Author Archives: Traci

Definitive Ranking of Dancing with the Stars Season 18 Contestants

Posted in Entertainment, Lists by

For those of you just tuning in to this blog, I write about celebrities for a living. I literally get paid to write news stories about celebrities, movies, music, and basically anything to do with entertainment. But prior to this position, I used to exclusively write about reality TV. My days were filled with picking sides between the Housewives, deciphering Honey Boo Boo’s ramblings, and actually Keeping Up with the Kardashians.

As you probably know, Dancing with the Stars is one of the biggest reality TV shows in America, so I was basically forced to watch it (and all the other shows for that matter). The first couple of seasons I surprisingly found myself getting really into it. Then last season I really couldn’t be bothered and lost interest completely. I’m writing this to say I will not be keeping up with it this season, but I will be writing this post because this year’s crop of ‘celebrities’ is worth talking about (and possibly throwing shade at). Here are the 12 celebrities and their pro partners that will be taking the dance floor starting March 17th, and here is the official completely unofficial ranking of how they’ll fare as ballroom hoofers, from worst to best, last to first.

UPDATE: JUST FOUND OUT THE PARTNERS MIGHT SWITCH PER AUDIENCE VOTE, SO THIS ENTIRE LIST MIGHT BE INVALID. WHATEVER. DEREK HOUGH PROBS GONNA WIN AGAIN ANYWAYS.

 Billy Dee Williams (Actor) with Emma Slater

You may know him as Lando Calrissian from Star Wars. You may also know him as the Colt 45 guy. Or you could be me and know him from ‘those blaxploitation movies with Diana Ross’. Either way, you will probably know him as the guy who didn’t do too well on Dancing with the Stars. Slash take a shot of Tom Bergeron says, “From Star Wars to Dancing with the STARS, here is Billy Dee Williams!”

Diana Nyad (Long-Distance Swimmer) with Henry Byalikov

Remember that woman who swam from Havana to Florida? This is her. So basically she doesn’t give up on anything and probably has really strong legs and arms. But one of things you need to know (I guess not really NEED to know) about DWTS is that it’s a fan-driven show, in that people vote for whoever they are fans of, not necessarily who the best dancer is. I’m assuming Diana doesn’t have a ‘strong fan-base’ and her partner isn’t one of the more beloved pro dancers, so I don’t think she’s gonna race to the finish if you get my drift.

Sean Avery (Former NHL player) with Karina Smirnoff

It’s worth noting that Sean Avery is the guy on the left. The one on the right is clearly Bravo’s darling, Andy Cohen. They’re on vacation together somewhere exotic in this pic, and there were rumors they are actually engaged. But Sean’s not gay… Anyways, athletes either do really well (like winners Emmitt Smith, Apolo Anton Ohno, Shawn Johnson, etc.) or they can do really bad (Keyshawn Johnson, last place). Hockey is a little different than those football pros who excel at the dancing, so I’m not really sure what to expect from him. I will say that he has one of the show’s fave dancers, Katrina Smirnoff, as his partner, so he has a better chance of staying in longer than usual.

NeNe Leakes (Housewife/Actress) with Tony Dovolani

If she’s as good as throwing shade and being sassy as she is a dancer, NeNe might actually go far. But I’m leaning towards no. Love you, but girl, bye.

Drew Carey (Actor/The Price Is Right Host) with Cheryl Burke

I am aware this picture is old due to his overweight status, but come on, why is there a cat wearing sunglasses on a director’s chair? Anyways, I’m basing Drew’s ranking on the fact that he is the token comedian of the season. Comedians do better than you expect them to, mainly because they are underdogs and have a fan base. Take D.L. Hughley and Bill Engvall, who placed ninth and fourth, respectively. Not to mention Drew hosts a daytime institution which the women who probably watch DWTS view in the morning right before their midday naps.

Cody Simpson (Singer) with Witney Carson

Ah, the Australian Justin Bieber. I’ve never actually heard or seen him before, so I have no idea if he dances like JB. But he’s young and cute, so that certainly puts him above Diana Nyad. Also shoutout to new cast member Witney Carson, who is a So You Think You Can Dance alum who was in the DWTS Troupe for the past couple years and moved up!

James Maslow (Singer/Actor in Big Time Rush) with Peta Murgatroyd

Again, I’ve never seen Big Time Rush perform, but I’m pretty sure being in a boy band requires some dancing (unless you’re One Direction). He already has a big teenage girl fan base who will vote their fingers off and Peta is a good enough choreographer to get them ahead.

Candace Cameron-Bure (Actress/DJ) with Mark Ballas

Deej. DEEJ!! I have no idea if she can dance or even dance well (after all, it WAS Stephanie who was the dancer of the family) but I am rooting for her to go all the way. Can you just see Kimmy and Steve cheering her on in the front row?!

Danica McKellar (Actress/Mathematician) with Val Chmerkovskiy

Winnie Cooper. The ultimate girl next door who is now campaigning for your votes. I also have no idea if she can dance, but I have a feeling she can. She’s smart (went to UCLA for math) so anyone who’s young-ish and smart are quick to learn these difficult dances.

Charlie White (Gold Medalist in Ice Dancing) with Sharna Burgess

You saw him either win gold in Sochi, or in those memes where he and Meryl Davis were compared to Disney royal couples. Does this couple have an advantage over the others because they’re professional ice DANCERS? Probably. Is it a big advantage? No. They dance on ice, it’s very different than solid ground. What will actually help this couple is the fact they each know how to partner really well. But Meryl & Charlie have been partners for 17 years, so it will be interesting to see how they’ll do with someone new.

Meryl Davis (Gold Medalist in Ice Dancing) with Maksim Chmerkovskiy

Basically everything I said above. I’m only giving Meryl the edge because she’s the girl. Sexist? Whatevs. Did you know Charlie and Meryl enlisted Derek to help them with their Olympics routines? Yeah. And she’s with the returning Maks, who is like, the ‘Ukrainian hunk’ of the show, and he’s definitely going to give Derek a run for his money.

Amy Purdy (Paraolympic Snowboarder and actress) with Derek Hough

I think it’s going to be a toss up between Charlie, Meryl and Amy in the finale. People love a good underdog story. And Amy is a double amputee, snowboarder and an actress. She will be doing the Quickstep on two fake legs, how can you not root for that? Plus she’s paired with DWTS darling Derek Hough, who has won this thing five times, and even won an Emmy for his choreo. AND people loooove Derek. They will vote for him and him alone, where as not as many people will just vote for Henry or even the fairly new Witney. Watch out – Derek just might get his six-peat.

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Show You Should Be Watching If You Aren’t Already: About A Boy

Posted in Entertainment by

Well, we’ve reached the halfway point in the TV season, and it’s when networks usually introduce new shows to replace the sucky ones they cancelled. One of the standout shows from this bunch of mid-season replacements is NBC’s About a Boy.

The show premiered after the Olympics, which is a tactic that NBC has devised before – they did it with Go On last year, which unfortunately was cancelled after one season. To prevent About a Boy receiving the same fate, how about we all give this show a try and keep it on the air for just a little longer.

Storyline

“Successful songwriter and bachelor Will Freeman lives a carefree life as the “ultimate man-child”. His perfect world is turned upside down when single mom Fiona and her 11-year-old son Marcus move in next door.” It’s also worth noting that if this title sounds familiar, it’s because it was based on the 2002 movie with Hugh Grant, which was based on the 1998 novel by Nick Hornby.

