Best Dressed Of Super Bowl 50

Just think: we are now two days past the biggest fashion night in the American football calendar! I grew up rooting for whichever Super Bowl finalist had the best uniform (except for the years the Buffalo Bills were in play, which: the less said the better). Through the iconic halftime shows and national anthems of our youths – Whitney and M.J., anyone? – to the fashion “controversies” of the 2000s – you really don’t want to get me started on Janet and J.T. – Super Bowl Sunday is the most fashion excitement you’ll find in a football game all year. So how did Super Bowl 50 stack up? I’d say it was one of the best Super Bowls yet, sartorially speaking.

Here are the best of the best, in no particular order:

The Super Bowl Logo

So many of us learned Roman numerals through the ever-changing Super Bowl logos – or, for us Catholic schoolers, through a healthy mix of Super Bowl logos and Bible stuff. I liked the unchanging tradition of it, the insistence on being way more fussy than necessary because the Super Bowl is football’s fanciest day. Roman numerals are like when numbers wear a tuxedo – just classy as hell. But to be honest, Super Bowl L looks stupid. We all know it looks stupid. It sort of just looks like we’re saying it is a large Super Bowl. The NFL realized that, and the resulting logo is way better than a large letter L.

Blue Ivy Carter (and her friend Apple)

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#superbowl50 jacket game

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Somehow Head B.I.C. is always two and a half years old in my brain, so when I see photos of her she always seems like the most self-possessed, mature toddler ever. But no, baby Blue is four now, and her neon bomber jacket reminds me of all of the best parts of being a 90s kid. Also wearing a pretty great jacket: Apple Martin, a smaller Gwyneth Paltrow.

Beyonce’s Dancers

What’s better than one Angela Davis? An entire troop of dancing Angela Davises. And in case you missed what they were going for, check out those Black Panther/ Malcolm X hats. And in case you still REALLY weren’t sure, they will tell you with a Justice for Mario Woods sign. FYI: the leather outfits were designed by Zana Bayne and she has some great behind-the-scenes photos of the day on Instagram. Pam Grier tweeted about the halftime show and I hope she appreciated that her iconic 70s look is back in style.

Kevin Durant

Did you know that Kevin Durant of the Oklahoma City Thunder is also a photographer? And since we’re talking about fashion here, did you know that Kevin Durant looks really, really good in street clothes? Okay, so a black t-shirt and ripped jeans aren’t exactly something to write home about but… I don’t know, maybe they are?

Lady Gaga

This outfit reminds me of Lady Gaga’s version of being an elementary school teacher, where they’d wear a turtleneck, chunky sweater, and jumper that all related to the same theme. You know, Miss Frizzle style. I find Gaga’s version of really flooring it, outfit-wise, to be so endearing. She’s in a shiny pantsuit, for Pete’s sake (by Gucci, because Gaga’s still Gaga). And since she’s singining the national anthem, that shit is RED.  With blue nails. And red eyeshadow. And because it’s football, she has the Gaga equivalent of Texas cheer mom hair. The shoes? Stars and stripes. And if you couldn’t tell, I say all of those things with complete affection. Pair this with a note-perfect rendition of the Star Spangled Banner and we have a pop star even your granny would love – fun, patriotic, respectful, and really committed to a theme.

Beyonce

Here’s something I don’t think we talk about enough: how Beyonce has made a signature look out of not wearing pants. She’s such a big deal that we all accept this long sleeve, no pants look and don’t even mention that usually, humans wear something on their lower half. This look was classic Beyonce, but the military styling was also a perfect fit with Formation. We’re told (by designers Dean and Dan Caten) that any resemblance to a certain other iconic Super Bowl halftime show look was strictly coincidental:

Janelle Monae (and company)

I’m a sucker for a “(Product) Through The Years” commercial format anyway, but this Pepsi ad was really remarkable. I loved Janelle’s classic James Brown suit, Madonna garb, and modern sequined look. Keep an eye on the background dancers: they look just as great. Now let’s get Janelle a halftime show of her own, why don’t we? And a 2014 Grammy nomination, please, because I still maintain that she should have had one.

Chris Martin

This is on my “bworst” list: gross word, but I mean a combination of best and worst. It’s not technically good, but it’s so very Chris Martin that the second I saw it I was like “oh, of COURSE.” As in, of course he’s wearing a line of Lisa Frank yoga clothes designed for a production of Godspell. Oh bless the Lord my soul. Also the second I saw his little face peeking out between Beyonce and Bruno Mars, I knew he was going to be a meme – so I do want to call attention to the fact that I think he did well and I liked his rainbow color scheme.

