They’re finally here: the top 1000 baby names of 2015 in the United States! What, you DON’T wait for this news all year? The standard caveats:
This is the official Social Security compilation of births registered in the US. Any of the US-based 2015 lists you saw before now were collected from baby name websites and were based on what the website users were naming their kids OR what names people were looking up, but not necessarily using.
When we talk about the “fastest rising names,” these are the ones that have made the biggest leap in the past year. Usually a few news outlets will treat the fastest rising names like they’re the most popular, even though they are given to comparatively few children. We didn’t work out the data ourselves: the lists came from the incredibleBaby Names Blog.
I don’t dislike any of these names. Except for names like Adolph or Lucifer, or that don’t follow the rules of spelling or pronunciation in any language, I don’t think there are “bad names.”
Whether you give your kid a top 10 name or a name given to only 10 kids in the whole country, whether you pick a fastest rising name or a fastest falling name, there’s a good chance they’ll grow to hate it by age 13, because 13 year olds are the worst version of humanity.
We looked at 2013 and 2014, so now, let’s examine why your kid will hate today’s fastest rising baby names of 2015 by the time they’re 13 in 2028:
Girl Names
Adaline
If you think this type of name has been popular for a while now, you’re right. There’s the super-popular Addison and its many spelling variations. There’s Adalyn, spelled myriad ways. There’s also Adeline, which is basically the same thing as Adaline, just with an E. Plus Adalie (again, spellings abound) and my personal favorite of the Ad- names, Adelaide. The result: although only Addison appears near the top of the charts, taken in total it “adds” up to a whole lot of girls with similar-sounding names. So is your Adaline (lovely name, by the way!) going to grow up annoyed that, despite your careful choice of a name that isn’t too popular or too weird, she’s one of several Addies in her Brownie troop?
In a word, no. Your irrational 13-year-old Adaline will be annoyed when, after years of begging for an American Girl doll, she receives Addy because it has her name… when she really, truly had her heart set on Josefina. Nobody ever said tweens made sense. But also, just ask any millennial which American Girl doll she wanted but never got. She’ll remember.
Alaia
Alaia follows the recent trend of liquid, vowel-packed girl names: three syllables and only a single consonant in the pack. You might not know any Alaias, but you’ve probably run into an Amaya, Anaya, Ayana, Aliyah, Amara, Aria, Ariana, Aubriana, etc etc etc. So how could a little girl grow to hate a name that’s right on-trend? By entering the world of middle school, which can turn the sweetest child into a door-slamming teen who says things like “I didn’t ask to be born” when you deny her request for Abercrombie jeans (I’m predicting that in 2028, early 2000s fashion is back and so is distressed Abercrombie low-rise denim). When she and her friends begin watching Clueless at sleepovers, her nickname quickly becomes “A-what-a.” Hey, don’t say you didn’t see it coming when your custom Instagram hashtag for her as a baby was #ThisIsAnAlaia.
Aitana
Aitana, a name I’ve never heard before, is pretty. And like Alaia, it follows the starts in A, ends in A trend. Apparently it was used by a pair of Mexican actors in 2014 and comes from the Spanish mountain range Sierra de Aitana. There’s no GOOD reason to dislike such a perfectly nice name with a beautiful origin… but there’s a bad reason, and a 13 year old will find it. How were you to know your Aitana would have an early growth spurt and furiously demand to know “why you named me after a MOUNTAIN?”
Meilani
So it turns out Meilani is not a Hawaiian name! It’s an invented variation on Melanie, and its popularity is mainly due to its use by JWoww of Jersey Shore fame. We have three options for why your Meilani will hate her name even though it’s so fun to say:
You chose the name because you liked it. No problem there. But when little Mei presses you for why you chose the name, you told her it was in honor of your honeymoon in Hawaii. Then she learns that the name isn’t Hawaiian at all… and that you honeymooned at a nearby casino. Whoops.
You named her after your sister-in-law Melanie, who is currently Meilani’s least favorite aunt.
Throughout her elementary school years, its similarity to the first lady’s name leads classmates to call her Meilani Trump. Also, Melania Trump is First Lady. So really, everyone loses in this scenario.
Aislinn
I’m a big fan of Irish names with their original spelling, and if you named your baby Aislinn, so are you. Pronounced Ash-lin, Aislinn means dream or vision and is unrelated to the name Ashley or its spinoff, Ashlynn. It’s a name so nice that you and little Aislinn won’t mind correcting people on the pronunciation… until the World’s Worst Substitute Teacher asks if “Ass-lin” is present.
Boy Names
Jonael
Talk about a fast rise: Jonael is only number 919 for 2015, but in 2013 it ranked in the nine THOUSANDS. It’s all down to a talented tot who won La Voz Kids on Telemundo. Jonael is one of those names that sounds like it could be a biblical name (it isn’t), combining the Jon of Jonah or Jonathan and the -el ending of Daniel, Nathaniel, Gabriel, and so forth. It could even be a creative way to honor a grandpa John or an uncle Michael. One little problem: history has shown us that it’s a risky proposition to name a kid after a child star. Can I get an amen from the 9-year-old Mileys out there?
Matteo
I love Matteo! More international-sounding than Matthew, but still kind of comfy and familiar. Along with Mateo, Matteo is climbing the charts. By the time your Matteo is 13, we’re down to the same problem your brother Matthew had in the 1980s: so many Matts in a single class!
Riaan
Riaan is a Hindi name, and isn’t just a weird way to spell Ryan. But tell that to the World’s Worst Substitute Teacher (see: Aislinn), who goes on a 5-minute rant about creative spellings. Or to the World’s Worst Doctor’s Office Receptionist, who insists on pronouncing it Ryan but holds the “a” for a really long time.
Note: World’s Worst Substitute Teacher is based on a woman my friend worked with who insisted on calling a student named Juan “Joo-ahn” and would not hear that that was actually a proper spelling/pronunciation of the name. These people are slowly dying off but many will still be alive in 13 years.
Adriel
What could be better than an easy to spell, easy to pronounce name that’s as old as the Bible itself? Not much! But when Adriel discovers that his character’s story is mostly confusing genealogical stuff, he just wishes you’d gone for one of the flashier characters, is all.
Kyrie
In addition to being put on the girl’s gym class list (thanks, Kylie), Kyrie is treated to rounds and rounds of “kyrie eleison” – causing the teacher to pronounce it “keer-ee-ay” instead of “ky-ree,” like basketball player Kyrie Irving. Just HAD to spring for the Catholic school, didn’t you?
It’s been nearly two weeks since Beyonce had us all bowing down to her yet again (IDK why we don’t just stay down there) with Lemonade. No one could have guessed that it would be a visual album sparking rumors of Jay Z’s infidelity, and no one most certainly could not have predicted millions of Beyhive members would be on a witch hunt for someone named Becky With The Good Hair.
But if there’s one thing I’ve learned upon watching/listening to Lemonade on repeat and knowing what I know of Bey & Jay: Becky With The Good Hair doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter if she’s Rachel Roy or Rita Ora or even Rachael Ray. It doesn’t matter if she’s not real. She’s a moo(t) point. The main takeaway of Lemonade shouldn’t leave us speculating who “Jay Z” cheated on “Beyonce” with. Lemonade is much more and much greater than that. It’s about strength and endurance and perseverance and Black Girl Magic, so the fact that anyone could still be speculating on who BWTGH is, is missing Beyonce’s message entirely.