Reasons Why You Should Watch

Jason Katims

Damnit Katims, you did it again. Producer/Writer/Director extraordinaire, Jason has created some of the best (and also some of my favorite) shows over the past few years, including Friday Night Lights and Parenthood. Jason has a way of creating characters you care deeply about, scenarios that could actually happen in real-life, moments of hilarity and of course moments of non-stop crying. That’s what makes each of his shows so special there’s a quality that you can feel from the pilot – it has heart. That’s surprisingly hard to come by in television these days, but thanks to Katims, I can count on his shows to make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside while still wiping away tears from my face. About a Boy is no different. Will and Marcus form a quick bond throughout the 22 minute pilot, but you can tell that they’re changing each others’ lives in such a short amount of time already. Whether you’re an 11 year old kid who’s new in town or a loser of a guy in his 30s, the show seeks to prove that your life can change when you least expect it, when you don’t think you want it to and in the unlikeliest of places – but you wouldn’t want it any other way.

The Boy

Benjamin Stockham plays young Marcus, a delightful young boy who, along with his mom played by Minnie Driver, move to San Francisco right next door to Will. Minnie’s a vegan hippie sort and Will, a meat-eater, is just trying to fit in at school. But le tme tell you, this kid’s acting and comedic timing is off the chain. He’s only 13 years old, but could easily be 40 if you told me he was. He’s not one of those annoying kids you see on TV (or in real life), he’s someone you want to cheer for and possibly hug whenever you get a chance. I also had to look up his past credits and guess what – he was in the gone-too-soon comedy, 1600 Penn alongside Josh Gag, Bill Pullman and Jenna Elfman. And he was great it that too, but 10 times better in this.

Potential guest stars and crossovers

Parenthood is where this whole crossover thing took it to the next level. Katims was all, ‘if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it and hire the same actors from my Emmy award-winning show to be on my new show.’ So you know, he made his calls and throughout the course of all the five seasons, FNL stars like Minka Kelly, Michael B. Jordan, Matt Lauria, Jurnee Smollett and Derek Phillips have all been on the show (not to mention Jesse Plemmons’ return as Landry on this FNL/Parenthood crossover that blew my mind). That being said, it’s inevitable to have FNL and/or Parenthood folks on About a Boy. Case in point: it has already been announced that Adrienne Palicki (good old Tyra on FNL) will have an arc on the show as one of Will’s love interests. Plus, David Walton (Will) has already been in a recent episode of Parenthood as one of Crosby’s (Dax Shepard) poker buddies. It helps that both shows take place in the bay area, because Crosby’s going to be in an ep of About a Boy too. TV nerds celebrate the crossover magic!

No book, No movie, no problem

As I previously mentioned, About a Boy is based on a book which was based on a movie. Now if anyone’s up for the task of adapting something that’s already been adapted before, it’s Jason Katims. He did it with both FNL and Parenthood, but managed to keep the story going on season after season. In the pilot of About a Boy, fans familiar with the book and movie will find it similar to what they already know about the story. Will and Fiona (Minnie Driver) immediately hate each other, he has a lot of women coming in and out of his boudoir, and there’s even a big talent show featuring Marcus at the end. But that’s it. You don’t need to have seen the movie or read the book in order to enjoy the show. I’ve only seen the movie and I saw it around the time it first came out, so I clearly have no recollection of anything that happened, besides the fact that Hugh Grant befriended Nicholas Hoult aka Mr. Jennifer Lawrence. So no need to fret if you’re unfamiliar. You’ll fall in love with these characters and will be genuinely interested in their lives as the series goes on, and you’ll completely forget it was based on something else in the first place.

About a Boy is on NBC, Tuesdays @ 9:00pm

Watch the pilot here!

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What to Expect at the Academy Awards

Posted in Entertainment by

There’s a joke that there are two seasons in Los Angeles: Pilot and Awards. And the past three months have been a constant fete for Hollywood’s biggest stars with everything from the Golden Globe Awards, to the Critics Choice Awards (and every city’s critics choice awards), to the Makeup and Hairstylists Guild Awards and it all culminates this Sunday with the big kahuna – the Academy Awards.

Preparations are already well underway for the big day, and I know this because I pass through the intersection of Hollywood and Highland to get to work and the traffic has already been building up since last week. I’m not complaining (but I am). Here’s a photo I took while impatiently waiting at the red light. At least Ellen’s face was looking down at me. That white tent at the bottom is the beginning of the red carpet, which is pretty cool. I swear I’m not jaded about living in LA.

Photo Feb 25, 11 47 09 PM

So while the organizers are getting ready on the ground, we can get ready  ourselves for the night by prepping via the internet, as you do. Here are some things to look out for come Sunday during the like, 10 hours of programming that will be on your television all day.

Jennifer Lawrence looking like a flawless human being

jlaw cf prem

One thing I can always count on when talking about Jennifer Lawrence is that 99% of the time someone says they want to be her best friend. We all know how much you want to be J Law’s BFF. We ALLLLL want to be J Law’s BFF. But another thing I can always count on is Jennifer’s impeccable style, namely her red carpet looks. And we have Dior to thank for that. She’s been the face of the French fashion house for years, and just a few days ago, they released these new ads with Jen looking stunning as always. So what will she wear this year? Hopefully something easy to walk in…

I have the printed out and at my desk at work…

Lupita Nyong’o looking like a flawless human being

The one person who has a chance to keep Jennifer in her seat Sunday night is this ethereal human being. In case you didn’t know, Lupita is the breakout star from 12 Years a Slave (can you believe this is the first movie she’s EVER made?!). And throughout awards season, she’s proven that she belongs on the Hollywood A-list. I mean when she showed up to the Golden Globes in that Ralph Lauren red cape ensemble … CAN YOU EVEN? I mean we couldn’t, because both Molly and I named her our fave Best Dressed this year. She is the one person I am most looking forward to seeing come out of the limo and onto the red carpet on Sunday. And not to mention, she’s in the running to becoming the world’s most wanted BFF in 2014. I’m just saying J Law is probs gonna take a long vacay and we need someone to fill in…

Ellen Getting Away With Jokes About Celebrities

Ellen is back for her second time hosting, y’all! And it’s quite a contrast to last year’s host. Yeah, I’ll let you think about that for a second, because who remembers who hosted the Oscars last year? No? Nothing? It was this guy:

The thing about Ellen that very few celebrities have is overall likability. Neil Patrick Harris has it. Meryl Streep has it. Tom Hanks has it. These are all people that are more likely to elicit an ‘I LOVE them’ than an ‘UGH. The WORST’ from the general public. It also helps that Ellen has a daytime TV show that people love being on and have an overall positive reaction to. The A-listers sitting in the audience have all been on her show so they already have a good rapport with her. Aka, she can get away with a lot more than someone like Seth MacFarlane ever could. Case in point, the last time she hosted in 2007, she vacuumed the carpet underneath Queen Meryl‘s feet. And made Steven Spielberg take a pic of her and Clint Eastwood for MYSPACE. No one thought this was weird. Seven years later, I’m assuming she’s more comfortable in front of an audience like the one at the Oscars, so it’s going to be even bigger and better.

Dancing. A lot of Dancing.

When you think Ellen DeGeneres, a few things may come to mind: funny, talk show, lesbian, dancing. The woman dances every day on her show, so obviously she’s going to do it for the Oscars, right? I mean she already teased it in the trailer, so one can only hope she shows off her skills during the main show. Or at least has people do it for her. In this trailer, there are a number of So You Think You Can Dance alumni, so I’m hoping there will be a bunch on stage too. Also, I’m a loyal SYTYCD fan, so if they are there on Sunday, expect me to fangirl over them during the live blog.