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Things We Need to Revisit From Super Bowl 50

Last night, millions of Americans tuned in to watch Beyonce take over the field the Denver Broncos beat the Carolina Panthers. The Super Bowl is the U.S.’s most unofficial national holiday, but to me, it’s a free concert surrounded by some football riff raff. But, since I’m not a quitter, and have a bit of FOMO, I still “watched” the game from the comfort of my work office. There were definitely some highlights and lowlights of the Super Bowl, so it’s only fitting that we do a post-mortem on it and revisit a few things that need to have our attention again. And it’s worth noting that surprisingly, a majority of these things have absolutely nothing to do with football.

Tom Brady Lit’rally Missing the Mark

Because it’s the 50th Super Bowl, the NFL had to be all nostalgic and whatnot, so before the game, they had a ceremony honoring the 43 game MVPs of the past. Among them was New England Patriots QB and polarizing athlete Tom Brady. Deflategate and all. First of all, each MVP had to come out, stand on the yellow dot on the field, wave to the crowd then join the others on the side. Tom lit’rally missed the mark and just walked out and waved then joined the MVPs. To make things worse, he got booed by the crowd of Broncos and Panthers fans. I have a lot of friends from New England, so I’m not going to comment (I also have no opinion, really) but I mean, yikes.

Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can’t Lose

Hey, remember when Scott Porter (Jason Street) posted this FNL reunion pic from one of his football parties and everyone freaked out? I feel like we also need to freak out about this picture of Street and Lance/Landry from yesterday’s game. Dear people who run next year’s Super Bowl (NFL, I guess? lol), stage a FNL reunion at the game and you’ll get a lot of publicity. I mean, not like the Super Bowl needs it, but still.

SLAYDAY GAGA

Believe it or not, there are still people who aren’t aware that Stefani Germanotta is actually a really great, trained singer and not just a woman who wears a meat dress to the VMAs. So for those expecting her to look ridiculous and make a spectacle of the National Anthem were shit out of luck because Gaga showed off her impressive vocal talents and didn’t go over the top with her runs. It was pretty much perfect, so just watch the entire performance again.

Is This Not Grease 2: Live

This fellow’s name is Jonathan Stewart and when he scored a touchdown for the Panthers, his dance involved the hand jive. For those of us who were tweeting #GreaseLive all of a week ago, we had hope Aaron Tveit and Vanessa Hudgens would suddenly appear at the Super Bowl.

That Independence Day Trailer

The trailer for the Independence Day sequel aired during the Super Bowl, and props to the marketing team for this one – the first shot is an aerial shot of a crowded football stadium and someone is singing the National Anthem (a female pop star?) in the background. Then havoc ensues. Too real. I got chills.

Stealth The Wire Reunion

No, Idris Elba wasn’t involved, unfortunately. This Wire mini-reunion is from S2, the dockworkers played by Pablo Schreiber and Chris Bauer, who use a Prius as a getaway car after robbing a bank. So, like, the same thing as The Wire.

Salty Brother

I’m not a football aficionado or anything, but here’s the situation as I know it. Peyton Manning, QB for the Broncos played in the Super Bowl for what could be his last game before retiring. His younger brother, Giants QB Eli Manning was not playing in the Super Bowl, but watching from a box with his family. They cut to the Manning family after Peyton made some kind of successful play, and Eli didn’t look thrilled. Personally, I think he just looks stressed on behalf of his brother, but others are thinking he’s hating his life and jealous of his bro. Whatever you want to believe.

Super Bowl Babies

Just, no. I don’t like this. Is it even a thing? Or did the NFL just make it up? But they got people to talk about it, so mission accomplished.

Live Your Best Life

This guy doesn’t know who Coldplay is, doesn’t know who Mark Ronson is, doesn’t know who Bruno Mars is. Vaguely familiar with Beyonce because she’s been on The Oprah Winfrey Show.

Beyonce and Friends

Here’s one thing I know about the Chris Martin and Coldplay – they must be REALLY REALLY nice, kind-hearted people to invite Beyonce on stage to make an appearance at their headlining half-time show at the Super Bowl, because the moment she walks on stage, it’s the Beyonce and Friends show.

Bow Down Bitches

Beyonce. Shuttin’ it down. Getting the fuck back up again. All day. Every day. Watching on loop.

Confused Cookie

Oh Taraji. She was just living her life, enjoying the Super Bowl as one does, and accidentally thought Coldplay was Maroon 5. It’s fine. She realized her mistake and deleted the tweet. We all make mistakes. all white people look alike anyways.