And because Lemonade was so epic and unexpected, the Internet, as always, provided the best reactions to Bey’s latest masterpiece with the only way they know how – memes. I’ve gathered some of the best from the World Wide Web for your convenience. So turn up that Lemonade and sip on some tea because the Interwebz have got me saying once again, WHAT A TIME TO BE ALIVE.
Backtracking a bit: on Tuesday, we discussed the best dressed of the Met Gala, AKA Fashion Prom. But let’s not forget that Saturday was the White House Correspondents’ Dinner, AKA Nerd Prom, full of almost as many wonderful outfits. (Note: it’s also my annual check on whether I can still spell the word ‘correspondents,’ which got me booted from a spelling bee in the fourth grade.) Let’s see how those nerds (read: fabulous and powerful Hollywood and political elite) cleaned up! In no particular order…
Emma Watson in Osman
I definitely went through a time with Emma Watson where I was like “girl, not sure about all of these looks but you are 100% doing you.” And now I’m just like “narrow pants? Jacobean embroidered poppies slit to the waist? A paper plate looking ruffle? WTF somehow it all works and you look amazing.” 10 points to Gryffindor.
Emily Ratajkowski in Monique Lhuillier
Between the color, the beading, the simple hair, and the unfussy silhouette (which really helps the floral look non-crazy), this is just fun enough to be young and just serious enough to be Washington-appropriate.
Gugu Mbatha-Raw in Lela Rose
Gugu has been on the “totally going to be a big thing soon” list for a while now, and every time I see her I think she just needs ONE high-profile awards season and she’ll be a fashion favorite. I love the oversized violet and indigo pattern. This has to be one of the least cheezy uses of a sheer panel I’ve seen in a while, too.
Michelle Dockery in Cushnie et Ochs
There wasn’t a ton of color at Nerd Prom, which makes this look extra sunny and delightful. Shades of yellow and orange can be really hard for a lot of people to pull off, skin-tone wise, but this deeper, more citrusy shade isn’t bringing out any sallow undertones.The cap sleeve has had a few years off and I think maybe it can come back.
Priyanka Chopra in Zuhair Murad
Once I verified that this was a taupe under-layer and not just strategically-placed sheer stripes, I absolutely loved this. Favorite part: the floating beads every few stripes.
Jared Leto
Okay, maybe the last time saw a light pink bow tie was at an early 90s wedding, but it looks good on Jared Leto… as does everything. There aren’t many people who can pull off a ruffled pocket square, but Jared Leto is definitely one of them. Also I feel like maybe he’s growing his hair back out, which is a good thing for all society.
Karlie Kloss in Derek Lam
This one started on my “meh” list and migrated over to my best list for a few reasons – first, it wasn’t black… and there was a lot of black that night. Second, it wasn’t too safe and boring, but it also wasn’t disrespectful too frivolous. And honestly, the contrasting colors and textures just grew on me the more I looked at it. Is texture blocking the new color blocking?
Helen Mirren in Dolce & Gabbana
What. A. Dame. Helen Mirren, always the perfect combo of “class” (ugh, but you know what I mean) and fun, paid tribute to Prince with this purple gown and a Prince symbol drawn on her collarbone. I don’t know if she’s ever looked bad a day in her life.
No, friends, we’re not going to do that (today). Today is all about the other shows nominated that deserve just as much attention as Hamilton. I imagine it’s bittersweet being on Broadway at the same time as a groundbreaking musical. Everyone wants a ticket to Hamilton and it’s all anyone talks about, but there are nearly 40 other shows open right now. Any one of those productions would love to see you in the audience. But it’s like when you’re up against an MVP player and you have to step up your game just to keep up. It might be a little frustrating along the way, but for the sport (Broadway) as a whole, it’s the best thing that could’ve happened.
But at the end of the day, theatre is not a competition. If anything, it’s a community. A smaller-than-you-think community of artists who support each other and cheer each other on instead of tearing each other down. It’s been an incredible year for theater in terms of the storytelling, quality production and the talent on stage, so in that spirit, we’re putting the spotlight on a few of the other shows we’re rooting for come Tony day, and the names you’ll need to know when they end up winning.
Waitress
Best Musical
Based on the 2007 movie of the same name starring Keri Russell, Waitress centers on Jenna, a waitress at a small-town diner who’s in a horrible marriage, but ends up preggo. Other affairs ensue. Waitress also made history with its all-female creative team, thanks to music & lyrics by Sara Bareilles, book by Jessie Nelson, direction by Diane Paulus, and choreography by Lorin Latarro.
I had the chance of seeing Waitress in Boston last year before it transferred to Broadway, and hearing all the positive reviews of the show didn’t do it justice in person. I laughed, I cried (way more than I expected), I left feeling like a warm blanket had swaddled itself around my heart… is that weird? This is the only show I’ve seen out of this year’s batch of nominees, and TBH, it sucks it’s up against Hamilton this year because it deserves so much recognition for making a musical out of a movie – and feeling like the movie never existed at all.
Best Original Score (Music and/or Lyrics) Written for the Theatre
I can’t express to you how good this score is, and what a masterpiece Sara Bareilles has created. I can, however, direct you to her album, What’s Inside: Songs From Waitress, which features a few select numbers from the show. This was released after the Boston run and before they opened on Broadway, and so Sara’s version includes songs cut from the final show, including one of my faves, Door Number Three. This album is still in my rotation six months after its release. Sara uses that same talent she has to tug on your heartstrings with songs like Gravity and I Choose You and incorporates that same spirit in these songs. The official Broadway cast album comes out June 10th. Mark your calendars.
Jessie Mueller (Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role in a Musical)
Jessie Mueller, Tony winner and ethereal goddess, was the clear star of the Boston production, and she’s still the clear star in the Broadway one as well. Here she is singing the most emotional number from the show, so get a tissue ready JIC.
Other nominations: Christopher Fitzgerald (Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role in a Musical)
Eclipsed
Best Play
Written by The Walking Dead’s Danai Gurira, Eclipsed is set in 2003, near the end of the Second Liberian Civil War and tells the story of five Liberian woman and their survival against all odds. In another record for the Broadway history books, Eclipsed is the first play with not only an all-female creative team, but all-female and all-black cast as well.
Lupita Nyong’o (Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role in a Play)
Listen, if you need to be educated on Queen Lupita, read this then go off on the Internet or watch her movies then come back. She is royalty. Royalty who is a step closer to an EGOT.
Other nominations: Pascale Armand and Saycon Sengbloh (Best Performance by an Actress in a Featured Role in a Play), Best Costume Design of a Play, Liesl Tommy (Best Direction of a Play)
Shuffle Along, Or the Making of the Musical Sensation of 1921 and All That Followed
Best Musical
Shuffle Along: A revue-style 1921 musical written, produced by and starring an all-black team. Shuffle Along, Or the Making of the Musical Sensation of 1921 and All That Followed: A new musical telling the story of all the challenges the Shuffle Along cast had in mounting the production, and its effect on race relations and Broadway. Stars little-known actors Tony winners such as Audra McDonald, Brian Stokes Mitchell and Billy Porter and newcomers Tony nominees Joshua Henry, Brooks Ashmanskas, Brandon Victor Dixon and Adrienne Warren.