Mini-Grammys/Tonys

Like most years, the Best Original Song nominees all take the stage to perform their nominated songs. This year is no different. All four nominees, U2 (Mandela: A Long Walk to Freedom), Pharrell (Despicable Me 2), Karen O (Her) and Idina Menzel (Frozen) will be on hand to sing their respective songs, but I feel like it’s just more star-studded this year than usual. Plus Bette Middler AND Pink are performing, so expect some kind of aerial/scarf hanging down from ceiling type situation. Pink, not Bette. Although that would be amahzing. My guess is they’ll help out with the In Memoriam?

The Height of the McConaissance

Alright Alright Alright (expect him to say that and for everyone else to say it too). Matthew McConaughey has spent the past few years picking roles that isn’t just the lead that leans. He’s been ‘shedding’ his image from being a rom-com hero to a serious actor, and that’s how we got to Dallas Buyers Club. Folks have been calling this second phase of his life the ‘McConaissance’ and since he’s been winning almost all the awards he’s been up for as the HIV positive drug pusher,  all signs point to Oscar on Sunday – hence the apex of his reinvention. I can’t wait to see what’s next.

It could be Leo’s year and these memes will be irrelevant

Hey, remember all these memes about Leo not winning an Oscar all these years:

His role in The Wolf of Wall Street has been garnering juuusttt enough critical acclaim and awards this season that his odds to win a golden guy are better than ever. But let’s not jinx it. All I’ll say is if he DOES win, he better retroactively thank Kate Winslet in Titanic and announce his undying love for her.

Gravity vs. 12 Years a Slave

12 Years a Slave Gravity no edit

It’s a showdown between Sandra Bullock floating in space for two hours and the guy from Love Actually escaping from slavery all because Taran Killam duped him. Each movie has 10 nominations, including Best Picture. If we’re looking at the statistics (which we are because I’m a nerd and love stats), Gravity has won 130 out of the 229 noms it has received this awards season, while 12 Years a Slave has pretty much double that with 208 wins and  409 nominations. A couple weeks ago, the BAFTAs (the British Oscars) named Gravity the Best British Film while 12 Years won Best Film. The thing to note about this is that for the past 5 years, every movie that has won the BAFTA for Best Film has gone on to win the Oscar in the same category. Basically what I’m trying to say is 12 Years a Slave is going to win. Based on the facts above and my gut. Just call me Olivia Pope.

Now that you’re prepped for the Oscars, we’ll see you back here on Sunday for our Live Blog (and big redesign day)!!!!

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The Dawson’s Creek Virgin Diaries: Season 2

Posted in Entertainment, GSOY (Gratuitous Story of Yourself) by

Welcome back to the second installment of my viewing of Dawson’s Creek for the very first time (in its entirety, as an adult). I covered season one last month, and here we are with season two. We left off with Dawson and Joey kissing for the very first time, but did their hormone-induced lip locking carry over to full out romance in season two? Let’s find out…

Episode 1

I failed to mention in the first post that Dawson Creek’s iconic theme song, I Don’t Wanna Wait, by the Queen of 90s indie rock/Lilith Fair Paula Cole is NOT used on the DVDs/Netflix streaming. It’s an even more ridiculous song called Hearts and Arrows by another 90s indie-ish singer (who was not as popular) as seen below.

Yeah, listen to those lyrics again, they make no sense. I just don’t understand why Paula Cole didn’t want to get royalties from this!! She’s probs too busy raging against the machine or something.

So we return and it picks up moments after they kiss for the first time.

Attention Dawson & Joey: What is wrong with you people? I’m so glad I didn’t watch this as a tween because I would have expected this to be what my teenage years was going to be. Guess what? It wasn’t. Why are kids so moody and indecisive? Make up your minds already. Don’t be idiots. We can’t date – We have to date – Should we pretend we didn’t kiss? – Do you want that? – I can’t pretend we didn’t kiss – ::They makeout::

Notable Quote: “Everyone comes from a dysfunctional family – it’s the ’90s. the only happy families are in TV syndication.” – Pacey to crazypants Andie McPhee

Episode 6

Joey’s a little bitch. She reminds me of Julie Taylor on Friday Night Lights throughout most of the series. And now she’s pulling a Julie by going for another guy whilst still dating someone else (although I am absolutely NOT comparing Dawson to Matt Saracen, because Matt was a near perfect boyfriend). JACK IS GAY DON’T GIVE IT UP FOR HIM. I mean we don’t know he’s gay at this point, but like, I know he’s gay.

Oh no – Dawson is pissed at Joey for essentially ending their relationship because she kissed Jack/’needs to make herself happy first’ and now we have to prepare for Dawson’s rage. Which looks like this:

Photo Dec 26, 10 10 53 PM

Katie Holmes running away is like Phoebe running. It’s awkward and should be much better for a ‘tomboy’.

Notable Quote: “How can it be over? We can’t just say I love you for the first time and have it be over.” Dawson to Joey (Guess what, you can and it is. Except it’s not because apparently this back and forth will last their entire lives/the rest of this series)

Episode 7

I’ve failed to mention that Michelle/Jen’s hair is short and … out of control. Even 1999 thought it was a bad haircut.

Photo Dec 26, 10 14 35 PM

In order to take a break from studying, the gang decides to take the ‘How Pure Are You Quiz’ from a girly publication that might be Jane magazine? Sample questions:

‘Have you ever been intimately aroused by a relative?’ ‘Experimented with bondage?’ ‘Engaged in asexual activity with a transvestite? A four legged creature?’ ‘Paid for sex?’ ‘Had an affair with a friend’s pet?’

THESE FOLKS ARE 16 YEARS OLD. When I was 16 I barely knew how to read let alone read these kinds of mags.

Chris (their rich classmate who invites them over to his mansion of a house to study/sleep with Jen) has a little sister who is the epitome of kids her age (i.e. ME) with a lack of fashion sense.

Photo Dec 26, 10 13 10 PM

Episode 9

WHYYY is Dawson so pleased with his parents having sex?? I mean, yeah it means there’s a chance for them to get back together and put divorce aside, but still. It’s his parents HAVING SEX. Let’s look at the big picture here, Dawson.

Photo Dec 26, 10 17 48 PM

Episode 11

JEN FINALLY SERVES UP REALNESS TO MONICA KEENA AND HER BITCH OF A CHARACTER:

“I don’t know where you come from or just who has the misfortune of being responsible for your existence, but you are a lying manipulative and cruel person and the fact that you are only 16 years old makes me feel more sorry for you than the any of the people in this room whose lives you are destroying. You’re pathetic.”

Episode 13

This guy takes Jen to a ‘party’ and I legit think it’s a key party for some reason, but it turns out to be a bible study?! LOLOLOL

Photo Dec 26, 10 20 27 PM

She’s All That star Rachael Leigh Cook is playing doppelganger Joey in Dawson’s movie based on his friendship/relationship with his BFF, and I can’t help but think she auditioned for the role but Katie Holmes got it instead.

Photo Dec 26, 10 18 58 PM

Also, how is it that the most sane and functional relationship involves an ACTUAL crazy person?!?! (Pacey/Andie)

Episode 14

Ah yes, the beginning of finding out that Jack likes boys. His asshole teacher forces him to recite his poem, in which he talks about romancing a dude, out loud in front of the class and basically Pacey defends Jack because he runs out of the room crying and completely embarrassed. And because Pacey’s the best, HE’S the one that gets in trouble but stands up for himself against the administration.

THIS IS THE FIRST REAL THING TO HAPPEN ON THIS SHOW AND IT COMES 14 EPISODES IN?? PACEY WITTER, DREAM MAN. I AM APPLAUDING.

Correct me if I’m wrong but wasn’t James van der Beek more of the heartthrob in during this time? Or was it equal? I don’t really remember because I was too into Leo and the Backstreet Boys to notice. Anyways, Joshua Jackson deserves all the attention and awards.

