really enjoy Drew Barrymore. Maybe it’s because the film is set/filmed in Boston. All I know is that Fever Pitch is not only one of my most underrated RomComs of all time, but it’s one of the most underrated movies of all time, IMO. Jimbo plays Ben, a teacher who, like many New England-ers, is a die-hard Red Sox fan. He meets Lindsey, who is a super-businesswoman who could care less for the Sox. Clearly Ben, who sleeps in Sox sheets and has a replica of the Green Monster in his apartment, lets his love for the team get in the way of any relationship, especially the one with Lindsey, despite the fact she’s obviously the love of his life. As an added bonus to this hilar and romantic love story, the movie actually ends with victory in more ways than one. Go Sox.

On the Line

As a BSB fan, I was ashamed that I even watched On the Line, which starred Lance Bass and Joey Fatone. But as a teenybopper, I felt it was my duty to watch this film, no matter how horrible I thought it would be. I mean, it’s a story that’s been told before – boy meets girl on subway. Boy puts up flyers and classified ads to find girl. Boy and girl nearly miss each other at Al Green concert. JT & Chris Kirkpatrick show up as part of a glam squad. Boy and girl finally reunite at the train station they met at. But you know, still one of those bad good movies you should probably watch.

License to Wed

So this might be the third time John Krasinski’s come up during RomCom Week – so what, who cares? In a stark contrast to Away We Go, Licensed to Wed is a super corny RomCom in the truest sense of the term. Ben (JKras) and Sadie (Mandy Moore) are heading down the aisle. But in order to get married in the church of Sadie’s choice, they must go through an intense and, quite frankly, pretty insane prenuptial course run by Reverend Frank, played by the great Robin Williams. The movie is super predictable, but the best/worst RomComs always are. Mandy perfectly plays the sweet bride, John portrays a charming motherf’er, per usual, and Robin is his usual hyper, hilarious self. If you want to watch a movie that’s not completely horrible, but not Shawshank Redemption level, this one’s for you.

He’s Just Not That Into You

I never read this book, and I know the movie got a bunch of mixed reviews, but I am in the minority of people who didn’t hate this movie? Ok, I straight up liked it a lot. I’m a sucker for those big cast/intertwining story movies (I actually saw New Year’s Eve in the theater), and this one is no different. With Jennifer Aniston, Ben Affleck, Drew Barrymore, and BRADLEY COOPER (I think I’m confusing his character with the one in Valentine’s Day, which I also liked), you assume it’s a movie that’s going to be really good. From the cheating husband to the man who won’t commit to the best friends who won’t just realize they’re perform for each other, the movie covers almost every type of relationship problem there is. Which, I guess, is kind of the point, isn’t it?

5,000 Candles in the Wind: Pawnee OTPs

It’s week two of our month-long series dedicated to Parks and Recreation, and since we’re in the midst of RomCom Week here, we figured we’d feature the romantic side of this #blessed sitcom with the series’ best OTPs.

If you’re not into the Internet (I’m guessing if you’re reading this, you are), OTP = One True Pairing, or in basic terms, your favorite couple (usually of the fictional sort). Basically it’s the two people (or inanimate objects, whatevs) that you have an unhealthy obsession over their wellbeing together. These OTPs are ones we’ll miss dearly, ones we already miss, and ones that will live forever in our hearts.

Leslie and Ann

I ship Leslie and Ben as much as the next person, but let’s be real, one of the reasons that make Parks so special is Leslie’s independence as a woman. She’s a fantastic, strong, positive person on her own, and doesn’t rely on others to get shit done. But that’s different than enlisting the help of your friends and loved ones. Because of her generous heart, she has forged strong relationships with others, including the love of her life, Ben, and the other love of her life, Ann. Leslie and Ann’s friendship started off kind of work related, but it turned into this beautiful, brilliant, powerful musk ox of a relationship that is really unparalleled with other fiction female friendships on TV. They look out for each other, they support each other, they genuinely care for each other. They’re each other’s soul mates, and not even distance can tear them apart. Ovaries before brovaries, y’all.

Leslie and Ben

Before Ben came along, Leslie needed someone that was as smart or smarter than she was, who could handle previously stated independent woman qualities, and someone who would support her in any dream she dared to follow, no matter how big or how small. That’s what make’s their relationship work so well – no matter what they each go for in life, the other is right by their side. We saw it when Ben ran Leslie’s councilwoman campaign, and *potential spoiler alert* we’re most definitely going to see it when Leslie helps Ben run for Congress. Like Ben said during his vows, he had been to 46 cities in 11 years, but all that time, he was just wandering around, looking for Leslie.

Ben and Game of Thrones

I would’ve put Ben’s side piece of Calzones on this list, but ever since they betrayed him, idk if he’ll ever be able to trust them again. Who he can trust are all those GoT folk, like the Lannisters and Tyrions and dragon women and red wedding (I don’t watch it, can you tell?). Ben will gladly defend the show to anyone, since GoT is not just a “fantasy” show – it’s a show that tells human stories in a fantasy world.

Leslie and Joe Biden

As early as season two, we find out that Leslie has a gigantic crush on our nation’s Vice President. When Ann asks her what her ideal man is, Leslie responds, “He has the brains of George Clooney in the body of Joe Biden.” I mean, that’s just not an answer you hear every day. But it’s exactly the answer you expect Leslie Knope to say. By the beginning of season five, we see Leslie achieving one of her dreams, and meets big Joe himself. The brief meeting is enough to get us to ship Leslie and Joe if this whole Ben thing doesn’t work out (JK THEY WILL NEVER BREAK UP). Ben setting up the meeting with Joe (and also Leslie getting Ben the Iron Throne) are yet another reason to admire their relationship. They just love seeing each other happy.

Leslie and Waffles

Unlike Ben’s calzone betrayal, JJ’s waffles have never done her wrong. Not even a bout of the flu could take her away from her beloved round slabs of dough slathered in whipped cream. At one point JJ tells Leslie she spent over a thousand dollars (at JJ’s) on waffles alone. Some amazing person on Tumblr did some calculations and figured she had 4 to 7 waffles a week. I can’t even think of one thing I eat that many times a week. Maybe coffee. Yeah coffee.

Donna and her Mercedes-Benz

Donna may have found love in season seven, but throughout the series, she happily touts her flings with men. But her longest and most meaningful relationship might be the one she has with her beloved SUV. The above clip is when Leslie accidentally shoots her car during the gang’s hunting trip at Ron’s cabin, and her reaction pretty much sums up how she feels about it. In a full circle moment (and yet another testament of how much Leslie’s friends love her), Donna willingly rams her SUV into a truck belonging to the stupid owner of a van company who won’t handover the vans so that the gang can pick up senior citizens and drive them to a polling place to vote for Leslie. Donna selflessly injured her baby so Leslie could win!

Andy and April

Andy and April are one of my favorite television couples of all time. When Andy says something half-witted or April says something creepy and depressive, the camera never zooms in on their other half making a WTF face, which would be the approach of most sitcoms and, face it, most people. It shows them making googly eyes of affection, instead. Whether it’s Andy’s band or April’s dream of buying a haunted-looking racoon hostel of a house, they have each other’s back,  always see each other in the best light, and encourage each other to make those big crazy decisions.

