Well folks, it’s that time of year again – awards season kicks off Sunday with the Golden Globes! Although it will be spearheaded by Ricky Gervais and not our queens Tina and Amy, we’re still chronicling the event with our live blog starting 8p EST/5p PST (friendly reminder to refresh this page every few minutes or so to see our live post!). Also join us on Twitter here to get up-to-the-second quips and comments!

Preshow:

M: Jaimie Alexander is wearing Genny and looks like a dream, proving that a lot of the times the lesser-known designers make the best showing.

But Eva Longoria is also wearing a lesser-known designer and it’s one of those dresses where I need someone to tell me how I feel about it because I can’t decide.

The show starts in 10 minutes and I’m getting very nervous that we won’t get Kate and Leo in the same frame. Just seat them together, give the people what they want.

Rooney Mara’s braid is so hefty and sturdy it took me a full minute to realize that she’s wearing Cinderella’s dress after the stepsisters rip it.

I don’t mean this as an insult even a bit: Kirsten Dunst just looks right with a Minnesota accent coming out of her mouth. I might be thinking of her American Girl doppelganger, Kristen Larson.

The Golden Globe Awards

M: Ricky Gervais opens with a glass of beer and quips about NBC being impartial (because nothing is nominated), Sean Penn (snitch) and Caitlyn Jenner (not doing much for women drivers).

Some more topics include child molestation and equal pay, we’re all having a blast here!

I want to watch this show in the context of a pajama party with Tina, Amy and a lot of snacks.

Channing Tatum is wearing a terrible undercut like I see on buses and trains a lot. Jonah Hill is wearing a terrible bear hat. I don’t know which is worse. Maybe let’s stop trying to be funny and announce an award.

T: There are more bleeps for this bear than Ricky Gervais’ entire monologue. What in the hell could they be saying.

M: There’s a wind storm here, I thought that was my tv!

Best Supporting Actress in a Motion Picture

Jane Fonda, Youth

Jennifer Jason Leigh, The Hateful Eight

Helen Mirren, Trumbo

Alicia Vikander, Ex Machina

Kate Winslet, Steve Jobs

Traci’s Pick: Alicia Vikander, Ex Machina

If you noticed, Alicia Vikander was nominated for two Golden Globes in two separate categories, so she’s clearly a favorite either way. But I think this movie will take the cake.

Molly’s Pick: Kate Winslet, Steve Jobs

I’ve heard good things about her in this one.

Winner: Kate Winslet, Steve Jobs

M: Kate. We don’t have to Taylor Swift it here, Kate. You win things sometimes.

T: BUT SERIOUSLY FOLKS. WHERE IS LEO. This moment is also reminiscent of the time she won and was saying, ‘Composure’ to herself (or something like that). *Update – it was ‘Gather’, when she won for Revolutionary Road A MOVIE WITH LEO.

M: YES. I watched the whole time she was walking up to the stage waiting for Leo to pop up.

~*NVR 4GET*~

Best Supporting Actress in a Series, Limited-Series, or TV Movie

Uzo Aduba, Orange is the New Black

Joanne Froggatt, Downton Abbey

Regina King, American Crime

Judith Light, Transparent

Maura Tierney, The Affair

Traci’s Pick: Regina King, American Crime

I’m voting for the person who would give a great speech. Uzo follows closely behind.

Molly’s Pick: Uzo Aduba, Orange Is The New Black

Winner: Maura Tierney, The Affair

T: Oh man. 0 for 2 already. I’m off to a great start!

M: I almost picked her! If I’d known she was going to wear glasses tonight I would have. Very Serious Actress.

Maura Tierney just called herself a “four eyes,” like she’s Karen Brewer and and this is a Baby Sitter’s Little Sister Super Special.

T: Every time I see the crawls on the bottom of the screen promoting a new NBC show, it reminds me of that Community bit:

Best Actress in a TV Series, Comedy

Rachel Bloom, Crazy Ex Girlfriend

Jamie Lee Curtis, Scream Queens

Julia Louis Dreyfus, Veep

Gina Rodriguez, Jane the Virgin

Lily Tomlin, Grace & Frankie

Traci’s Pick: Julia Louis Dreyfus, Veep

But really, Amy Poehler.