In order to stop people from staring and talking about Jack ‘possibly’ being gay, her solution is to kiss him in front of everyone? Wrong decision yet again, Potter. And why does Katie Holmes always look like she crawled out of bed and straight onto set?

Notable Quote: “I’m trying to get a sneak peek of your online handle.” Dawson to Joey re: AIM, but clearly he means something else.

Episode 15

Grams vs Ty, the time you thought super religious Grams was going to side with the teenager about being against homosexuality, but in fact she just proved she’s the best and defended Jack/ the gays. Yay Grams!

“If Jack is gay, he does not need your judgement, young man. The Lord above will judge him, as he will all of us. What he needs from you, from me, from everyone else in this world is love and tolerance. If anything, that boy is feeling scared and alone and he will need the understanding of his fellow man to help him through this. Let’s save judgement for someone much more experienced than you.”

Oh PS, Jack’s gay for real, y’all. And if you’re watching along at home, everyone take a shot when someone even says the word ‘gay’.

Notable Quote:  “Are you part gay?” Joey to her now gay boyfriend, Jack.

Episode 18

WELL, here’s something I never knew happened – Abby gets drunk with Jen at the docks and she hits her head then falls into the water and dies, despite Jen’s best efforts to IMMEDIATELY JUMP IN AFTER HER. Abby was a bitch, but no teen deserves to die, obvs. I just never knew this happened!

just before she drunkenly hit her head and fell into the ocean…

Episode 20

Honestly the Pacey/Andie scenes are the best of the show. She goes completely mental and starts seeing her dead brother and locks herself in a bathroom while having a complete meltdown. Her deceased bro Tim is in the bathroom with her and while she’s crouched on the floor it looks like she’s about to make out with him…? But Pacey is the best and manages to convince her to get out of there and leave her dead bro behind.

Photo Dec 26, 10 23 06 PM

Notable Quote:  “Is this a French restaurant or French farce?” Dawson on the comedy of errors that happened in the fancy restaurant with his parents, Jen and Joey.

Episode 22

The season ends with Joey’s ex-inmate father dealing drugs yet again and Dawson is reluctant to tell her about her father’s dirty secret. Unfortunately, his cocaine dealing causes someone to throw a fiery brick into the family’s restaurant, burning it down to the ground. Everyone’s safe but Dawson finally tells Joey about the drugs, convinces her to turn him in and she vows she can never forgive him. Cue 10 millionth break up. Oh and Andie goes off to some mental patient rehab leaving Pacey (and Jack) back in Capeside.

Will Joey actually forgive Dawson or was she over it in like 2 minutes? Will Pacey stay loyal to Andie? Will Jack get a boyfriend? And will Jen pull her shit (read: hair) together?

Stay tuned for season three…

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Goodbye, Sochi: Olympics GIF Wrap Up

Posted in Miscellany by

Well folks, the 2014 Olympics have come and gone incredibly fast, just like Shaun White’s hopes of making history and winning another medal (too soon?). We’ve seen the highest of highs, the lowest of lows. The underdog stories and the stories of world champs falling from grace.

So how could we possibly sum up everything that’s happened in two weeks? With GIFs of course! Here are some of the best moments from the Sochi Winter Olympics in animated form. Hopefully this will tide all of us over until the Summer Games in Rio in 2016…

Remember the opening ceremony? I bet whoever was in charge of these olympic rings will never forget this for the rest of his/her life.

Poor Bob Costas. The man who helms the Olympics for NBC was down with pinkeye. Well, make that pinkeyes because it spread from one to the other and he had to sit out on like three nights of primetime coverage. But he eventually got better, and we got this gif out of it.

I was watching this live, when a man climbed a tree to meet U.S. Men’s Alpine head coach Sash Rearick, who was hanging out in some branches Katniss style to get a better view of the course. And an NBC correspondent had to get a interview, because, ratings.

There were 14 new programs introduced this year, including this one, slopestyle snowboarding. This is American Jamie Anderson who won us a gold medal and taught us about Tinder in Olympic village (but hardcore Olympic fans already know that the village is a hookup hotspot)

And one of the first viral gifs out of this year’s Olympics is courtesy of U.S. luger Kate Hansen. She was spotted rockin out with her headphones in right before she sped down the icy ramp.

When asked who she was listening to, clearly, it was none other than Queen Beyonce.

Another American who went viral – figure skater Ashley Wagner. Clearly disappointed with her low score, she forgot that cameras were on her and also forgot that the internet thrives on reactions like this.

This is probs my favorite. This is a real pic from American bobsledder Johnny Quinn, who got locked in his Sochi hotel bathroom. To escape, he used his bobsled (and NFL training) to break through the door like the Kool-Aid man. The best part – he got stuck in an elevator a few days later.

And then there was Russia’s Yulia Lipnitskaya. A 15 year old who stunned everyone in the free skate during the team competition, helping them earn a gold medal, and made her the youngest Russian winter olympics gold medal winner. But really, that spin tho.

The biathlon/any cross country skiing seemed to be the absolute worst sport this year. People were literally collapsing at the finish line. Hilarious but, you know, not.

The weather in Sochi was a big problem this year. One day it would be foggy and cold, the next 60 degrees. Literally warmer than on the east coast and its polar vortex. This didn’t help the snow conditions, and athletes were having problems with the icy/hard/slush terrain. But the Russians did their best to keep up appearances.

The halfpipe wasn’t kind to Shaun White either. He was hoping for his third gold medal in a row, but to no avail. wah wah.

This is Gus Kenworthy, silver medal winner in slopestyle skiing. But who cares about the medal. He made friends with the stray puppies who the Russians were allegedly killing off, but Gus did this and wanted to take them back home to the U.S. with him. I mean can you even.

Not to mention when Gus won his medal, he was part of a U.S. podium sweep with Joss Christensen (gold) and Nick Goepper (bronze).

This is American slopestyle snowboarder Sage Kotsenberg. He is doing a trick called the ‘Holy Crail’, which is obviously very difficult, but has a stupid name. He also credited ‘mad snacks’ and Fight Club for helping him focus before winning the gold. Clearly there’s no doubt he’s a snowboarder.

The Dutch have always dominated speed skating, but more so this year. 23 speedskating medals. 8 gold. They’ve won at least one medal in every single speedskating category. Basically it was a lot of orange on the podium in the speed skating center.

There was a rare tie for gold in women’s downhill skiiing, between Slovenia’s Tina Maze and Switzerland’s Dominique Gisin. But more importantly, Tina Maze is a pop star, model and all around A-lister back home in Slovenia.

And then there was the couples’ ice skating. Russians Tatiana Volosozhar and Maxim Trankov brought the house down when they won gold. And also cast Angela Kinsey as Tatiana in her (eventual) made for TV movie.

I just included this U.S. skating pair of Marissa Castelli and Simon Shnapir (who obviously didn’t medal) because Simon and I apparently went to the same college. Go Lions!

This Swedish skiier, Henrik Harlaut, actually has dreads and XXXXL pants, and it’s really not surprising that he fell. Because COME ON.

Skeleton is probably the most badass sport, and Canada’s Sarah Reid has the best helmet to go down the ice giant ice slide.

Oh Evgeni Plushenko. The star men’s skater for Russia for… forever. He’s one of the country’s most beloved athletes, and won the gold in 2006. And even though he skating perfectly for the team competition and helped Russia earn the gold, by the time it got to his solo comp, his recurring back problem flared up and he decided to quit.

See- his back? He’s had surgery before, okay? We needed to see it to believe it. Anyways, he not only withdrew from the Olympics, but he announced it would be his last competition ever and officially retired.

