Tag Archives: style

Coachella 2014 Fashion Wrap-Up

Posted in Outfit Girl by

Pull out your 90s jumpers and flower crowns. Lace up your Doc Martens. Grab your dry shampoo, but probably leave that Hipster Indian Headdress at home (it’s kinda offensive, you know?). It’s Coachella season!

The festival is over now, but don’t worry — the two weekends of Coachella 2014 provided enough fashion inspiration – and fashion WTF-ery – to last us the whole year.

Beyonce and Solange

Confession: Although “What Would Beyonce Do?” (along with “How would Beyonce feel about this?” and “What would Beyonce get on her sandwich?”) is the driving question that gets me through my days, style-wise I’m kind of obsessed with little sister Solange. She wears fun prints and boho pieces because screw it, she’s not Beyonce. And her natural hair is to die for.

Coachella is pretty casual, and that means that Queen Bey wasn’t going to wear a bedazzled leotard (on second thought, bedazzled leotards DO sound sort of Coachella). Instead, she was getting her inner Solange on. How fun was it to see these sisters hanging out together, making music, and looking flipping amazing? Beyonce’s purple shift is like a 2010s reboot of the 90s tribute to the 60s mod look (you following?) – and I would gladly trade in half of my wardrobe for Solange’s orange romper. I don’t have children yet, which is good because I would also probably trade my firstborn to have Knowles DNA (or at least that hair).

Haim

Speaking of sisters that make me want to sort out exactly what sort of nature/nurture combo made them so damn cool: HAIM. Este, Alana and Danielle are three twenty-something sisters whose sound is like En Vogue meets Wilson Phillips meets Fleetwood Mac, which means you should be listening to them if you aren’t already. No surprise that their Coachella style was completely on-point. The great thing is that their set was so energetic* that I could hardly find a shot of all three of them on stage. The mesh-knit sweater and especially that cutout dress are amazing, though a week later I’m sure they have some really weird tan lines.

* The full set was online but it’s been taken down now for copyright/IP reasons. On behalf of lawyers everywhere, I’m sorry, we’re the worst.

Jared Leto

How is it possible to have had a 20-year-long crush on Jared Leto? Aren’t I still only like 21? But seriously, I remember that every time I would sneak-read my sister’s Seventeen magazines as a kid – the jig is up now, sorry! – they were always talking about Jared ‘Jordan Catalano’ Leto. The man holds up well.

So, elephant (zebra) in the room (pants): yeah, those are zebra pants. It’s Coachella, which is like Hipster Halloween. But Leto isn’t about the clothes, he’s about the hair, and isn’t it beautiful? He looks like a freaking Haim sister. I’m just saying, if they all collabed on some gloss spray or a leave-in conditioner, I’d probably buy it.

Katy Perry

As I said: Hipster Halloween. Except for the offensive stuff, you can’t really criticize Coachella fashion – it’s supposed to be a bit wacky. It’s just that this reminds me of all of the parts of 90s style I’m not ready to see again, from the Manic Panic hair to the black socks to the DIY’ed weird-fitting dress. But I cannot blame Perry at all for taking her chance to wear something you couldn’t get away with anywhere else – I’d do it too.

Ellie Goulding

The good: this is a really non-Ellie-Goulding look, and Coachella is all about trying new things! And if the weirdest new thing you’re trying is a fashion risk, you’re probably going to make it through the weekend. I’m into all of the cutouts we’re seeing, tanlines aside, and the cape thing is kind of Stevie Nicks.

The bad: the first thing I thought when I saw this was “S&M diaper.” Then I realized that that probably exists. Then I thought about what that observation is going to do to our Google traffic.

Kate Nash

First of all, Kate Nash is so cool. Made Of Bricks was the soundtrack to getting ready to go out or lounging around in the morning when I was in college. Seven (what???) years later, she’s still just as awesome and her newish album Girl Talk is even better. Nash always had a sort of girl-next-door look, so I was surprised to see this Coachella get-up, like when you’d see someone after summer vacation in high school and they’d gone from prep to goth. Then I was immediately unsurprised, because Coachella’s tagline is basically “I Wear What I Want.” Nash’s whole band was in pink too, so it was sort of a fun glam-rock-y thing.

Lorde

A little bit Haim, a little bit Kate Nash. Lorde started her set in a gold lame cape/gown getup, but switched to a casual crop top and harem pants thing. Should we even still say harem pants? That’s probably as bad as “wife beater” shirts.  Whatever you call them, I love these fun baggy pants Lorde has been showing up in lately. Remember: even if you subscribe to old-timey fashion rules about wearing white, it’s already after Memorial Day in New Zealand (uhhh…. is that how that works?).

Pharrell

I thought maybe Coachella would be when Pharrell would bust out some sort of Abraham Lincoln stovepipe hat or a sailor cap, but I gather that he bought a lot of these Arby’s hats wholesale and now dammit, he’s going to wear them. Please note the obligatory hipster scarf, which is probably a utilitarian measure at Coachella – keeps the sand out of your mouth and eyes.  I sort of love that his shorts remind me of something that I would have rocked as a little girl in the early 90s.

Justin Bieber

A head that appears to be facing backwards on his body, like a twerpy male version of the girl from the Exorcist. Cutoff sweat-shorts. A friggin bucket hat.

Justin Bieber would, everybody.

Vanessa Hudgens

If a non-Indian person wears a bindi in the desert, and there’s nobody there to photograph it, is it still culturally appropriative?

(Yes.)

The pink tipped hair is fun though.

Chvrches (/Lauren Mayberry)

Chvrches is a really fun band -they were one of my picks on our songs of the summer playlist last year, but I think this year it might really happen. Lauren Mayberry is, in addition to being a solid musician, somebody you should be listening to off-stage as well.

But this is a fashion post, so I’m going to say it: Lauren Mayberry of Chvrches has the best bangs in the music industry. If my bangs looked like this, I wouldn’t be living in a 27-year cycle of having bangs, growing them out because they never look right, cutting them again, and growing out, etc.

Kid Cudi

My life in crop tops:

Age 5: My brothers’ shady little league coach always wears crop tops. I distinctly remember playing on the dirt pile, watching him walk by and wondering whether the shirt was meant for somebody my size.

Age 15: I say screw it, I’m going to wear a crop top; I feel really skanky about it but if you can’t wear it when you’re 15, when?

Age 25: I wonder if the return of the crop top means I’M supposed to be wearing them; am relieved that I’m old enough that it’s probably not expected of me.

Age 27: Kid Cudi in a crop top at Coachella. It is like my whole life has been leading up to this moment.

See that look of unadulterated glee on Kid Cudi’s face? That is the expression of a grown man who knows that he is successfully pulling off a male crop-top and skinny shorts. Bravo, mister.

Lana Del Rey

I waffle between loving this and thinking it looks too lounge-y. Is Hawaiian print  quite ready for a comeback? It reminds me of being in junior high in 1999 and coveting the items in the Delia’s catalog, and surely that wasn’t THAT long ago.

But when you get down to it, it seems like Lana feels comfortable and happy, and with her crazy-enviable hair, she looks great. Plus it’s fun to see some bright color out there instead of drab summertime sadness-y getups.

Regular Non-Famous Humans In The Crowd

A few of the Coachella staples were on hand, and these looks were sported by the famous and non-famous alike:

Flower crowns: the more bohemian, less offensive alternative to the hipster headdress of a few years ago. I approve.

Hats: Because you’re in the freaking desert.

90s style: How am I old enough for this to be happening??? Basically just dress like if Clarissa Darling went to a music festival.

Somewhere between west coast grunge and Tragic Kingdom-era Gwen Stefani?

Message T’s

I never thought about Rita Ora one way or the other, but wearing this to troll the kiddos at Coachella makes me love her a bit.

Neon: Make Kelly Kapowski proud (Why are all my fashion refs two decades old?)

Native American inspiration (/appropriation?): Proof that white people shouldn’t have nice things

There were a few other trends on hand too: lots of denim shorts, floral print, and heavily tatooed people among them.

In addition, when sorting through the lineup of performers I thought that about 6 of the more unknown men were Macklemore.