Adrienne Warren (Best Performance by an Actress in a Featured Role in a Musical)
Shuffle Along is only Adrienne’s second Broadway show, but on Tuesday she earned her first Tony nomination. She’s one of those young actresses you know has a bright future on Broadway and beyond. And if you’re wondering why she might look familiar, she was in an episode of Orange is the New Black as a wheelchair-bound inmate who Pennsatucky attempted to “heal”. *I saw her in Lin-Manuel’s Bring It On musical and she was just as fantastic IRL.
Best Choreography
Tap dancing and Savion Glover. That is all.
Other nominations: Best Book of a Musical, Brandon Victor Dixon (Best Performance by an Actor in a Featured Role in a Musical), Best Scenic Design of a Musical, Best Costume Design of a Musical, Best Lighting Design of a Musical, Best Direction of a Musical, Best Orchestrations
She Loves Me
Zachary Levi (Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role in a Musical
Chuck is nominated for a Tony! Fun fact: Zachary replaced Ted Mosby who was originally supposed to star in the role of Georg, a perfume shop employee who is constantly at odds with co-worker Amalia. Unbeknownst to them, they’ve been secret pen pals the whole time. Sound familiar? It’s adapted from the play Parfumerie, which You’ve Got Mail (yes, with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks) is adapted from.
Laura Benanti (Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role in a Musical)
Other nominations: Best Revival of a Musical, Best Scenic Design of a Musical, Best Costume Design of a Musical, Best Direction of a Musical, Best Orchestrations
The Color Purple
Best Revival of a Musical
I mean, you know what The Color Purple is, right? It’s the same plot as the book. And the movie. And the OG Broadway musical.
Cynthia Erivo (Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role in a Musical)
If you don’t have goosebumps and/or tears in your eyes after watching that, check your pulse, because you’re probably dead. Cause of death: Cynthia Erivo. Look out for this one, y’all.
Danielle Brooks (Best Performance by an Actress in a Featured Role in a Musical)
I don’t know what it is about Danielle Brooks but I cry anytime I think about her success. Or hear her sing. Or read an inspirational post on her Instagram. I’m so proud of her and I don’t even know her.
Other nominations: Best Direction of a Musical
Spring Awakening
Best Revival of a Musical
I admit I was a little surprised to hear Spring Awakening, featuring teens in late 19th-century Germany dealing with their sexuality, was being revived since it only closed on Broadway in 2009. But then I was totally game once I found out they were incorporating sign language and completely making the production its own. Fact: I saw the OG Spring Awakening U.S. tour thrice when it was in Boston for like, a minute. Another fact: I was a dumbass and didn’t see the revival in Los Angeles before it went up on Broadway, and am kicking myself for it. There’s supposedly another tour in talks. See ya there.
Michael Arden (Best Direction of a Musical)
Before Michael Arden earned his first Tony nomination as a director, he was known as an actor. I personally knew his name from the Off-Broadway musical Bare, but more so for this song, Run Away With Me. I don’t know how nerdy you and your friends were circa 2008, but there was a period of time when this Kerrigan & Lowdermilk song was THE JAM, and all the hot, young, theatre boys were doing their covers of it. Aaron Tveit, Jeremy Jordan, bright young high schoolers hoping for a shot of fame all uploaded their own versions of the song on the YouTube. Michael had one of my favorite takes on it, and this has nothing to do with Spring Awakening, I just want you to know he’s really talented.
Other nominations: Best Lighting Design of a Musical
Awards season is over, and this time of year we cut out the middleman: instead of dressing up for the sake of film or music, at the Met Gala celebrities are dressing up to celebrate …. dressing up. The theme of the 2016 Met Gala: Manus x Machina: Fashion in an Age of Technology. Hooray! This theme is far less likely to produce accidentally racist ensembles than China: Through The Looking Glass (2015’s theme). Plus it’s basically asking everyone to wear weird techno cyborg shit, which sounds like an absolute blast if you ask me. The result: one of my favorite nights of Met fashion in the past several years.
Best Dressed
Rita Ora in Vera Wang
The rest of the list is in no particular order, but this belongs at the top. I don’t even care about the feather duster comparisons that have shown up online. She looks like a beautiful silver peacock and I’m amazed. If I could make one alteration, I’d lose the cutout panel on the legs, which – believe it or not – is the only thing that might edge this look into “too much” for me.
Poppy Delevingne in Marchesa
Some gene pools are just prettier than others. But honestly, I can’t stop looking at this dress. This might be the first time I’ve been on board with the Fringe Revival 2K16.
Nicole Kidman, for me, lives in the same fashion neighborhood as Kerry Washington and Cate Blanchett – improbably beautiful, ethereal ladies who can pull off anything… but whose fashion gambles don’t always work for me. But this? This is some stars and moon, caped Stevie Nicks realness. She looks like the sky in an Edward Gorey illustration. Amazing.
Zayn Malik in Versace + Robot Arms
I don’t know if robot arms are “good fashion” or whatever but I do know that I laughed out loud in delight when I saw this. Solely because these “go-go-gadget solo career” arms are cracking me up, this is one of my favorites. Okay, Gigi Hadid looks pretty great in Tommy Hilfiger, too.
Tavi Gevinson in Coach 1941
I’ve been following Tavi since her early Style Rookie days, when she was just a typical preteen in a giant hat in the front row at NY Fashion Week. She’s come so far and done such great things that I can’t help but be as proud of her as if I had some sort of a personal stake in her success – like a really great little cousin, or something. Tavi has come a long way since her DIY Comme des Garcons outfits, into a more sleek adult style that’s still fitting of a young editor/ Broadway actress/ future queen of America.
Kate Hudson in Atelier Versace
In some photos, the cutouts are even more “wait, what exactly is going on here” and that’s why I love this. It’s like when your one friend gets a Cricut machine and starts making a bunch of weird paper art stuff. Like, did someone make this dress by folding it in half then snipping out shapes, snowflake-style? I hope so, because that’s the only way I could love it more.
Alessandra Ambrosio in Balmain
See: Hudson, above. I think some of the best Met dresses are the ones that would easily be a worst Oscars dress.
Least Favorites
I’m not in any position to call any of these couture looks “bad,” and on a night when avant garde fashion is celebrated I don’t want to criticize anyone for taking risks. If not now, when? So instead, I’ll say that these were the looks that did not make my personal favorites list:
Selena Gomez in Louis Vuitton
First things first, Selena looks as beautiful as she ever has (which is: very). But is it just me, or is this more like a regular, H&M looking dress with a little leather thing on top? It did get more interesting when I scrolled down and saw the boots, and this is the closest out of any of last night’s looks to something I’d wear in real life, but I guess that’s just it. I don’t WANT to see something I’d wear in real life.
Beyonce in Givenchy
You know that tumblr meme about being a judge on Chopped and kicking people off because “it has mushrooms?” Which is so brilliant because on one hand it pokes fun at the poster for having arbitrary and “low-brow” tastes and criticisms, while on the other hand pointing out that all criticism is on some level arbitrary and based on personal preferences. Anyway. That’s me with anything bandaid-colored and latex-y. This is technically very good but I’m like “nah, looks like flesh-colored silly putty. Next.” As the internet was quick to point out, this looks like it was made of finest Becky Skins.
Lady Gaga in Versace
EVERYTHING IS EVERYTHING from the waist up, even or especially her Mello Yello-colored 80s hair. But then I’m just bored of the no pants thing. But like, hard yes on everything other than her metallic undies. I almost want to put this on my best dressed list instead because, like Zayn’s robot arms, at least this is fun. Plus you always get bonus points if you really go for the theme, right? Yet my problem, I guess, is that the no-pants look is so expected for her that I wanted a departure.