Ah Jeremy Abbott. He fell, hit the boards, and stayed on the ice for a good 15 seconds. BUT THEN he got his ass back up and finished the routine. That’s the Olympic spirit, folks.

Meet rising star, American ice skater Jason Brown. Also the gayest of gays since Johnny Weir, and it’s a welcome addition. Also, this quote during the his program from one of the commentators: “He doesn’t have a quad turn, but he does have a ponytail that has its own Twitter account.”

And… this is Spain’s Javier Fernandez. Do with it what you will.

Women’s snowboardcross was an awesome competition to watch, as it was anyone’s game. In this GIF, the woman ahead is American Lindsey Jacobellis, who is a silver medalist from ’06, and favored to win again in Sochi after a failed attempt in Vancouver. Except she was so ahead in this race when one little slip up made her fall and her dreams to get another medal were dashed yet again.

If you’re wondering how Cool Runnings 2014 did (2-man bobsled of Winston Watts and Marvin Dixon), the Jamaicans literally placed last. Not a good trip for these guys.

But at least they got this catchy tune out of it.

Bode Gate: 2K14. Alpine Skiier Bode Miller, another veteran of the games, won a bronze medal in what is probably his last Olympics. Post his winning race, he spoke with a NBC correspondent about what the moment ment to him – especially since he dedicated it to his younger brother who died months before. He broke down and the reporter got a lot of heat for it, but Bode defended her. All’s good, he has his bronze medal, and NBC got its ratings scandal.

Belarus’s Anton Kushnir won the gold with this, and I’m just impressed anyone can physically fly that high and land and not die.

Guys, my new obsession is ice dancing. IDK why I never really paid attention to it before, maybe it was the whole Canada/USA rivalry this year, but it is fantastic. Speaking as a fan of dancing/former dancer, this is right up my alley. I introduce you to the ‘Shib Sibs’ aka Maia and Alex Shibutani, siblings who ice dance together, particularly to a Michael Jackson in this gif.

I think I’m starting to be obsessed with Canadians Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir. Like almost shipping them. Ugh, but they’re just so damn good. LOOK AT THESE TWIZZLES!

AND THE LIFTS!

And the Canadian flag that turned out to be a poncho! Virtue and Moir weren’t able to get their second gold medal in a row and were bumped to silver, But hey, they have each other.

Of course, the folks who won were American darlings/Disney characters Meryl Davis and Charlie White.

And then Mary Carillo’s documentary about Tonya Harding/Nancy Kerrigan’s ’94 debacle aired before the closing ceremony on Sunday, and Tonya Harding looks just as guilty as she did 20 years ago. Like I said on Twitter, “2014 Tonya Harding is like the mini-van mom in suburban detroit who got caught shoplifting at her local k-mart.”

Remember that fog and bad weather I was talking about before? Yeah, this was it. Right before this Olympian was about to ski down a mountain.

IDK if the fog effected Austria’s Kathrin Zettel, but either way, she ran into a pole and the flag covered her face. Then it moved down to her waist and was on her person for like 5 more slaloms. Oops.

So you know what’s even more impressive than being an Olympic athlete? Being an Olympic athlete in both the summer and the winter games. Remember Lolo Jones from track and field/hurdles? Yeah, she’s become a bobsledder. But didn’t win a medal here either.

Curling, guys. Curling. Still don’t get it, but good to know suburban high school history teachers can get in on the action.

NBC, always explaining sports to the viewers in layman’s terms, which I appreciate. Basically gold medalist Ted Ligety has super impressive almost unhuman-like angles when he skis down a mountain, and that’s why he deserves all the awards.

I have no idea what’s going on here, but this is amazing.

Andreas Nodl of Austria slammed Norway’s Jonas Holos into the boards and legit shattered a pane of glass. This is why I can’t with hockey.

Can you say sob fest?? This heart on the half pipe was in honor of women’s freestyle skiier Canadian Sarah Burke, who died in 2012 due to injuries sustained during practice. She was considered a pioneer in the sport and helped bring freestyle skiing to the winter olympics. Her ashes were spread on the halfpipe in Sochi. {x}

Talk about a photo finish – the men’s ski-cross QUARTERFINALS (aka not even the big medal run) included a huge crash at the end between Russia’s Egor Korotkov, Sweden’s Victor Norberg and Finland’s Jouni Pellinen. As you can see, there is one clear frontrunner, Switzerland’s Armin Niederer, but second place (the only other person advancing to the next round) was a three way tie. The Russian eked out from the other two – because he flailed his arm across the finish line first.

And the so-called ‘crown-jewel- of the winter olympics, women’s figure skating came to a head. That 15-year-old Russian spin girl did the impossible – she fell. Oops. No medal for her.

Ashley Wagner, still not pleased with her results, but at least she’s more aware of her surroundings this time.

And the final standings: she came in sixth. “Not bad!”

Gracie Gold, America’s hope for, well, gold, didn’t exactly live up to her namesake. Fourth would have to do.

‘Queen’ Yuna Kim, the reigning champ from Korea, as beautiful as she skated, she just couldn’t hold on to her title. But really, she is so good, it’s upsetting.

And I think Katy Perry said it best, but 17-year-old Russian skater Adelina Sotnikova came in like a Dark Horse. Pre-Yulia dominating during the team competition, Adelina was an expected frontrunner. But Yulia took the spotlight and all the pressure that goes with winning a medal for your country IN the host country, and Adelina was like don’t forget about me bitches. This girl took home the gold and Yulia is busy listening to One Direction and already focused on South Korea 2018.

Can we talk about these two? Tara Lipinski and Johnny Weir served as figure skating correspondents (obvs), but their outfits and clear BFF-ness needs to be put on a reality show or something. Or he can just have her on his show all the time.

This is the worst GIF, but after my boy and the ‘next-Apolo Anton Ohno’ failed to win anything on his own, he finally got a silver medal in the relay with the other boys in short track. Gold in 2018, my friend.

Closing Ceremony: In which Russia proved they actually have a sense of humor. Well fucking played.

So here’s the thing. This bear was one of the Olympic mascots – but in America, we didn’t know that because they never introduced them on NBC. So when this dude showed up at the closing ceremony, I bet a lot of people were confused and concerned they had taken drugs at some point during the night. Anyways, he’s been nicknamed “Nightmare Bear” because he’s so GD scary and looks stoned all the time. But here, he’s just expressing what a lot of us Olympics devotees are feeling right now – withdrawal that the games are actually over.

And there you have it folks. 17 days of elite competition in Sochi are now over. Until Rio in 2016, Vlad Poots thank you for your attention and time. As the Russians say, “Spasibo!”

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Passing the Pickle: Preparing for Seth Meyers’ Late Night Debut

Posted in Entertainment by

It started as a gift from Late Night creator David Letterman to his successor Conan O’Brien in 1993. Conan then gave it to Jimmy Fallon, and a few weeks ago, Jimmy gave it to Seth Meyers.

Yes, that is a giant pickle. A ceremonial torch, if you will (it all comes back to the Olympics, folks). When Conan gifted the odd item to Jimmy in 2009, he left a note that said, “Whenever you’re done, which won’t be for a long time, make sure you pass it on to the next sap. Knock ’em dead. Conan.”

With that, Seth became the next Late Night host, but he officially makes his debut on Monday, and one thing’s for sure – we’ll be watching.

Now if you’re not too familiar with Seth’s work or doubt he’s going to do a good job, here are a few reasons why I think he’ll be able to hold on to the pickle for a long, long time (stop, that didn’t sound dirty at all).