 

Ron and Meat

Ron Swanson lives on his own terms. He hates government intervention, sentimentality, and fluff.  He calls vegetables “the food that his food eats” and tosses vegan bacon to the ground in disgust. If Ron Swanson had a tumblr – which he wouldn’t – it would be pages and pages of bacon memes and steak gifs. If Ron Swanson had a refrigerator, not only would it be full of meat, but the door would be plastered with pictures of meat, held up with meat magnets. And if Ron Swanson had a restaurant, the whole menu would be meats wrapped around other meats, and you’d pay through barter or maybe gold bars.

Chris and Dr. Richard Nygard

Dr. Richard Nygard is the Cathy Santoni (Full House) or Tino (My So-Called Life) of Parks and Recreation. He is Norm’s wife (Cheers) or the bottom half of Wilson’s face (Home Improvement). Nygard is the unseen, influential, constant presence in Chris Traeger’s life. In 50 years, when a student writes a college thesis about Parks of Recreation, they’ll claim that Dr. Richard Nygard represents God, or maybe Traeger’s inner life. Anyway, Chris loves that damn therapist. As a viewer, you can imagine anything you want about him. Personally, I picture an unlicensed whackadoo who rents the back room of a children’s dance studio in a strip mall, dispensing whatever advice was on Oprah’s Next Chapter that week.

Tom and Jean-Ralphio

If Leslie and Ann’s friendship grew on a mutual foundation of caring for their community and wanting to do the right thing, Tom and Jean-Ralphio’s grew on a mutual foundation of caring for themselves and wanting to make serious bank. And we love them. Tom and Jean-Ralphio are a couple of silly geese who pursue wacky business ventures and speak in even wackier abbreves. But they’re also two people who don’t quite fit into Pawnee culture, yet have these grandiose ideas of what they can turn Pawnee into. It’s like that quote about how love isn’t about looking at each other, but looking outward in the same direction. But they’d say that they’re looking “O.W. in the same direx,” and they’d half-sing it, and they’d be looking at a Baby Gucci wholesale outlet they built on the Eagleton-Pawnee border.

Lil’ Sebastian and The City of Pawnee

Every hometown has those weird cultural quirks that you can only truly understand if you’re from there. Ours, for instance, had a long-running waterfall laser light show about a man who died in that very waterfall while attempting to jump it with his pet bear (the bear lived). So you might think that Pawnee’s adoration for Lil’ Sebastian is over the top, until you realize that your city has its own weird obsessions. I swear, Leslie could have dined out for years on getting Lil’ Sebastian for the Harvest Festival. Even meat doesn’t make Ron smile as big as he did when surprised with a Lil’ Sebastian sighting. And that miniature horse’s funeral was a sendoff to rival Princess Diana’s. Sebastian may have been li’l, but his impact on Pawnee was anything but li’l. I like to think that Sebastian taught Pawnee how to love.

Playlist of the Month: Songs by 2015 Grammy Nominees

The Grammy Awards are this Sunday, and the nominees always remind me how much music I’m not listening to. There are whole categories – chamber music, regional roots, children’s  – that I can honestly say I haven’t played once in the past 12 months. Neither of us is concerned with what music is supposed to be highbrow or cool, which is probably why you won’t see anything from the more esoteric categories. We just like what we like. Here’s what we liked from the 2015 Grammy nominees:

Molly’s Picks

Jackie And Wilson by Hozier {Song Of The Year}

I have a rule that if there are more than three songs I want to download from an album, I just buy the whole thing. That was the case with Hozier’s self-titled debut. We all know Take Me To Church, the song for which he was nominated and the Top 40 constant for the past 3 months. But this is an album with, like, 10 standout tracks. It was hard to pick just one, but it felt right to introduce everyone to one of Hozier’s more uptempo tunes.

Bed Peace by Jhene Aiko ft. Childish Gambino {Best Urban Contemporary Album}

If you can watch this video without wishing that Donald Glover and Jhene Aiko would just be a couple already, I can’t relate. As someone who listens to a lot of … um… urban contemporary? music, Sail Out is really refreshing because it’s sort of floaty and beachy in addition to the typical rap solos and R&B beats.

Seriously. Does anyone still say “urban music” though?

Afterlife by Arcade Fire {Best Alternative Music Album}

Also, does anyone still say “alternative music?”

Usually I listen to Arcade Fire when I feel like revisiting 2005 (see also: Bright Eyes, Motion City Soundtrack). While Reflektor still sounds like Arcade Fire, they’ve definitely moved further into the synth-y, electronic, dancey direction.

Bad Blood by Bastille {Best New Artist}

It always feels like the Grammys use some fuzzy math for what’s a “new” artist. So, yeah, Bastille’s been around for a minute. I’ve been watching Twin Peaks so I had to pick the song named after pretty, dead Laura Palmer, even though this one sounds sort of surprisingly Phil Collins-y.

Severed Crossed Fingers by St. Vincent {Best Alternative Music Album}

I’ll admit it. This is my least favorite St. Vincent album. But it’s still really good, and I’m always in favor of artists trying new things instead of spitting out what they think their audience wants.

Traci’s Picks

3005 by Childish Gambino {Best Rap Performance}

Being a fan of Community, I was an early adapter to Childish Gambino. I saw him live in 2010, and as he became more popular over the past few years, the venues started getting bigger and, for some reason, the audience kept getting younger. Anyways, I was a hardcore Gambino Girl back in the day and am particularly partial to his earlier stuff. His Grammy-nominated album (!) because the internet was clearly an evolution of his sound, and although it was good, I just personally liked the tracks off Camp and his EP better (Kauai is really good too, tho). But one song I couldn’t (and still can’t) stop playing is 3005, which is reminiscent of that early sound I loved. A fun thing to do is listen to it on your car and when the beat kicks in on the chorus, turn the volume way up and then immediately turn it back down because you are old now.

New Flame by Chris Brown featuring Usher & Rick Ross {Best R&B Performance}

UGH CHRIS BROWN. STOP MAKING MUSIC I LIKE, BECAUSE YOU ARE LIT’RALLY THE WORST. But hi Usher. UGH CHRIS BROWn,.

Rather Be by Clean Bandit featuring Jess Glynne {Best Dance Recording}

I was in the unique position of reading about how this song was burning up the UK charts prior to actually hearing it. I decided to see what all the fuss was about, and immediately got addicted to it, and now am a fan of both Clean Bandit and Jess Glynne. Her voice is perfectly suited for Clean Bandit’s sound, and vice versa.

Something in the Water by Carrie Underwood {Best Country Solo Performance}

I’ve mentioned on this blog before that I’m particular to Carrie Underwood, specifically that hearing her sing usually makes me cry. This song is no different. It was a track she released in conjunction with her greatest hits album, and like a couple of her other songs, it’s classified under the Christian genre, and she even samples Amazing Grace towards the end. That song is so traditional that it can be overplayed and overused, but Carrie makes it sound brand new and makes you feel something within, no matter what you believe.

Day Drinking by Little Big Town {Best Country Duo/Group Performance}

So it’s February, and there may or may not be a blizzard going on outside your home right now, but if you want to feel like it’s summer and you’re throwing back a few margs or beers or alcohol of your choice, just listen to this song.

Honorable Mentions:

Bound 2 by Kanye West featuring Charlie Wilson {Best Rap/Sung Performance}, Ain’t It Fun by Paramore {Best Rock Song}, Automatic by Miranda Lambert {Best Country Song}

5,000 Candles in the Wind: Residents of Pawnee

Just when we’re drying up our happy/sad tears from the Parenthood series finale, we’re reminded that we’ve entered the final few weeks of another one of our beloved programs, Parks and Recreation. Because of the “brilliance” that is NBC brass, we’ve been counting down the last episodes two by two, and as we enter February, we only have seven left. In honor of that, we’re dedicating each Tuesday to Parks and how much joy it has brought to our lives over the past six years.