None of them was Macklemore.

 

Related articles

Mid-2000s Fashion: A Requiem

Posted in Lists, Outfit Girl by

Fashion is cyclical, and that cycle is about 20 years long. That’s why all those teen whippersnappers are dressed like 1994 Angela Chases and Corey Matthewses right now (although we know that the truth of 90s fashion was a little different). And that’s why styles from 5-10 years ago (think The O.C., Laguna Beach, Mean Girls) … well, they’re old enough to make you look out of date, but too recent pass as a vintage look.

As I am re-watching Veronica Mars, I’m finding myself really missing some of those mid-2000s styles. Others… not so much. We won’t be seeing a lot of these 2003 – 2009 fads again for a while, so consider this a requiem. A long time ago, we used to be friends…

Boot Cut Jeans

Occasionally you hear that boot cuts are coming back for real this time, and maybe it’s true – denim follows different life spans than other fashion, multiple jean styles are acceptable at any time, and enough people resisted the skinny jean trend that boot cuts never really died. Though I like skinny jeans because it’s easier to find pairs that aren’t too baggy, boot cuts were frankly more flattering on more people. I usually stick with trouser jeans or straight leg when I don’t feel like wearing skinny jeans, but I’m seriously considering trawling e-bay for some 2007-vintage Seven For All Mankinds or Luckys. I’m old, I do what I want.

Little Corduroy Jackets

Some quality bootcuts, too.

If Veronica Mars makes you miss one thing, it’s cropped, fitted little corduroy jackets that were acceptable for indoor and outdoor wear and made great layers over shirts and hoodies alike. These are another thing I’d totally bring back without shame – I have some more blazer-y ones that I may or … may wear to the office sometimes.

Aviator Sunglasses

These haven’t gone all the way out, but they’re nowhere near as ubiquitous as they were a while ago. Everyone’s trying to wear Tom Cruise in Risky Business frames these days, but we still need a few Tom Cruise from Top Guns.

To save you the trouble, I googled “when was Kardashian in back brace.” Never. The answer is never. This is a belt.

Fitted Tops That Weren’t Too Short Or Too Long

I blame skinny jeans for this. A lot of ladies wanted or needed to cover their butts in skinny jeans, and suddenly long tops came into fashion. Others wanted to balance fitted skinnies with looser tops, and billowy tunics were here. Then, those damn teens got their hands on fashion, and those awkwardly short yet wide shirts from the 90s came back. We never noticed it happening, but somehow it’s a lot harder to find a shirt that’s not skin-tight, but doesn’t billow. A top that isn’t butt-covering long or belly-baring short, but lands right at your hipbone. Suddenly every shopping trip turns you into freaking goldilocks, searching for the shirt that’s just right. It didn’t used to be like this.

Juicy Tracksuits

Last place you’d see these tracksuits: an actual track. Can you imagine running in head-to-to velour?

I think J.Lo started this one, but America’s responsible for following. These were the outfit that said “I spent a lot of money to wear velour and look like I’m ill.” I never had a pair, but if I were the age I am now when these were popular, I would have probably cave. After a while you just like to be comfortable. If you wore one of these, you probably jazzed it up with some big ol’ hoop earrings.

Snarky Message Tees

At the time, I always used to think that these should read “I’m Not Funny — But My Shirt Is!” Clearly my attitude toward others hasn’t changed in the past decade. I’ll admit that some of these were sort of funny, in a bumper sticker, key chain, greeting card sort of way.

T-Shirts From Destinations You’ve Never Visited

In 2005, it didn’t matter if you’d never been to Ed’s Bowl-A-Roll, Springville Prep Lacrosse Camp, or Buenos Aires. It was enough to had a shirt that said you had. It was so bad that if you’d wear a t-shirt from a vacation or activity, one of your friends would always ask “Now, is that real, or…?”

‘Return To Tiffany’ Jewelry

Man. Could we have thought of something less really expensive to have cycle in and out of fashion? It was these, then those Italian charm bracelets, then regular charm bracelets, and now finally Alex and Ani, which is at least cheap, finally. If you wear these with the right outfit and accessories it’s still doable.

Now, when they went missing, how many of these bad boys do you think actually got returned to Tiffany & Co.?

Che Guevara, For Some Reason

The most mid-2000s thing ever: (1) Che Guevara + (2) Military Green + (3) Canvas + (4) Messenger Bag

I don’t know. In 2007 that one kid who’s always talking about sustainable water supply and the Iraq occupation in your Developing World poli-sci class is definitely wearing a Che t-shirt. Or a Che pin. And definitely a Che jacket. It’s just a thing people were doing to let you know that they didn’t vote for George W. Bush, had serious feelings about organic foods, and were minoring in political science.

Puka Shells and Beaded Man-Necklaces

No beach required. There was a surfer thing going on that might have started in Blue Crush, and it manifested in Hawaiian flowers on shirts and these damn necklaces. They started off as an innocuous accessory, but after a while they were part of the Douchebag Accessory Trifecta, three items that all dirtbaggy mid-2000s dude-bros wore so that we could tell they were douchey without even having to talk to them. We’ll address the other two further down.

Whiskered Denim

Jeans that were painted to look like your hips were so wide that your fabric was straining and puckering against them. Thanks, 2004. You really, really shouldn’t have.

Conspicuous Branding

“My shirt is from a store!” – Your Shirt, c. 2006

In 2006, you didn’t need to worry that people wouldn’t be able to tell that your shirt was from Abercrombie, Hollister, Armani Exchange, or even Aeropostale. Your shirt did the talking for you.

Trucker Hats

Bonus mid-2000s trend: Jesus Is My Homeboy. Double-Bonus Mid-2000s Trend: Ashton Kutcher

 

Usually Von Dutch, always completely silly. This is our second item in the Douchebag Accessory Trifecta.

Gaucho Pants

Baby AnnaSophia Robb is a paragon of 2004 couture.

 

I remember sitting in my college dorm in 2005, people-watching kids going into the dining hall across from our room, and wondering when all of the girls started dressing like swashbuckling pirates.

Popped Collars

See also: every guy I ever met at a party from 2004 to 2008

Here it is. The third Douchebag Accessory. You could even wear two popped collars at once if you were really, really awful.

Going Out Tops

“Nobody looks flyer than me in this silk-accented maroon blouse!” – My Imagination, c. 2006. [In case you’re wondering this is from a puppet show lampooning all of my friends, which a buddy and I wrote, directed, and starred in BECAUSE I’VE ALWAYS BEEN AT LEAST THIS COOL.]

Before it was normal to wear cute dresses or casual t-shirts out, every Friday and Saturday night (and Thursday… and Sunday), you’d straighten your hair, smudge on some liquid eyeliner, and change into one of your Going Out Tops. They were silky or lacy or otherwise fancy tops. At my college, at least, you’d then cover it up with a NorthFace fleece to walk across the frozen terrain.

In case you’re wondering, “going out top” was a clumsy phrase invented as a workaround so we didn’t have to say “blouse.”

Ringer Tees

Sports fashion for people who can’t play, or necessarily name, a single sport. These are neither dead, nor as very alive as they once were.

That One Kind Of Jeans Skirt

I basically wore this exact outfit.

Some kinds of denim skirt are still in – I was just wearing one. But remember that one kind of jeans skirt that everyone had? In warm weather, you’d wear it with your going out shirt.

The Butt-Ruffle

I don’t know. It was like a flouncy ruffle that covered your ass. It sort of looked like a diaper cover. It seemed cute at the time.

Surf and Beach Inspired Outfits

What is this shirt, College Molly? You don’t even LIKE beaches that much. Too much sun exposure, too much sand.

Thanks to the aforementioned Blue Crush, along with The O.C. and Laguna Beach, teen beach bums were having a moment. Even if you lived nowhere near water, it’s a thing that was happening.

Short-Sleeved Shirts Over Long-Sleeved Shirts

Could I BE wearing any more clothes?

Ah, the mid-2000s. When shirt sleeves of all lengths lived in harmony.

Fitted Off-The Shoulder Tops

These weren’t those big, floppy 80s flashdance numbers. They were regular long-sleeved tops, but the shoulders were over the shoulder.