He’s Charlie Rose meets Stephen Colbert meets less enthusiastic Jimmy Fallon

Here’s the thing about Seth – he’s the straight man. Everything you need to know about him shows in the past eight years he’s been doing Weekend Update. He’s obviously funny, knows how to deliver a joke, but he’s smart – like intelligent smart. He’s into politics and can make a good joke about current events and then tell you in detail what he’s joking about. So don’t expect him to come out dancing with Justin Timberlake or singing with Bruce Springsteen. It’s a different kind of funny than his Late Night predecessor, and it’s a welcome one. The Fallon/Meyers duo will attract similar yet different audiences, but that’s exactly what NBC needs to draw in more viewers.

He knows how to bring the funny to interviews

You’ve seen him with Stefon (which is obviously scripted) but with real people, he has the goods too. Just watch him practice during a recent sit down with Ellen. And keep an eye out for Kanye – he’ll be a guest during Seth’s first week.

He can make politicians laugh

As previously mentioned, Seth is up on the world of politics. So much so that he was even tapped as the host of the White House Correspondents Dinner in 2011. Basically it’s a chance for a comedian to spout out jokes in FRONT of the politicians they make fun of. It’s great. But if you can make them laugh, you’re doing a good job.

He can make athletes laugh

Because Seth is a well-rounded individual, he’s not only smart and up with politics but he’s a sports fan too. And that’s why he was invited to be the host of the ESPYs. Just look at all those athletes who could easily beat him up but choose not to because they know he’s funny and probably speaking the truth.

Fred Armisen as his bandleader

Happy Thanksgiving from Garth and Kat!

Guys. GUYS. FRED ARMISEN IS THE LEADER OF THE STUDIO 8G BAND. THIS IS SO IMPORTANT. Before Fred graced us with his presence on SNL in 2002, he was a total rocker. In 1988 he was in a punk rock band called *Trenchmouth* and even played the drums for the Blue Man Group in Chicago in the ’90s. He showed his musical chops throughout his tenure on SNL, with characters like Fericito (one of my early faves), Ian Rubbish, and probably one of my all-time fave characters, Garth and Kat. Basically Lorne Michaels is slowly taking over NBC, and it’s fine.

A+ Writers/Crew

Listen up, nerds: this writing staff is great already and I haven’t even heard a single joke from them. Everyone on the staff has an impressive resume from Upright Citizens Brigade to Colbert Report to The Onion and of course, SNL. Namely, executive producer Mike Shoemaker (aka Shoe, aka former Jimmy Fallon & SNL producer aka guys who is friends with all the people I want to be friends with) Alex Baze (Weekend Update, Jimmy Fallon and now Head Writer for Seth), and John Lutz (from 30 Rock’s Lutz). Well played, Seth Meyers. Well played.

A+ Guests

The first week alone, Seth’s got some pretty solid guests. It’s very ‘Late Night worthy’ if that makes any sense. So there’s Kanye, writer Robyn Doolittle (Toronto Star reporter who wrote a bio about Rob Ford – see, politics, current events, etc.) Lena Dunham, Anthony Mackie (who is like Will Smith 2.0 in interviews), Kelly Ripa, John Mayer Trio (The Trio is back!), and Sir Ian McKellen & Patrick Stewart together!

But the guests I’m most excited about? His very first guest – Amy Poehler.

(If you’re new to this blog please refer to this post, this post and this post for our thoughts on Poehler) These two are best buds from back in the day, even before they co-anchored Weekend Update. Anytime they’re together, it’s like watching besties hang out and I cannot WAIT until he interviews her. Wouldn’t you want one of your closest friends to help you out on the first night of the biggest job in your life?

But wait – it gets better. The second guest on his show? VICE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES JOE BIDEN.

I CANNOT EVEN DEAL WITH THIS AMAZINGNESS. It’s Leslie Knope’s dream come true and it’s all happening IRL with Amy being on her BFF’s new talk show. Too much to handle, brain is already exploding.

In short, you should probably watch Late Night with Seth Meyers, because it’s gonna be good. If you don’t like it, wait a week and come back to me. If you don’t like it after that – we can’t be friends.

Good luck Seth! We’re rooting for you!!

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Mid-Olympics Round Up: Bring Out The Tissues

Posted in Miscellany by

We’re a little more than halfway through the 2014 Winter Olympics, so let’s check in on what’s happened so far. Obviously we can’t report on everything, but one of the main reasons I love the Olympics is that it is the one event in the world that gives everyone the opportunity to come together in one place and compete in the spirit of the common passion of sports. It’s a reminder that even if your home country is at political odds with another, at the core, we’re all humans, who have common goals, common dreams, common passion to be the best we can be.

So in saying that, I love hearing the stories behind the athletes – where they came from, how they got to where they are today, and most importantly anyone who’s embodied the Olympic spirit. Here are some of my favorites from the Games so far.

The goal of Olympism is to place sport at the service of the harmonious development  of humankind, with a view to promoting a peaceful society concerned with the preservation of human dignity

– Olympic Charter {x}

Paying it Forward: An American, A Canadian and a Russian

Cross Country Skiing

Russian cross country skiier Anton Gafarov had multiple – multiple – crashes on his skis during the semifinals, but decided to keep going on a broken ski despite the fact he had no chances of winning. On his last fall, his ski was literally in bits, but a man came running out with a new ski, took off the tattered one, replaced it with a fully functioning ski and the Russian went on his way. 

The catch: it wasn’t a member of Team Russia that helped him out, it was former American Olympian-turned-Canadian coach Justin Wadsworth who lent a hand. Justin’s wife, Canadian Beckie Scott, is also a skiier, and during the 2006 Games in Torino, Beckie’s relay partner Sara Renner was in a similar situation to Gafarov. She snapped her ski pole and was struggling to finish the race, until Norwegian coach Bjornar Haakensmoen came out and lent her a ski pole. Sara ended up taking home the silver, while the Norwegian skiiers took fourth.

What did Justin have to say about his act of kindness? “I wanted him to have dignity as he crossed the finish line.” Pay it forward indeed.

Sister, Sister: Tracy  & Lanny Barnes

Tracy Barnes overcame a feat many athletes strive to do, which is qualify to represent your country in the Olympics. She did so during the trials, but ultimately decided to give up her spot – to her twin sister Lanny.

Lanny came down with the flu during the Olympic trials, causing her to miss out on her chance to compete in Sochi. But after a lot of convincing, Lanny finally took Tracy up on her offer to take her spot in the Winter Games, just a month before heading to Russia. Tracy wasn’t even planning on attending the games, but her sponsor, Advanced International Technology, bought the plane ticket and Tracy was able to cheer Lanny on every step of the way. With a story of compassion like this, it doesn’t even matter she placed 64th.

Screenshot 2014-02-17 23.47.19

Flip Pride: Michael Christian Martinez

Figure Skating

It’s fair to say the Philippines doesn’t have a large contingent representing them in the Winter Games. In fact, this year there is one man reppin the country of my people, and he is 17-year-old figure skater Michael Christian Martinez, and the first person from a southeast Asian country to rep in figure skating.

Michael grew up practicing in an indoor ice rink in one of Manila’s malls, essentially teaching himself how to skate by watching YouTube videos of Patrick Chan, a fellow Olympian and star Canadian figure skater, and Michael eventually won a spot to compete in the Olympics.

But in case you didn’t know, being a professional athlete can be expensive. His family was running low on funds – they even put a mortgage on their house in order to pay for his training, and after the destruction of Typhoon Haiyan last year, sending a kid to Russia for the Olympics wasn’t the first priority on the government’s ‘To Do’ list. That’s when the IOC (International Olympic Committee) stepped in and provided funds through its Solidarity program, which provides aid to athletes who need financial assistance to go to the Games.