We start with the citizens of Pawnee – the people who make this small town in Indiana feel like a real town we would actually want to visit. We’ve met dozens of folks from this city – most of them a little off their rockers – but it’s what makes the show so great. With the likes of Perd Hapley and Coucilman Jamm and Lil’ Sebastian (RIP), we as viewers get a glimpse into what life is like living with these literal characters in Pawnee, and can understand why Leslie Knope has such strong feelings for her hometown. Pawnee may be fourth in obesity, but it’s first in friendship, and these residents are the prime example.

Joan Callamezzo

Favorite Moment(s): After singing Let’s Hear It For the Boy in a drunken stupor, Ben and Tom take her home, where we see she has a bunch of oil paintings up – of herself. Naked.

Why we’ll miss them: She’s the trainwreck you can’t stop watching. It’s like all the Jersey Shore castmembers rolled into one.

Where they’ll be in another three year time jump: Joan is busy promoting her 10th memoir, dedicated specifically to all the men who have given her STDs over the years. She takes Pawnee Today on the road to Los Angeles, but ends up miles from Hollywood in Sun Valley, in a studio next to a factory that makes sex toys. She ends up falling in love and ditches her job with Pawnee Today in favor of her new show – Porn Valley Tomorrow.

Orin

 

Favorite Moment(s): His performance art piece, where he’s acting as an animal living on a Human Farm.

Why we’ll miss him: He’s just so weird.

Where he’ll be in another three year time jump: A curator from the Indianapolis Museum of Art accidentally went to Orin’s Human Farm exhibit and ran into him again in 2018 at a mutual friend’s gallery called “Laser Snakes”. He offered Orin a curator job at the Museum, and he now seeks out performance artists from around the world. He’s still super weird.

Perd Hapley

Favorite Moment(s): Breaking the news of Leslie’s (non) affair with Dexhart in Christmas Scandal; his role as (not a real) judge in Perdple’s Court

Why we’ll miss him: How will we know when a scandal is supposed to be brewing now?

Where he’ll be in another three year time jump: Starring in the locally produced Western show, Howdy, Perdner! Also, the locally produced quiz show, Revenge Of The Perds. And the locally produced birdwatching program, A Perd In The Hand. Plus the locally produced children’s cartoon, Harold And The Perdple Crayon. Everyone agrees that he’s gotten a little carried away.

Greg Pikitis

Favorite Moment(s): When he unexpectedly turns out to be the boyfriend of Allison, the girl Leslie had been trying to recruit as a Parks intern.

Why we’ll miss them: He may be annoying, but he is never not interesting.

Where they’ll be in another three year time jump: He realized he had a soft spot for the government and went to Notre Dame for Political Science. He went on to work for President Hillary Clinton’s administration and is currently in the process of campaigning for Joe Biden’s 2024 Presidential bid – against Leslie Knope.

Bobby Newport

Favorite Moment(s): Behaving like a petulant boy prince during the city council campaign, then shocking us all by endorsing Leslie.

Why we’ll miss them: He’s a total weenie, but he’s also a member of the First Family Of Pawnee Sugar. Sweetums has brought so much joy – and so much diabetes – to so many.

Where they’ll be in another three year time jump: Moved up from Nougat to the Caramel Division; conducting a Wonka-esque contest to tour the Sweetums factory – winner scores a totally unpaid, full-time internship.

Ken Hotate

Favorite Moment(s): When he threatened to put a curse on the Harvest Festival, then “lifted” said fake curse by saying fake chants in Native American.

Why we’ll miss them: He may have seemed like the no nonsense tribal elder of the Wamapoke Native American tribe, but he had a really great sense of dry humor that he only really shared for the camera.

Where they’ll be in another three year time jump: Thanks to the economic boom in Pawnee, he was able to open another Wamapoke Casino. He still deals with crazy white people on the daily.

Ethel Beavers

Favorite Moment(s): Leslie drags Ethel out in the snowy cold to Ben’s house to read her statement. “Let the record state that I, Leslie Knope, love Ben Wyatt. I love him with all of my heart.”

Why we’ll miss them: She’s annoying old broad who tells it like it is.

Where they’ll be in another three year time jump: Ethel is still working as a stenographer for the town of Pawnee. After a string of lovers, it seems as if she’s finally settled down… with a cat. The men, yeah she’s still got them on rotation.

The creepy tattoo guy

Favorite Moment(s): He bids on Ann when Leslie puts a date with her up for auction, and he pitches a date which includes “taking her out to watch him do belly flops in the mud pit, then getting Thai food and a tank of Nitrous and seeing what happens”.

Why we’ll miss them: We don’t even know his name, but we don’t really need to to enjoy his creepiness (from afar).

Where they’ll be in another three year time jump: Still working at the pawn shop, but he added an extension to the store for guns and ammo.

Crazy Ira and the Douche

Favorite Moment(s): Basically every shock jock-y line they’ve ever delivered, such as “I know it’s a winter’s morn but it feels like a Summer’s eve… cuz The Douche is in the building!”

Why we’ll miss them: The best use of radio sound effects since the 1930s.

Where they’ll be in another three year time jump: After multiple FCC infractions and a boycott by Eagleton, they were dropped by their station. Like most people, they have a podcast.

Jean-Ralphio and Mona-Lisa Saperstein

Favorite Moment(s): Keeping Anna Nicole body spray alive, hoodwinking Henry Winler… honestly, these two never fail to turn our frizowns upside-dizzity.

Why we’ll miss them: They’re the best at being the wooorrrst.

Where they’ll be in another three year time jump: Designer meth (actually made out of designer-imposter perfume and baby powder). Prison sentence. Local home shopping show. Community service sentence (because of mismanaged funds for shopping show). Local reality show. Mona-Lisa has a baby. Wait. Mona-Lisa stole a baby. Then lost it at a rave.

Shauna Malwae-Tweep

Favorite Moment(s)Almost entering into relationships with Andy, Ben, Chris, and Leslie (as an Ann replacement in Galentines II)

Why we’ll miss them: Always comes up with the right headline.

Where they’ll be in another three year time jump: Editor in chief of the Pawnee Tribune; has hooked up with all active Pawnee council members.

Councilman Jeremy Jamm

Favorite Moment(s): As opposed to all the times we’ve previously seen Jamm be the one controlling others to get his way, he falls into the Tammy curse and Leslie and Ron have to work together to get him out of his crazed obsession.

Why we’ll miss him: We really won’t, but it’s those you hate that are the ones worth remembering.

Where he’ll be in another three year time jump: It took 2 years for Jamm to fully get out of his post-Tammy funk. He’s finally feeling like himself again, and his ‘You got Jamm-ed’ quota is up to 20 from 10 people the previous year.

Brandi Maxxx

Favorite Moment(s): Standing by Leslie after the bailout … because she was raking in the big bucks for her adult adaptation of the story, Too Big To Nail

Why we’ll miss her: Able to define pornography where Justice Stewart failed.

Where she’ll be in another three year time jump: Starring in an adult version of the National Park / Gryzzl deal, Jyzzlbox.

Lil Sebastian

Favorite Moment(s): When he used to be alive. Particularly, Ron Swanson’s face when he realized Lil Sebastian would be at the harvest festival.

Why we’ll miss him: Dead.

Where she’ll be in another three year time jump: Still dead. Sebastian was li’l, but now he is 5,000 candles in the wind.