Molly’s Pick: Julia Louis Dreyfus, Veep

It seems like JLV wins every time nobody else is the clear favorite.

Winner: Rachel Bloom, Crazy Ex Girlfriend

M: NO WAY. I think she’s incredible in Crazy Ex Girlfriend but I never thought it was even on the radar.

T: The HFPA loves newcomers! Should I watch Crazy Ex Girlfriend tho?

M: You’d really like it!

T: Judging on that freeze frame Rachel just did at the end of her speech, I’d have to agree.

Best TV Series, Comedy

Casual

Mozart in the Jungle

Orange Is the New Black

Silicon Valley

Transparent

Veep

Traci’s Pick: Mozart in the Jungle

It’s worth noting that none of these shows are on a major network, which says a lot about the content that’s being created outside of the Big 5. Anyways, I think Veep had another excellent season, and I recently binged all of Casual, yet I have a feeling neither of those will win. Mozart in the Jungle is my pick, just because it’s weird enough. Is it weird? IDK, I’m assuming bc Gael Garcia Bernal is in it.

Molly’s Pick: Transparent

It’s really good, although I agree that Veep had a great season awards voters usually love voting for the first season of shows.

Winner: Mozart In The Jungle

M: I don’t even know what the premise is. Is there Mozart, even? Or a real jungle? Also what sort of weird order are these awards in.

T: The Mozart is the conductor… the jungle is… the venue.?

M: That’s some kind of bullshit.

M: Everything I think I know about Carol is actually from that Tina Fey/Amy Poehler sketch where Kenan is directing them to act like it’s The Jeffersons.

M: There’s really no In Memorium? I love it. I will listen to any old foreign man they want to bring out to the stage.

T: I could’ve sworn they’ve done it before! Also this dude is like Roberto Benigni’s older brother. Or he’s just Italian.

T: Ooooooohhh that was a low blow to Batfleck! But also probs true?

M: Oh, it’s absolutely true.

Best TV Movie or Limited-Series

American Crime

American Horror Story: Hotel

Fargo

Flesh and Bone

Wolf Hall

Traci’s Pick: Fargo

I heard Landry was good in it. Relatedly – should I watch Flesh and Bone? And American Crime?

Molly’s Pick: Fargo

Winner: Wolf Hall

M:  I don’t know what Wolf Hall is.

T: What is happening?? Wolf Hall is the sequel to Homeland, in which Brody is alive.

Best Actor in a Limited-Series or TV Movie

Idris Elba, Luther

Oscar Isaac, Show Me a Hero

David Oyelowo, Nightingale

Mark Rylance, Wolf Hall

Patrick Wilson, Fargo

Traci’s Pick: Idris Elba, Luther

It would be great if it was a tie between my bb Idris and the Internet’s new BF Oscar, but people love Luther.

Molly’s Pick: Patrick Wilson, Fargo

Winner: Oscar Isaac

T: Ughhh I was going to pick him too!! FOR THE RECORD: OSCAR ISSAC HAS BEEN SLAYING SINCE INSIDE LLEWYN DAVIS. #Smokeshow

M: Yeah, he has, but this is the month we all got crushes on him, though, right? And by “we all” I mean both the internet and the HFPA.

T: Guys, it’s true. The Internet loves Oscar Isaac.

M: Tom Ford and Lady Gaga – if this isn’t a wardrobe category I’ll be disappointed. Wait, does Golden Globes even have those though? I want to say no.

T: Yeah, they do not. Unfortunately.

T: Alan Cumming werk those glasses.

M: He is such an adorable person.

Best Supporting Actor in a Series, Limited-Series or TV Movie

Alan Cumming, The Good Wife

Damian Lewis, Wolf Hall

Ben Mendelsohn, Bloodline

Tobias Menzies, Outlander

Christian Slater, Mr. Robot

Traci’s Pick: Damian Lewis, Wolf Hall

Has anyone else finished this season of Homeland? It’s actually really good. Damian Lewis is still *SPOILER ALERT* dead.

Molly’s Pick: Alan Cumming, The Good Wife

I just really like him! (And no, I hadn’t seen this season of Homeland. Ahem. JK I haven’t seen an episode, that meant nothing to me).