Michael made his way to Sochi and during the practice rounds, he got a little help from his idol, Patrick Chan, who decided to take him under his wing and give him a few pointers. Thanks to Michael’s perseverance, faith and hard work, he managed to place 19th in the qualifying rounds. That means he is in the top 24 – making him eligible to compete for a medal on Friday. One thing for sure is that no matter what the end result is, he’s going home a winner.

Dust Yourself Off And Try Again: Jeremy Abbott

Figure Skating

One of the most admirable things about Olympians and athletes in general is that they’re stubbornly unflinching in their craft. In other words: they don’t give up. Clearly it takes years and non-stop training to get to a place like the Olympics, so it is absolutely necessary to have that drive which keeps you going.

And this was proven by figure skater Jeremy Abbott last Thursday during the men’s short program. The 28-year-old American was one of the favorites going into the competition, but on his very first jump (a quadruple toe loop-triple toe for those in the skating know), he landed horribly wrong, slamming his hip on the ice, and consequently bouncing into the boards. See this gif for all its agonizing glory:

Watch the whole routine here

Abbott was on the ice grabbing his hip and wincing in pain for a good 15 seconds and just as it looked like he was about to have the medics come over, he stunned the entire arena and got back on his feet and picked up his routine. The Russian crowd went wild, even clapping and cheering him on throughout the rest of his performance, and he flawlessly executed the rest of his jumps and spins and axels and sochows (sp?).

He finished 15th out of 29 skaters, but it was that camaraderie and support that everyone in the crowd gave him that will be unforgettable for years to come.

Cool Runnings: The Jamaican Bobsled Team

Bobsled

We all know the story (or at least seen the classic 1993 movie) about a group of men from Jamaica who make their unlikely debut in the Winter Olympics in the quest for gold. This year, two-man team Winston Watt and Marvin Dixon qualified for the Olympics, the first since 2002. However they did not have an easy time getting to Sochi.

First off, like Michael Christian Martinez, funds were low. They had to raise money just to get to Russia, so they turned to a crowdfunding website and raised more than $120,000 in just two days. And then once they got there – they couldn’t even train in the sliding center because of lost luggage. Winston and Marvin arrived in Sochi before all their sliding gear and were forced to miss out on their first practice runs.

Luckily, all their gear arrived, but not so luckily, the Jamaicans weren’t able to pull a Cool Runnings at the 2014 Olympics. They came in last place.

The Veteran: Bode Miller

Alpine Skiing

Bode Miller isn’t a n00b to the Olympics. In fact, if you’ve been following the Olympics at all over the past 10 years, you know he’s one of the best in the sport. In fact, he’s the most decorated U.S. skier in Olympic history, with six career medals, including his latest in Sochi.

So here’s the low down on 36-year-old Bode. He won two silver medals in Salt Lake City (’02), went off the rails in Torino (’06) when he was favored to win, but failed to medal in any of his five events (and then went off on a weird tangent on partying and drinking, showing off douchebaggery galore and proving he’s the ‘bad boy of alpine skiing’). He returned to Vancouver in 2010 to win three medals, one in each color.

And that brings us to October 2012, when Bode married pro beach volleyball player Morgan Beck. Four months later in February 2013, his ex-girlfriend, Sara McKenna, gave birth to their son Samuel, his second child (because obviously he has another kid from a previous relationship). And then last April, his 29-year-old brother, Chelone, himself a Sochi Olympic hopeful in snowboard cross, died of an apparent seizure stemming from a previous accident.

And when Bode tied for third place in the Super G competition on Sunday, his bronze medal win proved to be extremely emotional. You may have seen that NBC Sports reporter Christin Cooper has taken a lot of heat for ‘pushing’ Bode to talk about his late brother, which brought him to tears. Both NBC and Bode have defended Christin, and to be honest, I have to agree. The interview was right after he won the medal and a lot of emotions were flying high, especially on his part, and she was just doing her job as a reporter.

Anyways, with everything Bode has gone through in the past decade, especially being the ‘bad boy’ of the sport, Sunday’s outpouring of emotion proved that again, he’s only human. Athletes and Olympians are just like us, and many of us can relate to have both the best AND the worst year of your life. Bode’s journey just happened to be projected on the world stage.

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Thank You, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon

Posted in Entertainment, Miscellany by

Guys, today is Friday, and that’s usually when I catch up on some personal stuff. Check my inbox, return some e-mails, and of course send some thank you notes. I was running a bit behind, so if you guys don’t mind, I’d like to write my thank you notes right now, that cool? Great.

Rando YouTube guy, can I get some thank you writing music please?

Thank you, Joking Bad,

For making me go crazy over the amount of easter eggs included in this Breaking Bad-inspired digital short. This proved just how dedicated, smart and detailed the LNJF staff is when it comes to making parodies.

Thank you, Funkin’ Gonuts,

For inadvertently making me (a native ‘medium iced french vanilla with cream and sugar’ east coaster) turn my beloved DDs into a solo dance party any time I hear the phrase “Dunkin’ Donuts”

Thank you, A Cappella version of We Can’t Stop,

For making me picture Jimmy’s adorable face everytime I hear “forget the haters because somebody loves yaaaa”.

Thank you, office supply version of Your Body,

For making me like this version better than the original and making me daydream about Jimmy’s hat and dance moves.

Thank you, Brian Williams Gangster Rapper

For making the dreams I never thought I had come true.

Thank you, Evolution of Mom Dancing

For letting my one of my favorite First Ladies show off her Sprinkler and Dougie skills in a matter of minutes.

Thank you, Hurricane Sandy

(But not really thank you), For being so horrible that there was no audience for the show and helping to prove Jim Jam is so talented and funny that he can make what could have been the most disasterous episode into one of the most memorable ever in late night TV.

Thank you, Jersey Floor,

For making me question whether I am DTF with guidos or if it’s just because Jimothy, Tina and Poehlstar made the overtanned/overhairsprayed look legit attractive.

Thank you, 6 Bee,

For finally letting the world see Ron Swanson shimmying to a Twisted Sister song.

Click HERE to watch the vid!

Thank you, California Dreams reunion,

For reminding everyone that this theme song was one of the greatest in TV history, despite its utter 90s cheesiness.

Thank you, the men of Full House,

For being so game not only for a rendition of Teddy Bear, but also for this Jesse and the Rippers reunion. It made me feel like I was actually in San Francisco and hanging out at the Smash Club.

Thank you, Mike DiCenzo (aka Mets Bucket Hat Guy),

For being the LNJF staff writer behind this brilliant appearance by Zack Morris. Like the REAL Zack Morris, not Mark Paul Gosselaar. You included dialogue that only true Saved by the Bell fans would get, like referencing Indiana/Good Morning, Miss Bliss, Stansbury ‘The Harvard of the West’, “preppy”, stupid slimeball JEFF, druggie Johnny Dakota, and of course Zack Attack. Basically, I feel like between our mutual love of 90s TV shows and Gilmore Girls, we could be friends. #BabetteAteOatmeal

Thank you, Weekend Update Charades

For bringing together my favorite Weekend Upadte anchors/human beings for the most epic game of charades network TV has ever seen.

View Part 1 here and Part 2 here!

Thank you, Lip Sync Battle with John Krasinski

For causing me to swoon, literally almost swoon after seeing my beloved JKras mouth the words to I’ll Make Love To You while nearly taking his clothes off. I still CANNOT.

Thank you, Timberweek,

For everything you have been, everything you are, and everything you will be in the future. I miss you every day.

Finally, thank you, Late Night with Jimmy Fallon,

For providing us with five years of constant laughter and unadulterated joy. Good things happen to people who do good, and that’s exactly what Jimmy and the entire crew of Late Night deserve. While it’s sad to see this era come to a close, I can’t wait to see you blow everyone’s pants off on Monday when you start your journey on the Tonight Show. Thank you, pal.