If The Slipper Fits: Into the Woods Character Bios

Over the holidays, two more stage to screen musicals made their debuts in the theatres – Annie and Into the Woods. One featured a scantily clad Cameron Diaz taking over a role made famous by Carol Burnett, and one has Meryl Streep singing songs adapted for the big screen by the OG composer and lyricist. We went to see one of those movies, and it rhymes with Shminto the Shwoods (it’s Into the Woods).

Into the Woods is classic Stephen Sondheim, with a difficult and sophisticated score and complex characters who thrive (or don’t, I guess) in a group setting. But Sondheim’s works are like onions – there are so many layers to it that it’s incomprehensible that he’s managed to incorporate so many themes and plot lines and characters into one cohesive production. It’s why he’s one of the greatest composers/lyricists to ever exist.

That being said, Into the Woods specifically tells the tale (or tales) of mostly pre-existing characters from several Brothers Grimm fairy tales. While the idea of keeping up with 15ish people’s lives sounds daunting, Sondheim, along with Rob Marshall who directed the film version, make the big screen version easy to follow, even for non-theater nerds who have no idea what they’re getting into. But if you do fit into that category and still need help delineating who’s who, we have come up with brief character bios for everyone in the musical.

*Editor’s note: we clearly made these up ourselves. If you haven’t seen the movie yet, this will all make more sense once you do. For now, just assume we’re hilarious.

Witch

Musical training: learned to “rap” from an early 1990s “hip hop” tape that teaches multiplication to fourth graders.

Hair inspiration: The “colorful hair” tag on Tumblr

Secret Wish: To be Elphaba in Wicked

Baker

High school superlative: Actual Prince Charming

Famous Relatives: Mr. Mellark

Baker’s Wife

Talents: grocery shopping without a written list

Non-talents: Staying near her damn cow

Personal gripe: Direct quote: “I have lived in my town for 15 damn years and nobody has even bothered to ask what my name is.” [It’s Wendy. No. Was it Stacy? Crystal. Probably. Wait… Lisa, maybe?]

Secret hobby: One-upping all of the other ladies on her infertility/ pregnancy planning message board. “Oh, that’s cute about your tilted uterus and IVF. I had a witch’s curse, and first we tried a cow as white as milk…” She seems sweet, but make no mistake: those broads hate her.

Cinderella

Hair inspiration: The prom issue of a late-90s Delia*s catalog

Height: Little Red / Jack

Weight: see above

Wardrobe secrets: really more into flats

Future career: organizing guru / sole proprietor of a housecleaning service

Side gig: motivational speaker, touring high schools with her presentation Losing My Shoe, Finding Myself: What I Learned In The Woods

Cinderella’s Dead Mother Tree

Famous relatives: Grandmother Willow from Pocahontas; Whomping Willow from Harry Potter

Weakness: Gossiping too much with the other trees about the fools running around the woods with cows and shit

Hidden talents: Nothing. She’s a tree.

Hobbies: photosynthesis, maybe?

Cinderella’s Prince

Arch nemeses: T.L.C. ( chases waterfalls, despite their admonitions)

Nickname: McStreamy

Favorite Cologne: Sex Panther

Cinderella’s Stepmother

Weird Fetish: Feet

Famous Relatives: Anjelica Houston

Florinda

Hairstyling Secret: Uses the Air Curler on the daily

Hair inspiration: Amy March

Dislikes: Open-toed shoes

Lucinda

Secret wish: To hook up with Elsa from Frozen

Occupation: Studying to be a ballerina, working exclusively en pointe.

Top Google hit: “Lucinda + feet”

Little Red

Occupation: Cautionary Tale

Personal motto: Nice is different than good

Arch nemesis: Sophia Grace from The Ellen DeGeneres show; everyone who has ever played Annie

Life goals: To be the first child in musical theater to achieve MALRAC (playing the roles of Matilda, Annie, Little Red, Amaryllis, and Cosette)

Little Red Riding Hood’s Grandmother

Screenshot 2015-01-14 02.39.23

Allergies: Gluten

Famous Relatives: Old Rose from Titanic, Wendy Darling

Weaknesses: Befriending wild animals in the woods

The Wolf

Criminal background: Allegorical Rapist

Deepest Secret: Sort of … really obviously human

You may know him from the TLC special: I Swallowed Two Humans!: The Man With The Cavernous Stomach

Jack

Personal history: emerged fully formed from a 22-year-old’s “Future Children 🙂 ” Pinterest board

Life goals: to be the first child in musical theater to achieve a BEJOG (playing the roles of  Billy Elliott, Jack, Oliver, and Gavroche)

Weakness: Peer pressure

Jacks’ Mother

Favorite TV shows: Dance Moms, House Hunters International, Gilmore Girls

Skills: Basketweaving, hairdressing, makes killer zucchini bread

Allergies: Beans

Giant

 

Famous Relatives: Jack Black (in Gulliver’s Travels), Shaq

Life Motto: “Size does matter”

Giant’s Wife

 

Dislikes: Little kids messing with magic beans and killing giants, never finding clothes that fit at Talbots or Chicos

You May Know Her From The I.D. Special: Dateline Nightline: When Giant Housewives Snap

The Beanstalk

Favorite pastime: Messing with people’s front yards

Fun fact: Was up for the role of venus flytrap Audrey II in Little Shop of Horrors (1986), but deemed “not venus flytrap-y enough”.

Famous Relatives: The grapevine (of “heard it through the…” fame)

Rapunzel

Biggest secret: Shhh! They’re extensions.

Fun fact: Secretly has her own line of extensions she sells on Etsy

Secret Wish: To be a lounge singer on a Disney Cruise Line

Rapunzel’s Prince

Hair inspiration: Derrick from Full House

Secondary hair inspiration: Dawson Leery

Awards: Was named fastest climber in elementary school P.E. rope climb test

Cow

Occupation: Cow

Special Skills: Makes milk

Pet Peeves: Being led around a forest for hours by a kid and a singing British couple

Annoying habit: Says “my stomachs hurt!” whenever she doesn’t feel well. Yes. You have multiple stomachs. WE KNOW.

 Stephen Sondheim

Occupation: Bad ass father of musical theatre

Brags The Most About: That one cameo he made in 2003 musical theatre film Camp (starring Anna Kendrick)

Fun Fact: Has Meryl Streep and Bernadette Peters’ phone numbers (probably)

Golden Globes 2015 – Best and Worst Dressed

With the Golden Globes last night, we’re officially in awards season mode. Queens Tina and Amy made their third and final appearance as hosts, our love for Amal ‘The dress is Dior Couture by the gloves are my own’ Clooney grew even more, and for some reason, the tears were flowing so much that you’d think we had watched the last 8 hours of Titanic during the show.

That being said, the Globes came and went as fast as Leo DiCaprio’s model girlfriends, and with the 2015 ceremony behind us, we’re picking our hits and misses on the red carpet. Are your faves on the list?

Best Dressed

Molly’s Picks

Amal Clooney in Dior

The dress was vintage Dior. The gloves were her own. She accessorized with a Je Suis Charlie pin. You win the night, Amal. I appreciate an understated look with one fashion risk tossed in, erring on the side of classy risk (gloves) not tacky (crotch-high slits).