Dakota Johnson in Gucci
It actually looks like there’s some great texture going on with the stars, but this is another “ew, mushrooms” pick for me: this particular kind of star shape, in these colors, reminds me of the Hot Topic looks that were around in the early-mid 2000s.
Over the weekend, President Obama gave his very last White House Correspondents’ Dinner speech, and he ended it with the best way possible.
Republican or Democrat, I think most of us can agree that he is one of the only presidents with enviable comedic timing. With each of his WHCD speeches, he proved that he can tell a joke and tell it well, and often better than the chosen comedian to speak after him. I looked forward to his Nerd Prom roasts every year, but since we won’t be blessed with his comedy (at least in the White House setting) anymore, at least we have eight speeches to look back on if we ever need a good laugh in the future. Here are some of his best jokes from President Obama’s WHCD speeches over the years.
2016
“While in England, I did have lunch with the Queen, took in a performance of Shakespeare, hit the links with David Cameron. Just in case anybody is still debating whether I’m black enough, I think that settles the debate.”
To Bernie Sanders in the audience: “I’m disappointed you’re distancing yourself from me. That’s just not something you do to your comrade.”
“Last week, Prince George showed up to a meeting in his bathrobe. That was a slap in the face. A clear breach of protocol.”
“I don’t want to spend too much time on the Donald. Following your lead, I want to show some restraint. Because from the start, I think he’s received the right amount of coverage, fitting the seriousness of his campaign. I hope you’re all proud of yourselves. The guy wanted to give his hotel business a boost, and now we’re praying that Cleveland makes it through July.”
— White House Archived (@ObamaWhiteHouse) May 1, 2016
2015
On Jeb Bush mistakenly marking “Hispanic” on a form: “Look, it’s an honest mistake – reminds me of when I identified myself as American back in 1961.”
“Rick Santorum announced that he would not attend a gay or lesbian wedding of one of his friends or loved ones, to which gay people responded, ‘That’s not going to be a problem.'”
“And Donald Trump is here. Still.”
“Hillary kicked things off by going completely unrecognized at a Chipotle. Not to be outdone, Martin O’Malley went completely unrecognized at a Martin O’Malley campaign event.”
“Those Joe Biden shoulder massages, they’re like magic. You should try one. Oh, you have?”
Everything about the cold open with Julia Louis-Dreyfus as Selina Meyer with Joe Biden
“In 2008 my slogan was, ‘Yes we can,’ in 2013, my slogan was Control, Alt, Delete.”
“Let’s face it, Fox, you’ll miss me when I’m gone. It’ll be harder to convince the American people that Hillary was born in Kenya.”
“How well does ObamaCare have to work before people don’t want to repeal it. What if everyone’s cholesterol drops to 120? What if your yearly check up came with tickets to a Clippers game? Not the old Don Sterling Clippers, the new Oprah Clippers! Would that be good enough? What if it gave Mitch McConnell a pulse?”
“I did notice, Sasha needed a speaker at Career Day. She invited Bill Clinton. I was a little hurt by that.”
“Republicans continue to refuse to extend unemployment insurance. You know what, I am beginning to think that they’ve got a point. If you want to get paid while not working, you should have to run for Congress just like everybody else.”
“These days, the House Republicans give John Boehner a harder time than me, which means that orange really is the new black.”
2013
After DJ Khaled’s All I Do is Win plays as Obama walks to the podium. “How do you like my new entrance music? Rush Limbaugh warned you about this – second term, baby… My advisers were a little worried about the new rap entrance music. They are a little more traditional. They suggested that I should start with jokes at my own expense. Just take myself down a peg. I was like, guys after four and a half years how many pegs are there left?”
“Now, look, I get it. These days, I look in the mirror and I have to admit, I’m not the strapping young Muslim socialist that I used to be. Time passes. You get a little gray.”
“I know republicans are still sorting out what happened in 2012. One thing they all agree on is that they need to do a better job reach out to minorities. Call me self centered, but I can think of one minority they can start with. *raises hand* Think of me as a trial run. See how it goes.
“Some folks still don’t think I spend enough time with Congress. ‘Why don’t you get a drink with Mitch McConnell?’ they ask. Really? Why don’t you get a drink with Mitch McConnell?”
“I remember when BuzzFeed was just something I did in college around 2 a.m.”
That time Beyonce & Jay went to Cuba pre Obama easing Cuban/U.S. relations: “Maybe I have lost a step, but some things are beyond my control. For example this whole controversy about Jay Z going to Cuba. It’s unbelievable. I’ve got 99 problems and now Jay Z is one of them.”
“One senator who has reached across the aisle recently is Marco Rubio. But I don’t know about 2016 – I mean the guy hasn’t even finished a single term in the senate and he thinks he’s ready to be president.”
2012
“I want to especially thank all the members who took a break from their exhausting schedule of not passing any laws to be here tonight.”
“(WHCD host) Jimmy (Kimmel) got his start years ago on ‘The Man Show.’ In Washington, that’s what we call a congressional hearing on contraception.”
“In my first term, we passed health care reform. In my second term, I guess I’ll pass it again.”… In my first term, I sang Al Green; in my second term, I’m going with Young Jeezy. I sing that to her (Michelle) sometimes.”
“Four years ago I was locked in a primary battle with Hillary Clinton. Now she won’t stop drunk-texting me from Cartagena.”
2011
“What a week. As some of you heard the state of Hawaii released my official long-form birth certificate. Hopefully, this puts all doubts to rest. But just in case they’re any lingering questions, tonight I’m prepared to go a step further. Tonight, for the first time, I am releasing my official birth video. *see birth video here* I want to make clear to the Fox News table that was a joke. That was not my real birth video. That was a children’s cartoon. Call Disney if you don’t believe me, they have the original long-form version.”
Obama drags Trump STILL: “Now, I know that he’s taken some flak lately but no one is prouder to put this birth certificate matter to rest than The Donald. And that’s because he can finally get back to focusing on the issues that matter, like, did we fake the moon landing? What really happened in Roswell? And where are Biggie and Tupac? All kidding aside, we all know about your credentials, and your breadth of experience. For example, on a recent episode of Celebrity Apprentice, at the steakhouse, the men’s cooking team did not impress the men from Omaha Steaks. There was lots of blame to go around, but you, Mr. Trump, recognized that the real problem was a lack of leadership. Ultimately, you didn’t blame Lil Jon or Meatloaf, you fired Gary Busey. These are the kinds of decisions that keep me up at night. Well handled, sir! Well handled.”
Bonus joke from host Seth Meyers (the best one, TBH): “Trump has said he’s got a great relationship with ‘the blacks.’ Unless the Blacks are a family of white people, I bet he’s mistaken.”
ANOTHER BONUS: This was also the year (night) Barry had secretly ordered Osama Bin Laden to be killed, read more about it here
2010
Remember Jay Leno? “The only person whose ratings fell more than mine last year is here tonight. It is Jay.”
“You might have heard we passed a health care bill and some Republicans have suggested that the bill contains a few secret provisions. That’s ridiculous. There aren’t a few secret provisions in the health care plan - there are, like, hundreds.”
“I wasn’t sure that I should actually come tonight. Biden talked me into it. He leaned over and he said, ‘Mr. President this is no ordinary dinner. This is a big fucking meal.” JIC you forgot what that was in reference to.