Winner: Christian Slater

M: My concept of Christian Slater is frozen in like 1993, when I’d read about him in my sister’s 17 Magazines.

T: Christian Slater just gave Leo a handshake on his way up and that’s all I care about.

M: Oh, so Leo is WITHIN HANDSHAKE DISTANCE OF THE STAGE, KATE.

T: BITCH MISSED HER CHANCE. GIVE THE SHIPPERS WHAT THEY WANT.

someone actually made this

M: Oh great, there’s an adaptation of War and Peace coming out. Can’t wait! (JK never been into it.)

T: Jamie Foxx’s daughter is Miss Golden Globes this year, and I’d like to say that’s why he’s hamming it up right now, but let’s be real. He’s always like this.

M: Ugh Jamie you are EXHAUSTING. He just “read” Straight Outta Compton on the card, then held the real card up for all of us to read before announcing it. YOUR DAUGHTER IS EMBARRASSED.

T: Bless Lily James. What a delightful creature who has to deal with Jamie Foxx rn.

T: UGH QUENTIN. STOP I CANNOT WITH YOU. Nobody asked for this. Ennio’s name was on the envelope. IDEC that he’s not there.

M: Like 25% of the audience is making the face we are right now, and the other 75% want to but can’t because of face surgeries and injections.

T: Is Jane Fonda’s husband/boyfriend/male companion awake?

T: Yo, Jamie def just threw shade at Quentin for using the term “ghetto”. I knew he was going to get shit for that.

Best Actor in a TV Series, Drama

Jon Hamm, Mad Men

Rami Malek, Mr. Robot

Wagner Moura, Narcos

Bob Odenkirk, Better Call Saul

Liev Schreiber, Ray Donovan

Traci’s Pick: Jon Hamm, Mad Men

Jon Hamm always and forever, both at awards shows and in my heart.

Molly’s Pick: Jon Hamm, Mad Men

Just give him a farewell Golden Globe, why don’t you?

Winner: Jon Hamm

T: I lit’rally just started clapping to myself for Hamm. Get it done sir… “Thanks for not taking my advice and ending the entire series on Chumbawumba. You picked the right song.” WHY DIDN’T MORE PEOPLE LAUGH AT THIS JOKE

T: A-Schu and J-Law is the best presenter match-up since Wiig & Ferrell in ’13

M: Love Amy’s celebrity couple names: Amy-Tom Ford. Amy-All The Hemsworthes. Fav celeb friendship, right there.

Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Musical or Comedy

Christian Bale, The Big Short

Steve Carell, The Big Short

Matt Damon, The Martian

Al Pacino, Danny Collins

Mark Ruffalo, Infinitely Polar Bear

Traci’s Pick: Matt Damon, The Martian

I honestly don’t know anymore – I haven’t seen any of these movies.

Molly’s Pick: Steve Carell, The Big Short

What the heck even is Infinitely Polar Bear? Sounds like a fake band name.

Winner: Matt Damon, The Martian

M: Honestly,  I should have picked him. But WHO IS AT TABLE 10? (Probably people from his movie, but.)

T: I haven’t seen The Martian, but honestly is it a comedy? Kristen Wiig and Donald Glover were in it, so yeah?

T: IT’S BEEN 18 YEARS SINCE GOOD WILL HUNTING??

M: NO WAY. It’s been AN ENTIRE ADULT PERSON since Good Will Hunting.

Also, Matt Damon, paraphrased: “Oh, I just make little movies nobody sees, la la la.”

Best Animated Feature Film

Anomalisa


The Good Dinosaur


Inside Out


The Peanuts Movie

Shaun the Sheep Movie

Traci’s Pick: Inside Out

*screams with tears* INSIDE OUT IS A FILM FOR ADULTS

Molly’s Pick: Inside Out

Why yes, I HAVE cried just thinking about it.

Winner: Inside Out

M: “Growing up is really hard and that’s a worthy subject to make a movie about” – best elevator pitch for an animated film, ever.

T: So technically Amy Poehler just won another Golden Globe, is how I just took this.