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Happy (Fictional) Presidents’ Day!*

Posted in Entertainment, Lists, Miscellany by

*Today is not Presidents’ Day. Monday is Presidents’ Day. Today is Lincoln’s Birthday. But we all know all these holidays blend together because we really never know which day is which, we just used to get them off when we were still in school.

But in honor of ALL the presidents of these United States of America, I think it’s also appropriate to celebrate the fictional presidents who have also put in hard work to pretend to be the leader of the free world. I’m sure I’ve missed some on my list, so chime in with some of your favorites!

And Happy Presidents’/Lincoln/Washington’s Birthday Day!

President Thomas J. Whitmore {Bill Pullman}

Independence Day

Independence Day is so American that I bet anyone who’s not American will feel American while they watch this movie. Especially during this epic speech. While it’s unlikely we’ll need a President to get us through an unexpected alien attack in the near future, I want Bill Pullman in charge of an air strike if that day does come. Or he can just give motivational speeches to me every morning instead. That works too. “We’re going to live on! We’re going to survive! Today we celebrate our MONDAY!!”

President Andrew Shepard {Michael Douglas}

The American President

For some reason, The American President was one of the first movies I remember being my favorite ‘grown up’ movie. I was nine when this film came out. Maybe it was the allure of Michael Douglas. Maybe it was the romance between him and Annette Benning. Maybe TBS just kept playing it over and over again and I had no chance but to like it. Either way, Michael Douglas is one of the few actors who is actually really believable as the president, and if he’s romancing a woman while in office, count me in.

President James Marshall {Harrison Ford}

Air Force One

Presidential Badassery at its finest.

The President {Billy Bob Thornton}

Love Actually

Okay, maybe he wasn’t a good guy, but Billy Bob played a smarmy, womanizing, douchey prez and I can’t help but think a lot of our former leaders had a little bit of this guy in them.

President George Richmond {Dabney Coleman}

My Date with the President’s Daughter

Basically this movie is a classic DCom and I unapologetically love it. I mean, Eric Matthews! (sidenote: if anyone is interested in watching other DComs like Model Behavior & Life Size it’s all on YouTube, per my research for this clip. I know what I’ll be doing on Valentine’s Day)

President Fitzgerald Grant {Tony Goldwyn}

Scandal

It’s no secret we’re #Gladiators here. So what’s a list of faux presidents without our favorite adulterous Commander-in-Chief? He may have a lot of faults, and may not be the best pres the U.S. has seen, but Shonda Rhimes & co. are brilliant and make you root for a man who’s not only married and having an affair, but his wife knows about it and he STILL pretty much ignores her and their kids. And lest us forget he has also **SPOILER** killed a Supreme Court Justice, who was already on her death bed dying of cancer. But ugh, crisis, because Olitz scenes are 2 hot 4 TV.

Yet the scene above doesn’t involve any handsy moves by the pres. It’s a flashback scene which reminds us why these two fell in love in the first place. They’re no dumb dumbs. They’re independently smart and bring out the best in each other. Without Olivia’s faith in Fitz – the faith he never had in himself – he would have never won the presidency (election rigging aside). And without the dedication and devotion he constantly gives to her, she would have never been able to open up and love a man like Fitz (thanks to her Daddy Pope problems). So I guess all cheating aside, this apparent ‘love’ is what makes us (sometimes begrudgingly) root for them after all.

President Josiah ‘Jed’ Bartlet {Martin Sheen}

The West Wing

You didn’t think I’d make a list without the best TV president, did you? He had too many great moments on the show, from the Butterball hotline to the time he *another spoiler alert* got shot to the time he was high on drugs to the time he walked to the Hill, to the entire Two Cathedrals episode etc. etc. But this particular clip is from an episode called The Midterms which originally aired in 2000. He basically tells off this conservative radio talk show host in a tactful, humorous, ‘don’t disrespect me bc i’m the GD president’ way and it’s this attitude that won him two terms in fake office.

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The Worst: Olympics Fashion Through the Years

Posted in Miscellany, Outfit Girl by

THE OLYMPICS START TOMORROW! THE OLYMPICS START TOMORROW!!!

Here’s a little known fact I don’t think Molly nor I have ever touched upon in this blog: we love the Olympics. Like straight up obsessed. In fact, the 2002 Salt Lake City Winter Olympics (read: Apolo Anton Ohno) was one of the bonding experiences we had in high school. Needless to say, we’re excited about the start of the Sochi Olympics on Friday.

So to prep you for the next couple of weeks, here’s a guide on what you will probably notice first whilst watching the Opening Ceremony on Friday: the official outfits.

For example: This is what you have to look forward to from Norway in the coming weeks:

Say hello to the Norwegian curling team. No, this is not a joke. Yes, those are their real uniforms.

Don’t believe me?

This is what the team wore when they won their silver medal in Vancouver in 2010. Like, they went up on the podium like that as they were handed the world’s second best prize in men’s curling.

But this is just the beginning.

Unfortunately, the Norwegians aren’t the only ones who are forced to wear hideous attire as they represent their homelands. And while it may hurt our eyes while we watch the athletes parade around the Olympics, it’s totally worth it to see what kind of getups the folks are wearing these days.

Like this outfit volunteers in Sochi have to wear:

I know Russia can be a little behind the times and all, but this looks straight up from a 1992 TGIF sitcom

And America, doing it big with Ralph Lauren:

So before we get our first glimpse of what ‘hot Olympic fashion trends’ are like during the Opening Ceremony tomorrow, here’s a look back at some of the absolute worst throughout the years.

USA {Rome 1960}

1960: The year we were really into barbershop quartets. Specifically the hats.

 

Canada {Sapporo 1972}

Listen up, Canada. We get that you like to tout the fact that -30 degree weather is like your summer, but put some damn pants on.

 

USA {Sarajevo 1984}

Nothing says America like dressing up the athletes in cowboy outfits that looks like Ennis Del Mar in Brokeback Mountain. They wore almost the exact same thing four years earlier in Lake Placid. I DON’T KNOW HOW TO QUIT YOU, SHEEPSKIN JACKETS.

 

Australia {Barcelona 1992}

Yup, that’s 1992 alright.

 

Canada {Barcelona 1992}

Come on Canada, you’re better than this. Bonus for the fanny packs though. ’92’s opening ceremony looks totally rad.

 

Canada {Lillehammer 1994}

Well, apparently Canada is NOT better than this. I think the designer thought they were making uniforms for athletes in communist Russia.

 

Japan {Sydney 2000}

Do Japanese people have pride parades? If so, that’s probably where they got these outfits.

 

Japan {Athens 2004}

I mean, could you BE anymore Asian.

 

France {Beijing 2008}

Uh, can you can be more Asian. What’s up with the sumo belts, Frenchies?

 

Poland {Beijing 2008}

Fun Fact: All of Poland’s athletes from this Olympics were rhythmic gymnasts.
Another Fun Fact: The preceding fact is false.

 

Hungary {Beijing 2008}

To me, these outfits scream, ‘DON’T FORGET US. WE’RE A REAL COUNTRY TOO’. Shhhhh Hungary. Shhhhhhh.

 

Czech Republic {Vancouver 2010}

If you stare at the pants long enough it turns into a Magic Eye illusion

 

Ukraine {London 2012}

Ukrainians: We’re two wild and crazyy guyyssss

 

Great Britain {London 2012}

The Brits secretly stole these from ABBA’s costume museum in Sweden.

 

Czech Republic {London 2012}

What I’ve learned from this is that the Czechs basically need a new designer. Who thinks, ‘You know what would make these better? BLUE PATENT LEATHER BOOTS!’

 

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