2009
“I had an entire speech prepared for this wonderful occasion. Now that we’re here I want to try something different. I’m gonna speak from the heart. I’m gonna speak off the cuff. *telepromopter stands rise* Good evening. Pause for laughter.” (lit’rally his first ever lines from the WHCD)
“Mother’s Day is a tough holiday for Rahm Emmanuel, because he’s not used to saying the word “Day” after “Mother”… That’s true.”
“All our jokes tonight are brought to you by Goldman Sachs. They make money whether you laugh or not.”
“All this change hasn’t been easy. Change never is. So I’ve cut the tension by bringing a new friend to the White House. He’s warm, he’s cuddly, loyal, enthusiastic. You just have to keep him on a tight leash. Every once in a while he goes charging off in the wrong direction and gets himself into trouble. But enough about Joe Biden.”
“In the next hundred days, our bipartisan outreach will be so successful that even John Boehner will consider becoming a Democrat. After all, we have a lot in common. He is a person of color. Although not a color that appears in the natural world. What’s up, John?”
Happy birthday, Rent! Jonathan Larson’s musical premiered 20 years ago today, and in that time Rent has transformed popular musical theater, changed lives, and traveled the world. It’s a testament to Jonathan Larson’s vision that this musical, set in the very specific time and place of Alphabet City in the late 80s-mid 90s, still resonates across the globe. Rent has now been performed on every continent except Antarctica (and maybe Antarctica too, if any of those research scientists are theater geeks). Today, rather than celebrating Rent’s 20th anniversary with the OBC renditions we’ve loved since we were way too young to understand them, we’re taking a look at how Rent has been adapted and translated to reach audiences worldwide.
Rent, Japan
After Rent debuted on Broadway, it quickly became a hit sensation. Producers decided to capitalize on its success by bring the musical to different cities around the world. A mere two years later, Rent opened in Japan, at the height of Rent-mania. Here we see truly contemporary scenes, including an Asian Joanne wearing fake dreads like her African-American counterpart, and it may or may not be cultural appropriation. I find it funny that Japanese words tend to be English words but just said differently, or when you just hear a rando English word like, “headline” news, “Trick-or-Treat” and of course “RENT!”
Fun fact: for a quick second at the beginning of the clip, you see an older gentleman with glasses – that is Al Larson, father of Jonathan Larson. To this day, he goes to as many Rent productions around the world as he can, acting as a representation for his late son and their family.
One Song Glory, Norway
I’d like to preface this by saying I’m still not sure if this is a high school production or not, but either way, this Roger isn’t exactly as strong as Adam Pascal. With all these international versions I find myself translating it into English and thinking I’m fluent in whatever language it’s in. Finna = Find in Norwegian!
Light My Candle, Greece
It’s clear that hundreds, maybe even thousands, of pretty women have gotten the chance to play Mimi Marquez, and in Greece, she was played by this gal, who I sincerely think is great and one of the better foreign singers I’ve heard so far. Words I understood: Papou (all thanks to Full House and the passing of Papouli).
Tango Maureen, Brasil
For the Tango Maureen, why would we look anyplace other than Latin America? (Okay, Argentina would have been ideal, but it sounds good in Portuguese). Language aside, Joanne seems so different in this production that it’s worth watching. Also, how is sunny, warm Brazil the only production to nail cold-weather clothing?
Out Tonight, Germany
*FYI the sound is really bad on this, so don’t put it on max vol!* Is it me or does Out Tonight just sound slightly aggressive in German?
I’ll Cover You, Korea
I don’t know what I was expecting, but it sure wasn’t Angel and Collins being exactly the same, but Korean. Remember in The Simpsons where there’s alternate universe Maggie with the unibrow? That’s what it feels like. Equally adorable, in any language or continent.
La Vie Boheme, Spain
Including a Spanish production was a no-brainer, since that was my major in college and I spent almost 5 months in Madrid. But here’s a little secret: this song is like 50% people’s names and foods and you could translate this into English with a year of junior high Spanish. It still really, really works in Spanish though.
Seasons of Love, Cuba
Seasons of Love is already a beautiful song, but when it’s sung in a literal romantic language, it just makes it that more beautiful. And emotional. I’m not crying, you’re crying.
Without You, Montreal
I don’t know about you all, but when I think heartbreak, I think French. You know how some songs sound just wrong in other languages – the meter or the generally feel is just off? Somehow, Rent sounds great in almost every language, but this one is especially nice in French.
Like any successful project with a rabid fan base, there’s a desire, and maybe even more so now, an expectation for additional installments (see: all the Fast & Furious movies, Arrested Development, Gilmore Girls, Prison Break, for some reason). Same rang true for Rent. In the years following, a Rent movie had always been a topic of discussion and the OG cast members were always asked when a movie was going to happen. And nearly 10 years after Rent debuted in 1996, a big screen adaptation of the blockbuster musical finally premiered in the fall of 2005.
It was received with mixed reviews from fans and critics, so we decided to re-watch the film and get to the bottom of why it was loved by some and hated by others. Conclusion:
Question: Why isn’t Daphne Rubin-Vega in this again?
T: I could look up the politics of this again but I don’t remember why Daphne Rubin-Vega was replaced with Rosario Dawson? Because she’s too “old”? She’s “not hot enough”? They needed a “movie star”?
M: I was thinking about this while driving the other day (secondary theme of the week: we are not cool). I decided she was working on another project at the time, which may be a lie. (OK, looked it up: she was pregnant.) Either way, Mimi is harder than all of the other characters to play 10 years after the musical premiered, because it is the only one saddled with a very specific, very young age (19, looks 16). Which brings me to:
Concern: Everyone Is Old
M: I’m no spring chicken, so that’s not an insult. But all of the OBC actors are a decade older than they were when they were cast in the musical, and it is central to the plot that these are vibrant idealists in the prime of life. It still works, and I will gladly suspend disbelief to see this many original cast members reprise their breakout roles. But the characters read different when they look like urban professionals in their 30s. I can tell you that at almost 30, my response to almost every situation in Rent, were it to happen in my real life, would be “I am too damn old for this.”
T: And for me, what was weird that I thought some of them looked younger than I thought they were when I watched it a decade ago. So young-looking old people playing the role of 1990s “millennials” is what this film features.
Concern: December 24 … 1989?
M: This was controversial when the movie came out (controversial for those of us who are too invested in film adaptations of musicals, anyway). The musical was set in the present day (at first) and as time wore on, around the era when it was released: the mid-90s. 1989 was when Jonathan Larson began his work on it. I’m not sure why this decision was made. Is it because in 2005, it was hard to conceive of a 90s period piece? Or because 1989 feels more like peak AIDS crisis? Because Mimi would look adorable in 80s clothes?
Anyway. There are some scenes where it doesn’t really work – cyber cafes were SO 90s, and I feel like we didn’t start talking about the end of the millennium until the mid 90s – but I don’t mind it too much. I’m mostly amazed at how they created a gritty version of the New York of 1980s Sesame Street eps.
Comment: IMDb makes me smart
T: Fun fact: There are two v notable names listed as executive producers of this project: Robert De Niro (of Robert De Niro) and Jeffrey Seller, who produced small hits such as Avenue Q, In The Heights and Hamilton, a show we never talk about, ever.