T: People are yelling “WOOWWWW” to Ryan Gosling & Brad Pitt on stage together, which, I mean is completely fair. ALSO BRAD IS ACTUALLY BENJAMIN BUTTON-ING

Best Supporting Actor in a Motion Picture

Paul Dano, Love & Mercy

Idris Elba, Beasts of No Nation

Mark Rylance, Bridge of Spies

Michael Shannon, 99 Homes

Sylvester Stallone, Creed

Traci’s Pick: Sylvester Stallone, Creed

Ok I DID see two of these, including my bae Idris and Sly in Creed. Like I said before, HFPA has a sweet spot for veteran Hollywood stars, so they’ll want to give this to Rocky.

Molly’s Pick: Idris Elba, Beasts of No Nation

No clue. I just like looking at him.

Winner: Sylvester Stallone, Creed

M: Rocky films should win every award just because the music is so good for walking up to the podium.

T: This moment is why the HFPA votes for people like Sylvester Stallone. Everyone gives him a standing ovation because they know he deserves it for his career *not* just for Creed. Also, good publicity for the org. But I mean, he was great in the movie.

M: I’ve never seen any of the Rocky movies … I used to live like a 2 minute walk from the Rocky steps in Philly so the closest I’ve been them is watching tourists pose at the top. Still, he seems like such a stand-up guy (and they’re on my to-watch list I swear).

T: Mark Wahlberg hates that he has to do these bits, probably.

M: I might hate that he has to, too.

T: I feel like a writer found those 2016 glasses in the corner of the writers’ room and was like, ‘I mean I guess we could do a joke about these?’ That writer was Carrot Top.

T: UPDATE – LEO SAID THIS ON THE RED CARPET. OBVIOUSLY ABOUT KATE.

M: OTP.

T: Where even is Kate? Stop doing press and get back with Leo.

Best Screenplay – Motion Picture

Emma Donoghue, Room

Tom McCarthy, Josh Singer, Spotlight

Charles Randolph, Adam McKay, The Big Short

Aaron Sorkin, Steve Jobs

Quentin Tarantino, The Hateful Eight

Traci’s Pick: Tom McCarthy, Josh Singer, Spotlight

I need to see Spotlight.

Molly’s Pick: Tom McCarthy, Josh Singer, Spotlight

I haven’t seen Room, but I read the book and I’m secretly pulling for Emma Donoghue because it was great (also because I’d like her, Saoirse Ronan, and Caitriona Balfe to pull a massive sweep for Ireland).

Winner: Aaron Sorkin, Steve Jobs

M: While they were announcing this, I amended my wish to “anything but Quentin Tarantino”. Didn’t want to listen to him again.

T: SPEAKING OF PROPS. AZIZ WITH A BOOK TITLED ‘HOW TO LOSE TO JEFFREY TAMBOR WITH DIGNITY’ Like he legit had that made specifically for this moment. Praise. 

Best Actor in a TV Series, Comedy

Aziz Ansari, Master of None

Gael Garcia Bernal, Mozart in the Jungle

Rob Lowe, The Grinder

Patrick Stewart, Blunt Talk

Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent

Traci’s Pick: Gael Garcia Bernal, Mozart in the Jungle

Thought process: he’s foreign> the Globes are decided by Hollywood Foreign Press> Gael.

Molly’s Pick: Jeffrey Tambor, Transparent

I always have a Dylan McDermott/Dermot Mulroney thing with Gael Garcia Bernal and Gabriel Garcia Marquez (except even more confusing because one is a Mexican actor and one’s a Colombian novelist).

Winner: Gael Garcia Bernal, Mozart in the Jungle

M: Really did think it would be Jeffrey Tambor!

T: Well, clearly my thought process has been validated.

T: FUCKING FINALLY

M: As far as I’m concerned we can all go to bed now.

T: I honestly forgot Ricky was hosting.

M: The latest joke (that Brad and Angelina will want to adopt Kevin Hart and Ken Jeong) goes over better than most of them have.

Best Actress in a Limited-Series or TV Movie

Kirsten Dunst, Fargo

Lady Gaga, American Horror Story: Hotel

Sarah Hay, Flesh & Bone

Felicity Huffman, American Crime

Queen Latifah, Bessie

Traci’s Pick:  Lady Gaga, American Horror Story: Hotel

I think the HFPA just want a reason to help Gaga EGOT.