 

Kate Beckinsale in Elie Saab

So, I’ve never thought to myself “Kate Beckinsale: fashion icon” – more like “Kate Beckinsale: which one is she?” because I always have to think about who she is vs. Kate Bosworth. But Beckinsale keeps nailing it on the red carpet, so I have a feeling I’ll be a lot better at remembering which one she is in the future. This is the rare gown that – if you click through to the source – actually looks better on her than it did on the runway, with the neckline altered to be slightly less plunging. I love the dark nails, clean makeup, and after several years of tousled waves on the red carpet, even the tidy updo is refreshing.

Salma Hayek in Alexander McQueen

I was about to write this off as too bridal at first. But honestly, brides WISH they could look this good. This is how a fairly simple design concept can look amazing: perfect tailoring, an interesting brocade fabric, and accessories – it wouldn’t work without that belt. If I could change anything, I’d ditch the bridal-white clutch and swap the dainty silver bangle for a thinner, more solid bracelet.

Julianne Moore in Givenchy

Usually sequins and feathers would get a big “no, not really” from me. But leave it to the preferred designer of Audrey Hepburn to nail it with a minimalist neckline and bodice and silvery ombre.

Matt Bomer in Ralph Lauren Black Label

Okay, boys. THIS is how you do non-black Black Tie. In a decade’s time, these ’50s-influenced, slim-cut tuxedos are going to look so 2010s. I don’t even care. I’m so over those schlumpy, baggy tuxedo pants that look like they could be concealing a diaper.

Honorable Mention: Quvenzhane Wallis in Armani – that little munchkin is dressed exactly how an 11-year-old nominated for her performance in Annie should be. And Tina Fey’s tuxedo, because good Lord, that wasn’t even fair.

Traci’s Picks

Diane Kruger in Emilia Wickstead

Golden Globe Awards? More like SILVER Globe Awards, amirite?? Diane was just one of the many stars wearing a shimmery silver last night, including Julianne Moore, Reese Witherspoon, Jennifer Lopez, Dakota Johnson, etc. etc. But I think Diane wore it best – it’s not too outlandish like JLo’s, but it’s also not as simple as Reese’s. There’s more too it than just a gown. It has depth and lines – but let’s be real, if anyone else wore this, it wouldn’t look as good.

 

Emily Blunt in Michael Kors

She may not have walked away with an award last night, but Emily is certainly on the top of a lot of best dressed lists today. She looks like a goddess (said in my head with a British accent like ‘god-DESS’) in this flowing white gown. She paired it perfectly with the pop of color with her bracelet and earrings and a perfect braid atop her head. Flawless.

 

Chrissy Teigen in Zuhair Murad

Being a model, Chrissy has a penchant for hitting her red carpet look out of the park, and this was no exception. I feel like in person, this baby pink lace dress is even more impressive, and that makes me love it even more. And although John Legend won last night, Chrissy of course made her mark by getting caught making this face, and within minutes she was an internet meme. God bless.

 

Taylor Schilling in Ralph Lauren

As I’m typing this I just realized I also chose Taylor for one of my Best Dressed at the Emmys last year, so I guess she’s killing it on the red carpet as of late? Any type of gown that flares out like that reminds me of a classing Hollywood style, which is perfect for this event. It’s simple yet sexy, and if only she had changed her makeup a little, this would’ve been the perfect look.

 

Emma Stone in Lanvin

Boy, do I enjoy a good pantsuit. I love when ladies say ‘screw traditional women’s fashion – i’m gonna wear pants!’. (BTW best dressed not on my list includes Tina Fey in that tux that made me question my sexuality for a second). Anyways, Emma is the type of gal who can make this look classy yet fun, and that sash – THAT SASH is the perfect accessory. Also, pockets. What girl doesn’t love pockets?!

 

Worst Dressed

Molly’s Picks

Katie Holmes in Marchesa

This shape and color is perfect for the erstwhile Josephine Potter. So what’s the problem? Easy: that it’s one of those fabrics that creases in a not-so-attractive way when you wear it. I really feel for Katie Holmes here – how many of us have been there with something that looks awesome when you try it on, and becomes a wrinkly mess after 10 minutes of sitting and moving around?

Keira Knightley in Chanel

This is a dress worth breaking our usual taboo over having too much overlap on our lists. It’s like part Delia*s, part prom dress from The Virgin Suicides, part Wendy Darling’s nightgown. Hey, at least she tried something?

Conchita Wurst

Conchita Wurst’s fame hasn’t really reached U.S. shores yet, but I’m feeling pretty “you do you” about the beard. The internet might have room for fashion police, but not gender binary police. I just don’t like how the dress reminds me of a Halloween costume for Hot Rose Dewitt Bukater. There’s also some poor timing going on – it reminds me of that much-maligned green dress that took Twitter by storm last week.

Kristin Dos Santos in Walter Mendez

This cut makes her look weirdly bottom-heavy.  If you erase everything from a few inches above the knee on down the dress looks great, so there’s something screwy about how the mermaid effect was tailored.

Alan Cumming in Calvin Klein

What even is this?

Traci’s Picks

Lana Del Rey in Travilla

Looks like Lana’s living out of the waters, probably gonna go spend a day warm on the sand. Thingamabobs? She’s got twenty.

 

Jemima Kirk in Rosie Assoulin

I’m all for a cape but Jemima, who has always been known for her eccentric fashion style, looks like she was dressing up to be Queen Elsa for her kids and found some fabric leftover from 1989 to throw on as a top. Also, she looks exactly like Selina Meyers’ daughter Katherine in Veep, no?

 

Jill Soloway in this suit

Props to Transparent creator Jill for rockin this suit, but I feel like I’ve zoomed into a Magic Eye book.

 

Katie Cassidy in Black Canary couture 

I think Katie Cassidy thought she was going to prom last night… but prom in like 2002.

 

Kiera Knightley in Chanel 

I’ve never been pregnant, but I imagine picking a dress for a high-profile event like the Golden Globes could be particularly daunting. But Kiera’s always been a fashion forward-type gal, so one would assume her style tastes wouldn’t change once she got preggo. Unfortch, that didn’t happen. She looks like a tablecloth from a grandma’s summer home up in the Adirondacks. And I just noticed the huge butterfly bracelet. Ring? Purse? In the words of Miley, ‘Butterfly fly away’.

 

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Live Blog: Golden Globes 2015

Happy Golden Globes day, friends! We look forward to this day every year, for a few reasons. It kicks off the start of awards season, it mixes the Hollywood elite with the charming folks of television, there is drinking involved, and for the past two years, our queens Amy and Tina have been the glorious hosts.

Also, if you want to follow along, fill out our handy dandy C+S Golden Globes ballot by clicking here!!

T: I’M ALREADY CRYING AS SOON AS AMY AND TINA APPEAR ON THE RED CARPET.

T: Hi Emily Blunt is gorge but why is JKras avoiding the interview??

T: I am dying over Amal Clooney’s white gloves, y’all. Like when is someone making a Twitter account for this? Also, when Ryan Seacrest asked who her gloves were by she said, “They’re my own.” OF COURSE THEY ARE.

M: YES. You can almost see Amal thinking “this is all very cute, but just so you all know, I have a REAL job.” Except more gracious.

T: She’s so much better than this. The woman wore a Dior Haute Couture gown because, and I quote, “In solidarity with the French people who have gone through a terrible week.” Like, you’re a better person than everyone on this carpet.

M: My over-the-top love for Amal Clooney finally makes me understand how baby boomer women feel about George Clooney.

T: Agreed. And mine is a newer love for her, kinda like the time everyone was freaking out about Kate Middleton and their wedding and I was all WTF she’s just human then I started watching it and next thing you know I’m up at 4am watching it and DVRing every possible special on their matrimony.