Gotta Get That Free Pizza Tho

I don’t know enough about this friendship, but why is Papa John of Papa John’s one of the only people Peyton reaches out to hug right after winning the Super Bowl? I’m as confused as Taraji.

 

Fantasy Cute Animal Bowl

ARE YOU GUYS READY FOR THE BIG GAME THIS WEEKEND??? And by ‘Big Game’ I clearly mean the Puppy Bowl and the Kitty Bowl.

For the past few years, there’s been an alternate match for those who aren’t too interested in annual event which involves all the throwing of the pigskin and barbarians kicking each others’ butts (name that ref). These particular games involve cute animals playing around on a football field and captured for all of America (the internet?) to see. Since I’m not much of a football connoisseur, I figured my talent and time would be wasted on figuring out who’s going to win the actual Super Bowl (is Katy Perry an option?). Instead, I’ve made my own fantasy football-type list and drafted some of the cutest (read: best names) nuggets participating in this year’s Puppy and Kitten Bowl – if they were on the same team and playing against… IDK some goats or penguins?

Chicklet

Oh Chicklet, what big ears you have! The better to hear oncoming opponents, my dear. And as opposed to the gum Chiclet, this little dude lasts longer than flavor goes away in 1 minute.

Aaron Pawdgers

pawdgers

Aaron Pawdgers is my secret weapon. He’s a killer quarterback, but also, like Tony Romo before him, he has a gorge girlfriend, Olivia Mutt, that will probably be able to distract some of the other players.

Cara

Ok, so Cara might not be the most enthusiastic about the game, but like April Ludgate, she cares about her friends and work deep, deep deep down inside.

 William “The Litterbox” Purry

litterbox

If you’re wondering why William’s nickname is The Litterbox, it’s because he’ll bury the little shits on the other team with ease.

 

Bryan Adams

Too bad about his divorce from Mandy Moore. Oh, that’s RYAN Adams? This is the dog that sang Everything I Do. 

Ryan Fitzcatrick

fitzcatrick

Careful of this Ryan. He’s a Halfcat. The other half is a badass.

 

Papi

“Papi may play coy, but he’s got a few tricks up his sleeve. Look for him to complete a few sneak plays.” This is the face that does sneaky plays.

Mr. Meowgi

meowgi

Believe it or not, Mr. Meowgi has some special martial arts moves that he’s gonna defo break out during the game.

 

Miss Martian

IF UFOs and aliens are on Miss Martian’s side, we really can’t go wrong.

Steve

steve

I mean. Steve. This kitty’s name is Steve.

 

Superbowl XLVIII: Best And Worst Dressed

If you’ve ever chosen which team you were rooting for based on who had the better uniforms …. if you take bathroom breaks during the game so that you don’t miss any commercials … if you think that “hut hut hike-er” is a football position, and the only football coach you can name is Eric Taylor … then this post is for you. We present the best and worst dressed of Super Bowl XLVII – Seahawks vs. Broncos.

Best Dressed

Thunder the Horse  in “blonde lady in a cowgirl suit”

Thunder, who is a horse, is wearing Annie Wegener, a blonde human. Annie, in turn, is wearing an orange-and-blue cowgirl outfit. In the background, Number 11 is pretending to be an airplane, like Half Pint during the opening credits of Little House on the Prairie. Thunder is also wearing a studded leather saddle. He opted for a loose, wind-blown ‘do. His shoes are pure metal, and were made by “a farrier.”

Renee Fleming in Vera Wang

Between this outfit and her straight-singing rendition of The National Anthem, Renee Fleming is pure class. [I do admit to a bit of bias because she’s from our hometown.] Fleming wore a form-fitting black Vera Wang gown with a cream-colored wrap, and hit those A5s with ease and – for once – dignity. A mention should also go out to sign language interpreter Amber Zion, whose coat was really cute.

David Beckham in “As Little As Possible”

God bless David Beckham, for making this the Super Bowl where we all win. David Beckham, wearing boxer-briefs from H&M, is really pushing the limits of the FCC’s clothing regulations. Yes, it’s a new day in America, where attractive people of all sexes can wear minimal clothing in order to appeal to the least common denominator of consumer culture. And I love it.

Mary Lou Retton in “An Old Unitard”

I’d have to say my favorite commercial was the Radio Shack one with all the 80s celebs. I like when companies recognize what kind of image they have amongst the consumers and then actually do something about it. It was like people realized they were self-aware this Super Bowl (hint: Sarah MacLachlan and the dog/Audi commercial).

So props to everyone who appeared in this ad, and even more props to Mary Lou who is 46 YEARS OLD AND WEAR A FRIGGIN GYMNASTICS UNITARD.

this is a pic from when she won the gold medal in 1984, not from the Radio Shack commercial in 2014. 30 YEARS AGO.