Molly’s Pick: Kirsten Dunst, Fargo

She should win, anyway. She was incredible.

Winner: Lady Gaga, American Horror Story: Hotel

T: I’m gonna be honest with you I’m crying. I’ve never even seen the show.

M: I’ve only seen clips but I wasn’t impressed … and I STG Kirsten Dunst was amazing in Fargo.

T: IT IS SO QUIET IN THE BALLROOM BC HOLLYWOOD DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO REACT.

M: Gaga. You seem like a sweet enough person but nobody has to thank Ryan Murphy.

T: ALSO – GAGA KNOCKED LEO’S ARM AND HE REACTED IN A WAY THAT IS… I’M READY FOR THE GIF.

M: Have they been letting her talk for the past like 15 minutes? Gaga says she’s “truly speechless” but I don’t know, that was a lot of talking, Stefani.

M: If Zooey Deschanel’s going to grow out her bangs and part them in the middle and Katy Perry’s going to cut hers shorter and part them in the middle, eventually they’re going to merge and none of us will know the difference.

T: Sam Smith is snatching that EGOT. Get. it.

T: For those keeping track – in the past 15 minutes, Lady Gaga and Sam Smith won Golden Globes, and Katy Perry presented with a Bump It in her hair (seriously). Welcome to 2016.

M: I’ve forgotten to keep track of which celebs seem drunk and which seem high, but if I were there I’d be grabbing Ricky’s drink off the podium to get through this event.

T: “I love seeing Ricky every three years because it reminds me to get a colonoscopy.” What are the odds Mel hired a team of writers for that come back? Like in 2013? And they’ve been working on it ever since?

M: I just said “oh, no” out loud during the Mad Max segment because I’m afraid when it gets nominated for an Oscar I’m going to feel like I have to see it.

T: Ugh same.

Best TV Series, Drama

Empire

Game of Thrones

Mr. Robot

Narcos

Outlander

Traci’s Pick: Mr. Robot

My strategy has been and always will be ‘pick the weirdest, buzziest show/star to win the Golden Globes’. Mr. Robot is loved by critics and TV nerds. If any other show were to win, it might be Game of Thrones, but, like Molly, I’ve never seen it and it’s our best guess as to what’s going on in that show.

Molly’s Pick: Game of Thrones

Although since this is for season 1 of Empire, I’d like to see it win (season 2… nah).

Winner: Mr. Robot

M: Traci, can you explain what this is even about in a few words, because I have no clue?

T: Hackers. Internet. Christian Slater.

M: Hmm. I think I already have enough shows. Thanks.

T: Same. ALSO I just put it together than Emmy Rossum’s fiance is the creator/EP of Mr. Robot?

M: When did Emmy Rossum become the establishment, anyway?

T: …. Phantom? Shameless? I’m out.

M: Yeah gotta be Shameless. I feel like the only person who saw Phantom.

T: Just the two of us. *cut to Will Smith*

T: Give Tom Hanks an Emmy for this Denzel Washington impression. And for that whole speech.

T: HE GOT GAME WAS SO GOOD. I mean, all of Denzel’s movies, but also like, that one. Also also, there was a time when I met Denzel Washington and I always forget I did that.

M: I always forget you did too!

T: YOOOOOO IS THIS DENZEL’S SON (also i love that he brought his fam up)

M: Yeah I called Denzel’s adult children ‘adorable’ during the preshow and I stand by it 100%.

M: Denzel’s wife helping him read his writing like they’re all of our moms and dads instead of special, beautiful people, I love it.

M: Why doesn’t anyone in this crowd quiet down when someone starts talking? Waiting for a presenter to pull the teacher thing where they stand up there and say “I’ll wait” then stare at you.

T: Breaking: “What the fuck does sugartits even mean?” -Gervais to Gibson.

(btw: “What do you think you’re looking at, sugar tits?” – Mel Gibson to female police officer during 2006 DUI arrest)

M: What’s the point of this ‘banter’ that gets censored anyway? [but yes. What DOES sugartits even mean?]