M: I tuned in around 7:30 only to be greeted by Emma Stone’s brother(?) wearing a men’s headband (headman-d?) and chewing gum. Queue my memory of our Italian high school Spanish teacher – got that? – telling us that chewing gum makes you look like a horse.

M: Reese Witherspoon is wearing a pretty silver number and walking with real-life Wild. Okay, not sure what her name is. Anyway you know how usually in biopics the actor is a significantly more attractive version of whoever they’re playing? Not here! Wild is really pretty.

M: Please, just one time, can Jennifer Aniston just say screw it and show up with The Rachel?

M: Lupita Nyong’o. Human flower petal. Jeeeez.

T: So clearly, if you watched the E! Red Carpet, Guliana’s love for George Clooney has pushed her to drinking multiple shots of his tequila and now she’s shitfaced. She’s the girl who you can tells is trying super hard to concentrate but is completely gone.

M: Also, Guliana is saying “selfie” like my parents do. Like, you can hear the quotes around it. Like it’s on this week’s vocab quiz.

M: Melissa McCarthy… first of all, beautiful. Second of all, sort of Annie Hall meets caterer or All-County Chorus? Maybe I’ll like it more tomorrow. Hair and face-wise, she’s looking amazing though.

T: Honestly though, as it gets closer to the beginning of the Golden Globes, I feel like a little kid on Christmas Day, but instead of opening presents, we’re opening the pure joy and delight of Tina and Amy.

T: THE QUEENS ARE ALREADY IN THEIR SECOND OUTFITS FOR THE NIGHT! Amy said on the red carpet, “We have about 50 outfit changes and 10 emotional changes”.

T: I don’t think I have seen Wes Anderson before? Maybe? Either way, yeah that’s what he should look like. Even his velour black tie is askew.

 

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or TV Movie

Uzo Aduba, Orange Is The New Black
Kathy Bates, American Horror Story: Freak Show
Joanne Froggatt, Downton Abbey
Allison Janney, Mom
Michelle Monaghan, True Detective

Molly’s Pick: Uzo Aduba
Is it even a question?

Traci’s Pick: Uzo Aduba, Orange Is The New Black
Uzo Aduba all day son. All friggin day.

WINNER: Joanne Froggatt

M: Anna had a hell of a season and all but I never thought Joanne Froggatt would have won.

T: Me either. I lit’rally said out loud: WHAT?!

M: Aw, she seems sweet. So I’m not TOO mad about Crazy Eyes.

M: Yes, Jennifer Lopez. We KNOW. You wear dresses like that.

Best Mini-Series Or TV Movie

Fargo
The Missing
The Normal Heart
True Detective
Olive Kitteridge

Molly’s Pick: The Normal Heart
I should probably watch True Detective, right?

Traci’s Pick: True Detective
For the record, I want The Normal Heart to win all the awards.

WINNER: Fargo

M: So, is Twitter alight with ‘Golden Globes’ jokes re: J. Lo’s boobs? Because those suckers are SPHERICAL.
…and I was typing that her co presenter Jeremy Renner just made one.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Mini-Series or TV Movie

Martin Freeman, Fargo
Mark Ruffalo, The Normal Heart
Billy Bob Thornton, Fargo
Matthew McConaughey, True Detective
Woody Harrelson, True Detective

Molly’s Pick: Mark Ruffalo, The Normal Heart
Because I don’t think you should have to listen to a McConaughey acceptance speech unless you’re stoned.

Traci’s Pick: Matthew McConaughey, True Detective
Oblig McConissance, Alright x3, Time is a Flat Circle, etc.

WINNER: Billy Bob Thornton

M: This is that time every year or two when we all remember that Billy Bob Thornton and Angelina Jolie used to be a thing, and she wore his blood in a vial around her neck. I remember THAT but it’s a crisis every time I have to remember where my phone charger is.

M: If you missed the bit with the “North Korean journalist” and Meryl taking an iPhoto with a magazine so the show could continue… Check tumblr. I’m sure there will be a gif by the time we post this.

M: When they announce Lena Dunham’s nomination, all I can look at is the plate of tiny, beautiful cookies on her table. Oscars are classier but the Globes are definitely the show I’d want to be at.

T: MY EYES WENT TO THE COOKIES TOO.

Best Performance by an Actress In A Television Series – Comedy Or Musical

Lena Dunham, Girls
Edie Falco, Nurse Jackie
Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep
Gina Rodriguez, Jane the Virgin
Taylor Schilling, Orange Is The New Black

Molly’s Pick: Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Veep
What I really want is an acceptance speech written in the voice of Selina Meyer.

Traci’s Pick: Gina Rodriguez, Jane the Virgin
Remember when Andy Samberg won last year? And everyone was like WTF (even tho I love him)? I feel like Gina is the wildcard this year to illicit the same reaction.

WINNER: Gina Rodriguez

T: Guys, I’m crying, and I don’t even watch Jane the Virgin.

M: I’m not just tearing up I am straight up CRYING. I mean to watch it, if that counts.

Best Television Series – Musical or Comedy

Girls
Jane the Virgin
Orange Is The New Black
Silicon Valley
Transparent

Molly’s Pick: Orange Is The New Black
How have we never discussed our mutual love of Poussey Washington?

Traci’s Pick: Orange Is The New Black
#PousseyWashingtonFTW

WINNER: Transparent

M: So, Transparent winning might be that extra push I need to finally subscribe to Amazon Prime.

T: LAWD THE TEARS AREN’T STOPPING. I didn’t realize this year’s Golden Globes was an episode of Parenthood.

M: YOU AREN’T KIDDING. Again, don’t even watch Transparent. This year’s Golden Globes scores a five on a scale from one to five Crying Dawsons.

5 crying dawsons

M: I even saw St. Vincent, yet every time they mention it I expect to see the musician by the same name.

T: Melissa McCarthy used her fashion skills to take the skirt from an old gown and mix it with that collared white top to make her dress tonight. I can barely sew up a hole in my leggings.

M: I have a shirt where the seams are ripping and I’m like “alright, we’ve had a good run, enjoy your new home at the Goodwill drop off shed.”

T: Johann Johannson (best name of the night, tbh) is from Iceland and for some reason I expected him to come out speaking like the Swedish chef. #typicalamerican

M: Yeah, and I also expect that everything he says will be all quirky and Bjorky. False advertising, Iceland Travel Bureau.

T: WTF Prince? Even Allison Janney was like fangirling and completely confused as to why he’s there.

M: The nominees in the original song category, though! Patti Smith?! Between that and Prince I’m caring way more about this category than I expected to.

Is Common the first person to thank God yet? That’s my favorite awards show trope. But his speech is great! Also, I was listening to the speech but hadn’t looked up at the screen yet, and I thought John Legend was speaking, and let me tell you, seeing Common when you’re expecting to see John Legend is a weird sort of jolt.

M: Joey Potter bought a LOT of hair to wear tonight. Also, I cannot see her without remembering Tina Fey’s story about how she said she was a good tap dancer, and was not. Hope they had a dance off backstage!

T: Reminder that BOTH Joey and Pacey are at the Golden Globes right now.

M: I’m going to need a picture. #OTP

f30c0-photoapr1311154am

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role in a Series, Mini-Series or TV Movie

Matt Bomer, The Normal Heart
Alan Cumming, The Good Wife
Colin Hanks, Fargo
Bill Murray, Olive Kitteridge
Jon Voight, Ray Donovan

Molly’s Pick: Alan Cumming, The Good Wife
I don’t even know what the hell I’m doing.