Although I don’t reallllly think this unitard constitutes May Lou to be among the ‘best dressed’, I just can’t imagine wearing something like this at 46. Or at 28. Or ever.

Bruno Mars and his band in Saint Laurent

I know some people were less-than-enthused about the Bruno Mars halftime show, but the man really brought it. If you’re looking for music that your three-year-old nephew and sixty-something parents will all enjoy, Bruno Mars fit the bill – in style. Mars combines modern pop with 1950s soul influences and Michael Jackson-style showmanship, and his gold blazer with thin lapels, and skinny black tie, was the perfect glitzy take on retro Sam Cooke style. The matching outfits for his combo added to the vintage pop look, and we have to give props to Bruno who, along with Janelle Monae, is doing great things for the pompadour.

The Football Men in Leggings

Well. This ought to put the whole “can you wear leggings as pants” question to bed.

These Bears From The Beats Commercial in Human Clothes

From Ellen Degeneres’s fairly subtle take on Goldilocks (love the cape-coat!) to the creepy looking bears dressed as humans, this commercial was … okay, I suppose.  How much market research was done to determine that the best way to sell headphones is humans dressed as animals dressed as humans? It fell a bit flat, but the multi-layered outfit approach (human! bear! human!) deserved at least a mention.

Worst Dressed

Arnold Schwarzenegger in Some Sort Of Costume

I’m still trying to figure out why it was necessary for him to dress in “character” for this Bud Light commercial. I mean Don Cheadle just showed up with a llama and didn’t have to wear a wig.

Anthony Kiedis in Jeremy Scott meggings

So, here was my the order of my reactions to the Red Hot Chili Peppers’ Super Bowl fashion:

(1) Did they forget their shirts? Because if I remember anything from the Janet Jackson fiasco of ’04, it’s that if you show nipple at the Super Bowl, children will be traumatized and mothers will be self-righteous. I expect swift and terrible FCC sanctions. I am outraged by this blatant nip slip … I guess?

(2) Wait… are they all wearing cut-off dress pants? It looks like a banker tried to turn his work slacks into shorts. This is not cute.

(3) How didn’t I know that Kiedis had leg-sleeve tattoos?

(4) I don’t think those are tattoos. Are they those fake tattoo sleeves like children sometimes wear?

(5) They are man-leggings.  Meggings. Under cut-off Banana Republic-looking slacks. With a “multiple browser windows open” motif. And still no shirt.

Well, you tried to bring a little dignity to the proceedings, Bruno and Renee. You really, really tried.

Joe Namath in Deceased Puppy Bowl Competitors

It’s cold out there (not really, New Jersey was darn warm yesterday), and Joe Namath needed to be protected from the elements. Those puppies died so that Joe Namath might live. Okay, maybe the coat wasn’t made of late Puppy Bowl-ers, but it sure looked like Namath was wearing a Siberian Husky’s dead body. Apparently it was mink. Raise your hand if you started singing “See My Vest” as soon as you saw him:

The Seattle Seahawks in Hand Muffs

In football, it’s important to keep you hands warm – 2 out of 10 fumbles are caused by that thing where your hands get really clumsy because your fingertips are cold. So, it should have come as no surprise that certain Seahawks kept tucking their hands into snug little handmuffs. It’s sensible, it’s functional … but it’s also a winter accessory you usually only see on small children in fancy coats, or Victorian women ice skating in Central Park.

The Football Men in Burrito Costumes

The players kept donning this coat on the sidelines. I’m sure that it’s warm, but I’m also sure that it looks like an overstuffed foil-wrapped burrito from a Tex-Mex street meat vendor. That, or a hastily insulated attic.

Super Superbowl Halftime Shows

Ah, it’s Super Bowl weekend, y’all. It’s everything this country stands for. Football, piles of money spent on 30 second commercials, spending hours in front of the TV with loved ones yelling at players through a screen, and excessive eating of foods that are bad for you. ‘MERICA.

While we at Cookies + Sangria aren’t the biggest of sports fans (I mean come on, we have liveblogged at least three movie musicals in the past year), what I can say is that the one thing to look forward to is the halftime show.

Back in the 1960s when the Super Bowl was first introduced, the halftime entertainment, like most football games, were by college marching bands (I’m assuming, I’ve only been to one and that was in high school-Friday Night Lights doesn’t count apparently). They slowly introduced popular artists and performers, such as Carol Channing. No, really. Carol Channing.