T: According to Urban Dictionary (the go-to reference for 25+ humans)

1. Describing a female with a deligtfully sweet bosom; a delicious pair of breasts.

“What do you think you’re looking at, sugar tits?” said the inebriated Mel Gibson to the arresting deputy.

M: I have obviously been watching this soulless awards show too long because that almost sounded sweet. (Except the Mel Gibson part.)

Best Director – Motion Picture

Todd Haynes, Carol

Alejandro Gonzalez Iñárritu, The Revenant

Tom McCarthy, Spotlight

George Miller, Mad Max

Ridley Scott, The Martian

Traci’s Pick: Alejandro Gonzalez Iñárritu, The Revenant

Thought process: he’s foreign> the Globes are decided by Hollywood Foreign Press> Leo.

Molly’s Pick: George Miller, Mad Max

Sometimes the HFPA goes for the director of these more “genre” films, so why not. But Inarritu is probably a better guess.

Winner: Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu, The Revenant

M: This also means I’ll probably feel like I have to see The Revenant, and I love Leo and I like nature OK but I’m just not interested.

Best Actress in a TV Series, Drama

Caitriona Balfe, Outlander

Viola Davis, How to Get Away With Murder

Eva Green, Penny Dreadful

Taraji P. Henson, Empire

Robin Wright, House of Cards

Traci’s Pick: Taraji P. Henson, Empire

Give this woman an award already.

Molly’s Pick: Taraji P. Henson, Empire

Again, especially because we’re talking about season 1. But if Caitriona Balfe wants to win the Irish trifecta I wouldn’t complain.

Winner: Taraji P. Henson, Empire

M: Did she bake these cookies or order them from a bakery because either scenario is adorable.

Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Comedy

Jennifer Lawrence, Joy

Melissa McCarthy, Spy


Amy Schumer, Trainwreck



Maggie Smith, Lady in the Van


Lily Tomlin, Grandma

Traci’s Pick: Amy Schumer, Trainwreck

It’s going to be a tough call between the BFFs in the category, but I’m giving the edge to Amy, since the HFPA tends to like newcomers with a lot of buzz and really old people/Hollywood veterans.

Molly’s Pick: Maggie Smith, Lady in the Van

Who could ever choose between any of these ladies?

Winner: Jennifer Lawrence, Joy

M: … with Amy Schumer starting a standing ovation like a true pal.

T: Love it. But also maybe should’ve been a tie between them!

M: How I know I’m getting old: I look at celebs already well into their 20s (Jennifer Lawrence) and think things like “I’m so proud of how she’s growing up!”

T: “Welcome back to the Golden Globes, here is Tobey Maguire” aka remember this guy?? He used to be relevant once upon a time.”

T: Lit’rally four people in a row referenced Tobey & Leo’s “Pussy Posse” on Twitter rn.

M: Never forget. Even if you want to, you can’t.

M: The disconnect between Jim Carey’s head hair and beard hair textures is really throwing me off.

M: New theory: the round tables at the Golden Globes make it really awkward because half of the people have to either turn their chairs or sit sideways, so the most important people get the locations where you get to sit facing the stage.

T: Next thing you know, the censor’s going to bleep out the winner for Best Motion Picture, Drama

Best Motion Picture, Comedy

The Big Short

Joy

The Martian

Spy

Trainwreck

Traci’s Pick: The Big Short

The Big Short is critically acclaimed, but so is Trainwreck. The Globes are usually an indicator of who’s going to win the Oscars, so my bet is that Amy Schumer’s not going to win an Oscar any time soon (as much as I would love her to).

Molly’s Pick:  Joy

I saw Joy, and I guess I chuckled a few times but it wasn’t really a *comedy* in the same way Trainwreck was. Awards shows eat that shit up.

Winner: The Martian

M: As far as I’m concerned, the nominees were two comedies and three movies where maybe you chuckle a few times.

Martian “began with a very smart book.” You know, like ALL the best comedies.

T: I’ve checked out, Ridley Scott. Unless you’re going to burst out into song from Avenue Q in this speech, this film was not a musical nor a comedy.

Best Actress in a Motion Picture, Drama

Cate Blanchett, Carol

Brie Larson, Room

Rooney Mara, Carol

Saoirse Ronan, Brooklyn

Alicia Vikander, The Danish Girl

Traci’s Pick: Brie Larson, Room

I only hear great things about Brie Larson in this movie, so I’m going with her, even though I secretly want Saoirse Ronan to win because I could listen to her talk for days.

Molly’s Pick: Alicia Vikander, The Danish Girl

I think Brie Larson and Alicia Vikander are the most buzz-y this year. But Cate Blanchett has a good shot if the voters go for the establishment. I also secretly want Saoirse Ronan to win, though. I just love her.

Winner: Brie Larson, Room

M: For the record, I have been watching my television for three and a half hours and haven’t heard Saoirse Ronan speak ONCE. Didn’t even know she was there til now. Anyway congrats, Brie.

T: She spoke on E! earlier and it was the highlight of the pre-show.

M: I’ve really got to get cable.

T: Brie Larson is such a delight! Before the show, she said she talked to Emma Stone who gave her a pep talk and said, “You’re gonna have the best time – you’re inside the TV!”. This is the type of speech I’m into.

M: Yes, everyone take a page from her book!

Best Actor in a Motion Picture, Drama


Bryan Cranston, Trumbo


Leonardo DiCaprio, The Revenant


Michael Fassbender, Steve Jobs


Eddie Redmayne, The Danish Girl


Will Smith, Concussion

Traci’s Pick: Leonardo DiCaprio, The Revenant

Molly’s Pick: Eddie Redmayne, The Danish Girl

Unless he’s So Last Awards season.

Winner: Leonardo DiCaprio

T: YASSSSSSSSSS WHERE IS KATE. WHERE IS KATE. WHERE IS KATE.

M: YAYYY! But does this mean he’ll be even more cursed for the Oscars? Can they please show Kate? SHOW KATE.

IS KATE OKAY. WHERE IS SHE.

T: MAYBE SHE’S PASSED OUT BC THE LOVE OF HER LIFE JUST WON A GOLDEN GLOBE.

M: Yeah maybe she’s hidden behind a camera taking pics for her scrapbook.

T: Kate is at Eddie Redmayne’s table (I THINK) so like, just PAN OVER.

M: THANK KATE. I don’t care that she wasn’t in this.

T: I THOUGHT WHEN HE SAID “LASTLY” THAT IT WAS GOING TO END WITH “KATE WINSLET, WHO HAS BEEN WITH ME AND IN MY HEART SINCE 1996.”

M: I SAW. DID YOU SEE.

T: NO UGH I WAS LOOKING FOR LEO GIFS

M: He thanked the makeup artist or something and you could see a fuzzy Kate Winslet calling out a “woo!” so I like to think she was there just cheering at every damn thing he said.

T: I REWOUND IT. THIS IS THE GREATEST.

M: I know! Now I can picture her applauding throughout the entire speech.

T: Let’s just take a mo to remember when Kate professed her love for Leo (and kept saying “Gather” to herself) at the Globes a few years ago:

Best Motion Picture, Drama

Carol

Mad Max: Fury Road

The Revenant

Room

Spotlight

Traci’s Pick: Spotlight

Spotlight’s been picking up a lot of steam this awards season, but if any film is a close runner-up, it’s going to be Mad Max: Fury Road. Both of these movies I have not seen.

Molly’s Pick: Spotlight

It seems like the most likely candidate. I also haven’t seen it.

Winner: The Revenant

T: Well, I was going to see this anyways, but ok.

M: Usually the keywords “epic biographical Western” would put me off it, but for Leo, okay.

T: If we can’t listen to Saoirse, I’d listen to Alejandro.

M: Too bad, because I think they cut him off. Meanwhile we had to listen to a 5-minute speech for an award Quentin Tarantino didn’t even win.

T: Hollywood, amirite?

M: I legit almost ended with “that’s Hollywood” with a shrug-face emoji.

T: “From myself and Mel Gibson, shalom” Oh boy drag him, Ricky.

M: If for no other reason than sticking it to Mel Gibson, I think Ricky did an OK job.

T: Agreed. And now we all have Sugartits back in our vocabulary in 2016, so thank you.

Goodnight from our sugartits to yours (no? not using it right? need to look up the definition again?) and be sure to come back tomorrow for our Best and Worst Dressed post. Thanks for reading!