Traci’s Pick: Bill Murray, Olive Kitteridge
Again, The Normal Heart, all day every day, but Bill Murray is one of those people like Ellen Burstyn that is iconic enough that people will vote for him.

WINNER: Matt Bomer, The Normal Heart

M: YAY! Well, there go the waterworks.

T: Matt Bomer and The Normal Heart haven’t won enough awards, IMO.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical

Amy Adams, Big Eyes
Emily Blunt, Into the Woods
Helen Mirren, The Hundred-Foot Journey
Julianne Moore, Map to the Stars
Quvenzhane Wallis – Annie

Molly’s Pick: Emily Blunt, Into The Woods
Amy Adams was great in Big Eyes, but I’ve never seen the Baker’s Wife be so lovable and funny and just fantastic.

Traci’s Pick: Emily Blunt, Into the Woods
I was just so enchanted with Emily Blunt in Into the Woods. I mean I’m always enchanted by her (and J Kras as a couple), but even more so in this film. Like everyone else, I didn’t know she could sing, and mix that with her excellent acting skills, she’s a standout in the movie.

WINNER: Amy Adams

M: Dude, “Quevenjohnny?” NOPE.

T: Yeah, still saying it wrong, man.

M: Yay! While I would have loved to see Emily Blunt win, Amy Adams was incredible in Big Eyes. My only qualm is that it didn’t read as a “comedy,” really. If we want to talk about comedic roles this year, I think the best might have been Jenny Slate in Obvious Child. Just understated and lovely.

M: We’re now at the Little Miss Nepotism portion of the evening (Miss Golden Globe, the child of a famous person, who does nothing).

Best Animated Feature Film

Big Hero 6
The Book Of Life
The Boxtrolls
How To Train Your Dragon 2
The LEGO Movie

Molly’s Pick: The LEGO Movie

I liked Big Hero 6 a lot, but the two nephews I went with (ages 5 and 3) hated it. Like, they were traumatized not by the movie but by the depth of their own hatred for it.

Traci’s Pick: The LEGO Movie

EVERYTHING IS AWESOMEEE

WINNER: How To Train Your Dragon 2

M: I’m of the mind that nothing with “2” at the end of the title should ever receive an award.

T: Ahem *Sister Act 2*

M: Point taken. His eye really WAS on that sparrow. All the awards.

M: I have so much trouble remembering which one is Kate Hudson and which is Katherine Heigl.

M: Jared Leto’s hairline and eyes are so perfect and even that he looks like a limited-edition doll from the Ashton Drake galleries.

Best Performance by an Actress In A Supporting Role in a Motion Picture

Patricia Arquette, Boyhood
Jessica Chastain, A Most Violent Year
Keira Knightley, The Imitation Game
Emma Stone, Birdman
Meryl Streep, Into the Woods

Molly’s Pick: Patricia Arquette, Boyhood
Admittedly I haven’t seen A Most Violent Year, so Jessica Chastain could be a dark horse here.

Traci’s Pick: Patricia Arquette, Boyhood
This gal has been racking up awards this season, so unless Meryl pulls a Meryl, Patricia’s got this in the bag.

WINNER: Patricia Arquette

M: Whenever a celebrity thanks their kids, their names just sound like random sounds.

T: Patricia Arquette also has odd yet not Banjo odd kid names. Ugh, celebrities.

M: Yeah, not like fruit name-odd. Hey, everyone. As in all things, when naming a human being, be more like Meryl, Tina and Amy.

T: I just watched The Skeleton Twins the other day, and if you haven’t seen it yet, I suggest you put it on your Netflix queue. Bill and Kristen are delightful and will make you laugh and cry. Who doesn’t want that in their life?

M: Seconded. It’s the perfect mix of laughing and crying. Joke with a tiny target audience: ” Kristen Wiig graduated from Brighton but she’s looking more Aquinas tonight… RIGHT?” (See, Kristen Wiig is from our hometown, and everyone at our high school was really tan all the time, whereas her school… Whatever. She’s TAN. OKAY?)

T: CLASSIC AQ V. BRIGHTON JOKE.

Best Screenplay – Motion Picture

Birdman
Boyhood
Gone Girl
The Grand Budapest Hotel
The Imitation Game

Molly’s Pick: The Imitation Game

Traci’s Pick: Birdman
I haven’t seen Birdman, but sure, they’ve been winning a lot, so add this one to the trophy case too.

WINNER: Birdman

T: Oh my, Alejandro Inarritu’s accent is fantastic. He did the thing where people add an ‘s’ to the end of words, like “Thank you to Amy Ryans”. So glad he’s a frontrunner so we can experience more of his speeches in the next few months.

M: My favorite use of the superfluous S is in the movie Selena, because screw it, let’s just keep dating ourselves here. Selenasssss.

M: I was going to write something about Lily Tomlin but I put my cursor down and the only words I could form were LILY TOMLIN. Lily Tomlin. I feel about my childhood comedy heroes the way other people feel about Mr. Rogers or their first really great teacher.

T: Jane Fonda – proving her workout videos actually work since 1982.

Best Performance by an Actor In A Television Series – Comedy Or Musical

Louis C.K., Louie
Don Cheadle, House of Lies
Ricky Gervais, Derek
William H. Macy, Shameless
Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent

Molly’s Pick: Louis C.K., Louie
Wishful predicting: I expect to be bored for about half of this show and think a speech from Louis would really liven things up.

Traci’s Pick: Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent
On my list of ‘shows I should probably watch during the summer hiatus’

WINNER: Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent

T: HERE COME THE WATERWORKS AGAIN.

M: Ha. I was just going to ask how you were holding up. Me too.

T: So the announcer took a struggle bus to say those guys’ names who won the Best Foreign Film award.

M: it’s like when a kid from the slow reading group would get called on to read aloud in elementary school. Cringe city.

T: You know that feeling when someone goes up to a microphone and they start talking and you get a feeling that they’re about to say something cringe-worthy and you just grip your seat hoping it doesn’t become embarrassing? Yeah, that was me with Maggie Gyllenhaal.

Best Television Series – Drama

The Affair
Downton Abbey
Game of Thrones
The Good Wife
House of Cards

Molly’s Pick: House Of Cards
I love Downton but Traci’s right.

Traci’s Pick: House of Cards
I like Downton and all, but why are we still nominating them for things, folks?

WINNER: The Affair

T: Diane Kruger is exceptionally excited for Joshua Jackson’s win, so much so that I’m beginning to think he’s not actually still with Joey Potter…

M: Nah, Pacey & Joey forever. All my notebooks from 1998 can’t be wrong. It looked like some sort of funhouse with everyone filing in through a mirrored hallway.

Best Performance by an Actor in a TV Series – Drama

Clive Owen, The Knick
Liev Schreiber, Ray Donovan
Kevin Spacey, House of Cards
James Spader, The Blacklist
Dominic West, The Affair

Molly’s Pick: James Spader, The Blacklist
How have I seen NONE of these?

Traci’s Pick: Kevin Spacey, House of Cards
I feel like this is a weird category, maybe it’s because none of these are traditional network shows, but hey, that’s where TV is going these days. Anyways, Kevin Spacey is a scary breaking the fourth wall motherf’er.

WINNER: Kevin Spacey, House Of Cards

M: I’ll take your word for it, HFPA.

T: Too QT that Kevin and Kata Mara came together. #NoSpoilers

M: I can’t even figure out what could have gotten bleeped in that speech.