I’m pretty sure if she showed up today people would throw their nachos at her and immediately leave in drunken stupors.

From the 1980s on, it became more of a who’s who in pop culture, and high profile names like Gloria Estefan, Prince, The Who, Paul McCartney and the Rolling Stones took center stage in the stadiums. [Sidenote: Did you guys know the halftime performers don’t get paid for their appearance? All their expenses are paid for but no moolah for actually singing. Not like Beyonce needs the money anyways.]

While we prepare for everyone’s favorite Grenade catcher Bruno Mars and the Red Hot Chili Peppers to perform in the frozen tundra of New Jersey on Sunday, here’s a look back at some of the best, most memorable Super Bowl halftime shows over the years.

Super Bowl XXV

Date: Jan. 27, 1991

Theme: Small World Tribute to 25 Years of the Super Bowl

Performer(s): New Kids on the Block, Disney characters, Warren Moon, 2,000 local children

Well here’s a little known fact that I was unaware of (maybe because I was busy turning five that day), but NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK PERFORMED AT THE SUPER BOWL HALF TIME SHOW?!?! Brand new information. It obviously makes sense due to the fact they were at their hey day back in 1991. But unfortch that they had to sing that horrible song. Also unfortch: everyone’s outfits. I’m looking at you Donnie Wahlberg. It’s better if you just take the shirt off.

Super Bowl XXVII

Date: Jan. 31, 1993

Location: Rose Bowl (Pasadena, California)

Theme: Heal the World

Performer(s): Michael Jackson

I feel like hiring MJ to perform at the Super Bowl was the ultimate coup. This is when people started paying attention and were like oh, ok. They’re gonna play it like that? I’m watching now. I mean the theatrics of it all. The pyrotechnics. The dancing. The Michael Jackson-ness of it all. He set the bar for high quality halftime shows. Bottom line: be entertained.

Super Bowl XXXV

Date: Jan. 28, 2001

Location: Raymond James Stadium (Tampa, Florida)

Theme: The Kings of Rock and Pop

Performer(s):  Aerosmith, ‘N Sync, Britney Spears, Mary J. Blige, Nelly

As a Backstreet Boys fan, even I will admit this is one of the best halftime shows ever. By 2001, the NFL totally grasped the idea of hiring whoever was the hottest artist in music at the time and having them perform during America’s most watched program on TV. Looking back on it, this performance is the epitome of 2001, like that year was encapsulated in a 10 minute performance. I mean even Ben Stiller, Adam Sandler and Chris Rock made cameos.

Super Bowl XXXVI

Date: Feb. 3, 2002

Location: Louisiana Superdome (New Orleans, Louisiana)

Theme: Tribute to those killed in the September 11 attacks

Performer(s): U2

This was the first Super Bowl after 9/11 and the whole halftime show was dedicated to those who lost their lives in the tragedy. If you’re reading this, you’re old enough to remember that day, how it felt, and the fine line that was walked by everyone in the media to properly pay respects to the victims without being too hokey or ingenuine. U2 did a perfect job at balancing that line, making it a halftime show that we’ll never forget.

Super Bowl XXXVIII

Date: Feb. 1, 2004

Location: Reliant Stadium (Houston, Texas)

Theme: Rock the Vote

Performer(s): Janet Jackson, P. Diddy, Nelly, Kid Rock, and Justin Timberlake

You didn’t expect a Super Bowl halftime show list without the infamous ‘wardrobe malfunction’ did you? We all know what happened, so I don’t need to explain that. You know what I do feel like I need to explain? The fact that this was TEN YEARS AGO. TEN. BYE EVERYONE, BYE.

Bonus: Actual YouTube comment: “4:04 to skip the nonsense”

Super Bowl XLVI

Date: Feb. 5, 2012

Location: Lucas Oil Stadium (Indianapolis, Indiana)

Theme: Polytheism (Greek and Egyptian)

Performer(s): Madonna, LMFAO, Nicki Minaj, M.I.A., Cee Lo Green

Listen, I’m not even a big fan of Madonna. Or Nicki Minaj. or M.I.A. Or basically anyone that was part of this. HOWEVER, I will say that this performance over all was outstanding and exactly what it needed to be: entertaining. Also LOL at the theme of “Polytheism” at the Super Bowl.

Super Bowl XLVII (aka The One With The Blackout)

Date: Feb. 3, 2013

Location: Mercedes-Benz Superdome (New Orleans, Louisiana)

Theme: There was no theme listed, however I’m going to say it was ‘HBIC’

Performer(s): Beyonce, Destiny’s Child

I think this Mr. Carter properly sums up Queen B/DC3’s performance: