ICYMI: It’s a Poehler Party!

This week we celebrated one of our favorite humans’ birthdays!

Playlist of the Month: Birthday Dance Party For Poehler

Today is one of our favorite days of the entire year, and I know what you’re thinking – yet another post dedicated to National Stepfamily Day. Well we’re here to shake things up a bit because today we get to celebrate the birthday of, essentially, the patron saint of this blog, Amy Meredith Poehler.

Amy is everything we could ever want in a person with high celebrity status – gorgeous, hilarious, charming, talented, philanthropic, and an inspiration to us all.

So in honor of the most beautiful, talented, brilliant, powerful musk ox on the day of her birth, we’ve compiled a collection of songs by Poehler or remind us of her infectiously bright aura. And we’re going to do it up just like Smart Girls at the Party videos end – with a dance party!

PS: Shoutout to Eileen and William Poehler for bringing this ray of sunshine into the world.

Shake It Off – Taylor Swift

Who, us throw shade? Nah. T.Swizzle may have had a hard time understanding that Amy and Tina Fey made jokes about her … during an awards show when they were being paid to make jokes about people … but you know what? I bet she’s shaken off all those hard feelings by now. I like to think that there are special places in hell for both of them.

BUTTER: A freestyle rap battle from Comedy Bang Bang , featuring Amy Poehler, Alan Thicke (Paul F. Tompkins), Scott Aukerman, and Neil Campbell

If you don’t listen to Comedy Bang Bang, you should probably start. Host Scott Auckerman invites comedians to his studio and crazyness ensues. It’s really hard to describe, because lit’rally anything and everything happens and there’s no way to anticipate what’s going to come out of the guests’ mouths. But sometimes, there are recurring bits, including these freestyle rap battles. And I mean, where else would you hear Amy Poehler rapping about butter? Yes, butter. Amy Poehler rapping is everything I love about her, and why she is my spirit animal. She seems like a charming gal on the outside, but there’s a side to her that is a hardcore rapper wanting to come out.


Like Amy, we love a good dance party, which is how a lot of her Smart Girls at the Party videos end. There’s also a great series from SG that features Poehler herself, doling out advice. If you haven’t seen it yet (click here for all the up to date vids), I guarantee you’ll find these uplifting and inspiring, no matter how old your are. Ask Amy is just one of the reasons why we love her so much, and why you will too.

Amy Poehler: Sage to all

If you know either Molly or I, or have even been reading this blog for a while, you know that we have a special place in our heart for Amy Poehler. So naturally, I follow (read: stalk) everything she does. Amy started a website/YouTube channel a while ago called Smart Girls at the Party, which inspires, encourages, and features young, smart, women. All their featured shows are fantastic (and even involve dance parties!), but one of my favorites on the site (and on the internet) is Ask Amy.

This is a series of short videos in which Amy answers viewer questions, and focuses on one topic per episode. You may have seen the latest episode make its rounds on the internet.

I Love You Boston

As you can tell, she approaches these videos and topics from an honest, earnest place, and genuinely wants to give advice to everyone watching. What’s touching about this particular episode is that Amy, who is a Boston-area native, is clearly fed up with last week’s horrific events, and her downcast and fed up demeanor exemplifies exactly what I’m assuming all of America is feeling right now. And while we may not have all the answers to what’s going on, there is something we can do to prevent from becoming too saturated with the bad things in the world.

Sigh. I love her so much. Here are a few of my favorite episodes, but I suggest you check the whole site out!!

Goodbye
“The only thing we can depend on is change… Life is just a series of moments… a string of pearls that make up the necklace of your life and every once in a while to complete the circle, you need to end a chapter.” (Bonus Abel at the end!!!)

Decisions
“Most decisions aren’t final. Feelings change all the time. You can always change your mind and taking risks and making choices is what makes life so exciting because we never know whats going to happen. Every day something new comes our way. Isn’t that exciting?”

Letting Go

“Let go of the idea of trying… Letting go suddenly is an act of faith and the universe provides for you what is really meant to be.”

Courage

“Great people do things before they’re ready. They do things before they know they can do it.”

Stress
In which Amy sits in a bathtub and calls herself a crazy person.

C+S Book Club: This Is Where I Leave You

25 years ago Hillary Foxman wrote Cradle and All: A Mother’s Guide to Enlightened Parenting. But in the present day, she and her four children have gone from the cradle to the grave, offering us  – by way of example – a modern guide for how to sit shiva. Or how definitely not to sit shiva, anyway. In celebration of today’s theatrical release of This Is Where I Leave You* based on the book by Jonathan Tropper, we offer the family how-to guide that the Foxmans didn’t publish:

The Foxman Guide To Sitting Shiva

* Minor spoilers ahead! If you haven’t read the book or seen the movie – but plan to – and don’t want to know anything that happens, stop right here! Read the book, catch the movie, then come back.

Do: Turn down offers to date rando people your mom’s friends want to set you up with

If you’re one of the mourners who’s had a death in the family, you have the upperhand in every conversation. If you don’t feel like talking to people – not because you’re sad, but because you are tired of talking – you can just blame it on the fact that you’re too “depressed” to engage in conversation. So if your mom’s friends know you recently separated from your wife because she cheated on you with your boss, feel free to turn those sly dating offers down.

Millie Rosen brings her daughter, Rochelle, who is 27, unmarried, and pretty in a forgettable way. She positions her right in front of me and makes painfully obvious attempts at engaging us in conversation. What pretty much every person in Elmsbrook except Millie knows is that I am not Rochelle’s type, being that I don’t have breasts and a vagina.

Do not: Bring your cougar girlfriend home for the first time for your father’s shiva unannounced

Phillip, the youngest of the Foxman kids, surprises his family by telling them his much old girlfriend, Tracy, is coming for the week. Actually, no. He didn’t even tell them, it was more of a guerrilla attack.

He flips the phone closed and looks at all of meaningfully. “She’s here,” he says, like we’ve all been waiting. Like we have any idea what he’s talking about.

Tracy is not only much older and wiser, but she’s actually her therapist (that’s how they met, naturally). Meeting a significant other’s family can be intimidating enough, but even more so when it’s a full on family gathering, and it’s because of a death in said family, and also if everyone in that family is insane.

Do: Help your mom if an older widower is hitting on her

Mr. Applebaum knows what it’s like. He lost Adele a few years ago, and if he can be of any comfort to Hillary, he will be. But when he’s ogling at her breasts for just a litttle too long, maybe it’s time to step in. She did just lose her husband, after all.

Do not: Smoke pot in a temple

Or smoke pot in a temple-adjacent Hebrew school. Probably the best idea is to not smoke weed anywhere near places of worship or where kids go to learn the next day. Even if you found a joint in your dead dad’s suit.

Do: Borrow clothing

If you’re a little stressed about remembering everything you need to survive an entire week stuck in a house, remember that someone probably has whatever it is you need, like a suit for the first time you’ll step foot in a temple since your youngest sibling or cousin’s mitzvah. Besides, sometimes there’s fun stuff in the pocket (see above).

Do not: “Borrow” anything without asking

Because that’s stealing. Whether it’s your sibling’s money, DNA for a child you’re trying to have (don’t ask), or your estranged spouse’s half of the bank account, you don’t need to add theft to the list of your family’s woes.

Do: Use shiva visiting time to get the dirt on people you grew up with

If there’s anything good about sitting shiva, it’s that you get to see friends and family (that you like) that you haven’t seen in forever. Plus you can get information on them you previously weren’t able to glean on Facebook. Like the good old days.

Do not: Call a childhood friend by their embarrassing nickname as an adult. Especially if they’re a rabbi.

Kids have embarrassing nicknames that aren’t particularly ones they choose. And if you’re seeing someone for the first time in a long time, it’s an honest mistake if you accidentally call them by their nickname. But just think twice before calling your childhood friend Boner, while he’s officiating his burial.

Do: Prepare for your place in the sleeping arrangements hierarchy

Are you married with kids? You get your own room! Coupled, no children? Well, you probably get a bed, at least. Single, even if it’s because your wife was having an affair with your boss? Buck up, you’re sleeping in a basement, probably on the floor or something.

Do not: Ferberize your child the week they’ll be living with a house full of people

When you let your child “cry it out” at night, the entire household ends up crying it out as well. Save the sleep-training for your own house.

Do: Expect a lot of food

Shiva means seven in Hebrew, which is why the family sits together in their house for seven days following the death of a loved one. Friends and family come by, and apparently in Jewish culture, they come bearing food. Lots of it. Like, you won’t have to make any meals for the next two weeks. Bless.

Do not: Fake a suicide to get your significant other to stay

Standing on a roof threatening to jump if your boyfriend/girlfriend breaks up with you and leaves town is not safe (why should I even have to say that). But this scene happens in the book, and this is all I could think about:

Do: Expect the unexpected

If you’re trapped in a house for a whole week, there’s no telling what you’ll uncover. You don’t need to full on Harriet The Spy it, but if you keep your eyes and ears open you may figure out stuff about, say, your mom’s neighbor lady friend that you never would have guessed.

Do not: Expect any of your secrets to remain hidden over the course of seven days

The flip side of that: whether you’re expecting a child, trying to expect a child, married to a skuzzy workaholic, or in a weird relationship with an out of your league older lady, as soon as the first person figures it out everyone else will follow.

Do: Reconnect with old friends

There’s a good chance shiva (aka adult grounding) will bring you back to your old high-school stomping grounds, so use that time wisely and track down all those Penny Moore, one-that-got-away types.

Do not: Reconnect with old friends that way if you’re still married

Even if you’re married to the worst person ever … just don’t.

Do not: Have sex with a house full of mourners

I think people have a tendency to think that walls = silence. Not all walls are soundproof, and if there are other people in the house, they can usually hear whatever you’re doing. That being said, it’s probably not the best idea to have sex (especially if you’re going to be loud) while shiva is still going on. Even if you’re trying to have a baby and timing while ovulating is key.

Do: Have a prepared speech on your life

I assume after just one day, shiva can get tedious and repetitive, so it’s best to not embarrass yourself and just have a prepared monologue when someone comes up to you and asks what you’re doing with your life. It’s like a high school reunion, but for sad family and friends.

We perform our sad little shiva smiles on cue and repeat the same inane conversations over and over again. He just slipped away, Mom says. Three kids now, Wendy says. I’m a photojournalist. I just got back from a year in Iraq, embedded with a marine unit, Phillip says. We’re separated, I say.

 

 

Where Are They Now: The Baby-Sitters Club Movie

Today’s #ThrowbackThursday is dedicated to all those teens who spent their summer vacation running a (semi) legal summer camp operation in their backyard. Oh that was just the gals from The Baby-Sitters Club? Oh okay, cool.  As part of our Camp Cookies + Sangria series, we took a look back at one of our favorite movies from our childhood. But that got me thinking, where are these teens now? Have they completely left the business we call ‘show’ or are they randomly popping up in the latest season of Mad Men? Say hello to your (old) friends…

Kristy Thomas played by Schuyler Fisk

Here’s a fun fact I always forget about Schuyler – her mother is Sissy Spacek. Yeah, her mom was Carrie. Anyways,  after BSC, she appeared in 2002’s Orange County with Colin Hanks and Jack Black, and that might actually be what you know her from if you’re not of the BSC ilk. She also appeared in movies like Snow Day and I’m Reed Fish and was in episodes of Law & Order: SVU and One Tree Hill. But Schuyler has also made a name for herself as a singer/songwriter, and a lot of her music has been used in soundtracks. She did a duet with Zach Braff fave Joshua Radin, and their duet Paperweight was used on The Last Kiss and Dear John – basically you’ve heard her sing before without even knowing it. She married artist Chapman Bullock in 2012.

Stacey McGill played by Bre Blair

BSC was Bre’s first big break, and she’s been active ever since. She’s done a few films, including last year’s The Hangover for old people (Last Vegas), but has mainly stayed busy with one-off eps on TV. From Charmed to CSI to The OC to Grey’s Anatomy, and even HAPPY FREAKING ENDINGS (S1E13, the girl Dave had sex with). Also, she’s Canadian. I mean, she’s always been Canadian, that hasn’t changed.

Dawn Schafer played by Larisa Oleynik

Larisa is one of the few actors in this movie that had some ‘clout’ going in, as I’m sure many of you still refer to her as Alex Mack. She filmed BSC while Alex Mack was on hiatus, and became one of America’s favorite kid actors. Right after Alex Mack, she starred in 10 Things I Hate About You, and why don’t I remember the rumor she and co-star Joseph Gordon-Levitt dated?! She also appeared as his GF on 3rd Rock From the Sun for a bunch of episodes, so maybe that’s where love bloomed? Larisa’s kept a steady acting career, both in movies (100 Girls) and a bunch of TV eps (Malcolm in the Middle, Psych, Mike & Molly). She also did a sneak attack and became Ken Cosgrove (Accounts)’s wife on Mad Man and was dumb bitch Maggie (Ezra’s ex-girlfriend with the son) on Pretty Little Liars. Larisa also had time to attend college at Sarah Lawrence and graduated with a Bachelor of Arts degree in 2004. She also starred in a movie called Orenthal: The Musical, about OJ Simpson/Othello? Oh, she recently rewatched the pilot of Dawson’s Creek, which means we should probably be friends.

Mary Anne Spier played by Rachael Leigh Cook

Believe it or not, but BSC was Rachael’s acting debut. Of course she went on to become a 90s teen staple, having starred in She’s All That, Tom and Huck, and Josie and the Pussycats. Speaking of Dawson’s Creek, she was on a season 2 ep playing doppleganger Joey Potter. Among her many TV and film roles is a bunch of voiceover work, including Robot Chicken and video games like Kingdom Hearts and Final Fantasy. She currently stars in Perception, which is basically where 90s stars go to hang out (Eric McCormack, The OC’s Kelly Rowan, Scott Wolf and LeVar Burton). Rachael married The Vampire Diaries actor Daniel Gillies in 2004, and have an almost 1-year-old daughter, Charlotte.

Claudia Kishi played by Tricia Joe

Unlike her fellow BSC members, Tricia left her teen acting career behind and opted to live a life among us mere mortals. She went to Fullerton College in California and graduated with a degree in dance, then went on to become an overachiever with a degree in criminal justice from California State University in Long Beach. If she was still an actress, she would be able to pitch some kind of dancing cop show. From her limited pictures I can access on Facebook, she’s dating some dude with a really big arm tattoo and enjoys driving around in her jeep.

Mallory Pike played by Stacy Linn Ramsower

stacey lynn rams

By the time Stacy did BSC, she had already been in a bunch of episodes of Hey Dude, Tank Girl with Lori Petty and acted in the same movie as Leo in The Quick and the Dead. However her career in the biz ended in 1996 , and now she’s a yoga instructor in Houston.

Jessi Ramsey played by Zelda Harris

zelda 1

Zelda’s acting career was mostly in her earlier years, and after BSC, she was in eps of Law & Order and I’ll Fly Away, and also had a role in Spike Lee’s Crooklyn. She went on an acting hiatus and graduated from Princeton in 2007, and broke her rib in 2012. According to her management company, she recently returned to acting, but has yet to add new credits to her resume.

Logan Bruno played by Austin O’Brien

austin

Pre-BSC, Austin was the kid in Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Last Action Hero, the second-coming of Macaulay Culkin in My Girl 2 and a whiz kid in Apollo 13. After BSC, he’s intermittently been in the acting game, with cameos in Touched by an Angel, Bones and a number of rando movies. He attended Azusa Pacific University studying music, and married a woman he met in college named Kristin Wurgler in 2006 and they have a super adorable son named Declan. He now runs his own photography business and is one of the top photographers in LA (he’s really good).

Alan Gray played by Aaron Michael Metchik

aaron

I was one of those kids who found Alan Gray kind of endearing and not a nerdy annoying kid, maybe because I have a thing for nerds. Whatever. Anyways, after BSC, he starred in a few TV shows like Boy Meets World, Party of Five and The Practice. But he stopped acting for about 10 years until he got back in the game in 2009, then stopped again in 2012. However, that doesn’t mean he stopped acting all together. He got a BA from the UCLA Film School and started his own acting studio in Pismo Beach, California. Most notably, and maybe why I knew I liked him all this time – he’s basically responsible for Zac Efron’s movie career. Aaron’s mom connected Zef to a major talent agent, and Aaron has been his personal acting teacher ever since. I mean he was even featured on Zef’s E! True Hollywood Story as his long time private acting coach!! ALAN GRAY!!

Margarite ‘Cokie’ Mason played by Marla Sokoloff

Marla was another one of those 90s kid actors that you’ve seen everywhere. Full House, Step by Step, Home Improvement, 7th Heaven, you name it. She went on to star in The Practice and was Joey’s sister Dina who sought pregnancy help from Rachel. Marla’s been a steady actress pretty much since BSC, and currently stars in ABC Family’s The Fosters. She’s married to a musician named Alec Puro and they have a two-year-old daughter named Elliotte. Yes, a daughter. Apparently last year, James Franco revealed he dated Marla for four years and they even made a sex tape together…? Childhood ruined?

If you’re wondering what happened to Luca (Christian Oliver), we caught up with him during Saved by the Bell week, since he was an integral part to Saved by the Bell: The New Class.

Unsolicited Celebrity Advice On The Scottish Referendum

Tomorrow, Scotland will either vote yes and become a nation independent of Great Britain, or vote nae, guaranteeing that the sun never sets on the British Empire.* Today, Scots are thinking hard on that tough decision, listening to that “still small voice.”

Aye. But whose still small voice? Queen Elizabeth’s (the voice with the fanciest accent)? Or Groundskeeper Willie’s (the voice from an American cartoon)? Scotland doesn’t have to make its choice alone – there are plenty of entertainers, politicians, and fictional characters doling out unsolicited advice.

 

* I mean, it does, but it sets like a half hour later if you’re including Scotland.

Queen Elizabeth

But just to be clear, I AM Scotland. – Queen Lizzie

What she said: Scotland “should think very carefully.”

What that means: Technically, she is neutral, but really: Oh hell no, I am not going through customs to get to Balmoral. Peasants.

J.K. Rowling

What she said:

Rowling also called for “People before flags, answers not slogans, reason not ranting.”

What that means: If the Scottish economy collapses, 90% of that is my money, isn’t it?

Groundskeeper Willie

What he said:

What it means: It’s been over 25 years, and we’re about out of Simpsons episode concepts. Help us out, Scotland.

Barack Obama

What he said: From the outside, the United States has a deep interest in ensuring that one of the closest allies we’ll ever have remains strong, robust, united and an effective partner of the United States.’

What it means: When you add a third party, a special relationship becomes a very special relationship. No, you can’t.

Stephen Colbert

What he said:

What it means: I am America, and so can you.

David Cameron

What he said:

“I speak for millions of people across England, Wales and Northern Ireland – and many in Scotland, too who would be utterly heart-broken by the break-up of the United Kingdom. Utterly heart-broken to wake up on Friday morning to the end of the country we love.”

What it means:

Susan Boyle

What she said: I don’t feel reassured that the change will in any way make our already great country better. We should not be wasting money on this change – we should be putting it into areas that need it the most.

What that means:

John Oliver

What he said:

Re: David Cameron: That is the face of a person who fast-forwards through the servant parts of Downton Abbey.

What it means:

David Beckham

What he said:

“We want to let you know how very much we value our relationship and friendship.”

“I took as much satisfaction in seeing Sir Chris Hoy or Andy Murray win gold as I did watching Jess Ennis and Mo Farah do the same in the Olympic Stadium.

“What unites us is much greater than what divides us. Let’s stay together.”

What it means: This is the same speech I’ve given Victoria a bunch of times, with some things about football thrown in.

Sir Sean Connery

What he said: A Yes vote will capture the world’s attention. There will be a renewed focus on our culture and politics, giving us an unparalleled opportunity to promote our heritage and creative excellence.

What it means: My Highlander residuals are going to blow up.

James McAvoy

What he said: The political debate is annoying to me. I feel like it should be left to the people a bit more. The last televised debate just deepened my distrust for politicians, because it just became a shouting match, and it was silly frankly, and on both sides, people evading and not answering questions, direct questions, which is just infuriating.

McAvoy declined to say how he would be voting.

What it means: I can not answer questions, too!

Prince William and Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge

What they said: I’m pregnant.

What it means:

 

 

Playlist of the Month: Birthday Dance Party For Poehler

Today is one of our favorite days of the entire year, and I know what you’re thinking – yet another post dedicated to National Stepfamily Day. Well we’re here to shake things up a bit because today we get to celebrate the birthday of, essentially, the patron saint of this blog, Amy Meredith Poehler.

Amy is everything we could ever want in a person with high celebrity status – gorgeous, hilarious, charming, talented, philanthropic, and an inspiration to us all.

So in honor of the most beautiful, talented, brilliant, powerful musk ox on the day of her birth, we’ve compiled a collection of songs by Poehler or remind us of her infectiously bright aura. And we’re going to do it up just like Smart Girls at the Party videos end – with a dance party!

PS: Shoutout to Eileen and William Poehler for bringing this ray of sunshine into the world.

Molly’s Picks

Sarah Palin Rap: Amy Poehler feat. Eskimos

It’s hard to believe that Amy could gestate a healthy human child while nursing such sick rhymes. However, everybody knows that exceptionally pregnant women make the best rappers. From M.I.A. at the 2009 Grammys, to Amy right here, when a lady is super-pregnant it seems like anything could fly out of her at any time — be it a baby or an iconic rap performance.

Shake It Off – Taylor Swift

Who, us throw shade? Nah. T.Swizzle may have had a hard time understanding that Amy and Tina Fey made jokes about her … during an awards show when they were being paid to make jokes about people … but you know what? I bet she’s shaken off all those hard feelings by now. I like to think that there are special places in hell for both of them.

Back To School: A freestyle rap battle from Comedy Bang Bang, featuring Amy Poehler, Adam Pally, and Scott Aukerman

It’s no mistake that we’re both including Amy Poehler’s signature freestyle raps on the list. I first heard this ditty on a Comedy Bang Bang podcast when I was out running jogging walking in workout clothes, and I swear I replayed it three times – which was hard, because I was exercising so hard  also eating a soft pretzel.

Five Foot Two Eyes Of Blue – Guy Lombardo & Kenny Gardner

Did you know that seeing a smiley face on paper makes you happier? It’s true! That’s why waiters leave smiley faces at the end of the bill sometimes – so you cheer up and pay up. Did you know that dancing around like you’re from the 1920s with fake Charleston moves is also proven to make you happier? Okay, proven by me. But still, if you make every dance party a Gatsby dance party, you’ll feel downright sunny.

If you’re 5’2 and have blue eyes, chances are at some point a very old person has sang the “Five Foot Two Eyes Of Blue” song at you. If somehow Amy Poehler has survived 43 years without that happening, we’re here to change that. Other than that part the song doesn’t really apply to her, as it is a missing persons report for a flapper. That’s how they had to find missing ladies before Nancy Grace.

Protect Ya Neck – Wu Tang Clan

Did you know that RZA from the Wu-Tang Clan almost snagged the role of Leslie Knope? Although it didn’t exactly pan out that way, ?uestlove does have a point: Parks and Recreation is the Wu-Tang Clan of the sitcom world, which I’m pretty sure makes Amy Poehler the RZA of her show. Or ODB, maybe. This particular song isn’t necessarily Poehler-specific, but if we’re talking about Wu we have to include the best song from their best album. Maybe don’t listen if you’re sensitive about swearing, violence, or name-dropping the 90s mall brand Aeropostale. It was a different time.

 

Traci’s Picks

BUTTER: A freestyle rap battle from Comedy Bang Bang , featuring Amy Poehler, Alan Thicke (Paul F. Tompkins), Scott Aukerman, and Neil Campbell

If you don’t listen to Comedy Bang Bang, you should probably start. Host Scott Auckerman invites comedians to his studio and crazyness ensues. It’s really hard to describe, because lit’rally anything and everything happens and there’s no way to anticipate what’s going to come out of the guests’ mouths. But sometimes, there are recurring bits, including these freestyle rap battles. And I mean, where else would you hear Amy Poehler rapping about butter? Yes, butter. Amy Poehler rapping is everything I love about her, and why she is my spirit animal. She seems like a charming gal on the outside, but there’s a side to her that is a hardcore rapper wanting to come out.

Poker Face – Lady Gaga

In the Pawnee Zoo episode of Parks and Recreation, Leslie accidentally marries two gay penguins, and while she is condemned by a lot of the regular Pawnee citizens, she becomes a hero amongst the gays. And when she goes into the gay club, The Bulge, she’s feted like a regular Madonna/Cher/Beyonce and gets wasted and sings Poker Face at the DJ booth. American treasure.

Santa’s My Boyfriend – SNL

There was like a short two and a half season run on SNL where Amy, Maya and Kristen were all on SNL at the same time and it was pure magic. This is one of my favorite Christmas/Poehler SNL sketches and I may or may not randomly listen to it throughout the year.