T: “It’s about fucking time?” Purely a guesstimate/wish of him saying that

M: I’d like that.

T: OMG I JUST REALIZED NURSE HATHAWAY IS PRESENTING THIS LIFETIME ACHIEVEMENT AWARD TO GEORGE CLOONEY. ONE OF THE OG OTPS.


“We all want to be a ‘F.O.G.’ (Friend of George) is that a thing that people say?? Also I feel like George is too “young” to be receiving this award? He’s like 50 something. People that get this award are like the old guy from The Holiday (RIP).

M: yeah, me too! You have to be collecting social security at least, but ideally be likely to die of natural causes inside of a decade.

Wait. The old guy from The Holiday died????

T: IRL, yeah. Last year. Eli Wallach 😦

M: Man. I usually don’t start my Sunday Night Cry til 11 or so.

T: I INTERRUPT GEORGE’S SPEECH TO ANNOUNCE THAT JARED LETO IS SPORTING A BRAID TONIGHT.

M: And he clearly did some kind of texturizing spray or backcombing.

T: WAIT I’M CRYING AGAIN BC GEORGE WAS JUST SINCERE WITH THAT SPEECH TO AMAL. I’M DYING.

M: George seems awesome, but I just wanna hang out with Amal and talk about when the US will ratify the Convention On Rights Of the Child, and nuclear nonproliferation, and what Oscar de la Renta was like. God I love Cool Lawyers.

Best Director – Motion Picture

Wes Anderson, The Grand Budapest Hotel
Ava Duvernay, Selma
David Fincher, Gone Girl
Alejandro González Iñárritu, Birdman
Richard Linklater, Boyhood

Molly’s Pick: Richard Linklater, Boyhood
He may not be a likely winner but I’d like to see innovation awarded; just thinking of the directorial process when you’re working on the same story for a decade makes my head spin.

Traci’s Pick: Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, Birdman
The Hollywood Foreign Press Association always has a tendency to like foreign people, so give it to this Mexican director, por favor.

WINNER: Richard Linklater, Boyhood

M: Dream couple here. Let’s skip the award and talk to the Pratt-Faris family.

Best Performance by an Actress In A TV Series – Drama

Claire Danes, Homeland
Viola Davis, How To Get Away With Murder
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
Ruth Wilson, The Affair
Robin Wright, House of Cards

Molly’s Pick: Claire Danes, Homeland
I hope that Viola Davis wins because I love her… But I’m also a proud member of the National Association Of Law School Graduates Who Couldn’t Get Through One Episode Of HTGAWM

Traci’s Pick: Viola Davis, How To Get Away With Murder
HOOWWWW TO GET AWAYYYY WITH WINNING EVERY AWARD AS A HBIC.

WINNER: Ruth Wilson, The Affair

T: IDK if it’s because I don’t really like her character on The Affair, but I’m annoyed.

M: if you don’t get Showtime, is The Affair worth finding an, um, alternate way of watching it?

T: I exclusively find alternate ways of watching premium cable shows.

M: Yes, I’m a subscriber to “my parents don’t even know their HBO subscription comes with HBO GO” myself.

T: Also, this is how Viola Davis handled her night (as did Diane Kruger, which explains a lot). Oh hey Octavia Spencer. Love that they’re still friends.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical

Ralph Fiennes, The Grand Budapest Hotel
Michael Keaton, Birdman
Bill Murray, St. Vincent
Joaquin Phoenix, Inherent Vice
Christoph Waltz, Big Eyes

Molly’s Pick: Michael Keaton, Birdman
Everyone I know who saw it is either super into Birdman or super NOT into it, but I’ve heard overall positive reviews of Keaton.

Traci’s Pick: Michael Keaton, Birdman

A guy who played Batman IRL playing a fake actor who was famous for playing a super hero? Yeah, it’s about time he win a Golden Globe.

WINNER: Michael Keaton, Birdman

M: Is E Michael Keaton’s SL? Everyone’s eyes are saying “I have no clue what is happening.”

Best Motion Picture – Comedy Or Musical

Birdman
The Grand Budapest Hotel
Into the Woods
Pride
St. Vincent

Molly’s Pick: St. Vincent
Taking the middle approach between Birdman (likely winner) and Into The Woods (crowd pleaser). Besides, I really enjoyed this one.

Traci’s Pick: Birdman
Again, haven’t seen this, but I’m assuming the HFPA loves it.

WINNER: The Grand Budapest Hotel

T: Whoa. Grand Budapest Hotel coming in from behind! (That’s what she said) AND homeboy has a speech prepared. Also that movie’s cast is apparently a total sausage fest.

M: I liked Grand Budapest, I mean it was fine, but I think I like when Wes Anderson works in a smaller scope (see, eg, Moonrise Kingdom).

M: Does Matthew McConaughey always speak like a VoiceOver of Civil War soldier reading an old letter in a Ken Burns documentary?

Best Performance by an Actress in a Motion Picture – Drama

Jennifer Aniston, Cake
Felicity Jones, The Theory of Everything
Julianne Moore, Still Alice
Rosamund Pike, Gone Girl
Reese Witherspoon, Wild

Molly’s Pick: Jennifer Aniston, Cake.
I can’t decide whether to pick who SHOULD win, who WILL win, or whose win would really make me happy based on what I’m Netflix binging. So, Jennifer Aniston.

Traci’s Pick: Julianne Moore, Still Alice
I’m afraid to watch Julianne Moore play a woman with alzheimer’s because it’s probably going to make me super sad, but I love her and she deserves this.

WINNER: Julianne Moore, Still Alice

Best Performance by an Actor in a Motion Picture – Drama

Steve Carell, Foxcatcher
Benedict Cumberbatch, The Imitation Game
Jake Gyllenhaal, Nightcrawler
David Oyelowo, Selma
Eddie Redmayne, The Theory of Everything

Molly’s Pick: Steve Carell, Foxcatcher
Holy NOT Michael Scott. But hey, maybe David Oyelowo?

Traci’s Pick: Eddie Redmayne, The Theory of Everything
TBH, my choice is Steve Carell in Foxcatcher, because he was creepy as hellll and the polar opposite of everything you’ve seen him in. But Eddie Redmayne did the same thing, so he should win too.

WINNER: Eddie Redmayne

T: ‘Wow, what a category’ – Gwyneth Paltrow. Just gonna leave that there.

T: “How much are we gonna miss Amy and Tina” – Queen Meryl about Queens Tina and Amy’s last time hosting the Golden Globes. They still didn’t get enough air time, TBH.

M: I don’t know if I’m just greedy or what, but it seemed like even less this year.

T: Tina and Amy have been drinking since 10am this morning, let’s be real. Also if we’re being real, that Cho North Korea gag went on for too long. It also provided for less Tina/Amy time.

M: yes! I love her, but at an awards show I want quips, not gags.

Best Motion Picture – Drama

Boyhood
Foxcatcher
The Imitation Game
Selma
The Theory of Everything

Molly’s Pick: Boyhood
Well, it’s what I want to win, anyway.

Traci’s Pick: Boyhood
If you haven’t seen Boyhood, go right now or get it on DVD or whatever, because it is fantastic and nothing like I’ve ever seen before.

WINNER: Boyhood

T: Anyways, I’m really glad Boyhood won, because it’s one of my favorite movies of the year.

M: Agreed! Also, I’m now realizing that all of the movies and tv I watched this year were pretty lowbrow. Thanks, Hollywood Foreign Press Association!

Thanks for reading & watching with us! Until next time!