Comment: Tune Up #1
T: I actually like how they turned Tune Up #1 into Mark’s speaking monologue so it doesn’t come off as too “musical-y” but for the Rent-heads out there, I’m sure you found it just as hard not singing along to it. This is a choice they make throughout the movie, and for the most part, I think it’s smart. But at times it just sounds like they’re doing some sort of sing-songy slam poetry.
M: Plus, it keeps the movie from being 3 hours long. Source: church is always longer when the priest sings all of the talk-y bits instead of speaking them.
Concern: I now identify with Benny more than anyone else.
M: Benny realized that he’s 28 (made up age), married Allison Hendrix Gray, and acknowledged that in America, at the end of the millennium, you gotta collect rent on the building you own that’s gonna be prime real estate in 15 years. What happened to his heart? It’s the Bush I era and a man’s gotta make a buck.
But maybe I’m just saying that because Taye Diggs is a beautiful, beautiful man and he is KILLING IT in You’ll See.
T: I momentarily seethed when he started to speak the lines from You’ll See in fear we wouldn’t get to hear him sing the one song that’s his in the entire show.
Comment: Oh Benny
Benny rolls up to Alphabet City in his Range Rover and is immediately surrounded by protesting tenants angrily singing Rent to him. Rough start.
Comment: I love Angel.
M: Wilson Jermaine Heredia plays Angel with the perfect mix of humor, life, and too-good-to-be-true kindness. Angel/Collins is one of my favorite musical couples.
Comment: Can I get a light
T: I understand the point is that the power blows but it’s darker than How to Get Away With Murder up in here.
M: Like when we were watching Cheers, I had to adjust my set because half of the background is just black blobs with the occasional string of Christmas lights. Mimi says our eyes will adjust.
Comment: April looks like a young Poehler + Gillian Anderson
M: And everyone looks 200% more 80s in the flashbacks. Just how long ago was that supposed to be?
Concern: Did Rosario Dawson miss her musical calling?
How did Rent effect Rosario Dawson’s potential musical theater career?? JK.
Comment: Mimi’s junkie makeup is really effective.
M: That might sound like faint praise but I mean it – she looks strung out and feverish but not in a gross way?
Concern: I now identify with Mark more than anyone else.
Mark, talking about his parents’ laborious message on the answering machine: “There are times when we’re dirt broke, hungry, and freezing, and I ask myself, why the hell am I still living here? And then they call. And I remember.”
T: Same, Mark. Same.
Concern: When the characters are in their late 30s they just sound like people who talk too much about brunch.
M: E.g., Mark says to Collins “so that’s why you could afford to splurge on us” and it sounds like nothing so much as two guys discussing who’s buying the mimosas this week.
Comment: Angel’s entrance
T: But can you just imagine meeting someone like for the first time like this? Comes in dancing and singing with a plastic pickle tub about killing a random woman’s dog? I’d be like WHO IS THIS PERSON
M: Is Angel on coke? Because that is not a normal human energy level. Also also, believe it or not, Angel in Rent is when I first learned about using the pronouns people choose for themselves, because it was 1996 and I was 9.
Comment: I truly love Tracie Thoms
T: I’m fine with not bringing back Fredi Walker – Tracie is a better match chemistry wise with Idina.
M: Yes. Fredi Walker isn’t at all matronly, but her Joanne was more staid and mature, which made Maureen seem even more like a attention-seeking kid.
Comment: Tango Maureen hotness
T: I’m v into Joanne serving business chic & Idina serving tango dancer hotness.
M: I love how the dialogue about how Mark vs Joanne learned to dance shows, in two lines, exactly what kind of upper middle class kid each was.
Comment: They nailed Joanne’s 80s businesswoman attire.
Jheri curl, wide short tie, suspenders, statement earrings. It works.
Comment: Mighty Ducks meets Gilmore
As mentioned the other day in our Dream Cast post, there are two people of note in Life Support – Wayne Wilcox (Marty from Gilmore Girls) and Aaron Lohr (D2 & D3: Mighty Ducks and Newsies), two people from your youth you definitely didn’t expect to be in the Rent movie.
Question: Are New York/Pittsburgh exotic dancer scenes different?
When I watched Flashdance for the first time, I learned stripping in Pittsburgh during the 80s involved Japanese Kabuki, and apparently exotic dancing in New York in the early ’90s
Question: Will I?
T: How many of y’alls tried getting your friends to sing Will I in a round like this be honest
M: Just another Friday night in high school with the theater kids, hanging out in a basement rec room singing about “will I lose my dignity.”
Comment: The homeless woman is the voice of all of us watching Rent after our idealist phase has ended.
“Hey artist? Got a dollar. Didn’t think so.”
Question: Anyone else wanna hand out hand sanitizer after Santa Fe?
Everyone’s hands are ALL OVER the subway railings. (I remember being on the subway with a drunk friend in college who insisted on doing weird flips like Collins, and I was like okay, I’ll be at the end of the car pretending something’s happening on my phone BYE)
Question: What is Computer Age Philosphy (Actual Reality)?
T: I truly have no idea.
Question: Why are these two the cutest?
M: I’m going to go ahead and call I’ll Cover You the most adorable duet in musical history … even if this relationship is moving crazy fast. If you’re Jesse L. Martin or Wilson Jermaine Heredia, and you meet someone as cute as you are, you don’t let that pass you by.
Collins: Are we a thing?
Angel: Darling… we’re everything!
Why did they take that line out?!?!
T: Fun fact: This version of I’ll Cover You used to be my ringtone. I was the coolest.
Concern: The Rent/Hamilton effect
T: Roger says “Look around!” and I immediately continued sing, “look around, how lucky we are to be alive right now!” Ah the irony of being obsessed with a musical which was in part influenced by the musical you’re watching.
Question: How does Maureen have this many fans
M: Yeah, but not counting the homeless, how many tickets weren’t comped?
Comment: This shot of Idina
Actually, no comment at all.
Question: What do you think the crowd at the performance space smells like?
M: Me, I think weed, cigarettes, those alternative deodorants that don’t work.
I love how Angel proves they can pay for dinner this time by flashing him a folded bill
Question: How does Benny think he’s going to “break ground in mid-January”?
Shit’s frozen.
Comment: Viva La Vie Boheme
Just for once I’d like to act out this scene in a legit production. Not even the whole show, just this scene. They have fun.
M: Seconded.
LOL Mark’s solo dance – I’ve never related so much to him. Except all the other times.
M: OH LORD get me a gif of Mark in that moment and project it onto my tombstone.
Concern: I almost fast-forwarded through Seasons of Love because it’s too sad.
M: Lest you think a 20-year-old musical can’t move me anymore, I almost start crying at Seasons of Love. Goal: all 2+ hours of this, no tears.
T: I mean, fair. The line, “How do you figure a last year on earth?” like, stop it.
M: I’m also noticing that Seasons of Love is very obviously the song they included to be a breakout hit. Like, “okay, we need one song in a basic pop structure with no swearing or weird sex stuff in it so we can go on the Rosie show.”
Comment: All Angel all the time pls
After a night of celebrating New year’s Eve, the gang arrives back at their building only to find a padlock on the door. Angel swiftly grabs a trash can to knock it off, and after she triumphs, an equally inebriated Collins asks, “You gonna put that trash can back?” and a definitely not drunk Angel replies, “No”. The best delivery.
Comment: I FORGOT SARAH SILVERMAN IS IN THIS
M: I forgot both that she was in it and that she was SO GOOD as a cold businessperson.
Concern: For Mark’s overall wellbeing
T: Proposing (to your girlfriend) in front of your ex(boyfriend) is a ballsy move, Maureen. I just can’t get over how much I am Mark.
M: Me too. I am Mark in the same ways that I am Chandler.
Question: Exactly how long have Maureen and Joanne been together?
M: Because Collins didn’t know Mark and Maureen had broken up, and Joanne and Mark just met, but apparently Maureen and Joanne are engaged.
T: U-Hauls, amirite?
Comment: Maureen’s kind of a bitch
“Every single day I walk down the street. I hear people say ‘Baby’ so sweet… There will always be women in rubber.” Maureen… calm down.
Comment: Benny and Mimi
T: I still don’t get how characteristically, Benny would want to date Mimi? He seems super pretentious ever since he moved out of Alphabet City, and looks down on everyone who lives there.
Concern: Without You is a lot more graphic in the film adaptation
M: We are treated to Mimi’s delirium tremens (I think?), the ever-shrinking support group, Angel’s scary looking fever, hospitalization, drug buying, strip clubs, all that. I’m just going to go ahead and say I can never tell when people are supposed to be sick from drugs stuff vs AIDS stuff. Anyway. Without You is like the opposite of those montages of people having wacky fun and falling in love.
Question: Will I be able to make it through the I’ll Cover You Reprise without crying?
Comment: No. And ugly crying at that.
M: At least Traci cried vs me, who just fast-forwarded through the whole funeral. I know I said I am a Chandler, but I have a strong Joey Tribbiani “book in the freezer” mentality for stuff I don’t want to see.
T: Like Hannah Horvath, I am a glutton for pain. We’re just a blog about comparing ourselves to fictional characters now.
Comment: I am Mark reason #1094
T: Mark says, “Come on guys chill” during Goodbye Love when everyone is fighting. Excuse me while I go find a vintage videocamera and start documenting my friends’ terrible love lives.
Question: You know what I miss?
Using yuppie as an insult. (NB, I am technically a yuppie now? )
Question: How many times do you think Anthony Rapp & Adam Pascal have had to sing What You Own in their lifetime?
Approx a million.
Comment: I am Mark reason #1095
“Dive into work, drive the other way.” Me too, Mark. Me too.
Concern: Everytime I hear the phone ring i have a Pavlov dog’s response to getting up to answer the landline
Comment: Your Eyes
You Eyes, a mediocre song at best, is not a song Roger should be singing to Mimi on her “deathbed”. Like I know this scene is sad and everyhting, but this song would not be the last one I’d want to hear. ever
Question: What disease is Mimi having?
Is this AIDS? Hypothermia? Drug overdose? Picturesque yet vague musical theater malady?
Comment: I reflexively sing all of the lines in my head that they’re speaking here.
e.g., I rewired the ATM at the food emporium to provide an honorarium to anyone with the code.
Question:You know what I didn’t account for during rent week?
Jonathan Larson’s groundbreaking 1996 musical Rent takes place over approximately 525,600 minutes – but which 525, 600 minutes were they? The stage musical is silent on the year. The movie is set in 1989. But if you found a person who was reasonably well-versed in recent history and pop culture (except that they know nothing about Rent) and had them watch the musical, they’d probably come up with some year between 1993 and 1998.
Yes, Rent is a dated musical, and I mean that in only the most complimentary way. Jonathan Larson set out to make a contemporary musical – his generation’s Hair. He wrote, in 2016 musical theater terms, how Alexander Hamilton did, how Lin-Manuel Miranda does. Larson wrote like he was running out of time. He didn’t know it, but he was: Jonathan Larson died on January 25, 1996. It was the morning before Rent’s first Off Broadway preview. Alterations were made before the Broadway premiere on April 29, 1996, but only using Larson’s words. Therefore, we have a very clear stop-point in the chronology of Rent. Even if it is staged in the “present day,” Rent was written without knowledge of any events taking place after January 25, 1996.
Still, the amazing thing about Rent in the 90s was how modern it was – modern in a way no other musical was. Rent addressed technology, AIDS, trans* identity, sexual orientation, drug use and gentrification. In contrast, look at the other top-grossing Broadway shows of 1996: The Phantom Of The Opera, Beauty and the Beast, Show Boat, Les Miserables, Sunset Boulevard. Your grandma would have liked them – in fact, your grandma could have liked some of them in her youth. Cats was still in the midst of its epic run. The next-edgiest show was probably Bring In Da Noise, Bring In Da Funk, and it didn’t even bring in THAT much funk. (I kid, we love tap.)
So for the earlier part of Rent’s run, Rent was set in the present – even if Jonathan Larson’s present didn’t extend past early 1996. For example, costume designers constantly trawled hip neighborhoods to make sure their cool young characters looked up to date. For years, the libretto held up to a modern interpretation. Cyber cafes, check. Urban drug boom, check. End of the millennium, answering machines, pay phones: check, check and check.
Then, one by one, the references from Jonathan Larson’s book became dated. It’s a bit like when somebody you love dies. First you find yourself writing out checks using a year they never saw, then you’re singing along to songs they didn’t live to hear. One day you look at a photo of them and they don’t look like somebody from the present day anymore: their clothes and hair mark them as a member of the past. So it was with Rent. By 2000, the theme of “America at the end of the millennium” was obsolete (OK, 2001 if we’re being real pedantic about it). Nobody really used the word cyber anymore, and anyway, we didn’t have special Internet places like Benny’s cyber arts space. The answering machine – plot device of so many great 80s and 90s works – was a thing of the past. These people have a land line? What are they, millionaires? To that end, Joanne’s cell phone no longer marked her as an upwardly-mobile, always-connected lawyer. HIV and AIDS are still prevalent, and still more common in communities with a high rate of intravenous drug use, but mercifully, AIDS doesn’t wipe out whole friend groups in the way it did in the 80s and early 90s. And although we voted for a platform of hope in 2008, a lot of the unbounded, youthful optimism of Rent died, at least for a while, after 2001.
By the time Rent was adapted for film in 2005, it was very obviously not modern. Even if you cut out the end of the millennium spiel, you couldn’t slap low-rise jeans and trucker hats on everybody and call it 2005. Jonathan Larson succeeded; he created a musical that defined his time so well that only 5 to 10 years after its release, you could already pinpoint in which era it must have been written. The filmmakers had to choose when to set Rent, and they chose 1989. There’s plenty to recommend 1989. That’s the year Jonathan Larson came up with the early concept for Rent. The AIDS crisis was at its peak. The Tompkins Square Park riot was just the year before.
The movie works – 1989 works – but I still say there’s a little more evidence that the original musical was intended to take place in the 90s. Through years of revisions, Larson incorporated references that wouldn’t have existed in 1989. Cyberarts seems 90s – cyber as a prefix didn’t really take off until that decade. As far as millennia go, 1989 is pretty close to the end of one, but the “end of the millennium” talk gained more traction in the 90s (that’s when we weren’t self-referentially explaining “it’s the 90s.”) Even the relationship that served as Larson’s inspiration for Maureen and Mark didn’t occur until the 90s (although it could as well have happened in the 80s). Most stage productions seem to have taken the 90s concept and run with it. I looked up a few school productions, bright-eyed teenagers done up in 1996 cosplay, imagining a year before they were even born. It’s how we must have looked on 80s day during spirit week in high school in the early 2000s. The teachers must have hated us.
Whichever year you want to place Rent in, it seems pretty clear that it’s somewhere between 1989, when Jonathan Larson’s idea took root, and 1996, when he died. In a play that tells us that there is no future, and there is no past, Rent takes place right now: but it takes place in Jonathan Larson’s right now, and for the last 20 years, for a few hours, we get to live there, too.
When Rent was originally developed off-Broadway in 1995, the cast was comprised of both newbies and veteran actors, but the one thing they all had in common was talent. Adam Pascal, much like Roger, was an aspiring rocker when he stumbled across the audition for Rent. He had never really done musical theater before – in fact, the blocking for One Song Glory in which he goes back and forth from a table was designed specifically so he could look at pages of the script to rememeber his lines. Meanwhile, his co-star Anthony Rapp had already made his Broadway debut 15 years prior to taking the Nederlander stage.
And over the past two decades, casting for Rent in productions around the world have followed the same formula. You get a handful of “Adams” (Lin-Manuel Miranda’s pals Karen Olivo and Leslie Odom Jr.) and “Anthonys” (Neil Patrick Harris, Mel B, Joey Fatone).
With all this talent floating around for the past 20 years, I got to thinking what a production would look like if I put the best of the best together in one dream cast. Let me tell you it’s harder than it seems, just because so many people have come and gone in these iconic roles over the past two decades. I will say that I tried to not use OBC members since they’re lit’rally on a different level (I mean, just look at these bbs at the ’96 Tony Awards), so here are some of my faves who have been to Alphabet City and were the best to tell the epic story of Rent.
Skyler Astin as Mark Cohen and Aaron Tveit as Roger Davis
Every year, the folks at the Hollywood Bowl pick a musical to present for one weekend in the summer, and it’s usually a star-studded affair. They’ve done Hairspray, Spamalot, and this year they’re doing A Chorus Line, but in 2010, Neil Patrick Harris (who played Mark in a ’97 national tour) was put in charge as the director of Rent. And he managed to get a super talented cast on board – Wayne Brady (Collins), Vanessa Hudgens (Mimi), Nicole Scherzinger (Maureen), and Gwen Stewart, who reprised her role from the OBC as the soloist in Seasons of Love. But the real highlight was a pre-Pitch Perfect and post-Next to Normal Aaron Tveit as Mark and Roger, respectively. This duo alone made me immediately purchase a ticket (again, one of the eight times I’ve seen Rent). Both Aaron and Skyler are amazing singers and Broadway vets, so commanding an audience of 17,000 in an outdoor amphitheater is no small feat, but both got the job done and done well. They were perfectly cast and also had good chemistry between themselves, which bodes well as the core of the Rent family. I think I passed out during What You Own.
Renee Elise Goldsberry as Mimi Márquez
Before she was looking for a mind at work, Renee Elise Goldsberry was looking for a light and her stash of heroin in Rent. The goddesss that we all know and love from Hamilton was the last person to play Mimi on Broadway when it closed in 2008. Renee played her version of Mimi as sexy, cool, and vulnerable all at the same time, and of course had the pipes to back it up. I also managed to see the final Broadway run (2 of 8, #humblebrag) and when I stage doored the cast, I legit have a picture that’s currently up on Facebook of a pic of Renee posing for a picture *with someone else that’s not me* and the caption reads, “renee … something or other. she played mimi. she was also on one life to live.” Oh 2008 Traci. Little did you know.
Jesse L. Martin as Tom Collins
Ok, here’s one of two exceptions I made with the OBC. It’s hard to imagine anyone doing as good a job as Jesse L. Martin did with Collins. Few have come close, but I don’t think anyone’s been able to capture the same heart and sorrow Jesse conveyed as Collins. And separately, Jesse is a fantastic actor, while also an astounding singer, and no where else does this come through the best than when he sings the I’ll Cover You reprise. There hasn’t been a time I’ve watched him sing this where I haven’t cried.
Justin Johnson as Angel Dumott Schunard
Justin was Renee’s co-star in the final Broadway cast, and akin to Jesse, it’s hard to live up to the OG cast, especially following Wilson Jermaine Heredia, who took home a Tony for playing Angel. But there was something about Justin in this role that *gave Angel new wings*. I remember thinking he made the role feel fresh, and exciting again. After 12 years, there have been Angels who copy Wilson, and Angels who take it too far, but Justin was jussttt right. He also had outstanding chemistry with his Collins, played by Michael McElroy, who might come up again later.
Annaleigh Ashford as Maureen Johnson
Honestly, if you don’t like Annaleigh Ashford don’t talk to me. This girl is amazing in everything she does, frankly it’s annoying. From Wicked to Kinky Boots to Masters of Sex, she manages to bring humor and heart to every role. If Idina can’t be Maureen, I want Annaleigh to be Maureen in everything. This role is so perfect for her, I almost can’t even watch it.
Tracie Thoms as Joanne Jefferson
Tracie had been auditioning for Rent for eight years before booking the role of Joanne in the movie – she was a legit Renthead that proved dreams could come true. And not only did she appear on the big screen as Maureen’s love interest, she reprised her role in the final Broadway cast in 2008 and in 2010 for the Hollywood Bowl. And with all due respect to Fredi Walker Browne, I always pictured Joanne more like Tracie, which is why I think she’s the perfect person to play opposite a young firecracker like Maureen. True story: I met Tracie Thoms after the Broadway show and told her we had the same name. She feigned amusement. I hung my head in shame and my friend took this super zoomed in pic of us:
lolololol
Leslie Odom Jr. as Benjamin “Benny” Coffin III
Like his Hamilton co-star Renee, Leslie also had a role in Rent prior to heading off to duel A. Ham, in fact, Rent was his Broadway debut. He grew up singing in church and musicals weren’t even in vocabulary until Rent. He graduated from high school and had spent the summer auditioning when he got the called to play Paul in the ensemble. He was 17. Now at 34, I’m pretty sure he can pull off a pretty convincing “villain” in Benny. I think he’s had some practice.
Ensemble
Michael McElroy as Mr. Jefferson / Pastor
As previously mentioned, Michael was the last person to play Collins on Broadway and I was :thisclose: to choosing him for Collins, but bumped him in favor of my boy Jesse instead. Again, his chemistry with Justin was infectioous and his voice is so so dreamy.
Gwen Stewart as Mrs. Jefferson / Woman with bags / “Seasons of Love” soloist
Also as previously mentioned, Gwen was in the OBC, so why not ruin a good thing?
Wayne Wilcox as Gordon / The Man / Mr. Grey
Wayne played Gordon in the movie but you know why he looks familiar to you? Because he played Marty, Rory’s sometimes naked, unrequited love interested from Gilmore Girls.
Emma played Maureen in the 2011 Off-Broadway revival, and you obviously have to have an impressive set of pipes for that role. She’s also been in Spring Awakening, Next to Normal and in the little role Elphaba in the Wicked tour.
Aaron Lohr Steve / Squeegee man / Waiter
Aaron played the same role, and in a seat next to Wayne Wilcox in the movie, and again, if he looks familiar to you, you’re a child of the ’90s because he was Mush in Newsies and in D2 and D3: The Mighty Ducks as Dean Portman.
Eden Espinosa as Mrs. Cohen
Eden took on the role of Maureen in the final Broadway cast with some others mentioned above. And it seems to be some kind of trend because like Emma and Idina – she also is best known for playing Elphie both on Broadway and on tour for Wicked.
Cookies + Sangria 