Tight Plain Tank Tops Worn By Themselves As Though It Were Just… Okay

To explain: We were “hiking” and Traci instructed me to “look competent.” And our friend’s face is obscured so as not to throw her under the 2006 bus.

Your ab situation was on-point. You knew it. So did everyone else. Frankly, I’m glad these were popular in my college years so that my 18-21 year old abs will live on in the memory of all those I knew and loved.

Half-Cardigans

What’s so funny, 2007 me? Is it that you still have the glow of youth? That you live in a house with a lime-green bar room? Or is it that your cardigan only reaches your ribs and you realize you look like an idiot?

Sometimes you’d wear it over your tight plain tank top.

Floppy Surfer Boy Haircuts That Always Curled Straight Out

I have curly hair, too. I understand. This hair cut was not always bad, but on boys with a certain kind of hair, it curled straight out at the bottom, forming, like, a hair-shelf. It looked stupid. You looked stupid.

Smocking On Grown-Assed Women

On five-year-olds’ sundresses: Adorable. On adult ladies with boobs: really really weird. They made your boobs look tube-shaped and awful.

Related articles

Academy Awards 2014: Best and Worst Dressed

Posted in Entertainment, Outfit Girl by

Happy post-Oscar day! The 2014 Academy Awards were sort of amazing in that almost everyone who we all thought would win actually won. The winners were deserved and everyone looked amazing! So, for those of us who got 4-5 hours of sleep because of this fiasco asking if last night was really worth it, I think it was. Here are our picks for Best and Worst dressed, because we couldn’t each pick Lupita Nyong’o five times for Best Dressed and Liza Minnelli five times for Worst Dressed. But that doesn’t mean we didn’t want to!

Traci’s Picks

Best Dressed

Lupita Nyong’o in Prada

Ever since she showed up lookin FIERCE at the Golden Globes with the red cape situation, all eyes have been on Lupita on the red carpet. Somehow, she never disappoints. This particular dress is Prada, and she said she picked it because it reminded her of Nairobi, her hometown in Kenya. It already has sentimental value to it, so you can’t go wrong. And whoever her stylist is, you deserve your own Oscar, because I almost teared up seeing her on the red carpet for the first time at the Academy Awards. Maybe it’s because I’m overly emotional and cry at anything, but you know how some actresses just have a dress that makes it look like they’re going to win that night? It was JLaw’s Dior cloud dress from last year, Julia Roberts’ black and white Valentino, Halle Berry’s Elie Saab gown in ’02, these are iconic dresses that you remember forever. And we’ll aways remember Lupita, not only for her excellent acting, but her excellent style choices, especially the ones that land her in the record books.

Kate Hudson In Atelier Versace

Speaking of fierce capes – well this isn’t really a cape, it’s more of a fierce shawl. Kate took it off when she presented (right?) but I so prefer this look over sans shawl. She looks so old school Hollywood glam, and what better place to do it at the Oscars?!

Charlize Theron in Dior

Glam bam thank you ma’am. I mean Charlize is already beautiful but this silhouette gown? Beyond.

Naomi Watts in Calvin Klein

Apparently the night’s theme was ‘Frozen’ in multiple ways. Of course Frozen won twice but on the red carpet, white and light colors were in. But Naomi Watts did it best. I love love love everything about this: the gown, the Bulgari jewels, the two-toned clutch. To die. Judging by the close up pix, I feel like it would look even more stunning in person.

Portia de Rossi In Naeem Khan

Whoooaaaa Portia! This screams: my wife is hosting the Oscars and I’m so proud and sexy so haters to the left. I’ve never really considered Portia an expert in style per se, so I guess that makes this look all the more amazing. Again, she’s in the white/off white ‘color’ of the night, and the detail in the dress is EXQUISITE (sorry for the douchebaggery). I had a hard time not staring at the patterns because it’s just ridiculous.

Honorable Mention: Calista Flockhart in Andrew Gn. As the Plus one to hubs Harrison, it was the perfect dress to stand out yet make sure it wasn’t all about her. Just like Naomi, I bet this dress looked stunning up close.

Worst Dressed

Liza Minnelli in Vintage Halston

Oh dear. This picture pretty much sums up Liza’s Oscars night.

Lady Gaga in Atelier Versace Couture

My frustration with Gaga is that I like her. I think she has a great voice, I appreciate she goes balls to the wall with her creativity, even if it’s super weird and slightly scary, but the bottom line is she’s talented and that’s why she deserved all the attention, fame, adoration, etc. However, I also know she’s a pretty girl. She is legit wearing a weave here, and even though this is a very conservative outfit for Gaga, it doesn’t really match her personality or style.

Anne Hathaway in Gucci

No. Last year, no. After party last year, no too. This year’s after party – girl you should’ve worn this gown in 2013 AND 2014.

Elsa Pataky In Elie Saab

Mrs. Chris Hemsworth is pregnant with twins, which explains the protruding belly. But lest us all take a page out of Kerry Washington’s pregnancy style bible and remember that while you should embrace your new curves, you shouldn’t flaunt them to excess.

Pharrell in Lanvin

Imma be real with you. I didn’t think there were a lot of horrible dresses this year. Many were amazing and many were meh. Which is why Pharrell is on here. I get that he’s a superstar musician and can do whatever da fuq he wants, but these shorts are more Grammys style. Honestly, I’d rather have you wear the hat all night, because that’s your thing.

Molly’s Picks

Best Dressed

Lupita Nyong’o in Prada

Everyone looked so wonderful last night that there’s no need for repeats on our Best Dressed lists – but I HAD to talk about Lupita Nyong’o. Lupita actually helped design this dress, inspired by champagne bubbles and Nairobi. So, whatever it is you’re best at in life, I’m pretty sure Lupita Nyong’o could do it better and more beautifully than you. It must have been a lot of pressure being expected to be the best dressed of the night, but this was better than I could have even imagined. As a fellow bony-chested lady, I cannot tell you how delighted I was by that plunging neckline – a real victory for us gals with scrawny sternums. As we said in the live blog, Lupita is an Audrey Hepburn in a Hollywood full of Tori Spellings.

Cate Blanchett in Georgio Armani

The real trend this year was nude-colored dresses with beading and like … fluffy things. There’s a lot of texture going on in 2014, and Cate Blanchett wore the trend perfectly. As her effortless acceptance speech showed, Blanchett is an old pro at this. She picked a fantastic silhouette, went with her standby designer, and managed to look both perfectly modern and perfectly classic.

Jennifer Lawrence in Christian Dior

There wasn’t a lot of color on the red carpet last night, and this orange number was a delight. I don’t care what mean internet people say, I think that short hair really suits J.Law. My only complaint is that this dress looked a LITTLE less beautiful when falling than her other dress did.

Amy Adams in Gucci

There was a split reaction on this dress, with some people thinking it was sort of a yawn. But I’m of the mind that elegance is refusal — see also Bullock, Sandra. I especially loved the pops of color in Amy’s earrings and bracelet.

Matthew McConaughey in Dolce & Gabbana

Men’s fashion is just not as exciting as women’s fashion, and there’s only so much you can do — any attempt you make to step outside the box will leave you wearing a rumpled colored tux or stupid shorts. This is an example of Creative Black Tie done well, in my opinion. The well-fitted white jacket over the crisp formal vest, shirt and tie wouldn’t look out of place at a 1920s dinner party or 1940s jazz club. Well done, Pastor Matt of the Church Of McConaughey.

Honorable Mention: Naomi Watts in Calvin Klein Collection. As I said, I’m trying to avoid repeats, but I at least have to mention this. She looks like a beautiful glittering snow queen, for goodness sakes.

Speaking of snow queens, Kristen Bell deserves a mention for the best accessory of the night – a purse with a burrito in it. Bless. Oh, she looked lovely, as well.

Worst Dressed

Jared Leto in Saint Laurent

I’m told I’m supposed to like this, but sorry, I’m not feeling it. The look does fit Leto – forever Jordan Catalano, but also frontman of 30 Seconds To Mars. A more clean-cut look probably wouldn’t suit him. Still, the jacket was a little too cream-colored and the shirt a little too white for my taste, and the red tie and pocket square didn’t work for me either. I gotta hand it to him, though: Leto has gorgeous hair and beautiful eyes and just like… a great general face area.

Christian Bale

Theodore Lawrence, what happened? This is what I mean about creative black tie – it’s like guys have to choose between looking boring yet appropriate, or just kind of … off. I’ve never been a fan of black on black male formalwear, but it’s not just that. The whole thing looks rumply and ill-fitted. The shirt looks stretched and the pants look too big. Get thee to a tailor, Bale.

Liza Minnelli in Halston

As with Lupita, I’m trying not to do repeats here but I’d be an idiot not to address this. Between Liza and Gaga last night, does the gay community even have a true fashion icon left? It’s not Johnny Weir, is it? Oh, gosh. It’s Johnny Weir.

Whoopi Goldberg

This look was stupid when Julia Roberts wore it at the Golden Globes, and it’s still stupid now – but now it’s stupid AND uninspired. The knotted pearl necklace from Costume Warehouse’s flapper outfit isn’t helping.

Penelope Cruz in Giambattista Valli Haute Couture

The good: that soft pink color, the pretty draping. The bad: I think if this dress existed without the back panel draped over her arms, I might love it. Was it just how she was posing? Close but no cigar, here.

Honorable Mentions: Charlize Theron – I loved everything about this except the shoulder strap situation. It doesn’t really belong on my worst dressed, but I just wanted to point out that the top of it looks like someone was dressing a paper doll, but didn’t know they had to fold the tabs over its shoulder.

Also, while not worst by any means, sometimes Kerry Washington’s dress looked like it was a cruddy taupe color, but in still shots you could tell it was a muted lavender/mauve. Blame the lighting, not the dress. Kerry was, of course, stunning even when I thought she was wearing that boring terra cotta color that everyone painted their family room in 2001.

This is neither best nor worst, here nor there, but I just found out that Johnny Weir and Tara Lipinski were there and I felt like I had to share this information with everyone. Johnny Weir is dressed as Liberace dressed as a matador dressed as an old-timey oil baron, because of course.

And finally… Kim Novak’s face. Yes, she’s clearly had some plastic surg, but I want everyone who’s ever criticized a celebrity for starting to look old to take a good, hard look at themselves and say “I caused this.”

Related articles

Why Adults Don’t Dress As Cool As Teenagers

Posted in Outfit Girl by

I’m not sure when it happened, but I’ve somehow become an adult – sartorially speaking, anyway. The other day I was on a bus packed with teenagers, and as I was looking around I thought to myself “it looks like these kids all walked out of tumblr or polyvore!” Then, I realized that this probably wasn’t an exceptionally hip group of kids. It’s just that I wasn’t a kid anymore. I looked at my own clothes, and realized that if you saw me walking down the street anytime within the past decade, nothing would have seemed amiss.

I can remember being 16 or so, and thinking that even people in their later 20s dressed so boring. I was right, of course – but there are reasons for it. So, I hope all of those tumblr-y teens on public transpo take note: adults may not look as cool as you, but there are reasons they don’t follow every fad out there:

Adults Have Had Their Clothes Longer

Oh, this old thing? Bought it years ago!

This is the main reason, and it really is that simple — if you’re an adult, chances are there are more pieces in your wardrobe that you’ve had for a long time, thus you won’t look as trendy as a teen. It’s not because adults don’t keep up with the times, though. It’s because:

(1) Adults have been alive longer. Straight up.

(2) Teens are growing, so they have to turn over their wardrobe more regularly. With the exception of some sad old t-shirts and sweatshirts, a kid who’s, let’s say, 15 wouldn’t even be able to fit into clothes that are more than – MAX – 5 years old.  In contrast, as an adult who’s been the same size since I was 12, I can wear clothes from the old millennium. It’s pretty hard to look cutting-edge in an Ann Taylor sweater from 2005.

Adults Invest in Quality Pieces

I don’t think… they read… the book…

Obviously an adult can’t wear clothes from years and years ago if those clothes have fallen apart in the wash. Once you know you aren’t growing anymore, and once you have car payments and mortgages to think about, it’s time to get smart with your money. Most adults have realized this and, in addition to those cheap Target and H&M things that you just can’t pass up, you probably have some fairly solid pieces that have stood the test of time. Today I’m wearing a Brooks Brothers shirt that’s 4 years old and not showing any signs of wear yet, which is a lot cheaper than buying a new one from Dress Barn every year.  When you’re buying something that you intend to keep for up to a decade, you aren’t going with a trend piece. You’re going to buy a classic – thus, you will look tidy, presentable, and possibly even stylish — but not necessarily fashionable. My general system is that I’ll buy anything faddish on the cheap (I’m not too good for Forever 21), but I’m willing to shell out more money for things that will last.

Adults Have Jobs. And They Buy Clothes To Wear To Their Jobs.

Beef up those shoulders and get to work! Accessorize with a glass of wine. Always include a lit candle in presentations. – John T. Molloy

It’s perfectly acceptable to go to school looking casual (unless you went to Catholic school like we did — under our dress code, I dressed about the same as a 16-year-old as I do now working in legal publishing). But, for many of us with office-y desk jobs, you have to look a bit more buttoned-up at work. A lot of us buy pieces that can do double duty. I have some outfits that I could never, ever wear at the office, of course, and some of my work clothes would be too boring to wear on the weekend. Still, it’s a big plus when I can find a top that would look good with a cardigan and dress pants at work,  but that I could wear with skinny jeans and flats on the weekend. When you were 17 you probably didn’t think about whether your outfit would work for both running errands and running into your boss at the water cooler.

Adults Are Fat

Your hair also gets more permed. Of course, if this image were really accurate, at one point the woman would begin wearing a skirted bathing suit.

Okay, I kid. But still, I hate to break it to you, but after a while things just aren’t where they were in your teens. In case you think it won’t happen to you, consider this. I weigh a little less than I did as a (pretty small) teen, have an “athlete” body fat percentage (which is the only athletic thing about me, trust), and yet I cannot pull off things I did at 15 when everything was sort of magically where it was supposed to be. Everything’s a little sadder and weaker looking now. Sorry guys. Enjoy what you have while you have it.

Adults can remember wearing trends the first time.

Like I always say, a good lace frock with a sash never goes out of style.

You teens don’t know what it’s like yet, but someday you will. I see the neon, high-waisted shorts, crop tops, leggings and flannel, and think to myself “oh, that’s how I remember 1993 looking.” And that feels weird, guys. That feels really weird. Sometimes adults don’t dress cool because “cool” means dressing up as your own second grade class picture.

Adults Are Trying To Look Their Age

I’m a SERIOUS ADULT!

Between my stature and my freckles, I look like I should be playing Opie’s girlfriend in an episode of Andy Griffith. To be accepted as an adult, I can’t dress like a kid. In fact, I probably have to dress a bit older than my age just so that people realize that I’m in my 20s. And adults who are on the other end of the spectrum – who look older than their years – probably also shy away from faddish fashions, because nothing ages you more than trying to look like you’re still a teenager.

Okay. I’ll admit it. Some Adults Just Don’t Know What’s Cool.

You ever see those ladies in their late 40s who are still dressed like they’re smoking cigarettes in the girls’ room in 1985? That’s because their idea of looking cool is wearing what was cool when they were teenagers. Let’s face it, some adults truly just don’t know what’s in style, so to feel young they default to whatever was in style when they were kids, recapturing the same look. Although I would never say that your teen years are the best years of your life, I will say that it’s a time when a lot of people feel – right or wrong – like they’re on the top of their fashion game. Now you kids pipe down on the bus. The old lady in slacks and sensible flats is trying to read her book.

Related articles

Superbowl XLVIII: Best And Worst Dressed

Posted in Lists, Outfit Girl by

If you’ve ever chosen which team you were rooting for based on who had the better uniforms …. if you take bathroom breaks during the game so that you don’t miss any commercials … if you think that “hut hut hike-er” is a football position, and the only football coach you can name is Eric Taylor … then this post is for you. We present the best and worst dressed of Super Bowl XLVII – Seahawks vs. Broncos.

Best Dressed

Thunder the Horse  in “blonde lady in a cowgirl suit”

Thunder, who is a horse, is wearing Annie Wegener, a blonde human. Annie, in turn, is wearing an orange-and-blue cowgirl outfit. In the background, Number 11 is pretending to be an airplane, like Half Pint during the opening credits of Little House on the Prairie. Thunder is also wearing a studded leather saddle. He opted for a loose, wind-blown ‘do. His shoes are pure metal, and were made by “a farrier.”

Renee Fleming in Vera Wang

Between this outfit and her straight-singing rendition of The National Anthem, Renee Fleming is pure class. [I do admit to a bit of bias because she’s from our hometown.] Fleming wore a form-fitting black Vera Wang gown with a cream-colored wrap, and hit those A5s with ease and – for once – dignity. A mention should also go out to sign language interpreter Amber Zion, whose coat was really cute.

David Beckham in “As Little As Possible”

God bless David Beckham, for making this the Super Bowl where we all win. David Beckham, wearing boxer-briefs from H&M, is really pushing the limits of the FCC’s clothing regulations. Yes, it’s a new day in America, where attractive people of all sexes can wear minimal clothing in order to appeal to the least common denominator of consumer culture. And I love it.

Mary Lou Retton in “An Old Unitard”

I’d have to say my favorite commercial was the Radio Shack one with all the 80s celebs. I like when companies recognize what kind of image they have amongst the consumers and then actually do something about it. It was like people realized they were self-aware this Super Bowl (hint: Sarah MacLachlan and the dog/Audi commercial).

So props to everyone who appeared in this ad, and even more props to Mary Lou who is 46 YEARS OLD AND WEAR A FRIGGIN GYMNASTICS UNITARD.

this is a pic from when she won the gold medal in 1984, not from the Radio Shack commercial in 2014. 30 YEARS AGO.

Although I don’t reallllly think this unitard constitutes May Lou to be among the ‘best dressed’, I just can’t imagine wearing something like this at 46. Or at 28. Or ever.

Bruno Mars and his band in Saint Laurent

I know some people were less-than-enthused about the Bruno Mars halftime show, but the man really brought it. If you’re looking for music that your three-year-old nephew and sixty-something parents will all enjoy, Bruno Mars fit the bill – in style. Mars combines modern pop with 1950s soul influences and Michael Jackson-style showmanship, and his gold blazer with thin lapels, and skinny black tie, was the perfect glitzy take on retro Sam Cooke style. The matching outfits for his combo added to the vintage pop look, and we have to give props to Bruno who, along with Janelle Monae, is doing great things for the pompadour.

The Football Men in Leggings

Well. This ought to put the whole “can you wear leggings as pants” question to bed.

These Bears From The Beats Commercial in Human Clothes

From Ellen Degeneres’s fairly subtle take on Goldilocks (love the cape-coat!) to the creepy looking bears dressed as humans, this commercial was … okay, I suppose.  How much market research was done to determine that the best way to sell headphones is humans dressed as animals dressed as humans? It fell a bit flat, but the multi-layered outfit approach (human! bear! human!) deserved at least a mention.

Worst Dressed

Arnold Schwarzenegger in Some Sort Of Costume

I’m still trying to figure out why it was necessary for him to dress in “character” for this Bud Light commercial. I mean Don Cheadle just showed up with a llama and didn’t have to wear a wig.

Anthony Kiedis in Jeremy Scott meggings

So, here was my the order of my reactions to the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ Super Bowl fashion:

(1) Did they forget their shirts? Because if I remember anything from the Janet Jackson fiasco of ’04, it’s that if you show nipple at the Super Bowl, children will be traumatized and mothers will be self-righteous. I expect swift and terrible FCC sanctions. I am outraged by this blatant nip slip … I guess?

(2) Wait… are they all wearing cut-off dress pants? It looks like a banker tried to turn his work slacks into shorts. This is not cute.

(3) How didn’t I know that Kiedis had leg-sleeve tattoos?

(4) I don’t think those are tattoos. Are they those fake tattoo sleeves like children sometimes wear?

(5) They are man-leggings.  Meggings. Under cut-off Banana Republic-looking slacks. With a “multiple browser windows open” motif. And still no shirt.

Well, you tried to bring a little dignity to the proceedings, Bruno and Renee. You really, really tried.

Joe Namath in Deceased Puppy Bowl Competitors

It’s cold out there (not really, New Jersey was darn warm yesterday), and Joe Namath needed to be protected from the elements. Those puppies died so that Joe Namath might live. Okay, maybe the coat wasn’t made of late Puppy Bowl-ers, but it sure looked like Namath was wearing a Siberian Husky’s dead body. Apparently it was mink. Raise your hand if you started singing “See My Vest” as soon as you saw him:

The Seattle Seahawks in Hand Muffs

In football, it’s important to keep you hands warm – 2 out of 10 fumbles are caused by that thing where your hands get really clumsy because your fingertips are cold. So, it should have come as no surprise that certain Seahawks kept tucking their hands into snug little handmuffs. It’s sensible, it’s functional … but it’s also a winter accessory you usually only see on small children in fancy coats, or Victorian women ice skating in Central Park.

The Football Men in Burrito Costumes

The players kept donning this coat on the sidelines. I’m sure that it’s warm, but I’m also sure that it looks like an overstuffed foil-wrapped burrito from a Tex-Mex street meat vendor. That, or a hastily insulated attic.

Related articles

Golden Globes 2014 – Best and Worst Dressed

Posted in Entertainment, Outfit Girl by

Well folks, with the Golden Globes behind us, awards season is officially in full swing. And with that, Hollywood’s best and brightest call up their designer friends (or really, vice versa) for hand-picked gowns which will either be feted or shat upon. and we’re here to add to the noise. Did your favorites make the list? Think we got it wrong? Let us know!

Traci’s Picks:

Best Dressed

Lupita Nyong’o in Ralph Lauren

I mean can you even. I remember when Gwyneth Paltrow was one of the first ladies to wear a cape to the red carpet– and I wasn’t sure about this new fad. However with Lupita I am SO SO SO into it. She looks flawless, with a beauty that isn’t trying too hard – or trying at all. She may not have won a Globe but she should be at the top of everyone’s best dressed lists.

Amy Poehler in Stella McCartney

Well, no surprise here. Amy is wearing one of her fave designers and that friendship has worked to her advantage because the dress looks perfect on her (it’s worth noting that it was custom made for Queen Amy). The only thing that makes it look better – her Golden Globe.

Amy Adams in Marchesa

I love a good color block. And Amy looks gorge in this gown, which apparently was inspired by her American Hustle costumes. And I’m ok with it.

Olivia Wilde in Gucci

It delights me when pregnant celebs opt to show off their baby bumps but still manage to look glamorous at the same time. This is pregnancy chic, y’all.

Sarah Hyland in Georges Hobieka

Sarah Hyland is usually on the cusp of my lists- either for the better or the worse but this time around it’s for the better. She looks ethereal in this flowing salmon dress and her Valentino runway inspired hair is the perfect match for the gown.

Worst Dressed

Paula Patton in Stephane Rolland Couture

Paula Patton’s dress at the Golden Globes or a Georgia O’Keefe painting come to life? Talk about your Blurred Lines. Amirite, ladies?

Zoe Saldana in Prabal Gurung

Oh Zoe. You’re usually on top of it on the red carpet, but instead, you took it, chopped it up and vomitted it back out and came back with this thing.

Edie Falco in Lanvin

I wouldn’t pin Edie Falco as a fashion trendsetter per say, but she’s been to enough of these awards shows to know that this does not look good – either IRL or on camera. It looks like she got some satin from the sheets of Hugh Hefner’s bed and placed it on top of her person. Stop imagining Hefner’s bed.

Drew Barrymore in Monique Luhillier

Remember what I said about pregnancy chic? Yeah, this isn’t it. Bless. Still love you Drew.

Bernice Bejo in Giambattista Valli

If you’re wondering who this is, you’ll probably remember her as the girl in The Artist, you know that huge movie from a couple years ago? Yeah. It’s been a while since she’s see these awards shows, so let’s just blame it on that.

Molly’s Picks:

Best Dressed

Lupita Nyong’o in Ralph Lauren

Just really shamelessly getting another picture of Lupita Nyong’o onto the site. Traci nailed it: Nyong’o isn’t even trying to be so beautiful (short hair, light makeup), she just IS. So, the perfect dress for her has a bit of interest (the cape) but is otherwise minimalist so the focus is on Lupita, not the clothes.

Michelle Dockery in Oscar De La Renta

Be sure to look at some close-ups of the pattern and beading on this. As a fellow milk-white person, I appreciate how Dockery really sells her coloring. Elegant works better for Michelle’s look than edgy, and she knows it, but the mullet skirt adds an on-trend touch.

Cate Blanchett in Armani Prive

Somehow, despite being a gown of sheer black lace with Swarovski crystals on the tulle-lined skirt, this manages to look restrained. In close-ups, the bodice is beautifully constructed.

Mila Kunis in Gucci

There’s restraint, and then there’s “screw it, this is one of the most formal events a person gets to go to and I’m going to wear a fabulous metallic silver gown.” I like that approach, too. The delicate lower part of the skirt balances the heavy metallics and bold neck detail.

Zooey Deschanel in Oscar de la Renta

I’ll be honest: this actually falls somewhere between best and worst for me, but it’s getting a lot of buzz and I think we should talk about it. I can’t decide whether I LOVE the monochrome, multi-textured look as a whole, but the individual pieces (shoes! crop top!) are fab. I think there was something “off” about Deschanel’s eye makeup, because every time I saw her I thought she looked different than usual around the eyes – sleepy, almost.

Worst Dressed

Emma Watson in Dior

Let’s call a spade a spade: this is a glorified apron. Remember when skorts and culottes were in style, and you’d go into third grade and be like “guess what? This isn’t really a skirt!” That isn’t a good approach on the red carpet. Watson gets points for trying something different, and for the color combo of that dress (drants? dracks? dreggings?) and those shoes.

Megan Mullally

Oh, honey. No.

Julia Roberts in Dolce and Gabana

Roberts’ look is “trying something on over your clothes because there’s no open fitting room” or “overly modest Duggar-type girl who wears extra shirts under everything so nobody can see her collarbone.” The only excuse for this is if Roberts got some bad sleeve tats and doesn’t want us to see.

Zoe Saldana in Prabal Gurung

Prabal Gurung is hit or miss with me, and this was a wide miss. One commentator said that this evokes Saldana’s “ballet background,” which I guess is true, in that it looks like several of my five-year-old niece’s recital costumes sewn together.

Usher in Calvin Klein Collection

This is already making some best dressed lists, but I’m going to go against the grain and say that there’s a time and a place for an Oxblood suit. The time is never and the place is nowhere.

Related articles

Best of C+S 2013: Totally Radical 90s Style

Posted in ICYMI: The Best of Posts You Might Have Missed, Outfit Girl by

To close out Week One of our “best of” posts, we’d like to remind you that none of us looked cool in the 90s. Sure, those teenage tumblr-ers and youtube-ies will try to tell you that we all looked super stylish. However, they weren’t there, they don’t understand, and for half a decade, all of our butts looked like ice-cream cones.

~~~~~~~~

90s Fashion Myths vs. Realities

Originally Posted on October 8

Listen, young ladies on tumblr. You’re all into the 90s look, and that’s great, I suppose. I mean, from my perspective it’s the very definition of not great, because it means that I am now old enough to have worn a “vintage” trend the first time around, but bully for you.

Here’s the deal, though. You’re getting it wrong. Your romanticized version of the 90s is super cute, but that’s not how it was. It was awkward, frumpy, and all around unfortunate. Our shirts were too wide and short by a good stretch. Our jeans made us look ice cream cone-shaped. Regardless of season or latitude, everyone was dressed for a Seattle winter. Inspired by our live blog of Hocus Pocus, I present a fashion companion to all you tumblr girls who were born after the early 90s: You Weren’t There, You Wouldn’t Understand

Jeans

Myth:

Everyone wore distressed, slouchy “boyfriend” pants or sleek, high-waisted, taper-legged denim.

Reality:

Yeah. Our waists were high all right. But do you know what lay between the high waist and the tapered ankle? A foot-long butt. While the modern iteration of these pants has a slim fit, there was no “skinny’ in 90s jeans. Rather, there was a ton of fabric, so that your frame would blossom out after your waist, only to end in a vice grip around your ankles. We all looked like gorgeous ice cream cones.

In terms of denim, the acid wash and stone wash we wore had NOTHING in common with today’s distressed denim. It looked almost like the cover of a marble composition notebook. We didn’t do subtlety very well back then. And if you weren’t wearing that – and this never shows up on your tumblrs – you were wearing super-bright, almost indigo blue denim.

Flannel

Myth:

We all wore big, cozy flannel shirts a la Kurt Cobain or – let’s be real – Angela Chase.

Reality:

Well, we did… kind of. I remember being so excited in second grade to get a slouchy flannel for Christmas – so I could look like Cory Matthews. So, I want you to think less Nirvana and more TGIF. Most of us didn’t look like angsty grunge musicians, we looked like honor roll kids from nice families who were trying to stay comfy.

Leggings

Myth:

Underneath our Seattle flannels or stylish tunic tops, we showed off our toned, aerobicized legs in leggings, topped off with Doc Martins.

Reality:

Every kind of pants in the 90s made you look like you were wearing diapers. I think leggings had a little less elastic then, plus most of the ones we had were stirrup leggings. Yeah. In the 90s, stirrups weren’t just for horseback riding and your gyno’s office. So, pants were well secured at the waist and ankles, and kind of saggy and sad in between. On our feet? Keds.

Hair

Myth:

Our hair fell in long, devil-may-care waves and curls, kind of like Lorde.

Reality:

Those big 80s bangs didn’t really die until the mid-90s. We didn’t wear loose waves, we wore spiral perms. If you wanted to look really polished, you probably had The Rachel, and if you wanted to look really professional, you had Princess Diana’s haircut. In the late 90s, we didn’t wear long, subtle side bangs like all of you kids. We had light fringes that we painstakingly curled under with round brushes, so your forehead was under a protective hair-dome. There was a lot of half-up, half-down happening. Lots of claw clips. Scrunchies. Seasonal scrunchies, classy scrunchies, denim scrunchies. One of the first times I remember getting a big laugh in a crowded room, I was about 5 and was making up a commercial for scrunchies at Thanksgiving with my extended fam. “Scrunchies! Because real bracelets are for snobs! Scrunchies! Because you could put it in your hair later, maybe!” (See, the whole thing with scrunchies was that they just ended up on everyone’s wrists).

Businesswear

Myth:

The woman of the 90s wore a lot of power pieces – be it menswear-inspired suspenders, or tiny suits a la Ally McBeal.

Reality:

The woman of the 90s wore a lot of shoulder pads – it wasn’t just the 80s. She’s also responsible for that thing where you wear big, ugly sneakers with business clothes in order to go power walking. 90s women wore a ton of horrible flat-front khakis. The Adult Jumper was going strong, and not just for teachers.

Neon

Myth:

Totally radical!

Reality:

Totally dopey.

Riot Grrl

Myth:

We wore baby doll dresses as a subtle critique of the infatilization of adult women – ditto for those baby barrettes. These were paired with heavy, down-to-business boots. Zines as far as the eye can see.

Reality:

Sure. We all wore baby doll dresses with baby barrettes and boots — because Stephanie Tanner did. I’m sure it was different if you were in high school or college, but if you were a kid in the 90s you probably weren’t wearing these fashions to fight the patriarchy with Kathleen Hanna and Courtney Love. You just wanted to look like people on TV.

Music

Myth:

While we wore our sweet tumblr-y fashions, we listened to the latest indie tunes from mix tapes that we ordered from the back of a zine.

Reality:

Celine Dion. Natalie Merchant. A lot of pseudo-intellectualism: “tell me all your thoughts on God,” e.g. Harmonicas without irony. Actually, everything without irony. That’s what separates real 90s style from the (admittedly better) 2010s revival, and the best thing about the decade: we really, earnestly meant all of this.

Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show 2013: Things That Made Me Say WTF

Posted in Entertainment, Outfit Girl by

According to my Facebook feed, some girls wait all year for the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, but I’ve never been into it – or really even watched it –  until now. It’s not because it offends my high-brow sensibilities (I live-blog Carrie Underwood musicals and reality tv, after all). It’s not because I dislike the brand (though they rarely have sub-A sizes in stock, so it doesn’t work for me). Watching the VS Fashion Show for the first time last night, I realized the reason that I’m not into it is that I just don’t get it. Segment by segment, everything I saw made me say “WTF.”

Poorly Conceived UK Stereotypes Segment (bear with me, I missed the name of this one)

  • The segment opens with those British soldiers who can’t smile when you make fun of them in photos (but f’real, if you’re over age 18, there’s no excuse for that).
  • When the models’ names are given, I can’t help but notice that this whole shebang has been straight outsourced. Whatever happened to American jobs for American workers, am I right?
  • Fall Out Boy is playing, because the VS fashion show was planned by the guy who DJ’ed every basement college party I went to in 2005.
  • Do we know who any of these people in the audience shots are? Because I thought I saw Steve Carrell, bearded.
  • I think the ladies are supposed to be British stock characters. I count a gangster moll, a lady with black wings, an impractically-dressed soccer player, and what I assume to be an equestrienne/dominatrix.

    As I posted this, I thought maybe the pinstripes were supposed to be less mafia and more Sexy MP? And that maybe the VS fashion show is like Halloween, with girls all dressed as the hot version of something-or-other.

Like, this girl is either Hot British Solider or Hot Queen Elizabeth’s Throne.

  • How’d that girl get those eyebrows? Cara Delevingne, I mean. Of all of the reasons to be jealous of the VS models, this is what’s making me green with envy. All the sparse-eyebrowed redheads understand me right now.
  • T Swift has wore a tiny Union Jack hat, which reminds me of the tiny hat sketch from SNL. I also don’t understand what T. Swift has to do with England.
  • A model (an angel? Is that the AP standard for a VS model) is wearing a black and white checked number and I feel like I have vertigo.

    Barbara Fialho, officially probably the best-looking Barbara in the world (no offense to your aunt or grandma).

  • Another model appeared to cross herself like 8 times in a row before going on stage. Jesus take the wheel.
  • A few weeks ago, Jessica Hart said that Taylor Swift didn’t belong on the show, or didn’t fit – even throwing in a “God bless her heart,” the ultimate in mean-nice speak. Really, girl? I can’t think of a place that Taylor Swift belongs more than a Victoria’s Secret fashion show, except for maybe a living Lisa Frank binder.  Pink sparkles and angel wings? All she needs is a famous guy to break up with her here and she’ll be in all her glory.
  • The childhood pics of the models are sort of sweet. I saw Girl Model and a lot of the business seems pretty terrible, and obviously these gals are like the 1%ers of modeling, but seriously, good for them.

Shipwrecked

  • Great Big World is playing. I hope we’re not overstating the Seth Cohen of things lately, but this guy really does remind me of our the love child of our favorite Newport-ian and Ben Folds.
  • A model is wearing wings that look like toilet paper. It looks like nothing so much as that bridal shower game where you have to make a dress out of TP.
  • Someone please tell me who the guy who looks like a bearded Steve Carell is.
  • A very orange-tan lady is walking. Did she get rollered or airbrushed, I wonder? My main frame of reference here is Honey Boo Boo.
  • Evidently, “shipwrecked” means pieces of tangled garbage and dead jellyfish, based on the bedraggled wings. That’s actually super-accurate. The costumes look like they were made of debris that you find in the surf in Hyannisport.
  • Now we get to find out how the models feel about deserted islands – and let me tell you, it’s a mixed bag. My favorite is the girl who says that obviously they would need wifi. But if I have to bet on one of them to survive on a desert isle, it’s the chick with the sensible bob (Karlie Kloss). She knows what’s up.

Commercial Break

  • Oh my god, there are commercials during this giant commercial. This is the most WTF moment of them all.

Parisian Nights

  • Evidently Parisian Nights means something other than trying to sleep in a hostel when a bunch of high German teenagers come in at 5 am. Victoria’s Secret, you are not reflecting my experience here.
  • Embarrassing: By this point in the show I have pulled up the Angel Line-Up on the VS website so I know who these people are. I already know a lot of the models because, while I’m not a VS fan, I pore over Style.com during the various fashion weeks. There’s a workout on the VS website that looks pretty good, but unless it stretches me out a foot and somehow involves a face transplant, it’s not as though it will make me look like these ladies.
  • Everyone’s lingerie has these weird straps between the bra and underwear. [Note: I’m saying underwear because I’m not saying panties.] Do people do that? Maybe it’s a wing harness?
  •  I think the music note headdress is the best accessory of this segment, so far.
  • No, wait, I like the teal blue gloves that look like something a nurse would wear during some sort of uncomfortable procedure.
  • No, actually, my real favorite thing is the girl in dishwashing gloves.
  •  How come some of the models rate wings and others don’t? I kind of want to stop the wingless girls and tell them, you know, “girlfriend, you ARE beautiful,” but since beautiful is their job description, they probably know, right? That would be like them telling me “Girlfriend, you ARE a lawyer.”
  • I’ve seen my fair share of Toddlers and Tiaras and I was lead to believe there would be more cupcake hands, pretty feet, and “oopsies” faces in runway events.
  • There’s a behind-the-scenes feature about shooting their campaign in Paris, in the cold, in underwear, in the middle of the night. No thanks.

Birds of Paradise

  • According to the other models, Lais is the sweet one who fell, once. She couldn’t do the show. So, here’s my theory: the VS show is, for some ladies, what football is to some men. There’s the gory injuries, the triumph over adversity, knowing all of the major players and picking favorites. You watch people who were probably dealt a way better genetic hand then you, but you still kind of feel like you can armchair quarterback them (or armchair runway walk). So, ladies, if a guy makes fun of you for watching this, just tell him that it’s the same as football and I’m sure he’ll take that analogy really well.
  • Lais gets to open Birds of Paradise because she was injured out last year. The way they talk about “what happened to [her] last year,” you’d think that her family got killed and she got AIDS, but no, it was some ankle thing. (That does suck, though. I actually feel really bad for her?)
  •  “Birds of paradise” means wearing giant feathers, so the angels all look like Hot Big Bird now.
  • My new favorite is the girl wearing a mylar balloon heart instead of wings.
  • The models show us their “natural” and “sexy” face-looks. For me, both of those faces are just a sort of grimace.

Neon Jungle

  • A man in a suit says that the girls are “literally the rock stars of social media,” but wouldn’t that be literally… rock stars? I’m sure there are some on Twitter.
  • The models present a handy PSA about being careful about what you post online. The CEO (?) LOVES how active they are on social media (because it means free publicity, duh).
  • There’s a girl walking for the first time and she looks like a young Sarah Silverman.
  • There’s a skirt with hashtags on it.
  • Neon Jungle’s song, Trouble, is actually really catchy and seems to fit great with the “tone” of the show.
  • A girl is wearing a plush “OMG” around her neck. It’s like this segment was thought up by a group of old guys trying to figure out what teens are into: “they use a lot of acronyms, I think? And hashtag, internet-type stuff? But they also like bright colors and probably smiley faces? And hearts, and balloons?” Result: it looks like the runway version of an early-90s trapper keeper, with some social media stuff thrown in.

Snow Angels

  • Adriana Lima says “to have beauty, you need strength,” which I believe translates to “to keep my job, I have to have abs like a Ken Doll.” She does boxing, which is pretty cool.
  • Taylor Swift is singing Trouble, and I just noticed that she has spray-tanned legs too. Or, who knows, maybe suntan hosiery instead.

    Victoria’s REAL secret.

  • T. Swift is making a lot of diva hands, and is being “fierce,” probably. Not fierce: the reverb sound effect.
  • College Molly Story : one time the neighbor girls told my housemates and I that we should come over for their once-a-week tradition of playing beer pong in their underwear. And we kind of just thought, wouldn’t that be more fun with pants on? I wonder if some of the Angels have that running through the back of their minds, too.
  • Did I just see Beyonce?
  • Does being a model mean people yelling “go go go go go GO” at you all the time? I hate being rushed.
  • That girl is still wearing her dish gloves (was it Lily Aldridge? I can’t remember now), and did I just see Karl Lagerfeld?
  • Curtain call.  I’ve decided that Cara Delevingne is my favorite, IDEK. She seems fun, as does Karlie Kloss. But Behati’s name is so fun to say! And Jourdan Dunn held up her career so well after having a kid (but so did Arizona Muse, why isn’t she here?) See, that’s what this past hour of tv has done to me. I’ve gone from utter apathy to declaring Cara Delivigne my favorite.

Michelle Tanner’s High-Fashion Fashions

Posted in Entertainment, Lists, Outfit Girl by

Remember Michelle Tanner’s outfits? They were the coolest – the oversized buttons, the sassy sweatsuits, the sunflower hats. Well, you can’t buy style that fly at The Children’s Place. Nope – those fashions went straight from the runway, to a seamstress who cuts down clothing for children and tiny adults, to your television. I didn’t believe it, either, but this week Ashley Olsen said:

We’d be in six-hour fittings three times a week, because we had to wear 12 different outfits. The majority of the wardrobe was made up of adult pieces, including Chanel and Marc Jacobs, cut to fit.

Now, I’d never call Ashley Olsen a liar (Mary-Kate, on the other hand…). It’s just that, even in the crazy 80s, I thought that Chanel and Marc Jacobs were a little more dignified than this:

Thanks to Olivia Newton John, aerobic wear was all the rage, and Givenchy went off the rails for a while there.

From Armani’s Fall/Winter 1990 “Cartoon Pandas And Whales” line.

The 90s were in full swing, and the House of Versace was all about these fetus-sized voodoo dolls with yarn hair.

Every student of fashion knows the 1992 collaboration between Jean-Paul Gaultier and Lisa Frank.

(L) Olsen in Oleg Cassini (Resort Collection); (R) Baby Jess Merriweather in Gymboree.

The running motif in Jil Sander’s poorly-received Spring 1991 line? Big-assed buttons.

Princess Diana wore nautical pieces on a Greek vacation, and the next season, Commes des Garcons was – in designer Kawakubo’s own words – “trying a thing.”

I thought that this was both twins, circa 1995, in Vera Wang. However, I’m told that this is a full-grown Mary-Kate Olsen, appearing alongside her paramour and an actual child. Honest mistake.

Vintage Chanel Couture.

You thought your third grade teacher was buying her Christmas sweaters at Christopher & Banks? Try Dolce & Gabbana.

‘You Know What? Everyone Just Give Up For A While’ – cover story of Vogue’s September Issue, 1989 – and the inspiration for this ensemble.

90s Fashion Myths vs. Realities

Posted in Outfit Girl by

** A lot of the pictures have broken since we first wrote this, and we see you, and we’ll be fixing it ASAP. **

Listen, young ladies on tumblr. You’re all into the 90s look, and that’s great, I suppose. I mean, from my perspective it’s the very definition of not great, because it means that I am now old enough to have worn a “vintage” trend the first time around, but bully for you.

Here’s the deal, though. You’re getting it wrong. Your romanticized version of the 90s is super cute, but that’s not how it was. It was awkward, frumpy, and all around unfortunate. Our shirts were too wide and short by a good stretch. Our jeans made us look ice cream cone-shaped. Regardless of season or latitude, everyone was dressed for a Seattle winter. Inspired by our live blog of Hocus Pocus, I present a fashion companion to all you tumblr girls who were born after the early 90s: You Weren’t There, You Wouldn’t Understand

Jeans

Myth:

Everyone wore distressed, slouchy “boyfriend” pants or sleek, high-waisted, taper-legged denim.

Reality:

Yeah. Our waists were high all right. But do you know what lay between the high waist and the tapered ankle? A foot-long butt. While the modern iteration of these pants has a slim fit, there was no “skinny’ in 90s jeans. Rather, there was a ton of fabric, so that your frame would blossom out after your waist, only to end in a vice grip around your ankles. We all looked like gorgeous ice cream cones.

In terms of denim, the acid wash and stone wash we wore had NOTHING in common with today’s distressed denim. It looked almost like the cover of a marble composition notebook. We didn’t do subtlety very well back then. And if you weren’t wearing that – and this never shows up on your tumblrs – you were wearing super-bright, almost indigo blue denim.

Flannel

Myth:

We all wore big, cozy flannel shirts a la Kurt Cobain or – let’s be real – Angela Chase.

Reality:

Well, we did… kind of. I remember being so excited in second grade to get a slouchy flannel for Christmas – so I could look like Cory Matthews. So, I want you to think less Nirvana and more TGIF. Most of us didn’t look like angsty grunge musicians, we looked like honor roll kids from nice families who were trying to stay comfy.

Leggings

Myth:

Underneath our Seattle flannels or stylish tunic tops, we showed off our toned, aerobicized legs in leggings, topped off with Doc Martins.

Reality:

Every kind of pants in the 90s made you look like you were wearing diapers. I think leggings had a little less elastic then, plus most of the ones we had were stirrup leggings. Yeah. In the 90s, stirrups weren’t just for horseback riding and your gyno’s office. So, pants were well secured at the waist and ankles, and kind of saggy and sad in between. On our feet? Keds.

Hair

Myth:

Our hair fell in long, devil-may-care waves and curls, kind of like Lorde.

Reality:

Those big 80s bangs didn’t really die until the mid-90s. We didn’t wear loose waves, we wore spiral perms. If you wanted to look really polished, you probably had The Rachel, and if you wanted to look really professional, you had Princess Diana’s haircut. In the late 90s, we didn’t wear long, subtle side bangs like all of you kids. We had light fringes that we painstakingly curled under with round brushes, so your forehead was under a protective hair-dome. There was a lot of half-up, half-down happening. Lots of claw clips. Scrunchies. Seasonal scrunchies, classy scrunchies, denim scrunchies. One of the first times I remember getting a big laugh in a crowded room, I was about 5 and was making up a commercial for scrunchies at Thanksgiving with my extended fam. “Scrunchies! Because real bracelets are for snobs! Scrunchies! Because you could put it in your hair later, maybe!” (See, the whole thing with scrunchies was that they just ended up on everyone’s wrists).

Businesswear

Myth:

The woman of the 90s wore a lot of power pieces – be it menswear-inspired suspenders, or tiny suits a la Ally McBeal.

Reality:

The woman of the 90s wore a lot of shoulder pads – it wasn’t just the 80s. She’s also responsible for that thing where you wear big, ugly sneakers with business clothes in order to go power walking. 90s women wore a ton of horrible flat-front khakis. The Adult Jumper was going strong, and not just for teachers.

Neon

Myth:

Totally radical!

Reality:

Totally dopey.

Riot Grrl

Myth:

We wore baby doll dresses as a subtle critique of the infatilization of adult women – ditto for those baby barrettes. These were paired with heavy, down-to-business boots. Zines as far as the eye can see.

Reality:

Sure. We all wore baby doll dresses with baby barrettes and boots — because Stephanie Tanner did. I’m sure it was different if you were in high school or college, but if you were a kid in the 90s you probably weren’t wearing these fashions to fight the patriarchy with Kathleen Hanna and Courtney Love. You just wanted to look like people on TV.

Music

Myth:

While we wore our sweet tumblr-y fashions, we listened to the latest indie tunes from mix tapes that we ordered from the back of a zine.

Reality:

Celine Dion. Natalie Merchant. A lot of pseudo-intellectualism: “tell me all your thoughts on God,” e.g. Harmonicas without irony. Actually, everything without irony. That’s what separates real 90s style from the (admittedly better) 2010s revival, and the best thing about the decade: we really, earnestly meant all of this.

Related articles