We’re Not Gonna Take It – Late Night with Jimmy Fallon vs. Parks and Recreation

Sometime during the first(ish) season of Late Night and Parks, Jimbo invited his pal Poehlstar and her fellow co-stars to do one of the earliest digital video parodies, this time for Glee. The two groups were fighting over “sectionals” and an epic sing/dance off ensues. Also, Amy’s sporting a cute baby bump accessory in this vid and doesn’t even act like she’s preggo.

Girls (Who Run The World) – Beyonce

I mean, because, obviously.

Fairest Of The Fair: Winning Miss America Fashions Of The 90s

I have a long history of not caring about the Miss America pageant. My mom went into labor with me while watching Miss America with my older sister. I waited to be born until it had been over for several hours. I guess I was holding out to share a birthday with Nas, Margaret Sanger, and Amy Winehouse instead. Seemed more badass.

Maybe because it was part of my personal mythology, I usually watched Miss America during my formative years – the 90s. Yet even as a little kid, it was easy to see that for Miss America contestants, it was still the 80s. The decade of Dynasty held on in the pageant world long after everyone else was dressing more like Chandler Bing or Joey Potter.  The 90s were a decade of performance fabrics and wash-and-go hair, but these Miss America winners were all hairspray, sequins, and razzmatazz!

1991: Marjorie Judith Vincent

I am shocked that Miss America 1991 was sporting such a smooth, restrained hairstyle. But obviously she wanted all eyes on that dress. It’s safe to say this gal really stunned the competition. As in, this is the dress version of a flare gun, it is so bright and dazzling. Pretty color, though.

Note: the 1991 Miss America was actually crowned in 1990. Miss Americas (Misses America?) are titled after the year they will rein. Wait. Rein? Still not that interested, guys.

1992: Carolyn Suzanne Sapp

Now we’re talking. It’s like if an evil swan queen played starting receiver.

1993: Leanza Cornett

For comparison’s sake, 1993 is the year Meg Ryan sported chunky sweaters and slouchy jeans in Sleepless in Seattle. Meanwhile in pageant world, Miss America was dressed like the grand marshal of the Easter Parade. In Las Vegas. In 1984. I’ve heard that shoulder pads are supposed to make your waist and hips look smaller in comparison, but this just looks like she has bony growths.

1994: Kimberly Clarice Aiken

Call me crazy, but this one is almost modern. The hair is a little high, as is the dress slit, and there’s some sheer mesh happening, but this looks almost like a dress of the 2000s – well, definitely more 90s than 80s, anyway. Well done, Miss Aiken (Queen Aiken? Not sure).

1995: Heather Whitestone

Time to break my Miss America cool. I was so excited when Heather Whitestone won. She was the first deaf Miss America, and I’m pretty sure there was a feature about her in Weekly Reader, those filmy magazines teachers used to hand out on Friday afternoons because they were sick of us. Anyway, she looks like she’s about to trot down a different aisle after this and become Mrs. America. This is a bridal gown, right?

1996: Shawntel Smith

GOLD. Finally, a group shot. Miss America is the woman in the crown at center, surrounded by the other ladies who are pretending to be happy at her. She has full, majestic Kapowski bangs. But to see the real vestiges of the 80s, I want you to look to the far left, at the gal with the poodle bangs, and far right, at the puffy, towering blond perm.

1997: Tara Dawn Holland

If you land on her space, you get to skip through the Peppermint Stick Forest, over the Snowflake Lake all the way to the Ice Cream Sea!

1998: Kate Shindle

These mega-highcut bathing suit bottoms went out of style with Day-Glo and side ponytails, but not at the Miss America pageant! Usually you don’t see such high-waisted drawers on someone under the age of 85. However, sometimes when magazines do features on picking the right bathing suit for your body-type, they still suggest high-cut bottoms for ladies with wide hips, because I guess the best way to camouflage that is to wear a bathing suit that exposes your entire hip area.

1999: Nicole Johnson

Beyonce hadn’t invented the wind fan yet at this point, so that big ol’ hair is held up by hairspray and a whole lot of ratting.

2000: Heather French

Blanche always was the hot Golden Girl, and frankly, I can’t blame Miss America for taking a page from her hair style book. This was truly a Miss America to lead us into the new millennium – with the tousled locks of a retiree from the late 1980s.

ICYMI: Royal Bump Watch 2014

Princess Catherine is preggo, y’all!!! We’re super excited for it like any good American, but we’re already a little biased – no disrespect Prince George – but we may have already picked a favorite royal baby.

The New Royal Baby Is MAGIC

Wow, what a bummer summer that was. It was a three-month crap festival: Ebola and Ferguson and Robin Williams and ISIS and Joan Rivers and shootings and Supreme Court and Beyonce/Jay-Z breakup rumors and bad movies and sort of cruddy weather. But summer’s over now, and not a moment too soon. Not only can you buy any food or beverage infused with pumpkin spice, and start wearing sweaters, and go from 8am to 3 pm without having to see a single child between the ages of 5 and 18, even the news is better! The positivity pepping up your CNN homepage?  Duchess Catherine of Cambridge is pregnant! Summer’s over, fall is here, and I’m so sick of bad news that I’ve decided that the new royal baby is magic.

The new royal baby is going to fix this whole Scotland thing.

Scotland’s trying to be like Pacey in that one episode of Dawson’s Creek I guess?

Next week Scotland will vote on its independence, and I’m not saying that this royal baby announcement is England’s Hail Mary pass to keep Scotland in the Empire, but I’m also not not saying that. You know how sometimes a couple will have a baby trying to fix a failing marriage? Well, what better way to fix a possibly failing national union? How could Scotland possibly vote to leave when there will be a new royal baby to take care of in fewer than nine months? Makes no sense. This royal baby is going to result in literally trillions of galleons staying in the United Kingdom, keeping the international economy stable for generations to come.

It is galleons, right?

Prince George? Not that great.

I find that a lot of people claim that they “can’t even” when honestly, they could if they really wanted to. This is especially true when people squeal over Prince George, the old royal baby. Everybody knows that the main reason parents have a second child is because the first one was disappointing. And honestly, Will and Kate could do better than Prince George. Sure, he’s totally adorable. He’s absurdly well-dressed. He seems smart, for a baby. Fine, he is more or less flawless.  But just look at this non-royal stuff he tries to pull:

This is why royals always have an heir and a spare. Because sometimes the heir is squirmy as hell. It’s about time Will and Kate try for another baby – this time, maybe one that’s not always flailing and stuff.

The New Royal Baby might be a girl baby.

This Swedish princess, guys.

The only way to make a boy baby’s outfits look cute is to dress him like he has a job. If you put him in a sailor suit or a farmer’s overalls, that’s cute –  or a little dark suit like he has a meeting, or a tweed blazer like a little professor, or distressed jeans like the world’s tiniest hip megachurch pastor – but other than that boy clothes don’t really offer much.  But there’s a 50/50 chance the New Royal Baby will be a girl baby, and those outfits are going to be cute. We’ve done a whole post on the fashions of lesser baby princesses, but this baby will be outfitted with all of that Scotland money. And possibly Scottish clothes. A little plaid kilt? We really will be unable to even.


 

One thing everyone can look forward to is how the lovely Kate will be dressing her bump this time around. She’s the epitome of class and sass, and if I ever get pregnant with a royal baby, I want to look like her.

Fierce Royal Baby Bump is Fierce

IDK if you guys are aware or not, but we are on official royal baby watch!! At this very second, dozens of reporters are camped out in front of St. Mary’s hospital waiting for the first glimpse of the next heir. Funny story: a new report says they might be at the wrong hospital and Kate and Wills are going to a different one across town. Kind of hope this is true.

To preface, when Prince William and the Dutchess of Cambridge tied the knot two years ago, at first I couldn’t care less. But then I found myself watching it go down live at like 2am, and I legit couldn’t stop watching. I was so entranced by their love, Kate’s beauty, the official-ness of it all. It was fascinating to me.

I guess I didn’t realize that Kate was a normal girl who happened to fall in love with a future king – and is also gorgeous and flawless and can do no wrong. Ever since, I’ve kept an eye on the two. Especially Kate and her wardrobe choices. She always manages to stay classy yet fresh, royal yet modern, all while infusing her own personal taste. And that’s what made her one of the best dressed pregnant Dutchesses ladies in the land. So while we eagerly anticipate to find out if it’s boys or girls who’ll run the world, here are some of her best looks from over the past nine months.

January 11, 2013 – It’s obviously early on in her pregnancy, and while she still looks like she’s werking that Dukan Diet, she looks great in this crimson Whistles Sophie Rae dress and Episode black heels.

February 19 – There are very few people who can pull off the wrap dress look. Besides Lorelai Gilmore in DVF, Kate looks stunning in this MaxMara dress.

March 5 – Looking delightful in chocolate brown, both the Hobbs Celeste coat and Great Plains floral dress sold out under AN HOUR after she was seen in this outfit!

March 15 –  Odds are that no other young royal has ever work boots quite like the Dutchess. She may be wearing borderline fishnets, but the rest of her ensemble prove she knows how to keep it classy for a public event. Kate’s sporting a Joseph coat, Lock & Co Betty Boop hat, Stuart Weitzman Zipkin boots, Emmy Natasha clutch bag, and Cornelia James wool bow gloves.

March 17 – How cute is this look for St. Patrick’s Day?! I feel like this is the first real time we saw her bump, and  what a great reveal it was. For next St. Paddy’s Day, grab an Emilia Wickstead dress coat for St Patrick’s Day with a hat by Sylvia Fletcher for Lock & Co.

March 22 – What else makes a royal more down to earth than ‘normal’ people clothes?! Hat, leggings, and wellies? The second People’s Princess, y’all.

April 5 – Again with the fierce boots. Love these black suede Aquatella ‘Hi and Dry’ boots, especially paired with the scarlet Armani coat.

April 26 – This is for sure my absolute favorite outfit Kate has worn during her pregnancy. The fun and flirty Topshop polka dot dress was matched with a Ralph Lauren jacket. I legit tried to find this dress hours after these photos were taken, and it was already sold out. The Kate Effect is real. To make this particular scene ever better, she, Wills, and third wheel Prince Harry were visiting the Harry Potter Studios in London.

i mean can you even <3

April 29 – Peachy Keen, jelly bean. How glowing does she look in this outfit!?

May 22 – Continuing her streak of Emilia Wickstead Marella coats, the Dutchess looked striking in sunshine yellow and a Jane Corbett hat. Really tho, not a lot of people can pull those hats off.

June 4 – I feel like a designer like Jenny Packham was made for the Dutchess, and this lace dress is a perfect example. She paired it with a perfect light peach coat that doesn’t cover up the bump too much. And see what I mean about the hat??

June 4 – I think seeing royals out in the wild wearing normal people clothes excites the commonfolk in all of us, but to make it even better, she’s wearing an Asos dress that costs approximately $34. Plus she knows how to color block like a pro.

June 13 – Kate went out with a bang for her final public appearance until the royal baby is born, donning a saucy animal print Hobbs coat and an edgy ‘facsinator’. Can’t wait to see what she puts the baby in!

Saturday Spotlight: We’re All Adults Here

We started college a full decade ago. Prince George, who was born like 30 seconds ago, is going to be a big brother. Nick Carter is a grown-ass man with a reality show. We understand concepts like net neutrality, and don’t understand the stuff the kids are sporting at fashion week. Good heavens. It happened. We’re adults.

Catch the posts that led to that conclusion under the cut:

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Questionable Outfits At New York Fashion Week

Ah, another Fashion Week in the Big Apple comes to an end, and if you listen closely, you’ll be able to hear the chewing sounds of models eating solid food for the first time after juicing for the past week. All the biggest designers brought their A-game to the runways (or in Opening Ceremony’s case, the Met), showing fashionistas what’s hot for Spring 2015. And according to what I’ve been seeing, what’s hot for Spring 2015 is Kendall Jenner.

And of course, NYFW was bursting with celebrities and socialites and important fashion Anna Wintour-type folks in the front row of every runway show. Designers need these people in the front row not only to draw attention to their showcase but in most cases, show off their on designs on household(ish) names. But what happens when some of those designs are total duds? It happens folks. And the irony is not lost. While a lot of front row-ers looked absolutely fab, here are some of my picks for the most questionable looks at this year’s NY Fashion Week:

Rihanna at Alexander Wang

Are bucket hats back in? Are these poncho/rain slickers back in too? Are we secretly looking at the first image of RiRi in a Missy Elliott video? WHAT YEAR IS IT, PEOPLE??

Ciara at Polo Ralph Lauren

But Ciara doesn’t actually have her name embroidered on the back of her shirt, does she? Like she thinks she’s been out of the game that long? Maybe if she puts her Members Only jacket back on it will be better. No. Probs not.

Elizabeth Berkley at Polo Ralph Lauren

Fun fact: Elizabeth’s husband is Ralph Lauren’s nephew, which is why it’s not that weird she’s at his show. What IS weird is that she looks like a Circus ringmaster for the Army surplus store.

Rosario Dawson at Opening Ceremony

Is it because I’m 90 years old or are these leotard + sheer skirt things becoming more and more popular? I just cannot get on this bandwagon.

Rihanna at Altuzarra

Yeah… putting a fringe jacket over said leotard doesn’t make it any better. Like what exactly is Ri wearing under that??

Coco Rocha at Christian Siriano

Look, I’m all for a nice tailored suit for a hot androgynous look for girls, but it’s difficult for me to support this bright sparkly Christmas red outfit.

Rihanna at Adam Selman

RI RI. You look like a baby dressing up in your mom’s clothes. (Am I being too harsh? I’m just confused, is all)

 Hannah Simone at Monique Lhuillier

Hannah Simone, CeCe of New Girl, is a beautiful, gorgeous gal. Which is why I was torn putting this on here. But this strapless jumpsuit is too embellished for my liking. If I were wearing it I’d be so scared I’d catch a bead on a table corner or something then everything would fall to bits. This is why I don’t own expensive clothes. That and the money thing.

 

Zoe Kazan and Morgan Saylor at Rachel Comey

I’m looking at you Zoe Kazan. Her dress reminds me of 4th grade math where we had to use graph paper all the time. Was that 4th grade? Idk, but Zoe probs got her shoes from when I was in 4th grade too. (Shout out to Morgan Saylor who I still can’t believe is annoying Dana from Homeland)

Jessica Lowndes at Houghton

I’m still not really sure who Jessica Lowndes is. She’s one of those people I look up on iMDb and immediate forget where she’s from or what she does. Anyways, her pants are too big.

Bella Thorne at Jeremy Scott

In Bella’s defense, Jeremy Scott is known for his colorful, out of this world, downright weird clothing and designs, so this shouldn’t be a surprise. But… come onnnn.

Miley Cyrus at Jeremy Scott

That’s Jeremy Scott with some girl he picked up at the local marijuana dispensary hot gluing fuzzy bears to headbands.